I need to write critique about this play and give feedback from questions in the end of the play

Jessica: A female young adult looking for a tattoo

David: A male young adult tattoo artist

Scene:

Inside a tattoo shop. There’s a tattoo chair, which look like a dentist patient chair but slightly more comfortable. Next to it is a chair stool with wheels where the tattoo artist sits on, while next to it is a stand. In this short stand the artist sets up their tools. The floor are white tiled and the walls are also plain white. The only thing that sticks out are the individual artists pieces framed on the wall. David’s are usually realistic frames. Tattoos of famous celebrities, realistic anatomies, or basic black and white skin works. David’s supervisor instructed Jessica to see David in his shop to see if his willing to do her tattoo.

Jessica:

(Walks in) Um… David?

David:

(Sitting on his stool, looking at different artworks on his laptop) Yes. (Paying no attention to Jessica)

Jessica:

Okay… Are you the one who knows how to tattoo realistic anatomy?

David:

The best at tattooing realistic anatomies. Some restrictions may apply.

Jessica:

Okay… (Begins to nervously approach David while also looking around the room)

David:

(Turns around annoyed) Do you want a tattoo or not?

Jessica:

Yes. Of course. Umm… (Goes through her shoulder bag to find a sketch of the tattoo she wants) Here you go

David:

(Snatches drawing) Heh, a realistic heart. How original. Let me guess, you want it on your sternum?

Jessica:

(Nervously playing with her fingers) Yes, actually.

David:

(Chuckles) Well, sorry. I don’t do realistic hearts anymore.

Jessica:

(Confused) Why?

David:

(Feeling threatened) None of your business why. (Hands back drawing)

Jessica:

Um…

David:

That means pick something else or get the fuck out of the shop. (Returns to look through online images)

Jessica:

(About to walk out she notices the picture of a teenage male. She approaches the picture while David was busy going through his images. She picks up the picture and smiles. Her smile was immediately interrupted when David turned around)

David:

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!

Jessica:

(Startled) Oh um… (David snatched the frame from her hand) Well…

David:

(Raging) What is it with people thinking they have the right to go into people’s personal shit. You have all these wonderful tattoo arts, you have a fucking catalogue to look through and you decide to pick up my picture frame!? Are you fucking serious?! Mind your own business for once. This isn’t Instagram so don’t fucking try to like my shit!

Jessica:

I’m sorry

David:

No, your fucking not! I don’t even understand why my brother fucking likes people! Did you know that he refused to get his driver license until our parents agree to allow him to be an organ donor? What kind of bullshit is that?! He would ride his bike to school and would even refuse to be driven to school by his friends. Ultimately, they agreed, and he got his license. You want to know what happened to him? In some cruel universal irony, he got into a car accident and died. He died with a shirt saying, “It gets better”! My parents, till this day, continue to blame themselves and my father eventually took his own life. Now, I have no choice but to fucking work my ass off in order to help my mom financially. So, no you’re not fucking sorry, because you wouldn’t have done that to begin with!

Jessica:

(Begins taking off her shirt)

David:

I ain’t going to do your fucking ta- (David saw a scar in between her breast) What the fuck is that?

Jessica:

It’s a scar from a heart transplant I had 2 and a half years ago. (She looks at David with watered eyes) It’s your brother’s.

David:

(In awe) Oh my God… No way… How? How do you know it’s my brother’s?

Jessica:

Well, in high school (she took a sit on the tattoo chair) I was having breathing problems. At first, I thought it was my asthma but then one day I passed out. When I awoke I saw the devastating look my parents had. Soon after they told me I had a heart condition and needed to get a heart transplant. Long story short, I had to wait for a new heart. Heh, my own father offered his heart in hope to save my life. Luckily, the doctor informed him that his heart wasn’t a fit for me. Too big, he said, boosted my dad’s ego a bit (Both chuckled). Anyways, after a few months, we got the news that a perfect heart was available for me. A heart of a teenage boy.

David:

My brother’s heart.

Jessica:

Yes. (They both smiled). I couldn’t believe it and it was amazing to see my parents happy for once. (She wiped a tear from under her eye left eye) I needed time to recover and to catch up to sooo much that I have missed out. After I fully recovered I applied to college and got accepted, but before I leave I figured it was time I find the people to thank. It took me awhile, but with the help of social media and organ donation advocacy groups, I found them.

David:

Wow… Did you visit my mom yet?

Jessica:

(Nervously laughs) Yes. Um… It didn’t go well. She blamed me for his death.

David:

Yeah, she does that. She hasn’t been the same since my brother’s pass. It didn’t help that my father took his own life. Both attempted suicide, you know? My dad went the more permanent route with the gun while my mother tried to go peacefully with pills. Walked into both of them.

Jessica:

I’m sorry you had to go through that.

David:

Yeah. (He delves into his own though but eventually snaps out) Anyways, she doesn’t blame you, she blames herself. See, if she wouldn’t have consented to the form she would still have her son. Riding a bike to school, being overly optimistic, and still complaining about how self-centered human beings are.

Jessica:

Funny how the world works.

David:

Yeah. The loss of one child to save another. (He took a moment before he continued) I’m sorry for the way I reacted.

Jessica:

Why did you get that way? (She began putting her shirt back on)

David:

If you can’t tell I still haven’t moved on. I miss him, and all his nativity. He always saw the good in people and I would bully him for that in high school. We were close but just had different beliefs in the human race. He would say “We were worth dying for” and I would respond “To hell with them”. (Had a pondering look on his face) The house felt so empty without his positive energy. If you can’t tell I wasn’t my parents favorite. The day they attempted suicide was the day I was suppose to go to my graduation ceremony.

Jessica:

Holy shit!

David:

(Chuckled) Damn straight (Sadness enveloped his face). Still want that tattoo?

Jessica:

You’re willing to give me a realistic heart tattoo? I understand if you’re not willing to.

David:

(Sniffles) Yeah, this will do me some good. Also, why a realistic heart? What’s it supposed to mean?

Jessica:

I live thanks to your brother. I want something to remind me of that and the scar isn’t enough. The scar reminds me of the pain, not of the joy I currently have. Once I found out that you were a tattoo artist it all came to me. It would be perfect to have a piece that would bring me a bitter joy. What makes it better is that it’s a piece done by someone close to him.

David:

Thank you. I’m glad you came to me. It will be my pleasure to play a role in this. (Begins setting up) By the way, with the area you want the tattoo and with the scar, it is going to hurt quite a bit.

Jessica:

(She places her hand on his shoulder) Don’t worry. It gets better.

Questions and Concerns

1. Do you like the flow of the dialogue? Was it fluent or to rigid?

2. Do the characters come to life by themselves? What did you see when the characters were talking?

3. What should I add and/or what should I remove?

4. How did you feel throughout the reading?

5. Did you like it? (Honesty is the best policy)