family film

Reader’s personal response to the writing in terms of interest, insight, and ideas: Overall, you have a good essay that has very good examples. The only parts I would try and work on developing is your thesis statement in your introduction and your conclusion paragraph. Try and limit the number of transition words that are being used and sentence structure will improve. Other than that, good essay.

Global Categories

Score: “1” is weak, “6” is strong

Thesis/Main Idea/Focus

1 23456

Organization

1 23456

Development/Support/Data

1 23456

Word Choice

1 23456

Sentence Structure/Style

1 23456

Comments on the above scores: Thesis: Explain more and go into more detail about why you think the amount of R-Rated films need to be lessened. Good organization and great support/examples. Word choice needs to be worked on with the elimination of transitory words. Transition words should only be used to move from one point to another, and shouldn’t be placed in front of each sentence. This will improve overall sentence structure and style.

Grammar/Mechanics

Check major problem areas:

Verb/Subject Agreement

Verb Forms

Verb Tense

Sentence Boundaries (Fragments, Run-ons, Fused Sentences)

Prepositions

Articles

Pronoun Reference

Punctuation

Spelling

Other (Please comment)

Comments and Recommendations for Grammar/Mechanics: Word choice needs to be improved. There were parts of the essay that made me slightly confused. Please take a look at my comments on the essay.