current

Reader’s personal response to the writing in terms of interest, insight, and ideas: Hi, Junhe, you have a relatively clear analysis on the event described in the article, which is a nice job here. And you do have some interesting arguments and ideas in your essay. Just keep working on it!

Global Categories

Score: “1” is weak, “6” is strong

Thesis/Main Idea/Focus

|_|1 |_|2|_|3|_|4|_|5|_|6

Organization

|_|1 |_|2|_|3|_|4|_|5|_|6

Development/Support/Data

|_|1 |_|2|_|3|_|4|_|5|_|6

Word Choice

|_|1 |_|2|_|3|_|4|_|5|_|6

Sentence Structure/Style

|_|1 |_|2|_|3|_|4|_|5|_|6

Comments on the above scores: Your essay generally has a clear summary on the event. But the lacking of thesis undermines the general quality of your essay here. As described in the prompt, you need to pick a stand of the issue raised in the article you read. It means, generally you just need a very brief introduction of the event in you first paragraph. What important is you need to state what issue is raised based on this event, and you need to clarify your position on this issue, e.g. are you supportive of this kind of training or against? Whether you're for or against, you need to specify "as well". These "whys" will become you body paragraphs (generally we need three body paragraphs.) In addition, you word choice and sentence structure sometimes are confusing and interfere with the meaning.I pointed out some of them in your essay (not all of them).

Grammar/Mechanics

Check major problem areas:

|_| Verb/Subject Agreement

|_|Verb Forms

|_|Verb Tense

|_|Sentence Boundaries (Fragments, Run-ons, Fused Sentences)

|_|Prepositions

|_|Articles

|_|Pronoun Reference

|_| Punctuation

|_|Spelling

|_|Other (Please comment)

Comments and Recommendations for Grammar/Mechanics: Generally, you sentence structure and word choice sometimes are problematic and cause confusion with the meaning. I identified sentence fragments several times and word forms errors as well. There are some other mechanical problems as well, but the sentence structure might be the biggest concern in this essay. I may suggest you come to the writing center and sit with a tutor to walk you through some of the issues.