Revising a writing Assignment

Hello Roderick,

I hope you find the following information helpful.

You did a good job of completing your assignment. I like how you went into detail how Nicholas Carr saw the super computer and human behavior. Decent writing, you explained how Carr felt about the computer and our brain. Your goal was to validate Carr idea about the computer is what I’m taking away from this piece.

This matter because we need to take control of ourselves. Why the subject matter is emphasized by validating what Car originally felt. I would suggest relating your own personal stance in the matter to connect with the subject. To establish the timeliness the writer went into how technology is continuing to change overtime. The writer is mostly talking to an academic crowd in his writing that have read the article by Carr. Because these students have a better Idea of what is happening. I feel you could have been more effective by taking a side and using sources to validate them. Using personal experiences from your life about how you feel in regards to the essay. A strong thesis and supportive paragraphs would have made this more beneficial from your side.