w2. 250 word min for each Essay . due 9/15

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Visually Speaking

The hands in the photo above are shaping a blob of clay into a piece of pottery. How is revising similar to this process? How is it different?

The word revising means “taking another look,” so revising is best done after a brief break. Set aside your writing and return to it later with fresh eyes. Also, enlist the fresh eyes of another reader, whether a roommate, a classmate, or someone at the writing center. Revising is all about getting perspective.

Of course, once you have perspective, you need to figure out how to make improvements. This chapter provides numerous strategies for focusing on the global traits of your writing— ideas, organization, and voice. The changes you make should improve the work significantly, perhaps even reshaping it.

Revising5 Learning Outcomes ▶ Think about your overall

approach.

▶ Think about the global traits. ▶ Revise for ideas and

organization.

▶ Revise for voice and style. ▶ Address paragraph issues. ▶ Revise collaboratively. ▶ Use the writing center.

Audio Video ModelWeb Link Exercise Interactive

9781133770961, The College Writer: A Guide to Thinking, Writing, and Researching, Fourth Edition, VanderMey/Meyer/Van Rys/Sebranek - © Cengage Learning. All rights reserved. No distribution allowed without express authorization.

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The Writing Process72

 Consider Whole-Paper Issues When revising, first look at the big picture. Take it all in. Determine whether the content is interesting, informative, and worth sharing. Note any gaps or soft spots in your line of thinking. Ask yourself how you can improve what you have done so far. The information that follows will help you address whole-paper issues such as these.

Revisit the rhetorical situation. Just as the rhetorical situation helped you to set your direction in writing, it can help you make course corrections. Think about each part of the rhetorical situation.

Consider your role. How are you coming across in this draft? Do you sound authoritative, engaged, knowledgeable, confident? How do you want to come across?

Think about your subject. Have you stated a clear focus? Have you supported it with a variety of details? Have you explored the subject fully?

Remember your purpose. Are you trying to analyze, describe, explain, propose? Does the writing succeed? Do the ideas promote your purpose? Does your organization support the purpose? Is your writing voice helpful in achieving your purpose?

Check the form. Have you created writing that matches the form that your instructor requested? Have you taken best advantage of the form, including graphics or other media, if appropriate?

Consider your audience. Have you captured their attention and interest? Have you provided them the information they need to understand your writing? Have you considered their values, needs, and opinions, and used them to connect?

Think about the context. Is this piece of writing the correct length and level of seriousness for the assignment? Is it on schedule? How does it match up to what others are doing?

Writing with Sources: Make sure that your sources work well for each part of the rhetorical situation. Choose sources that

■ reflect well on you, showing that you understand and care about the topic.

■ illuminate the subject with accurate, precise, substantial information.

■ help you achieve your purpose, whether to inform, persuade, or reflect.

■ work well within the form and can be appropriately credited.

■ are seen as authoritative by the audience.

■ are timely and credible in the context.

Audio Video ModelWeb Link Exercise Interactive

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Chapter 5 Revising 73

Consider your overall approach. Sometimes it’s better to start fresh if your writing contains stretches of uninspired ideas. Consider a fresh start if your first draft shows one of these problems:

The topic is worn-out. An essay titled “Lead Poisoning” may not sound very interesting. Unless you can approach it with a new twist (“Get the Lead Out!”), consider cutting your losses and finding a fresh topic.

The approach is stale. If you’ve been writing primarily to get a good grade, finish the assignment, or sound cool, start again. Try writing to learn something, prompt real thinking in readers, or touch a chord.

Your voice is predictable or fake. Avoid the bland “A good time was had by all” or the phony academic “When one studies this significant problem in considerable depth . . . ” Be real. Be honest.

The draft sounds boring. Maybe it’s boring because you pay an equal amount of attention to everything and hence stress nothing. Try condensing less important material and expanding what’s important.

The essay is formulaic. In other words, it follows the “five-paragraph” format. This handy organizing frame may prevent you from doing justice to your topic and thinking. If your draft is dragged down by rigid adherence to a formula, try a more original approach.

Writing with Sources: Test the balance of reasoning and sources. Make sure your draft is not thin on source material, but also make sure that the source material does not dominate the conversation. Use these tips for balancing reasoning and sources:

1. Before diving into source material within a paragraph or section of your paper, f lesh out your thinking more fully. Offer reasoning that elaborates the claim and effectively leads into the evidence.

2. As you present evidence from source material, build on it by explaining what it means. Evidence doesn’t typically speak for itself: through analysis, synthesis, illustration, contrast, and other means, you need to show how or why your sources advance your thesis.

3. After you have presented evidence that elaborates on and supports your idea, extend your thoughts by addressing the reader’s “So what?” or “Why does this matter?” skepticism.

Audio Video ModelWeb Link Exercise Interactive

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 Revising Your First Draft Revising helps you turn your first draft into a more complete, thoughtful piece of writing. The following information will help you do that.

Prepare to revise. Once you’ve finished a first draft, set it aside (ideally for a few days) until you can look at the draft objectively and make needed changes. If you drafted on paper, photocopy the draft. If you drafted on a computer, print your paper (double-spaced). Then make changes with a good pencil or colored pen. If you prefer revising on the computer, consider using your software editing program. In all cases, save your first draft for reference.

Think globally. When revising, focus on the big picture—the overall strength of the ideas, organization, and voice.

Ideas: Check your thesis, focus, or theme. Has your thinking on your topic changed? Also think about your readers’ most pressing questions concerning this topic. Have you answered these questions? Finally, consider your reasoning and support. Are both complete and sound?

Organization: Check the overall design of your writing, making sure that ideas move smoothly and logically from one point to the next. Does your essay build effectively? Do you shift directions cleanly? Fix structural problems in one of these ways:

■ Reorder material to improve the sequence.

■ Cut information that doesn’t support the thesis.

■ Add details where the draft is thin.

■ Rewrite parts that seem unclear.

■ Improve links between points by using transitions.

Voice: Voice is your personal presence on the page, the tone and attitude that others hear when reading your work. In other words, voice is the between-the-lines message your readers get (whether you want them to or not). When revising, make sure that the tone of your message matches your purpose, whether it is serious, playful, or satiric.

InSIght: Don’t pay undue attention to spelling, grammar, and punctuation at this early stage in the process. Otherwise, you may become distracted from the task at hand: improving the content of your writing. Editing and proofreading come later.

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Chapter 5 Revising 75

 Revising for Ideas and Organization As you review your draft for content, make sure the ideas are fully developed and the organization is clear. From your main claim or thesis to your reasoning and your evidence, strengthen your thinking and sequencing.

Examine your ideas. Review the ideas in your writing, making sure that each point is logical, complete, and clear. To test the logic in your writing, see pages 257–260.

 Complete Thinking

Have you answered readers’ basic questions? Have you supported the thesis? The original passage below is too general; the revision is clearly more complete.

Original Passage (Too general)

As soon as you receive a minor cut, the body’s healing process begins to work. Blood from tiny vessels fills the wound and begins to clot. In less than 24 hours, a scab forms.

Revised Version (More specific)

As soon as you receive a minor cut, the body’s healing process begins to work. In a simple wound, the first and second layers of skin are severed along with tiny blood vessels called capillaries. As these vessels bleed into the wound, minute structures called platelets help stop the bleeding by sticking to the edges of the cut and to one another, forming a plug. The platelets then release chemicals that react with certain proteins in the blood to form a clot. The blood clot, with its fiber network, begins to join the edges of the wound together. As the clot dries out, a scab forms, usually in less than 24 hours.

 Clear Thesis

Make sure that your writing centers on one main issue or thesis. Although this next original passage lacks a thesis, the revision has a clear one.

Original Passage (Lacks a thesis)

Teen magazines are popular with young girls. These magazines contain a lot of how-to articles about self-image, fashion, and boy-girl relationships. Girls read them to get advice on how to act and how to look. Girls who don’t really know what they want are the most eager readers.

Revised Version (Identifies a specific thesis statement)

Adolescent girls often see teen magazines as handbooks on how to be teenagers. These magazines influence the ways they act and the ways they look. For girls who are unsure of themselves, these magazines can exert an enormous amount of influence. Unfortunately, the advice these magazines give about self-image, fashion, and boys may do more harm than good.

Audio Video ModelWeb Link Exercise Interactive

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The Writing Process76

Examine your organization. Good writing has structure. It leads readers logically and clearly from one point to the next. When revising for organization, consider four areas: the overall plan, the opening, the flow of ideas, and the closing.

 Overall Plan

Look closely at the sequence of ideas or events that you share. Does that sequence advance your thesis? Do the points build effectively? Are there gaps in the support or points that stray from your original purpose? If you find such problems, consider the following actions:

■ Refine the focus or emphasis by rearranging material within the text.

■ Fill in the gaps with new material. Go back to your planning notes.

■ Delete material that wanders away from your purpose.

■ Use an additional (or different) method of organization. For example, if you are comparing two subjects, add depth to your analysis by contrasting them as well. If you are describing a complex subject, show the subject more clearly and fully by distinguishing and classifying its parts. (See pages 62–69 for more on organizational methods.)

InSIght: What is the best method of organization for your essay? The writing you are doing will usually determine the choice. As you know, a personal narrative is often organized by time. Typically, however, you combine and customize methods to develop a writing idea. For example, within a comparison essay you may do some describing or classifying. See pages 46–47 and 117 for more on the common methods of development.

 Opening Ideas

Reread your opening paragraph(s). Is the opening organized effectively? Does it engage readers, establish a direction for your writing, and express your thesis or focus? The original opening below doesn’t build to a compelling thesis statement, but the revised version engages the reader and leads to the thesis.

Original Opening (Lacks interest and direction)

The lack of student motivation is a common subject in the news. Educators want to know how to get students to learn. Today’s higher standards mean that students will be expected to learn even more. Another problem in urban areas is that large numbers of students are dropping out. How to interest students is a challenge.

Revised Version (Effectively leads readers into the essay)

How can we motivate students to learn? How can we get them to meet today’s rising standards of excellence? How can we, in fact, keep students in school long enough to learn? The answer to these problems is quite simple. Give them money. Pay students to study and learn and stay in school.

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Chapter 5 Revising 77

 Flow of Ideas

Look closely at the beginnings and endings of each paragraph. Have you connected your thoughts clearly? (See page 86 for a list of transition words.) The original opening words of the paragraph sequence below, from an essay of description, offer no links for readers. The revised versions use strong transitions indicating spatial organization (order by location).

Original First Words in the Four Middle Paragraphs

There was a huge, steep hill . . . Buffalo Creek ran . . . A dense “jungle” covering . . . Within walking distance from my house . . .

Revised Versions (Words and phrases connect ideas)

Behind the house, there was a huge, steep hill . . . Across the road from the house, Buffalo Creek ran . . . On the far side of the creek bank was a dense “jungle” covering . . . Up the road, within walking distance from my house . . .

InSIght: Review “Supporting Your Claims” (pages 254–256) and use those strategies to strengthen weak or unconvincing passages.

 Closing Ideas

Reread your closing paragraph(s). Do you offer an effective summary, reassert your main point in a fresh way, and provide readers with food for thought as they leave your writing? Or is your ending abrupt, repetitive, or directionless? The original ending below is uninspiring; it adds little to the main part of the writing. The revision summarizes the main points in the essay and then urges the reader to think again about the overall point of writing.

Original Ending (Sketchy and flat)

Native Son deals with a young man’s struggle against racism. It shows the effects of prejudice. Everyone should read this book.

Revised Version (Effectively ends the writing)

Native Son deals with a young man’s struggle in a racist society, but also with so much more. It shows how prejudice affects people, how it closes in on them, and what some people will do to find a way out. Anyone who wants to better understand racism in the United States should read this book.

TIP: To generate fresh ideas for your closing, freewrite answers to questions like these: Why is the topic important to me? What should my readers have learned? Why should this issue matter to readers? What evidence or appeal (pages 262–263) will help readers remember my message and act on it? How does the topic relate to broader issues in society, history, or life?

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 Revising for Voice and Style Generally, readers more fully trust writing that speaks in an informed voice and a clear, natural style. To develop an informed voice, make sure that your details are correct and complete; to develop a clear style, make sure that your writing is well organized and unpretentious. Check the issues below. (For a definition of voice, see page 74.)

Check the level of commitment. Consider how and to what degree your writing shows that you care about the topic and reader. For example, note how the original passage below lacks a personal voice, revealing nothing about the writer’s connection to—or interest in—the topic. In contrast, the revision shows that the writer cares about the topic.

Original Passage (Lacks voice)

Cemeteries can teach us a lot about history. They make history seem more real. There is an old grave of a Revolutionary War veteran in the Union Grove Cemetery. . . .

Revised Version (Personal, sincere voice)

I’ve always had a special feeling for cemeteries. It’s hard to explain any further than that, except to say history never seems quite as real as it does when I walk among many old gravestones. One day I discovered the grave of a Revolutionary War veteran. . . .

Original Passage (Lacks feeling and energy)

The Dream Act could make a difference for people. It just takes a long time to get any bill through Congress. This bill probably will never get approved. Instead of passing the Dream Act, the country will probably just deport high school students from other countries.

Revised Passage (Expresses real feelings)

Given such debates, it might be a long time before the bill becomes law, thereby dashing the dreams of nearly 65,000 high school students like Maria who can’t wait another year because they may already be in deportation proceedings. We need to step up and educate our representatives and senators about the importance of passing the Dream Act on its own instead of including the bill along with CIR. We need to urge them to debate and approve the Dream Act now, thereby making Maria’s dreams—and the dreams of thousands of students like her—a reality!

Check the intensity of your writing. All writing—including academic writing—is enriched by an appropriate level of intensity, or even passion. In the original passage below, the writer’s concern for the topic is unclear because the piece sounds neutral. In contrast, the revised version exudes energy.

Audio Video ModelWeb Link Exercise Interactive

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Develop an academic style. Most college writing requires an academic style. Such a style isn’t stuffy; you’re not trying to impress readers with ten-dollar words. Rather, you are using language that facilitates a thoughtful, engaged discussion of the topic. To choose the best words for such a conversation, consider the issues that follow.

 Personal Pronouns

In some academic writing, personal pronouns are acceptable. Such is the case in informal writing, such as reading responses, personal essays involving narration, description, and reflection, and opinion-editorial essays written for a broad audience. In addition, I is correctly used in academic writing rooted in personal research, sometimes called an I-search paper.

Generally, however, avoid using I, we, and you in traditional academic writing. The concept, instead, is to focus on the topic itself and let your attitude be revealed indirectly. As E. B. White puts it, “To achieve style, begin by affecting none—that is, begin by placing yourself in the background.”

No: I really think that the problem of the homeless in Chicago is serious, given the number of people who are dying, as I know from my experience where I grew up.

Yes: Homelessness in Chicago often leads to death. This fact demands the attention of more than lawmakers and social workers; all citizens must address the problems of their suffering neighbors.

TIP: Use the pronoun one carefully in academic prose. When it means “a person,” one can lead to a stilted style if overused. In addition, the pronoun their (a plural pronoun) should not be used with one (a singular pronoun).

 Technical Terms and Jargon

Technical terms and jargon—“insider” words—can be the specialized vocabulary of a subject, a discipline, a profession, or a social group. As such, jargon can be difficult to read for “outsiders.” Follow these guidelines:

■ Use technical terms to communicate with people within the profession or discipline as a kind of shorthand. However, be careful that such jargon doesn’t devolve into meaningless buzzwords and catchphrases.

■ Avoid jargon when writing for readers outside the profession or discipline. Use simpler terms and define technical terms that must be used.

Technical: Bin’s Douser power washer delivers 2200 psi p.r., runs off standard a.c. lines, comes with 100 ft. h.d. synthetic-rubber tubing, and features variable pulsation options through three adjustable s.s. tips.

Simple: Bin’s Douser power washer has a pressure rating of 2200 psi (pounds per square inch), runs off a common 200-volt electrical circuit, comes with 100 feet of hose, and includes three nozzles.

Audio Video ModelWeb Link Exercise Interactive

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 Level of Formality

Most academic writing (especially research papers, literary analyses, lab reports, and argumentative essays) should meet the standards of formal English. Formal English is characterized by a serious tone; careful attention to word choice; longer and more complex sentences reflecting complex thinking; strict adherence to traditional conventions of grammar, mechanics, and punctuation; and avoidance of contractions.

Formal English, modeled in this sentence, is worded correctly and carefully so that it can withstand repeated readings without seeming tiresome, sloppy, or cute.

You may write other papers (personal essays, commentaries, journals, and reviews) in which informal English is appropriate. Informal English is characterized by a personal tone, the occasional use of popular expressions, shorter sentences with slightly looser syntax, contractions, and personal references (I, we, you), but it still adheres to basic conventions.

Informal English sounds like one person talking to another person (in a somewhat relaxed setting). It’s the type of language that you’re reading now. It sounds comfortable and real, not affected or breezy.

TIP: In academic writing, generally avoid slang—words considered outside standard English because they are faddish, familiar to few people, and sometimes insulting.

 Unnecessary Qualifiers

Using qualifiers (such as mostly, often, likely, or tends to) is an appropriate strategy for developing defendable claims in argumentative writing. (See pages 252–253.) However, when you “overqualify” your ideas or add intensifiers (really, truly), the result is insecurity—the impression that you lack confidence in your ideas. The cure? Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

Insecure: I totally and completely agree with the new security measures at sporting events, but that’s only my opinion.

Secure: I agree with the new security measures at sporting events.

FYI Each academic discipline has its own vocabulary and its own vocabulary resources. Such resources include dictionaries, glossaries, or handbooks. Check your library for the vocabulary resources in your discipline. Use them regularly to deepen your grasp of that vocabulary.

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Chapter 5 Revising 81

Know when to use the passive voice. Most verbs can be in either the active or the passive voice. When a verb is active, the sentence’s subject performs the action. When the verb is passive, the subject is acted upon.

Active: If you can’t attend the meeting, notify Richard by Thursday.

Passive: If a meeting can’t be attended by you, Richard must be notified by Thursday.

Weaknesses of Passive Voice: The passive voice tends to be wordy and sluggish because the verb’s action is directed backward, not ahead. In addition, passive constructions tend to be impersonal, making people disappear.

Passive: The sound system can now be used to listen in on sessions in the therapy room. Parents can be helped by having constructive one-on- one communication methods with children modeled by therapists.

Active: Parents can now use the sound system to listen in on sessions in the therapy room. Therapists can help parents by modeling constructive one-on-one communication methods with children.

Strengths of Passive Voice: Using the passive voice isn’t wrong. In fact, the passive voice has some important uses: (1) when you need to be tactful (say, in a bad-news letter), (2) if you wish to stress the object or person acted upon, and (3) if the actual actor is understood, unknown, or unimportant.

Active: Our engineers determined that you bent the bar at the midpoint.

Passive: Our engineers determined that the bar had been bent at the midpoint. (tactful)

Active: Congratulations! We have approved your scholarship for $2,500.

Passive: Congratulations! Your scholarship for $2,500 has been approved. (emphasis on receiver; actor understood)

TIP: Avoid using the passive voice unethically to hide responsibility. For example, an instructor who says, “Your assignments could not be graded because of scheduling difficulties,” might be trying to evade the truth: “I did not finish grading your assignments because I was watching CSI.”

Writing with Sources:Academic writing must be free of plagiarism. Check that you have clearly indicated which material in your draft is summarized, paraphrased, or quoted from another source. (For more help, see pages 436–438.)

Audio Video ModelWeb Link Exercise Interactive

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 Addressing Paragraph Issues While drafting, you may have constructed paragraphs that are loosely held together, poorly developed, or unclear. When you revise, take a close look at your paragraphs for focus, unity, and coherence (pages 83–85).

Remember the basics. A paragraph should be a concise unit of thought. Revise a paragraph until it . . .

■ is organized around a controlling idea—often stated in a topic sentence.

■ consists of supporting sentences that develop the controlling idea.

■ concludes with a sentence that summarizes the main point and prepares readers for the next paragraph or main point.

■ serves a specific function in a piece of writing—opening, supporting, developing, illustrating, countering, describing, or closing.

Sample Paragraph

Keep the purpose in mind. Use these questions to evaluate the purpose and function of each paragraph:

■ What function does the paragraph fulfill? How does it add to your line of reasoning or the development of your thesis?

■ Would the paragraph work better if it were divided in two—or combined with another paragraph?

■ Does the paragraph flow smoothly from the previous paragraph, and does it lead effectively into the next one?

Tumor cells can hurt the body in a number of ways. First, a tumor can grow so big

that it takes up space needed by other organs. Second, some cells may detach from the

original tumor and spread throughout the body, creating new tumors elsewhere. This

happens with lymphatic cancer—a cancer that’s hard to control because it spreads so

quickly. A third way that tumor cells can hurt the body is by doing work not called

for in their DNA. For example, a gland cell’s DNA code may tell the cell to produce a

necessary hormone in the endocrine system. However, if cancer damages or distorts

that code, sick cells may produce more of the hormone than the body can use—or

even tolerate (Braun 4). Cancer cells seem to have minds of their own, and this is why

cancer is such a serious disease.

Topic sentence

Supporting sentences

Closing sentence

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Chapter 5 Revising 83

Check for unity. A unified paragraph is one in which all the details help to develop a single main topic or achieve a single main effect. Test for unity by following these guidelines.

 Topic Sentence

Very often the topic of a paragraph is stated in a single sentence called a “topic sentence.” Check whether your paragraph needs a topic sentence. If the paragraph has a topic sentence, determine whether it is clear, specific, and well focused. Here is a formula for writing good topic sentences:

Formula: A topic sentence = a limited topic + a specific feeling or thought about it.

Example: The fear that Americans feel (limited topic) comes partly from the uncertainty related to this attack (a specific thought).

 Placement of the Topic Sentence

Normally the topic sentence is the first sentence in the paragraph. However, it can appear elsewhere in a paragraph.

Middle Placement: Place a topic sentence in the middle when you want to build up to and then lead away from the key idea.

During the making of Apocalypse Now, Eleanor Coppola created a documentary about the filming called Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse. In the first film, the insane Colonel Kurtz has disappeared into the Cambodian jungle. As Captain Willard searches for Kurtz, the screen fills with horror. however, as Hearts of Darkness relates, the horror portrayed in the fictional movie was being lived out by the production company. For example, in the documentary, actor Larry Fishburne shockingly says, “War is fun. . . . Vietnam must have been so much fun.” Then toward the end of the filming, actor Martin Sheen suffered a heart attack. When an assistant informed investors, the director exploded, “He’s not dead unless I say he’s dead.”

End Placement: Place a topic sentence at the end when you want to build to a climax, as in a passage of narration or persuasion.

When sportsmen stop to reflect on why they find fishing so enjoyable, most realize that what they love is the feel of a fish on the end of the line, not necessarily the weight of the fillets in their coolers. Fishing has undergone a slow evolution over the last century. While fishing used to be a way of putting food on the table, most of today’s fishermen do so only for the relaxation that it provides. The barbed hook was invented to increase the quantity of fish a man could land so that he could better feed his family. this need no longer exists, so barbed hooks are no longer necessary.

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 Supporting Sentences

All the sentences in the body of a paragraph should support the topic sentence. The closing sentence, for instance, will often summarize the paragraph’s main point or emphasize a key detail. If any sentences shift the focus away from the topic, revise the paragraph in one of the following ways:

■ Delete the material from the paragraph.

■ Rewrite the material so that it clearly supports the topic sentence.

■ Create a separate paragraph based on the odd-man-out material.

■ Revise the topic sentence so that it relates more closely to the support.

 Consistent Focus

Examine the following paragraph about fishing hooks. The original topic sentence focuses on the point that some anglers prefer smooth hooks. However, the writer leaves this initial idea unfinished and turns to the issue of the cost of new hooks. In the revised version, unity is restored: The first paragraph completes the point about anglers who prefer smooth hooks; the second paragraph addresses the issue of replacement costs.

Original Paragraph (Lacks unity)

According to some anglers who do use smooth hooks, their lures perform better than barbed lures as long as they maintain a constant tension on the line. Smooth hooks can bite deeper than barbed hooks, actually providing a stronger hold on the fish. Some people have argued that replacing all of the barbed hooks in their tackle would be a costly operation.

Revised Version (Unified)

According to some anglers who do use smooth hooks, their lures perform better than barbed lures as long as the anglers maintain a constant tension on the line. Smooth hooks can bite deeper than barbed hooks, actually providing a stronger hold on the fish. These anglers testify that switching from barbed hooks has not noticeably reduced the number of fish that they are able to land. In their experience, and in my own, enjoyment of the sport is actually heightened by adding another challenge to playing the fish (maintaining line tension).

Some people have argued that replacing all of the barbed hooks in their tackle would be a costly operation. While this is certainly a concern, barbed hooks do not necessarily require replacement. With a simple set of pliers, the barbs on most conventional hooks can be bent down, providing a cost-free method of modifying one’s existing tackle. . . .

Paragraphs that contain unrelated ideas lack unity and are hard to follow. As you review each paragraph for unity, ask yourself these questions: Is the topic of the paragraph clear? Does each sentence relate to the topic? Are the sentences organized in the best possible order?

fyi

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Chapter 5 Revising 85

Check for coherence. When a paragraph is coherent, the parts stay together. A coherent paragraph flows smoothly because each sentence is connected to others by patterns in the language such as repetition and transitions. To strengthen the coherence in your paragraphs, check for the issues discussed below.

 Effective Repetition

To achieve coherence in your paragraphs, consider using repetition—repeating words or synonyms where necessary to remind readers of what you have already said. You can also use parallelism—repeating phrase or sentence structures to show the relationships among ideas. At the same time, you will add a unifying rhythm to your writing.

Ineffective: The floor was littered with discarded soda cans, newspapers that were crumpled, and wrinkled clothes.

Effective: the floor was littered with discarded soda cans, crumpled newspapers, and wrinkled clothes. (Three parallel phrases are used.)

Ineffective: Reading the book was enjoyable; to write the critique was difficult.

Effective: Reading the book was enjoyable; writing the critique was difficult. (Two similar structures are repeated.)

 Clear Transitions

Linking words and phrases like “next,” “on the other hand,” and “in addition” connect ideas by showing the relationship among them. There are transitions that show location and time, compare and contrast things, emphasize a point, conclude or summarize, and add or clarify information. (See page 86 for a list of linking words and phrases.) Note the use of transitions in the following examples:

The paradox of Scotland is that violence had long been the norm in this now- peaceful land. In fact, the country was born, bred, and came of age in war. (The transition is used to emphasize a point.)

The production of cement is a complicated process. First, the mixture of lime, silica, alumina, and gypsum is ground into very fine particles. (The transition is used to show time or order.)

InSIght: Another way to achieve coherence in your paragraphs is to use pronouns effectively. A pronoun forms a link to the noun it replaces and ties that noun (idea) to the ideas that follow. As always, don’t overuse pronouns or rely too heavily on them in establishing coherence in your paragraphs.

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 Transitions and Linking Words

The words and phrases below can help you tie together words, phrases, sentences, and paragraphs.

Words used to show location: above behind down on top of across below in back of onto against beneath in front of outside along beside inside over among between into throughout around beyond near to the right away from by off under

Words used to show time: about during next today after finally next week tomorrow afterward first second until as soon as immediately soon when at later then yesterday before meanwhile third

Words used to compare things (show similarities): also in the same way likewise as like similarly

Words used to contrast things (show differences): although even though on the other hand still but however otherwise yet

Words used to emphasize a point: again for this reason particularly to repeat even in fact to emphasize truly

Words used to conclude or summarize: all in all finally in summary therefore as a result in conclusion last to sum up

Words used to add information: additionally and equally important in addition again another finally likewise along with as well for example next also besides for instance second

Words used to clarify: for instance in other words put another way that is

Note: Use transitions to link, expand, or intensify an idea, but don’t add elements carelessly, creating run-on or rambling sentences (pages 662–664).

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Chapter 5 Revising 87

Check for completeness. The sentences in a paragraph should support and expand on the main point. If your paragraph does not seem complete, you will need to add information.

Supporting Details

If some of your paragraphs are incomplete, they may lack details. There are numerous kinds of details, including the following:

facts anecdotes analyses paraphrases

statistics quotations explanations comparisons

examples definitions summaries analogies

Add details based on the type of writing you are engaged in.

Describing: Add details that help readers see, smell, taste, touch, or hear it. Narrating: Add details that help readers understand the events and actions. Explaining: Add details that help readers understand what it means, how it works, or

what it does. Persuading: Add details that strengthen the logic of your argument.

Specific Details

The original paragraph below fails to answer fully the question posed by the topic sentence. In the revised paragraph, the writer uses an anecdote to answer the question.

Original Paragraph (Lacks completeness)

So what is stress? Actually, the physiological characteristics of stress are some of the body’s potentially good self-defense mechanisms. People experience stress when they are in danger. In fact, stress can be healthy.

Revised Version (Full development)

So what is stress? Actually, the physiological characteristics of stress are some of the body’s potentially good self-defense mechanisms. Take, for example, a man who is crossing a busy intersection when he spots an oncoming car. Immediately his brain releases a flood of adrenaline into his bloodstream. As a result, his muscles contract, his eyes dilate, his heart pounds faster, his breathing quickens, and his blood clots more readily. Each one of these responses helps the man leap out of the car’s path. His muscles contract to give him exceptional strength. His eyes dilate so that he can see more clearly. His heart pumps more blood and his lungs exchange more air—both to increase his metabolism. If the man were injured, his blood would clot faster, ensuring a smaller amount of blood loss. In this situation and many more like it, stress symptoms are good (Curtis 25–26).

InSIght: If a paragraph is getting long, divide it at a natural stopping point. The topic sentence can then function as the thesis for that part of your essay or paper.

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Working with Sources: Test your evidence to make certain that it provides the support you need.

■ accurate: The information is all correct.

■ precise: The data are concrete and specific, not vague and general.

■ substantial: The amount of evidence reaches a critical mass—enough to convey the idea and convince readers of its validity.

■ authoritative: The evidence comes from a reliable source. Moreover, the information is as close to the origin as possible; it is not a report conveying thirdhand or fourthhand information.

■ representative: The information fairly represents the range of data on the issue. Your presentation of evidence is balanced.

■ fitting: Given your purpose, the topic, and your reader, the evidence is appropriate and relevant for the question or issue you are discussing.

The reference page below comes from the APA paper, “Our Roots Go Back to Roanoke (see pages 547–557).” Note how student writer Renee Danielle Singh used a variety of sources that meet the criteria listed above.

Journal article

Book

Proceedings feature

Our Roots 12

References

Beltrane, T., & McQueen, D. V. (1979). Urban and rural Indian drinking

patterns: The special case of the Lumbee. International Journal of the

Addictions, 14(4), 533–548.

Blu, K. I. (1980). The Lumbee problem: The making of an American Indian

People. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

Bryant, A., Goins, R. T., Bell, R., Herrell, R., Manson, S. M., & Buchwald,

D. (2004). Health differences among Lumbee Indians using public and

private sources of care. Journal of Rural Health, 20(3), 231–236.

Bryant, A., & LaFromboise, T. D. (2005). The racial identity and cultural

orientation of Lumbee American Indian high school students. Cultural

Diversity & Ethnic Minority Psychology, 11(1), 82–89.

Grier, J. O., Ruderman, R. J., & Johnson, A. H. (1979). HLA profile in the

Lumbee Indians of North Carolina. Transplant Proceedings, 11(4), 1767–

1769.

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Chapter 5 Revising 89

 Revising Collaboratively Every writer can benefit from feedback from an interested audience, especially one that offers constructive and honest advice during a writing project. Members of an existing writing group already know how valuable it is for writers to share their work. Others might want to start a writing group to experience the benefits. Your group might collaborate online or in person. In either case, the information on the next two pages will help you get started.

Know your role. Writers and reviewers should know their roles and fulfill their responsibilities during revising sessions. Essentially, the writer should briefly introduce the draft and solicit honest responses. Reviewers should make constructive comments in response to the writing.

Provide appropriate feedback. Feedback can take many forms, including the three approaches described here.

Basic Description: In this simple response, the reviewer listens or reads attentively and then simply describes what she or he hears or sees happening in the piece. The reviewer offers no criticism of the writing.

Ineffective: “That was interesting. The piece was informative.”

Effective: “First, the essay introduced the challenge of your birth defect and how you have had to cope with it. Then in the next part you . . .”

Summary Evaluation: Here the reviewer reads or listens to the piece and then provides a specific evaluation of the draft.

Ineffective: “Gee, I really liked it!” or “It was boring.”

Effective: “Your story at the beginning really pulled me in, and the middle explained the issue strongly, but the ending felt a bit flat.”

Thorough Critique: The reviewer assesses the ideas, organization, and voice in the writing. Feedback should be detailed and constructive. Such a critique may also be completed with the aid of a review sheet or checklist. As a reviewer, be prepared to share specific responses, suggestions, and questions. But also be sure to focus your comments on the writing, rather than the writer.

Ineffective: “You really need to fix that opening! What were you thinking?”

Effective: “Let’s look closely at the opening. Could you rewrite the first sentence so it grabs the reader’s attention? Also, I’m somewhat confused about the thesis statement. Could you rephrase it so it states your position more clearly?”

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The Writing Process90

Respond according to a plan. Using a specific plan or scheme like the following will help you give clear, helpful, and complete feedback.

OAQS Method: Use this simple four-step scheme—Observe, Appreciate, Question, and Suggest—to respond to your peers’ writing.

1. Observe means to notice what another person’s essay is designed to do and say something about its design or purpose. For example, you might say, “Even though you are writing about your boyfriend, it appears that you are trying to get a message across to your parents.”

2. Appreciate means to praise something in the writing that impresses or pleases you. You can find something to appreciate in any piece of writing. For example, you might say, “You make a very convincing point” or “With your description, I can actually see his broken tooth.”

3. Question means to ask whatever you want to know after you’ve read the essay. You might ask for background information, a definition, an interpretation, or an explanation. For example, you might say, “Can you tell us what happened when you got to the emergency room?”

4. Suggest means to give helpful advice about possible changes. For example, you might say, “With a little more physical detail—especially more sounds and smells—your third paragraph could be the highlight of the whole essay. What do you think?”

Asking the Writer Questions

Reviewers should ask the following types of questions while reviewing a piece of writing:

■ To help writers reflect on their purpose and audience . . . Why are you writing this?

Who will read this, and what do they need to know? ■ To help writers focus their thoughts . . . What message are you trying to get across?

Do you have more than one main point? What are the most important examples?

■ To help writers think about their information . . . What do you know about the subject?

Does this part say enough? Does your writing cover all of the basics (Who? What? Where? When? Why? and How?)?

■ To help writers with their openings and closings . . . What are you trying to say in the opening?

How else could you start your writing? How do you want your readers to feel at the end?

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Chapter 5 Revising 91

 Using the Writing Center A college writing center or lab is a place where a trained adviser will help you develop and strengthen a piece of writing. You can expect the writing center adviser to do certain things; other things only you can do. For quick reference, refer to the chart below.

TIPS for getting the most out of the writing center ■ Visit the center at least several days before your paper is due.

■ Take your assignment sheet with you to each advising session.

■ Read your work aloud, slowly.

■ Expect to rethink your writing from scratch.

■ Do not defend your wording—if it needs defense, it needs revision.

■ Ask questions. (No question is “too dumb.”)

■ Request clarification of anything you don’t understand.

■ Ask for examples or illustrations of important points.

■ Write down all practical suggestions.

■ Ask the adviser to summarize his or her remarks.

■ Rewrite as soon as possible after—or even during—the advising session.

■ Return to the writing center for a response to your revisions.

Adviser’s Job Your Job

Make you feel at home . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Be respectful Discuss your needs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Be ready to work Help you choose a topic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Decide on a topic Discuss your purpose and audience . . . . . . . . . . . . . Know your purpose and audience Help you generate ideas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Embrace the best ideas Help you develop your logic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Consider other points of view;

stretch your own perspective Help you understand how to research your material . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Do the research Read your draft . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Share your writing Identify problems in organization, logic, expression, and format . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Recognize and fix problems Teach ways to correct weaknesses . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Learn important principles Help you with grammar, usage, diction, vocabulary, and mechanics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Correct all errors

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Cross-Curricular Connections As you write papers for your major, make sure to use types of evidence and methods of analysis that the discipline accepts and values.

Critical-Thinking and Writing Activities As directed by your instructor, complete the following critical-thinking and writing activities by yourself or with classmates.

1. Doris Lessing has stated that when it comes to writing, “The more a thing cooks, the better.” In what sense is revision a crucial stage in that cooking process? Using Lessing’s cooking metaphor as a starting point, explore how revision should function in your own writing.

2. Review the opening and closing paragraphs of one of your essays. Then come up with fresh and different approaches for those paragraphs using the information on pages 76–77 as a guide.

3. For your current writing assignment, ask a peer to provide detailed feedback using the information in this chapter as a guide. Then take a fresh copy of your paper to the writing center and work through your draft with an adviser. Revise the draft as needed.

Learning-Outcomes Checklist I have thought about my overall approach, reconsidering the rhetorical situation—my role, subject, purpose, form, audience, and context.

I have thought about the three global traits: ideas, organization, and voice.

I have revised for ideas and organization. ■ Ideas: I have a clear thesis and have provided excellent support. ■ Organization: I have an opening, a middle, and a closing, and I use a

consistent pattern of organization.

I have revised for voice and style. ■ Voice: My voice works well for all parts of the rhetorical situation.

I have made sure paragraphs are unified, coherent, and complete.

I have gotten a peer review and have helped others revise.

I have made use of the writing center as needed.

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Visually Speaking

How does the image above connote editing and proofreading? What tools could a writer use for this phase of the writing process?

Editing and proofreading allow you to fine-tune your writing, making it ready to hand in. When you edit, look first for words, phrases, and sentences that sound awkward, uninteresting, or unclear. When you proofread, check your writing for spelling, mechanics, usage, and grammar errors. Ask one of your writing peers to help you.

The guidelines and strategies given in this chapter will help you edit your writing for style and clarity and proofread it for errors.

Editing and Proofreading6 Learning Outcomes ▶ Understand editing. ▶ Combine short, simplistic

sentences.

▶ Expand sentences to create a more expressive style.

▶ Improve sentence style. ▶ Use effective words. ▶ Proofread your writing.

Audio Video ModelWeb Link Exercise Interactive

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 Editing Your Revised Draft When you have thoroughly revised your writing, you need to edit it so as to make it clear and concise enough to present to readers. Use the editing guidelines below to check your revised draft.

Review the overall style of your writing. 1. Read your revised writing aloud. Better yet, have a writing peer read it aloud to you.

Highlight any writing that doesn’t read smoothly and naturally.

2. Check that your style fits the rhetorical situation.

Goal: Does your writing sound as if you wrote it with a clear aim in mind? Do the sentence style and word choice match the goal?

Reader: Is the tone sincere? Does the writing sound authentic and honest?

Subject: Does the writing suit the subject and your treatment of it in terms of seriousness or playfulness, complexity or simplicity?

3. Examine your sentences. Check them for clarity, conciseness, and variety. Replace sentences that are wordy or rambling; combine or expand sentences that are short and choppy. Also, vary the beginnings of your sentences and avoid sentence patterns that are too predictable. (See pages 95–101.)

Consider word choice. 1. Avoid redundancy. Be alert for words or phrases that are used together but mean

nearly the same thing.

repeat again red in color refer back

2. Watch for repetition. When used appropriately, repetition can add rhythm and coherence to your writing. When used ineffectively, however, it can be a real distraction.

The man looked as if he were in his late seventies. The man was dressed in an old suit. I soon realized that the man was homeless. . . .

3. Look for general nouns, verbs, and modifiers. Specific words are much more effective than general ones. (See page 102.)

The girl moved on the bench. (general) Rosie slid quietly to the end of the park bench. (specific)

4. Avoid highly technical terms. Check for jargon or technical terms that your readers will not know or that you haven’t adequately explained. (See page 103.)

As the capillaries bleed, platelets work with fibrinogens to form a clot.

5. Use fair language. Replace words or phrases that are biased or demeaning. (See pages 104–106.)

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Chapter 6 Editing and Proofreading 95

 Combining Sentences Effective sentences often contain several basic ideas that work together to show relationships and make connections. Here are five basic ideas followed by seven examples of how the ideas can be combined into effective sentences.

1. The longest and largest construction project in history was the Great Wall of China.

2. The project took 1,700 years to complete.

3. The Great Wall of China is 1,400 miles long.

4. It is between 18 and 30 feet high.

5. It is up to 32 feet wide.

Edit short, simplistic sentences. Combine your short, simplistic sentences into longer, more detailed sentences. Sentence combining is generally carried out in the following ways:

■ Use a series to combine three or more similar ideas.

The Great Wall of China is 1,400 miles long, between 18 and 30 feet high, and up to 32 feet wide.

■ Use a relative pronoun (who, whose, that, which) to introduce subordinate (less important) ideas.

The Great Wall of China, which is 1,400 miles long and between 18 and 30 feet high, took 1,700 years to complete.

■ Use an introductory phrase or clause.

Having taken 1,700 years to complete, the Great Wall of China was the longest construction project in history.

■ Use a semicolon (and a conjunctive adverb if appropriate).

The Great Wall took 1,700 years to complete; it is 1,400 miles long and up to 30 feet high and 32 feet wide.

■ Repeat a key word or phrase to emphasize an idea.

The Great Wall of China was the longest construction project in history, a project that took 1,700 years to complete.

■ Use correlative conjunctions (either, or; not only, but also) to compare or contrast two ideas in a sentence.

The Great Wall of China is not only up to 30 feet high and 32 feet wide, but also 1,400 miles long.

■ Use an appositive (a word or phrase that renames) to emphasize an idea.

The Great Wall of China—the largest construction project in history—is 1,400 miles long, 32 feet wide, and up to 30 feet high.

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 Expanding Sentences Expand sentences when you edit so as to connect related ideas and make room for new information. Length has no value in and of itself: The best sentence is still the shortest one that says all it has to say. An expanded sentence, however, is capable of saying more—and saying it more expressively.

Use cumulative sentences. Modern writers often use an expressive sentence form called the cumulative sentence. A cumulative sentence is made of a general “base clause” that is expanded by adding modifying words, phrases, or clauses. In such a sentence, details are added before and after the main clause, creating an image-rich thought. Here’s an example of a cumulative sentence, with the base clause or main idea in boldface:

In preparation for her Spanish exam, Julie was studying at the kitchen table, completely focused, memorizing a list of vocabulary words.

Discussion: Notice how each new modifier adds to the richness of the final sentence. Also notice that each of these modifying phrases is set off by a comma. Here’s another sample sentence:

With his hands on his face, Tony was laughing halfheartedly, looking puzzled and embarrassed.

Discussion: Such a cumulative sentence provides a way to write description that is rich in detail, without rambling. Notice how each modifier changes the flow or rhythm of the sentence.

Expand with details. Here are seven basic ways to expand a main idea:

1. with adjectives and adverbs: halfheartedly, once again

2. with prepositional phrases: with his hands on his face

3. with absolute phrases: his head tilted to one side

4. with participial (ing or ed) phrases: looking puzzled

5. with infinitive phrases: to hide his embarrassment

6. with subordinate clauses: while his friend talks

7. with relative clauses: who isn’t laughing at all

InSIght: To edit sentences for more expressive style, it is best to (1) know your grammar and punctuation (especially commas); (2) practice tightening, combining, and expanding sentences using the guidelines in this chapter; and (3) read carefully, looking for models of well-constructed sentences.

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Writing with Sources: When you integrate a quotation into the flow of text, make sure that the quotation works with the material around it. Either make the quotation a grammatical part of the sentence, or introduce the quotation with a complete sentence followed by a colon.

Chapter 6 Editing and Proofreading 97

 Checking for Sentence Style Writer E. B. White advised young writers to “approach sentence style by way of simplicity, plainness, orderliness, and sincerity.” That’s good advice from a writer steeped in style. It’s also important to know what to look for when editing your sentences. The information on this page and the following four pages will help you edit your sentences for style and correctness.

Avoid these sentence problems. Always check for and correct the following types of sentence problems. Turn to the pages listed below for guidelines and examples when attempting to fix problems in your sentences.

Short, Choppy Sentences: Combine or expand any short, choppy sentences; use the examples and guidelines on page 95. Flat, Predictable Sentences: Rewrite any sentences that sound predictable and uninteresting by varying their structures and expanding them with modifying words, phrases, and clauses. (See pages 98–100.) Incorrect Sentences: Look carefully for fragments, run-ons, and comma splices and correct them accordingly. Unclear Sentences: Edit any sentences that contain unclear wording, misplaced modifiers, dangling modifiers, or incomplete comparisons. Unacceptable Sentences: Change sentences that include nonstandard language, double negatives, or unparallel construction. Unnatural Sentences: Rewrite sentences that contain jargon, clichés, or flowery language. (See page 103.)

Review your writing for sentence variety. Use the following strategy to review your writing for variety in terms of sentence beginnings, lengths, and types.

■ In one column on a piece of paper, list the opening words in each of your sentences. Then decide if you need to vary some of your sentence beginnings.

■ In another column, identify the number of words in each sentence. Then decide if you need to change the lengths of some of your sentences.

■ In a third column, list the kinds of sentences used (exclamatory, declarative, interrogative, and so on). Then, based on your analysis, use the instructions on the next two pages to edit your sentences as needed.

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Writing with Sources: When you refer to ideas from a source, use the “historical present tense.” That is, refer to the person and her or his work in the present tense—“Einstein writes that relativity . . .” Use past tense only if you want to emphasize the pastness of the source.

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Vary sentence structures. To energize your sentences, vary their structures using one or more of the methods shown on this page and the next.

1. Vary sentence openings. Move a modifying word, phrase, or clause to the front of the sentence to stress that modifier. However, avoid creating dangling or misplaced modifiers.

The norm: We apologize for the inconvenience this may have caused you.

Variation: For the inconvenience this may have caused you, we apologize.

2. Vary sentence lengths. Short sentences (ten words or fewer) are ideal for making points crisply. Medium sentences (ten to twenty words) should carry the bulk of your information. When well crafted, occasional long sentences (more than twenty words) can develop and expand your ideas.

Short: Welcome back to Magnolia Suites!

Medium: Unfortunately, your confirmed room was unavailable last night when you arrived. For the inconvenience this may have caused you, we apologize.

Long: Because several guests did not depart as scheduled, we were forced to provide you with accommodations elsewhere; however, for your trouble, we were happy to cover the cost of last night’s lodging.

3. Vary sentence kinds. The most common sentence is declarative—it states a point. For variety, try exclamatory, imperative, interrogative, and conditional statements.

Exclamatory: Our goal is providing you with outstanding service!

Declarative: To that end, we have upgraded your room at no expense.

Imperative: Please accept, as well, this box of chocolates as a gift to sweeten your stay.

Interrogative: Do you need further assistance?

Conditional: If you do, we are ready to fulfill your requests.

InSIght: In creative writing (stories, novels, plays), writers occasionally use fragments to vary the rhythm of their prose, emphasize a point, or create dialogue. Avoid fragments in academic or business writing.

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Chapter 6 Editing and Proofreading 99

4. Vary sentence arrangements. Where do you want to place the main point of your sentence? You make that choice by arranging sentence parts into loose, periodic, balanced, or cumulative patterns. Each pattern creates a specific effect.

 Loose Sentence

The Travel Center offers an attractive flight-reservation plan for students, one that allows you to collect bonus miles and receive $150,000 in life insurance per flight.

Analysis: This pattern is direct. It states the main point immediately (bold), and then tacks on extra information.

 Periodic Sentence

Although this plan requires that you join the Travel Center’s Student-Flight Club and pay the $10 admission fee, in the long run you will save money!

Analysis: This pattern postpones the main point (bold) until the end. The sentence builds to the point, creating an indirect, dramatic effect.

 Balanced Sentence

Joining the club in your freshman year will save you money over your entire college career; in addition, accruing bonus miles over four years will earn you a free trip to Europe!

Analysis: This pattern gives equal weight to complementary or contrasting points (bold); the balance is often signaled by a comma and a conjunction (and, but) or by a semicolon. Often a conjunctive adverb (however, nevertheless) or a transitional phrase (in addition, even so) will follow the semicolon to further clarify the relationship.

 Cumulative Sentence

Because the club membership is in your name, you can retain its benefits as long as you are a student, even if you transfer to a different college or go on to graduate school.

Analysis: This pattern puts the main idea (bold) in the middle of the sentence, surrounding it with modifying words, phrases, and clauses.

5. Use positive repetition. Although you should avoid needless repetition, you might use emphatic repetition to repeat a key word to stress a point.

 Repetitive Sentence

Each year, more than a million young people who read poorly leave high school unable to read well, functionally illiterate.

 Emphatic Sentence

Each year, more than a million young people leave high school functionally illiterate, so illiterate that they can’t read daily newspapers, job ads, or safety instructions.

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Writing with Sources: When using sources, smoothly integrate text references to those sources. (For guidelines, see pages 491–528 for MLA and pages 529–558 for APA.)

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Use parallel structure. Coordinated sentence elements should be parallel—that is, they should be written in the same grammatical forms. Parallel structures save words, clarify relationships, and present the information in the correct sequence. Follow these guidelines.

1. For words, phrases, or clauses in a series, keep elements consistent.

Not parallel: I have tutored students in Biology 101, also Chemistry 102, not to mention my familiarity with Physics 200.

Parallel: I have tutored students in Biology 101, Chemistry 102, and Physics 200.

Not parallel: I have volunteered as a hospital receptionist, have been a hospice volunteer, and as an emergency medical technician.

Parallel: I have done volunteer work as a hospital receptionist, a hospice counselor, and an emergency medical technician.

2. Use both parts of correlative conjunctions (either, or; neither, nor; not only, but also; as, so; whether, so; both, and) so that both segments of the sentence are balanced.

Not parallel: Not only did Blake College turn 20 this year. Its enrollment grew by 16 percent.

Parallel: Not only did Blake College turn 20 this year, but its enrollment also grew by 16 percent.

3. Place a modifier correctly so that it clearly indicates the word or words to which it refers.

Confusing: MADD promotes severely punishing and eliminating drunk driving because this offense leads to a great number of deaths and sorrow.

Parallel: MADD promotes eliminating and severely punishing drunk driving because this offense leads to many deaths and untold sorrow.

4. Place contrasting details in parallel structures (words, phrases, or clauses) to stress a contrast.

Weak contrast: The average child watches 24 hours of television a week and reads for 36 minutes.

Strong contrast: Each week, the average child watches television for 24 hours but reads for only about half an hour.

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Chapter 6 Editing and Proofreading 101

Avoid weak constructions. Avoid constructions (like those below) that weaken your writing.

 Nominal Constructions

The nominal construction is both sluggish and wordy. Avoid it by changing the noun form of a verb (description or instructions) to a verb (describe or instruct). At the same time, delete the weak verb that preceded the noun.

nomInal ConStRuCtIonS (noun form underlined) StRong VeRBS

Tim gave a description . . . Tim described . . . Lydia provided instructions . . . Lydia instructed . . .

Sluggish: John had a discussion with the tutors regarding the incident. They gave him their confirmation that similar developments had occurred before, but they had not provided submissions of their reports.

Energetic: John discussed the incident with the tutors. They confirmed that similar problems had developed before, but they hadn’t submitted their reports.

 Expletives

Expletives such as “it is” and “there is” are fillers that serve no purpose in most sen tences— except to make them wordy and unnatural.

Sluggish: It is likely that Nathan will attend the Communication Department’s Honors Banquet. There is a journalism scholarship that he might win.

Energetic: Nathan will likely attend the Communication Department’s Honors Banquet and might win a journalism scholarship.

 Negative Constructions

Sentences constructed upon the negatives no, not, neither/nor can be wordy and difficult to understand. It’s simpler to state what is the case.

Negative: During my four years on the newspaper staff, I have not been behind in making significant contributions. My editorial skills have certainly not deteriorated, as I have never failed to tackle challenging assignments.

Positive: During my four years on the newspaper staff, I have made significant contributions. My editorial skills have steadily developed as I have tackled difficult assignments.

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 Avoiding Imprecise, Misleading, and Biased Words

As you edit your writing, check your choice of words carefully. The information on the next five pages will help you edit for word choice.

Substitute specific words. Replace vague nouns and verbs with words that generate clarity and energy.

 Specific Nouns

Make it a habit to use specific nouns for subjects. General nouns (woman, school) give the reader a vague, uninteresting picture. More specific nouns (actress, university) give the reader a better picture. Finally, very specific nouns (Meryl Streep, Notre Dame) are the type that can make your writing clear and colorful.

geneRal to SpeCIfIC nounS

 Vivid Verbs

Like nouns, verbs can be too general to create a vivid word picture. For example, the verb looked does not say the same thing as stared, glared, glanced, or peeked.

■ Whenever possible, use a verb that is strong enough to stand alone without the help of an adverb.

Verb and adverb: John fell down in the student lounge.

Vivid verb: John collapsed in the student lounge. ■ Avoid overusing the “be” verbs (is, are, was, were) and helping verbs. Often

a main verb can be made from another word in the same sentence.

A “be” verb: Cole is someone who follows international news.

A stronger verb: Cole follows international news. ■ Use active rather than passive verbs. (Use passive verbs only if you want to downplay

who is performing the action in a sentence. See page 81.)

Passive verb: Another provocative essay was submitted by Kim.

Active verb: Kim submitted another provocative essay. ■ Use verbs that show rather than tell.

A verb that tells: Dr. Lewis is very thorough.

A verb that shows: Dr. Lewis prepares detailed, interactive lectures.

Person Place Thing Idea

woman school book theory

actor university novel scientific theory

Meryl Streep Notre Dame Pride and Prejudice relativity

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Replace jargon and clichés. Replace language that is overly technical or difficult to understand. Also replace overused, worn-out words.

 Understandable Language

Jargon is language used in a certain profession or by a particular group of people. It may be acceptable to use if your audience is that group of people, but to most ears jargon will sound technical and unnatural.

Jargon: The bottom line is that our output is not within our game plan. Clear: Production is not on schedule. Jargon: I’m having conceptual difficulty with these academic queries. Clear: I don’t understand these review questions. Jargon: Pursuant to our conversation, I have forwarded you a remittance

attached herewith. Clear: As we discussed, I am mailing you the check.

 Fresh and Original Writing

Clichés are overused words or phrases. They give the reader no fresh view and no concrete picture. Because clichés spring quickly to mind (for both the writer and the reader), they are easy to write and often remain unedited.

an axe to grind piece of cake as good as dead planting the seed beat around the bush rearing its ugly head between a rock and a hard place stick your neck out burning bridges throwing your weight around easy as pie up a creek

 Purpose and Voice

Other aspects of your writing may also be tired and overworked. Be alert to the two types of clichés described below.

Clichés of Purpose: ■ Sentimental papers gushing about an ideal friend or family member, or droning

on about a moving experience ■ Overused topics with recycled information and predictable examples

Clichés of Voice: ■ Writing that assumes a false sense of authority: “I have determined that there are

three basic types of newspapers. My preference is for the third.” ■ Writing that speaks with little or no sense of authority: “I flipped when I saw

Viewpoints.” ■ Writing that is pretentious: “Because I have researched the topic thoroughly,

readers should not question my conclusion.”

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The Writing Process104

Change biased words. When depicting individuals or groups according to their differences, use language that implies equal value and respect for all people.

 Words Referring to Ethnicity

aCCeptaBle geneRal teRmS aCCeptaBle SpeCIfIC teRmS American Indians, Cherokee people, Inuit people, and so forth Native Americans

Asian Americans Chinese Americans, Japanese (not Orientals) Americans, and so forth

Latinos, Latinas, Mexican Americans, Cubans

Hispanics Americans, and so forth

African Americans, blacks “African American” has come into wide acceptance, though the term “black” is preferred by some individuals.

Anglo Americans (English ancestry), European Americans Use these terms to avoid the notion that “American,” used alone, means “white.”

Additional References

not ReCommended pRefeRRed Eurasian, mulatto person of mixed ancestry

nonwhite person of color

Caucasian white

American (to mean U.S. citizen) U.S. citizen

 Words Referring to Age

age gRoup aCCeptaBle teRmS up to age 13 or 14 boys, girls

between 13 and 19 youth, young people, young men, young women

late teens and 20s young adults, young women, young men

30s to age 60 adults, men, women

60 and older older adults, older people (not elderly)

65 and older seniors (senior citizens also acceptable)

InSIght: Whenever you write about a person with a disability, an impairment, or other special condition, give the person and your readers the utmost respect. Nothing is more distracting to a reader than an insensitive or outdated reference.

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 Words Referring to Disabilities or Impairments

In the recent past, some writers were choosing alternatives to the term disabled, including physically challenged, exceptional, or special. However, it is not generally held that these new terms are precise enough to serve those who live with disabilities. Of course, degrading labels such as crippled, invalid, and maimed, as well as overly negative terminology, must be avoided.

not ReCommended pRefeRRed handicapped disabled birth defect congenital disability stutter, stammer, lisp speech impairment an AIDS victim person with AIDS suffering from cancer person who has cancer mechanical foot prosthetic foot false teeth dentures

 Words Referring to Conditions

People with various disabilities and conditions have sometimes been referred to as though they were their condition (quadriplegics, depressives, epileptics) instead of people who happen to have a particular disability. As much as possible, remember to refer to the person first, the disability second.

not ReCommended pRefeRRed the disabled people with disabilities cripples people who have difficulty walking the retarded people with a developmental disability dyslexics students with dyslexia neurotics patients with neuroses subjects, cases participants, patients quadriplegics people who are quadriplegic wheelchair users people who use wheelchairs

 Additional Terms

Make sure you understand the following terms that address specific impairments:

hearing impairment = partial hearing loss, hard of hearing (not deaf, which is total loss of hearing)

visual impairment = partially sighted (not blind, which is total loss of vision)

communicative disorder = speech, hearing, and learning disabilities affecting communication

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 Words Referring to Gender

■ Use parallel language for both sexes:

The men and the women rebuilt the school together. Hank and Marie Mr. Robert Gumble, Mrs. Joy Gumble

Note: The courtesy titles Mr., Ms., Mrs., and Miss ought to be used according to the person’s preference.

■ Use nonsexist alternatives to words with masculine connotations:

humanity (not mankind) synthetic (not man-made) artisan (not craftsman)

■ Do not use masculine-only or feminine-only pronouns (he, she, his, her) when you want to refer to a human being in general:

A politician can kiss privacy good-bye when he runs for office. (not recommended)

Instead, use he or she, change the sentence to plural, or eliminate the pronoun:

A politician can kiss privacy good-bye when he or she runs for office. Politicians can kiss privacy good-bye when they run for office. A politician can kiss privacy good-bye when running for office.

■ Do not use gender-specific references in the salutation of a business letter when you don’t know the person’s name:

Dear Sir: Dear Gentlemen: (neither is recommended)

Instead, address a position:

Dear Personnel Officer: Dear Members of the Economic Committee:

 Occupational Issues

not ReCommended pRefeRRed

chairman chair, presiding officer, moderator salesman sales representative, salesperson clergyman minister, priest, rabbi male/female nurse nurse male/female doctor doctor, physician mailman mail carrier, postal worker, letter carrier insurance man insurance agent fireman firefighter businessman executive, manager, businessperson congressman member of Congress, representative, senator steward, stewardess flight attendant policeman, policewoman police officer

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 Proofreading Your Writing The following guidelines will help you check your revised writing for spelling, mechanics, usage, grammar, and form.

Review punctuation and mechanics. 1. Check for proper use of commas before coordinating conjunctions in compound

sentences, after introductory clauses and long introductory phrases, between items in a series, and so on.

2. Look for apostrophes in contractions, plurals, and possessive nouns.

3. Examine quotation marks in quoted information, titles, or dialogue.

4. Watch for proper use of capital letters for first words in written conversation and for proper names of people, places, and things.

Look for usage and grammar errors. 1. Look for words that writers commonly misuse: there/their/they’re; accept/except.

2. Check for verb use. Subjects and verbs should agree in number: Singular subjects go with singular verbs; plural subjects go with plural verbs. Verb tenses should be consistent throughout.

3. Review for pronoun/antecedent agreement problems. A pronoun and its antecedent must agree in number.

Check for spelling errors. 1. Use a spell checker. Your spell checker will catch most errors.

2. Check each spelling you are unsure of. Especially check those proper names and other special words your spell checker won’t know.

3. Consult a handbook. Refer to a list of commonly misspelled words, as well as an up-to-date dictionary.

Check the writing for form and presentation. 1. Note the title. A title should be appropriate and lead into the writing.

2. Examine any quoted or cited material. Are all sources of information properly presented and documented? (See pages 491–528 and 529–558.)

3. Look over the finished copy of your writing. Does it meet the requirements for a final manuscript? (See page 130.)

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Cross-Curricular Connections Different disciplines have different documentation systems, each with its own conventions, formats, and punctuation practices. For MLA style, see pages 491–528, and for APA style, see pages 529–558.

Critical-Thinking and Writing Activities As directed by your instructor, complete the following activities.

1. The nineteenth-century British writer Matthew Arnold offers this advice to writers about refining their writing: “Have something to say and say it as clearly as you can. That is the only secret of style.” Does your own writing clearly communicate a meaningful message? Explain why or why not.

2. Choose a writing assignment that you have recently completed. Edit the sentences in this writing for style and correctness using pages 94–101 as a guide. Then use pages 102–106 in this chapter to edit the piece of writing for vague words, jargon, clichés, and biased language.

3. Combine some of the following ideas into longer, more mature sentences. Write at least four sentences, using page 95 as a guide.

Dogs can be difficult to train. The necessary supplies include a leash and treats. Patience is also a necessity. Dogs like to please their owners. Training is not a chore for dogs. A well-trained dog is a pleasure to its owner.

Learning-Outcomes Checklist I understand that editing involves checking overall sentence style and word choice.

I have combined short, simplistic sentences.

I have expanded sentences, where appropriate, to create a more expressive style.

I have avoided sentence problems and improved sentence style. ■ Varying sentence structures ■ Varying sentence arrangements ■ Using parallel structure ■ Avoiding weak constructions

I have made sure that I use strong, effective words. ■ Using specific nouns and vivid verbs ■ Replacing jargon and clichés ■ Changing biased words

I have proofread my writing, checking punctuation, mechanics, usage, grammar, and spelling—as well as form and presentation.

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Visually Speaking

109

How does the image above relate to submitting your writing? How is writing like running a race?

Submitting you writing might be as simple as handing it in to your instructor or posting it to a class wiki, or it might be as involved as submitting it to a journal in your area of study or assembling it with your other works to publish in a portfolio. Whatever the case, sharing your writing makes all the work you have done worthwhile. As writer Tom Liner states, “You learn ways to improve your writing by seeing its effect on others.”

This chapter will help you prepare your writing for submission and sharing. When you make your writing public — in whatever form—you are publishing it.

Submitting Writing and Creating Portfolios7

Learning Outcomes ▶ Format your writing. ▶ Submit writing, perhaps in

a portfolio.

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249

16 “I wasn’t convinced.” “I just didn’t buy it.” Maybe you’ve said something similar while watching a political debate, viewing a TV ad, or discussing an issue in class or at work. You simply didn’t find the argument logical or convincing.

College is a place where big issues get argued out—in class and out. To participate in that dialogue, you must be able to read and listen to others’ arguments, analyze them, and build your own.

This chapter will help you do that. It explains what argumentation is, how to identify weak arguments, and how to construct strong ones. The three ensuing chapters then explain and model three forms of written argumentation: taking a position, persuading readers to act, and proposing a solution.

Learning Outcomes ▶ Understand how to build an argument.

▶ Distinguish and develop three types of claims.

▶ Use evidence to qualify and support claims.

▶ Assess and use nine types of evidence.

▶ Identify and correct logical fallacies.

▶ Make needed concessions, develop rebuttals, and use appropriate appeals.

Visually Speaking

Study the photograph above. What does it suggest about how to build a convincing argument?

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Copyright 2011 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. Due to electronic rights, some third party content may be suppressed from the eBook and/or eChapter(s).

Editorial review has deemed that any suppressed content does not materially affect the overall learning experience. Cengage Learning reserves the right to remove additional content at any time if subsequent rights restrictions require it.

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■ Building Persuasive Arguments What is an argument? Formally, an argument is a series of statements arranged in a logical sequence, supported with sound evidence, and expressed powerfully so as to sway your reader or listener. Arguments appear in a variety of places:

■ A research paper about e-mail surveillance by the FBI. ■ An analysis of “Good Country People” (short story) or Poisonwood Bible (novel). ■ A debate about the ethics of transferring copyrighted music over the Internet.

Follow these steps.

Step 1: Prepare your argument. ■ Identify your audience and purpose. Who is your audience and what

is your goal? Do you want to take a position, persuade readers to act, or offer a solution?

■ Generate ideas and gather solid evidence. You can’t base an argument on opinions. Find accurate, pertinent information about the issue and uncover all viewpoints on it.

■ Develop a line of reasoning. To be effective, you need to link your ideas in a clear, logical sequence.

Step 2: Make and qualify your claim. ■ Draw reasonable conclusions from the evidence. State your claim (a

debatable idea) as the central point for which you will argue. For example, you might assert that something is true, has value, or should be done.

■ Add qualifiers. Words such as “typically” and “sometimes” soften your claim, making it more reasonable and acceptable.

Step 3: Support your claim. ■ Support each point in your claim with solid evidence. ■ Identify logical fallacies. Test your thinking for errors in logic.

(See pages 257–260.)

Step 4: Engage the opposition. ■ Make concessions, if needed, by granting points to the opposition. ■ Develop rebuttals that expose the weaknesses of the opposition’s position,

whenever possible. ■ Use appropriate appeals—emotional “tugs” that ethically and logically

help readers see your argument as convincing.

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■ Preparing Your Argument An argument is a reason or chain of reasons used to support a claim. To use argumentation well, you need to know how to draw logical conclusions from sound evidence. Preparing an effective argument involves a number of specific steps, starting with those discussed below.

Consider the situation. ■ Clearly identify your purpose and audience. This step is essential for all writing,

but especially true when building an argument. (See pages 30–31.) ■ Consider a range of ideas to broaden your understanding of the issue and

to help focus your thinking on a particular viewpoint. (See pages 44–45.) ■ Gather sound evidence to support your viewpoint. (See pages 254–256.)

Develop a line of reasoning. Argumentative writing requires a clear line of reasoning with each point logically supporting your argument. Develop the line of reasoning as you study the issue, or use either of the following outlines as a guide.

Sample Argumentative Outlines

Outline 1: Present your supporting arguments, then address counterarguments, and conclude with the strongest argument. Introduction: question, concern, or claim

1. Strong argument-supporting claim • Discussion and support

2. Other argument-supporting claims • Discussion of and support for each argument

3. Objections, concerns, and counterarguments • Discussion, concessions, answers, and rebuttals

4. Strongest argument-supporting claim • Discussion and support

Conclusion: argument consolidated—claim reinforced

Outline 2: Address the arguments and counterarguments point by point. Introduction: question, concern, or claim

1. Strong argument-supporting claim • Discussion and support • Counterarguments, concessions, and rebuttals

2. Other argument-supporting claims • For each argument, discussion and support • For each argument, counterarguments, concessions, and rebuttals

3. Strongest argument-supporting claim • Discussion and support • Counterarguments, concessions, and rebuttals

Conclusion: argument consolidated—claim reinforced

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■ Making and Qualifying Claims An argument centers on a claim—a debatable statement. That claim is the thesis, or key point you wish to explain and defend so well that readers agree with it. A strong claim has the following traits:

■ It’s clearly arguable—it can be vigorously debated. ■ It’s defendable—it can be supported with sufficient arguments and evidence. ■ It’s responsible—it takes an ethically sound position. ■ It’s understandable—it uses clear terms and defines key words. ■ It’s interesting—it is challenging and worth discussing, not bland

and easily accepted.

Distinguish claims from facts and opinions. A claim is a conclusion drawn from logical thought and reliable evidence. A fact, in contrast, is a statement that can be checked for accuracy. An opinion is a personally held taste or attitude. A claim can be debated, but a fact or an opinion cannot.

Fact: The Fellowship of the Ring is the first book in J. R. R. Tolkien’s trilogy The Lord of the Rings.

Opinion: I liked the movie almost as much as the book.

Claim: While the film version of The Fellowship of the Ring does not completely follow the novel’s plot, the film does faithfully capture the spirit of Tolkien’s novel.

Note: While the fact’s accuracy can easily be checked, the opinion statement simply offers a personal feeling. Conversely, the claim states an idea that can be supported with reasoning and evidence.

Distinguish three types of claims. Truth, value, and policy—these types of claims are made in an argument. The differences among them are important because each type has a distinct goal.

■ Claims of truth state that something is or is not the case. As a writer, you want readers to accept your claim as trustworthy.

The Arctic ice cap will begin to disappear as early as 2050. The cholesterol in eggs is not as dangerous as previously feared.

Comment: Avoid statements that are (1) obviously true or (2) impossible to prove. Also, truth claims must be argued carefully because accepting them (or not) can have serious consequences.

Sample Essay: “Ah, the Power of Women,” pages 267–269.

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■ Claims of value state that something does or does not have worth. As a writer, you want readers to accept your judgment.

Volunteer reading tutors provide a valuable service. Many music videos fail to present positive images of women.

Comment: Claims of value must be supported by referring to a known standard or by establishing an agreed-upon standard. To avoid a bias, base your judgments on the known standard, not on your feelings.

Sample Essay: “Our Wealth: Where Is It Taking Us?” pages 289–291

■ Claims of policy state that something ought or ought not to be done. As a writer, you want readers to approve your course of action.

Special taxes should be placed on gas-guzzling SUVs. The developer should not be allowed to fill in the pond where the endangered tiger salamander lives.

Comment: Policy claims focus on action. To arrive at them, you must often first establish certain truths and values; thus an argument over policy may include both truth and value claims.

Sample Essay: “Uncle Sam and Aunt Samantha,” pages 312–314

Develop a supportable claim. An effective claim balances confidence with common sense. Follow these tips:

■ Avoid all-or-nothing, extreme claims. Propositions using words that are overly positive or negative—such as all, best, never, and worst—may be difficult to support. Statements that leave no room for exceptions are easy to attack.

Extreme: All people charged even once for DUI should never be allowed to drive again.

■ Make a truly meaningful claim. Avoid claims that are obvious, trivial, or unsupportable. None is worth the energy needed to argue the point.

Obvious: College athletes sometimes receive special treatment. Trivial: The College Rec Center is a good place to get fit. Unsupportable: Athletics are irrelevant to college life.

■ Use qualifiers to temper your claims. Qualifiers are words or phrases that make claims more reasonable. Notice the difference between these two claims:

Unqualified: Star athletes take far too many academic shortcuts. Qualified: Some star athletes take improper academic shortcuts.

Note: The “qualified” claim is easier to defend because it narrows the focus and leaves room for exceptions. Use qualifier words like these:

almost many often tends to frequently maybe probably typically likely might some usually

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■ Supporting Your Claims A claim stands or falls on its support. It’s not the popular strength of your claim that matters, but rather the strength of your reasoning and evidence. To develop strong support, consider how to select and use evidence.

Gather evidence. Several types of evidence can support claims. To make good choices, review each type, as well as its strengths and weaknesses.

■ Observations and anecdotes share what people (including you) have seen, heard, smelled, touched, tasted, and experienced. Such evidence offers an “eyewitness” perspective shaped by the observer’s viewpoint, which can be powerful but may also prove narrow and subjective.

Most of us have closets full of clothes: jeans, sweaters, khakis, T-shirts, and shoes for every occasion.

■ Statistics offer concrete numbers about a topic. Numbers don’t “speak for themselves,” however. They need to be interpreted and compared properly—not slanted or taken out of context. They also need to be up-to-date, relevant, and accurate.

Pennsylvania spends $30 million annually in deer-related costs.

Wisconsin has an estimated annual loss of $37 million for crop damage alone.

■ Tests and experiments provide hard data developed through the scientific method, data that must nevertheless be carefully studied and properly interpreted.

According to the two scientists, the rats with unlimited access to the functional running wheel ran each day and gradually increased the amount of running; in addition, they started to eat less.

■ Graphics provide information in visual form—from simple tables to more complex charts, maps, drawings, and photographs. When poorly done, however, graphics can distort the truth. See the bar graphs in the experiment report on pages 335–340 and the photographs in “Downloading Photographs . . .” on page 227.

■ Analogies compare two things, creating clarity by drawing parallels. However, every analogy breaks down if pushed too far.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check; a check which has come back marked “insufficient funds.” But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt.

—Martin Luther King, Jr.

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■ Expert testimony offers insights from an authority on the topic. Such testimony always has limits: Experts don’t know it all, and they work from distinct perspectives, which means that they can disagree.

One specialist opposed to drilling is David Klein, a professor at the Institute of Arctic Biology at the University of Alaska–Fairbanks. Klein argues that if the oil industry opens up the ANWR for drilling, the number of caribou will likely decrease because the calving locations will change.

■ Illustrations, examples, and demonstrations support general claims with specific instances, making such statements seem concrete and observable. Of course, an example may not be your best support if it isn’t familiar.

Think about how differently one can frame Rosa Parks’ historic action. In prevailing myth, Parks—a holy innocent—acts almost on whim. . . . The real story is more empowering: It suggests that change is the product of deliberate, incremental action.

■ Analyses examine parts of a topic through thought patterns—cause/effect, compare/ contrast, classification, process, or definition. Such analysis helps make sense of a topic’s complexity, but muddles the topic when poorly done.

If colorism lives underground, its effects are very real. Darker-skinned African-American defendants are more than twice as likely to receive the death penalty as lighter-skinned African-American defendants for crimes of equivalent seriousness. . . .

■ Predictions offer insights into possible outcomes or consequences by forecasting what might happen under certain conditions. Like weather forecasting, predicting can be tricky. To be plausible, a prediction must be rooted in a logical analysis of present facts.

While agroterrorist diseases would have little direct effect on people’s health, they would be devastating to the agricultural economy, in part because of the many different diseases that could be used in an attack.

Use evidence. Finding evidence is one thing; using it well is another. To marshal evidence in support of your claim, follow three guidelines:

1. Go for quality and variety, not just quantity. More evidence is not necessarily better. Instead, support your points with sound evidence in different forms. Quality evidence is . . .

■ accurate: correct and verifiable in each detail. ■ complete: filled with pertinent facts. ■ concrete: filled with specifics. ■ relevant: clearly related to the claim. ■ current: reliably up-to-date. ■ authoritative: backed by expertise, training, and knowledge. ■ appealing: able to influence readers.

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2. Use inductive and deductive patterns of logic. Depending on your purpose, use inductive or deductive reasoning. (See page 20.)

Induction: Inductive reasoning works from the particular toward general conclusions. In a persuasive essay using induction, look at facts first, find a pattern in them, and then lead the reader to your conclusion.

For example, in “Nuclear Is Not the Answer,” Alyssa Woudstra first examines the benefits and liabilities of nuclear energy versus fossil fuels before asserting her claim that using the latter is a better choice. (See pages 270–272.)

Deduction: Deductive reasoning—the opposite of inductive reasoning—starts from accepted truths and applies them to a new situation so as to reach a conclusion about it. For deduction to be sound, be sure the starting principles or facts are true, the new situation is accurately described, and the application is logical.

For example, Martin Luther King opened his 1963 “I Have a Dream” speech by noting that more than one hundred years earlier, the Emancipation Proclamation promised African Americans justice and freedom. He then described the continuing unjust treatment of African Americans, deducing that the promises in the Proclamation remained unfulfilled. (See pages 292–295.)

3. Reason using valid warrants. To make sense, claims and their supporting reasons must have a logical connection. That connection is called the warrant—the often unspoken thinking used to relate the reasoning to the claim. If warrants are good, arguments hold water; if warrants are faulty, then arguments break down. In other words, beware of faulty assumptions.

Check the short argument outlined below. Which of the warrants seem reasonable and strong, and which seem weak? Where does the argument fail?

Reasoning: If current trends in water usage continue, the reservoir will be empty in two years.

Claim: Therefore, Emeryville should immediately shut down its public swimming pools.

Unstated Warrants or Assumptions: It is not good for the reservoir to be empty. The swimming pools draw significant amounts of water from the reservoir. Emptying the pools would help raise the level of the reservoir. No other action would better prevent the reservoir from emptying. It is worse to have an empty reservoir than an empty swimming pool.

InSIght: Because an argument is no stronger than its warrants, you must make sure that your reasoning clearly and logically supports your claims.

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■ Engaging the Opposition Think of an argument as an intelligent, lively dialogue with readers. Anticipate their questions, concerns, objections, and counterarguments. Then follow these guidelines.

Make concessions. By offering concessions—recognizing points scored by the other side—you acknowledge your argument’s limits and the truth of other positions. Paradoxically, such concessions strengthen your overall argument by making it seem more credible. Concede your points graciously, using words such as the following:

Admittedly Granted I agree that I cannot argue with

It is true that You’re right I accept No doubt

Of course I concede that Perhaps Certainly it’s the case

While foot-and-mouth disease is not dangerous to humans, other animal diseases are.

Develop rebuttals. Even when you concede a point, you can often answer that objection by rebutting it. A good rebuttal is a small, tactful argument aimed at a weak spot in the opposing argument. Try these strategies:

1. Point out the counterargument’s limits by putting the opposing point in a larger context. Show that the counterargument leaves something important out of the picture.

2. Tell the other side of the story. Offer an opposing interpretation of the evidence, or counter with stronger, more reliable, more convincing evidence.

3. Address logical fallacies in the counterargument. Check for faulty reasoning or emotional manipulation. For example, if the counterargument presents a half-truth, offer information that presents “the rest of the story.”

It is true that Chernobyl occurred more than twenty years ago, so safety measures for nuclear reactors have been greatly improved. However, that single accident is still affecting millions of people who were exposed to the radiation.

Consolidate your claim. After making concessions and rebutting objections, you may need to regroup. Restate your claim so carefully that the weight of your whole argument can rest on it.

One of these is bovine spongiform encephalopathy, better known as mad-cow disease.

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■ Using Appropriate Appeals For your argument to be persuasive, it must not only be logical, but also “feel right.” It must treat readers as real people by appealing to their common sense, hopes, pride, and notion of right and wrong. How do you appeal to all these concerns? Do the following: (1) build credibility, (2) make logical appeals, and (3) focus on readers’ needs.

Build credibility. A persuasive argument is credible—so trustworthy that readers can change their minds painlessly. To build credibility, observe these rules:

■ Be thoroughly honest. Demonstrate integrity toward the topic—don’t falsify data, spin evidence, or ignore facts. Document your sources and cite them wherever appropriate.

■ Make realistic claims, projections, and promises. Avoid emotionally charged statements, pie-in-the-sky forecasts, and undeliverable deals.

■ Develop and maintain trust. From your first word to your last, develop trust—in your attitude toward the topic, your treatment of readers, and your respect for opposing viewpoints.

Make logical appeals. Arguments stand or fall on their logical strength, but your readers’ acceptance of those arguments is often affected more by the emotional appeal of your ideas and evidence. To avoid overly emotional appeals, follow these guidelines:

■ Engage readers positively. Appeal to their better natures—to their sense of honor, justice, social commitment, altruism, and enlightened self-interest. Avoid appeals geared toward ignorance, prejudice, selfishness, or fear.

■ Use a fitting tone. Use a tone that is appropriate for the topic, purpose, situation, and audience.

■ Aim to motivate, not manipulate, readers. While you do want them to accept your viewpoint, it’s not a win-at-all-costs situation. Avoid bullying, guilt-tripping, and exaggerated tugs on heartstrings.

■ Don’t trash-talk the opposition. Show tact, respect, and understanding. Focus on issues, not personalities.

■ Use arguments and evidence that readers can understand and appreciate. If readers find your thinking too complex, too simple, or too strange, you’ve lost them.

InSIght: Remember the adage: The best argument is so clear and convincing that it sounds like an explanation.

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Focus on readers’ needs. Instead of playing on readers’ emotions, connect your argument with readers’ needs and values. Follow these guidelines:

■ Know your real readers. Who are they—peers, professors, or fellow citizens? What are their allegiances, their worries, their dreams?

■ Picture readers as resistant. Accept that your readers, including those inclined to agree with you, need convincing. Think of them as alert, cautious, and demanding—but also interested.

■ Use appeals that match needs and values. Your argument may support or challenge readers’ needs and values. To understand those needs, study the table below, which is based loosely on the thinking of psychologist Abraham Maslow. Maslow’s hierarchy ranks people’s needs on a scale from the most basic to the most complex. The table begins at the bottom with having necessities (a basic need) and ends at the top with helping others (a more complex need). For example, if you’re writing to argue for more affordable housing for the elderly, you’d argue differently to legislators (whose focus is on helping others) than to the elderly who need the housing (whose focus is on having necessities). Follow these guidelines:

● Use appeals that match the foremost needs and values of your readers. ● If appropriate, constructively challenge those needs and values. ● Whenever possible, phrase your appeals in positive terms. ● After analyzing your readers’ needs, choose a persuasive theme for your

argument—a positive benefit, advantage, or outcome that readers can expect if they accept your claim. Use this theme to help readers to care about your claims.

Reader needs . . . Use persuasive appeals to . . .

To make the world better by helping others

values and social obligations

To achieve by being good at something getting recognition

self-fulfillment, status appreciation

To belong by being part of a group

group identity, acceptance

To survive by avoiding threats having necessities

safety, security physical needs

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Learning-Outcomes Checklist Use this checklist to assess your grasp of argumentative and persuasive strategies.

I understand how to build an argument, starting with situation analysis and developing a line of reasoning.

I can distinguish and develop three types of claims.

I can use evidence to qualify and support claims.

I understand the strengths and weaknesses of nine types of evidence.

I can identify and correct logical fallacies.

I can make needed concessions, develop rebuttals, and use appropriate appeals.

Critical-Thinking and Writing Activities As directed by your instructor, complete the following critical-thinking and writing activities by yourself or with classmates.

1. Select an essay from chapters 17–19, “Taking a Position,” “Persuading Readers to Act,” or “Proposing a Solution.” Read the essay carefully. Then describe and evaluate the essay’s argumentative strategies by answering the questions below: ■ What is the main claim the writer makes? Is it a claim of truth, value, or policy? ■ Is the claim arguable—that is, is it supportable, appropriately qualified, and

effectively phrased? ■ What arguments does the writer develop in support of the claim? Are these

arguments logical? ■ What types of evidence does the writer provide to support his or her discussion? ■ Is the evidence valid, sufficient, and accurate? ■ Does the writer effectively address questions, alternatives, objections, and

counterarguments? 2. Review the essay that you read for the first activity, and then answer the following

questions: ■ Describe the writer’s tone. Does it effectively engage readers? ■ Does the argument seem credible and authoritative? Explain. ■ Identify ways that the writer connects with readers’ needs and values. How does

he or she develop a persuasive theme that appeals to those needs and stresses reader benefits?

3. Find a quality article in a respected journal in your major. Read the article and then answer these questions: What forms of reasoning, appeals, and evidence does the author use? What forms does he or she avoid? Is the reasoning convincing? Why?

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265

Visually Speaking

Taking a Position

Study the photograph above. What does it suggest about how or why people take a position on an issue? What written argument might articulate the position pictured in the photograph?

Sometimes you just have to take a stand. An issue comes up that upsets you or challenges your thinking, and in response, you say, “Okay, this is what I believe, and this is why I believe it.”

Learning to read and write position papers enables you to do this. The reading skills help you analyze others’ positions, recognize their strengths, and identify their weaknesses. The writing skills help you probe a topic, refine your own perspective on the issues, educate others about the topic, and convince them that your position has value.

This chapter will help you refine both skills. In addition, because both skills are used across the college curriculum and at work, learning this chapter’s writing skills and strategies will help you succeed in the classroom today and in the workplace throughout your career.

Learning Outcomes ▶ Read and assess position papers for clarity and logic.

▶ Identify logical fallacies: oversimplification, either/ or thinking, straw-man and red-herring claims, appeals to pity, personal attacks.

▶ Make concessions and rebut arguments.

▶ Develop claims with reliable evidence.

▶ Write a logical position paper in a measured, rational voice.

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■ Reading Position Writing How should you read a position paper? The instructions below will guide you.

Consider the rhetorical situation. Think first about how the writer uses persuasion to achieve a specific purpose, affect a particular audience, and address a given topic.

■ Purpose: In most cases, writers produce position papers in order to educate and to persuade: they want (1) to inform you about the nature and relevance of a topic and (2) to persuade you that their position on the topic is the best, most reasonable option.

■ Audience: A writer may address a variety of readers: people opposed to the writer’s position, people uncertain of what position to take, people unaware that an issue exists, or even people who agree with the writer’s position but are looking for sensible reasons. Good writers shape the content, organization, and tone of position essays to effectively address such intended readers.

■ Topic: The topics addressed in meaningful position papers are debatable issues about which informed people can reasonably disagree. Therefore, as a reader, you will learn more about a paper’s topic by focusing not only on the writer’s position, but also on the reasoning that she or he uses to develop that position, including her or his attention to alternative positions.

Consider qualities of strong arguments. When reading a position paper, look for the following:

■ Informed Writing: The writer has researched the topic thoroughly and understands it fully, including positions other than his or her own.

■ Logical Writing: The writer presents the topic objectively, describes alternative positions fairly, and takes the position supported by the best evidence and strongest logic. The writing avoids logical fallacies such as oversimplification, either/or thinking, straw-man claims, red-herring assertions, appeals to pity, or attacks against opponents. (For information on these and other fallacies, see pages 257–260.)

■ Engaging Writing: Rather than quarreling or pontificating, the writer converses with readers making reasonable concessions, rebutting opposing arguments, and consolidating or refocusing claims. (For details on these strategies, see page 261.)

Reader’s Checklist What is the topic, and is it debatable, stated fairly, and addressed fully?

What are the writer’s claims, and are they supported by reliable evidence?

Is the overall argument clear, unified, and free of logical fallacies?

Is the tone measured, reasonable, and free of manipulative language?

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Ah, the Power of Women

While most American literature commonly portrays a negative view of women, Louise Erdrich’s Native American novel, Love Medicine, does just the opposite. Her female characters are the catalyst around which the action of the book revolves. The two strongest women, Lulu Lamartine and Marie Kashpaw, create the dissonant nucleoli that give rise to the conflict in the novel and also trump the men in most forms of power. The matriarchal Native American culture depicted by Erdrich provides a setting in which these women can roar.

The culture of the Chippewa highly regards mothers in particular and women in general. As a child, Lulu learns this lesson by noting the respect allotted her mother. Lulu acknowledges, “I never grew from the curve of my mother’s arms” (Erdrich 68), and finds in nature manifestations of her connection to her mother’s person and power. This mother/daughter bond is impenetrable for men. While Lulu mourns her mother’s passing, she never mentions a father. The closest father figure she has is Uncle Nanapush, but even when conversing about his death ceremony, she does so by referencing her feelings for her mother: “I couldn’t bear to think of losing him the way I had lost my mother” (71). The oldest clan matron, Rushes Bear, also alludes to the matriarchal culture of the tribe as she laments about Nector Kashpaw: “My son is marrying one of that lowlife family that insulted me. Those Lazarres breed fast and die young. I hope I’ll outlive her tough bread and Nector Kashpaw will once again respect his mother” (72). Nector’s actions don’t insult his father or his family in a European sense; instead, he disgraces his mother. By recognizing mothers as the beating heart of the family, the Chippewa respect them accordingly.

In light of the reverence for women in Chippewa society, Erdrich’s strongest, most prominent characters are Marie Kashpaw and Lulu Lamartine. These two are

Taking a Position Student writer Aleah Stenberg wrote the following essay to explain and promote her interpretation of (or position on) the characters and themes in Louise Erdrich’s Love Medicine.

Outline Introduction: Erdrich’s Love Medicine presents women as the stronger, controlling gender in Chippewa culture. 1. The novel shows that Chippewa culture respects women. 2. Marie and Lulu exemplify this power/control. 3. They learn of power from elders/tribal customs. 4. Sexual power garners social/political clout. 5. Culture, power, and prominence generate conflict. Conclusion: Erdrich’s setting warrants her characterization and ideas.

267Chapter 17 Taking a Position

Title introduces theme.

Introduction: Erdrich’s setting warrants her depicting women as the dominant gender.

1 Characters refer to and support women’s dominant role.

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in charge of the house and rule over their husbands. Other female characters are also strong, although they play lesser roles. Rushes Bear and Sister Leopolda are strongly influential but in different times or spheres; for example, Sister Leopolda rules with a cruel hand at the Sacred Heart Convent. Erdrich’s male characters have less prominent roles, and their main purpose—many times—is to be subordinated by domineering females.

The women in Love Medicine have supremacy over the men in many aspects. Sexual power over males guides much of the story in both Lulu and Marie’s lives. Lulu, particularly, has many affairs; she knows what she wants, gets it, and then does away with what she doesn’t like. Each of her boys and daughter is symbolic of her conquering another man. At a young age, Lulu learned about sexual power while listening to older women. Lulu remembers, “Rushes Bear always said that a man has to enter and enter, repeatedly, as if in punishment for having ever left the woman’s body. She said that the woman is complete. Men must come through us to live” (82). The idea that men are incomplete because they left the woman’s body gives females the edge in sexual relations. The man needs her; the woman is not dependant on the man; on the contrary, she has command of the relationship. This same idea also points to the reverence of women in Chippewa culture. The mother is the creator of new life and the sustainer of the men she beds (whether her husband or not), and as such, she is given great honor.

The sexual power of women in Love Medicine also gives them political and social clout. Lulu wields her political power when she denounces the proposed tomahawk factory which would require moving her house: “Before I’d move the Lamartine household I’d hit the tribe with a fistful of paternity suits that would make their heads spin. Some of them had forgotten until then that I’d even had their son. Still others must have wondered. I could see the back neck hair on the wives all over that room prickle” (285). Lulu’s sexual power gives her a platform to preside over political decisions. Because of women’s power sexually, they also are given social influence. One of the examples in Lulu’s life is deciding which Lamartine to marry. She tells Beverly, “I am a woman of detachable parts. You should know by now. You simply weren’t playing in your league with strip poker” (115). And she adds, “It was after I won your shorts with my pair of deuces and Henry’s with my eights, and you were naked except for your hat, that I decided which one to marry” (115). So many men are sexually attracted to Lulu that she can pick and choose whom she wants. In the culture the novel describes, women are venerated for their sexuality. They can then use that given power to gain influence in tribal society and politics.

Matriarchal Chippewa culture; the sexual, political, and social power given to women; and Erdrich’s use of strong female characters culminate in Lulu and Marie forming the central conflict of the piece. Both these women are strong and at odds, the nuclei of opposing forces, two different pressure systems raging over North Dakota. Nector Kashpaw is a main object of competition for these two. Like the arms race of the Cold War, Marie and Lulu also engage in a race to have the most children. Lulu has

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3 The women learn about their power by listening to elders and observing Chippewa culture.

4 Through their sexual power, they garner social and political influence.

5 Culture, power, and prominence generate conflict.

2 Marie and Lulu, like less prominent female characters, control males.

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Reading for Better Writing

many children, all by different fathers. Marie, after two of her and Nector’s offspring die in childhood, rapidly adopts children and takes in young family members. These women are constantly vying for supremacy over each other. Even when they become friends, Lyman Lamartine notes, “Their statures had to be completely equal. . . . They each needed territory to control. . . . Their friendship, if that’s what you’d call it, was hard to figure. Set free by Nector’s death, they couldn’t get enough of their own differences. They argued unceasingly about the past, and didn’t agree on the present either” (311). In addition to these battles within their friendship, all other conflicts in Love Medicine stem from Lulu and Marie’s on-going war or are in some way linked to it.

Erdrich gives women center stage in Love Medicine. By choosing the matriarchal Chippewa tribe as her setting, she is able to create powerful female characters with dissonant relationships. Writing against the typical, American, male-dominated social order, Erdrich constructs a world in which women are in charge. Even though the female characters in the book are mothers who do laundry, cook meals, and finish long “to-do” lists, they are not held to this position. They have the power to rise above and take jurisdiction. Full of strong females, Love Medicine asserts a positive feminist message: women—hear them roar.

Note: The Works Cited pages is not shown. For sample, pages, see MLA (pages 526– 527) and APA (page 557).

Working by yourself or with a group, do the following:

1. Stenberg’s essay is a literature review in which she introduces a novel (her topic) and describes and analyzes its setting, characters, and themes. Describe how she uses the title and opening paragraphs to introduce this topic.

2. Stenberg’s paper is also a persuasive essay in which she explains and advocates her interpretation of—or position on—one issue in the novel. Explain how the writer uses the title and opening sentences to introduce and focus her argument.

3. In your own words, state her core argument or claim—her position on the novel.

4. Review paragraphs 2-6, identify the supporting claim developed in each paragraph, and explain how Stenberg uses these points to support and clarify her main claim.

5. Describe how the writer uses her closing paragraph to refine and clarify her position. Does the paragraph accomplish these goals? Explain.

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7Conclusion: Erdrich’s setting warrants her depicting women as the stronger, controlling gender.

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Nuclear Is Not the Answer

In recent years, it has become popular to be “green” in all areas of life. Celebrities and corporations constantly advertise natural cleaning products, fuel-efficient cars, and energy-efficient light bulbs. Governments offer home- improvement grants to people who renovate their homes to include low-flush toilets, weather-proof windows, and additional insulation. Due to climate change and pollution, concern for the environment is rising. One major issue centers on which type of energy production is best for the environment. Nuclear power and fossil fuels are two major methods for energy production, and nuclear power could be seen as the “greener” option. However, the risks of nuclear power far outweigh its benefits, making fossil fuels the safer and more environmentally responsible option.

As a significant method of energy production, nuclear power does offer distinct advantages. The Nuclear Energy Institute’s statistics show that nuclear energy accounted for fourteen percent of the world’s electricity production in 2008, and that as of September 2009, thirty countries were using nuclear power (“Around the World”). This popularity speaks to nuclear power’s advantages over fossil fuels. First, nuclear power plants do not release the harmful emissions that coal-burning plants do, so nuclear power does not contribute greatly to global warming (Evans 115). Second, a single nuclear power plant can produce a large amount of energy, making nuclear an efficient source (“Pros and Cons”). In fact, according to Robert Evans, “The amount of thermal energy released from just one kilogram of U235 undergoing fission is equivalent to that obtained by burning some 2.5 million kilograms, or 2500 tonnes, of coal” (116).

Nevertheless, these advantages of nuclear power are outweighed by its disadvantages. Nuclear power plants produce radioactive waste, which is an enormous health and safety concern. The waste cannot simply be disposed of but must be carefully stored for hundreds of generations. The isotopes used in nuclear reactions have half-lives of thousands of years. For example, plutonium-239 has a half-life of around 24,000 years (American Assembly 24). This radioactive waste must be stored safely to prevent radiation poisoning, but it would be nearly impossible to do so for that long.

A further danger of nuclear power is that while every safety precaution might be in place, it is possible for terrible accidents to happen. The most famous nuclear accident took place on April 26, 1986, when reactor number four at the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Plant in the Ukraine, which was then part of the Soviet Union, exploded after a power excursion. That explosion then caused the rest of

Taking a Position Student writer Alyssa Woudstra wrote the following essay to take a position on an environmental issue—energy production.

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The title partly declares the position.

Alyssa starts with common ground and narrows to her position on energy production.

She examines the positives of what she actually opposes.

She turns to the disadvantages of nuclear energy: its risks and dangers.

The writer reminds readers of a historical illustration.

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the plant to explode (Hawks et. al. 98-102). This accident released one hundred times more radiation than the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki combined (“No More Chernobyls”). Chernobyl’s radiation spread all over Europe, affecting people as far away as Romania and Bulgaria, exposing more than 600,000 to the effects of radiation poisoning (Medvedev 194-216). More than twenty years after Chernobyl, people are still dying from cancer that was likely caused by the disaster.

It is true that Chernobyl occurred more than twenty years ago, so safety measures for nuclear reactors have since been greatly improved. However, that single accident is still affecting millions of people who were exposed to the radiation. Moreover, the accident had a devastating impact on the environment: even now, vegetation in the area around Chernobyl is practically non-existent. If more nuclear power plants are built, the risk of similar accidents will rise.

Beyond accidents, however, is the possibility of deliberate sabotage in the form of terrorism (“Pros and Cons”). If terrorists wanted to cause mass devastation, they could attack a nuclear power plant or become employees that purposely cause errors to create an explosion. On September 11, 2001, millions of people were affected at once. If a power plant were attacked, it would also affect millions, since it would cause the loss of not only many jobs but also many lives. Moreover, the risk of terrorism also surrounds the nuclear waste left behind after the reactions. Easier to obtain than pure uranium, such waste could be used to build “dirty bombs” (Evans 133).

Beyond the risks and dangers of nuclear power, still another argument against it is that it is nonrenewable. Fossil fuels are also nonrenewable, but nuclear power is not an alternative in this way. In their reactors, nuclear power plants use uranium, a rare element. It is estimated that the Earth’s supply of Uranium will last only thirty to sixty years, depending on how much is actually used in reactors (“Pros and Cons”).

But is energy from fossil fuels really better than nuclear power? The burning of fossil fuels (including coal, oil, and natural gas) is the most common method of energy production. Like nuclear, fossil fuels are nonrenewable. However, burning fossil fuels, for the time being is a better option than using nuclear energy. It is true that using fossil fuels has a negative effect on the environment. In order to obtain fossil fuels, much damage is caused to the environment by drilling for oil or mining for coal. Also, burning fossil fuels produces gases that can aggravate respiratory conditions like asthma and emits greenhouse gases that damage the atmosphere. Moreover, particles emitted from smokestacks collect in clouds, causing acid rain (Sweet 25). With oil, spills can contaminate groundwater and surface water, creating risks to animals, plants, and humans.

Despite the fact that using fossil fuels involves many risks, it has some advantages over nuclear energy. Significantly, fossil fuels are much less expensive than uranium. Although it is still expensive to access fossil fuels, it is drastically

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Alyssa concedes and rebuts a concern.

With a question, she turns to her own position, acknowledging its problems.

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Reading for Better Writing

cheaper than the cost of nuclear energy. In addition, if large deposits of coal or oil are found, it will not be necessary to excavate in as many places to retrieve them. Although a larger area would be disturbed, fewer sites would be affected. Also, while fossil fuels are nonrenewable, they may be used wisely, conserving them until a better energy source can be established (Heron).

However, perhaps the biggest advantage of fossil fuel energy over nuclear energy lies in the possibility of progress to make current methods more environmentally friendly. At this time, burning coal for power uses only one- third of its potential energy (Heron). If scientists study more efficient uses of the coal, this waste, as well as many health and environmental concerns, could be prevented. For example, burning coal can be made cleaner through electrostatic precipitators. Also known as “smokestack scrubbers,” these filters can be used in smokestacks to prevent soot particles from getting into the air. As the soot-filled air passes through the smokestack, it goes through a set of wires that negatively charge the soot particles. As the air continues through the pipe, it passes through positively charged metal plates. The negatively charged soot particles, which are made up mostly of unburned carbon, “stick” to the positively charged plates, and the particle-free air continues out the smokestack. The stuck particles are then either manually scraped or automatically shaken off by the machine itself (“Static Electricity”). If more factories used electrostatic precipitators, a large amount of air pollution would be prevented.

Although it is not ideal, burning fossil fuels is still a better option than nuclear power until renewable energy sources such as wind, solar, and geothermal power become more available. Clearly, society must continue to work toward greater conservation and use of renewable energy. As stewards of the Earth, all humans should be concerned about the environment. If people continue to use nuclear power, the risks related to accidents, sabotage, and radioactive waste will not only be their responsibility but will also impact their descendants for many generations.

Note: The Works Cited page is not shown. For examples, see MLA (pages 526– 527) and APA (page 557).

Working by yourself or with a group, answer the following:

1. Alyssa begins her essay by examining extensively an opposing position—support for nuclear energy. How effective is this strategy?

2. Review how Alyssa supports her position on energy from fossil fuels. How complete and compelling is this support?

3. Alyssa wrote her position paper prior to the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. How might acknowledging this environmental disaster change her essay?

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Alyssa supports her position on fossil fuels by stressing its advantages and calling for improvements.

She restates her position and places it within a larger context of environmental changes.

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Contrary Positions Sometimes, a writer takes a position in response to another writer, as shown in the following essays by Gary Steiner and Natalie Angier. Steiner, a professor of philosophy at Bucknell University and author of Animals and the Moral Community, advocates a pure vegan lifestyle in “Animal, Vegetable, Miserable” below. Angier’s essay (pages 276–278), “Sorry, Vegans: Brussel Sprouts Like to Live, Too,” responds in part to Steiner. Both pieces were published in 2009 in The New York Times.

Animal, Vegetable, Miserable

LATELY more people have begun to express an interest in where the meat they eat comes from and how it was raised. Were the animals humanely treated? Did they have a good quality of life before the death that turned them into someone’s dinner?

Some of these questions, which reach a fever pitch in the days leading up to Thanksgiving, pertain to the ways in which animals are treated. (Did your turkey get to live outdoors?) Others focus on the question of how eating the animals in question will affect the consumer’s health and well-being. (Was it given hormones and antibiotics?)

None of these questions, however, make any consideration of whether it is wrong to kill animals for human consumption. And even when people ask this question, they almost always find a variety of resourceful answers that purport to justify the killing and consumption of animals in the name of human welfare. Strict ethical vegans, of which I am one, are customarily excoriated for equating our society’s treatment of animals with mass murder. Can anyone seriously consider animal suffering even remotely comparable to human suffering? Those who answer with a resounding no typically argue in one of two ways.

Some suggest that human beings but not animals are made in God’s image and hence stand in much closer proximity to the divine than any non-human animal; according to this line of thought, animals were made expressly for the sake of humans and may be used without scruple to satisfy their needs and desires. There is ample support in the Bible and in the writings of Christian thinkers like Augustine and Thomas Aquinas for this pointedly anthropocentric way of devaluing animals.

Others argue that the human capacity for abstract thought makes us capable of suffering that both qualitatively and quantitatively exceeds the suffering of any non- human animal. Philosophers like Jeremy Bentham, who is famous for having based moral status not on linguistic or rational capacities but rather on the capacity to suffer, argue that because animals are incapable of abstract thought, they are imprisoned in an eternal present, have no sense of the extended future and hence cannot be said to have an interest in continued existence.

The most penetrating and iconoclastic response to this sort of reasoning came from the writer Isaac Bashevis Singer in his story “The Letter Writer,” in which he called the slaughter of animals the “eternal Treblinka.”

273Chapter 17 Taking a Position

The writer introduces the topic.

He states the core issue and identifies his own position.

He summarizes opposing positions and offers an example.

He offers a second example.

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The story depicts an encounter between a man and a mouse. The man, Herman Gombiner, contemplates his place in the cosmic scheme of things and concludes that there is an essential connection between his own existence as “a child of God” and the “holy creature” scuffling about on the floor in front of him.

Surely, he reflects, the mouse has some capacity for thought; Gombiner even thinks that the mouse has the capacity to share love and gratitude with him. Not merely a means for the satisfaction of human desires, nor a mere nuisance to be exterminated, this tiny creature possesses the same dignity that any conscious being possesses. In the face of that inherent dignity, Gombiner concludes, the human practice of delivering animals to the table in the form of food is abhorrent and inexcusable.

Many of the people who denounce the ways in which we treat animals in the course of raising them for human consumption never stop to think about this profound contradiction. Instead, they make impassioned calls for more “humanely” raised meat. Many people soothe their consciences by purchasing only free-range fowl and eggs, blissfully ignorant that “free range” has very little if any practical significance. Chickens may be labeled free-range even if they’ve never been outside or seen a speck of daylight in their entire lives. And that Thanksgiving turkey? Even if it is raised “free range,” it still lives a life of pain and confinement that ends with the butcher’s knife.

How can intelligent people who purport to be deeply concerned with animal welfare and respectful of life turn a blind eye to such practices? And how can people continue to eat meat when they become aware that nearly 53 billion land animals are slaughtered every year for human consumption? The simple answer is that most people just don’t care about the lives or fortunes of animals. If they did care, they would learn as much as possible about the ways in which our society systematically abuses animals, and they would make what is at once a very simple and a very difficult choice: to forswear the consumption of animal products of all kinds.

The easy part of this consists in seeing clearly what ethics requires and then just plain doing it. The difficult part: You just haven’t lived until you’ve tried to function as a strict vegan in a meat-crazed society. What were once the most straightforward activities become a constant ordeal. You might think that it’s as simple as just removing meat, eggs and dairy products from your diet, but it goes a lot deeper than that.

To be a really strict vegan is to strive to avoid all animal products, and this includes materials like leather, silk and wool, as well as a panoply of cosmetics and medications. The more you dig, the more you learn about products you would never stop to think might contain or involve animal products in their production—like wine and beer (isinglass, a kind of gelatin derived from fish bladders, is often used to “fine,” or purify, these beverages), refined sugar (bone char is sometimes used to bleach it) or Band-Aids (animal products in the adhesive). Just last week I was told that those little comfort strips on most razor blades contain animal fat.

To go down this road is to stare headlong into an abyss that, to paraphrase Nietzsche, will ultimately stare back at you.

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He uses an anecdote to present a counter- argument.

Steiner states the story’s theme and explains its relevance.

He castigates “free-range” arguments.

He identifies his opponents’ “real” reason for inaction as “not caring.”

He offers one acceptable solution.

He defines and advocates a pure vegan lifestyle.

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The challenges faced by a vegan don’t end with the nuts and bolts of material existence. You face quite a few social difficulties as well, perhaps the chief one being how one should feel about spending time with people who are not vegans.

Is it O.K. to eat dinner with people who are eating meat? What do you say when a dining companion says, “I’m really a vegetarian—I don’t eat red meat at home.” (I’ve heard it lots of times, always without any prompting from me.) What do you do when someone starts to grill you (so to speak) about your vegan ethics during dinner? (Wise vegans always defer until food isn’t around.) Or when someone starts to lodge accusations to the effect that you consider yourself morally superior to others, or that it is ridiculous to worry so much about animals when there is so much human suffering in the world? (Smile politely and ask them to pass the seitan.)

Let me be candid: By and large, meat-eaters are a self-righteous bunch. The number of vegans I know personally is . . . five. And I have been a vegan for almost 15 years, having been a vegetarian for almost 15 before that.

Five. I have lost more friends than this over arguments about animal ethics. One lapidary conclusion to be drawn here is that people take deadly seriously the prerogative to use animals as sources of satisfaction. Not only for food, but as beasts of burden, as raw materials and as sources of captive entertainment—which is the way animals are used in zoos, circuses and the like.

These uses of animals are so institutionalized, so normalized in our society that it is difficult to find the critical distance needed to see them as the horrors that they are: so many forms of subjection, servitude and—in the case of killing animals for human consumption and other purposes—outright murder.

People who are ethical vegans believe that differences in intelligence between human and non-human animals have no moral significance whatsoever. The fact that my cat can’t appreciate Schubert’s late symphonies and can’t perform syllogistic logic does not mean that I am entitled to use him as an organic toy, as if I were somehow not only morally superior to him but virtually entitled to treat him as a commodity with minuscule market value.

We have been trained by a history of thinking of which we are scarcely aware to view non-human animals as resources we are entitled to employ in whatever ways we see fit in order to satisfy our needs and desires. Yes, there are animal welfare laws. But these laws have been formulated by, and are enforced by, people who proceed from the proposition that animals are fundamentally inferior to human beings. At best, these laws make living conditions for animals marginally better than they would be otherwise—right up to the point when we send them to the slaughterhouse.

Think about that when you’re picking out your free-range turkey, which has absolutely nothing to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. All it ever had was a short and miserable life, thanks to us intelligent, compassionate humans.

Questions on this and the following essay are on page 278.

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Steiner acknowledges the challenges of his position.

He concludes by stating that the core problem is humans’ belief that they are fundamentally superior to animals.

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Sorry, Vegans: Brussels Sprouts Like to Live, Too

I stopped eating pork about eight years ago, after a scientist happened to mention that the animal whose teeth most closely resemble our own is the pig. Unable to shake the image of a perky little pig flashing me a brilliant George Clooney smile, I decided it was easier to forgo the Christmas ham. A couple of years later, I gave up on all mammalian meat, period. I still eat fish and poultry, however, and pour eggnog in my coffee. My dietary decisions are arbitrary and inconsistent, and when friends ask why I’m willing to try the duck but not the lamb, I don’t have a good answer. Food choices are often like that: difficult to articulate yet strongly held. And lately, debates over food choices have flared with particular vehemence.

In his new book, Eating Animals, the novelist Jonathan Safran Foer describes his gradual transformation from omnivorous, oblivious slacker who “waffled among any number of diets” to “committed vegetarian.” Last month, Gary Steiner, a philosopher at Bucknell University, argued on the Op-Ed page of The New York Times that people should strive to be “strict ethical vegans” like himself, avoiding all products derived from animals, including wool and silk. Killing animals for human food and finery is nothing less than “outright murder,” he said, Isaac Bashevis Singer’s “eternal Treblinka.”

But before we cede the entire moral penthouse to “committed vegetarians” and “strong ethical vegans,” we might consider that plants no more aspire to being stir-fried in a wok than a hog aspires to being peppercorn-studded in my Christmas clay pot. This is not meant as a trite argument or a chuckled aside. Plants are lively and seek to keep it that way. The more that scientists learn about the complexity of plants—their keen sensitivity to the environment, the speed with which they react to changes in the environment, and the extraordinary number of tricks that plants will rally to fight off attackers and solicit help from afar—the more impressed researchers become, and the less easily we can dismiss plants as so much fiberfill backdrop, passive sunlight collectors on which deer, antelope and vegans can conveniently graze. It’s time for a green revolution, a reseeding of our stubborn animal minds.

When plant biologists speak of their subjects, they use active verbs and vivid images. Plants “forage” for resources like light and soil nutrients and “anticipate” rough spots and opportunities. By analyzing the ratio of red light and far red light falling on their leaves, for example, they can sense the presence of other chlorophyllated competitors nearby and try to grow the other way. Their roots ride the underground “rhizosphere” and engage in cross-cultural and microbial trade.

“Plants are not static or silly,” said Monika Hilker of the Institute of Biology at the Free University of Berlin. “They respond to tactile cues, they recognize different wavelengths of light, they listen to chemical signals, they can even talk”

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The title introduces the topic and sets a playful tone.

Angier describes her position on meat eating as personal and arbitrary vs. strict and ideological.

She describes Steiner’s position.

She suggests his logic (approves eating plants but disapproves eating meat) is logically inconsistent.

Angier explains animal-plant parallels.

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through chemical signals. Touch, sight, hearing, speech. “These are sensory modalities and abilities we normally think of as only being in animals,” Dr. Hilker said.

Plants can’t run away from a threat but they can stand their ground. “They are very good at avoiding getting eaten,” said Linda Walling of the University of California, Riverside. “It’s an unusual situation where insects can overcome those defenses.” At the smallest nip to its leaves, specialized cells on the plant’s surface release chemicals to irritate the predator or sticky goo to entrap it. Genes in the plant’s DNA are activated to wage systemwide chemical warfare, the plant’s version of an immune response. We need terpenes, alkaloids, phenolics—let’s move.

“I’m amazed at how fast some of these things happen,” said Consuelo M. De Moraes of Pennsylvania State University. Dr. De Moraes and her colleagues did labeling experiments to clock a plant’s systemic response time and found that, in less than 20 minutes from the moment the caterpillar had begun feeding on its leaves, the plant had plucked carbon from the air and forged defensive compounds from scratch.

Just because we humans can’t hear them doesn’t mean plants don’t howl. Some of the compounds that plants generate in response to insect mastication— their feedback, you might say—are volatile chemicals that serve as cries for help. Such airborne alarm calls have been shown to attract both large predatory insects like dragon flies, which delight in caterpillar meat, and tiny parasitic insects, which can infect a caterpillar and destroy it from within.

Enemies of the plant’s enemies are not the only ones to tune into the emergency broadcast. “Some of these cues, some of these volatiles that are released when a focal plant is damaged,” said Richard Karban of the University of California, Davis, “cause other plants of the same species, or even of another species, to likewise become more resistant to herbivores.”

Yes, it’s best to nip trouble in the bud. Dr. Hilker and her colleagues, as well as other research teams, have found that

certain plants can sense when insect eggs have been deposited on their leaves and will act immediately to rid themselves of the incubating menace. They may sprout carpets of tumorlike neoplasms to knock the eggs off, or secrete ovicides to kill them, or sound the S O S. Reporting in The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Dr. Hilker and her coworkers determined that when a female cabbage butterfly lays her eggs on a brussels sprout plant and attaches her treasures to the leaves with tiny dabs of glue, the vigilant vegetable detects the presence of a simple additive in the glue, benzyl cyanide. Cued by the additive, the plant swiftly alters the chemistry of its leaf surface to beckon female parasitic wasps. Spying the anchored bounty, the female wasps in turn inject their eggs inside, the gestating wasps feed on the gestating butterflies, and the plant’s problem is solved.

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She supports her assertions by quoting several experts.

She compares plants and humans.

Angier quotes an expert and playfully supports his opinion.

She describes how plants communicate with insects.

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Reading for Better Writing

Here’s the lurid Edgar Allan Poetry of it: that benzyl cyanide tip-off had been donated to the female butterfly by the male during mating. “It’s an anti- aphrodisiac pheromone, so that the female wouldn’t mate anymore,” Dr. Hilker said. “The male is trying to ensure his paternity, but he ends up endangering his own offspring.”

Plants eavesdrop on one another benignly and malignly. As they described in Science and other journals, Dr. De Moraes and her colleagues have discovered that seedlings of the dodder plant, a parasitic weed related to morning glory, can detect volatile chemicals released by potential host plants like the tomato. The young dodder then grows inexorably toward the host, until it can encircle the victim’s stem and begin sucking the life phloem right out of it. The parasite can even distinguish between the scents of healthier and weaker tomato plants and then head for the hale one.

“Even if you have quite a bit of knowledge about plants,” Dr. De Moraes said, “it’s still surprising to see how sophisticated they can be.”

It’s a small daily tragedy that we animals must kill to stay alive. Plants are the ethical autotrophs here, the ones that wrest their meals from the sun. Don’t expect them to boast: they’re too busy fighting to survive.

Working by yourself or with a group, do the following:

1. On a sheet of paper, create two columns. In the left column, paraphrase Gary Steiner’s core argument and list his supporting claims; and in the right column, paraphrase Natalie Angier’s core argument and list her supporting claims. Explain how the positions are similar and different, and assess the strength of each writer’s reasoning, taking into account the supporting claims and the evidence offered.

2. Describe each writer’s voice and cite words or phrases exemplifying that voice. Then explain how each writer’s voice colors his or her argument.

3. Examine each argument for logical fallacies such as either/or thinking (page 257), appeal to pity (page 258), and attack against the person (page 260). If you find examples, explain how they affect the writer’s argument.

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She playfully labels and describes the process.

In closing, Angier notes that to live, all animals must kill and eat something.

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Taking a Position In the essay below, David Blankenhorn argues that America is losing its understanding of and appreciation for fatherhood.

Fatherless America

The United States is becoming an increasingly fatherless society. A generation

ago, an American child could reasonably expect to grow up with his or her father.

Today, an American child can reasonably expect not to. Fatherlessness is now

approaching a rough parity with fatherhood as a defining feature of American

childhood.

This astonishing fact is reflected in many statistics, but here are the two most

important. Tonight, about 40 percent of American children will go to sleep in

homes in which their fathers do not live. Before they reach the age of eighteen, more

than half of our nation’s children are likely to spend at least a significant portion of

their childhoods living apart from their fathers. Never before in this country have

so many children been voluntarily abandoned by their fathers. Never before have so

many children grown up without knowing what it means to have a father.

Fatherlessness is the most harmful demographic trend of this generation. It is

the leading cause of declining child well-being in our society. It is also the engine

driving our most urgent social problems, from crime to adolescent pregnancy to

child abuse to domestic violence against women. Yet, despite its scale and social

consequences, fatherlessness is a problem that is frequently ignored or denied.

Especially within our elite discourse, it remains largely a problem with no name.

If this trend continues, fatherlessness is likely to change the shape of our society.

Consider this prediction. After the year 2000, as people born after 1970 emerge as

a large proportion of our working-age adult population, the United States will be

a nation divided into two groups, separate and unequal. The two groups will work

in the same economy, speak a common language, and remember the same national

history. But they will live fundamentally divergent lives. One group will receive

basic benefits—psychological, social, economic, educational, and moral—that are

denied to the other group.

The primary fault line dividing the two groups will not be race, religion, class,

education, or gender. It will be patrimony. One group will consist of those adults

who grew up with the daily presence and provision of fathers. The other group will

consist of those who did not. By the early years of the next [twenty-first] century,

these two groups will be roughly the same size.

Surely a crisis of this scale merits a response. At a minimum, it requires a

serious debate. Why is fatherhood declining? What can be done about it? Can our

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Use this column to record your observations about the essay.

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society find ways to invigorate effective fatherhood as a norm of male behavior? Yet,

to date, the public discussion on this topic has been remarkably weak and defeatist.

There is a prevailing belief that not much can—or even should—be done to reverse

the trend.

When the crime rate jumps, politicians promise to do something about it.

When the unemployment rate rises, task forces assemble to address the problem. As

random shootings increase, public health officials worry about the preponderance

of guns. But when it comes to the mass defection of men from family life, not much

happens.

There is debate, even alarm, about specific social problems. Divorce. Out-of-

wedlock childbearing. Children growing up in poverty. Youth violence. Unsafe

neighborhoods. Domestic violence. The weakening of parental authority. But in

these discussions, we seldom acknowledge the underlying phenomenon that binds

together these otherwise disparate issues: the flight of males from their children’s

lives. In fact, we seem to go out of our way to avoid the connection between our

most pressing social problems and the trend of fatherlessness.

We avoid this connection because, as a society, we are changing our minds about

the role of men in family life. As a cultural idea, our inherited understanding of

fatherhood is under siege. Men in general, and fathers in particular, are increasingly

viewed as superfluous to family life: either as expendable or as part of the problem.

Masculinity itself, understood as anything other than a rejection of what it has

traditionally meant to be male, is typically treated with suspicion and even hostility

in our cultural discourse. Consequently, our society is now manifestly unable to

sustain, or even find reason to believe in, fatherhood as a distinctive domain of

male activity.

The core question is simple: Does every child need a father? Increasingly, our

society’s answer is “no” or at least “not necessarily.” Few idea shifts in this century

are as consequential as this one. At stake is nothing less than what it means to be a

man, who our children will be, and what kind of society we will become.

This [essay] is a criticism not simply of fatherlessness but of a culture of

fatherlessness. For, in addition to losing fathers, we are losing something larger:

our idea of fatherhood. Unlike earlier periods of father absence in our history, we

now face more than a physical loss affecting some homes. We face a cultural loss

affecting every home. For this reason, the most important absence our society must

confront is not the absence of fathers but the absence of our belief in fathers.

In a larger sense, this [essay] is a cultural criticism because fatherhood, much

more than motherhood, is a cultural invention. Its meaning for the individual

man is shaped less by biology than by cultural script or story—a societal code that

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guides, and at times pressures, him into certain ways of acting and of understanding

himself as a man.

Like motherhood, fatherhood is made up of both a biological and a social

dimension. Yet in societies across the world, mothers are far more successful than

fathers at fusing these two dimensions into a coherent parental identity. Is the

nursing mother playing a biological or social role? Is she feeding or bonding? We

can hardly separate the two, so seamlessly are they woven together.

But fatherhood is a different matter. A father makes his sole biological

contribution at the moment of conception—nine months before the infant enters

the world. Because social paternity is only indirectly linked to biological paternity,

the connection between the two cannot be assumed. The phrase “to father a child”

usually refers only to the act of insemination, not to the responsibility for raising a

child. What fathers contribute to their offspring after conception is largely a matter

of cultural devising.

Moreover, despite their other virtues, men are not ideally suited to responsible

fatherhood. Although they certainly have the capacity for fathering, men are

inclined to sexual promiscuity and paternal waywardness. Anthropologically,

human fatherhood constitutes what might be termed a necessary problem. It

is necessary because, in all societies, child well-being and societal success hinge

largely upon a high level of paternal investment: the willingness of adult males to

devote energy and resources to the care of their offspring. It is a problem because

adult males are frequently—indeed, increasingly—unwilling or unable to make

that vital investment.

Because fatherhood is universally problematic in human societies, cultures

must mobilize to devise and enforce the father role for men, coaxing and guiding

them into fatherhood through a set of legal and extralegal pressures that require

them to maintain a close alliance with their children’s mother and to invest in

their children. Because men do not volunteer for fatherhood as much as they are

conscripted into it by the surrounding culture, only an authoritative cultural

story of fatherhood can fuse biological and social paternity into a coherent male

identity.

For exactly this reason, Margaret Mead and others have observed that the

supreme test of any civilization is whether it can socialize men by teaching them

to be fathers—creating a culture in which men acknowledge their paternity and

willingly nurture their offspring. Indeed, if we can equate the essence of the

antisocial male with violence, we can equate the essence of the socialized male with

being a good father. Thus, at the center of our most important cultural imperative,

we find the fatherhood script: the story that describes what it ought to mean for a

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man to have a child.

Just as the fatherhood script advances the social goal of harnessing male

behavior to collective needs, it also reflects an individual purpose. That purpose,

in a word, is happiness. Anthropologists have long understood that the genius of

an effective culture is its capacity to reconcile individual happiness with collective

well-being. By situating individual lives within a social narrative, culture endows

private behavior with larger meaning. By linking the self to moral purposes larger

than the self, an effective culture tells us a story in which individual fulfillment

transcends selfishness, and personal satisfaction transcends narcissism.

In this respect, our cultural script is not simply a set of imported moralisms,

exterior to the individual and designed only to compel self-sacrifice. It is also a

pathway—indeed, our only pathway—to what the founders of the American

experiment called the pursuit of happiness.

The stakes on this issue could hardly be higher. Our society’s conspicuous

failure to sustain or create compelling norms of fatherhood amounts to a social and

personal disaster. Today’s story of fatherhood features one-dimensional characters,

an unbelievable plot, and an unhappy ending. It reveals in our society both a failure

of collective memory and a collapse of moral imagination. It undermines families,

neglects children, causes or aggravates our worst social problems, and makes

individual adult happiness—both male and female—harder to achieve.

Ultimately, this failure reflects nothing less than a culture gone awry: a culture

increasingly unable to establish the boundaries, erect the sign-posts, and fashion

the stories that can harmonize individual happiness with collective well-being. In

short, it reflects a culture that increasingly fails to “enculture” individual men and

women, mothers and fathers.

In personal terms, the end result of this process, the final residue from what

David Gutmann calls the “deculturation” of paternity, is narcissism: a me-first

egotism that is hostile not only to any societal goal or larger moral purpose but also

to any save the most puerile understanding of personal happiness. In social terms,

the primary results of decultured paternity are a decline in children’s well-being

and a rise in male violence, especially against women. In a larger sense, the most

significant result is our society’s steady fragmentation into atomized individuals,

isolated from one another and estranged from the aspirations and realities of

common membership in a family, a community, a nation, bound by mutual

commitment and shared memory.

[A good father] is a cultural model, or what Max Weber calls an ideal social

type—an anthropomorphized composite of cultural ideas about the meaning of

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Reading for Better Writing

paternity. I call him the Good Family Man. As described by one of the fathers [I]

interviewed . . . , a good family man “puts his family first.”

A good society celebrates the ideal of the man who puts his family first. Because

our society is now lurching in the opposite direction, I see the Good Family Man as

the principal casualty of today’s weakening fatherhood script. And because I cannot

imagine a good society without him, I offer him as the protagonist in the stronger

script that I believe is both necessary and possible.

Working by yourself or with a group, do the following:

1. What is Blankenhorn’s position (thesis), and how does he introduce this idea? Which claim seems to be the most significant and when does it appear in the essay?

2. Choose five paragraphs and analyze their structure (e.g., topic sentence, supporting details, sentence structure, and transitions linking paragraphs). Then explain how these elements do or do not help present a clear message.

3. Working with a classmate, choose seven logical fallacies explained on pages 257–260. Then discuss why you believe that Blankenhorn’s argument does or does not include these fallacies. Share your ideas with the class.

4. In paragraph 9, Blankenhorn makes the following claim: “Masculinity itself, understood as anything other than a rejection of what it has traditionally meant to be male, is typically treated with suspicion and even hostility in our cultural discourse.” Explain what he means and why you find it a strong or weak claim.

5. Analyze three passages in which the writer uses data to support a point. Then explain why that use of data is or is not effective.

6. In paragraph 17, Blankenhorn says, “Margaret Mead and others have observed that the supreme test of any civilization is whether it can socialize men by teaching them to be fathers—creating a culture in which men acknowledge their paternity and willingly nurture their offspring.” Explain what the quotation means and why it does or does not support the writer’s thesis.

7. In paragraph 22, the writer says, “In personal terms, the end result of this process, the final residue from what David Gutmann calls the ‘deculturation’ of paternity, is narcissism.” Define narcissism and explain how Blankenhorn’s use of the term does or does not develop his argument.

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Writing Guidelines Note: For in-depth help on developing persuasive arguments, see pages 249–264.

Planning 1. Select a debatable topic. Review the list below and add topics as needed.

■ Current Affairs: Explore recent trends, new laws, and emerging controversies discussed in the news media, blogs, or online discussion groups.

■ Burning Issues: What issues related to family, work, education, recreation, technology, the environment, or popular culture do you care about?

■ Dividing Lines: What issues divide your communities? Religion, gender, politics, regionalism, nationalism? Choose a topic and freewrite to clarify your position.

■ Fresh Fare: Avoid tired issues unless you take a fresh perspective.

2. Take stock. Before you dig into your topic, assess your starting point. What is your current position on the topic? Why? What evidence do you have?

3. Get inside the issue. To take a defensible position, study the issue carefully: ■ Investigate all possible positions on the issue and research as needed. ■ Do firsthand research that produces current, relevant information. ■ Write your position at the top of a page. Below it, set up “Pro” and “Con” columns.

List arguments in each column. ■ Develop reasoning that supports your position and test it for the following: (a) no

logical fallacies, such as slanted language, oversimplification, either/or thinking, straw-man and red-herring claims, appeals to pity, and personal attacks (see pages 257–260); and (b) an effective range of support: statistics, observations, expert testimony, comparisons, experiences, and analysis (see pages 254–256).

4. Refine your position. By now, you may have sharpened or radically changed your initial position on the topic. Before you organize and draft your essay, reflect on those changes. If it helps, use this formula:

I believe this to be true about .

5. Organize your argument and support. Now you’ve committed yourself to a position. Before drafting, review these organizational options: ■ Traditional Pattern: Introduce the issue, state your position, support it, address

and refute opposition, and restate your position. ■ Blatant Confession: Place your position statement in the first sentence. ■ Delayed Gratification: Describe various positions on the topic, compare and

contrast them, and then take and defend your position. ■ Changed Mind: If your research changed your mind, explain how and why. ■ Winning Over: If readers oppose your position, address their concerns by

anticipating and answering each objection or question

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Drafting 6. Write your first draft. Using freewriting and/or your notes, draft the paper.

■ Opening: Seize the reader’s attention, possibly with a bold title—or raise concern for the issue with a dramatic story, a pointed example, a vivid picture, a thought-provoking question, or a personal confession. Supply background information that readers need to understand the issue.

■ Development: Deepen, clarify, and support your position statement, using solid logic and reliable support. Address opposing views fairly as part of a clear, well- reasoned argument that helps readers understand and accept your position.

■ Closing: End on a lively, thoughtful note that stresses your commitment. If appropriate, make a direct or indirect plea to readers to adopt your position.

Revising 7. Improve the ideas, organization, and voice. Ask a classmate or someone from

the college’s writing center to read your position paper for the following:

Ideas: Does the writing effectively establish and defend a stand on a debatable issue? Is the position clearly stated and effectively qualified and refined? Do the reasoning and support help the reader understand and appreciate the position?

Organization: Does the opening effectively raise the issue? Does the middle offer a carefully sequenced development and defense of the position? Does the closing successfully drive home the position?

Voice: Is the voice thoughtful, measured, committed, and convincing?

Editing 8. Edit and proofread the essay by addressing these issues:

Words: Language is precise, concrete, and lively—no jargon, clichés, or insults.

Sentences: Constructions vary in length and flow smoothly. Correctness: The copy includes no errors in spelling, usage, punctuation, grammar, or mechanics.

Design: The page design is correctly formatted and attractive; information is properly documented according to the required system (e.g., MLA, APA).

Publishing 9. Publish your essay. Submit your position paper according to your instructor’s

requirements. In addition, seek a forum for your position—with peers in a discussion group, with relatives, or online.

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Learning-Outcomes Checklist Use the checklist below to assess what you have learned about taking a position in writing.

I can read and evaluate a position paper for clarity and logic.

I can identify these logical fallacies in others’ writing and correct them in my own writing: oversimplification, either/or thinking, straw-man and red- herring claims, appeals to pity, personal attacks.

I can strengthen my argument by answering opponents’ questions, making reasonable concessions, and rebutting opposing arguments.

I can develop logical claims supported with reliable evidence.

I can write a well-reasoned position paper in a measured but compelling voice.

Critical-Thinking and Writing Activities As directed by your instructor, complete the following critical-thinking and writing activities by yourself or with classmates.

1. Reflect on hot topics in your major—check textbooks, talk to professors or experts, and review journals in the field. Then write a position paper on a controversial issue.

2. Review Alyssa Woudstra’s essay, “Nuclear Is Not the Answer.” Then research this or another energy-related topic and write an essay in which you take a clear, well-reasoned position on one or more key issues.

3. Review Gary Steiner’s and Natalie Angier’s essays on what we should or should not eat. Then research the topic and develop your own argument in which you address relevant issues that they raise, as well as other issues that you think are relevant. Seek to state your position clearly and support your claims with reliable evidence.

4. Review David Blankenhorn’s essay, “Fatherless America,” paying special attention to the way he builds his argument with clear, well-documented claims. Then write your own position paper in which you oppose or support a claim about the family in society.

5. Draft or revise a position paper that addresses a controversial issue that exists within a community to which you belong (e.g., city, neighborhood, generation, race or ethnic group, gender, consumer group, online network) by respectfully describing opposing ideas and showing how each view is reasonable and acceptable.

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■ Reading Problem-Solution Writing The instructions below will help you understand and use problem/solution logic.

Consider the rhetorical situation. When reading problem/solution writing, think about its purpose, audience, and topic.

■ Purpose: Problem/solution writing aims to inform: to describe a problem accurately, to present workable solutions, and to explain the strengths and weaknesses of each. However, such writing also aims to persuade: to convince readers that a problem is urgent, that one solution is better than others, or that readers should implement it.

■ Audience: Potentially, writers could have four audiences: people responsible for the problem, decision makers with the power to adopt a solution, people affected by the problem, and a public who just want information about the problem. When reading the document, note whether it (1) offers all of its readers the information that they need and (2) communicates in language that they can understand and trust.

■ Topic: Clearly, problem/solution writing focuses on a problem, but it can be a problem broadly conceived—perhaps as a challenge or an opportunity. Across the college curriculum, such problems are typically discipline-related (e.g., dyslexia in Education, oil spills in Environmental Studies, agoraphobia in Psychology). In the workplace, problem/solution reasoning is used in proposals.

Consider the reasoning. When reading problem/solution writing, look for the following:

■ Accurate Description: The writer correctly describes the problem, including relevant details regarding its history, causes, effects, dangers, costs, and direct or indirect impact on readers. The writing also describes all reasonable solutions, including details about their history, side effects, costs, successes, and failures.

■ Thorough Analysis: The writer carefully analyzes the problem, each solution, and why the recommended solution is the best choice. The writer supports all claims with reliable data and logical reasoning.

■ Rational Argument: The writer’s claims and appeals for action are thoughtful, stated in objective terms, and presented in a measured, informed voice.

Reader’s Checklist What is the problem, what is its history, and why should the problem be resolved?

What is the solution, how does it resolve the problem, and with what side effects?

What action does the writer call for, and is it effective, realistic, and cost effective?

Are persuasive statements reasonable, well-documented, and free of fallacies?

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Dream Act May Help Local Student Fight for Residency

Attending college, joining the military, creating a career path: these are dreams for most U.S. high school graduates. But for Maria Lopez, a senior at San Marshall High School who has lived in the U.S for seven years, there is only one legal option: return to Mexico. She is one of nearly 65,000 high school students each year who do not have the opportunity to pursue their dreams because they arrived in the U.S. illegally. Like many of these students, Maria is highly motivated, hard working, and excited to be involved in her high school. However, Maria’s parents brought her to this country without going through the legal immigration process. As a result, by law she is an undocumented alien who has no method to achieve legal residency while living in the U.S.

Currently, children like Maria have only one route to legal residency: go back to their country of birth, file the proper paperwork, and then return to the U.S. Unfortunately, attempts to return legally are often difficult, with roadblocks such as a ten-year restriction on re-entering the U.S. However, one piece of proposed federal legislation could help these young people pursue their dreams: The Development, Relief, and Education for Alien Minors Act (S. 729), better known as the Dream Act, is an amendment to the Illegal Immigration Reform and Immigrant Responsibility Act of 1996.

The current version of this bill would grant eligible immigrant students six years of conditional residency during which they could earn full citizenship. To be eligible for conditional residency, a student must: (1) graduate from a U.S. high school or obtain a GED, (2) be of good moral character, (3) have arrived in the U.S. under the age of 16, (4) have proof of residence in the U.S. for at least five consecutive years since the arrival date, and (5) be between the ages of 12 and 35 at the time of the bill’s enactment. To gain full citizenship, the student must do one of the following during his or her residency: (1) complete at least two years of work toward a four-year college degree, (2) earn a two-year college degree, or (3) serve in the military for two years. If, within the six-year period, a student does not complete either the college

Proposing a Solution Journalism major Renee Wielenga wrote and published “Dream Act . . .” as a newspaper article. She then revised the piece as an essay, but retained the problem/solution reasoning used in her original article.

Outline Introduction: (Problem) Students’ dreams foiled by immigration laws; (Solution) Dream Act offers route to legal residency. 1. Bill’s requirements for residency and citizenship 2. Bill’s origin and increasing support 3. Bill’s remaining impediments Conclusion: The Dream Act warrants readers’ support.

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Title: the problem and solution

Introduction: (Problem) Students’ dreams foiled by immigration laws

(Solution) Dream Act offers route to legal residency.

1 Bill’s requirements for residency and citizenship

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Reading for Better Writing

requirement or the military-service requirement, the person would lose his or her temporary residency and be subject to deportation.

While the Dream Act was first introduced in 2001, and its progress toward approval has been slow, the bill’s popularity has grown each year since then. For example, in March 2009, the bill was re-introduced in the U.S. Senate by Richard Durbin (D-IL) and Richard Lugar (R-IN). Also at that time, Howard Berman (D-CA), Lincoln Diaz-Balart (R-FL), Lucille Roybal-Allard (D-CA), and a number of other legislators introduced the bill in the House of Representatives where the document is called the American Dream Act (H.R. 1751). In addition to these officials, many citizens such as Maria’s guidance counselor, Ben Barry, favor the bill, believing that it would give immigrant students a chance to give back to the country that has given so much to them, and the bill would offer those students an opportunity to utilize their hard-earned education and talents.

However, as of January 2010, the bill remains in the first step in the legislative process—a process in which bills go to committees or “mini congresses” that deliberate, investigate, and revise the bill before it is brought up for general debate in either the Senate or the House of Representatives. The disheartening fact, though, is that the majority of bills never make it out of these committees. Furthermore, supporters of Comprehensive Immigration Reform (CIR) are in favor of including the Dream Act as part of CIR, which could make the Dream Act subject to change yet again.

Given such debates, it might be a long time before the bill becomes law, thereby dashing the dreams of nearly 65,000 high school students like Maria who can’t wait another year because they may already be in deportation proceedings. We need to step up and educate our Representatives and Senators about the importance of passing the Dream Act on its own instead of including the bill along with CIR. We need to urge them to debate and approve the Dream Act now, thereby making Maria’s dreams— and the dreams of thousands of students like her—a reality!

Working by yourself or with a group, answer these questions:

1. What problem does Wielenga address, and how does she get readers to care about it?

2. What solution does she propose, and how does she explain or assert its value?

3. In paragraph 6, Wielenga urges readers to promote her solution. Explain why you do or do not find her rationale for action convincing.

4. As noted in the introduction, Wielenga published an earlier form of this essay in a newspaper. Given its content and tone, explain why you think this version of the piece might be appropriate for a news article, an editorial, or both.

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2 Bill’s origin and increasing support

3 Bill’s remaining impediments

Conclusion: The Dream Act warrants our support.

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Preparing for Agroterror

An al-Qaeda terrorist in Africa obtains a sample of fluid from a cow infected with foot-and-mouth disease, and he sends the fluid to an accomplice in a small, rural American town. This terrorist takes the sample around the country, stopping at several points to place small amounts of the fluid on objects that animals are likely to touch. When he is finished, he drives to the nearest airport and leaves the country unnoticed.

Cows, pigs, and sheep then come into contact with this highly contagious disease. Over the next few days, farmers see blisters on the feet and mouths of their animals. Thinking that the animals have a bacterial infection, the farmers administer antibiotics and wait for improvement. However, because antibiotics can’t kill a virus, the animals get sicker. Meanwhile, the virus is spreading by means of wind and the movement of animals and humans. Within a few weeks, the virus is out of control.

While the story above is hypothetical, it is also very possible. People used to think of terrorists as men in ski masks blowing up embassies and taking hostages. But after the events of September 11, 2001, and the subsequent anthrax scares, it is clear that more kinds of terrorism are possible.

One type rarely considered is agroterrorism, which involves using diseases as weapons to attack a country’s agriculture industry in order to attack the country itself. The agroterrorist’s weapons of choice are those diseases that affect plants, animals, and even humans. Professor Peter Chalk of the RAND Corporation, an expert on transnational terrorism, believes that agroterrorism should be a huge concern for Americans because it has many advantages from a terrorist’s point of view (37).

First of all, an attack on the agricultural sector of the United States would be quite easy. The diseases needed to kill large populations of animals can be obtained with little difficulty; the most devastating ones are ready for use in their natural form. These samples pose little risk to the terrorist because many of the diseases are harmless to humans.

In addition, doing agroterrorism is less risky in terms of getting caught and getting punished. Agroterrorism is hard to trace, especially because Americans have assumed that all animal epidemics are natural in origin and that American livestock contract such diseases only by accident. Consequences for those caught inflicting a disease on animals are also less severe than for terrorists who harm

Proposing a Solution In this essay, student writer Brian Ley defines agroterrorism, predicts that it could become a serious problem, and proposes a multifaceted solution.

Audio Video ModelWeb Link Exercise Interactive

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The writer opens by illustrating the problem.

He defines the problem and presents expert testimony.

He analyzes why the problem could become serious.

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humans. In fact, because agroterrorism first affects the health of plants and animals rather than humans, terrorists using this strategy can even escape some guilt for their actions.

However, while agroterrorist diseases would have little direct effect on people’s health, they would be devastating to the agricultural economy, in part because of the many different diseases that could be used in an attack. One of the most devastating is foot-and-mouth disease. This illness hurts all infected animals by impeding their weight gain, and it hurts dairy cows in particular by decreasing their milk production. Because the disease is highly contagious, all infected animals, along with any cloven-hoofed animals within about 50 miles of the infection site, must be killed.

While foot-and-mouth disease is not dangerous to humans, other animal diseases are. One of these is bovine spongiform encephalopathy, better known as mad-cow disease (“Mad Cow”). This illness is not easily spread, but a few cases in the United States would send people into a panic. Meat consumption would drop sharply, and the agricultural economy would be deeply shaken.

Another disease that could be used as a weapon is West Nile encephalitis. This virus can be spread by insects and can even cross species, affecting horses, birds, pigs, and humans. It is a fatal illness without a vaccination or a cure. These diseases are likely candidates for use in an agroterrorist attack (Smith 249).

The agricultural community is particularly susceptible to a terrorist attack. Unlike “typical” terrorist targets in metropolitan areas, farms do not have sophisticated security systems to protect against intruders. The average farmer’s security system includes a mean dog and a shotgun: the dog for humans and the gun for animal pests. If terrorists wanted to infect a dairy, swine operation, or even a large-scale cattle-finishing operation, they would encounter few obstacles. The terrorists merely have to place a piece of infected food in an area with livestock. This single action could start an epidemic.

Agroterrorism is a threat that demands a response. Several actions can be taken to discourage terrorism as well as to deal with its consequences. One of the first steps is convincing all citizens—farmers and nonfarmers alike—that agroterrorism could happen, and that it could cause horrific consequences. Farmers must realize that they are susceptible to an attack even though they may live far from large metropolitan areas. Nonfarmers must realize how an attack could affect them. If nonfarmers know that an attack could create panic, drive up food prices, and possibly eliminate food sources, they will look out for suspicious activity and report it.

Preventive action on farms is needed to ensure the safety of the food supply. For example, the South Dakota Animal Industry Board recently published a newsletter outlining several precautions that farmers can take. Farms should have

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Using specific details, he outlines the problem’s potential effects.

The writer proposes a multifaceted solution.

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better security, especially in areas where animals are kept. These security measures include allowing only authorized persons to have access to farm buildings and animals and keeping all key farm buildings locked (“Precautions”).

Farmers also need training to detect the diseases that terrorists might use and to know what actions can contain and decontaminate an infected area. For example, if a farmer discovers that cows have blisters on their tongues and noses, and that they are behaving abnormally, the owner should immediately call a veterinarian to assess the situation. Because the disease might be foot-and-mouth, no cattle should leave the farm until a diagnosis has been made.

In addition, public authorities need a plan for responding to an identified agroterrorism attack. For example, thousands of animals may have to be killed and disposed of—an action with significant environmental concerns. Moreover, public money should be used for continued research of the diseases that may be spread by agroterrorists. Vaccines and treatments may be produced that would stop diseases or limit them from becoming epidemic.

Agroterrorism has not yet been used on a large scale anywhere on the globe. However, its use seems inevitable. The United States is a prime target for terrorism of this sort because the country has the largest, most efficiently raised food supply in the world. Destroying part of this supply would affect not only the United States but also all those countries with whom it trades. Because the United States is a prime target, it must act now to develop its defenses against agroterrorism. If the country waits until an attack happens, people may become ill, the overall economy could be damaged, and the agricultural economy may never recover.

Note: The Works Cited page is not shown. For sample pages, see MLA (pages 526–527) and APA (page 557).

Working by yourself or with a group, answer these questions:

1. This essay predicts that a problem may develop. Is the writer’s prediction persuasive? Why or why not?

2. What tactics does the writer use to get readers concerned about the problem? Are these strategies successful?

3. The solution proposed is multifaceted. Briefly list who must do what. Is this solution persuasive? Is it workable? Does it get at root causes?

4. A strong proposal provides convincing evidence about both the problem and the solution. Trace the evidence used in this essay. Are the types of evidence convincing? Do any gaps need to be filled?

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The closing stresses the problem’s seriousness and calls for action.

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Uncle Sam and Aunt Samantha

One out of every five new recruits in the United States military is female. The Marines gave the Combat Action Ribbon for service in the Persian Gulf

to 23 women. Two female soldiers were killed in the bombing of the USS Cole. The Selective Service registers for the draft all male citizens between the ages

of 18 and 25. What’s wrong with this picture? As Americans read and realize that the lives of most women in this country

are as different from those of Afghan women as a Cunard cruise is from maximum-security lockdown, there has nonetheless been little attention paid to one persistent gender inequity in U.S. public policy. An astonishing anachronism, really: While women are represented today in virtually all fields, including the armed forces, only men are required to register for the military draft that would be used in the event of a national-security crisis.

Since the nation is as close to such a crisis as it has been in more than sixty years, it’s a good moment to consider how the draft wound up in this particular time warp. It’s not the time warp of the Taliban, certainly, stuck in the worst part of the 13th century, forbidding women to attend school or hold jobs or even reveal their arms, forcing them into sex and marriage. Our own time warp is several decades old. The last time the draft was considered seriously was twenty years ago, when registration with the Selective Service was restored by Jimmy Carter after the Soviet invasion of, yep, Afghanistan. The president, as well as the Army chief of staff, asked at the time for the registration of women as well as men.

Amid a welter of arguments—women interfere with esprit de corps, women don’t have the physical strength, women prisoners could be sexually assaulted, women soldiers would distract male soldiers from their mission—Congress shot down the notion of gender-blind registration. So did the Supreme Court, ruling that since women were forbidden to serve in combat positions and the purpose of the draft was to create a combat-ready force, it made sense not to register them.

But that was then, and this is now. Women have indeed served in combat positions, in the Balkans and the Middle East. More than 40,000 managed to serve in the Persian Gulf without destroying unit cohesion or failing because of upper-body strength. Some are even now taking out targets in Afghanistan

Proposing a Solution Anna Quindlen’s New York Times column “Public and Private” won the 1992 Pulitzer Prize for commentary. She now writes a regular column for Newsweek, where “Uncle Sam and Aunt Samantha” was originally published in 2001.

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Each of the first five paragraphs is one sentence long.

The writer identifies the problem that she wants solved.

She provides background about the source and history of the problem.

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from fighter jets, and apparently without any male soldier’s falling prey to some predicted excess of chivalry or lust.

Talk about cognitive dissonance. All these military personnel, male and female alike, have come of age at a time when a significant level of parity was taken for granted. Yet they are supposed to accept that only males will be required to defend their country in a time of national emergency. This is insulting to men. And it is insulting to women. Caroline Forell, an expert on women’s legal rights and a professor at the University of Oregon School of Law, puts it bluntly: “Failing to require this of women makes us lesser citizens.”

Neither the left nor the right has been particularly inclined to consider this issue judiciously. Many feminists came from the antiwar movement and have let their distaste for the military in general and the draft in particular mute their response. In 1980 NOW [National Organization for Women] released a resolution that buried support for the registration of women beneath opposition to the draft, despite the fact that the draft had been redesigned to eliminate the vexing inequities of Vietnam, when the sons of the working class served and the sons of the Ivy League did not. Conservatives, meanwhile, used an equal-opportunity draft as the linchpin of opposition to the Equal Rights Amendment, along with the terrifying specter of unisex bathrooms. (I have seen the urinal, and it is benign.) The legislative director of the right-wing group Concerned Women for America once defended the existing regulations by saying that most women “don’t want to be included in the draft.” All those young men who went to Canada during Vietnam and those who today register with fear and trembling in the face of the Trade Center devastation might be amazed to discover that lack of desire is an affirmative defense.

Parents face a series of unique new challenges in this more egalitarian world, not the least of which would be sending a daughter off to war. But parents all over this country are doing that right now, with daughters who enlisted; some have even expressed surprise that young women, in this day and age, are not required to register alongside their brothers and friends. While all involved in this debate over the years have invoked the assumed opposition of the people, even ten years ago more than half of all Americans polled believed women should be made eligible for the draft. Besides, this is not about comfort but about fairness. My son has to register with the Selective Service this year, and if his sister does not when she turns 18, it makes a mockery not only of the standards of this household but of the standards of this nation.

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A quotation helps to explain why the writer understands the situation to be a problem.

The writer anticipates and addresses counter- arguments to her position.

She supports her position with statistics as well as personal anecdotes and comparisons to other situations.

Yet they are supposed to accept that only males will be required to defend their country . . .

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Reading for Better Writing

It is possible in Afghanistan for women to be treated like little more than fecund pack animals precisely because gender fear and ignorance and hatred have been codified and permitted to hold sway. In this country, largely because of the concerted efforts of those allied with the women’s movement over a century of struggle, much of that bigotry has been beaten back, even buried. Yet in improbable places the creaky old ways surface, the ways suggesting that we women were made of finer stuff. The finer stuff was usually porcelain, decorative and on the shelf, suitable for meals and show. Happily, the finer stuff has been transmuted into the right stuff. But with rights come responsibilities, as teachers like to tell their students. This is a responsibility that should fall equally upon all, male and female alike. If the empirical evidence is considered rationally, if the decision is divested of outmoded stereotypes, that’s the only possible conclusion to be reached.

Working by yourself or with a group, answer these questions:

1. Which problem(s) does Quindlen identify? Which solution(s) does she propose? To what extent would the proposed solution(s) solve the problem(s) Quindlen discusses?

2. Review the section in chapter 16 about “Identifying Logical Fallacies” (see pages 257–260). Quindlen’s opponents might accuse her of “either/or thinking,” pointing out that instead of addressing only two options, she could also have argued to end the draft for everyone. Which other logical fallacies might Quindlen’s opponents accuse her of making? Would you agree with them? Why or why not?

3. Which strategies does Quindlen use to try to convince readers that the situation she describes is problematic?

4. Why does the writer acknowledge that there may be opposition to her description of the problem and to her proposed solution? How does she respond to these counterarguments?

5. Why does the essay open with a series of one-sentence paragraphs? How might the effect of the essay differ if these sentences had been combined into one paragraph?

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This is a responsibility that should fall equally upon all, male and female alike.

The writer appeals to the reader’s logic and ethics.

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The beckoning silence: Why half of the world’s languages are in serious danger of dying out

High up, perched among the remote hilltops of eastern Nepal, sits a shaman, resting on his haunches in long grass. He is dressed simply, in a dark waistcoat and traditional kurta tunic with a Nepalese cap sitting snugly on his head. To his left and right, two men hold recording devices several feet from his face, listening patiently to his precious words. His tongue elicits sounds alien to all but a few people in the world, unfamiliar even to those who inhabit his country. His eyes flicker with all the intensity of a man reciting for the first time to a western audience his tribe’s version of the Book of Genesis, its myth of origins.

The shaman’s story is centuries old, passed down from one generation to the next through chants, poems, songs, proverbs and plain story-telling. Yet this narrative and, indeed, his entire language have never been recorded in text. And, faced with the onslaught of rapid globalization and social change, they are dying. Whether it be through well-intentioned national education programs in Nepalese, the younger generation leaving for bigger Asian cities or simply the death of elders, the day when no one will speak the ancient tongue of the Rai tribe is fast approaching.

The plight of the shaman’s language and that of his community is by no means confined to this small, but beautiful area of Nepal; it is the apparent fate of thousands of communities, societies, and indigenous groups all around the world. But not if Dr. Mark Turin can help it.

The University of Cambridge academic is leading a project that aims to pull thousands of languages back from the brink of extinction by recording and archiving words, poems, chants—anything that can be committed to tape—in a bid to halt their destruction. Languages the majority of us will never know anything about.

Of the world’s 6,500 living languages, around half are expected to die out by the end of this century, according to Unesco. Just 11 are spoken by more than half the earth’s population, so it is little wonder that those used by only a few are being left behind as we become a more homogenous, global society. In short, 95 percent of the world’s languages are spoken by only five per cent of its population—a remarkable level of linguistic diversity stored in tiny pockets of speakers around the world.

In a small office room in the back of Cambridge’s Museum of Archaeology & Anthropology—a place in which you almost expect Harrison Ford to walk around the corner at any moment, fedora on head, whip in hand —Turin looks over the contents of a box that arrived earlier in the morning from India. “[The receptionists]

Proposing a Solution Paul Bignell published the essay below in the December 13, 2009, edition of The Independent. In the essay, he describes dying languages across the globe and argues that their loss would significantly diminish world culture. He closes by urging readers to be informed about the problem and to pursue workable solutions.

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As you read, take notes about the author’s presentation of both the problem and the solution, as well as your response to his argument.

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are quite used to getting these boxes now,” says the 36-year-old anthropologist, who is based at the university. Inside the box, which is covered in dozens of rupee postage stamps, are DVDs representing hours of chants, songs, poems and literature from a tiny Indian community that is desperate for its language to have a voice and be included in Turin’s venture.

For many of these communities, the oral tradition is at the heart of their culture. The stories they tell are creative works as well as communicative. Unlike the languages with celebrated written traditions, such as Sanskrit, Hebrew and Ancient Greek, few indigenous communities—from the Kallawaya tribe in Bolivia and the Maka in Paraguay to the Siberian language of Chulym, to India’s Arunachal Pradesh state Aka group and the Australian Aboriginal Amurdag community—have recorded their own languages or ever had them recorded. Until now. Turin launched the World Oral Literature Project earlier this year with an aim to document and make accessible endangered languages before they disappear without trace.

He is trying to encourage indigenous communities to collaborate with anthropologists around the world to record what he calls “oral literature” through video cameras, voice recorders and other multimedia tools by awarding grants from a £30,000 pot that the project has secured this year. The idea is to collate this literature in a digital archive that can be accessed on demand and will make the nuts and bolts of lost cultures readily available. As useful as this archive will be for Western academic study—the World Oral Literature Project is convening for its first international workshop in Cambridge this week—Turin believes it is of vital importance that the scheme also be used by the communities he and his researchers are working with.

The project suggested itself when Turin was teaching in Nepal. He wanted to study for a Ph.D. in endangered languages and, while discussing it with his professor at Leiden University in the Netherlands, was drawn to a map on his tutor’s wall. The map was full of pins of a variety of colors which represented all the world’s languages that were completely undocumented. At random, Turin chose a “pin” to document. It happened to belong to the Thangmi tribe, an indigenous community in the hills east of Kathmandu, the capital of Nepal. “Many of the choices anthropologists and linguists who work on these traditional field-work projects take are quite random,” he admits. “There’s a lot of serendipity involved.”

Continuing his work with the Thangmi community in the 1990s, Turin began to record the language he was hearing, realizing that not only was this language and its culture entirely undocumented, it was known to few outside the tiny community. He set about trying to record their language and myth of origins. “I wrote 1,000 pages of grammar in English that nobody could use—but I realized that wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough for me, it wasn’t enough for them. It simply wasn’t going to work as something for the community. So then I produced this trilingual word list in Thangmi, Nepali and English.”

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In short, it was the first ever publication of that language. That small dictionary is still sold in local schools for a modest 20 rupees, and used as part of a wider cultural regeneration process to educate children about their heritage and language. The task is no small undertaking: Nepal itself is a country of massive ethnic and linguistic diversity, home to 100 languages from four different language families. What’s more, ever fewer ethnic Thangmi speak the Thangmi language. Many of the community members have taken to speaking Nepali, the national language taught in schools and spread through the media, and community elders are dying without passing on their knowledge.

Since the project got under way, along with similar ventures by the National Geographic initiative Enduring Voices, the Hans Rausing Endangered Languages Project and the Arcadia Fund, many more communities around the world have similarly either requested inclusion or responded to the suggestion that their language is in need of recording. (One task involved making recordings of ceremonial chants of the Barasana language, spoken by just 1,890 people in the Vaupés region of Columbia.)

The lexicographer Dr. Sarah Ogilvie worked with the Umagico Aboriginal community at Cape York Peninsula in northern Australia, for example. Like Turin, she developed an entire dictionary of the community’s language, Morrobalama—the first time their purely oral language had ever been written and recorded. Living with the community for a year-and-a-half in difficult conditions and being the only non- native person in the group, she began learning the language from scratch, as no one spoke English.

“As a lexicographer, I wanted to look at how we could write better dictionaries of languages that are dying—that not only preserve the language, but can be used as practical tools themselves,” says Ogilvie.

After learning Morrobalama orally, she started her dictionary by writing the words down in the International Phonetic Alphabet. Then, by looking for patterns in the sounds, she was able to come up with a unique writing system. “I was lucky in the sense that no one else had tried to record the language before; often for linguists, the situation is made more complex if someone has already attempted to record the language before them—it may have been written badly, yet you can’t erase it and the community might have actually become quite attached to it.”

Despite Turin’s enthusiasm for his subject, he is baffled by many linguists’ refusal to engage in the issue he is working on. “Of the 6,500 languages spoken on Earth, many do not have written traditions and many of these spoken forms are endangered,” he says. “There are more linguists in universities around the world than there are spoken languages—but most of them aren’t working on this issue. To me it’s amazing that in this day and age, we still have an entirely incomplete image of the world’s linguistic

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diversity. People do Ph.D.s on the apostrophe in French, yet we still don’t know how many languages are spoken.

“When a language becomes endangered, so too does a cultural world view. We want to engage with indigenous people to document their myths and folklore, which can be harder to find funding for if you are based outside Western universities. If you are a Himalayan tribesman, you might not have access to a video camera to record your shaman and elders.”

While these languages may seem remote and distant, it is worth remembering that British languages such as Welsh and Gaelic were in danger of becoming extinct not so long ago. In fact, Turin admits that these languages, too, including Cornish, need considerable effort to keep them going. “People often think it’s only tribal cultures that are under threat. But all over Europe there are pockets of traditional communities and speech forms that have become extinct. It is the domain of stronger nation states with better resources to look after their own indigenous tongues, through Welsh-language TV, for example, and for those from north-western France, Breton literature.”

Similar to the introduction of the Welsh Language Act in 1993, the Scottish Government is moving to protect and promote Gaelic. A new agreement means that Gaelic can now be used formally in meetings between Scottish government ministers and EU officials. An extra £800,000 was also pledged for a project promoting Gaelic in schools, taking the level of funding to £2.15m. Nevertheless, Scottish Gaelic is not one of the EU’s list of 23 “official” languages.

Yet, despite the struggles facing initiatives such as the World Oral Literature Project, there are historical examples that point to the possibility that language restoration is no mere academic pipe dream. The revival of a modern form of Hebrew in the 19th century is often cited as one of the best proofs that languages long dead, belonging to small communities, can be resurrected and embraced by a large number of people. By the 20th century, Hebrew was well on its way to becoming the main language of the Jewish population of both Ottoman and British Palestine. It is now spoken by more than seven million people in Israel.

Turin’s projects receive a tiny fraction of the amounts spent in the UK on promoting language, but he believes there is much more at stake than even language and culture in the communities he works with: their extinction hints at dangers for the very biodiversity of their homelands, too. Experts now agree that there is a correlation between areas of cultural, linguistic and biological diversity. The mountain ranges, rivers and gorges that might isolate a human community and lead to the development of their specific native tongue are often the same geographical features that give rise to specialized ecosystems.

“The more flora and fauna you have, the more you can eat, therefore the less people have to trade, minimizing the effects of interaction with other outside

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Reading for Better Writing

influences,” he says. “In parts of Papua New Guinea, for example, five minutes away from your house you have everything you need to survive. Places that are diverse in species are diverse in languages and cultures.” In other words, if the locals start speaking other languages, it is indicative of a growing outside influence—and that can be bad news for the ecology.

Yet, despite the difficulties these communities face in saving their languages, Dr. Turin believes that the fate of the world’s endangered languages is not sealed, and globalization is not necessarily the nefarious perpetrator of evil it is often presented to be. “I call it the globalization paradox: on the one hand globalization and rapid socio- economic change are the things that are eroding and challenging diversity. But on the other, globalization is providing us with new and very exciting tools and facilities to get to places to document those things that globalization is eroding. Also, the communities at the coal-face of change are excited by what globalization has to offer.”

In the meantime, the race is on to collect and protect as many of the languages as possible, so that the Rai Shaman in eastern Nepal and those in the generations that follow him, can continue their traditions and have a sense of identity. And it certainly is a race: Turin knows his project’s limits and believes it inevitable that a large number of those languages will disappear. “We have to be wholly realistic. A project like ours is in no position, and was not designed, to keep languages alive. The only people who can help languages survive are the people in those communities themselves. They need to be reminded that it’s good to speak their own language and I think we can help them do that—becoming modern doesn’t mean you have to lose your language.”

[For more information visit the Hans Rausing Endangered Languages Project, www. hrelp.org and the World Oral Literature Project, www.oralliterature.org]

Working by yourself or with a group, answer the following questions:

1. Describe the problem that Bignell addresses, cite two or three examples, and explain why he thinks that situation should be resolved.

2. The writer uses anecdotes, quotations, and data to show that the demise of languages is a problem worth solving. Cite three passages that you find effective and explain why.

3. Identify two efforts or solutions that the writer suggests might help resolve the problem. Describe the efforts and assess their potential effectiveness.

4. Has the writer convinced you that the problem is real and warrants solving? Explain.

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Writing Guidelines

Planning 1. Select and narrow a topic. Brainstorm possibilities from this list:

■ People Problems: Consider generations—your own or a relative’s. What problems face this generation? Why, and how can they be solved?

■ College Problems: List problems faced by college students. In your major, what problems are experts trying to solve?

■ Social Problems: What problems do our communities and country face? Where do you see suffering, injustice, inequity, waste, or harm?

■ Workplace Problems: What job-related problems have you experienced or might you experience?

Then test your topic: ■ Is the problem real, serious, and currently—or potentially—harmful? ■ Do you care about this problem and believe that it must be solved? Why? ■ Can you offer a workable solution—or should you focus on part of the problem?

2. Identify and analyze your audience. You could have four audiences: people responsible for the problem, decision makers with the power to deliver change, people affected by the problem, and a public that wants to learn about it. ■ What do readers know about the problem? What are their questions or concerns? ■ Why might they accept or resist change? What solution might they prefer? ■ What arguments and evidence would convince them to acknowledge the problem,

to care about it, and to take action?

3. Probe the problem. If helpful, use the graphic organizer on page 53. ■ Define the problem. What is it, exactly? What are its parts or dimensions? ■ Determine the problem’s seriousness. Why should it be fixed? Who is affected

and how? What are its immediate, long-term, and potential effects? ■ Analyze causes. What are its root causes and contributing factors? ■ Explore context. What is the problem’s background, history, and connection

to other problems? What solutions have been tried in the past? Who, if anyone, benefits from the problem’s existence?

■ Think creatively. Look at the problem from other perspectives—other states and countries, both genders, different races and ethnic groups, and so on.

4. Choose the best solution. List all imaginable solutions—both modest and radical fixes. Then evaluate the alternatives: ■ List criteria that any solution should meet. ■ List solutions and analyze their strengths, weaknesses, costs, and so on. ■ Choose the best solution and gather evidence supporting your choice.

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Writing Guidelines

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Drafting 5. Outline your proposal and complete a first draft. Describe the problem, offer a

solution, and defend it using strategies that fit your purpose and audience. ■ The problem: Inform and/or persuade readers about the problem by using

appropriate background information, cause/effect analysis, examples, analogies, parallel cases, visuals, and expert testimony.

■ The solution: If necessary, first argue against alternative solutions. Then present your solution, stating what should happen, who should be involved, and why.

■ The support: Show how the solution solves the problem. Use facts and analysis to argue that your solution is feasible and to address objections. If appropriate, use visuals such as photographs, drawings, or graphics to help readers grasp the nature and impact of the problem.

Revising 6. Improve the ideas, organization, and voice. Ask a classmate or someone from

the college’s writing center to read your call-to-action paper for the following:

Ideas: Does the solution fit the problem? Is the proposal precise, well researched, and well reasoned—free from oversimplification and obfuscation?

Organization: Does the writing move convincingly from problem to solution, using fitting compare/contrast, cause/effect, and process structures?

Voice: Is the tone positive, confident, objective, and sensitive to opposing viewpoints—and appropriate to the problem’s seriousness.

Editing 7. Edit and proofread the essay. Look for these issues:

Words: Words are precise, effectively defined, and clear. Sentences: Sentences are smooth, energetic, and varied in structure. Correctness: The copy has correct grammar, spelling, usage, and mechanics. Design: The design includes proper formatting and documentation.

Publishing 8. Prepare and share your final essay. Submit your proposal to your instructor, but

also consider sharing it with audiences who have a stake in solving the problem.

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Learning-Outcomes Checklist Use the checklist below to identify what you have learned from this chapter and what you should review.

I can read and evaluate problem/solution essays for clear information, logical claims, and reliable evidence.

I can analyze a problem’s history, causes, effects, and impact on my intended readers.

I can analyze potential solutions, evaluate their strengths and weaknesses, select the best solution, and rationally explain my choice.

I can identify and correct logical fallacies such as obfuscation, oversimplification, and slanted language.

I can write a convincing essay that rationally analyzes a problem, proposes a reasonable solution, and advocates its implementation.

Critical-Thinking and Writing Activities As directed by your instructor, complete the following critical-thinking and writing activities by yourself or with classmates.

1. Note that Renee Wielenga initially wrote her essay in journalistic style and published the piece in a regional newspaper. Select a problem in your community, research the problem, and then write a news article or an editorial on the topic. Use problem/solution reasoning and submit the piece to your college or community newspaper.

2. “Preparing for Agroterror” predicts that a problem might develop. Thinking about current conditions and trends, forecast a problem, and write a proposal explaining how to prepare for or prevent it.

3. Review the section in chapter 16 about “Engaging the Opposition” (pages 261– 263). Also review how Anna Quindlen engages her opposition in “Uncle Sam and Aunt Samantha.” Then consider a persuasive piece that you are drafting or revising. How might you engage the opposition in a dialogue about your arguments? Revise your writing as needed.

4. Review the section in chapter 16 about “Identifying Logical Fallacies” (pages 257–260). Write a humorous problem/solution essay in which you make an argument that includes a number of obvious logical fallacies. Share your writing with the class.

5. What are some challenges facing the planet Earth and the human race in the foreseeable future? Find a focused challenge and write a proposal that addresses it.

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Visually Speaking

473

When you write a research paper, you enter a larger conversation about your topic. The paper should center on your own ideas while thoughtfully engaging with the ideas of others. Crediting sources ensures that each voice in the conversation is fairly represented.

This chapter focuses on effective and conscientious use of sources in your writing, with tips for avoiding source abuse and plagiarism. It also helps you write a first draft of your paper.

Drafting a Paper with Documented Research30

How does the photograph above connote the process of deciding what sources to include in a paper?

Learning Outcomes ▶ Understand and avoid

plagiarism.

▶ Avoid other source abuses. ▶ Organize and synthesize

your findings.

▶ Develop your first draft. ▶ Use source material in your

writing.

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Research and Writing474

 Avoiding Plagiarism The road to plagiarism may be paved with the best intentions—or the worst. Either way, the result is still a serious academic offense. As you write your research paper, do everything you can to stay off that road! Start by studying your school’s and your instructor’s guidelines on plagiarism and other academic offenses. Then study the following pages.

What is plagiarism? Plagiarism is using someone else’s words, ideas, or images (what’s called intellectual property) so they appear to be your own. When you plagiarize, you use source material— whether published in print or online—without acknowledging the source. In this sense, plagiarism refers to a range of thefts:

■ Submitting a paper you didn’t write yourself. ■ Pasting large chunks of a source into your paper and passing it off as

your own work. ■ Using summaries, paraphrases, or quotations without documentation. ■ Using the exact phrasing of a source without quotation marks. ■ Mixing up source material and your own ideas—failing to distinguish

between the two.

The passage below is from page 87 of “Some Stories Have to Be Told by Me: A Literary History of Alice Munro,” by Marcela Valdes, published in the Virginia Quarterly Review 82.3 (Summer 2006).

What makes Munro’s characters so enthralling is their inconsistency; like real people, at one moment they declare they will cover the house in new siding, at the next, they vomit on their way to the hospital. They fight against and seek refuge in the people they love. The technique that Munro has forged to get at such contradictions is a sort of pointillism, the setting of one bright scene against another, with little regard for chronology.

Plagiarism refers to more than “word theft.” Because plagiarism is really about failing to credit ideas and information, the rules also apply to visual images, tables, graphs, charts, maps, music, videos, and so on.

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What does plagiarism look like? Plagiarism refers to a range of source abuses. What exactly do these violations look like? Read the passage below, and then review the five types of plagiarism that follow, noting how each misuses the source.

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 Submitting Another Writer’s Paper The most blatant plagiarism is taking an entire piece of writing and claiming it as your own work. Examples:

■ Downloading, reformatting, and submitting an article as your own work. ■ Buying a paper from a “paper mill” or taking a “free” paper off the Internet. ■ Turning in another student’s work as your own (see “Falstaffing” on page 479).

Just as it’s easy to plagiarize using the Internet, it’s easy for your professors to recognize and track down plagiarism using Internet tools.fyi

 Using Copy and Paste It is unethical to take chunks of material from another source and splice them into your paper without acknowledgment. In the example below, the writer pastes in a sentence from the original article (boldfaced) without using quotation marks or a citation. Even if the writer changed some words, it would still be plagiarism.

Life typically unfolds mysteriously for Munro’s characters, with unexplained events and choices. Like real people, at one moment they declare they will cover the house in new siding, at the next, they vomit on their way to the hospital.

 Failing to Cite a Source Borrowed material must be documented. Even if you use information accurately and fairly, don’t neglect to cite the source. Below, the writer correctly summarizes the passage’s idea but offers no citation.

For the reader, the characters in Munro’s stories are interesting because they are so changeable. Munro shows these changes by using a method of placing scenes side by side for contrast, without worrying about the chronological connections.

 Neglecting Necessary Quotation Marks Whether it’s a paragraph or a phrase, if you use the exact wording of a source, that material must be enclosed in quotation marks. In the example below, the writer cites the source but doesn’t use quotation marks around a phrase taken from the original (boldfaced).

What makes Munro’s characters so typically human is that they fight against and seek refuge in the people they love (Valdes 87).

 Confusing Borrowed Material with Your Own Ideas Through carelessness (often in note taking), you may confuse source material with your own thinking. Below, the writer indicates that he borrowed material in the first sentence, but fails to indicate that he also borrowed the next sentence.

As Marcela Valdes explains, “[w]hat makes Munro’s characters so enthralling is their inconsistency” (87). To achieve this sense of inconsistency, Munro places brightly lit scenes beside each other in a kind of pointillist technique.

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Why is plagiarism serious? Perhaps the answer is obvious. But some people operate with the notion that material on the Internet (whether text, graphics, or sound) is “free” and, therefore, fair game for research writing. After all, a lot of stuff on the web doesn’t even list an author, so what’s the harm? Here’s some food for thought:

 Academic Dishonesty At its heart, plagiarism is cheating—stealing intellectual property and passing it off as one’s own work. Colleges take such dishonesty seriously. Plagiarism, whether intentional or unintentional, will likely be punished in one or more ways:

■ A failing grade for the assignment ■ A failing grade for the course ■ A note on your academic transcript (often seen by potential employers) that failure

resulted from academic dishonesty ■ Expulsion from college

 Theft from the Academic Community The research paper represents your dialogue with other members of the academic community—classmates, the instructor, others in your major, others who have researched the topics, and so on. When you plagiarize, you short-circuit the dialogue:

■ You gain an unfair advantage over your classmates who follow the rules and earn their grades.

■ You disrespect other writers, researchers, and scholars. ■ You disrespect your readers by passing off others’ ideas as your own. ■ You insult your instructor, a person whose respect you need. ■ You harm your college by risking its reputation and its academic integrity.

 Now and in the Future Because research projects help you master course-related concepts and writing skills, plagiarism robs you of an opportunity to learn either. Moreover, you rob yourself of your integrity and reputation. After all, as a student you are seeking to build your credibility within the broader academic community, your major, and your future profession.

In addition, research projects often train you for your future work in terms of research, thinking, and writing skills—skills that you will need to succeed in the workplace. If you do not learn the skills now, you will enter the workplace without them—a situation that your employer will, at some point, find out.

One tool to deter plagiarism is Turnitin.com. Students submit their papers for comparison against millions of webpages and other student papers. Students and instructors get reports about originality and matching text. For more on this tool, visit www.thecollegewriter.com/4e.

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How do I avoid plagiarism? Preventing plagiarism begins the moment you get an assignment. Essentially, prevention requires your commitment and diligence throughout the project.

Resist temptation. With the Internet, plagiarism is a mouse click away. Avoid last- minute all-nighters that make you desperate; start research projects early. Note: It’s better to ask for an extension or accept a penalty for lateness than to plagiarize.

Play by the rules. Become familiar with your college’s definition, guidelines, and policies regarding plagiarism so that you don’t unknowingly violate them. When in doubt, ask your instructor for clarification.

Take orderly, accurate notes. From the start, carefully keep track of source material and distinguish it from your own thinking. Specifically, do the following:

■ Maintain an accurate working bibliography (pages 430–431). ■ Adopt a decent note-taking system (pages 432–435). ■ Accurately summarize, paraphrase, and quote sources in your notes

(pages 436–438).

Document borrowed material. Credit information that you have summarized, paraphrased, or quoted from any source, whether that information is statistics, facts, graphics, phrases, or ideas. Readers can then see what’s borrowed and what’s yours, understand your support, and do their own follow-up research.

Common Knowledge Exception: Common knowledge is information—a basic fact, for instance—that is generally known to readers or easily found in several sources, particularly reference works. Such knowledge need not be cited. However, when you go beyond common knowledge into research findings, interpretations of the facts, theories, explanations, claims, arguments, and graphics, you must document the source. Study the examples below, but whenever you are in doubt, document.

Examples: ■ The fact that automakers are developing hybrid-electric cars is common

knowledge, whereas the details of GM’s AUTOnomy project are not. ■ The fact that Shakespeare wrote Hamlet is common knowledge, whereas

the details of his sources are not.

Work carefully with source material in your paper. See pages 484–487 for more on integrating and documenting sources, but here, briefly, are your responsibilities:

■ Distinguish borrowed material from your own thinking by signaling where source material begins and ends.

■ Indicate the source’s origin with an attributive phrase and a citation (parenthetical reference or footnote).

■ Provide full source information in a works-cited or references page.

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Research and Writing478

 Avoiding Other Source Abuses Plagiarism, though the most serious offense, is not the only source abuse to avoid when writing a paper with documented research. Consider these pitfalls, which refer again to the sample passage on page 474.

 Using Sources Inaccurately When you get a quotation wrong, botch a summary, paraphrase poorly, or misstate a statistic, you misrepresent the original. In this quotation, the writer carelessly uses several wrong words that change the meaning, as well as adding two words that are not in the original.

As Marcela Valdes explains, “[w]hat makes Munro’s characters so appalling is their consistency. . . . They fight against and seek refuse in the people they say they love” (87).

 Using Source Material Out of Context By ripping a statement out of its context and forcing it into yours, you can make a source seem to say something that it didn’t really say. This writer uses part of a statement to say the opposite of the original.

According to Marcela Valdes, while Munro’s characters are interesting, Munro’s weakness as a fiction writer is that she shows “little regard for chronology” (87).

 Overusing Source Material When your paper reads like a string of references, especially quotations, your own thinking disappears. The writer below takes the source passage, chops it up, and splices it together.

Anyone who has read her stories knows that “[w]hat makes Munro’s characters so enthralling is their inconsistency.” That is to say, “like real people, at one moment they declare they will cover the house in new siding, at the next, they vomit on their way to the hospital.” Moreover, “[t]hey fight against and seek refuge in the people they love.” This method “that Munro has forged to get at such contradictions is a sort of pointillism,” meaning “the setting of one bright scene against another, with little regard for chronology” (Valdes 87)

 “Plunking” Quotations When you “plunk” quotations into your paper by failing to prepare the reader for them and follow them up, the discussion becomes choppy and disconnected. The writer below interrupts the flow of ideas with a quotation “out of the blue.” In addition, the quotation hangs at the end of a paragraph with no follow-up.

Typically, characters such as Del Jordan, Louisa Doud, and Almeda Roth experience a crisis through contact with particular men. “They fight against and seek refuge in the people they love” (Valdes 87).

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 Using “Blanket” Citations Your reader shouldn’t have to guess where borrowed material begins and ends. For example, if you place a parenthetical citation at the end of a paragraph, does that citation cover the whole paragraph or just the final sentence?

 Relying Heavily on One Source If your writing is dominated by one source, readers may doubt the depth and integrity of your research. Instead, your writing should show your reliance on a balanced diversity of sources.

 Failing to Match In-Text Citations to Bibliographic Entries All in-text citations must clearly refer to accurate entries in the works-cited, references, or endnotes page. Mismatching occurs in the following circumstances:

■ An in-text citation refers to a source that is not listed in the bibliography. ■ A bibliographic resource is never actually referenced anywhere in the paper.

 Related Academic Offenses Beyond plagiarism and related source abuses, steer clear of these academic offenses:

Double-dipping: When you submit one paper in two different classes without permission from both instructors, you take double credit for one project.

Falstaffing: This practice refers to a particular type of plagiarism in which one student submits another student’s work. Know that you are guilty of Falstaffing if you let another student submit your paper.

Copyright violations: When you copy, distribute, and/or post in whole or in part any intellectual property without permission from or payment to the copyright holder, you commit a copyright infringement, especially when you profit from this use. To avoid copyright violations in your research projects, do the following:

■ Observe fair use guidelines: Quote small portions of a document for limited purposes, such as education or research. Avoid copying large portions for your own gain.

■ Understand what’s in the public domain: You need not obtain permission to copy and use public domain materials—primarily documents created by the government, but also some material posted on the Internet as part of the “copy left” movement.

■ Observe intellectual property and copyright laws: First, know your college’s policies on copying documents. Second, realize that copyright protects the expression of ideas in a range of materials—writings, videos, songs, photographs, drawings, computer software, and so on. Always obtain permission to copy and distribute copyrighted materials.

■ Avoid changing a source (e.g., a photo) without permission of the creator or copyright holder.

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Research and Writing480

 Organizing and Synthesizing Your Findings Your research may generate a mass of notes, printouts, photocopies, electronic files, and more. The challenge is to move from this mass to a coherent structure for the paper you need to write. If you have systematically taken good notes (see pages 432–435), you are well on the way. In addition, the tips below and on the next page will help you move toward order.

Develop your ideas. Good thinking is foundational to good research writing. To develop ideas for your research project, follow these steps:

Refocus on your research questions and working thesis. Has research changed your perspective and position?

Study the evidence. Review your materials once, twice, or more—as long as it takes for ideas to percolate and information to make sense. Consider these questions:

■ Is the information complete or at least sufficient for the project? ■ Does the information seem reliable and accurate? ■ How does the information relate to the topic? ■ What connections exist among different pieces of evidence? ■ Does the information gathered fall naturally into patterns?

Develop sound conclusions through analysis and synthesis. Practice these strategies (and check pages 18–25 for more on sound thinking):

■ Work against personal biases that create blind spots to what the evidence is saying. Be open to different angles provided by all the evidence. Think through both pros and cons.

■ Practice logic in your analysis, but also tap into your intuition, creativity, and imagination.

■ Interpret statistical data carefully and correctly. ■ Logically distinguish between causes and effects; carefully link them. ■ If you are comparing, make sure that the items can logically be compared,

and make sure that you think through both similarities and differences. ■ Avoid either/or and black-and-white thinking, as well as circular arguments,

slippery slope claims, and sweeping generalizations. (See logical fallacies at pages 257–260.)

■ Check your conclusions against counterarguments, your experience, and common sense. For example, what are the limits of hybrid-vehicle technology? What does your experience with cars and with culture tell you about how technological changes happen and get accepted?

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Develop a structure for delivering research results. Using your research questions and conclusions as guides, sift through and order your information. Consider these strategies:

Follow assignment recommendations. A pattern for your paper may be built into the assignment. For example, you may be asked to write a comparison/contrast paper. Shape your outline within that framework.

Clump and split. Using key ideas as main headings, arrange support and evidence under the most fitting heading. Depending on the note-taking system you used, separate and pile note cards, sketch out the structure on paper, use a graphic organizer (see pages 52–53), use a code system, copy and paste material electronically, or cut up your note pages. After categorizing information, decide how best to sequence the key ideas.

Rely on tested patterns. The patterns below offer sound methods for developing your thinking. Each choice offers a basic structure for your paper, but several patterns may be useful within your paper’s body.

■ Argumentation asserts and supports a claim, counters any opposition, and then reasserts the claim (perhaps in a modified form). See pages 249–304.

■ Cause/effect can (1) explore the factors that led to an event or (2) explore the consequences of a specific event. See pages 163–180.

■ Chronological order puts items in a sequence (order of events, steps in a process). See pages 215–230.

■ Classification groups details based on their common traits or qualities. See pages 201–214.

■ Comparison/contrast shows similarities and/or differences between specific elements of a topic. See pages 181–200.

■ Description orders details in terms of spatial relationships, color, form, texture, and so on. See pages 141–160.

■ Explanation clarifies how something works by breaking the object or phenomenon into parts or phases and then showing how they work together. See pages 215–230.

■ Order of importance arranges items from most to least important, or least to most.

■ Partitioning breaks down an object, a space, or a location into ordered parts, or a process into steps or phases.

■ Problem/solution states a problem, explores its causes and effects, and presents solutions. See pages 305–322.

■ Question/answer moves back and forth from questions to answers in a sequence that logically clarifies a topic

For more help developing a structure, see pages 48–53.

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Research and Writing

Audio Video ModelWeb Link Exercise Interactive

482

 Developing Your First Draft As you write your paper, your first goal is to develop and support your ideas—referring to sources, not being dominated by them. The discussion that follows will help you achieve this goal. Your second goal is to respect sources by integrating them naturally and providing correct documentation; that goal is addressed on pages 484–487.

Choose a drafting method. Before starting your draft, choose a drafting method that makes sense for your project and your writing style. Consider these two options or something in between:

 Writing Systematically

1. Develop a detailed outline, including supporting evidence.

2. Arrange your notes in precise order.

3. Write methodically, following your thesis, outline, and notes.

4. Cite your sources as you write.

 Writing Freely

1. Review your working thesis and notes. Then set them aside.

2. If you need to, jot down a brief outline.

3. Write away—get all your research-based thinking down on paper.

4. Going back to your notes, develop your draft further and integrate citations.

Shape your first draft. Develop the following parts in any order.

Draft an introduction. The introduction should do three things. First, it should say something interesting or surprising to gain your readers’ attention. Second, the introduction should focus in on your topic by establishing some common ground. Third, your introduction should identify the issue or challenge related to your topic, and then offer your thesis. Consider these options:

■ Begin with a revealing story or quotation. ■ Give important background information. ■ Offer a series of interesting or surprising facts. ■ Cite details showing the topic’s relevance. ■ Provide important definitions. ■ Introduce a problem, an issue, a challenge, a puzzle, or a confusion about your topic. ■ Identify the purpose and scope of your research. ■ Identify your focus or thesis. ■ Forecast how you will develop and support your thesis.

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Draft the body. How do you develop a complete and insightful research paper? How do you add dimension and depth to your writing? For starters, you make sure that you have carefully explored and reflected on your specific topic. You also make sure that you have gathered plenty of compelling evidence to support your thesis.

It’s in the main part of your paper—in the body—that you develop your thesis. The process usually works in this way: You present each main point supporting your thesis, expand on the points logically, include solid evidence such as facts or examples, and then offer additional analysis or documentation as needed.

Another way to approach your writing is to envision it as a series of paragraph clusters—one cluster of paragraphs for each main point. As you write, you imagine yourself conversing with your readers, telling them what they need to know, and communicating it as clearly and interestingly as you can.

Draft a conclusion. An effective closing adds to the reader’s understanding of a research paper. The first part of the closing usually reviews (or ties together) important points in the paper, reinforces or reasserts the thesis, and/or draws a conclusion. The closing’s final lines may expand the scope of the text by making a connection between the paper and the reader’s experience, or between the paper and life in general.

Create a working title. At any point in the writing process, jot down possible titles that capture your paper’s focused topic, research discoveries, and spirit. Consider key words and phrases that hint at your paper’s thesis. For some papers, you may want to create a main title and a subtitle, separated by a colon.

TIPS for research writing

■ As you draft your paper, keep the focus on your own thoughts. You don’t want your paper to read like a strung-together series of references to other sources.

■ Present your own ideas honestly and clearly. Although you will be considering the research of others, be sure to analyze this information yourself and relate your sources to one another. Work at offering your personal perspective on the topic.

■ Your instructor may want your thesis in a specific location (perhaps in the last sentence of your first paragraph). Follow her or his wishes.

■ Don’t try to cram everything you’ve learned into your draft. Select material that is truly needed to develop your thesis.

■ Avoid overusing one particular source; also avoid using too many direct quotations.

■ To avoid accidental plagiarism, indicate the sources of all borrowed facts as you write your draft. (See “Avoiding Plagiarism,” pages 474–477.)

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Research and Writing484

 Using Source Material in Your Writing After you’ve found good sources and taken good notes on them, you want to use that research effectively in your writing. Specifically, you want to show (1) what information you are borrowing and (2) where you got it. By doing so, you create credibility. This section shows you how to develop credibility by integrating and documenting sources so as to avoid plagiarism and other abuses. Note: For a full treatment of documentation, see chapter 31 (MLA) and chapter 32 (APA).

Integrate source material carefully. Source material—whether a summary, a paraphrase, or a quotation—should be integrated smoothly into your discussion. Follow these strategies:

 The Right Reasons Focus on what you want to say, not on all the source material you’ve collected. Use sources to do the following:

■ Deepen and develop your point with the reasoning offered by a source. ■ Support your point and your thinking about it with evidence—with facts, statistics,

details, and so on. ■ Give credibility to your point with an expert’s supporting statement. ■ Bring your point to life with an example, an observation, a case study, an anecdote, or

an illustration. ■ Address a counterargument or an alternative.

 Quotation Restraint In most research documents, restrict your quoting to nuggets:

■ Key statements by authorities (e.g., the main point that a respected Shakespeare scholar makes about the role of Ophelia in Hamlet)

■ Well-phrased claims and conclusions (e.g., a powerful conclusion by an ethicist about the problem with the media’s coverage of cloning debates and technological developments)

■ Passages where careful word-by-word analysis and interpretation are important to your argument (e.g., an excerpt from a speech made by a politician about the International Space Station—a passage that requires a careful analysis for the between-the-lines message)

Quotations, especially long ones, must pull their weight, so generally paraphrase or summarize source material instead.

Primary Document Exception: When a primary text (a novel, a piece of legislation, a speech) is a key piece of evidence or the actual focus of your project, careful analysis of quoted excerpts is required. See pages 446–447 for more.

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Chapter 30 Drafting a Paper with Documented Research

The motivation and urgency to create and improve hybrid-electric technology

comes from a range of complex forces. Some of these forces are economic, others

environmental, and still others social. In “Societal Lifestyle Costs of Cars with

Alternative Fuels/Engines,” Joan Ogden, Robert Williams, and Eric Larson argue

that “[c]ontinued reliance on current transportation fuels and technologies poses

serious oil supply insecurity, climate change, and urban air pollution risks” (7).

Because of the nonrenewable nature of fossil fuels as well as their negative side

effects, the transportation industry is confronted with making the most radical

changes since the introduction of the internal-combustion automobile more than

100 years ago. Hybrid-electric vehicles are one response to this pressure.

Writer’s ideas

Attributive phrase

Paraphrase, quotation, or summary Citation

Commentary

Conclusion

485

 Smooth Integration When you use quotations, work them into your writing as smoothly as possible. To do so, you need to pay attention to style, punctuation, and syntax. (See pages 486–487.)

Use enough of the quotation to make your point without changing the meaning of the original. Use quotation marks around key phrases taken from the source.

Ogden, Williams, and Larson also conclude that the hydrogen fuel-cell vehicle is “a strong candidate for becoming the Car of the Future,” given the trend toward “tighter environmental constraints” and the “intense efforts underway” by automakers to develop commercially viable versions of such vehicles (25).

Integrate all sources thoughtfully. Fold source material into your discussion by relating it to your own thinking. Let your ideas guide the way, not your sources, by using this pattern:

1. State and explain your idea, creating a context for the source.

2. Identify and introduce the source, linking it to your discussion.

3. Summarize, paraphrase, or quote the source, providing a citation in an appropriate spot.

4. Use the source by explaining, expanding, or refuting it.

5. When appropriate, refer back to a source to further develop the ideas it contains.

Sample Passage: Note the integration of sources in the paragraph below.

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Effectively document your sources. Just as you need to integrate source material carefully into your writing, so you must also carefully document where that source material comes from. Readers should recognize which material is yours and which material is not.

Identify clearly where source material begins. Your discussion must offer a smooth transition to source material. Follow the guidelines below:

■ For first reference to a source, use an attributive statement that indicates some of the following: author’s name and credentials, title of the source, nature of the study or research, and helpful background.

Joan Ogden, Robert Williams, and Eric Larson, members of the Princeton Environmental Institute, explain that modest improvements in energy efficiency and emissions reductions will not be enough over the next century because of anticipated transportation increases (7).

■ For subsequent references to a source, use a simplified attributive phrase, such as the author’s last name or a shortened version of the title.

Ogden, Williams, and Larson go on to argue that “[e]ffectively addressing environmental and oil supply concerns will probably require radical changes in automotive engine/fuel technologies” (7).

■ In some situations, such as providing straightforward facts, simply skip the attributive phrase. The parenthetical citation supplies sufficient attribution.

Various types of transportation are by far the main consumers of oil (three fourths of world oil imports); moreover, these same technologies are responsible for one fourth of all greenhouse gas sources (Ogden, Williams, and Larson 7).

■ The verb you use to introduce source material is key. Use fitting verbs, such as those in the table below. Normally, use the present tense. Use the past tense only to stress the “pastness” of a source.

In their 2004 study, “Societal Lifecycle Costs of Cars with Alternative Fuels/ Engines,” Ogden, Williams, and Larson present a method for comparing and contrasting alternatives to internal-combustion engines. Earlier, these authors made preliminary steps . . .

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Chapter 30 Drafting a Paper with Documented Research 487

Indicate where source material ends. Closing quotation marks and a citation, as shown below, indicate the end of a source quotation. Generally, place the citation immediately after any quotation, paraphrase, or summary. However, you may also place the citation early in the sentence or at the end if the parenthetical note is obviously obtrusive. When you discuss several details from a page in a source, use an attributive phrase at the beginning of your discussion and a single citation at the end.

As the “Lifestyle Costs” study concludes, when greenhouse gases, air pollution, and oil insecurity are factored into the analysis, alternative-fuel vehicles “offer lower LCCs than typical new cars” (Ogden, Williams, and Larson 25).

In their projections of where fuel-cell vehicles are heading, Ogden, Williams, and Larson discuss GM’s AUTOnomy vehicle, with its “radical redesign of the entire car. [. . .] In these cars, steering, braking, and other vehicle systems are controlled electronically rather than mechanically” (24).

As Ogden, Williams, and Larson explain, “[e]ven if such barriers [the high cost of fuel cells and the lack of an H2 fuel infrastructure] can be overcome, decades would be required before this embryonic technology could make major contributions in reducing the major externalities that characterize today’s cars” (25).

Toward the end of the study, Ogden, Williams, and Larson argue that changes to the fuel-delivery system must be factored into planning:

In charting a course to the Car of the Future, societal LCC comparisons should be complemented by considerations of fuel infrastructure requirements. Because fuel infrastructure changes are costly, the number of major changes made over time should be minimized. The bifurcated strategy advanced here—of focusing on the H2 FCV for the long term and advanced liquid hydrocarbon- fueled ICEVs and ICE/HEVs for the near term—would reduce the number of such infrastructure changes to one (an eventual shift to H2). (25)

Set off longer quotations. If a quotation is longer than four typed lines, set it off from the main text. Generally, introduce the quotation with a complete sentence and a colon. Indent the quotation one inch (10 spaces) and double-space it, but don’t put quotation marks around it. Put the citation outside the final punctuation mark.

Mark changes to quotations. You may shorten or change a quotation so that it fits smoothly into your sentence—but don’t alter the original meaning. Use an ellipsis within square brackets to indicate that you have omitted words from the original. An ellipsis is three periods with spaces between them.

Use square brackets to indicate a clarification or to change a pronoun or verb tense or to switch around uppercase and lowercase.

Chapters 2–7 contain additional tips. See pages 27–42 (Beginning the Writing Process), pages 43–54 (Planning), pages 55–70 (Drafting), pages 71–108 (Revising, Editing), and pages 109–112 (Submitting/Portfolios).

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Research and Writing488

Critical-Thinking and Writing Activities As directed by your instructor, complete the following critical-thinking and writing activities by yourself or with classmates.

1. With some classmates, debate the seriousness of plagiarism and the use of tools such as Turnitin.com.

2. Closely examine one of your most recent research papers. Have you followed this chapter’s guidelines? Where do you need to improve?

3. Review the list of source abuses on pages 478-479. Which of these abuses is most common in research writing? Which abuse is most serious? Write a page focusing on one type of source abuse and explaining its effect on scholarship.

Learning-Outcomes Checklist Use this checklist as a guide to help you plan your writing.

I understand that plagiarism is the use of someone else’s words, ideas, or images so that they appear to be my own.

I understand the seriousness of plagiarism, and I avoid it in all my writing.

I do not submit other writers’ writing.

I do not use copy and paste without setting off the material and indicating the source.

I do not confuse borrowed material with my own ideas.

I quote sources accurately, without taking them out of context.

I do not overuse source material, rely too heavily on one source, or use blanket citations.

I do not plunk quotations, dropping them into text without setting them up or explaining them.

My in-text citations match my bibliographic entries.

I avoid double-dipping, Falstaffing, and copyright violations.

I know how to organize and synthesize my findings.

I am comfortable with developing the first draft of my research paper.

I understand how to use source material in my writing, smoothly integrating quotations and documenting my sources.

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