English 1010

Running head: COMPARING AND CONTRASTING 1

COMPARING AND CONTRASTING 2

Smarthinking Tutor Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!

Hello, Daisy! I’m Diane L., and I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started!

*Writing Strength: 

You do a good job of using transitions such as “on the other hand” and “for instance” in your draft. These transition phrases help your readers understand the relationship between your ideas. Nice work!

Main Idea/Thesis 

One issue I noticed is that your introduction doesn’t have a thesis that sums up your key points about McLean’s and Wright’s articles. As a result, your essay’s focus and its purpose aren’t clear to your readers. To clarify your essay’s point, you can include a thesis statement at the end of your introduction. Consider this example from a different paper:

Although York University and Ryerson University are similar in terms of location and student life, they differ greatly when it comes to the tuition fees and courses offered.

In this thesis statement, I indicate in which aspects York University Ryerson University are similar and in which aspects they differ. From this thesis, readers become aware of what the rest of the essay discusses. You can use this example as a guide when formulating your own thesis statement. You can also check out the Writer’s Handbook if you need further information on Writing a Compare and Contrast Essay. Introduction/Conclusion 

Your introduction is missing some background information on the articles you compare and your reason for comparing them. As a result, your readers aren’t fully prepared for the discussion in your essay’s body. Consider including these details in your introduction:

· Who is the author of “Friending, Ancient or Otherwise”?

· When and where was “Friending, Ancient or Otherwise” published?

· Who is the author of “Comparing and Contrasting London and Washington, DC”?

· When and where was this article published?

· What is your reason for comparing these two articles?

· What can readers gain from your comparison of the two articles?

Discussing these points in your introduction will help your readers understand the context and the significance of your paper.

*Daisy 12112339, you requested help with Sentence Structure:   

Lastly, I noticed that some of your sentences are missing commas. Here’s an example:

On the other hand, Scott has shown similarities and the differences f the two cities giving the audience a clear picture of the two.

Since this sentence includes a nonessential element, which is a phrase that provides additional description, you need a comma that separates this nonessential element from the main clause. Without a comma, the nonessential part and your sentence’s main clause run together and create confusion. Consider these examples:

Confusing : The owner started playing holiday music making the café’s vibe a bit cheerier.

Revised : The owner started playing holiday music, making the café’s vibe a bit cheerier.

Notice that I placed a comma before and after the nonessential part (“making the café’s vibe a bit cheerier”) to separate it from the main clause. Based on this example, where should a comma be placed in your sentence? Look through your draft for similar errors. For more information on the correct usage of commas, you can visit this link: Commas.

*Daisy 12112339, you requested help with Word Choice:   

Since there are more pressing concerns with this draft’s thesis and introduction, I’ve focused on these areas instead of word choice. In the meantime, you can check out the Handbook’s lesson on Word Choice for more information on the topic. 

Summary of Next Steps: 

· Write a thesis.

· Develop your introduction further.

· Add missing commas to sentences.

Thank you for submitting your essay for a review, Daisy. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day! – Diane L.

You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook.

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Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below. Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.

Daisy Nealon

Mrs. Edith Grevious

English 1010

07/22/2020

COMPARING AND CONTRASTING

In the article “friending, Ancient or Otherwise”, the author has discussed how communication has changed between people and their friends. [The comma in this sentence is misplaced. Note that commas and periods always go inside quotation marks. Here’s an example: In “When Eve and Eve Bit the Apple,” Scharold talks about dealing with Catholic guilt.] The online social networks have greatly grown causing many people to spend a lot of their time going through the profiles of their friends something that prevents them from the traditional face to face interaction (Wright, 2007). According to him, the real oral culture is vanishing. On the other hand, the article “comparing and contrasting London and Washington, DC”, the author has compared these two cities in terms of the experiences offered, the history, the culture, and the people living in these two cities (McLean, 2020). He has therefore used these aspects in showing how these two cities are similar and how different they are.

Wright has compared the time that people send online today chatting with their friends and traditional communication. [ Placing a topic sentence before this first sentence will help your readers better understand the central point of this paragraph. What point of comparison between the two articles do you discuss here? Consider this example: One of the similarities between Smith’s and Cambri’s articles is their target audience.] He has shown the advantages of both traditional and current online communication as well as the disadvantages associated with the two types of communications. On the other hand, Scott has used experiences offered, the history, the culture, and the people living in both London and Washington to help show the similarities and the differences between the two cities.

The authors in both essays have contrasted and compared their themes deeply. For instance, Wright has compared and contrasted the traditional and modern communication giving their pros and their cons. On the other hand, Scott has shown similarities and the differences f the two cities giving the audience a clear picture of the two.

I loved how the article “friending, Ancient or Otherwise” has shown both sides of technological shift using relevant data and professionals its language. On the other hand, “comparing and contrasting London and Washington, DC”, the article has used a very simple language helping the audience to get a clear picture of the difference and the similarities between the two. These two articles have shown me the correct way of giving out the differences and the similarities of my theme.

[Your draft doesn’t have a conclusion yet. Consider developing a conclusion with these points: Again, what two articles do you examine in your essay? What main points of comparison do you discuss in your body paragraphs? What is the importance of examining McLean’s and Wright’s articles?]

References

McLean, S. (2020). Comparing and Contrasting London and Washington, DC. Writing for Success

Wright, A. (2007). Friending, ancient or otherwise. The New York Times, 2. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/02/weekinreview/02wright.html