MLA format essay needed by tomorrow night!

Thesis Statement:

In the short stories "A Worn Path," by Eudora Welty and "To Build a Fire," by Jack London, both characters demonstrate immense amount of determination of reaching their goal. Ignorance, selfishness and lack of experience resulted in the man to fail, while Phoenix Jackson possessed wisdom, selflessness and more experience, allowing her to successfully reach her goal. Although both characters express different attributes, they are both determined in reaching a goal and are face-to-face with nature's expected and unexpected obstacles.

Topic Sentences:

1. Throughout her years, Phoenix Jackson gains experience in undergoing the same journey to her grandson, while the man lacks experience hiking the Yukon in such severe weather conditions.

2. Both characters are faced with expected and unexpected obstacles throughout their journey.

3. The man demonstrates selfishness and arrogance throughout his journey, while Phoenix Jackson demonstrates wisdom and experience.

PROFESSOR’S FEEDBACK:

Your thesis statement seems good--until you get to the last sentence--which tends to undercut what you established in the first two sentences.

Your first sentence introduces the stories and authors as it should and seems to establish the similarities between the two stories. The second sentence goes on to establish the differences between the two characters that cause the man to fail and Phoenix to succeed. On their own, these two sentences establish a thesis that prioritizes the significance of the differences.

The third sentence tends to return to the stories' similarities--and by doing so--disrupts the thesis that you had already established. I'd recommend eliminating the third sentence of the thesis statement.

Your topic sentences have potential but need some work in order to develop the thesis coherently.

Your topic sentences seem out of order. #1 seems to focus on differences that help explain the character traits established in #3--so it doesn't make sense to place the topic sentence that focuses on the similarities of the journeys in between the two sentences that focus on differences.

To support your thesis--as articulated in the first two sentences of your thesis statement--establish and discuss any similarities first--and then shift your focus to the differences that you have established as more significant in your thesis.

You might need more than three topic sentences to adequately support your thesis and build this essay that discusses two stories.

In your comparison section, you can have topic sentences that refer to both stories--as your topic sentence #2 illustrates. You might try to think of some other points of comparison. For example, "The journeys depicted in both stories can serve as symbols for life's passage."

In the contrast section of your essay, you might want to have a separate topic sentence for each story/character instead of combining them together in one topic sentence/paragraph. In other words, sentences #1 and #3 could be presented as four topic sentences--two that focus on elements of the man, and two that focus on Phoenix.

Also, to get the organization of contrast section to emphasize your thesis properly, you should discuss the man first on each point and followed by the discussion of Phoenix.

We can discuss these things in more detail before or after Wednesday's class meeting.