Unit 3-Discussion Board

1) Isabella:

In early adulthood, marriage can be seen as one of the factors that make you an adult, like how being financially independent is a factor in being an adult. When you picture an adult you may image someone with a ring on their finger and a child holding their hand. Humans are social beings and for thousands of years, marriage has been used to link "mates" together. In addition, marriage provides support, engagement, and a sense of self-worth. All of which are things everyone longs to have (How relationships help us to age well). 

According to Thomas Lee's article, one factor that influences marital success is the length of acquaintance, meaning if you know someone longer there is a greater chance the marriage will last a long time as well. Another factor that influences martial success is age. Many couples who get married after 20 have a higher likelihood of staying together than those married before 20. In addition to these two factors, opposites may not attract when it comes it marriage. Couples who share similarities and interests tend to get along better and stay in longer relationships and can do things together without one spouse feels left out (Lee, 2013).

Many people are starting to feel that the traditions of marriage are old and outdated. Cameron Dias, an actress, believes that marriage is a dying institution. She states that "I don't think we should live our lives in relationships based off old traditions that don't suit our world any longer"(Boehi, 2020). Other people have religious beliefs that marriage is sacred and was God's Plan from the moment he created Eve from Adam. Based on my beliefs and personal feelings, I would like to get married to someone, I think growing old with one person would be much more meaningful than spending short periods of time with men throughout my life. 

There are several benefits to marriage. These can include health because on average married women tend to be less depressed than single or cohabiting women because they have a support system behind them. Also, there is a higher likelihood of wealth if both partners are working since they can build savings together. While there are many children that live in different households, it has been shown that children with married parents tend to be less vulnerable to emotional and mental illnesses, and are more likely to stay in school with fewer behavioral problems (What Are the Social Benefits of Marriage?). While having a family in one household may not be as necessary as having food, water, and shelter, it has been shown to help children with behavioral issues and having a more positive mindset. 

I was always told that it's good to live with someone you're considering marrying so that I know what they are really like. According to Scott Stanley's article, it has been "found that living together before marriage was associated with lower odds of divorce in the first year of marriage, but increased odds of divorce in all other years tested" (Stanley, 2018).  That being said, maybe it isn't best to follow the advice that has been given to me!

Although not all relationships are the same and often times the factors mentioned previously have an influence on success more than if the couple has lived together before marriage or not. 

 

References

Boehi, D. (2020, November 6). Is Marriage a 'Dying Institution'? FamilyLife®. https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/gods-plan-for-marriage/is-marriage-a-dying-institution/ (Links to an external site.) . 

Lee, T. R. (2013, April 9). Factors that Make a Difference in Marital Success. Strategies For Success AZ. https://strategiesforsuccessaz.com/factors-that-make-a-difference-in-marital-success/ (Links to an external site.) . 

How relationships help us to age well. How relationships help us to age well | The Psychologist. (n.d.). https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-28/february-2015/how-relationships-help-us-age-well (Links to an external site.) .

Stanley, S. M. (2018, November 3). Living Together Before Marriage May Raise Risk of Divorce. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sliding-vs-deciding/201811/living-together-marriage-may-raise-risk-divorce (Links to an external site.) . 

What Are the Social Benefits of Marriage? For Your Marriage. (n.d.). https://www.foryourmarriage.org/blogs/social-benefits-marriage/ (Links to an external site.) . 

2) Danielle,

First of all, I am really intrigued to hear all of the class answers to this discussion. I have gathered that I may be a little older than most of the other students in this course which makes me excited to hear about the perspective and opinions of a generation different than my own.

I have been married for 17 years. I got married at 21 and started dating my spouse when I was 16. I am aware that our story of a strong marriage is probably somewhat unique because I feel like I didn’t know who I was at 21 and neither did my spouse. I have learned that many things are involved in a successful marriage. In researching for this discussion, I came across a Psychology Today article stating that “a healthy marriage is satisfying, stable, and sexual.” The article then goes on to share specific historical factors (structures of family and how their parents raised them), pre-disposing factors (age, physical attraction, commonalities), and process factors (trust, intimacy, mutually agreed on styles to handle conflict, positive and realistic expectations). I can absolutely see how these factors may contribute to strong and healthy marriages. I found one of the examples of processing factors particularly interesting and helpful. It was use “the 5 to 1 positive-negative set of thoughts, feelings, and behavior toward your spouse and marriage.” This is such great advice.

I also have a practical, and personal example of what has been helpful in my marriage. Marriage is hard work. It can have as many highs as it does lows and there are many internal and external stressors. From the very beginning, in my marriage we have tried to create fun games and inside jokes that lighten the burden of everyday life and deposit into each other’s “banks.” This helps us to never deplete the other and makes marriage much more fun. The game that we have carried for our whole marriage is a game of “tag, you’re it!” We take turns tagging each other in the most random ways, usually by writing it somewhere. Over the years we have gotten super creative. I once found a tiny piece of paper soaked and folded up in my conditioner bottle pump saying “tag.” As strange as it sounds, this game has carried us in ways that I would never have guessed. Our kids have even gotten involved and help us think of ways to tag the other spouse.

Regarding the topic of family as an expression of marriage, I grew up in a blended family and because of that I can see how emotional connection is one of the big ways to define family, not just marriage. Even though I view family in this way, I still believe that marriage is best for the development of children. Research shows that children from cohabiting families are six times more likely to have behavior and emotional problems and 90 percent more likely to have a lower GPA. Research also shows that cohabiting parents have a much higher rate of breaking up than married parents. 

 

Works Cited:

Baumgardner, J. (2020, July 7). Marriage Benefits Children. First Things First. https://firstthings.org/marriage-benefits-children/.

Sussex Publishers. (n.d.). What Makes a Happy, Successful Marriage? Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/whats-your-sexual-style/201207/what-makes-happy-successful-marriage.