week 6 Meaning-Making Forum 3

Meaning Making Forum 3

Self-awareness benefits the pastoral counselor in numerous ways. To name just a few: It unlocks one’s understanding to the role of emotion in healthy and unhealthy approaches to counseling. It opens the door to the development of personal skills required for maintaining a healthy relational lifestyle. It promotes the discussion of one’s inner private world for the development of successful counseling strategies. Self-awareness identifies the strengths and weaknesses that one brings personally to the counseling context; and, it assists one in understanding how one’s present counseling context fits with one’s relational style.[footnoteRef:1] [1: THE SIGNIFICANCE OF DEVELOPING CORE COUNSELING COMPETENCIES IN PASTORAL CARE MINISTRY]

· Rapport and Relational Alignment

In this phase of our session, we are at the core (the middle) of the issues at hand. Bruce being a “D/C/I”, more “D/C” than “I” (Carbonell 2008, pp. 179 – 181)[footnoteRef:2], is now realizing that he needs to have a better grip on himself, or better yet, handle himself in a better fashion than he has been earlier. We are now going to ask questions while moving forward to see if he is aware and now controllable, while “accepting and reorganizing”[footnoteRef:3] that his son, Brody, needs him now more than ever. [2: Pp. 179 – 181, How to Solve the People Puzzle: Understanding Personality Patterns ] [3: P. 131, The Quick-Reference guide to Biblical Counseling]

Giving him scriptures are helpful at this time: 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”, 1 Peter 3:8-9, “Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.”, Romans 14:1, “Him that is weak in the faith receive ye, but not to doubtful disputations.”, Romans 5:8, “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”, and John 3:16, For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. King James Version

We have established Bruce’s ownership (Petersen 2015, p.109), and openness (Petersen 2015, p.109)[footnoteRef:4]. Bruce is talking about his feelings and hurt. Bruce tells me what he will be doing, and what he will not be doing (Kollar 2011, p.128)[footnoteRef:5]. He realized he is not the only one affected and his two sons needs his attention and help as well. He acknowledges this and is happy he chose to seek counseling because he knew he could not do this alone without help. [4: P. 109, Why Don’t We Listen Better? Communications and Connecting in Relationships] [5: P. 128, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling: An Effective Short-Term Approach for Getting People Back on Track ]

· Phase Two Distinctive Features

· Goal Formation

Seeing that trust is in place from prior sessions, Bruce sits in the driver’s seat as an expert of self-care (Greenberg 2001, p. 1)[footnoteRef:6]. Bruce realize his progress and capabilities of changes made and now the miracle questions are being asked (Solution-focused therapy 2001, p. 2291) His experiences are uncovering his successes and strengths and acknowledges the fact that he now identify the problem being less intense when the picture appears before him (Solution-focused therapy 2001, p. 2292)[footnoteRef:7]. This treatment gives him the opportunity to see life differently and relieve himself of the hurt and heartache he had when he first started. He can talk about it and not get angry like before. Can smile and see life more differently. [6: P. 1, Solution-Focused Therapy: A Solution Driven Model for Change] [7: Pp. 2291 – 2292, Solution-Focused Therapy: Counseling model for busy family physicians]

· Chief Aim

Looking into motivation levels, we want Bruce to open his door and find out where his emotional energies lie beneath his past decisions, even the ones he faces now. These concepts provide clarity that can free him to put more energy into what matters and to avoid more of what doesn’t (Petersen 2015, p.210)[footnoteRef:8]. Reminds me of Shakespeare’s Hamlet when he said, “To be, or not to be, that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer. The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles, and by opposing end them: to die, to sleep. No more; and by a sleep, to say we end the heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks That Flesh is heir to? 'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.”[footnoteRef:9]  [8: P. 210, Why Don’t We Listen Better? Communications and Connecting in Relationships] [9: Speech: “To be, or not to be, that is the question”, Hamlet, Act III, Scene I]

· Role/Responsibility

Being his counselor, I will continue use of the scale to help visualize forward motion, assess progress, and clarify picture of change. He sees where he is at and the direction he is going. Using the scale to measure the numerous characteristics, we will see and hear the recent changes that were made, along with his self-esteem, his improvement of relationship commitment, and how he willed himself to work toward solutions ((Kollar 2011, p.131)[footnoteRef:10]. [10: P. 131, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling: An Effective Short-Term Approach for Getting People Back on Track ]

· Behavioral Position

Bruce at core being, recognized anger and faults he had. Now he is willing to apologize to his boys first and to those of whom he has hurt. He felt bad about what he has done, but realizes that reactions happen to people who go through loss of life. But he’s looking into areas of how to resolve the actions that were taken against his wife and daughter. Bruce still feels the authorities have not done enough to arrest those who killed half his family.

· Guiding Assumptions

Proverbs 18:2, “A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself.”, 1 John 4:1, “Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.”, and Matthew 7:1, “Judge not, that ye be not judged.”, King James Versions. We want to stir away from as much negativity as possible. And always trying to look at the bright side of life at all cost. It is imperative that Bruce stays uplifted at this core stage and not turn back around. Letting him talk it out helps him to see what his objectives are and the next move he takes is crucial if he plans on moving forward about seeing justice. Want to make sure hatred is not in his heart.

· Supportive Feedback Break 

Looking into the interview worksheet again (Kollar 2011, p.141)[footnoteRef:11], we see progress made but concerns on his part about the death of his wife and daughter. Bruce is thankful of asking for help knowing he needed it, but we want to make sure we cover all of the basis so as not to go off track now that he has brought up his wife and daughter. Reviewing the notes again, we don’t want to miss anything that we think will make Bruce angry (Clinton & Hawkins 2009, p. 39), or if he is now at the bargaining stage (Clinton & Hawkins 2009, p. 131)[footnoteRef:12]. [11: P. 141, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling: An Effective Short-Term Approach for Getting People Back on Track ] [12: Pp. 39, 131, The Quick-Reference guide to Biblical Counseling]

Bruce is still a Christian and we must remind him of such. What we do as Christian counselors is crucial if we do not find some soothing scriptures to keep mending him while he is at the core stage he is in. Being happier or better than before, we will ask him what scriptures he likes versus what are his favorites. This will benefit us both. Asking him what he thinks those passages mean to him is a plus while asking the Holy Spirit once again to intervene. All is possible with Christ. Anger, grief, loss, death itself, family, etc., should be at a different level, yet still being careful he doesn’t reverse back but show profitable healing.

· Phase Two Marker

The session being profitable, Bruce is managing accordingly. Although Bruce has improved, to preserve that agreement with Bruce, forgiveness is still not in the picture when it comes to the authorities (Clinton & Hawkins 2009, pp. 123 – 124)[footnoteRef:13]. But now, I must remind him what the scriptures are saying about the situation at hand: Romans 12:21, “Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.”, Colossians 3:13, “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”, Matthew 5:44, “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; and Ephesians 4:32, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”, all King James Versions [13: Pp. 123 – 124, The Quick-Reference guide to Biblical Counseling]

Reminding Bruce that because of Christ, forgiveness was already there for us even when we did not even deserve forgiveness at all. Think before you act. And pray first before you do anything that you may regret later on down the line. We want Bruce to describe his personal action on how he is going to proceed (Kollar 2011, p. 129)[footnoteRef:14], while reminding him that 2 Chronicles 7:14 says “If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.” And James 4:10, “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.”, King James Versions [14: P. 129, Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling: An Effective Short-Term Approach for Getting People Back on Track ]

· Food for Thought 

Bruce is doing much better than his last session but must resolve his issues with the authorities arresting the killer. Whether accident or on purpose, his heart has to change if he wants to heal and improve himself and show his sons how to overcome in spite of what has happen to their mother and sister. My verse for him will be Hebrews 12:1-2: “Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.” King James Version

Bibliography

THE SIGNIFICANCE OF DEVELOPING CORE COUNSELING COMPETENCIES IN PASTORAL CARE MINISTRY, Carl Rogers and Barry Stevens, Person to Person: The Problem of Being Human, a New Trend in Psychology (Lafayette, CA: Real People Press, 1967), 85-101.

Carbonell, Mels. How to Solve the People Puzzle: Understanding Personality Patterns. Blue Ridge, GA: Uniquely You Resources, 2008, Pp. 179 – 181.

Clinton, Tim, and Ron Hawkins. The Quick-Reference guide to Biblical Counseling. (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Books, 2009, p. 131.

Petersen, James C. Why Don’t We Listen Better? Communications and Connecting in Relationships. Portland, OR: Petersen Publications, 2015, p. 109.

Kollar, Charles. Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling: An Effective Short-Term Approach for Getting People Back on Track. Grand Rapids: MI: Zondervan, 2011, p 128.

Greenberg, Gail and Keren Ganshorn. “Solution-Focused Therapy: A Solution Driven Model for Change.” Adapted from Greenberg, Gail et al (2001). “Solution–Focused Therapy: A Counseling Model for Busy Family Physicians.” Canadian Family Physician, 47: 2291 – 2292.

Ibid.

Petersen, James C. Why Don’t We Listen Better? Communications and Connecting in Relationships. Portland, OR: Petersen Publications, 2015, p. 210.

William 1564 – 1616, Speech: “To be, or not to be, that is the question”, Hamlet, Act III, Scene I, https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/hamlet-act-iii-scene-i-be-or-not-be.

Kollar, Charles. Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling: An Effective Short-Term Approach for Getting People Back on Track. Grand Rapids: MI: Zondervan, 2011, p. 131.

Proverbs 18:2, King James Version

1 John 4:1, King James Version

Matthew 7:1, King James Version

Kollar, Charles. Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling: An Effective Short-Term Approach for Getting People Back on Track. Grand Rapids: MI: Zondervan, 2011, p. 141.

Clinton, Tim, and Ron Hawkins. The Quick-Reference guide to Biblical Counseling. (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Baker Books, 2009, p. 131.

Romans 12:21, King James Version

Colossians 3:13, King James Version

Matthew 5:44, King James Version

Ephesians 4:32. King James Version

Kollar, Charles. Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling: An Effective Short-Term Approach for Getting People Back on Track. Grand Rapids: MI: Zondervan, 2011, p. 131.

2 Chronicles 7:14. King James Version

James 4:10, King James Version

Hebrews 12:1-2, King James Version