This thesis statement won’t work, for three reasons. First, the prompt is quite clear that you can’t just agree with an author. You have to give your own argument. If you want to defend them, you have to defend them against a specific objection. Second, the claim that “the mind is in the brain” isn’t obviously Cartesian. On Descartes’s view, the mind isn’t “in” anything. Third, and probably most importantly, the argument should be about something reasonable people can disagree on. But claims like “the brain processes information” or “brains are essential to movement” are indisputable platitudes; it’s like arguing that the sky is blue.
Separate point: the essay is likely to be more successful if you address not just Descartes’s conclusion, but also one of his arguments for it.
Thesis Statement: 12/30
Preview of Argument: 25/45
Stage-setting: 10/15
Grammar: 9/10
56%
- 30% late penalty
= 26%
Johv
UbomJohnJ_Abstracttt.docx
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