Final draft essay

My Personal Essay about Little Old Town

Introduction: My visit to Mombasa city during summer time.

Attention grabber: The visit to the old small town.

How I revised it?

A. What prompted my visit?

B. The location of the town.

C. The kind of housing in the town.

D. What makes the town serve as a historical site?

The techniques or methods: Analyzing the general condition of the town, the mode of transport used and the kind of reception given.

Thesis statement: My story is all about a tour to Mombasa which tries to expose the small city that is in located in the coast of Kenya. In narrating the visit we see: factors that enhanced my visit to the town, the location of the city of Mombasa, the choice of accommodation in the place, and the kind of reception and transport means in the town.

​Following the stories I have heard from my friends about Mombasa town I became eager and yearned to pay a person visit as well. This therefore prompted me to save for a long period so that I could at least spend my summer in the town and experience what it feels like being there. I had actually longed for this moment to come.

​The town is located in the coastal part of the country. This makes it easily located and accessed. Being an island it is surrounded by other islands like the Zanzibar and Lamu. The town’s main means of transport are small vehicle “tuktuk” that varies tourists from one area to another.

The housing is designed in accordance to the climatic condition of the island. The area is so hot and humid and therefore need to build houses that are best suit to this. It is too hot that someone even forced to walk half naked. There is suburb that negatively affects the skin making it develop tan.

The town is a historical site. There are many historical sites in the town which includes Shimo la Tewa that served as prison during the colonial period. There is also an aquarium that is a centre for enjoyment and where different types of fish are found such as dolphin. Other than that the sand beaches like Mpunguti and Kisite serve as recreational area.

The people are so welcoming. They give a good reception and are hospitable as well. It eases persons from tension and brings about serenity and a feeling of love staying there. Summer is best spent here for every moment is enjoyable and calm. Touring this place is like honey that one cannot just taste once but rather long to revisit.

Conclusion

Generally, Mombasa is a good tour place during summer.

Transition word: It is a place full of historical sites that serve as a commemoration to the nation. The citizens are welcoming and hospitable as well. The area is so exotic in nature and one cannot get bored paying a visit there.

In this passage there is no coherence. There is need to use conjunctions like however, on the other hand to show the negativity of the climatic conditions in the town.

The addition of conjunctions and being more vivid could have brought about coherence in the essay. Words like secondly, furthermore would have been used to tell us more of what the tourist experienced in the town.

The area of housing should have more explanation. What actually is the kind of housing that carps for the adverse weather conditions in the town? Also the area of the historical sites and the purpose they serve in the town. The economic aspect of the town and how it is affected by the tourists need to have more details.

List of Instructions for improvement

The type of research material to use should be specified.

The need for feedback should be given and state the format to apply.

Need to explain the Aim of that research.

On the side of the peers

The area of conjunctions

The need to apply for chronology of events and the use of a simple comprehension language.