Integrity Paper 1-3 pages typed, 12-point font. ESSAY

THREE

THE FOUNDATION OF LEADERSHIP:

CHARACTER

On October 12, 2016, I had the privilege of meeting Pope Francis and spending a few minutes with him. I have admired him for many years. His humility and character have made a strong impression on me. Traditionally, when a cardinal is newly elected as pope, when asked if he will accept his election, he responds, “Accepto,” meaning “I accept.” Francis’s first words were instead, “I am a great sinner, but I trust in the infinite mercy and patience of our Lord Jesus Christ, and I accept in a spirit of penance.”1

This man has led the way toward championing character formation within the leadership of the church. And his heart for transformation stirred me to ask him to pray for the John Maxwell Foundation, the nonprofit organization I founded to become a catalyst for positive transformation in countries such as Guatemala and Paraguay. I was humbled when he said yes.

CHARACTER IN LEADERSHIP

In the lead-up to my meeting with the pontiff, I read a lot about him. One of the articles I came across was by Gary Hamel, a management consultant and founder of Strategos, in the Harvard Business Review. Hamel wrote about a meeting Pope Francis had with a group of church leaders in which he outlined the problems inherent in leadership. He called them “diseases.” There were fifteen of them, and most of them dealt with character:

1. Thinking we are immortal, immune, or downright indispensable—which is the enemy of humility and service.

2. Excessive busyness—which leads to stress and agitation.

3. Mental and [emotional] “petrification”—which creates heartlessness.

4. Excessive planning and functionalism—which leads to inflexibility.

5. Poor coordination—which fosters independence and lack of cooperation.

6. “Leadership Alzheimer’s disease”—where leaders forget who nurtured and mentored them.

7. Rivalry and vainglory—where titles and perks become leaders’ primary focus.

8. Existential schizophrenia—where leaders live hypocritical double lives.

9. Gossiping, grumbling, and backbiting—where cowardly leaders speak ill of others behind their backs.

10. Idolizing superiors—where leaders honor superiors to gain favor and get ahead.

11. Indifference to others—where leaders think only of themselves.

12. Downcast faces—where leaders treat their “inferiors” with sour severity.

13. Hoarding—which involves accumulating material goods to seek security.

14. Closed circles—where leaders place their clique ahead of shared identity and cooperation.

15. Extravagance and self-exhibition—where leaders seek greater power and recognition.2

I found this list quite insightful. It’s clear that Pope Francis has dealt with all kinds of leaders during a long career of service. And the list prompted me to examine my own character. Am I a healthy leader? I wondered. I read a list of questions included in the article that were designed to help with the self-examination process, which asked, to what extent do I . . .

Feel superior to those who work for me?

Demonstrate an imbalance between work and other areas of life?

Substitute formality for true human intimacy?

Rely too much on plans and not enough on intuition and improvisation?

Spend too little time breaking silos and building bridges?

Fail to regularly acknowledge the debt I owe to my mentors and to others?

Take too much satisfaction in my perks and privileges?

Isolate myself from customers and first-level employees?

Denigrate the motives and accomplishments of others?

Exhibit or encourage undue deference and servility?

Put my own success ahead of the success of others?

Fail to cultivate a fun and joy-filled work environment?

Exhibit selfishness when it comes to sharing rewards and praise?

Encourage parochialism rather than community?

Behave in ways that seem egocentric to those around me?3

Questions like these heighten my awareness of the need to keep improving my character, especially in the context of leadership, because the heightened influence of leaders magnifies their impact on others—both positively and negatively. The reality is that leading ourselves is often the most difficult task we face every day. It’s much easier to tell others what to do than to do it ourselves. I know that’s true of me.

The reality is that leading ourselves is often the most difficult task we face every day.

To keep myself on track, I must continually remind myself why character is so important. Since I am a person of faith, I have discovered wisdom from Scripture related to character. I found the following list in David Kadalie’s Leader’s Resource Kit. If you don’t connect with these thoughts or are offended by them, please feel free to skip past them.

• Our hearts can be deceptive (Jeremiah 17:9; Psalm 139:23, 24).

• We can so easily seek leadership office for the wrong reasons (Matthew 20:17–28).

• Character is the area that will face the greatest attack (Romans 7; Galatians 5:16–24).

• Character is foundational to Christian leadership (1 Timothy 3:1–13; Titus 1:6–9).

• Without it we struggle with the temptations that come with skill, talents and gifting (Romans 12:3–8).

• It is so easy to slip into a life of hypocrisy and forget that we will have to give an account one day (Hebrews 4:13).

• We naturally neglect this part and focus on other developments (1 Timothy 4:7–8).

• We soon discover that strength of character is what will count in hard times (2 Corinthians 4:16–17).4

Working on my character is a never-ending yet totally worthwhile effort. Mahatma Gandhi said, “A man of character will make himself worthy of any position he is given.” I want to be a worthy leader, yet I know I sometimes fall short. I want to improve my character—and encourage you to improve yours—not because it gets me what I want, but because it helps me to be what I want. And I find that the more I focus on valuing people, practicing self-leadership, and embracing good values, the stronger my character becomes.

CHARACTER VALUE STATEMENTS

Having good character does not ensure that you will be successful in life or leadership. But you can be sure that having poor character will eventually derail you personally and professionally. But here’s the good news: if your character is not what you want it to be, you can change it. It doesn’t matter what has happened in your past. You can choose a better path moving forward, starting today. As one of my favorite sayings goes, “Though you cannot go back and make a brand-new start, my friend, anyone can start from now and make a brand-new end.”

Here are three great reasons why good character is worth pursuing:

1. GOOD CHARACTER BUILDS STRONG TRUST

Recently I asked a small group of executives to list the names of the top three people they trusted. Family and friends were on everyone’s list. Amazingly, no one named a leader or a coworker as one of their top trusted people.

I then asked them to list three people on whom their well-being and happiness depended. Everyone named either their boss or a coworker.

Then I asked one more question: “If I were doing this exercise with your subordinates, and I asked them to create their ‘most trusted’ list, would they name you as one of their three most trusted people?” There was a murmur. That got their attention. “What difference might it make if you were someone they put on their list?”

The consensus was that if people trusted their coworkers and leaders, the working environment would be more positive, people would be more productive, and turnover would be reduced. That’s consistent with my own observation that people quit people, not companies. The greatest cause of turnover in organizations is lack of trust.

Stephen M. R. Covey in his book The Speed of Trust pointed out how low trust costs time and money, and he used a fantastic example to illustrate it. After the 9/11 terrorist attacks, the nation’s trust in flight security went down. Covey said that before the attacks, he could arrive at his home airport thirty minutes before his flight and have no problem making it quickly through security. However, after the TSA tightened security, he had to arrive two hours ahead of domestic flight departures and three hours ahead for international flights. “As trust went down,” he said, “speed also went down and cost went up.”5

Too often we talk about trust as if it is a singular thing. It is not. Trust is a relationship between a trustor and a trustee. Just as it takes two to tango, it takes two to trust. The role of the trustor is to take the risk of trusting; the role of the trustee is to be trustworthy. When both people do their parts well, the result is a trusting relationship.

And trust doesn’t just go in one direction. The people exchange roles, the trustee becoming the trustor, and vice versa. It’s a two-way street. But if either party fails in his or her responsibility, trust disappears.

Authors James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Posner explain the importance of the development of trust in leaders:

In the final analysis only you can decide whether to take the risk of trusting others and whether the risks are worth taking. This means to have others trust you, you must actively take some initiative and can’t wait for others to make the first move. As many leaders explained, “Trust is a risk game. Leaders must be the first ones to ante-up.” Leaders always find the ante worth risking. Sowing seeds of trust with people creates the fields of collaboration necessary to get extraordinary things done in organizations.6

Trust is a risk game. Leaders must be the first ones to ante-up.

—JAMES M. KOUZES AND BARRY Z. POSNER

For years I have taught leaders that in their interactions with others they create “accounts” of trustworthiness. Every interaction with another person either makes deposits in that person’s account or makes withdrawals from it. The best way to make regular ongoing deposits is by modeling good character consistently. Why? Because people are convinced more by what a leader does than by what a leader says. I find myself agreeing with the idea expressed by industrialist and philanthropist Andrew Carnegie, who said, “As I grow older I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.” Words can be cheap. Journalist Arthur Gordon was right when he said, “Nothing is easier than saying words. Nothing is harder than living them, day after day. What you promise today must be renewed and re-decided tomorrow and each day that stretches out before you.” That’s why in leadership a pint of example equals a gallon of advice.

In the beginning of a relationship, words hold more weight than actions. Because people do not know you, they may assume that your words represent who you are and that your walk matches your talk. However, as the relationship continues, your actions begin to weigh more than your words. People see what you do. Leadership confusion occurs when your words and your walk do not match. If that incongruity continues, not only will you confuse your people—you will lose your people. Mark Twain was right-on when he said, “To do right is wonderful. To teach others to do right is even more wonderful—and much easier.” Easier? Yes. More effective? No.

In leadership a pint of example equals a gallon of advice.

At the opposite end of the spectrum from inconsistency and broken trust is moral authority. This is the highest level of leadership. It is earned by demonstrating consistently good character and continually making deposits into trustworthiness accounts with others. Charisma may get leaders a following early on, but only credibility prompts people to keep following them. When leaders possess true moral authority, the only words they need to say are “Follow me,” and people join them. They know that their walk matches their talk and is headed in the right direction. Can we all gain moral authority as leaders? Maybe not. But we should strive to do our best to develop and display good character so that we are at least candidates to develop it.

I have to confess, my view on character and moral authority has changed over the years. I used to see trust as black or white. Now that I’m older, I’ve grown. And I think I have greater insight into how trust works and how character comes into play with it. I’d like to share with you some of the changes I’ve had in my thinking. See if you agree with them. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t. That’s okay. Another good thing about getting older is that I’m very comfortable with people not always agreeing with me.

I Thought Trust Was “Nice to Have”

Early in my leadership journey, I didn’t recognize the importance of trust. I thought it was nice to have. Who doesn’t want to be trusted, given the choice? But now I understand that in leadership, trust is essential. It’s not something you can take or leave. If you leave trust, you’re going to leave leadership.

Trust dramatically impacts real leadership issues, such as follower engagement, connection, buy-in, and effectiveness. Trust is the foundation of leadership. A strong foundation isn’t a luxury. It’s not just “nice to have.” It’s critical.

I Thought Trust Was Up to Others

Some leaders, especially those who rely on their position or title to lead instead of on their influence, take the posture that they should be implicitly trusted by their people, but that their people must prove themselves to be trustworthy. They put all the burden for developing trust on others, not themselves. But developing trust is a leadership responsibility. If I want to be a good leader, it’s not up to my followers; it’s up to me. I must take the first step in trusting the people I lead. And I must take steps to earn their trust. Good leaders take the risk in both directions. If my people learn to trust me, I’ll get their attention. But if I initiate trust in my people, I’ll get their action. And the essence of successful leadership is getting things done.

If my people learn to trust me, I’ll get their attention. But if I initiate trust in my people, I’ll get their action.

I Thought Trust Could Only Grow Slowly

While it’s true that trust often does grow slowly, it doesn’t always have to work that way. For example, when individuals you trust vouch for someone they trust, you’re likely to give this new person the benefit of the doubt and trust him or her. Why? Because of the relationship you have with your trusting friend. You transfer your trust—at least until you discover reasons of your own to withdraw that trust.

Another instance where trust can be earned quickly comes when someone performs an unselfish act of significance for another person. I experienced this as a young leader when another leader stuck up for me at a crucial time. His endorsement of me in a meeting gained me favor with others. I was grateful, because I had done nothing to earn it, and he could gain nothing for himself by giving it. He immediately gained my trust.

Here’s an encouraging thought. We can be the person who does something selfless for others and helps them along their way. Doing this makes the world a better place. And if we do it for the people we lead and help them become more successful with no ulterior motives, we can develop a relationship of trust rapidly.

I Thought a Single Mistake Automatically Destroyed Trust

While it’s true that a single mistake can destroy trust, that is not always the case. When the trust level is already low, then that’s often all it takes. However, if the trust level is high, one mistake seldom destroys what people have built in the relationship.

If you’re as old as I am, you remember the days of President Nixon and Watergate. Immediately after the scandal broke, the trust level was very low toward leaders in the United States. At that time, I remember hearing Billy Graham, whom I greatly respect, say, “Everybody has a little bit of Watergate in him.” That was level-setting. It brought a dose of reality to everyone’s idealism regarding leaders. If someone like Billy Graham has a little bit of Watergate in him, then so do I. And so do you.

Always doing right regardless of the situation goes against our nature. But we can fight to do what’s right most of the time. And we can know that as long as we keep adding deposits to our trustworthiness accounts with others, we have a chance to withstand the mistakes we do make. Knowing this allows me to forgive my humanness as a leader. And it helps me be more committed to extending grace to other leaders when they make mistakes in their humanness.

I have a much longer view of character now than I did years ago. I recognize that character development is a lifelong process. In his book Build Your Reputation, networking expert Rob Brown described this ongoing process.

In the world of work and business, your “go-to” status won’t happen overnight. It won’t even happen by chance. You’re building a platform here. A house if you like. Brick by brick. Comment by comment. Conversation by conversation. Even if you could build it fast, how sturdy would it be? . . .

You don’t want to be a one-hit wonder. Any fool can get hired or booked once. The best, most sought-after thought leaders and prime promotional candidates didn’t start out yesterday. It’s a slog. It means some heavy lifting. It’s going to take a little time. And it’s going to be so worth it! . . .

But be under no illusions, building a great reputation requires a consistent, focused effort. Tortoise and the hare. Slow and steady wins the race. Marathon, not a sprint, and all that. With a few spurts here and there.7

So much of leadership relies on good character. Trust is created through it. Talent is protected by it. Internal peace is fostered by it. People cannot climb beyond the limitations of their character. Leaders cannot succeed beyond the depth of their character. Good leaders have the potential to be difference makers, and character makes a difference for them and protects them. Good leaders are often a gift to the world. Character protects that gift.

2. SUCCESSFUL LEADERS EMBRACE THE FOUR DIMENSIONS OF CHARACTER

In his book Derailed, Tim Irwin wrote that there are four dimensions to character: authenticity, self-management, humility, and courage.8 I agree with his perspective and I want to use those four dimensions as my framework for describing the process of character building. Let’s look at each of them:

There are four dimensions to character: authenticity, self-management, humility, and courage.

Authenticity

I’ve observed that a lot of leaders have a difficult time with authenticity. Many don’t want to let down their guard. They may feel that they are in a no-win situation. They worry that if they reveal their failures, they’ll lose credibility. Yet if they try to hide their failures, they come across as phony. If they hide their successes, they fear they won’t have as much credibility. But if they highlight only their successes, they come across as arrogant and unrelatable. How does a leader navigate this situation?

My advice to leaders is to try to live between the lines. Let me explain. As I travel the road of leadership, to my right is the line of success. When I’m over near that line, everything is going well, I’m achieving success, and I’m winning. To my left is the line of failure. When I’m close to that line, nothing seems to go right, and I’m living Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time. I describe these two extremes this way:

The Line of Failure

The Line of Success

Weakness

Strength

Depresses me

Impresses me

I want no one to see

I want everyone to see

I want this never

I want this forever

Me at my worst

Me at my best

Most of the time we live between those two lines. When people see us on the success line, we have to be careful not to think that is who we really are. We can be like the athlete who wins a gold medal or a Super Bowl and starts to believe he’s spectacular all the time at everything he does. It’s not reality. People may try to put such individuals on a pedestal, but they will surely fall off.

There are also times when we travel along the failure line. We all make mistakes. We all make bad choices. We all fall short. If we believe that’s who we are, we won’t want to get out of bed. We shouldn’t buy into that either. Both lines—of success and of failure—are extremes. We’re neither as good nor as bad as they might indicate.

Authenticity is about living an open life between those lines. In my early years, I only wanted to tell others about my experiences on the success line. I wanted to impress people. As I grow older, I feel an opposite pull to share my failures so that I can encourage people. Because I’m a public figure, people often only see me at my best, not my worst. For that reason, some people give me more credit than I deserve. That bothers me. Instead of wanting to point to my breakthroughs, I want to direct people to the brokenness that has led to my breakthroughs.

I like to think of myself as a mosaic, made of many broken pieces. Author and blogger Rosalina Chai wrote a beautiful piece about mosaics that I find insightful.

Mosaic is at once intricate yet majestic. And it is precisely its brokenness that lends mosaic its perception of fragile beauty. . . . And isn’t this true too of our humanity? . . . What is it about brokenness that we find so offensive?

What would happen when we accept and embrace that being broken is an essential part of humanity’s be-ing? What would happen when we cease to label brokenness as bad? What would it take for us to cease labeling brokenness as bad? I can imagine one certainty . . . more peace.

Accepting and embracing brokenness is not the same as using another’s brokenness to feel better about ourselves. Rather, it is an acknowledgment of our common humanity. When I accept my own brokenness, and do not judge myself harshly because of it, I find myself capable of more compassion towards others regardless of whether I am aware of the form of brokenness they’ve experienced.9

Wholeness does not mean perfection. It means embracing brokenness as an integral part of our lives. My friend Max Lucado says, “God would rather us walk with an occasional limp than a continual strut.” I am learning to embrace my limp because I’m learning so much.

God would rather us walk with an occasional limp than a continual strut.

—MAX LUCADO

None of us is flawless. Good people do bad things. Smart people do dumb things. We all find ourselves in moments where we feel tempted to do something we know in our hearts isn’t the right thing, and we’ve all veered off course. It’s humbling. Sharing that with others is authentic.

Self-Management

Author and speaker Ruth Haley Barton says, “We set young leaders up for a fall if we encourage them to envision what they can do before they consider the kind of person they should be.” What she’s speaking about is the strengthening of character that comes from good self-management.

We set young leaders up for a fall if we encourage them to envision what they can do before they consider the kind of person they should be.

—RUTH HALEY BARTON

Character is not about intelligence. It’s about making right choices. David Gergen, the political commentator who worked in several White House administrations, points out that if intelligence and character were the same things, presidents Nixon and Clinton would have been two of the best. Gergen said, “Capacity counts, but once a candidate passes that test, character counts even more.”10

Many leaders score high on IQ but low on CQ—character quotient. To increase our CQ we need to practice self-management. One of the best ways to help ourselves do that is to establish character guardrails for ourselves to keep us from going off course. On a highway, guardrails keep cars from going over a cliff. With them in place, you may crash, but you likely won’t die.

When it comes to character, I believe the best guardrails are the decisions you make before you face high-pressure situations. It’s easier to manage yourself if you’ve already made the tough decisions related to your values. It’s impossible to maintain good character when you don’t know what you value. Do you value honesty and integrity? Then what is your guardrail? What won’t you do? Decide that before you face temptation. Do you value relationships? If so, what is your guardrail? What must you do to maintain relationships? Identify your values and decide what boundaries you won’t cross long before you may be tempted to cross them.

I wrote about this concept in my book Today Matters. Many of the value decisions I’ve made were settled when I was in my teens and twenties. But I still have to manage myself in areas where I’m vulnerable to character pitfalls. For example, when you get to be my age and you’ve experienced some level of success, people start to give you honors and awards. I can’t allow any of that to go to my head. My mentor Fred Smith taught me that the gift is greater than the person, meaning that a person may accomplish much, even though he or she is highly flawed. I know who I am. I’m not as good as some people give me credit for being. I believe that whatever gifts I possess were given to me by God, and I deserve no credit for them. My focus needs to remain on building my integrity, not my image.

To keep myself grounded, I ask myself some questions:

Consistency: Am I the same person no matter who I am with?

Choices: Do I make decisions that are best for others even when another choice would benefit me?

Credit: Am I quick to recognize others for their efforts and contributions to my success?

If I can answer yes to these questions, then there’s a good chance I’m not getting off track in this area.

Where are you susceptible to character pitfalls? What values do you hold dear? What decisions do you need to make before you face temptation? What questions do you need to continually ask yourself to manage yourself? These are some of the most important things you can think about as a leader, because if you can keep yourself on the road and from going off the cliff, you can continue to lead others and make a difference.

Humility

Nobody likes working with a leader who is full of himself and works only for his own benefit. People want to work with a leader who displays humility. What does it mean to be humble? I like what Robert F. Morneau wrote in Humility: 31 Reflections on Christian Virtues. He said of humility, “It is that habitual quality whereby we live in the truth of things: the truth that we are creatures and not the Creator; the truth that our life is a composite of good and evil, light and darkness; the truth that in our littleness we have been given extravagant dignity. . . . Humility is saying a radical ‘yes’ to the human condition.”11

Humility is saying a radical “yes” to the human condition.

—ROBERT F. MORNEAU

I love that. Yes, we are flawed. Yes, we make mistakes. Yes, we are human. That’s okay.

Dale Carnegie said, “If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are.” Where and how we seek validation impacts character. As a young man, I wanted to make a big splash. That’s what was important to me. In the beginning it was all about me, my goals, and my success. Slowly I realized that I was not on earth to see how important I could become but to see how much of a difference I could make in the lives of others.

Artist John Ruskin asserted, “I believe that the first test of a truly great man is his humility. I don’t mean by humility, doubt of his power. But really great men have a curious feeling that the greatness is not of them, but through them.” For most people, humility has to be earned. It is developed over time as you accept your weaknesses and give grace to others for theirs.

In college I read these words written by Thomas à Kempis: “Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.” That made a strong impression on me because at the time I did want to change others. I had to learn how to focus on changing and improving myself. That happens only when you acknowledge that your flaws are great enough that they need to be addressed. That requires—and creates—humility. And when you begin to develop humility, you are in a better position to serve the people you lead.

Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.

—THOMAS À KEMPIS

Courage

Courage makes character possible. It empowers us to do what’s right in the face of fear, fatigue, or uncertainty. Character is not developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience and trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened.

There are times in every leader’s life when he feels obligated to take people where he himself has not yet gone, to talk farther than he has walked. I know that has been true for me. At such times I do not feel competent enough, experienced enough, strong enough, faithful enough, wise enough, or qualified enough. At those times I must acknowledge my weaknesses, ask for God and others to help me, and summon the courage to take action.

Continuing to live a life of character requires ongoing reflection, brutal honesty, and courage to do the right thing. And sometimes we have to work to restore good character after making bad decisions. That takes time, intentionality, and effort.

Recently one of my John Maxwell Team coaches sent me a poem about leadership and character after attending one of our training events. I think it captures the courage required to develop and maintain character.

The Mirror and Me

When I look in the mirror, what do I see?

Reflections of a double-sided me.

One side is everything I ever hope to be.

Yet my greatest problem is staring back at me.

There are times when I rush out to get ahead,

And I find myself leading when I need to be led.

Courage is needed—how can I overcome me?

How can I lead others with authenticity?

I will remember the best and worst in me.

Doing this will keep me growing humbly.

I will seek others out more faithful than me,

And ask for help with my vulnerabilities.

To lead and do right, that is my possibility.

To do this, I will visit my mirror regularly.

If you want to develop the kind of character that will sustain you as a leader, then embrace the four dimensions to character: authenticity, self-management, humility, and courage. And never be afraid to admit you are wrong. Doing so is like saying you are wiser today than you were yesterday.

3. CHARACTER MAKES YOU BIGGER ON THE INSIDE THAN ON THE OUTSIDE

Plutarch, an ancient Greek philosopher, said, “What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality.” That has always been true. Character is built on the inside before it shows up on the outside.

The difference between our inner and outer selves is described by New York Times columnist David Brooks. Based on a book that influenced him, Lonely Man of Faith by Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik, Brooks said that people feel the pull of their internal and external selves, which are a reflection of Adam from the Old Testament. In Genesis, the creation of Adam is described twice, and these two descriptions characterize the divided nature within all of us. Brooks called them Adam I and Adam II.

Adam I wants to build, create, produce, and discover things. He wants to have high status and win victories. Adam II is the internal Adam. Adam II wants to embody certain moral qualities. Adam II wants to have a serene inner character, a quiet but solid sense of right and wrong—not only to do good, but to be good. Adam II wants to love intimately, to sacrifice self in the service of others, to live in obedience to some transcendent truth, to have a cohesive inner soul that honors creation and one’s own possibilities.12

The world cheers for the Adam I in all of us. But I believe when we focus on developing Adam II, we choose the kind of character that is able to sustain us, and that is able to fuel and give wisdom to the first Adam in all of us. As Brooks said of that inner character,

[It] lives by an inverse logic. It’s moral logic, not an economic one. You have to give to receive. You have to surrender to something outside yourself to gain strength within yourself. You have to conquer your desire to get what you crave. Success leads to the greatest failure, which is pride. Failure leads to the greatest success, which is humility and learning. In order to fulfill yourself, you have to forget yourself. In order to find yourself, you have to lose yourself.13

Success leads to the greatest failure, which is pride. Failure leads to the greatest success, which is humility and learning.

—DAVID BROOKS

The inner voice wants to make you bigger on the inside. The outer voice wants to make you bigger on the outside. The voice you listen to wins the battle. When your inner voice says, I have done wrong, you have a chance to deal with the feelings of character incongruence or hypocrisy by making changes. That allows you to regain your character equilibrium.

The outer voice encourages you to appear bigger on the outside, often at the expense of who you are on the inside. It creates a cognitive dissonance, an unhealthy hypocrisy. That outer voice might say something like, “What I say and what I do are not the same and never will be. That’s the way it is. Just keep up appearances.” That’s not a good road for anyone to go down. It’s especially bad for leaders, because they can become inauthentic, rationalizing, and unteachable.

I deal with this tension all the time. I know that what I say and what I do are not always in alignment, but I am working on becoming more consistent. I’m not there yet, but I am getting there. I don’t give heed to the outer voice, which encourages image. I try to listen to the inner voice, which encourages integrity.

To develop character and become bigger on the inside than the outside, I must deal with my weaknesses. I must embrace failure and learn from it. I must choose the better path forward. For years I had an accountability partner who each month would ask me five questions that dealt with my character. The last question he always asked was, “Have you lied to any of the four previous questions?” Often I would have to say yes, we would have to go back, and I would have to confess my fault. That last question was designed to keep me from developing a divided life.

Activist and founder of the Center for Courage and Renewal Parker J. Palmer described what happens when we allow ourselves to become divided:

I pay a steep price when I live a divided life—feeling fraudulent, anxious about being found out, and depressed by the fact that I am denying my own selfhood. The people around me pay a price as well, for now they walk on ground made unstable by my dividedness. How can I affirm another’s identity when I deny my own? How can I trust another’s integrity when I defy my own? A fault line runs down the middle of my life, and whenever it cracks open—divorcing my words and actions from the truth I hold within—things around me get shaky and start to fall apart.14

The result of developing strong character on the inside is self-respect, which comes, not from accomplishments or achievements, but from making the right choices. Brooks wrote, “It is earned by being better than you used to be, by being dependable in times of testing, straight in times of temptation. It emerges in one who is morally dependable. Self-respect is produced by inner triumphs, not external ones.”15

Self-respect is produced by inner triumphs, not external ones.

—DAVID BROOKS

By focusing on internal character, we also care for our souls. John Ortberg offered some keen insight into this in his book Soul Keeping:

Your soul is what integrates your will (your intentions), your mind (your thoughts and feelings, your values and conscience), and your body (your face, body language, and actions) into a single life. A soul is healthy—well-ordered—when there is harmony between these three entities and God’s intent for all creation. When you’re connected with God and other people in life, you have a healthy soul.16

Ortberg went on to explain, “Our world has replaced the word soul with the word self, and they are not the same thing. The more we focus on our selves, the more we neglect our souls.”17

A healthy soul is whole. It’s not fractured. It has internal integrity. Integrity means more than following a moral code. Integrity is defined as “the quality or the state of being complete; unbroken condition; wholeness; entirety.”18 Its Latin root is the same as the word integer, a whole number. It’s the opposite of being divided. A divided life separates us from our soul. A life that’s whole strengthens our character, making us bigger on the inside.

When our souls lose that wholeness on the inside, we struggle on the outside. As Ortberg said, referring to an experience trying to ride a mechanical bull, “If your soul lacks a center when life comes at you fast, you will be thrown off the bull. No matter how hard you try to hold on, eventually you’ll get thrown. The soul without a center finds its identity in externals.”19

Where do you look to establish your identity? At your image, your accomplishments, your recognition? Or do you get it from your internal character? Do you focus on making right choices, on improving yourself, on following through with your commitments, on nurturing the health of your soul? If you focus on the outside, you will neglect the inside. However, if you focus on the inside, the outside will always benefit.

Recently I read an article about Theo Epstein, the president of baseball operations for the Chicago Cubs. People have begun recognizing him because in 2016 the Cubs finally won the World Series, something that hadn’t happened since 1908! He had worked for several teams, including the Boston Red Sox, before going to Chicago. But by the time he got there, he’d learned the importance of character.

“I used to scoff at it, when I first took the job in Boston,” Epstein said, referring to a focus on character. “I just felt like, You know how we’re going to win? By getting guys who get on base more than the other team, and by getting pitchers who miss bats and get ground balls. Talent wins. But . . . it’s like every year I did the job, I just developed a greater appreciation for how much the human element matters and how much more you can achieve as a team when you have players who care about winning, care about each other, develop those relationships, have those conversations. It creates an environment where the sum is greater than the parts.”20

Epstein was hired as the Cubs’ president in October 2011. In January 2012 he met with all of the organization’s managers, coaches, trainers, and operations personnel. They spent one day talking about hitting, one on pitching, one on defense and baserunning, and one on character. Those became the foundation to achieve the one goal Epstein had for the organization: win a world championship.

In his fifth season with a young team, Epstein was on the cusp of achieving that goal. Sports Illustrated writer Tom Verducci said the defining moment occurred during a rain delay after the ninth inning of game 7, after the Indians came back to tie the game. The young Cubs team didn’t crack. They didn’t shrink. They didn’t stumble. What did they do? The players called a meeting. Verducci wrote, “The Cubs packed shoulder-to-shoulder for a players-only meeting in a small weight room behind the visiting dugout at Progressive Field.” He called it “a strong visual of Epstein’s ideals of collaboration and character.” In the top of the tenth, the Cubs scored two runs. It was enough to win the game, with a score of 8-7.

The Cubs’ character had carried them through when they needed it. And that’s what we should all work for, whether we’re team members or leaders of the team. Character always counts.

DEVELOPING THE PERSON OF CHARACTER WITHIN YOU

So how do you focus on developing character from the inside out? I believe the core of character boils down to three main things: embracing good values, practicing self-leadership, and valuing people.

EMBRACE GOOD VALUES

If you’ve never thought through your personal values and written them down, then you need to do so. What are your nonnegotiables? What lines will you refuse to cross? What will you stand for?

If you have already gone through this process, then look at what you wrote out previously and verify your list. Has anything changed? Is there anything you would add? Anything you would remove?

PRACTICE SELF-LEADERSHIP

The essence of self-leadership is doing the right thing even when you don’t want to do it, and not doing the wrong thing even when you do want to do it. I call this managing the decision after I’ve already made it. Let me explain. When you determine your values, you’ve already decided what you will and won’t do. Then when you face a difficult moment, your job is to follow through on the decision you’ve made.

What must you do to put yourself in better positions to manage your decisions and follow through with them?

VALUE PEOPLE

By placing others first, you take the focus off yourself and therefore have a more difficult time being selfish. That builds your character. Think about something you can do every day to express value to another person, especially to people you don’t have an affinity for or don’t especially like.

And don’t forget: you can receive free bonus materials from me at MaxwellLeader.com.