Two Paragraphs one paper

Paragraph Rescue and Vivid Scene Development

This assignment has two parts:

1. A paragraph “rescue” for which you will employ the Paramedic Method and

other critical review skills you have learned this week

2. A vivid scene development which will require of you to employ your “showing”

skills with rich sensory description.

The Rescue Paragraph assignment should take you no more than a paragraph to

complete and the Vivid Scene Development no more than one page.

NOTE: Submit both of your assignments as one Word document.

Part I: The Rescue Paragraph

So far we’ve studied writing with an eye for pacing, active vs. passive voice, eliminating

deadwood, and for reducing abundant prepositional words and phrases. The

paragraph posted below is in dire need of your help. With the four writing tips firmly

in mind, dig into this paragraph and fix it up.

 You may change punctuation and eliminate or add words to establish strong

pace.

 Discover passive forms and change them to active voice.

 And use the Paramedic Method to highlight unnecessarily stacked prepositions

and other items of clutter.

Subject Paragraph

It was already getting kind of dark when James was picked up by his dad in his truck

for the ride home to his house. James turned in his seat and looked at his dad in the

dim light of the dashboard for a feel of his mood. James didn’t care for what he saw

because he took his dad’s rigid jaw to be a sign of tension probably because of another

bad day at his dad’s job. James knew his dad was hated by his boss because of that

time at the party. James wondered how his dad’s day had been and if he would read

to him from his story book tonight or if his dad would just take the newspaper into his

bedroom straight from the table and want to be by himself. James didn’t know but he

made up his mind to be extra helpful for his mom in case his dad was sad so she

wouldn’t cry again tonight.

Part II: Vivid Scene Development

We've had a lot on our plates concerning showing versus telling. Let’s go ahead and

put some of this new knowledge into use. I’m going to provide below, in summary, a

slice of life description that I want you to turn into scene. Your job is to turn my dull

commentary into a rich, vivid scene where you use a little dialogue to build characters.

The following anecdote occurred at a wedding an undergraduate student attended

several years ago (he hadn’t yet learned the art of “showing” rather than “ telling”).

Subject Paragraph

The only reason I was at this wedding was because it was for my best friend’s older

sister and he asked me to go (I’d known Joe for years). Their family is a little on the

wild side and their parties reflect this nature. I figured the reception would be more of

the same. Sure enough, the room was decorated gaudily and smelled of cigars. They

had a DJ playing pop songs and after a couple of hours the whole wedding party (mom

and dad included) jumped up on the rickety head table and started a wild looking

dance. I was alarmed by the swaying table and yelled for Joe to knock it off but just

then the legs on one end of the table folded and the entire bunch of them slid down

the incline and into the cake table. I was mortified and thought everything was ruined

but after a few seconds of shocked silence they all brayed wild laughter and started

throwing the busted up cake at each other. “Just another Patterson party,” I

remember thinking.

NOTE: Here are some helpful items for consideration when you craft your new

paragraph.

 The example focuses more on cause/effect than it does on full character

consideration. Joe is a moderately full character and probably deserves some

description, but the others are minor in their various rolls (a little description

that lends to the general feel). There are many areas ripe for descriptive

showing—the gaudy room, the room’s smell, picking a song the DJ played, the

“look” of the wild dance, and, of course, the humorous conclusion.

 Dialogue possibilities include the following:

o Joe asking the author to attend (the author seems not to want to…why is

there subtle apprehension, and how could a dialogue exchange show

this?)

o Little snatches of conversation one might hear at such an event

(remember, dialogue can reveal character)

o An interesting “showing” hoot from the bride might give us insight into

her disposition

o The author’s yell for Joe (consider the italics lecture for the author’s

thought at the end, too)

Please submit your assignment as one Word document.