Chapter 9 Discussion Question from Barnett et al. Textbook

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Price: $17.95

Elaine Weiss is an inspiration to women everywhere who have suffered abuse from a spouse or partner. That's why we chose her as the 2004 recipient of our "Making a Difference for Women" award.

- LEIGH WINTZ, Executive Director, Soroptimist International of the Americas

This book will save lives. In her clear and beautiful prose, Dr. Weiss penetrates the curtain of silence, confusion, self-doubt and shame, and empowers abused women to find the courage to

reach out for help. Everyone knows someone who needs to read Surviving Domestic Violence.

- RACHEL NAOMI REMEN, MJ?, author of Kitchen Table Wisdom and My Grandfather's Blessings

Weiss finds that breaking isolation is the key to leaving, only she calls it "escaping." "Leaving," she says, "is what you do when

a movie is over. Escaping takes enormous courage." - JOAN ZoRzA, Esq, editor of Domestic Violence Report and

Sexual Assault Report

Battered women will find this book life-affirming. All readers will find it informative, well-written, and even riveting.

- ANDY KLEIN, columnist for National Bulletin on Domestic Violence Prevention

Author ELAINE WEISS says, "Surviving Domestic Violence tells the stories of twelve women. Each was a victim of domestic violence, escaped from her abuser, reclaimed her dignity, reconstructed her life, and rediscovered peace. Domestic vio­ lence doesn't just happen "out there" somewhere. It happens in our town, in our neighborhood, on our street. It happens to women we see at work, the supermarket, the movie theater, the ballet and the PTA board meeting. Every woman who has left an abusive man-every woman who has yet to leave-will find encouragem�nt and hope in the voices of these women who broke free." -.

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Elaine Weiss is also the author of Family and Friends' Guide to Domestic Violence: How to Listen, Talk

and Take Action When Someone You Care About is Being Abused.

VOLCANO ·PEEL , • www.volcanopress.com

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ISBN 1-884244-27-0

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66 P.js, Surviving Domestic Violence

reply, but surely she could have done something. On a scale of

one to ten for stubbornness, I rate a twelve. Once again, I

would take a deep breath, patiently explaining how difficult

and dangerous it is for a woman to escape from an abusive

man. And once again, my answer would fall flat, my audience

unmoved, unconvinced.

Eventually, it dawned on me that the people who ask the

question are not waiting for an answer. They are making a

judgment. The question, which is not a question at all, sug­

gests that a battered womans life is entirely in her own hands

- that her abusers actions are her problem, her responsibil­

ity That what is significant is not the abuse itself, but her

response to it. As though, after a bank holdup, we were to

ignore the man with the stocking mask and semi-automatic,

examining instead the bank teller, theorizing about her child­

hood, her family, her self-esteem. It is a trivializing question, a

weary dismissal. It implies that the problem is not domestic

violence at all. The problem is the women who refuse to take

action.

I no longer frame my answer around The Question. Be­

cause the simple truth is that battered women do leave. They

leave all the time. Against all odds, often at enormous risk,

they leave. Section II, "Getting Out," tells the stories of three

abused women who broke free.

Section II

Getting Out

Getting Out P.js, 67

Just as there are many reasons why a woman stays with an

abuser, there are also many reasons why she eventually leaves. The

stories in this section illustrate that getting out of an abusive rela­

tionship is always a complex process.

Every battered woman goes about extricating herself in a dif­

ferent way. For some, it is a series of gradual insights leading to the

inevitable conclusion that leaving is the only viable option. For oth­

ers, the decision to leave is triggered by one dramatic incident. In

all cases, the decision to leave is a courageous one. Because no

woman ever simply "leaves" an abuser. She escapes. Leaving is what

you do when the movie is over.