Assignment 8

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Informative and positive messages include

• Acceptances. • Positive answers to reader requests. • Information about procedures, products, services, or options. • Announcements of policy changes that are neutral or positive. • Changes that are to the reader’s advantage.

Even a simple informative or good news message usually has several purposes:

Primary Purposes:

• To give information or good news to the reader or to reassure the reader. • To have the reader read the message, understand it, and view the information positively. • To deemphasize any negative elements.

Secondary Purposes:

• To build a good image of the writer. • To build a good image of the writer’s organization. • To cement a good relationship between the writer and reader. • To reduce or eliminate future correspondence on the same subject so the message

doesn’t create more work for the writer.

What’s the best subject line for an informative or positive message? LO 10-1 ▶ One that contains the basic information or good news.

A subject line is the title of a document. It aids in filing and retrieving the document, tells readers why they need to read the document, and provides a framework in which to set what you’re about to say.

Subject lines are standard in memos. Letters are not required to have subject lines (◀◀ Module 9). However, a survey of business people in the Southwest found that 68% of them considered a subject line in a letter to be important, very important, or essential; only 32% considered subject lines to be unimportant or only somewhat important. 1

A good subject line meets three criteria: it is specific, concise, and appropriate to the kind of message (positive, negative, persuasive).

Piper Weiss believes that an out-of-office e-mail reply from Josh Kopelman is the best she’s ever seen. The message announces that he is out of the office, of course, but goes on to stress that he and his wife are on vacation and would prefer to be left alone, going so far as to create an e-mail with the moniker “interruptyourvacation@” should anyone want to contact him. The reply preserves goodwill while emphasizing that Kopelman is still available if the need to contact him is important.

Source: Piper Weiss, “The Best Out-of-Office E-Mail Ever Written, September 2, 2011, http://shine. yahoo.com/channel/life/the-best- out-of-office-email-ever-written- 2538155/.

Good news comes in many forms.

MOTHER GOOSE & GRIM © 2010 Grimmy, Inc. Reprinted with permission of King Features Syndicate.

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Module 10 Informative and Positive Messages 145

Making Subject Lines Specific

The subject line needs to be specific enough to differentiate that message from others on the same subject, but broad enough to cover everything in the message.

Too general: Training Sessions

To make this general subject line more specific, identify the particular topic of this message.

Better: Dates for 2013 Training Sessions or: Evaluation of Training Sessions on Conducting Interviews or: Should We Schedule a Short Course on Proposal Writing?

Making Subject Lines Concise

Most subject lines are relatively short—usually no more than 10 words, often only 3 to 7 words. 2

Wordy: Survey of Student Preferences in Regards to Various Pizza Factors

Again, the best revision depends on the specific factors you’ll discuss.

Better: Students’ Pizza Preferences or: The Feasibility of a Cassano’s Branch on Campus or: What Students Like and Dislike about Cassano’s Pizza

If you can’t make the subject both specific and short, be specific.

Making Subject Lines Appropriate for the Pattern of Organization

In general, do the same thing in your subject line that you would do in the first paragraph.

When you have good news for the reader, build goodwill by highlighting it in the subject line. When your information is neutral, summarize it concisely for the subject line.

Subject: Discount on Rental Cars Effective January 2

Starting January 2, as an employee of Amalgamated Industries you can get a 15% discount on cars you rent for business or personal use from Roadway Rent-a-Car.

Subject: Update on Arrangements for Videoconference with France

In the last month, we have chosen the participants and developed a tentative agenda for the videoconference with France scheduled for March 21.

How should I organize informative and positive messages? LO 10-2 ▶ Put the good news and a summary of the information first.

The patterns of organization in this module and the modules that follow will work for 70% to 90% of the writing situations most people in business, government, and nonprofit organizations face. Using the appropriate pattern can help you compose more quickly and create a better final product.

A customer escorted out of an Alamo Drafthouse movie theater in Austin, Texas, for violating the chain’s no-talking/ no-texting policy may have thought she was getting the last laugh when she later left a profanity-laced message on voice mail, but the joke turned out to be on her. The company spliced the rants into a public service announcement now shown before each film to inform rude cell phone users of the policy. Accordingly, the uncensored version is shown only before R-rated films.

Source: Phoebe Connelly, “Texas Movie Theater Makes an Example (and a PSA) of a Texting Audience Member,” June 7, 2011, http://news. yahoo.com/s/yblog_thelookout/ 20110607/us_yblog_thelookout/ texas-movie-theater-makes-an- example-and-a-psa-of-a-texting- audience-member.

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• Be sure you understand the rationale behind each pattern so that you can modify the pattern if necessary. (For example, if you write instructions, any warnings should go up front, not in the middle of the message.)

• Not every message that uses the basic pattern will have all the elements listed. The elements you do have will go in the order presented in the pattern.

• Sometimes you can present several elements in one paragraph. Sometimes you’ll need several paragraphs for just one element.

Present informative and positive messages in the following order:

1. Give any good news and summarize the main points. Share good news immediately. Include details such as the date policies begin and the percent of a discount. If the reader has already raised the issue, make it clear you’re responding.

2. Give details, clarification, background. Don’t repeat information from the first paragraph. Do answer all the questions your reader is likely to have; provide all the information necessary to achieve your purposes. Present details in the order of importance to the reader.

3. Present any negative elements—as positively as possible. A policy may have limits; information may be incomplete; the reader may have to satisfy requirements to get a discount or benefit. Make these negatives clear, but present them as positively as possible.

4. Explain any reader benefits. Most informative memos need reader benefits. Show that the policy or procedure helps readers, not just the company. Give enough detail to make the benefits clear and convincing. In letters, you may want to give benefits of dealing with your company as well as benefits of the product or policy.

In a good news message, it’s often possible to combine a short reader benefit with a goodwill ending in the last paragraph.

5. Use a goodwill ending: positive, personal, and forward-looking. Shifting your emphasis away from the message to the specific reader suggests that serving the reader is your real concern.

Figure 10.1 summarizes the pattern. Figures 10.2 and 10.3 illustrate two ways that the basic pattern can be applied. (◀◀ Figures 9.5 and 9.9 also use this pattern.)

The letter in Figure 10.2 authorizes a one-year appointment that the reader and writer have already discussed and describes the organization’s priorities. Because the writer knows that the reader wants to accept the job, the letter doesn’t need to persuade. The opportunity for the professor to study records that aren’t available to the public is an implicit reader benefit; the concern for the reader’s needs builds goodwill.

The memo in Figure  10.3 announces a new employee benefit. The first paragraph summarizes the policy. Paragraph 2 gives details. Negative elements are in paragraphs 3 and 4, stated as positively as possible. Paragraphs 5 to 7 give reader benefits and show that everyone—even part-timers who are not eligible for reimbursement—will benefit from the new program.

Consuming chocolate apparently can change a person’s mood—in as little as three minutes, according to one study. The quality of the chocolate affects how well it changes mood, and researchers theorize that the benefits are due to the sensory pleasure of taste and the emotional associations with chocolate rather than impacts on the brain’s neurotransmitters.

Source: Susan Albers, “The 3-Minute Effect of Chocolate,” Psychology Today, October 10, 2011, http://www.psychology today.com/blog/comfort-cravings/ 201110/the-3-minute-effect- chocolate.

Figure 10.1 How to Organize an Informative or Positive Message

Main Point

Details

Negatives

Reader Benefits

Goodwill Ending

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Module 10 Informative and Positive Messages 147

March 8, 2012

Professor Adrienne Prinz Department of History Duke University Durham, North Carolina 27000

Dear Professor Prinz:

Your appointment as archivist for Interstate Fidelity Insurance has been approved. When you were in Atlanta in December, you said that you could begin work June 1. We’d like you to start then if that date is still good for you.

The Board has outlined the following priorities for your work:

1. Organize and catalogue the archives. You’ll have the basement of the Palmer Building for the archives and can requisition the supplies you need. You’ll be able to control heat and humidity; the budget doesn’t allow special lighting or security measures.

2. Prepare materials for a 4-hour training session in October for senior-level managers. We’d like you to cover how to decide what to send to the archives. If your first four months of research uncover any pragmatic uses for our archives (like Wells Fargo’s use of archives to teach managers about past pitfalls), include those in the session.

3. Write an article each month for the employee newsletter describing the uses of the ar- chives. When we’re cutting costs in other departments, it’s important to justify committing funds to start an archive program.

4. Study the IFI archives to compile information that (a) can help solve current management problems, (b) could be included in a history of the company, and (c) might be useful to scholars of business history.

5. Begin work on a corporate history of IFI. IFI will help you find a publisher and support the book financially. You’ll have full control over the content.

Your salary will be $41,000 for six months; your contract can be renewed twice for a total of 18 months. You’re authorized to hire a full-time research assistant for $19,000 for six months; you’ll need to go through the normal personnel request process to request that that money be continued next year. A file clerk will be assigned full-time to your project. You’ll report to me. At least for the rest of this calendar year, the budget for the Archives Project will come from my department.

Tactful Good news

Details

These provisions will appeal

to the reader Salary is

deemphasized

to avoid implying

that reader is “just

taking the job for the

money”

Negative about lighting

and security presented

impersonally

Negative that reader

will have to reapply presented as normal procedure

Assumes reader’s primary interest is the job

100 Interstate Plaza Atlanta, GA 30301 404-555-5000 Fax: 404-555-5270

nterstate Fidelity nsurance Company

IFI offices are equipped with Pentium computers with Microsoft Office Professional Plus 2010. Is there any software that we should buy for cataloguing or research? Are there any office supplies that we need to have on hand June 1 so that you can work efficiently?

Figure 10.2 A Positive Letter

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Instant Replay

Organizing Informative and Positive Messages

1. Give any good news and summarize the main points.

2. Give details, clarification, background.

3. Present any negative elements—as positively as possible.

4. Explain any reader benefits. 5. Use a goodwill ending:

positive, personal, and forward-looking.

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148 Unit Three Letters, Memos, E-Mail, and Web Writing

Goodwill ending

Professor Adrienne Prinz March 8, 2012 Page 2

In the meantime,

1. Please send your written acceptance right away.

2. Let me know if you need any software or supplies.

3. Send me the name, address, and Social Security number of your research assistant by May 1 so that I can process his or her employment papers.

4. If you’d like help finding a house or apartment in Atlanta, let me know. I can give you the name of a real estate agent.

On June 1, you’ll spend the morning in Personnel. Stop by my office at noon. We’ll go out for lunch, and then I’ll take you to the office you‘ll have while you’re at IFI.

Welcome to IFI!

Cordially,

Cynthia Yen Director of Education and Training

Figure 10.2 A Positive Letter (Continued )

When should I use reader benefits in informative and positive messages? LO 10-3 ▶ When you want readers to view your policies and your organization positively.

Not all informative and positive messages need reader benefits (◀◀ p. 112). You don’t need reader benefits when

• You’re presenting factual information only. • The reader’s attitude toward the information doesn’t matter. • Stressing benefits may make the reader sound selfish. • The benefits are so obvious that to restate them insults the reader’s intelligence. (See

Figure 10.2 .)

You do need reader benefits when

• You are presenting policies. • You want to shape readers’ attitudes toward the information or toward your organization. • Stressing benefits presents readers’ motives positively. • Some of the benefits may not be obvious to readers.

Messages to customers or potential customers sometimes include a sales paragraph pro- moting products or services you offer in addition to the product or service that the reader has asked about. Sales promotion in an informative or positive message should be low-key, not “hard sell.”

I R

Organizing I

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Module 10 Informative and Positive Messages 149

March 1, 2013

To: All Chamber Employees and Members of the Chamber Insurance Group

From: Lee Ann Rabe, Vice President for Human Resources

Subject: Health Care Benefits for Same-Sex Partners

Beginning May 1, same-sex partners of employees covered by the Chamber’s Health Plan will be eligible for the same coverage as spouses.

In order to have a partner covered, an employee must sign an affidavit in the Human Resources Department stating that the employee and his or her partner (1) live together, (2) intend to stay together, and (3) are responsible for each other. If the relationship ends, employees must notify the Human Resources Department within 30 days, just as do married couples who divorce.

Costs and coverage of the Chamber’s Health Plan remain the same. Dental and vision coverage are also available for a fee; limitations apply and remain the same. For information about the specifics of the Chamber’s Health Plan, pick up a brochure in the Human Resources Department.

Opposite-sex couples must still marry to receive the spousal coverage.

Extending coverage to same-sex partners of employees shows the Chamber as a progressive, open-minded organization. This in turn portrays Columbus in a positive light.

The new policy will affect not only Chamber employees but also the small businesses that are a part of the Chamber’s Health Plan. New businesses may see the change as a reason to join the Chamber—and the Health Plan. Growth in the Health Plan creates a wider base for insurance premiums and helps keep costs as low as possible. Additional Chamber members give us the funds and resources to plan more conferences for members. These conferences, such as the recent “R&D in Ohio’s Small Businesses,” help Chamber members do business successfully.

Making the Health Plan more comprehensive keeps us competitive with other major U.S. cities. As we move out of the recession, businesses are carefully considering possible moves. A policy change like this one shows Columbus’ continued goodwill toward minorities in general and will make convincing businesses to relocate here that much easier.

Selling Columbus as a good place to live and do business has never been easier.

Good news in subject line

and first para graph

Negatives presented as positively as possible

Details

Good news

Reader Benefits

Goodwill ending

Negatives

Figure 10.3 A Positive Memo

Reader benefits are hardest to develop when you are announcing policies. The organiza- tion probably decided to adopt the policy because it appeared to help the organization; the people who made the decision may not have thought at all about whether it would help or hurt employees. Yet reader benefits are most essential in this kind of message so readers see the reason for the change and support it.

When you present reader benefits, be sure to present advantages to the reader. Most new policies help the organization in some way, but few workers will see their own interests

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as identical with the organization’s. Even if the organization saves money or increases its profits, workers will benefit directly only if they own stock in the company, if they’re high up enough to receive bonuses, if the savings enables a failing company to avoid layoffs, or if all of the savings goes directly to employee benefits. In many companies, any money saved will go to executive bonuses, shareholder profits, or research and development.

To develop reader benefits for informative and positive messages, use the steps sug- gested in Module 8. Be sure to think about intrinsic benefits (◀◀ p. 117) of your pol- icy—that is, benefits that come from the activity or policy itself, apart from any financial benefits. Does a policy improve the eight hours people spend at work?

What are the most common kinds of informative and positive messages? LO 10-4 ▶ Transmittals, confirmations, summaries, adjustments, and thank-you notes.

Many messages can be informative, negative, or persuasive depending on what you have to say. A transmittal, for example, can be positive when you’re sending glowing sales figures or persuasive when you want the reader to act on the information. A performance appraisal is positive when you evaluate someone who’s doing superbly, negative when you want to compile a record to justify firing someone, and persuasive when you want to motivate a satisfactory worker to continue to improve. A collection letter is persuasive; it becomes negative in the last stage when you threaten legal action. Each of these messages is dis- cussed in the module for the pattern it uses most frequently. However, in some cases you will need to use a pattern from a different module.

Transmittals

When you send someone something in an organization, attach a memo or letter of trans- mittal explaining what you’re sending. A transmittal can be as simple as a small yellow Post-it™ note with “ FYI ” written on it (“For Your Information”) or it can be a sepa- rate typed document, especially when it transmits a formal document such as a report (▶▶ see Module 24).

Organize a memo or letter of transmittal in this order:

1. Tell the reader what you’re sending. 2. Summarize the main point(s) of the document. 3. Indicate any special circumstances or information that would help the reader understand

the document. Is it a draft? Is it a partial document that will be completed later? 4. Tell the reader what will happen next. Will you do something? Do you want a response?

If you do want the reader to act, specify exactly what you want the reader to do and give a deadline.

Sharing information is crucial to business success. To drive home that point, Siemens deposited 60 managers from around the world on the shores of a lake south of Munich, Germany, and told them to build rafts. They weren’t allowed to talk: They had to write messages and diagrams on flip charts. Back in the office, ShareNet lets employees around the world ask questions and share answers.

It’s unfair to make a negative message sound like a positive one. When Merrick Bank acquired NextCard, a customer claimed he was offered “a favor” that split the $120 annual fee into $10 payments. The customer called to point out he didn’t have an annual fee, so the customer service representative told him, “You do now.” He canceled his $300-limit credit card. AT&T’s Universal Card allegedly offered one customer a 7.9% APR on balance transfers. The problem was her card already had a 7.35% APR. In addition, subprime credit card offers— those to high-risk borrowers— may require careful reading. Premier Bankcard recently offered such customers a credit card with a $300 limit and a 79.9% APR, all perfectly legal so long as there’s disclosure. Said CEO Miles Beacom, “From our initial research we know that 83 percent of the people who accepted the offer are fully aware of the interest rate they are receiving and the purpose of the credit card to help re-establish credit.”

Source: Dayana Yochim, “Awful Offers,” The Motley Fool, downloaded at http://fool.com/ ccc/manage/manage05.htm, September 5, 2005; and Connie Prater, “Issuer of 79.9% Interest Rate Credit Card Defends Its Product,” downloaded on February 12, 2010, at http://finance. yahoo.com/banking-budgeting/ article/108839/issuer-of-79.9- interest-rate-credit-card-defends- its-product?mod5bb-creditcards.

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Frequently, transmittals have important secondary purposes, such as building goodwill and showing readers that you’re working on projects they value.

Confirmations

Many informative messages record oral conversations. These messages are generally short and give only the information shared orally; they go to the other party in the conversation. Start the message by indicating that it is a confirmation, not a new message:

As we discussed on the phone today, . . .

As I told you yesterday, . . .

Attached is the meeting schedule we discussed earlier today.

Summaries

You may be asked to summarize a conversation, a document, or an outside meeting for colleagues or superiors. (Minutes of an internal meeting are usually more detailed. See Module 18 for advice on writing minutes of meetings.)

In a summary of a conversation for internal use, identify

• The people who were present. • The topic of discussion. • Decisions made. • Who does what next.

To summarize a document

1. Start with the main point. 2. Give supporting evidence and details. 3. Evaluate the document, if your audience asks for evaluation. 4. Identify the actions your organization should take based on the document. Should

others in the company read this book? Should someone in the company write a letter to the editor responding to this newspaper article? Should your company try to meet with someone in the organization that the story is about?

Adjustments and Responses to Complaints

A lot of consumers are angry these days, and organizations should be responding to their complaints. In a recent survey by Customer Care Measurement and Consulting, 45% of the consumers said they had had problems with a product or service in the past year, and more than two-thirds of them were “very” or “extremely” upset about their problem. Most said they told friends or other people about their bad experience. This kind of bad publicity is even riskier in an Internet economy. A business traveler from Seattle was furious when a hotel told him at two o’clock in the morning that his supposedly guaranteed room was already occupied. The traveler had to demand that the reluctant night clerk find him some- where else to spend the night. Upon his return home, the consultant prepared a Power- Point presentation about his experience and e-mailed it to some friends. Fortunately for the hotel, he also mailed a copy to the manager. As the humorous presentation was forwarded to more and more readers, the hotel quickly contacted him to solve the problem. 3

When you grant a customer’s request for an adjusted price, discount, replacement, or other benefit to resolve a complaint, do so in the very first sentence.

Your Visa bill for a night’s lodging has been adjusted to $63. Next month a credit of $37 will appear on your bill to reimburse you for the extra amount you were originally asked to pay.

Instant Replay

Use reader benefits when

• You are presenting policies. • You want to shape readers’

attitudes toward the information or toward your organization.

• Stressing benefits presents readers’ motives positively.

• Some of the benefits may not be obvious to readers.

I R

Use reader ben

Social media like Twitter are letting angry customers complain about the way their complaints are handled. MIT’s Michael Schrage recommends companies be more transparent with how they handle both the complaints and the compliments, or, as he puts it, avoiding the Watergate aphorism “The cover-up is worse than the crime.” He recommends companies consider proactive solutions, such as posting the top 100 call center transcripts so visitors can see just what happens when someone contacts the company.

Source: Michael Schrage, “A Better Way to Handle Publicly Tweeted Complaints,” Bloomberg Businessweek, November 21, 2011, http://www.businessweek. com/management/a-better- way-to-handle-publicly-tweeted- complaints-11212011.html.

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Don’t talk about your own process in making the decision. Don’t say anything that sounds grudging. Give the reason for the original mistake only if it reflects credit on the company. (In most cases, it doesn’t, so the reason should be omitted.)

Thank-You and Congratulatory Notes

Sending a thank-you note will make people more willing to help you again in the future. Thank-you letters can be short but must be prompt. They need to be specific to sound sincere.

Congratulating someone can cement good feelings between you and the reader and enhance your own visibility. Again, specifics help.

Avoid language that may seem condescending or patronizing. A journalism profes- sor was offended when a former student wrote to congratulate her for a feature article that appeared in a major newspaper. As the professor pointed out, the letter’s language implied that the writer had more status than the person being praised. The praiser was “quite impressed,” congratulated the professor on reaching a conclusion that the praiser had already reached, and assumed that the professor would have wanted to discuss matters with the praiser. To the reader, “Keep up the good work!” implied that the one cheering her on had been waiting for ages at the finish line. 4

How can I apply what I’ve learned in this module? LO 10-5 ▶ Plan your activities and answer the PAIBOC questions.

Before you tackle the assignments for this module, examine the following problem. Figure 4.1 (◀◀ p. 62) lists the activities needed to produce a good message. See how the PAIBOC questions probe the basic points required for a solution. Study the two sample solutions to see what makes one unacceptable and the other one good. Note the recom- mendations for revision that could make the good solution excellent. 5 The checklist at the end of the Module in Figure 10.6 can help you evaluate a draft.

Paul S. Gumbinner, president of the executive search firm that bears his name, says that while 60% of job candidates send the company a thank- you note after an interview, interviewers sending like messages is almost unheard of and a missed opportunity to build goodwill. One person who received a thank-you from an interviewer “was blown away by the gesture and called to tell me that she was utterly impressed and how much she wanted to work for this company.”

Source: Paul S. Gumbinner, “Companies Should Send Candidates Thank-You Notes, Too,” Advertising Age, January 20, 2010, from http://adage.com/talentworks/ article?article_id5141600.

Thank-you notes can be written on standard business stationery, using standard formats. But one student noticed that his adviser really liked cats and had pictures of them in her office. So he found a cat card for his thank-you note.

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Module 10 Informative and Positive Messages 153

Problem

Interstate Fidelity Insurance (IFI) uses computers to handle its payments and billings. There is often a time lag between receiving a payment from a customer and recording it on the computer. Sometimes, while the payment is in line to be processed, the computer sends out additional notices: past-due notices, collection letters, even threats to sue. Customers are frightened or angry and write asking for an explanation. In most cases, if they just waited a little while, the situation would be straightened out. But policyholders are afraid that they’ll be without insurance because the company thinks the bill has not been paid.

IFI doesn’t have the time to check each individual situation to see if the check did arrive and has been processed. It wants you to write a letter that will persuade customers to wait. If something is wrong and the payment never reached IFI, IFI would send a legal notice to that effect saying that the policy would be canceled by a certain date (which the notice would specify) at least 30 days after the date on the original premium bill. Continuing customers always get this legal notice as a third chance (after the original bill and the past due notice).

Prepare a form letter that can go out to every policyholder who claims to have paid a premium for automobile insurance and resents getting a past-due notice. The letter should reassure readers and build goodwill for IFI.

Analysis of the Problem

P What are your purposes in writing or speaking? To reassure readers: they’re covered for 30 days. To inform them they can assume everything is OK unless they receive a second notice. To avoid further correspondence on this subject. To build goodwill for IFI: (a) we don’t want to suggest IFI is error-prone or too cheap to hire enough people to do the necessary work; (b) we don’t want readers to switch companies; (c) we do want readers to buy from IFI when they’re ready for more insurance.

A Who is (are) your audience(s)? How do the members of your audience differ from each other? What characteristics are relevant to this particular message?

Automobile insurance customers who say they’ve paid but have still received a past-due notice. They’re afraid they’re no longer insured. Because it’s a form letter, different readers will have different situations: in some cases payment did arrive late, in some cases the company made a mistake, in some the reader never paid (check lost in mail, unsigned, bounced, etc.).

I What information must your message include? Readers are still insured. We cannot say whether their checks have now been processed (company doesn’t want to check individual accounts). Their insurance will be canceled if they do not pay after receiving the second past-due notice (the legal notice).

B What reasons or reader benefits can you use to support your position? Computers help us provide personal service to policyholders. We offer policies to meet all their needs. Both of these points would need specifics to be interesting and convincing.

O What objections can you expect your reader(s) to have? What negative elements of your message must you deemphasize or overcome?

Computers appear to cause errors. We don’t know if the checks have been processed. We will cancel policies if their checks don’t arrive.

C How will the context affect the reader’s response? Think about your relationship to the reader, morale in the organization, the economy, the time of year, and any special circumstances

Site to See

Go to www.bluemountain.com/ Electronic greeting cards are fun to send and receive; they build goodwill.

Site to See

Go to www.planetfeedback.com To read sample letters praising companies, choose a company or industry and choose Compliment under Feedback Type.

The earliest known written appearance of the word “information” occurred in 1387, and in terms of online use, it’s the 22nd most common word in the English language.

Source: Jennifer Schuessler, “Too Much Information About ‘Information’?” The New York Times, March 23, 2011, http://artsbeat.blogs.nytimes. com/2011/03/23/too-much- information-about-information/.

Go to

Go to

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154

The insurance business is highly competitive—other companies offer similar rates and policies. The customer could get a similar policy for about the same money from someone else. Most people find that money is tight, so they’ll want to keep insurance costs low. On the other hand, the fact that prices are steady or rising means that the value of what they own is higher—they need insurance more than ever.

Many insurance companies are refusing to renew policies (car, liability, malpractice insurance). These refusals to renew have gotten lots of publicity, and many people have heard horror stories about companies and individuals whose insurance has been canceled or not renewed after a small number of claims. Readers don’t feel very kindly toward insurance companies.

People need car insurance. If they have an accident and aren’t covered, they not only have to bear the costs of that accident alone but also (depending on state law) may need to place as much as $50,000 in a state escrow account to cover future accidents. They have a legitimate worry.

Discussion of the Sample Solutions The solution in Figure 10.4 is unacceptable. The red marginal comments show problem spots. Because this is a form letter, we cannot tell customers we have their checks; in some cases, we may not. The letter is far too negative. The explanation in paragraph 2 makes IFI look irresponsible and uncaring. Paragraph 3 is far too negative. Paragraph 4 is too vague; there are no reader benefits; the ending sounds selfish.

A major weakness with the solution is that it lifts phrases straight out of the problem; the writer does not seem to have thought about the problem or about the words he or she is using. Measuring the draft against the answers to the questions for analysis suggests that this writer should start over.

The solution in Figure 10.5 is much better. The blue marginal comments show the let- ter’s strong points. The message opens with the good news that is true for all readers. (Whenever possible, one should use the good news pattern of organization.) Paragraph 2

Writing a Goodwill Ending LO 10-6

Building a Critical Skill

Goodwill endings focus on the business relationship you share with your reader. When you write to one person, a good last paragraph fits that person specifically. When you write to some- one who represents an organization, the last paragraph can refer to your company’s relationship to the reader’s organization. When you write to a group (for example, to “All Employees”) your ending should apply to the whole group.

Possibilities include complimenting the reader for a job well done, describing a reader benefit, or looking forward to some- thing positive that relates to the subject of the message.

For example, consider possible endings for a letter answer- ing the question, “When a patient leaves the hospital and returns, should we count it as a new stay?” For one company, the answer was that if a patient was gone from the hospital overnight or longer, the hospital should start a new claim when the patient was readmitted.

Weak closing Should you have any questions regarding this paragraph: matter, please feel free to call me.

Goodwill Many employee-patients appreciate the freedom ending: to leave the hospital for a few hours. It’s nice

working with a hospital that is flexible enough to offer that option.

Also Omit the paragraph; stop after the acceptable: explanation.

Some writers end every message with a standard invitation: If you have questions, please do not hesitate to ask.

That sentence lacks positive emphasis (◀◀ p. 102). But say- ing “feel free to call”—though more positive—is rarely a good idea. Most of the time, the writer should omit the sentence and make the original message clear.

One of the reasons you write is to save the time needed to tell everyone individually. People in business aren’t shrinking violets; they will call if they need help. Do make sure your phone number is in the letterhead or is typed below your name. You can also add your e-mail address below your name.

With nearly 25% of the global workforce depressed, the challenge is for employers to find ways to improve the emotional well-being of workers. Happy employees translate into more productive ones. In the U.S. alone, estimates of the costs are as high as $51 billion annually due to absenteeism and lost productivity from depressed employees.

Sources: Victoria McGrane, “Nearly Quarter of Workers Are Depressed,” The Wall Street Journal, November 11, 2011, http://blogs.wsj.com/ economics/2011/11/11/nearly- quarter-of-workers-are-depressed/; and Jhaneel Lockhart, “Employee Depression Costs Workplaces $51 Billion Annually,” The Business Insider, January 17, 2012, http:// articles.businessinsider.com/ 2012-01-17/strategy/30634551_1_ depression-productivity- absenteeism.

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Module 10 Informative and Positive Messages 155

Figure 10.4 An Unacceptable Solution to the Sample Problem

Dear Customer:

Relax. We got your check.

There is always a time lag between the time payments come in and the time they are processed. While payments are waiting to be processed, the computer with super- human quickness is sending out past-due notices and threats of cancellation.

Cancellation is not something you should worry about. No policy would be canceled without a legal notice to that effect giving a specific date for cancellation which would be at least 30 days after the date on the original premium notice.

If you want to buy more insurance, just contact your local Interstate Fidelity agent. We will be happy to help you.

Sincerely,

Not necessar ily true.

Reread proble m.

Too negative

This explanation

makes company look bad.

Need to present this positively

Need date

This paragraph isn't sp ecific enough to work

as a reader benefit. It l acks you-attitude and

positive emphasis.

Figure 10.5 A Good Solution to the Sample Problem

Dear Customer:

Your auto insurance is still in effect.

Past-due notices are mailed out if the payment has not been processed within three days after the due date. This may happen if a check is delayed in the mail or arrives without a signature or account number. When your check arrives with all the necessary information, it is promptly credited to your account.

Even if a check is lost in the mail and never reaches us, you still have a 30-day grace period. If you do get a second notice, you’ll know that we still have not received your check. To keep your insurance in force, just stop payment on the first check and send a second one.

Computer processing of your account guarantees that you get any discounts you’re eligible for: multicar, accident-free record, good student. If you have a claim, your agent uses computer tracking to find matching parts quickly, whatever car you drive. You get a check quickly—usually within three working days—without having to visit dealer after dealer for time-consuming estimates.

Today, your home and possessions are worth more than ever. You can protect them with Interstate Fidelity’s homeowners’ and renters’ policies. Let your local agent show you how easy it is to give yourself full protection. If you need a special rider to insure a personal computer, a coin or gun collection, or a fine antique, you can get that from IFI, too.

Whatever your insurance needs—auto, home, life, or health—one call to IFI can do it all.

Sincerely,

Good ¶ 1. Tru e

for all readers

Good you-attitude

Good to treat notice

as information,

tell reader what to do if

it arrives

Benefits of using

computers

Need to add

benefits of insuring with IFI Good specifics

Too negative Bett er to put in agent’s name, phone number

Acceptable ending

Better: use computer to personalize. Put in name and address of a specific reader.

Need date

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156 Unit Three Letters, Memos, E-Mail, and Web Writing

h Does the subject line give the good news? Is the subject line specific enough to dif- ferentiate this message from others on the same subject?

h Does the first paragraph summarize the information or good news? If the informa- tion is too complex to fit into a single paragraph, does the paragraph list the basic parts of the policy or information in the order in which the memo discusses them?

h Is all the information given in the message? (What information is needed will vary depending on the message, but information about dates, places, times, and anything related to money usually needs to be included. When in doubt, ask!)

h In messages announcing policies, is there at least one reader benefit for each segment of the audience? Are all reader benefits ones that seem likely to occur in this organization?

h Is each reader benefit developed, showing that the benefit will come from the policy and why the benefit matters to this organization? Do the benefits build on the job duties of people in this organization and the specific circumstances of the organization?

h Does the message end with a positive paragraph—preferably one that is specific to the readers, not a general one that could fit any organization or policy?

And, for all messages, not just informative and positive ones,

h Does the message use you-attitude and positive emphasis? h Is the style easy to read and friendly? h Is the visual design of the message inviting? h Is the format correct? h Does the message use standard grammar? Is it free from typos?

Originality in a positive or informative message may come from

h Creating good headings, lists, and visual impact. h Developing reader benefits. h Thinking about readers and giving details that answer their questions and make it

easier for them to understand and follow the policy.

Checklist for Informative and Positive Messages

h

CC ff

Figure 10.6

explains IFI’s policy. It avoids assigning blame and ends on a positive note. The negative information is buried in paragraph 3 and is presented positively: The notice is information, not a threat; the 30-day extension is a “grace period.” Telling the reader now what to do if a second notice arrives eliminates the need for a second exchange of letters. Paragraph 4 offers benefits for using computers, since some readers may blame the notice on comput- ers, and offers benefits for being insured by IFI. Paragraph 5 promotes other policies the company sells and prepares for the last paragraph.

As the red comments indicate, this good solution could be improved by personalizing the salutation and by including the name and number of the local agent. Computers could make both of these insertions easily. This good letter could be made excellent by revising paragraph 4 so that it doesn’t end on a negative note, and by using more reader benefits. For instance, do computers help agents advise clients of the best policies for them? Does IFI offer good service—quick, friendly, nonpresssured—that could be stressed? Are agents well trained? All of these might yield ideas for additional reader benefits.

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