Due 9/18/19

Proofed Paper: ntp690756 - Tue Sep 24 11:19:49 EDT 2019

Paper Title:

No. of Pages: 0

Paper Style: APA Paper Type: N/A

Taken English? Yes English as Second Language? No

Feedback Areas: General, N/A

Paper Goals: Teacher comments is that the paper is hard to understand with inappropriate word

choices and grammatical errors.

Proofing Summary:

Hi, La’Shawn !

I’m Jonathan, your composition tutor for the Writing Center. I have reviewed your submission and have several

suggestions that will help you revise. Please feel free to contact us through a live chat session with any follow-up

questions or for any clarification.

Below, you will find a revision plan along with margin comments within your paper. Use my suggestions as a starting

point for the revision process. Also, please note that I have not edited or proofread the entire draft for minor errors, but

rather, focused on overall concerns such as idea development. For a complete look at your grammar and punctuation,

please use the Grammarly software available under “Writing Center” in your classroom.

For your revisions, I suggest focusing on:

1. Purpose – The paper’s purpose is incredibly unclear. It looks like you’re presenting a diagnosis and a case study

without a clear purpose or a clear goal in your body paragraphs. After re-reading the directions, I would rewrite the

outline to help you develop your assignment to make sure that you’re on the right track. I would definitely advise using

a Live Session to help you sort through this assignment in your paper.

2. Organization & Topic Sentences – Your paper seems disorganized. When you are writing your paper, an outline

can help you organize your thoughts and ideas in your headings in your paper. Try outlining your ideas to help you

organize your paper. For more information on developing outlines, click here: http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/outlining

3. Paragraph Development – After using your outline to help you organize your paper, you can develop your body

paragraphs by sharing the issues of anorexia for your case study and then ideas in your body paragraphs in your body

paragraphs in your body paragraphs in your paper.

Good luck in the course, and I hope we can help you with your next assignment.

Jonathan Robinson

Writing Consultant

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Proofed Paper: ntp690756 - Tue Sep 24 11:19:49 EDT 2019 page 2 / 8

Proofed Paper: ntp690756 - Tue Sep 24 11:19:49 EDT 2019

Who or what is Julia? You need to make sure you are adding that information in your thesis statement in your body paragraph.

In your opening paragraph, you need to make sure

that you are adding your body paragraphs in your

body paragraphs in your paper.

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Proofed Paper: ntp690756 - Tue Sep 24 11:19:49 EDT 2019

After using your outline to help you

organize your paper, you can develop

your body paragraphs by sharing the

issues of anorexia for your case study

and then ideas in your body

paragraphs in your body paragraphs in

your body paragraphs in your paper.

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Proofed Paper: ntp690756 - Tue Sep 24 11:19:49 EDT 2019 page 5 / 8

Proofed Paper: ntp690756 - Tue Sep 24 11:19:49 EDT 2019

The paper's voice is shifting to the

reader instead of writing about the

case study. Is this the diagnosis for

Julia? If so, you need to make sure

that you are connecting this with the

thesis statement in your body

paragraphs in your paper.

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Proofed Paper: ntp690756 - Tue Sep 24 11:19:49 EDT 2019

This section changes from a third

person analysis of this medication,

to a second person (talking directly

to the reader).

Also, there are a lot of questions.

What's CBT? Are you talking to

your body paragraphs in your body

paragraphs in your paper.

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Proofed Paper: ntp690756 - Tue Sep 24 11:19:49 EDT 2019

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