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Lessons To Improve

Narrative Descriptive Writing

Bill Atwood

Collins Education Associates

www.collinseducationassociates.com

[email protected]

This is a draft document. Your

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Table of Contents

Introduction: The purpose of book

Posters of VANSHOPPS

A survey: Which narrative techniques do you know about?

Lesson 1: Identifying the Techniques of Effective Description

Lesson 2: Using Excellent Adjectives and Adjective Combinations

Lesson 3: Picture Prompt: Through the Window

Lesson 4: Revising and Editing: The Three-Step Process

Lesson 5: Using Specific Nouns

Lesson 6: Using Vivid Verbs

Lesson 7: Using Similes

Lesson 8: Using Onomatopoeia

Lesson 9: Using Personification

Lesson 10: Building Sentences with a Sit and Sort

Lesson 11: Create a Setting by Adding Senses

Lesson 12: Attention-Getting Beginnings

Lesson 13: Endings

Lesson 14: Planning a Story (see also lesson 26)

Lesson 15: American Lawyer: Evaluating a Story

Lesson 16: Too Many Adjectives

Lesson 17: Using Specific Colors

Lesson 18: Sentence Variety

Lesson 19: Sentence Combining

Lesson 20: Show! Don’t Tell.

Lesson 21: Tell a Verbal Story

Lesson 22: Simple Sentence Template

Lesson 23: Adding Dialogue

Lesson 24: Character Reaction Lesson

Lesson 25: Finishing a Story

Lesson 26: The Pixar Writing Formula

Visual Gestures for ELA Skills

Coming soon: lessons in development

Introduction

Tell a Story About a Time

Improving Narrative Descriptive Writing

Narrative Writing Needs Structure:

One year when I was teaching fifth grade I thought it would be a great idea to end our literature genre study of mysteries by having the students write a mystery of their own. After six weeks of planning,

conferencing, drafting, editing, drafting, editing, conferencing, editing, re-writing, drafting, planning, drafting,

editing, I was ready to kill myself. I could see the headlines: REAL LIFE MYSTERY: TEACHER DIES

TEACHING MYSTERY UNIT I didn’t literally kill myself, but the amount of work involved did kill a small

part of my brain. In the end, the mysteries were written, most of them anyway, but I think I wrote huge sections

for some students. Most of the mysteries made no sense and they were either way, way, way too long (18

chapters in one case) or way, way, way too short (4 paragraphs). I vowed I would never do it again.

The next year, new fifth graders arrived in my classroom asking, “Are we going to get to write

mysteries like last year’s class? My friend said it was her favorite part of the year!” Sadly, I realized I needed

to do it again. But I needed to do it differently. Students needed a structure, and they needed more practice on

the sub-skills of writing. Since they had been reading mostly novels, they needed to understand what a SHORT

mystery might look like. They needed a model of a five-chapter mystery in which each chapter was about two

double-spaced pages. The whole thing would be total of about 10 double-spaced pages! Once I figured out the

structure, the rest was easy — well, not easy, but much, much more manageable.

That mystery unit taught me more than it taught the students. I learned that when teaching writing —

the creative process is helped by structure. Many authors use a structure to guide their writing and this recipe or

formula is not inherently a bad thing. Also, I learned that this structure can apply to the overall plan or arc of a

piece of writing but it also works for the structure of individual scenes or sentences.

The Sub-Skills of Narrative Writing

Back in 1993, the state of Massachusetts developed a new writing test for fourth graders. The prompt

called for narrative writing. I believe the question was something like:

The summer is the favorite time of year for many children. Children like to do lots of

different things in the summer like swim, ride bikes, play with friends, or something

totally different.

Write a story about a fun time that you had on a summer day. Give enough details to

show the reader what happened and why it was fun.

You may use the space below to plan what you are going to write (notes, outlines, other

pre-writing activities).

In many of the schools I visited, students struggled mightily to write the multi-paragraph essay the state

wanted. First of all, most students learned from their teachers that they needed to write a “five paragraph

essay.” Their experience with the five paragraph essay led most students to write:

Summer is my favorite season for three reasons. I like it because is it really hot. I like it because we

don’t have school. I like it because I can do fun things like ride my bike. I like all these things. That’s

why I like summer… (and on-and-on until the closer...) Thank you for reading my paper.

The “stories” were by and large a disaster. The first and most obvious problem was that students had

not responded to the prompt. They had interpreted “five paragraph essay” to mean some type of persuasive or

opinion essay. In fact, the prompt wanted narrative writing – the kind of writing in which you tell a story. As a

result, the stories lacked an attention-getting lead, setting, characters, action, dialogue, transitions, and/or

effective endings. They were simply not stories. Students had not understood the structure.

The second problem was that students seemed unable to add any specific detail. The stories lacked

effective word choices and literary devices like similes or onomatopoeia. There was no attempt to appeal to the

senses or add character reactions. Furthermore, the sentence variety was weak. In pieces like the one above,

most sentences begin with “I” and are simple sentences. There is no sentence combining or effort to alter the

sentence structure.

Why did this happen? Telling a story or responding to a narrative prompt can be very challenging for

young writers. Even if they understand that you want them to tell a story (tell about your summer vacation)

they often respond with a list of things they did. “After that we rode the roller coaster. Then we got cotton

candy. Then we went on the merry-go-round. Then…” Vocabulary is often undeveloped in many young

writers and they struggle to find original ways to show what they experienced. (“It was cool, fun, we did

stuff…”) Furthermore, students don’t like to plan and it’s hard to write a coherent story without some kind of

plan. Finally, when students realize that they will be graded on punctuation, grammar, and spelling they tend to

freeze up, shut down, and resist taking any risks with their writing. In the end, many students have trouble

producing one thoughtful paragraph much less a well-organized, multi-paragraphed composition that describes

a time, a place, gives interesting details about an event, and ends with an insight or reaction.

What follows are lessons that help break down the task of writing a story by focusing on a smaller set of

sub-skills (in the Collins Writing Program these are called focus correction areas, FCAs). Teachers can direct

students’ attention to these very specific criteria, develop them with mini-lessons, and practice them in short

assignments. It begins with a group of skills I refer to as the Writer’s Tools or sometimes VANSHOPPS. It

includes short practice writing exercises and short planning activities.

My approach is not intended to promote formulaic writing, rather to offer concrete and focused practice

on skills that students can master and then hopefully move beyond. If you are worried about students just

mimicking the writing that you’ve demonstrated in class and in this book, you would do well to heed the words

of Stephen King, who said that for many artists and writers: “Imitation precedes creation.”1

1 On Writing, by Stephen King, Scribner Press, 2000

Advanced Writer’s Tools

W hen

W ho

W here

. Dialogue (inner and outer)

V erbs

A djectives

N ouns

S imiles and Metaphors

H yperbole

O nomatopoeia and Alliteration

P ersonification

P unctuation and paragraphing

E xplode and Eliminate

R eactions of characters

S enses (and Symbols)

. Don’t tell! Show!

C reate flow: sentence variety/pace

O pener and closers

M ood

Writer’s Tools

A Simpler Version for K-1

W hen

W ho

W here

N ifty nouns

O nomatopoeia and Alliteration

V ivid verbs

A wesome adjectives

S enses and Similes

Survey

I use the survey on the next page to get a sense of how much the students know about the techniques of

effective description. The data is self-reported and students may inflate their scores. If fact, to get a truer sense

you might eliminate the descriptors and just ask students to give examples of each technique. I wanted to

involve the students in a more collaborate way as we begin the unit. I want them to set goals, to see how using

these techniques can improve their writing, and to look for examples of these techniques as they evaluate the

writing of others.

The survey, in its current form, does not address all aspects of narrative writing. I did not add questions about

attention getting beginnings or powerful closers, nor did I address elements of planning and sentence combining

(elements which are discussed in this book.) You could add questions on these ideas. But I often think less is

more and perhaps the best place to start is just with the first page of the survey.

A trick to remember the most critical techniques is:

V Vivid verbs

A Adjectives (adjective combinations like big, black bear)

N Nouns the more specific the better

S Similes and metaphors

H Hyperbole (exaggeration)

O Onomatopoeia (sound words: for example, “Whack!”) and Alliteration (purple, plastic purse)

P Personification (“the clouds raced…”)

P Punctuation for effect!!

S Senses (“The dark-chocolate brownies were warm, sweet-smelling, and soft.”)

Then you can add:

www.vanshopps.com

www = Who, when, where

1st DOT = Dialogue (inner and outer)

2nd DOT = Don’t tell us… show us Don’t go fast: Don’t use and then, and then, and then!

C = great Closer!

O = great Opener!

M = Mood (For example: use the weather to create a mood for piece)

A Survey Techniques of Effective Description

Put a 3 next to techniques you understand and use frequently in your writing

Put a 2 next to techniques you understand but don’t really use in your writing

Put a 1 next to techniques you’ve heard of…

Put a 0 if you have very little idea about it

1. Vivid verbs (limped to the finish line)

2. Terrific adjectives (spectacular day)

3. Adjective/adjective noun combinations (tired, old dog)

4. Adjective conjunction adjective (exhausted but determined...)

5. Hyphen adjectives (midnight-black, death-defying, bone-chilling...)

6. Specific nouns (He wore plastic flip-flops with little pink tulips)

7. Similes (The bully circled the playground like a shark looking...)

8. Hyperbole/exaggeration (Hotter than the surface of the sun)

9. Onomatopoeia (The soft squish was followed by a loud crack)

10. Personification (Wakefield’s knuckleball danced and darted)

11. Sensory Language (I could hear the smacking of her lips...)

12. Use weather for mood (The fog gave everything a deathly look)

13. Metaphors (The idea of failing was a dark cloud over me.)

14. Alliteration (He swooned, slipped, and splatted onto the ice)

15. Explode the moment (Write 4-5 sentences about 1 moment: As I waited in the roller coaster line, I could hear the clicking of the

seat belts, the hiss of the breaks, and the gasps of the passengers...)

16. Dialogue to develop characters (“Mom, can you bring me...”)

17. Internal dialogue and reactions What you were thinking/ or include a brain argument, include character’s reactions : (I thought I should

eat the cookie but then I said to myself, no, don’t do it your mom will kill you...

or Where am I? I wondered as I rolled out of the tent)

18. Show don’t tell (The car was old. It was dented, rusty, and covered in a thick, dusty grime.)

19. Zoom in/zoom out (Then I looked at his fingernails. They were long, dirty, appeared to be sharp. When I looked up he was…)

20. Use Repetition to build rhythm (It was dark— really, really dark.)

21. Use a Symbol (And then I saw the old basketball again. I couldn’t believe what I had given up on all my dreams.)

22. Vary sentence length to create rhythm Use a mix of long and short sentences or include one or more compound sentences and one

really short sentence. (My dog rocks!)

23. Add variety by varying sentence beginnings Begin with an ing word, a prepositional phrase, an adjective conjunction adjective, a

“to phrase”, a “when, since, dependent-type phrase”, an adverb, a simile

24. Use Punctuation for effect: a dash, a colon, a bold or capitalized WORD, an exclamation mark, ellipsis, semi-colon, double ?!

TOTAL SCORE: DATE: ________________

Lesson 1

Identifying the Writer’s Tools (www.VANSHOPS.COM)

Time: 15 minutes

Purpose: The purpose is to introduce the techniques of effective description.

Materials: an overhead transparency of a section of text that includes many effective descriptive techniques

(possibly a copy for each student); chart paper and marker

Overview: In this first lesson, students will look at a piece of writing and identify some of the narrative

techniques used by authors to create a picture in the reader’s mind. A list of these techniques will be posted on

chart paper. As the unit unfolds the list will grow to include new techniques and examples.

Introduction: Have students prepare for a Type One writing. Explain that in Type One writing, the main point

is to get ideas down on paper. Tell them they will have 3 minutes to try and get down 4 lines or more (adjust

number of lines to be appropriate for your students). Then, put a passage like the one below on the overhead

projector.

“AHHH!” screamed Jack and Annie.

The giant sea serpent arched its long neck into the sky. Its scaly green skin glistened in the late sunlight.

Staring at Jack and Annie, its eyes burned like bright yellow lamps.

Jack and Annie were frozen with terror.

The monster opened its mouth. Inside were hideous fangs and a purple forked tongue. The serpent made

a terrible hissing sound!

Jack and Annie huddled together on the rock. Frantic seal barks came from far away.

From Magic Tree House: Summer of the Sea Serpent #31 by Mary Pope Osborne (page 79)

Read it to students. Then ask them, “Why is this good describing? What does the author do to create a picture

in your mind? Try to be specific. Write at least 4 lines.” I often model a few ideas out loud as I pretend to

write. The author uses good details, like … and she uses adjectives…” After the students write for 3 minutes,

have them turn to a partner and share their ideas for another minute or two (they could check things they have in

common, add ideas their partner had, and/or star the most important ideas). After some pair sharing, explain to

the whole class that writers, like carpenters and painters, use tools to create things. In this passage, Mary Pope

Osborne has used some tools as well. Ask them, “What techniques did she use?”

Development: Use the chart paper to collect student ideas. I try to get at least five or six ideas on the paper.

Ask students for specific examples and ask them to explain their ideas. If possible give them the names for

some of the parts of speech as they suggest them. “Yes, scaly, green skin-- that is an adjective/adjective

combination. Two describing words in a row.” Here is a list of some of the techniques I often draw out from

the Magic Tree House story.

Technique example

adjective, adjective combination scaly green skin; bright yellow lamps; purple forked

tongue; terrible hissing sound

simile burned like bright yellow lamps

onomatopoeia hissing sound

vivid verbs screamed, arched, burned, huddled

Attention-getting beginning “Ahhhhh…”

If your students are older than 5th grade I might use one of the other passages. (See the Writing Samples which

follow.)

Tell students to keep their eyes peeled for other examples of these techniques as they read this year. We want to

make this list grow!

Wrap-up: At the end of the lesson, ask students to take out a sheet of paper for a Type Two. Ask them to

write down two techniques we discussed today and give an example for each.

It’s possible to give this short quiz at the beginning of the next class. It’s also possible to give every student a

copy of the notes or have them take a few notes on the paper they used for their Type One.

Follow up: Make this activity a regular part of your class. Use your morning message, look for student

examples or examples from your read aloud, or from your textbooks. Have students pay attention, find

examples, and name the techniques that writers use. Have students make a poster or design colorful words on

8” x 11” card-stock for each of the tools.

WRITING SAMPLES WITH VANSHOPS 1A

1. Student work: Tell about a time when you found something

Note the vivid verbs, attention-getting beginning, simile, adjectives, specific nouns, ending, onomatopoeia,

who/when/where in beginning...

“Hey get over here!” my brother screeched to me. It was last January and we were slipping and sliding on the ice

by my school. My school has this big field that gets really swampy and mushy in the summer but in the winter it’s like an

ice rink. I zipped over to my brother and crashed into him with a SMACK.

My brother was too focused on the ice to notice. He was pointing down at a green rectangle frozen in the ice.

“That’s money!” I screamed. We jumped, pounded, chipped on that ice until our toes were like frozen popsicles. When

we got it out it was mushy and soggy but it still worked. At the store we got a Hershey bar and a bunch of mini peanut

butter cups. We raced back to the field and looked all day. There’s nothing better than free money!

2. From Magic Tree House: Summer of the Sea Serpent #31 by Mary Pope Osborne (page 79)

Note the adjective adjective combinations: scaly green, bright yellow lamps, purple forked tongue, terrible hissing sound.

Also, simile (“burned like bright yellow lamps), onomatopoeia (hissing), vivid verbs (screamed, arched, burned, huddled),

great opener (“Ahhhh”)

“AHHH!” screamed Jack and Annie.

The giant sea serpent arched its long neck into the sky. Its scaly green skin glistened in the late sunlight. Staring

at Jack and Annie, its eyes burned like bright yellow lamps.

Jack and Annie were frozen with terror.

The monster opened its mouth. Inside were hideous fangs and a purple forked tongue. The serpent made a terrible

hissing sound!

Jack and Annie huddled together on the rock. Frantic seal barks came from far away.

3. From Holes by Louis Sachar (page 206-207)

Note the verbs (beating, screamed, springing, shatter, scurried, flinch, dig) and the appeal to the senses (felt the blast, felt

the tiny claws), adjectives (very still, tiny, closed), zooming in, sentence variety—mixing of long and short...

Five hundred seconds later, his heart was still beating.

Mr. Pendanski screamed. The lizard which had been in the cereal box was springing toward him. Mr. Sir shot it

in midair.

Stanley felt the blast shatter the air around him. The lizards scurried frantically across his very still body. He did

not flinch. Stanley felt tiny claws dig into the side of his face as the lizard pulled itself off his neck and up past his

chin...The lizard ran across his closed mouth.

4. From the BFG by Roald Dahl (page 10-11)

Note the adjectives (silvery, bent, crooked, pale, ghostly, dim, misty), hypen-adjectives (milk-white), simile (like houses

in a fairy tale), specific nouns (Mrs. Rance’s, buttons, wool, bits of elastic), repetition...

In the silvery moonlight, the village street she knew so well seemed completely different. The houses looked bent

and crooked, like houses in a fairy tale. Everything was pale and ghostly and milky-white.

Across the road, she could see Mrs. Rance’s shop, where you bought buttons and wool and bits of elastic. It

didn’t look real. The was something dim and misty about that too.

Sophie allowed her eye to travel further and further down the street.

Suddenly she froze. There was something coming up the street on the opposite side.

It was something black...

Something tall and black...

Something very tall and very black and very thin.

5. From A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle Page 1

Note the mood and the weather, specific nouns (patchwork quilt), adjectives (wraithlike), personification/verbs (ripped,

scudded, lashing, raced), sentence variety (short, long, and then short).

It was a dark and stormy night.

In her attic bedroom Margaret Murry, wrapped in an old patchwork quilt, sat on the foot of her bed and watched

the trees tossing in the frenzied lashing of the wind. Behind the trees clouds scudded frantically across the sky. Every

few moments the moon ripped through them, creating wraithlike shadows that raced along the ground.

The house shook.

6. From Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K.Rowling (Page 184-185)

Note the simile (as though it had, like a diagonal gash, as a coin), verbs, specific nouns (chisel, gash), color adjectives

(vivid, electric blue), adjective series (small, dark, beady), verbs, zooming in (on they eyes)

The lightning had thrown the man’s face into sharp relief, and it was a face unlike any Harry had ever seen. It

looked as though it had been carved out of weathered wood by someone who had only the vaguest idea of what human

faces are supposed to look like, and was none too skilled with a chisel. Every inch of skin seemed to be scarred. The

mouth looked like a diagonal gash, and a large chunk of the nose was missing. But it was the man’s eyes that made him

frightening.

One of them was small, dark, and beady. The other was large, round as a coin, and a vivid, electric blue. The

blue eye was moving ceaselessly, without blinking, and was rolling up, down, and from side to side, quite independently

of the normal eye — and then it rolled right over, pointing into the back of the man’s head, so that all they could see was

whiteness.

7. From The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, by Mark Twain Chapter 9

Note adjectives, hypen-adjectives, verbs, personification, senses…

It was a graveyard of the old-fashioned western kind. It was on a hill, about a mile and a half from the village. It

had a crazy board fence around it, which leaned inward in places, and outward the rest of the time, but stood upright

nowhere. Grass and weeds grew rank over the whole cemetery. All the old graves were sunken in, there was not a

tombstone on the place; round-topped, worm-eaten boards staggered over the graves leaning for support and finding none.

“Sacred to the memory of” so and so had been painted on them once, but it could no longer be read, on the most of them,

even if there had been light.

A faint wind moaned through the trees, and Tom feared it might be the spirits of the dead, complaining of being

disturbed...Then they waited in silence for what seemed a long time. The hooting of a distant owl was all the sound that

troubled the dead stillness.

8. From Bud Not Buddy by Christopher Paul Curtis

Note onomatopoeia (tap-tap), specific nouns (high heels), simile (like firecrackers)

HERE WE GO AGAIN. We were all standing in line waiting for breakfast when one of the caseworkers came in and tap-

tap tapped down the line. Uh-oh, this meant bad news, either they’d found a foster home for somebody or somebody was

about to get paddled. All the kids watched the woman as she moved along the line, her high heel shoes sounding like little

firecrackers going off on the wooden floor. (Pg 1.)

He’d left the car door open and I could hear the engine of the car grumbling, it was saying, wugga, wugga, wugga, wugga,

wugga. Page 100

Look for more from your favorite read-alouds!

Lesson 2

Using Awesome Adjectives

Time: 15 minutes

Purpose: to introduce appropriate adjectives and have students experiment with them in their writing

Materials:

1. Adjective sample (make an overhead) 2. Adjective sort (copy onto index cards or have students copy them) use markers to color code each group

to form four sentences (color code one group blue, another group black, red, green etc.)

3. Blank Adjective Sort (optional) 4. Adjective Chart Paper for Carousel (optional) 5. Type Three paper

Overview: This lesson will begin a pattern of lessons that introduces a technique of effective description and

lays the groundwork for additional lessons. In this lesson, students silently organize themselves into four color-

coded groups and then build an adjective-filled sentence that they dramatically read to the class.

Introduction: Ask students, “Do you know what an adjective is?” If you see blank faces, write on the board

The old, disgusting, brown sneakers smelled like a sweaty locker room. Then say, “Ugly, disgusting, brown,

sweaty… These are adjectives. Can you guess what an adjective does? Turn to your partner and try to work

out a definition.” After a minute, draw out from students that adjectives are very useful for a writer. Adjectives

help the writer describe the details in a piece of writing. Adjectives can give more information about the senses:

what something felt like, looked like, smelled like, tasted like or sounded like. These kind of sense-adjectives

are called sensory adjectives. Tell students that today they will experiment with using adjectives.

Development: Explain that you will be giving each student a card that has one or more words on it. The words

will form a sentence once you find others who belong with you. Explain that the cards are color-coded and that

once you give them the “go” signal they will have to silently walk around the room and find the others who

have the same color card they have. Tell students that when they have found all the people in their sentence

group, they should go off to a separate area of the room (make sure not to tell specifically where to go, just say

go to a corner somewhere. This forces students to find the other people and then work together). After

reviewing these directions, set them off. When they have found everyone in the group give the next

instructions.

Get their attention and say, “Now, that you found everyone in your group, try to make a complete sentence out

of your words. When you get in the right order, practice reading your sentence to the class. You must read it

with some feeling, some passion, some emotion and please be loud!” You might model this briefly.

Let the students get organized and practice their sentences. When they are ready, share them and point out how

the adjectives add great detail. You might ask each group if they think they have sensory adjectives, if so which

sense?

Wrap-up: I usually make a big deal out of collecting the pieces. I might say, “When I give the signal, give all

the pieces to the person in your group who is wearing the most red. Then, red-wearing people bring them to me

and I will put them in this plastic bag. After collecting the adjectives, I remind them how important it is to use

awesome adjectives not the same old tired adjectives like nice, fun, good, and big.

I always like to end with a quick quiz or ask them to do a worksheet or make up a sentence with adjectives.

You can also use Jerry Morris Template #1 after this lesson.

Follow up on a later day (or in the same class): Show the passage below (BFG) and ask students to identify

at least three adjectives in the passage and to explain how adjectives enhance the writing.

Next, tell students that you are going to read a selection from Roal Dalh’s The BFG and afterwards you are

going to ask them to do a Type One Writing. “What are some of the ways Dahl makes this passage descriptive?

What words jump out at you? Are there any adjectives? Make a list of the descriptive words and explain why

they are good choices for the passage. You must include at least 5 words and 2 lines of writing or more.”

From the BFG by Roald Dahl (page 10-11)

In the silvery moonlight, the village street she knew so well seemed completely different. The houses looked

bent and crooked, like houses in a fairy tale. Everything was pale and ghostly and milky-white.

Across the road, she could see Mrs. Rance’s shop, where you bought buttons and wool and bits of

elastic. It didn’t look real. The was something dim and misty about that too.

Sophie allowed her eye to travel further and further down the street.

Suddenly she froze. There was something coming up the street on the opposite side.

It was something black...

Something tall and black...

Something very tall and very black and very thin.

After the Type One, have students quickly share their ideas with a partner then call on some pairs to share their

thoughts. Draw out the idea of using carefully chosen words and discuss why they are used. (To give the

reader a better idea of what something looked, smelled, sounded, felt, or tasted like.) In this passage note the

descriptive words: silvery, bent, crooked, pale, ghostly, dim, misty and the hyphenated words (milky-white).

You can also call attention to the simile (like houses in a fairy tale) and the specific nouns (Mrs. Rance’s,

buttons, wool, bits of elastic), repetition. ) Tell them these describing words are called adjectives; they

describe people, places, and things (nouns and pronouns). (Have them chant the word. Maybe point out that an

adjective is no substitute for a good noun (big dog vs. Husky) but they can be very useful: ie. huge, slobbery

Great Dane. Explain that adjectives can occur alone or in combinations. They can even be separated by little

conjunction words like: and, but, nor (Tired but excited, cold and miserable; neither sad nor happy) and can be

used with a little dash called a hyphen: milky-white. Then you should add adjectives the list of writer’s

techniques if you haven’t already put it on the list.

Additional follow up:

Optional Follow up #1: Students can make their own sort by writing a sentence on index cards with at least 2

adjectives for other students to sort.

Optional Follow up #2: Write 1 paragraph about a favorite place or favorite food using sensory adjectives.

Make an Adjective Sentence I

Use a colored marker and copy each word onto an index card. Each group of words should be written in the

same color.

Explain to students that you will be giving them a words written in different colors. Then, when you give the

signal they will have to get up, without talking, and find others who have a word with they same color they

have. Once they have found all the people with the same color they have, they should gather into a corner.

Have groups make a sentence then, read them together. Discuss the importance of specific adjectives.

Red group:

the sizzling hot

fajitas tasted delicious

Blue group:

the cool clear

water was refreshing

Black group:

the tiny yapping

poodle was irritating

Purple group:

the fifty foot

skateboard jump looked

cruel and dangerous

Green group: the damp basement

smelled like moldy

socks

The sizzling hot fajitas tasted delicious.

The cool clear water was refreshing.

The tiny yapping poodle was irritating.

The fifty foot skateboard jump looked cruel and dangerous.

The damp basement smelled like moldy socks.

Make your own sort

Make an Adjective Sentence II

The old dirty-yellow school bus rattled

down the bumpy lane. My heavy overflowing

backpack felt like a giant boulder crushing me.

The delicious steaming-hot pepperoni pizza

tasted spicy and cheesy like it was from heaven. The fluffy

new fallen snow covered the long, steep hill

like a white blanket.

The adjective-sorting sentences are below. Feel free to change them to fit your students

1. The old, dirty-yellow school bus rattled down the bumpy lane.

2. My heavy, overflowing backpack felt like a giant boulder crushing me.

3. The delicious, steaming-hot, pepperoni pizza tasted spicy and cheesy like it was from heaven.

4. The fluffy, new-fallen snow covered the long, steep hill like a white blanket.

Lesson 3

Picture Prompt Harris Burdick: Through the Window

Using Adjective/Adjective Combinations

Time: 30-40 minutes

Purpose: The purpose is for students to write a short description of a narrative moment using

Adjective/adjective combinations and other techniques of effective description.

Materials: overhead of picture prompt

Overview: In this lesson students will practice using the adjective/adjective combination while describing a

picture prompt. Students will also learn to include who, when, and where at the beginning of their pieces.

Introduction: Tell students you are going to read them a passage from Chapter Two of The True Confessions

of Charlotte Doyle by Avi. Tell them the story is about a 13-year-old girl who must travel alone across the

ocean for two months aboard a merchant ship with a crew of all men. Read the passage.

Ask students to do a quick Type One, “List as many adjectives as they can in the following passage. (2

minutes, list at least three adjectives and write 2 lines or more.) When finished they should share with a partner.

Discuss their ideas and then explain to students that in this lesson they will practice with the Techniques of

Effective Description with a special focus on the adjective/adjective combination.

(2 adjectives in a row) in the following passage (there are three adj/adj— frayed green jacket; darting,

unfocused eyes; narrow ferretlike face; weathered dark and possibly ill-shaven):

He was a small man—most seafaring men are small—barely taller than I and dressed in a frayed green jacket

over a white shirt that was none too clean. His complexion was weathered dark, his chin ill-shaven. His mouth

was unsmiling. His fingers fidgeted and his feet shuffled. His darting, unfocused eyes, set deep in a narrow

ferretlike face, gave the impression of one who is constantly on watch for threats that might appear from any

quarter at any moment.

From The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle by Avi (Chapter Two)

After a quick discussion, tell students that today they will get a chance to use adjectives to describe a scene and

tell a short story. Explain that in this assignment, they will have to use a graphic organizer to generate some

great adjectives. Have them set up their paper in the manner shown below.

Adjectives Nouns

Explain that you will set the scene for their story. It’s last week or last month, or last summer… and you were

on your way home from school. Maybe you missed the school bus and had to walk, or maybe you were

walking home from soccer practice. Or maybe your mom forgot to pick you up, so you decided to walk home,

it doesn’t matter, you decide. On your way home, you walked down—I don’t know—Maple Street or Elm

Street—and you heard something, maybe a whacking sound, maybe a small scream, maybe a crash, or maybe

you smelled something, but whatever it was it caused you to look over to your right where you saw a house, a

mansion, a shack, an old apartment, it doesn’t matter, you decide. Maybe it’s the old Burdick Mansion and you

know you shouldn’t but you decide to go closer to see about that sound. You walk through the grass and go up

to an open window and look in, and this is what you see.

At this point, put up the overhead in dramatic fashion to reveal the old man with the chair over his head

attempting to crush something under the carpet. After giving the students a moment to look at it, tell them that

you don’t know what happens next, maybe the man looks up at you and you run, race, dash for home. When

you get home, no one is home to tell the story to so you write it down.

Now, to describe this scene, we are going to need to identify the nouns that you can see. What are some nouns

in this picture that need some describing? Have students suggest some of the nouns. I usually go for the man,

the chair, the lump, and the lamp. As the students call out the nouns, show them how to record them on the

graphic organizer. One noun goes in each box on the right. After the 4 nouns are on the sheet, tell them it’s

time for another Type One. I’m going to give you 2 minutes to come up with at least 2 adjectives for each noun

in this picture. They don’t have to be the best ever, just get 2 down for each and then go back and try to get

more! For example, what could you say about the man? Crazy? Skinny? Angry? Teeth-clenching? If you

want to add a phrase after the noun, you can do that also. Man (with old-fashioned spectacles) but make sure to

get your two adjectives in front! Questions? Ready, set, go!

Development: After students get their adjectives down, have them share with a neighbor and add more to their

list. Then, call on some groups to hear their best. Next, have them set up their papers for a Type 3 writing.

Explain the Focus Correction Areas.

The first FCA is: “include who, when and where and show how you got to the window.” The best way to teach

this FCA is to model it on the overhead. Write: It was last summer, when I was on my way home from soccer

practice. My mom said it was okay to walk home alone since the field was only a couple of blocks from my

house. Ask students, “Did I give you who, when, where?”

Say, “All I need to do now is get to the window…” Then write: As I was walking home, I heard a loud

crashing sound coming from this broken down house on the corner. It’s funny I had never seen this house

before, so I decided to creep up to the side yard and take a quick look in the window.

Ask, “Did I get you to the window? Did it take a long time? So far I’ve got 5 sentences and I’m ready to

describe what I saw. Let’s see if you can do it. Who can give me a who, when, where statement? When might

his happen?” Students will call out last week, last summer, last Halloween, etc. Ask, “What about where?

Where could you be coming from?” Students might suggest various practices: detention, the bus stop, a

friend’s house… “So, it could go like this: Last week, I had to stay after school for detention. Because of this I

had to walk home down Main Street. When I got there I saw a flashing shadow coming from the first floor

window of the Old Harris cottage. I knew it was a bad idea, but I decided to creep up and peek in.”

Say, “Now, Let’s get back to my description. Remember I’m at the window. I’m going to start a new

paragraph, because it’s new action.” The second FCA is 3 vivid details. So I’m going to use my graphic

organizer to help me remember what I want to include.

Write: When I looked in I couldn’t believe it! There was an old, skinny, bald man holding a heavy

antique chair high over his head! He looked either angry or afraid; I couldn’t tell which. My eyes darted

around the room. In the confusion, I could see a lamp teetering on a table. It was casting long, crazy shadow.

Suddenly, I looked down and saw this thing under the rug. It was a mysterious, head-shaped lump…

After writing a bit, tell the students that they should go on to describe the room. They do not have to tell a

whole story all they need to do is use good description. As for the ending, they can just end with a reaction.

You can model this as well...

Just then, the man looked up at me and said, “YOU!” I jumped back from the window and sprinted the whole

way home. I’ll never, ever, ever, go by that house again!

When you are finished modeling a bit, ask students to go ahead and write their piece. Note: often when I

model writing, I write out the first bits, then I just scribble while I say what I am thinking. This saves time but

also discourages students from copying exactly what I have written. I don’t mind if they borrow some of my

phrases, but I don’t want them to just become scribes.

Wrap Up: As students finish writing, ask them and model to read their piece aloud in a one foot voice, fixing

obvious errors. Tell them to ask themselves three questions: 1) Is my writing easy to read (both with

reasonable hand-writing and clarity) 2) Did I complete the assignment (Is my piece descriptive? Can the reader

“see” the scene?) 3) Did I complete the FCAs?

You might ask students to clean the piece up a bit. You could have student darken all capital letters and end

marks (periods, question marks etc). You could ask them to circle any words they think they may have

misspelled. You might even have students number the vivid details; underline the where, who, where; and put

parenthesis around the ending.

Follow Up: See the next lesson.

(See Mysteries of Harris Burdick by Chris Van Allsberg drawing of man with chair)

FCAs

Introduction which includes Who, When, Where and tells how you got to the window 3

3 Adj/Adj noun combinations 6

End with reaction (or another technique for ending) 1

Use other VANSHOPS (verbs, nouns, similes…) Bonus 2

It was a rainy Saturday last week, when I was walking home from soccer

practice. My mom was late picking me up, so I decided to take the shortcut down

Maple Lane. When I got to the corner by the old Burdick mansion, I heard a

terrible, thumping sound. I knew I shouldn’t, but I crept over to the open window

on the first floor and looked in.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was a skinny, bald man holding a heavy,

wooden chair high over his head. What was he doing? I wondered. Then I saw it.

Under the carpet was a head-shaped lump that was inching toward the man. The

teetering, ginger-jar lamp on the table was casting weird shadows around the

room, and then the man turned and looked at me! Was he angry or scared? I didn’t

stop to find out. I turned and sprinted home. As I stood in my living room, I

thought, Oh my gosh, I’ll never go back there again! And then, I looked around

and wondered, where’s my cat!?

Check this for FCAs and/or score paper.

Ask: What is good? What could be better?

Strengths: senses, adjectives, onomatopoeia, internal thoughts, ending, verbs

Add/change? Walking to strolling? Add a simile? Change “looked” to

“stared?”

FCAs

Introduction which includes Who, When, Where and tells how you got to window 3

3 Adj/Adj noun combinations 6

End with reaction (or another technique for ending) 1

Use VANSHOPS (verbs, simile, specific nouns, senses, onomatopoeia) Bonus 2

Last week I was coming home from

soccer and I saw a man. He was a scary

man. There was a lump on the floor.

Everything was weird looking. There was a

lamp that was falling. I ran really fast out

of there. The next day I saw the man and

he chased me. I ran away again. Then, I

saw the lump and I killed it. The end.

Check this for FCAs and/or score paper.

Ask: What is good? What could be better?

Lesson 4

Revising and Editing

Time: 30 minutes

Purpose: The purpose is to model revising and editing and to teach the students how to peer edit by

understanding the FCAs.

Materials: highlighters, student work or sample on overhead

Overview: This lesson sets the tone for all the short writing pieces in this collection. In this lesson, students

will see how you score a paper and then they will work with a partner to score and edit a piece of writing. After

learning to score, they will work alone or with an editing partner to check over their own writing for both

content and conventions.

Introduction: Explain to students that you will be playing a game called, “You Be The Teacher.” In this game

they will have the chance to be the teacher and give feedback to a student. Tell them, “First, I will model

correcting a paper while you watch. Then you will work with another student to grade a second paper together.

Finally, you will be the teacher and give a score that you think matches my score.”

Development: Students watch as you go through the piece and check for all FCAs. At the end you will show

them how many points the piece receives and highlight a favorite part. Finally, sign your name at the bottom.

Ask students if they have any questions about how you scored the paper. Then, put up the second paper and

have the students find a partner and practice scoring and explaining their feedback.

If time allows, try a third paper and have each student score it alone. Discuss results. By this point students

should understand the FCA well enough to score and make suggestions to their peers.

In the final step, each student will pair off and peer edit with another student marking off the FCAs and

highlighting a favorite part. At the end they will sign the paper, taking the responsibility of a peer editor.

Wrap Up: As students finish collect the papers with the corrections or allow (or insist) that students write a

second draft of the piece. You can meet with students individually or in small groups to give further

suggestions. They might just add this draft to their writing folder and after they have done several picture

prompts choose one to re-write and publish.

Follow Up: Consider other picture prompts*. Have students do several and then choose one to put into the

class book: Super Scenes! Also, you could have them build out the story by adding a longer beginning (scene

1) and then add an additional scene or two to complete the story.

*Chris Van Allsberg has other books with vivid pictures like Jumanji. Also, on the web you can find images of

haunted houses, scary dogs, etc. You can also use scenes from history like the Boston Massacre. Tell students

to imagine they just came upon this scene and similar to the Harris Burdick scene, they will need to describe it

as a bystander.

Lesson 5

Using Specific Nouns

Time: 15 minutes

Purpose: The purpose is to show the difference between specific nouns and general nouns; and the importance

of using specific nouns in narrative writing.

Materials: The specific nouns cards

Overview: In this lesson, students will recognize the difference between a general noun and a specific noun

and learn the importance of using specific nouns in their writing.

Introduction: Do a Type One writing. Write this sentence on the board :

One time we drove in the car to a restaurant to eat food.

Ask students to write down or draw what they were picturing in their minds. Tell them to draw or write for 2

minutes and write at least 3 lines. At the same time you write or draw what you were really thinking. When the

two minutes is up, call on students and see if what they were picturing matched what you were picturing. When

did this happen? Who was in the car? What kind of car? Which restaurant? What food? Everyone was

probably picturing different images. Why? Suggest or draw out that the nouns in the sentence were not specific.

Now, have students look at this sentence:

Last year, on a super hot, August afternoon, my whole family piled into our tiny Volkswagen Beetle to head to

Captain Willie’s Restaurant for the “all you can eat” seafood buffet.

When you write you it’s often better to be specific and that starts with the nouns that you choose. If you want to

put a picture in the reader’s mind, always choose the specific noun over the general noun.

In the next activity explain to students that they will receive a card with either a specific noun or a general noun

written on the card. When you give the signal they will stand and then silently try to find the person who has a

noun that matches the noun they have. When they find the person they will form a circle around the classroom.

It is good to model this if you are doing a “stand and sort” for the first time. Show students how to hold the card

up, walk silently, and then where to go when they find their partner.

Once they have formed the circle, give them a minute to practice, then have them read their nouns loudly and

with some enthusiasm. End the lesson by asking students why using specific nouns improves writing.

Wrap Up/Follow up

1. Complete the Specific Noun Practice sheet 5C

2. Have students make two cards for another noun sort, collect and sort again tomorrow.

3. Have a “Noun-Off” or “Play Group Noun Off” (5D) or “Carousel Nouns” (see 5E)

4. Give a quick quiz

A. Find the three nouns in the following sentence: The car whizzed down the road on its way to the

restaurant.

B. Pick one of the nouns and replace it with a more specific noun.

Answer: A. car, road, way, restaurant

B. The jaguar flew down the highway on its way to the Four Seasons.

The pick-up truck lumbered down Main Street on its way to Dora’s Diner.

Concrete Noun Sort 5B

Print these out. Cut them up. Then give one to each student. Have them silently find the person who matches

and make a circle. Have students read them. Discuss the importance of specific nouns over general nouns.

Have students make their own for the next class. Challenge them to find their partner quicker (without talking).

On the next day, repeat with verbs.

car shoes shirt

dessert sandwich tv show

dog house toy

restaurant baseball

player tree

drink candy chair

book ice cream flavor music

carnival ride bug ball

Porsche peanut butter fluff

sandwich mansion

Burger King poodle Transformer

superball David Ortiz palm tree

work boots lemonade Hershey Kisses

recliner Cat in the Hat Hip Hop

Sponge Bob roller-coaster sweater

apple pie mint chocolate chip cockroach

Name

SPECIFIC NOUN PRACTICE (5C)

This piece has a who, when, where beginning and has details about the car ride but it needs

help! Change the general nouns to more specific nouns. If you want to add more information,

or put in some similes, verbs, adjectives, onomatopoeia, hyperbole or personification, go for it!

One time, we drove in a car to a restaurant and ate

food. In my car there is this hanging thing from the

mirror. My mom thinks it makes the car smell like a

tree. But I think it makes it smell like shoes. The

actual bad smell in the car may be coming from the old

fruit and candy under the seats. There are also papers

and things on the floor. When we drive with the

windows open, the paper flies around and you can’t see

stuff. So we have to keep the windows closed unless

we want to clean the car. After some time, my mom

announces, “There is the restaurant!” Thank goodness!

Example of revision:

summer afternoon, my family our old mini-van Joe’s Diner to eat

One time, we drove in a car to a restaurant and ate brunch. air freshner

food. In my car there is this hanging thing from the pine tree mirror. My mom thinks it makes the car smell like a

tree. old gym shoes But I think it makes it smell like shoes. The smell in banana peels and half-eaten Kit Kat bars

the car may be coming from the old fruit and candy wadded up tissues and clumps of mud under the seats. There are also papers and things on

the floor. When we drive with the windows open, the the road, the other cars or the exit ramps

paper flies around and you can’t see stuff. So we have which we don’t ever want to do. to keep the windows closed unless we want to clean the about 20 minutes of car riding torture

car. After some time, my mom announces, “There is

the restaurant!” thank goodness. I was always glad to

get to the restaurant until I realized that Joe’s Diner

is actually worse than the car ride.

Lesson 5D

The Noun-Off

Time: 5-15 minutes

Purpose: To build word choices; to practice the skill generating more specific nouns to replace general nouns

Materials: For one-on-one Noun-Off: none

For Group Noun-Off: sheet of paper

Overview: In this very quick lesson, students compete to see who can give more specific nouns as they say

them out loud in an alternating fashion.

Introduction: Do a Type One writing. Say, “In 45 seconds, write as many nouns as you can think of for the

word, Shoe! Go!”

When students are finished, say, “Today, we are going to have a Shoe-Off. Who wants to go head to head with

me?” After a brave volunteer steps forward explain the directions. When I say go, you say a more specific

noun for shoe. Then, I say one, and then you say another. You cannot repeat. I will take anything that sounds

reasonable. For example, brown shoes is not a specific kind of shoes. However, soccer shoes (cleats) would be

different from ballet shoes. When someone cannot think of another, we’ll have a winner. This game is played

lightning fast. So if you pause: umm, umm, umm… you lose. READY? GO!”

Sample game:

Me: cowboy boots

Student: high-heels

Me: glass slippers

Student: clogs

Me: sneakers

Student: high-tops

Me: tap shoes

Student: flip-flops

Me: sandals

Student: snow-shoes

Me: work boots

Student: umm, umm, umm

Winner: ME!

Development: After playing a few students, you can change nouns. You can have students play against each

other. If you prefer non-competition, have students try to get as many as they can before they run out. Tell

students to keep track on their fingers. Or you can have students play in pairs, or go around a circle, or jot them

down.

If you want to play group Noun-Off, have students work in small teams with chart paper. After you announce

the noun, all write. If another group has that noun, they have to cross it off. Like the game, Scattergories, you

only get points for nouns that no other group had on their list. Again, if you prefer no competition, challenge

your class to beat last year’s class. How many can we get all together?

Nouns to play with: car, snack, car, house/building, candy, (chain) restaurant, bread, dog, amusement park ride,

desserts, things in the glove-compartment, music types…

Wrap Up/Follow up: End the lesson by reminding students that coming up with the perfect noun takes

practice. But using the right noun is often the difference between a good piece of writing and a weak one. (You

can also play with verbs!)

Lesson 5E

Carousel Writing

Time: 5-15 minutes

Purpose: To build better word choices; to practice the skill looking for more specific nouns

Materials: 4-5 sheets of chart paper posted on the walls or on desk-tops around the room. Also put a magic

marker next to each chart paper. Divide the students into groups of four or five people.

Overview: In this very quick lesson, students work together to create a collection of specific nouns.

Introduction: Explain to students that today we will do something called a carousel. A carousel is a fancy

name for the amusement park merry-go-round ride or the conveyor belt that brings your luggage around in the

airport. It’s called a carousel because we will be going around and around the room writing very quickly at

different stations.

Tell students that on each sheet of chart paper you have written a general noun. Say, “When I give the signal

you will get into your group and go to the noun that I tell you. The marker you find there will be the marker

that you take with you to each station on the carousel. After you arrive at your first station, wait for my signal.

Then, you will begin writing as many specific nouns as you can for the general noun that you have on your

paper. Don’t worry about spelling! After just 1 minute, I will say switch and you will quietly move counter

clockwise to the next station. When you get there do not worry about repeating nouns that are already on the

list, don’t even take the time to read the list. Just start writing more! If your eyes do see a good noun, don’t

repeat it, but see if it leads you to think of a better one, maybe one that same category. For example, on the

paper that has the noun heading, Drinks, you see someone has written lemon-aid it might make you think of

lime juice or frozen Slushie or Gatorade.

You can decide who will be the recorder, or you can trade off. Again, don’t worry about spelling, but do worry

about working together and being kind to one another! It’s a quick activity not a competition. We are trying to

get as many as we can so that we can expand our vocabularies and make our writing better!

Are you ready? Go to your first station! (tell students where to go!)

Some nouns to use: (use the thesaurus after you are done to see if you can add others…)

Man: cowboy, priest, senior, delivery man, criminal, hobo, dude, surfer, teacher, executive…

House/building: cabin, lodge, apartment, trailer, mansion…

Halloween decorations: skeletons, gravestones, cobwebs, green lights…

Lunch: tuna sandwich, hamburger, pizza, chop-suey, potato soup…

Transportation (way to get somewhere) subway, car, plane, jet, hovercraft, helicopter, tank…

Body of water: lake, river, puddle, swamp, creek, stream, sea, pond, pool, hot-tub, tub, lagoon, brook, canal…

Hat: sombrero, cowboy hat, dunce cap, baseball cap, helmet, crown…

Games: monopoly, tag…

Car: VW, Porsche, buggy, wagon, matchbox car, monster truck, punch-buggy, clown-car, bus, jeep, hummer…

Pet: cat, dog, snake, fish, spider, tarantula…

Plant/Tree: pine, oak, maple, giant redwood, rosebush…

Boats: submarine, sailboat, ocean liner, cruise ship, surfboard, fishing boat, schooner, aircraft carrier, tanker…

Chair/things you can sit on: beanbag, couch, floor, stool, desk, ottoman, loveseat, overstuffed chair…

Kind of exercise: running, tai-chi, yoga, swimming, biking…

Development: After students have moved about several times and they are back to where they started, have

them circle some of their favorites and then present them to the class. Each person in the group should present

some of the nouns.

While you are processing the lists, you might show students how you could use some of these in their writing.

For example, you have a friend who is obsessed with cars. You are visiting his room and when you walk in you

see:

When I walked into his room, I could tell his car obsession was out of control. There were mini-cars on every

surface of his room. He had mini-monster trucks, motorcycles, tanks, unicycles, sports cars, backhoes, cranes,

dune buggies. Everywhere there were cars!

Or, you might be taking a walk in the woods:

As we walked along I became aware that we were surrounded by trees. There were pine trees that blocked the

sun, maples that flowed sap, giant oak trees that towered above us. I started to wonder what would happen to

these trees if they put in that new mall.

My friend is an exercise nut. She does yoga in the morning, bikes to school, takes a jog at lunch, swims after

school, then does weight lifting and soccer at night.

Wrap Up: Have students create a quick scene (two to four sentences) using some of the nouns from the chart

paper. See my examples above.

Lesson 6

Using Vivid Verbs

Time: 15 minutes

Purpose: To show the difference between vivid verbs and general verbs; and the importance of using vivid

verbs in narrative writing.

Materials: The vivid verb cards

Overview: In this lesson, students will recognize the difference between a vague verb and a vivid verb and

learn the importance of using vivid verbs in their writing.

Introduction: Do a Type One writing. Write this sentence on the board :

My mom said, “Are you awake?” Then, I didn’t get up.

Then, she called me again. Then, I went downstairs.

Ask students to write down or draw what they were picturing in their minds. Tell them to draw or write for 2

minutes. At the same time you write or draw what you were really thinking.

My mom whispered in my ear, “Sweety, are you awake?” I grumbled and rolled into a ball under my

covers.

Five minutes later, my mom blasted her voice into my bedroom, “ARE YOU AWAKE?” I leaped out of

the bed, threw on my clothes, and dashed down the stairs.

Development: Explain to students that verbs are critical tools for writers to show how people act, move, speak,

eat, and live.

Say, “This next activity is similar to the one we did with nouns. You will receive a card with either a vivid verb

or verbs or a boring verb(s). (Some of the vivid cards, have more than one vivid verb on it.) When I give the

signal you will stand and then silently try to find the person who has the verb that is either the more vivid or

more general version of yours. For example, if you have the card that says run you will look for the person who

has a card that says dash, sprint, zoom. When you find your noun partner, you will form a circle around the

classroom.”

After reviewing, modeling where to stand, and reminding about silence… give the your signal. Once they have

circled up, give them a minute to practice saying their verbs. Then have them read their verbs loudly and with

some enthusiasm. You might even have them try to put their verbs into sentences.

Wrap Up: End the lesson by reminding them to always use specific verbs.

Follow Up:

1. Complete the sheet on verbs.

2. This would be a good place to show School House Rock… (Verbs)

3. Play Verb Off (see Noun–Off in activity 5D)

4. Do a carousel activity (see 5E)

4. Give a short quiz/Type Two. Have students find in the Holes passage below:

a. Identify: 3 vivid verbs

b. Identify: 1 other technique of description (VANSHOPS) with an example: Hint: specific nouns or senses!

c. Add one more sentence with your own vivid verb. (continue the passage or write one of your very own)

From Holes by Louis Sachar (page 206-207)

Note the verbs (beating, screamed, springing, shatter, scurried, flinch, dig) and the appeal to the senses (felt the

blast, felt the tiny claws), adjectives (very still, tiny, closed), zooming in, sentence variety—mixing of long and

short...)

Five hundred seconds later, his heart was still beating.

Mr. Pendanski screamed. The lizard which had been in the cereal box was springing toward him. Mr.

Sir shot it in midair.

Stanley felt the blast shatter the air around him. The lizards scurried frantically across his very still

body. He did not flinch. Stanley felt tiny claws dig into the side of his face as the lizard pulled itself off his

neck and up past his chin...The lizard ran across his closed mouth.

Sample answer to Type Two Quiz

a. beating, screamed, scurried

b. senses: felt the claws dig into his face or specific nouns: cereal box, blast, lizard, claws

c. Stanley fainted. He fell backward and crashed into the ground.

Verb Sort 6B

Print these out. Cut them up. Then give one to each student. Have them silently find the person who matches

and make a circle. Have students read them. Discuss the importance of specific nouns over general nouns.

Have students make their own for the next class. Challenge them to find their partner quicker (without talking)

on the next day. Next, write a great sentence with some of the verbs!

ran spoke ate

drank flew walked

threw danced dove

slept cook cut

sang kicked hit

laughed barked look

beat rained wrote

destroyed

shut out

booted

passed

chipped

slam

crush

punch

scrawled

doodled

stared

glanced

howled

yelped

giggled drizzled

poured

sliced

diced

chopped

yodeled

rapped

hummed

snoozed

napped

fried

roasted

tossed hurled

tapped

stomped

waltzed

belly-flopped

guzzled

slurped

strolled

skipped

soared

glided

gobbled

munched

inhaled

screamed

whispered

dashed

sprinted

Name

INTRODUCTION: (who when where)

I’ll never forget that day last summer when my family went to

Six Flags Adventure Park.

1. My mom said to me, “Wake up! We want to be first in line for

all the rides!”

2. I got out of bed and went down the stairs.

3. The breakfast was on the table and I ate it quickly.

4. My mom said to me, “Don’t eat fast! You look like something

that eats fast and sloppily.”

5. I finished up and went outside to the car.

6. My mom, Mrs. Careful All The Time, drove slowly to the park

while my brother hit me because I wouldn’t move over.

7. The radio was playing a song and we sang to it. Then we

laughed because my brother told a joke.

8. After an hour, we pulled into the parking lot. I saw the park

and yelled, “Wow!”

VIVID VERB PRACTICE (6A) Revise the sentences by crossing out old, tired verbs and adding vivid verbs. You

can also change the nouns, add similes, adjectives, onomatopoeia, hyperbole and

rewrite the sentence if you want to.

INTRODUCTION: (who when where)

I’ll never forget that day last summer when my family went to

Six Flags Adventure Park.

1. My mom said to me, “Wake up! We want to be first in line for whispered

all the rides!” the Demon-ator!

2. I got out of bed and went down the stairs taking them two a time. leaped sped

3. The breakfast was on the table and I ate it quickly. Bacon and eggs were inhaled it without even chewing.

4. My mom said to me, “Don’t eat fast! You look like something reminded me gobble your food!

that eats fast and sloppily.” a pack of wolves in a feeding frenzy.

5. I finished up and went outside to the car. zoomed our old blue mini-van.

6. My mom, Mrs. Careful All The Time, drove slowly to the park

while my brother hit me because I wouldn’t move over.

7. The radio was playing a song and we sang to it. Then we

laughed because my brother told a joke.

8. After an hour, we pulled into the parking lot. I saw the park

and yelled, “Wow!”

Lesson 7

The Simile

Time: 15 minutes

Purpose: To introduce the simile.

Materials: The simile cards, writing sample from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Overview: In this lesson, students will use a similar sorting activity to learn about similes.

Introduction: Ask students if they remember what a simile is? If not, give them some examples from the first

piece of writing, The Magic Tree House. Tell them it is a comparison between two different things and usually

you use the word “like” or “as” in the comparison. Have them repeat the word SIM- MA-LEE. At the same

time hold your right hand out, palm up as you say, SIM and then hold your left hand out, palm up say, MA-

LEE. Say, FLUFFY (right hand) LIKE A CLOUD (left hand) SMART like EINSTEIN. STINKY LIKE A

BABY’S DIAPER. Explain that a simile compares two things to help the reader really understand. You can

use them with adjectives or with verbs…CHARGES LIKE A RHINO, ZOOMS LIKE A JET.

Next tell the students to listen to this passage from Harry Potter, where we first meet Mad Eye Moody. When

you finish have them do a quick write: “Where do you see similes and how do they make the writing more

vivid? Write four lines or more.”

From Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K.Rowling (Page 184-185)

The lightning had thrown the man’s face into sharp relief, and it was a face unlike any Harry had ever

seen. It looked as though it had been carved out of weathered wood by someone who had only the vaguest idea

of what human faces are supposed to look like, and was none too skilled with a chisel. Every inch of skin

seemed to be scarred. The mouth looked like a diagonal gash, and a large chunk of the nose was missing. But it

was the man’s eyes that made him frightening.

One of them was small, dark, and beady. The other was large, round as a coin, and a vivid, electric blue.

The blue eye was moving ceaselessly, without blinking, and was rolling up, down, and from side to side, quite

independently of the normal eye -- and then it rolled right over, pointing into the back of the man’s head, so that

all they could see was whiteness.

Development: After the Type One, discuss how the similes make the writing clearer. You might note the

following: similes (as though it had, like a diagonal gash, as a coin), verbs (thrown, carved), specific nouns

(chisel, gash), color adjectives (vivid, electric blue), adjective series (small, dark, beady), and the zooming in

technique where the writer focuses in on one feature, the eyes. (see introductory survey for Zooming-In

technique). After the discussion, tell students that you will do a sorting activity. Similar, to the other sorting

activities, they will either receive an adjective or verb ie, “smelly” or they will receive the other half of the

simile, “like old shoes.” After passing out the cards, they must find their partner silently. When they find their

partner, they form a circle around the room. Give students time to practice performing, then have them read

their similes in pairs. (Advanced: You can have students build a sentence to two around the simile. “I opened

the door of the beat up old Ford Mustang and was hit with a strong odor. It was smelly like old shoes and burnt

toast.”)

Wrap up: Remind students that similes can be a effective part of description, but don’t overuse them!

Follow up:

1. Simile Practice 1A

2. Do another picture prompt like the Mysteries of Harris Burdick picture of woman carving a glowing

pumpkin. This time use 3 columns. Noun; adjective/verb; simile.

Noun Adj or verb Simile

pumpkin glowing like a small volcano

eyes dark as night

SIMILE SORT

Print these out. Cut them up. Then give one to each student. Have them silently find the person who matches

and make a circle. Have students read them. Discuss the importance of using similes. Have students make

their own for the next class. Challenge them to find their partner more quickly (without talking) on the next

day.

Bang! Smooth Floats

Chewy Stinky Spicey

Charges Jumps Tall

Fast Hot Sweet

Itchy Creepy Dark

like cotton candy like fire like 100 fire crackers

like a race car like salsa as a tree

as silk like a cloud like a rhino

like bubble gum like old rotten cheese like a kangaroo

like a wool sweater like a deserted cemetery like a closet in a cave at night

name

Simile Practice (7A)

Revise the sentences by adding a simile. You can also change the nouns, verbs, add

adjectives, onomatopoeia, hyperbole or other VANSHOPPS. Remember the simile

can add information to the verb or the adjective. You can rewrite the sentence or

add cross-outs and carets. When you are finished, take one of your favorites and try

to expand it with several other sentences into a scene.

1. I was really tired.

2. My mom’s yell was loud.

3. The oatmeal was cold.

4. My bedroom was messy.

5. I skated down the ice really fast.

6. My mom smells pretty.

7. I walked slowly to the dentist’s office.

8. When he threw the football and it hit me in the chest it hurt.

Make up your own:

name

Similes in a Scene — Practice (7B)

Revise this story by adding similes. You don’t have too add too many (don’t overdo it!) You

can also change the nouns, verbs, add adjectives, onomatopoeia, hyperbole or other

VANSHOPPS. You can rewrite the sentences or add cross-outs, carets, and even add other

sentences. When you are finished, keep writing and continue the scene!

“Let’s go skate-boarding!” my brother said to me. It was early

Saturday morning last summer and I was watching TV.

1. I didn’t feel like going outside because I was happy/cozy/comfy/tired…as…_______________________

2. I said, “I’m staying in.” My brother looked ready to get mad.

3. He said, “Let’s go. It’ll be fun. I built a jump that is really high!”

4. I got up and put on my shoes and helmet and headed out. It was really hot outside. But we got on our boards and went

down the driveway.

5. The jump my brother made looked like _________________ He had it set up to cross a bunch of stuff and land in the thing.

6. I said, “Are you crazy? We are going to die on this jump.”

Decide if you have too many similes and eliminate the unnecessary

or awkward parts. Then finish the scene on the back!

LESSON 8

Onomatopoeia

Time: 15-30 minutes

Purpose: to introduce onomatopoeia and have students experiment with its use in their writing

Materials:

Onomatopoeia poem (make an overhead)

Onomatopoeia sort (copy on card stock or write on index cards, or just copy and then cut them up so each

student can have one)

Blank Onomatopoeia Sort (optional)

Type Three paper

Sample onomatopoeia story and poem (by me)

(Use Bud Not Buddy passage. See selections in beginning)

Overview: In this lesson students will do a sort with onomatopoeia, a worksheet, and then experiment with

poems or a narrative about a time they did an activity.

Introduction:

Tell students that you are going to read a poem and after you are going to ask them to do a Type One Writing.

Put one of the onomatopoeia poems on the overhead and read it. Ask students to write 3 or more lines: “What

did you notice about this poem?”

After the Type One, have students quickly share their ideas with a partner then call on some pairs to share their

thoughts. Draw out the idea of sound words and discuss why they are used. (To give the reader a better idea of

what something sounded like, to build suspense, to make readers laugh…) Tell them this is called

“onomatopoeia” (have them chant it, ONO-WHACK-OPOEIA, ONO-THUMP-OPOEIA) and add it the list of

writer’s techniques if you haven’t already put it on the list.

(If you have already introduced onomatopoeia, then ask students how the onomatopoeia in the poem, (or

passage) made it better or more memorable.

Tell them you are going to give them either an onomatopoeia word or the situation or the noun that caused the

sound. When you have your word you will have to stand up without talking and find the person who has your

match. When they find you, make a circle around the classroom.

When students are circled up, have them read their words with the actions.

Wrap up: Remind students that using onomatopoeia will make their writing more memorable, especially if

they can use a unique or original sound.

Optional Follow-up #1: Students can make their own sort by adding two cards with a sound and an action or

noun for tomorrow’s sort.

Optional Follow-up #2: Students can try to write a poem about sounds they hear. Include 3-5 sound words or

more.

Optional Follow-up #3: Write one paragraph about a favorite sport/activity. Include at least 3 sound words in

your paragraph.

Onomatopoeia Sort 8B

Print these out. Cut them up. Then give one to each student. Have them silently find the person who matches

and make a circle. Have students read them. Discuss the importance of specific nouns over general nouns.

Have students make their own for the next class. Challenge them to find their partner more quickly (without

talking) on the next day. Make up a sentence or a poem using the words.

bang bzzzzzzz brrrring

slurp squeeeek tap tap tap

bub, bub, bubble crackle scraaape

screeek

hisssss crunching

cracking huffing

kersplash thunk chuga chuga

whoosh pitter patter screeeech

hmmm yap yap yip snort

a pig breathing a miniature poodle car jamming on brakes

microwave oven children’s footsteps plane flying by

old car rumbling dropped a rock on the ground cannon ball into the pool

out of breath teeth while eating gravel throwing water on a fire

fingernails across a chalkboard fire burning fish tank sounds

typing on computer old door opening drinking water out of a hose

alarm clock hornets chasing you fire-cracker

Name

Onomatopoeia Practice (8C)

Onomatopoeia is when you use sound-words that sound like the thing they are describing. They

can be verbs or nouns. The snake hissed. I heard a BANG. They can come at the beginning,

middle or end of a sentence. Sometimes writers use them as an exclamation with their own

punctuation. Whack! My brother punched me. Try to rewrite these sentences with some

onomatopoeia. As always, add in other vanshop to make the sentences more descriptive. When

you are finished, choose one sentence and expand on it with several other sentences to make a

complete scene.

1. The bird made sounds.

2. The snowball hit me.

3. The bell rang.

4. The man sang.

5. The car started.

6. The sled went down the hill.

7. The roller coaster moved.

8. The food cooked on the grill.

9. I listened to the fire in the wood stove.

name

Onomatopoeia Practice (8D) Revise this story by adding onomatopoeia. You can also change the nouns and verbs, add

adjectives, similes, hyperbole or other VANSHOPS. Remember the onomatopoeia can be a

verb like rrrrumble. You can rewrite the sentences or add cross-outs, carets, and even add other

sentences. When you are finished, keep writing and continue the scene!

I will never forget this day, ever! It all started when my family

went on a camping trip last summer. We were hiking on a trail in

New Hampshire.

6. The first thing I noticed was the sound of the wind.

7. I said to him, “It seems like it’s getting a little windier, doesn’t it?” Just then, a tree made a noise like a branch breaking.

8. We got out of the way as it fell to the ground. “Maybe we should head back,” I said.

9. Then, I heard thunder. It sounded scary.

10. We started to go back to camp. It got more windy. It sounded loud. Then, there was lighting. I heard more thunder.

11. The rain started slowly. I could hear it.

Decide if you have too much onomatopoeia and eliminate the

unnecessary or awkward parts. Finish the scene on the back!

Onomatopoeia Poems (8B)

Crack an Egg

Crack an egg.

Stir the butter. Break the yolk.

Make it flutter.

Stoke the heat. Hear it sizzle.

Shake the salt,

just a drizzle. Flip it over,

just like that.

Press it down. Squeeze it flat.

Pop the toast.

Spread jam thin. Say the word.

Breakfast's in Tahquamenon Falls

Water rushing, gushing,

pushing

past the limits of the edge. Water barrels off the ledge,

whipping up the bottom sludge,

makes the water look like fudge, growling with a freight train's roar,

wildly rushes out some more.

Weather

by Eve Merriam

Dot a dot dot dot a dot dot

Spotting the windowpane.

Spack a spack speck flick a flack fleck

Freckling the windowpane.

A spatter a scatter a wet cat a clatter

A splatter a rumble outside.

Umbrella umbrella umbrella umbrella

Bumbershoot barrel of rain.

Slosh a galosh slosh a galosh

Slither and slather a glide

A puddle a jump a puddle a jump

A puddle a jump puddle splosh

A juddle a pump a luddle a dump

A pudmuddle jump in and slide!

Onomatopoeia Story (8C)

Tell about a time when you did something that had some sounds

Or tell about a favorite thing you like

___________________

FCAS

Who, when, and where (3 points) ___________________

3+ onomatopoeia words (3 points)

Use 4+ VANSHOPS (4 points) Use capitals and end marks (3 points)

_________________________________________________________________

SAMPLE STORY

Rum, rum, rummmmble, eeeeecccchh, rrrrrruuuuurrrrrr, Crash!

Last week, I decided to play a video game with my son, Jacob. I don’t even know what the game is

called. It’s something like Monte Carlo Car Racing game and it’s really fun. But I’m not very good. The first

thing we did is get comfy cozy on the bean bag chairs. SQUISH, we collapse into them and then we can barely

get up to get the controllers. Once we click the controls, the X-Box system comes on slowly with a bleep,

bleep, bleep. By this time, I’m jumping with excitement. I know I’m probably going to lose, so just as the race

is about to begin… FLICK, I thump my fingers into the back of my son’s head to distract him. “Hey!” he yells,

but I’m off down the track.

“Yes!” I scream as I race into the first turn. But then, BLAM, CRUNCH. I crash. Game over.

Other ideas:

waking up in morning

cooking something

basketball, baseball, hockey, sledding,

fishing, the beach, the forest

rainstorm

sitting by the fire

a carnival, shopping, a parade

BRAINSTORM FIRST: have students thi

Some poems

I love soccer.

I love soccer in the mud

I love the dull thud

As the ball hits the ground

Squish, squish, squish

My cleats tread across the field

My feet beat it and peel

The grass away

Now it’s like it’s chocolate frosting

WHACK

The ball is SMACKed

Into the net

HOORAY

For us today!

For more go to:

http://library.thinkquest.org/J0112392/omomatopoeia.html

Lesson 9

Using Personification

Time: 15 minutes

Purpose: To recognize and learn to use personification

Materials: The personification cards

Overview: In this lesson, students will do a personification sort, a worksheet, which leads to an expanded

paragraph.

Introduction: Today, we will learn about another VANSHOP. It’s an advanced writing technique called

personification. Write the word “Personification” on the board. Can anyone guess what this word might

mean? Turn to the person next you and make a guess. Point out the word person imbedded in the word.

Electrification is the process of adding electricity to something. Personification is the adding of person qualities

to something. As students guess, give them some examples. Here’s an example with weather:

The wind howled and drove me backwards.

The fog swirled, drifted, and then clung to the ground.

The sun climbed slowly into the sky.

Here are some other examples with everyday objects:

The vibrating cell phone danced on the table.

My bed curled around me, pulling me back.

The computer glowed, hummed and then died.

In this activity you will be give a boring sentence without personification or a sentence with personification.

When I give the signal, get up out of your seat and find the person whose sentence matches yours. If you have

the personified sentence you are looking for the person with a similar sentence without personification.

Example: I saw the skate board ramp.

The skateboard ramp seemed to stare at me as if to say, “Go ahead, try me, but you’ll

probably die.”

After, reviewing the directions with the class: “No talking, find the person who matches you, and then form a

circle around this part of the classroom. Be sure to hold your card up so people can find you and remember the

personified cards are underlined. Remember, NO TALKING.”

To save time, while the class is sorting, put the worksheets on their desks. After they form the circle, give them

1 minute to practice reading their cards. The person who reads the un-personified card, should read in a boring,

monotonous voice. The personified card reader should use their voice to bring the sentence to life. “Make sure

you are loud and smooth, and get in order. We are going to go clock-wise around the circle. I would model

with my partner. Show how to get in order and how to practice reading with some emotion (or lack of

emotion). After they practice for a minute, go around the circle and listen. If you have time, you might ask the

students which ones they liked the best. Or, you may want to go around the circle again but this time ask the

students to make their own or to add another sentence to describe what might happen next (or just before) in the

scene. The next sentence does not have to contain personification, but it should be a good sentence with some

VANSHOPS.

Example: The clouds rolled, roared and rumbled across the sky.

(add) I shouted to my friend, “We’ve got to get out of here before lightning strikes us dead!”

(add): Then, there was a flash of lightning which blinded me.

(add): My brother and I jumped on our bikes and pedaled as fast as we could toward home.

(add): We watched as the skies grew dark and the sun was blotted out.

Personification Sort

Print these out. Cut them up. Then give one to each student. Have them silently find the person who matches

and make a circle. Have students read them. Discuss the importance of personification. Have students make

their own for the next class. Challenge them to find their partner more quickly (without talking) on the next

day.

The clouds moved across the sky. The clouds rolled, roared, and rumbled across the

sky.

The light shined in the room. The light squeezed through the curtains and tickled

my eyes.

The rain fell to the ground and also went

sideways.

The rain pelted me, attacking me from every angle.

The wind blew very strongly. The wind howled and screamed, ripping my hat from

my head.

The toaster finished its cycle and the bread was

ready.

The toaster spit the toast high in to the air as if to say,

“I’m done with you.”

The sun shone through the clouds. The sun beat down on my head, draining me of all my

energy.

The roller coaster went around the corners and

down the slope.

The roller coaster flew around the track and its safety

bar pushed me back.

My alarm clock rang. My alarm clock screamed, “BRRRIIIING.”

The car engine started. The car gasped, sputtered, coughed and then roared to

life.

The water fountain produced only a small

amount of water.

The water fountain drooled like an old man. There

wasn’t enough water for a decent drink.

The hockey net was empty. The empty hockey net teased and challenged us to

score on him.

The refrigerator made a noise and I went to it. The refrigerator, humming in the kitchen, called me

toward it.

The flowers grew toward the sun. The flowers stretched their necks straight up toward

the sun.

The fire was lit and it gave off heat. The fire crackled, popped and sizzled, covering us

with its long arms.

The birthday candles were lit on the cake. The birthday candles danced and darted on top of the

cake.

The ketchup bottle was in the fridge but I

could not see it.

The ketchup hid from me, like it didn’t want to be

found.

Name

Personification Practice (9A)

Personification is when you describe something by giving it person-like qualities. Try to rewrite these

sentences with some personification. When you are done, choose one and expand on it with several other

sentences to make a complete scene.

1. The tea kettle was hot and it made a noise.

2. The trees moved in the wind.

3. The ocean waves came into the beach.

4. Snow fell to the ground.

5. The brownies were on the shelf. I was tempted

by them.

Make up your own.

Examples of Personification:

1. The rattling, old tea kettle sat on the hot stove and screamed,

“I’m ready!”

2. The maple trees lashed about like whips.

3. The furious ocean waves pounded the innocent beach.

4. Light, fluffy snowflakes danced through the night air.

5. The warm, chocolate brownies pulled me toward them like a

magnet.

Example of expanded scene:

Hungry and tired, I walked into my kitchen. A powerful wave of chocolate hit my nostrils and

almost knocked me over. I looked up and saw them sitting on the counter. The warm, chocolate brownies

pulled me like a magnet. I was thinking, “no don’t do it, Mom will kill me! Those brownies are for the picnic

on Friday…” But I couldn’t resist and before I knew it I was digging into the pan. My hands were like a steam

shovels. Before I knew it, the pan of brownies was completely gone.

Lesson 10

Building Sentences with a Sentence Sit and Sort

Time: 15-30 minutes

Purpose: to review great sentences and their parts and have students experiment with building and rearranging

words and phrases.

Materials:

Prepare index cards with words written in colors (similar to Lesson 1).

You can decide to add punctuation or not. I usually leave off punctuation so students can practice moving the

phrases around.

Overview: In this lesson students will work with a partner to put sentences together paying careful attention to

the simple subject, simple predicate, and descriptive phrases.

Introduction:

Tell students that you’ve got some great sentences in this bag, but you need help putting it back together. You

might review what a sentence needs (subject, predicate, complete thought). Then tell them that each of these

sentences has that and more. Their job is to find a way to put it together. There might be more than one way!

Development:

After you pass out the bags of sentences, have them work on putting them together. When a group finishes give

them another set. Continue for 5-10 minutes. Then have groups read their sentences and compare how the

sound or ask students to identify the subject, vivid verb, simile, etc.

Follow up:

Have students make their own sentences and put them on index cards.

Here are some sentences to get you started:

1. The fast and scary roller coaster flew around the tracks at the speed of light.

2. Thick dark clouds rolled across the sky.

3. Fluffy, white snowflakes danced through the air.

4. A small, brown and white mouse raced across the kitchen floor.

5. BANG, the thunder boomed outside, and I ducked under my covers.

6. Hot and tired, I splashed into the refreshing pool. 7. My old, broken-down sled inched down the hill.

Copy onto colored card stock and then cut up and put in zip lock bags.

the fast and

scary

roller coaster flew

around the tracks

at the speed

of light

thick dark clouds

rolled across the

sky

fluffy white snowflakes

danced through the

air

a small brown

and white mouse

raced across the

kitchen floor

BANG the thunder

boomed outside and

I ducked under

my covers

hot and tired

I splashed into

the refreshing pool

my old broken-down

sled inched down

the hill

Blank sorting activity.

Lesson 10 B Building Sentences with a Sentence Sit and Sort

Put these words and phrases onto index cards and see if students can put them back together.

The fluffy, pink cotton candy tasted like clouds of sugar.

I munched greedily on the hot, crispy, brown French fries until there was just salt left in the bag.

Like clowns on the way to the circus, we piled into our seasick-green mini-van.

Like a steam shovel, I plowed my spoon into the huge mound of chocolate-fudge brownie ice cream.

Crunch, I bit into the cherry-red candy apple like I was eating delicious, sugary glass.

Barrooom, the loud roar of our beat-up Chevy truck sounded like a jet about to take off.

Appealing to the Senses 11 Sorting activity: Cut these up and then match the phrase to food.

p iz

z a

fr ie

d e

g g

m a

sh e d

p o

ta to

e s

c o

r n

lo o k s

li k e a

t ri

a n g u

la r

p ie

c e o

f c a rd

b o a rd

lo o k s

li k e a

b ig

w h

it e

a n d y

e ll

o w

e y e b a ll

lo o k in

g u

p a

t y o u

lo o k s

li k e a

b ig

m o

u n

o f

c la

lo o k s

li k e m

in i

p ie

c e s

o f

y e ll

o w

c a n d

b u

rn s

th e r

o o f

o f

y o u r

m o u th

th e w

h it

e p

a rt

i s

sl ip

p e ry

a n d t

h e

y e ll

o w

y o lk

i s

g u sh

fl u

ff y a

n d b

u tt

e ry

o r

c a n

f e e l

h e a v y l

ik e

g lu

fe e l

th e k

e rn

e ls

g e tt

in g

st u

c k i

n y

o u r

te e th

Lesson 11

Create a Setting by Adding Senses

Time: 25 minutes

Purpose: To learn to use the senses to create a story with detail.

Materials: Large index cards or paper. Optional: overhead photo of a beautiful place.

Overview: In this activity, students will learn to describe places by using their senses. Each student will add

one sentence to create a paragraph about a place.

Introduction: Tell students that when authors write they use the senses to make their scenes vivid so the reader

can really experience them. Show the students a sample of a writer using the senses. Example:

Stanley felt the blast shatter the air around him. The lizards scurried frantically across his very still body. He

did not flinch. Stanley felt tiny claws dig into the side of his face as the lizard pulled itself off his neck and up

past his chin...The lizard ran across his closed mouth.—Holes by Louis Sachar page 206-207

Next tell the students that today we will all try to build a good description of a place using all five senses. Tell

them that the first one we will model together and then each student will add one sense to a paragraph.

Show the picture of the apple orchard. Have students do a Type One, brainstorming as many senses as they can

for the scene. Divide the paper into four sections (4 squares). Write: see/hear/feel/smell/taste at the top of each

square. (taste and smell can be joined)

1st story: the beach

2nd story: the library

3rd story: amusement park

4th place: amusement park

5th place: swimming pool

6th place: school

7th place: forest

8th place: inside car

9th place: your room

10th place: restaurant

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Sample:

Last year, my family went apple picking at Joe’s Apple Farm.

When we got out of the car I saw miles and miles of little green trees with red polka dots. Those must be the

apples! I thought.

I immediately took a deep breath and smelled the sweet flavor of apple cider, candy apples, and corn bread.

Then, there was a great ROAR and RUMBLE as I heard a giant Tractor motor up along the path where I was

standing.

I jumped out of the way, but wet, dirty mud splashed all over me. It felt wet and soft like play dough. It was

kind of gross but I didn’t mind.

The farmer tossed me an apple and I bit in as sweet flavor exploded in my mouth it was like I was starring in a

Starburst commercial.

Tell students that each person in each row/circle/table students will get a place. The first job is to write a who

when and where statement. Each student will write it and then pass the card counter clock-wise (or backwards

if in rows). The next student will read what has been written and then add a sensory description for the place.

They should underline the key words so the next student will know which sense it is. After a minute or two,

pass again and the next student will add another sensory detail different from the first (if possible). If not, then

just add another sense of your choice. Then pass again. After five passes each student should read theirs to

group. The group should vote on which 1 or 2 should be read to the whole class.

If time allows tell them to write a terrific description of a place where they have spent time. (see above list)

FCAs:

Attention getting beginning and then who when where (4 points)

Use 3-5 senses effectively (10 pts)

Use 6+ VANSHOPS from list (6 pts)

___________________________________________________________

Attention-Gettting Beginnings

Lesson 12

Introduction: Explain to students that first impressions count. Whether composing a story, a description, or a

persuasive piece of writing, an interesting, attention-grabbing lead is essential. Leads can be one sentence, one

paragraph, or several paragraphs in a longer piece. Explain that leads can accomplish any of several goals for

the writer.

 Introduce a story: when, who, where (setting and characters)

 Establish a mood

 Give topic background information

 Tell how the topic came to be of interest

 Tell feelings about the topic

 Reveal why the topic is important to the writer

 Explain the organization of the writing

 Give an overview of the main points of the writing In fictional or narrative writing, leads try to draw the reader in, orient him or her, and establish a mood. Tell

students that you will read or show them a few samples of the beginnings of books and they will do a quick

write (Type One): “What kind of beginning did they author use? Why was it effective? Why?” Or you can

read a piece of writing and ask “What did you notice about how the author chose to begin the story?” Write 4

lines. You can choose some of the following or read from a book on your shelf.

Technique Example

Question Have you ever fallen out of bed? Have you ever fallen out of the top shelf of a

triple bunk bed?

Definition mne·mon·ic n

a short rhyme, phrase, or other mental technique for making information easier to

memorize. I think the secret to life is mnemonics. When I was young, I…

Exaggeration In the summer, the streets in my neighborhood can be hotter than the surface of the

sun. One hot day last June…

Puzzle/insight It’s a funny thing about mothers and fathers. Even when their own child is the

most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still think that he or she

is wonderful. Matilda by Roald Dahl

Riddle What’s harder than skateboarding on a broken skateboard down a killer hill?

Skateboarding on a broken skateboard down a hill in the middle of winter on a

sheet of ice. I’ll never forget when I was 12 years old and…

Surprise As the school bus got near my bus stop, I could see that everyone was smiling and

waving to me. Then I watched as the bus went right past me without even slowing

down. Everyone was still waving to me.

Quotation “An apple a day, keeps the doctor away” that’s what Benjamin Franklin said or at

least I think he said that. Anyway, last week my mom decides to make apples a

part of every meal in our house. I was coming down for breakfast when…

Dialogue “Where’s Papa going with that axe? said Fern to her mother as they were setting

the table for breakfast.— Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White

Action I woke up and the house was still. Had I overslept? I ran downstairs to my

brother’s room. His bed was empty. I yelled for my mom and raced into her

bedroom. She wasn’t there and her bed was already made up. I ran to the front

door...

Noises Ba-room, ba-room, ba-room, baripity, baripty, baripty, baripty---Good. His dad

had the pickup going. He could get up now. -—Bridge to Terabithia Katherine

Patterson

Exclamation %#&*@! Yikes!

Alliteration Clever and cuddly, cats make great pets. Unless they are on your head at 4:00 in

the morning.

Setting/description It was a dark and stormy night.

Series of

words/fragment

Angry, broke, desperate. These were my feelings as I stood at the Disney on Ice

concession stand.

Begin mid-scene The shark swam by again.

Imagine Imagine a world where...

Little anecdote When I was seven, I was sent to Catholic School where we had to wear uniforms.

Sarcasm I love getting up at 4:00 in the morning when it’s freezing cold and dark outside,

don’t you?

Amazing fact Car accidents are the leading cause of death for teenagers. Fortunately for me, last

summer I did not become one of those deaths...

Statistic Sixty-five percent of Americans can’t name more than four of the Ten

Commandments. I learned about this last week, when I...

Pose a problem How does one actually have a good time at Disney World? Well, last summer…

Use a metaphor/simile The Red Sox were a swarm of bees hovering relentlessly below the Yankees. It

was late August and my cousin Kate and I were...

Begin at the end One day last spring, Louis A. Butcher, turned into a fish. Silvery scales. Big lips.

A tail. A salmon.-— Louis the Fish by Aruthur Yorinks

The misleading lead The morning of my birthday was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and the

birds were singing. Except, that day was in my imagination, the actual day was

rotten. The wind was howling wind, driving rain...

Introduce the narrator Here I am, in the fourth grade at the Longfellow School, just a regular kid trying to

remember a time when I learned something new. You know we’ve been

reviewing in school, it seems all we do is review... So I don’t know if I’ve

actually learned anything new in school. So I guess, I have to go way back to

when I learned how to talk to dogs.

Development:

Tell students, “There are many ways to start stories. In fact, in this bag I have several stories with attention-

getting beginnings and I also have cards which describe the type of attention-getting beginning. Your job, with

a partner is to match the two cards.” As students finish, challenge them to create one of their own.

Follow-up:

1. Record examples from literature, magazines, newspapers or text books. Challenge students to come up with their own examples.

2. Students create their own sorting activity. 3. Give a quick quiz

Be aware that not all leads fall into a neat category. Writing is more than following a formula.

Attention Getting Beginning Sort (12A) Cut these up and have students work in pairs to put them back together matching the Attention

Getting Beginning to an example. Challenge students to create their own examples for the

categories and/or to finish off these by giving the who when and where.

Question: Have you ever made a huge mistake?

Sounds/

Onomatopoeia:

Crunch, crunch, crunch. That’s the sound my brother makes

when he’s eating.

Dialogue: “Billy, wake up this minute!” my mom yelled to me.

Interjection: Yikes! The big brown pit bull woke up and looked at me.

Action: Suddenly, my mom slammed on the brakes as a deer leapt in

front of the car!

Description: It was the darkest night. There was not a moon, a star, or

even lights from the city. I couldn’t even see my hand in front

of my face.

Imagine: Imagine a day so perfect, so enjoyable, so excellent you

would want to do it all over again.

Series of words/ fragment: Huge. Delicious. Dripping with gravy. Those words

describe all you need to know about my Thanksgiving.

Dictionary Definition: Friend: Noun, someone you can trust. Someone you like.

I always knew what a friend was but I didn’t have one until

last summer.

It all started… It all started last summer when my sister said she wanted to

go camping. I didn’t want to go but my parents made me.

Name

Practicing Attention Gettting Beginnings (12B)

The following “who, when, where” sentences are the beginnings of short narrative stories. The writer needs help with better attention-getting beginnings. See if you can try an attention getting beginning for each of them. Then try another one. Label which kind of attention-getting beginning you used. Last summer, I spend a lot of time with my brother skateboarding on our street. 1. 2. Last year, I went to a Mexican restaurant for the first time. 1. 2.

I was in third grade when I met my best friend. 1. 2. Last year in the middle of January we had a snow day. 1. 2. Last fall, I went fishing with my grandfather on a lake in Massachusetts. 1. 2.

name

Sentence Template

Beginning with Dialogue (12C)

Use this template to practice using dialogue to start a story.

Realistic dialogue indented (4 points) who when where (3 points) 3+ VANSHOPS (3 points)

“_________________________________________,”

(Indented) Dialogue

person verb for said (to someone?) It was ___________________________________________ when and ____________________________________________. who where

Sample 12C

Realistic dialogue indented (4 points) who when where (3 points) 3+ VANSHOPS (3 points)

“Billy, honey bunny, wake up___________________,”

Dialogue

my mom whispered to me.

person verb for said (to someone?) It was early Sunday morning last summer,___________ when and my mom was trying to get me out of my cozy bed. who where “I don’t want to get up,” I mumbled but then I________ remembered. This was the day we were going camping. I leaped like I had been poked with a needle, flew into my clothes, and rocketed down the stairs.

name

Sentence Template

Beginning with a Fragment(12D) Use this template to practice using fragments to start a story.

Great Fragment. (1,2, or 3+ words with period.) (2 points) Main idea of story (3 points) Who when where (3 points) 2+ VANSHOPS (2 points)

_________________________________________.

Fragment (for example 3 words or 1 word…)

Signifcance of the word(s) It was ___________________________________________ when and ____________________________________________. who where/what?

details…

Sentence Template

Beginning with a Fragment(12D example)

Great Fragment. (1,2, or 3+ words with period.) (2 points) Main idea of story (3 points) Who when where (3 points) 2+ VANSHOPS (2 points)

Amazing, beautiful, and warm._________________

Fragment (for example 3 words or 1 word…)

These words pretty much describe my trip to the beach.

Signifcance of the word(s) It was happened last year when my brother and sister and when and I all piled into our old beat-up van and drove to Cape who where Cod. It was the hottest day of the year, so hot your sneakers would fry on the sidewalk.

Lesson 13 Conclusions and Powerful Closers

Strategies for Ending a Piece of Writing

Introduction: Explain to students, when an author is finished, the reader should know it! When you are

finishing a story, it is essential to signal to the reader that you have come to the end. Conclusions can be a

single sentence or they can be a paragraph, and they may be the only thing that your reader remembers.

Explain that writers use many techniques to finish their work effectively. In fictional or narrative writing,

closers try to wrap things up, add a satisfying finish, or maybe leave the reader dangling wanting more! In this

lesson you will learn several ways to close up your stories and look for the ways that feel most natural for your

story. Remember not all conclusions fit a neat category and writing is not a formula; these are just some

possible techniques to try out.

Tell students that you will read or show them a few samples of the endings of books and they will do a quick

write (Type One): “What kind of ending did they author use? Why was it effective? Why?” Or you can read a

piece of writing and ask “What did you notice about how the author chose to end the story?” Write 4 lines. You

can choose some of the following or read from a book on your shelf.

Technique Example

Reaction As I think back on that day, I realize it was the best day ever!

Restate your opening So that is why I could never change my mind. Stealing is always wrong.

Call for action Go right now, and unplug your television.

Finish with a thought

provoking question

Wouldn’t we all be better of if we all took out time and enjoyed the moment? Or

What is wrong with standing up for what you believe in? Isn’t that what make this

country strong in the first place?

Summarize your story The day was endless: the giant breakfast, the bungy jumping, losing my tickets,

finding my tickets, the IMAX movie, and the best every birthday cake. I’ll never

forget it, ever.

Share a personal

insight

There is a little bit of Maniac Magee in all of us. Or

In Amazing Grace I learned that I can be whatever I want to be. I have the

courage for it.

Offer a solution All of these are good ideas but the best way to have friends is to work hard at

being a friend yourself.

Make a prediction If you ever decide to spend the day at the library, I know you’ll have as good a

time as I had.

Make a

recommendation

So, if I could make one recommendation to you, it would be to go right now and

try the Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.

Short Clinchers/

closing sentences (end

with Zip)

My dog is the coolest. Or

He was not lonely anymore

Use a quotation My dad was right. “You should always think before you act.”

End by answering a

question you raised at

the beginning

Should we extend the school year? No, because summer days like the one I just

described are the best.

End by circling back

to the beginning

It’s been three minutes since you began reading this, six more thefts have

occurred. Isn’t it time we did something?

Cliff hanger And as we turned to swim back to the shore, I realized it was feeding hour for the

sharks…

Imagine Imagine a world where...

Finish by beginning

another story

When we got home, tired, freezing, and wounded my dad greeted us at the door.

“Who wants to go sledding?” he asked. So we smiled, turned around, and charged

back out the door…

Humor We brought the dog back in the house, set her in her crate, then collapsed on the

floor. Just then, my little brother woke up from his nap and said, “

Surprise Ending I got home, climbed in my bed, and thought about that mysterious lump in the

carpet. What could it have been? And as I dozed off to sleep, I suddenly snapped

awake with the thought, “WHERE IS MY CAT???”

Development:

Tell students, “There are many ways to end stories. In fact, in this bag I have several stories with great endings

and I also have cards which describe the type of ending. Your job, with a partner is to match the two cards.”

As students finish, challenge them to create one of their own.

Follow up:

1. Record examples from literature, magazines, newspapers or text books. Challenge students to come up with their own examples. Note: Some of the Lead/Grabber techniques can also be used as closers (sarcasm,

description...)

2. Students create their own sorting activity. 3. Give a quick quiz. 4. Try sample worksheets/activities: 13 B, 13 C, 13 D. 5. Students take an old piece and revise it adding a better closer.

Last year in the middle of winter, my brother and I were walking on the ice by my school. My school

has a big field in front of it and it’s good for sliding on. My brother suddenly yelled that there was something

green in the ground. I ran over to him and saw a dollar bill frozen down there. We spent the rest of the day

digging that thing out. When it came out, we went to the store and bought candy.

o Imagine this, we spent the rest of the day, searching for more money. End with imagine o “It’s just like my dad always says, “Some days are just lucky.” End with dialogue or quote o Wow, what a day! Short clincher o That candy was delicious, and it got me thinking, could there be more money in that ice? End with

a reflections/ cliff hanger/question

Powerful Closers Sort 13A Cut these up and have students work in pairs to put them back together matching the Attention

Getting Beginning to an example. Challenge students to create their own examples for the

categories and/or to finish off these by giving the who when and where.

Call for action If you want to have a day like mine, go right now,

and unplug your television.

Make a prediction If you ever decide to spend the day at the library, I

know you’ll have as good a time as I had.

Reaction As I think back on that day, I realize it was the best

day ever!

Short Clinchers/

closing sentences (end

with Zip)

My dog rocks!

Summarize your story The day was endless: the giant breakfast, the bungy

jumping, losing my tickets, finding my tickets, the

IMAX movie, and the best every birthday cake. I’ll

never forget it, ever.

Finish by beginning

another story

When we got home, tired, freezing, and wounded my

dad greeted us at the door. “Who wants to go

sledding?” he asked. So we smiled, turned around,

and charged back out the door…

Series of words/

fragment:

Best Day Ever!

Name

Working on Better Endings (13B)

Try adding a better ending to these stories:

1. When I came home from that long trip I was tired. The end. (end with a reflection on the day)

2. When I came home at the end of the baseball game I was happy. (end with recalling events…)

3. When the day was over, I felt happy. (end with a question)

4. At the end of that long day, I got out of the car, went to my room, and fell asleep. (end with short clincher, reaction,

prediction, recommendation, or description)

Name

Sentence Template

Ending with a Fragment (13C) Model how to think about an ending as a short clincher or fragment. Talk about how it can add power to leave your reader with a vivid image or just one word.

Transition phrase 2 Quick review of the day 6 Short powerful closer 2

Boring ending: That was a great day at the amusement park. The End.

Transition phrase (When I think back on that day… Remembering that day… So I sat on my bed and thought…

________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ review of events…

One Word/ short phrase ending.

Sentence Template

Ending with a Fragment (13C) Model how to think about an ending as a short clincher or fragment. Talk about how it can add power to leave your reader with a vivid image or just one word.

Transition phrase 2 Quick review of the day 6 Short powerful closer 2

Boring ending: That was a great day at the amusement park. The End.

As I sat on my bed ready to fall asleep, I thought back on the Transition phrase (When I think back on that day… Remembering that day… So I sat on my bed and thought…

Day. I remembered the all the details, the amazing roller- Review of events

coasters, the fluffy cotton candy, and the motorcycle guy review of events

riding in the cage. I’ll never forget that day. AMAZING! One word or short phrase ending.

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Lesson 14 Planning Your Story

Overview: In this lesson students will learn how to plan their stories. They will work on finding an organizer

which works.

Introduction: Explain to students that planning a story is probably one of the most important parts of writing.

Most authors outline or think a lot before writing. J.K. Rowling scrawled tons of notes on napkins in a coffee

shop before she wrote Harry Potter. Andrew Clements (author of Frindle, School Story, Lunch Money…)

always carries a small notebook with him to make notes for future stories. Explain that in this lesson we will

practice planning a story.

Development of Lesson:

Step 1: Use one of the prompts below and model how to brainstorm ideas for choosing a topic. Ask the kids to

make a similar list.

Step 2: Model thinking them over and picking the one that seems like it offers the most interesting

possibilities. Make it something that will be fun for the writer and the reader.

Step 3: Offer a possible plan for writers who can’t think of a structure. Box 1: Who, When, Where, details

about who when where

Box 2: Getting there or getting ready

Box 3: Event 1 ( a problem might be revealed)

Box 4: Event 2 (problem might become more complicated)

Box 5: Event 3 (problem might be solved?)

Box 6: Event 4 or reflection heading home…

I think dividing the paper into 4 sections front and back might be better than a 4 square model. They can fold

the paper into this shape. On if on a state test, and there is limited planning space, just divide it up. This might

allow for more ideas and adding in another VANSHOP.

Model going through a possible plan. At first just get some general ideas at the top of each section. Then go

back and add lots of details written in phrases and words. Think about the senses. Think about putting in your

thoughts. Think about adding dialogue. Can I slow down the action? Can I build suspense? What else would

people want to know? Can I make this funny?

Then, think about going back and starring the most important details. You can’t put in everything and some

details just aren’t interesting. What should you really focus on? Is tying your shoe that important?

When you are finished, take a break. You should have filled up a lot of lines with quick little phrases and even

quick sketches, bits of dialogue, and lots of adjectives, verbs, nouns, onomatopoeia, maybe a simile or two!

Model of a Quick Brainstorm

Getting ideas of what to write about

Tell a story about a time you tried or learned a new thing

bike

snowboard

dog training class

new food in restaurant (japanese!)

played Nintendo

drums, piano

**lemonade stand

baseball

dodgeball in gym

*field trip to aquarium and touched starfish

*fishing

swim

helped mom cook

new sled

First time planning WWW (plus attention-getting beginning) and details about who/where

begin with me waking up

happened last summer, me and my brother, in our front yard by the street

Getting there/getting ready

Getting Mom to take us shopping at Stop and Shop

Tell about car ride

Event 1

buying the stuff

buying candy

eating stuff on way home

Food

making huge mess while making lemonade: problem, making huge mess!

eating food (peanut butter, and all the candy) while supposed to make lemonade

Event 2 (problem?)

building stand, signs?

wagon

moving stuff to street

getting hot

Event 3 (solving problem?)

going swimming instead

small plastic pool

running through sprinklers

Coming home? Event 4 (solution?)

having the sale

no one coming

we get bored

finally a customer

big tip $5.00

Wrap up (reaction, thoughts, go back to beginning?)

so happy but then owed Mom money for supplies

had to clean up

don’t think I’ll do it again

Second time planning

WWW (plus attention get begin) and details about who/where

last summer, my brother and me, front yard

waking up began with tell about my room, super dark

brother in my face, let’s go it’s going to be 100 degrees today

sun in my eyes

burning hot feels like heater “get out of here!”

Getting there

finally thinking a good idea make tons of $

go shopping with mom (our car ride, rumble need muffler)

stuff is expensive “we’ll pay you back!”

Event 1

buying the stuff

asking/begging for candy (we’ll sell it!)

eating stuff on way home

gobbled like starving man

Food

making huge mess sugar everywhere

eating food while supposed to make lemonade

peanut butter fluff

looked like bomb hit kitchen

mom was out of house! “whew!”

Event 2 (problem?)

not cleaning up

building stand, need paper, can’t find

markers, glue, use wood, nails, ouch hit my hand, band-aids

get wagon?

getting hot (temp like 1000 degrees)

Event 3 (solving problem?)

going swimming instead

small plastic pool fill with water

running through sprinklers (little rainbows see)

tell how water feels

love summer then remember about stand

Coming home? Event 4 (solution?)

having the sale

no one coming

bored

finally a customer big pick up truck (its my dad? or just some guy?

big tip $5.00

Wrap up (reaction, thoughts, go back to beginning?)

“We’re rich!” but then mom said we owed Mom money for supplies mom exploded when she saw kitchen

had to clean up kitchen too/don’t think I’ll do it again

WWW (plus AGB attention getting beginning) and details

about who/where

getting there

event 1

Event 2 (problem?)

Event 3 (solving problem?)

Coming home? Event 4 (solution?)

Wrap up (reaction, thoughts, go back to beginning?)

Intro include Attention Getting Beginning, www, details (20 points)

Writing Style: Good mix of VANSHOPS sprinkled throughout (50 points)

Ends with an ending technique or reaction (10 points)

Organized: Follow multi-paragraph form, transitions (20 points)

Lemonade Stand

“Hey, get up you loser!” my brother yells to me. I was sound asleep on a Sunday morning last

summer when my brother, John, jumps on my head.

“Get out of here!” I mumble back, covering my head with a pillow. But he doesn’t leave. He tells

me that it’s going to be 100 degrees today and that we need to have lemonade stand and make millions of

dollars.

Because I love money, I leap like a kangaroo out of bed and land in my clothes. Then, I zip

downstairs to find my mom. We need her to take us to the Stop and Shop to buy the lemonade supplies.

My mom says, “I’ll take you, but you have to pay me back out of your profits.”

We tell her, “No problem.” Next, we pile into our old, dented Ford pick-up truck. Our truck is

barely drivable. First of all, it is incredibly rusty. You can barely find a spot on the car that isn’t brown and

cracking. Also, it’s really muddy.

When we get to the super market, my brother grabs a cart and BANG, he crashes it into my leg.

“Hey cut it out!” I yell. But he tells me to get in before Mom changes her mind and makes us help with the

grocery shopping.

We race around the store like NASCAR drivers throwing all kinds of things in the cart. We buy

chocolate bars, lemons, sugar, Mike and Ike’s, ice cubes, Oreo cookies, napkins, paper, markers, and just

about anything we think of. When Mom sees us she just shakes her head NO. We take out everything

except the lemonade mix and the chocolate bars. We tell her that we are going to sell the chocolate bars with

the lemonade.

On the drive home, we eat the chocolate bars.

When we get back to the house it’s already like 90 degrees. Mom goes out to do some errands and

we start making the lemonade. This is a big project. We start splashing around, slopping the water into the

sugary mix and before you know it there is about 6 inches of water on the floor. It looks like a swimming

area in the kitchen.

We agree that we’ll clean it up later and dash outside like we’re late for the bus. When we get out

there with our lemonade, we see no one. Not a car, bus, truck, bike, or person walking. We don’t even see a

squirrel. After about 15 minutes we decide this is boring so we grab the hose and fill up the little plastic pool.

This turns out to be tons of fun because we decide to add lemonade to the water and try and drink the pool

water. It’s really pretty disgusting because when we get out we are all sticky and hot.

Then we see a car coming! We jet back down to the lemonade table in time to sell one glass of

lemonade. It’s pretty watered down because we used most of the lemonaid mix in the swimming pool.

Anyway, the guy gives us 20 dollars and says, “Keep the change!”

We run inside and scream to our mom, “We’re rich!” But then she comes down and demands we pay

her back for the supplies which cost 22 dollars. She says we still owe her 2 dollars but we can clean the mud

off the car to pay her back. Then she goes into the kitchen and sees the mess.

I hear her scream, “Who blew up my kitchen!” I can picture her in the kitchen. Her face is red, her

eyes are popping out, and there is steam coming out of her ears.

It might have been hot that day, but my brother and I ran like the wind. We bolted down Maple

Street, took a left on Grant, and headed straight for the highest tree in the park. We might not be headed

home for a while and I look back longingly at our house.

Turns out the lemonade stand might have been a bad idea. We ended up broke, hot, sticky and in big

trouble. But it was fun and we did get to eat the chocolate bars. And, hopefully, those bars will give us the

energy that will help us stay in the tree until my mom cools down.

More Planning

Tell about when you did something surprising

Tell about when you were brave

Tell about when you did something you’ve never done before

Tell about a time when you saw something amazing

Tell about a time when you visited someone

Tell about a time when you did a job

Tell about a time when you read a book

Tell about a time when you solved a problem

Tell when you experienced a storm

Tell about a time when you went on a field trip

Tell about a time when you got in trouble

14 A

Planning for an Imagine Story

In this scenario, students write about a day from their imagination. They are told to imagine

a perfect day, a perfect party or what they would do if…

Here, students need to think carefully about what they might include. Remember less is

more! A few really well described ideas can be more powerful than a long list of things.

Also, remember that the imagined events have a beginning, middle and an end. It would be

good to start with an interesting beginning, and then back up and refer to the prompt:

Slam, Bang, Whack! The little moles are coming up faster than I can whack them. I’m

sweating and twitching, slapping at air more often than at moles. I’m having a blast.

My perfect day would start with playing Whack a Mole at Six Flags Amusement Park.

I would get my mom to start her brand new, shiny, black Jeep and we would cruise to all my

best friends’ houses. It would be a beautiful fall day, crystal clear, no clouds in the sky. My

mom would have hot chocolate ready for all my friends as they climb into the jeep. It’s a

little chilly because it’s late September. We are skipping school on this day so that we can go

to the amusement park without any crowds.

This kind of prompt allows you to be really creative and add in any details of your

choosing. It get a little complicated because you have to write, “I would… it would…” or

you need to write in the present tense, like it is happening now: “We ride the roller coaster

until we can’t even stand up. Next, we head to the French Fry Shack. After some discussion,

we decide to order the super, super, super large size…”

Imagine one of your toys came to life

You won a million dollars

You are going on a trip to outer space

You are President of the United States

14 B

Planning a Story with a Problem or a Conflict or Action

Often the best stories have a problem to be solved. Writing like this takes extra time to

plan because you have to think first about the problem and how it will be solved. Often,

writing about something that happened to you can be a good place to start. Think about a

time when something unexpected happened and it forced you to take some action. You

decided to climb a tree and got stuck. You played in a soccer game but got behind by two

goals. You went on a fishing trip but forgot your fishing pole. You went on a car trip but the

car broke down.

Adding a problem creates interest in the story because your audience wants to find out

what happened. How did you solve the problem? One way to plan for this kind of story is to

use a simple organizer:

Setting:

Characters:

Problem:

Solution:

Climax/ Most exciting part where everything comes to a head:

Next, plan your story the same way you have done before. Think about the details for each

part. Launch your story with an attention-getting beginning, then include details about your

characters (you), and your setting. Then set off on your adventure or present your problem

(initiating event). Have the problem lead to new actions and new events. In the end, try to

build the tension until the reader is dying to find out what happens next.

Remember, the key is the details in your writing. The reader has to feel they are right there

with you. The way to do this is to add VANSHOPPS and vivid details to slow down the

action.

Sample:

Setting: begins at home with getting up, having breakfast, heading out to school…

Characters: me, mom, sister, brother

Problem: As we head out for school, we forget that we left the toaster-oven on. We come

back because my sister forgot her homework book and find the toaster on fire.

Solution: Mom throws toaster out the window into the snow

Exciting moment: Seeing the flames.

Model it with a weekend moment or event. Try it for a perfect day, for a day when you were

brave, for a day when you learned a lesson, for a great meal, or a favorite holiday.

Other Ideas for Planning/Revising:

1. Have students use a color-coded system to find VANSHOPS. Have

them use highlighters or crayons to mark up a piece of writing to find

and add VANSHOPS. Start with the same one for everyone. Use the

following assignment or one of the students.

Colors:

Pink/red = specific nouns

Green = vivid verbs (think green…go)

Orange = onomatopoeia ( O for Ono)

Blue = adjectives (blue sky)

Yellow = similes (like a daisy)

Purple = personification

Underlines for inner thoughts

Other techniques can be marked in margins. Have students write these

abbreviations next to the techniques.

AGB = attention getting beginning

Zoom in (write “zoom”)

Slow down action = use an arrow going down

Senses: draw or write an ear (sound), eyeball (see), nose, (smell) mouth

(taste), hand (feel)

2. Do another lesson (or two or three) on planning the story. Show how

to brainstorm in the small spaces at the top or on the side. Then model

dividing the sheet into six sections vertically. Then divide in half. On

the left side, write a basic outline of the story. Then on the right side

add attention-getting beginning, VANSHOPS (sensory details, bits of

dialogue, inner thoughts, adjectives, similes, etc.)

Other ideas for writing prompts:

1. Take students outside. Have them write what they see using the VANSHOPS!

2. Take photos of your school, your school yard, the busses, the classrooms . Project them or print them. Have students describe these using lots of VANSHOPS!

3. Have students write about their rooms, their cars, their houses, their favorite places. Have them bring in photos.

4. Have students write about favorite foods, places to eat! See if a local restaurant will display pieces of writing about their foods!

5. Bring in menus and look for vivid words about foods. See if students can write a description of food for a menu.

6. Have students write about an activity they enjoy. See how many VANSHOPS they can work in.

7. Have students write about a favorite person and a time they spent with them.

8. Tell about a time they went somewhere in car or on bike or on foot. What was the trip like?

9. Tell about a time when someone did something nice for them. Tell about that person and what they did.

10. Have students write about a time they were kind, brave, happy, tired, angry, sad, surprised, generous, grateful…

11. Tell about a time when you got hurt

12. Tell about a time when you got into trouble

13. Tell about a time when you were really nice or helpful to someone or something

14. Tell about a time when you were in a storm

Persuasive

15. Tell a story that would convince someone that summer vacation should be longer

16. Tell a story that would convince your principal to start your favorite activity as an afterschool program

17. Tell a story that would convince someone to try your favorite restaurant

Fantasy

18. Tell what you would do for your dream birthday party

19. Tell what you would do on the day someone said they would take you into outer-space

20. Tell about what happened the day you got a wish that would come true

21. Tell about a day when a toy of yours came to life

22. You put on a pair of shoes and found out that you could fly in them

Old Prompts for Practice

WRITING PROMPT

Think about your favorite thing to do in your free time. Maybe you like to pretend, play sports, read, play a

musical instrument, dance, or do something totally different.

Write a story about a fun time that you had doing your favorite thing. Give enough details to show the reader

what happened and why it was fun.

You may use the space below to plan what you are going to write (notes, outlines, other pre-writing

activities).

WRITING PROMPT

Think about a time you tried something new. Maybe it was your first day of school, your first time on a bike

or bus, the first time you tried a skill learned in class, or the first time you tried a new sport.

Write a story about when you did something for the first time. Give enough details to show the reader what

happened.

You may use the space below to plan what you are going to write (notes, outlines, other pre-writing

activities).

WRITING PROMPT

Think about a friend who has been an important part of your life. How did you become friends with this

person? Think about when you met, what you did, and how your friendship grew.

Write a story about this friendship. Give enough details to tell the reader about this friendship.

You may use the space below to plan what you are going to write (notes, outlines, other pre-writing

activities).

WRITING PROMPT

You woke up one morning and learned that it was snowing. School was closed for the day! It was a dream

come true. Suddenly you had time to take a break from the usual routine and do what you wanted to do.

Write a story about a snow day off from school that you remember. Give enough details in your story to

show what you did and how wonderful the day was.

You may use the space below to plan what you are going to write (notes, outlines, other pre-writing

activities).

WRITING PROMPT

All of us have had a special time or adventure in our lives. It could be anything such as a visit with a friend

or relative, a party you went to, or a game you watched or played. Or it could be something completely

different.

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Write a story about a special time or adventure that you have had. Give enough details in your story to show

what it was like and what made it so special.

Writing Prompt 2010:

Think about a time when school was closed and you had the day off.

Write a story about your day off from school. Give enough details to show readers how you

spent your day.

You may use the space below to plan what you are going to write (notes, outlines, other pre-

writing activities).

Writing Prompt 2009

Think about a time when you were helpful, maybe you helped a new student feel comfortable

in school, helped a teacher with a job in the classroom, helped with a project in your

neighborhood or school, or helped to care for an animal.

Write about a time when you were helpful. Give enough details for readers to understand

how you were helpful.

You may use the space below to plan what you are going to write (notes, outlines, other pre-

writing activities).

Writing Prompt 2008

Think about a tradition or an experience that is important to you. For example maybe you

have a special meal that you eat, a holiday that you celebrate, or a certain place you go each

year on vacation.

Write a story about a tradition or an experience that is important to you. Include enough

details for readers to understand why it is important to you.

Writing Prompt 2007

Think about the best time that you have ever had. Maybe you played all day with friends

outside, went on a special trip, participated in a game, or spent some time at camp.

Write a story about this best time. What were you doing? Who was with you? Where were

you? Why was this the best time ever? Give enough details in the story to show the reader

what happened.

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Writing Prompt 2008 make up

There are many fun activities to do outside. Maybe you like to fly a kite, play outside at

school, go camping, or build a snowman. Maybe there is something else you like to do

outside.

Write a story about a time you had fun doing an outside activity. Give enough details to show

readers what you did and why the activity was so much fun.

Writing Prompt 2009 make up

Think about a time when you gave a special gift to someone. It may have been a gift for a

holiday, a gift of thanks, or a gift just to show that you cared about the person.

Write a story about a time when you gave a special gift to someone. Include enough details in

your story to show why giving the gift meant a lot to you.

Writing Prompt 2010 Make Up

Write a story about a time when something funny or unusual happened.

Give enough details in your story to show readers why the event was funny or unusual.

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Lesson 15

Move over American Idol It’s…

AMERICAN LAWER

Summary: American Idol is yesterday’s news and there is a new talent show on the horizon.

It’s American Lawyer where small law firms compete to see who can make their case and

convince a jury. In this activity you will need to use relevant and specific detail to support

your ideas. And, because the jury is often uninformed you will need to and explain your

evidence. Work carefully with your law firm and prepare a brief two-to-three minute

presentation.

Purpose: This is evidence-based writing and should be both informative, analytical and

persuasive.

Writer’s Role: You are writing as a lawyer who is part of a new law firm. This is your first

big case. A family has shown you a piece of writing that they feel should have been scored

higher by the Board of Examiners, and they want to you prove they are right in court. If you

convince the jury you win the case and go on to Hollywood (or Washington DC where the

lawyers are).

Audience: The audience is members of a jury who know very little about what makes good

writing. You need to explain to them very clearly and specifically why the piece of writing is

excellent.

Form: This is a short presentation of no more than 3 minutes total. Each person will have a

job to do. Jobs may include: 1) opening and closing statement 2) idea/example or

evidence/explain how the evidence proves the point 3) second idea/example/explain 4) third

idea/example/explain. Someone should also point to the piece on the screen as evidence is

presented. “As you can see the simile in line 4…”

Possible FCAs (for presentation):

Loud (later this FCA could become energetic, include dramatic gestures, don’t read it, eye

contact, or good posture) 2 points

Smooth (includes transition and feels rehearsed so everyone knows the speaking order,

includes thank you at end, and could also include work together ie. help each other

out if someone is nervous) 2 points

Each person does job: opener/closer; provides ideas; includes specific details/examples;

explains (could become relevant details, include quotes and section, explain where

necessary) 6 points

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FCAs for a written piece: (sometimes jury or judge wants a summary of your case)

Topic sentence with position [1]

Include sufficient ideas [3]

Provide relevant, specific examples and explain where necessary [6]

Transitions [one bonus point for “to begin with, furthermore, most importantly etc. [1]

Always in play FCAs (check it over and clean it up, no missing words, obvious capitals/end

marks, spelling, indent) [automatic deduction of up to 1.5 points]

Procedures:

1. After putting you into groups of 3 or 4; I will introduce you to your client and read the piece. (4 minutes.)

2. You I will model filling out the chart with an idea from the piece, and then you will do a quick type one: “What is good about this piece?” Fill out the idea/ example/

explain chart. (3 minutes)

3. You will share your ideas with your law firm adding to your charts. (3 minutes)

4. I will quickly model how to choose roles, put together and present a case using the

chart above. (2 minutes)

5. You will rehearse with your group. (8-10 minutes)

6. I will review the FCAs (and maybe model an error(s) in presentation) and give you

2 more minutes to practice

7. Each group will each present and get feedback using the FCAs. (20 min)

8. You may be asked to write a summary of your case for homework. See FCAs for

written piece above. (If we do written piece, I will show you a model, and give you

time to read your work back to yourself before turning it in. You will also have

your chart from class.)

Follow up or begin with: You might begin with the sorting activity 15B before trying this activity.

idea ex. exp.

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MODEL OF CHART

Idea Example Explain

Use of dialogue “This is going to be best…” Interesting

to hear what author

is thinking/saying

Example of Written Piece Topic includes position

sufficient ideas

details/explain

transitions

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this piece clearly deserves the highest score

because of its fantastic writing style. From the very first paragraph you can tell the

writer knows how to use dialogue to show keep our attention. At the bottom of the

first paragraph, she writes, “This is going to be the best day of my life.” This bit of

dialogue is very interesting because reader likes to know what the author is

thinking. It also sets the mood for the piece. Another reason it deserves a high

score is the terrific word choice. The adjectives in line 3, “yellow polka dotted” and

line 11, “rainbow, flashing lights” add much detail to the paragraph. The author

also uses similes and personification. She writes, “alleys lit up like flashlights” and

“lights danced on the black rug below.” These techniques bring the scene to life.

Furthermore, the verbs add action. Words like “jerked”, “swooped”, “giggling”,

and “whispered,” make the passage fun to read. Finally, the piece has much

sentence variety. Sentences don’t always begin with I. Hanging bells, the alleys,

rainbow flashing, suddenly are some of the first words of sentences. This keeps the

paragraph from becoming boring. If this piece keeps going at this quality it should

not only get a high score, it should be published!

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1st page of piece, “tell about a great day” FROM 2007 GRADE 4 MCAS

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LESSON 15B Sorting Activity and Analyzing

Copy the following passages onto card stock or heavy paper and then give a set of three to pairs. Ask them

to put them in order from best to worst and then be prepared to support their arrangement with specific

details from the passages. Remind that longer is not always better and that they should have a more

substantial reason why something is better than “It’s longer!” The prompt was, “Tell about a time when you

found something.”

One time we found some money. We were looking on the

ground. The dollar was there. There wasn’t any change. I picked

it up. I went to the store. I bought candy. It tasted really good. I

looked for more money. I didn’t find any. That’s what happened.

The end.

Last year in the middle of winter, my brother and I were on the

ice by my school. My brother suddenly yelled that there was

something green in the ground. I ran over to him and saw a dollar

bill frozen in the ice. We spent the rest of the day digging and

chipping that thing out. When it came out, we went to the store

and bought candy. It tasted really good. It was so good that we

went back to look for more money. We didn’t find any, but every

time I walk on that field I’ve got my eyes glued to the ground.

“Hey get over here!” my brother screeched to me. It was last

January and we were slipping and sliding on the ice by my school.

My school has this big field that gets really swampy and mushy in

the summer but in the winter it’s like an ice rink. I zipped over to

my brother and crashed into him. He pointed down to a green

rectangle frozen in the ice. “That’s money!” I screamed. We

jumped, pounded, chipped on that ice until our toes were like

frozen popsicles. When we got it out it was mushy and soggy but

it still worked. At the store we got a Hershey bar and a bunch of

mini peanut butter cups. We raced back to the field and looked all

day. There’s nothing better than free money!

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Lesson 16

Too Many Adjectives

Purpose: To recognize when a writer has used too many adjectives and revise accordingly

Materials: Worksheet. Make an overhead transparency.

Introduction: Explain that one problem with cooking is adding too many spices. When you cook, it might

seem that if a little salt makes it taste good, more salt will make it taste better. At some point, more salt will

make the food taste worse; it will be too salty and you won’t want to eat more than one bite. In this activity,

the writer has used too many adjectives. See if you can take out some adjectives or change sentences to make

it sound better.

Put this sentence on the overhead and read the beginning.

It was a dark, stormy, loud, hot, weird, crazy night. I was listening to interesting, fun, rocking, dance-able,

fun, music on my white, shiny, excellent I-Pod.

Does this sound like a case of too much salt?

Let’s see if we can eliminate some of these adjectives to bring some of the flavor back.

How about:

It was a loud and crazy night.

It was a dark and stormy night?

It was a hot night, one of the hottest nights of the summer, and I could not sleep.

I was listening to strange songs on my I-Pod and I was playing them, loud, very loud.

I was listening to dance-able music on my I-Pod, except I wasn’t dancing. It was just too hot.

Development: Tell students, “Next, we will look at a story, where there are simply too many adjectives and

see if we can’t do an adjective-ectomy. We are going to cut, trim, and revise to bring the patient back to

life.” Pass out papers and then model a bit together. After have students work independently on in pairs to

make the necessary changes. Discuss how you know if there are too many adjectives and how to know

which ones to leave in.

Follow-up: Have students design a sheet with too many adjectives and then have another group revise.

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name

Directions: Revise this passage by removing some of the adjectives to make it

sound more natural.

“Wow, this big, fat, juicy, delicious, grade A hamburger

tastes like fluffy, excellent, snow-white heaven!” I said to my

nice, fun, smart dad. Memorial Day weekend was always my

favorite time of the beautiful, warm, fun spring because my dad

fired up the old, black, reliable, steel, Coleman grill.

We were on the beautiful, warm, sunny back patio and my

dad was asking me to be his taste-tester for the big, round, thick,

juicy burgers he was making on the grill. I love this job and even

though the pay is low, there are great benefits.

“How about some delicious, thick, red, Heinz ketchup on

that sizzling, hot, brown, round burger?” my dad asked. I love

ketchup and my dad knows it. Since it was Memorial Day and

we were expecting about one thousand relatives, we had plenty

of ketchup on hand. As I was grabbing the ketchup I heard a

strange, funny, unusual, loud sound…

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Possible revision:

“Wow, this big, fat, delicious, grade A juicy hamburger

tastes like fluffy, excellent snow-white heaven!” (dialogue has to sound like

normal people talking) I said to my nice, fun, smart dad. Memorial day

weekend was always my favorite time of the beautiful, warm, fun

spring because my dad fired up the old, black, reliable, steel,

Coleman grill. (too many adjectives breaks the flow of the writing)

We were on the beautiful, warm, sunny back patio and my

dad was asking me to be his taste-tester for the big, round, thick,

juicy hamburgers he was making on the grill. I love this job and

even though the pay is low, there are great benefits.

“How about some delicious, thick, red, Heinz ketchup on

that sizzling, hot, brown, round burger?” my dad asked. I love

ketchup and my dad knows it. Since it was Memorial Day and

we were expecting about one thousand relatives, we had plenty

of ketchup on hand.

As I was grabbing the ketchup I heard strange, funny,

unusual, loud sound…the sound of a dog barking. No, it was

more like a pack of dogs barking. Maybe the burgers were

smelling a little too good. Then next thing I knew…

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name Lesson 17

Using Specific Colors

Read the piece below and see if you can get out your Crayola

box to make these color adjectives more specific or change them

altogether. Use similes and exaggeration and expand the

sentences if you want to!

Examples: The sky was blue.

 The sky was a faint blue, the color of someone’s eyes.

 The sky was aqua-blue like you could dive into it.

 The sky was neon-blue like an electric sign flashing.

 The sky was a deep blue, almost purple.

 The sky was dark blue, the kind of blue you only see in mooshed blueberries.

 The light blue sky shimmered above us.

1. The setting sun looked red.

2. The car was green.

3. I picked up the black toast.

4. Her fingernails were red.

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5. The dog was brown.

6. The tablecloth was white.

7. His teeth were yellow.

8. The leaves were colorful.

9. The cheese was orange.

10. The carpet was green.

11. The house was red.

12. The uniforms were ugly. They were _________.

Try describing the color of something you ate today or your

favorite food or least favorite food in a couple of sentences

below.

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name

Lesson 18

Sentence Variety

Time: 15 minutes

Purpose and Overview: In writing it is important to learn to vary sentence beginnings. If all sentences start

the same way, readers become bored and writing can sound immature, simplistic, and choppy. In this lesson

students will be able to vary their sentences using three or more techniques.

Materials: Sheet 18B

Introduction: Explain to students that in today’s lesson we will work on a critical revising skill. Then, post a

short paragraph where all the sentences are similar in their beginnings and in their lengths.

We went to a farm last year. We saw a lot of animals. We ate pie and some candy apples. We didn’t get to

ride the horses. We rode the bus home.

Ask students to do a quick-write (Type One). What do you notice about this piece? What could make it

better? (4 lines or more in 2 minutes) After sharing their ideas with a partner, have a quick discussion about

the need for sentence variety both in terms of sentence beginnings and sentence lengths.

Development: As you work on fixing the paragraph above, show students some of the techniques below.

1. Start with a transitional word or phrase: First, Another, Finally, Most importantly, However,

Furthermore, On the other hand, Later in the day…

2. Start with a prepositional phrase: (Think where a squirrel can go… in, on, above, beside, below, beneath,

over, in, out, by, down, during) During class, you should raise your hand. Below the fraction bar, you will

find the denominator.

3. Start with a dependent clause (For example: a phrase that starts with WAWABABSUI: When, After,

While, Although, Because, As, Before, Since, Unless, If…) Since earning good grades is important for

college, students should put more focus on…

4. Start with a “To phrase” (infinitive): To understand the water cycle, you need… To improve your diet,

you…To stop water pollution, cities and towns must…

5. Start with an “Ing phrase” (participle): Understanding the water cycle is important... Purring loudly in my

ear, my cat demanded breakfast. Winning the game is never as important as playing hard. Challenging the

authority of the church, Darwin went ahead and published his Origin of Species. Fearing the worst, Japan

spent millions preparing for earthquakes and tsunamis.

6. Start with an adjective, adverb series of adjectives or adverbs: Tired but determined, the teacher climbed

the stairs to her classroom. Quickly and efficiently, the pulley can lift tremendous weight.

7. Start with a simile (comparison): Like a brave soldier, the teacher entered the classroom. Like a giant

magnet, gravity holds each planet in its orbit.

8 Start with Onomatopoeia (sound word): Whack, my brother slapped me with his book bag. Bang, bang,

bang, shots rang out as the colonists were slain by the British troops.

9. Start with an absolute phrase (has a subject predicate but no subordinating conjunction) His muscles

straining, Tom Brady threw a touchdown pass. Its tires squealing, the card raced around the track.

Then have them practice with a partner to fix the sentence on the next page: A good teacher should care

about her students.

Wrap Up: Have students try to fix the “I want to be a doctor when I grow up” sentence.

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name

Practicing Sentence Variety 18B

Together let’s rewrite the beginning of this sentence in three different ways. Use

the suggestions from our chart. Feel free to add some information to the

sentence.

Example:

A good teacher should care about their students.

1. The first ingredient for good teaching is __________________________

____________________________________________________________(tran)

2. Above all else, ______________________________________________

___________________________________________________________ (prep)

3. Unless you care______________________________________________

_____________________________________________________(dep. Wawa..)

4. To be a____________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________(to/inf).

5. Caring for ___________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________(ing)

6. Like a ______________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________(sim)

7. _______________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________(your own)

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Practicing Sentence Variety 18C

Try adding some sentence variety to one of the sentences below. Be sure to label

which technique you used. Feel free to add information to the sentences as

needed.

I want to be a doctor.

The dog ran.

1. _____________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

2. _____________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

3. _____________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

4. _____________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

5. _____________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

6. _____________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

7. _____________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________

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Possible Answers for 18B

1. The first ingredient for a good teacher is caring. (transition)

2. Above all else, caring for your students is most important for good teaching.

(prep)

3. Unless you care about your students, you won’t be a good teacher. (unless/ dep

clause)

4. To be a good teacher, you must care about your students. (to phrase)

5. Caring for students is what makes a good teacher. (“ing” phrase/ gerund)

5. Caring for her students, the teacher moved about the classroom. (“ing”/

partciple)

5. Caring and concerned, the good teachers are easy to spot. (adjective series)

6. Like a doctor in a hospital, good teachers care about their students. (simile)

Other: Bing, the survey says, “good teachers care about their students.”

(onomatopoeia)

Her eyes watching all, the good teacher cares about her student. (absolute phrase)

Possible Answers for 18C

The first thing I want to do when I grow up is be a doctor.

After I graduate from college, I want to be a doctor.

When I grow up I want to be a doctor. Since I love fixing things, I want to be a

surgeon.

To help people and cure diseases, I want to be a doctor.

Being a doctor is the only job for me.

Like most of my friends, I want to be a doctor.

Like Dr. Jonas Salk who cured Polio, I want to be a doctor.

First of all, the dog ran.

Down on the street, the dog ran.

When he saw the cat, the dog ran.

To catch up with the car, the dog ran.

Running to catch the cat, the dog was almost hit by a car.

Exhausted but energized, the dog chased the small cat.

Like a greyhound in a race, my tiny puppy chased the ball of string.

Huffing and puffing, the dog sprinted after the rabbit.

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The dog, tongue dangling on the ground, ran.

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Lesson 19

Sentence Combining Basic Put these sentences into one sentence:

1. The field was wet.

2. The field was muddy.

3. The field was for soccer.

4. We looked at the field.

___________________________________________________________________________

1. The man was mean.

2. The man was old.

3. The man was wrinkled.

4. The man chased us from his yard.

5. He waved his long cane.

___________________________________________________________________________

Some Possible Answers: (Cover these when copying)

We looked out at the wet, muddy soccer field.

The wet, muddy field meant there would be no soccer today.

The wet, muddy field stood before us.

The mean, old man with wrinkles chased us from his yard by waving his long cane. (“ing” phrase as end

participle)

Waving his long cane, the mean, old, wrinkled man chased us from his yard. (“ing” phrase at beginning)

The mean, wrinkly, old man waved his cane at us and then chased us from his yard. (compound predicate)

To chase us out of his yard, the mean, old, wrinkly man waved his cane at us. (“to” phrase… infinitive

phrase)

(advanced)

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His long cane waving in the wind, the mean, old, wrinkled man chased us from his yard. (absolute phrase)

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Sentence Combining Advanced (19B)

When combining sentences remember the FANBOYS: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so)

(coordinating conjunctions for joining independent clauses)

When adding subordinate clauses remember WA WA BABSUI : when, after, while, as,

because, although, before, since, unless, if

(subordinating conjunctions for adding information before, during or after an independent

clause) When I’m thirsty, I love to drink water. I, when thirsty, drink water. I drink water

when I’m thirsty.

Put these sentences into one sentence.

1. The dog was brown

2. The dog had floppy ears.

3. The dog was a beagle.

4. The dog ran down the sidewalk.

5. The dog looked like he was flying.

6. The cat chased the dog.

7. The cat was big.

8. The cat was old.

9. The cat was mean.

10. The cat had sharp claws and long teeth.

___________________________________________________________________________

Try making your own short choppy sentences for others to combine on the back!

Possible Answer: (cover when copying)

The floppy-eared, brown beagle flew down the sidewalk because he was being chased by a

big, mean, old cat with sharp claws and long teeth.

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More Sentence Combining (19C)

FANBOYS (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so)

WA WA BABSUI and (when, after, while, as, because, although, before, since, unless,

if)

Try to combine these sentences into one sentence. Use only one “and” per sentence!

Example:

1. I was under the covers. 2. The covers were warm and thick. 3. I was asleep. 4. My mom woke me.

I was asleep under the warm thick covers when my mom woke me.

1. I looked down at the cereal.

2. The cereal was Captain Crunch.

3. The cereal was mushy and orange.

4. Then I ate it really fast.

___________________________________________________________________________

1. I got in the car.

2. The car was red.

3. The car was a Ford.

4. The car was a pick-up truck.

5. The car belonged to my grandfather.

6. We drove away.

7. We went to school.

___________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

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1. My grandfather likes to play music in the car.

2. The music is old Rock and Roll music.

3. The music is really loud.

___________________________________________________________________________

1. We get to the school.

2. Then I jump out of the truck.

3. I run up the sidewalk.

4. The sidewalk is busy.

Hint: Try starting with “When…

___________________________________________________________________________

Make your own 4-6 short choppy sentences for someone else to combine:

___________________________________________________________________________

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Lesson 20

Show Don’t Tell Game

Time: 15-30 minutes

Purpose: Authors want their readers to “see” the scenes they are imagining when they write:

the settings, the actions, and feelings of their characters. Instead of writing, “old house”,

authors “show” the details of the house: peeling paint, broken shutters, and cracked

windows. The reader then makes the connection, “Oh, that house is really old!” In this

lesson, students work to verbally identify details that “show” different things. They use

vivid language (the VANSHOPS) to bring a scene to life.

Materials: Nothing is needed. But you could supply some images (pictures on the overhead

or from calendars, books, internet) for students who might have trouble visualizing scenes.

Overview: In this lesson, students will learn to use all the techniques to describe something

vividly without using general descriptions like she was angry.

Introduction: Tell students, “In this activity I will call out some descriptions; I will “tell”

you some things and I want you to provide the details so I can see it! I want to be in that

scene, see it, feel it, hear it, smell it, taste it!”

I begin with “old house”. I ask students to turn to a partner and go back and forth. “What are

details that would be associated with an old house?” Then, after a couple of minutes of

thinking with a partner, I call on some students to give me details. Or they could jot down

several details as a quick write.

Development: Next, we try another one. This time, students work in pairs and write down

their descriptions for 1 minute. After a bit, I challenge students to a detail duel. Here, two

people go back and forth, until one person can’t think of any more details. It can be

competitive or it can be a cooperative effort to get as many as you can. You can also record

all the details that come out and the class can vote on the best two or three. Then we can try

to put them together into a scene!

Here are some to get you started:

old house

mean dog

kid about to cry

scary roller coaster

messy room

angry mom

old car

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new car

bad food (disgusting sandwich)

beautiful day

terrible weather

fun party

Other ideas:

You could record as a class on chart paper, how many can we get in 1 minute? Then choose

the best ones or write a class description! Or it could be a Type One writing assignment.

You have 90 seconds, get as many as you can! (or a type 2: use at least 3 VANSHOPS or 3

senses...)

You could put the scenes on 5 sheets of chart paper posted around the room. Like the

carousel activities (See Lesson 5E), students can move around the room in quick bursts to

build a scene.

Here are some of the details a class of 4th graders came up with:

old house: broken shutters; cracked windows; cobwebs covering everything like a blanket;

peeling paint, missing shingles

mean dog: ears back, hair raised, fangs showing, drooling, low growl like a car engine,

staring eyes; muscles tensed

kid about to cry: lower lips pushed out; eyes big and wet and blinking; quivering lip; high

whiny pitched breaths

scary roller coaster: huge twisting turns; flashing lights; speeding like a bullet; screaming

people; upside down dangling

messy room: half eaten sandwich; old, moldy clothes; four feet of papers; smells like a

basement; unmade bed...

angry mom: screeching voice; red ears; smoke coming out of nose and ears; eyes narrowed;

brow furled; staring

old car: cracked bumpers; broken seatbelt; dented fender; bouncy seats; thick, dusty film of

dirt; old bugs dead on windshield

new car: shiny; scratch-less; beaming; smooth; smells like laundry detergent; leather seats;

clean windows

bad food: smells like someone died; green; moldy cheese; cold, bouncy beef,

beautiful day: clean, crisp air; puffy clouds; crunching leaves...

terrible weather: bullet-like rain; whipping wind; freezing hail; dark as midnight…

fun party: Giant piñatas; blaring music; tons of candy in giant class bowls; twinkling white

lights hanging from the walls; Nerf-gun war; silly games; huge chocolate cake with fudge

brownie ice-cream and make your own sundaes.

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Lesson 20B Show Don’t Tell Part II

Purpose and Overview: To extend the oral component to Show Don’t Tell and have

students write quick scenes with plenty of details.

Materials: Just plenty of paper and a timer.

Introduction: Tell students, “We have been practicing including details in our writing so

our readers can understand and picture feelings, actions, and settings. In this activity I am

going to give you a scene and you will have five minutes to write a short paragraph

describing in detail what the situation looks, feels, smells, sounds, and maybe even tastes

like. Remember, you can use vivid verbs, adjectives and specific nouns as well as similes,

hyperbole, onomatopoeia, and personification. Use the senses! Be creative and be quick! I

will model what I mean…”

Take out sheet of paper and model for students what you mean. Here is a sample you might

write:

1. Organized and/or strict classroom:

I walked into the classroom on the first day of school and I couldn’t believe it. The desks

were in perfectly straight lines. It looked like they might be glued to the floor. The bulletin

boards were bright blue, with neat, wavy trim all around them. Every letter of WELCOME

FOURTH GRADE was cut perfectly and was exactly one inch apart. The teacher’s desk

had a flower, a pen, and a stapler. That’s all. There was not a single piece of clutter, not an

old homework, permission slip, lunch menu, or post-it note. Nothing. The room smelled of

disinfectant, like it had been sprayed by a Lysol. It was quiet — too quiet, as if even the

gold fish didn’t want to splash. I swallowed hard and stepped in.

Development: Tell students it’s their turn. When their papers are ready give them this one: Messy

Classroom. Let them write for five minutes and then have them share with a neighbor. Have

some students read their papers aloud.

Wrap-up: Consider using the crayons to mark up examples of VANSHOPS in their writing.

Or give them a quick assessment with one of the samples.

A. Identify at least 3 VANSHOPS

B. Add one more to the piece that the student did not include. Label which technique you

used.

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Lesson 21

Tell a Verbal Story

Purpose and Overview: In this activity, students practice verbally everything they have

learned. Partners take turns telling a really good story.

Materials: Whiteboards optional)

Introduction: Explain to students that today you will learn to make up and tell to tell a good

story aloud. You will practice it in your head, thinking “on your feet!” Explain that

practicing the skill of making up details as you go helps you when you write.

Development: You will set the stage with a Who When and Where. Then, you create an

initiating action. After that you model with a student (or another teacher) a back and forth

telling of what you see/do next. Each person gets one or two sentences.

For example:

Scene with who/when/where and initiating event: It was a dark Halloween night last year,

when my friend Jim and I, went by the old Jones mansion. The mansion was mostly dark,

but there was a small glowing blue light coming from the second floor. Jim and I decided to

check it out.

We crept up to the large, heavy door that looked like it could be on a castle. Amazingly it

was ajar and so we tip-toed inside…

Person one adds details related to smell

Person two adds details related to touch

Person one adds details related to sight

Person two adds details related to sound

Person one adds details related to taste?

Smell: When I walked in to the room, I smelled a heavy, damp odor of musty socks. It

seemed like I had walked into an old closet with moth balls.

Touch: As I crept forward, I felt a sticky gooey thing hit me in the face. It was spider webs!

Sight: Next, as my eyes adjusted to the dark, I saw a big, black cat staring at me. His eyes

were glowing green and his fur was standing straight up like a porcupine.

Hear: I heard him softly hissing, and I started to back away. Just then, there was a loud,

thumping sound coming from upstairs. It sounded like, “Bump, thump, bump, thump.”

Now students try it:

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Scene: Last summer my family visited Six Flags Adventure Park. We the first ones at the

park and we raced to the roller coaster named, Mind Eraser. There was no line, so we

stepped nervously onto the wooden platform as the coaster pulled up.

Smell:

Feel:

See:

Hear:

Sample: Smell the sweat of previous riders, faint odor of popcorn, cheese dogs left behind, I worried about

my stomach. Feel the pinch of the bar on my chest as the seat belt tightened; I looked at the tears on my

sisters face, saw the huge upward slope, heard the screams of others…

Wrap up. Have students write short parts and pass them back and forth. Go back and try the senses activity again.

Follow up: You can also turn other writing assignments into groups or two person presentations. For example, with the Harris Burdick Scene, each person can describe one of the nouns in the picture and it goes

back and forth.

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Lesson 22:

Sample Sentence Template For more information on how to use see Gerry Morris Book (Seven Sentence Building Activities:

www.collinsed.com)

_____________________________

______________________________

FCA________________________

FCA_________________________

______________________________________________________

sentence base (subject/simple predicate)

_______________________________________________________________________________________

article adj adj. noun (subject)

_______________________________________________________________________________________

verb (predicate) simile

_______________________________________________________________________________________

(when/where/how)

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Final Sentence:

_______________________________________________________________________________________

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Lesson 23

Using Dialogue

Purpose, Objective and Overview: In this activity, students will able to use both spoken

dialogue and internal dialogue (what they are thinking in their head) to develop their

characters and show their thoughts and feelings.

Introduction: Tell students, “Today you practice adding dialogue to a story to make it more

believable. Dialogue can help your reader understand what characters are thinking and

feeling.”

Development: Set the stage by reading a piece of text with excellent dialogue. Ask students,

to do a quick write, “What do you notice about it? How does the dialogue in this passage

help make the writing better? Why is it effective? How does it help? (4 lines or more: 2

minutes)**

Sample:

“Where’s Papa going with that ax?” said Fern to her mother as they were setting the

table for breakfast.

“Out to the hoghouse,” replied Mrs. Arable. “Some pigs were born last night.”

“I don’t see why he needs an ax,” continued Fern, who was only eight.

“Well,” said her mother, “one of the pigs is a runt. It’s very small and weak, and it will

never amount to anything. So your father has decided to do away with it.

“Do away with it?” shrieked Fern. You mean kill it? Just because it’s smaller than the

others?”

Mrs. Arable put a pitcher of cream on the table. “Don’t yell, Fern!” she said. “Your

father is right. The pig would probably die anyway.”

Fern pushed a chair out of the way and ran outdoors. The grass was wet and the earth

smelled of springtime. Fern’s sneakers were sopping by the time she caught up with her

father.

-- Charlotte’s Web by E B White page 1

**If this is too difficult of a task, consider having students compare the above passage with

this one:

Fern was an 8 year old girl. She came to breakfast and saw her father take an Ax to the barn.

She found out her dad was going to kill a pig. She was mad, so she argued with her mom.

Then she ran out to the barn.

Ask students, to compare and contrast these passages? Which is better, why? Write 3

lines or more.

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After students write, have them share with another person. Then, call on students and record

some of their ideas.

Try to draw out some of these ideas from the students writing:

1. Dialogue helps get and hold the reader’s attention

2. Dialogue lets the reader understand and make inferences about the relationship between

characters: mother, daughter, and father

3. Dialogue helps the reader understand what characters are feeling and how they are

reacting to events

4. Dialogue moves the action (plot) along

5. Dialogue needs to sound natural!

6. It needs to have a purpose! Don’t add dialogue just for dialogues sake!

7. Use vivid verbs when necessary, but don’t go overboard with them! In this passage, EB

White uses said three times (which is fine) but mixes in some other “said” words. Here are

the 6 said words in order: said, replied, continued, said, shrieked, said…

6. When using dialogue you must indent for all new speakers.

7. Use proper punctuation. (more on this later)

Another sample passage, from James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl**

Great tears began oozing out of James’s eyes and rolling down his cheeks. He stopped

working and leaned against the chopping-block, overwhelmed by his own happiness.

“What’s the matter with you?” Aunt Spiker screeched, glaring at him over the top of

her spectacles.

James began to cry.

“Stop that immediately and get on with your work, you nasty little beast!” Aunt

Sponge ordered.

“Oh, Auntie Sponge!” James cried out. “And Auntie Spiker! Couldn’t we all –

please—just for once – go down to the seaside on the bus? It isn’t very far – and I feel so hot

and awful and lonely…”

“Why you good-for-nothing brute!” Aunt Spiker shouted.

“Beat him!” cried Aunt Sponge.

“I certainly will!” Aunt Spiker snapped. She glared at James and James looked back at

her with large frightened eyes. “I shall beat you later on in the day when I don’t feel so hot,”

she said. “And now get out of my sight, you disgusting little worm, and give me some

peace!”

James turned and ran. He ran as fast as he could to the far end of the garden and hid

himself behind that clump of dirty old laurel bushes that we mentioned earlier on. Then he

covered his face with his hands and began to cry and cry. (James and the Giant Peach by

Roald Dahl, page 7-8) Some things to notice:

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** Without the dialogue this scene might have gone like this: “James asked if his aunts

would take him to the beach. They wouldn’t let him so he cried.” You could put this up and

do a compare and contrast.

1. Many “said” words: screeched, ordered, cried out, shouted, cried, snapped 2. There is some effective “after the quote” phrases: “… Aunt Spiker screeched,

glaring at him over the top of her spectacles.” 3. Characters are developed with dialogue. Aunt Spiker is clearly cruel but also

lazy… she won’t beat James not because she thinks it’s wrong but because she doesn’t have the energy.

4. Lot of short, back and forth, dialogue between the Aunts helps keep the reader’s attention.

5. Great use of punctuation: dashes, ellipsis, exclamation points 6. If you have explained the Pixar Formula (Lesson 26) ask students to notice the

Once upon a time… Everyday… until one day… structure. The second paragraph of Chapter Three begins, “For suddenly, just behind him, James heard a rustling of leaves, and he turned and saw an old man in a crazy dark-green suit emerging from the bushes. He was a very small old man, but he had a huge bald head and a face that was covered all over with bristly black whiskers…” (page 8)

After discussing some of the benefits and “how-to’s” of dialogue (depending on your

students you might pare down the rules to something like use quotes for exact words), tell

them you will be writing some dialogue together.

Say: “Let’s see if we can add some dialogue to this scene to make it more realistic,

interesting, and fun to read.” Put up this on the screen.

Fishing

When I was a kid, there wasn’t a lot to do. Television only had 3 channels and there

were no computers or video games. I mostly just hung out with my best friend Bob.

Everyday, Bob and I go to Turner’s Pond, sit on top of an old canoe, and fish. We never felt

like putting the canoe in the water, so we just sat on top of it like a bench. There were never

any fish, so our conversations were pretty boring. We would talk about whether we had any

nibbles on our lines. We would talk about the weather. We would talk about if we had any

fish yet.

(insert dialogue here)

One day though, everything changed. While we sitting on our canoe, on the edge of

the pond, the sky suddenly grew dark. When we looked up a giant round thing. It was a

type-of-weird flying saucer, a kind of hovering, metal, shiny UFO and it was right above us.

It was blocking the sun. It hovered a minute. Then, WHACK it landed right in the pond. It

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floated for about 4 seconds and then sank like a rock. I was thinking this was crazy. I

wanted to paddle out there and check it out. Bob didn’t want to.

(insert dialogue here)

Have students turn and talk about what kind of dialogue might go in the first spot. Then call

on students. As they make suggestions, type them onto the screen, modeling a bit about how

to indent, use quotation marks, etc. Don’t go crazy with this, you are really working to get

natural dialogue and move the plot forward. These kids are bored. Nothing ever happens.

There’s nothing new to talk about.

“Bob,” I said, “Do you think we catch something today?”

“Well, Bill,” he replied. “Let me think about it. We never catch anything. Never

ever. We’ve fished here about a million times. Once we caught an old sweater. Never fish.

So, no, I don’t think we’ll catch anything.

Bob was always like this. Always he answered my questions with thoughtful responses.

Maybe that’s why I liked him. It was like he was a walking State Test giving complete and

thorough answers and providing evidence to support his ideas.

I changed the subject. “Do you think it’s going to rain?”

“Well, it hasn’t rained for a long time, so maybe. But because we’re talking about it

and it never rains when you talk about it. And, also, because the sun is out and there are no

clouds, and it doesn’t feel like rain. I’m going to answer no. Final answer, No. No, it’s not

going to rain today.”

You could also go for simple:

“Bob, do you think we’ll catch a fish today?” I asked.

“Nope” Bob answered.

I tried another one, “Well, do you think it’s going to rain later?”

“Nope,” Bob responded.

“Did you just get a nibble on your line?” I asked hopefully.

“No. Definitely not.”

This is pretty much how it went. But suddenly…

After working on this a bit, have students try to add some dialogue for the next part of the

story.

Here is a sample:

One day though, everything changed. While we sitting on our canoe, on the edge of the

pond, the sky suddenly grew dark. When we looked up a giant round thing. It was a type-of-

weird flying saucer, a kind of hovering, metal, shiny UFO and it was right above us. It was

blocking the sun. It hovered a minute. Then, WHACK it landed right in the pond. It floated

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for about 4 seconds and then sank like a rock. I was thinking this was crazy. I wanted to

paddle out there and check it out. Bob didn’t want to.

“I’m NOT going out there!! Are you crazy?? That thing just crashed!” Bob yelled at

me.

“But Bob! We have to. Maybe someone or something is in there and it’s going to die

if we don't save it!” I argued, calmer but still yelling.

“It won’t die! Whatever is in there probably doesn’t even breath oxygen! It’s from

outer space. Plus they probably have some rescue equipment for this type of emergency.”

Bob was always thoughtfully considering.

I wouldn’t give up. “Bob!! Nothing EVER happens to us. We have to do this! A UFO

just landed in our pond. Come on, I’m going with or without you!” I actually yelled this and

then flipped the canoe over and began dragging it into the pond. I was thinking, this is crazy

what I’m doing, but I don’t care.

Or you could go more simply:

I yelled, “Bob, let’s go out there and see what happened!”

“Are you kidding?” Bob yelled back. “I’m not going anywhere!”

“We have to go,” I argued. “We have to save the aliens!”

“Nope. No we don’t. I don’t even like aliens,” Bob responded. Then he sat down.

I grabbed the canoe and flipped it over, knocking Bob onto the ground. “I’m going!”

Bob was shocked and as he watched me get the canoe in the water, he changed his mind.

“Wait up!” he yelled. And he jumped into the canoe.

Try to model or show students how to make the dialogue add something to the story not just

go back and forth.

I said, “We should go out there.”

He said, “No way.”

I said, “Yes we should.”

He said, “No, we shouldn’t.”

I said, “I’m going.”

He said, “No don’t do it.”

I said, “I’m going.”

This kind of thing can be effective and funny if it’s done right, but discourage diarrhea

dialogue that goes on and on and on and on…

Wrap up: Tell students we will practice adding more dialogue to your stories as we work in

this unit. Tomorrow we will work on dialogue for different scenes. Have some students read

their work from today’s scene.

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Follow up:

A. Have students write short scenes full of realistic dialogue.

1. two characters about to ride a roller coaster 2. a dragon and a prince who are about to fight 3. Two cheetahs about to chase down a zebra 4. Jack and Annie from the sea serpent scene in Lesson One

B. See lesson 12C for dialogue as a hook.

C. See the book, Boys Write for a great example

D. Try the next dialogue sort and have students build a scene around their snippet of

dialogue.

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Everyday, Bob and I would sit by the pond on top of an old

canoe and try and fish. We never felt like putting the canoe in

the water so we just sat on top of it like a bench. There were

never any fish so our conversations were pretty boring. We

would talk about whether we had any nibbles on our lines. We

would talk about the weather. We would talk about if we had

any fish yet. (insert dialogue here)

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One day though, everything changed. While we sitting there

on our canoe, on the edge of the pond, the sky suddenly grew

dark. When we looked up, there was a giant round thing, some

flying saucer-type weird hovering craft and it was right above us.

It wasn’t making a sound and it was blocking the sun. It hovered

a minute then, WHACK it landed right in the pond where it

floated for about 4 seconds. Then it sank like a rock. I was

thinking this is crazy. I wanted to paddle out there and check it

out. But, Bob didn’t want to. (insert dialogue here)

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Lesson 23B

Dialogue Sort

Match the “Dialogue” with the Who said it

Print these out. Cut them up. Then give one to each student. Have them silently find the person who

matches and make a circle. Have students read them. Discuss the importance of dialogue. Have students

make their own for the next class. Challenge them to find their partner quicker (without talking).

“Help! Help! I’m going to die on this roller coaster!!!”

I shrieked from the top if the ramp.

“Shhhhhh! We don’t want mom to hear us! She doesn’t want us up this early!”

I whispered to my brother and sister.

“OHHH, I don’t want to go to school today. It’s snowing, I don’t feel well, and I have 4

tests!”

I groaned as I looked out the window at the fluffy white flakes.

“Ummmm, my dog ate it. I don’t have it….”

I mumbled to my teacher when she asked me for the homework.

“I, I, I… d…d…do.. don’t w…w…w…want to t…t…trick or treat at this h… h… house..”

I stammered and stuttered nervously when we approached the big black shack on the

corner.

“What’s for lunch today?”

I nervously asked the lunch-lady who was holding some mysterious looking meat.

“WHO ATE MY TWINKIE????”

the giant eighth grader howled as he stood at his locker staring into his backpack.

“Grrrr, rrrr,”

the massive German shepherd growled as he stared at me.

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“Do not look up, do not turn your head, do not sneeze, cough, or twitch. This is a state

test...”

the teacher recited the rules like a robot.

“Clean up, clean up, it’s what we do everyday! Clean up, clean up, it’s fun to mix work

and play!”

The young teacher sang cheerfully as the sixth graders rolled their eyes.

“What is this kindergarten?”

The class sneered sarcastically.

LET’S GO RED SOX! LET’S GO RED SOX! LET’S GO RED SOX!”

The huge crowd roared. People were standing on their feet, standing on their seats,

standing on top of decades of disappointment.

“This song goes out to all the single ladies!”

Beyonce enthusiastically announced to thousands of fans in the stadium.

“Please throw the stick…please thrown the stick… please throw the stick… are you going

to throw the stick? Can you pick it up and throw it? I’ll fetch it. I will. I will. I promise I

will!”

The border collie seemed to ask as he bounced, jumped, and circled the man who was

walking with a cane.

“Hello? Is anyone in here? Hello? Is anyone in here?”

The cave simply echoed back every question the woman asked.

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Lesson 24

Lesson Character Reaction/Response Game

Work in Progress/Unfinished Lesson

Time: 15 minutes

Objective/Purpose/Overview: Students will learn to add reactions and responses from their characters

when they write.

Explain: When writing a story, authors often include the reactions of characters, their thoughts, and what

they are feeling. In this activity, we are going to try to add more information to a scene by telling what is

going on in a characters mind or tell how they are feeling. When writing these parts, be careful to respect

your reader and allow the reader to make some of his/her own judgments.

Here is an example from Bud, Not Buddy:

We were all standing in line waiting for breakfast when one of the caseworkers came in and tap-tap tapped down the

line. Uh-oh, this meant bad news, either they’d found a foster home for somebody or somebody was about to get

paddled. All the kids watched the woman as she moved along the line, her high heel shoes sounding like little

firecrackers going off on the wooden floor.

Can you see how the author added information to show how Buddy is feeling? Here he doesn’t say the

words aloud, but you can tell he is worried.

In this activity, you will be given a scene to read over with your partner. You will have to add in places that

show or describe the reactions of the characters. You can go back and forth with your partner. Here are

some phrases that might introduce your thoughts:

1. I was thinking… “

2. I was feeling…

3. I couldn’t believe it…

4. He/she was worried that…

5. He/she had a feeling that…

Scene 1:

Since I broke my leg sledding last week, I had to take the elevator in my school. The elevator is really old, I

think it must have been build at the same time as the pyramids or maybe when they had the model T car or

something. Whenever I get on I (add reaction here)

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Anyway, I’m kind of used it now and well, one day I’m on the elevator going up to my are class when

suddenly the thing just stops and lets out a huge BANG. (add reaction or thought here)

I didn’t actually say any of this because I didn’t want my friends to think I’m a baby. And who knows,

maybe these elevators have video recorders or something. So, I decide to be brave. I saw a movie once

where the character climbs up and out of the ceiling of the elevator. So I’m thinking… (add a thought or

reaction)

So I started to climb up into the ceiling of the elevator when…

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Lesson 25

Responding to a Story by Adding, Rewriting, Finishing the Piece

The “Loaded” Narrative

Purpose, Objective and Overview: In this activity, students read a text and then practice

writing a story in response to the text. It may mean:

1. Students must add dialogue or details to improve a passage that has already been written

2. re-writing a story from another point of view 3. re-writing or adding but in another genre (write a journal entry, a letter…) 4. given a selection, students must finish a story

It’s important for students to understand that they must respond to the prompt and often

include some details from the selection in their narrative. The amount they must include

seems to vary depending on the task.

Introduction: Tell students, “Today we will work on several activities to write a story in

response to a text. You will need to read the story carefully so you will know the characters,

setting, and plot. Your story will have to match the details and style of the text you have

been given. For example, if you have read about a realistic story about a 12 year-old boy

surviving in nature, you can’t suddenly have him jump on a unicorn and fight a dragon.

Development: You can go back to the Magic Tree House passage from Lesson 1 in Tell a

Story about a Time (available for free at www.collinsed.com/billatwood.htm) Or you could

use another sample from Lesson 1A in that book. I have included the original Magic Tree

House passage at the top of page three.

Have students read the selection (or read it to them). Use a quick organizer to call attention

to the setting, characters, and problem. Then have students plan 2-3 events that could happen

next. Remind them that they must continue in the point of view established by the author.

“If it is written in first person you should continue in that fashion. “I yelled to the dragon,

‘Get away from me!’” If it is written in 3rd person (narrator telling story) you must continue

like that. Jack grabbed a rock and then he hurled it at the dragon!”

With the first example, you might write one together as a class modeling how to use details

from the original in the new story. (see sample next page)

Remind students to continue to use the vanshoppes to make the writing vivid.

Wrap Up: After writing one scene together (explode the moment!), discuss what could happen next.

http://www.collinsed.com/billatwood.htm)

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Follow up:

Tell students that tomorrow, we will practice some of the following:

1. Writing the scene in the first person from the sea monster’s point of view 2. Writing the scene in the first person from Jack or Annie’s point of view 3. Looking at different fictional stories and identifying: character, setting, and plot in

order to plan the next several scenes and the WWW first sentence 4. Activities to verbally rehearse, writing from another point of view 5. Activities to practice writing a fable, myth, or tall tale 6. Activities to mimic an author’s style or character’s voice

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“AHHH!” screamed Jack and Annie.

The giant sea serpent arched its long neck into the sky. Its scaly green skin glistened in the late sunlight.

Staring at Jack and Annie, its eyes burned like bright yellow lamps.

Jack and Annie were frozen with terror.

The monster opened its mouth. Inside were hideous fangs and a purple forked tongue. The serpent made a

terrible hissing sound!

Jack and Annie huddled together on the rock. Frantic seal barks came from far away.

FCAs

Continues story with characters, setting, plot

Stays in proper point of view

5-8 .vanshoppes.com and vivid details to explode 2-3 moments

Transitions: all of a sudden, suddenly, next, after that…

Jack screamed to Annie, “We’ve got to do something! ANYTHING!” But

Annie just stared ahead. It was like she was in a block of ice. The monster’s face

inched closer to them. Its breath was terrible. It smelled awful like rotten

seaweed and dead fish. And the teeth were stained a nasty yellow color!

“Yuuch,” thought Jack. “Those are the ugliest teeth I’ve ever seen.” But

suddenly, up close Jack and Annie could see the monster’s eyes and they noticed

the eyes were wide open and never seemed to blink.

“ANNIE! I’ve got an idea!” Jack screamed as the monster stared at them.

“What if we throw sand in his eyes? You hated it last summer when you got sand

in your eyes. Remember down at the beach?”

Just then, Annie seemed to snap out of her trance. “Yes, I remember. It

was the worst! Jack, it’s a great idea! Grab some sand quick!!” Both kids

reached down and grabbed giant handfuls of sand.

Just at that moment the monster swooped in. Jack and Annie hurled the

sand right in the eyes of the monster!

“RRRROOOOOAAAAAARRRR!” The monster let out a noise that made

the rock shake. It twisted and turned shaking its huge head all around. Jack and

Annie crouched down on the rock and waited. The monster could not see

anything at all. And after a while, it just closed its eyes and sank down, down,

down back into the sea.

“WE DID IT!” yelled Jack and Annie together. They were jumping up and

down on the rock. But then, there celebration ended. Annie got quiet and asked,

“How do we get off this rock?

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Write a story that describes this scene from Monster’s point of view

FCAs

1. Use elements accurate to story (setting, characters, plot) 2. Writing in first person (i…) 3. 5-8 .vanshoppes.com to describe and explode the moment 4. 3-4 transitions (suddenly, all of a sudden, after that… in the end…)

You would not believe what happened to me last week! I was swimming

around in the Loch, just minding my own business and looking for something to

eat. You know since I’m about 200 feet long and I weigh 600 pounds-- I need to

eat. As a result, I’m hungry a lot of the time. Most people don’t know this, but

actually, I eat only plants. Yes, that’s right, I’m a sea monster, but like the

Brontosaurus, I am a vegetarian.

Anyway, I was swimming around in the loch looking for some sea-weed or

anything to snack on when I notice a terrific rock in the middle of nowhere. I’m

thinking to myself, I’m sure there is some sea-weed on this rock or at least some

moss! So I mosey on over to the rock and what do I see? A couple of kids

huddling there like they are freezing cold. Well, you know, I’ve got lamp-like

eyes and a warm, forked-tongue so I think maybe I can warm them up if I get a

little closer. Maybe even I can give them a ride to shore?

I swim on over to them to try and warm them with my eyes and they start

freaking out! One of them starts screaming, “Jack, Jack, Jack, Help me!” So I

think that maybe she’s really cold. So I inch in a little closer, and then WHAM!

These kids throw sand right in my eyes! I know you probably don’t have eyes

that are 3 feet around, but try to imagine how much this would sting. I mean they

got the sand directly in my eyes. Wow! I twisted around and yelled my head off,

but the only thing I could think of was to go back under the water and wash it off.

I’d like to help these kids, but I can’t do anything if I can’t see! So I duck under

the water. But then, to make matters worse, as soon as I disappear from view, I

hear the kids cheering! Well, I think, how rude! Maybe, I’ll just leave them on

that rock to find their own way home. Geeez!

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145

146

147

148

Writing a journal entry or other genre to match a story

FCAs

Journal entry format (dates, dear journal…)

WWW that matches story

.Vanshoppes.com with details that describe 4-6 events

transitions between events

March 10, 2016

Dear Journal,

You won’t believe the camping trip I just went on! It was with my friend

Steve and his dad, Mr. Adams. It was the most amazing unforgettable time. I had

never camped before so I didn’t know anything.

When we were driving out to the camping place, I heard a loud POP! And,

guess what, the tire was flat. I could not believe it!! We didn’t get to the

camping place until night time! I thought, well this is going to be interesting!

Next, it got really cold. I thought, you know what, it feels like snow. But Mr.

Adams said, “It never snows in March!” Then, suddenly, it started to snow! The

flakes were huge, white, and fluffy. Mr. Adams did not look happy.

So he said, “Everybody get in the tents or you’ll freeze!” The big thing was to

keep everything dry in there. But, all of a sudden the cola bottle opened and

EXPLODED everywhere. I started cracking up. I didn’t want to be rude, so I was

sort of snorting my laughter in my hand. But, it was so funny! There was like a

puddle as big as an ocean in the tent!

In the morning, we went fishing but we didn’t catch anything. It was like the

fish were asleep or something. We started making fishy sounds like blub blub

blub. But no fish came. I was laughing a lot at the fishy sounds until suddenly

the boat started to sink!!! Water was pouring in like a river. I was thinking OMG

we are going to be on the bottom of this lake in a minute.

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Mr. Adams orders us to BAIL. I didn’t even know what that meant, but I

figured it out when I saw the bucket. Luckily, we made it back to shore by

paddling and paddling and paddling. I was sweating my head off!

That night we roasted marshmallows. They were brown and sweet. We talked

about the day. It was the best day ever!

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Finishing or re-writing a tall tale

151

152

FCAs

WWW (that includes elements from story)

Begin middle and and that accurately retells 3-4 events from Johhny’s point of view

.VANSHOPPES.COM (details that fit the style of tall tales…. Apostrophes for left out letters,

grammar mistakes to sound like characters, exaggeration of things…)

Transitions

One day I was sitting out in the field when I hear a whack whack whack of trees being

chopped down. I'm thinking that it can't be all the apple trees I just planted! I spent days and

days growin’ them!

Just then I see ole’ Paul Bunyon coming up the road. He says to me, "Did you see what

I did? See all the trees I chopped! Only took me 3 days to do it! Better than you!"

I thought to myself. Well, here's a guy who needs to learn a lesson. Doesn't he see that

it's easier to chop, chop, and chop than to grow and grow! He doesn't really seem to care

about anything but beating me and beating down trees! Hmmm, I think to myself.

"How about a contest? See if you can make this seed grow?" I say to him. I have one

apple seed left. So I give it to him. He'll need to take real good care of it for it to survive.

"Easy!" he says. He thinks that he can just drop it into the ground and it will grow. I

watch him just stick it under the ground. I want to laugh out load. This silly oaf! After a bit,

I remind him, "Won't live, if doesn't have water!" Then, the big giant guy runs off over 200

miles to get some water. But, you know what, he doesn't even bring a pail! That’s just it

with these big guys, all muscle but not too many brains! So when he gets back, he barely has

enough water-- just a couple of drops. Well, that's when I remind him, "Watch out for the

rabbits!" You should have seen his face! He now, God bless him, has to protect the little

seed from all those bunnies AND get more water too! I'm starting to feel a little bad for him,

but...

After the night comes, I say to him, "Don't matter about the rabbits if the frost gets

them!" Well, you should see him now. He gets on his hands and knees and tries to blow on

the ground. All the bunnies are all about him, scratching his hands and everythin’. Poor ole’

guy! I feel he has learned his lesson-- just about. I decide to say goodnight and so I leave

him by saying, "Nothing's enough if you don't care enough!" This last message is the one I

want him to hear the most. I then move off into the night but stay near enough to hear him. I

want to see if he can make that seed grow. After all, it’s the only one I got left.

Well, sure enough, after a little while, he sees the little green shoot sprout up and I know

he is excited. He yells at the top of his lungs, "Look at this!" He's got a big smile on his

face, about a mile wide, and now I know he won't be braggin’ so much about chopping down

my trees anymore! I’m also thinking, hmmm, maybe I could use those big fingers of his to

poke me some holes for more apple tree seeds!

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Lesson 26

The Pixar Formula

This lesson may be used to replace or supplement lesson #14

Time: 15-30 min

Purpose and Overview: In this activity, students practice planning a story using a simple

formula. Students will learn the Pixar formula and be able both retell a story and plan a story

with this formula

Materials: You could show the beginnings of certain movies, or the trailer.

Introduction: Explain to students that they have been practicing writing scenes. Scenes are

like bricks that help build the story. However, for many writers it is important to start with a

plan for the story. This way you can have an idea of where your story is going. In this

lesson, you will practice using the PIXAR formula to create the plan for a story.

Explain that Pixar Pictures is one of the most successful animation studios in the world. The

movies are original, fun, and almost always entertaining to watch. They have rarely made a

bad movie. Some recent and upcoming titles include:

Incredibles 2, The 2019

Coco 2017

Cars 3 2017

Finding Dory 2016

Good Dinosaur, The 2015

Inside Out 2015

Monsters University 2013

Brave 2012

Cars 2 2011

Toy Story 3 2010

Up 2009

Wall E 2008

Ratatouille 2007

Cars 2006

Incredibles, The 2004

Finding Nemo 2003

Monsters, Inc 2001

Toy Story 2 1999

Bugs Life, A 1998

Toy Story 1995

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=the-incredibles-2

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=coco

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=cars-3

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=finding-nemo-2

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=the-good-dinosaur

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=pixar-inside-out-movie

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=monsters-2

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=brave

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=cars-2

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=toy-story-3

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=up

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=wall-e

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=ratatouille

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=cars

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=the-incredibles

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=finding-nemo

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=monsters-inc

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=toy-story-2

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=bugs-life

http://disdb.com/movies/details.asp?mov=toy-story

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In 2011, Pixar story artist, Emma Coats tweeted a series of “story basics.” These were

suggestions or guidelines that she had learned from her senior colleagues. One version is

available at:

http://www.pixartouchbook.com/blog/2011/5/15/pixar-story-rules-one-version.html

Explain to the students that today we will practice using a formula to both retell and lay out a

great story.

Once upon a time,

Everyday,

Then one day,

Because of that

Until Finally…

Development: One way to work on this formula is to look at old Pixar films and re-tell them

using the formula.

For example:

Cars:

Once a upon a time, there was a talented, rookie race car named Lightning McQueen who

wanted to win the famous Piston Cup, get Rookie of the Year, and be sponsored by the great

car company, Dinoco.

Everyday, he would try to win races, but he was selfish and ignored all of his crew. He fires

his crew leader and behaves like a “one man show.”

Then one day, Lightning falls out of the transport truck (because he won’t let his driver rest),

winds up lost, and decides to drive to California on his own. He is arrested for speeding and

winds up stuck in a small town called Radiator Springs.

Because of that, Lightning must stay in the town and repave the road.

Because of that, he falls in love, makes friends, and learns important life lessons from a

famous but old race car.

Until finally, he returns to compete in the Piston Cup and even though he doesn’t win, he

shares his success with all his new friends.

http://www.pixartouchbook.com/blog/2011/5/15/pixar-story-rules-one-version.html

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You might want to show some trailers to refresh everyone’s memory of the films and then

work on some retelling together. The goal is not to tell everything but just get practice at the

main ideas and plot points.

Monster’s Inc.

Once upon a time: There were 2 best friend monsters, Sully and Mike. They work at a

factory that collects the scream energy from little kids to power the monster world.

Everyday: Sully, the main scary monster, goes into bedrooms and scares kids and capturing

their screams. Monsters have been told that humans are poisonous, so the monsters are

careful never to touch or bring back anything contaminated from the human world.

Until One day: By accident, a human child named Boo comes out of the room on Sully’s

back and into the Monster World.

Because of that: The monster friends must protect and hide the child while trying to return

her to the world of humans.

Because of that: They learn that you get more energy from laughter than screams and now

must fight back against the evil plans of the power company.

Until finally: They are helped by undercover agent, Roz, to set everything right and put all

the bad characters behind bars. They run a new kind of company based on laughter.

Once, students understand the formula, have them begin to practice it will a small story.

Explain to students that we will use the Pixar Formula to plan a simple story together. It will

have about six parts:

Once upon a time

Everyday

Until one day

Because of that

Until Finally

Have students practice as a class by offering different characters, settings, and situations.

Once: You and your friend live in small town… you have an older brother and parents who

work.

Everyday: You spend your Saturdays hanging out playing video games with your friend

Bob. You parents are at work and your brother hangs out with his friends.

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Until one day: There is a huge clap of thunder. Power goes out. Wind is blowing wildly.

Because of that: You grab flashlight and head to basement. You think basements are safest

place.

Because of that: You hear and see all kinds of creepy noises and images. Flashlight stops

working. Someone or something jumps out at you!

Until finally: You realize it was just your brother pranking you. The power is not off. He

just turned off the power. He was tricking you. You all laugh. As you go back upstairs, you

find the door is locked and suddenly power goes off for real! You are plunged into darkness.

Screams. End of story.

Other possibilities

Once upon a time: You and friend at birthday party.

Everyday: You are playing hide and seek doing normal birthday party things…

Until one day: You are hiding and discover…

Because of that:

Until finally:

Wrap Up:

Share some student ideas. Explain that you will be planning more stories in the future. The

Pixar formula might help.

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Visual Signals and Gestures for Critical Academic Words and Skills

Narrative Writing: www.vanshoppes.com and more

When Point to watch say, “Last week, last month, once upon a time”

Who Point to self say “Who is in story?”

Where Put hand out say, “Where does it take place?”

Dialogue Put up quote symbol but mimic talking, I said, “blah, blah…”

Inner dialogue Put up quotes symbol but point to head, what were you

thinking, what were your characters thinking? How did they

REACT?”

Vivid Verb Pretend to run

Adjective Make the capital letter A with your hands

Specific Pinch fingers together

Noun Stand like a soldier, arms at side. Say, “Person”- point to self.

“Place”- put hands face up in front of you (like here). “Thing”-

point to light bulb or some other object. “Idea”: point to

temples.

Simile Put hands up one at a time say, “sim-i-lee” fluffy like a cloud

Hyperbole Make an exaggerated gesture with both hands say, say “dog was

as big as a horse”

Onomatopoeia Touch both ears, back and forth on each syllable

Personification Blow like the wind? Wind tickled my ears, knocked me over…

Punctuation for

effect

Act out the following marks and use emotion when you say

them

End marks Stomp on the ground

Period Stomp on ground and put fist out with a short punch

Question mark/

interrogative

Draw a question mark in the air and then stomp, say “question

mark?” with an inflected voice

Exclamation

mark

Draw a vertical line with your hand and then stomp and say

with emotion, “EXCLAMATION MARK!”

Ellipsis Stomp three times while saying in three syllables each time

stomping: e-lips-sis (the shark came by again…)

Explode the

Moment

Make an exploding type motion with your hands

Senses Point to eyes, ears, nose, mouth, rub fingers,

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Don’t tell me,

show me

Make a wagging motion with your fingers (don’t) then pretend

to talk, don’t tell me. Then gesture show me and run through

the senses signals: ears, eyes, nose, taste, touch…

Close it up,

powerful closer

Swirl your finger in a circular motion, add muscle gesture by

flexing bicep for a powerful closer

Include a hook

or grabber

Extend your right hand like you are trying to grab something or

someone’s attention, or use an imaginary hook

Mood Mimic a violin playing

Details Make a tail for younger students or make the letter d with your

left hand forming the stem and right hand forming the circle

Examples Make an “x” with your two index fingers

Transition

words

Interlock your fingers of both hands in front of you and say,

“first, next, also, most importantly, furthermore…”

Elaborate

explain

Use hands curling back to self, urging student forward, give me

more information

Point of view Point to self then into the distance with your hand over your

eyes for my point of view, point to someone else and do the

same (his point of view)

Put the story in

order to build

suspense

Use your fingers to show rising action, grab chin and look

puzzled to indicate problem, hold up one finger to show

solution (eureka!)

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Visual Signals and Gestures for Critical Academic Words and Skills

Parts of Speech and Punctuation Adjective Make the capital letter A with your hands

Noun Stand like a soldier, arms at side. Say, “Person”- point to self.

“Place”- put hands face up in front of you (like here). “Thing”-

point to light bulb or some other object. “Idea”: point to

temples.

Pronoun Stand like a noun, then turn head and look quizzically,

“pronoun” say what’s it referring to? Put hands up say, “he, she,

them, it…” You could also do possessive pronouns like his,

hers, by hugging and imaginary object to your chest…

Action Verb Pretend to run

State of Being

Verb

After running, put arms down to sides, palms out, shrug

shoulders, say “I am tired, she is hungry…”

Adverbs Run like for a verb, then run faster or slower, swiftly,

slowly…Put out the A gesture (like for adjective) again, but do

it after the verb signal)

Connecting

transition

words phrases

Link hands together in front of body. First, also, finally, most

importantly, however, on the other hand…

Comma Make a comma in the air

Apostrophe Make a comma like but higher in the air. Say contraction can’t

or possessive boy’s girl’s while hugging something to self.

Semicolon Stomp and then draw a comma (semi… stomp, colon…

comma)

Sentences must

have a

complete idea

Make a circle with your hands, point to head

Sentences must

make sense

Pantomime light bulb going off (put the fingers of your right

hand into the air like a light bulb going off while your thumb is

still touching your head say, “Bing!”)

Sentences have

a subject like a

noun

a person (stand straight up arms to side); a place (hands palms

up her or here gesturing to the places); thing ( point to light

bulbs in room etc.)

Have a

predicate

Gesture and action like hitting a ball or snapping fingers or

eating

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Prepositions Where a squirrel can go, put fist out and point above, below, on,

in, behind,

Wawababsui

Subordinating

conjunctions

Pretend to cry and say: “while, as, when, after, before,

although, because, since, unless, if…”

Coordinating

conjuctions

(fanboys)

Way like your hand like a fan in front of your face

Say, “For, and, nor, but, or, yet, so…”

161

Visual Signals and Gestures for Critical Academic Words and Skills

Evidence-based Writing

Topic sentence Show an arc with your hands over your head indicating it must

be broad enough to cover the ideas.

Turn the

question

around

Gesture with your right hand like you are turning a light bulb

around

Support Cradle arms like holding a baby

Ideas Point to temples (near forehead) where your ideas are

Specific Pinch fingers together, also exact, precise or grab shirt to show

specific details like the ones that distinguish your shirt from

someone else’s shirt

Focused

Relevant

Make a V with your hand

Not related /

irrelevant/ off

topic

Gesture away, flinging or brushing off into the distance

Details Make a tail for younger students or make the letter d with your

left hand forming the stem and right hand forming the circle

Examples Make an “x” with your two index fingers

Reasons Make a lower case “r” with the index finger of your right hand

Facts Make an “F” by raising left index finger and crossing it with the

index and middle finger of right hand (almost like a flag flying)

Text

(article,

passage,

selection,

myth…)

Put hands in front of you in shape of a book (like a wide V)

Look back Pantomime flipping pages of an imaginary book

Find/locate Point to text by using your right hand and point to the open left

hand (book)

Evidence Mimic looking through a magnifying glass

162

Short quotes

(not long

quotes)

Short quotes not long quotes: Use the quotation marks symbols

with your hands in the air. Expand them in the air and shake

no.

Cite the quotes

(attribute)

Show quotes and mimic writing after the quotes

Elaborate

explain

Use hands curling back to self, urging student forward, give me

more information

Transition

words

Interlock your fingers of both hands in front of you and say,

“first, next, also, most importantly, furthermore…”

Close it up,

powerful closer

Swirl your finger in a circular motion, add a punch for powerful

closer

Check it over Make a giant check mark in the air

No “personal”

pronouns

Wag finger then point to self

Use

information

from several

sources or

places in the

text

Use your finger to point to several books (re-cup hands to

make another book) or point on several places on your hand

(book)

Answer all

parts

Pantomime writing in the air in several places

Fill the box! (if

box is given)

Put hands together, one on top of the other, in front of you, like

a sandwich. Then, spread them, filling up a whole box,

vertically and horizontally. How many lines? All 23 lines!

Include a hook

or grabber

Extend your right hand like you are trying to grab something or

someone’s attention, or use an imaginary hook

Clarify Instead of curling your hands, put them straight one after

another in a more organized way, say clar-i-fy when you do this

Retell Talk from left to right as if you just heard something and then

retell it

Don’t

plagiarize

Wag fingers then pantomime reading your left hand as if it is a

passage and then copying it by air writing with your right hand

Compare Look at your two hands face up in front of you

Contrast Flip one hand over and keep looking at differences

163

Closely read Pantomime reading with your face really close to text and go

slowly

Infer Pantomime reading between the lines (hold up 2 lines in front

of your face)

Point of view Point to self then into the distance with your hand over your

eyes for my point of view, point to someone else and do the

same (his point of view)

Identify Point to your id tag

ADVANCED GRADES 5 AND UP

Claim Use your right hand like a sock puppet talking

Counter claim use your left hand (see above) and make it argue with the right

hand

Analyze Pantomime breaking something apart with your two hands in

front of you and looking at it carefully

Synthesize Pantomime putting it back together

Paraphrase Pantomime reading something then thinking and then talking in

your own words

Summarize Pantomime reading, air writing, then collapse your hands

together to show shortening or compressing your thoughts

Excerpt Show the symbol for text then pantomime lifting or pulling a

piece of it with your fingers

Critique Pantomime looking at something, scrunching up face and then

holing up 1 finger as if to say, 1 suggestion I have it..

Source Gesture the text but draw an “air S”

Objective tone Pantomime talking like a robot, wag fingers and then talk all

angry or excited (not subjective)

Interpret Pantomime right hand talking like a claim but then look at it

thinking then take your other hand and in the same direction

talk more as if you are interpreting the words

Formal style Adjust your tie

Argument Do the symbol for claim and counter claim and then have them

fight

Audience Put hands on side of face as if watching something

Delineate Pantomime underlining in a text

Design Pantomime building something, stacking your hands every

which way and thinking about it

Integrate Mesh fingers together

164

Distinguish Separate fingers a little bit to distinguish them from one another

but don’t segregate them

Comprehend Point to ideas then shake 3 times, say, “I com-pre-hend”

Simile Put hands up one at a time say, “sim-i-lee” fluffy like a cloud

Metaphor Same as simile but put hands together and don’t say “like”

Evaluate Do the gesture for critique and then give it a score by holding

up nine fingers

Justify Pound on table 3 times? Just-i-fy then add evidence, details,

examples, facts…

Trace Trace your fingers as if making one of those turkeys on paper

Rank Pantomime 1, 2, 3, 4

165

Coming Soon

Lessons on:

Looking at different fictional stories and identifying: character, setting, and plot in order to plan

the next several scenes and the WWW first sentence

Activities to verbally rehearse, writing from another point of view

Activities to practice writing a fable, myth, or tall tale

Activities to mimic an author’s style or character’s voice

Point of view

Punctuation for Effect

Text analysis and Opinion writing with narrative prompts “Which passage is better? Should this

passage be included in the book, Excellent Excepts for Students to Read. How are the passages similar

different? How did the author create suspense?...”

Using the 1 Penny White Boards to edit and revise

Paragraphing and transitions

Mood

Hyperbole

Repetition/rhythm

Symbols

Explode/Eliminate

Quiz Quiz Trade to practice key skills and recall key terms