Addictive Disorders

JAKE LEVY: We'd be out on recon in our Humvees, and it would get so hot. We used to put our water bottles in wet socks and hang them right outside the window just so the water would cool off of a bit, and maybe then you could drink it. Man, it was cramped in there. You'd be drenched, nowhere to breathe. It's like riding around in an oven. And you'd have your helmet on you, 100 pounds of gear and ammo. I swear, sometimes I feel like it's still on me, like it's all still strapped on me.

FEMALE SPEAKER: How many tours did you do in Iraq?

JAKE LEVY: Three. After that last recon, I just-- There were 26 of us. Five marines in the Humvee I was in. I remember I was wearing my night vision goggles. We passed through a village and everything was green, like I was in a dream or under water. And then there was a flash, bright light just blinded me. There was this explosion. I can't-- I can't—

FEMALE SPEAKER: It's OK, Jake. Take it easy. I understand this is difficult. There's something I;d like to try with you. It's called exposure therapy, and it's a treatment that's used a lot with war veterans, especially those struggling with anxiety and PTSD.

JAKE LEVY: Exposure therapy?

FEMALE SPEAKER: Yes. It's to help someone like yourself to confront your feelings and anxieties about a traumatic situation that you've experienced. It's a--It's meant to help you get more control of your thoughts, to make sense of what's happened, and to not be so afraid of your memories.

JAKE LEVY: Put that in a bottle and I'll buy 10 cases of it.

FEMALE SPEAKER: Well, one part of it is learning to control your breathing. And when you practice that, you can learn to manage your anxiety, to get more control of it, not let it control you, to protect yourself. Do you want to try it?

JAKE LEVY: Right now?

FEMALE SPEAKER: Sure.

JAKE LEVY: Why not?

FEMALE SPEAKER: OK. Well, I know this sounds crazy, but a lot of people don't breathe properly. And it really comes from bad habits. When they inhale and exhale, all the effort is here in their chest and shoulders. And the problem with that is you get a really short, shallow breath. And that really increases the stress and anxiety in your body. Instead, a more natural breath should always involve your diaphragm, right here in your abdomen. When you breath in, your belly should expand. And when you breath out, your belly should fall. OK?

JAKE LEVY: OK.

FEMALE SPEAKER: So, let's practice. Close your eyes. Now, I want you put one hand on your abdomen and the other across your chest. Good. Good. Now, I just want you to take a few breaths, just like normal. What are you feeling?

JAKE LEVY: I feel my chest moving up and down. But my belly, nothing.

FEMALE SPEAKER: OK. So that's what I was just talking about. That's OK. Let's try this. I want you take a breath. And this time, I only want you to allow your abdomen to expend when you breathe in and to fall when you breathe out. OK, let's try it. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. You feeling better? More relaxed?

JAKE LEVY: Yes.

FEMALE SPEAKER: And the more you practice it the easier it will become. So when you find that stress and anxiety coming on, just do your breathing. You can keep yourself from getting swept by all those bad thoughts. OK?

JAKE LEVY: Yes. Thank you.

FEMALE SPEAKER: So, do you want to try to go back to what you were telling me about before?

JAKE LEVY: I can try. It was night. We were out on recon. It was my third tour in Iraq.

Levy Family: Episode 4 Program Transcript

FEMALE SPEAKER: So do you want to try to go back to what you're telling me before?

LEVY: I can try. It was night. We were out on patrol. I remember it was so hot packed in our vehicle. Suddenly there was an explosion. We got tossed into a ditch. And somehow I made it out, and I could see it was the Humvee behind us. It's whole front end was gone. It had hit a roadside bomb. Our vehicle had just driven past it, just mistriggering it. But not them. They didn't make it.

FEMALE SPEAKER: Remember how we practiced. Slow your breathing down. Inhale and exhale from your abdomen.

LEVY: Thank you.

FEMALE SPEAKER: And just take your time. Whenever you are ready.

LEVY: So the bomb went off. I managed to get out. I had my night vision goggles on. And I could see the Humvee, the one that got hit. It's whole front end was gone. And there's this crater in the road. And inside it I could see-- I could see Kurt's-- our platoon Sergeant, he was lying there everything below his waist was gone, blown off. And he was screaming. Screaming like nothing you'd ever heard. And then he was looking at me. And he was screaming for me to kill him. To stop his suffering. He was yelling, please. Please. And someone tried putting tourniquets on him. But the ground just kept getting darker with his blood. And I was staring into his face. I had my rifle trained on him. I was going to do it. You know. He was begging me to. I could feel my finger on the trigger. And I kept looking into his face. And then I didn't have to do nothing. Because the screaming had stopped. He'd bled out. Died right there. And all I could think was I'd let him down. His last request, and I couldn't do it. I couldn't put a bullet in him so he could die fast not slow.

FEMALE SPEAKER: I can see and hear how painful it is for you to relive this story. Thank you for sharing it. Do you think this incident is behind some of the symptoms you've been telling me about?

LEVY: When I go to sleep at night, I close my eyes, and I see Kurt's there staring at me. So I don't sleep too good. That's why I started drinking. It's the only way I can forget about that night. So I drink too much. At least that's what my wife yells at me. We're not doing too well these days. I'm not exactly the life of the party. I left Iraq 10 months ago. But Iraq never left me. I'm afraid it's never going to leave me alone.

Episode 5 Program Transcript

FEMALE SPEAKER: It was such an intense story. I just kept seeing things the way he did, you know. The weird green of his night-vision goggles, his sergeant screaming for Jake to kill him. I just keep seeing it all in my head.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

MALE SPEAKER: Why, do you think?

FEMALE SPEAKER: Why what?

MALE SPEAKER: Why do you think you keep thinking about this story, this particular case?

FEMALE SPEAKER: I don't know, maybe because it's so vivid. You know, I went home last night, turned on the TV to try to get my mind off it. And a commercial for the Marines came on, and there was all over again-- the explosion, the screams, the man dying. Such a nightmare to live with, and he's got a baby on they way.

MALE SPEAKER: Could that be it, the baby?

FEMALE SPEAKER: Maybe. That's interesting you say that. I mean, the other vets I work with are older, and they have grown kids. But Jake is different. I just keep picturing him with a newborn. And I guess it scares me. I wonder if he'll be able to deal with it.