Paper about eating, exercising, and body image

Wang 1

Wang 5

Shunan Wang

Colleen Morrissey

1110.01

Mar.11th

Secondary Source Integration

A Victoria’s Secret Sport TV Commercial is a video aiming at encouraging females to do sports in VS-branded athletic wear. This video fully shows that the models in the Victoria’s Secret have perfect body shapes. They do a lot of kinds of exercises, like rock-climbing, boxing and running. Also, the video is very detailed and vivid. Especially there are some scenes about the details on models’ bodies, such as their chests and their butts. The music, “Cure”, in the video is active and upbeat. The audience would feel cheerful when they hear this song and even want to do some exercises as the models to get a good body shapes. After all, everyone loves slim legs, abdominal muscles, and sexy body shapes. This video shows only one of the ways that models exercise to have good performance on the stage. To stay skinny, they also need to have healthy diets. Therefore, my article will explore two basic reasons that the models have a perfect body shape – athleticism and diet. Comment by Colleen Morrissey: In formal writing, “females” as a noun is usually only used to describe animals. Comment by Colleen Morrissey: According to whom? Comment by Colleen Morrissey: How do you know this? Comment by Colleen Morrissey: This is a generalization. Comment by Colleen Morrissey: This is not an analytical thesis statement. Remember that a thesis needs to present an argument, not just information.

Before talking about the reasons of models’ good performance on the stages, there’s an article called “Victoria’s Secret Takes Paris” about a Victoria’s Secret show in Paris. From this article, and we can clearly know that how grand the Victoria’s Secret shows are. The author, Tina Isaac-Goizé, uses a large length to describe the grandeur of the show. Not only the bras on this show but also the other stuff like the shoes, the wings, and the clothes that models wear are expensive. The author uses several examples about the price of the bras to prove that. Also, the holder spent a lot of money on equipment and security. All in all, it was a gorgeous show. The models were dazzling on the stage. Almost everyone admires them. After describing this show, the author changes his argument to the goal of this gorgeous model show. The author cites Edward Razek, the executive producer of the show and the chief marketing officer of creative services at Limited Brands, to demonstrate that this show is “a celebration of powerful women by powerful women who work very hard at what they do, live a healthy life and inspire legions of admirers.” The women models show their nearly naked but perfect bodies to the world, with confident smiles and gait. The power of women, together with the pride of their own gender, was shown by the models as them walking on to the stages with confidence. Most people admire the models on the stage because of their beauty. However, some of them ignore how hard the models have been working before such a good performance on the stage. Comment by Colleen Morrissey: Try to use less subjective language and not to generalize. Comment by Colleen Morrissey: How does all this information in this paragraph help you analyze your primary source? You need to make direct connections.

First and foremost, the models do exercise every day to keep fit. There are a lot of benefits of athleticism. As for the models, they can lose weight, get beautiful muscles and keep healthy by doing sports. One of the most important benefits of doing exercise is that it can help people improve metabolism. As we know, having the strong metabolism systems, models can easily excrete toxins to avoid accumulation of fat cells, and it is easier for them to lose weight. According to Cell Metab’s article, which are several paragraphs in one whole paper and the subtitle is “Metabolism: How exercise benefit the body”, we know more about how exercise improves metabolism and how strong metabolism benefits the body. It is about a discovery of Robert Gerszten of Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston and his colleagues. They found that “when they forced muscle cells to express the metabolic regular PGC-1α---levels of which increase with exercise”, the level of molecule called “BAIBA” would increase. In this experiment, the mice who were treated had less weight and better glucose metabolism than did the untreated mice. Associated with humans, people who have less BAIBA in the blood also had increased cholesterol levels and more insulin resistance. Then the author gives an example about BAIBA can “treat diabetes and other metabolic disorders” and proves the argument in the previous paragraphs. So, metabolism system will be strong if people do exercises. And models can lose weight and keep healthy health through this way. Therefore, it is important for the models to do a lot of exercise. Comment by Colleen Morrissey: It’s difficult to see how this information helps you understand the Victoria’s Secret brand or advertisement.

So, what do the models do to keep fit? Through Megan Garber’s article, “the Weird Athleticism of the Victoria’s Secret Model”, we know what exactly the models do when they go to sports. In the beginning of the article, a model said, “It feels like we are training for Olympics.” These angels in the show are not only statuesque models but also athletes. The models did professional training every day. For instance, “Pilates, racket sports, barre, weight training, resistance bands, and squats.” And, by doing exercising every day, the models improved their mental focus ability and physical stamina. The models’ workout is more than normal people, even similar to the athletes’. Besides admiring the models, the public should respect them. Comment by Colleen Morrissey: You don’t explain what this article finds “weird” about the models’ athleticism. Comment by Colleen Morrissey: Remember to provide the author’s name and page number (if available) in an in-text citation for each quote or piece of information from a secondary source.

Second, the models need to have healthy diets to keep skinny. All models in Victoria’s Secret need to have slim legs, thin waists and fitness that is easy to lose weight. Normal people like high-calorie foods, like fried chickens, chips, cakes, or chocolates. They are absolutely delicious. Also, most people do not like eating vegetables. However, this is the cause of obesity. In order to be thin, the models in the Victoria’s Secret need to quit high-calorie foods---even though they taste good. Their recipes include low-fat things, such as chicken breasts, vegetables salads, and whole-wheat breads. Those foods are not delicious as high-calorie foods. So, we can know how difficult for the models to stop eating cakes or fries and what the models do for good body shapes. The public should remember that what the models do is what not normal people cannot bear. Therefore, the models deserve the full attention and admiration from the public. Comment by Colleen Morrissey: Again, how do you know this?

In conclusion, when most people admire the models on the stages and hope that they can have the same good body shape as the models, they should pay more attention to how the models can be such successful. They can have such a perfect body shape because they make the effort that normal people cannot do. They do a lot of exercise every day even like the Olympians. Also, they refrain from eating the delicious high-calorie foods and eating the low-fat food instead. After getting through a lot of difficulties, the models in the Victoria’s Secret show can stand on the stage in VS-brand wears and accept the admirations from all over the world.

Comments:

· It seems like you are basing your entire paper around making the argument that people should admire models because they exercise rigorously and diet. But remember that the goal of the ARP is to practice rhetorical analysis, which means that you’re analyzing the Victoria’s Secret commercial’s rhetoric, not analyzing your own beliefs about models. After mentioning the commercial you chose as your primary source on page one, you stop analyzing the commercial altogether. Reorganize your paper so that the primary source analysis is the central element, and the only time you use information from your secondary sources is to support, advance, or complicate the claims you make about the advertisement’s rhetoric. Please don’t hesitate to make an appointment in my office hours and with the OSU Writing Center to get back on the right track.

· You forgot to include a Works Cited page, which was required for the assignments, and there were times when you didn’t provide an in-text citation for the secondary source information you included in your paper. It’s important to cite others’ ideas.

Grade: C-