theater report papr

Vietgone written by Qui Nguyen

Pages 52 – 55

(TONG asleep in bed, having a nightmare)

(QUANG walks in and spots her lying here.)

QUANG. Ahem. Excuse me. Hello?

(TONG is asleep.)

(QUANG doesn’t know what to do. Should he poke her? No, she might freak out

if a stranger were touching her in her sleep.)

(He instead tries clapping very loudly.)

HELLO!

(Nothing.)

(He tries to clap again.)

HELLO, HELLo!

(Nada.)

(He begins stomping up and down, clapping, and in general being very loud.)

HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO –

TONG. SHUT UP!

QUANG. Oh, sorry, did I wake you?

TONG. Who are you? What do you want?

QUANG. My name’s Quang. I’m a f riend of you mom’s.

TONG. You know my mother?

QUANG. Yep. Crazy old lady who thinks she looks thirty-five?

TONG. That’s her.

QUANG. Yep, I know her.

TONG. And she knows you?

QUANG. Yes.

TONG. What do you want with her?

QUANG. I’m helping her with something.

TONG. What something?

QUANG. A project.

TONG. What project?

QUANG. Okay, detective, enough with the third degree. We both have a mutual desire.

TONG. EW.

QUANG. No, I don’t mean we have a mutual desire of each other. We both have a desire to go

back to the motherland.

TONG. Ew.

QUANG. Did you just “ew” our motherland?

TONG. No. Yes. Sorta. Okay, I did.

QUANG. She was right about you.

TONG. What was she right about?

(TONG gets out of bed and finally makes eye contact with QUANG. It rattles

both of them.)

QUANG. That you are…very…fine.

(He’s surprised he just ended his sentence the way he did…)

TONG. My mom said I’m “very fine”?

(…But now he goes right into flirt mode.)

QUANG. Yes. She said “I have a daughter and she is muhfucking fine.” Yo, your mom has a

potty mouth.

TONG. Are you hitting on me?

QUANG. No. Yes. Sorta. I guess I am.

TONG. …

QUANG. Okay, whatever, tell your mom I came by and that she should find me at dinner.

And sorry about waking you up…it looked like you were having a bad dream anyhow.

I can’t sleep worth a damn here either. Too many ghosts up there right?

TONG. Right.

QUANG. See you round.

(QUANG starts to leave…)

TONG. Hold up.

QUANG. What?

TONG. I’m not really in the mood to be alone right now.

QUANG. Should I go find your mom?

TONG. No, I have a better idea. Come here, I want to see something.

(QUANG cautiously approaches.)

(Once he gets close enough, TONG grabs him and rips off his shirt.)

QUANG. Whoa, what are you doing?

(TONG examines QUANG’s body.)

TONG. That’ll work.

QUANG. What will work?

TONG. Okay, let’s do it.

QUANG. Do what exactly?

TONG. Do IT. Intercourse. Copulate. Play hide-the-hot-dog.

QUANG. Are you serious?

(TONG takes off her dress.)

TONG. Or would you prefer we keep awkwardly talking? What do you say?

QUANG. Well…I…say—

(QUANG grabs her and they begin furiously making out as lights go to black.)