writing

Feedback after reading your essay I personally thought it was pretty good, the thesis could be a bit straight forward but it is present. good choice or words and didn't find any thing misspelled. General Notes: I found this story to be quite engaging. I understand that I have been likely overly generous in my suggestions and feedback. I hope it is well received, and I understand if not. I don’t really know that much about writing, but what I wrote is from my instinctual perspective on what message you are sending, and what I could recommend to help shape your story-telling ability. Again, great work, and I look forward to seeing more from you Rami, God bless. Very Sincerely, Jonathon Cavada Your paper is great. After reading it all I thought you brought it all. you have over 2000 words, your word selections are great, there are very minimal run on sentences, structured very well and very very minimal errors. The entire essay made me feel like I was there with you. From the very start you show us how excited you have been to attend this, how long you've waited for this moment. You take us step by step on every feeling you had, leading all the way down to the group you came to see specifically. I love that you included the old man's excitement, and how it was able to rub off on you, this shows great engagement. Only error I can see as an outside source is just very few run ons. An example of one is "I never paid attention to their performance probably because they were not my favorite band". A comma could be added in-between performance and probably.

Reflection

At the end of your draft, write a brief "​Process Reflection​" paragraph addressing the following questions:

○ What do you like most about your project? ○ What, specifically, have you changed since the workshop draft, and

why? ○ What still needs improvement? ○ What do you take away from this experience that might serve you

in your future writing endeavors?