peer review

"Disability, Hysteria, and Environmental Illness"

My rank as a Disability Target is a new concept to me. Prior to March of 2018 I was considered perfectly healthy with no disabilities. From November 2017 through February of 2018, I had a cold that persisted for months. I was congested, coughing all the time and having issues falling asleep because I couldn’t breathe while laying down. At first the doctors gave me cold remedies and antibiotics, treating the condition as a severe cold. After a few months, I was sent to an allergist and I was told I have asthma and am allergic to most of the trees in Washington. My skin even reacted to the saline they used as the control for the test. They then had to perform a different, very painful test to be sure the first diagnosis was accurate because I reacted to saline control. In lieu of my recent transition into being a Disability Target, I decided that “Disability, Hysteria, and Environmental Illness”, was the perfect topic to discuss.

I had a hard time accepting this news. I am an athlete, I play the trombone, and I love climbing trees. How is this possible? I’ve never had problems with my lungs or issues around trees. My entire life up until that diagnosis, I had held Agent Rank in the category Disability. I always thought that asthma was a thing people got if they didn’t go outside or get enough exercise. I believed that if they exerted themselves more, then their lungs would get stronger. When we were kids, my friends and I wouldn’t pick the kid in the neighborhood with the inhaler to be on our team because we wanted to win. I can’t even remember his name. In fact, my first thought when the doctor told me I had asthma was, ‘What? I am not nerdy like… whatever his name!’. I even argued with her about my allergy to the trees in Washington because I had spent the last ten years in Alaska around the same tress and never had a problem. Before being diagnosed, while still a Disability Agent, I was an antagonist. My contribution to oppression was Ableism, using the Agent skills of indifference and distancing to ignore and separate myself from people I didn’t view as equal to me. After being diagnosed, I used the Target skills of Survival and Confusion when questioning medical tests that clearly indicated that I have a disability. As Nieto states, “Confusion skills are a response to the stress caused by oppression and the simultaneous denial that exists.” (p. 155) It became clear to me that I was in denial as an Agent and may still be in denial as a Target.

In an unintentional position of power and control, I used minimizing, denying and blaming to oppress that kid in the neighborhood with asthma. I have always thought of myself as a good person, yet how could I think that way without thinking about the impact my actions had on that kid. Now that I am on the other side, I understand it more. It’s hard to describe what it feels like to try to take a breath but not be able to. Your chest even moves up and down just like it is supposed to, but you still can’t breathe. Breathing is pretty much the first thing we do post-womb and one of the most basic of our human needs. I’ve tried to go hiking and biking, but I cannot make it though a trip with out having to use my inhaler. Sometimes, if I start laughing at a joke, I start coughing uncontrollably which always elicits looks of concern or disgust from the people around me. Coughing, spitting up mucus, purple in color and oxygen deprived until I use my inhaler to breathe again normally. It is very embarrassing and because of it I try not to laugh as much anymore. I don’t feel oppressed though, instead I feel guilty for coughing too loudly or snoring at night if others are trying to sleep.

I wasn’t sure what the exact definition of environmental illness was. When I searched it on Web MD.com, it came up with these alternate names, "sick building syndrome”, Multiple Chemical Sensitivity or “MCS”, and “idiopathic environmental intolerance.” There is a list of symptoms and they don’t have a clear idea why people have environmental illnesses, but the article did speculate that depression or anxiety could be a cause. Immediately I was reminded of the hysterical women of the witch hunts or the experiences of Jennifer Brea and the millions of others who are not believed. The article is reaffirming the idea that if we can’t figure out what it is, then it’s likely a mental issue. The treatment options listed were for anxiety, headaches and antidepressants. Web WD also stated, “Those feelings are real. But they can happen for many reasons. The question is whether MCS is an illness. Health experts don’t agree on that.” Groups, within groups, all separate keeping the power and control wheel rolling, all subservient to white supremacy.

I know now that there is a collection of systems in place that function in a manner that perpetuates itself. A hierarchy where heterosexual white men reign with supremacy. What I experience now is nothing compared to those at the inception of capitalism. According to Ferderici, the separation of people into groups stems back to Europe and the 1300’s. Where lowered population due to the Black Plague, and a loss of control by the elite class, fueled the birth of capitalism. It started with control of women and the workforce, but as Heteropatriarchy strengthened its reign, those wearing the crowns learned the ability to create and control more groups of people. Heteropatriarchy and its contribution to the belief that normal is straight, white and male, has conversely led to the inevitable opposite. Which is that everyone who is not able, heterosexual, white, or male, must then be abnormal. The abnormal people will find more obstacles in life that will have to be overcome, and they will even oppress each other to overcome those obstacles. I did it as a child and at that time I was a Target in Ethnicity, Gender, and Social Class Culture, yet I denied a Disability Target. This system is so set in place that normal people can just sit back, relax and enjoy the unearned perks. This is the way Capitalism keeps control of the situation under white supremacy, we participate without even knowing it. Both Agents and Targets help to keep that system moving yet most are completely oblivious to that fact.

I am no longer oblivious to this knowledge, but I know that I have a lot further to go before I reach Empowerment, if ever. I am hoping that I have developed a few empowered skills from one of my other Target memberships, and that those acquired skills will help me towards using Target-Valuing Skills. However, “as targets, we have been primed to use these skills, and they come readily to us…we might fall into using these skills as a consequence of internal stress or a threatening situation.” (p. 156) In that excerpt, Nieto speaks of our tendency to revert to Agent-Centric Skills. With that in mind I imagine I should be more cautious and aware now that I have a newly acquired Target Rank.

References:

Federici, Silvia; “Caliban and the Witch: Women, the Body and Primitive Accumulation”; Autonomedia; 2014

Brea, Jennifer; “Unrest”; Video Documentary; 2017

Neito, Leticia; “Beyond Inclusion, Beyond Empowerment, A Developmental Strategy to Liberate Everyone”; Cuetzpalin, 2010

WebMD; “https://www.webmd.com/allergies/multiple-chemical-sensitivity#1”; Multiple Chemical Sensitivity Article; August 13, 2017

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