Revision

Feedback: “I've been trying to get you to steer the ship back to the assignment prompt throughout this process, but you seem determined to stick with this overly broad commentary. Very little of your research focuses on San Francisco. You have not used any of the local media sources. Your sources and topics range from facial recognition technology to tooth decay. You are trying to make an argument about the school dropout rate in San Francisco without including the drop out rate in San Francisco. It appears that you have done very little research on the state of public education in San Francisco. In response to my previous advice, you seem to have thrown in the name San Francisco here and there without actually revising much of the essay. Please see my annotations of your essay.”