Week 4 - Discussion 2
Jaspereric
Week4_dis2Replies.docxTuesday21 Jul at 20:31
Hello,
Is Forgiveness a gift to the person doing the forgiving, or for the forgiven.
Wow, this is a tough question. I feel it is absolutely a gift for both people. I know personally when I truly forgive a person, I really can relax and move on. However, I do not find forgiveness easy especially when it comes to personal situations involving broken promises. I trust everyone, almost to a fault, but when someone breaks my trust, I find it utterly hurtful to the core.
A personal example is a situation that happened with my 27-year-old niece. My niece asked me if she and her family (husband and daughter) could live with me and my husband for a year. She wanted to move out of state and needed to save up money to do so. If she lived with me that would afford her the ability to move. I agreed she could move in (rent-free) since both of my kids were out of the house in college. However, I told her that she could not bring her dog. She had a big pit bull mix and I had two little dogs, and I do not have a fenced yard. I told her it would be too hard with my tiny dogs and her dog not having a yard to run in. At first, she said ok, but then between her and her husband they just kept begging and ensuring he would not be a problem and if he damaged anything, they would fix it. So, I gave in and let them bring their dog.
Her dog damaged my hardwood floors (a lot), I asked her many times to have his nails trimmed and she said, “he just won’t sit still for that”. Anyway, when they left, I knew they would not refinish my floors because it would have defeated the purpose of them saving money. I asked her if she would just pay to have the floors cleaned and polished. When she moved out of my house, she left in a hurry did not even say goodbye and to this day (2 years later) she has never acknowledged me, or this damage caused by her dog. I have a hard time forgiving this situation because I thought I was being more than fair, and rather than talking to me about it she has told everyone in our family “She is being ridiculous”. According to Cahn and Abigail (2014), this would be an example of a “social lie” to avoid a sticky situation (Chapter, 9.1, para.5). My family realizes that is what she is doing as well. I need to move on as I know nothing will come of this, but I am truly so hurt by it I do not know if I can forgive. If she would at least talk to me and apologize I might be able to but as it stands now that does not look like it is going to happen. Can I forgive without an apology? Even though I know my heart would feel better if I could I do not think that will happen.
Kristen
References
Cahn, D. D., & Abigail, R. A. (2014). Managing conflict through communication (5th ed.). Pearson Education, Inc. https://content.ashford.edu/
Yesterday22 Jul at 15:55
COM325: Week 4 - Discussion 2
There is an old saying you can forgive but you cannot forget, and I believe forgiveness and reconciliation can be the ultimate goal for all conflict resolution. Forgiveness is difficult when loss is involved, either physical loss or emotional loss, forgiveness is hard because you are also letting go of what you lost. But sometimes you have to forgive a person or the situation in order for you to move on in life. For example, my mother has early signs of dementia even though she does not want to accept it, but it is definitely there. She did something to me I thought sure I would never forgive her for but I then realize that she is actually ill. Also, she has gone through colon cancer and had the surgery, she is doing okay now.
But I do remember several years ago I had to take her to the hospital for a colon test, and the doctor pulled me to the side and told me she believes my mom has early signs of dementia. I do not know what happened during her test for her to tell me this, but she thought I should know and told me I should have her go see a doctor. Then over the years, I notice she got worse one day we were in the house and she could not find something that was important to her. Then she asked me have I seen it and I told her no then later she accused me of taking it. Then the next thing I know she calls the police on me and this was in 2006. Also, this has happened several more times since then now that she lives with me nothing has changed she still has called the police on me for something that has gone missing. Now, I am at the point that I have to keep forgiving her because I know that it is something wrong and she cannot help it. But how can you help a person that does not want to recognize their own illness? Forgiveness is a process and it takes time and you will never know how much time that will be that depends on the individual.
REFERENCE:
Cahn, D. D., & Abigail, R. A. (2014). Managing conflict through communication (5th ed). Pearson Education, Inc. https://content.ashford.edu/ (Links to an external site.)
