Psychology HAWKINS AND CLINTON ASSIGNMENT

The New Christian Counselor: A Fresh Biblical and Transformational Approach by Hawkins & Clinton

Hawkins, R. (2015). The New Christian Counselor. Harvest House Publishers.  https://mbsdirect.vitalsource.com/books/9780736943550

1 Introduction to a New Day By your patience possess your souls. Lk. 21:19 nkjv

It’s a new day in the world of Christian counseling, psychotherapy, and mental health care. Like never before, Christian counseling is grow- ing into a diverse, empirically grounded, and biblically based minis- try-profession of worldwide prominence. It’s encouraging to see the exponential growth of the modern Christian counseling movement as never before. Today, Christian counselors are equipped to respond to the diverse and complex needs of hurting people all over the world. How- ever, we need to keep learning. We are challenged by advances in bibli- cal, medical, and psychological research. Militant secularism and global opposition to Christian truth are on the rise. Like the prophet Habakkuk, we seek to “write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it” (Hab. 2:2 nkjv). The New Christian Counselor offers a vision for the future of Christian counseling that provides definition, focus, and direction to Christian counseling practice in the 21st century. Author and scholar Leonard Sweet (1999) challenged all believers: “The future is not something we enter. The future is something we create.” As Christian counselors, we need to maintain pace with advances in research, practice, and treatment. If we properly respond to the chal- lenges of militant secularism, which seeks to remove us from our right- ful place in the public square, we will faithfully serve our spiritual calling and avoid becoming obsolete. This book is designed to assist in actively shaping our future so we respond to the Spirit in love and loyalty, honor God, and imitate Christ’s kindness, humility, and strength in all we do. The calling of the new Christian counselor, our high privilege and our compelling responsibility, is to be distinctively Christian and thoroughly professional. To effectively represent Christ and conduct counseling on the highest level, we are responsible to embrace and stay with the tenor of the times by keeping up with advances in research and in the treat- ment fields of counseling, psychotherapy, and pastoral care. Our founda- tion is the truth of God’s Word, but we also gain critical insights from a variety of gifted counselors’ and authors’ theories and practices. We view all the resources available to us as God-given, and we rely on the Word of God and the Spirit of God to produce genuine, lasting change in us and in our clients. We are partners with God in the grand and exciting adventure of see- ing lives transformed. People usually come to us at their point of des- peration. They are vulnerable and broken, but they have walked into our offices and our lives seeking a glimmer of hope. The potential for life-changing transformation is at its peak when people are in pain. Our desire and our challenge is to provide warmth, encouragement, and insights that help them to make their way toward God, finding him to be trustworthy, loving, kind, and able. he time has come for us to speak with appropriate boldness, intel- lectual confidence, and spiritual astuteness in the work and ministry of counseling. Being a Christian counselor is more than having a title on a business card, and it’s far more than a job. We are (or we can become) skilled, open, willing channels for God’s grace to flow into other people’s lives. The purpose of this book is to embolden and equip those who have a spiritual awareness but lack the knowledge and confidence to declare their position on the role of faith in emotional and psychological healing. To understand our role more fully, we need to begin with a clear grasp of the universal longing—the cry of every person’s soul. The Cry of the Soul Listening accurately to the client is a central counseling skill, a skill that enables the counselor to hear in stereo, attending to the client’s words as well as the surrounding relational environment. The skilled, attentive Christian counselor hears the cry of the soul—the past hurts, present struggles, and future hopes. When we listen, what do we hear? Depression, stress and anxiety, loss, abuse, relationship problems, divorce, loneliness, violence, and more. The world is full of brokenness that can be traced back to the opening pages of Genesis. The world started off well—really well. In Gen. 1:31 we read, “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.” Before long, however, a cataclysm shook the created order. The existential earthquake happened when sin entered the picture. God had given Adam and Eve everything they could dream of want- ing. He gave them only one restriction: Don’t eat from a particular tree. Satan came along and whispered deception and doubt into Eve’s heart— “Did God really say that?” He promised they could “be like God, know- ing good and evil.” Adam went along with Eve’s choice to sin against God. The problem wasn’t that they ate a piece of forbidden fruit. The real issue—the sin of rebellion—was that they wanted independence from God. They chose something other than God to be in the center of their lives, and the results were disastrous. Since that day, people have lived with sin-darkened hearts, desperately in need of a Savior. The fall of man affected us on every level. It distorted our thinking, warped our desires, wrecked our relationships, and infused our world with sin and death. Worst of all, it caused a separation between God and human beings. What a recipe for disaster and profound sorrow! Two verses in the book of Job describe this plight of man: “Man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward” (5:7) and “Mortals, born of woman, are of few days and full of trouble” (14:1). Every day in our world, news accounts confirm these ancient observations. Sin has disconnected us from God and made us strangers in the land he gave us. Instead of feeling deeply fulfilled and wonderfully connected, we now realize we don’t belong. God created us for something else, some- thing more, but sin has corrupted our world. When Dorothy landed in Oz, she told her faithful little dog, “Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas any- more.” Look around. We are all homesick for Eden. Ask the man caught in sex addiction, the single mother who’s trying to get by, the couple who live in an armed truce, and the teenager who wonders if life is worth living any- more. The pace, pain, and pressures of modern life are robbing us of our joy. However, all is not lost. Our Redeemer lives, and he offers us for- giveness, purpose, and ultimate hope. The apostle Paul reflected on the world’s brokenness and the hope of eventual restoration: The whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of child- birth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we our- selves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies (Rom. 8:22-23). As believers today, we still groan because we instinctively long for full, complete restoration. But someday we’ll dance. At this point in history, things aren’t getting better. Frankly, the road ahead looks even more ominous than the past. Paul declared that in the last days things would only get worse: People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boast- ful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self- control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, con- ceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power (2 Tim. 3:2-5). But all is not lost. The story of the Bible is a message of hope, a story of redemption and reconciliation. God is working at every turn to call our names and invite us to turn our hearts back from the destruction of sin. We can offer nothing to win his affection or twist his arm. His offer is pure grace. One of the great love stories in the Old Testament is found in the book of Hosea. In the words of the prophet, we find God’s unfathom- able love for Israel: How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? How can I treat you like Admah? How can I make you like Zeboyim? My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused. I will not carry out my fierce anger, nor will I devastate Ephraim again (Hos. 11:8-9). The Israelites had turned their backs on God over and over again, but God still offered them his love and forgiveness. His great love moved him to action. Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope (Hos. 2:14-15). God isn’t surprised by our sin. He knows the evil in our hearts far bet- ter than we know it ourselves. Jesus saw into people’s hearts and under- stood their unique needs. He listened to the cry of their souls and was filled with compassion. The writer of the book of Hebrews describes him in this way: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin” (4:15). He doesn’t stand back in fierce condemnation. He is the judge who pronounces us guilty, but he’s also the Savior who pays the price we could never pay for our sins. He not only sees but also understands and offers hope and healing. When Jesus was on the way to raise Jairus’s young daughter from death to life again, a big crowd surrounded him. In this crowd stood a lady who had been bleeding internally for 12 years. As Jesus walked by, she reached through the crowd to touch the edge of his robe. Jesus healed her on the spot, and he stayed to talk to her to assure her of his love. Then Jesus con- tinued on his way to raise Jairus’s dear daughter back to life. God’s gra- cious touch is always directed toward the need at hand. As counselors, we are called to be ambassadors of Christ, to be his hands, feet, and voice. It is our privilege to hear the groans of our cli- ents’ hearts and step into their lives at their point of desperate need—to identify and relate to the troubles in their souls, to see the overwhelming burdens they carry and the bondage they are wrestling with, and then to help lead them on the healing path toward freedom. We aren’t Chris- tian counselors in name only, and we don’t “do Sunday school with cli- ents” by remaining on the surface. We cannot go deeper with our clients, however, until we’ve gone deeper with God in our own lives. The most important factor in coun- seling is the emotional and spiritual vitality of the counselor. If we have hope, we can impart hope. But if we feel hopeless, we will have far less impact on our clients. God has called us to be conduits through which his love can flow to others. Possessing the Soul Just before Jesus was betrayed, arrested, tried, tortured, and mur- dered, he gave some last words of warning to his followers. He told them to expect persecution and hardships. Some, he predicted, would die for their faith—and in fact, all of the apostles but John died as martyrs. In the middle of this warning, Jesus gives his disciples a clear mandate: “By your patience possess your souls” (Lk. 21:19 nkjv). Clients come to us as broken, needy people who have lost possession of their souls. They feel shattered, alone, and helpless. Jesus’s encourage- ment to his disciples wasn’t a promise of health and wealth. He promised a different kind of peace—not the escape from problems, but the expe- rience of God’s purpose, power, and pardon in the midst of problems. That’s the perspective our clients need from us and from God. But first, we need to possess our own souls. What does that mean? It means we find our hearts’ true home in Christ alone, and in him, we experience a deeper contentment and fulfillment than we ever dreamed possible. Soul transformation, for us and for our clients, involves tak- ing responsibility for the possession of every element of the life of our souls, including the complicated process of cognition and the shaping of thought processes. When the grace, truth, and power of God permeate our thinking and choices, they overflow into our practices and into every relation- ship. We use all the resources God has given us—including the eternal truths of God’s Word, the power of the Spirit, and our growing under- standing of human behavior—to guide us and effect change in our cli- ents’ lives. Through it all, we remain tenacious learners. We sharpen our helping skills and dig deeper into biblical principles, but we realize we always have much more to learn. The apostle Paul was the master theo- logian, discipler, and church leader, but he admitted that he, like all of us, was always in process. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained (Phil. 3:12-16). In Galatians, Paul explains the impact of grace, and he gives a nec- essary warning to avoid slipping back into empty moralism: “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let your- selves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (5:1). Knowing, loving, and following Jesus are far more than going to a building once a week or adhering to some rigid rules. We have far more to offer our clients. Christ-centered, Spirit-drenched counseling is an arduous journey that starts with compassionate listening and heartfelt empathy. Ultimately, the work of Christian counseling is holy work because it is soul work. Christian counseling, in its purest form, is a covenant between a caregiver and a care seeker to labor collaboratively for the pos- session of the soul—through the power of the Holy Spirit, under the authority of the Word of God, and within a context of accountability and encouragement—for the purpose of the imitation of Christ. Searching for Hope Brokenness begs for healing. People are searching for answers, reach- ing for anything to anesthetize the pain and fill the void in their lives. Sol- omon wrote, “All the labor of man is for his mouth, and yet the soul is not satisfied” (Eccl. 6:7 nkjv). Noted psychologist Ernest Becker observed, “Modern man is drinking and drugging himself out of awareness, or he spends his time shopping, which is the same thing” (Becker, 1973, p. 284). Author and professor Dallas Willard (1988, viii) may have said it best: Social and political revolutions have shown no tendency to transform the heart of darkness that lies deep in the breast of every human being....Amid a flood of techniques for self-fulfillment there is an epidemic of depression, suicide, personal emptiness, and escapism...all combined with an inability to sustain deep and enduring personal relationships. So obviously the problem is a spiritual one. And so must be the cure. Most people live in some degree of denial because it’s so painful and threatening to admit the depth of their hurt. To numb the pain, they use all kinds of anesthetics—not only drugs and alcohol but also sports, shopping, sex, television, and other pursuits. Many of these aren’t wrong in themselves, but they are poor substitutes for the only thing that can really satisfy the longing of the human heart. We were created for more—we were created to know, love, and follow God, and nothing else will satisfy. Only he can meet the deepest longings of a person’s soul. Augustine prayed, “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.” The Modern Search for God Some people think the term worship is limited to religious practices, but it simply means that a person finds something supremely worthy of their time, affections, and resources. For many people, money, careers, children, pleasure, and power are the supreme values of their lives. They devote themselves to these pursuits as much as the desert fathers devoted themselves to God. The locus of their worship is simply in a different place. God has put it in the hearts of people to seek transcendence. People everywhere are obsessed with God, however they define him. Solomon understood this when he wrote, “He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end” (Eccl. 3:11). An undeniable spiritual longing spans all of human- ity. For example, every year three million Muslims visit Mecca to fulfill their call to a once-in-a-lifetime hajj. Every year hundreds of millions of Hindus trek to the Ganges River and surrounding temples to have their sins purified. And every year, Vatican City is the most visited place on the planet per capita. More than two billion people worldwide follow the teachings of the Bible. Conversely, only 2% of the world’s popula- tion consider themselves atheists (Robinson, 2011). This divine search is increasingly motivated by a deep thirst for the sacred. A recent Gallup poll indicated that 90% of Americans believe in God (Newport, 2013). Additional research shows that deeply commit- ted believers seek counselors who explicitly incorporate prayer, the Bible, and other faith-based resources into their therapy (Wade, Worthington, & Vogel, 2007). In every generation before, care seekers have looked first to a pastor, priest, or rabbi even though secular resources have expanded enormously in the last 60 years (Clinton & Ohlschlager, 2002; Rich- ards & Bergin, 2005). Confirming the Gallup poll observations, a recent Newsweek poll found that 91% of American adults claim a belief in God, while another Gallup poll reports that 73% of Americans “are convinced that God exists” (Newsweek, 2007; Newport, 2006). What accounts for the global, pervasive pursuit of God? Is the earth’s population exhausted by the pace, pain, and pressure of modern liv- ing? We believe that the past 100 years have created a sea of change in the hearts and minds of seekers everywhere because the grand promises of technology, information, and wealth have proved to be empty lies. People have more physical prosperity than ever, but their hearts remain empty. They instinctively sense something is wrong with the promises. Out of this vacuum, many are turning to God. We believe the future of effective caregiving belongs to those who dare to press in closer to the heart of God and to apply treatment strategies that are firmly anchored in Scripture and divine revelation. Godly change is transformational change—change that lasts and has a deeper impact—and people of faith are now demanding nothing less. Many people are tired of religion, but they are fascinated with spir- ituality, the universal “God thirst.” It’s not surprising, then, that when people of faith consider mental health services, they want God in the equation. In fact, two thirds of Americans want their faith addressed in mental health care (Hage, 2006). Overcoming the Faith Gap Unfortunately, in the field of mental health care, there’s been a seri- ous faith gap between those seeking services and the service providers. Not long ago, if you talked about God or faith in mental health circles, you would have been laughed out of the room. Mental health providers often viewed faith as insignificant or even a hindrance to therapy. Many counseling theories taught in counselor training programs were biased against faith. For example, Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalytic theory, viewed the idea of God as irrational and irrelevant, writing, “Religion is illusion and it derives its strength from the fact that it falls in with our instinctual desires” (Freud, 1932). Even Albert Ellis, one of the early lead- ers of cognitive theory, concluded, “The sane and effective psychothera- pist should not...go along with patients’ religious orientation...for this is equivalent to trying to help them live successfully with their emotional illness” (Ellis, 1980). Seekers must be persistent when they search for professional coun- selors who value faith as part of the therapeutic process. Sadly, licensed therapists believe in God at much lower rates than do the general popu- lation (Aten & Leach, 2009; Pargament, 2007). The training and prac- tice of therapy seems to be significantly secularized, but many people look for Christian counselors who understand and value spiritual life. Furthermore, the ethics codes of every professional counseling discipline have strengthened their commitment to religious diversity as part of the overall dedication to multiculturalism. Faith matters, and the faith of anyone seeking counseling must be respected and supported by all ther- apists today. Good News About Faith and Mental Health Recent research on the relationship of faith and mental health has shattered the prejudice that religion is pathological and should be avoided (Larson & Larson, 2003). Increasingly, outcome studies docu- ment the positive role of faith in mental health (Scalise & Clinton, 2015; Koenig, 2004; Wade, Worthington, & Vogel, 2007). Psychiatrist and researcher Harold Koenig (2011) shows that true faith enhances physical and mental health. Christian counselors are now aligning themselves to the truth revealed in this research—that faith-filled clients become stron- ger and healthier physically and mentally. The research has found that most people want their faith to be addressed and integrated in the therapeutic process (Hage, 2006). In fact, recent studies are showing that therapeutic alignment in counseling is critical. Matching counselors of faith with clients of faith is significant to positive therapeutic outcomes. Clients who are deeply committed to their faith appear to prefer clinicians who can incorporate prayer, Scrip- ture, and other faith resources (Wade et al., 2007). Therapist-client con- gruence is a powerful factor in counseling effectiveness. If spirituality is not considered, we’re asking 98% of the world (those who believe in God) to set aside their deeply held personal values and embrace an irre- ligious therapist’s view. That’s neither rational nor helpful. Practitioners have started to incorporate spiritual assessment and faith-based interventions in their counseling practices. Furthermore, empirical studies have supported the assertion that religious faith pos- itively impacts physical and mental health (Koenig, 2004). Chris- tian counseling, in fact, is right in the center of the developing force of religious faith and spirituality in psychotherapy (Keltner & Haidt, 2003; Koenig, 2004; Sandhu, 2007). The power of this positive rela- tionship between faith and mental health is so great that many have begun calling it the fifth force—after the first four forces in psychother- apy: psychodynamic, behavioral, humanistic, and multicultural influ- ences (Garzon, 2011). Faith Matters Many mental health organizations are now making provisions for spirituality in the counseling context. We believe that graduate counsel- ing training programs should conduct sensitivity training to help thera- pists relate more effectively to religious clients. Of the approximately 150 medical schools in the United States, 100 offer some variation of spirituality-in-medicine coursework, and 75 of those schools require their students to take at least one course on the topic (Booth, 2008). The American Counseling Association and American Psychological Association each have a division to provide resources to professionals who recognize the significance of religion in the lives of their clients and in the discipline of psychology.* These organizations have concluded that faith matters in the therapeutic context. It’s impossible to divorce coun- seling and psychology from its moral and philosophical roots. To empower this fifth force in the 21st century, we need well-trained practitioners who are willing to wisely and persistently align themselves with Christ and learn to integrate God’s truth and grace in their practices. We also need talented researchers who will help establish the efficacy of Christian counseling as applied to a variety of mental health disorders. We need gifted educators who will teach the ways, the truth, and the life of Christ to eager students. Christian ethicists are also critical. They can show us the way through deep and difficult issues that will trip up the naive and the unprepared. Competent counselors and psychotherapists are needed to show oth- ers that God matters and that he is willing and able to assit with heal- ing if we simply cry to him for help. We can echo Paul’s prayer for the Colossians: For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giv- ing joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins (Col. 1:9-14). Embracing Our Spiritual and Scientific Foundations The work of Christ-honoring Christian counseling begins with a solid foundation. If our foundation is not sound, the work will totter and collapse, for “every city or household divided against itself will not stand” (Mt. 12:25). Scripture speaks repeatedly to the importance of building carefully and inviting God into our work. herefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock (Mt. 7:24-25). But each one should build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ (1 Cor. 3:10-11). As we seek to build “the house” of Christian counseling and soul-care ministry in the 21st century, we need to continually remind ourselves that without the foundation of Jesus Christ, the Word of God and the Spirit of God, our efforts will be based on human wisdom and strength instead of God’s eternal truth and divine power. Christ is the chief cor- nerstone. He emphasized this simple truth to his disciples by saying, “Apart from me you can do nothing” (Jn. 15:5). Throughout the development of Christian counseling, leaders some- times have become enamored with the insights of psychology and neglected our biblical and spiritual foundations. Pioneering Christian counseling leader Arch Hart wisely lamented that Christian counselors often “run ahead of our biblical and theological roots” (Hart, 2001). Let this not be said of us! Increasingly, those seeking mental health services are looking for counselors who align with them and partner with God on issues of faith, seeking to possess the soul and fully address spiritual issues as part of the counseling process. Mark McMinn (2011) has challenged members of our profession to be astute and accurate in three intersecting areas—the psychological, the theological, and the spiritual domains. A holistic focus demands we attend to biological, psychological, social, and spiritual factors when conducting assessment and treatment. Also, a significant movement in Christian counseling is developing the discipline of spir- itual formation while pressing into the fundamental goal of change— cultivating vibrant intimacy with Christ (Col. 1:27-28). Embracing the Revelation of Scripture Christian counselors need to be students of the broad scope of bibli- cal theology, and they need to be armed with key biblical passages that speak powerfully and graciously to the specific needs of clients. (See chapter 2 for an expanded outline on the biblical and spiritual founda- tions of Christian counseling.) Consider Paul’s instructions in 1 Thess. 5:14-24 (nkjv): Now we exhort you, brethren, warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all. See that no one renders evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good both for yourselves and for all. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies. Test all things; hold fast to what is good. Abstain from every form of evil. Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it. The ultimate task of a Christian counselor is to be Christ’s partner in the process of redemption and restoration. The first verse in this pas- sage could serve as the penultimate goal, defining the core competencies of the Christian counselor—confronting, giving comfort, supportingand advocating for the weak, and extending patience to everyone. To warn the unruly—to confront the wrongdoer and point out the better way of Christ—reflects the heart of the nouthetic, or biblical counselor. To comfort the fainthearted is to give essential aid to fearful, faithless, and faltering people who are unable to walk on their own in the face of a daunting situation. Upholding the weak is very similar, calling for defense of and advocacy for needy people against controlling and abu- sive powers. And the call to be patient with everyone challenges any false assumptions (ours or our clients’) that change is easy, quick, and simple. These are the four elements of a paracentric model for counseling—to parakaleo, or “coming alongside” someone who needs aid and calls out for help. To his disciples, Jesus explained the intimate and powerful connec- tion between him and our efforts to honor him. The motivation and the power to please God come from a vital connection with Jesus. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do noth- ing. If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples. As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love ( Jn. 15:5-10 nkjv). Advances in Theory, Research, and Practice A growing cadre of researchers (see Worthington, Jennings, & DiBla- sio, 2010; Garzon, Garver, Kleinschuster, Tan, & Hill, 2001; Koenig, 2011) are advancing Christian counseling on empirical frontiers. They have taken major steps to establish credible clinical outcomes of faith-based counseling in the ongoing development of Christian mental health care. Noted Christian counseling leader Siang-Yang Tan is calling for outcome- based research to identify the BEST therapies in Christian counseling (Biblically informed, Empirically Supported Therapies) (Tan, 2011). Recent advances in theory, research, and practice (Collins, 2007; Clin- ton & Ohlschlager, 2002; Garzon et al., 2001; E. Johnson, 2010; Koenig, 2004; McMinn & Campbell, 2007; Worthington, 2005; Worthington et al., 2010) are producing innovative thoughts, insights, and treatments, anchored and rooted in Judeo-Christian theology and salted with solid psychological science, to treat a wide array of clinical issues (Clinton & Hawkins, 2011; Worthington, Witvliet, Pietrini, & Miller, 2007). In addition, advances in neurobiological research may provide a legit- imate theoretical and practical structure for Christian counseling. Neu- roscience offers a rich interplay between the mind, the brain, and the network of relationships, which helps us understand mechanisms of a wide array of therapeutic concepts, strategies, and techniques (Clinton & Sibcy, 2012). Additionally, the study of neuroscience fits well within the Christian worldview, especially in terms of the direct influence on cognition, affect, and behavior (Crabb, 2007). Multicultural Care and Advocacy The world is getting smaller by the day. People and concepts are more accessible than ever. Christian counselors are partnering with many different cultures and communities around the world in order to “pro- claim good news to the poor...bind up the brokenhearted...[and] pro- claim freedom for the captives” (Isa. 61:1). Technological advances are making glocalization possible—the process of thinking globally and act- ing locally. Web-based strategies and partnerships with local believers and churches all around the world enable Christian counselors to be informed, give input, and facilitate action to address issues with global consequences, including genocide, human rights, orphan care, refugees, persecuted and tortured Christians, the sex slave trade, and global envi- ronmental concerns. Throughout the world, trauma is the new mission field. In war-torn and impoverished areas, people suffer tragic emotional wounds and have tremendous spiritual needs. Leaders in the field have observed that trauma is a unique problem and an opportunity for Christian coun- selors to offer hope and healing to those who have been abandoned, abused, traumatized, enslaved, or otherwise mistreated. Through the future development of a Client Bill of Rights, the American Association of Christian Counselors seeks to propel Christian counseling to the fore- front of client advocacy to ensure the availability of compassionate care to everyone, including (and perhaps especially) the poor and disenfran- chised, those persecuted for their religious or political beliefs, and vic- tims of poverty, disease, and war. Wisdom’s RevieW Solomon was the wisest of men, but he didn’t have supreme confi- dence in people’s ability to understand the complexities of the human condition. He knew that God is the ultimate source of wisdom, love, strength, and joy. I applied my heart to know, To search and seek out wisdom and the reason of things, To know the wickedness of folly, Even of foolishness and madness.... Truly, this only I have found: That God made man upright, But they have sought out many schemes. Who is like the wise man? And who knows the interpretation of a thing? (Eccl. 7:25,29; 8:1 nkjv). As Christian counselors, our responsibility is to pursue God and his wisdom with all our hearts. In this book, we want to bend your learning curve toward God’s wisdom so you will become a mature and discern- ing believer, able to hear the truth from God and able to give it to those who come to you for help. However, like Solomon, we want to remind you that wisdom has its limits—sinful and finite minds can grasp only so much wisdom. We will close each chapter with Wisdom’s Review to give some final thoughts about the material of the chapter. In Proverbs, Solomon again pursues wisdom and explains where it can be found. We can apply his encouragement to our role as Christian counselors. [Christian counselor,] if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding— indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord

and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds success in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. Then you will understand what is right and just and fair—every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul (Pr. 2:1-10). This is our hope and prayer for you as you increasingly love God, study his Word, and apply the God-given insights gleaned from Scrip- ture and study in your practice. References Aten, J., & Leach, M. (Eds). (2009). Spirituality and the therapeutic process: A comprehensive resource from intake to termination. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. Becker, E. (1973). The denial of death. New York, NY: Free Press Paperbacks. Booth, B. (2008). More schools teaching spirituality in medicine. Retrieved from http://www.amednews.com/article/20080310/profess ion/303109968/7/ Clinton,T.,&Hawkins,R.(Eds.).(2011).ThepopularencyclopediaofChris- tian counseling (pp. 125–131). Eugene, OR: Harvest House. Clinton, T., & Ohlschlager, G. (Eds.). (2002). Competent Christian counsel- ing: Foundations and practice of compassionate soul care (pp. 62–66). Col- orado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press. Clinton, T., & Sibcy, G. (2012). Christian counseling, interpersonal neu- robiology, and the future. Journal of Psychology and Theology 40(2), 141. Collins, G. (2007). Christian counseling: A comprehensive guide. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson. Crabb, L. (2007). Enter the mystery: Heart first, then with your head. ChristianCounselingToday,15(4),58. Ellis, A. (1980). The case against religion: A psychotherapist’s view and the case against religiosity. Austin, TX: American Atheist Press. Retrieved from http://www.nasonart.com/personal/lifelessons/CaseAgainstReli gion.html Freud, S. (1932). A philosophy of life. Lecture 35 in New introductory lec- tures on psycho-analysis. Retrieved from http://www.marxists.org/refer ence/subject/philosophy/works/at/freud.htm Garzon,F.L.(2011).Spiritualityincounseling.InT.Clinton&R.Hawkins (Eds.), The popular encyclopedia of Christian counseling (pp. 22–24). Eugene, OR: Harvest House. Garzon, F. L., Garver, S., Kleinschuster, D., Tan, E., & Hill, J. (2001). Freedom in Christ: Quasi-experimental research on the Neil Anderson approach. Journal of Psychology and Theology, 29(1), 41–51. Hage, S. M. (2006). A closer look at spirituality in psychology training programs. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 37(3), 303–310. Hart, A. (2001). Has self-esteem lost its way? Christian Counseling Today, 9(1), 8. Johnson, B. A. (2010). Addiction medicine: Science and practice. New York, NY: Springer Science & Business Media. Johnson, E. (2010). Psychology & Christianity: Five views (pp. 9–47). Down- ers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press. Keltner, D., & Haidt, J. (2003). Approaching awe, a moral, spiri- tual, and aesthetic emotion. Cognition and Emotion, 17, 297–314. doi:10.1080/02699930302297 Koenig, Harold G. (2004). Religion, spirituality, and medicine: Research findings and implications for clinical practice. Southern Medical Jour- nal, 97, 1194–1200. Koenig, Harold G. (2011). Medicine, religion, and health: Where science and spirituality meet. West Conshohocken, PA: Templeton Press. Koenig, Harold G. (2011). Spirituality and health research: Methods, measure- ments, statistics and resources. West Conshohocken, PA: Templeton Press. Larson, D. B., & Larson, S. S. (2003). Spirituality’s potential relevance to physical and emotional health: A brief review of quantitative research. Journal of Psychology and Theology, 31(1), 37–51. McMinn, M. R. (2011). Psychology, theology, and spirituality in Christian counseling (pp. 31–59). Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House. McMinn, M. R., & Campbell, C. D. (2007). Integrative psychotherapy: Toward a comprehensive Christian approach (p. 109). Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press. Newport, F. (2006). Who believes in God and who doesn’t? Belief in God correlated with socioeconomic status. Retrieved from http://www.gal lup.com/poll/23470/who-believes-god-who-doesnt.aspx Newport, F. (2013). More than 9 in 10 Americans continue to believe in God. Retrieved from http://www.gallup.com/poll/147887/americans- continue-believe-god.aspx Newsweek. (2007). Newsweek poll: 90% believe in God. Retrieved from http://www.newsweek.com/newsweek-poll-90-believe-god-97611 Pargament, K. I. (2007). Spiritually integrated psychotherapy: Understanding and addressing the sacred (p. 9). New York, NY: Guilford Press. Richards, P. S., & Bergin, A. E. (2005). A spiritual strategy for counseling and psychotherapy. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. Robinson, B. A. (2011). Religions of the world: Number of adherents of major religions, their geographical distribution, date founded, and sacred texts. Retrieved from www.religioustolerance.org/worldrel.htm Sandhu, D. S. (2007). Seven stages of spiritual development: A framework to solve psycho-spiritual problems. In O. J. Morgan (Ed.), Counseling and spirituality: Views from the profession (pp. 64–92). New York, NY: Houghton Mifflin. Scalise, E., & Clinton, T. (2015). The case for faith: Celebrating hope in mental health care. CounselEd (a publication of the American Associa- tion of Christian Counselors). Sweet, L. (1999). SoulTsunami: Sink or swim in the new millennium culture (p. 55). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan. Tan, S.-Y. (2011). Counseling and psychotherapy: A Christian perspective (p. 318). Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books. Wade, N., Worthington, E. L., Jr., & Vogel, D. (2007). Effectiveness of religiously tailored interventions in Christian therapy. Psychotherapy Research, 17, 91–105. Willard, D. (1988). The spirit of the disciplines: Understanding how God changes lives. San Franscisco, CA: Harper and Row. Worthington, E. L., Jr. (2005). Handbook of forgiveness (p. 435). New York, NY: Brunner-Routledge. Worthington, E. L., Jr., Jennings II, D. J., & DiBlasio, F. A. (2010). Inter- ventions to promote forgiveness in couple and family context: Con- ceptualization, review, and analysis. Journal of Psychology and Theology, 38(4), 231–245. Worthington, E. L., Jr., Witvliet, C. V. O., Pietrini, P., & Miller, A. J. (2007). Forgiveness, health, and well-being: A review of evidence for emotional versus decisional forgiveness, dispositional forgivingness, and reduced unforgiveness. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, 30, 291–302. doi:10.1007/ s10865-007-9105-8

2 What Is Christian Counseling? Definitions, Undergirding, Convictions, and Ethical Practice

When people walk through the doors of our counseling offices, what do they expect? Or maybe a better question is, what should they expect? Christian counseling has been defined and described by many respected authorities. It involves far more than a Christian who happens to be a counselor, and it’s not injecting a verse from the Bible into a counseling session. In essence, Christian counseling is a form of discipleship designed to help free people to experience God’s pardon, purpose, and power so they become fully devoted followers of Jesus Christ. It’s nothing less than that. It involves the process of leading oth- ers to experience wholeness, spiritual maturity, relational competency, and a stability in intellect and experience (Collins, 1993). People usually come to us because they have lost their way. They can be despondent, disturbed, desperate, and perhaps furious at God, others who hurt them, and even themselves. Our goal as Christian counselors is to help them “possess their souls” so they can trust God, love him with all their hearts, and respond to the challenges and difficulties in their lives with confidence and hope. Those who offer overly simplistic answers do a disservice to their cli- ents and to God. Life is complicated. The problems people suffer often have many layers of causation and impact. Few are unraveled easily. We have the unspeakable privilege of stepping into our clients’ lives as God’s representatives—his ambassadors in times of desperate need. To be equipped, we need to understand and appreciate the high honor and the daunting task of helping those who seek our assistance. Everyone Needs God, But... As a young pastor, I (Ron) became intensely aware of the paradox of living in a tragically fallen world that still reflects the perfection and beauty of God. I became convinced that what people really needed was God, because ultimately, spiritual issues are at the root of all of life’s prob- lems. Quite often, however, a person’s troubles are connected to deeply habituated thought and behavior patterns that seldom vanish as soon as the person is saved and begins faithfully reading the Bible. In 1 Thess. 5:23, Paul says that genuine change requires attention to the whole spirit, the entire soul, and the whole body—no dimension of the person can be overlooked. People don’t walk with God in a vacuum. We learn to follow him in every moment, every relationship, and every goal. The grace of God changes everything. The default mode of the human heart is self-justification, trying to prove we are worthy and acceptable to God and to other people. Everyone needs God, but we would rather chart our own course—which brings disastrous results. The only hope of mankind is the forgiveness, love, and grace of God. When we reject or ignore him, we are left to ourselves. But when we have the courage to admit our need for a Savior, we find him to be beautiful, kind, and strong. He is a King who has earned our love and trust. As we grasp more of his greatness and grace, we are glad to follow him. Many people, however, mistake keeping rules for a real relationship. Some see God as a business partner who’d better come through on our deal. Others treat God as a vending machine that dispenses blessings when they do their part. Our part, these people mistakenly assume, is to do the right thing to earn God’s approval. Larry Crabb observed, “It’s about time to go beneath the moralism that assumes the church’s job is done when it instructs people in biblical principles and then exhorts them to do right” (Crabb, 1997, p. xvii). His deeper solution is the cre- ation of true communities “where the heart of God is home, where the humble and wise learn to shepherd those on the path behind them, where trusting strugglers lock arms with others as together they journey” through this minefield called life. People who come to us for help are often a mixed bag. They are sin- ners, and they are wounded. For years, they’ve lived with nagging fears or inflated arrogance (actually, arrogant people don’t come to see us very often). In Competent Christian Counseling, I wrote about seven kinds of people populating the 21st-century church—people who require so much more than a Sunday school approach to growth and maturity (Hawkins, Hindson, & Clinton, 2002, pp. 409–414): people who are dead at the core of their personalities people who are “living in the flesh” people who have habituated thought patterns that need renewal people who are addicted and need to be set free people who are troubled by trauma and post-traumatic stress people who are best described as the “walking wounded” people who are beset by evil powers If we can identify the profile of the people sitting across from us in our offices, we can tailor our biblical approach to each one. They’re all wounded, and they’re all sinners, but they need specialized insights, encouragement, and care. The Modern Crisis in Church Ministry The modern church has many programs and events for evangelism but very few successful programs for discipleship—for maturing the people of the church so they truly experience the freedom of forgiveness and the power of the Spirit to transform their lives. Attracting people is a worthy goal, but Jesus didn’t stop there. He taught them, challenged them, and modeled a life of complete devotion to the Father. Disciple- ship is meeting people where they are, applying the life-changing mes- sage of Christ, and helping them take steps to follow God in every aspect of their lives. That involves much more than attracting a lot of people. All of us are broken, and all of us have deep wounds and heartaches. Jesus isn’t looking for people who have it all together. He’s looking for those who will take his hand. Christian counseling is one of the most powerful forms of discipleship. It takes people at their point of need, nurtures them, and points them to the life-changing love of God. Discipleship is the most challenging task a person will ever face. It requires complete honesty, dependence, and tenacity. If we don’t under- stand the nature of discipleship, how can we help people follow Jesus? How could we help anyone move forward? Hurts, distractions, resentments, and false hopes cloud the minds and hearts of the people God has called us to care for. It’s our job and our great privilege to take the message of the gospel to them so that it frees them from the penalty and power of sin and motivates them to love their new King. My Encounter With Psychology My early encounter with psychology was positive and stimulating. When I began reading the psychological literature, I soon realized it described a way of relating to people that allows them to feel safe so they can be honest about areas of their lives in which they experience bond- age. As I read more of the literature, I saw a strong correlation between biblical truth and some of the observations of psychology. Suddenly, I saw the principles and stories in the Bible with new eyes: People in the pages of Scripture struggled with negative habits and thoughts, with sins and wounds, and with fears and hopes. The human heart cries out for love, justice, and mercy—exactly what God offers anyone who will believe in him. The Bible has a lot to say about the problem of bitterness. In many places and in many ways, the Scriptures show how God’s forgiveness of our sins gives us the capacity and the motivation to forgive others. But of course, forgiveness, trust, and reconciliation are never simple and easy. As I accepted the reality of this complex world, I learned to appreciate people with different per- spectives without judging them or falsely assuming I could show them an easy way to deal with life’s most nagging problems. Sin Mars Everything People have offered many different definitions of sin. Many think of it as breaking God’s law, but it’s more than that. It’s breaking God’s heart. Sin isn’t a list of terrible things we shouldn’t do. It’s putting our hope in anyone or anything other than God, and it’s getting our sense of iden- tity from anything other than him. People who walk in the doors of our counseling offices may have suffered deep wounds, but their real prob- lem is even deeper. Sin is not about a moralistic code of behavior, but brokenness in our relationship with God. In many ways, the process of sanctification—Christian growth—occurs as the forgiveness of God becomes real and operative in our lives moment by moment. It’s diffi- cult, but we have the Word of God, the Spirit of God, and the people of God to help us take steps forward. The journey of forgiveness, healing, and change is an arduous one, full of complex and difficult challenges. A proper understanding of psy- chology doesn’t add anything to the Bible’s teaching on human nature, but it can give insights into the complexities of human behavior, learn- ing, and human physiology so people can apply the truth of the Scrip- tures more powerfully and specifically in their lives. The Complexity of Life In recent years, I’ve developed a new appreciation for the complex- ity of the human experience. New research has shown unique elements in personality, the way the brain works, and other aspects of motivation and relationships. In addition, some gifted pastors and authors have written eloquently about the wonderful grace of Jesus Christ. Their clear, compelling message of God’s amazing love stirs our hearts and renews our hope. Still, countless people sit in churches week after week without encountering the life-changing power of God’s love. They live in bond- age to hopelessness, guilt, addictions, depression, bitterness, and other heart-numbing problems. Many of them know Christ, but they never have really experienced the measure of freedom that God wants for them. Why is this? There may be many reasons, but one of them is that many pastors haven’t clearly articulated the debilitating power of sin (so these people don’t really understand their need for grace) or the beauty and power of the gospel. We need to do more than entertain people on Sunday mornings. We need to tell them the truth—the Bible’s truth about their true condition and the hope they can find in Jesus Christ. This book is designed to help you understand this complex interplay of truths and forces. That’s why we are calling our model of counseling a biblical and transformational approach. There is nothing new under the sun—we’re just providing language, some handles, and a clearer road map to help us understand this rich spiritual journey. We hope this book will enlighten you, inspire you, and challenge you to be clear and humble, gentle and strong as you help people with life’s most pressing problems. Grace and Truth Together The new Christian counselor is committed to definitions of Christian counseling that do justice to biblical truth regarding sin and the broken- ness and damage people experience because of sin. But the new Chris- tian counselor is also committed to knowing God deeply—to the reality that transformational change is a challenging process that requires spe- cific attention to all elements in the human personality. In addition, we use counseling models that address the complexity of human nature, including hidden elements that are often the true sources of distress. In recognizing the complexity of human nature, we use every compatible resource in the medical community, the psychological com- munity, and the pastoral community. The problems in people’s lives are so vast and the resources so near that we can’t afford to live in isolation. A narrow and simplistic approach doesn’t honor God or help those who come to us for help. We can’t become experts in all these fields, but we can become skilled in finding resources and making appropriate refer- rals. We can become experts at bringing a comprehensive array of heal- ing balm to the distresses of people. A Modern Ministry-Profession Christian counseling as we know it today is approximately 70 years old. Most people who have studied the Christian counseling movement date it from shortly after World War II. But it is a mistake to think that the movement came out of nowhere after the war. It has a rich and long history (Johnson, 2009). Modern Christian counseling is rooted in pas- toral care and congregant education in the church—soul care activities that reach back the entire two millennia of church history. Influenced in the 20th century by psychology and modern mental health care, we can identify the thread of Christian counseling running on the dual tracks of ministry and profession. A few decades ago, pioneers in Christian counseling forged new bib- lical direction and professional development to help people grow and mature in Christ. We cannot forget the important early contributions made by Swiss physician Paul Tournier, American pastors Jay Adams and David Seamands, American psychologists Wayne Oates, Gary Col- lins, Bill Kirwan, Arch Hart, Bill Backus, and Larry Crabb, and such academic researchers and theorists as Ev Worthington, Mark McMinn, Scott Stanley, Ian Jones, Frank Minirth, Paul Meier, and Eric Johnson. Three of the most influential pioneers in our ministry development are Gary Collins, Jay Adams, and Paul Tournier. Gary Collins is a clinical psychologist and prolific author who deliv- ered an “integrative model” of Christian counseling in his seminary courses. His primary model of “discipleship counseling” is outlined fur- ther in this chapter. It led to the development of the “How to Be a Peo- ple Helper” system that became a significant model of lay training in churches around the world. He maintains international influence in the development of Christian counseling, coaching, and ministry through his writing, speaking, and consulting. Jay Adams is a Reformed pastor who was challenged to teach a sem- inary course in counseling. He dug into the Scriptures and developed a model of “nouthetic counseling” that was wholly focused on and rooted in the Scriptures. Adams was opposed to an academic model of training that emphasized the sickness of the individual. He developed hands-on pastoral training that invited God into every session with a goal of pleas- ing God in all we say and do. His training model placed a premium on Christian hope overcoming the patterns and behavior of sin in a per- son’s life. By faith, an expectation of change is encouraged in every ses- sion, and the counselee is taught to put off the “old man” and put on the “new man” redeemed in Christ. Paul Tournier was a Swiss physician who developed a “whole per- son” worldview involving more than physical and biomedical change. In addition, he required investment in the soul and spirit of the person to bring about godly change. He wrote his first book, The Healing of Per- sons, to advance his person-centered model. Christianity Today (2006) included his book The Meaning of Persons on its list of the 50 most influ- ential books for evangelicals in the 20th century. Tournier believed that God came alive in the dialogue between healer and the one helped, and that life was imparted and healing delivered in these “holy conversations.” The Message of the Triune God Christian counseling is triadic in that it recognizes the complexity of body, soul, and spirit, and it also is triadic in another very important sense. In Christian counseling, God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit are present by invitation in the counseling process. These three members of the triune Godhead each come, by invitation, to pro- vide a special ministry and gifting for the counselor and client. The Father comes to say, “I have loved you from before your creation, and I love you now and forevermore. I am providing all the resources you need to overcome in the present, and I promise you a future in my presence. This powerful promise will give you hope in the valleys and struggles of your life.” The Holy Spirit comes to say, “I am God, one of the Father’s provi- sions for you. I am the God who brought Jesus Christ back from death and breathed life into his dead body. No matter how immense your chal- lenges may be, I will give you the power to overcome them. Just trust me.” Jesus Christ comes to say, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. I am your Savior, King, and friend. I am the embodiment of forgiveness, love, and grace. I came that you might have abundant life. I will carry you to the place of peace and safety if you will hear my voice, embrace it, trust me, and allow me to carry you in my arms across the burning coals you are experiencing. I will never leave you, and we will live together in eter- nal peace and purpose.” Safe in Him and Seeking Scriptural Direction Secular psychological interventions are naturalistic or sometimes mildly religious, and they often treat spirituality as vague, self-generated, and self-centered. Christian counseling, on the other hand, sees all of life through the scriptural lens of God the Father’s passion for an inti- mate connection with the people he created in his image. He loves us and wants a relationship of love and trust. He has given us the sacrifice of Christ to cleanse our sins and provide us with a bridge we may cross to reconnect with him. He has provided the Holy Spirit to empower us to know, love, and follow him. Some people ask, “Why don’t we experience complete freedom and power now?” Good question. The kingdom of God was inaugurated at the cross, but it won’t be fully consummated until we are with God in the new heaven and new earth. In between, our responsibility is to trust God so that his kingdom comes and his will is done on earth as it is in heaven. The rule of Christ in each believer today is accomplished by the Spirit’s work and our tenacious (but often halting) trust in God, which enables us to experience more of a full, abundant life as God’s beloved children. In his love and power, we gradually experience personal transformation through growth in emotional, psychological, and spiritual health. Chris- tian counseling and caregiving is designed for nothing less than this. Christian Counseling Defined Definitions of Christian counseling have changed over time. Sim- ply put, Christian counseling is a dynamic, collaborative process involv- ing at least three persons—the counselor, the client, and the triune God of the Bible—aimed at transformational change for the purpose of pro- ducing higher levels of emotional, psychological, and spiritual health in persons seeking help. One of the unique features of Christian counsel- ing is that the counselor is a junior partner with God, the senior part- ner. The collaborative undertaking between caregiver, care seeker, and the triune God, however, includes other important elements, including the foundational truths of the Word of God and a community of sup- port and accountability. Christian counseling is triadic at its relational foundation. God (by invitation), the client, and the counselor are engaged in a collaborative and highly interactive process moving along a continuum of change from dis-ease in one or more dimensions of the soul to higher levels of a sense of ease—safety, peace, forgiveness, joy, healing, and well-being. As the vehicle for the movement of God, the counselor is dedicated to teach the client how to invite God to be the redeemer and healer, and how to sense the presence and power of God. Christian counseling proclaims a living God who longs to comfort and console humans in the midst of their struggles in a broken world. The Scrip- tures continuously portray the God of the Bible at the center of all ini- tiatives directed at comforting the hurting. Paul announces this truth in his message to the Corinthians. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we our- selves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ (2 Cor. 1:3-5 nkjv). In a famous sermon, Pastor B. B. Warfield studied the gospels to iden- tify every emotion described in the life of Christ (Warfield, n.d.). He found the full range of emotions in Jesus, but one stood out among the others—compassion. Jesus was often “moved with compassion” to reach out to the outcasts, touch lepers, welcome prostitutes and tax gatherers, and care for those who were forgotten or despised by society. When Jesus saw their needs, his heart broke, and he did whatever it took—including sacrificing himself on the cross—to meet their needs. He wept when a friend died. He defied the arrogant, narrow religious leaders who val- ued their strict rules more than healing a crippled man on a day of wor- ship. Jesus wasn’t a stained-glass guy. His heart broke because he cared so deeply. As we experience the grace, strength, and kindness of God more deeply in our lives, we take on more of Christ’s heart. As we meet with clients (and for that matter, every time we interact with family, friends, and strangers) we “put on” the compassion of Christ. Paul described this choice in his letter to the Colossians. herefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gen- tleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity (Col. 3:12-14). We can’t give away something we don’t possess, so our first task is to dive deeply into the grace of God so that his life and love permeate our own hearts. Then we have the resources and motivation to choose to love the way Jesus loves, to care the way he cares, and to speak truth the way he spoke grace and truth to every person in every situation. Power, Purpose, and Passion The new Christian counselor believes in the God who has revealed himself and his truth in the Scriptures. This God moves with power to transform our lives when we believe and apply the Scriptures. Because he passionately desires to connect with people, God invites us to part- ner with him. As junior partners in the endeavor of applied compassion and redemption, we communicate his truth and grace in strategic and relevant ways to the hurts of people so they grasp the amazing truth that they are the recipients of his unfailing love and mercy. As God’s partners, we become conduits of his power, his purpose, and his passion for hurt- ing, doubting, struggling people. Biblical Foundations of Christian Counseling An analysis of a person’s worldview outlines the presuppositions and core beliefs that undergird it. These core beliefs, however, are often hid- den under layers of misunderstanding, hurt, and denial. In fact, explicit recitation of one’s values and beliefs is exceptionally rare—even for Christian counselors. Since Christian counseling has sometimes gotten off course and run far ahead of its biblical and theological roots, we need to begin with a clear outline of our biblical foundations. Our worldview for Christian counseling begins with the proposition that the triune God of the Bible is alive and is the Creator of all things ( Jn. 14:16-17; Heb. 1:2), is the source of all wisdom and truth (Isa. 25:1; Rom. 3:4), and seeks a love relationship with every person on earth (Jn. 3:16; 1 Jn. 4:8). Our second proposition is that God’s main purpose for peo- ple is redemption in Christ. By his sacrifice on the cross, we are enabled by grace to experience redemption from slavery, sin, and death (Ex. 6:6; Gal. 3:13; Col. 1:14), and from the evil that pervades the world (Heb. 7:24-26). Our hope, however, is not limited to this life. Christian coun- seling serves, in part, to advance God’s redeeming work so that believ- ers may one day be resurrected from the dead and live eternally with the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit ( Jn. 10:17-18; 1 Cor. 1:24; Eph. 1:7). The Scriptures themselves are the key resource for knowing God and pursuing his plan for our lives. The psalmist queries, “How can a young man keep his way pure? By keeping it according to Your word” (Ps. 119:9 nasb). He further asserts, “Your commandments make me wiser than my enemies....I have more insight than all my teachers, for Your testi- monies are my meditation. I understand more than the aged, because I have observed Your precepts” (verses 98-100 nasb). The well-known verses of 2 Tim. 3:16-17 reveal that “All Scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righ- teousness, that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work” (nasb). Christian counseling, then, is not merely focused on the alleviation of painful, disturbing symptoms or the promotion of psychological health. Though these are important, the ultimate goal of Christian counseling is holistic personal growth that leads clients to become the people God created them to be—loved, forgiven, adopted children of God who are learning to love him above all else and love people as themselves. Speak- ing of his ministry to those he has helped, Paul describes being “in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you” (Gal. 4:19). This kind of compassionate care is essential for revealing to our brothers and sis- ters the love that comforts their hurts but also challenges them to change at a very fundamental level. Similarly, Paul explains that he is “admon- ishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ” (Col. 1:28-29). More than just behav- ioral change, Christian counseling is concerned with transformation of the self, redemption in relationships, and freedom from bondage to sin. As we presented in the paracentric model in Competent Chris- tian Counseling (Clinton & Ohlschlager, 2002, p. 50), helping that is grounded on the common New Testament Greek word parakaleo includes the ideas of admonishment and warning on one hand, and giv- ing comfort on the other. Competent Christian counseling must include both comfort and warning at appropriate times. Models constructed on one end of the continuum to the exclusion of the other are incomplete and ultimately unhelpful. Parakaleo, which refers to “coming alongside” needy brothers and sisters and assisting them to health and holiness, is the better foundation of genuinely helpful Christian counseling. A glimpse of parakaleo is seen in Paul’s instructions to the Christians in 1 Thess. 5:14 (see also 2 Cor. 1:3-7). The wide-ranging behaviors iden- tified in this verse includes comforting the brokenhearted, supporting the weak, encouraging the discouraged, exhorting those who aren’t moti- vated, entreating and guiding the misdirected, and warning the rebel and the sinner. The full scope of Spirit-led counseling reveals the wide range of needed activities to help people grow up and become strong in Christ. Counselors in training often show natural abilities at one end of the scale or the other—tending toward either tender caregiving or tough exhortation—and must learn to become competent at showing the other dimension of helpful counseling. Two clients may show up in our offices, one needing comfort and the other warning. Or an individual client may need comfort one time and exhortation the next. The Process of Christian Counseling The goals and the processes of counseling—trusting God to change thoughts, behaviors, and emotions—are thoroughly grounded in the Bible. The Bible-based and spiritually oriented cognitive-behavioral therapies of Chris Thurman (2003), Leslie Vernick (2000), Bill Backus (1987), and Siang-Yang Tan (2011) are variants of the admonition of Rom. 12:2: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be trans- formed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Mind change—putting off the lies of the world and putting on the truths of God revealed in the Scriptures—is a central pattern of sanctification for all believers, including those who benefit from Christian counseling. In this model, clients are trained to interrupt their normal thought patterns, reveal their lie-based thinking, renounce the lie, and forsake it. Then one is taught—and much counseling is a very personalized form of Christian education—to replace the lie with the appropriate truth of the Bible to confess, believe, and live by. Many passages give directives to replace faulty thinking with God’s truth. Phil. 4:6-9 is a critical passage used in the process of overcoming and managing anxiety. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy— meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you (nkjv). Many years of entrenched patterns of thinking don’t change in an instant, but they can change if the person trusts the Spirit of God, does the hard work of replacing self-defeating thoughts with the powerful, positive truth of God’s Word, and lives in a community of accountabil- ity and encouragement. Three Biblical Antidotes to Anxiety One of the most common complaints on intake forms is the preva- lence of anxiety and worry. Many people who come for our help feel as if life is out of control. They’ve tried everything they can think of to man- age people, circumstances, and their emotions, but they’ve finally given up. Their sense of desperation has brought them to our doors. Anxiety is a dense, pervasive cloud in our clients’ thoughts about the troubling issues of family discord, death, disease, heartache, loss, and other wor- ries. The Bible has much to say about anxiety. The psalms describe many situations when David and the other writers poured out their hearts to the Lord—sometimes in praise but often in despair. In the New Testament, Paul reveals three crucial antidotes to fear- drenched anxiety. The first is prayer—entreating God to deliver help, encouragement, and resources. God’s peace—which makes no sense in the midst of troubling circumstances—comes on the wings of prayer as we bring everything we need to God. The second antidote is to refocus our thought life on the things that are good and true and worthy of our focus. Notice how Paul lists differ- ent types of good thinking. He understands that it takes a long chain of positive thoughts—thoughts we are called to meditate on, not just think about—to break the power of obsession and anxious thinking. We can help clients to make lists that define each element noted in Scripture and to systematically meditate through their lists. This is good antianx- iety practice. The third antidote is imitative learning—copying what our mentors, leaders, and others in the godly community of accountability and encour- agement do and say as we address our own struggles and opportunities. Imitative learning is a powerful way to learn and serves, again, as a strong antidote to obsessive, anxious thoughts. Christian Counseling Models Over the past two decades, several Christian counselors have attempted definitions of Christian counseling. They have suggested models to forge counseling processes that appropriately honor the foundational princi- ples of Christian counseling. Larry Crabb Early in his career, Larry Crabb (1977) developed a seven-stage pro- cess model that still has great influence today. The model encouraged Christians to (1) identify problem feelings, (2) identify problem behav- ior, and (3) identify problem thinking. Then the counselor (4) teaches biblical truth to (5) reshape and clarify biblical thinking and (6) secure client commitment to act biblically for problem solving. Finally, the counselor and client work together to (7) identify Spirit-controlled feelings. In his more recent writings, Crabb (1997, pp. 200–201) has placed a great deal of emphasis on the importance of the church and the role of community in the healing journey. He challenges Christian counselors to reorient their practices more intentionally in and around the church. Serious students of psychotherapy are suggesting that rich talking, not necessarily trained talking, is helpful... I conclude that we have made a terrible mistake. For most of the twentieth century we have wrongly defined soul wounds as psychological disorders and delegated the treatment to trained specialists. The results for the church have been significant. Three stand out. 1. We no longer see the church as a place for the substantial healing of personal wounds....We regard relationships, the real business of the church, as having little to do with profound soul care and, in so doing, we have underestimated the power that God has placed in his family.... 2. The work of discipling has been wrongly defined as less than and different from psychotherapy and counseling.... 3. Professional training is thought to be more important in developing the “skill” of helpful talking than the sanctifying work of the Spirit....Only God can supply the medicine needed to heal someone’s soul. Gary Collins An early leader in the field, Gary Collins (1993, p. 21) offered this def- inition of Christian counseling: Attempts to define or describe Christian counseling tend to emphasize the person who does the helping, the techniques or skills that are used, and the goals that counseling seeks to reach. From that perspective the Christian counselor is 1. adeeplycommitted,Spiritguided(andSpiritfilled)servant of Jesus Christ 2. who applies his or her God given abilities, skills training, knowledge, and insights 3. to the task of helping others move to personal wholeness, interpersonal competence, mental stability, and spiritual maturity. The Paracentric Model In Competent Christian Counseling (Clinton & Ohlschlager, 2002, pp. 50–51) we proposed... a Paracentric focus that...melds two crucial aspects of Christian counseling....Our yieldedness to the Paraklete of God—the Holy Spirit—who is the invisible God present in counseling...[and our commitment] to Paraklesis...to “come alongside someone to help.” These terms describe Spirit- directed and Christ-centered people committed to assist- ing others across a wide range of needs, from consolation to encouragement to confrontation....A Paracentric focus represents a centered convergence in Christ as our exalted model, and on the client as the clinical and ethical object of our ministry. This focus...conveys the full arc of the helping process in which: • The competent Christian counselor, yielded to an active, holy and merciful God (1 Cor. 1:18), meets the client at his or her point of need (diverging and becoming all things to all people, 1 Cor. 9:19,22), and connects with the client to create a working alliance. • This activity includes comforting the brokenhearted, supporting the weak, encouraging the discouraged, exhorting those who are motivated, entreating and guiding the misdirected, and warning the rebel and sinner (the full scope of Spirit-led counselor behavior is described in 1 Thess. 5:14 and 2 Cor. 1:3-7). • The counselor serves to refocus, facilitate, instruct and reinforce client action toward growing up into maturity (Eph. 4:12-16) and living in more intimate relationship ( Jn. 17:9-13) with the divine object of our faith, Jesus Christ. This involves de-centering ourselves (Lam. 3:20-24) and converging or centering on Christ, the Author and Finisher of our faith (Heb. 12:2). Everett Worthington Everett Worthington (1999, p. 189) said this in giving a highly focused definition to our field: Christian counseling is an explicit or implicit agreement for the provision of help for a client, in which the counselor has at heart the client’s psychological welfare, but also the cli- ent’s Christian spiritual welfare and tries to promote those goals through counseling methods, and the client can trust the counselor not to harm and to try to help the client psy- chologically and spiritually. A Shorter and Simpler Definition Possibly the best one-sentence description of Christian counseling was given recently by Siang-Yang Tan (2011, p. 363), emphasizing the role and work of the Holy Spirit: “Christian counseling or psychother- apy can be simply described as counseling conducted by a Christian who is Christ centered, biblically based, and Spirit filled.” Our Definition In the opening pages of this book, we offered a definition for Chris- tian counseling that we believe (1) does justice to the insights offered in the definitions we have examined and (2) provides a platform for the development of a strategic and comprehensive model for intervention. In our definition, Christian counseling is... • collaborative,includingacaregiver,acareseeker,andthetri- une God • committedtoaprocessofmovingforwardundertheauthor- ity of the Word of God • enabledbythepresenceandpoweroftheHolySpirit • carriedoutinacontextofaccountabilityandencouragement • aimedatthepossessionofalltheelementsinthesoulforthe purpose of pursuing the imitation of Christ We believe this definition provides the goal and critical elements for the development of a model of intervention worthy of the best efforts of the new Christian counselor. Implicit in the definitions and principles we have looked at is a com- mitment to several convictions that shape the work and character of the new Christian counselor. The new Christian counselor understands that each of these convictions helps develop a model that does justice to the complex dilemmas humans bring to the counselor. The new Christian counselor also realizes that appropriately applying these convictions to real-life counseling sessions requires great wisdom. Wisdom. The new Christian counselor is guided by the conviction that meeting the complex needs of humans created in the image of God and living in a fallen world requires a wisdom that is beyond the capac- ity of mere mortals. Like Solomon, we find ourselves frequently confess- ing, “Lord... I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties....Give your servant a discerning heart” (1 Ki. 3:7-9). And like Solomon, we find that such a confession brings us into an experience with the God who is always at work in his world and delights to give wis- dom to those who ask him for it (1 Ki. 3:10-12; 1 Cor. 2:16; Jas. 1:5). The new Christian counselor with humility joins Solomon in his confession of need, his petition for wisdom, and his experience of God’s gracious provision. The new Christian counselor receives this gift with thankful- ness and depends on God’s provision for the resolution of the great chal- lenges he and his clients face. Love. The new Christian counselor is guided in all his interactions by the conviction that God loves the peoples of the world and that God is deeply committed to the healing of persons (Hos. 11:1-4; Jn. 3:16). The counselor believes that like Hosea, he is called to be a conduit through which the love, grace, and truth of God can flow to the needs of broken people (Hos. 3:1). Christian counselors understand that this calling has come from God himself and that we are also called to mend the bro- ken reed and bring to flame the embers that once burned brightly in the lives of those we are called to help (Isa. 42:3). Christian counselors love deeply and therefore pursue justice for those who cannot obtain justice for themselves (Mic. 6:8). This frequently includes filling up that which is lacking in the sufferings of Christ (Col. 1:24). Like our master, Jesus Christ, we discover that virtue (energy) flows from us as we engage with the hurting. We must know how to refuel, or we will surely come to ruin. Counselors who serve as a conduit for God’s engagement in soul care must take care of their own souls, or they will surely be broken under the burden of such a demanding calling. The Holy Spirit. The new Christian counselor approaches the counsel- ing process with a spirit of expectation and optimism that often exceeds that of his secular peers. This high level of expectation and hopefulness is based on the conviction that by virtue of a prayerful invitation, the Christian counselor enters into partnership with the Holy Spirit, who raised the Lord Jesus Christ from the dead (Rom. 1:4). This is the same Holy Spirit who breathed life into a valley of dry bones in Ezekiel’s vision (Ezek. 37). This is the same Holy Spirit who hov- ered above the waters in Genesis and brought order out of chaos (Gen. 1:2).This same Holy Spirit is present in his transforming power to assist all Christian counselors as they help clients pursue change, and his pres- ence provides a platform for optimism and expectancy. The Creator God, who is also our Father, is always at work in our world. Just as he was committed to open a door of hope for Israel in the midst of its troubles, so he is committed to us today (Hos. 2:15; 1 Cor. 10:13). Christian counselors use appropriate self-disclosure to tes- tify to their own personal experience with the transformational ministry of the Holy Spirit and the God who opens doors of hope for overcom- ing (2 Cor. 1:3-11; 12:7-10). Scripture. The new Christian counselor is always guided by the conviction that the loving Father has spoken truth and wisdom into our profoundly fallen world. In the Scriptures, in the person of Jesus Christ, and in the world of nature and scholarship, God has revealed truth regarding the nature and character of God, humans, our world, and all things pertaining to life and happiness. Human ideas abound, but the Christian counselor is under the authority of the wisdom and truth found in the Bible. All other ideas advanced by persons, regard- less of those people’s credentials or impressive intelligence, must be fil- tered through the authoritative revelation of the mind and will of God found in the Bible. God not only exists but also interacts with his creation. He speaks with absolute authority and demands obedience, which leads to the path of shalom and blessing for his creation. God is truth, and what he has spoken in Scripture is in every way consistent with his character and his passion for seeing His children prosper in every way possible. Christian counselors believe that the God of Scripture has a passion for connec- tion and relationship with humans. We believe in his investment in the redemption and healing of persons, his gifts, his empowering Spirit, the reality of hope when founded on his person and character, and the power of human relationships to bring healing and wholeness to the most bro- ken among us. We affirm our conviction to the truth of all these things because we find witness to these truths within the Scriptures, which we believe to be the inspired and inerrant Word of God. A process. The new Christian counselor is guided by the conviction that he is a link in the chain of events operating under the control of a sovereign God. The counselor bows to the reality that counseling fre- quently is a short-term process, lasting two to four months. The coun- selor is limited by time and opportunity. We cannot therefore try to do too much too quickly. The question is, are we plowing up the ground, planting the seed, watering, weeding, or harvesting the fruit of our own and the work of others (Mt. 13:1-23)? Attempting to cut short the time often required for meaningful collaboration can result in a counselor attempting to force a client to go where he is not yet prepared to go. Wisdom and humility are required as we attempt to determine what stage of the journey this particular client is in at this particular time and how our work fits into God’s agenda for this person’s life. Wisdom is again God’s gift, giving us context and directing us to the best strategy for the care seeker at this time. Listening. The new Christian counselor places a high value on listen- ing well to the life story of the person who is seeking guidance. Careful listening and attentiveness honors the client. Scripture reminds us that it is a folly to answer a matter before it is fully heard (Pr. 18:13). Every indi- vidual is unique in some wonderful way, bears the image of the Creator God, and possesses value and dignity that makes her worthy of respect and honor. When we listen well, we affirm this unique value. Many people live their entire lives without experiencing the honor of some- one wanting to know their story and hence know them at a deeper level. Listening well also helps the Christian counselor to answer the metatheoretical question: What will work best for this particular person in this particular situation at this particular time? Sufficient attention to this question requires careful listening on the part of the counselor. Such listening is a necessary prerequisite for the collaborative develop- ment of preferences and action plans for change that the client is likely to take ownership for. Clients who do not take ownership for change are not likely to fully engage in the pursuit of counselor-desired outcomes. Referral. The experienced counselor admits that he cannot accept total responsibility for change in the client’s life. The Christian coun- selor knows that the client—not the counselor—is ultimately in charge of the outcomes achieved through the collaborative effort of counseling. The new Christian counselor appreciates the need to fully inform clients about theoretical orientation, principles guiding practice, and any other information that assists the client with making an informed decision. The counselor values client self-determination freedom and will refer when in the best interest of the client. The attempts at collaboration are not always successful. Clients have the right to say no, and this must be respected. No one counselor is the best fit for all clients. Counselors will sometimes need to refer a client to others who are better fitted to assist this particular client at this particular time with this particular issue. The counselor will never seek to assign blame for such a referral. Rather, the counselor recognizes several good reasons for referral, such as an inability to forge a therapeutic alliance, a values differential, or a lack of counselor training for the issues at hand. The counselor will accept responsibility for doing everything possible to assure that the referral is managed pro- fessionally and successfully. Multiple modalities. The new Christian counselor embraces the con- viction that client challenges are rooted in multiple modalities that define and shape the human soul. No one modality causes the complex issues clients face. The complex interplay of elements that define and shape the soul must be carefully considered. The new Christian coun- selor prepares to identify, understand, and develop strategies to address these multiple modalities. For example, it is not enough to say that all problems find their source in wrong beliefs or in sin. Of course, if sin had never entered the world, we would need no counselors, and people would experience no broken- ness. But this particular client in this particular situation at this partic- ular time may be facing something that has nothing to do with his sin. He may be a legitimate victim, suffering from someone else’s sinful and narcissistic lifestyle. Likewise, although beliefs are central to the fueling of emotions and actions for clients, merely hearing what a client says he believes or teach- ing him new ideas may not lead the client to emotional, psychological, and spiritual health. Often, particularly for people who have experi- enced some form of abuse, trauma, or a period of suffering, the underly- ing metacognitions are actually fueling their emotions, thwarting their ability to apply newly learned truth and generating crippling anxiety. Learning. The new Christian counselor appreciates the complex inter- play of factors contributing to the absence of emotional, psychological, and spiritual health in persons. Therefore he believes he must be a life- long student of human nature, theology, the Bible, and the world of information that surrounds us. He never stops reading and listening to his peers and clients. He continues to pray that he will connect with and understand the needs of hurting persons, and that he will be able to apply his increasing knowledge to the healing of their wounds. He first devours the Scriptures. In them he finds the definition of per- sonhood, the truth regarding God and humans, the record of the Fall, and the promise of the renewed heaven and earth. In them he finds the path and the means to emotional, psychological, and spiritual health. This careful and thoughtful engagement with Scripture gives the new Christian coun- selor a filter for sifting the work of peer scholarship. He reads what others say about the Bible and finds that some of it resonates with what he has come to believe about the Bible and some does not. Some scholarship does justice to the infallibility and authority of the Word, and some does not. He moves into the literature that abounds on the nature of the soul and soul care. He finds some information and insights that pass success- fully through the filter of the Scriptures and much that does not. He values dialogue with peers of all persuasions in his quest for strategies and insights that will enhance his ability to care for the souls of those he is privileged to serve. He does not neglect any of these interactions or intentionally alienate any of those who seek the healing of persons. In these interactions he often finds information and strategies that enhance his ability to help persons and that are not found in the Scriptures but do not contradict them. Restoration. The new Christian counselor believes that the central dilemma of humans is the marring of their core identity. Human beings at their core are fashioned in the image of God (Gen. 1:26-27). Sin has not effaced that likeness but has significantly damaged it. With the entrance of sin in the core of the individual human soul, humanity has experienced a death and darkness that separates us from our Creator (Rom. 1:18-32). Humanity is helpless to eradicate that damage, but God has made provision in Christ for the redemption of the person and the restoration over time of the image of God in the core of the human per- sonality (Rom. 5:8). The appropriation of this provision, which is rooted in God’s free offer of grace and love, is a matter of individual choice. It can be cho- sen or rejected, but it is open to all humans. The new Christian coun- selor is sensitive to the right of choice. His heartfelt desire for all clients is that they might experience life in the core self, embrace the process of being restored to the image of God, and experience shalom in every area of life. Some clients are readied by the Spirit of God to hear this mes- sage, and some are not. The new Christian counselor does not prioritize his agenda in the counseling event. He has a vision, as do all counsel- ors, of what would be best for the client, but does not squeeze the client into his agenda. That is the difference between preaching and counseling. Preaching is a highly directed experience with a sage on the stage. Coun- seling is a collaborative experience with a guide by the side. Choice. The new Christian counselor listens carefully and begins where the client wants to begin. Together, they find opportunities to develop a plan of action that will help the client reach the goals he is committed to achieving at this stage in his journey. We may get to dealwith many issues in the client’s life or just one and then he is gone. God is always at work, we have served as his conduit, and he will complete his purposes in the life of this person and us. The new Christian counselor believes that the imitation of Christ is the highest and best possible goal. However, although the guide knows exactly which path and goal he would like to pursue, the fellow traveler is always given information and then afforded the right of personal choice. Presence. The new Christian counselor believes in the power of pres- ence. He is convinced that the most powerful force in the counseling process is his relationship with the client. Often, more than any words spoken, this is what the client remembers years later. This is often what brings the client back to hear more, to receive additional assistance, or to work on a new issue. When a counselor stays in one geographical area over many years, he is likely to see clients come, go, and come back mul- tiple times over many years due in large part to the relationship they have formed with the counselor. The new Christian counselor doesn’t feel the need to fill the silent spaces with words. He has prayed for the healing power of presence and experiences this with his client. Strength based. The new Christian counselor appreciates the truth that all persons are fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator God to serve a specific purpose in his world and are gifted to fulfill that pur- pose. Therefore persons come to counseling with areas of strength and weakness. The new Christian counselor helps the client to develop action plans that are solution focused and founded on client strengths. There is less focus on pathology, naming, and exploration of the unconscious, and more focus on identifying strengths and strategies that have brought the client a measure of success in the past. Evaluation. The new Christian counselor evaluates the methodol- ogies he employs. He accepts the responsibility to do no harm as well as the parallel responsibility to demonstrate the efficacy of the models of intervention he employs. He supports and engages in research that empirically demonstrates the efficacy of the approaches he utilizes. When possible he shares the results of his research in peer journals and opens up his work to the scrutiny of fellow professionals. He sees him- self as part of a larger group of professional and pastoral counselors and feels a responsibility to be accountable to his peers. Counseling and the church. The new Christian counselor believes that counseling is greatly strengthened when the counselor is anchored in the mission of the church, utilizing the resources of the church, held accountable for change, and receiving daily encouragement through life- giving relationships in a vibrant church community. He believes that the church’s efforts in evangelism and discipleship are stronger when coun- seling is a valuable ally and not just an occasional afterthought or even an enemy. Christian counseling often serves as a gateway into the fam- ily of God. Discipleship is frequently abortive because Christian leaders attempt to disciple persons who are suffering from stubborn addictions and other deep-seated challenges requiring counseling services. These can go underground in the blush of conversion and resurface later during peri- ods of stress, destroying all the good work that has been accomplished on the foundation of conversion. The Christian church is sometimes naive enough to believe that all things psychological and emotional are resolved when someone is saved. The new Christian counselor, often swimming against the tide in the evangelical church, seeks to dispel this naiveté. The Ethical Christian Counselor For new Christian counselors, high standards of integrity are exten- sions of our commitment to be disciples of Jesus Christ. As we follow him and emulate his example, we live, speak, and act with the power- ful blend of grace and truth. God calls all believers to a high standard of integrity. As counselors, we have the unique role of stepping into people’s lives at the point of pain and vulnerability. Our clients count on us to treat them with the utmost respect and offer assistance according to the highest standards of professional care. Too often, discussions of ethics are incredibly dry. For the Christian counselor, however, the topic of ethics takes on rich dimensions. The Bible gives us the astounding, inspiring, and challenging truth that every person we help represents Jesus Christ. The apostle Paul tells slaves and masters to treat each other the way they’d respond to Jesus (Col. 3:22– 4:1). The implication is that in every relationship, we need to respect, love, and honor the person the way we respect, love, and honor Jesus Christ, our Savior and King. Jesus told a parable about a king giving his servants a report card. The servants fed the hungry, refreshed the thirsty, welcomed strangers as guests, clothed the naked, and visited those who were sick and in prison. The king praised the servants and explained, “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me” (Mt. 25:40). The people who come to our counseling offices are in desperate need emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. When we love them, care for them, and patiently meet their needs, we’re actually pouring out our love for Jesus himself. This realization radically changes our perspective (espe- cially of annoying clients), our motivation, and our prayers for them. Ethical excellence in counseling marries working knowledge, compe- tent skills, and ethical awareness. To consistently achieve demonstrable gains from treatment, every new Christian counselor must embrace the ethical challenge of doing good (beneficence) while doing no harm (no malfeasance) to all those served. Let us be the first to tell you that no one achieves ethical perfection, not even the very best and most hon- ored of our practitioners. Yet therapists with the highest integrity can and do count any failed cases on one hand (when they are completely honest with themselves), and we commend them to you as examples to follow. It is no great secret why our best therapists consistently terminate cases with satisfied clients and show demonstrable gains year after year. These are therapists who aspire to excellence—not the impossible stan- dard of human perfection, but that which flows out of a radical yielded- ness to the Holy Spirit—and who yield each client to the love and grace of God himself. These are the master therapists who are worthy of emu- lation because they... • only take on cases within the purview of their expertise and experience, • make liberal use of opportunities for consultation and refe ral (and have intimate knowledge of the resources available within their communities), • are clear with clients about ethical and personal boundaries, neither crossing those of the client nor letting the client cross those of the therapist, • work diligently to maintain the therapeutic alliance, always sensitive to issues of client consent and control of their lives, • do not push their own beliefs or agenda, but instead patiently draw the best out of their clients, challenging them to plan, decide, and act on their own, • are diligent about maintaining client confidences and are clear with clients about likely outcomes when confidences must be legally breached, • prayer fully prepare for each case by reviewing past session notes (and keeping these notes up-to-date) while yielding each session to the guidance and the power of the Holy Spirit, and • displaytherequisitehumilitythatadmitstowrongdoing when it happens, and work diligently to correct or make res- titution in these cases. Core Elements of Ethical Excellence The five Cs of ethical practice that every therapist must embrace include competence, consent, consultation, confidentiality, and con- tracting for services (see American Association of Christian Counselors, 2014). Learn to review these issues for every case across the five fingers of your hand, and your practice and reputation will blossom. Competence. This entails a multilevel analysis of counselor knowledge, skill, and relatability. Competence is not just the knowledge of your strengths—which is an essential part of building confidence—but also the humility of having a clear awareness of your weaknesses and areas where you lack proficiency. Competent counselors know their limits and live by them. Amazingly, some Christian counselors take cases involving suicide, abuse trauma, post-traumatic stress, bipolar disorder, or serious family crisis without expertise in these areas. This is shockingly unethical. Competence also goes to the counseling environment. The essen- tial “feel” that you and your office project should be one of relaxed and inviting grace, not one of pressure, confusion, or distress. (Think of times when you have been client or patient, and note which environments invite you to stay and which arouse so much anxiety that you want to get out of there!) Grace (instead of stress) will flow from you because you... • have yielded yourself to God and invited him to be present, • are committed to speak the truth in love in everything you communicate,

• are relaxed, even a bit playful, as youre main focused in your initial interview, • are dedicated to listening intently while displaying great respect for your client, • are dedicated to creating a safe-haven experience for yourcli- ents, letting them know they are completely safe and wel- come to be who they are with you, and • avoid all judgments and criticism so your client during the process of initial interview and create a trustworthy alliance. Consent. Consent is the ethical-legal expression of the cardinal counsel- ing value of client self-determination, a revered right in all medicine and psychotherapy because it respects the patient-client’s right to determine, in the end, what shall be done to one’s own mind, body, and soul. Consent is far more than a routine signature on paper—it is the ongoing psycho- spiritual dynamic that respects clients’ control of their own life’s choices. Clients should be fully apprised of goals, process, methods used, costs, risk of failure, and alternative ways of achieving their goals, and they should be given opportunity to signify their informed consent to these things. Consultation. The maintenance of your competence is based on knowing where the boundaries of your expertise lie and when consul- tation and referral is indicated. This counters the puffed-up and self- aggrandizing tendency of our fallen human nature. In the early years of practice, the best counselors are those who can craft an argument for the need of consultation in nearly every case. Good consultation is the quickest and most valuable road you can take to become an expert in your practice. Confidentiality. The high value of maintaining a client’s secrets is often demonstrated by those who express anger and heartache at the breach of their privacy by previous counselors. Church settings are notorious for divulging shared secrets, and a person’s resistance to allow you to con- sult with a pastor or former therapist can be a significant problem. Never promise your patients or clients absolute confidentiality, but disclose to them the major exceptions to the rule—child or elder abuse, suicide threats, and homicide threats. Be sure to speak about these exceptions in a frank and matter-of-fact tone. Contract. Fundamentally, the counselor and client should have an agreement that is formalized in a good and accurate contract. And if pos- sible, the client should lead in defining what he or she wants from the relationship. Far too many therapists—including far too many Chris- tian counselors—do not do an adequate job of disclosing their values and detailing the nature and operation of their services. A contract out- lining these disclosures is an essential ethic in counseling—essential to the task of securing from your client a freely given consent to the work they are about to entrust to your care. (See the contracts in the appendix of Clinton, Hart, & Ohlschlager, 2005, p. 463.) Wisdom’s RevieW In this book we seek to offer a definition for Christian counseling that does justice to the insights and definitions we have examined. We also provide a platform for the development of a strategic and compre- hensive model for intervention that may be used to enhance counselors’ efficiency and effectiveness. We believe that ours is a practical, transfor- mational approach and that counselors engaged in this fresh biblical and transformational approach are aligning themselves with the pur- poses and direction of God’s Spirit. Christian counseling is truly about God’s transformational work in people’s lives. As a part of that challenge, we need to know God, ourselves, and our clients at a deeper level. That challenge should move us to prayer for ourselves and intercession for those who come to us seeking help. Embracing this challenge changes us from the inside out. We develop a heightened sense of our need for grace working through the power of the Holy Spirit, the power of the Word of God, and the power of our faith community. The overarching goal isn’t temporary relief—it’s trans- formational change. The dynamic resources of the Spirit, the Word, and the family of God bring power and order in our lives and in the lives of those who seek our help. Transformational change doesn’t happen sim- ply because a counselor and a client meet in the consulting office. This kind of change occurs in a context that is much richer, operates so much deeper, and is much more comprehensive. It is as if the client and the counselor are inside a circle, and around them are the Holy Spirit, the Father, the Son, and the believing community—all working together for meaningful change. Ultimately, the battle is the Lord’s, and we are called to be warriors and trusted friends. We are partners with God in the great work of helping persons to achieve healing and transformation. References American Association of Christian Counselors. (2014). AACC Christian counseling code of ethics (pp. 46–47). Forest, VA: American Association of Christian Counselors. Backus, W. D. (1987). Finding the freedom of self-control. Bloomington, MN: Bethany House. Christianity Today. (2006). The top 50 books that have shaped evangel- icals. Retrieved from http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2006/octo ber/23.51.html?start=1 Clinton, T., Hart, A., & Ohlschlager, G. (Eds.). (2005). Caring for people God’s way: Personal and emotional issues, addictions, grief, and trauma. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson. Clinton, T., & Ohlschlager, G. (Eds.). (2002). Competent Christian coun- seling: Foundations and practice of compassionate soul care (p. 50). Colo- rado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press. Collins, G. R. (1993). The biblical basis of Christian counseling for people help- ers. Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress. Crabb, L. (1977). Effective biblical counseling. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan. Crabb, L. (1997). Connecting. Nashville, TN: W Publishing Group. Hawkins, R., Hindson, E., & Clinton, T. (2002). Pastoral care and coun- seling:Soulcarecenteredinthechurch.InT.Clinton&G.Ohlschlager (Eds.), Competent Christian counseling: Foundations and practice of com- passionate soul care. Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press. Johnson, E. (2011). Foundations for soul care: A Christian psychology proposal. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic. Tan, S.-Y. (2011). Counseling and psychotherapy: A Christian perspective. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books. Thurman, C. (2003). The lies we believe. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson. Vernick, L. (2000). The truth principle: A life-changing model for spiritual growth and renewal. Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press. Warfield, B. B. The emotional life of our Lord. Retrieved from www.moner gism.com/thethreshold/articles/onsite/emotionallife.html Worthington, E. L., Jr. (1999). Christian counseling and psychotherapy. In D. Benner & P. Hill (Eds.), Baker encyclopedia of psychology and counsel- ing (2nd ed.). Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Books.

Chapter 4 Attachment and Relationships People may pursue many different kinds of goals, but no one thrives without meaningful relationships. Why? At the deepest levels of our souls, we instinctively know that we are created for connections—with God and with people. God exists in relationship—an unshakable con- nection of love and truth that forever binds togetehr the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. This relationship—this divine unity, this tri-unity among the three persons of the Godhead—existed long before God ever consid- ered sharing it in the act of creation, and it will continue long after the creation is transformed into the new heaven and new earth. This affec- tion for connection embedded in the heart of God is transmitted to humans in the image of God he has shared with humanity. Clients may come to us because they suffer from depression, family strife, sexual dissatisfaction, financial ruin, or a hundred other present- ing problems, but under the surface, their highest desires and deepest wounds are relational. Today’s Christian counselors realize this truth and tailor their therapy to heal relational wounds and build relational bonds. Our understanding of relationships doesn’t begin with horizon- tal, human connections. First, we attempt to plumb the immeasurable depths of the relationship in the Trinity. God Exists in Relationship The conceptual basis for the primacy of relationships begins with the Trinity. God exists as a community (Icenogle, 1994) within the eternal relationships of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. When God created the universe, he created man and woman for relationships— especially for relationship with himself. At the beginning, human rela- tionships were pure. In the Garden, God created Adam and Eve in perfect harmony with each other and with him. But anything that has that much propensity for beauty also has the propensity for pain and brokenness when life is not as it should be. It was a bit of heaven in a per- fect life on earth, but it didn’t last (Gen. 1–3). Man broke the shalom of Eden by disobeying God in foolish pride and eating the fruit of the one tree God had said not to eat from. The results were disastrous for them and have been for all who followed them. Sin entered and marred the equation, breaking into all relationships, separating man from God, and causing division and distress in human relationships. Relationships are broken and strained by such issues as pride, fear, jeal- ousy, resentment, and greed, but the need for connections hasn’t gone away. In fact, we need relationships more than ever to heal, restore, com- fort, and direct us. God said, “It’s not good for the man to be alone.” That analysis is still true today. An ancient Jewish proverb states, “He who goes too far alone, goes mad.” Loving, affirming relationships make a difference in every aspect of our lives—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. A wide array of studies has shown that people (especially men) who enjoy a rich web of healthy and caring relationships live nearly a decade longer than those who live alone (Biebel & Koenig, 2004). In counseling and helping ministry, we continuously cycle back to a theory of relationship. The power to choose. Why did God allow sin to enter the world and mar the perfection he created? God didn’t create people to be robots who have no free moral choices. He created people with not only the capacity to choose to love him but also the option to ignore or reject him. God was determined to honor humanity’s free will—which is a reflection of his image—by always respecting their choice to go their own way. True love is also a function of true choice—it can’t be given or received by an automaton. Valuing redemption or taking God for granted. There may be another reason God gave people the freedom to choose. He may have wanted man to experience the deficit caused by sin so that we would supremely value the wonder of God’s redemption. Love is shown by the level of sacrifice, and God reveals his love most clearly through the ultimate sacrifice of his Son to pay for our sins. When this truth permeates our hearts, everything changes. We marvel at the love and justice of God. We delight in God’s amazing grace. Our pride is dissolved in the won- der that Almighty God humbled himself to die a horrible death for us. We deserve only condemnation and shame, but through the cross, God offers forgiveness and adoption as his beloved sons and daughters. In so doing, God models the love of grace and forgiveness that are required to bring healing in some of the complex relationships in which we have been wounded. No wonder so many great songs through the centuries shout gratitude and wonder! Relationship as a Central Principle In the opening chapters of Genesis, we find an interesting irony. Adam existed in complete harmony with God, lived in a perfect envi- ronment, and was given an important role. Still, something wasn’t right. In creation, God had pronounced each new marvel as “good” and “very good,” but now he announced that Adam’s condition was “not good.” What was wrong? Adam was alone. The necessity of the horizontal relationship. It is a stunning fact that even with a perfect relationship with God, something was missing. Some- thing in the difference between Creator and creature left a void in the soul of man. Ultimately this resulted in the creation of woman, the sight of whom caused the delighted Adam to shout with joy and anticipa- tion (Gen. 2:23). This scene reveals the importance of human, horizon- tal relationships. Relationships are central to everything in human existence. As every counselor instinctively knows, we are broken in relationships, and we are healed in relationships. Health, in large part, is a function of living in a rich and nourishing social web of relationships. Pathology increases as we become more isolated and experience brokenness in our closest relationships. We are in relationship not only with other people but also with ideas, organizations, government, and the planet. Pastors, doctors, and nurses often report that the last words people speak before pass- ing into eternity are seldom about money, career advancement, or hob- bies. They almost universally lament or rejoice about their most valued relationships. Relationship as the ultimate cure. Loving and healing relationships are the ultimate salve to trauma, loss, psychopathology, and the deepest grief we can know. The development of transference, when the client begins to relate to the counselor as he or she does to the most significant relations in life, is triggered by the most painful past relationships in the person’s life. By understanding, by avoiding being trapped in those troublesome relationship patterns, and by behaving in more healthy and life-giving ways, the counselor intensifies the significance of the therapeutic rela- tionship to bring healing and increasingly mature interactions in the cli- ent’s life. Relationship healing is vitally important. Counseling without a strong focus on relationship healing—the vertical relationship with God and the horizontal with significant others—is seriously flawed in perspective and practice. If the client is avoiding dealing with relationship issues in counseling, the new Christian counselor must gently but firmly raise those fundamental questions and bring relationships back into view. Part of what we want clients to understand is that in the context of relationships—especially core relations with the person’s mother and father early in life—clients begin to develop core relational beliefs about others, about themselves, and about God. Those core beliefs affect inti- macy with God and others. Working through these beliefs is a very important part of the counseling process, and coming to terms with them is an essential part of our clients’ spiritual, relational, and emo- tional journey toward health. Attachment Theory In recent years we have come to value and adopt some of attachment theory to explain both healthy and unhealthy relationships. The desper- ate search for safety and significance goes back to attachment, bonding, and relationship lessons we learned from our parents and, in fact, from all the members of our family of origin. Life isn’t experienced in isola- tion. Rather, the self is embedded in both vertical and horizontal rela- tionships that impact each other. Even hell itself is best understood as the ultimate isolation, a person’s choice to be separate from God and from others. Hell can be described in part as a maddening process of spend- ing eternity isolated from relationships. Roots of attachment. In both England and the United States in the last half century, research in attachment theory arose from the study and treatment of severe and complex trauma—especially violent trauma in young children and its pervasive effects throughout life. Understanding the complexity of relationships is, without doubt, one of the most diffi- cult clinical puzzles we face in practice. English psychiatrist John Bowlby was the pioneer in this field. His lab produced a prodigious amount of research on the nature and process of attachment while working with infants and their mothers (Bowlby, 1977–1980). Safe Havens and Secure Bases At its most basic level, attachment theory explores the way relation- ships shape our brain’s ability to both participate in close, intimate rela- tionships and to regulate emotion (Schore, 1994). Emotion regulation is the ability to tolerate and manage strong negative emotions, such as anx- iety, anger, and sadness, as well as to fully experience a complete range of positive feelings, including hope, joy, contentment, and peace. Testing a safe or a dangerous world. Attachment begins with a God- given motivation for people to seek others who are stronger, wiser, and usually older for comfort during times of distress. In this relationship, a deep emotional bond is created and nurtured in that “safe haven” rela- tionship. At birth, our brains are not fully capable of self-regulation. We were created for relationship. Our need for connections doesn’t show a deficiency—it’s a God-given need that must be met for us to survive, let alone thrive. God’s first “not good” pronouncement about his creation was attached to the aloneness of man. One definition of an attachment disorder tracks this psycho-spiritual crisis—that of being alone, of being detached and disconnected in a social sea of potential relationships. In a sense, the infant brain continually asks a key question: “Is the world I’m living in a safe or dangerous place?” (Perry & Pollard, 1996). Depending on its experiences, especially with the mother or primary caregiver, the baby’s limbic system (sometimes accurately referred to as the emotional brain) begins to wire itself for either safety or danger. Internal working models. The brain is also formulating a network of basic assumptions about the self and others. “Am I worthy of love and capable of getting my needs met?” “Are others safe, reliable, and acces- sible to me during times of distress?” These core assumptions form the basis of what Bowlby (1977–1980) referred to as the internal working model, which is encoded as a blueprint in the emotional brain and forms a template for evaluating the world and what to expect and how to inter- act in future relationships. This internal working model is at least roughly analogous to the bib- lical heart or soul of an individual, the mental schema or root belief system of cognitive therapy, the psychodynamic unconscious motiva- tion system, and transactional analysis scripts. Moreover, analyzing our root beliefs about relationships—whether we believe God’s truth or the subtle (or sometimes blatant) lies about our self, our social life, mar- riage, and family life—embeds the entire process into a holistic person- in-environment conception in social work, or ecological system theory. This is where attachment theory is at its bridge-building best in synthe- sizing systems and cognitive theories. Changing the emotional brain. Because this model is based on rela- tional experiences and is encoded in the emotional brain, it is nearly impossible for clients to modify these beliefs by simple logic and infor- mation. In other words, cognitive therapy alone is rarely a sufficient modality for producing change. These core beliefs were programmed into the brain through emotionally charged relational experiences. They can be accessed and modified only through the same means—repeated and emotionally charged relational experiences that disconfirm these negative, destructive beliefs. Therapy—at least the kind beyond the cur- rent “managed care” conception of symptomatic control in a few ses- sions—eventually must become an intensely emotion-focused venture to produce deep healing and lasting change (Greenberg, 2010). When secure exploration is possible. The secure base system is the cruci- ble in which all of this is formulated—it is the context for healthy child development and for the reparenting challenge of effective transforma- tional psychotherapy. It begins with the concept of a secure base, as the child (or adult in therapy) relies on the caregiver to regulate its strong emotions. From this perspective, security begins with parental and sys- temic regulation that evolves into healthy self-regulation. From a secure base, the exploration system turns on, and children will begin exploring the world around them. Exploration is the precursor to self-esteem and self-confidence. However, should the child feel threat- ened or if she is separated from the caregiver, the attachment system turns on (anxiety and anger), and exploration is terminated. Proximity seeking and emotional signaling are then activated as the child attempts to get close to the safe-haven parent in order to be reassured about their safety and identity, resulting in the emotional security that turns on the exploration system again. A similar process occurs in reparenting a cli- ent in therapy. Cycling between security and exploration. This cycling between secu- rity seeking (running to mother for safety) and exploration (going out from mother to search the world) is constant in human development. Security (or proximity seeking and emotional signaling) can utilize any package of behavior (crying, whining, crawling, running, screaming, stomping...even hitting and aggressing) designed to achieve closeness to the caregiver. The parent is alerted to the child’s distress by reading and detecting her signaling and proximity-seeking behavior. A safe-haven experience occurs when the child returns to her mother’s arms and is comforted. Secure-base attachment is restored, and exploration begins again. Secure and Insecure Attachment Styles Early attachment relationships have long-term effects (as Bowlby, 1988, said, “from the cradle to the grave”), affecting people in every rela- tionship for the rest of their lives. Attachment interactions in child- hood become internalized (they become an internal working model) and stored in the emotional brain, providing a template for one’s core beliefs of self and others and shaping one’s adult emotional regulation styles and relationship styles. Based on a positive or negative view of self or others (“Am I worthy of being loved?” and “Are others reliable and trustworthy?”), four attachment styles have been identified (Hazan & Shaver, 1987). Secure attachment. Security is the very definition of a healthy child or adult, a condition that flows out of relationships that provided a secure attachment base. People who feel confident and secure have a balanced and accurate view of the dangers in this world, and they approach life with a mostly optimistic orientation—“I’m okay, and so are you.” This is the resilient person who knows how to manage distress, is well-regulated emotionally, and is able to participate in close and meaningful relations with others. These people also pass these same skills and traits on to their family. Security becomes a valued family legacy. Avoidant attachment. This person is characterized by the perception, “I’m okay, but you’re not.” Because they were not soothed and nurtured by their caregivers when they felt hurt or alone, they taught themselves not to trust others. Instead, they found ways to calm and soothe their own distress. Avoidants tend to be aloof in relationships, they are overly self-reliant and self-protecting, and they are often functional abusers of drugs and addictions as adults. In our clinical experience, avoidants often suffer from depressive disorders, sexual control problems, anger control problems, and narcissistic personality disorders. Anxious attachment. Like the avoidant, those with an anxious style were also unfulfilled in primary caretaker relationships. However, they did not find ways to cope with their loss. They developed an orientation that is opposite or mirror-image of the avoidant’s—“I’m not okay, but you are.” Clinically, they usually present with an array of anxiety disor- ders, depressive disorders, problems with enjoying sex, and dependent and histrionic personality disorders. These people are less likely to be content by themselves and usually are clingy and demanding in rela- tionships. They feel they have to be attached to others to feel complete as a person, but their desperate, demanding behavior often drives peo- ple away. Disorganized or disturbed attachment. People with this style tend to be the most psychiatrically disturbed of the four types because they often experienced their primary caregiver as abusers—direct sources of pain and suffering. Their orientation to themselves and others is mostly neg- ative. “I’m not okay, and neither are you.” Clinically, they present with the more troubled psychiatric issues: complex traumas, severe post- traumatic stress disorder, schizophrenia, dissociative identity disorder and milder dissociative disorders, psychotic disorders, borderline per- sonality disorder, and the schizotypal (bizarre) spectrum of personality disorders. Clients’ attachment styles offer vital information about their fun- damental attitude and their core orientation to self and to others. This knowledge has significant benefits whether doing individual therapy or couples counseling. Tailoring interventions in line with these core char- acteristics—instead of trying and failing with countervailing tactics— gives therapists a distinct advantage in the development of workable treatment plans. Trauma Affecting the Secure Base Attachment and trauma. One of the major mental health problems, early childhood relational and repeated trauma (that is, complex trauma), has been understood in the framework of attachment theory (Williams, 2006). Complex trauma almost always involves two core characteristics: (1) It begins early in development (often within the first five to seven years), and (2) it involves various forms of traumatic relationship experi- ences (such as physical abuse, sexual abuse, severe neglect, and witnessing family violence), the most destructive of which is known as attachment trauma (Wright, 2003). Attachment trauma occurs when the person to whom a child looks for comfort and safety becomes the direct source of abuse to the child— the cause of the child’s fear and distress. The primary safe-haven parent or caregiver perversely becomes the major source of pain and suffering in the child’s life. When attachment trauma occurs repeatedly throughout childhood, the stage is set for a wide array of psychological, emotional, spiritual, and even physical maladies in adults (Van de Kolk, 1994). Trauma and the secure-base system. In traumatic homes, a number of problems interfere with the operation of the secure-base system. First, the caregiver is often emotionally overwhelmed and self-absorbed, so the child is unable to achieve a secure base. The child, in fact, is often left in a chronic state of hyperarousal. This has an enduring effect on the developing nervous system, priming it to be in a constant state of tension, anxiety, fear, and irritability, and is often the precursor to post-traumatic stress response in adults. Second, without an effective secure base, the child has difficulty with self-esteem because self-esteem begins with other-esteem. These chil- dren lack self-confidence, which may turn into aggressive, acting-out behavior, chronic underachievement in school, or anxious withdrawal and extreme forms of shyness. Some children attempt to compensate through overachievement. They become oppressed by self-imposed per- fectionistic standards and/or they frantically attempt to please others. Others turn to escapist modes of coping, such as drugs and illicit sex at an early age, to medicate the chronic anxiety that is already program- ming them as children for dysfunctional adult living. Trauma threat is the key. Third, in the unsafe home, trauma and abuse do not occur every moment of every day, but the threat of trauma is con- stant. The traumatized child feels as if she can never let her guard down because she may be ambushed by another traumatic event. This is often manifested in a fear of normality and happiness because the child inter- prets these experiences as harbingers of bad things to come. Clinton and Sibcy (2006) call this “happy-phobia.” It robs the person from ever being able to enjoy love and good times. The tragic paradox. Finally, in unsafe homes, the child is faced with a relational paradox. Their attachment figures, those responsible for pro- viding a secure base, are often the very source of the child’s distress and fear (Main, Goldwyn, & Hesse, 2002). When this happens, the child is left in a state of intense emotion, and she has no organized way to man- age her fear. Dissociation and other forms of unhealthy coping behav- iors originate in this type of environment. Unfortunately, because the child’s attachment system is overly acti- vated, she may attempt to cling even more intensely to the offending caregiver. This phenomenon is often seen in sexual abuse victims’ fierce loyalty to their abusers. Another common outcome is that the child becomes controlling and aggressive toward the parent. Both of these patterns—blind loyalty and angry defiance—can replicate themselves in adult relationships, where the individual finds herself feeling trapped in abusive relationships or where the individual becomes abusive and controlling of others. Repairing and Restoring Relationships Today’s Christian counselors pursue deeper understanding of the chaos in disruptive family environments, and they are committed to restore perception and health in relationships. With insight, skill, com- passion, and tenacity, there is great hope for our clients. Brokenness begs for healing, and sin begs for grace. Our prevailing hope is that God graces us and our clients with all we need to overcome brokenness and restore relationships. In the practice of counseling, nothing is more prac- tical than a profound relationship theory that operates from the premise that we are broken in relationships and healed in relationships. The antidote to trauma and brokenness is healthy relationship. The Scrip- tures, the long history of the church, and our own spiritual experiences tell us that the hope for healing and cleansing comes from Jesus Christ. He is the author and perfecter of our faith, the one we look to for for- giveness, purpose, and power. He is the one who has the power to for- give any sin, and he delights to shower sinners with his grace. He is the one who has the power to heal any hurt, and he demonstrated his com- passion by healing the sick, touching lepers, freeing people from demons, and giving sight to the blind. Not all addiction is sin, but all sin is a type of addiction to run our own lives and be the kings and queens of our domain. No one can cure the idolatry of the heart except Christ. Anything else we pursue in the lifelong journey to anesthetize emotional pain eventually becomes an addiction. It is a hopeless journey, but Christ offers another way if peo- ple will take his hand. Brokenness and Attachment Attachment theory helps address the brokenness of self, the broken- ness of others, and our broken relationship with God. A proper analy- sis begins with this triangle. It is never about curing only the self because the self is inextricably embedded with other people and God. The verti- cal and horizontal relationships are all connected. Life is lived in a web of relationships. The journey into grace involves the restoration of shalom, God’s peace and well-being. The first Adam’s sin created chaos and brokenness, but the last Adam (Christ) came to redeem and restore. From the first Adam, we have received an idola- trous legacy that fails to love God. We’ve replaced God with our pursuit of counterfeits: pleasure, approval, possessions, and power. These things promise life and meaning, but they cannot deliver. The grace of Christ transforms our hearts, changes our desires and motivations, and gives us the power to begin to fulfill the Great Commandment—to love God with our whole being and to love our neighbor as ourselves. The heart and purpose of Christian counseling is to effect Christ’s enabling reconciliation of relationships in the life of every client. Rec- onciliation is more than the cessation of conflict. It’s the presence of love, the promotion of a feeling of safety derived from my newfound relationship with a loving and securing heavenly Father, and the grow- ing skill to demonstrate empathy for other persons. Research shows that the development of empathy skills are rooted in good parent–child rela- tions (Wallin, 2007). Abused people often lack the core empathic skill to connect in meaningful ways because their marred parent–child relation- ships caused them to become defensive or aggressive (or both). Impart- ing love, connecting clients to a loving God, and teaching our clients to love are key components of effective Christian counseling. The idea that we are broken in relationship and restored in rela- tionship is a foundational premise for Christian counselors, but every Christian leader benefits from this insight. In every aspect of church life and ministry, nothing is more practical than some relationship theory. Understanding the dynamics of attachment is helpful in the framework of counseling, leading teams and groups, and discipling individuals. Committed relationships. The word commitment has multiple mean- ings and implications for the new Christian counselor. The Bible uses many different concepts and metaphors to describe commitments. A covenant is a solemn vow, signified with a seal of ownership, author- ity, and protection. God seals his relationship with Abraham and his descendants throughout history with a covenant in Gen. 12. Eph. 1:7-14 explains that God seals believers in a relationship of love by the Holy Spirit of promise, who guarantees our eternal inheritance in Christ. God’s commitment to covenantal sealing is meant to signify the unchangeable nature of his relationship to his children. He will never leave us or forsake us. We are safe forever under the umbrella of his love and grace. Relationships and shalom. In the Bible, God’s peace, often called sha- lom, is never experienced in a vacuum, and it is never the result of finan- cial prosperity or career advancement. We have peace with God through the sacrifice of Christ, who paid the just penalty for our sins and took away the righteous wrath of God. We enjoy the peace of God when we trust his goodness, wisdom, and greatness in every situation in our lives. On the horizontal level, God made provision for our peace when he “destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall” of suspicion, resentment, and superiority in our human relationships. Throughout the Bible, we see shalom in the context of relation- ships. In loving, forgiving, affirming relationships, people experience an exchange of healing and restorative power. Then shalom prevails. Moses was tired, and Aaron and Hur empowered him by holding up his arms (Ex. 17:10-13). Later, when Jethro came to visit, he empowered Moses by telling him, “The work is too heavy for you” (Ex. 18:18). The Bible says that two are better than one and that they have a good reward (Eccl. 4:9). Moreover, the strength of a three-fold cord is not easily or quickly broken (verse 12). When we show compassion, forbearance, forgiveness, and love, the peace of Christ rules in our hearts and relationships (Col. 3:12-16). Relationships are central to God’s plan. Most often, when the enemy of our souls attacks people, he attacks their relationships. Satan’s goal is the destruction of relationships—especially our relationship with God. If he can’t dislodge that primary bond, he attacks the family and the commu- nity, taking a more indirect route of destruction. We don’t have to look far to see his schemes in practice. To destroy bonds of love, he uses bit- terness, resentment, suspicion, withdrawal, and lies. Brokenness occurs in community, and healing occurs in biblical com- munity. People can learn a lot from reading books, but they can’t be healed in isolation. In effective Christian counseling, the helper must always attend to both the vertical and the horizontal relationships. Rela- tionships are the anchor point. When the anchor is dislodged, the ship of life goes hopelessly adrift. We all desperately need the restoring grace of God. Relationship Lies Versus the Truth Before sin and the Fall, Adam and Eve were anchored in God and with one another. In Satan’s attack, his lie was designed to break the anchor point. His deception led to sin, which broke the relationship with God. How did the first couple respond to the effects of their sin? They blamed each other and God. Things haven’t changed much since then. Lies and deceit. Adam first blamed Eve for convincing him that sin was good, right, and acceptable. “She made me do it,” he whined to God. Suddenly, the first couple was set adrift. They had lived in perfect harmony with God and with each other, but now they felt guilty and ashamed. To cover their sense of shame, they pointed fingers of blame and put on clothes. Those solutions didn’t help. They were banished from the Garden, but not before God gave them a provision for their sin. Even at their point of rebellion, God promised love and forgiveness. Freedom always includes relationship. Deep in the heart of every person are two conflicting desires—to be free and to be connected. The lie of Satan is that we can run our own lives, be completely free of constraints, and have it all. But this false promise of freedom leads to the bondage of sin, hopelessness, alienation, and shame. True freedom is realized only in a relationship with God, a relationship of love and loyalty. When we recognize that he is the true King and he has made us his dear children, everything changes. We don’t demand to be free. Instead, we delight to be loyal to the one who proved his love to us in such a dramatic sacri- fice. Actually, complete freedom is an illusion. Peter explained, “You are always going to be a servant, whether a bondservant to the good, or a slave to the way of sin” (2 Pet. 2:19 paraphrase). Paul said much the same thing in Rom. 6:16-18. The lie today is the same as it was in the Garden, and people are just as quick to believe it. Our task as Christian counselors is to recognize the lie in our own lives, turn daily to God’s grace, power, and truth, and become channels of his truth and grace to the people who come to us for help. They are both victims and sinners, and we have the privilege to address both problems with skill and kindness. The human heart is “desperately wicked” (Jer. 17:9 nkjv). We nat- urally look to anyone or anything other than God to fill our hearts and give us purpose, but they all fail miserably. The counterfeit gods of wealth, beauty, applause, and comfort are suitors who plead with us to love them. Like prostitutes, they take our money and our attention but leave us feeling even more alone, ashamed, and worthless. One of our most important tasks as Christian counselors is exposing the deception and pointing people to the only hope for genuine love and fulfillment— the cross and kingdom of Jesus Christ. The counterfeit gods may excite us for a while, but they produce profound emptiness over time. Lies of lust. In his first letter, the apostle John distinguished lust from love. Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but who- ever does the will of God lives forever (1 Jn. 2:15-17). Lust is unashamedly self-absorbed. It wants what it wants right now! It’s the opposite of love. The lust for beauty, power, prestige, and pleasure leads to heartache and division in relationships. Relationship is the core of meaning in life, but lust is the quest to put self first, which destroys connectedness. It moves us from an “us” pursuit to a “me” obsession. The inherent lie of lust is the idea that self is sufficient unto itself—“You will be free” and “You will be full.” Spiritual disciplines. The desperate and selfish desire to find meaning apart from God ultimately leads to being alone. Beauty, wealth, power, and pleasure aren’t inherently evil. They are often good gifts God bestows on us. But we are tempted to evil when we value them more than God. They become idols. If we value good things too much, they become evil influences in our lives. Quite often, people put others in God’s rightful place in their lives, so a spouse, a child, a parent, or a friend becomes an idol. The lure of love is captivating. Dallas Willard (2002) observed that the motivation for change must necessarily be desperation, which forces people to be ruthlessly hon- est about their pursuits. The dependence on love and approval can be just as addictive as cocaine and just as ruinous. The spiritual disciplines become vital because they help us to become desperate in our pursuit of God. Confession, prayer, Bible reading, service, praise, and other famil- iar practices refocus our hearts on the one who is worthy of our love and loyalty. We also recommend the practice of fasting. The deprivation of food reminds us how deeply we are attached to food and other physi- cal things. This realization leads us to recognize that our need for God is greater than the need for food. Control of the will. By participating in one or more of the disciplines, I am pursuing a state of self-denial for a greater good in my life. I am say- ing to my body, “You do not control me. I want a rich, dynamic, inti- mate relationship with my God, and I want to make him the controlling dynamic in my life.” When this is your goal, you approach the disci- plines as helpful, normal ways to develop your relationship with God, not as drudgery or magic formulas for spiritual success. In spiritual life, we experience a constant battle between willingness and willfulness (Moon, 2004). In order to become willing most of the time, learn to participate with God as his beloved child and his valued partner. To strip away our inordinate desires, he sometimes allows us to experience the deprivation of aloneness, and if needed, the loss of other things we hold dear. That’s what happened when God told Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac. The old man’s love for his son may have pushed God out of the center of his life, and God didn’t blink. He told the old father to do the unthinkable—to sacrifice his dear son. Abraham’s obedience cleansed his heart and restored his relationship with God. Our willfulness is defi- ance against God and his will for our lives. Our obsession with being free to control our own lives and clinging to the things we love is incredibly strong and doesn’t evaporate when we become believers (see Rom. 7). Still, even when we’re in the spiritual desert, God never abandons us. We may feel wretched, but “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 8:1). God never gives up on us. His commitment is strong even when we don’t see it or feel it. Lies of addiction. Addictions distort thinking and create a web of lies. In the downward cycle of addiction, people become completely absorbed with getting and using. They no longer care for the people they once loved. Eventually, addiction can take its victims to a place where they actually believe that the world is better off without them and they would be better off dead. They can get lost in that dark detour. As it is with God. Theologically, we need relationships because we are created in the image of God. Because God exists eternally in the context of relationships, vertical and horizontal connections are vitally important in the heart of every person. The drive for relationships comes from the deep core of the self—it comes from the image of God. The core element of human personality is our need for authentic, loving, faithful relationships. Astoundingly, God created us in his image. God spoke in plurality when he said, “Let us make mankind in our image” (Gen. 1:26). In the Trinity, we find a healthy submissiveness. Speaking of the Father, Jesus said, “I do always what pleases him” (Jn. 8:29), and to the Father he prayed, “Not my will, but yours be done” (Lk. 22:42). The Spirit’s role is to show us the truth and to bring honor to Jesus (Jn. 16:5-16). Our own interconnectivity, rooted in the mutual submissiveness of the Trin- ity, is required for healthy attachment and healthy relationships. Godly transformation happens in the center of our being, and then everything comes from it—from the inside out. The“oneanothers.” ManypassagesinScripturehelpusunderstandour responsibility in the body of Christ. How does God want to see his body function? Many authors, especially Paul, tell us to love one another, for- give one another, accept one another, and so on. These passages remind us that we can’t escape our connections with others. They matter, and we have a God-given responsibility to relate to one another in positive, honest, affirming ways. We like the idea that living well in the context of relationships brings a reward. In many ways, we experience an abundant life as we give and receive support and encouragement in our relationships. We’re always in process, and we won’t arrive until we see Jesus in glory, but that’s no excuse for apathy or selfishness. Paul encourages us, “Strive for full res- toration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you” (2 Cor. 13:11). Relationship Healing and the Triune God As we learn to relate to God, we sometimes find that we connect in somewhat different ways with each member of the Trinity. Some charismatic people’s relationship with the Holy Spirit is central to their theology, worship, and prayer. It’s a power theology, an overcoming the- ology. Many Christians focus their attention on Jesus, the Son. But oth- ers think most deeply and often of the Father—his love and authority and the way he breaks into contemporary history to reveal himself. No matter which one occupies our thoughts at any moment, the common theme is God’s majesty and kindness, and our only proper response is grateful trust. Abuse victims and the Trinity. Those who counsel adults who were sex- ually abused as children often report their clients’ fear and anger toward God the Father, who represents the abusing father. They accuse the heav- enly Father of failing to rescue them when they cried out for deliverance. For these victims, one of the goals of Christian counseling is a reconcilia- tion with the Father through Jesus. Christ mediates relations between us and the Father, so sexual abuse victims often embrace Christ while they are angry toward the Father. As they go deeper into Christ’s love, sacrifice, and kindness, they gradually form a new perspective of God the Father. Abuse trauma in relationships. Trauma isolates and destroys. It mars the victims’ perception of safety and love in a relationship. Victims accu- rately conclude, “I am being abused by someone who is supposed to love me.” This is terribly confusing. When clients come from abusive back- grounds, they usually come to faith in God through the Son and the Spirit, not the Father. The Father seems harsh or distant, so they have to experience healing and gradually build faith in the Father. They will eventually grow into an awareness and appreciation of the depths of the Father’s love for them, but it may take a very long time. The blessing. In The Blessing, John Trent and Gary Smalley (2004) explain that a person who never received words of blessing from a father will not be able to move easily into discussions of the fatherhood of God. The practical effect of the power of the blessing, or the lack of the blessing, is revealed in living color by the person’s perception of God. This has to be kept in view in the therapeutic relationship. You can’t start everybody in the same place, and you can’t have the same expectations for every client. The lack of a father’s blessing causes serious and varied problems. A nationally known pastor and church leader once said, “Do you know how many years I have spent in ministry trying to prove that I was wor- thy to be my father’s son? And I hated my father for it.” Another Chris- tian leader relates a father’s piercing, bitter words to his child: “Before I ever knew you, I hated you. You were my son, but I never accepted you as my son.” Even a casual exploration of a client’s parental relationships can be incredibly revealing. Know yourself. Ultimately, the goal of therapy isn’t helping clients know about relationships, but helping them do relationships in new, healthy ways. As a therapist, you will bring everything you have expe- rienced to the challenge of healing hearts and relationships. And if you were abused, if your father was absent, if your mother ran your fam- ily...factors like these will shape the way you react to clients and conduct therapy. Therapists’ personal histories have affected and even infected their family relationships and practices. For this reason, a growing num- ber of training programs require counseling students to participate in counseling for themselves as a part of their training. It is not just because they need to spend time as clients—itself an important experiential edu- cation—but to deal with the abuse, the abandonment, the divorce...the struggle of living in and coming to terms with the family histories that have shaped them. As a therapist, you must understand yourself—your hurts, drives, and perceptions shaped by your childhood experiences and subsequent relationships. If you do not know yourself, you almost certainly will undermine or even sabotage your therapeutic relationships. Like your clients, you are a great mystery, a montage of good and evil. Surfac- ing long-buried perceptions and wounds is incredibly challenging and rewarding. We aren’t alone, and we aren’t without resources. We are stew- ards of the great mysteries of God—his amazing love and complete for- giveness. When we embrace his grace in our story, we feel relationally connected and safe and free to become effective ambassadors of Christ in this lifelong call to restoration. Wisdom’s RevieW In his social cognitive therapy, Mark McMinn talks about being transformed by meditating on Rembrandt’s The Return of the Prodigal Son (McMinn & Campbell, 2007). The famous painting is displayed in the State Hermitage Museum in Saint Petersburg, Russia. McMinn argues that that picture is a vision of the heavenly Father. If that is true, it suggests that if you or your client has any other picture of God, it is a sub- Christian view of the Father. Sub-Christian views of God have plagued the church across its history and given rise to a great deal of emotional pain for the people of God. God the Father of the prodigal son. In Christian counseling, one of the primary goals is to reconcile your client with the picture of the Father of the prodigal son. Jesus’s famous parable (Lk. 15) describes a Father who longs for us, runs to meet us, loves us, kisses us, and doesn’t care about the rules of the game when we come home to him. This is the vision of God we want to introduce to abused or broken clients. This may be our highest calling. Outlandish grace. God is ready to pour out outlandish grace on those who seek him. In his book The Grace of God, Andy Stanley (2010) develops a similar theme and paints the same picture. The new Christian counselor leads with love and seeks to produce in his clients an accurate perception of the lavish love the heavenly Father wants to bestow on his children. This is the same love that has existed among the three mem- bersoftheTrinitysinceeternitypast. God image is so vital. Many people are unaware of how their precon- ceived image of God impacts the relationship with self, the relationship with God, and the relationship with others. The new Christian coun- selor needs to be sensitized to this powerful dynamic and to understand that the path to healing starts when a person is reconciled to the God who is unveiled in the story of the prodigal son. Reconciliation of our beliefs and emotions with this view of God sets in motion a process that brings together the different and disunited parts of the self. It allows one to move into a community of believers that can facilitate healing and res- toration in broken relationships (Crabb, 2004, pp. 23–30). The establishment of a relationship with the God who loves and wel- comes the prodigal introduces us and our clients to a safe haven and helps us to experience shalom in the deepest parts of our soul and in the most difficult of situations. He doesn’t promise to rescue us out of our pain (though he sometimes works this way). Far more often, he res- cues us through our pain, using difficulties to show us our need for him. When we’re tempted to doubt his love and question his intentions, we need to remember the cross. There, Jesus suffered and died to prove his love for us. [Let us fix] our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart (Heb. 12:2-3). We may not have answers to all our questions in this life, be we can trust that the God who has chosen to relate to us as sons and daughters knows, cares, and will ultimately show us the way out of darkness into a wonderful place of safety and security. God has chosen to be in relationship with us even though we are still flawed, finite human beings who are slow to grasp the wonder of his mercy, love, and grace. He has fixed his love upon us not because of who we are and what we can do, but because, for reasons known only to him, he has chosen to own us as his sons and daughters. One day, when he renews all things, he will bring us home, and we will plant our feet on the solid ground of the safe haven he has prepared for all his children. (Matt. 18). This is the hope that secures us now and brings courage to counselors and clients to endure and enjoy life in the present as his gift to us (Heb. 6). References Biebel, D. B., & Koenig, H. G. (2004). New light on depression: Help, hope and answers for the depressed and those who love them (ch. 11). Grand Rap- ids, MI: Zondervan. Bowlby, J. (1977–1980). Attachment and loss (Vols. 1–3). New York, NY: Basic Books. Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base (p. 62). New York, NY: Basic Books. Clinton, T., & Sibcy, G. (2006). Why you do the things you do: The secret to healthy relationships (p. 62). Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson. Crabb, L. (2004). Connecting: Healing ourselves and our relationships. Nash- ville, TN: Thomas Nelson. Greenberg, L. S. (2010). Emotion-focused therapy (p. 63). Washington DC: American Psychological Association. Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. R. (1987). Romantic love conceptualized as an attachment process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 52, 511–524. Icenogle, G. W. (1994). Biblical foundations for small group ministry: An inte- grational approach (p. 10). Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press. Main, M., Goldwyn, R., & Hesse, E. (2002). Adult attachment scoring and classification system. Unpublished manual. Berkeley, CA: Univer- sity of California. McMinn, M. R., & Campbell, C. D. (2007). Integrative psychotherapy: Toward a comprehensive Christian approach. Downers Grove, IL: Inter- Varsity Press. Moon, G. (2004). Falling for God: Saying yes to his extravagant proposal (p. 97). Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press. Perry, B., & Pollard, R. (1996). Childhood trauma, the neurobiology of adaption and use-dependent development of the brain: How states become traits. Infant Mental Health Journal, 16(4), 271–291. Schore, A. N. (1994). Affect regulation and the repair of the self. New York, NY: Norton. Stanley, A. (2010). The grace of God. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson. Trent, J., & Smalley, G. (2004). The blessing: The gift of unconditional love and acceptance. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson. Van de Kolk, B. (1994). The body keeps the score. Harvard Review of Psy- chiatry, 1(5), 253–265. Wallin, D. J. (2007). Attachment in psychotherapy (p. 146). New York, NY: Guilford Press. Willard, D. (2002). Renovation of the heart: Putting on the character of Christ (pp. 126–127). Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress. Williams, W. (2006). Complex trauma: Approaches to theory and treat- ment. Journal of Loss and Trauma, 11, 321–335. Wright, N. (2003). The new guide to crisis and trauma counseling (pp. 127– 142). Ventura, CA: Regal Books.

Chapter 7 Atmosphere and Alignment Advocating for Clarity on the Importance of Counselor Presence and Alignment for Building a Powerful Therapeutic Alliance

Communication, as we know, is far more than the words people say. Studies show that only 7% of meaning is found in the actual verbiage. The remaining 93% of meaning in verbal communication is found in the tone of voice, gestures, and body language. In our coun- seling offices, some clients are so emotionally numb, they don’t pick up on social cues from us. Many others are hypervigilant, reading every raised eyebrow, glance, and intonation. They suffer from radical inse- curity and the fear of being inconsequential. They desperately want to know they are loved and they matter to someone. They have come to us to receive assistance with moving forward with their lives. They come believing that we are trained and invested in helping them achieve an outcome they value. The old saying is a trusted adage because it is true: People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. At the heart of the biblical and transformational model of Christian counseling is a powerful partnership that facilitates genuine change and encourages clients to explain and explore their needs. Most clients—believers and unbelievers—come to our offices with secrets and high walls of self-protection (see Sexton & Whiston, 1994). These are some of the most common conditions: • The client Is coming from a very hurting place. • The client is coming from a very unsafe place. • The client is coming from a place of brokenness, of impotence and failure. They will likely feel ashamed and reluctant to admit their failure to change or grow. The building of a working alliance requires counselor attention to the development of a positive therapeutic atmosphere. The client is coming to you—a person they may neither know nor initially trust—for help because their attempts at applying God’s grace and power to their prob- lem issues have not worked. Success in forming a collaborative engagement directed toward the achievement of goals that will be perceived as beneficial to the client depends on the counselor’s ability to create a particular kind of envi- ronment, or atmosphere. This environment is characterized by several valuable elements, including a commitment to positive presence and successful alignment with client preferences. We use the word atmo- sphere to describe the all-encompassing environment in which the inter- action between the counselor and the client takes place. It is the sumof the counseling processes as they unfold and in which the counselor- client relationship dynamics are contained. An atmosphere includes visible, physical aspects, such as the coun- seling office setting, and nonvisible aspects, such as the intellectual, spiritual, relational, and emotional context and tone of the counseling sessions. In this book, we advocate that the counselor pay strict atten- tion to the development of an atmosphere that is permeated with the presence of God, evidences a commitment to the faithful incarnation and communication of the loving heart of God, and generates hope in the heart and mind of the care seeker. The creation of such an atmo- sphere will contribute greatly toward the establishment of a safe place where clients can be intentionally vulnerable and take necessary risks for healing. Attending to alignment issues focuses the attention of the new Chris- tian counselor on the task of adapting to the particular preferences of the client as the challenges related to change and interaction are encoun- tered. Alignment requires attention to the preferred “firing order” of the client (Lazarus, 1981). The new Christian counselor appreciates the value of attending to client modal preferences in order to efficiently and effectively join with the client to establish a working alliance. Alignment requires that the counselor first assess the modalities through which this specific client prefers to engage the challenges he is facing. This alignment with modal preferences is critical to successfully join- ing with the client to establish a therapeutic alliance. Some prefer to be approached with attention to thoughts, others with attention to feelings, others with attention to behaviors, others with attention to spirituality, and still others with attention to management of relational issues. These preferences or commitments to certain styles of problem management and information processing require that as counselors we engage with clients cautiously and with due attention to alignment with their modal. preferences. Equally important to the success of the counseling encoun- ter is the counselor’s appreciation for the necessity of ordering the explo- ration of client modalities at a pace and in keeping with the prioritization established by the client. To ignore these necessities is to abandon the spirit of collaboration that is essential for effective intervention and to create an environment that feels unsafe for the client. This attention to alignment does much to develop mutual under- standing and trust, which are at the heart of a powerful therapeutic alli- ance. When this happens, the impossible becomes possible. When it doesn’t happen, the counseling dynamic is significantly hindered. This level of human connection invites clients to feel and respond honestly to the brokenness, confusion, loss, abuse, and failure in their lives. Beyond empathy, the authentic presence of a caring counselor allows an authen- tic trust to be built so the client believes, “My counselor really under- stands me and listens to me without judgment. For this reason, I’m going to take the risk of revealing more of my heart.” Counselors who fail to establish this kind of relationship with clients suffer a consistent pattern of premature terminations, failed appointments, and adversarial rela- tionships with clients. Unique Resources Available to the Christian Counselor That Contribute to the Development of a Therapeutic Atmosphere The new Christian counselor is humbled by the triadic nature of the counseling and healing process. She believes that the Creator God who has revealed himself in Christ desires to be fully present in the counsel- ing event. Additionally, she is convinced that the God who has revealed himself in the person of Jesus Christ is more concerned and invested in the welfare and healing of the client than she can ever be. God’s pri- mary posture as he interacts with humanity is as the Healer attempting the healing of broken and wounded souls. The new Christian counselor is honored to sit at the feet of this veteran Healer as he prays, “Lead us, Lord, into the path of healing as we jointly confess our need for instruc- tion and grace in this moment of our journey.” The Christian counselor is honored to serve as a conduit of God’s love and God’s passion to connect with those who bear God’s image. The Christian counselor serves as conduit of words wrapped in a disposition that incarnates God’s glory, love, and grace. The counselor becomes in the encounter with the client the outshining of the glory of God. The grace and truth incarnated in a unique way in Christ are incarnated again in the moment of meeting between two minds and hearts for the pur- pose of healing and personal transformation. In this setting, God often shows up, and we see his grace and truth in the life, eyes, and words of the Christian caregiver. This revelation of God’s grace and truth is uniquely present in a heart-to-heart encoun- ter under the umbrella of the divine presence. Illustration 2 helps iden- tify some of the unique resources that are present in the encounter that takes place between helper and care seeker and that contribute to the reshaping of the elements that in turn contribute to the reshaping of the soul. The Unique Resource of God’s Unfailing Love and Passion for Connecting With Fallen Image Bearers Foremost in the mind and heart of God is the unveiling of his per- sistent love for those who, though fallen away from him, bear his divine image. We see this persistent commitment to loving in the works and words of Christ. When we read of God’s love in the book of Hosea, we gain insight into what this love looks like when it is incarnated in the life and work of the counselor. God calls the prophet Hosea into service when Israel has forgotten God, has ceased obeying the Lord, has played the harlot against their God and has joined herself to idols and asks counsel from them (Hos. 2:13; 4:12,17; 8:14). Israel is away from God in what the NKJV calls a backslidden condition (11:7). God’s faithfulness to Israel had resulted in the building of a wealthy and prosperous nation—a nation that God had chosen to bless all the nations of the world and reveal His glory (Gen. 12:1-3). Israel became the luxuriant vine God foretold, but then God observed, Israel “brings forth fruit for himself,” and “their heart is divided.” He says to Israel, “You trusted in your own way” (Hos. 10:1-2,13 nkjv). This raises an issue of great importance to the Christian counselor and client: Where is God’s heart in all of this? How engaged is God in help- ing us achieve healthy outcomes in our sessions? How does he respond in his heart to a people chosen for his glory and purposes who have pros- tituted his gifts and abandoned their appointed mission? Some will find the answer to this question shocking. The sovereign Creator God of the Old and New Testaments is in agony. He is troubled. How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? How can I make you like Admah? How can I set you like Zeboiim? My heart churns within Me; My sympathy is stirred. I will not execute the fierceness of My anger; I will not again destroy Ephraim. For I am God, and not man, The Holy One in your midst; And I will not come with terror (Hos. 11:8-9 nkjv)

Hosea speaks of a God whose love for those who bear his image is relentless; it is a love that refuses to surrender its object. This is the same loving God who refused to surrender Adam and who, motivated by love, cried out, “Adam, where are you?” We see the full blossoming of God’s passion for intimate connection in the incarnation of Jesus Christ. Jesus is the supreme witness to this undying love, and in him, God demonstrates the extent to which his unfathomable and unparalleled love will go to reconcile those who are away in idolatry and who have forgotten their God and Creator. This is the standard for the kind of love to which the new Christian coun- selor is called to bear witness and incarnate in the sacred event we call counseling. Not a love of our own invention, but a love we have expe- rienced and attempt to pass on in our broken and faltering humanity. This incarnated love, delivered in the context of encouragement and accountability, when received, opens a door of hope in in the midst of the most profound human suffering (Eccl. 4; Hos. 4; Eph. 4:28-30; Heb. 10:24-25). I (Ron) remember so well my first encounter with a person who com- municated love to me and the power of that encounter. I was 17, had left an abusive, alcohol-saturated environment in my family of origin, and had started attending a small, rural church. I had great respect for my pastor. One night after an evening service, we had a conversation that became very personal. He spoke to me of the love of God, but I remem- ber remonstrating, “No one loves me.” His reply was believable and transformational for me: “You’re wrong, Ron. God loves you, and I do too.” I heard the God part, but I felt the “I do too” part. That rocked me to the very core. Something inside me broke, and I could feel tears well- ing up. I was deeply embarrassed and quickly went out into the night. I was now weeping uncontrollably. A person loved me and spoke to me of a God who loved. I wept for what seemed like forever, and with the tears I could feel a process of transformation beginning in me that would change the entire orientation of my inner world and change forever the story of my life. In my interaction with Glenn that night, I not only experienced love, but at the same time I experienced grace. I don’t know if Glenn under- stood the power of what he said to me, but his words spoke to the deep- est need of my life. I needed to know that a man for whom I had respect could actually value me and love me. I needed to know that I was lov- able for me. Glenn not only loved me that night, he also graced me. Grace is operative when a person who has what I need determines to know me well enough to discover my need and then willfully commits the use of his resources to meet that need. Love is the motivation behind the action, but grace is the volitional commitment to bless another. Love and grace are companions. God so loved that he gave. To love is to give. To grace is to give with laser focus to the deepest need of the heart next to yours. Such deep knowing is possible only when we are under the umbrella of a wisdom that opens our minds to the truth about ourselves and oth- ers. This wisdom is given freely by God to all who seek it. Through the development of the counselor’s personal relationship with God and her personal pursuit of the truth revealed in Scripture, the counselor finds her acquaintance with the ways of wisdom expanding across the trajec- tory of her personal story. The Holy Spirit was present and involved in inspiring the conversa- tion between Glenn and me all those many years ago. Glenn may not have known of the presence of the Spirit in that moment, and I surely did not. However, as I experienced the melting down of strongholds of anger and fear in my inner world and a strange witness to a new kind of faith, hope, and love, I was experiencing the power of the Holy Spirit to change and transform my inner world and, to my surprise, my relation- ships with others as well. As Christian counselors, we listen carefully and lovingly to the sto- ries of those who come to us for assistance. We listen carefully, praying for wisdom to know what cannot be seen but is nonetheless controlling the inner world of the person before us. We want to know where grace must touch down or be tucked in if healing is to begin, and wisdom can point us with laser-like focus to the area in need of grace. We listen with dependence, knowing that what wisdom informs can be transformed only by the presence and power of the Holy Spirit and by a decision on the part of the client to partner with the one giving counsel and with the Spirit directing that counsel. The Unique Resource of God’s Grace Evidenced in Counselor Presence and Commitment to a Grace-Based Relationship With the Client Grace is another resource that is uniquely present in a counseling encounter anchored in Christian theology. Grace is love focused and com- mitted in laser-like fashion on the meeting of a need discovered in the life of a person (Eph. 2:8-9). Grace provided the covering of skin to address Adam’s and Eve’s shame in the garden. Grace provided for humanity’s redemption in the one who, in his sacrificial atonement, positioned him- self as the sole mediator between man and God. Encouragement and edification are provided to the discouraged person through the minis- try of words that convey grace and healing (Eph. 4:28-30). This ministry of grace through carefully chosen words addresses real human needs as opposed to wounding with callously delivered words. As a result, hurting peers in the body of Christ are encouraged and edified. Love motivated God in his pursuit of fallen man, but God in his grace provided Hosea, Jesus, and helpers as messengers of that love and equipped us with words and plans for the deliverance of the offender. Grace is love with feet and hands working for the deliverance and enrichment of people living in an upside-down world where the number of things wrong is so great they cannot be added up and the crooked cannot be made straight (Eccl. 1:15). The Unique Resource of the Holy Spirit for Empowering Trans- formation in the Core Self The Holy Spirit is the third person of the biblical Godhead. His pres- ence in the counseling encounter is of special significance because of the unique power for change and transformation of persons that is his alone to provide. This is the Holy Spirit who brought order out of chaos (Gen. 1), life into the valley of dry bones (Ez. 37), and Jesus out of the tomb of his death. The Spirit bestows power for the new birth promised to all who believe in Jesus Christ ( Jn. 3). The Holy Spirit, in his indwell- ing of the believing sinner, brings the power to make all things new. He brings the power to restore the damaged image of God in the core self. The Spirit works to form Christ’s character in the core self so that the regenerated Christian across time looks and sounds more and more like Jesus. He brings in his indwelling presence the power to make all things new and enables the believer to live a life filled with good fruit that holdsgreat power for the restoration and enrichment of human relationships (Gal. 5:16-26; Eph. 4–6). The Unique Resource of Scriptural Wisdom and Truth Another resource unique to the Christian counseling encounter is the guidance received through Scripture regarding the way of wisdom and truth. This resource, when properly engaged, does much to lead us to the experience of inner peace and profit in the life we are designed by the Creator God to live out in time and eternity. God, who created humans for intimate relationship with himself and one another, has provided a road map for our achievement of meaning and peace in this world and the world to come. That road map is found in the wisdom and truth revealed in the Bible. The apostle Paul bears witness to the Bible’s unique authority and power to guide when he writes, “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God” (2 Tim. 3:16 nkjv). Scripture is God’s gift for us to place us in con- nection with a wisdom grounded in him, a wisdom designed to point us to the way of lasting profit in a world where the number of things that are broken are so great they cannot be added up (Eccl. 1:15). In this world of brokenness, the Scriptures provide counselors and clients with a sure or certain word from our Creator God that says, “This is the way; walk in it” (Isa. 30:21; see also Ps. 119:105). This special revelation of his wis- dom and truth is profitable for instruction on all the critical issues per- taining to living well in this world and in the kingdom of God that is to come. The new Christian counselor believes that when the Holy Spirit, who resides in the core of the regenerated Christian, is provided with the Word of God in the mind of the child of God, the stage is set for the commencement of a journey into personal transformation directed at the imitation of the Christ. Summary Thoughts on Resources Unique to Christian Counselors In summary, illustration 2 (p. 205) has pictured for us the reality that the Christian counselor is blessed with a unique arsenal of power- ful resources as he engages in the ministry of soul care. We are carried along in the arms of the powerful, life-giving Holy Spirit of God. We possess great peace and confidence as we struggle for the souls and hearts of the broken of this world because the Holy Spirit is present, reviving and assisting us in every moment of our work. As counselors we are anchored. Our feet are firmly planted in the Scriptures. In that body of revealed truth we have discovered the God who never leaves us or for- sakes us. We can count on him for guidance, and we can count on him to do things in our lives and the lives of those we seek to help that are beyond the means of mere humans. We move forward in our words and manner consistently under the influence of his grace and love. Truth never precedes grace, and truth is not spoken until grace has given permission. Then, when truth is spoken, it is spoken softly and with unbending confidence that the truth of God has an inherent power and that the word of truth given in the Word of Scripture never returns void, but always accomplishes the purpose God has for it. As disciples of the risen Christ, we believe that! We are there- fore, of all counselors, filled with a sense of expectancy that through him, human problems are solvable. People can and have overcome every addiction and malady known to mankind through faith in Christ, sub- mission to the Word of God, dependence on the Spirit of God, and sub- mission to accountability coupled with encouragement received from the family of God. Christian counselors have an additional motivation for being hopeful in all they do with clients. God is alive. Easter is not just a historical event but is occurring every day in the life of someone somewhere because the God who is the same yesterday, today, and forever is at work in our world in every minute of every day. This faith gives rise to a spirit of hopefulness that permeates every encounter the Christian counselor has. Counselor Behaviors That Add to the Counselor Presence and Development of a Positive Therapeutic Environment Attending demonstrated through nonverbals. SOLER is an acronym that defines a group of nonverbal behaviors that communicate to the client your interest and readiness to help. • Squaring up to face the client directly (attention elsewhere is disrespectful). • Maintaining an Open posture (a closed and rigid posture shuts down communication). • Leaning toward your client occasionally (too much distance makes relationships cold). • Maintaining Eye contact (lack of eye contact means lack emotional contact). • Staying Relaxed (arigid and

uptightdemeanorisoff-putting to the client) (Egan, 2010). Attending demonstrated through facilitative responsiveness. We are look- ing to create an atmosphere in which clients feel safe and sense that they can trust us. Counselors must be committed to facilitative respon- siveness—a delicate attunement with our clients that facilitates further exploration and the development of goal-directed behaviors. Clients must be able to say to themselves, “I trust this person. They under- stand me and know what they are doing. They are leading me to some answers that have escaped me.” Kottler and Brown (1992, p. 69) Attending demonstrated through the use of empathy. To empathize means to “feel with” or “be with” another at both an intellectual and emotional level. From the broader perspective of emotional intelligence, empathy is the ability to deeply understand another person by getting into the other’s emotional state (Hughes, Patterson, & Terrell, 2005) and communicating or reflecting back that emotion to the person experiening it (Burns, 2008; Egan, 2010). Counselors are called to come along- side clients who come from unsafe places where they have experienced pain and shame. Accurate empathy creates in the mind of the client the idea that “I am in a safe place with someone I can trust to lead me to a better place even when I have unpacked all my darkest secrets.” Empathy that facilitates client change contains three essential forms of being. • Being in. This is the ability to get into the client’s world, to understand it emotionally, cognitively, and behaviorally, and to clearly communicate that understanding back to the client. • Being with. This con notes the ability to understand you client at a deeper emotional level while also maintaining your perspective as a therapist. This level of empathy involves being intimate with your client with clear boundaries and without client enmeshment. • Being for. Like the value of love, this refers to the ability to communicate to the client that you are unconditionally for that person even when you are challenging sin and misperceptions in their life (Moustakas, 1997). This is the ability to give grace to the client and is useful in communicating your respect and validation of the person. Empathy as the emotional glue of counseling. Empathy facilitates the building of an emotional bond between counselor and client (Tryon, 2002). It assists the client with overcoming their fears and embracing the challenge of significant life change—it is the foundation that facilitates ongoing exploration of alignment with client and counselor adaptation. Empathy is also important in overcoming resistance to change at any point in the ongoing counseling process. A client will manifest reluc- tance for change or lack of motivation, largely because change is scary (Egan, 2010). Especially when clients are defensive, accurate empathy is one of the most potent skills that challenge clients to drop their defen- siveness and resistance (Burns, 2008). Grace is unveiled differently in the life of each of the members of the Trinity. The gracious Father provides the safety and gives warm encour- agement. The gracious Savior provides redemption and forgiveness. The gracious Spirit provides empowerment and keeps regenerating hope. Building a Positive Environment for Counseling Through Alignment Successful counselor alignment with clients is an additional skill that when paired with empathy will contribute significantly to the efficiency and effectiveness of the interventions created for a specific client. The ability to align with the client’s preferred firing order is crucial to advanc- ing the core mission of transformational change. It is not enough to merely empathize with your clients—to feel and respond as they do to the loss, abuse, and failure in their lives. The new Christian counselor understands clients’ need for a counselor who can demonstrate that she is paying attention to the patterns they feel most comfortable with for communication and the management of behaviors. Lazarus uses the acrostic BASIC ID to summarize this view on the pillars of human tem- perament and personality (Lazarus, 2008). Lazarus charges counselors to bridge to clients’ preferred modality before gently moving them into other channels. We have outlined the modalities we believe will require attention from the new Christian counselor in illustration 3 (page 240). The careful assessment of client firing order, or an appreciation and ability to assess what modalities the client feels most comfortable func- tioning in as they tell their story and envision a new beginning, is abso- lutely critical to the establishment of a working alliance with a client. For example, a client who is highly cognitive will not do well with a coun- selor who insists on a feeling- or action-oriented path toward change. The new Christian counselor will be sensitive to the need for discerning these preferences and their critical importance to the development of an initial therapeutic alliance and ongoing best-fit intervention strategies for collaboratively assisting clients with the initiation and continuance of action plans leading to a preferred future. Hutchins accomplished the goal of creating alignment by calling counselors to adapt to client preferences for thinking, feeling, and acting utilizing the TFA/Matrix System (Hutchins, 1982). By limiting behav- ioral preferences to thinking, feeling, and acting, Hutchins could assess a client’s preferences by using his Hutchins Behavior Inventory and then tailor his interventions to fit the client preferences. This strategy also assists with joining clients and fostering a strong therapeutic alliance. In simple terms, if a client prefers feeling over thinking and the counselor is committed to using cognitive strategies for joining and designing inter- ventions, the chances of effective joining and intervention are dramati- cally reduced. Arnold Lazarus created his BASIC ID strategy for assessing client preferences and guiding counselor approaches to clients. We agree with him that this strategy can facilitate successful joining and management of client-specific interventions. Lazarus insists, “Multimodal therapy is personalized and individualistic....Clinical effectiveness is predicated on the therapist’s flexibility, versatility, and technical eclecticism” (Lazarus, 2008, p. 369). The question of what works best for this particular per- son at this particular time should always be uppermost on the mind of the counselor. Lazarus believes “by assessing clients across the BASIC ID, one is less apt to overlook subtle but important problems that call for correction, and the overall problem identification process is signif- icantly expedited” (Lazarus, 2011, p. 474). We advance in this book a model similar to the BASIC ID but with the important difference that our metamodel makes explicit additional elements in the human per- sona that are of great importance to a biblical and theological view of the etiology and resolution of human challenges. Central to Lazarus’s multimodal model are two other concepts: bridg- ing and tracking. Bridging refers to the fact that clients have modalities they feel more comfortable operating in. These preferences differ from client to client. Managing the therapeutic process well demands that the therapist pay attention to these preferences and style their interaction with clients in a manner that is congruent with clients’ preferences. For example, a client who is highly cognitive or looking for an action plan will not do well with a therapist who is simply reflecting feelings. The cli- ent wants and needs a therapist who is alongside or bridging to the cli- ent across the cognitive domain to build action plans. “The term tracking refers to a careful examination of the ‘firing order’ of the different modalities” (Lazarus, 2008, p. 371) for a particular cli- ent facing a specific situation. For example, a specific client might start with cognition and then move to action, then to feeling, then to sensa- tion, then to body, and so on. Other clients start with feeling, go to sen- sation, then to body, then to thought, etc. The new Christian counselor is grateful for these contributions from Lazarus and sees them as help- ful in creating the therapeutic alliance, developing best-fit strategies for change, and developing long-term maintenance strategies. In practical terms, I like to think of alignment as a skill that is required of any successful quarterback. A good quarterback of a successful foot- ball team has a series of plays that he calls against the opposition. These plays have a proven record of success for him with this particular team. However, he will occasionally come to the line ready to follow through with a strategy that was agreed on in the huddle, but based on his expe- rience, he sees that the defense is structured in such a manner that if he goes with the play he had planned, the end will be disastrous. He there- fore calls an audible at the line of scrimmage. He changes the plan based on the feedback he received by a careful examination of the defense and his perception of the needed response. Good counselors do this all the time. They might have their favor- ite approaches to clients, and their approaches and strategies may work most of the time. But the new Christian counselor’s commitment to collaborating with clients and recognition of the clients’ right to self- determination creates the awareness that staying alongside this client in this moment requires a change in approach. The client who usually oper- ates from cognition has shifted his ground and wants to operate from the action side of his soul. Like the successful quarterback, the success- ful counselor is highly empathic, intuitive, and analytical. She is ready to change the play and fit interactions and interventions with client modal preferences. The new Christian counselor is client-centered, flexible, and highly adaptive. Alignment Demonstrated in the Interaction of the Father and Son With People In the ultimate example of alignment, “God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life” ( Jn. 3:16 nkjv). God is love, and he chose to move near to humanity. But we humans can’t receive his love because we are in bondage to self and sin, and like Adam, we are hid- ing. In a great mystery, God made a decision to meet man’s need. God chooses alignment with human need and gives his Son. The decision is rooted in both the response of God and the need of humanity. God’s pas- sion for connection drives him to align, and his decision to align makes it possible for humanity to experience his love and receive his grace. Align- ment is a decision and an action rooted in concern and garbed in grace. God’s decision to align creates a grace environment that provides the necessary conditions for the human person to participate in a collab- orative process of change. Two conditions are provided for that change: God’s commitment and provision, and human self-determination—a mystery anchored in collaboration. Jesus Christ is the incarnation of God’s commitment to alignment and adaptation. God’s passion for connection and intimacy is embed- ded in his character. The God of Christianity is a triune God. He exists in the mystery of an intimacy of persons we call the Trinity. This com- mitment to intimacy extends from the persons in the Godhead to the relationship between God and the humans he created in his image. This commitment is revealed in the covering of Adam and Eve with animal skins, the incarnation of Jesus Christ, and the redemption that is made possible through the death and resurrection of Christ. Everything about Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit is centered in the willingness of the God of the Bible to adapt to human need. his adaptation to human need is at the core of the biblical defini- tion of grace. Grace is God flexing to wrap himself around human needs without the compromise of his character. God so loved the fallen human family that he gave his only Son to meet man’s need for redemption and reconciliation. This is God moving in grace toward humans. Paul will therefore say, “For...by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God” (Eph. 2:8). The new Christian counselor is humbled by the reality that God has called her to share in his troubled heart, to participate in real suffer- ing related to real-life situations. This calling is as real for us as it was for Hosea and exposes us to great personal suffering. The troubling of God results in the issuing of a call to us to share in that troubling and to faithfully position ourselves in the life of clients as channels through whom God’s love can freely flow. God in His love is ever the pursuer of the wounded and fallen. We are called to nothing less than the incarna- tion of his love in our witness and presence alongside the clients we serve. Alignment Demonstrated in the Ministry of the Apostle Paul The apostle Paul models the spirit of alignment in his work and witness. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not hav- ing the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some (1 Cor. 9:20-22). Paul demonstrated this commitment to adaptation in the strategy he used to connect with the Athenians. He wisely chose to honor the Athe- nians’ preference for intellectual discussion, and he bridged to their ori- entation to a cognitive platform. Luke reports, “All the Athenians...spent their time doing nothing but talking about and listening to the latest ideas” (Acts 17:21). Paul is adaptive in his approach to the Athenians because he wants to successfully engage them. He starts where they are by saying, “As I passed by, and beheld your devotions, I found an altar with this inscription, To the Unknown God” (verse 23 kjv). Paul then con- tinues to honor their preference for the cognitive modality by engaging them through their poetic literature. He uses their love for communicat- ing cognitively, and he attempts to engage them in meaningful discus- sion that he hopes will lead them to change. We find another example of the Pauline concern for adaptation and alignment in the advice he gave to the Thessalonian elders in 1 Thess. 5:14. Paul is greatly concerned that these elders appreciate the need for approaching different types of church members with different strategies. One approach does not fit all! In this passage Paul cites three different types of persons who will need to be cared for in the church and who will require highly divergent approaches to the care of their souls. There are the little-souled persons, the unruly, and the weak. The little-souled are the timid (NLT), or disheartened (NIV). These are persons who operate out of a preference for feeling and have a dif- ficult time moving forward on the basis of facts, truth, and rationality. Paul advises engaging the little-souled person with a heavy emphasis on encouragement and support designed to generate an environment filled with strong positive affect. In 2 Timothy, Paul illustrates this commit- ment to adaptation in his interaction with Timothy. Paul approaches him as a loving father dealing with his son and is consistently attentive to Timothy’s feelings as he moves Timothy toward truths or realities that are chosen for their power to encourage the timid disciple. Paul employs and advises a different approach when dealing with an unruly person. The unruly person is one who has little respect for self- discipline and conformity with laws and governance. The thoughts of the unruly are dominated by their self-designed intellectual constructs of reality and truth, and they are committed to them to the exclusion of input from others. They are right in their reasoning, and all others are wrong. These persons need to be warned, and the truth must be spoken and presented in a reasonable manner that is permeated with grace but designed to undo the pride that has taken possession of their souls. This pride is dangerous and will lead a person to ruin in his relationship with God and with all who are around him and are the victims of his love affair with his own cognitions. Paul models this approach in his relation- ship and interaction with the Corinthians. In 2 Cor. 10:8 and 13:9-10, Paul illustrates the challenging use of authority in the counseling context, referring to “the authority the Lord gave us for building you up rather than tearing you down....Our prayer is that you may be fully restored.” Adaptation and alignment with the prideful demand a confrontive style permeated with grace in the service of edification, not destruction. When dealing with a person who is weak, Paul advises yet another approach. The weak are persons struggling with a life-dominating sin, such as an addiction. These are persons in bondage to some form of idol- atry that has wrapped them up in its chains. Paul advises that we come alongside such persons with a commitment to providing the necessary interventions and supports for the long haul that will be required to set them free. Some persons will be set free miraculously by the power of the Holy Spirit and the interventions of believing and prayerful counselors. Others—and their number is large—will find themselves in a struggle across time that will eventually result, through the support of others, in their being made free. Support implies getting under them with a rein- forcement system similar to the pillars or arches under a bridge. Support requires that we patiently surround them with ongoing accountabil- ity and encouragement from faithful believers who will stay with them throughout their unique journey. In these verses, Paul mentions one last requirement for people help- ing. Christian counselors are required to be adaptive while dealing with different types of clients. But one attribute must always characterize the counselor who is faithful to the Pauline witness. Christian counselors must exercise “humility and gentleness” (2 Cor. 10:1) and be “patient with everyone” (1 Thess. 5:14). Christian counselors are always and for- ever living vessels through whom God purposes first and foremost to share his unwavering love and patience for the wounded and broken in our profoundly fallen world. Alignment and Atmosphere Boiled Down to Counselor Presence Belief in and ultimate reliance on the unique resources available to us as Christian counselors contributes to a presence in the counseling context that holds great promise for healing in the life of our clients. I remember listening to a chaplain who was presenting his final paper for his doctor of ministry degree. His paper was entitled, “The Role of Pres- ence in the Ministry of the Chaplain.” He shared with us an experience he had with a group of soldiers he was accompanying into a dangerous area. One of the soldiers said, “I like it when you travel with us, Chap- lain. I always feel safer.” As counselors, we need to remember that some- times just being there with a person matters. However, we need to actually be there. We need to be fully engaged, distance, but we are deeply concerned for people who suffer a marriage gone awry, a prodigal’s suicide, a drug addiction, the hundredth relapse, financial ruin, the debilitating impact of chronic depression, and a host of other crushing problems. It’s difficult to close the door at the end of the day and leave those problems at the office. We may be unable to free ourselves from the emotional triggers. The burden grows, and soon, exhaustion overrides resilience. We become touchy and sullen, we lose sleep, we don’t have any energy left for boundary maintenance, and we can’t turn the switches off. To stay centered and healthy, we need to drink deeply of spiritual waters. We need regular, daily soul care, and we need periods of pro- longed relaxation. It’s not wrong to get tired in doing good work for God and for people, but we drift into pathology when we can’t stop and take care of ourselves. Wisdom’s RevieW Alignment is a valued skill we find in the psychological literature and also in the Scriptures. Alignment must be practiced to be well-developed. If God and his servants were not deeply invested in aligning themselves with human need, we would be left in our sin and human misery. Part of our relationship with Christ rests on the reality that he is uniquely aligned with our life, our story—that he is “touched with the feeling of our infirmities” (Heb. 4:15 kjv). He understands our tempta- tion and knows our brokenness and our loss. We have a High Priest who was tested in every way, just as we are, yet without sin. He is uniquely aligned with us. This High Priest is the preeminent practitioner of para- kaleo in all its forms and variations. He is our faithful High Priest, who has established a grace place in heaven and bids us to seek him out and bring our needs to him. He is still approachable and tenderhearted with those who come to him in openness and humility. Jesus often went beyond what was customary in order to align with individualsandmeettheirneeds.Totouchaleperwasunthinkable,but he touched and healed a leper (Mt. 8:3; Mk. 1:40-42). He held a con- versation with a Samaritan woman at the well (Jn. 4:4-30). He inter- fered with the attempt to stone a woman found in the act of adultery (Jn. 8:1-11). The atmosphere around Jesus was charged with love, com- passion, and the willingness to adapt to whatever situation and person he found in front of him. He could be confrontive with the truth, and he could weep at the death of his friend. He could feed thousands when his disciples wanted to send them away hungry. In every way, Jesus was the incarnation of God’s willingness to stretch himself over the raw human need around him. We are called to imitate this tenderhearted truth teller. What About You? Jesus displayed the entire range of alignment to the need of the moment, whether he was angry and thunderous at the corruption of the world, or tender and caring at the death of a friend. Do you natu- rally tend toward confrontation and challenge? If so, imitate him so that you do that well, yet wrap the truth in gentleness when the situation demands it. Are you gentle and caring? If you are, imitate him so you can be at your best when comfort is needed and so you can challenge sin and confront lies when that is needed. References Burns, D. (2008). Feeling good together: The secret to making troubled rela- tionships work. New York, NY: Crown Publishing. Egan, G. (2010). The skilled helper: A problem-management and opportunity- development approach to helping. (9th ed.). Belmont, CA: Books/Cole. Hughes, M., Patterson, B. L., & Terrell, J. B. (2005). Emotional intelligence in action: Training and coaching activities for leaders and managers. San Francisco, CA: Pfeiffer. Hutchins, D. E. (1982). Ranking major counseling strategies with the TFA/ Matrix system. Personnel & Guidance Journal, 60(7), 427. Kottler, K. B., & Brown, R. W. (1992). Introduction to therapeutic counsel- ing. Belmont, CA: Books/Cole. Lazarus, A. A. (1981). The practice of multimodal therapy: Systematic, compre- hensive and effective psychotherapy. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill. Lazarus, A. A. (2008). Multimodal therapy. In R. Corsini, & D. Wedding (Eds.), Current psychotherapies (8th ed.). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole. Lazarus, A. A. (2011). Multimodal therapy. In T. Clinton & R. Hawkins (Eds.), The popular encyclopedia of Christian counseling. Eugene, OR: Harvest House. Moustakas, C. E. (1997). Phenomenological research methods. Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications. Sexton, T. L., & Whiston, S. C. (1994). The status of the counseling rela- tionship: An empirical review, theoretical implications, and research directions. The Counseling Psychologist, 22(1), 6–78. Tryon, G. S. (2002). Counseling based on process research: Applying what we know. Needham Heights, MA: Allyn and Bacon.

Chapter 8 Analysis and Assessment We have offered a definition for Christian counseling that places the emphasis on a collaborative undertaking involving a caregiver and care seeker working together to establish possession of modalities contributing to the shaping of the soul. The goal in soul possession is the achievement of higher levels of emotional, psychological, and spiritual health for the care seeker. What distinguishes the new Christian coun- selor from his peers in the secular arena is that the process envisioned is carried out under the authority of the Word of God, empowered and enabled by the Holy Spirit of God within a community of accountabil- ity and encouragement we call the church, with the overarching purpose of forward movement in the imitation of the Christ. While guiding the exploration of the modalities outlined in chapter 3 (“Anthropology and Identity”), the new Christian counselor places high value on client self-determination, collaboration, right to informed con- sent regarding the values and theoretical orientation of the counselor, and assurance of confidentiality. These are a few of the rights of clients that are essential elements in our approach to Christian counseling. Collabora- tion between counselor and client is a critical necessity for the defining and cementing of a counseling relationship. The absence of a commitment to collaboration is not only a violation of the ethics of our profession but also the negation of all that should be most valued in the counseling relation- ship. The attempt to push the care seeker into a commitment to a course of action he does not perceive to be freely chosen will never contribute to the long-term attainment of shalom for the care seeker. Only when the value of an action is believed to be helpful for the attainment of a goal freely owned by the client is it reasonable to assume that it will have a chance of mak- ing a contribution to change owned as a value added by the client. Beyond the issue of ethics, clients simply will not continue to implement plans for change unless they are fully owned and unless they have an investment in the collaborative creation of the desired outcome. Collaboration is closely tied to client self-determination. Only when the client is free to truly col- laborate in the counseling process is the client free to determine the course of action most highly valued by himself. Counselors must be up-front with their values and their commitments to particular theoretical orientations. Informed consent instruments should be signed by the client before the beginning of the counseling process so that any potential value conflicts can be dealt with. When appropriate, these conflicts may require a referral. Clinical Analysis The new Christian counselor appreciates the significance of the term analysis for the process we call counseling. Counseling is not simply a didactic process in which a healthier person tells a fellow struggler how to perform in a manner that will make him healthier. Counseling is an interactive, collaborative process in which a caregiver and a care seeker establish a relationship focused on exploration and resolution of issues of importance in the life of the care seeker. These are generally issues that have in some way compromised his perceived ability to manage in a sat- isfying manner elements of the personal self or the self in relationships. The caregiver is expected to be in possession of a skill set that will enable him to create an environment in which the client feels safe sharing his issues. The counselor is a nonintimidating listener who is skilled in drawing the story from the client. We will delineate some of the elements that contribute to that skill set shortly. Additionally, the new Christian counselor functions at his best when he has a plan for organizing the elements of the client’s story in a manner that will allow for an efficient analysis of the critical dimensions of the problem. This efficient analysis will also contribute to the counselor’s ability to tease out the relationship between the various modalities contributing to the distress being expe- rienced by the care seeker. Additionally, the analysis will contribute to the counselor’s ability to specify the modal preferences of the client for addressing the dis-ease and suggest a “firing order” for bringing on line the remaining modalities to achieve an optimal working environment filled with the greatest potential for a successful outcome. This approach to analysis and assessment is critical for the development of a strategy for change that will be owned by the client and will allow the counselor to achieve the level of efficiency and effectiveness that is of great importance in short-term therapy. We believe that a planful approach to analysis and assessment, such as the one we suggest in this chapter, when combined with good listening and collaboration, does much to increase client con- fidence and trust in the counseling relationship. Counselors must be skilled analysts. To analyze well is to be able to take apart the various threads of the story and arrange the parts in a way that produces a coherent story. The coherent story can then be arranged in a manner that places matters of importance into connection with each other in ways that may not be readily apparent to the client. The coun- selor performs this process as a guide by the side of the client rather than a sage on a stage. Sometimes the ability to see relationships between dissem- bled parts is the result of years of counseling experience, and sometimes it is the outcome of training and learning. At other times it is the product of the application of a wisdom that has been received as a gift from God. The counselor’s ability to work intraceptively, moving the client from a lack of clarity over the disconnected elements of the story to an understanding of the complex interplay of modalities shaping particular behaviors, does much to strengthen the client’s confidence and trust in the caregiver. This trust forms the nexus for the development of a strong working alliance that bodes well for moving to other elements that are central to the counseling process. These include such elements as hope for the development of a better future and commitment to accountabil- ity for fulfilling the commitments to a plan of action that is necessary for moving the client from the unsatisfactory present to a valued future. There are many words that take on special significance for the Chris- tian counselor during the initial phase of the counseling process. Words like listening, connecting, encouraging, empathizing, modeling, self- disclosing, aligning, teaching, and a host of others are important for coun- selors to value as they move through the initial encounter with the client. In this day of managed care, it is imperative that we never lose sight of the important meanings behind these terms. Counseling is first and fore- most always about a relationship. However, it is also about efficiency and effectiveness. The counselor needs a plan that moves from initial encoun- ter to accountability for ongoing implementation of changes valued by the client that actually hold significance for heightened effectiveness in the management of the personal self and the self in relationships. Over the decades we have trained literally thousands of counselors. As a generalization, most of them were scared to death when it came to sitting down with a real client and owning a measure of responsibility for the success or failure of the counseling encounter. We applaud that anxiety. What we came to realize was that the majority of the anxiety was attributable to the lack of a well-conceived plan for conducting the counseling process. Here we offer a plan for guiding the counseling pro- cess from beginning to end. Our plan is both original to us and not original to us. We are indebted to many for helping us to structure our concentric circles (illustration 2, p. 205) as well as our analysis grid, to which we now call your attention (illustration 3, p. 240). We remind you here that we have no desire to contribute to the development of a wooden approach to the counseling process. The template we have designed is an effective tool only when it is in the heart and mind of a person who appreciates the primacy of pres- ence and a heart that is open to and inclined in the direction of the story teller. However, to listen with no strategy for the collection of data mak- ing up the stories and analysis of the complex interplay of the modali- ties requiring attention is not, in our view, the best way to proceed. The development of an intervention plan can be a frightening experience for beginning counselors. Following a template like the one presented here can help to reduce anxiety, assure the collection of all the relevant infor- mation, and greatly enhance the potential for developing a plan of inter- vention that will hold greater attractiveness for the client. Like Arnold Lazarus, we believe it is highly beneficial when the coun- selor has come to a clear commitment to the articulation of the modali- ties that contribute to the defining and shaping of human personalities and behaviors. This articulation allows the counselor to construct a framework into which elements of the story can be placed and reflected upon. The reflection leads the counselor to heightened understanding regarding the origins of the client’s problem, the relationship or order- ing of the priority given to modalities by this particular client, and the ordering of priority in modalities that must trump any preferences the counselor may have that would not be given the same value by the client. he collaborative engagement of the client requires that the Christian counselor learn to accurately obtain and evaluate both the readily avail- able and less available elements in the client’s story. Lazarus’s BASIC ID, which forms the heart of his multimodal approach to counseling, is of great value for the beginning as well as the experienced counselor. As you examine our development of anthropol- ogy in chapter 3, you see that like Lazarus, we believe that it is of criti- cal importance that we spell out our assumptions with regard to what defines and contributes to the shaping of persons and other behaviors. Our model differs at some crucial points from that of Lazarus because we believe in the primacy of Scripture for defining these modalities. In chap- ter 3, we specified these modalities and developed the importance of each modality for defining and shaping the human personality. We attempted to explain the power of each of the modalities for the creation of strengths and weaknesses in the lives of persons. Understanding that clients place differing values on these modalities for ordering their personal behav- iors is of critical importance for the new Christian counselor. Absent that understanding and assessment, the counselor’s strategies for producing change with this particular client at this particular time in this particular context are not likely to be accepted and embraced by the client. Let’s turn now to the template in illustration 3 (p. 240). We have set up a column on the left side of the template that lays out vertically each of the modalities that we believe contributes to the defining and shaping of the soul. Jesus has commanded us to take possession of these modal- ities. Jesus was speaking with a high degree of psychological and spiri- tual sophistication as he spoke these words to his disciples. The context reveals that his disciples are to experience a great deal of oppression after his departure. In the midst of that suffering, they are to take responsi- bility for cultivating a relationship with patience that will allow them to manage their thoughts, emotions, wills, sin, bodies, and relationships at a level that is frankly extraordinary. his self-management, I believe, is in the service of heightening their ability to fulfill the first and greatest commandment in the New Testa- ment, which is that humans are to love the Lord our God with all our minds, souls, hearts, and strength and our neighbor as ourselves. For those under the authority of the Word of God, therein lies the overarching goal for all counseling. Men and women whose value and dignity reside in the reality that they have been created in the image of the divine Creator and Lord of the universe are to pursue a commonly defined purpose in their lives. They live to love God, love others, and love themselves. In that order. The left column of our analysis template (illustration 3, p. 240) con- tains the elements and modalities that must be taken possession of in the attempt to fulfill the directive issued by Jesus for the overarching purpose of achieving the love of God, neighbor, and the self. The counselor dis- covers in each of these modalities content that both serves and detracts from the individual client’s ability to live out that love and freedom that Jesus envisions for the image bearer. The new Christian counselor listens to the client narrative with an ear attuned to hearing how the elements in the story fit into each of the modalities we have specified. The coun- selor segments the unfolding story with its positives and negatives, plac- ing the various elements of the story into the appropriate modality. The counselor works diligently to organize the client’s perception of his/her present story into a cohesive narrative, linking past experiences to the present challenges the client is facing where that is helpful. While listening to the client’s story, the counselor seeks to ascertain and align with the client’s modal preferences for engagement. The coun- selor utilizes the structure provided by the vertical listing of the modali- ties in the “Alignment” column to record elements revealed in the client’s story that contribute to understanding the challenges the client is fac- ing. These notes can be placed in the appropriate P1 boxes. Attention to the ordering of the elements of the client story, assigning importance to them, and noting relationships between them is the important first step in the collaborative engagement of the client for the construction of P2. In this phase, the counselor and care seeker collaborate to envision a preferred future. This includes preferred ways of thinking, feeling, act- ing, and so on. When P2 has been constructed, the counselor will work with the client on the development of a plan of action (P3) that possesses potential for the building of the better and preferred future. This better future is more open to the love of God, neighbor, and the self. Paul sees the pursuit of this goal as the pursuit of the imitation of the Christ, who was the only person who ever loved God, neighbor, and the self in per- fect balance (Eph. 5:1). These are the modalities in the vertical column with a brief explanation of each: • Spiritual core, containing the human spirit, the image of God, and the Holy Spirit in the regenerated soul • Thinking in multiple dimensions, such as imagination, metacognitions, conscience as ally or enemy, and conscious thought • Decisioning—human will in its freedom to actor in bondage to something restricting the client’s freedom to choose positive action • Feelingsasindicatorsandmotivatorsforhealthorun-health • Sinasallyincontructingbehaviorsdamagingtheselfand relationships • Body—appetitesresidinginthebodymanagedwelloroutof control • Temporalsystems—relationalpatternsinlifecontributingtoor detracting from overall physical, social, or spiritual health • Supernaturalsystems—relationshipwithGodandsupernatu- ral evil contributing to or detracting from overall well-being Clarity on the role and importance of each of the above modalities is vital for the new Christian counselor. The need for this clarity drives us to study all available literature (regardless of its source) that speaks to the processes connected to the human soul. The ability to work effectively in each modality and move from modality to modality, mindful of fir- ing order and the relative strength of each modality for contributing to an action plan leading to heightened levels of well-being, is a matter of great importance to the new Christian counselor. We have carefully specified all modalities contributing to the defin- ing and shaping of the soul because what is not specified is in danger of getting little or no consideration in the counseling process. I call this the danger of the parenthesis. Once you have specified matters of impor- tance in your chosen theory, you tend to ignore other “unimportant” modalities. For instance, let’s say that our model is Hutchins’s TFA/ Matrix system. We examine carefully thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. However, body, social systems, or spirituality may or may not get much attention since they are not specified in our model. Lazarus is committed to the evaluation of many of the components in the model we advance, but he does not focus on spirituality or sin. They are not critical in his theoretical orientation, and he is fiercely non-eclectic when it comes to the construction of his theory. We insist that if a modality is not explicit in our model, we cannot simply say that it is implicit. Hence we have attempted the development of a model that makes explicit all modali- ties that are critical for the love of God, neighbor, and the self. We believe only then will these elements, which from a biblical frame of reference contribute significantly to the defining and shaping of the soul, receive the attention they deserve. These modalities are set in the larger template, which is designed for collection of data in a manner similar to the one established by Gerard Egan in his problem-management model. Efficiency in the Management of the Counseling Process Gerard Egan (2013) has long described counseling as a process sim- ilar to drama, to literature, and to storytelling. All of these are inher- ently three-stage sequential processes with a beginning, a middle, and an end. We advocate a model expanding and adapting his three stages with a specification of the modalities we believe require strategic assess- ment and expanding to a fourth scenario of community for encourage- ment and accountability. Egan’s adapted stages with the addition of our fourth stage looks like this: • Phase1—analysisandassessmentofrealitiescontributingto the present story across specified modalities contributing to the defining and shaping of the soul • Phase2—shapingpreferences/collaborativelydevelopinga better story anchored in truth and in the service of higher lev- els of psychological and spiritual health • Phase3—collaborativelystructuringbest-fitactionplans directed at the production of higher levels of psychological and spiritual health • Phase4—securingcommitmenttoacommunityofaccount- ability that will be encouraging, affirming, and confrontive for the reinforcement of habituation and dehabituation action plans leading to higher levels of psychological and spiritual health Phase 1 (P1): Analysis and Assessment of Realities Contrib- uting to the Present Story We believe the approach presented by Egan advances when we spec- ify the modalities that we proposed in chapter 2, add a fourth scenario, and embed the counseling analysis in the seven A’s (anthropological assumptions, atmosphere, authority, adaptaion, alignment, action, and accountability). Like Lazarus, we believe that stating our assumptions regarding the modalities critical to personal and relational health can only serve to bring greater clarity, effectiveness, and efficiency to the counseling process. We also believe that what is not stated as an explicit assumption may well be ignored in the counseling process. Hence we have given a prominent place in our enumeration of the modalities to such elements as spirituality, supernatural systems, and sin. These modal- ities are often ignored in contemporary counseling theories even though issues of faith figure largely in the present and past stories of religious cli- ents from all traditions. We envision that in phase 1 (P1—exploring the present story of the client), the counselor will use the grid provided in illustration 3 to guide the taking of notes as the client tells his story. The notes will focus pri- marily on what the client is saying regarding the present status of the cli- ent’s spiritual life, cognitive life, decisional life, emotional life, somatic life, experience with sin, and relational life in both the temporal and supernatural spheres (the modalities specified in illustration 3 in the column at the left and in illustration 2, p. 205). The counselor must remind herself that as she moves through the four phases, she must also pay attention to the client’s affect and nonverbal communication. While supporting affect and building the working alliance, the counselor is lis- tening analytically, gathering information on the client’s modal behav- iors, adapting to the preferred modalities of the client, carefully crafting her responses in support of strengthening the therapeutic alliance, chan- neling grace through verbal and nonverbal communication, testing the client’s narrative against the standard of truth and rationality, and assessing best-fit strategies for bringing on line collaboratively agreed- on action plans. All of these counselor activities are in play to ultimately discern changes desired by both the client and the counselor. Looking beyond the commitment to action, the counselor is able to connect the client with a community of persons for purposes of accountability and encouragement. Our goal in the P1 stage is to create an environment in which the cli- ent feels safe to story his past and present, his struggles, and his dreams and aspirations for a better future. We have discussed at length the con- ditions that facilitate client self-exploration in chapter 7 (“Atmosphere and Alignment”). Using the analysis grid, we can gather the elements in the story that are relevant for painting a picture of the client’s percep- tion of himself, his relationships, his God, and his world. As the client’s story unfolds, we can use the modalities to trace the important elements in the story and determine their firing order as well as the best modality to utilize in bridging to the client for the establishing of connection and building of a therapeutic alliance. Before we move deeper into an exploration of P2, P3, and P4 in our suggested grid for analysis, we want to consider in greater detail the topic of assessment, its contribution to the counseling process, and some strat- egies for carrying out good assessment as a component of the counsel- ing process. Clinical Assessment Counseling, like medicine, begins with accurate assessment. Assess- ment that is part of a refined sense of clinical judgment is invaluable because you can’t treat what you don’t see, and can’t treat properly what you don’t see accurately. Furthermore, the work done to create a thera- peutic alliance between counselor and client—to align with the client so he/she believes that you understand them and are for them—is not an end in itself. Like a good doctor-patient relationship in medicine, the purpose of a good assessment strategy is to...

• facilitate an accurate and comprehensive evaluation of the problem(s) and the resources available in each modality to “cure” or manage it properly. • devise an effective treatment plan that is understood, owned, and doable by this client. The plan will build on client strengths, past successes, and collaboratively identified best- fit strategies for moving the client forward in the accomplish- ment of valued goals. • assist the client with the identification and engagement of a community of persons where accountability and encourage- ment may be united to assist the client with the maintenance of newly acquired behaviors. More to the point, clinical assessment is done in order to accomplish these six things in counseling: • identify and understand the client’s complaints and problem issues • gather data on and understand the client’s world and way of seeing things • learn about family history, developmental events, and relationship issues • identify client strengths and weaknesses across the bio-psycho- social-spiritual spectrum • begin the process that leads to go aldefinition and treatment planning • determine what social systems are present to support the cli- ent in the accomplishment of his desired change Subjective and Objective Assessment On a broad scale, clinical assessment is divided into objective and subjective forms. Subjective assessment is the process of making evalua- tive inferences—educated hunches based on experience. This subjective assessment is based on interview and observational data about the cli- ent gathered in P1 and P2. The new Christian counselor appreciates that someone else is at work with her, guiding the birthing of these subjective hunches. Training is very important, but the Holy Spirit is an empower- ing presence in the Christian counselor’s view of the counseling encounter. The Holy Spirit provides insight and ability beyond the natural to discern the right time and procedure for moving forward (Eccl. 7:12). The words that a counselor uses and the timing for the use of those words can be directed by the Holy Spirit through the gift of wisdom that comes from God alone. The issues of timing and strategies to be employed, which are so central to the counseling process, can also be sharpened and executed to greater client benefit under the direction of the Holy Spirit. The new Christian counselor sees the counseling process through a triadic prism. God in the person of the Holy Spirit is present to provide wisdom and direction to all who are humble enough to recognize the need for such an anointing. The Holy Spirit is present to provide and cre- ate in counselor and client alike the patience and power required for the collaborative creation of a plan of action owned by the client and filled with the potential for meaningful change. Objective assessment is a more formal process that usually involves standardized tests. All counselors use subjective methods of assess- ments—especially direct interviewing procedures—but not all use more objective and standardized tests and measures. The competent clinician usually has a variety of assessment tools and uses many of them with each client to get a more complete and individually unique portrait of the cli- ent. This specificity can serve to strengthen subjective hunches and pro- vide meaningful data and means for interpreting various patterns of soul behavior that are healthy or unhealthy for the client. Objective assess- ment can strengthen the counselor’s confidence when offering explana- tions of client strengths and weaknesses. Test results must be accepted with caution. We must balance their power to reveal with the knowledge that tests do not always reveal a complete or consistently accurate picture of a person. The AACC Christian Counseling Code of Ethics (2014) states this regarding assessment and testing: ES3-200: Testing, Assessment, and Clinical Evaluation 3-210: General Parameters Christian counselors conduct clinical evaluations only in the context of professional relations, in the best interests of clients, and with the proper training and supervision. Christian counselors avoid: (1) incom- petent and inaccurate evaluations; (2) clinically unnecessary and exces- sively expensive testing; and (3) unauthorized practice of testing and evaluation that is the province of another clinical or counseling disci- pline. Referral and consultation are used when evaluation is desired or necessary beyond the competence and/or role of the counselor. 3-210-a: Use of Appropriate Assessments Christian counselors use tests and assessment techniques that are appropriate to the needs, resources, capabilities, and understanding of the client. They...apply tests skillfully, administer tests properly and safely and substantiate findings with knowledge of the reliability, valid- ity, outcome results, and limits of the tests used. They avoid both the misuse of testing procedures and the creation of confusion or misun- derstanding by clients about testing purposes, procedures, and findings. 3-210-b: Reporting and Interpreting Assessment Results Christian counselors report testing results in a fair, understandable, and objective manner. Counselors avoid undue testing bias and honor the limits of test results, ensuring verifiable means to substantiate con- clusions and recommendations. They recognize the limits of test inter- pretation, and avoid exaggeration and absolute statements about the certainty of client diagnoses, behavior predictions, clinical judgments, and recommendations. Due regard is given to the unique history, val- ues, family dynamics, sociocultural influences, economic realities, and spiritual maturity of the client. Counselors also state any and all res- ervations about the validity of test results and present reports and rec- ommendations in tentative language and with alternative possibilities. Testing abuse. Maybe you or someone you know has been a victim of testing abuse. You have seen someone discriminated against because of their IQ score or a personality profile. Christian counselors should never confuse the person in front of them with their test score. Tests can reveal important clues about personality, giftings, and preferred rela- tional styles, but they can never fully reveal an accurate composite of the entire person. So watch out for... labeling others assuming the absolute accuracy of any test racial, ethnic, and gender bias the “tunneling” effect of testing violations of client privacy (Clinton & Ohlschlager, 2002, p. 313) Some Types of Assessment Clinical interview. The baseline assessment tool used by nearly all counselors with all clients is the clinical interview. Whether done in a for- mal office setting or over a cup of coffee, the interview is “a conversation with a purpose” (Shaeffer, 1991). Clinical interviewing involves asking a logical train of systematic questions designed to elicit as much infor- mation about the client as possible. Our proposed guide for analysis can help counselors structure the clinical interview in P1 by moving through a series of questions designed to address each of the modalities that con- tribute to the client’s present story. We believe attending to the modali- ties specified in P1 will prove highly valuable for a systematic structuring of these questions and for moving through the hearing of the story with a sharpened ability to garner the information vital to understanding the story. Observing what modalities the client has utilized most frequently in the telling of the story, and what his professional firing order is, the counselor is better prepared to collaborate with the client on the creation of a preferred healing path and a plan of action to achieve success. Client observation. This is an ongoing clinical process whereby the counselor observes and assesses client behavior in context. Most often this is in context of the client’s own storytelling behavior—both verbal and nonverbal cues—but it is also observing the client interpersonally. Sometimes what a counselor sees in context is quite different from what the client describes in session about that context. Secondhand reports. These are useful corollaries to client observation. They are the reports about the client given by those closest to the client— family, friends, employers, and colleagues. These reports can provide valuable insights about the client’s behavior and confirm or disconfirm client reports. Self-assessment. This is done by teaching your client to journal, write autobiographies and self-coding reports, fill out self-report question- naires, and create narrative reports. The key difference between self- assessed descriptions and client reports gained by interview is that in self-assessment the client is trained to write down events and self- evaluations soon after they take place. The client is trained to maintain a log of their life experience around problem events or people in a way that produces insights and resources for change that aren’t often recalled in an interview. Self-monitoring is a critical part of this type of assessment. Acted-out and expressive tools. Some clients are so angry, so withdrawn, so regressed and afraid, or so young and nonverbal that you will not get good data using verbal and sit-down assessments. The best way to con- nect with these clients is to have them draw pictures, paint with hand and brush, play in a sand tray, use the house-tree-person assessment, play with toys, run through a ropes and obstacle course, or use a variety of other active modes of expression. These assessment methods are often preferred courses of interaction with many children and adolescents, with highly regressed and fearful trauma victims, and with certain psychotic patients. Checklists and questionnaires. These are nonstandardized question- and-answer tools that can give quick and often useful information about a client in a particular area. Genograms. These are family-systems assessment tools that indicate the interactive web of family relations and indicate the strengths and weaknesses of those interactions and the person being studied. Multimodal inventories. These are global assessment inventories that reflect a comprehensive and technical eclecticism, such as the BASIC ID meta-model that Arnold Lazarus developed for multimodal therapy. Standardized psychological tests. These are considered the cream of assessment tools because they have been refined to measure behavior, aptitude, ability, or personality with a high degree of objectivity and con- sistency (Anastasi & Urbina, 1997). Objective assessment inventories are valuable in that they provide windows into the soul of the client. No one instrument should be viewed as the window. When used collectively, the various objective and sub- jective assessment strategies we have listed above can provide valuable insight into the strengths and weaknesses that the client brings to life and the counseling process. Armed with these insights, the counselor is better able to generate strategies for change building on the strengths of the client. Phase 2 (P2): The Preferred Scenario In P2, the counselor moves with the client from the present, with its trouble and its pain, to a prepared future, where pain and trouble are less- ened (but used to motivate the client to action in P3). During the pre- ferred scenario, the counselor works with the client to develop preferred ways of experiencing life and relationships. In P2,the counselor begins an assessment of the client’s motivation to do the work necessary for the construction of a better future. Tools for Determining with the Client a Preferred or Better Future These are two strategies that have been used successfully to assist cli- ents with the development of a better path or preferred future: The miracle question, or dream walking. Forms of the miracle ques- tion are as follows: • If you could snap your fingers and change your world into the ideal you would love to live in, what would that world look like? • If you had a genie in a bottle who would grant you one wish, what would you ask for? • Do you daydream of life in a different world? If you do, what is the content of those dreams? To ask clients to answer the miracle question is to push them imme- diately into defining what the preferred future or better path looks like for them. The content of their answers, their nonverbal communication, and your further guiding questions will help to clarify... • the direction the client wants to go • how realistic or how fantasized and impossible it is to achieve their dream • whether the client uses such dreaming to escape the suffering of the present • what they have done recently or in the past to achieve sucha dream • how much hope (and hopelessness) the client has aboutcre- ating a better future • what the client must do to start pursuing the dream Flipping the language upside down. Translating problems into goals, at its simplest, involves flipping problem statements upside down and translating them into goal statements. motivate directed action but simple enough so the client does not feel overwhelmed. Many clients know exactly where they want to go but have failed in their attempts to get there. The best counsel we can give to the clients is to help develop an attainable plan and focus on the build- ing of the resources for its accomplishment. Wisdom’s RevieW Counselors frequently encounter and embrace fundamental mis- understandings about the wisdom of God. True wisdom isn’t inside information about why events happened or revelations from a crystal ball about what will happen. Authentic, biblical wisdom is the hum- ble acknowledgment that only God knows and that he cares deeply. J. I. Packer (1973, p. 97) concludes a chapter on God’s wisdom with these insights: The effect of his gift of wisdom is to make us more humble, more joyful, more godly, more quick-sighted as to his will, more resolute in the doing of it and less troubled (not less sen- sitive, but less bewildered) than we were at the dark and pain- ful things of which our life in this fallen world is full. The New Testament tells us that the fruit of wisdom is Christlikeness— peace, and humility, and love ( Jas 3:17)—and the root of it is faith in Christ (1 Cor 3:18; 1 Tim 3:15) as the manifested wis- dom of God (1 Cor 1:24,30). Thus, the kind of wisdom that God waits to give to those who ask him is a wisdom that will bind us to himself, a wis- dom that will find expression in a spirit of faith and a life of faithfulness. he goal and responsibility of Christian counselors is to pursue this kind of wisdom with all our hearts. It leads us where God wants us to go: to love him with all our hearts, souls, and strength, and to love oth- ers, including our clients, as ourselves. Responsible living before God is much more than following the dic- tates of a propositional formula or code of ethics. Ultimately, it is an invi- tation to a relationship. True, heartfelt obedience is the only reasonable response to the extravagant love of a living God. David wrote, “Blessed are those who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart” (Ps. 119:2). The truly wise are not just oriented to keeping God’s law; they delight in him, and their delight spills over into the lives of those they touch. Jesus is full of love, truth, and beauty. Through his grace, we enjoy the generosity of God, his compassion and care for the smallest details of our lives, his humility, and his deep love, demonstrated by his willing sacrifice on the cross. People who are growing in God’s wisdom have a deep understand- ing of human evil—not only in others but also in their own hearts. For this reason, they value close friendships and godly counsel. With the sup- port and encouragement of trusted allies, wise counselors can say with the psalmist, “He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun” (Ps. 37:6). As we grow in our faith, we bring our deepening wisdom to the assess- ment process with our clients. We have a balance of concerns for the inte- rior and exterior—issues of the heart and close relationships, the person’s thought life and behavior. As we impart wisdom to our clients, we can expect the same kind of responses Jesus experienced. Some clients will gladly accept God’s grace and truth, and their lives will be transformed. Some walk away in confusion. And some resist and even attack. Jesus knew what was in every heart (Jn. 2:25). We don’t, but in our analysis and assessment, we gain information and make connections so we can be channels of God’s wisdom, grace, truth, and power, collaborating with our clients for the building of a better future. References American Association of Christian Counselors (2014). AACC code of ethics. Retrieved from http://www.aacc.net/about-us/code-of-ethics/ Anastasi, A., & Urbina, S. (1997). Psychological testing (7th ed.). New York, NY: Macmillan. Clinton, T., & Ohlschlager, G. (Eds.). (2002). Competent Christian coun- seling: Foundations and practices of compassionate soul care. Colorado Springs, CO: Waterbrook Press. Egan, G. (2013). The skilled helper: A problem-management and opportunity- development approach to helping (10th ed.). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole. Fonagy, P., & Roth, A. (2005). What works for whom?: A critical review of psychotherapy research (2nd ed.). New York, NT: Guilford. Horvath, A. O., & Symond, B. D. (1991). Relation between working alli- ance and outcome in psychotherapy: A meta-analysis. Journal of Con- sulting Psychology, 38(2), 139–149. Keller, T. (2008). The prodigal God. New York, NY: Dutton. Lazarus, A. A. (1981). The practice of multimodal therapy (pp. 89–101). New York, NY: Springer. Packer, J. I. (1973). Knowing God. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press. Rogers, C. (1951). Client-centered therapy. Boston, MA: Houghton Mifflin. Rogers, C. (1957). The necessary and sufficient conditions of therapeutic personality change. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 21, 95–103. Shaeffer, N. C. (1991). Conversation with a purpose—or conversation? Interaction in the standardized interview. In P. P. Biemer, R. M. Groves,

L. E. Lyberg, N. A. Mathiowetz, & S. Sudman (Eds.), Measurement errors in surveys (pp. 367–391). New York, NY: John Wiley. Strong, S. R. (1968). Counseling: An interpersonal influence process. Jour- nal of Counseling and Psychology, 3, 215–224.

Chapter 9 Action and Adaptation Counselor Adaptation for Building the Therapeutic Alliance and Developing Best-Fit Action Plans As we reflect on the analysis grid—our responsibilities for collabora- tion with clients to construct new and better paths for clients and the challenges connected with moving clients to action and accountabil- ity (illustration 3, p. 240)—we need to remember that this entire pro- cess must be in the hands of a highly adaptive and sensitive guide by the side of the client. Counseling must always be client centered. In chapter 7 we intro- duced the idea that the counselor’s role with clients is much like the quar- terback’s role in college and professional football. When the quarterback comes to the line of scrimmage near the end of the game with his team down by four points, he knows he has to get a touchdown for his team. He has called a running play in the huddle, but when he comes to the line, he realizes the linebackers have come up and the defense is stacked to stop the run. What he initially thought would work is no longer the best fit for what he is seeing and hearing across the line. He calls out a different play, an audible that he believes will be a winning adaptation. A long pass to the end zone is executed perfectly, and his team wins the game. Actually, football provides an excellent metaphor for a counselor’s adaptation. Before every play, the coaches signal a play from the side- lines, but the quarterback has the discretion to change the play at the line of scrimmage—utilizing insight gained from experience—if he sees that the play won’t work against a particular defensive scheme. This adap- tation—the audible by the quarterback—changes the play and offers the best hope for a successful outcome. In the same way, we may have a finely crafted treatment plan for our clients, but in appointments we often have to call an audible—we read the situation and make adjust- ments. As we learn and grow as counselors, we develop the ability to notice new challenges and opportunities, assess them accurately, and adapt accordingly. Combining Insight With Action and Adaptation Gerard Egan’s (2009) counseling model and similar models (Corey & Corey, 2007; Hill, 2009; Kottler & Shepard, 2011) combine insight and action. These models have significantly influenced Christian coun- seling. The Rogerian concept of necessary conditions, which include empathy, positive regard, and congruence, must be attached to client action plans for progress to take place. The Rogerian elements are neces- sary conditions for effective counseling, but they are insufficient without action (Carkhuff, 1969, 1984, 1987). However, we need to be sensitive to the client’s disposition, stability, and motivation when we call for action. Our sensitivity enables us to adapt. Is she ready to act? Is he motivated to change? How clearly is she thinking and reasoning? Is his self-talk hope- ful or hopeless? Be sensitive to the client’s need. Some forget the differences between preaching and counseling. Preaching assumes our role is dispensing truth and the client’s job is to assimilate and apply it to change outlook and behavior. Change, however, is far more complicated—especially for those who have been deeply hurt, isolated, or enmeshed in difficult rela- tionships, or who are enduring ongoing relational strains or suffering from depression or anxiety. The client’s change in behavior may occur only after significant healing has occurred and insight is internalized. We need to assess the client’s needs from both a personal and systems per- spective. The client’s system is often complex and intense. Unraveling the deceptions and attractions takes time and energy. Counseling is more than insightful communication—it is communication with a purpose: to create a positive environment that connects hearts, imparts insight, and facilitates genuine change. Be intentional and prescriptive. A thorough and accurate assessment is essential in creating an effective treatment plan. Have we identified the client’s firing order (such as thinking-feeling-acting or thinking-acting- feeling)? Are we adapting to the way the client habitually thinks and acts? Do we understand the family dynamics (temporal system) that are pushing or pulling the client in different directions? Does the client need medication (body) for depression or anxiety? If someone is suffer- ing from post-traumatic stress, for example, she may not be able to think rationally, make choices, and take action without proper medication. If the person is an addict, are groups available (temporal system) to pro- vide a support network and necessary accountability? Do we have a full- blown addiction with any demonic involvement (supernatural system)? What kind of trust issues are present, and is the person able to function as an autonomous individual? While establishing the goals with intentionality, we need to ask two fundamental questions. What kind of change is desired, and what is the direction of the change? The challenge for Christian counselors is keep- ing two congruent goals in mind. God’s goal for every person is to know, love, and honor him in every choice and relationship, but our clients may not have this goal in mind at all—even the clients who are believers. Most of them come to us because they want relief from the pain they are currently suffering. That’s their preeminent (and perhaps their only) goal. A wise counselor understands this gap and knows how to bridge it. Gently, carefully, and boldly, we show our clients how relief from suffer- ing is important although ultimately unattainable in this present age. We must help them see beyond the pain to the meaning it contains for them and to the resources they may utilize to find meaning and purpose amid the challenges they are facing and will face in the future. Match the language and action plan for change with the client. Just as every person has a love language, every person also has a change language. Some people are motivated by new, lofty goals, but big goals crush others. They need to see the change broken down into bite-sized pieces. Others take steps to change because they want meaningful relationships. They want to stop and correct the destructive patterns they’ve endured. Some make remarkable progress when they gain new knowledge and insight. For them, knowledge is the springboard of progress. All of these bene- fit when we spell out the process of change step-by-step in detail. Often, action precedes insight. No matter how much we’ve explained the ben- efits of a course of action, clients don’t “get it” until they have taken action. For every client and counselor, progress is a process. We need to be patient and persistent, hopeful and helpful, as we point our clients to wisdom-based thinking, choices, and actions. Phase 3: Translating Client Goals Into Action Phase 3 in our analysis grid is where we seek to develop best-fit strat- egies for change with our clients—and where counseling moves beyond being merely a talking cure. In this phase, we encourage clients to col- laborate with us to develop reality-based action plans that fit well with the modalities they prefer to utilize in moving into their preferred future. Gerard Egan (2009) lists six action items counselors need to address as we seek to move our client toward valued action. We have added a sev- enth principle to honor a strength-based approach to problem-solving. 1. Solve crises first. If the client is experiencing a crisis, seek to engage them in action plans that are strategically designed to define the crisis. The counselor may need to develop a plan of action that makes the cli- ent feel safe and make certain the client is in an emotional, psychologi- cal, and if necessary, physically safe place. 2. Attend to the client’s pain. What is causing the client the most pain? Develop an action plan that is directly aimed at reducing or overcom- ing this pain. 3. What are the client’s priorities? What if there is no immediate crisis? The counselor can begin by identifying the issues that the client deems important. What challenges would the client most like to see resolved? What action has the client taken in the past to address those types of chal- lenges, and what has worked well? 4. Identify manageable pieces. Take action to divide intense and global problems into more manageable ones that aren’t as threatening. “Yard by yard, life is hard; inch by inch, life’s a cinch.” Reduce the problem when possible into manageable pieces and collaboratively develop action plans to manage the pieces. 5. Honor generalizability. Begin with an action plan to address a prob- lem the client is comfortable dealing with and that, if handled well, will lead to general improvement in the client’s condition that can be the basis of renewed hopefulness and provide a foundation for bridging other, more complex issues. 6. Assess the cost and benefit. Begin with a problem in which the ben- efits of a solution most clearly outweigh the costs of energy and time invested to get to the gain. 7. Build on progress that has already started. If you can identify a prob- lem for which clients have already gained some headway, begin there. They have demonstrated some strength, have some hope, and have been successful to some extent. This is a good foundation for progress. Four Interrelated Action Steps The successful management of an action-oriented phase 3 is an abso- lute necessity for distinguishing counseling from simple conversation about the client’s life challenges and desires for the future. In this action phase, collaboratively derived goals are pursued and progress is achieved. Discussing preferences and defining goals is effective only if the client takes clear and courageous steps designed to bring into reality new and preferred ways of thinking, feeling, acting, relating to God and others, and managing their bodies. Counseling, then, may begin with comfort- ing, but it’s more than comfort. Counseling demands commitment from clients and effort directed at achieving goals. Four steps can be helpful in assisting clients with taking effective action. 1. Brainstorm strategies. Most clients begin therapy hopelessly con- fused. They often have tunnel vision and believe the way things have been is the way they’ll always be. At best, they hope they can discover a single way forward. Brainstorming helps them realize there are usually many ways they can achieve their goals. In this phase, we help clients imagine numerous ways to accomplish their goals. Talking about the possibilities often spurs creative problem solving and fresh motivation. 2. Choose best-fit strategies. From a list of many possible strategies, the next step is to identify one that best fits the client and the situation. Fol- lowing this strategy may be a daunting challenge, but it is clear, it taps into available resources, and it offers the most hope for success. 3. Link action steps into a focused plan. The counselor assists the client to link the best-fit strategy to a comprehensive, focused plan that stim- ulates motivation. After brainstorming and choosing the best strategy, the counselor helps the client formulate a multistep program for change. Motivation for change is increased when the client embraces the plan. 4. Encourage and insist on client action. After the plan has been devel- oped, clients need to put their plans into action. As they do this, they are solving the problem—or at least one piece of the problem—they pre- sented when they met you in the first appointment. When clients are taking action, counseling sessions become valuable opportunities to evaluate the success of the steps and adapt the plan to the changing realities of the situation. The constant cycle—act, adapt, act, adapt, act, adapt—enables clients to operate effectively in phase 3. True success. From the business literature, Tom Morris (1994) defines the elements that make for true success in business development. We believe they promote therapeutic progress as well. • Determine what you want—“powerfully imagine” a goalor set of goals. • Focus on preparation and planning. • • • • • Believeinyourabilitytoaccomplishthegoals. Makeacommitmentofemotionalenergy. Beconsistent,stubborn,andpersistentinpursuitofthegoal. Havethekindofintegritythatinspirestrustandgetspeople pulling for you. Enjoytheprocess. Action and Adaptation in Life and in the Scriptures Achieving genuine life change requires continued action with con- stant adaptation. In other words, you and the client are constantly mak- ing adjustments as the client moves out in active change. Adaptation is not just something that happens once, and then we are off and running again. The counselor has to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit—to the acqui- sition and use of biblical wisdom—in order to make the many adapta- tions required for staying centered on the needs of the person who is moving through the process of change. Action leading to valued change is rarely an outcome when a counselor is committed to a static or non- adaptive process. Lessons from NASCAR NASCAR racer Jimmy Johnson once told me (Tim) that during a race, he constantly talks to Chad (his crew chief) on the radio, telling him what he is feeling and giving him constant feedback on his view of what was happening in the race. They constantly communicate about all race conditions. Jimmy then makes the adjustments needed based on what he hears Chad saying back to him. He constantly has to mod- ify things to stay in the race and have a chance to win. Most people rush through their daily lives at 100 miles an hour with nobody seeing the big picture and nobody to talk to—nobody. All they see is what’s right in front of them. Everyone needs somebody who’s out- side, such as a counselor or God, who can be trusted to provide feedback on the big picture. The counselor and the client need to be in communi- cation with their race manager and be ready to make real-time decisions about modifications in their race plan based on trustworthy informa- tion they are receiving. They need guidance to make decisions that will enable them to finish their race well. When we are troubled and uncertain, we can tell God what we are feeling, confess that we need help, and ask for his direction. God invites us all to ask, seek, and knock (Mt. 7:7-8). When you get attuned ver- tically, God constantly feeds back to you wisdom about how to direct yourself while you manage the curves and straightaways in your journey. Another Voice in the Headset—Spiritual Warfare Some NASCAR events seem to play out like a war on a track. Before we leave our analogy of life as a race, we need to point out that someone else wants to whisper in our ear in the confusion and heat of the race. Paul tells us in Eph. 6:10-12 that we are not wrestling against flesh and blood but against the powers of this dark world and the spiritual forces of evil. We need to be aware that Satan is the enemy of any change that pleases God. He has mastered a number of schemes for taking over the headset and advising change that in the end is always destructive. He is a liar and a destroyer, and he loves to thwart any impulse in the life of a person directed at glorifying God and serving others. Consider a man who was once a huge winner but then fell very quickly into the loser’s column. Notice how adaptive God is in calling him to an action plan directed at his restoration. If the prophet Elijah walked into our office today, we would be in the presence of a deeply depressed man (1 Kgs. 19). Even though he had recently led a great cru- sade and had experienced one of the most dramatic miracles in the Bible, he was now experiencing total exhaustion, even wishing for his death. What combination of factors contributed to bringing Elijah to where he is at this moment in his life, and what does he need if he is to be restored? Where should we begin our counsel to him? Let’s begin by noticing where God began in his dealings with the depressed and sui- cidal prophet. God’s first concern was with Elijah’s physical needs. His physical exhaustion was contributing significantly to his perceptions of himself, God, and his future. When we assess the drastic change in his outlook from Mount Carmel to the cave, we can infer an overwhelming biochemical change. All that fear and running devastated his body and his biochemistry. He needed rest and food, so God sent him to bed and sent an angel to feed him. Elijah’s problem also had social components. He had an enemy who threatened to kill him. Few of us are prepared to face those who oppose us in our ministries and in our daily lives. We deal much better with applause than we do with criticism. Elijah ran in fear from his would- be killer. Eventually he had to face himself. When he does, his words to God are instructive: “I am no better than my ancestors.” In other words, “I’m a sinner, just like everybody else, but I’ve spent my life and minis- try thinking I was superior to everybody else.” How interesting! He now confesses that even though he has been greatly used by God, he is a pride- ful person from the top of his head to the soles of his feet. He has not depended on grace every step of his miracle-working journey. Something else was also going on in Elijah’s mind. He had felt indis- pensable and invincible when he killed the prophets of Baal, but now he felt isolated. With great courage he had stood against hundreds of men and prevailed, but now he faced life alone. God adapts again to his error-based thinking and speaks truth into his life: “I reserve seven thou- sand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal.” God pro- vides a pattern of patiently adapting to Elijah’s concerns and addressing the various challenges Elijah must face if he is to be restored to useful- ness in God’s work. He addresses the prophet’s relational, physical, cog- nitive, and spiritual needs. Elijah’s depression had affected every domain of his life. As we have seen in this book, people are wounded in relationships, and they are healed in relationships. People may learn valuable lessons on their own, but they need other people to step into their lives to love, forgive, encourage, and heal. The Scriptures continually reflect this foundational truth of human nature, and the scientific research con- curs. The Basic Behavioral Science Task Force of the National Advi- sory Mental Council (1996) showed that the quality of a person’s social support system was a major contributor in overcoming mental illness. Social support was the main curative factor in 75% of the cases of clinical depression, and it made a substantial difference in the outcome of cases of schizophrenia and alcoholism. The study also recognized that social isolation is a major factor in the maintenance of mental illness. We were created in the image of God, and part of that image is the desire for rela- tionships. In fact, our physical and mental health depend on the quality and quantity of relationships. The Master Adapter The master of adaptation was Jesus Christ. He had an accurate assessment of human beings—“he knew what was in each person” ( Jn. 2:25)—and he adapted his approach according to the situation and the individual. Jesus performed many miracles out in the open for every- one to see, but sometimes he changed his normal procedure. Mark tells us some men brought to him a man who was deaf and mute. Jesus could have healed him on the spot, but he took the man aside. Then Jesus left the vicinity of Tyre and went through Sidon, down to the Sea of Galilee and into the region of the Decap- olis. There some people brought to him a man who was deaf and could hardly talk, and they begged Jesus to place his hand on him. After he took him aside, away from the crowd, Jesus put his fingers into the man’s ears. Then he spit and touched the man’s tongue. He looked up to heaven and with a deep sigh said to him, “Ephphatha! ” (which means, “Be opened!”). At this, the man’s ears were opened, his tongue was loosened and he began to speak plainly (Mk. 7:31-35). People had probably made fun of this man his whole life. Jesus didn’t have to ask his friends if this was true; he knew people were sometimes cruel to those who face great challenges. To protect the man’s dignity, Jesus took him aside. He didn’t stand back and loudly pronounce healing for all to see and hear. Instead, he took the man by the arm and led him away so they could be alone, put his fingers in his ears, and touched his tongue with his spit. When Jesus prayed for the man’s ears and mouth to be opened, he sighed deeply. When do people sigh deeply? When they are troubled. It was another mark of Jesus’s genuine compassion for hurting people. As we follow Jesus, we’ll learn to adapt to different clients and their cir- cumstances. We’ll realize two people may need very different approaches. God will use us to step into their lives to care deeply for them, touch them at their point of need, and share God’s healing love, truth, and strength. His promise is not that our clients (or we) will avoid crises, but that he will give us the power to face them. Motivation and Obedience in the Production of Change It may seem odd that obedience to God can lead to self-pity and bit- terness, but that’s what we find in Jesus’s story of the prodigal and his self- righteous brother. Clearly, obedience isn’t the only factor that determines the value of an action. The heart—including motivations, attitudes, and expectations—is crucial. Right actions are noble and good only if they are done for right reasons. This parable describes three kinds of clients who may come to our offices, and it implies a fourth. The person may be like the repentant younger brother, who came to his senses and returned home to his father. Our task in counseling this client is to represent our heavenly Father’s joyful embrace and point the repentant person to love, trust, and honor Christ more each day. The client, though, may be more like the younger brother before he woke up in the pigsty and decided to go home. These people have probably been dragged to our offices by a spouse or a par- ent, and they have no intention of changing—until they wake up and God gets their attention. Many clients are Christians who, like the elder brother, are angry with God. They accuse him of not coming through to protect and pro- vide. They have obeyed—religiously reading their Bibles, praying, going to church, and helping others—but they think they don’t have much to show for it. God seems to be working in other people’s lives but not theirs, and they resent it. Jesus’s parable, though, implies that even self- absorbed, resentful, religious people have a choice. The Father invites even them—even elder brothers and sisters who are full of self-pity and anger—to respond to his gracious invitation to come to the feast and enjoy his love. Elder brothers and sisters can be obedient to moral standards and claim they are imitating Christ, but their outward righteousness produces more resentment, entitlement, and anger at God. Only grace produces a transformed heart. Only grace overflows in glad obedience, delight in God, and a desire to please him above all else. Moralism and legalism are outside-in approaches to the Christian life. Grace is the source of love and power for transformational, inside-out change. Author and pastor Tim Keller observes that when we respond to God’s kindness, love, maj- esty, and wisdom, he does wonderful things in our hearts. We may have been strong or kind before, but now we gradually become strong and kind—like Christ. These same radically different traits that are normally never combined in any one person will be reproduced in you because you are in the presence of Jesus Christ. You’re not just becoming a nicer person or a more disciplined person or a more moral person. The life and character of Jesus—the King who ambles in to Jerusalem on a donkey, then storms into the temple with the audacity to say “This is my house”—are being reproduced in you. You’re becoming a more complete person, the person you were designed to be. The person you were ransomed to be (Keller, 2011). Being conformed to the image of Christ isn’t a self-improvement pro- gram, and we don’t get there merely by gritting our teeth and obeying rules. We are changed as his love floods our hearts, his greatness amazes us, and his kindness transforms our self-pity and resentment into grat- itude and joy. As Christian counselors, our goals are multifaceted. Behind our assessments and treatment planning is the only hope of humanity— the love and forgiveness of Christ. When Jesus talked about the king- dom, he used many different terms and metaphors. In the same way, we draw from the bottomless well of God’s truth, creativity, majesty, and compassion, and we tailor our approach to each person. Our immediate goal is often pain relief, but our ultimate goal is for our clients to expe- rience the transforming love of God so they want to follow him with all their hearts. In him, broken hearts can be healed, false thinking corrected, and self-destructive patterns of behavior replaced. But these things hap- pen over time with our clients, just as they have with us. Faith, Hope, and Love in Client Change Professor and author Dallas Willard (2002) described the interior work God accomplishes to transform us from the inside out. Our role as Christian counselors is to collaborate with God and our clients in this effort. We are intentional in planning action, but we maintain a commitment to adaptation whenever the Holy Spirit, our internal wis- dom, or client feedback signals the need to stop and move in a differ- ent direction. Our adaptiveness is always at the service of the client and designed to support feelings of confidence in the course of action that has been cho- sen. Quite often, our clients “borrow” our confidence that things can be different. They’ve tried before, but nothing worked. Now they are look- ing for hope in our eyes and certainty in our voices. They may not utter these words, but they often feel something like this: “I tried this before on my own, but I didn’t make it. Maybe this time with your help—and especially with God’s help—maybe this time I can make it.” Channels of faith, hope, and love. If we are to become channels of God’s presence, kindness, forgiveness, wisdom, and power, those qual- ities have to overflow from us. This doesn’t happen by magic, and we can’t program it to occur by mechanically following a step-by-step plan for spiritual growth. The disciplines are valuable tools to put us in touch with God’s heart and his will. We can hear his “still small voice” (1 Kgs. 19:12 nkjv) only if we are quiet and invite him to speak to our hearts. In the counseling office, we listen to our clients and to God so we have his heart and direction. As we love, know, and follow him, his life flows from us into the lives of those around us—clients, family, cowork- ers, and friends. In phase 3, people take action to confront abusers, make restitution for sins, set boundaries, and move forward with their lives. The process of change can be identified and outlined, but most counselors admit it’s a struggle to shepherd clients as they take steps forward. In this process, we join our clients’ journey, clarify reachable goals that are consistent with their values, and move them forward a step at a time. Through- out this effort, we need to remain focused and determined. Every hope is accompanied by seeds of doubt and threats of discouragement. Peo- ple need to smell the distant land of strength and joy so they’ll keep reaching for it. We try to anticipate difficulties in this process, but we may not become aware of the specific things that block our clients until they are actually moving forward and hitting those obstacles. If they can’t identify the barriers, they certainly can’t overcome them. They’ll stay stuck. In this phase, clients self-assess and report. They may say, “This is what I said to myself, and this is what I heard from others. I feel that old fear of failure coming back.” With this information, we can challenge their thinking and encourage them to take the next step—or maybe the same step again and again. Seeing past their limits. Counselors model faith, hope, and love (1 Cor. 13) as they create a platform for change that empowers clients to say, “Oh, now I see. You know, I think I can do this!” Hope is essential in counsel- ing (and in every other part of life). We don’t just grit our teeth and mus- ter up enough confidence to face life’s deepest struggles. Authentic hope comes from a right relationship with God and a sense that he knows and he cares, even if we don’t know what’s going on. Paul acknowledged that sometimes our hearts groan in pain and longing for more. He described the sources of hope in his letter to the Romans. He said it is found primarily in the forgiveness and adoption we have through Christ. The Spirit whispers to our hearts that we are God’s dear children (Rom. 8:15-17). When we are secure in his love, we don’t have to know all the answers and see everything clearly. By faith we trust that God knows and God cares, and that is enough for us. But that’s not all. Paul tells us that the Spirit constantly prays for us—not just for our relief but also for us to experience the wonder of God’s love, purpose, and power. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit him- self intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God (Rom. 8:23-27). Appropriate self-disclosure. At appropriate times and in appropriate ways, counselors can share their personal story with clients. Clients are relieved to realize someone else has felt as hopeless, unloved, and faith- less as they feel. They are encouraged to know counselors have their own struggles. Recounting for them our personal experience with the loss and recovery of faith, hope, and love can give them confidence to take the next step. Counselors believe Paul’s teaching in 2 Cor. 1—that God is deeply involved in ministering his grace to those who are hurting. In his planfulness, Paul tells us God strategically brings persons into the expe- rience of particular sufferings, ministers to them in their suffering, and then comforts them so they may seek out and minister to others who are suffering from the identical suffering from which they have experi- enced God’s deliverance. God desires that no suffering be wasted. Often the pain and the grace for endurance that counselors have experienced become the platform for powerfully joining with clients. I call this the comfort chain. Training Versus Trying for the Production of Lasting Change As a young counselor I was always greatly encouraged when my cli- ents and I worked out a plan of action leading to valued change and they agreed to try to implement those strategies. But the longer I worked with clients, the more I became convinced that trying just doesn’t get it done. Trying for change does not contain a commitment to the rigor required to manage the processes leading to successful and long-term change. Training for change is closer to the biblical and reality-based commit- ment required for the establishment of real and lasting change. The apostle Paul was deeply invested in the maturing of his young dis- ciple in the faith, Timothy. Timothy had a problem with fear, and Paul counseled him that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind (2 Tim. 1:7 nkjv). The challenge before Timothy and Paul was simply to take Timothy from where he was with his fear to where God wanted him to be with the experience of love and power and sound mindedness. Paul counseled an intensive engagement with the Word of God with its proper division so it could speak with truth to the areas of need in Timothy’s life (2 Tim. 2:15). Paul had earlier counseled Timothy to exercise himself toward godliness, for bodily exer- cise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things (1 Tim. 4:7-8), including the dispelling of the fear that plagued Timothy every day of his life. Paul is prescribing a training regimen for Timothy that he has fully committed to in his own life. Writing to the Corinthians, Paul says, “Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it....Therefore I run thus....I discipline my body and bring it into subjection” (1 Cor. 9:24-27 nkjv). Can you imagine a person entering a marathon without months of rigorous training and conditioning? This is the quality of commitment required from persons who would know the joy that comes from the actual achievement of valued change. Change is hard work. It requires a commitment to doing the same things over and over again until new habits replace old habits and we are partners with processes that change our thoughts, our wills, our minds, and our relationships. Dehabituation and Rehabituation to Achieve Lasting Change Can a leopard change its spots? What an interesting question! The answer seems to be an obvious no. And if he did, would he be a leopard anymore? After working with people for a while, you will probably be gripped by a soberness regarding the issue of change in people. In time, you will undoubtedly be saddened by how little real change you see in people and how little in our world is truly positive. At some point you may even find yourself a bit depressed over the issue of change in yourself and in others. However, people do change. Not everybody and maybe not even lots of people, but some people really do embrace change and become better for themselves, their families, their society, and their God. When people really change, they share some things in common. One of these is that they have replaced old habits of thinking, behaving, and relating with new ones. The apostle Paul is advocating this very pro- cess for achieving meaningful change in his counseling and shepherd- ing ministry to the Ephesian church. Let’s look at a couple of examples of his counsel on change found in Eph. 4. Paul’s broad counsel included reminding the Ephesians of what they had been taught: “Put off...the old man which grows corrupt...and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and...put on the new man” (vv. 22-24 nkjv). Then, so there can be no question regarding exactly how he envisions this process working, Paul gets down to specifics. Suppose your client is a crook. He has problems taking what he has not earned and worked for. In fact, he gets an adrenaline rush out of being smart enough to function in this manner while all the stupid peo- ple he is stealing from are getting up early and going to work. So when is a thief not a thief ? When he is not stealing anymore? Wrong. How about when he gets a job and stops taking what doesn’t belong to him? Wrong. When he has done all that, he has fixed some stuff in his brain, made his body get out of bed, started paying taxes, and so on. But that isn’t what Paul has in mind. The dehabituation/rehabituation change Paul envisions impacts the total person. A thief is no longer a thief when he labors with his own hands and takes a portion of what he has earned by the sweat of his own brow and gives it to a person who is in need. This person who once received joy and an adrenaline rush by stealing now gets his joy and his adrenaline rush by giving to those in need. The deeply engrained habits of the old man have been replaced by the now deeply engrained habits of the new man, “which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness” (Eph. 4:24 kjv). A lot of training and self-denial have gone into the forming of the new habit, but once that new habit is formed, it dominates the person’s thoughts, spirit, feelings, will, and relationships. Paul explores this dehabituation/rehabituation model of change with several examples. Let’s examine one more of my favorites. This one has to do with a person’s speech. The Bible makes so much of the person’s use of words. We are told the power of life and death is in the tongue (Pr. 18:21). Paul counsels that the goal for the disciple of Christ should be the deha- bituation of the use of words that corrupt, cut, or wound another person (Eph. 4:29-30). Every counselor has experienced the power of words to destroy marriages, families, and friendships. So now a series of questions. Am I using my tongue appropriately if I simply refrain from the use of any words that hurt my marriage partner or others? The answer is no. Is the kind of change we wish to see in our clients and our personal lives characterized simply by the absence of the negative? The answer again is no. As we have seen with the thief, what we desire to achieve through our counsel is not merely the absence of the negative but additionally the habituation of the positive. In the matter of communication we counsel training, disciplining the tongue for restraint of words that cut or wound, a disciplined investiga- tion of the other person’s life for the determination of needed words, and then a commitment to gracing the person with words that edify or build up the hearer. The psalmist prayed, “Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips” (141:3 kjv). Paul sees the person who was the master of sarcasm and cutting speech transformed into a com- municator of a grace message that encourages and edifies the recipients. How marvelous and how redemptive when people witness that kind of change in others and experience it in themselves. Where does the power for this kind of change come from? Primarily it comes from the Holy Spirit. This is why Paul says in the very next verse, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed” (Eph. 4:30). He has already reminded them, “When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit” (Eph 1:13). Consider for a moment what the word sealed signifies. When you buy a bottle of Tylenol, it is sealed. The therapeutic power of the Tyle- nol has been sealed in, and you can trust that nothing impure has been added to diminish its power for healing your pain. Paul is saying to all who will receive the message that the Holy Spirit has come into your life to empower dehabituation and rehabituation for the purpose of living a life that glorifies God, developing productive grace-based relationships, and living in the imitation of the Christ, who happens to be the most fully human person who has ever walked the earth. You can trust the Holy Spirit to furnish you with that power. He is the anchor point of our belief in change as Christian counselors. Noth- ing is too difficult for him, and when we and others engage his per- son and power in a disciplined model of training, the outcome is truly transformational. Client Pain in the Production of Lasting Change Battered but not broken. The Scriptures aren’t full of cotton candy. They communicate the honest truth of God’s purposes and plans for his people. In this life, we can expect difficulties, but God has a purpose for them all. We don’t have to waste our pain, as Paul explained. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all- surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body (2 Cor. 4:7-10). People naturally try to avoid pain, and deeply wounded people try even harder to deny, minimize, or rationalize their pain. But God often uses difficulties to show us our need for him, to draw us closer, and to teach us life’s most important lessons. As we learn to trust God in them, the life of Christ is slowly, gradually, and haltingly revealed in us. God is at work even when it doesn’t go away. A few years ago, psychol- ogist Larry Crabb talked about his dad, who was dying. Larry said that his father was a sailor and that old sailors can smell land before they see it. They can see something beyond the limits of this life. God is at work whether we realize it or not. If we don’t trust him to be at work behind the scenes, we’ll worry and complain, and we’ll manipulate people to get what we want from them so we’ll feel more secure. But if we trust that God is always at work, we can relax. We can embrace God’s love even when we don’t see evidence of it and “let grace abound yet more and more” (Montgomery, 1880). With renewed hope, God gives us the power to break through walls of doubt and discover the joys on the other side. Paul reminded the Romans, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the cre- ation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed” (Rom. 8:18-19). And in the next life, the new heaven and new earth, “everything sad [is] going to come untrue,” mercy and justice will rule, and we’ll expe- rience the fullness of joy in the presence of God. Short-circuiting God’s work. Sometimes, our best intentions are mis- directed and harmful. Larry Crabb (2001) cautioned counselors against focusing too early on symptom reduction. Pain can be an effective stimu- lus for change. The prodigal didn’t come to his senses until he had wasted every dime and experienced the humiliation of feeding pigs and long- ing to go to their trough for lunch. When our compassion surpasses our wisdom, we might try to alleviate a client’s pain before God has done his holy surgery to change a heart. We need to ask, “Is intervention getting in the way of what God is actually trying to do in this client’s life?” Peo- ple usually need to “come to the end of themselves” before they’re will- ing to take steps to change. Enablers often “fix” addicts’ problems and prevent them from hit- ting bottom. In the same way, some counselors enable their clients by giving relief too quickly and therefore short-circuit God’s deeper, more lasting work to transform the person’s heart, character, and life. This is a delicate decision. We need wisdom to know when to step in to comfort and when to let a client wrestle with the consequences of past choices. Crabb suggests we ponder the value of letting them stay in the ditch of their own making and stew in their troubles for a while. Then they may be more willing to listen and take steps to change. Adaptiveness requires counselors to balance God’s goals with the cli- ent’s aims. Accurate perception requires clinical skills and a heart in tune with the Holy Spirit. We adapt our approach to both purposes and hope to find the right blend so the client is most benefited by their present experience. Scripture and life teach us that the crucible of suffering has provided some of our most valuable life experiences. Resistance to Change The process of change sounds easy, but nearly all counselors admit it is very hard to pull off. You are joining your client’s journey, deliv- ering doable goals that are consistent with their values, and attempt- ing to move with them through a successful process of change. A lot of encouragement and hope building is associated with this phase of the counseling process. As the counselor, you need to envision what’s ahead for the client and believe for them in a brighter and more fruitful future. Ultimately, however, they must own the power for change. They hold the key to the successful achievement of the desired change. As counselors, we need to be comfortable with that reality. We must never attempt to coerce them into change that they are not ready for or willing to own. If they do not want the change they once planned for, the counselor needs to be comfortable with giving them that right. I sometimes have told cli- ents, “I really believed in our plan of action, but now I believe you are choosing not to pursue it. I know you have your reasons, and I choose to respect those. The responsibility for these choices and the power to make them rest with you. Either we need to decide on another collabor- atively established plan of action, or we need to stop here until such time as you think I can be of further assistance to you.” A client’s readiness for embracing change through a collaboratively agreed-on plan of action is critical to the success of the counseling relationship. Adapting to client resistance is always an extremely complicated chal- lenge. We are frequently not given sufficient information regarding the blockages the client is experiencing that have precipitated the resistance or the decision to discontinue counseling. Sometimes our clients need better information, and we can attempt to provide that. Sometimes they just need to be affirmed and loved while they negotiate a particularly dif- ficult time in the cycle of change, and we can provide that. Sometimes they need to be pushed and confronted with the need for repenting of error-based thinking or blaming that has got them stuck in a nonpro- ductive pattern of behaving and relating to themselves and others, and we must provide that. Paul confronted such a situation while relating to the Corinthians. He found himself in the very sensitive and uncomfortable situation of having to confront them with the need for repentance and to counsel them that only in repentance could the blockages in their relationship with him and others be removed (2 Cor. 7). Wisdom’s RevieW To negotiate the challenges inherent in phase 3 and move clients to action leading to valued change, we need wisdom, skill, and patience. Adaptation and action require counselors to be insightful, thorough, and nuanced in their approach to each client. As we become increasingly skilled and wise, we can forget about ourselves and devote our attention to listening more carefully to our clients and God in the counseling ses- sions. We become excellent listeners. We hear the client’s story, and we find ourselves hearing the real story beneath the words. As we move from assessment to goal-setting to action, we are able to be more confident that we are planning for change that can truly make a difference in the quality of life the client is experiencing personally and in relationships. Paradoxically, we become stronger and more effective counselors as we increasingly recognize our weakness and invite God to be truly pres- ent with us in every moment of the session. As we grow, then, we become more dependent on God, not less. Even when our clinical skills are at their peak, we realize we can’t force change to occur. Apart from Christ, we can’t change a client’s heart or instill courage and wisdom. We provide the environment for the Holy Spirit to work, and we invite him into the triad of connections. When appropriate, we also encourage the client to be sensitive to the voice of God in the session. As we attempt to manage the change process with clients, it is totally appropriate at times to ask the client, “What is God saying to you right now?” When clients come to us, they need to perceive a certain amount of power in our lives and practices. This is what Strong (1968) recognized as social influence. However, Fiedler (1950) recognized that congruence and expertness are actually the direct result of the therapist’s expressed weakness. When counselors expressed their humility and vulnerability in appropriate ways, clients often concluded, “I can trust this person. I’m going to listen so he can help me.” From change to maintenance. In phase 3, we adapt to help clients respond to challenges and opportunities. This is not a simple, straight- line approach. Their challenges and opportunities vary from week to week as they take action, and we adapt accordingly. At each point, we are prescriptive in helping the client take steps forward. Like the parents of adolescents, we need to promote healthy independence so our clients become self-sufficient and strong. If they remain immature and depen- dent too long, we haven’t fulfilled our God-given role. Near the termina- tion of counseling, our task is to prepare them for a lifetime of growing in grace, wisdom, and glad obedience to Christ. A foundation of hope. It is a dictum of counseling that people without hope don’t make progress, but those who find hope muster the courage to scale the tallest obstacles. Hope isn’t found in simplistic formulas and answers. We can’t offer peace and blessing that God hasn’t promised. Our hope—and the hope we offer our clients—is based on the cross and the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The cross shows the depth of God’s amaz- ing love, and the resurrection is the promise that eventually, everything will be made right. Christ’s resurrection is the firstfruits, and someday we’ll stand with him in the glorious new heaven and new earth. Today, we stand in the middle ground, looking back at the cross and ahead at the promise of unmeasured mercy, justice, and fulfillment. Life is messy today, but someday it will be glorious and beautiful. The Spirit of God is the down payment for all that is to come. In him, we have at least a taste of our wonderful future. In his famous sermon “The Weight of Glory,” C. S. Lewis made this comment: At present we are on the outside of the world, the wrong side of the door. We discern the freshness and purity of morning, but they do not make us fresh and pure. We cannot mingle with the splendors we see. But all the leaves of the New Testa- ment are rustling with the rumor that it will not always be so. Some day, God willing, we shall get in. References Basic Behavioral Science Task Force of the National Advisory Mental Health Council. (1996). Basic behavioral science research for mental health: Sociocultural and environmental processes. American Psycholo- gist, 51(7), 722–731. Carkhuff, R. R. (1969/1984). Helping and human relations (Vol. 1). Selec- tion and training (p. 21). Amherst, MA: Human Resource Develop- ment Press. Carkhuff, R. R. (1987). The art of helping (6th ed., p. 44). Amherst, MA: Human Resource Development Press. Corey, M. S., & Corey, G. (2007). Becoming a helper (5th ed.). Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole. Crabb, L. (2001). Shattered dreams (pp. 52–53). Colorado Springs, CO: WaterBrook Press. Egan, G. (2009). The skilled helper: A problem-management and opportu- nity-development approach to helping. (9th ed.) (pp. 358–361). Belmont, CA: Books/Cole. Fiedler, F. (1950). The concept of an ideal therapeutic relationship. Journal of Consulting Psychology, 14, 239–245. Hill, E. H. (2009). Helping skills: Facilitating exploration, insight, and action. (3rd ed.). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. Keller, T. (2011). King’s Cross (pp. 161–162). New York, NY: Dutton. Kottler, J. A., & Shepard, D. S. (2011). Introduction to counseling: Voices from the field. Belmont, CA: Brooks/Cole. Lewis, C. S. (1941, June 8). The weight of glory [sermon]. Published in The- ology, 43(257), pp. 263–274. Available online at http://tjx.sagepub.com/ content/43/257/263.full.pdf+html Montgomery, J. (1880). Prayer for power to give our hearts to God. The poetical works of James Montgomery: With a memoir (Vol. 2, p. 119). Cam- bridge, MA: Riverside Press. Morris, T. (1994). True success: A new philosophy of excellence. New York, NY: Berkley Books. Strong, S. R. (1968). Counseling: An interpersonal influence process. Jour- nal of Counseling Psychology, 3, 215–224. Willard, D. (2002). Renovation of the heart: Putting on the character of Christ. Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress.

Chapter 10 Community and Accountability

The majestic God who communicates his character and passions to us in the Bible exists in the context of rich community. We call that mysterious community of intimacy the Trinity. The doctrine of the Trinity forms the heart of the Christian conception of God. Rather than being of secondary impor- tance, this doctrine is central to our faith. The implications of this conception are immense. Above all it suggests that God is himself relational. The Father, Son, and Spirit are the social Trinity. Therefore, community is not merely an aspect of human life, for it lies within the divine essence (Grenz, 1994, p. 76). In his high priestly prayer recorded in John 17, Jesus petitions the Father on behalf of those who would believe in him. He asks that they might be one even as he and the Father are one. This intercessory prayer on our behalf demonstrates Jesus’s celebration of his relationships in the Godhead and points out the importance of intimate relationships among his disciples for the achievement of psychological, physical, and spiritual well-being. Relationships hold great power for wounding and healing persons for one primary reason: Humans are created in the image of God. Just as God exists in community, so those whom he has created in his image find the need for intimacy embedded in their DNA. The Creator announces, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Man alone is incomplete, just as God without community would be a violation of his divine and Trinitarian nature. Solomon will later add, “Two are better than one...a cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Eccl. 4:9,12). Without a doubt, when we speak of the triunity of the biblical God, we are in the realm of mystery. Although many teachings of the Bible are clear as crystal, other biblical truths always contain an element of mys- tery. The triune nature of the Godhead is one of those things. Another is the teaching that a man and a woman who come together in the cov- enant of marriage become one flesh. Yet another is that persons who confess faith in the work of Jesus Christ on their behalf are baptized by the Holy Spirit into one body, that Christ is the head of it, and we are members of one another regardless of gender, ethnicity, age, and a host of other variables that distinguish and sometimes isolate us from one another. In every culture throughout history, human beings have defined themselves by their relationships. From ancient Sparta to the jungles of New Guinea to the cities and towns of North America, people derive meaning and worth from the quality and nature of their connections to others. We long for love, laughter, and validation, and we suffer when these needs aren’t met. Actress Celeste Holm reportedly stated, “We live by encouragement, and we die without it—slowly, sadly, angrily.” Psy- chologists and sociologists have observed that embedded relationships give our lives value (described as “meaning systems” by Slattery & Park, 2011). The family system is the network of core social relations. This web of connections forms the foundations of human identity, security, cre- ativity, beliefs, and satisfaction for every person on this planet. True community—experienced in families, neighborhoods, schools, and churches—makes life rich and reinforces resilience. In all forms of communication, the context is more important than the content. To put it another way, communication is more about ethos than mere logos. The nature of people’s relationships causes them to thrive or suffer. When connections are loving, consistent, and strong, every participant feels more secure, and from a secure base, is willing to take risks. Most of the clients who come to see us, however, have been damaged and disappointed in their most important relationships. They feel inse- cure, anxious, and defensive because trust has been eroded or shattered. They experience the trajectory of pathology in family and social systems that were abusive, enmeshed, or isolated. These families tend to repro- duce themselves. In counseling, therapists provide the nucleus for a new community, a new model, a new vision of what relationships can be, and a new hope for the future. For clients, isolation or extreme dependence prevent gains in therapy. Quite often, the client’s first relational hill to climb in counsel- ing is learning to trust the therapist. As trust in this relationship produces security, courage, and hope, the client then is able to move into deeper, healthier relationships with others in the family, church, and community. With support from all these sources and accountability from one or two, treatment gains can be anchored and growth can be realized. One of the primary goals in treating our clients is to help them build a social system of support and accountability. The grand purposes we long to see accomplished in the lives of our clients require that much of the relational work be accomplished outside of the weekly sessions they have with their counselor. Some counselors desperately need to build these systems too. The Christian faith has always been, and continues to be, highly relational. The apostle Paul uses the metaphor of human anatomy (“the body of Christ,” 1 Cor. 12 ) to describe our interconnect- edness. One part simply can’t function effectively unless all parts are healthy, communicating well, and coordinating their efforts—all under the authority and direction of the head, Jesus Christ. Relationships are vital to every person in every culture, but studies reveal a quantifiable strength in the network of Christian connections. Relationships, Religion, and Life Satisfaction Contemporary research shows that religious people are more satisfied with their lives than nonbelievers (Koenig, McCullough, & Larson, 2001). A recent study by Lim and Putnam (2010) finds that it is not the relation- ship with God that makes the devout person happy; higher satisfaction comes from close ties to friends in the church. These findings applied to both Catholics and Protestants. (The number of Jews, Mormons, Mus- lims, and people of other religions interviewed was too small to draw definitive conclusions, although these groups showed the same trends.) Most of the studies exploring the link between religion and life sat- isfaction have faced a chicken-and-egg dilemma. The research did not answer the directionality question: Does religion make people happy, or do happy people become religious? Lim and Putman developed a lon- gitudinal study to explore this directionality. Using panel data analysis, they explored an additional question: If religion leads to life satisfaction, which aspect of religion makes people happy? Is it private religious practice (prayer and Scripture reading)? Is it subjective spiritual experi- ence (feeling the presence and love of God)? Is it theological beliefs (for example, evangelical theological constructs, such as the deity of Christ, inerrancy of Scripture, and so on)? Or is it the social network and fel- lowship with other people of faith that most significantly influences life satisfaction? Lim and Putnam used a representative sample of 3,108 adults of dif- ferent faith traditions. In 2006, participants were asked a set of ques- tions concerning their religious activities, beliefs, and social networks. In 2007, the same participants were contacted again and asked the same set of questions (the researchers received 1,195 responses). Generally, the survey confirmed other studies: Religious people are more satisfied than nonreligious people. Those who identified themselves as religious showed higher life satisfaction than those who declared themselves as nonreligious. The study showed that frequency of attendance at religious services accounted for most of the difference in life satisfaction between people with religious affiliation and those without. While controlling other fac- tors, 28.2% of participants who attended a religious service weekly pro- fessed to be “extremely satisfied,” compared with 19.6% of those who never attended services. Lim and Putnam said this statistic is roughly equivalent to the difference between “a family income of $10,000 and of $100,000.” Lim and Putnam found the most important socializing factor in church participation is not broad involvement (sitting in church services as well as social contact outside of church), but the significance of more intense, meaningful, close relationships—the participants’ close friends in their congregation. “People who frequently attend religious services are more satisfied with their lives not because they have more friends overall (when compared with individuals who do not attend services), but because they have more close friends in their congregation” (p. 920). The causality (having friends in the congregation leads to higher life sat- isfaction) was supported in the second study. The number of friends in a participant’s congregation in 2006 contributed to the level of life sat- isfaction in 2007. Lim and Putnam show that life satisfaction is much more about the social aspect of religion—specifically the number of close friendships in congregations who engage in religious activities that enhance their Christian identity—rather than the theological or spiritual aspects of religion. In other words, quality relationships with fellow believers pro- duced positive life satisfaction more than nonreligious involvement, but also, more than attachment to and closeness to God. Our analyses suggest that social networks forged in congrega- tions and strong religious identities are the key variables that mediate the positive connection between religion and life sat- isfaction....For life satisfaction, praying together seems to be better than either bowling together or praying alone (Lim & Putnam, 2010, p. 927). This research confirms the therapeutic value of attachment theory, and it also raises some intriguing questions for Christian counselors and everyone else in Christian ministry. Does the influence of the thera- peutic alliance—the unique supportive relationship between counselor and client—mirror close, religious-based friendships that are found in church? And we might ask more philosophical questions: Why did God declare it was not good for man to be alone in the Garden when he lived in a perfect relationship with God and was untainted by sin? If we have God, why do we need people? We are forced to conclude that God created us with the inherent need for human relationships. Alfred Adler was right to emphasize “social inter- est” as a key variable in mental health. People require meaningful relations with other people to experience the best in life. For this reason, alienation, separation, and strained and broken relationships devastate people. The pain, emptiness, anger, and fear generated by torn relationships can’t be mended with only cognitive restructuring. Learning to think correctly is important, but people also desperately need the existential, heartfelt con- nections of love, affirmation, and validation (Clinton & Sibcy, 2009). Of course, as Christian counselors we offer our clients supportive and accountable relationships with us and with God. People need both, but they may have to be convinced by the ones they can see before they find the faith to trust the One they can’t see. A positive horizontal relation- ship, then, may be the first step in the establishment of a vertical rela- tionship with the God who cannot be seen. Effective relationships are multifaceted, containing elements of encouragement and accountability. Some counselors gravitate toward encouragement, and others toward accountability. Both, however, are essential for the building of a productive therapeutic environment. Cli- ents need to sense our unconditional love, but they also need to be held accountable for building new habits of thinking, acting, and reacting. Some of us think of accountability as a wagging finger, a stern look, and demands for compliance, but holding people accountable is an act of ser- vice. It honors their choices and loves them enough to help them succeed. To be effective, we tailor our approach to meet the needs of the moment. Tenderhearted people need only gentle reminders, but habitual liars and deceivers require love’s firm hand. One Another In dozens of passages using the term “one another,” the Bible gives direction to meaningful relationships. Some of these directly connect our experience with Christ to our motivation and capacity in human relationships. For instance, John wrote that we are to “love one another” because Jesus loved us first (1 Jn. 4:10-11). Paul instructed us to “for- give one another...as the Lord forgave you” (Col. 3:13), and “accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you” (Rom. 15:7). These and sim- ilar passages prescribe our relationships with clients, and they give clear directions for clients as they try to reframe and restore strained relation- ships in their lives. These passages remind us that people have vital con- nections in a vast web of relationships. Growing in our abilities to relate in healthy ways isn’t negotiable. With support, honesty, and encourage- ment, anything is possible; without these things, few positive outcomes are likely. Our ability to relate in meaningful ways is a product of God first working his grace into us. Most of the “one another” passages are found in the second half of New Testament letters. In the first half, the writers describe the wonders of God’s grace, which we internalize by faith. In the second half, they describe the logical ethical, moral, and relational implications in our attitudes and actions. First God works his grace into us, and then we are required to live it out with the goal of provid- ing our world with an accurate representation of the God of the Bible (Eph. 5:1). Counselors and clients who can live out these “one another” imperatives are demonstrating to themselves and others that they have broken the power of negative addictions and idols in their lives and found the freedom to act for others in a manner that is possible only through the empowering presence of the Holy Spirit operating from their core being.

New • • • • • • • • • • • • • Testament: Confessyoursinstoeachother(Jas.5:16)

. Forgive one other (Eph.4:32; Col.3:13). Encourage one another and build each other up (1Thess. 5:11; Heb. 3:13). Carry each other’s burdens (Gal.6:2). Pray for each other (Jas. 5:16). Offer hospitality to one another(1Pet.4:9). Accept one another (Rom.14:1; 15:7). Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another (Rom. 12:10). Serve one another (Gal.5:13). Admonish one another (Col.3:16). Stop passing judgment on one another (Rom.14:13). Do not put any stumbling block in each other’s way (Rom. 14:13). Value others above yourselves (Phil.2:3). Community and Accountability 297 These are some of the most common “one another” passages in the Learning to Live It God wants his people to practice the “one another” principles in every relationship and at all times. They are the oil in the machinery of life and the glue that holds everything together. The challenge, of course, is to practice them when it’s most difficult—to love people who are unlovely, to forgive people who have hurt us and don’t care, to serve gladly even when people aren’t appreciative, to be kind when we’d rather run away or ridicule people, and to honor people when we long to be honored. When relationships are based on these spiritual principles, they pro- vide a secure base that affirms identity and capability. Those who are anx- ious about being accepted by others gradually realize they can relax and trust someone—perhaps for the first time in their lives. Avoidant peo- ple recognize the self-protective walls they have built, and they slowly become more perceptive about their own hurts and the value of others. Disorganized people have felt incompetent, isolated, and ashamed. In a secure, affirming environment, hopelessness and shame are gradually replaced with warmth and a new sense of confidence. Let’s look more closely at how believers can apply these principles. Confess your sins to each other ( Jas. 5:16). In most families, clubs, busi- nesses, civic groups, and even churches, the last thing people want is to be vulnerable enough to confess their sins to other people. Without the firm foundation of proven love, forgiveness, and acceptance, self-disclosure seems foolish and even dangerous. James encourages us, “Therefore con- fess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (Jas. 5:16). Healing can occur in the context of affirming, for- giving relationships, but only if people are convinced that it’s safe to be honest. What are the sins people need to confess? They are much more than violating some restriction from an arcane moral code. The code may identify the wrong, but the heart of sin goes deeper. Every sin is our desire to be our own god, to be in control, to run our lives the way we want to. We put something other than God in the center of our affec- tions. Some of these, such as drugs or sexual addictive behaviors, are obvi- ously destructive. But other “lesser gods” are good things we’ve turned into ultimate things, including money, prestige, power, and approval.

Nothing is inherently wrong with them. If we receive them as gifts from God, we can use them as stewards of God’s generosity. But if those things have captured our hearts, they have become our gods. We live to get them, we invest time and money in them, and acquiring them becomes the highest goal of our lives. And they destroy us just as surely as cocaine or meth destroys an addict. Confession has external and internal aspects. Sins have a clear behav- ioral component, but the heart is even more important. When we con- fess our sins, we need to look for the underlying thirst, the drive that led to the sinful behavior. Only when this motivation is exposed, labeled, and confessed can there be a genuine renovation of the heart. In the dehabituation and rehabituation process, external change in behavior is always connected to internal change in disposition. Identifying and con- fessing the internal drive is necessary for genuine repentance to take place. Forgive one other (Eph. 4:32; Col. 3:13). The hope of our confession rests on the assurance of God’s forgiveness. Our experience of God’s rich, wonderful forgiveness provides the motivation we need to move beyond bitterness and blame when others have hurt us. As we draw from the deep well of God’s grace in our lives, we can extend grace and forgive- ness to those who have hurt us. Many of our clients are confused about forgiveness. They assume that to forgive is to act as if the offense didn’t happen or to forget it happened. Some live in a cloud of bitterness; others implode in depression. People need clear teaching about the power and process of forgiveness. Pastor and author Lewis Smedes offers this explanation and encouragement: When we forgive evil we do not excuse it, we do not tolerate it, we do not smother it. We look the evil full in the face, call it what it is, let its horror shock and stun and enrage us, and only then do we forgive it (Smedes, 1984, pp. 79–80). Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot for- get creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future (Smedes, 1996, p. 171). Encourage one another and build each other up (1 Thess. 5:11; Heb. 3:13). Therapy groups are designed to create a social microcosm (Yalom & Leszcz, 2005) so counselors could encourage members to replace existing, self- destructive behaviors with new, healthy ones. The goal is to teach, model, and process in the group and then to release people to apply their new skills in every other relationship. In counseling offices, therapy groups, Bible studies, and support groups, the goal is not only to impart information but also to provide a hothouse environment for growth. In many cases, the combination of individual therapy and group support is especially power- ful in creating the conditions for progress. Principles and skills are learned in therapy, affirmed and modeled in a group, tried in outside relationships, and evaluated and supported back in the office or group environment. In this way, incremental steps are encouraged, taken, and reinforced. In Theory and Practice of Group Counseling, Gerald Corey (2011, p. 15) observes that the leader sets the pace in learning and growth. Leaders bring to every group their personal qualities, values, and life experiences and their assumptions and biases. To promote growth in the members’ lives, leaders need to live growth-oriented lives themselves. To inspire others to break away from deadening ways of being, leaders need to seek new experiences themselves. In short, group leaders become an influential force in a group when they are able to model effec- tive behavior rather than merely describe it. Carry each other’s burdens (Gal. 6:2). Some Christians have the spir- itual gift of showing mercy to those in need. This God-given talent involves the powerful blend of compassion and caring action. All believ- ers, though, are called to resemble Christ in caring for hurting peo- ple around them. One of the most memorable stories in the Gospels describes four men who wanted to take their paralyzed friend to Jesus. When they couldn’t get through the crowd into the house, they didn’t give up. They tore a hole in the roof and lowered him at the feet of Jesus, who forgave him and healed him (Mt. 9:2-8; Mk. 2:1-12; Lk. 5:17-26). Many people are like the paralyzed man—they can’t make it on their own. They need someone to help them. When we care for hurting, needy, sick, thirsty people, we “fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2). Jesus told his disciples that the greatest commandment was to love God with all their hearts, and the second was like it—to love their neighbors as they love themselves. As we follow Christ, we fulfill his law by devoting as much energy, creativity, and resources to meet the needs of others as we invest in meeting our own needs. That’s a high standard of love and care—the one Jesus modeled for us. Pray for one another ( Jas. 5:16). Prayer is a significant part of spiritual, emotional, relational, and physical healing in the Christian community. James asked and instructed, “Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray. Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise. Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord” (Jas. 5:13-14). We pray for protection from the evil one (1 Thess. 3:1-5), and we ask God to give us more knowledge of his will, his wisdom, and his love (Eph. 1:17). We pray for God to open the eyes of our hearts so we can hope in him and experience his power (verses 18-19). Paul tells us to pray for all people, and especially our leaders (1 Tim. 2:1-2). Paul often asked others to pray for him and for his min- istry. As Christ’s body, we put on the armor of God to fight for truth, mercy, and justice in our spiritual battle (Eph. 6:10-20). After Paul listed the full armor he concluded, “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people” (verse 18). In counseling, we respect the wishes of our clients by asking them if they feel comfortable with us praying with and for them. If they do, we have the opportunity to go before God’s throne with our clients’ needs, trusting God to reveal his great love, to give us wisdom to know his will, and to impart the courage to do it. Many clients don’t know how to pray, or they feel defeated and dis- couraged because God hasn’t answered their prayers. We can point them to Paul’s prayers in Eph. 1 and 3, Phil. 1, and Col. 1. They (and we) can use these beautiful, inspiring prayers to guide them as they connect with God. Offer hospitality to one other (1 Pet. 4:9). In the first centuries, kind- ness was often linked to the traditional Jewish virtue of hospitality, but it is much more. Social graces are important for the engine of culture to run smoothly, but genuine kindness appears at crucial times when peo- ple feel most vulnerable. Jesus displayed kindness when he touched a leper, held children in his arms, stopped to relate to a woman who had been healed, and raised a widow’s son from his coffin. He demonstrated kindness to his disciples by patiently explaining himself over and over again, and he was kind to the Pharisees by continually engaging them and offering them his grace. And on the cross, he was incredibly kind by asking the Father to forgive his tormentors. Our clients may present as wounded and withdrawn or perhaps as angry and self-protective. Every client needs our kindness. Mercy is an expression of value, love, and attention, and it communicates empa- thy and intention. Kindness connects with the hidden fears and highest hopes of a client’s heart. Kindness isn’t weak and blind, and it’s not manipulative. Our cli- ents are sometimes too quick to let those who have harmed them off the hook and settle for something far less than a loving, supportive, kind relationship. If an addict, abuser, or prodigal stops lying, stealing, curs- ing, and hitting, clients feel relieved. That’s the cessation of abuse, but it’s not the presence of kindness. Authentic displays of kindness put salve on wounds, serve, give, and sacrifice for others. If those traits aren’t present, the person isn’t truly kind. Genuine kindness isn’t earned. Most relationships are conditional. They are based on a mutually beneficial transaction. But kindness is dif- ferent. It is love poured out with no ulterior motives. God’s kindness is produced in us and through us by the Spirit of God. It is part of the fruit of the Spirit, so it grows as we stay vitally connected to Christ, our source. Accept one other (Rom. 14:1; 15:7). People instinctively wonder if they are acceptable. A host of people’s pathological behaviors are their attempts to hide from the fear of being unacceptable, the compulsion to prove they are worthy of acceptance, and bitterness and shame because they don’t feel accepted. When we accept one another as Christ has accepted us, we don’t close our eyes to sin, destructive behavior, and immaturity. God lavishes his grace on us, but he loves us so much that he doesn’t let us remain selfish and childish. In the same way, when we accept people the way Christ accepts us, we step into the messiness of their lives, love them deeply, speak truth with grace, and point them to choices and a lifestyle that pleases God. Honor one another (Rom. 12:10). Some people see accountability as rigorous and oppressive: “I’m telling you what to do, and you’d bet- ter do it!” In Christian counseling, however, accountability isn’t owner- ship or control; it’s a way to honor our client’s desires, values, and future. Accountability, then, is never demanding. It helps a client overcome fears, face goals, and take courageous steps forward. When we look at the life of Christ, we see that he honored people by taking them as they were and speaking grace and truth into their lives. He didn’t demand that they jump through any hoops before he related to them. He listened, validated their needs, and let them make their own choices. Some responded in joyful faith, others walked away confused, and some despised him. Still, he honored their right to choose. Serve one another (Gal. 5:13). As the Lord of glory, Jesus deserved to be worshipped and served, but he humbled himself to be the servant of all. He told his disciples that he didn’t come to be served but to serve (Mt. 20:28). When the disciples bickered about who was going to take the top positions in Jesus’s cabinet in the new kingdom, Jesus corrected them. He contrasted the way they should think and act with the normal behavior of people who demand to be served. The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves (Lk. 22:25-27). We discover the nature of our hearts when we serve but our efforts aren’t appreciated. In other words, how do we act when we’re treated like servants? Jesus continued to give and serve even when his closest friends ran away, his enemies tortured him, and the fickle crowd turned from singing, “Hosanna!” to yelling, “Crucify him!” We won’t be able to serve selflessly and consistently if we feel spiritually empty. This kind of humil- ity comes only from strength—a vibrant, powerful love relationship with God that meets our deepest needs so we don’t have to jockey for power and acclaim. Whom do we serve? Before his arrest, Jesus told a story about a king whose followers were caring for the hungry, thirsty, naked, homeless, and imprisoned. The king praised them for loving and serving him. When they responded with surprise at his appreciation, the king explained, “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me” (Mt. 25:40). Serving our clients is sometimes a thankless task. We need to remem- ber that we are actually serving Christ. That realization humbles us, inspires us, and gives us renewed energy to bear our clients’ burdens. Admonish one another (Col. 3:16). To admonish others is to caution, to gently correct, and to challenge faulty thinking and misguided behav- ior. In our culture, tolerance is considered the highest virtue, especially among the young. No one is supposed to make any value judgments about another person’s choices. This limitation, though, isn’t found in the life of Christ. He poured out his life as a sacrifice, but he also gave clear directives and warnings. Admonitions were expressions of his love. The tone of correction is very important. Correction given with a harsh or demanding sound creates fear, shame, and resentment, but when it is given with kindness and hope, the hearer is invited to respond. There are, of course, no guarantees of a good response to our cautions and cor- rections, but we can control how we deliver them. Do not judge each other (Rom. 14:13; Jas. 4:11). Many people misun- derstand Jesus’s warning, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged” (Mt. 7:1). They assume it prevents any analysis or assessment of another per- son’s behavior or attitude. (And of course, many people use this verse to stop people from assessing their selfish, destructive behavior: “Don’t judge me! It’s not right to judge anybody. Jesus said so.”) This conclusion, however, can’t be what Jesus meant. The Scriptures are full of evaluations of people. Paul pointed out the Corinthians’ many sins in detail and with clear warnings to change. God wants us to have our eyes open in relationships, to assess, to be discerning, and to evalu- ate accurately—but without condemnation. When we delight in blast- ing people for their faults and gossiping about them, we have crossed the line into condemnation. In every culture, city, family, business, and friendship, we encounter differences of opinion and taste. Disagreements aren’t wrong, and they don’t have to be destructive. If we value other people, disagreeing can be a wonderful, creative process of learning and growing. However, insecu- rity often is a fuse that causes disagreements to explode into attacks and resentment. In the body of Christ, division often occurs because people insist on their own way, they don’t listen, and they don’t love, value, and respect other people’s views. Paul often wrote about the value of unity— not uniformity, but unity of heart based on our shared experience of God’s grace. He warned the Roman Christians to avoid petty bickering, and he reminded them that each person is ultimately accountable to Christ, not to us. He wrote, “Who are you to judge someone else’s ser- vant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand” (Rom. 14:4). In difficult family relationships, many people try to avoid painful realities (and control other family members) by insisting that any honest evaluation of behavior is judging and therefore off-limits. This enables abusers, addicts, and others to continue in their pathological, destructive behavior. In counseling people from these families, take time to explain the difference between compassionate assessment (which can lead to honest communication, healthy boundaries, change, and growth) and harsh condemnation (which enflames fear, shame, anger, withdrawal, and attack). Do not put any stumbling block in each other’s way (Rom. 14:13). Paul instructed, “Stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.” In counseling, we can put obstacles in our clients’ way by having expectations that are too high or too low. If they are too high, we come across as demanding. If they are too low, we don’t offer enough hope for real change. We can also become an obstacle to our clients if we take too much responsibility for their growth. Clear boundaries and responsibilities lower our levels of stress and protect our clients from us becoming too controlling. In the same way, our clients often put obstacles in their relationships. They can be too controlling or too disconnected. They can add to the stress of a family situation by trying to fix every problem. This prevents others from being honest about their flaws and taking responsibility for their choices. In counseling, we need to be alert for the many and varied stumbling blocks in our clients’ lives—and we need to avoid adding any! Value others above yourselves (Phil. 2:3). Some people feel comfortable only when they occupy a one-up position in relationships. They insist on being in charge, commanding attention and respect. Ironically, peo- ple on the other end of the spectrum—those who appear weak, crippled with self-pity and shame—also want attention, not for their power or success, but for how much they’ve suffered. It is human nature to want to be the center of attention. In Paul’s letter to the Philippians, he explains that the gospel of grace fills the hole in our hearts with Christ’s love, encouragement, and joy so we can look beyond our own needs. Instead of “selfish ambition and vain conceit” (which are characteristics of both one-up and one-down clients), we value others above ourselves and look out for their interests as well as our own. As counselors, we value our clients by caring for their needs as we listen intently and have empathy for their pain. We pray for them, we study our notes to prepare for sessions, and we devote ourselves to their care. One of our goals in therapy is to help them experience the won- drous love of Christ so hurts are healed, hearts are filled, and our clients can be free to care for others without strings attached. The Role of the Church Counselors and their clients often have mixed views of the local church. Some feel loved and supported by their churches, but some have been deeply wounded by Christians who were supposed to love and sup- port them. The “one another” passages describe the way God designed Christian relationships to operate in the church, but when we read Paul’s letters, we can deduce that many of these churches experienced signif- icant relational struggles. In counseling, we often need to address our clients’ experiences in church because they powerfully shape the clients’ view of God and important relationships. We also may need to address our clients’ expectations of the church. Every body of believers is made up of fallen people living in a fallen world. We are all, as Paul said about himself, in process, and we all have a long way to go in our spiritual growth. Wounded people are often the most demanding because they have unrealistic expectations about the way others should treat them. The church simply can’t measure up to those demands. There will be a time when all wrongs will be made right and all hurts healed, but that won’t be until the new heaven and new earth. Until then, even the best churches are mixed bags. Of course, a few churches are genuinely oppressive. Leaders in these churches use positions of authority to dominate, intimidate, and fleece their people. These situations are rare, but they occur. If your client comes to you from this environment, treat it like an abusive family. Help the client see things clearly, respond with grace and strength, and con- front wrongs. The process may result in healing and repentance, but the leaders may not change. In fact, like many addicts, their oppression may get worse when they are confronted. In this case, our role may be to help the client leave gracefully and find a safer, more supportive spir- itual home. The purpose of the church is to provide an atmosphere that encour- ages honesty, love, and devotion to God. The writer of Hebrews zeros in on the necessity for the church and the true role of the church: Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meet- ing together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encour- aging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching (Heb. 10:23-25). Churches fulfill their God-given role when they balance encourage- ment with accountability and point people to the matchless grace, wis- dom, and majesty of Christ. He is the source of joy, peace, forgiveness, and strength. Affluent communities, including much of our country, need a partic- ular warning. The comparative wealth and freedom of American culture can be subtly confused with the promised blessings of heaven. When we look around our nation and our communities, we enjoy economic prosperity, health, and technology that were inconceivable only a gen- eration ago. These are wonderful gifts from God, and we are stewards of his blessings. But when people demand more and more, they’ve lost any sense of perspective and gratitude. They live for themselves instead of living to honor Christ and serve their neighbors. Pastor G. Campbell Morgan explained, “Your purpose in life is not to find your freedom, but your Master” (cited in Carmichael, 1997, p. 255). This cultural analysis can have a significant bearing on counseling because a selfish preoccupation with affluence creates a pervasive, poi- sonous sense of entitlement. Comparison ruins our perspective because it leaves us always dissatisfied. Our clients (and perhaps we) are rarely grateful for God’s grace, care, and love, and they don’t respond well to difficulties because they believe problems should never happen. In this environment, the idols of the heart—power, positions, possessions, and popularity—promise to fulfill us, but they leave us empty and angry. We may need to address client expectations of a happy American life as we address other presenting problems in therapy. Accountability for Counselors An article by Miller and Hubble (2011) in Psychotherapy Networker compared cultures of excellence across many fields in America. In the past, the United States scored at or near the top in almost every cate- gory, but in 2011 Americans were 17th in science, 25th in math, 28th in overall life satisfaction, and 37th on access to and quality of health care. Alarmingly, the overall trend was downward, suggesting that these rank- ings will be worse in the future. Miller and Hubble reported a similarly daunting decline in the public perception of psychotherapy. In contrast to these scores, therapists’ self-perceptions are more pos- itive. A 20-year international study of 11,000 therapists was reported in How Psychotherapists Develop (Orlinsky & Rønnestad, 2005). These are some of the more intriguing findings. • Contrary to all the turf-protecting war soft hevariousdisci- plinary groups, psychotherapy is viewed by most practition- ers as “a unified field.” This finding is in stark contrast to psychiatrists defending their field against psychologists, psy- chologists defending themselves against social workers, and social workers feeling superior to licensed professional coun- selors and licensed marriage and family therapists. • Therapistsstayintheprofessionandfindvocationalsat- isfaction not for money or fame, but because they value connections with clients that lead to genuine change and improvement. • Thosewhoremainedinthefieldweremotivatedbyadesire to excel in their craft. • Thesetwofactorsaremajorbuffersagainstcounselordisillu- sionment and burnout in all the counseling disciplines. The authors coined a new term, healing involvement, to describe what therapists pursue in their work, and they noted both a long-term out- come—cumulative career development—and a short-term outcome—a sense of currently experienced growth—as reasons for pursuing healing involvement. Therapists expressed a deep desire to consistently improve their skills to increase the inherent satisfaction of healing involvement. How do we maintain growth that leads to healing involvement and vocational satisfaction? We can measure outcomes in sessions—ques- tioning clients about what works and what doesn’t work in therapy and then making immediate adjustments according to the clients’ feedback. This isn’t rocket science. It is an intuitively obvious and effective means of accountability for therapists to be sure they are on track with their cli- ents. However, many therapists don’t follow this simple but profoundly effective course because they are afraid of negative feedback, which fuels their own fear of failure, shame, and loss. Objective accountability. Immediate, reflexive accountability prevents false assumptions of the client’s assessment of counseling. Duncan (2010, p. 34) reviewed literature that indicates therapists’ self-reported views of success are often inaccurate and biased. One study reported therapists’ self-grading from A-plus to F. Fully 66% of the respondents gave them- selves an A, and no one gave himself an average grade. The bell curve didn’t exist in these self-reports. In another study rating client deterio- ration in 550 cases, therapists predicted deterioration in just one case, but 40 cases—equaling the actuarial rate of 8% decline—showed actual deterioration. Tracking outcomes for therapeutic mastery. Counselors tend to avoid objective measures of accountability, but these are vital for excellence in our work. For those who measured change, client outcomes improved more than fourfold over those who didn’t measure change, and nine out of ten therapists who used objective measures significantly improved their skills (Duncan, 2010, p. 89). Tracking outcomes helps therapists go beyond intuition and subjective impressions of clients’ experience in therapy (Duncan, 2010). Obtaining feedback helps therapists align with clients and serve them more effectively—which, of course, leads to bet- ter outcomes (Anker, Duncan, & Sparks, 2009). Creating a culture of excellence. Paradoxically, counselors who try to portray an image of perfection are often threatened by cultures of excel- lence, and they discount the value of objective measures. We grow in our skills, however, when we have the security to admit we could have done something better, we’ve failed, or we needed expert consultation. We develop a culture of excellence when we recognize our limitations and deficiencies, seek help, and incorporate new insights and skills into our practices. As we invite honest assessments—from our clients and peers— we create a positive, supportive community of learners. These cultures require a high degree of trust, assurance that honest reporting of failures are not held against them, and leaders who are willing to be transparent about their mistakes and failures. In this environment, every person is committed to measuring outcomes on a case-by-case basis, learning from mistakes, and celebrating successes. Sadly, this kind of professional alliance is rare. Strong, affirming, consistent leadership is needed to overcome resistance of professional staff who expect condem- nation if case outcomes are measured and reported. A supportive culture of excellence can’t be imposed by an outside agency. An Oregon state statute, HB 2059, mandates that all health care professionals, including psychotherapists, report to the state any conduct seen in colleagues that is “unbecoming a licensee.” Some pro- fessionals in Oregon have reported that the new law has significantly cur- tailed professional communication, and some health care professionals fear losing their licenses (Miller & Hubble, 2011). Cultural change must come, instead, from leaders modeling honesty, compassion, and thera- peutic excellence—a blend of attractive, powerful traits that makes any- thing less unattractive. Globally, leaders in our field have created a virtual community to improve their impact in counseling and psychotherapy—the Interna- tional Center for Clinical Excellence (centerforclinicalexcellence.com). This website has more than 100 forums for articles, discussions, and vid- eos of masters doing therapy. Without taking a chance, venturing beyond the tried and true, nothing happens. It’s only through difficulty that you learn. It’s precisely for this reason that the members and associates continue working very hard at making the ICCE a safe place for clinicians to share openly and be pushed and stretched (cited in Miller & Hubble, 2011, p. 6). Wisdom’s RevieW One of our goals is creating a therapeutic relationship that provides safety, encouragement, and hope for our clients. As extensions of this connection, we point them to groups and church environments where they will feel supported and where they can pour the grace they’ve expe- rienced into the lives of others. A person alone may initially experience the redemptive love of Christ, but significant growth never occurs in isolation. Every person in the community of faith contributes to the building up of the body in love... until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work (Eph. 4:13-16). These relationships are countercultural. Human nature pushes people to attack or withdraw, to intimidate or cower. It takes security and cour- age to move toward one another with open minds, compassionate hearts, and the intention to serve. This pursuit doesn’t come naturally. It is the product of a heart being transformed by the grace of Christ. The beauti- ful truth is that gracious, courageous actions in relationships often pro- duce gracious, courageous responses from the recipients, and the cycle can continue. The Scriptures and history tell us that the default mode of the human heart is to dominate or hide, but with God’s help, we can take steps to build communities of authentic affection, honesty, and mutual accountability. References Anker, M., Duncan, B., & Sparks, J. (2009). Using client feedback to improve couples therapy outcomes: A randomized clinical trial in a naturalistic setting. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 77(4), 693–704. Carmichael, W. (1997). Seven habits of a healthy home: Preparing the ground in which your children can grow. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House. Clinton, T. & Sibcy, G. (2009). Attachments: Why you love, feel, and act the way you do (pp. 3–33). Brentwood, TN: Integrity Media. Corey, G. (2011). Theory and practice of group counseling. Independence, KY: Brooks/Cole. Duncan, B. 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