See attachment 2

Adejoke Babalola

Houston Community College

Professor Sabrena Belz

Engl 1302

October 24, 2021

Adejoke,

I have reviewed your writing for general content, organization, and grammar. You have expressed some interesting observations about American culture here; however, you may not have quite fulfilled the assignment objective. The prompt asks for you to “write about a time when you experienced a culture other than your own.” I believe your instructor wants you to focus on a single time or experience. I have made further comments throughout the draft to help you with this. I hope they are useful! Also, according to the directions, you should be using courier new 12-point font. Be sure to change the font for your final draft.

Please keep in mind, tutors do not edit, revise, or grade student work, but we do make students aware of the types of errors they are making so that they can better edit their own writing. Therefore, I have marked some errors, but not all. Once you correct the errors that I did mark, you need to locate and correct similar ones that I did not mark.

The following link will take you to our LibGuide. It contains various resources which will help you strengthen your writing skills:

http://library.hccs.edu/tutoring/resourcelinks

Good luck!

Journal 1 and 2

My Personal Experience with Cultural Diversity

Culture entails the summation of several varying aspects that are usually accounted for by geographic locations. [This opening statement is a little confusing.] To me, cultural definitions constitute several different realms, some of which would include various ways of food preparation and family traditions. Culture is crucial to individuals particularly those who travel outside their own countries, like me. I tend to hold on to certain cultural practices because they permit me to be home in varying cognitive ways. [This is a vague and confusing statement. Be more specific.] As such, I would [Use a different verb here. Remember, “would” is conditional.] discuss an example of an American cultural practice that I once experienced contrary to my own.

The American hours put in more working hours [The repetition here makes this a confusing statement.] in their works as compared to workers in other countries particularly in my own country [ What is “your own country?” Let your readers know where you come from.] and also take [make] fewer decisions and retire later. The United States is among the few industrialized nations with no mandated leaves. I used to imagine that prolonged working hours would discourage individuals from turning up for their various [“From turning up for their various” what? As written, this is an incomplete idea.] but the American cultural practice on having more working hours changed my notion. As such, while working in America, I realized that there is a need to work more and harder so as to meet my work goals. [Perhaps you could write about your very first job experience working in The U.S.]

Another amazing aspect that I had to encounter is that of eating fast foods and large portions. [Perhaps you could write about the first time you went to eat at a restaurant in the U.S. What were your first thoughts as you were served such large portions? How did the experience compare with eating at a restaurant in your home country?] I realized that the American way is an easy way due to mostly the busy work schedules that they have. They have numerous prosperous fast-food chains, and most Americans usually rely on drive-thru windows so as to grab quick meals on the go. During my visit, [Do you mean during your visit to a restaurant? Please clarify.] I also realized that in most restaurants, the visitors are usually served large portions of food, an idea [The choice of words is awkward. Use “a practice” instead.] that contributes to the immense obesity problems in the country. When a particular restaurant serves smaller portions of food, individuals usually prefer ordering for a desert. The experience was great since I had not tried most delicacies outside those of my own culture. [To fulfill the journal requirement, give more specific details about this. Describe your experience so that your readers will be able to fully share it. Be sure to also include details about your own culture so that your readers understand where you are coming from.]