social psychology paper 5 page
Chae
W6_Romance_Audio.pptxAttraction, Romance, and Relationships
Build your perfect partner!
Physically attractive body $2
Physically attractive face $2
Intelligence $2
Similar race/religion/culture $2
Different race/religion/culture $2
Similar values $3
Humor $1
Work ethic $2
Social status (respect/admiration of others) $1
Emotional support $2
Sense of adventure $1
Honesty/trust $3
Communication skills $2
Intimacy $1
Financial stability $1
Physical health $1
Cooperation $2
Parental ability $1
Caveats
Relationships research has historically favored monogamous, heterosexual relationships
Research has also favored White, Western relationships
Important differences exist based on race, culture, and country
Most research is observational (for good reason)
Limits our ability to make causal claims, limited internal validity
Initial Attraction
When forming schemas of others, we quickly notice our own attraction to them
Attraction is an automatic, affective response
Serves to focus attention, resources
1. Physical attractiveness
We are more interested in, drawn to, and fond of people we find physically attractive
Why does physical attractiveness matter so much?
Biological Physical attractiveness cues ability to provide resources and produce healthy offspring
Symmetrical faces, clear skin, healthy hair all signal genetic fitness
Societal Attraction signals social awareness, value, and desirability
Halo effect Attractive people are perceived a friendlier, cleaner, etc.
2. Similarity
We are attracted to people that are similar to us in:
Culture, identity
Interests, values, hobbies
Physical attractiveness
What about “opposites attract?”
“My friend Katie is an extrovert and her partner is an introvert”
“Katie is a White, college-educated, Jewish, Democratic, millennial extrovert and her partner is a White, college-educated, Jewish, Democratic, millennial introvert”
2. Similarity
Why do we care about similarity?
We like ourselves, and therefore like people similar to ourselves
I listen to rap music, so if you listen to rap music you have great taste
Similar people feel familiar to us, and we like familiarity
If you grew up in the same area as me, I have a positive association towards you
Similarity contributes to trust and cooperation
I go to Miami University, so if you do too, I can trust you more
Similarity reduces the likelihood of being rejected
I have more I can say/do to impress you if we have shared interests
3. Positive interactions
We are more attracted to people when we have positive interactions with them
This can come from a single, incredibly positive experience with someone
It can also come from frequent, generally positive experiences
Generally, we like the people we are around in the absence of any negative experiences
Gender Differences
Men and women are much more similar than different in their partner preferences
Partner preference differs more by type of relationship
Short-term mate preference We favor signs of genetic health
Males: Height, muscularity, deep voice, bone structure
Females: Waist-to-hip ratio, youthful appearance
All: Symmetrical faces, healthy skin, physical fitness
Long-term mate preference We favor signs of reliable, supportive partners
Trustworthiness, warmth, honesty
Gender Differences
Gender differences exist largely because men and women tend to focus on different relationships in their responses
What do you look for in a partner?
Men tend to answer short-term; women tend to answer long-term
Gender Differences
These gender differences are likely determined in part by biology
Males’ best chance of reproduction is frequent, short-term sexual partners
Females’ best chance of reproduction is finding a partner willing to invest resources in their offspring
But cultural/societal factors also play a large part
Women’s sexuality is discouraged more than men’s
In more gender-equal societies, women express more short- and long- term preferences
Relationship Development
Given mutual attraction and opportunity, initial attraction may begin to develop into a relationship
These early relationships are marked by two features:
Exchange of rewards
Self-disclosure
Exchange of rewards
Early in relationships, we are focused on what we get from the partner
Possible rewards from a relationship:
Positive attention
Entertainment
Sexual encounters
Social support
Belonging
We continue relationships that we believe offer fair exchanges
Self-Disclosure
Aside from time, self-disclosure is what helps relationships develop
Self-disclosure Willingly sharing intimate facts, feelings, and opinions
Self-disclosure facilitates:
Attraction
Intimacy
Mutual care
Example
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MeHxPX7_E4
What do we see here that is facilitating a good first-impression?
What is this couple doing to develop their relationship?
Close relationships
Close relationships A relationship in which partners display strong and frequent interdependence
Close relationships can be:
Romantic
Friendships
Familial (siblings, parent-child)
Interdependence in relationships
Interdependence A state where both partners mutually influence and rely on the other
Interdependence can be tracked using the ABC’s of social psychology
Affective interdependence
Behavioral interdependence
Cognitive interdependence
Affective Interdependence
Affective interdependence Partners’ emotional well-being is deeply impacted by the actions of the other person
If my relationship with my partner is stable and healthy, I feel better overall
Affective interdependence is developed through:
Emotionally-rich self-disclosure
My dog passed away a few years ago and I still miss her
A response that is acknowledging, compassionate, and accepting
These things happen Does not acknowledge emotion
Dealing with loss is difficult, I’m sorry to hear that Better response!
Behavioral interdependence
Behavioral interdependence Partners’ behaviors shift from being self-focused to being focused on the other and the relationship
I don’t just do things for me, but for you and for us
Stages of Reward Exchange
Stages of Reward Exchange:
Exact reward exchanges Rewards are compensated immediately and exactly to assure perfect equality
If my friend pays $35 for dinner, I Venmo them $17.50 right then
Approximate reward exchanges Rewards are compensated fairly evenly across a longer period of time
My roommate drives me to the airport, so I clean the kitchen
Unmeasured reward exchange Rewards are freely, mutually given without consideration for compensation
I make my romantic partner a nice dinner for no apparent reason
Cognitive interdependence
Cognitive interdependence Our self-concept starts to integrate our partner and relationship as a part of the self
You and this relationship are a central part of me
We typically have clear boundaries in knowledge of self and of others
A close partner breaks that barrier
Our partner gets the cognitive benefits we usually reserve for our selves:
We favor things associated with our partner
We make external attributions for our partner’s mistakes
Upward social comparisons with our partner are not threatening
Romantic Love, Passion, Sexual Attraction
Close relationships are not necessarily romantic
Romantic relationships are close relationships that often also include passionate and sexual feelings
Passionate feelings Overwhelming joy, longing, and euphoria for a partner
Sex in romantic relationships
Greater sexual satisfaction is closely related to relationship satisfaction
Remember: this is mostly based on observational work
There are gender differences in the cause of sexual dissatisfaction:
Women: Greater dissatisfaction when sexual activity is “cold, unemotional, lacking passion”
Men: Greater dissatisfaction when sexual activity is “routine, unchanging, monotonous”
Functions of sex in relationships
Couples report different reasons for engaging in sex
Enjoyment
Foster closeness/intimacy with partner
Give partner pleasure
Motivations focused on the self and relationship predict greater well-being/satisfaction
I have sex because I enjoy it Greater satisfaction
I have sex because I know my partner wants it Worse satisfaction
Threats to relationships
Threats to relationships
Relationships inevitably encounter conflict, these can threaten the relationship
Three most common sources of conflict in a relationship
Disagreement
External pressures
Fear of rejection
1. Disagreements
The downside of interdependence is the loss of autonomy
Feeling “tied down” or restricted leads to more conflict in a relationship
This is especially true during periods of decision-making
I want kids and my partner doesn’t
My partner has a job offer that would move us across the state
My partner and I want to do different things on Friday night
2. External pressure
External factors also place stress on a relationship
Financial/responsibility pressures facing financial difficulties, job stress, the presence of children
Social norms Gender norms of responsibility, social pressures to hit milestones
Tragedy/loss Death of a family member, loss of a job, natural disaster
3. Fear of rejection
Relationships make you more vulnerable to painful rejection
We react strongly if our partner has (real or imagined) opportunity and desire to find a new partner
Dishonesty, secrets, social withdrawal all signal upcoming rejection
Remember: Responses to rejection (or possible rejection) are:
Prosocial
Antisocial
Asocial
Reacting to possible rejection
Couples sat at opposite ends of a lab with a worksheet in front of them, told they were filling out the same sheet
Control
Both partners: Please list things you dislike about your partner
Experimental
Partner 1: Please list things you dislike about your partner
Partner 2: Please list objects in your house under 5 pounds
Partner 1 reported more things they disliked, later reported less relationship satisfaction
Understudied relationships
Same-sex relationships
Individuals typically recognize their sexual orientation by early adolescence (roughly before 15-years-old)
Coming out is largely predicted by social/cultural support
We have no consensus on what leads to differing sexual orientations
Research has looked at genetics, hormones, development, society, etc.
Same-sex relationships
Same-sex relationships face unique challenges from opposite-sex relationships
Three biggest challenges:
More difficult search for possible partners Lower numbers, heteronormative society, risks being “outed”
Discrimination/prejudice Legal discrimination, dangers in being public, loss of family/friends, fear of violence
Internalized homophobia Internal acceptance of myths and prejudice against homosexuality
Couples with greater internalized homophobia feel more guilt, anger in their relationship
Consensual nonmonogamy
Consensual nonmonogamy An umbrella term for various forms of “open” relationships in which relationships with others are permitted
Polyamory More than two partners are permanent parts of the relationship
Swinging Consensual “swapping” of romantic partners among two or more couples
Nonpaired Sex A romantic relationship between two individuals that includes at least one more person in sexual acts
Some estimates say about one in five Americans have been in a CNM relationship
This is about the same rate as cat ownership
Consensual nonmonogamy
Unique challenges of CNM relationships
CNM couples are highly stigmatized – face disapproval and ostracism
Healthcare providers (physicians and therapists) are usually unprepared to help CNM couples
When done poorly, can result in manipulation, pain, and rejection
Benefits of CNM relationships
Report greater fulfillment
Increased focus on non-physical aspects
Develops communication, trust
