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6

The Way of the Warld INTRODUCTORY NOTE

In 1698, Congreve had been disturbed by Collier's attack upon him in his Short View ofthe Immorality and Profaneness of the English Stage, and had immediately answered him with Amendments of Mr. Collier's False and Impeifect Citations from his plays. In the following year he set out to provide a better answer in the form of another play, in which he proposed to vindicate himselfby producing something of which no one would need to be ashamed. In his Prologue, it is true, he adopts the usual attitude of submission to the verdict of the theater audience; he professes to be "a Passive Poet, Who to your Judgments yields all Resignation." But, when he came to write the dedication of the printed play to the Earl of Montagu, we cannot fail to recognize beneath his flattering compliments that he regards this playas something on which he had lavished great pains and care to make it different from anything he had done before. He tells us that he had written it in the latter part of 1699, after a long summer visit as guest of the Earl of Montagu in the cmmtry, presumably at Boughton House, Northants, where King William had been splendidly entertained a few years earlier. Perhaps not only the dialogue, as he admitted, but even the characters of the play owe something to the other guests he met there. At least in these scenes, "abstracted" on the theater, we are given a very brilliant, sharply focused study of the way of the world in 1700. If, in the course of the comedy, some knaves and fools should be exposed, we need not be very much surprised; for Swift had called their host, with some reason, "as arrant a knave as any in his time."

Indeed, some of the gossip about Montagu and his first marriage seems almost to lend reality to the surprising intrigues so often used in Restoration comedy. For example, in a letter from Henry Ball written from Whitehall. dated October IO, 1673, to Sir Joseph Williamson, we fmd this lurid piece of gossip:

My Lady of Northumberland and her new husband, Mr. Mont.1.gue, have already beglm to differ upon a

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The Way of the WOl'ld

report risen from him, as shee sayes, that he bought her of her mayd for sool. per alm~lm, and the Towne talke of parting them. l

That waS of course a long time ago; and in fact they had stayed together, and she bore him several children, and died in childbirth in 1690.

That was the kind of world in which the play took shape. By the end of the year it was still not finished. In a letter written at Christmas, 1699, Val1brugh mentioned it, but said that nobody had seen it yet. It was first perfoIDled early in March, perhaps on March 4, 1700, if we accept the sug­ gestion that James Brydges, afterwards Duke of Chandos, who records his visits to Lincoln's Inn Fields theater on:r March 4, 9, and II without mentioning the play, was prob­d ably drawn there by the distinguished audience that would be expected for a new play by Congreve.:I. It had what Dryden calls "but 11loderate success," although Congreve in the Dedication professes himself satisfied: "That it succeeded on the Stage, was almost beyond my Expectation; for but little ofit was prepar'd for that general Taste which seems now to be predominant in the Pallats of our Audience."

The plot is contrived to illustrate the theme stated on the title page in the lines from Horace's Satires: 3 the fate of

n adulterers and the fears of a guilty woman for the loss of her

n dowry. The manners and morals of the characters are taken st fro111 that world to which the poet and his audience alike H belo11g, as if to indicate that in spite of the recent reformation n of maOllcrs, there is still ample material for comedy for any­ y one who has been tal.1ght by the Roman satirists to observe lC the way of the world. Perhaps the most important source is, ~t therefore, tIlls satire of Horace to which our attention is :e drawn.'1­)1 It is still difficult to explain why it did not have a longer LC rUll, sillee the performance of the company was highly Y praised; Mrs. Bracegirdle's Millamant "gained the applause .c of Court and City," and Mrs. Leigh as Lady Wishfort

was highly appreciated. But Avery finds records of only st two performances during the next fifteen years, although a g second edition of tlle play was called for in I70 6, which ~-. d t Camden Soc. new [2d] ser. vol. IX (2), 35,1874.

~ See Lttcyle Hook, James Brydges drops in at the Theatre, HLQ.is \TOI. 1944-45, 306-11.

3 I. ii, 37. 13 1 • 4 See Paul and Miriam Mueschke, A New View oj COllgreve's Way

oj the World (Ann Arbor: University of Michigan Press, 195 8).

The Way of the World

gave Congreve the opportunity to introduce some revisions. s During the nineteenth century, it was only played with considerable cuts and alterations to smt the taste of the times, but since its revival in 1904, it has gradually taken its place again and has even been triumphantly successful in the theater.

5 See E. L. Avery, Congreve on the Eighteenth-century Stage, I95 I , PP·33-34·

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__ ~"~0:1~__""",,,""'''''''____________......_____

THE

Way of the WarId, A

COMEDY. As it is ACTED AT THE

Theatre in Lincoln's-Inn-Fields) BY

I-Iis Majesty's Servants.

Written by Mr. CONGREVE.

Audire est Operer pretium, procedere reete . Qui mcechis 110n vultis -- Hor. Sat. 2. 1. 1. --Metuat doti deprensa.- Ibid.

LONDON,

Printed for Jacob Tons01~, within Gray's-Inn-Gate next Gray's-Inl1-Lane. 1700.

AI/dire est . .•­ All YOll, who think the City ne'er can thrive, Till ev'ry Cuckold-maker's flea'd alive; Attend, while I their Miseries explain, ... Seized in the Fact, ... She kneels, she weeps, and worse I resigns her Dow'r.

(Horace, Satire I, ii: Pope's Imitatiolt 11. 47-48, I72 .)

To the Right Honourable

RALPH Earl of Mountague, &c.

My LORD,

Whether the World will arraign me of Vanity, or not, that I have presum'd to Dedicate this Comedy to your Lordship, I am yet in doubt: Tho' it may be it is some degree ofVanity even to doubt of it. One who has at any time had the Honour of your Lordship's Conversation, cannot be suppos'd to think very meanly of that which he would prefer to your Persual: Yet it were to incur the Imputation of too much Sufficiency, to pretend to such a Merit as might abide the Test of your Lordship's Censure.

Whatever Value may be wanting to this Play while yet it is mine, will be sufficiently made up to it, when it is once become your Lordship's; and it is my Security, that I cannot have overrated it more by my Dedication, than your Lord­ ship will dignifie it by your Patronage.

That it succeeded on the Stage, was almost beyond my Expectation; for but little of it was prepar'd for that general Taste which seems now to be predominant in the Pallats of our Audience.

Those Characters which are meant to be ridiculous in most of our Comedies, are of Fools so gross, that in my humble Opinion, they should rather disturb than divert the well­ natur'd and reflecting part of an Audience; they are rather Objects of Charity than Contempt; and instead of moving our Mirth, they ought very often to excite our Compassion.

This Reflection mov'd me to design some Characters, which should appear ridiculous not so much thro' a natural Folly (which is incorrigible, and therefore not proper for the Stage) as thro' an affected Wit; a Wit, which at the same time that it is affected, is also false. As there is some Difficulty in the formation of a Character of this Nature, so there is some Hazard which attends the progress of its Success, upon the Stage: For many come to a Play, so over-charg'd with Criticism, that they very often let fly their Censure, when through their rashness they have mistaken their Aim. This I had occasion lately to observe: For this Play had been Acted two or three Days, before some of these hasty Judges cou' d find the leisure to distinguish betwixt the Character of a Witwoud and a Truewit.

390

lrable

&c.

of Vanity, or not, that edy to your Lordship, some degree ofVanity r time had the Honour )t be suppos'd to think )refer to your Persual: too much Sufficiency bide the Test of you;

. this Play while yet it to it, when it is once Security, that I cannot dOll, than your Lord.

IS almost beyond my !par'd for that general inant in the Pallats of

) be ridiculons in most s, that in my humble than divert the well. ience; they are rather ld instead of moving ,cite Ollr Compassion. gn some Characters, much thro' a natural efore not proper for 7it, which at ilie same lere is some Difficulty is Nature, so there is is of its Success, upon so over-charg'd with their Censure, when .en their Ainl. This I Play had been Acted ie hasty Judges cou'd

the Character of a

The Way of the World I must beg your Lordship's Pardon for this Digression from

the true Course of this Epistle; but that it may not seem altogether impertinent, I beg, that I may plead the occasion of it, in part of that Excuse of which I stand in need, for re­ commending this Comedy to your Protection. It is only by the Countenance of your Lordship, and the Few so qualified, that such who write with Care and Pains can hope to be distinguish'd: For the Prostituted Name ofPoet promiscuously levels all that bear it.

Terence, the most correct Writer in the World, had a Scipio and a Lelius if not to assist him, at least to support him in his Reputation: And notwithstanding his extraordinary Merit, it may be, their Countenance was not more than necessary.

The Purity of his Stile, the Delicacy of his Turns, and the Justness of his Characters, were all of them Beauties, which the greater part of his Audience were incapable of Tasting: Some of the coursest Strokes of Plaums, so severely censured by Horace, were more likely to affect the Multitude; such, who come with expectation to Laugh out the last Act of a Play, and are better entertained with two or three unseason­ able Jests, than with the artful Solution of the Fable.

As Terence excell'd in his Performances, so had he great Advantages to encourage his Undertakings; for he built most on the Foundations of Menander: His Plots were generally modell'd, and his Characters ready drawn to his Hand. He copied Met/auder; and Menander had no less Light in the Formation of his Characters, from the Observations of Theophrastus, of whom he was a Disciple; and Theophrastlls it is known was not only the Disciple, but the immediate Successor of Aristotle, the first and greatest Judge of Poetry. These were great Models to design by; and the fnrtller Advantage which Terence possess'd, towards giving his Plays the due Ornaments of Purity of Stile, and Justness of Manners, was not less considerable, from the freedom of Conversation, which WaS permitted him with LelillS and Scipio, two of the greatest and most polite Men of his Age. And indeed, the Privilege of such a Conversation, is the only certain Means of attaining to the Perfection of Dialogue.

If it has hapned in any part of this Comedy, that I have gain'd a Tum of Stile, or Expression more Correct, or at least more Corrigible than in those whicl; I have ~orn:er1y written, I must, with equal Pride and Gratltude, ascnbe It to the Honour of your Lordship's admitting me into your Conversation, and that of a Society where every-body else was so well worthy of you, in your Retirement last Summer

391

The Way oj the World

from the Town: For it was immediately after, that this Comedy was written. If I have fail'd in my Performance, it is only to be regretted, where there were so many, not in­ feriour either to a Scipio or a Leliu$, that there should be one wanting equal to the Capacity of a Terence.

If I am not mistaken, Poetry is almost the only Art, which has not yet laid claim to your Lordship's Patronage. Archi­ tecture, and Painting, to the great Honour of our COtllltry, have flourish'd under your Influence and Protection. In the mean time, Poetry, the eldest Sister of all Arts, and Parent of most, seems to have resign'd her Birth-right, by having neglected to pay her Duty to your Lordship; and by per­ mitting others of a later Extraction, to prepossess that Place in your Esteem, to which none can pretend a better Title. Poetry, in its Nature, is sacred to the Good and Great; the relation between them is reciprocal, and they are ever propi­ tious to it. It is the Privilege of Poetry to address to them, and it is their Prerogative alone to give it Protection.

This receiv'd Maxim is a general Apology for all Writers who Consecrate their Labours to great Men: But I could wish at this time, that this Address were exempted from the com­ mon pretence of all Dedications; and that as I can distinguish your Lordship even among the most Deserving, so this Offering might become remarkable by some particular Instance of Respect, which shou'd assure your Lordship, that I am, with all due Sense of your extream Worthiness and Humanity,

MyLORD, Your Lordship's most obedient

and most oblig'd humble Servant,

Will. Congreve.

392

iately after, that this n my Performance, it rere so many, not in­ lt there should be one 'erence. it ,the only Art, which p s Patronage. Archi. lOur of Ollr COlUltry, nd Protection. In the f all Arts, and Parent iirth-r.ight, by having ordship; and by per- prepossess that Place

)tetend a better Title. Good lind Great; the i they are ever propi­ ::> address to them, and rotectioll. ology for all Writers vicn; But I could wish :npted from the com­ tat as I can distinguish t Deserving, so this by some particular

'e your Lordship, that :ealll Worthiness and

:nost obedient !ig'd humble Servant,

mgrevc.

Prologue, Spoken by Mr. Betterton.

of those few Fools, who with ill Stars are curs'd, Sure scribbling Fools, calI'd Poets, fare the worst. For they're a sort of Fools which Fortutle makes, And after she has made 'em Fools, forsakes. With Nature's Oafs 'tis quite a cliff'rent Case, For Fortune favours all her Idiot-Race: In her own Nest the Ctlckow-Eggs we find, O'er which she broods to hatch the Challglillg-Kind. No Portion for her own she has to spare, So much she doats on her adopted Care.

Poets are Bubbles, by the Town drawn in, Suffer'd at first some triBing Stakes to win: But what unequal Hazards do they run! } Each time they write, they venture all they've won: The 'Squire that's butter'd still, is sure to be undone. This Author, heretofore, has found your Favour, But pleads no Merit from his past Behaviour. To build on that might prove a vain Presumption, Should Grants to Poets made, admit Resumption: And in Parnasstls he must lose his Seat, If that be fotmd a forfeited Estate.

He owns, with Toil, he wrought the following Scenes, But if they're naught ne're spare him for his Pains: Damn him the more; have no Commiseration For Dulness on mature Deliberation. He swears he'll not resent one hiss'd-off Scene, } Nor, like those peevish Wits, his Play maintain, Who, to assert their Sense, your Taste arraign. Some Plot we think he has, and some new Thought; Some Humour too, no Farce; but that's a Fault. Satire, he thinks, you ought not to expect, For so Reform'd a Town, who dares Correct? To please, this time, has been his sole Pretence, He'll not instnlct, lest it should give Offence. Should he by chance a Knave or Fool expose, That hurts none here, sure here are none of those.. In short, our Play, shall (with your leave to shew It) Give YOll one Instance of a. Passive Poe.t. . Who to your JLldgments ytelds all Reslgnanon; So Save or Damn, after your own Discretion.

Bubbles . .. butter'd-Gamesters' siang: "cheated" and "led to double his wager to recover his losses."

393

Dramatis Persona::

MEN.

Fainall, In Love with Mrs. Marwood Mr. Betterton. Mirabell, In Love with Mrs. Millamant Mr. Verbrugen.

Witwloud,} Followers of Mrs. Millamant } MMr. BBowen. Petll alit, r. ownlan. Sir Wilful! Wit1/Joud, Half Brother to Wit-} MUd hill

1/Joud, and Nephew to Lady Wishfort r. n er . Waitwell, Servant to Mirabell Mr. Bright.

WOMEN.

Lady Wislifort, Enemy to Mirabell, for} M L' h having falsely pretended Love to her rs. elg.

Mrs. Millamant, A fine Lady, Niec'e to} M B . dl Lady Wishfort, and loves Mirabell rs. raceglr e.

Mrs. Marwood, Friend to Mr. Fa/nail, and} M B likes Mirabell rs. arry.

Mrs. Fajnall, Daughter to Lady WiShfort,} and Wife to Fainall, formerly Friend to Mrs. Bowman. Mirabell

Foible, Woman to Lady Wishfort Mrs. Willis. Mincing, Woman to Mrs. Millamant Mrs. Prince.

Dancers, Footmen, and Attendants.

SCENE LONDON.

The Time eqtlal to that of the Presentation.

394

Mr. Betterton. Mr. Verbrugen.

Int } Mr. Bowen.

Vit-} Mr. Bowman . t Mr. Underhill.

Mr. Bright.

for} M . h.ler rs. Leig

to] Mrs. Bracegirdle.

md Mrs. Barry.

art'}t to Mrs. Bowman. Mrs. Willis. Mrs. Prince.

ttcl1dants.

)N.

1 Presentatioll.

The Way of the World.

A Comedy.

ACT 1. SCENE 1.

A Chocolate-house.

Mirabell and Fainall Risitlgfrom Cards. Betty waiting.

Mirabell. You are a fortunate Man, Mr. Faitlall.

Fainall. Have we done?

Mirabell. What you please. I'll play on to entertain you.

Fainall. No, I'll give you your Revenge another time, when you are not so indifferent; you are thinking of something else now, and play too negligently; the Coldness of a losing Gamester lesscru the Pleasure of the Winner: I'd no more play with a Man that slighted his ill Fortune, than I'd make Love to a Woman who undervalu'd the Loss of her Reputation.

5

11)

Mirabell. You have a Taste extreamly delicate, and are for refining all your Pleasures.

Fainall. Prithee, why so reserv'd ? Something has put you out of Humour.

Mirabell. Not at all: I happen to be grave to day; and you are gay; that's all.

15

Fainall. Confess, Millalllallt alld you quarrell'd last Night, after I left you; my fair Cousin has some Humours, that wou'd tempt the patience of a Stoick. What, some Cox­ comb came in, and was well receiv'd by her, while you were by.

20

Mirabell. Witwoud and Petulallt; and what was worse, her Aunt, your Wife's Mother, my evil Genius; or to sum up all in her own Name, myoId Lady Wishfort came in.­

395

The Way of the World. Act 1. Scene I

25 Fainall. 0 there it is then---She has a lasting Passion for you, alld with Reasoll.---What, then my Wife was there?

Mirabel!. Yes, and Mrs. Marwood and thrcc or fonr more, whom I never saw before; seeing me, they all put all their

3 0 grave Faces, whisper'd one another; then complain'd aloud of the Vapours, and after fell into a profound Silence.

FainalJ. They had a mind to be rid of you.

Mirabell. For which Reason I resolv'd not to stir. At last the 35 good old Lady broke thro' her painful Taciturnity, with all

Invective against long Visits. I would not have understood her, but Millamant joining in the Argument, I rose and with a constrain'd Smile told her, I thought nothing was so casie as to know when a Visit began to be troublcsome;

40 she redllcd and I withdrew, without expecting her Reply.

Fainall. You were to blame to resent what she spoke only in Compliance with her Aunt.

Mira bell. She is more Mistress of her self, than to be under the necessity of snch a resignation.

45 Fail1all. What? tho' half her Fortune depends upon her marrying with my Lady's Approbation?

Mirabell. I was then in such a Humour, tha t I shon'd have been better pleas'd if she had been less discreet.

Fail/all. Now I remember, I wonder not they were weary 50 of you; last: Night was one of their Cabal-nights; they

havc 'em three times a Week, and meet: by turns, at one another's Apartmcnts, where they come together like the Coroner's Illquest, to sit upon the murder'd Reputations of the Week. Y Oll and I are excluded; and it was once pro­

55 pos'd that all the Male Sex shou'd be excepted; but some­ body mov'd that to avoid Scandal there might be one Man of the Community; upon which Motion Witl./Joud and Petulant were enroll'd Members.

Mirabell. And who may have been the Foundress of this 60 Sect? My Lady Wishfort, I Warrallt, who publishes her

Detestation of Mankind; and fun of the Vigour of Fifty

expectll~g-Waiting for. Caba/-A fre11ch term applied to a group of lninisters intriguing

together, popuL·trizcd by its political use after the Restoration.

The Way ~f the World, Act I. Scenc I has a lasting Passion for

hat, then my Wife Was

nd three or four mor me, they all put on the~; :nher; then complain'd r fell into a profound

. you.

d not to stir. At last the .lful Taciturnity, with an .lId not have understood

Argul11ent, I rose and thought nothing was so

gml to be troublesome' LIt expecting her Reply:

what shc spoke only in

r self, than to be under

l1;e depends upon her non?

that I shou'd have been screet.

, not they were weary cir Cabal-nights; they meet by turns, at one

:ome together like the urder'd Reputations of ; and it was once pro­ 'c excepted; but some­ lcre might be one Man Motion Witwoud and

thc Foundress of this t, who publishes her f thc Vigour of Fifty

> of ministers intriguing the Restoration.

five, declares for a Friend and Ratijia; and let Posterity shift for it self, she'll breed no more.

Fail/all. The discovery of your sham Addresses to her, to conceal your Love to her Niece, has provok'd this Separa­ tion: Had YOll dissembl'd better, Things might have con­ tinu'd in the state of Nature.

Mirabell. I did as much as Man cou'd, with any reasonable Conscience; I proceeded to the very last Act of Flattery with her, and was guilty of a Song in her Commendation: Nay, I got a Friend to pllt her into a Lampoon, and com­ plement her with the Imputation of an Affair with a young Fellow, which I carry'd so far, that I told her the malicious Town took notice that she was grown fat of a suddain; and WhCl1 she lay in of a Dropsie, persuaded her she was reported to be in Labour. The Devil's in't, if an old woman is to be flatter'd further, unless a Man shou'd endeavour downright personally to debauch her; and that my Virtue forbad me. But for the discovery of that Amour, I am Indebted to your Friend, or your Wife's Friend, Mrs. Mar£tJood.

70

75

80

Fainall. What should provoke her to be your Enemy, without she has made you Advances, which YOll have slighted? Women do not easily forgive Omissions of that Nature.

Mirabell. She was always civil to me, till of late; I confess I am not one of those Coxcombs who are apt to ~tl~tet a Woman's good Manners to her Prejudice; and . that she who does not refuse 'em every thing, can refuse' em nothing.

&5

Fainall. You are a gallant Man, Mirabell; and tho' you may have Cruelty enough, not to satisfie a Lady's longing; you have too much Generosity, not to be tender of her Honour. Yet you speak with an Indifference which seems to be affected; and confesses you are conscious of a Negligence.

90

Mirabell. You pursue the Argument with a distrust that seems to be unaffected, and confesses you are conscious of a Concern for which the Lady is more indebted to you, than your Wife.

95

Fainall. Fie, fie Friend, if you grow Censorious I must leave you ;---1'11 look upon the Gamesters in the next Room. 100

Mirabell. Who are they?

Ratifia-A liqueur, rather like cherry brandy,

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The JiVay oj the World, Act I. Scene I

FailJall. Petulant and Witwoud.---Bring me some Choco­ late.

Exit. 105 Mirabel!. Betty. what says your Clock?

Betty. Turn'd of the last Canonical Hour, Sir. Exit.

Mirabell. How pertinently tlle Jade answers me! Ha? almost One a Clock! (Looking at his Watch) 0, y'are come-

I 10 Emer a Servant.

Well, is tlle grand Affair over? YOll have been something tedious.

Servant. Sir, there's such Coupling at Pa/1cras, that they stand behind one another, as 'twere in a Country Dance. Ours

115 was the last Couple to lead up; and no hopes appearing of dispatch, besides, the Parson growing hoarse, we were afraid his Lungs would have fail'd before it came to our turn; so we drove rotuld to Duke's Place; and there they were riveted in a trice.

120 Mirabell. So, so, you are sure they are Married.

Servant. Married and Bedded, Sir: I am Witness.

Mirabell. Have you the Certificate?

Servant. Here it is, Sir.

Mirabel1. Has the Taylor brought Waitwell's Cloaths home, l25 and the new Liveries ?

Servant. Yes, Sir.

Mirabell. That's well. Do you go home again, d'ee hear, and adjourn the Consummation till farther Order; bid Waitwell shake his Ears, and Dame Partlet rustle ttp her

IjO Feathers, and meet me at One a Clock by Rosamond's Pond. That I may see her before she returns to her Lady; and as you tender your Bars be secret.

E:vit Servant. Re-ElIter Fainall.

Canollical HOHr-The hours for a legal marriage in church. PmlCras-St. Pancras, then outside the city on the road to Highgate,

where marriages were performed-for a fee-without a liceJlse and at any time.

Duke's Place-St. James Church, in Duke Place, Aldgate. Dame Partlet-The wife of Chanticleer in the fable. Rosamond's Pond-Ill St. James' Park, a favorite trysting place.

-Bring me Some Choeo-

Exil.Clock?

ucal Hour, Sir.

Exit. "ade answers me! Ha? almost Watch) 0, y'are come­

ervant.

r? Y Oll have been something

n~ at Pancras, that they stand ~ 111 a Country Dance. Ours ); and ~o hopes appearing of &r~W1ng hoarse, we were

fat! d before it t;ame to Our Duke's Place; and there they

:y are Married.

r: I am Witness.

te?

It WaittlJell's Cloaths home,

~o home again, d'ee hear, Ion till farther Order; bid Dame Partlet rustle up her Clock by Rosamond's Pond. retums to her Lady; alld as

Exit Servant. inall.

:gal marriage in church. e city all the road to Highgate, a fee-withou t a license and at

Duke Place, Aldgate. :er ill the fable. :, a favorite trysting place.

The Way oj the World, Act I. Scene I

Fainall. Joy of your Success, Mirabell; you look pleas'd. 1]5

Mirabell. Ay; I have been engag'd in a Matter of some sort of Mirth, which is not yet ripe for discovery. I am glad this is not a Cabal-night. I wonder, Faillall, that you who are Married, :md of Consequence should be discreet. will suffer your Wife to be of such a Party.

Faillall. Faith, I am notJealous. Besides, most who arc engag'd are Women and Relations: and for the Men, they are of :\ Kind too Contemptible to give Scandal.

Mirabel!. I am of another Opinion. The greater the Coxcomb, always the more the Scandal: For a Woman who is not a Fool, can have but one Reason for associating with a Man that is.

Fainall. Are you Jealous as often as you see Witwoud enter­ tain'd by Mil/amant?

Mirabell. Of her Understanding I am, if not of her Person. 150

Fainall. You do her wrong: for to give her her Due, she has Wit.

Mirabell. She has Beauty enough to make any Man think so; and Complaisance enough not to contradict him who shall tell her so. 155

Faillall. For a passionate Lover, methinks you are a Man somewhat too discerning in the Failings of your Mistress.

Mirabel!. And for a diseeming Man, somewhat too passionate a Lover; for I like her with all her Faults; nay, like her for her Faults. Her Follies are so natural, or so artful, that they become her; and those Affectations which in another Woman wou'd be odious, serve but to make her more agreeable. I'll tell thee, Fainall, she once us'd me with that Insolence, that in Revenge I took her to pieces; sifted her and separated her Failings; I 5tlldy'd 'em, and got 'em by rote. The Catalogue was so large, that I was not without hopes, one Day or other to hate her heartily: To which end I so us'd my self to think of'em, that at length, con­ trary to my Design and Expectation, they gave me every Hour less and less disturbance; 'till in a few Days it became habitual to me, to remember 'em without being displeas'd. They are now grown as fanUliar to me as my own Frailties; and in all probability in a little time longer I shall like 'em as welL

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The Way of the World, Act 1. Scene I

175 FaiHall. Marry her, marry her; be half as well acquainted with her Charms, as you are with her Defects, and my Life on't, you are your own Man again.

Mirabel!. Say you so?

Fainall. I, I, I have Experience: I have a Wife, and so forth.

180 Enter Messetlger.

Messenger. Is one Squire Witwoud here?

Betty. Yes; what's your Business?

Messenger. I have a Letter for him, from his Brother Sir Wilfull, which I am charg'd to deliver into his own Hands.

185 Betty. He's in the next Room, Friend--That way. Exit Messenger.

Mirabell. What, is the Chief of that noble Family in Town, Sir Wilfull Witwoud?

Fainal!. He is expected to Day. Do you know him?

190 Mirabell. I have seen him, he promises to be an extraordinary Person; I think you have the Honour to be related to him.

Fainall. Yes; he is half Brother to this Witwoud by a fonner Wife, who was Sister to my Lady Wishfort, my Wife's Mother. If you marry Millamant you must call COl1sins

195 too.

Mirabell. I had rather be his Relation than Iris Acquaintance.

Fainall. He comes to Town in order to Equip himself for Travel.

Mirabell. For Travel! Why the Man that I mean is above 200 Forty.

Fait/all. No matter for that; 'tis for the Honour of England, that all Europe should know we have Blockheads of all Ages.

Mirabell. I wonder there is not an Act of Parliament to save 205 the Credit of the Nation, and prohibit the Exportation of

Fools.

Fainall. By no means, 'tis better as 'tis; 'tis better to Trade with a little Loss, than to be quite eaten up, with being overstock'd.

210 Mirabel!. Pray, are tlle Follies of this Knight-Errant, and those of the Squire his BrotlIer, any thing related?

400

half as well acquainted th her Defects and m again. ' Y

: a Wife, and so forth.

r.

'e?

, from his Brother Sir ver into his own Hands.

:l-Thatway. Exit Messenger.

lOble Family in Town,

)U know him?

to be an extraordinaty Jr to be related to him. ; Witwoud by a former r Wishfort, my Wife's rou must call Cousins

than his Acquaintance.

to Equip himself for

that I mean is above

,e Honour of England, lye Blockheads of all

of Parliament to save )it the Exportation of

; 'tis better to Trade eaten up, with being

ght-Errant, and those elated?

The Way if the World, Act 1. Scene I Faillall. Not at all; Witwolld grows by the Knight, like a

Medlar grafted on a Crab. One will melt in your Mouth, and t'other set your Teeth on edge; one is all Pulp. and the other all Core. 215

Mirabell. So one will be rotten before he be ripe, and the other will be rotten without ever being ripe at all.

Fai/lall. Sir WilfHll is an odd mixture of Bashfulness and Obstinacy--But when he's drunk, he's as loving as the Monster in the Tempest; and much after the same man­ uo ner. To give the t'odler his due; he has something of good Nature, and does not always want Wit.

Mirabell. Not always; but as often as his Memory fails him, and his common place of Comparisons. He is a Fool with a good Memory, and some few Scraps of other Folks Wit. He is one whose Conversation can never be approv'd, yet it is now and then to be endur'd. He has indeed one good Quality, he is not Exceptious; for he so passionately affects the Reputation of understanding Raillery; that he will construe an Affront into a Jest; and call downright 2)0 Rudeness and ill Language, Satyr and Fire.

FaitJall. If you have a mind to finish his Picture, you have an opportunity to do it at fillllength. Behold the Original.

Eltter Witwoud.

WitwoHd. Afford me your Compassion, l1ly Dears; pity me, 2)5 Fainall, Mirabell, pity me.

Mirabel!. I do from my Soul.

Fainall. Why, what's the Matter?

WitwoHd. No Letters for me, Betty?

Betty. Did not the Messenger bring you one but now, Sir?

Witwotld. Ay, but no other?

Betty. No, Sir.

Witwotld. That's hard, that's very hard;--A Messenger, a Mule, a Beast of Burden, he has brought me a Letter from the Fool my Brother, as heavy as a Panegyrick in a 245 Funeral Sermon, or a Copy of Commendatory Verses from one Poet to another. And what's worse, 'tis as sure a forerurmer of the Author, as an Epistle Dedicatory.

Monster ill tile Tempest-Referring to the immensely popular opera, made out of the Dryden-Davenant version of the Tempest, r674­ reset with Purcell's music in 1690.

401

The Way of the World, Act 1. Scene I Mirahell. A Fool, and your Brother, Witwoud!

Z50 Witwoud. Ay, ay, my half Brother. My half Brother he is, no nearer, upon Honour.

Mirabell. Then 'tis possible he may be but half a Fool.

Witwoud. Good, good Mirabell, Ie DroIe! Good, good, hang him, don't let's talk of him :---Fainall, how docs your

255 Lady? Gad, I say any thing in the World to get this Fellow out of my Head.. I beg Pardon that I shou'd ask a Man of Pleasure, and the Town, a Question at once so Foreign and Domestick. But I talk like all old Maid at a Marriage, 1 don't know what I say: But she's the best Woman itl the

260 World.

Fainall. 'Tis well you don't know what you say, or else your Commendation wott'd go ncar to make me either Vam or Jealous.

Witwoud. No Man ill Town lives well with a Wife but 265 Fainall: YOltr Judgment Mirabel!.

Mirabell. YOll had better step and ask his Wife; if you wou'd be credibly inform'd.

Witwoud. Mirabel!.

Mirabell. Ay.

270 Witwoud. My Dear, I ask ten thousalld Pardolls;-Gad I have forgot what I was going to say to you.

Mirabell. I thank you heartily, heartily.

Witwoud. No, but prithee excuse me,--l11y Memory is such a Memory.

275 Mirabell. Have a care of such Apologies, Witwotld;---for I never knew a Fool but he affected to complain, either of the Spleen or his Memory.

Fainall. What have you done with Petulant?

Witwoud. He's reckoning his Mony,---my Mony it was, 280 ---I have no Luck to Day.

Fainall. You may allow him to win of you at Play;~­ for you are Sllre to be too hard for him at Repartee: since YOll monopolize the Wit that is between you, the Fortune must be his of Conrse.

285 Mirabel!. I don't find that Pet.dant confesses the Superiority of Wit to be your Talent, Witwoud.

402

r, Witwoudl

'. My half Brother he is ,

be but half a Fool.

)role.l Good, good, hang -Famall, how does your W orId to get this Fellow

at r shott'd ask a Man of n at ~llce so Foreign and I MaId at a Marriage, I the best Woman in the

1'1t you say, or else your ) make me either Vain

well with a Wife but

his Wife; if you wou'd

sand Pardol1S;-Gad I Y' to you.

,-my Memory is

es, Witl/loud;-for to complain, either of

liant?

-my Mony it was,

f you at Play;-­ :m at Repartee: since een you, the Fortune

esses the Superiority

The Way ~f the World, Act 1. Scene 1

WitWGud. Come, come, you are malicious now, and wou'd breed Debates.--Petlllant's my Friend, and a very honest Fellow, and a very pretty Fellow, and has a smatter~ jng-Faith and Troth a pretty deal of an odd sort ofa small Wit: Nay, I'll do him Justice. I'm his Friend, I won't wrong him neither--And ifhe had but any Judgment in the World,--he wou'd not be altogether contemp­ tible. Come come, don't detract from the Merits of mv Friend. '

J.95

Fainall. You don't take your Friend to be ovemicely bred.

Witll/Gud. No, no, hang him, the Rogue has no Manners at all, that I must own--No more breeding than a Bum-baily, that I grant you,--'Tis Pity faith; the Fellow has Fire and Life. 300

Mirabell. What, Courage?

Wilwoud. Hum, faith I don't know as to that,-I can't say as to that.--Yes, Faith, in a Controversie he'll contra­ dict any Body.

Mirabell. Tho' 'twere a Man whom he fear'd, or a Woman 305 whom he lov'd.

Witwoud. Well, well, he docs not always think before he speaks;---We have all our Failings; you're too hard lipan hilll, you are, faith. Let me excuse him;-I can defend most of his Faults, except one or two; one he has, 3 10 that's the Truth on't, if he were my Brother, I cou'd not acquit him--That indeed I cou'd wish were otherwise.

Mirabell. Ay marry, what's that, WitwOlld?

Witwoud. 0 pardon me-Expose the Infirm.ities of my Friend.--No, my Dear, excuse m.e there. 3 15

Fait/all. What I warrant he's unsincere, or 'tis some such Trifle.

Witwoud. No, no, what ifhe be? 'Tis no matter for that, his Wit will excuse that: A Wit shou'd no more be sincere, than a Woman constant; one argues a decay of Parts, as ]20 t'other of Beauty.

Mirabell. May be you think him too positive?

Witwoud. No, no, his being positive is an Incentive to Argu­ ment, and keeps up Conversation.

BIII1I-baily-"A bailiff of the meanest kind; one employed in arrests" (Johnson's Dictionary).

403

The Way of the World, Act I. Scene I

325

33 0

335

340

345

350

355

Fainall. Too Illiterate.

Witwoud. That! that's his Happiness---His want of Learning, gives him the more opportunities to shew his natural Parts.

Mirabell. He wants Words.

Witwoud. Ay; but I like him for that now; for his wallt of Words gives me the pleasure very often to explain his meaning.

Fainall. He's Impudent.

Witwoud. No; that's not it.

Mirabel!. Vain.

Witwoud. No.

Mirabel!. What, he speaks unseasonable Tnlths sometimes, because he has not Wit enough to invent an Evasion.

Witwoud. Truths! Ha, ha, ha! No, no, since YOll will have it, -1 mean he never speaks Truth at all,---that's all. He will lie like a Chambermaid, or a Woman of Quality's Porter. Now that is a Fault.

Enter Coachman.

Coachman. Is Master Petulant here, Mistress?

Betty. Yes.

Coachman. Three Gentlewomen in the Coach would speak with him.

Fainall. 0 brave Petulant, three!

Betty. I'll tell him.

Coachman. You must bring two Dishes of Chocolate and a Glass of Cirulamon-water.

Exit Betty, and Coachman.

Witwoud. That should be for two fasting Strumpets, and a Bawd troubI'd with Wind. Now you may know what the three are.

Mirabel!. You are very free with your Friends Acquaintance.

Witwoud. Ay, ay, Friendship without Freedom is as dull as Love WitllOut Enjoyment, or Wine without Toasting; but

Ct'rmamoll-wafer-A strong drink, flavored with cinnamon, a cure for vapors.

I

H:appiness-'l,,_ UlS want of

Jre opportunities to shew his

'or that now; for his want of re very often to explain his

!asollable Truths sometimes ~h to invent an Evasion. I

r0, no, since YOll will have it, lth at all,-that's aU. He . Or a Woman of Quality's

hman.

:, Mistress?

in the Coach would speak

Dishes of Chocolate and a

Exit Betty, and Coachma!l.

) fasting Strumpets. and a V you may know what the

our Friends Acquaintance.

.out Freedom is as dull as ine without Toasting; but

~ored with cnmamon, a cure

The Way oj the World, Act L Scene I

to tell you a Secret, these are Tmlls that he allows Coach­ hire, and something more by the Week, to call 011 him

360 once a Day at publick Places.

Mirabel!. How!

lif1itlllo~ld. You shall see he won't go to 'em because there's no more Company here to take notice of him--Why this is nothing to what he lIs'd to dO;--Before he found out this way, I have known him call for him­ self.--

Fainal!. Call for himself? What dost thou mean?

WitllIoud. Mean, why he wou'd slip you out ofthis Chocolate­ house, just when you had been talking to him--As soon as your Back was turn'd--Whip he was gone; --Then trip to his Lodging, clap on a Hood and Scarf, and Mask, slap into a Hackney-Coach, and drive hither to the Door again in a trice; where he wou'd send in for himself, that I mean, call for himself, wait for himself, nay .175 and what's more, not finding himself, sometimes leave a Letter for himself.

Mirabell. I confess this is something extraordinary-I believe he waits for himself now, he is so long a coming; 0 I ask his Pardon. 380

Enter Petulant.

Betty. Sir, the Coach stays.

Petulant. Well, well; I come--Sbud, a Man had as good be a profess'd Midwife as a profest Whorem:l8ter, at this rate; to be knock'd up and rais'd at all Hours, md in all Places. Pox on 'em I won't come.--Dee hear, tell 'em I won't come.--Let 'em snivel and cry their Hearts out.

Fainall. You are very cruel, Petulant.

Petulant. All's one, let it pass--I have a Humour to be 390 crueL

Mirabell. I hope they are not Persons of Condition that you use at this rate.

Petulant. Condition, Condition's a dry'd Fig, if I am not in Humour-By this Hand, if they were your-a-a-your 395 What-dee-call-'ems themselves. they must wait or rub off, if I want Appetite.

The Way of the World, Act I. Scene I

Mirabell. What-dee-call-' ems! What are they, Witwoud?

Witwoud. Empresses, my Dear--By your What-dee-call­ 400 'ems he means Sultana Queens.

Petulant. Ay, Roxolana's.

Mirabell. Cry you Mercy.

Fainall. Wltwoud says they are­

Petularlt. What does he say th' are?

405 Witwoud. I; fine Ladies I say.

Petulant. Pass on, Witwoud--Hearkee, by this Light his Relations--Two Coheiresses his Cousi11S, and an old Aunt. that loves Catterwauling better than a Conventicle.

Witwoud. Ha. ha, ha; I had a Mind to see how the Rogue 410 wou'd come off:--Ha, ha, ha; Gad I can't be angry

with him; ifhe said they were my Mother and my Sisters. Mirabell. No!

Witwoud. No; the Rogue's Wit and Readiness ofInvention charm me, dear Petulant.

415 Betty. They are gone Sir, in great Anger.

Petulant. Enough, let'em trundle. Anger helps Complexion, saves Paint.

Fait/all. This Continence is all dissembled; this is in order to have something to brag of the next time he makes Court

4Z0 to Millamant, and swear he has abandon'd the whole Sex for her Sake.

Mirabell. Have you not left off your impudent Prete11Sions there yet? I shall cut your Throat, sometime or other, Petulant, about that Business.

425 Petulant. Ay, ay, let that pass-There are other Throats to be cut-

Mirabel!. Meaning mine, Sir?

Petulant. Not 1--1 mean no Body--I know nothing --But there are Uncles and Nephews in the World

430 --And they may be Rivals--What then? All's one for that--

Mirabel!. How! hearkee Petulant, come hither--Explain, or I shall call your Interpreter.

Roxolana's-The Sultana in Davenant's Siege of Rhodes.

406

435

'hat are they, Witwoud?

-By your What-dee-caJi. s.

. Hea:kee, br this Light his

.es IllS COl1sms, and an old better than a Conventicle.

Iud to sec how the Rogue ha; Gad I can't be angry

my Mother and my Sisters.

llld Readiness ofInvention

Anger.

Anger helps Complexion,

embled; this is in order to :text ti111e he makes Court abandon'd the whole Sex

our impudent Pretensions roat, sOllletil1le or oilier,

-There are other Throats

dy--I know nothing Nephews in the World

--What then? All's

me hither--Bxplain,

Siege qf Rhodes.

The Way of the World, Act 1. Scene I

Petulant. Explain, I know nothing--Why you have an Unde'dhave y,o~ not, lately come to Town, and lodges by my La y Wis tlort's?

Mirabell. True.

Petulallt. Why that's enough--You and he are not Friends; and ifhe sholl'd marry and have a Child, you may be disinherited, ha?

Mirabell. Where hast thou stumbled upon all this Truth?

Petulant. All's one for that; why then say I know something .

l'vlirabell. Come, thou art an honest Fellow, Petulant, and shalt make Love to my Mistress. thou sha't, Faith. What hast thou heard of my Unde?

Petulallt. I, nothing I. If Throats are to be cut, let Swords clash; snugs the Word, I shrug and am silent.

Mirabell. 0 Raillery, Raillery. Come, I know thou art in the Women's Secrets--What you're a Cabalist, I know you staid at Millamallt's last Night, a£i:er I went. Was there any mention made of my Uncle, or me? Tell me; if thou hadst but good Nature equal to thy Wit Petula/1t, Tony Witwoud, who is now thy Competitor in Fame, wou'd shew as dim by thee as a dead Whiting's Eye, by a Pearl of Orient; he wou'd no more be seen by thee, then Mereltry is by the Sun: Come, I'm sure thou wo't tell me.

Petulant. If I do, will YOll grant me common Sense then, for the future?

Mirabel!. Faith I'll do what I can for thee; and I'll pray that Heav'n may grant it thee in the mean time.

Petulant. Well, hearkee.

Fainal!. Petulant and YOll both will :find Mirabell as warm a Rival as a Lover.

Witwoud. Pshaw, pshaw, that she laughs at Petlllant is plain. And for my part-But that it is almost a Fashion to admire her, I shou' d-Hearkee-To tell you a Secret, but let it go no further--Between Friends, I shall never break my Heart for her.

41DFainall. How!

The Way of the World, Act 1. Scene I

·WitlVoud. She's handsome; but she's a sort of an uncertain Woman.

Fail1all. I thought YOll had dy'd for her.

Witwoud. Umh-No­

475 Fainall. She has Wit.

Witwoud. 'Tis what she will hardly allow any Body dse;­ Now, Demme, I shou'd hate that, if she were as handsomc as Cleopatra. Mirabell is not so sure of her as he thinks for.

Fainall. Why do yOLt think so?

480 Witwoud. W c staid pretty late there last Night; and heard something of an Uncle to Mirabell, who is lately come to Town,-and is between him and the best part of his Estate; Mirabell and he are at some distance, as my Lady r;VisJ!fort has been told; and you know she hates Mirabel!, worse than

485 a Quaker hates a Parrot, or than a Fishmonger hates a hard Frost. Whether tlns Uncle has seen Mrs. Mil/amant 01: not, I cannot say; but there were Items of such a Treaty being in Embrio; and if it shou'd come to Life; poor Mirabell won'd be ill some sort unfortunately fobb'd

490 i'faith.

Fainall. 'Tis im.possible Mil/amant should hearken to it.

Witwoud. Faith, my Dear, I can't tell; she's a Woman and a kind of a Humorist.

Mirabell. And this is the Sum. of what you cou'd collect last 495 Night.

Petulant. The Quintessence. May be Witwoud knows more, h( stay'd 1011gcr---Bcsides they never mind him; they sa' any thi.ng before him. .

Mirabell. I thought you had been the greatest Favourite.

SOD Petulant. Ay teste a teste; But not in publick, because I lna~ Remarks.

Mirabell. Do you.

Petulant. Ay, ay, pox I'm malicious, Man. Now he's Sf you know, they are not in awe ofhim---The Fello,

505 well bred, he's what you call a--What-dee-calI-'c A fine Gentleman, but he's silly withal.

Humorist-Perhaps in the sense of one who jndulgcs her ; humors or fancies.

408

1 uncertain

• ody elsc;­ \s hands011l.c e thinks for.

:j and heard tely come to of his Estate; ,ady JiVislifo rt fl, worse than mgcr hates a Millalllalit or

iUch a Treaty '0 Life' poor ~atcly fobb'd

:en to it.

W0111.an and a

ll'd collect last

.llOWS 111.0re, he l him.; they say

Favourite.

because I l11.ake

Now he's soft -The Fellow's l1at-dee-call-' em.

indulges her own

The Way of the World, Act 1. Scene I

Mirabel!. I thank you, I know as much as my Curiosity requires. Fail1all. are you for the Mall?

Fainall. Ay, I'll take a turn before Dinner.

Witwoud. Ay, we'll all walk in the Park, the Ladies talk'd of 510 being there .

Mirabell. I thought you were oblig'd to watch for your Brother Sir Wilfull's arrival.

Witwoud. No, no, he comes to his Aunts, my Lady WishJort; pox on him, I shall be troubled with him too; what shall I 515 do with the Fool?

Petulant. Beg him for his Estate; that I may beg you after­ wards; and so have but one Trouble with you both.

Witwoud. 0 rare Petulant; thou art as quick as a Fire ill a frosty Morning; thou shalt to the Mall with us; and we'll 52 0 be very severe.

Petula11t. Enough, I'm in a Humour to be severe.

Mirabell. Are you? Pray then walk by your selves,--Let not us be accessary to your putting the Ladies out of Cotmtenance, with your senseless Ribaldry; which you 525 roar out aloud as often as they pass by you; and when you have made a handsome Woman blush, then you think you have been severe.

Petulant. What, what? Then let 'em either shew their Inno­ cence by not understanding what they hear, or else shew 53° their Discretion by not hearing what they would not be thought to understand.

Mirabell. But hast not thou then Sense enough to know that thou ought'st to be most asham'd thy Self, when thou hast put another out of Countenance. 535

Petulant. Not I, by this Hand--I always take blushing . either for a Sign of Guilt, or ill Breeding.

Mirabel!. I confess you ought to think so. You are in the right, that you may plead the error of your Judgment in defence of your Practice.

Where Modesty's ill Manners, 'tis but fit That Impudence and Malice, pass for Wit.

Exeunt.

14-+ C. P,W.C.

The Way of the World, Act II. Scene I

ACT II. SCENE 1.

St. James's Park.

Enter Mrs. Fainall and Mrs. Marwood.

Mrs. Fainall. Ay, ay, dear Marwood, if we will be happy, we must find the means in our selves, and among our selves. Men are ever in Extreams; either doating or averse. While they are Lovers, if they have Fire and Sense, their Jealousies are insupportable: And when they cease to Love, (we ought to think at least) they loath; they look upon us with Horror and Distaste; they meet us like the Ghosts of what we were, and as snch fly from us.

Mrs. Marwood. True, 'tis an unhappy Circumstance of Life, 10 that Love shou'd ever die before us; and that the Man so

often shou'd out-live the Lover. But say what you will, 'tis better to be left, than never to have been lov'd. To pass our Youth in dull Indifference, to refuse the Sweets of Life because they once must leave us; is as preposterous,

15 as to wish to have been born Old, because we one Day rnust be Old. For my part, my Youth may wear and waste, but it shall never rust in my Possession.

Mrs. Fain all. Then it seems you dissemble an Aversion to Mankind, only in compliance with my Mothers Humollr.

20 Mrs. Marwood. Certainly. To be free; I have no Taste of those insipid dry Discourses, with which our Sex of force mnst entertain themselves, apart from Men. We may affect Endearments to each other, profess eternal Friend­ ships, and seem to doat like Lovers; but 'tis not in our

25 N atnres long to persevere. Love will resume Iris Empire in our Breasts, and every Heart, or soon or late, receive and readmit him as its lawful Tyrant.

Mrs. Fainall. Bless me, how have I been deceiv'd! Why you profess a Libertine.

30 Mrs. Marwood. You see my Friendship by my Freedom. Come, be as sincere, acknowledge that your Sentiments agree with mine.

Mrs. Fainall. Never.

Mrs. Marwood. You hate Mankind?

35 Mrs. FainalI. Heartily, Inveterately.

Mrs. Marwood. YOllr Husband?

410

B 1.

Marwood.

'lVe will be happy, we nd among our selves. : doating or averse. Fire and Sense, their

en they cease to Love, ;h; they look upon us et us like the Ghosts 111 us.

Circumstance of Life, and that the Man so

:t say what you will, have been lov' cl To to refuse the Sweets

llS; is as preposterous, because we one Day : may wear and waste, LOn.

mble an Aversion to (1Y Mothers Humour.

; I have no Taste of hich our Sex of force rom Men. We may rofess eternal Friend­ ;; but 'tis not in our 11 resume his Empire ,on or late, receive and

11 decciv'd! Why you

tip by my Freedom. that your Sentiments

The Way oj the World, Act n. Scene I Mrs. Faillall. Most transcendantly; ay, tho' I say it, meri­

toriously.

Mrs. Marwood. Give me your Hand upon it.

Mrs. Fainall. There.

Mrs. Marwood. I join with you; what I have said, has been to try you.

Mrs. Fainall. Is it possible? Dost thou hate those Vipers Men?

Mrs. Marwood. I have done hating 'em; and am now come to 45 despise 'em; the next thing I have to do, is eternally to forget' em.

Mrs. Fail1all. There spoke the Spirit of an Amazon, a Pel)­ thesilea.

Mrs. Marwood. And yet I am thinking sometimes, to carry 50 my Aversion further.

Mrs. FainaIl. How?

Mrs. Marwood. Faith by Marrying; if I cou'd but find one that lov' d me very well, and would be throughly sensible of ill usage; I think I shou'd do my self the violence of 55 undergoing the Ceremony.

Mrs. Fainall. Yon would not make him a Cuckold?

Mrs. Marwood. No; but 1'd make him believe I did, and that's as bad.

Mrs. Fainall. Why, had not you as good do it? 60

Mrs. Marwood. 0 if he shou'd ever discover it, he wou'd then know the worst; and be out of his Pain; but I wou'd have him ever to continue upon the Rack of Fear and Jealousy.

Mrs. Fainall. Ingenious Mischief! W ou' d thou wert married to Mirabell.

Mrs. Marwood. W ou' d I were.

Mrs. Fainall. You dlange Colour.

Mrs. Marwood. Because I hate him.

70Mrs. Fainall. So do I; but I can hear him nam'd. But what Reason have you to hate him in particular?

Petlthesilea-Queen of the Amazons; sec Aeneid, I, 49I.

The Way if the .World, Act II. Scene I Mrs. Marwood. I never lov'd him; he is, and always was

insufferably proud.

Mrs. Faitwll. By the Reason you give for your Aversion, one 75 wou'd think it dissembl'd; for you have laid a Fault to

his Charge, of which his Enemies must acquit him.

Mrs. Marwood. 0 then it seems you are one of his favourable Enemies. Methinks you look a little pale, and now you flush again.

80 Mrs. Fainall. Do I? I think I am a little sick 0' the suddain.

Mrs. Marwood. What ails you?

.Mrs. Fainall. My Husband. Don't you see him? He turn'd short upon me unawares, and has almost overcome me.

Enter Fainall and Mirabell.

85 Mrs. Marwood. Ha, ha, ha; he comes opportwlely for you.

Mrs. Fail1all. For you, for he has brought Mirabell with him.

Fainall. My Dear.

Mrs. Fainall. My Soul.

Fait/all. You dOl1't look well to Day, Child.

90 Mrs. Fainall. Dee think so?

Mirabell. He is the only Man that do's, Madam.

Mrs. Fainall. The only Man that would tell me so at least; and the only Man from whom I could hear it without Mortification.

95 Fainall. 0 my Dear I am satisfy'd of your Tenderness; I know you cannot resel1t any thing from. me; especially what is an effect of my Concern.

Mrs. Faitutll. Mr. Mirabell; my Mother interrnpted you in a pleasant Relation last Night: I wou'd fain hear it out.

100 Mirabell. The Persons concern'd in that Affair, have yet a tollerable Repntation--I am afraid Mr. Fail1all will be Censorious.

Mrs. Faitlall. He has a Humonr more prevailing than his Curiosity, and will willingly dispence with the hearing of

10,5 one scandalous Story, to avoid giving an occasion to make another by being seen to walk with his Wife. This way Mr. MirabeIl, and I dare promise you will oblige us both.

Exeunt Mrs. Fainall alld Mirabel!.

412

he is, and always Was

for your Aversion, one !U have laid a Fault to must acquit rum.

re one of rus favourable :tle pale, and now you

Ie sick 0' the suddain.

Oll see him? He tum'd lhnost overcome me.

rabell.

opportul1ely for you.

LIght Mirabel! with him.

Child.

's, Madal11.

mId tell me so at least; : conld hear it without

'Ollr Tendemess; I know , 111e; especially what is

ler interrupted you ill a m'd fain hear it out.

that Affair, have yet a raid Mr. Fainall will be

)re prevailing than rus lce with tlle hearing of tlg an occasion to make his Wife. This way Mr. l! oblige llS both. rs. Fainall alld Mirabel!.

The Way of the World, Act II. Scene I

Fainall. Excellent Creature ! Well sure if I shou' d live to be rid of my Wife, I shou'd be a miserable Mall. 110

Mrs. Marwood. Ay!

Faillall. For having only that one Hope, the accomplishment of it, of Consequence must put an end to all my hopes; and what a Wretch is he who must survive rus hopes! Nothing remains when that Day comes, but to sit down and weep like Alexa/zder, when he wanted other Worlels to conquer.

J 15

Mrs. Marwood. Will yon not follow' em?

Fainall. Faith, I wink not.

Mrs. Marwood. Pray let us; 1 have a Reason. 120

Fairlall. You are not Jealous?

Mrs. Marwood. Of whom?

Faiflall. Of Mirabell.

Mrs. Marwood. IfI am, is it inconsistent wiw my Love to you Wat I am tender of your Honour? 12S

Fainall. You wou'd intimate then, as if there were a fellow­ feeling between my Wife and Him.

Mrs. Marwood. I think she do's not hate him to that degree she wou'd be thought.

Fainall. But he, I fear, is too Insensible. 1)0

Mrs. Marwood. It may be you are deceiv'd.

Faiflall. It may be so. I do now begin to apprehend it.

Mrs. Marwood. What?

Fainall. That I have been deceiv'd Madam, and you are false.

Mrs. Marwood. That I am false! What mean you? 1)5

Fainall. To let you know I see through all your little Arts­ Come, you both love him; and both have equally dis­ sembl'd your Aversion. Your mutual Jealousies of one another, have made you dash till you have bow struck Fire. I have seen the warm Confession red'ning on your Cheeks, and sparkling from your Eyes.

Mrs. Marwood. You do me wrong.

Fainall. I do not--'Twas for my ease to oversee and wilfull y neglect the gross advances made him by my Wife;

413

1I11~~--------------------------------------------------... ­

The. Way oj the World, Act II. Scene I

145 that by permitting her to be engag'd, I might continue unsuspected in my Pleasures; and take yot! oftner to my Arms in full Security. But cou' d you think because the nodding Husband would not wake, that e'er the watchful Lover slept!

150 Mrs. jV,larwood. And wherewithal can you reproach me?

Fainall. With hlfidelity, with loving of another, with love of Mirabell.

Mrs. Marwood. 'Tis false. I challenge you to shew an Instance that can confirm your groundless Accusation. I hate him.

155 Fainall. And wherefore do you hate him? He is Insensible, and your Resentment follows his Neglect. An Instance? The Injuries you have done him are a proof: Your inter­ posing in his Love. What cause had you to make Dis­ coveries of his pretended Passion? To undeceive the credu­

160 lous Aunt, and be the officious Obstacle of his Match with Millamant?

Mrs. Marwood. My Obligations to my Lady urg'd me: I had profess'd a Friendship to her; and could not see her easie Nature so abus'd by that Dissembler.

Fainall. What, was it Conscience then! profess'd a Friend­ . ship! 0 the pious Friendships of the Female Sex!

Mrs. Marwood. More tender, more sincere, and more endur­ ing, than all the vain and empty Vows of Men, whether professi.ng Love to us, or mutual Faith to one another.

Fainall. Ha, ha, ha; you are my Wife's Friend too.

Mrs. Marwood. Shame and Ingratitude! Do you reproach me? You, you upbraid me! Have I been false to her, thro' strict Fidelity to you, and sacrific'd my Friendship to keep my Love inviolate? And have you the baseness to charge me

J75 with the Guilt, unmindful of the Merit! To you it shou'd be meritorious, that I have been vicious. And do you re­ flect that Guilt upon me, which should lie buried in your Bosom?

Fainall. YOll misinterpret my Reproof. I meant but to remind 180 YOll of the slight Account you once could make of strictest

Ties, when set in Competition with your Love to me.

Mrs. Marwood. 'Tis false, YOll urg'd it with deliberate Malice­ 'Twas spoke in scorn, and I never will forgive it.

The Way oj the World, Act II. Scene I

lc Fainall. Your Guilt, not your Resentment, begets your Rage. ly 185If yet you lov'd, you could forgive a Jealousy: But you are lC stung to fmd you are discover'd. ul

Mrs. Marwood. It shall be all discover'd. You too shall be discover'd; be sure you shall. I can but be expos'd-If I do it my self I shall prevent your Baseness.

::>f Fail1all. Why, what will you do? 190

Mrs. Marwood. Disclose it to your Wife; own what has past ;c between us. 11.

Fail1all. Frenzy! c, Mrs. Marwood. By all my Wrongs I'll do't-I'll publish to ~ ? the World the Injuries you have done me, both in my 195 [- Fame and Fortune: With both I trusted you, YOll Bankrupt s- in Honour, as indigent of Wealth. l­

:h Fainall. Your Fame I have preserv'd. Your Fortune has been bestow'd as the prodigality of your Love would have it, in Pleasures which we both have shar'd. Yet had not you 200

,d been false, I had e'er this repaid it-'Tis true-Had you k permitted Mirabell with Millamant to have stoll'n their

Marriage, my Lady had been incens'd beyond all means of reconcilement: Millamant had forfeited the Moiety of her

\­ Fortune; which then wou'd have descended to my Wife;- 205 And wherefore did I marry, but to make lawful Prize of a

r- rich Widow's Wealth, and squander it on Love and you?

!r Mrs. Marwood. Deceit and frivolous Pretence.

Fainall. Death, am I not married? what's pretence? Am I not Imprison'd, Fetter'd? Have I not a Wife? Nay a Wife 210

that was a Widow, a younf, Widow, a handsome Widow; ?

and would be again a Wi ow, but that I have a Heart of;t Proof, and something of a Constitution to bustle thro' the

y ways of Wedlock and this World. Will you yet be re­ .C 215concil'd to Truth and me?d ~- Mrs. Marwood. Impossible. Truth and YOll are inconsistent Ir ---1 hate YOll, and shall for ever.

Fainall. For loving you? d >t Mrs. Marwood. I loath the name of Love after sucll usage;

and next to the Guilt with which you wou'd asperse me, I scorn you most. Farewell.

Fainall. Nay, we must not part thus.

415

_____________i'

220

The Way of the World, Act II. Scene I

Mrs. Marwood. Let me go.

Fainall. Come, I'm sorry.

225 Mrs. Marwood. I care llot--Let me go--Break my Hands, do--I'd leave'em to get loose.

Fainall. I would not hurt you for the World. Have I no other Hold to keep you here?

Mrs. Marwood. Well, I have deserv'd it all.

230 Fainall. You know I love you.

Mrs. Marwood. Poor dissembling !--O that--We11, it is not yet---

Fainall. What? what is it not? What is it not yet? It is not yet too late­

235 Mrs. Marwood. No, it is not yet too late-I have that Comfort.

Fainall. It is to love another.

Mrs. Marwood. But not to loath, detest, abhor Mankind, my self and the whole treacherous WorId.

Fainall. Nay, this is Extravagance---Co111e I ask lour Pardon---No Tears-I was to blame, I cou' not love you and be easie in my Doubts--Pray forbear ---I believe you; I'm convIDc'd I've done you wron~; and any way, every way will make amends;---I11 hate my Wife yet more, Dam her, I'll part with her, rob her of all she's worth, and we'll retire somewhere, any where to another World. I'll marry thee--Be pacify'd ---'Sdeath they come, hide your Face, your Tears­ You have a Mask, wear it a Moment. This way, this way, be persuaded.

250 Exeunt. EHter Mirabell and Mrs. Fainall.

Mrs. Fainall. They are here yet.

Mirabell. They are turning into the other Walk.

Mrs. Faillall. While I only hated my Husband, I could bear 255 to see him; but since I have despis'd him, he's too offensive.

Mirabel{. 0 you should Hate with Prudence.

Airs. Fainall. Yes, for I have Lov'd with Indiscretion.

Mirabel!. You shou'd have jnst so much disgust for your Husband, as may be sufficient to make you relish your

260 Lover.

416

~t 111e go---,Break my ) get loose.

r the World. I-lave r no

'd it all.

--0 that-Well.

laC is it not yet? It is not

atc-I have that Comfort.

test, abhor Mankind. Illy 'odd.

---emUl! r ask yOm' ras to blame, r cou'd not oubts---Pray forbear 'd I've done YOli wroJl~: mnke amcllds;----~lll :r, I'll part with her. rob Ii retire somewhere, :my :y thcc--Bc pacify'tl Tour Face, your TC1U'S­ lcnt. This way, this way.

:s. Fnillall.

)thcr Walk.

r Husband, I could bear :1 him, he's too offensive. :udcl1cc.

rith Indiscretion.

lUuch disgust for your make YOll relish your

The Way of the World, Act II. Scene I

Mrs. Fainall. You have been the cause that I have lov'd without Bounds, and wou'd you set Limits to that A ver­ sion, of which you have been the occasion? Why did you l1Lake me marty tIus Man?

Mirabel!. Why do we daily comllut disagreeable and dan­ gerous Actions? To save that Idol Reputation. If the familiarities of our Loves had produc'd that Consequence, of which you were apprehensive, where could you have fix'd a Father's Name with Credit, but on a Husband? I knew Fa/naIl to be a Man lavish of his Morals, an interested and professing Friend, a false and a designing Lover; yet one whose Wit and outward fair Behaviour have gain'd a Reputation with the Town, enough to make that Woman stand excus'd, who has suffer'd herself to be won by his Addresses. A better Man ought not to have been sacrific'd 275 to the Occasion; a worse had not answer'd to the Purpose. When you are weary of IUl11, you know your Remedy.

Mrs. Faillall. I ought to stand in some degree of Credit with yon, Mirabell.

Mirabel!. In Justice to you, I have made you privy to my z80 whole Design, and put it in your Power to ruin or advance my Fortune.

Mrs. Fainall. Whom have YOll instructed to represent your pretended Uncle?

Mirabell. Wait well, my Servant.

Mrs. Faillall. He is an humble Servant to Foible my Mothers Woman; and may win her to yonr Interest.

Mirabel!. Care is taken for that---She is won and worn by this time. They were married this morning.

Mrs. Fainall. Who?

Mirabell. Waittvell and Foible. I wou'd not tempt my Servant to betray me by trusting him too far. If your Mother, in hopes to ruin me, shou'd consent to marry my pretended Uncle, he nlight like Mosca in the Fox, stand upon Terms; so I made lum snre before-hand. 295

Mrs. Fainall. So, if my poor Mother is caught in a Contract, you will discover the Imposture betimes; and release her by producing a Certificate of her Gallants former Mar­ riage.

lIumbie Servattt to-Courting. .. Mosca ill the Fox-See Ben Jonson, Volpo/Je, Act. V, sc. xu.

4I7

/~,

_ ;Ii.

-~--------------...-"

The Way of the World, Act II. Scene I

300 Mirabell. Yes, upon Condition she consent to my Marriage with her Niece, and surrender the Moiety of her Fortune in her Possession.

Mrs. Fainail. She talk'd last Night of endeavouring at a Match between Millamant and your Uncle.

Mirabell. That was by Foible's Direction, and my Instruction, that she might seem to carry it more privately.

Mrs. Fa/nall. Well, I have an Opinion of your Success; for I believe my Lady will do any thing to get a Husband; and when she has this, which you have provided for her, I

3 10 suppose she will submit to any thing to get rid of him.

Mirabell. Yes, I think the good Lady wou'd marry any Thing that resembl'd a Man, tho' 'twere no more than what a Butler cou'd pinch out of a Napkin.

Mrs. Fainall. Female Frailty ! We must all come to it, if we live to be Old and feel the craving of a false Appetite when 315 the true is decay'd.

Mirabell. An old Woman's Appetite is deprav'd like that of a Girl--'Tis the Green Sickness of a second Childhood; and like the faint Offer of a latter Spring, serves but to

320 usher in the Fall; and withers in an affected Bloom.

Mrs. Fainall. Here's your Mistress.

Enter Mrs. Millamant, Witwoud, and Mincing.

Mirabell. Here she comes i'faith full sail, with her Fan spread and her Streamers out, and a shoal of Fools for Tenders

325 --Ha, no, I cry her Mercy.

Mrs. Fainall. I see but one poor empty ScnIler; and he tows her Woman after him.

Mirabell. You seem to be unattended, Madam--You us'd to have the Beau-mond Throng after you; and a Flock

330 of gay fine Perrukes hovering round you.

Witwot/d. Like Moths about a Candle--I had like to have lost my Comparison for want of Breath.

Millimant. 0 I have deny'd my self Airs to Day. I have walk'd as fast through the Crowd­

335 Witwoud. As a Favourite in disgrace; and with as few Fol­ lowers.

418

OllSent to my Maru' . ageM Olety of her Fortune

of endeavouring at a Uncle.

:)11, and my Instruction re privately. '

'11 of your Success; for : to get a Husband' and Ile provided for her I Ig to get rid of him.'

d,y won'd marry any twere no more than

Napkil1.

It all COlne to it, if we f a false Appetite when

s deprav'd like that of )fa second Childhood' Spring, serves but t~

affected Bloom.

:1, and Mincing.

1, with her Fan spread of Fools for Tenders

, Sculler; and he tows

f, Madam--You .fter you; and a Flock I you.

-I had like to have ath.

to Day. I have walk'd

nd with as few Fol-

The Way oj the World, Act II. Scene I

Millamant. Dear Mr. Witwoud, truce with your Similitudes: For I am as sick of 'em-

Witwoud. As a Phisician of a good Air--I call110t help it Madam, tho' 'tis against my sel£ 34 0

Millamant. Yet again! Mincing, stand between me and his Wit.

Witwoud. Do Mrs. Mincing, like a Skreen before a great Fire. r confess I do blaze to Day, I am too bright.

Mrs. Fainall. But dear Millamant, why were you so long? 345 Millamant. Long! Lord, have r not made violent haste? I

have ask'd every living Thing I met for you; I have enquir'd after you, as after a new Fashion,

Witwoud. Madam, truce with your Similitudes--No, YOll met her Husband and did not ask him for her. 350

Mirabell. By your leave Witwoud, that were like enquiring after an old Fashion, to ask a Husband for his Wife.

Witwoud. Hum, a hit, a hit, a palpable hit, I confess it.

Mrs. Fainall. You were dress'd before I came abroad.

Millamant. Ay, that's true--O but then I had-- 355 Mincitlg what had I? Why was I so long?

Mincing. 0 Mem, your Laship staid to peruse a Pecquet of Letters.

Millamant. 0 ay, Letters--I had Letters--I am persecuted with Letters-I hate Letters-No Body knows how to write Letters; and yet one has 'em, one does not know why--They serve one to pin up one's Hair.

Witwoud. Is that the way? Pray Madam, do you pin up your Hair with all your Letters? I fmd I must keep Copies.

Millamallt. Only with those in Verse, Mr. Witwolld. I never pin up my Hair with Prose. r fancy ones Hair wou'd not curl if it were pirm'd up with Prose. I think I try'd once Mincing.

Mincing. 0 Mem, I shall never forget it.

Millamant. Ay, poor Mincing tift and tift all the morning.

Mincing. 'Till I had the Cremp in my Fingers I'll vow Mem. And all to no purpose~ But when your Laship pins it up

tift-Dress, arrange ..

419

375

The Way of the World, Act II. Scene I

395

410

with Poetry, it sits so pleasant the next Day as any Thing, and is so pure and so crips.

Witwoud. Indeed, so crips?

Mincing. You're such a Critick, Mr. Witwoud.

Millimant. Mirabell, Did not you take Exceptions last Night? o ay, and went away---Now I think on't I'm angry ---No, now I think on't I'm pleas'd---For I believe I gave you some Pain.

Mirabell. Do's that please you?

MiIlamant. Infinitely; I love to give Pain.

Mirabell. You wou'd affect a Cruelty which is not in your Nature; your true Vanity is in the power of pleasing.

Millamant. 0 I ask your Pardon for that--One's Cruelty is one's Power, and when one parts with one's Cruelty, one parts with one's Power; and when one has parted with that, I faney one's Old and Ugly.

Mirabel!. Ay, ay, suffer yotlr Cruelty to nun the object of your Power, to destroy your Lover---And then how vain how lost a Thing you'll be! Nay, 'tis true: You are no longer handsome when you've lost your Lover; your Beauty dies upon the Instant: For Beauty is the Lover's Gift; 'tis he bestows your Charms-Your Glass is all a Cheat. The Ugly and the Old, whom the Looking-glass morti£es, yet after Commendation can be flatter'd by it, and discover Beauties in it: For that reflects our Praises, rather than your Face.

Millamant. 0 the Vanity of these Men! Fainall, dee hear him? If they did not commend us, we were not handsome! Now you mnst know they could not commend one, if one was not handsome. Beauty the Lover's Gift--­ Lord, what is a Lover, that it can give? Why one makes Lovers as fast as one pleases, and they live as long as one pleases, and they die as soon as one pleases: And then if one pleases, one makes more.

Witwoud. Very pretty. Why you make no more of making of Lovers, Madam, than of making so many Card-matches.

Millamant. One no more owes one's Beauty to a Lover, than one's Wit to an Bceho: They can but reflect what we look

.'1.20

lle ncxt Day as :l11y Thing,

r. WittIJoud.

tkc Exceptions last Night? )w I think Oll't I'm angry pIeas'd--For I believe

~ Pain.

)lty which is not in your lC power of pleasing.

. that---Ol1c's Cruelty parts with one's Cruelty. whcn one has parted with

:lty to ruin the object of ,vcr---And then how Nay, 'tis true: You arc 110

lost yOllt' Lover; your or Beauty is the Lover's '1115-Your Glass is all a whom the Looklng-gl:m :m can be flattcr'cl by it, that reflects ollr Praises,

n! Faillal/, clec hear him? vC were not handsom.c! d 110t comlllend aile, if the Lovcr's

t give? Why olte makes they live as long as one me pleases: And then if

ake no more of ma.king ; so many Card-m:1 tehes.

Beauty to a Lover, than mt reflect what we look

The Way oj the World, Act II. Scene I

and say; vain empty Things if we are silent or unseen, and want a being.

Mirabell. Yet to those two vain empty Things, you owe two the greatest Pleasures of your Life.

Millamant, How so?

Mirabell. To your Lover you owe the pleasure ofhearing your selves prais'd; and to an Eccho the pleasure of hearing your selves talk.

WittVoud. But I know a Lady that loves talking so incessantly, she won't give an Eccho fair play; she has that everlasting Rotation of Tongue, that an Bccho mllst wait till she dies, before it can catch her last Words.

Millamant. 0 Fiction; Fainall, let us leave these Men.

Mirabell (aside to Mrs. Fainall). Draw off WitwouJ.

Mrs. Fainall. Immediately; I have a Word or two for Mr. Witwoud.

Mira bell. I won'd beg a little private Audience too- . Exit Witwoud and Mrs. Famall.

You had the Tyranny to deny me last Night; tho: you knew I came to impart a Secret to YOll, that concern d my 43() Love.

Millamant. You saw I was engag'd.

Mirabell. Unkind. You had the leisure to entertain a Herd of Fools; Things who visit you from ~eir exce.ssiv~ Idlen~ss; bestowing on your easiness that tmle, which 1S :he n;.­ 435 cU111.brance of their Lives, How can you find delight ll1 snch Society? It is impossible they should admire you, they arc not capable: Or if they were, it sh~u'd be to you as a Mortification; for sure to please a FoollS some degree of Folly. 44

0

Millamant. I please my self,--Besides sometimes to con­ verse with Fools, is for my Health.

Mirabell. Your Health! Is there a worse Disease than the Conversation of Fools ?

Millamant. Yes, the Vapours; Fools are Physicks for it, next 445

to Assa:fretida.

Mirabel!. You are not in a Course of Fools?

Assa.jtetida-A kind of smelling salts.

421

455

475

The Way of the World. Act II. Scene I

45 0

Millamant. Mirabell, If YOll persist in this offensive Freedom --You'll displease me I think I mllst resolve after all, not to have you---We shan't agree.

Mirabel!. Not in our Physick it may be.

Millamant. And yet our Distemper in all likelihood will be the same; for we shall be sick of one another. I shan't endure to be reprimanded, nor instructed; 'tis so dull to act always by Advice, and so tedious to be told of ones Faults--I can't bear it. Well, I won't have you Mirabel!

resolv'd--I think---You may go-­ Ha, ha, ha. What wou'd YOll give, that YOll cou'd help loving me?

Mirabell. I would give something that you did not know, I cou'd not help it.

Millamant. Come, don't look grave then. Well, what do you say to me?

Mirabel!. I say that a Man may as soon make a Friend by his Wit, or a Fortune by his Honesty, as win a Woman with plain Dealing and Sincerity.

Millamant. Sententious MirabellI Prithee don't look with that violent and inflexible wise Face, like Solomon at the dividing of the Child in an old Tapestry-hanging.

Mirabell. You are merry. Madam, but I wou'd perswade you for one Moment to be serious.

Millamant. What, with that Face? No, if YOll keep your COlmtenance, 'tis impossible I shou'd hold mine. Well, after all, there is something very moving in a love-sick Face. Ha, ha, ha--Well I won't laugh, don't be peevish--Heigho I Now I'll be melancholly, as melanchollyas a Watch-light. Well Mirabell, If ever you will win me woe me now---Nay, if you are so tedious, fare you well;--I see they are walking away.

Mirabel!. Can you not find in the variety of your Disposition one Moment­

Millamal1t. To hear you tell me that Foible's married, and your Plot like to speed--No.

Mirabel!. But how you came to know it­

S010111011 ••• in an old Tapestry-hanging-A story often illustrated: see I Kings 3.

422

ist ill this offensive F d Itl. reeom

-- . unk I must resolve ~We shan't agree.

nay be.

pcr in all likelihood will b :k .of one anotller. I shan{ lr 11~strl1cted; 'tis so dull to tedlOtlS to be told of 0

II, I won't have you Mira~~; k-;---You may go­ gIve, that yon cou'd help

; that you did not know, I

re thCll. Well, what do you

SOOn make a Friend by his lllesty, as win a Woman r.

dthcc don't look with that ike Sololl1ol1 at the dividing hanging.

but I wou'd perswade YOll

? No, if you keep your lhou'd hold Jnine. Well, 'Y moving in a love-sick

won't laugll, don't be 'll be melancholIy, as 7ell Mirabell, If ever you -J"ay, if YOll are so tedious, : walking away.

riety of your Disposition

~ible's married, and your

.,. it­

\. story often lllustrated: see

The Way oj the World, Act II. Scene I

Millalllallt. Unless by the help of the Devil YOll can't imagine; unless she shou' d tell me her self Which of the two it may have been, I will leave YOll to consider; and when YOll have done thinking of that; think of me.

Exit.

Mirabell. I have something lllore--Gone-Think of you! To think of a Whirlwind, tho' 'twere in a Whirlwind, were a Case of more steady Contemplation; a very tran­ quility of Mind and Mansion. A Fellow that lives in a Windmill, has not a more whimsical Dwelling than the Heart of a Man that is lodg'd in a Woman. There is no 495 Point of the Compass to which they cannot turn, and by which they are not tum'd; and by one as well as another; for Motion not Method is their Occupation. To know this, and yet continue to be in Love, is to be made wise from the Dictates of Reason, and yet persevere to play the Fool by 500 the force ofInstinct--O here come my pair of Turtles -What, billing so sweetly! Is not Valentine's Day over with you yet?

Enter Waitwell and Foible.

Sirrah, Waitwell, why sure you think you were married 505 for your own Recreation, and not for my COllveniency.

Waitwell. Your Pardon, Sir. With Submission, we have in­ deed been solacing in lawful Delights; but still with an Eye to Business, Sir. I have instructed her as well as I cou'd. If she can take your Directions as readily as my Instructions, 5JO Sir, your Affairs are in a prosperous way.

Mirabel!. Give you Joy, Mrs. Foible.

Foible. 0 las Sir, I'm so asham'd--I'm afraid my Lady has been in a thousand Inquietudes for me. But I protest, Sir, I made as much haste as I could. 5J5

Waitwell. That she did indeed, Sir. It was my Fault that she did not make more.

Mirabell. That I believe.

Foible. But I told my Lady as you instructed me, Sir. That I had a prospect of seeing Sir Rowland your Uncle; and that 520 I wou'd put her Ladyship's Picture in my Pocket to shew him; which I'll be sure to say has made him so enamour'd of her Beauty, that he bums with Impatience to lie at her Ladyship's Feet and worship the Original.

423

...---------------------------------­ The Way of the World, Act II. Scene I

.525 Mirabel!. Excellent Foible! Matrimony has made you elo­ quent in Love.

Waitwell. I think she has profited, Sir. I think: so. Foible. You have seen Madam Millamant, Sir?

Mirabel!. Yes.

530 Foible. I told her Sir, because I did not know that you might find an Opportunity; she had so much Company last Night.

Mirabel!. Your Diligence will merit more--In the mean time­

535 Gives Many. Foible. 0 dear Sir, your humble Servant.

Waitwell. Spouse.

Mirabell. Stand oifSir, not a Penny--Go on and prosper, Foible The Lease shall be made good and the Farm

546 stock'd, if we succeed.

Foible. I don't question your Generosity, Sir: And you need not doubt of Success. If you have no more Commands Sir, I'll be gone; I'm sure my Lady is at her Toilet, and can't dress till I come--(Lookil1g out.) 0 Dear, I'm sure

545 that was Mrs. Marwood that went by in a Mask; if she has seen me with you I'm sure she'll tell my Lady. I'll make haste home and prevent her. Your Servant Sir. B'w'y Waitwell.

Exit Foible.

550 Waitwell. Sir Rowland if you please. The Jade's so pert upon her Preferment she forgets her self.

Mirabell. Come Sir, will you endeavour to forget your self ---And transform into Sir Rowland.

Waitwell. Why Sir; it will be impossible I shou'd remember 555 my self--Marrioo, Knighted and attended all in one

Day! 'Tis enmlgh to make any Man forget himsel£ The Difficulty will be how to recover my Acquaintance and Familiarity with my former self; and fall from my Trans­ formatioll to a Reformation into Waitwell. Nay, I shan't

560 be quite the same Waitwellneither-For now I remember me, I am married, and can't be my own Man again.

Ay there's the Grief; that's the sad change of Life; To lose my Title, and yet keep my Wife.

Exeunt.

I

atnmony has made 1you eo­

cd, Sir. r think so. Millamallt, Sir?

did 110 t know that you.tni ht had so llluch Company fast

Ilent more_In the mean

Gives Many, ! Servant.

mY-Go on andlrosper, )C made good and t e Fann

~l1erosity, Sir: And you need ave 110 more Comlllands Sir ly is at her Toilet, and can'~ lug ollt.) 0 De.'lr, 1'm sure re~lt by ill a Mask; if she has lC 11 tell my Lady. I'll make . Your Servant Sir. B'w'y

Exit Foible.

ase. The Jade's so pert upon self.

:leavonr to forget yottr self Rowlalld.

possible I shou'd remember :!d and attended all in one r Man forget himself. The ,:rer my Acquaintance and :; and £111 from my Trans­ to Waitwell. Nay, I shan't ler-For now I remember my own Man again.

lC sad change ofLife ; eep my Wife.

Exeunt,

The Way of the World, Act III. Scene I

ACT III. SCENE I.

A Room in Lady Wishfort's HOllse.

Lady Wishfort at her Toilet, Peg waiting.

Lady Wishfort. Merciful, no News of Foible yet?

Peg. No, Madam.

Lady Wishfort. I have no more patience-IfI have not fretted my self till I am pale again, there's 110 Veracity in me. Fetch me the Red-The Red, do you hear, Sweet-heart? 5 An errant Ash colour, as I'm a Person. Look you how this Wench stirs! Why dost thou not fetch me a little Red? Did'st thou not hear me, Mopus?

Peg. The red Ratifia does your Ladyship mean, or the Cherry Brandy? 10

Lady Wishfort. Ratifia, Fool? No Fool. Not the Ratifia Fool­ Grant me patience! I mean the Spanish Paper Idiot, Com­ plexion Darling. Paint, Paint, Paint, dost thou understand that, Changeling, dangling thy Hands like Bobbins before thee. Why dost thou not stir Puppet? thou wooden Thing 15 upon Wires.

Peg. Lord, Madam, your Ladyship is so impatient-I cannot come at the Paint, Madam; Mrs. Foible has lock'd it up, and carty'd the Key with her.

Lady Wishfort. A Pox take you both-Fetch me the Cherry­ 20 Brandy then-(Exit Peg). I'm as pale and as faint, I look like Mrs. Qualmsick the Curate's Wife. that's always breeding -Wench, come, come, Wench, what art thou doing, Sipping? Tasting? Save thee, dost thou not know the Bottle?

E11ter Peg with a Bottle alld China-ClIp.

Peg. Madam, I was looking for a Cup.

Lady Wishfort. A Cup, save thee, and what a Cup hast thou brought! Dost thou take me for a Fairy, to drink out of an Acom? Why didst thou not hring thy Thimble? Hast thou )0 ne'er a Brass-Thimble clinking in thy Pocket with a bit of Nutmeg? I warrant thee. Come, fill, fil1.-So-again See who that is--(One knocks.) Set down the Bottle

Mopus-Current slang for a dullard. Spanish Pllper-For applying rouge, ill which it was saturated.

425

35

The Way of the World, Act III. Scene I

45

50

55

60

65

first. Here, here, under the Table---What wou'dst thou go with the Bottle in thy Hand like a Tapster. As I'm a Person, this Wench has liv'd in an Inn upon the Road, before she came to me, like Maritornes the Asturian in DOll Quixote. No Foible yet?

Peg. No Madam, Mrs. Marwood.

Lady Wishfort. 0 Marwood, let her come in. Come in good Marwood.

Enter Mrs. Marwood.

Mrs. Marwood. I'm surpriz'd to fInd your Ladyship in dishabilie at this time of day.

Lady WisJifort. Foible's a lost Thing; has been abroad since Morning, and never heard of since.

Mrs. Marwood. I saw her but now, as I came mask'd through the Park, in Conference with Mirabell.

Lady Wishfort. With Mirabell! You call my Blood into my Face, with mentioning tllat Traytor. She durst not have the Confldence. I sent her to Negotiate an Affair, in which if I'm detected I'm undone. If that wheadling Villain has wrought upon Foible to detect me, I'm ruin'd. Oh my dear Friend, I'm a Wretch of Wretches ifI'm detected.

Mrs. Marwood. 0 Madam, you camlOt suspect Mrs. Foible's Integrity.

Lady Wishfort. 0, he carries Poyson in his Tongue that wou'd corrupt Integrity it sel£ If she has given him an Oppor­ tunity, she has as good as put her Integrity into his Hands. Ah dear Marwood, what's Integrity to an Opportunity? ---.t1.arJ.< ! I hear her--Go you Thing and send her in. (Exit Peg.) Dear Friend retire into my Closet, that I may examine her with more freedom---You'll pardon me dear Friend, I can make bold with you--There are Books over the Chimney-Quarles and Pryn, and the Short View if the Stage, with Btmyan's Works to entertain you.

Exit Marwood.

Maritornes-The innkeeper's daughter, who takes part in the scene where Don Quixote is made a knight. Lady Wishfort would more likely remember it from D'Urfey's popular play. Pt. I, Act II, sc. i.

Short View ojthe Stage-A contemptuous reference to Collier's book, in which he had attacked Congreve for contributing to the "Immoral­ ity and Profaneness of the English Stage" by putting it in fit company with the most popular books of Puritan piety.

>lc_What 'ds d l'k WOll t tIle a 'Tapster. As I'm

an lUll upon clle Road m1l!S the Asturian ... D '

UL 011

OlllC in. Comc in good

)od.

Itlr Ladyship in dishabilie

has been abroad since

[ came mask'd through ell.

111 my Blood into m She durst not have ili~ an Aff.'lir, .in w1lich if

whcadHllg Villain has :11, ruin'd. Oh my dear . I 111 detected.

t suspect Mrs. Foible's

I!S Tongue cllat wou'd ;lV~I1 him an Oppor~ egflty into his Hands. to all Opportunity?

1 Thing and scnd her to llly Closet, cllat I -:--You'll pardon 'lth you--There ~s al1d Pryn, and the , Works to entertain

Exit Marwood.

takes part in the scene Wishfort would more " Pt. I, Act II, sc. i. :~ce to Collier's book, ltlllg to the "Immoral­ tting it ill fit company

The Way of the World, Act III. Scene I

Enter Foible.

a Foible, doing?

where hast thou been? What hast thou been

Foible. Madam, I have seen the Party.

Lady Wishfort. But what hast thou done?

Foible. Nay, 'tis yo~r Ladyship has done, and are to do; I have only promis d. But a Man so enamour'd--So transported ! Well, here it is, all that is left; all that is not kiss'd away-Well, if worshipping of Pictures be a Sin --Poor Sir Rowland, I say.

75

Lady Wishfort. The Miniature has been counted like---But hast thou not betray'd me, Foible? Hast thou not detected me to that faithless Mirabell?--What had'st thou to do with hint in the Park? Answer me, has he got nothing out of thee?

80

Foible (aside). So, the Devil has been before hand with me, what shall I say?--Alas, Madam, cou'd I help it, if I met that confident Thing? Was I in Fault? If you had heard how he us' cl me, and all upon your Ladyship's Account, I'm sure you wou'd not suspect my Fidelity . Nay, if that had been the worst I cou'd have bom: But he had a Flill~ at your Ladyship too; and then I could not hold; But i faith I gave him his OWll.

90

Lady Wishfort. Me? What did the filthy Fellow say?

Foible. a Madam; 'tis a shame to say what he said-­ With his Taunts and his Fleers, tossing up his Nose. Hllmh (says he) what you are a hatching sorne plot (says he) you are so early abroad, or Catering (says he) ferreting for some disbanded Officer I warrant--Half Pay is but thin Sllbsistance (says hc)--Well, what Pension does your Lady propose? Let me see (says he) what she must come down pretty deep now, she's Sllper-annuated (says

95

100

he) and-

Lady Wishfort. Ods my Life, I'll have him, I'll have him murder'd. I'll have him poyson'd. Where does he eat? I'll marry a Drawer to have him poyson'd in his Wine. I'll send for Rohill from Lockets--Immediately. 105

Foible. Poyson him? Poysoniug's too good for hinl. Starve him Madam, starve him, marry Sir Rowland and get him

Lockets-The famous eating house at Charing Cross.

427

The Way of the World, Act III. Scene I

disinherited. 0 you would bless your self, to hear what he said.

110 Lady Wishfort. A Villain, superannuated!

Foible. Humh (says he) I hear you are laying Designs against me too (says he), and Mrs. Millamant is to marry my Uncle; (he does not suspect a Word of your Ladyship;) but (says he) I'll fit you for that, I wamll1t you (says he)

115 I'll hamper you for that (says he) you and your old Frippery too (says he) 1'11 handle you-

Lady WishJort. Audacious Villain! handle me, wou'd he durst --Frippery? old Frippery! Was there ever such a foul­ mouth'd Fellow? I'U be married to Morrow, I'll be con­

120 tracted to Night.

Foible. The sooner the better, Madam.

Lady Wishfort. will Sir Rowland be here, say'st thou? when Foible?

Foible. Incontinently, Madam. No new Sheriff's Wife expects 125 the return of her Husband after KnighdlOod, with that

Impatience in which Sir Rowland burns for the dear hour of kissing your Ladyship's Hands after Dinner.

Lady WishJort. Frippery? Superannuated Frippery! I'll Frippery the Villain; I'll reduce him to Frippery and Rags.

130 A Tatterdemallion--I hope to see him hung with Tatters, like a long Lane Pent-house, or a Gibbet-thie£. A slander-mouth'd Railer: I warrant the Spendthrift Prodigal's in Debt as much as the Million Lottery, or the whole Court upon a Birth day. I'll spoil his Credit with his

135 Taylor. Yes, he shall have my Niece with her Fortune, he shall.

Foible. He ! I hope to see him lodge in Ludgate first, and Angle into Black Friers for Brass Farthings, with all old Mitten.

Lady Wishfort. Ay dear Foible; dlank thee for that dear Foible. 140 He has put me out of all patience. I shall never recompose

my Features, to receive Sir Rowland with any Oeconomy of Face. This Wretch has fretted me that I am absolutely decay'd. Look Foible.

Frippery-Worn out finery. long Lalle Pent-hotlse-A stall under an overhanging roof where old

clothes were sold. See Tom Brown, Amusements serious and Comical (1700), p. 37. the Impudent Ragsellers of LOltg-Lane.

Million Lottery-A government lottery of 1694. Ludgate-The Fleet prison for debtors; Black Friars ran down from

Ludgate to the river.

428

your self, to hear What he

lated!

a;c laying Designs a aittst rtllamallt is to lMrr g :vord of your LadY;hi;~ :' I warrant you (says he) ~ou and your old Frippery

alldle me, wou'd he dUtSt 7as there ever such a foul. to Morrow, I'll be con­

111.

here, say'st thou? when

:w S~leriff's Wife expects Krughthood, with that burns for the dear hour after Dinncr.

llmIated Frippery! I'll 11 to Frippery and Rags. to see hi111 hung with )USC, or a Gibbet-thie£ 'arrant the Spcndthrift Million Lottery, or the spoil his Credit with his ce with her FortJ.U1e, he

LlI1f!ate first, and Angle . wIth all old Mitten.

ilee for that dear Foible. s11al1 never recompose

.vith any Oeconomy of that I am absolutely

er11anging roof where old ·mellts seriolls and Comical ?-Uine. :694· ck Friars ran down from

The Way of the World, Act III. Scene I

Foible. Your Ladyship has frown'd a little too rashly, indeed Madam. There are some Cracks discernable in the white 145 Vernish.

Lady Wishjort. Let me see the Glass--Cracks, say'st thou? Why I am arrantly flea'd-I look like an old peel'd Wall. Thou must repair me Foible, before Sir Rowland comes; or I shall never keep up to my Picture. 150

Foible. I warrant you, Madam; a little Art once made your Picture like you; and now a little of the same Art, must make you like your Picture. Your Picture must sit for you, Madam.

Lady Wishjort. But art thou sure Sir ROlvland will not fail to tss come? Or will a not fail when he does come? Will he be Importunate Foible, and push? For if he shon'd not be Importunate I shall never break Deconuns--I shall die with Confusion, ifI am forc'd to advance--Oh no, I can never advance----I shall swoon if he shou'd 160 expect advances. No, I hope Sir ROIPland is better bred, than to put a Lady to the necessity of breaking her Forms. I won't be too coy neither.--I won't give him despair --But a little Disdain is not amiss; a little Scorn is alluring. 165

Foible. A little Scorn becomes your Ladyship.

Lady Wishjort. Yes, but Tenderness becomes me best--A sort of a dymgness--You see that Picture has a sort of a--Ha Foible? A swimminess in the Eyes-Yes, I'll look so-My Niece affects it; but she wants Features. Is Sir Rowland handsome? Let my Toilet be remov'd-I'll dress above. I'll receive Sir Rowland here. Is he handsome? Don't answer me. I won't know: I'll be surpriz'd. I'll be taken by Surprize.

Foible. By Storm, Madam. Sir Rowland's a brisk Man. J75

Lady Wishjort. Is he! 0 then he'll Importune, if he's a brisk Man. I shall save Decorums if Sir Rowland importunes. I have a mortal Terror at the apprehension of offending against Decorums. Nothing but Importunity can sur­ mount Decorums. 0 I'm glad he's a brisk Man. Let my Things be rernov' d, good Foible.

Exit.

Enter Mrs. Fainall.

The Way of the World, Act III. Scene I

195

200

210

~15

220

Mrs. Fainall. 0 Foible, I have been in a Fright, least I shou'd come too late. That Devil Marwood saw you in the Park with Mirabell, and I'm afraid will discover it to my Lady.

Foible. Discover what, Madam?

Mrs. Fainall. Nay, nay. put not on that strange Face. I am privy to the whole Design, and know that Waitwell, to whom thou wert this morning Married, is to personate Mirabell's Uncle, and as such winning my Lady, to involve her in those Difficulties, from which Mirabell only must release her, by his making his Conditions to have my Cousin and her Fortune left to her own disposal.

Foible. 0 dear Madam, I beg your Pardon. It was not my Confidence in your Ladyship that was deficient; but I thought the former good Correspondence between your Ladyship and Mr. Mirabell, might have hinder'd his communicating this Secret.

Mrs. Fainall. Dear Foible forget that.

Foible. 0 dear Madam, Mr. Mirabell is such a sweet winning Gentleman--But your Ladyship is the Pattern of Generosity.--Sweet Lady, to be so good! Mr. Mirabell cannot chuse but be grateful. I fmd your Ladyship has his Heart still. Now, Madam, I can safely tell your Ladyship our success, Mrs. Marwood had told my Lady; but I warrant I manag'd my self I turn'd it all for the better. I told my Lady that Mr. Mirabell rail'd at her. I laid horrid Things to his charge, I'll vow; and my Lady is so incens'd, that she'll be contracted to Sir Rowlatld to Night, she says;­ I warrant I work'd her up, that he may have her for asking for, as they say of a Welch Maiden-head.

Mrs. Fait/all. 0 rare Foible!

Foible. Madam, I beg your Ladyslrip to acquaint Mr. Mirabel! of his success. I won'd be seen as little as possible to speak to him,--besides, I believe Madam Marwood watches me.--She has a Month's mind; but I know Mr. Mirabell can't abide her.--(Enter Footman.) John-­ remove my Lady's Toilet, Madam your Servant. My Lady is so impatient, I fear she'll come for me, ifI stay.

Mrs. Fainall. I'll go with you up the back Stairs, lest I shou'd meet her.

Exeunt. Month'$ lIIind-A strong inclination.

430

, in a Fright, least I shou'd ,/)004 saw YOll in the Park 11 dISCover it to my L d a y.

11 that strange Face. I am l know that Waitwell to -¥arricd, is to perso~te

,111llg 111y Lady, to involve vhich !v!irabell only must COlldltIOllS to have my

er OWn disposal.

'" Pardon. It was not my hat was deficient; but I spondcllce between your LIght have hinder'd his

! is such a sweet wiwling rship is the Pattern of bc so good! Mr. Mirabell ld your Ladyship has his afely tell your Ladyship ~ 111y Lady; but I warrant :or the better. I told my cr. I laid horrid Things Lady is so incens'd, that d to Night, she says;­ nlay have l1cr for asking -head.

o acquaint Mr. Mirabel! tde as possible to speak dam Marwood watches !ld; but I know Mr. r Footman.) John-­ 'our Servant. My Lady ,me, if! stay.

Ick Stairs, lest I shou'd

Exeunt.

The Way oj the World, Act III. Scene I

Ellter Mrs. Marwood.

Mrs. MaTtlJood. Indeed Mrs. Engine, is it thus with you? 225 Are you become a go-between of this Importance? Yes, I shall watch you. Why this Wench is the Pass-par-tout, a very Master-Key to every Bodies strong Box. My Friend FaifUzll, have you carried it so swimmingly? I thought there was something in it; but it seems it's over with you. Your 23 0 loathing is not from a want of Appetite then, but from a Surfeit. Else you could never be so cool to fall from a Principal to be an Assistant; to procure for him! A Pattern of Generosity, that I confess. Well, Mr. Fainall, you have met with your Match.--O Man, Man! Woman, 235 Woman! The Devil's an Ass: If! were a Painter, I wou'd draw him like an Idiot, a Driveler, with a Bib and Bells. Man shou'd have his Head and Homs, and Woman the rest of him. Poor simple Fiend! Madam Marwood has a Months Mind, but he can't abide her--'Twere better for him you had not been his Confessor in that Affair; without you cou'd have kept his COt1llSel closer. I shall not prove another Pattem of Generosity; and stalk for him, till he takes his Stand to aim at a Fortune, he has not oblig'd me to that, with those Excesses of himself; and now I'll have none of hinl. Here comes the good Lady, panting ripe; with a Heart full of Hope, and a Head full of Care, like any Chymist upon the Day of Projection.

Enter Lady Wishfort.

Lady Wishfort. 0 dear Marwood what shall I say, for this rude 250 forgetfulness--But my dear Friend is all Goodness.

Mrs. Marwood. No Apologies, dear Madam. I have been very well entertained.

Lady Wishfort. As I'm a Person I am in a very Chaos to think I shou'd so forget my self--But I have such an Olio of 255 Affairs really I know not what to do-{Calls)-Foible-I expect my Nephew Sir WiijUll every moment too-Why Foible-He means to Travel for Improvement.

Mrs. MaTtlJood. Metllinks Sir Wilfull should rather think of Marrying than Travelling at his Years. I hear he is tum'd 200 of Forty"

Lady WishJort. 0 he's in less Danger of being spoil'd by his Travels--I am against my Nephews marrying too

Day of Projection-When the alchemist fina1ty transmutes his base metal into gold.

431

The Way of the World, Act III. Scene I

young. It will be time enough when he comes back, and has acquir'd Discretion to choose for himsel£

Mrs. Marwood. Methinks Mrs. Millamant and he wou'd make a very fit Match. He may Travel afterwards. 'Tis a Thing very usual with young Gentlemen.

Lady Wislifort. I promise you I have thought on't--And since 'tis your Judgment, I'll think on't again. I assure you I will; I value your Judgment extreamly. On my Word I'll propose it.

Enter Foible.

Come, come Foible--I had forgot my Nephew will be 275 here before Dinner--I must make haste.

Foible. Mr. Witwol.d and Mr. Petulant, are come to Dine with your Ladyship.

Lady Wishford. 0 Dear, I can't appear till I'm dress'd. Dear Marwood shall I be free with you again, and beg you to

280 entertain 'em. I'll make all imaginable haste. Dear Friend excuse me.

Exit Lady and Foible.

Enter Mrs. Mmamant and Mincing.

Millamallt. Sure never any thing was so Unbred as that odious 285 Man--Marwood, your Servant.

Mrs. Marwood. You have a Colour, what's the matter?

Millamant. That horrid Fellow Petulant, has provok'd me into a Flame-I have broke my Fan-Mincing, lend me yours; -Is not all the Powder out of my Hair?

290 Mrs. Marwood. No, What has he done?

Millamant. Nay, he has done nothing; he has only talk'd­ Nay, he has said nothing neither; but he has contradicted every Thing that has been said. For my part, I thought Witwoud and he wou'd have quarrel!' d.

295 Mincing. I vow Mem, I thought once they wou'd have fit.

Millamant. Well, 'tis a lamentable thing I'll swear, that one has not the liberty of choosing one's Acquaintance, as one does one's Cloaths.

Mrs. Marwood. If we had the liberty, we shon'd be as weary 300 of one Set ofAcquaintance, tho' never so good, as we are of

43:1.

r

11 whcn he COUles back oosc for himself andI

fil/al/Jrmt and he W 'd 1 £i ou make

:ve a tcrwards. 'Tis a Thin )l11Cl1. g

a:ve tho,ught on't-And ~l1~k 011 t again. I assure you . cxtrcamly. On my Word

ble.

forgot my Nephew will be st make haste,

/a1/t, nre Come to Dine with

'pear ti!l I'm dress'd. Dear O,ll agam, and beg you to glllable haste. Dear Friend

Exit Lady and Foible.

dud Mincing.

s so Unbred as that odious nt.

, what's the matter?

'alit, has provok'd me into -Mincing, lend me yours' 'f Hair? I

ne?

19; he 11a8 only talk'd­ but he 11a8 contradicted

Par Illy part, I thought :eU'd.

ce they wou'd have fit,

ling I'll swear, that one ~·s Acquaintance, as one

we sllOu'd be as weary er So good, as we are of

The Way of the World, Act Ill, Scene r one Suit, tho' never so fine. A Fool and a Doily Stuff wou'd now and then find Days of Grace, and be worn for variety.

Millamant. I could consent to wear'em, if they wou'd wear alike; but Fools never wear out-they are such Drap-du-berry 305 Things! without one cou'd give •em to one's Chamber­ maid after a day or two .

Mrs. Marwood. 'Twere better so indeed. Or what think: you of the Play-house? A fine gay glossy Fool, shou'd be given there, like a new masking Habit, after the Masquerade is 310 over, and we have done with the Disguise. For a Fool's Visit is always a Disguise; and never admitted by a Woman of Wit, but to blind her Affair with a Lover of Sense, If you wou'd but appear bare fac'd now, and own Mirabel!; you might as easily put off Pettliatlt and Witwoud, as your 315 Hood and Scarf. And indeed 'tis time, for the Town has found it: The secret is grown too big for the Pretence: 'Tis like Mrs. Primly's great Belly; she may lace it down before, but it burnishes on her Hips. Indeed, Millamant, you can no more conceal it, than my Lady Stralllmel can her 320 Face, that goodly Face, which in defiance of her Rhenish­ wine Tea, will not be c011lprehended in a Mask.

Mil/amant. I'll take 11ly Death, Marwood, you are more Cen­ sorious, than a decay'd Beauty. or a discarded Tost; Mincing, tell the Men they 11lay come up. My Aunt is not 325 dressing; their Folly is less provoking than your Mallice, the Town has f01.md it. (Exit Mincing.) What has it found? That Mirabel! loves me is no more a Secret, than it is a Secret that you discover'd it to my Aunt, or than the Reason why you discover'd it is a Secret. 330

Mrs. Marwood. You are netd'd.

Millamatlt. You're mistaken. Ridiculous!

Mrs. Marwood. ll1deed my Dear, you'll tear another Fall, if YOll don't mitigate those violent Airs.

Mil/amant. 0 silly! Ha, ha, ha. I cou'd laugh immoderately. Poor Mirabell! his Constancy to me has quite destroy'd his Complaisance for all the W orid beside. I swear, I ~ever enjoin'd it him, to be so coy--lfI had the Varuty to think he wou'd obey me; I wou'd command him to shew

Doily Sitiff-A cheap fabric, recently i.l1troduced. Drap-dll-berry-Heavy wool cloth. Rhenis/J-Ivine Tea-Perhaps thin tea, the color of hock,

433

The Way of the World, Act III. Scene I

more Gallantry--'Tis hardly well bred to be so parti­ cular 011 one Hand, and so insensible on the other. But I despair to prevail, and so let him follow his own way. Ha, ha, ha. Pardon me, dear Creature, I must laugh, Ha, ha, ha; tho' I grant you 'tis a little barbarous, Ha, ha, ha.

345 Mrs. Marwood. What pity 'tis, so much fine Raillery, and deliver'd with so significant Gesture, shou'd be so un­ happily directed to miscarry.

Millamant. Hre? Dear Creature I ask your Pardon---I swear I did not mind you.

350 Mrs. Marwood. Mr. Mirabell and you both, may think it a Thing impossible, when I shall tell him, by telling you-

Millamant. 0 Dear, what? for it is the same thing, if I hear it-Ha, ha, ha.

Mrs. Marwood. That I detest him, hate him, Madam.

355 Millamant. 0 Madam, why so do I-And yet the Creature loves me, Ha, ha, ha. How can one forbear laughing to think of it--I am a Sybil if I am not a11laz'd to think what he can see in me. I'll take my Death, I think you are handsomer---And within a Year or two as young.

360 --Ifyou cou'd but stay for me, I shou'd overtake you --But that cannot be--Well, that Thought makes me Melancholly--Now I'll be sad.

Mrs. Marwood. Your merry Note may be chang'd sooner than you think.

365 Millamant. Dee say so? Then I'm resolv'd I'll have a S011g to keep up my Spirits.

Enter Mincing.

Miming. The Gentlemen stay but to Comb, Madam; and will wait on you.

370 Millamant. Desire Mrs.---that is in the next Room to sing the Song, I wou'd have learnt Yesterday. You shall hear it Madam--Not that there's any great matter in it--But 'tis agreeable to my Humour.

Set by Mr. John Eccles, and SUl1g by Mrs. Hodgson.

JOhtl Eccles-Who is said to have written also the incidental music for this play.

434

~rdjy well bred to be . II1scllsib1e 011 the I so para. ct llilll follow his°t ler. But I ·C. own Way

.rca tllrc, I 111 ust lau h . n little barbarous fI gh' Ha,

, a, a, na. so lllllch fine R ill Gestllre, S110

l1 'dab ery, and

e so un­

~ I ask YOllr Pardoll_ 1

;{ YOll both may .l!~ 1 • 11 " kUUl.I\lta

tell him, by telling you­

. is the sallle tlling, if I hear

hate him, Madalll.

o I-Aud yet tbe Creature .11 one forbear laugbing to fI a111 110t a1l1az'd to think my Death, 1 tilink you are

I Year or two as young me, I shou'd overtake YOt; ·Wel1, that TlJought makes

be sad.

! may be dlang'd Sooner

esolv'd I'llllave a SOllg to

.g.

to Comb, Madam; and

; i.n the next Room to nt, Yesterday. You shall re s any great matter in Imnour.

by Mrs. Hodgson.

1 also the ilJddentalmusic

Tire Way of the World, Act III. Scene I

SONG. J75

1. Love's but the frailty of the Mind, When 'tis not with Ambitionjoin'd;

A sickly Flame, which if not fed expires; And feeding, wasts in Self-consuming Fires. ]80

II. 'Tis not to wound a wanton Boy Or am' rons Youth, that gives the Joy;

But 'tis the Glory to have pierc'd a Swain, For whom inferiour Beauties sigh'd in vain.

III. Then I alone the Conquest prize When I insult a Rival's Eyes:

If there's Delight in Love, 'tis when I see That Heart which others bleed for, bleed for me. J90

Enter Petulant alld Witwoud.

Mil/amant. Is your Animosity compos'd, Gentlemen?

Witwoud. Raillery, Raillery, Madam, we have no Ani­ mosity-We hit off a little Wit now and then, but no Animosity--The falling out of Wits is like the falling .195 out of Lovers-We agree in the main, like Treble and Base. Ha, Petulant!

Petulant. Ay in the main--But when I have a Humour to contradict.

Witwoud. Ay, when he has a Humour to contradict, then I contradict too. What, I know my Cue. Then we contra­ dict one another like two Battle-dares: For Contradic­ tions beget one another like Jews.

Petulant. Ifhe says Black's Black--IfI have a Humour to say 'tis .Blue--Let that pass--All's one for that. If I have a Humour to prove it, it must be granted.

Witwoud. Not positively must-But it may-It may.

Pettllant. Yes, it positively must, upon Proof positive.

Witwotld. Ay, upon Proof positive it must; but upon Proof presumptive it only may. That's a Logical Distinction now, Madam.

435

The Way of the World, Act III. Scene I

Mrs. Marwood. I perceive your Debates are of Importance and very learnedly handl'd.

Petulant. Importance is one TIling, and Learning's another; 415 but a Debate's a Debate, that I assert.

Witwoud. Petulant's an Enemy to Learning; he relies alto­ gether on his Parts.

Petulant. No, I'm no Enemy to Learning; it hurts not me.

Mrs. Marwood. That's a Sign indeed its no Enemy to YOll.

Petulant. No, no, it's no Enemy to any Body, but them that have it.

Millamant. Well, an illiterate Man's my Aversion. I wonder at the Impudence of any Illiterate Man, to offer to make Love.

Witwoud. That I confess I wonder at too.

Millamant. Ah! to marry an Ignorant! that can hardly Read or Write.

Petulant. Why shou'd a Man be ever the hlrther from being married tho' he can't Read, any more than he is frolll being

43 0 Hang'd. The Ordinary's paid for setting the Psalm, and the Parish-Priest for reading the Ceremony. And for the rest which is to follow in both Cases, a Man may do it without Book-So all's one for that.

Millamallt. Dee hear the Creature? Lord, here's Company. 435 I'll be gone.

Exeunt Millamant and Mincillg.

Witwoud. In the Name of Bartlemew and his Fair, what have we here?

Mrs. Marwood. 'Tis your Brother, I fancy. Don't you know 44 0 him?

Witwoud. Not I---Yes, I think it is he---I've almost forgot him; I have not seen him since the Revolution.

Enter Sir Wilful1 Witwoud hI a Country Riding Habit, and Servant to Lady Wishfort.

Tlte O:d,'nary-The Newgate chaplain, who accompanied prisoners to execution.

Bartlemew-The Smithfield Fair at the Feast of St. Bartholomew, which was full of strange sights.

the Revolutiot/-Of r688, twelve years before.

436

=====---- ­

Debates are of In IpOrtance

g, and Learning's anot) . assert. ler,

) learning ; he rdies alto­

:al'llillg; it hurts llOt ll1e.

d its no Enemy to you.

any Body, but them that

's my Aversion. I wonder tc Mall, to offer to make

It too.

Ilt! that can hardly Read

~r the fiJrthe: from being ,ore dIan lIe 1S frolll being r: setting the Psalm, and Ceremony. And for the ?ases, a Man may do it or that.

Lord, here's Company,

Mil1amam and Mincing.

and his Fail', what have

iney. Don't you know

is he-I've almost :e the Revolution.

Itry Riding Habit, and fort.

10 accompanied prisoners

1st of St. Bartholomew,

reo

The Way of the World, Act III. Scene I

Serva/lt. Sir, my Lady's dressing. Here's Company; if YOll please to walk in, in the mean time.

445

Sir Wilfull. Dressing! What it's but Morning here I warrant with you ill London; we shou'd count it towards Afternoon in our Parts, down in Shropshire--Why then belike my Aunt han't din'd yet--Ha, Friend? 45 0

Servant. Your Aunt, Sir?

Sir Wilfull. My Aunt Sir, yes my Aunt Sir, and your Lady Sir; YOllr Lady is my Aunt, Sir--Why, what do'st thou not know me, Friend? Why then send Somebody here that does. How long hast thOll !iv'd with thy Lady, Fellow, hal

455

Servant. A Week, Sir; longer than any Body in the House, except my Lady's Woman.

Sir Wilfull. Why then belike thou dost not know thy Lady, if thou see'st her, ha Friend?

Servant. Why truly Sir, I cannot safely swear to her Face in a Morning, before she is dress'd. 'Tis like I may give a shrew'd guess at her by this time.

Sir Wilful!. Well prithee try what thou can'st do; if thou can'st not guess, enquire her out, do'st hear Fellow? And tell her, her Nephew, Sir WiifUll Witwolld is in the House.

Servant. I shall, Sir.

Sir WiifUll. Hold ye, hear me Friend; a Word with you in your Ear, prithee who are these Gallants?

Servant. Really Sir, I can't tell; here come so many here, 'tis hard to know'em all.

Exit Servant.

470

Sir Wilful!. Oons this Fellow knows less than a Starling; I don't think a' knows his own Name.

Mrs. Marwood. Mr. Witwoud, YOU! Brother is not behind Hand in forgetfulness--I fancy he has forgot you too.

Witwoud. I hope so-The Devil take him that remembers first, I say.

Sir Wi!fi& Save YOll Gentlemen and Lady.

Mrs. Marwood. For shame Mr. Witwolld; why won't you speak to him ?--And YOll, Sir.

437

I.,i Ii

The Way of the World, Act III. Scene I

Witwoud. Pettllant speak.

Petulant. And you, Sir.

Sir Wilfull. No Offence, I hope.

Mrs. Marwood. No sure, Sir. Salutes Mrs. Marwood.

Witwofld. This is a vile Dog, I see that already. No Offence! Ha, ha, ha, to him; to him Petulant, smoke him.

Petulant. It seems as if you had come a Journey, Sir; hem, 49 0 hem.

Surveying him roulld.

Sir Wilfull. Very likely, Sir, that it may seem so.

Petulant. No Offence, I hope, Sir.

Witwoud. Smoke the Boots, the Boots; Petulant, the Boots; 495 Ha, ha, ha.

Sir Wilfull. May be not, Sir; thereafter as 'tis meant, Sir.

Petulant. Sir, I presume upon the Informatio11 of your Boots.

Sir Wilfull. Why, 'tis like you may, Sir: If you are not satisfy'd with the Information of my Boots, Sir, if yOll will

500 step to the Stable, you may enquire further of my Horse, Sir.

PetuJant. Your Horse, Sir! Your Horse is an Ass, Sir!

Sir Wilfull. Do you speak by way of Offence, Sir?

Mrs. Marwood. The Gentleman's merry, that's all, Sir--­ 5 05 S'life, we shall have a Quarrel betwixt an Horse and an Ass,

before they find 011e another out. You must not take any Thing amiss from your Friends, Sir. You are among your Friends here, tho' it may be you don't know it---If I am not mistaken, you are Sir Wilfull Witwoud.

510 Sir Wilfilll. Right Lady; I am Sir Wiljitll Witwoud, so I write my self; no offence to any Body, I hope; and Nephew to the Lady Wishjort, of this Mansion.

Mrs. Marwood. Don't you know this Gentleman, Sir?

Sir Wilfull. Hum! What sure 'tis not--Yea by'r Lady, 51J but 'tis--'Sheart I know not whether 'tis or no--­

Yea but 'tis, by the Rekin. Brother Anthony! What TOllY s11Ioke him-Make fun of him. Rekin-The Wrekin, a hill that was the 1110st prominent landmark in

Shropshire. . .

The Way of the World, Act III. Scene I

Illtes Mrs. Marwood.

lready. No Offence l 1l0ke him. .

Journey, Sir; hem,

Sun/eying hilll rO/ll/d. . seem so,

Petulant, the Boots.,

,tis meant, Sir.

~iOll of your Boots.

ir: If YOll are not ots, Sir, if you will ther of my Horse,

11 Ass, Sir J

lce, Sir?

tat's all, Sir_ Horse and an Ass, llust not take any ! are among your :nowit-IfI 101ld.

If 'Wt'twoud, 80 r 'pe; and Nepl1ew

man, Sir?

:~ea by'r Lady, tls orno-­ 1y! What Tony

incllt landmark in

i'faith! What do'st thou not kl10:V me? By'r Lady nor I thee, thou art so Becravated, and Beperriwig'd--­ 'Sheart why do'st not speak? Art thou o'er-joy'd?

Witwoud. Odso Brother, is it you? Your Servant Brother. 520

Sir Wi!filll. Your Servant! Why yours, Sir. Your Servant again---'Sheart, and your Friend and Servant to that­ And a--(puff) and a flap Dragon for your Service, Sir: And a Hare's Foot, and a Hare's Scut for your Service, Sir; an you be so cold and so courtly! 525

Witwoud. No offence, I hope, Brailier .

Sir Wilfull. 'Sheart, Sir, but there is, and much offence.­ A pox, is this your Inns 0' Court breeding, not to know your Friends and your Relations, your Elders, and your Betters? 53 0

Witwoud. Why Brother Wilfull of Salop, you may be as short as a Shrewsbury Cake, if you please. But I tell

you, 'tis not modish to know Relations in Town. You think you're in ilie Country, where great lubberly Brotilers slabber and kiss one another when they meet, like a Call of )35 Serjeants-'Tis not tile fashion here; 'tis not indeed, dear Brother.

Sir Wilful. The Fashion's a Fool; and you're a Fop, dear Brother. 'Sheart, I've suspected this--By'r Lady I conjectur'd you were a Fop, since you began to change tile Stile of your Letters, and write in a scrap of Paper gilt round the Edges, no broader than a Subpama. I might expect this, when you left off Honour'd Brother; and hoping you are in good Health, and so forth--To begin with a Rat me, Knight, I'm so sick of a last Nights debauch 545 ---0'ds heart. and then tell a familiar Tale of a Cock and a BuU, and a Whore and a Bottle, and so conclude ---You cou'd write News before you were out ofyour Time, when you liv'd with honest Pumple Nose the Attor­ ney of Furnival's Inn-You cou'd intreat to be remember'd 55 0 then to your Friends round the Rekin. We cou'd have

flap Dragotl-A raisin (in the game of snap-dragon); clap or a pox, (Dictionary of the Canting Crew).

Salop-Shropshire. Shrewsbury Cake-a small round shortcake, made there. Call of Seljeants-Probably the ceremonies when called to the Bar;

cf. Pope; Dtmcfad, IV, 591: "The Judge to dance his brother Sergeant call;"

439

FCQ

The Way of the World, Act 111. Scene I Gazetts then, and Dawks's Letter, and the w~ekly Bill, 'till oflate Days.

Petulant. S'life, Witwoud, were YOll ever an Attorney's Clerk? 555 Of the Family of the Fumivals. Ea, ha, ha!

Witwoud. Ay. ay, but that was for a while. Not long, not long; pshaw, I was not in my own Power then. An Or­ phan, and this Fellow was my Guardian; ay, ay, I was glad to consent to that, Man, to come to L01tdoH. He had the disposal of me then. If I had not agreed to that, I might have been bound Prentice to a Felt maker in Shrewsbury; tIus Fellow wou'd have bound me to a Maker of Felts.

Sir Wi!fitll. 'Sheart, and better than to be bound to a Maker of Fops; where, I suppose, you have serv'd your Time; and now you may set up for your sel£

Mrs. Marwood. You intend to Travel, Sir, as I'm. inform'd.

Sir Wilful!. Belike I may Madam. I may chance to sail upon the salt Seas, if my Mind hold.

Petulant. And the Wind serve.

570 Sir Wilfull. Serve or not serve, I shant ask License of you, Sir; nor the Weather-Cock your Companion. I direct my Discourse to the Lady, Sir: 'Tis like my Aunt may have told you, Madam--Yes, I have settI'd my Concerns, I may say now, and am minded to see Foreign Parts. If an

575 how that the Peace holds, whereby that is, Taxes abate.

Mrs. Marwood. I thought YOll had design'd for France at all Adventures.

Sir Wilful!. I can't tell that; 'tis like I may, and 'tis like I may not. I am somewhat dainty in making a Resolution,­

580 because when I make it I keep it. I don't stand shill I, shall I, then; ifI say't, I'll do't: But I have Thoughts to tarry a small matter in Town, to learn somewhat of your Lingo first, before I cross the Seas. I'd gladly have a spice of your French as they say, whereby to hold discourse in Foreign Countries.

Mrs. Marwood. Here is an Academy in Town for that use.

Sir Wilfull. There is? 'Tis like there may.

Mrs. Marwood. No doubt you will return very much im­ prov'd.

Dawks's Letter-A weekly paper, started in 1696. the weekly Bill-"Of Mortality," notices of deaths.

440

The Way oj the World, Act III. Scene I Id the weekly Bill, 'till

r all Attonley's Cl ki 11a, ha! er .

while. Not long,not P. OWer then. An Or­

lan; ay, ay, I Was glad ) Londoll. He had the reed to thn t, I might maker in ShrewsburY' ) a Maker of Felts. '

: bOtUld to a Maker of :v'd your Time; and

r, as I'm illform'd.

, chance to sail upon

L~CCllse of you, Sir; amOll. I direct my ny Aunt may have :td'd my Concerns Foreign Parts. If a~ It is, Taxes abate. t'd for France at all

and 'tis like I 11lay g a Resolution,­ stand shill I, shall r, [lIts to t.1rry a small f your Lingo first, e a spice of your course in Foreign

vn for that use.

very much 1m­

IS.

Witwoud. Yes, refin'd, -like a Dutch Skipper from a Whale­ 590 fishing.

Ellter Lady Wishfort and Fainall.

Lady Wishfort. Nephew, you are welcome.

Sir Wilfull. AUllt, your Servant.

Fairlal!. Sir Wiljitll, your most faithful Servant. ,5yS

Sir Wiljidl. Cousin Fa/nail, give me your Hand.

Lady WishJort. Cousin WitlUoud, your Servant; Mr. Petulallt, your Servant.--Nephew, you are welcome again. Will you drink any TIling after your Journey, Nephew, before you eat? Dinner's almost ready. 600

Sir Wilfull. I'm very well I thartk you Aunt--However, I thank you for your courteous Offer. 'Sheart, I was afraid you wou'd have been .in the fashion too, and have remem­ ber'd to have forgot your Relations. Here's your Cousin Tony, belike, I may'nt call him Brother for fear of offence. 605

Lady Wishfort. 0 he's a Rallier, Nephew-My Cousin's a Wit. And your great Wits always rally their best Friends to chuse. When you have been abroad, Nephew, you'll understand Raillery better.

Fainall and Mrs. Marwood talk a-part. 610

Sir Wilfull. Why then let hinI hold his Tongue in the mean time; and rail when that day comes.

Erlter Mincing.

Mil1cillg. Mem, I come to acquaint your Layship that Dinner is impatient.

Sir Wilful!. Impatient? Why then belike it won't stay, 'till I pull off my Boots. Sweet-heart, can you help me to a pair of Slippers ?--My Man's with his Horses, I warrant.

Lady Wishfort. Fie, fie, Nephew, you wou'd not pull off your 630 Boots here--Go down .into the Hall--Dinner shall stay for you--My Nephew's a little unbred, you'll pardon hinI, Madam--Genclemen will you walk? Marwood-

Mrs. Marwood. I'll follow you, Madam-Before Sir Wi!foll is ready.

Manent Mrs. Marwood and Fainall.

44115+ C•P.w•c•

l Errant, Rank, Match. ~ a Hllsband, a Rank. . rilht, Rank~Wife,-aJJ ~ to be all Anticipated )tlrc r Was born with e, Or a Citizens Child Out-Jilted_Out~

,11y speed like a Stag . after, with my Born; ly Wife-'tis Scurvy

have often wish'd for rOll have it. But first \,fillamant's Fortune is to a Foe, to Mirabell.

-1Ind YOll not 11lade :fcited, had they been ·0 my Horns, by that WOt1l 'em tipt with !ish'd like n Deputy~

of Maintenance to Wife. And she's no SWear she 11nd given :1.

hrow up her Cards' 111 in her Pocket. '

l' yOll; and if YOll than YOll expected; Ilan you intended?

r Wife's conduct; dy loves her, and !r reputation, take 1 the discovery of I beyond bounds, all at that Con­

~d in antlers. , horns behind, but

).

The Way ifthe World, Act m. Scene I jl11lcture. And let me alone to keep her warm, if she should 665 Flag in her part, I will not fail to prompt her .

Fainall. Faith this has an appearance.

Mrs. Marwood. I'm sorry I hinted to my Lady to endeavour a match between Millamant and Sir Wilfull, that may be an Obstacle. 670

Fainall. 0, for that matter leave me to manage him; I'll disable him for that, he will drink like a Dane: after dinner, I'll set his hand in.

Mrs. Marwood. Well, how do you stand affected towards your Lady?

Fainall. Why faith I'm thinking ofit.--Let me see-­ I am married already; so that's over,--my Wife has plaid the Jade with me--Well, that's over too--I never lov'd her, or ifI had, why that wou'd have been over too by this time-Jealolls ofher I cannot be, for I am certain; 680 so there's an end ofJealousie. Weary of her, I am, and shall be-No, there's no end of that; No, no, that were too much to hope. Thus far concerning my repose. Now for my Reputation,-As to my own, I married not for it; so that's out of the Question,-And as to my part in my 685 Wife's-Why she had parted with hers before; so bringing none to me, she can take none from me, 'tis against all rule of Play, that I should lose to one, who has llOt where­ withal to stake.

Mrs. Marwood. Besides you forget, Marriage is honourable. 69 0

Fainall. Hum! Faith and that's well thought on; Marriage is honourable as YOll say; and if so, Wherefore should Cuckoldom be a discredit, being deriv'd from so honour­ able a root?

Mrs. Marwood. Nay I know not; if the root be Honourable, why not the Branches?

Faihall. So, so, why this point's clear,--We11 how do we proceed?

Mrs. Marwood. I will contrive a Letter which shall be de­ liver'd to my Lady at the time when that Rascal who is 700 to act Sir Rowland is with her. It shall come as from an unknown hand-for the less I appear to know of the truth -the better I can play the Incendiary. Besides I would not have Foible provok'd ifI cou'd help it,-because you know

443

The Way of the World, Act III. Scene I

Fainall. Why then Foible's a Bawd, an Errant, Rank, Match­ making Bawd, And I it seems am a Husband, a Rank­ Husband; and my Wife a very Errant, Rank-Wife,-all in the Way of the World. 's death to be an Anticipated Cuckold, a Cuckold in Embrio? Sure I was born with budding Antlers like a young Satyre, or a Citizens Child. 's death to be Out-Witted, to be Out-Jilted--Out­ Matrimony'd,--If I had kept my speed like a Stag, 'twere somewhat,--but to crawl after, with my Horns like a Snail, and out-strip'd by my Wife-'tis Scurvy Wedlock.

Mrs. Marwood. Then shake it off, You have often wish'd for an opportunity to part;-and now you have it. But first prevent their Plot,--the half of Millamant's Fortune is too Considerable to be parted with, to a Foe, to Mirabell.

Fainall. Dam him, that had been mine-had you not made that fond discovery-that had been forfeited, had they been Married. My Wife had added Lustre to my Horns, by that Encrease of fortune,-I cou'd have worn 'em tipt with Gold, tho' my forehead had been furnish'd like a Deputy­ Lieutenant's Hall.

Mrs. Marwood. They may prove a Cap of Maintenance to 650 you still, if you can away with your Wife. And she's no

worse dIan when you had her-I dare swear she had given up her Game, before she was Marry'd.

Fainall. Hllm! That may be-She might throw up her Cards; but I'le be hang'd if she did not put Pam in her Pocket.

Mrs. Marwood. You Married her to keep yOll; and if you can contrive to have her keep you better than you expected; why should you not keep her longer than you intended?

Fainall. The means, the means.

Mrs. Marwood. Discover to my Lady your Wife's conduct; 660 threaten to part with her--My Lady loves her, and

will come to any Composition to save her reputation, take the opportunity of breaking it, just upon the discovery of this imposture. My Lady will be enraged beyond bounds, and Sacrifice Neice, and Fortune, and all at that Con­

Deputy-Lieutenant's Hall-With the walls covered in antlers. Cap of Maintenance-Heraldic; a cap with two horns behind, but

worn as a symbol of dignity. away with-Tolerate. Pam-Knave of clubs, highest trump card in Loo.

710

The Way of the World, Act IV. Scene I

70 5

720

.5

she knows some passages-Nay I expect all will come out -But let the Mine be sprung first, and then I care not if I'm discover'd.

Fainall. If the worst come to the worst,-l'll tum my Wife to Grass-I have already a deed of Settlement of the best part of her Estate; which I wheadl'd out of her; And that you shall partake at least.

Mrs. Marwood. I hope you are convine'd that I hate Mirabell, now you'll be no more Jealous.

Fainall. Jealous no,-by this Kiss-let Husbands be Jealous; But let the Lover still believe. Or ifhe doubt, let it be only to endear his pleasure, and prepare the Joy that follows, when he proves his Mistress true; but let Husbands doubts Convert to endless Jealousie; or if they have belief, let it Corrupt to Superstition, and blind Credulity. I am single; and will herd no more with 'em. True, I wear the badge; but I'll disown the Order. And since I take my leave of'em, I care not ifI leave 'em a conmlon Motto, to their common Crest.

All Husbands must, or pain, or shame, endure; The Wise too Jealol1s are, Fools too secure.

Exeunt.

ACT IV. SCENE 1.

Scene Continues.

Enter Lady Wlshfort and Foible.

Lady Wishfort. Is Sir Rowland coming say'st thou, Foible? and are things in Order?

Foible. Yes, Madam. I have put Wax-Lights in the Sconces; and plac'd the Foot-men in a Row in the Hall, in their best Liveries, with the Coach-man and Postilion to fill up the Equipage.

Lady Wishfort. Have YOll pullvill'd the Coach-man and Postilion, that they may not stink of the Stable, when Sir Rowland comes by?

pullvi/l'd"':"Pulvilio, a fragrant powder for periwigs.

The Way of the World, Act IV. Scene I r I expect all will come first, and then I care no~~}

the worst,-I'll turn m a deed of Settlcinent of clJy whcadl'd Out of her; And

.vinc'd that I hate Mlrabell,

-~ct Husbands be Jealous; r IHc doubt, let it be onl me the Joy that follow; ;. but let Husbands doub~ if they have benef let it

ld Credulity, I am ;in~le' . True, I Wear the badge: lce I take my leave of'em: l Motto, to their common

Ol' shame, endure; als too secure.

Exeunt.

:NE I.

~.

,d Foible.

19 say'st thou, Foible?

·Lights in tlte Sconces; v ill the Hall, in their md Postilion to till up

the Coach-man and f the Stable, when Sir

Jeriwigs.

Foible. Yes, JV1adal1l. 10

Lady Wislifort. And are the Dancers and the Musick rcady, that he may be entertain'd ill all points with Correspon­ dence to his Passion?

Foible. All is ready, Madam.

Lady Wislifort. And-well-and how do I look, Foible? 15

Foible. Most killing well, Madam.

Lady Wishfort. Well, and how shall I receive him? III what figure shall I give his Heart the first Impression? There is a great deal in the flIst Impression. Shall I sit ?--No I won't sit-I'll walk-aye I'll walk from the door upon his entrance; and then tum full upon him--No, that will be too sudden. I'll lie--aye, I'll lie dovvn--I'll receive him in my little dressing Room, there's a Couch­ Yes, yes, I'll give the first Impression on a Couch-I wont lie neither but loll and lean npon one Elbow; with one Foot Z5 a little dangling off, Jogging in a thoughtful way-Yes­ and then as soon as he appears, start, uy, start and be sur­ priz'd, and rise to meet him in a pretty disorder-Yes-O, nothing is more alluring than a Levee from a Couch in some Confusion.--It shows the Foot to advantage, and furnishes with Blushes, and re-composing Airs beyond Comparison. Hark! There's a Coach.

Foible. 'Tis he, Madam.

Lady Wishfort. 0 dear, has my Nephelll made his Addresses to Mil/amant? I order'd him. 35

Foible. Sir Wilfoll is set in to Drinking, Madam, in the Parlour.

Lady Wishfort. ods my life, I'll send him to her. Call her down, Foible; bring her hither. I'll send him as I go--When they are together, then come to me Foible, that I may not be too long alone with Sir ROlliland.

Exit.

Enter Mrs. Millamant, and Mrs. Fainall.

Foible. Madam, I stay'd here, to tell your Ladyship tha~ Mr. Mirabell has waited this half hour for an OpporttIDlty to talk with you. Tho' my Lady's Orders wer; to leave you 45 and Sir Wilfull together. Shall I tell Mr. Mlr4bell that you are at leisllre ?

445

The Way of the World, Act IV. Scene I

Mil/amant. No--What would the Dear man hav~? I ~m thoughtfull and would amuse 111y self,---bld hun

.50 come another time . Repeating and Walking about.

There never yet was Woman made, Nor shall but to be ctm'd.

That's hard J

.5.5 Mrs. Faillall. You are very fond of Sir John Suckling to day, Millam411t, and the Poets.

Millimant. He? Ay, and filthy Verses-So I am.

Foible. Sir Wilfull is coming, Madam. Shall I send Mr. Mirabell away?

60 Millimant. Ay, if you please Foible, send him away,-Or send him hither,-just as you will Dear Foible.-I drink l'll see him-Shall I? Ay, let the Wretch come.

(Repeating.) Thyrsis a Youth ofthe Inspir'd train-

Dear Faillall, Entertain Sir Wilfull-Thou hast Philosophy to undergo a Fool, thou art Married and hast Patience-I would confer with my own Thoughts.

Mrs. Faillall. I am oblig'd to you, that you would make me your Proxy in this Affair; but I have business of my own.

Enter Sir Wilfull.

o Sir Wi!filll; you are come at the Critical Instant. There's your Mistress up to the Ears in Love and Contemplation, pursue your Point, now or never.

Sir Wi!filll. Yes; my Aunt would have it 50,-1 would gladly have been encouraged with a Bottle or two, because 1'111

7.5 somewhat wary at first, before I am acquainted;-But I hope after a time, I shall break my mind-that is upon further acquaintance,-So for the present Cozen, I'll take ~y leave-If so be you'll be so kind to make my Excuse, 111 return to my Company-

So This while Millamant walks about Repeating to her self.

Mrs. Fainall. 0 fie Sir Wilful!! What, you must not be Daun­ ted.

There .never yet, etc.-See Suckling, Works (1648), p. 20. 1!lyr~~s: etc.-See Waller, "The Story of Phoebus and Daphne'

applied, m Poems (1694), p. 29.

J the Dear lll<lU have? I am c Illy sdf,-bid him ) • d ,epeatmlf rm Walkillg about. WOII/all lIIade rs'd. '

f Sir Johl1 Suckling to day,

:es-So I am.

I. 511311 I send Mr. Mirabel!

,cnd him 3way,-Or send ar Foible.-I think I'll see ch come.

rthe lnspir'd tmill­

1-:-Tholl hast Philosophy ~lcd and hast Patience-I Ights.

lat you would make me lve business of my own.

111.

Critical Instant. There's IVC and Contemplation,

e it 50,-1 would gladly Ie or two, because I'm lIll acquainted;-But I .y mind-that is upon 'resent Cozen, I'll take ::l to make my Excuse,

out Repeating to her self.

Ot! must not be Daun­

(I648), p. 20. f Phoebus and Daphne

The Way oj the World, Act IV. Scene I

Sir Wilfull. Daunted, No, that's not it, it is not so much for that-fo~ ~f so be. that! set on't, I'll do't. But only for the present, os sufficIent till further acquaintance, that's all- 85 your Servant.

Mrs. Fainall. Nay, I'll swear you shall never lose so favourable an opportunity, if I can help it. I'll leave you together and lock the Door.

Exit.

Sir Wilful!. Nay, nay Cozen,-I have forgot my Gloves,­ What dee do? 'Shart a'has lock'd the Door indeed I think-Nay Cozen Fainali, open the Door-Pshaw What a Vixon trick is this ?-Nay, now a'has seen me too­ Cozen, I made bold to pass thro' as it were,-I think this 95 Door's inchanted-.

Mil/amant (Repeating).

1 prithee spare me gentle Boy, Press me no more jor that slight Toy.

Sir Wilfull. Anan? Cozen, your Servant. 100

Mil/amant. - That foolish trifle ofa heart-Sir Wilful!!

Sir Wilfitll. Yes,-your Servant. No offence I hope, Cozen.

Millamant (Repeating.)

1 swear it will not do its part, Tho' thou do'st thine, employ'sf the Power and Art. 105

Natural, easie Suckling!

Sir Wilful!. Anan? Suckling? No such Suckling neither. Cozen, nor Stripling: I thank Heav'n, I'm no Minor.

Millamant. Ah Rustick! ruder than Gothick.

Sir Wilfull. W ell, Well, I shall tmderstand your Lingo one of 110 these days, Cozen, in the mean while, I must answer in plain English.

Millamant. Have you any business with me, Sir Wilfitll?

Sir Wilful!. Not at present Cozen,--Yes, I made bold to see, to come and know if that how you were dispos'd to 115

I prithee spare me. etc.-See Suckling, ibid., p. 25. easie SlIckUng-"Suckling's easie Pen"; cf. Earl of Rochester. Satyr

(1685). in The Collected Works I!f}ohn Wilmot, Earl rif Rochester. ed. John Hayward (1926), p. 79 (hereafter referred to as The Collected Works).

447

••

The Way of the WOl'ld, Act IV. Scene I fetch a walk this Evening, if so be that I might not be troublesome, I wou'd have sought a walk with you.

Millamant. A walk? What then?

Sir Wilful!. Nay nothing--Only for the walks sake, that's 120 all-

Millimant. I Nauseate walking; 'tis a Country diversion, I loath the Country and every thing that relates to it.

Sir Wilfull. Indeed I Hah! Look ye, look ye, you do? Nay. 'tis like you may--Here are choice of Pastimes here in

125 Town, as Plays and the like that must be confess'd indeed.

Millamant. Ah l' etourdie! I hate the Town too.

Sir Wilfull. Dear Heart, that's much--Hah! that you shou'd hate 'em both! Hah 'tis like you may; there are some can't relish the Town, and others can't away with

130 the COl1ntry,--'tis like you may be one of those, Cozen. .

Millamant. Ha, ha, ha. Yes, 'tis like I may.-You have nothing further to say to me ?

Sir Wilful. Not at present, Cozen.--'tis like when I have 135 an Opportunity to be more private,-I may break my

mind in some measure,-I conjecture you partly gl1ess­ However that's as time shall try,-But spare to speak and spare to speed, as they say.

Millamant. If it is of no great Importance, Sir Wiljitll, you will oblige me to leave me: I have just now a little busi­ ness.­

Sir Wilful!. EJ.lOugh, enough, Cozen, Yes, yes, all a case­ When you're dispos'd, when you're dispos'd. Now's as well as another time; and another time as well as lloW. All's one for that,-yes, yes, if your Concerns call you, there's no hast; it will keep cold as they say.-Cozen, your Servant-I think this door's lock'd.

Mil/amant. You may go this way Sir.

Sir Wilfull. Your Servant, then with your leave I'll return 150 to my Company.

Exit. Millamallt. Ay, ay, ha, ha, ha.

Like phcrbus sling the no less am'rous Boy.

Ellter Mirabell.

be that 1 might not be !t a walk with you.

for the walks sake, that's

a COlllltry diversion, I tha t relates to it.

Ic.ok ye, YOt! do? Nay, Olce of Pastimes here in llst be confess'd indeed. OWn too.

l-Hah I that you e you may; there are tilers call't away with lay be one of those,

y.-YOLl ]lave nothing

-'tis like when 1have c,-I may break my 'e you partly guess­ ut spare to speak and

(lCC, Sir Wiijilll, you l1st llOW a little busi­

~es, yes, an a case­ dispos'd. Now's as

tlle as well as now. Conce11ls call you, tlley say,-Cozen

'd. '

ur leave I'll return

Exit.

'rousBoy.

The Way of thl! World, Act N. Scene I

Mirabell. --Like Daphne she as lovely and as Coy. Do you ISS lock. your self up. from me, ~o make my search more Cunous? Or IS this pretty Artifice Contriv'd, to Signifie that here the Chase must end, and my pursuit be Crown'd, for you can fly no further.-

Millamatlt. Vanity! No--I'll fly and be follow'd to the 160 last moment, tho' I am upon the very Verge of Matri­ mony, I expect you shou'd solicite me as much as .if I were wavering at the grate of a Monastery, with one foot over the threshold. I'll be solicited to the very last, nay and afterwards. 165

Mirabell. What, after the last?

Millamant. 0, I should think I was poor and had nothing to bestow, ifI were reduc'd to an Inglorious ease; and free'd from the Agreeable fatigues of sollicitation.

Mirabell. But do not you know, that when favours are con­ ferr'd upon Instant and tedious Sollicitation, that they diminish in their value, and that both the giver loses the grace, and the receiver lessens his Pleasure?

Millamant. It may be in things of comUlon Application; but never sure in Love. 0, I hate a Lover, that can dare to thi.:nk, 175 he draws a moments air, Independent on the Bounty of his Mistress. There is not so Impudent a thing in Nature, as the sawcy look of an assured man, Confident of Success. The Pedantick arrogance of a very Husband, has not so Prag­ matical an Air. Ah! I'll never marry, unless I am first 180 made sure of my will and pleasure.

Mirabell. Wou'd you have 'em both before Marriage? Or will you be contented with the fIrst now, and stay for the other till after grace?

Millal1lant. Ah don't be Impertinent--My dear Liberty, shall I leave thee? My faithful Solitude, my darling Con­ templation, must I bid you then Adieu? ay-h adieu.-my morning thoughts, agreeable wakings, indolent slumbers, all ye doucet/rs, ye Someiis du Matitl, adieu-I can't do't, 'tis more than Impossible-positively Mirabell, I'll lie a Bed in a morning as long as I please.

Mirabell. Then I'll get up in a morning as early as I please.

dOI/Cetlrs, ye Someils du Malin-These luxurious delights can only be fully expressed in French.

449

The Way of the World, Act IV. Scene I

Millamant. Ah! Idle Creature, get up when you will­ and dee hear, I won't be call'd names after I'm Married;

195 positively I won't be call'd Names.

Mirabell. Names!

Millamant. Ay as Wife, Spouse, My dear, Joy, Jewel, Love, Sweet heart and the rest of that Nauseous Cant, in which Men and their Wives are so fulsomely £'lmiliar,---I shall

200 never bear that,---Good Mirabell don't let us be familiar or fond, nor kiss before folks, like my Lady Fadler and Sr. Francis: Nor goe to Hide-Park together the fmt Sunday in a New Chariot, to provoke Eyes and Whispers; And then never to be seen there together again; as if we were proud

205 of one another the first Week, and asham'd of one another for ever After. Let us never Visit together, nor go to a Play together, But let us be very strange and well bred: let us be as strange as if we had been married a great wIllie; and as well bred as if we were not marri'd at all.

210 Mirabell. Have you any more Conditions to offer? Hitherto your demands are pretty reasonable.

Millamant. Trifl.es,---As liberty to pay and receive visits to and from whom I please, to write and receive Letters, without Interrogatories or wry Faces on your part. To

215 wear what I please; and choose Conversation with regard only to my own taste; to have no obligation upon me to converse with Wits that I don't like, because they are your acquaintance; or to be intimate with Fools, because they may be your Relations. Come to Dinner when I please,

220 dine in my dressing room when I'm out of humour without giving a reason. To have my Closet Inviolate; to be sole Empress of my Tea-table, which you must never presume to approach without first asking leave. And lastly, where ever I am, you shall always knock at the door

225 before you come in. These Articles subscrib'd, If! continue to endure you a little longer, I may by degrees dwindle into a Wife.

Mirabell. Your bill of fare is sometlling advanc'd in this latter account. Well, have I Liberty to offer Conditions-that

23 0 when you are dwindl'd into a Wife, I may not be beyond Measure enlarg'd into a Husband?

Millamant. You have free leave; propose your utmost, speak and spare not.

45 0

The Way of the World, Act IV. Scene I ct IIp when YOll will_ d llallles after I'm M . d llles. artie ;

M.y dear, Joy, Jewel, Love, t NatlseOl1S Callt, in which )ll1cly £111liliar,_I shall :tlbell don't let us be familia ~ke my Lady Fadler and Sr~ . ogcther the first Sunday in '$ ill.HI Wl~spers; And then 19a1ll; as if we Were proud :l~ ash.1111'd of one another lSIt together, nor go to a ry stmnge and well bred. cell married a gr.eat wIllie: ot lllarri'd at all. '

ditiollS to offer? Hitherto ble.

to pay and receive visits write and receive Letters Faces 011 your part. T~ :onversatioll with regard o obligaEioll upon me to ~e, because they are your Nith Fools, because they ) Dinner when I please ~u I'm out of humo~ my Closet Inviolate· to which you must ne'ver

irst asking leave. Aud lways knoCk at the door subscrib'd, IfI continue by degrees dwindle into

g advanc'd in this latter offer Conditions-that " I may not be beyond

)se your utmost, speak

Mirabell: I thank you. Inprimis then, I Covenant that your acquamtance be General; that you admit no sworn Confi­ 2J5 dent, or Intimate of your own Sex; No she friend to sheen her affairs under your Countenance and tempt you to make tryal of a Mutual Secresie. No Decoy-Duck to wheadle you a fop--scrambling to the Play in a Mask--then bring you home in a pretended fright, when you think you shall be fo~d o~t.-.--And :ail at 7lle for missing the Play, and disappomtmg the Frohck whIch you had to pick me up and prove my Constancy.

Millamant. Detestable Inprjmis! I go to the Play in a Mask!

Mirabell. Item, I Article, that you continue to like your own Face, as long as I shall. And while it passes Current with me, that you endeavour not to new Coin it. To which end, together with all Vizards for the day, I prohibit all Masks for the Night, made of oil,d skins and I know not what ---Hog's-bones, Hare's-gall, Pig-water, and the mar­ 250 row of a roasted Cat. In short, I forbid all Commerce with the Gentlewoman in what-de-call-it-Court. Item, I shut my doors against all Bauds with Baskets, and penny-worths of Muslin, China, Fans, Atlases, &c.-Itel1t when you shall be Breeding- Z55

Millamant. Ah! Name it not.

Mirabell. Which may be presum'd, with a blessing on our endeavours- .

Millamant. odious endeavours!

Mirabell. I denOlIDce against all strait-Laceing, Squeezing for 260 a Shape, till you mold mt boy's head like a Sugar-loaf; and instead of a Man-child, make me the Father to a Crooked­ billet. Lastly to the Dominion of the Tea- Table, I submit.­ But with proviso, that you exceed not in your province; but restrain your self to Native and Simple Tea-Table drinks, as Tea, Chocolate and Coffee. As likewise to Genuine and, Authoriz'd Tea-Table talk,--such as mending of Fashions, spoiling Reputations, railing at absent Friends, and so forth-but that on no account you encroach upon the mens prerogative, and presUllle to drink hcalths, or toste fellows; for prevention of which; I banish all Foreign Forces, all Auxiliaries to the Tea-Table, as Orange-Brandy, all Anniseed, Cinamon, Citron and Barbado's- Waters, together with Ratifia and the most noble Spirit of Clary,--but

Atlases-"Satins flowered with gold or silver" (obs.; OED). Anniseed . .. Barbano's- Waters •.. Clary-All "filthy strong waren."

451

The Way of the World, Act IV. Scene I

275 for Couslip- Wine, Poppy- Water and all Dor11litives, those I allow,--these proviso's admitted, in other things I may prove a tractable and complying Husband.

Mil/amant. a horrid proviso's! filthy strong Waters! I toste fellows, Odious Men! I hate your Odious proviso's.

280 Mirabell. Then wee're agreed. Shall I kiss your hand upon the Contract? and here comes one to be a witness to the Scaling of the Deed.

Enter Mrs. Faillall.

Millamant. Fainall, what shall I do ? shall I have him? I think 385 I must have him.

Mrs. Fainall. Ay, ay, take him, take him, what shou'd you do?

Millamant. Well then--I'll take my death I'm in a horrid fright--Fainall, I shall never say it-well-I think­

390 I'll endure you.

Mrs. Fainall. Fy, fy, have him, have him, and tell him so ill plain termS: For I am sure you have a mind to him.

Millamant. Are you? I think I have--and the horrid Man looks as if he thought so too--Well, you ridiculous

295 thing you, I'll have yott,-I won't be kiss'd, nor I won't be thank'd-here kiss my hand tho'-so hold YOllr tongne now, and don't say a word.

Mrs. Fainall. Mirabell, there's a Necessity for your obedience, --You have neither time to talk nor stay. My Mother

300 is coming; and in my Conscience if she should see you, wou'd fall into fits, and maybe not recover time enough to retum to Sir Rowland, who as Foible tells me is in a fair way to succeed. Therefore spare your Extacies for another occasion, and slip down the back-stairs, where Foible

305 waits to C011Sult yon.

Millama1'lt. Ay, go, go. In the mean time I suppose you have said something to please me.

Mirabel!. I am all Obedience. Exit Mirabell.

310 Mrs. Fainall. Yonder Sir Wilfull's Dnmk; and so noisy that my Mother has been forc'd to leave Sir Rowland to appease him; But he answers her only with Singing and Drinking -what they have done by this time I know not. But Petulant and he were upon quarrelling as I came by.

452

The Way of the World, Act IV. Scene I nd all Dorlltitives tl I" I . , lOse •CC, ltl 0 thcr things! Husband. lllay

y stro~lg Waters! r toste Jr Ochous proviso's.

: kiss YOllr hand upon the to be a witness to the

all.

hall J havc him? I think

him, what shou'd you

lY d;ath I'm in a horrid say u-well-1 think-

him, and tell him So in ~ a mimI to him.

-:lnd the horrid Man -Well, you ridiculous c kiss'd, 110r I won't be -so hold your tongue

ty for your obedience, : nor stay. My Mother if she should see you, ~cover time enough to Ie tells 111e is in a fair It Extacies for another :-stairs, where Foible

Ie I suppose you have

ExIt Mirabell.

tk:; and so noisy that ~ R.0w/and to appease mgmg and Drinking e I know not. But 5 as I came by.

Millanumt. W el~, If Mirabell shou'd not make a good Husband• 315 I am a lost thmg;--for I find I love him violently.

Mrs. Fair/all. So it seems, when you mind not what's said to you,-If you doubt him, you had best take up with Sir Wilfull.

Millamant. How can you name that super-annuated Lubber 320 ~! '

Enter Witwol1d from drinking.

Mrs. Fairlall. So, Is the fray made up, that you have left 'em?

Witwoud. Left 'em? I eou'd stay no longer-I have laugh'd 3 25 like ten Christnings-I am tipsy with laughing-If I had staid any longer I shot1'd have burst,-I must have been let out and piee'd in the sides like an unsiz'd Carnlet,-Yes, yes the fray is compos'd; my Lady came in like a Noli prosequi and stop't their proceedings. 330

Millamant. What was the dispute?

Witwoud. That's the Jest, there was no dispute, they cou'd neither of 'em speak for rage; And so fell a sputt'ring at one another like two roasting Apples.

Enter Petulant Drunk. 335

Now Petulant, all's over, all's well; Gad my head begins to whim it about-Why dost thou not speak? thou art both as drunk: and as mute as a Fish.

Petulant. Look you Mrs. Millamant,-If you can love me dear Nymph-say it-and that's the Conclnsion-pass on, or pass off,-that's all.

Witwoud. Thou hast utter'd Volumes, Folio's, in less than Decimo Sexto, my Dear Lacedemonian, Sirrah Petulant, thou art an Epitomizer of words.

Petulant. WitwouJ.--You are an auihilator of sense. ::m

Witwoud. Thou art a retailer of Phrases; and dost deal in Remnants of Remnants, like a maker of Pincushions-thou art in truth (Metaphorically speaking) A speaker of short­ hand.

Noli prosequi-Putting an end to legal proceedings. Lacedemonian-Spartan, given to few words.

453

The Way of the World, Act IV. Scene I

350 Petulant. Thou art (without a figure) Just one half of an Ass; and Baldwin yonder, thy half Brother is the rest-A gemini of Asses split, would make just four of you.

Witwoud. Thou dost bite my dear Mustard-seed; kiss me for that.

355 Petulant. Stand off---I'll kiss no more Males,--I have kiss'd your twin yonder in a humour of reconciliation, till he (hiccup) rises upon my stomack like a Radish.

Millamant. Eh! filthy creature-what was the quarrel?

Petulant. There waS no quarrel-there might have been a 360 quarrel.

Witwoud. If there had been words enow between' em to have express'd provocation; they had gone together by the Ears like a pair of Castanets.

Petulant. You were the Quarrel.

365 Millamant. Me!

Petulant. If I have a humour to Quarrel, I can make less matters conclude Premises,---If you are not handsom, what then? If! have a humour to prove it.---IfI shall have my Reward, say so; if not, fight for your Face the

370 next time your sel£--I'll go sleep.

Witwoud. Do, rap thy self up like a Wood-louse and dream Revenge---and hear me, if thou canst learn to write by to morrow Morning, Pen me a Challenge-I'll carry it for thee.

375 Petulant. Carry your Mistresses Monkey a Spider,---go fiea Dogs, and read Romances--I'll go to bed to my Maid.

Exit.

Mrs. Fainall. He's horridly drunk--how came you all in 380 this pickle ?-

Witwoud. A plot, a plot, to get rid of the Knight,--your Husband's advice; but he sneak'd off.

Enter Lady Wishfort and Sir Wilfull drunk.

Baldwin-The ass, in the well-known fable of Reynard tile Fox, reprinted in I694.

Mistresses Monkey-Fashionable pets after the Restoration; c£ Earl of Rochester, "Letter from Artemisia," in The Collected Works, p. 30: "Her much-esteem'd, dear Friend, the Monkey .•. / The dirty, chatter­ ing Monster she embrac'd."

454

ute) Just one half f l I' 0 an Ass­. rot ler 1S the rest-A ; four of you. gemlm

r Mustal'd~seed; kiss me for

,0. more Males I I,- lave UllOur of rcconciliati 'II ck like a Radish. on, tJ

vhat was cllC quarrel?

-there might have been a

:mow between'e11l to have 1d gOlle together by die

Quarrel, I em make less -If YOll are not handsolll o prove it.-IfI shall t, fight for your Face tile deep.

a Wood-louse and dream hou canst learn to write a Challenge--I'll carry it

!ey a Spider,-go Rea -I'll go to bed to my

Exit. -llow ca1l1e you all in

the Knight,-your fE

Wil.full drunk. able of Reynard the Fox,

the Restoration; c£ Barl rhe Caf/eeted Works, p. 30: :y .../ The dirty, chatter-

The Way ofthe World, Act IV. Scene I

Lady WisJifort. Out upon't, out upon't, at years of Discretion, and Comport your self at this Rantipole rate.

Sir Wilfull. No Offence Aunt.

Lady Wishfort. Offence? As I'm a Person, I'masham'd ofyou, -:Fogh! how you stink of Wine! Dee think my Neice will ever endure such a Borachio! you're an absolute Borachio. 390

Sir Wilful!. Borachio I

Lady Wishfort. At a time when you shou'd commence an Amour and put your best foot foremost-

Sir Wilfull. 'Sheart, an you grutch me your Liquor, make a Bill-Give me more drink and take my Purse. 395 (Sings,)

Prithee fill me the Glass Till it laugh in my Face,

With Ale that is Potent and Mellow; He that Whines for a Lass, 40 0 Is an Ignorant Ass,

For a Bumper has not its Fellow.

but if you wou'd have me Marry my Cozen,-say the Word, and I'll do't-Wilfull will do't, that's the Word­ Wilfull will do't, that's my Crest-my Motto I have forgot.

Lady Wishfort. My Nephew's a little overtaken Cozen-but 'tis with drinking your Health-O' my Word you are oblig'd to hinl.

Sir Wi!fitll. In vino veritas Aunt,-If I drunk your Health to day Cozen-I am a Borachio. But ifyou have a mind to be Marry'd, say the Word, and send for the Piper, Wilfitll will do't. If not, dust it away, and let's have tother round­ Tony, Ods heart where's Tony-Tony's an honest fellow, but he spits after a BlUnper, and that's a Fault.

(Sings,) 415 We'il drink and we'll never ha' done Boys Put the glass then around with the Sun Boys;

Let Apollo's Example invite us; For he's drunk every Night,

And that makes him so bright, That he's able next Morning to light us.

Rantipole-Disorderly (obs.). Borachio-Goatskin for wine; thus, drunkard. gruteh-A touch of dialect for "grudge."

455

The Way of the World, Act IV. Scene I

the Sun's a good Pimple, an honest Soaker, he has a Cellar at your Antipodes. If I travel Aunt, I touch at your Antipodes --your Antipodes are a good rascally sort of topsy­

425 turvy Fellows--IfI had a Bumper I'd stand upon my Head and drink a Health to 'em-A Match or no Match, Cozen, with the hard Name,-Aunt, Wi/fijll will do't, If she has her Maidenhead let her look to't,-is she has not, let her keep her own Counsel in the mean time, and cry

430 out at the nine Months end.

Millamant. Your Pardon Madam, I can stay no longer-Sir Wi/fitll grows very powerful, Egh I how he smells! I shall be overcome if I stay.

Exeunt Millamant and Mrs. Fainal!. 435 Come, Cozen.

Lady Wishfort. Smells! he would poison a Tallow-Chandler and his Family. Beastly Creature, I know not what to do with him-Travel quoth a; Ay travel, travel, get thee gone, get thee but far enough, to the Saracens or the Tartars, or the Turks-for thou are not fit to live in a Christian Commonwealth, thou beastly Pagan.

Sir Wilfull. Turks, no; no Turks, Aunt: Your Turks are Infidels, and believe not in the Grape. Your Mahometarl, your Mussulman is a dry Stinkard-No Offence, Aunt. My

445 Map says that your Turk is not so honest a Man as your Christiun-I cannot fmd by the Map that your Mtifti is Orthodox-Whereby it is a plain Case, that Orthodox is a hard Word, Aunt, and (hicmp) Greek for Claret.

(Sings,) 450 To drink is a Christian Diversion,

Unknown to the Tllrk and the Persiall: Let Mahomet(m Fools Live by Heathenish Rules,

And be damn'd over Tea-Cups and Coffee. 455 But let British Lads sing,

Crown a Health to the King, And a Fig for your Sultan and Sophy.

Ah Tony!

Etlter Foible, and whispers Lady Wishfort.

pimple-Slang fot "a boon companion" (see J. S. Farmer, Slang and its Analogues [r890]).

Mufii-A Mohammedan priest. Sophy-The family name of the Persian dynasty, Sufi.

.eI

. honcst S()~kcr he I Aullt, I tOllch a~ Ot;as a ?elJar

good rascally ?art r 11tlpades ~ Ihul1per I'd stand 0 topsy_ CIll A M I upon Illy

~ - atc 1 Or no Mat h .,-Aunt, Wilftlll will d ' C , her look to't _. I lot, If

I · 1 ,lSSle ll\snot a.: III t 1C lllean time d ' ,an cry

Ill, I can stay 110 10nger_S' , Egh! how he smells! I shall

It Millal1lant and Mrs F' U• allla,

Id poison a Tallow.Chandl :nre, I know not what to d~ r travel, travel, get thee gone Ie ~C;araccllS or the Tartars 0; ; ftt to live in a C!tris~ian Pagan.

'ks, Aunt : Your Turks are LC Grape. Your Ma/JOllletall Ir~l-No Offence, Aunt. My )t so honest a Mnll as your I~c Map that your Mtifii is UIl Case, that Orthodox is a Grt'ck for Claret.

1 Diversioll, : and the Pers;aI/: lOIs h R.ules, I-CUpS and Colfee. Is sing, J the King, I and Sophy.

'S Lady Wishfort.

1" (see J. S. Farmer, Sit/Ilg alld

en dynasty, Sufi.

The Way of the World, Act IV. Scene I

460Lady Wishfort. Sir Rowland impatient? Good lack! what shall I do with this beastly Tumbril ?--Go lie down and sleep, you Sot-Or as I'm a person, I'll have you bastinado'd with Broom-sticks. Call up the Wenches.

Exit Foible.

Sir Wilfull. Ahey! Wenches, where are the Wenches? 46.~

Lady Wishfort. Dear Cozen Witwoud, get him away, and you will bind me to you inviolably. I have an Af(1ir of moment that invades me with some precipitation-You will oblige me to all Futurity.

Witwoud. Come Knight-Pox on him. I don't know what to 470 say to him-will you go to a Cock~match?

Sir wilfull. With a Wench, Tony? Is she a shake-bag Sirrah ? let me bite your Cheek for that.

Witwoud. Horrible! He has a breath like a Bagpipe-ay, ay, come will you March my Salop ian ? m

Sir Wilfull. Lead on little Tony-I'll follow thee my Anthony. My Tantony. Sirrah thou sha't be my Tantony; and I'll be thy Pig.

-and a fig for your Sultm~ and Sophy. Bxit Singing with Witwoud. 480

Lady Wishfort. This will never do. It will never make a Match. -At least before he has been abroad.

BItter Waitwell, disg~lis'd a5for Sir Rowland. Dear Sir Rowland, I am Confounded with Confusion at

the Retrospection of my own rudenes,--I have more pardons to ask than the Pope distributes in the Year of Jubilee. But I hope where there is likely to be so near an alliance,-We may unbend the severity of Decorum ---a.1~la dispence with a little Ceremony.

Waitwell. My Impatience Madam, is the effect of my transport; -and till I have the possession of your adoreable Person, I am tantaliz'd on a rack; And do but hang Madam, on the tenter of Expectation.

Anthony-Patron saint of swineheards. . Year ofJubilee-Normally celebrated every twenty~five years wl~h

special Papal Indulgences, but Pope Innocent XII, when elected In 169

I , had proclaimed a Year ofJubilee, which had attracted many co

Rome. Farquhar's immensely popular play, The Constant Couple, or A TI'ip to the Jubilee. is full of it.

457

The Way oj the World, Act IV. Scene I

Lady Wishfort. You have Exces~ of ga~antry Sir Rowland;, ~nd 495 press things to a ConclusIon, WIth a most prevailmg

Vehemence.--But a day or two for decency of Marriage-

Waitwell. For decency of Funeral, Madam. The delay will break my heart-or if that should fail, I shall be

500 Poyson'd. My Nephew will get an inkling of my Designs and Poison me,--and I wou'd willingly starve him before I die--I wou'd gladly go out of the W orId with that Satisfaction.--That wou'd be some Comfort to me, If I cou'd but live so long as to be reveng'd on that

50 5 Unnatural Viper.

Lady Wishfort. Is he so Unnatural say you? truely I wou'd Contribute much both to the saving of your Life; and the accomplishment of your revenge--Not that r respect my self; tho' he has been a perfidious wretch to me.

510 Waitwell. Perfidious to you!

Lady Wishfort. 0 Sir Rowland, the hours that he has dy'd away at my Feet, the Tears that he has shed, the Oaths that he has sworn, the Palpitations that he has felt, the Trances, and the Tremblings, the Ardors and the Ecstacies,

51 5 the Kneelings and the Riseings, the Heart-heavings, and the hand-Gripings, the Pangs and the Pathetick Regards of his protesting Eyes! Oh no memory can Register.

Waitwell. What, my Rival! is the Rebell my Rival? a'dies.

Lady Wishfort. No, don't kill him at once Sir Rowland, starve 52 0 him gradually inch by inch.

Waitwell. I'll do't, In three weeks he shall be bare-foot; in a month out at knees with begging an Alms,--he shall st~rve upward and upward, till he has nothing living but his head, and then go out in a stink like a Candle's end upon a Save-all.

Lady Wishfort. Well, Sir Rowland, you have the way,--­ You are no Novice in the Labyrinth of Love---You have the Clue--But as I am a perSOll, Sir Rowland, You must not attribute my yielding to any sinister appetite,

53 0 or Indigestion of Wid dow-hood; Nor Impute my Com­ placency, to ~ny Lethargy of Continence--I hope you do not think me prone to any iteration of Nuptials.-

Waitwell. Far be it from me-

Save-all-Small holder. with a pin to hold candle-ends.

Scene I

Excess ofga1Iantr 3i !lldusion . h Y r R.ow/mtd; lIlIa

) WIt a most " a day Or two fc prevai/!l!8

or decency of

f Ft~llcral, Madall/. The dela . I iUWilIor, If that should fail

will get all inklin of~ a . be ill.d r wou'd w'll J5 1 YDesIgns 'i 1 d 1 Ing Ystarve him c ga lygoOutoftheWold . rhnt wou'd be some C ~ mili ;0 long as to be reveng'd o~~~

Illlatllral ,say you? truely I wou'd l tile savmg of your Life.' and th revenge_Not tha 'I e

t respect t a per ftdi ous wretch to m I ~

'ma, the hours that lle has d 'd ,ars. t11~t he has shed, the Oarbs all'ltatlO11s tllat he has felt th gs, the Ardors and the Ecs~ciese ngs, the Heart-heavings, and th~ and the Patlletick Regards of memory can Register.

the Rebell111Y Rival? a'dies.

!lim at onCe Sir Rowland, starve

:eks. he s11a11 be bare-foot; in a 'J5.g1l1g an Alms,-Ile shall till he has notIring Hving but

11 a stink like a Candle's end

,td, YOtI have the way-­ ,abyrillth of Lov~You [ a~l1 a persoll, Sir Row/al/d, :ldtng to any sinister appetite, lod; Nor Impute my Com­ )f C~ntin~ce--I hope any IteratIon ofNuptiak­

to hold candle-cnds.

The Way of the World, Act N. Scene I

Lady Wishfort. If you do, I protest I must recede--or think that I have made a prostitution of decorums, but in 535 the Vehemence of Compassion, and to save the life of a Person of so much Importance-

Waitwell. I esteem it so-

Lady Wishfort. Or else you wrong my Condescension­

Waitwell. I do not, I do not-

Lady Wishfort. Indeed you do.

Waitwell. I do not, fair shrine ofVertue.

Lady Wislifort. If you think the least scruple of Carnality was an Ingredient-

Waitwell. Dear Madam, no. You are all Camphire and Frank­ 54J ineel/se, all Chastity and Odour.

Lady Wishfort. Or that-

Enter Foible.

Foible. Madam, the Dancers are ready. and there's one with a Letter, who must deliver it into your own hands. 55/)

Lady Wishfort, Sir Rowland, will you give me leave? think favourably, Judge Candidly and conclude you have found a Person who wou'd suffer racks in honour's cause, dear Sir Rowland, and will wait on you Incessantly.

Exit• .W

Waitwell. Fie, fiel-What a Slavery have I undergone; Spouse, hast thou any Cordial--I want Spirits.

Foible. What a washy Rogue art thou, to pant thus for a quarter of all hours lying and swearing to a fine Lady?

Waitwell. 0, she is the Antidote to desire. Spouse, thou will't 560 fare the worse for't--I shall have no appetite to iteration of Nuptials--this eight and [ourty Hours --by this hand I'd rather be a Chair-man in the Dog­ days--than Act Sir Rowland, till this time to morrow.

Enter Lady Wishfort with aLetter.

Lady WishJort. Call in the Dallcers;--,-Sir Rowland, we'll sit if you please, and see the EntertallJ1l1ent.

Dance.

459

-...

The Way oj the World, Act IV. Scene I

Now with your permissiOll Sir Rowland I will peruse my 570 Letter--I wou'd open it in your presence, because I

wou'd not make you Uneasie. If it shou'd make you Uneasie I wou'd bum it---speak if it do's-but you may see by the Superscription it is like a Woman's hand.

575 Foible {to him}. By Heaven! Mrs. Marwood's, I know "".--­ my heart akes-get it from her-.

Waitwell. A W0111an's hand? No Madam, that's no Woman's hand I see that already. That's some body whose throat must be cut.

580 Lady Wislifort. Nay Sir Rowland, since you give me a proof of your Passion by yom Jcalousie, I promise you I'll make you a return, by a frank Communication--YOll shall see it-wee'll open it together-look you here.

Reads-Madam, tho' tmknowIl to you (Look yOll there 'tis 585 from no body that I know}-I have that honour Jor

your Character, that I think my self o bUg'd to let YOH know you are abus'd. He who pretends to be Sir Rowland is a cheat alld a Rascal.­

Oh Heavens! what's this?

590 Foible. Unfortunate, all's ruin'd.

Waitwell. How, how, Let me see, let me see-(reading) A Rascal arid disguis'd and subborn'd Jor that impostHre,-O villany, a villany!-by the Contrivance oJ-

Lady Wis/ifort. I shall faint, I shall die, I shall die, oh!

595 Foible (to him). Say 'tis your Nephew's hand.-quickly, his plot, swear, swear it.-

Waitwell. Here's a Villain! Madam, don't you perceive it, don't you sec it?

Lady WishJort. Too well, too well. I have seen too much.

6QO Waitwell. I told you at first I knew the hand--A Wo­ mans hand? the Rascal writes a sort of a large hand; your Roman hand-I saw there was a throat to be cut presently. Ifhe were my Son as he is my Nephew I'd Pistoll hm1­

Foible. a Treachery J But are YOll sure Sir Rowland it is his 60 5 writing? '

t: T

1,1 Sir Rowlalld r '11 ' • WI peruse ,t ~Il your presence b my :aSlC. If it shou'd ~llakcalJSe [ "-sl,cak 'f' d' e you• " 1 It O"-b :nptiol1 it is like W Ut

a oman's

. Mar/flood's, I know it_ cr·_··, '

~ lvladmll, that's 110 Woman's t S SOllle body whose throat

since yoy give Ine a proofof , ~ pr?llllSe youl'I1111ake ou lllcat)()J1_You shalsee look you here.

/I ttl YOII (Look you there 'tis ZW)-l !Jave that honour for , my self oblig'd to let rorl

o pretends to be Sir Rowland

c: le~ me see-(reading) A 11.d Jor that impostlJre,-O r//Janee oJ­ lie, I shall die, oh'

!lew's hand.-quickly, his

I, dOl~' t YOll perceive it,

I have seen too much.

, the hand--A Wo­ )rt of a large h;md; your troat to be cut presently. pllew I'd Pistol! him­

:re Sir Rowland, it is his

The Way oj the World, Act IV. Scene I

Waitwell. Sure? am I here? do I live? do I love this Pearl of India? I have twenty Letters in my Pocket from him, in the same Character.

Lady WishJort. How!

Foible. 0 what luck it is Sir Rowlalld, that you were present 6!0 at this Juncture! tIus was the business that brought Mr. Mirabell disguis'd to Madam Millamallt this Afternoon. I thought something was contriving, when he stole by me and would have hid his face.

Lady WishJort. How, how!-I heard the Villain was in the house indeed, and now I remember, my Niece went away abruptly, when Sir Wiiji,ll was to have made his addresses.

Foible. Then, then Madam, Mr. Mirabell waited for her in her Chamber, but I wou'd not tell your Lady-ship to dis­ compose you when you were to receive Sir Rowland.

Waitwell. Enough, his date is short.

Foible. No, good Sir Rowllllld, don't incurr the Law.

Waitwell. Law? I care not for Law. I can but die, and 'tis in a good cause--my Lady shall be satisfied of my Truth and Innocence, tho' it cost me my life.

Lady WishJort. No, dear Sir Rowlarld, don't fight, if you shou'd be kill'd I must never shew my face; or hang'd,-O Consider my Reputation Sir Rowland-No you shan't fight,-I'll go in and Examine my Niece; I'll make her Confess. I conjure you Sir Rowland by all your love not to fight.

Waitwell. I am Charm'd Madam, I obey. But some proof you must let me give you;-I'll go for a black box, which Contains the Writings of my whole Estate, and deliver that into your hands.

Lady WishJort. Ay dear Sir Rowland, that will be some Comfort; bring the Black-box.

Waitwell. And may I presume to bring a Contract to be sign'd this Night? May I hope so fart?

Lady WishJort. Bring what you will; but come alive, pray come alive. 0 tllis is a happy discovery.

Waltwell. Dead or Alive I'll come-a11d married we will be in spight of treachery; ~y and get an H7ir that shall defe~t the last remaining glimpse of hope In my abandon d Nephew. Come my Buxom Widdow.

625

~------------------------~-~,

The Way oj the World, Act V. Scene I

Ere long you shall Substantial proof receive That I'm an Arrant Knight-

Foible. Or arrant Knave. Exetmt.

ACT V. SCENE 1.

Scene Continues.

Lady Wishfort and Foible.

Lady Wislifort. Out of my house, out of my house, thou Viper, thou Serpent, that I have foster'd, thou bosome traytress, that I rais'd from nothing-began, began, began, go, go,-that I took from Washing of old Gause

5 and Weaving of dead Hair, with a bleak blew Nose, over a Chafeing-dish of starv'd Embers and Dining behind a Traverse Rag, in a shop no bigger than a Bird-cage,--­ go, go, starve again, do, do.

Foible. Dear Madam. I'll beg pardon on my knees.

10 Lady Wishfort. Away. out, out, go set up for your self again ---do, drive a Trade, do, with your three penny-worth of small Ware, flaunting upon a Packthread, under a Brandy-sellers Bulk, or against a dead Wall by a Ballad­ monger. Go hang out an old Frisollcer-gorget, with a yard of

15 Yellow Colberteen again; do; an old gnaw'd Mask, two rowes of Pins and a Childs Fiddle; A Glass Necklace with the Beads broken, and a Quilted Night-cap with one Ear. Go, go, drive a trade,---these were your Commodities you treacherous Tmll, this was your Merchandize you

20 dealt in when I took you into my house, plac'd you next my self, and made you Govemante of my whole Family. You have forgot this, have you, now you have feather'd your Nest?

Foible. No, no, dear Madam. Do but hear me, have but a 2.5 Moment's patience-I'll Confess all. Mr. Mirabell seduc'd

Arrant-A play Oil. the two meanings. wandering and outlawed criminal.

Frisaneer-gorget-Stiff neckpiece, made of Friesland stuff. Colberteen-Coarse French lace, named after Colbert who intro­

duced it from Italy.

11tial proof receive ht­

Rye/lilt.

I:JNB 1.

f Foible.

out of my house thou foster'd, thou b~$ome

~othil1g:-bcgon, began, , WashIllg of old Gause bleak blew N osc, over a and Dining behind a

than a Bird-cagc,­

011 my knees.

t up for your self again 'our three pe11l1y-worth . Packthread, wlder: a ead Wall by a Bnllad­ ~r-gorget, with a yard of Id gnaw'd lvfrtsk, two Glass Necklace with the ':(IF with Ol1e Ear. Go, :re your Commodities our Merclmmllzc you ,OlISe, plac'd you next of my whole Fam.i1y. W YOll have feather d

hear me, have but a Mr. Mirabell seduc'd

andering and outlawed

ries1and stuff. er Colbert Who intra-

The Way oj the World, Act V. Scene I

me; I am not the first that he has wheadl'd with his dis­ sembling Tongue; Your Lady-ship's own Wisdom has been deluded by him, then how shou'd r a poor Ignorant, de.f~nd my self? 0 Madam, if you knew but what he pro- nus d me; and how he assut'd me youtLadyship shou'd come to no damage--Or else the Wealth of the Indies shou'd not have brib'd me to conspire against so Good so Sweet, so kind a Lady as you have been to me. '

Lady Wishfort. No damage? What to Betray me, to Marry me to a Cast-serving-man; to make me a receptacle, an 35 Hospital for a decay'd Pimp? No damage? 0 thou frontless Impudence, more dlan a big-Belly'd Actress.

Foible. Pray do but hear me Madam, he cou'd not marry your Lady-ship, Madam--No indeed his Maniage was to have been void in Law; for he was married to me

. first, to secure your Lady-ship. He cou'd not have bedded your Lady-ship: for if he had Consummated with your Ladyship, he must have run the risque of the Law, and been put upon his Clergy--Yes indeed, I enquit'd of the Law in that case before I wou'd meddle or make. 45

Lady Wishfort. What, then r have been your Property, have I? I have been convenient to you it seems,-while you were Catering for Mirabell; I have been broaker for you? What, have you made a passive Bawd this Exceeds all precedent; I am brought to fine uses, to become a botcher of second hand Marriages, between Abigails and Atldrews! I'll couple you, Yes, I'll baste you together, you and your Philander. I'll Dukes-Place you, as 1'm a Person. Your Turtle is in Custody already ; You shall Coo in the same Cage, if there be Constable or warrant ss in the Parish. Exit.

Foible. 0 that ever I was Born, 0 that I was ever Manied, --a Bride, ay I shall be a Bridewell-Bride. Oh!

60 Enter Mrs. Fainall.

Mrs. Fainall. Poor Foible, what's the matter?

Foible. 0 Madam, my Lady's gone for a Constable; I shall be had to a Justice, and put to Bridewell to beat Hemp, poor Waitwell's gone to prison already. meddle Of Inake--Interfere (proverbial). Dukes-Place-The place where they had been coupled for a fee. Bridewell-A prison and house of correction for women.

65

The Way of the World, Act V. Scene I

75

80

85

90

95

100

105

Mrs. Fairtall. Have a good heart Foible, Mirabell's gone to give security for him. This is all Marwood's and my Hus­ band's doing.

Foible. Yes, yes; I know it Madam; she was in my Lady's Closet, and over-heard all that you said to me before Dinner. She sent the Letter to my Lady, and that missing Effect, Mr. Fainalliaid this Plot to arrest Waitwell, when he pretended to go for the Papers; and in the mean time Mrs. Marwood dec1ar'd all to my Lady.

Mrs. Fainall. Was there no mention made of me in the Letter ?-My Mother do's not suspect my being in the Confederacy? I fancy Marwood has not told her, tho' she has told my husband.

Foible. Yes Madam; but my Lady did not see that part; We stifl'd the Letter before she read so far. Has that mis­ cheivolls Devil told Mr. Fainall of your Ladyship then?

Mrs. Fainall. Ay, all's ont, My affair with Mirabell, every thing discover'd. This is the last day of our living together, that's my Comfort.

Foible. Indeed Madam, and so 'tis a Comfort if YOll knew all, ---he has been even with your Ladyship; which I cou'd have told you-long enough since, but I love to keep Peace and Quietness by my good will: I had rather bring friends together, than set 'em at distance. But Mrs. Mar­ wood and He are nearer related than ever their Parents thought for.

Mrs. Fainall. Say'st thou so Foible? Canst thou prove this?

Foible. I can take my Oath of it Madam, so can Mrs. Mincing; we have had many a fair word from Madam Marwood, to conceal something that pass'd in our Chamber one Evening when you were at Hide-Park;-And we were thought to have gone a Walking: But we went up unawares,-tho' we were sworn to secresie too; Madam Marwood took a Book and swore us upon it: But it was but a Book of Verses and Poems,-So as long as it was not a Bible-Oath, we may break it with a safe Conscience.

Mrs. Fainall. This discovery is the most opportune thing I cou'd wish. Now Mi/1Cing?

Enter Mincing.

Mincing. My Lady wou'd speak with Mrs. Foible, Man. Mr. Mirabell is with her, he has set your Spouse at liberty Mrs.

I

It:art Foible, Mirt/bell's 0 IS all Marwood' d g ne to

s an my Hu~

vladam: sbe wns in my Lad ' tim YOll said to b)S

me ClOre to Illy Lady, and that . ltn to arrest Waltwell .'rs j :llld in the mean ;ime Mrs. Lady.

llelltioll mlldc of me in the lot suspect my being in the ood has llot told her, tho'she

tty did Mt see that part; We read so far. I-L1$ that mis­

all of yonr Ladyship then?

aRidr with Mirabelli every st day of Ollr Jiving together,

: a Comfort if YOli knew ~J h y~ur Ladyship; which; Tgh su~ce, but rlove to keflp :)Qd wIll; I had rather bring ae distance. But Mrs. Mar­ cd than ever cllCir Parents

Ie? Canst thou prove this 1

{adalll, so can Mrs. Mincing; from Madam Marwood, to OUr Chamber one Evening -And we were thought to went up unawares,-tho'

; Madam Marwood took a :ut it was bl1t a Book of s it was not a Bible-Oath, nscience.

e most opportune thing

g.

h Mrs. Foible, Mem. Mr. Ir Spouse at liberty Mrs.

The Way oj the World, Act V. Scene I

Foible; and wou'd have you hide your self in my Lady's Closet, till myoId Lady's anger is abated. 0, myoId Lady is in a perilous passion, at something Mr. Faillall has said. He swears, and myoId Lady cry's. There's a fearful Hur­ ricane I vow. He says Mem, how that he'll have my Lady's 110 Fortune made over to him, or he'll be divorc'd.

Mrs. Fainall. Do's your Lady and Mirabell know that?

Mincing. Yes Mem, they have sent me to see if Sir Wilfull be sober, and to bring him to them. My Lady is resolv'd to have him I think. rather than loose such a vast Summ as 115 six thousand Pound. 0, come Mrs. Foible, I hear myoId Lady.

Mrs. Fainal!. Foible, you must tell Mincing, that she must prepare to vouch when I call her.

Foible. Yes, yes Madam. 120

Mincil~g. 0 yes Mem, I'll vouch any thing for your Ladyship's service, be what it will.

Exeunt Mincing and Foible.

Enter Lady Wishfort and Marwood.

Lady Wishfort. 0 my dear Friend, how can I Enumerate the benefits that I have receiv'd from your goodness? To you I owe the timely discovery of the false vows of Mirabel!; To you the Detection of the Imposter Sir Rowland. And now you are become an Intercessor with my Son-in-Law, to save the Honour of my House, and Compound for the 130 frailties of my Daughter. Well Friend, you are,enou~h to reconcile me to the bad World, or else I wou d retrre to Desarts and Solitudes; and feed harmless Sheep by Groves and Purling Streams. Dear Marwood, let us leave the Wodd, and retire by our selves and be Shepherdesses. lJ5

Mrs. Marwood. Let us first dispatch the affair in hand Madam, we shall have leisure to think of Retirement afterwards. Here is one who is concem'd in the treaty.

Lady Wishfort. ° Daughter, Daughter, Is it possible thou shoud'st be my child, Bone of my Bone, and Flesh of my Flesh, and as I may say, another Me, and yet. tranSg;-ess the most minute Partide of severe Vertue? Is It posSlble you should lean aside to Iniquity who have been Cast in the direct Mold of Vertue ? I have not only been a Mold but a Pattern for you, and a Model for you, after you were brought into the World.

The Way of the World, Act V. Scene I

150

155

160

17 0

175

180

Mrs. Fainall. I don't understand your Ladyship.

Lady Wishfort. Not understand? Why have you not been Naught? Have you not been Sophisticated? Not under­ stand? Here I am ruin'd to Compound for your Caprices and your Cuckoldomes. I must pawn my Plate, and my Jewells and ruine my Neice, and all little enough-

Mrs. Fainall. I am wrong'd and abus'd, and so are you. 'Tis a false accusation, as false as Hell, as false as your Friend there, ay or your Friend's Friend, my false Husband.

Mrs. Marwood. My Friend, Mrs. Fainall? Your Husband my Friend, what do you mean?

Mrs. Fainall. I know what I mean Madam, and so do you; and so shall the W orId at a time Convenient.

Mrs. Marwood. I am sorry to see you so passionate, Madam. More Temper wou'd look more like Innocence. But I have done. I am sorry my Zeal to serve your Ladyship and Family, shou'd admit of Misconstruction, or make me liable to affronts. Y Oll will pardon me, Madam, If! meddle no more with an affair, in which I am 110t Personally concern'd.

Lady Wishfort. 0 dear Friend; I am so asham'd that you should meet with such returns ;--yOll ought to ask Pardon on your Knees, Ungratefull Creature; she deserves more from you tllan all your life call accomplish-O don't leave me destitute in this Perplexity;-No, stick to me my good Genius.

Mrs. Fainall. I tell you Madam you're abus'd--stick to you? ay, like a Leach, to suck your best Blood--she'll drop off when she's full. Madam you sha'not paW11 a Bodkin, nor part with a Brass Counter in Composition for me. I debe'em all. Let 'em prove their aspersions: I know my own In11ocence, and dare stand a tryal1.

Exit.

Lady Wishfort. Why, If she shou'd be Innocent, If she shou'd be wrong'd after all, ha? I don't know what to think,­ and I promise you, her Education has been unexceptionable -I may say it; for I chiefly made it my own Care to Initiate her very Infancy in the Rudiments of Vertue, and to Impress upon her tender Years, a Young Odium and Aversion to the very sight of Men,--ay Friend, she wou'd ha' shriek'd, If she had but seen a Man, till she was in her Teens. As I'm a Person 'tis true--She was

The Way of the World, Act V. Scene I

never suffer'd to play with a Male-Child, tho' but in Coats; Nay her very Babies were of the Feminine Gender 19 0Ilot been ---0, she never look'd a Man in the Face but her ow~fot wlder, Father, or the Chaplain, and him we made a shift to put

It C':rltl upon ~er for a Won;an, by the help of his long Garments, ,an my and his Sleek-face; till she was going in her fifteen.

Mrs. Marwood. Twas much she shou'd be deceiv'd so long. 195 you. 'Til ur Friend Lady Wishfort. I warrant you, or she wou'd never have born )and. to have been Catechis'd by him; and have heard his long

lectures, against Singing and Dancing, and such Debauche­ iband my ries; and going to filthy Plays; and Profane Mtcsick-meetil1gs,

where the Leud Trebles squeek nothing but Bawdy, and 20D

the Bases roar Blasphemy. 0, she wou'd have swooned at YOUi and the sight or name of an obscene Play-Book-and can I think after all this, that my Daughter can be Naught?

; Madam. What, a Whore? And thought it excommunication to set ut I have her foot within the door of a Play-house. 0 my dear 2D5 ship and friend, I can't believe it, No, no; as she says, let him prove take me it, let him prove it. [ meddle monally Mrs. Marwood. Prove it Madam? What, and have your name

prostituted in a publick Court; Yours and your Daughters reputation worry'd at the Barr by a pack of Bawling 210

hat you Lawyers? To be usherd in with an 0 Yez of Scandal; and : to ask have your Case open'd by an old fumbling Leacher in a deserVes Quoif like a Man Midwife to bring your Daughter's o don't Infamy to light, to be a Theme for legal Punsters, and me my 215Quiblers by the Statute; and become a Jest, against a Rule

of Court, where there is no precedent for a Jest in any record; not even in Dooms-day-Book: to discompose the stick to gravity of the Bench, and provoke Naughty Interroga­-she'll tories, in more Naughty Law Latin; while the good Judge ,awn n tickl'd with the proceeding, Simpers under a Grey beard,

220

ion for and fidges off and on his Cushion as if he had swallow'd [ know Cantharides, or sat upon Cow-Itch.

E..'d/. Lady Wishfort. 0, 'tis very hard! shou'd Mrs. Marwood. And then to have my Young Revellers of the link,­ Temple, take Notes like Prentices at a Co/wentide; and 22~ onable after, talk it all over again in Commons, or before Drawers arc to

in an Eating-house.e, and /I and cantharides-A diuretic, or aphrodisiac. ..,

Cow-Itch-Or cowage, the pods of a tropical plant Wlth stlffbnstles:I, she which cause intolerable itcrung.,0 was

In Commons-Dining in hall. ~ was

467

.

The Way of the World, Act V. Scene I

Lady Wis/ifort. Worse and Worse.

2)0

2)5

25 0

255

260

Mrs. Marwood. Nay this is nothing; if it wou'd end here, 'twere well. But it must after this be consign'd by the Short-hand Writers to the publick Press; and from thence be transferr'd to the hands, nay into the Throats and Lungs of Hawkers, with Voices more Licentious than the loud Flounder-man's or the Woman that erys Grey-pease: and this you must hear till you are stunn'd; Nay you must hear nothing else for some days.

Lady Wishfort. 0, 'tis Insupportable. No, no, dear Friend make it up, make it up; ay, ay, I'll Compound. I'll give up all, my self and my all, my Neice and her all,-any thing, everything for Composition.

Mrs. Marwod. Nay Madam, I advise nothing, I only lay before you as a Friend the Inconveniencies which perhaps you have Overseen. Here comes Mr. Fainall. If he will be satis­ fi'd to huddle up all in Silence, I shall be glad. You must think I would rather Congratulate, tha11 Condole with you.

Enter Fainall.

Lady Wishfort. Ay, ay, I do not doubt it, dear Marwood: No, no, I do not doubt it.

Faillall. Well Madam; I have suffer'd my sclfto be overcome by the Importunity of this Lady your Friend; and am content you shall enjoy your own proper Estate during Life; on condition you oblige your self never to Marry, under s11ch penalty as I think convenient.

Lady Wishfort. Never to Marry?

Fained!. No more Sir Rowlands,--the next Imposture may not be so timely detected.

Mrs. Marwood. That condition I dare answer, my Lady will consent to, witho11t difficulty; she has already but too much experienc'd the perfidiousness of Men. Besides Madam, when we retire to our pastoral Solitude we shall bid adieu to all other Thoughts.

Lady Wislifort. Aye that's true; butin Case of Necessity; as of Health, or some such Emergency- ,

Fail1all: 0: if y~ll are prescrib'd Marriage, Y01.l shall be consider d; I will only reserve to my self the Power to clmse for YOll. If your Physick be wholsome, it matters not who

468

WE

; Itnching; if it wou'd d t aftcr this be cons' 'd\ here, (~ publick Press' alld1in )y tOe nd. .' rom !benet

"" nay lIlto the 11 Vokes more LicellU'o' lroats and I , tfl. tlstantOeh (, 1'1 (11IIml that cry G you nrc stulln'd, N reY1el!!/:

: d:'y,t ' ay you must

)portablc. No 110 de- F' d Iy I'll ~' , ~r nen

ny, COlllpound. I'll ive II,

I

':lY Neice and her all! IPOS!t1oll. anyI

ldvj~c n,:c!Jing, ronly lay before .VClllt'ncICS which perhaps : Mr. Paillllll. If he will be sI: :ncc, I shall be glad. You must grn tulare, than Condole with

::linaJJ.

t dc.mbt it, dear Marwood: No,

Ifl:~r'd my self to be overcome Lndy your Friend; and am

Ir OWn proper Estate during ~c your self never to Marry convenient. I

, (,-the next Imposture

date answer, my Lady will '! she has already but too hOlJSllCSS of Men. Besides r pastoral Solitude we shall

tin Cnsc ofNecessity; as of cy­

t Marriage, YOll shall be lily self the Power to dUlse 11sOlne, it matters not who

The Way of the World, Act V. Scene I

is your Apothecary. Next, my Wife shall settle on me the relnain~er of her Fortune, not made over already; And for her Mamtenance depend entirely on my Discretion.

Lady Wishfort. This is most inhumanly Savage; exceeding the Barbarity of a Muscovite Husband.

Faitlall. I learn'd it from his Czarish Majestie's Retinue, in a Winter Evenings Conference over Brandy and Pepper, a­ mongst other secrets of Matrimony and Policy, as they are ~75 at present Practis'd in the Northem Hemisphere. But this must be agreed unto, nlld that positively. Lastly, I will be endow'd in right of my Wife, with that six thousand Pound, which is the Moiety of Mrs. Millamatlt's Fortune in your Possession: And which she has forfeited (as will 280 appear by the last Will and Testament of your deceas'd Husband Sir Jonathan Wislifort) by her disobedience in Contracting her self against your Consent or Knowledge; and by refusing the offer'd Match with Sir Wilfuil Witrvoud, which you like a careful Aunt had provided for her.

Lady Wishfort. My Nephew was non Compos; and cou'd not make his Addresses.

Fainall. I come to make demands,--I'll hear no objec­ tions.

Lady Wishfort. You will grant me time to Consider.

Fainall. Yes, while the Instrument is drawing, to which you must set your Hand till more sufficient Deeds can be perfected, which I will take care shall be done with all possible speed. In the mean while, I will go for the said Instrument, and till my return, you may Ballance this Matter in your own Discretion.

Exit Fainall.

Lady Wislifort. This Insolence is beyond all Precedent, all Parallel, must I be subject to this merciless Villain?

Mrs. Marwood. 'Tis severe indeed Madam, that you shou'd smart for your Daughters wantonness.

Lady Wishfort. 'Twas against my Consent that she Married this Barbarian, But she wou'd have him, tho' her Year was not out.--Ah! her first Husband my Son Languish, would not have carry'd it thus. Well, that was my Choice, 305

Czarish Majestie's Retinue-Recent visit ofFerer the Great to Lo?­ don, in r697. which had prompted books about Muscovy and Its people.

---------------------------------------------------------------~

The Way oj the World, Act V. Scene I

this is her's; she is match'd now with a Witness--I shall be mad, Dear Friend is there no Comfort for me? Must I live to be confiscated at this Rebel-rate ?---Here come two more of my Egyptian Plagues too.

310 Enter Millamant and Sir WilfiIU.

Sir Wilful!. Aunt, your Servant.

Lady Wislifort. Out Caterpillar, Call not me Aunt, I know thee not.

Sir Wilful!. I confess I have been a little in disguise as they say, 3 15 -S'heart! and I'm sorry for't. What wou'd you have?

I hope I committed no Offence Aunt--and if I did I am willing to make satisfaction; and what can a man say fairer? IfI have broke any thing, I'll pay for't, an it cost a Pound.. And so let dlat content for what's past, and make

3 20 no more words. For what's to come to pleasure you I'm willing to marry my Cozen. So pray lets all be Friends, she and I are agreed upon the matter, before a Witness.

Lady Wishfort. How's dlls dear Neice? Have I any comfort? Can this be true?

325 Millamant. I am content to be a Sacrifice to yonr repose Madam. and to Convince you that I had no hand in dle Plot, as you were misinform'd; I have laid my commands on Mirabel! to come in Person, and be a Witness that I give my hand to this flower of Knight-hood; and for the Con­

330 tract iliat past between Mirabell and me, I have obUg'd him to make a Resignation of it, in your Lady-ship's presence; --He is wiiliout and waits your leave for admittance.

Lady Wislifort. Well, I'll swear I am something reviv'd at this Testimony of your Obedience; but I cannot admit that

335 Traytor,-I fear I cannot fortilie my self to support his appearance. He is as terrible to me as a Gorgon; ifI see him, I fear I shall turn to Stone, petrifie Incessantly.

Millamant. If you disoblige him he may resent your refusal and insist upon the contract still. Then 'tis the last time he will be offensive to you.

Lady Wishfort. Are you sure it will be the last time ?---ifI were sure of that--shall I never see him again ?

Millamant. Sir Wilful!, you and he are to Travel together, are you not?

470

I The Way of the World, Act V. Scene I

now widl a Witness-­ 5 there no Comfor- ~ I

1· R b • LOr mer Itt.llS e el-rate ~ H" Pl [- ere .1(111 . agues too.

111i1 Sir Wilfull.

allnoe 111e Aunt, I know thee

1 little in disguise as tltey say :. What wou'd you havei .0 AtUlt-and if I did r 11; and what can a man say 19, I'll pay for't, an it cost a t for what's past, and make , come to pleasure you fm )0 pray lets all be Friends natter, before a Witness. ' '. ~ clee. I-lavc I any comfort1

Sacrifice to your repose :hat I had 110 hand in the I have laid my commands ~d be a Witness that I give It-hood: and for the Con­ nel 111e, I have obHg'dhim 'OUt Lady-ship's presence; OLlr leave for admittance.

somcthing rcviv'd at this but I cnlU10t ndmit tltat : my self to support his .as a Gorgon; i£1 see him, Le blcessantly.

may resent your refusal rhCll 'tis tIle last time he

the last time ?--ifI :t see him again ?

to Travel together, are

Sir Wilfull. 'Shear!: the Gentleman's a civil Gentleman Aunt let him come in; why we are sworn Brothers ani fello\~ Travellers.-Weare to be Pylades and Orestes, he and 1­ He is to be my Interpreter in foreign Parts. He has been Over-sea's once already; and with proviso that I Marry my Cozen, will cross 'em once again, only to bear me Com­ pany,--'Sheart, I'll call hinl in,-an I set on't once, he shall come in; and see who'll hinder him.

Exit.

Mrs. Marwood. This is precious Fooling, if it wou'd pass, but I'll know the bottom of it.

Lady Wislifort. 0 dear Marwood, you are not going?

Marwood. Not far Madam; I'll return immediately. Exit.

Re-enter Sir Wilfull and Mirabell.

Sir Wi!{ull. Look up Man, I'll stand by you, 'sbud an she do frown, she can't kill you;-besides-Hearkee she dare not frown desperately, because her face is none of her own; 'Sheart an she shou'd her forehead wou'd wrinkle like the Coat of a Cream-cheese, but mum for that, fellow Travel­ ler.

Mirabell. If a deep sense of the many Injuries I have offer'd to so good a Lady, with a sincere remorse, and a hearty Contrition, can but obtain the least glance of Compassion I am too Happy,-Ah Madam, there was a time-but let it be forgotten-I confess I have deservedly forfeited the high place I once held, of sighing at your Feet; nay kill me not, by turning from me in disdain,-I come not to plead for favour;--Nay not for Pardon, I am a Suppliant only for your pity--I am going where I never shall behold you more-

Sir Wilfull. How, fellow Traveller!-You shall go by your self ilien.

Mirabell. Let me be pitied first; and afterwards forgotten. -I ask no more.

Sir Wilftili. By'r Lady a very reasonable reque:t; and will cost you nothing, Aunt-Come, come, ForgIve and Forget Aunt, why you must an you are a Christian.

Py!ades and Orestes-Whose faithful friendship had become pro­ verbial. See the story in Ovid, De POIl/O, iii, 65.

471

345

350

355

370

375

The Way of the World, Act V. Scene I

Mirabell. Consider Madam, in reality; You cou'd not receive much prejudice; it was an Innocent device; tho' I confess it had a Face of guiltiness,-it was at most an Artifice which Love Contriv'd-and errours which Love produces have ever been accounted Venial. At least think it is Punishment enough, that I have lost what in my heart I hold most dear, that to your cruel Indignation, I have offer'd up this Beauty, and with her my Peace and Quiet; Nay all my hopes of future Comfort.

Sir Wilfull. An he do's not move me, wou'd I might never be 0' the Quorum-an it were not as good a deed as to drink, to give her to him again,-I wou'd I might never

395 take Shipping-Aunt, if you don't forgive quickly; I shall melt, I can tell you that. My contract went 110 further than a little Mouth-Glew, and that's hardly dry:-One dolefull Sigh more from my fellow Traveller and 'tis dissolv'd.

Lady Wishfort. Well Nephew, upon your account--ah, he has a false Insinuating Tongue-Well Sir, I will stifle my just resentment at my Nephew's request. -1 will endeavour what I can to forget,-but on proviso that you resign the Contract with my Neice Immediately.

MirabeIl. It is in Writing and with Papers of Concern; but I have sent my Servant for it, and will deliver it to you, with all acknowledgments for your transcendent goodness.

Lady Wishfort (apart). Oh, he has Witch-craft in his Eyes and Tongue;--When I did not see him I cou'd have brib'd a Villain to his Assassination; but his appearance rakes the Embers which have so long layn smother'd in my Breast.­

Enter Fainall and Mrs. Marwood.

FainaIl. Your date of deliberatioll Madam, is expir'd. Here is 415 the Instrument, are you prepar'd to sign?

Lady Wishfort. IfI were prepar'd; 1 am not 111lpowr'd. My Neice exerts a lawfull claim, having Match'd her self by my direction to Sir Wilfull.

Fainal1. That sham is too gross to pass on me,---tho 'tis 4 20 Impos'd on you, Madam.

0' tile QuortilJl-Refers to his commission as a country Justice of the· Peace.

472

~l1e r

ill L'crllity; YOll cou'cj 110t recc'r1. Imoeellt device; tho' reonfe l~e

"It Was at most all Artifice ~!I 'Ours which ~ove produceswhac III. At least dllnk it is Puni I Ve ,hat il1l1ly heart rhold Slmfll! :'r " most dear ~IlatlOll, r have offer'd up ~ if Peace and Quiet; Nay all my

l1love me, wou'd r might•• never wcx~ 110t as good a deed as to agalll,-1 wOll'd r 111i ht'i:. lIg ncvfl!ou ( 011 t wrglve qUickly; rshall My contract Wellt no further

" MId that's llardly dryj-One Illy fellow Traveller and 'ris

~, I1pOl1 your account_ah rOllguc-'Yell Sir, r wnl stifl~ :y Nephew s request. -I will orgct,-but all proviso that you my Neice Ilnmediately.

I :vith Papers of Concern; but ~ It, and will deliver it to you, :01' your transcendent goodness.

has TIf;'itclt-crqft ill his Eyes and d not sec him I cou'd have assinatioll; but Ius appearance vc so long layn smother'd in

Mrs. Marwood.

011 Madal1l, is expir'd. Here is at'd to sign?

:'d; I a111 not Impowr'd. My having Match'd ller self by

to pass on me,--t1lO 'tis

llission as a countryJustice of the

The Way of the World, Act V. Scene I Millamallt. Sir, I have given my consent.

Mirabell. And Sir, I have resign'd my pretensions.

Sir Wilful!. And Sir, I assert my right; and will maintain it in defiance of you Sir, and of your Instrument. S'heart an you talk: of an Instrument Sir, I have an old Fox by my 425 Thigh shall hack your Instrument of Ram Vellum to shreds, Sir. It shall not be sufficient for a Mittimus or a Taylor's measure; therefore withdraw your Instrument Sir, or by'r Lady I shall draw mine.

Lady WisJifort. Hold Nephew, hold. 1]0

Millamallt. Good Sir Wiifidl, respite your valour.

Fainall. Indeed? are you provided of a Guard, with your single Beef-eater there? but I'm prepar'd for you; and Insist upon my first proposaL You shall subnllt your own Estate to my management, And absolutely make over my 435 Wife's to my sale use; As pursuant to the Purport and Tenor of this other Covenant,-I suppose Madam, your Consent is not requisite in this Case; nor Mr. Mirabell, your resignation; nor Sir Wilfull, lour right-You may draw your Fox if you please Sir, an make a Bear-Garden flourish 44" somewhere else; For here it will not avail. This, my Lady WisJifort, must be subscrib'd, or your Darling Daughter's turn'd a drift, like a Leaky hulk to Sink or Swim, as she and the Current of this Lewd Town can agree.

Lady WisJifort. Is there no means, no Remedy, to stop my 445 ruine? Ungrateful Wretch! dost thou not owe thy being, thy subsistance to my Daughter's Fortune?

Fainall. I'll answer you when I have the rest of it in my possession.

Mirabell. But that you wou'd 110t accept of a Remedy from 451) my hands--I own I have not deserv'd you shou'd owe any Obligation to me; or else perhaps I cou'd advise.­

Lady Wishfort. 0 what? what? to save me and my Child from Ruine, from Want, I'll forgive all that'~ past; Nay I'll consent to any thing to come, to be deliver d from thIS 455 Tyranny.

Mirabel!. Ay Madam; but that is too late, my reward is inter­ cepted. You have dispos'd of her, who only cou'd have

Mittil1lus-A warrant for imprisonment. Taylor's measure-Often made out of old parchment.

r6+c.p.w.c. 473

The Way oj the World, Act V. Scene I

made me a Compensation for all my Services;-~-Eut be it as it may. I am resolv'd I'll serve you, you shall not be wrong'd in this Savage manner.

Lady WishJort. How! dear Mr. Mirabell, can YOll be so generous at last! Eut it is not possible. Hearkee. I'll break my Nephews Match, you shall have my Niece yet, and all her fortune; if you can but save me from this imminent danger.

Mirabel!. Will you? I take you at your word. I ask no more. I must have leave for two Criminals to appear.

Lady WishJort. Ay. ay, any Body, any body.

470 Mirabel!. Foible is one and a Penitent.

Enter Mrs. Fainall, Foible, and Mincing.

Mrs. Marwood (to Fainall) 0 my shame! (Mirabell and Lady Wishfort go to Mrs. Fainall and Foible). These Corrupt things are bought and brought hither to expose me­

47.5 Fainall. If it must all come out, why let'em know it, 'tis but the way of the World. That shall not urge me to relinquish or abate one tittle of my Terms, no, I will insist the more.

Foible. Yes indeed Madam; I'll take my Bible-oath of it.

Mincing. And so will I, Mem.

Lady WishJort. 0 Marwood, Marwood art thou false? my friend deceive me? hast thou been a wicked accomplice with that profligate man?

Mrs. Marwood. Have you so much Ingratitude and Injustice, to give credit against your Friend, to the Aspersions of two such Mercenary Tmls?

Mincing. Mercenary, Mem? I scorn your words. 'Tis true we fetmd YOll and Mr. Fainall in the Elew garret; by the same token, you swore us to Secresie upon Messalin4s's Poems. Mercenary? No, if we wou'd have been Mercenary, we shou'd have held our Tongues; You won'd have bdb'd us sufficiently.

Messalinas's Poems-As Bonamy Dobree suggests, Mincing probably means "miscellany poems." The Collection oj Miscellany Poems by Mr. Brown, which had just appeared in 1699, would have spoiled the sacredness of any oath.

474

S;--BUf au shall not

you be so 'to 1111 break yet. :lnd all

is imminent

.k no lllore.

II i1tui Lady 5(1 Corrupt ~me-

I it, 1 tis but ) rdillquish ~ the morc.

1 of it.

I my friend :: with that

JInjustice, )crsions of

'is true we f the same ,'$ Poems, ~nary. we Ive brib'd

IS probably , Poems by spoiled the

The Way of the World, Act V. Scene I Fainall. Go, you are an Insignificant thing,--Well, what

are you the better for this? Is this Mr. Mirabell's Ex­ pedi~nt? I'll be put off no l?nger--You thing that was a Wife, shall smart for thiS. I will not leave thee where­ withall to hide thy Shame; Your Body shall be Naked as your Reputation.

49S

Mrs. Fainall. I despise you and defie your Malice----You have aspers'd me wrongfully--I have prov'd your falsehood--Go you and your treacherous--I will not name it, but starve together-perish.

soa

Faiftall. Not while you are worth a Groat, indeed my dear. Madam, I'll be fool'd no longer.

Lady Wishfort. Ah Mr. Mirabel!, this is small comfort, the detection of this affair. S05

Mirabel!. 0 in good time-Your leave for the other Offender and Penitent to appear, Madam.

Enter Waitwell with aBox of Writings.

Lady Wisfifort. 0 Sir Rowland--well Rascal.

Waitwell. What your Ladyship pleases.-I have brought the Black box at last, Madam.

Mirabel1. Give it me. Madam, you remember your promise.

Lady Wishfort. I, dear Sir!

Mirabell. Where are the Gentlemen ?

Waitwell. At hand Sir, rubbing their Eyes,--Just risen from Sleep.

Fainall. S'death what's this to me? I'll liot wait your private

515

concerns.

Enter Petulant and Witwoud.

Petulant. How now? what's the matter? who's hand's out?

Witwoud. Hey day! what are you all got together like Players at the end of the last Act?

Mirabell. You may remember Gentlemen, I once requested your hands as Witnesses to a certain Parchment.

Witwoud. Ay I do, my hand I remember-Petu/aut set his

Mark.

475

The Way oj the World, Act V. Scene I

Mirabell. You wrong him. his name is fairly written as shall appear-you do not remember Gentlemen, any thing of what that Parchment contain'd---(ul1doing the Box.)

530 Witwoud. No.

Petulant. Not I. I writ. I read nothing.

Mirabell. Very well, now you shall know-Madam, your promise.

Lady Wishfort. Ay, ay, Sir, upon my honour.

535 Mirabel!. Mr. Fail1all, it is now time that you shou'd know, that your Lady while she was at her own disposal, and before you had by your Insinuations wheadl'd her out of a pretended Settlement of the greatest part of her fortU11e­

Fa/nall. Sir! pretended!

540 Mirahell. Yes Sir. I say that this Lady while a Widdow, having it seems receiv'd some Cautions respecting your Inconstancy and Tyranny of temper, which fro111 her own partial Opinion and fondness of YOll, she cou'd never have suspected-she did I say by the wholesome advice of

545 Friends and of Sages leamed in the Laws of this Land, deliver this same as her Act and Deed to me in trust, and to the uses within mention'd. You may read if you please --(holding out the Parchment.) tho perhaps what is inscrib'd on the back: may serve your occasions.

550 Fainall. Very likely Sir, What's here? Damnation! (Reads) A deed oj COl1veyance of the whole Estate real of Arabella Lan­ guish Widdow in trust to Edward Mirabell. Confusion!

Mirabell. Even so Sir, 'tis the way of the World, Sir: of the Widdows of the Wodd. I suppose this Deed may bear an

555 Elder Date than what you have obtain'd fro111 your Lady.

Fainall. Perfidious Fiend! then thus I'll be reveng'd.-(offel's to nm at Mrs. Fainall.)

Sir. Wi!{ull. Hold Sir, now you may make your Bear-Garden flourish somewhere else Sir.

560 Fainall. Mirabell, You shall hear of this Sir, be sure you shall, let me pass Oafe.

Exit.

Mrs. Fainall. Madam, you seem to stifle your Resentment: You had better give it Vent.

~nc I The Way oj the World, Act V. Scene I Ilis name is fitirly written as shall ember Gcntlemell, :my thing of l.taill·d---(lItl(loil~q the Box.)

1 nothing.

{Ott shall ktlow-lI;[anarll, your

l'cm my homme.

)w time that you shou'd know. • was :It her own. disposal} and sintlatiolls whcadl'd her out of a lC greatest part ()f her fortunc­

~ this Lady while a Widdow 0111C C 'outlons respecting your• >f temper, which from her own :ss of YOll, she cou' c.l never have by the wholc$OIllC advice of led ill the Laws nf this Land, t and Deed to me ill tnlSt, and 'd. You mny react if you please chlllel/t.) tho perhaps wh:'tt is Icrvc your occnsiol1s.

's here? Damnation! (Reatis) A lO/C Estate redl of Arabella Lan­ vartl Mirnbcll. Confusion!

way (if the "WarM, Sir: of the uppose this Deed mny bear an ave obtain'd from. YC)Uf Lady.

· thus I'll be reveng'd.-.(qffers

1 llL'y make your Br(1r~G(/rJe/J

· of this Sir, be sure you shall,

E,"dt.

1. to stifle your Resentment:

Mrs. Marwood. Yes it shall have enlC---allld to your Confusion, or I'll perish 111 the attempt.

Exit. LIl~Y ~ishfort. 0 Daughter, Daughter, 'tis plain thou hast

ll1hented thy Mother's prudence.

Mrs. Fail1all. Thank Mr. Mirabell, a CautioLls Friend to whose 570 advice all is owing. '

Lady. Wishford. Well Mr. Mirabell, you have kept your pro­ nuse,-and I.must pelform nlllle.--First I pardon for your sake, SIr Rowland there and Foible,--The next thing is to break the Matter to my Nephew--and how 575 to do that-

Mirabel!. For that Madam, give your self no trouble---ll~t me have your Consent--Sir Wilfitll is my Friend; he has had compassion upon Lovers and generously engag'd a Volunteer ill this Action, for our Service, and now designs to prosecute his Travells.

Sir Wilful!. S'heart Aunt, I have no mind to marry. My Cozen's a Fine Lady, arId the Gentleman loves her and she loves him, and they deserve one another; my resolution is to see Foreign Parts-I have set on't-And when I'm set on't, I 111USt do't. And if these two Gentlemen wOLl'd Travel too, I think they may be spar'd.

Petula/1t. For my part, I say httle---l think things are best off or on.

Witwoud. I Gad I understand nothing of the matter:.---J in a maze yet, like a Dog in a Dancing School.

Lady Wishfort. Well Sir, take her, and with her all the Joy I can give you.

Millamant. Why do's not the man take me? wou'd you have me give my self to you over agai.n.

Mirabell. Ay, and over and over again; for I wou'd have y~u as often as possibly I can. (Kisses her hand}. Well, heav n grant I love you not too well, that's all my fear.

Sir Wilfull. S'heart you'll have him. time enough to toy after you're married; or if you wUl toy now; Let us have a 000 Dance in the mean time, that we who are not Lovers, may have some other employment, besides looking on.

Mirabel!. With all my heart dear Sir Wi!fi~ll, what shall we do for Musick?

477

The Way if the World, Act V. Scene I

6fJ5 Foible. 0 Sir, Some that were provided for Sir Rowland's Entertainment are yet within Call.

A Dance.

Lady Wishfort. As I am a person I can hold out no longer;-I have wasted my spirits so to day already; that I am ready

610 to sink under the fatigue; and I cannot but have some fears upon me yet, that my Son Fainall will pursue some des­ perate Course.

Mirabell. Madam, disquiet not your self on that aCCOtIDt, to my knowledge his Circumstances are such, he must of

615 force comply. For my part I will Contribute all that in me lies to a Reunion, (To Mrs. Fainall) in the mean time, Madam, let me before these Witnesses, restore to you this deed of trust. It may be a means well manag'd to make you live Easily together.

620 From hence let those be warn'd, who mean to wed; Lest mutual falsehood stain the Bridal-Bed: For each deceiver to his cost may find, That marriage frands too oft are paid in kind.

Exeunt Onmes.

I

: provided for Sir ROIIJ1(lIId's ' 11 CalL

'Ice.

I can hold out 110 lOl1ger;-I day already; that I am ready I cannot inlt have some fears

<ailwl! will pursue some des­

'our self 011 that aCCOllllt', to ances arc stich, he must of : will Contribute all that in ·S. Fainall) in the mean time, Vitncsscs, restore to you tllis IS well manag'd to make you

am' eI, who mcan to wed; 11 the Bridal-Bcd: )st mayfilld, oft arc paid in kind.

E~'eull( Oil/lieS,

Epilogue. Spoken by Mrs. Bracegirdle.

After our Epilogue this Crowd dismisses, I'm thinking how this Play'll be pull'd to Pieces. But pray consider, ere you doom its fall, How hard a thing 'twould be, to please you all. There are some Criticks so with Spleen diseas'd, They scarcely come inclining to be Pleas'd: And sure he must have more than mortal Skill, Who pleases anyone against his WilL Then, all bad Poets we are sure are Foes, And how their Number's swell'd the Town well knows: In shoals, I've mark'd 'em judging in the Pit; } Tho' they're on no pretence for Judgment fit But that they have been Damn'd for want of wit. Since when, they by their own offences taught Set up for Spys on Plays and finding Fault. Others there are whose Malice we'd prevent; } Such, who watch Plays, with scurrilous intent To mark out who by characters are meant. And tho' no perfect likel1ess they can Trace; Yet each pretends to know the Copy'd Face. These with false Glosses, feed their own Ill-nature, And tum to Libel, what was meant a Satire. May such malicious Fops this Fortune ~d" To think themselves alone the Fools deSlgn d: If auy are so arrogantly Vain, } To think they singly can support a .Scene, And furnish Fool enough to entertam. For well the Leam'd and the Judicious knOW,} That Satire scorns to stoop so meanly low, As anyone abstracted Fop to shew. For as when Painters form a matchless Face, Th~y from each Fair Ol1e catch son:e different Grace, And shining Features in one Portrrut blend, To which no single Beauty must pretend: So Poets oft, do in one Piece expose Whole Belles AssembUes of Cocqlletts and Beaux.

FINIS.

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