Narrative Essay
Jaspereric
SummaryFeedbackFormPDF.pdf
Essay Details
Submitted review on: 7/22/2020 2:11:28 AM
Reviewed by: Jennifer L
Topic of essay: Why Start a Blog
Where are you in the writing process: I think I'm on track but ready for feedback
Review priorities: Thesis, Organization and paragraph development, Properly supporting your argument, Sentence variety and clarity
Presession Details Original Document Reviewed Document Download as PDF
1) Thesis Statement: Clear and focused thesis
Not Applicable
A thesis is not necessary for this
submission.
Beginning
The thesis does not appear to be
relevant, is not clearly defined, or
lacks focus.
Developing
The thesis statement is present
and clear. The focal point is not
consistently maintained
throughout the paper.
Accomplished
The thesis states the position,
premise, or hypothesis, and is the
focal point of the paper for the
most part.
Exemplary
The thesis clearly and concisely
states the position, premise, or
hypothesis and is consistently the
focal point throughout the paper.
Thesis statement target feedback:
Hello! I hope you're doing well today.
Good job putting this essay together. I can tell you put some hard work into it, and you make some great points.
Let's start by looking at your thesis statement. A thesis statement should cover what you plan to go over in your essay. Yours does that in a general sense, but it might work better if you were more specific. Try to cover each of the main points you plan to discuss in your essay.
Thesis statement help resources:
Writing a thesis statement
View Resource
Developing ideas target feedback:
I'm not sure you've approaced this essay correctly. Typically, a narrative essay tells a story. It's not a short story, exactly, but it does usually tell a personal story about your experiences. Instead, your essay reads like a persuasive essay, where you're trying to persuade the reader to do something. While your essay is a good example of that type of essay, I don't think it's what your professor was asking for (though I could be wrong, as I don't have the original assignment).
For instance, instead of trying to convince the reader to start a blog (a persuasive essay), you might tell the reader about your experiences starting a blog (a narrative essay). What did you learn? What did you think of the experience? How would you do things differently if you could do it over again? Often, narrative essays are told in chronological order.
In some ways, a narrative essay is like a fable. That is, it should have a main point or moral that the reader gets out of the storyoften something you've learned from your experience and want to pass on to the reader. Often, you include this point in your thesis statement, then go on to explain how you learned it.
If you think you're on the right track for the type of essay your professor wants, then I'd say make sure you're developing each idea fully. Some of your paragraphs seem a little thin. Try to be as specific as you can and provide examples of what you're saying.
Developing ideas resources:
Narrative essays
View Resource
3) Essay Structure: Organization and paragraphing
Beginning
Writing lacks logical organization. It shows
some coherence but ideas lack unity.
Developing
Writing is coherent and logically organized.
Some points remain misplaced and stray
from the topic. Transitions evident but not
used throughout essay.
Accomplished
Writing is coherent and logically organized
with transitions used between ideas and
paragraphs to create coherence. Overall
unity of ideas is present.
Exemplary
Writing shows high degree of attention to
logic and reasoning of points. Unity clearly
leads the reader to the conclusion and stirs
thought regarding the topic.
Essay structure target feedback:
When writing your essay, make sure you're using transitions between one paragraph and the next. Transitions are so important in an essay. They tell the reader where your argument is going so they can easily follow along. With each paragraph, take time to show how it is similar or different from the previous paragraph, cluing your reader in. Transition words are also helpful between sentences, as they also clue your reader in to how your argument is changing.
As noted above, try organizing a narrative essay based on the time line, in chronological order. Tell what happened first, then second, then third, and so on... Then, note what you've learned.
Essay structure resources:
transitions
View Resource
4) Research/Citation: Proper use of sources
Not Applicable
Citations were not necessary for
this submission.
Beginning
Sources do not follow a
documentation style (APA, MLA,
Turabian, Chicago, etc.) and are
not listed and/or work does not
appear original because citations
are not clear.
Developing
Sources meet the minimum
requirements for documentation
following standard practices of the
field (APA, MLA, Turabian, Chicago,
etc.). Work appears to be original
but is not always cited properly.
Accomplished
Most sources are documented
following standard practices of the
field (APA, MLA, Turabian, Chicago,
etc.). Work appears to be original
and appropriately cited.
Exemplary
All sources are documented and
formatted following standard
practices of the field (APA, MLA,
Turabian, Chicago, etc.). Work
appears to be original and
appropriately cited.
Research/Citation target feedback:
N/A
5) Grammar/Mechanics: Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation
Beginning
Errors in grammar and usage are very
noticeable, frequent, and affect meaning.
Lack of punctuation, or numerous errors in
punctuation affect the readability of the text.
Developing
Problems with grammar and usage are not
serious enough to distort the meaning but
may not be correct or accurately applied all
the time. Punctuation is random, and only
the easiest rules show awareness of
correct use.
Accomplished
Grammar and usage are good but do not
always add to the style of the writing.
Punctuation is somewhat accurate, and
shows a good command for readability, but
not creativity.
Exemplary
Grammar and usage are always correct
and enhance the writing clarity and style.
The punctuation is accurate, even creative,
and guides the reader through the text
easily.
Grammar/Mechanics target feedback:
Try to stick to one point of view in your essay. For instance, you mostly use second personyou, your, yourselfwhich is fine for a persuasive essay. However, you often switch to third persononeself, one'swhich sounds awkward with your use of second person. In a narrative essay, first personI, me, myselfactually makes the most sense because you're usually telling a story about yourself.
Also, try reading your essay outloud to yourself. You'll often hear awkward phrasing and mistakes that you can then fix.
Grammar/Mechanics help resources:
point of view
View Resource
Suggested revisions:
Overall, make sure you're writing the type of essay your professor requested, specifically a narrative essay instead of a persuasive essay. In addition, work on awkward phrasing, transitions, and being as specific as you can. If you want, you can always send your next draft back to a tutor to see if it's more in line with the assignmnet.
Once again, good job on the hard work you put into this essay. Best of luck on your revisions, and I hope you have a good week. Stay well!
Your 24/7 Essay Drop Off Review Feedback
2) Developing Ideas: Welldeveloped and logical ideas
Beginning
Shows some thinking and reasoning but
most ideas are underdeveloped.
Developing
Content indicates thinking and reasoning
applied with original thought on a few
ideas.
Accomplished
Content indicates original thinking and
develops ideas with sufficient and firm
evidence.
Exemplary
Content indicates synthesis of ideas, in
depth analysis and evidences original
thought and support for the topic.
Essay Details
Submitted review on: 7/22/2020 2:11:28 AM
Reviewed by: Jennifer L
Topic of essay: Why Start a Blog
Where are you in the writing process: I think I'm on track but ready for feedback
Review priorities: Thesis, Organization and paragraph development, Properly supporting your argument, Sentence variety and clarity
Presession Details Original Document Reviewed Document Download as PDF
1) Thesis Statement: Clear and focused thesis
Not Applicable
A thesis is not necessary for this
submission.
Beginning
The thesis does not appear to be
relevant, is not clearly defined, or
lacks focus.
Developing
The thesis statement is present
and clear. The focal point is not
consistently maintained
throughout the paper.
Accomplished
The thesis states the position,
premise, or hypothesis, and is the
focal point of the paper for the
most part.
Exemplary
The thesis clearly and concisely
states the position, premise, or
hypothesis and is consistently the
focal point throughout the paper.
Thesis statement target feedback:
Hello! I hope you're doing well today.
Good job putting this essay together. I can tell you put some hard work into it, and you make some great points.
Let's start by looking at your thesis statement. A thesis statement should cover what you plan to go over in your essay. Yours does that in a general sense, but it might work better if you were more specific. Try to cover each of the main points you plan to discuss in your essay.
Thesis statement help resources:
Writing a thesis statement
View Resource
Developing ideas target feedback:
I'm not sure you've approaced this essay correctly. Typically, a narrative essay tells a story. It's not a short story, exactly, but it does usually tell a personal story about your experiences. Instead, your essay reads like a persuasive essay, where you're trying to persuade the reader to do something. While your essay is a good example of that type of essay, I don't think it's what your professor was asking for (though I could be wrong, as I don't have the original assignment).
For instance, instead of trying to convince the reader to start a blog (a persuasive essay), you might tell the reader about your experiences starting a blog (a narrative essay). What did you learn? What did you think of the experience? How would you do things differently if you could do it over again? Often, narrative essays are told in chronological order.
In some ways, a narrative essay is like a fable. That is, it should have a main point or moral that the reader gets out of the storyoften something you've learned from your experience and want to pass on to the reader. Often, you include this point in your thesis statement, then go on to explain how you learned it.
If you think you're on the right track for the type of essay your professor wants, then I'd say make sure you're developing each idea fully. Some of your paragraphs seem a little thin. Try to be as specific as you can and provide examples of what you're saying.
Developing ideas resources:
Narrative essays
View Resource
3) Essay Structure: Organization and paragraphing
Beginning
Writing lacks logical organization. It shows
some coherence but ideas lack unity.
Developing
Writing is coherent and logically organized.
Some points remain misplaced and stray
from the topic. Transitions evident but not
used throughout essay.
Accomplished
Writing is coherent and logically organized
with transitions used between ideas and
paragraphs to create coherence. Overall
unity of ideas is present.
Exemplary
Writing shows high degree of attention to
logic and reasoning of points. Unity clearly
leads the reader to the conclusion and stirs
thought regarding the topic.
Essay structure target feedback:
When writing your essay, make sure you're using transitions between one paragraph and the next. Transitions are so important in an essay. They tell the reader where your argument is going so they can easily follow along. With each paragraph, take time to show how it is similar or different from the previous paragraph, cluing your reader in. Transition words are also helpful between sentences, as they also clue your reader in to how your argument is changing.
As noted above, try organizing a narrative essay based on the time line, in chronological order. Tell what happened first, then second, then third, and so on... Then, note what you've learned.
Essay structure resources:
transitions
View Resource
4) Research/Citation: Proper use of sources
Not Applicable
Citations were not necessary for
this submission.
Beginning
Sources do not follow a
documentation style (APA, MLA,
Turabian, Chicago, etc.) and are
not listed and/or work does not
appear original because citations
are not clear.
Developing
Sources meet the minimum
requirements for documentation
following standard practices of the
field (APA, MLA, Turabian, Chicago,
etc.). Work appears to be original
but is not always cited properly.
Accomplished
Most sources are documented
following standard practices of the
field (APA, MLA, Turabian, Chicago,
etc.). Work appears to be original
and appropriately cited.
Exemplary
All sources are documented and
formatted following standard
practices of the field (APA, MLA,
Turabian, Chicago, etc.). Work
appears to be original and
appropriately cited.
Research/Citation target feedback:
N/A
5) Grammar/Mechanics: Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation
Beginning
Errors in grammar and usage are very
noticeable, frequent, and affect meaning.
Lack of punctuation, or numerous errors in
punctuation affect the readability of the text.
Developing
Problems with grammar and usage are not
serious enough to distort the meaning but
may not be correct or accurately applied all
the time. Punctuation is random, and only
the easiest rules show awareness of
correct use.
Accomplished
Grammar and usage are good but do not
always add to the style of the writing.
Punctuation is somewhat accurate, and
shows a good command for readability, but
not creativity.
Exemplary
Grammar and usage are always correct
and enhance the writing clarity and style.
The punctuation is accurate, even creative,
and guides the reader through the text
easily.
Grammar/Mechanics target feedback:
Try to stick to one point of view in your essay. For instance, you mostly use second personyou, your, yourselfwhich is fine for a persuasive essay. However, you often switch to third persononeself, one'swhich sounds awkward with your use of second person. In a narrative essay, first personI, me, myselfactually makes the most sense because you're usually telling a story about yourself.
Also, try reading your essay outloud to yourself. You'll often hear awkward phrasing and mistakes that you can then fix.
Grammar/Mechanics help resources:
point of view
View Resource
Suggested revisions:
Overall, make sure you're writing the type of essay your professor requested, specifically a narrative essay instead of a persuasive essay. In addition, work on awkward phrasing, transitions, and being as specific as you can. If you want, you can always send your next draft back to a tutor to see if it's more in line with the assignmnet.
Once again, good job on the hard work you put into this essay. Best of luck on your revisions, and I hope you have a good week. Stay well!
Your 24/7 Essay Drop Off Review Feedback
2) Developing Ideas: Welldeveloped and logical ideas
Beginning
Shows some thinking and reasoning but
most ideas are underdeveloped.
Developing
Content indicates thinking and reasoning
applied with original thought on a few
ideas.
Accomplished
Content indicates original thinking and
develops ideas with sufficient and firm
evidence.
Exemplary
Content indicates synthesis of ideas, in
depth analysis and evidences original
thought and support for the topic.
Essay Details
Submitted review on: 7/22/2020 2:11:28 AM
Reviewed by: Jennifer L
Topic of essay: Why Start a Blog
Where are you in the writing process: I think I'm on track but ready for feedback
Review priorities: Thesis, Organization and paragraph development, Properly supporting your argument, Sentence variety and clarity
Presession Details Original Document Reviewed Document Download as PDF
1) Thesis Statement: Clear and focused thesis
Not Applicable
A thesis is not necessary for this
submission.
Beginning
The thesis does not appear to be
relevant, is not clearly defined, or
lacks focus.
Developing
The thesis statement is present
and clear. The focal point is not
consistently maintained
throughout the paper.
Accomplished
The thesis states the position,
premise, or hypothesis, and is the
focal point of the paper for the
most part.
Exemplary
The thesis clearly and concisely
states the position, premise, or
hypothesis and is consistently the
focal point throughout the paper.
Thesis statement target feedback:
Hello! I hope you're doing well today.
Good job putting this essay together. I can tell you put some hard work into it, and you make some great points.
Let's start by looking at your thesis statement. A thesis statement should cover what you plan to go over in your essay. Yours does that in a general sense, but it might work better if you were more specific. Try to cover each of the main points you plan to discuss in your essay.
Thesis statement help resources:
Writing a thesis statement
View Resource
Developing ideas target feedback:
I'm not sure you've approaced this essay correctly. Typically, a narrative essay tells a story. It's not a short story, exactly, but it does usually tell a personal story about your experiences. Instead, your essay reads like a persuasive essay, where you're trying to persuade the reader to do something. While your essay is a good example of that type of essay, I don't think it's what your professor was asking for (though I could be wrong, as I don't have the original assignment).
For instance, instead of trying to convince the reader to start a blog (a persuasive essay), you might tell the reader about your experiences starting a blog (a narrative essay). What did you learn? What did you think of the experience? How would you do things differently if you could do it over again? Often, narrative essays are told in chronological order.
In some ways, a narrative essay is like a fable. That is, it should have a main point or moral that the reader gets out of the storyoften something you've learned from your experience and want to pass on to the reader. Often, you include this point in your thesis statement, then go on to explain how you learned it.
If you think you're on the right track for the type of essay your professor wants, then I'd say make sure you're developing each idea fully. Some of your paragraphs seem a little thin. Try to be as specific as you can and provide examples of what you're saying.
Developing ideas resources:
Narrative essays
View Resource
3) Essay Structure: Organization and paragraphing
Beginning
Writing lacks logical organization. It shows
some coherence but ideas lack unity.
Developing
Writing is coherent and logically organized.
Some points remain misplaced and stray
from the topic. Transitions evident but not
used throughout essay.
Accomplished
Writing is coherent and logically organized
with transitions used between ideas and
paragraphs to create coherence. Overall
unity of ideas is present.
Exemplary
Writing shows high degree of attention to
logic and reasoning of points. Unity clearly
leads the reader to the conclusion and stirs
thought regarding the topic.
Essay structure target feedback:
When writing your essay, make sure you're using transitions between one paragraph and the next. Transitions are so important in an essay. They tell the reader where your argument is going so they can easily follow along. With each paragraph, take time to show how it is similar or different from the previous paragraph, cluing your reader in. Transition words are also helpful between sentences, as they also clue your reader in to how your argument is changing.
As noted above, try organizing a narrative essay based on the time line, in chronological order. Tell what happened first, then second, then third, and so on... Then, note what you've learned.
Essay structure resources:
transitions
View Resource
4) Research/Citation: Proper use of sources
Not Applicable
Citations were not necessary for
this submission.
Beginning
Sources do not follow a
documentation style (APA, MLA,
Turabian, Chicago, etc.) and are
not listed and/or work does not
appear original because citations
are not clear.
Developing
Sources meet the minimum
requirements for documentation
following standard practices of the
field (APA, MLA, Turabian, Chicago,
etc.). Work appears to be original
but is not always cited properly.
Accomplished
Most sources are documented
following standard practices of the
field (APA, MLA, Turabian, Chicago,
etc.). Work appears to be original
and appropriately cited.
Exemplary
All sources are documented and
formatted following standard
practices of the field (APA, MLA,
Turabian, Chicago, etc.). Work
appears to be original and
appropriately cited.
Research/Citation target feedback:
N/A
5) Grammar/Mechanics: Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation
Beginning
Errors in grammar and usage are very
noticeable, frequent, and affect meaning.
Lack of punctuation, or numerous errors in
punctuation affect the readability of the text.
Developing
Problems with grammar and usage are not
serious enough to distort the meaning but
may not be correct or accurately applied all
the time. Punctuation is random, and only
the easiest rules show awareness of
correct use.
Accomplished
Grammar and usage are good but do not
always add to the style of the writing.
Punctuation is somewhat accurate, and
shows a good command for readability, but
not creativity.
Exemplary
Grammar and usage are always correct
and enhance the writing clarity and style.
The punctuation is accurate, even creative,
and guides the reader through the text
easily.
Grammar/Mechanics target feedback:
Try to stick to one point of view in your essay. For instance, you mostly use second personyou, your, yourselfwhich is fine for a persuasive essay. However, you often switch to third persononeself, one'swhich sounds awkward with your use of second person. In a narrative essay, first personI, me, myselfactually makes the most sense because you're usually telling a story about yourself.
Also, try reading your essay outloud to yourself. You'll often hear awkward phrasing and mistakes that you can then fix.
Grammar/Mechanics help resources:
point of view
View Resource
Suggested revisions:
Overall, make sure you're writing the type of essay your professor requested, specifically a narrative essay instead of a persuasive essay. In addition, work on awkward phrasing, transitions, and being as specific as you can. If you want, you can always send your next draft back to a tutor to see if it's more in line with the assignmnet.
Once again, good job on the hard work you put into this essay. Best of luck on your revisions, and I hope you have a good week. Stay well!
Your 24/7 Essay Drop Off Review Feedback
2) Developing Ideas: Welldeveloped and logical ideas
Beginning
Shows some thinking and reasoning but
most ideas are underdeveloped.
Developing
Content indicates thinking and reasoning
applied with original thought on a few
ideas.
Accomplished
Content indicates original thinking and
develops ideas with sufficient and firm
evidence.
Exemplary
Content indicates synthesis of ideas, in
depth analysis and evidences original
thought and support for the topic.
