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SWKClassLectureNotes4-29-20.docxFamily Systems Theory Cont’d
Family Projection Process – The way parents transmit their emotional problems onto a child.
Increases the child’s vulnerability to clinical symptoms.
Examples of issues that may surface later on in adulthood include:
· Heightened need for attention and approval
· Difficulty dealing with expectations
· The tendency to blame oneself or others
· Feeling responsible for the happiness others or that others are responsible for their happiness
· And acting impulsively to relieve the anxiety of the moment rather than tolerating anxiety and acting thoughtfully.
The projection process happens in three steps:
1. The parent focuses on a child out of fear that something is wrong with them;
2. The parent interprets the child’s behavior as confirming the fear; and
3. The parent treats the child as if something really is wrong with the child.
For example: A parent begins to wonder whether or not their child has low self-esteem. The child says and does something that confirms this suspicion. The parent begins to treat the child differently. The parent repeatedly starts affirming and praising the child in an effort to boost their self-esteem. As a result, the child’s self-esteem grows dependent on the parent’s compliments, affirmations, and praise.
Later on in life, the adult needs attention and approval from others to feel good about the self. I may feel as though my spouse is not meeting my esteem needs. They are not meeting my expectations.
Germs – Fear of germs. They might project that fear onto their children. That child may grow up to have the clinical issue. A constant fear or phobia of germs.
Make mommy happy. May project this onto their child and the child develops issues with feeling responsible for the happiness of others and blaming themselves when others are not happy.
Neurotic parent full of anxieties. May project this onto their child and the child develops issues with managing anxiety
Emotional Cutoff – Emotional separation. Where individuals will emotionally begin to separate from their parents/caregivers. Look at the manner in which adolescents begin to emotionally separate from their caregivers.
Examples of emotional cutoff:
1. Isolating or avoiding a relationship with a parent/caregiver
2. Physically move away
3. We may to stop speaking to a parent/caregiver
4. We may argue and fight a lot with our parent or caregiver
5. Alcohol or drug use may be a way of emotionally cutting-off from our parent/caregiver
The more severe the emotional cut-off, the greater the likelihood that the individual will bring their unresolved emotional attachments into their future relationships.
Codependency
Is an unhealthy pattern of relating between a Substance User and Non-User. Because the non-user is to closely involve with the user.
The Codependent – As also known as an Enabler.
The codependent is overly focused and overly involved with the user
The relationship is usually too enmeshed. It’s usually full of problems
The codependent is usually preoccupied with the addict and overactive
The relationship is unstable unpredictable, filled with chaos and crisis.
The codependent is usually hypervigilant
The codependent usually loses all sense of self and self-identity.
The codependent works to protect the addict from consequences and they will take on all of the responsibilities
Six chief characteristics or personality traits of a person who becomes a codependent
1. Poor self-esteem – Here the codependent feels little personal self-worth and think poorly of themselves. May have self-denigrative thoughts (I talk badly about myself).
2. Need to be needed – Some codependents who gain feelings of worth from taking care of others and how well they do that. Taking care of an addict fulfills that need to take care of someone. These codependents will neglect their own needs as a result and put all of their energy into meeting needs/demands of the addict.
3. Strong urge to change or control others . This codependent believes that they have the power to control another person’s addiction and use their abilities to influence change (Cut-down or stop). It’s an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. Grandiose thinking.
4. Willingness to Suffer (Martyr Syndrome) . Some codependents want to be a martyr. Why? They get pleasure or satisfaction from the feeling that they have sacrificed or suffered. This causes them to feel superior even though they report unhappiness.
5. Resistance to Change – To the codependent, leaving the addict is not an option. Why? They cannot deal with the sense of guilt that comes with separating from the addict. So….They become immobilized. The guilt, the anxiety, and pain serve as blocking mechanisms preventing the person from doing anything about the addiction.
6. Fear of Change – codependents fear and resist change due to an emotional investment in the addict’s continued use. Often this is unconscious. They may fear change for several reasons:
a. They may not want an assertive loved one. They have to give back power.
b. May be financially dependent on the addict and fear divorce or separation might happen if the addict becomes sober
c. May want to avoid sexual relations with the addict.
d. Worry that some family secret or family conflict might emerge if the addict becomes sober.
