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Successful College Writing S K I L L S S T R A T E G I E S L E A R N I N G S T Y L E S

Kathleen T. McWhorter

B R I E F S I X T H E D I T I O N

2016 MLA Update

What are your strengths as a writer?

learning Style Characteristic Strengths as a Writer

Independent or Social?

Do you prefer to brainstorm ideas on your own? Are you willing to spend time thinking about a topic? Are you able to pull ideas together easily? If so, you may be an independent learner.

Do you find it easy to write from experience? Do you have a good sense of your audience and what you hope to accomplish? If so, you may be a social learner.

Pragmatic or Creative?

Do you meet deadlines easily? Do you work through the steps in the writing process systematically? If so, you may be a pragmatic learner.

Do you enjoy exploring a topic? Do you prefer to write a first draft unhindered by rules or requirements? If so, you may be a creative learner.

Verbal or Spatial?

Do you enjoy generating ideas to write about? Do you tend to express your ideas clearly? If so, you may be a verbal learner.

Do you prefer to draw a map of the organization of your paper? Do descriptions of people, places, and objects come easily? If so, you may be a spatial learner.

Rational or Emotional?

Do you tend to write logically developed, well-organized essays? Do you analyze ideas objectively? If so, you may be a rational learner.

Do you enjoy expressive or descriptive writing? Do you have a strong awareness of your audience? If so, you may be an emotional learner.

Concrete or Abstract?

Do you find it easy to supply supporting details? Can you write accurate, detailed descriptions? If so, you may be a concrete learner.

Can you develop unique approaches to a topic? Can you grasp the point to which supporting ideas lead? If so, you may be an abstract learner.

Strength in one area of writing does not mean that you cannot learn to excel in other areas, so experiment with the Learning Style Options you will find throughout the book. To learn more, read pages 30–39 and take the quiz!

Mech_McWhorter-SCWBrief6-SE-042016

Brief Contents

PART 1 Reading, Writing, and Learning for College Success 1 1 Succeeding in College 2 2 Writing in College 21 3 Reading and Responding to Text 40 4 Thinking Critically about Text and Visuals 73

PART 2 Strategies for Writing Essays 97 5 Prewriting: How to Find and Focus Ideas 98 6 Developing and Supporting a Thesis 118 7 Drafting an Essay 138 8 Writing Effective Paragraphs 159 9 Revising Content and Organization 174 10 Editing Sentences and Words 194

PART 3 Patterns of Development 215 11 An Introduction to Patterns of Development 216 12 Narration: Recounting Events 229 13 Description: Portraying People, Places, and Things 263 14 Illustration: Explaining with Examples 297 15 Process Analysis: Explaining How Something Works or Is Done 330 16 Comparison and Contrast: Showing Similarities and Differences 365 17 Classification and Division: Explaining Categories and Parts 400 18 Definition: Explaining What You Mean 429 19 Cause and Effect: Using Reasons and Results to Explain 459

PART 4 Reading and Writing Arguments 499 20 Reading Arguments 500 21 Writing Arguments 526

PART 5 Writing with Sources 557 22 Planning a Research Project and Evaluating Sources 558 23 Finding Sources, Taking Notes, and Synthesizing 574 24 Drafting, Revising, and Formatting a Research Project 598

PART 6 Academic and Business Applications 657 25 Reading and Writing about Literature 658 26 Essay Examinations and Portfolios 689 27 Multimedia Presentations and Business Writing 706

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Successful College Writing

S k i l l S • S t r at e g i e S • l e a r n i n g S t y l e S

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Successful College Writing

S k i l l S • S t r at e g i e S • l e a r n i n g S t y l e S

kathleen t. McWhorter niagara county community college

Bedford/St. Martin’S Boston • Ne w York

6 t h b r i e f e d i t i o n

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For Bedford/St. Martin’s Vice President, Editorial, Macmillan Higher Education Humanities: Edwin Hill Editorial Director for English and Music: Karen S. Henry Publisher for Composition and Business and Technical Writing and Developmental Writing: Leasa Burton Executive Developmental Editor: Jane Carter Executive Editor for Rhetorics and Business Tech Writing: Molly Parke Production Editor: Kendra LeFleur Senior Production Supervisor: Jennifer Wetzel Marketing Manager: Emily Rowan Associate Editor: Leah Rang Copy Editor: Beverly Miller Indexer: Steve Cspike Photo Researcher: Sheri Blaney Director of Rights and Permissions: Hilary Newman Senior Art Director: Anna Palchik Text Design: Castle Design Cover Design: Marine Miller Cover Art: Shade (acrylic on board) by Sara Hayward/Private Collection/ Bridgeman Images Composition: Graphic World Printing and Binding: RR Donnelly

Copyright © 2015, 2012, 2009, 2006 by Bedford/St. Martin’s

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, except as may be expressly permitted by the applicable copyright statutes or in writing by the Publisher.

Manufactured in the United States of America.

9 8 7 6 5 e d c b a

For information, write: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 75 Arlington Street, Boston, MA 02116 (617-399-4000)

ISBN 978-1-319-05142-6 (Student Edition with Handbook) ISBN 978-1-319-05141-9 (Student Edition without Handbook) ISBN 978-1-4576-8437-1 (Instructor’s Annotated Edition)

Acknowledgments Text acknowledgments and copyrights appear at the back of the book on pages 719–20, which constitute an extension of the copyright page. Art acknowledgments and copyrights appear on the same page as the art selections they cover. It is a violation of the law to reproduce these selec- tions by any means whatsoever without the written permission of the copyright holder.

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other texts assume that first-year composition students already possess the basic skills they will need to succeed in college, but my own experience tells me that this is not true. That is why I wrote Successful College Writing. It uses a unique, highly visual, student-centered approach to teach students the reading and study skills they need while guiding them through the writing strategies and activities that form the core of composition instruction. The overwhelmingly positive response to the first five editions demonstrates that Successful College Writing fulfills an important need.

The sixth edition continues to meet students where they are and get them where they need to go by building on the strengths of earlier editions while recognizing changes to the first-year composition course, including increasing emphasis on assess- ment, common core implementation in high school and earlier, course redesign, and the placement of developing writers into first-year composition classes.

ProV en featUreS of S U C C E S S F U L C O L L E G E W R I T I N G

True to its goal of offering more coverage of essential skills, Successful College Writing provides abundant guidance and support for inexperienced writers along with thor- ough help with reading and study skills. Every chapter of Successful College Writing provides practical, student-oriented instruction, along with extra help for those stu- dents who need it.

Practical, SteP-By-SteP Writing aSSignMentS

Successful College Writing provides the tools to approach writing as a flexible, multifac- eted process, alleviating some of the frustration students often feel.

Part 1 begins this process by emphasizing the importance of writing to students’ success in college and career, and it alerts students to the expectations their college instructors will have for them as writers. It emphasizes reading and critical thinking skills, including coverage of thinking critically about and responding to both texts and images and reading to write.

Part 2 provides detailed coverage of the writing process — from choosing and nar- rowing a topic and generating ideas to developing and supporting a thesis, drafting essays and paragraphs, revising, editing, and proofreading. Each chapter in Part 2 includes the following:

• plenty of skill-building exercises, many of them collaborative, • a writing-in-progress sample essay following a student writer through the various

stages of drafting and revision, and • Essay-in-Progress activities that lead students through each step in writing an

essay.

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Parts 3 and 4 cover the patterns of development that students encounter most fre- quently in college and on the job, including a new chapter on reading and writing essays that use multiple rhetorical modes. Guided Writing Assignments in each chapter — now streamlined, with a more graphic layout — lead students step by step through the process of writing a particular type of essay, giving student writers the support they need, whether they are working in class or on their own. Instructors will also find these reimagined assignments easier to teach, as they emphasize activities for generating and evaluating ideas, developing a thesis, organizing and drafting the essay, revising, and editing.

Part 5 provides instruction for writing the research project, including information about finding useful and reliable sources, synthesizing information and ideas from sources to support the writer’s ideas, and incorporating and documenting material bor- rowed from sources.

Part 6 covers writing in academic and business settings, from writing about litera- ture, taking essay exams, and creating a portfolio to making presentations and writing résumés, job application letters, and business emails.

aPPealing, helPfUl ViSUalS

Because inexperienced writers are often more comfortable with images than with text, Successful College Writing employs a visual approach to writing instruction. Look for the following visual aids throughout the book:

• Writing Quick Starts jumpstart each chapter, providing engaging images for students to respond to in writing, introducing them to the main topic of the chapter.

• Graphic Organizers — charts that display relationships among ideas — offer tools both for analyzing readings and for planning and revising essays, and they present students with an alternative to traditional outlines.

• Guided Writing Assignments — now in a streamlined, step-by-step, visual format — walk students through the process of writing essays in each of the rhetorical modes.

• Revision Flowcharts help students systematically read and revise their own essays as well as review those of their peers.

• Visualizing the Reading activities give students a simple way to chart key features of the reading, with the first part of each chart done for them to provide guidance.

• Numerous figures, photographs, boxes, and bulleted lists throughout the text reinforce key points and summarize information.

iMProVing reading SkillS: a fiVe-Pronged aPProach

Recognizing that students frequently enter first-year writing courses without the active and critical reading skills they need to succeed in first-year composition and all their college courses, Successful College Writing supports students with a five-pronged approach to improving their reading skills that will also help students become better writers. This five-pronged approach includes:

1. Overt reading instruction in Chapters 3 and 4, including a Guide to Active Reading and a Guide to Responding to Text in Chapter 3, and detailed coverage of reading both text and visuals critically in Chapter 4

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2. Activities to foster critical reading following readings in Parts 3 and 4 and in LearningCurve, Bedford/St Martin’s adaptive quizzing program. (Activities on eleven core topics are available free with each new book; for more information, see p. xix.)

3. Graphic organizers in Parts 3 and 4 that help students recognize the structure of the essay

4. Collaborative activities to enhance critical reading 5. Peer review–style activities and revision flowcharts, which can be used for

peer review, to emphasize reading/thinking critically

Over the years, my work with students has convinced me that skills taught in isola- tion are seldom learned well or applied, so each of the chapters on the patterns of development in Parts 3 and 4 reinforces the reading skills taught in Chapters 3 and 4. As students develop their writing skills by writing a particular type of essay, they simul- taneously learn practical strategies for reading that type of essay.

attention to StUdy SkillS

Students need practical survival strategies that they can use not only in their writing course but also in all their college courses. Chapter 1 includes advice on such critical topics as the following:

• time management, • assessing and managing stress, • academic integrity, and • working with classmates.

Chapter 26 includes practical advice on preparing for and taking essay examinations, and Chapter 27 offers practical advice on crafting and delivering a presentation.

high-intereSt readingS

In addition to guidelines for reading different types of texts, Successful College Writing includes reading selections from the diverse array of texts students are likely to encoun- ter in their personal, academic, and professional lives. Since students who enjoy what they read become more proficient readers, the selections in this text were carefully chosen not only to function as strong rhetorical models but also to interest students. Selections come from such well-known writers as Bill Bryson, Mary Roach, and Brent Staples, and address intriguing topics from animal intelligence to how our possessions define us. Compelling e-readings (available through LaunchPad; see p. xxiii) include selections such as a narrative by Nobel Prize–winning geneticist Paul Nurse in which he announces his own surprising genetic history and an animated video analyzing the contents of a favorite morning beverage.

coMPrehenSiVe coVerage of reSearch and docUMentation

Because finding and evaluating useful sources has become so challenging in the digital age and because of the ease with which writers can copy and paste information from

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sources into their own writing, Successful College Writing provides three full chapters (Part 5) on writing with sources, including a careful discussion of accidental plagiarism and paraphrasing without “patchwriting,” supporting the writer’s own ideas, and cover- age of documenting sources in MLA and APA styles.

a UniqUe eMPhaSiS on learning StyleS

Students learn in different ways, yet most writing texts do not take these differences in learning style into account. In this text, I focus on four learning styles that are relevant for writing:

• verbal versus spatial, • creative versus pragmatic, • concrete versus abstract, and • social versus independent.

A brief questionnaire in Chapter 2 enables students to assess their learning styles. Recognizing that no one strategy works for every student, the text includes a variety of methods for generating ideas and revising an essay.

attention to oUtcoMeS

Successful College Writing helps students build proficiency in the four categories of learning that writing programs across the country use to assess student work:

• rhetorical knowledge, • critical thinking, reading, and composing, • processes, and • knowledge of conventions.

For a table that correlates the Council of Writing Program Administrators (WPA) outcomes to features of Successful College Writing, see pages xvi–xxiii.

neW to the SiXth edition The main goal of the revision — based on feedback from experienced instructors famil- iar with the needs of today’s students — was to focus on four key areas:

1. Reading and thinking critically, including reading to write, synthesis, using research to support the students’ own ideas, and other skills so necessary to writing effectively in college

2. Readability of the instructional text, so important to conveying key concepts that students will need to apply and practice throughout the course

3. Updated content and selections that students will find engaging and relevant, that reflect current practices and the kinds of readings students are likely to encounter in other classes, and that make good rhetorical models, including compelling professional selections and effective student essays

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4. Online selections, tutorials, and practice that take advantage of what the Web can do to reinforce key concepts, reach resistant readers, and appeal to students with nonverbal learning styles

I address these core areas through the following new or enhanced features:

new! More writing, right from the beginning. Chapter 1 now includes a reading selection, “The New Marshmallow Test: Students Can’t Resist Multitasking,” that addresses an issue pertinent to many students’ success in college. This relevant reading selection in the first chapter provides students with the opportunity to practice reading and responding right from the beginning.

new! enhanced coverage of synthesis. Because synthesizing ideas is crucial to writing effectively in college, the text now offers even more coverage of synthesis:

• Chapter 3 shows students how to synthesize a writer’s ideas with their own to create a thoughtful response.

• Chapter 4 demonstrates how students can use synthesis to challenge and inter- rogate a text.

• Chapter 5 provides instruction on using synthesis as a way to discover ideas about a topic.

• Chapter 6 shows students how to use synthesis to generate a working thesis. • Chapters 11 to 21 end with a box that encourages students to synthesize ideas

across readings. These boxes include activities and essay assignment ideas to give students practice in this important skill.

• Chapter 22 highlights synthesis as an expectation implicit in all researched writing.

• Chapter 23 emphasizes the role synthesis plays in joining the conversation on a topic.

• Chapter 24 emphasizes the role of synthesis in writing the research project, including using synthesis categories or a graphic organizer to organize ideas and evidence and write the project.

• Chapter 26 suggests using synthesis as a study strategy.

new! enhanced coverage of critical thinking and reading to write. Chapter 3 has been revised to focus readers’ attention on reading to write, with a new Guide to Responding to Text that helps students analyze the response assignment, synthesize the writer’s ideas with the student’s own ideas, and analyze the reading in order to respond in writing. The chapter also includes coverage of analyzing student essays in prepara- tion for the kind of peer-review activities common to the composition classroom. Chapter 4 has been expanded to help students learn to approach texts of all kinds with a critical eye, providing new strategies in each of the following areas:

• examining the author’s use of inference, • analyzing how the author uses evidence to support opinion,

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• analyzing the author’s tone and use of language, including connotation and figu- rative language, as well as of euphemisms and doublespeak,

• examining the assumptions and generalizations the author makes, and • using patterns of development and synthesis to think critically about text.

new! a chapter on mixing the patterns. Because most writing, especially the writing students will be reading in college courses, uses more than one pattern of devel- opment, Part 3 now opens with a chapter that provides an overview of the patterns and shows how writers use multiple patterns to achieve their purposes with their readers. It guides students in choosing a primary pattern that best helps them achieve their pur- pose and convey their message, and shows them how to use secondary patterns to fur- ther develop their ideas and make them compelling for readers.

new! More visual, concise, and easy-to read format. The entire book has been edited to make instructional content easier to access and absorb, with more direct prose, more scannable lists, and more highlighting and annotating to help students glean what is important at a glance. The Guided Writing Assignments, too, have been converted into a more visual, step-by-step, graphic format, to enable students to get an overview of the entire process, and identify more readily those portions to which they need to pay particular attention.

new! Updated professional and student readings. The print book includes nineteen new professional reading selections and five new essays by student writers. The new readings deal with important contemporary issues, such as why we can’t learn effectively while multitasking, why we can’t resist junk food, and how the labels we’re assigned come to define us. Accessible scholarly selections, such as “The Psychology of Stuff and Things” and “Dining in the Dark,” as well as selections by renowned scholars such as Franz de Waal, Sherry Turkle, and Amitai Etzioni, give students practice with the kinds of readings they will be expected to tackle in college courses, with some also demonstrating effective use of sources. The five new student essays discuss topics such as a Mexican student’s experience of “being double,” privacy in a surveillance culture, the uses and abuses of Facebook, and the effects of file sharing on the music business.

New multimedia readings in LaunchPad (available free when packaged with the book) — one for each of the ten rhetorical modes plus one that demonstrates a mixing of modes — range from a video narrative about a surprising, if accidental, revelation to a podcast that explains why movie sound effects have become so gruesome.

new! Updated coverage of research writing. Revised coverage of research writ- ing in Part 5 now emphasizes the importance of using sources to make the student’s own ideas convincing to readers. This emphasis can be seen in coverage of:

• choosing the types of sources (primary versus secondary, scholarly versus popular versus reference, books versus articles versus media) that are most appropriate to the writing situation,

• evaluating sources for relevance and reliability, using the critical reading tools covered in Part 1,

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• working with sources to take careful and useful notes that avoid plagiarism and include source information,

• working with sources to evaluate notes and synthesize information from sources to create original work, and

• structuring a supporting paragraph in a research project to make sure each body paragraph states the student’s idea, uses information from sources to support that idea, explains how the source information relates to the student’s main point, and uses in-text citations to clearly differentiate the student’s ideas from those of the source authors.

New online tutorials in LaunchPad demonstrate how to avoid plagiarism and how to cite just about anything, and LearningCurve activities provide useful practice in work- ing with sources. Both the online tutorials and LearningCurve activities in eleven core topics are available free when LaunchPad is packaged with the text.

new! Updated coverage of online presentations and business writing. Chap- ter 27 has been updated to include a revised discussion of best practices for making presentations using PowerPoint and Prezi. Coverage of business writing now empha- sizes writing and delivering business correspondence online.

ac knoWledgMentS A number of instructors and students from across the country have helped me to develop and revise Successful College Writing. I would like to express my gratitude to the following instructors, who served as members of the advisory board for the first edition. They provided detailed, valuable comments and suggestions about the manuscript as well as student essays and additional help and advice during its development: Marvin Austin, Columbia State Community College; Sarah H. Harrison, Tyler Junior College; Dan Holt, Lansing Community College; Michael Mackey, Community College of Denver; Lucille M. Schultz, University of Cincinnati; Sue Serrano, Sierra College; Linda R. Spain, Linn-Benton Community College; and Jacqueline Zimmerman, Lewis and Clark Community College. I would also like to thank the following instructors and their students, who class-tested chapters from Successful College Writing and pro- vided valuable feedback about how its features and organization worked in the class- room: Mary Applegate, D’Youville College; Michael Hricik, Westmoreland County Community College; Lee Brewer Jones, DeKalb College; Edwina Jordan, Illinois Cen- tral College; Susan H. Lassiter, Mississippi College; Mildred C. Melendez, Sinclair Community College; Steve Rayshich, Westmoreland County Community College; Barbara J. Robedeau, San Antonio College; and Deanna White, University of Texas at San Antonio.

I am indebted to the valuable research conducted by George Jensen, John DiTiberio, and Robert Sternberg on learning-style theory that informs the pedagogy of this book. For their comments on the coverage of learning styles in this text, I would like to thank John DiTiberio, Saint Louis University; Ronald A. Sudol, Oakland University; and Thomas C. Thompson, The Citadel. My thanks go to Mary Jane Feldman, Niagara

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County Community College, for designing the field test of the Learning Styles Inven- tory and conducting the statistical analysis of the results. I would also like to thank the instructors and students who participated in a field test of the Learning Styles Inven- tory: Laurie Warshal Cohen, Seattle Central Community College; Lee Brewer Jones, DeKalb College; Edwina Jordan, Illinois Central College; Jennifer Manning, John Jay College; Mildred Melendez, Sinclair Community College; Paul Resnick, Illinois Cen- tral College; and Deanna M. White, University of Texas at San Antonio.

I benefited from the experience of those instructors who reviewed the fifth edition and the manuscript for the sixth edition, and I am grateful for their thoughtful com- ments and helpful advice:

Irene Anders, Indiana University–Purdue University Fort Wayne; Angie Asmussen, Oklahoma State University Institute of Technology; Kathryn Benchoff, Hagerstown Community College; Mary Bowman, University of Wisconsin – Stevens Point; Bridget Brennan, Prince George; Mark Brock-Cancellieri, Harford Community College; Darci Cather, South Texas College; Mary Cavanaugh, Harford Community College; Sharon Cavusgil, Georgia State University; Michelle Conklin, Harford Community College; Michel de Benedictis, Miami Dade College; William Donovan, Idaho State University; William Duffy, Francis Marion University; Marsha Elyn Wright, Garden City Com- munity College; Candice Floyd, Prince George’s Community College; Laura Fox, Harford Community College; Linda Gary, Tyler Junior College; Edward Glenn, Miami Dade College; Michelle Green, Prince George; Danielle Griffin, Shelton State Commu- nity College; Courtney Harned, University of Maryland–Eastern Shore; Candice Hill, Montgomery College; Katherine Hoerth, University of Texas – Pan American; Vicki Holmes, University of Nevada – Las Vegas; Jay Johnson, Gateway Technical College; Michael Johnson, Muskegon Community College; Beth Jones, Wor-Wic Community College; Ken Kerr, Frederick Community College; Eric Leuschner, Fort Hays State Uni- versity; Mitzi Litton, Concord University; Meredith Love-Steinmetz, Francis Marion University; Melinda May, Hagerstown Community College; Torria Norman, Black Hawk College; Summerlin Page, Central Carolina Community College; Karen Patterson, Ohio University; Charles Porter, Wor-Wic Community College; Ben Railton, Fitchburg State University; Alison Reynolds, University of Florida; Gina Santoro, Com- munity College of Rhode Island; Arvis Scott, McLennan Community College; Stacy Seibert, Waukesha County Technical College; Lisa Shaw, Miami Dade College; Laurie Sherman, Community College of Rhode Island; Bonnie Startt, Tidewater Community College; Rebecca Stephens, University of Wisconsin – Stevens Point; Saralyn E. Sum- mer, Georgia Perimeter College; Lori Truman, Kilgore College; Leslie Umschweis, Bro- ward College; Victor Uszerowicz, Miami-Dade College; Jennifer Vanags, Gateway Technical College; Samantha Veneruso, Montgomery College; Scott West, Harford Community College; Concetta Williams, Chicago State University.

I also want to thank Elizabeth Gruchala-Gilbert for her research assistance, Charlotte Smith for her revision of the Teaching Tips that appear in the Instructor’s Annotated Edi- tion of the book and for writing the reading comprehension quizzes, and Jamey Gallagher for writing new material on teaching a co-requisite (or ALP) course alongside a freshman writing course. I also want to thank Kathy Tyndall for her valuable assistance in helping me revise portions of the manuscript.

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Many people at Bedford/St. Martin’s have contributed to the creation and develop- ment of Successful College Writing. Each person with whom I have worked is a true professional: Each demonstrates high standards and expertise; each is committed to producing a book focused on student needs.

My thanks to Denise Wydra, former president of Bedford/St. Martin’s, for oversee- ing the project and making valuable contributions to the revision. I value her editorial experience and appreciate her creative energy. Joan Feinberg, formerly co-president of Macmillan Higher Education, has been another trusted advisor. I also must thank Molly Parke, executive editor for rhetorics and business/tech writing, for her forthright advice and for valuable assistance in making some of the more difficult decisions about the book. Special thanks to Melissa Skepko-Masi, new media editor, for her careful and talented work on the new e-book version.

I also appreciate the advice and guidance that Emily Rowin in the marketing depart- ment at Bedford/St. Martin’s has provided at various junctures in the revision of this text. Leah Rang, associate editor, has helped improve and prepare the manuscript in innumerable ways. Kendra LeFleur, production editor, deserves special recognition for guiding this revision through the production process.

I owe the largest debt of gratitude to Jane Carter, my developmental editor, for her valuable guidance and assistance in preparing this revision. Her careful editing and attention to detail have strengthened the sixth edition significantly. She helped me to reinforce the book’s strengths and to retain its focus on providing extra help to the student. Finally, I must thank the many students who inspired me to write this book. From them I have learned how to teach, and they have shown me how they think and learn. My students, then, have made the largest contribution to this book, for without them I would have little to say and no reason to write.

Kathleen T. McWhorter

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Features of Successful College Writing, 6e, Correlated to the Writing Program administrators (WPa) outcomes Statement (2014)

desired Student outcomes Relevant Features of Successful College Writing

Rhetorical Knowledge

Learn and use key theoretical concepts through analyzing and composing a variety of texts.

• Chapter 1: Covers academic expectations (pp. 2–20). • Chapter 2: Discusses the range of settings in which college students will be expected

to write, the types of writing college students are likely to encounter, and the kinds of writing employees are likely to be expected to produce (p. 25); strategies for succeeding in a range of writing situations, especially writing in college (pp. 25–30).

• Chapter 3: Offers advice for reading academic and other challenging texts, including instruction on active reading (previewing, annotating, summarizing, and keeping a response journal) and critical reading (pp. 40–72).

• Chapter 4: Offers advice for reading texts and visuals critically, including drawing reasonable inferences (pp. 74–75), assessing the evidence (pp. 76–77), distinguishing fact from opinion (p. 78), analyzing the author’s language (pp. 78–81), and reading photos and graphics actively and critically (pp. 88–95).

• Chapters in Parts 3 and 4: Includes reading selections for a variety of audiences, from popular to more scholarly, followed by scaffolded apparatus to help students read actively and critically (see, for example, “The Psychology of Stuff and Things,” pp. 356–61); writing essays using a variety of rhetorical modes (see the Guided Writing Assignment and student essay in Chapter 15, pp. 343–48, for example); “Scenes from College and the Workplace” boxes (for example, on p. 264). Also includes multimedia selections (one per mode), on topics from across the disciplines (via LaunchPad*).

• Part 5: Offers advice for writing using sources and citing sources in MLA and APA style.

• Part 6: Offers advice about writing in specific academic contexts (Chapter 25, “Reading and Writing about Literature”; Chapter 26, “Essay Examinations and Portfolios”); and about writing in the workplace (Chapter 27, “Multimedia Presentations and Business Writing”).

gain experience reading and composing in several genres to understand how genre conventions shape and are shaped by readers’ and writers’ practices and purposes.

• Chapter 2: Covers reading a syllabus (pp. 26–28). • Chapter 3: Covers reading and analyzing different genres, including the writing of

other students (pp. 40–72). • Chapter 4: Offers instruction in reading texts critically and reading visuals (both

images and graphics) actively and critically (pp. 73–96). • Chapters 20–21: Covers reading arguments (pp. 499–525) and writing arguments

(pp. 526–56). • Chapter 24: Covers writing a research project, with example research projects in

MLA and APA style (pp. 598–656). • Chapter 25: Writing literary analyses, with sample essays (pp. 658–88) • Chapter 26: Covers writing essay examinations, with sample essay answers

(pp. 689–98). • Chapter 27: Covers creating multimedia presentations using presentation slides

(PowerPoint and Prezi) (pp. 706–13); writing résumés and job application letters; and writing in electronic media for business (pp. 713–18).

*Additional resource, available free when packaged with the text. See p. xxiii for details.

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Develop facility in responding to a variety of situations and contexts calling for purposeful shifts in voice, tone, level of formality, design, medium, and/or structure.

• Chapter 4: Covers reading critically, particularly by paying attention to the author’s use of language (pp. 78–81).

• Chapter 5: Offers techniques for generating ideas that are appropriate to the writing situation (pp. 98–117).

• Chapter 10: Offers instruction on editing words and sentences, including editing to create an appropriate tone and level of diction (pp. 206–11).

• Chapter 24: Covers appropriate formats for writing a paper using sources, in MLA and APA style (pp. 598–656).

• Chapter 27: Covers appropriate business writing formats and styles for résumés, job application letters, and electronic business correspondence (pp. 713–18); appropriate design and formatting of slides in presentation software, such as PowerPoint and Prezi (pp. 706–13).

Understand and use a variety of technologies to address a range of audiences.

• Chapter 4 (via LaunchPad*): Includes tutorials in critical reading and digital writing; LearningCurve activities in critical reading, topic sentences and supporting details, topics and main ideas, and issues of correctness.

• Chapter 10: Discusses computer-aided proofreading (including the pitfall of relying too heavily on spell-check and grammar-check software (p. 213).

• Parts 3 and 4 (via LaunchPad*): Includes multimedia selections in each of the modes of development from across the disciplines.

• Part 5 (via LaunchPad*): Offers tutorials in documenting and working with sources in both MLA and APA style.

• Chapter 27 (via LaunchPad*): Offers tutorials in making multimedia presentations, job searching, and personal branding.

Match the capacities of different environments (e.g., print and electronic) to varying rhetorical situations.

• Chapter 2: Covers writing and researching online (pp. 23–24). • Chapter 24: Covers using appropriate formats (MLA or APA) for writing a paper

using sources (pp. 598–656). • Chapter 26: Covers using print and digital portfolios for assessment and learning. • Chapter 27: Covers planning, drafting, and delivering a multimedia presentation

using visual aids (objects and presentation slides), whether face to face or via the Web (pp. 706–13); creating effective résumés and job application letters, whether printed or uploaded electronically, and using electronic media for business writing (pp. 713–18).

• ix visualizing composition 2.0*: Interactive assignments and guided analysis, practice with multimedia texts.

• Instructor’s Resource Manual for Successful College Writing, Sixth Edition (for instructors): Covers teaching and learning online (pp. 20–22, 147–48).

• LaunchPad*: Offers tutorials on digital writing, including photo and audio editing, making presentations, word processing, using online research tools, and job search/ personal branding.

desired Student outcomes Relevant Features of Successful College Writing

Rhetorical Knowledge

c o n t .

*Additional resource, available free when packaged with the text. See p. xxiii for details.

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xviii P R E F A C E

Critical Thinking, Reading, and Composing

Use composing and reading for inquiry, learning, critical thinking, and communicating in various rhetorical contexts.

• The entire book is informed by the connection between reading critically and writing effectively.

• Chapter 2: Covers the importance of reading and writing for college success and the distinctive qualities and demands of academic reading and writing.

• Chapter 3: Covers reading actively (pp. 43–60) by understanding and responding to reading in writing (pp. 60–65); analyzing and responding to other students’ writing (pp. 69–72).

• Chapter 4: Covers thinking critically about text and images by analyzing the author’s ideas (pp. 74–78), use of language (pp. 78–82), assumptions, generalizations, and omissions (pp. 82–85), synthesizing ideas (pp. 87–88); and analyzing photographs and graphics by reading them actively and critically (pp. 88–95). Via LaunchPad*: Offers tutorials and activities in Learning Curve on reading critically.

• Parts 3 and 4: Covers thinking critically about the features of the genre, including thinking critically about characteristic flaws in the chapter’s pattern (for example, the Making Connections box on p. 277, and the Synthesizing Ideas box on p. 296).

Read a diverse range of texts, attending especially to relationships between assertion and evidence, to patterns of organization, to interplay between verbal and nonverbal elements, and to how these features function for different audiences and situations

• Chapter 3: The entire chapter focuses on strategies for reading and responding to text and visuals, including understanding expectations for reading academic texts and texts written in a variety of genres or purposes (pp. 41).

• Chapter 4: Includes coverage of assessing evidence (pp. 76–77), distinguishing between fact and opinion (p. 78), the role patterns of development play (pp. 86–88), and the role illustrations (photographs and graphics) play in writing (pp. 88–95).

• Chapter 5: Includes coverage of the importance of audience, purpose, point of view, genre, and medium in reading and writing (pp. 103–07).

• Chapter 6: Emphasizes the importance of supporting a thesis with evidence. • Chapter 8: Focuses on the relationship between a paragraph’s topic and use of

supporting evidence. • Parts 3 and 4: Each of the chapters in these parts focuses on a pattern of

organization, with each including a section that asks students to consider the role of the audience and situation (see Chapter 13, pp. 276–78, for example.) Readings in these chapters range from popular to accessible scholarly selections (see “The Brains of the Animal Kingdom,” pp. 302–05; “The Psychology of Stuff and Things,” pp. 356–61, for example.) Where appropriate, activities following the readings also ask students to think critically about the relationship between text and visuals (see Chapter 15, pp. 362–63, for example). Via LaunchPad*, each chapter includes a multimedia reading selection with scaffolded activities that challenge students to analyze the selection and its use of the medium in which it was created.

• Chapter 20: Covers supporting an arguable claim (p. 504), appeals (pp. 505–06), and responses to alternative views (pp. 506–07).

• Chapter 24: Addresses appropriate tone for essays addressed to academic audiences (p. 603), the role of reasons and evidence in supporting the writer’s ideas (pp. 605, 608–12).

desired Student outcomes Relevant Features of Successful College Writing

c o n t .

*Additional resource, available free when packaged with the text. See p. xxiii for details.

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P R E F A C E xix

Locate and evaluate (for credibility, sufficiency, accuracy, timeliness, bias, and so on) primary and secondary research materials, including journal articles, essays, books, databases, and informal electronic networks and Internet sources.

• Chapter 4: Focuses on analyzing a selection critically, including assessing the quality of the evidence and the author’s use of language to discover bias or faulty reasoning (pp. 74–78).

• Chapter 22: Emphasizes choosing appropriate source types for the project (primary vs. secondary sources, p. 566; scholarly vs. popular sources, pp. 566–68; books vs. articles vs. media sources, pp. 568–69); evaluating sources for relevance, including timeliness and appropriateness for the audience (p. 569), and reliability, including fairness and objectivity, verifiability, and bias (pp. 570–71).

• Chapter 23: Provides instruction on using library resources including using key words effectively for searching catalogs and databases (pp. 576–81), using and choosing appropriate research tools such as subject guides, government documents, Listservs, newsgroups, and so on (pp. 581–84), and conducting field research (pp. 584–86).

Use strategies — such as interpretation, synthesis, response, critique, and design/ redesign — to compose texts that integrate the writer’s ideas with those from appropriate sources.

• Chapter 3: Covers a variety of strategies, including synthesis, response, and critique in its Guide to Responding to Text (pp. 60–65).

• Chapter 4: Covers using synthesis and other techniques to read critically (pp. 74–78).

• Chapters 12-19: Each chapter contains a section on thinking critically about the rhetorical mode (see Ch. 13, p. 277, for example) and a “Synthesizing Ideas” box (see Ch. 13, p. 296, for example). The apparatus following reading selections in the second half of each chapter also includes activities for analyzing the writer’s technique thinking critically about the rhetorical mode, and responding to the reading (see Ch. 12, pp. 293–94).

• Chapter 23: Covers evaluating notes and synthesizing sources (pp. 592–95). • Chapter 24: Covers integrating information from sources with the students’

own ideas (pp. 605–08); integrating quotations, paraphrases, and summaries (pp. 608–12) while avoiding plagiarism (pp. 602–03). Via LaunchPad*, tutorials in documenting and working with sources are available.

• i-cite: visualizing sources*: Tutorials and practice on citing all kinds of sources.

Processes

Develop a writing project through multiple drafts.

• Part 2: Chapter 5 focuses on finding and focusing ideas; Chapter 6 — developing and supporting a thesis; Chapter 7 — organizing and drafting an essay; Chapter 8 — writing focused, well supported paragraphs; Chapter 9 — revising an essay for content and organization, including benefits and processes of peer revising; Chapter 10 — reading and revising a draft critically. One student’s writing process, from idea generation through revision, is depicted across the chapters in Part 2.

• Parts 3-4: The Guided Writing Assignments in each chapter stress the writing process. (See, for example, Ch. 15, pp. 343–48.)

• Chapter 26: Coverage of developing a portfolio emphasizes the importance of demonstrating and reflecting on the writing process (pp. 698–701).

• Portfolio Keeping, Second Edition†: Emphasizes the importance of portfolio keeping as a reflection of the writing processes.

desired Student outcomes Relevant Features of Successful College Writing

Critical Thinking, Reading, and Composing

c o n t .

*Additional resource, available free when packaged with the text. See p. xxiii for details. †Available as a select value package. See p. xxiv for more information.

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Develop flexible strategies for reading, drafting, reviewing, collaborating, revising, rewriting, rereading, and editing.

• Chapter 2: Introduces the idea of learning styles (pp. 30–39). • Part 2: Provides an overview of the writing process, with activities and student

samples punctuating the process. • Parts 3 and 4: A Guided Writing Assignment in each chapter offers pattern-specific

coverage of prewriting, drafting, revision, editing, and proofreading (for example, pp. 343–48). Learning styles options (see p. 89, for example) provide opportunities to tailor the writing process to the writer’s needs.

• Chapter 26: Coverage of developing a portfolio emphasizes the importance of demonstrating and reflecting on the student’s writing process (pp. 698–701).

• Portfolio Keeping, Second Edition*: Emphasizes the importance of portfolio keeping as a reflection of the writing process.

Use composing processes and tools as a means to discover and reconsider ideas.

• Chapter 5: Covers finding and focusing ideas. • Chapter 9: Focuses on revising for content and organization. • Parts 3-4: The chapters in these parts offer pattern-specific coverage of prewriting,

drafting, revision, editing, and proofreading (for example, pp. 343–48). Learning styles options (see p. 345, for example) provide opportunities to tailor the writing process to the writer’s needs.

• Chapter 26: Coverage of developing a portfolio emphasizes the importance of demonstrating and reflecting on the student’s writing process (pp. 698–701).

• Part 5: Chapters in this part cover writing a research project, from planning (pp. 658–73), finding and evaluating sources (pp. 574–97), and synthesizing information to support the writer’s own ideas (pp. 560–61, 592–95, 605–06), drafting and revising the research project (pp. 598–656), and citing sources in a style that is appropriate to the discipline (pp. 616–56). Student samples in these chapters provide appropriate models for college-level research projects.

• Portfolio Keeping, Second Edition*: Discusses portfolio keeping as a reflection of writing processes.

• Teaching Composition (for instructors): Chapter 2 covers thinking about the writing process.

Experience the collaborative and social aspects of writing processes.

• Opportunities to work collaboratively appear in exercises throughout the book, with additional ideas for collaboration available in the annotated instructor’s edition.

• Chapter 1: Provides advice for collaborating effectively with classmates (pp. 17–18). • Chapter 5: Provides instruction for brainstorming in groups (p. 111). • Chapter 9: Includes coverage of peer review and tips for getting the best result from

collaborative editing (pp. 182–84). • Instructor’s Resource Manual for Successful College Writing, Sixth Edition (for

instructors): Chapter 6 offers tips on managing the peer review process.

desired Student outcomes Relevant Features of Successful College Writing

Processes

c o n t .

*Available as a select value package. See p. xxiv for more information.

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P R E F A C E xxi

Learn to give and to act on productive feedback on works in progress.

• Chapter 9: Includes coverage of peer review and tips for getting the best result from collaborative editing (pp. 182–84), using the instructor’s comments (pp. 184–86).

• Parts 3 and 4: The chapters in these parts provide Guided Writing Assignments, offering pattern- and genre-specific advice on peer review and revision (for example, pp. 343–48), with revision flowcharts that can be used to guide peer-review process (for example, pp. 347–48).

• Instructor’s Resource Manual for Successful College Writing (for instructors): Chapter 6 offers tips on managing the peer review process.

Adapt composing processes to a variety of technologies and modalities.

• The entire book assumes that students will be using technology for writing and research.

• Chapter 1: Emphasizes the importance of avoiding the distractions that can arise from multitasking (pp. 3–7); provides tips for using digital tools (including course management software) appropriately in the classroom (pp. 14–15, 20); and provides advice for avoiding common pitfalls (p. 20).

• Chapter 2: Provides advice for choosing and using the most appropriate writing tools, whether digital or analog (pp. 28–29).

• Part 5: Chapter 22 provides special tips for evaluating resources in a digital landscape (p. 571); Chapter 23 — searching strategies for online research including unified searching of catalogs and databases (pp. 576–81), searching the Web (pp. 581–83), using citation managers for managing the research process (p. 587), and using online communities for research (pp. 583–84); Chapter 24 — instruction on organizing notes regardless of the medium in which they were taken (pp. 586–92) and avoiding plagiarism by cutting and pasting carelessly (pp. 602–03).

• Chapter 27: Covers making multimedia presentations, using presentation slides (pp. 706–13), making a Web-based presentation (pp. 713–18), submitting a résumé and cover letter online, and using electronic media (such as email, Twitter, Facebook) for business (pp. 713–18).

• LaunchPad*: Offers tutorials on digital writing, including photo and audio editing, making presentations, word processing, using online research tools, and job search/ personal branding.

• ix visualizing composition 2.0*: Provides interactive assignments and guided analysis of multimedia texts.

Knowledge of Conventions

Develop knowledge of linguistic structures, including grammar, punctuation, and spelling, through practice in composing and revising.

• Chapter 10: Covers editing words and sentences, including writing concisely, varying sentences, editing to create an appropriate tone and level of diction, choosing appropriate words, and editing to avoid errors of grammar, punctuation, and mechanics (pp. 194–214).

• Parts 3 and 4: Guided Writing Assignments offer pattern- and genre-specific advice about editing and proofreading (for example, pp. 346–48).

• Handbook (full edition): Provides instruction in correcting errors of grammar, punctuation, mechanics, and spelling.

• LaunchPad*: Provides access to LearningCurve for Readers and Writers, adaptive game-like quizzing that provides opportunities for learning to identify and correct common writing problems.

desired Student outcomes Relevant Features of Successful College Writing

Processes

c o n t .

*Additional resource, available free when packaged with the text. See p. xxiii for details.

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*Additional resource, available free when packaged with the text. See p. xxiii for details.

Understand why genre conventions for structure, paragraphing, tone, and mechanics vary.

• Coverage of audience is infused throughout the text. • Chapter 2 highlights differences in expectations for writing as students move from

high school to college, including expecting to find differences among genres (pp. 22–23) and between disciplines (p. 23).

• Chapter 10 covers editing to create an appropriate tone and level of diction (whether the level is formal, popular, informal, or academic) (pp. 206–09), choosing appropriate words depending on the audience and purpose (pp. 209–12).

gain experience negotiating variations in genre conventions.

• Parts 3 and 4: Each chapter in Parts 3 and 4 includes a box highlighting how the rhetorical mode could be used in college and in the workplace (see p. 264, for example); a range of readings are provided so students gain experience reading selections written for sophisticated popular audiences as well as more academic audiences (see “The Brains of the Animal Kingdom” by animal behaviorist Franz de Waal, pp. 302–05, and “The Psychology of Stuff and Things,” by Christian Jarrett, pp. 356–61, for example), and apparatus following the readings in the second half of each chapter helps students gain experience in negotiating variations in the conventions. Multimedia selections (available via LaunchPad*) also provide opportunities for students to become familiar with the benefits of creating in multiple media.

• Chapter 27: Highlights style choices that are appropriate for writing in a business context (p. 713).

Learn common formats and/or design features for different kinds of texts.

• Chapter 24: Highlights variations in formatting depending on expectations in the discipline for which the text was created (pp. 614–15, 632–38, 650–56).

• Chapter 27: Covers formatting expectations for PowerPoint and Prezi slides, business writing formats for résumés, job application letters, and other forms of electronic business writing.

• LaunchPad*: Provides tutorials on photo and audio editing, creating presentations, and personal branding

Explore the concepts of intellectual property (such as fair use and copyright) that motivate documentation conventions.

• Chapter 24: Covers concepts underlying plagiarism including common knowledge (pp. 602, 603).

Practice applying systematic citation conventions to a range of source material in their own work.

• Chapter 24: Covers documenting sources in MLA (pp. 617–38) and APA (pp. 638–56) style.

• LaunchPad*: Offers tutorials in documentation and working with sources. • ix visualizing composition 2.0*: Offers tutorials on and practice citing a variety of

sources.

desired Student outcomes Relevant Features of Successful College Writing

Knowledge of Conventions

c o n t .

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P R E F A C E xxiii

G E T THE MOST OUT OF YOUR COURSE W I TH S U C C E S S F U L C O L L E G E W R I T I N G , SIXTH EDITION

Bedford/St. Martin’s offers resources and format choices that help you and your stu- dents get even more out of the book and your course. To learn more about or to order any of the following products, contact your Bedford/St. Martin’s sales representative, e-mail sales support ([email protected]), or visit the catalog page at macmillanhighered.com/successfulwriting/catalog.

LAUNCHPAD FOR SUCCESSFUL COLLEGE WRITING: WHERE STUDENTS LEARN

LaunchPad provides engaging content and new ways to get the most out of your course. Get an interactive e-book combined with unique, book-specific materials (listed on the last page of this book) in a fully customizable course space; then assign and mix our resources with yours.

• Eleven multimedia selections — one for each rhetorical mode and one that demonstrates a mixing of modes — include videos, animated graphics, podcasts, and more. Selections range from a video narrative about a surprising, accidental revelation to a podcast that explains why movie sound effects have become so gruesome.

Just like the readings in the printed text, each multimedia selection is preceded by a headnote and accompanied by activities that ask students to analyze the writer’s technique and think critically about the patterns of develop- ment used in the selection.

• Pre-built units — including readings, videos, quizzes, discussion groups, and more — are easy to adapt and assign by adding your own materials and mixing them with our high-quality multimedia content and ready-made assessment options, such as LearningCurve adaptive quizzing.

• LaunchPad also provides access to a gradebook that provides a clear window on the performance of your whole class, individual students, and even individual assignments. A streamlined interface helps students focus on what’s due, and social commenting tools let them engage, make connections, and learn from each other. Use LaunchPad on its own or integrate it with your school’s learning management system so that your class is always on the same page.

To get the most out of your course, order LaunchPad for Successful College Writing packaged with the print book at no additional charge. (LaunchPad for Successful College Writing can also be purchased on its own.) An activation code is required. To order LaunchPad for Successful College Writing, Sixth Edition (with handbook), use ISBN 978-1-319-05137-2; to order LaunchPad for Successful College Writing, Brief Sixth Edition (without handbook), use ISBN 978-1-319-05158-7.

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xxiv P R E F A C E

CHOOSE FROM ALTERNATIvE FORMATS OF SUCCESSFUL COLLEGE WRITING

Bedford/St. Martin’s offers a range of affordable formats, allowing instructors to choose the one that works for their students. For details, visit macmillanhighered.com /successfulwriting/formats.

• Paperback To order Successful College Writing, Sixth Edition (with the hand- book), use ISBN 978-1-319-05142-6; to order Successful College Writing, Brief Sixth Edition (without the handbook), use ISBN 978-1-319-05141-9.

• LaunchPad An online course space that integrates interactive tools and content, including an e-book (see below for details). To order LaunchPad for Successful College Writing without a print book, use ISBN 978-1-4576- 8933-8; to order LaunchPad packaged with the print text of Successful College Writing, Sixth Edition (with handbook), use ISBN 978-1-319-05137-2; to order LaunchPad packaged with the print text of Successful College Writing, Brief Sixth Edition (without handbook), use ISBN 978-1-319-05158-7.

• Bedford e-Book to Go A portable, downloadable e-book is available at about half the price of the print book. To order the Bedford e-Book to Go for Successful College Writing, Sixth Edition (with handbook), use ISBN 978-1- 4576-8433-3; to order the Bedford e-Book to Go for Successful College Writing, Brief Sixth Edition (without handbook), use ISBN 978-1-4576-9256-7.

• Other popular e-book formats For details, visit macmillanhighered.com /ebooks.

SELECT vALUE PACkAGES

Add value to your text by packaging one of the following resources with Successful Col- lege Writing. To learn more about package options for any of the following products, contact your Bedford/St. Martin’s sales representative or visit macmillanhighered.com /successfulwriting/catalog.

• LearningCurve for Readers and Writers, Bedford/St. Martin’s adaptive quiz- zing program, quickly learns what students already know and helps them prac- tice what they don’t yet understand. Game-like quizzing motivates students to engage with their course, and reporting tools help teachers discern their students’ needs. LearningCurve for Readers and Writers can be packaged with Successful College Writing at a significant discount. An activation code is required. For details, visit learningcurveworks.com.

• Portfolio Keeping, Third Edition, by Nedra Reynolds and Elizabeth Davis provides all the information students need to use the portfolio method successfully in a writing course. Portfolio Teaching, a companion guide for instructors, provides the practical information instructors and writing program administrators need to use the portfolio method successfully in a writing course.

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P R E F A C E xxv

Make learning fUn With RE:WRITING 3

bedfordstmartins.com/rewriting New, open online resources with videos and interactive elements engage students in new ways of writing. You’ll find tutorials about using common digital writing tools, an interactive peer review game, Extreme Paragraph Makeover, and more — all for free and for fun. Visit bedfordstmartins.com/rewriting.

additional reSoUrceS

macmillanhighered.com/successfulwriting You have a lot to do in your course. Bedford/St. Martin’s wants to make it easy for you to find the support you need — and to get it quickly.

The Instructor’s Resource Manual for Successful College Writing is available as a PDF that can be downloaded from the Bedford/St. Martin’s online catalog at the URL above. In addition to tips for teaching with Successful College Writing, the Instructor’s Resource Manual includes advice for helping underprepared students, sample assess- ment tests to determine student skill level, reading quizzes to check understanding, sample syllabi, advice for teaching as an adjunct, and more.

Reading Quizzes — including five multiple-choice questions and summary practice (with a model answer as feedback), and an open-ended response prompt — are avail- able for each print and multimedia reading selection. They are available in LaunchPad and in the Instructor’s Resource Manual and they can be downloaded from Bedford/ St. Martin’s online catalog at the URL above.

Teaching Co-Requisite (ALP) Writing Classes, a new supplement by Jamey Gal- lagher (co-director of the Accelerated Learning Program at the Community College of Baltimore County) helps instructors who will be teaching a co-requisite, or ALP, course alongside a first-year writing class. Gallagher offers practical advice on how to align the co-requisite class with the first-year writing course, how to use the time effectively to help developmental writers build skills, how to avoid common mistakes, and how to build a community.

Teaching Central offers the entire list of Bedford/St. Martin’s print and online pro- fessional resources in one place. You’ll find landmark reference works, sourcebooks on pedagogical issues, award-winning collections, and practical advice for the class- room — all free for instructors.

Bits collects creative ideas for teaching a range of composition topics in an easily searchable blog format at bedfordbits.com. A community of teachers — leading schol- ars, authors, and editors — discuss revision, research, grammar and style, technology, peer review, and much more. Take, use, adapt, and pass the ideas around. Then come back to the site to comment or share your own suggestions.

Additional Exercises for Successful College Writings, Sixth Edition, provides stu- dents with more practice for writing skills covered in the text, especially those covered in Part 7, the Handbook (available in the full edition), but also skills covered in Chap- ters 7, 9, and 10 of the text.

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PREFACE vii

Part 1 Reading, Writing, and Learning for College Success 1

1 Succeeding in College 2 Writing Quick Start 2

FACTORS THAT CONTRIBUTE TO SUCCESS 3 READING: The New Marshmallow Test: Students Can’t Resist Multitasking,

Annie Murphy Paul 3

STRATEGIES FOR SUCCESS 7 Manage Your Time Effectively 8 Organize a Writing and Study Area 9 Study More Efficiently 9 Learn to Manage Stress 10

CLASSROOM SKILLS 12 Polish Your Academic Image 12 Demonstrate Academic Integrity 13 Communicate Effectively with Your Instructors 14 Use Electronic Tools Effectively 14 Listen Carefully and Critically 15 Ask and Answer Questions Appropriately 16 Synthesize Your Ideas and Experiences with What You Are Learning 17 Collaborate with Classmates 17 Take Good Notes in Class 18 Manage Online Courses Responsibly 20

2 Writing in College 21 Writing Quick Start 21

ACADEMIC WRITING: WHAT TO EXPECT 22 Expect Your Writing to Become Less Personal 22 Expect to Write in Different Forms, or Genres 22

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Expect to Use the Language of the Discipline 23 Expect to Use Standard American English 23 Expect to Read, Write, and Think Critically 23 Expect to Use and Document Scholarly Sources 23 Expect to Write Multiple Drafts 24

WHY IMPROVE YOUR WRITING SKILLS? 24 Writing Helps You Learn and Remember 24 Writing Helps You Think and Solve Problems 24 Writing Skills Help You Succeed in College and Career 25

DEVELOPING STRATEGIES FOR WRITING 25 Start with a Positive Attitude 25 Use Your Course Syllabus 26 Use the Right Writing Tools 28 Use the College Writing Center 29 Keep a Writing Journal 29 Get the Most out of Writing Conferences 30

WHAT IS YOUR LEARNING STYLE? 30

LEARNING STYLE INVENTORY 32 Interpreting Your Scores 36 Applying Your Learning Style to Your Writing 37

3 Reading and Responding to Text 40 Writing Quick Start 40

ACADEMIC READING: WHAT TO EXPECT 41 Expect to Be Responsible for Your Own Learning 41 Expect to Read Selections for Academic Audiences 41 Expect to Read Selections in Different Genres and with Different Purposes 41 Expect to Read Critically 42 Expect to Use Readings as Models 42 Expect to Respond to Readings in Writing 43

A GUIDE TO ACTIVE READING 43 Before Reading 44 READING: American Jerk: Be Civil, or I’ll Beat You to a Pulp,

Todd Schwartz 45 While Reading 48 After Reading 52

A GUIDE TO RESPONDING TO TEXT 60 Analyze the Assignment and Decide on an Approach 61 Synthesize the Writer’s Ideas with Your Own 62 Analyze the Reading 63

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WORKING WITH TEXT 65 READING: Superhero or Supervillain? If Science Gives People Superpowers,

Will They Use Them for Good or Evil? Will Oremus 65

ANALYZE STUDENT ESSAYS 69 READING: STUDENTS WRITE: “American Jerk”? How Rude! (but True),

Karen Vaccaro 70

4 Thinking Critically about Text and Visuals 73 Writing Quick Start 73

THINKING AND READING CRITICALLY 74 Analyze the Author’s Ideas 74 Analyze the Author’s Language 78 Analyze the Author’s Assumptions, Generalizations, and Omissions 82 Use the Patterns of Development to Think and Read Critically 86 Use Synthesis to Think and Read Critically 87

READING VISUALS CRITICALLY 88 Reading Photographs Actively 89 Reading Graphics Actively 91 Thinking Critically about Photos and Graphics 93

Part 2 Strategies for Writing Essays 97

5 Prewriting: How to Find and Focus Ideas 98 Writing Quick Start 98

CHOOSING A TOPIC 99

NARROWING A TOPIC 99 Using a Branching Diagram 101 Asking Questions to Narrow a Broad Topic 102

THINKING ABOUT YOUR WRITING SITUATION 103 Determining Your Purpose 103 Considering Your Audience 103 Choosing a Point of View 106 Considering the Genre and Medium 106

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DISCOVERING IDEAS TO WRITE ABOUT 107 Freewriting 108 Mapping 109 Brainstorming 111 Questioning 112 Using the Patterns of Development 113 Visualizing or Sketching 113 Researching Your Topic 114 STUDENTS WRITE: Latrisha Wilson’s Questioning 116

6 Developing and Supporting a Thesis 118 Writing Quick Start 118

WHAT IS A THESIS STATEMENT? 119

DEVELOPING YOUR THESIS STATEMENT 119 Synthesizing Ideas to Generate a Working Thesis Statement 121 Writing an Effective Thesis Statement 122 Placing the Thesis Statement 124 Using an Implied Thesis 124

SUPPORTING YOUR THESIS STATEMENT WITH EVIDENCE 125 Tailoring the Evidence to Your Writing Situation 125 Collecting Evidence to Support Your Thesis 126 Choosing the Best Evidence 127 Choosing Evidence for Academic Writing 128 Incorporating Visuals into an Essay 128 Using Sources to Support Your Thesis 130 STUDENTS WRITE: Latrisha Wilson’s Working Thesis 130 READING: Internet Addiction, Greg Beato 131

7 Drafting an Essay 138 Writing Quick Start 138

THE STRUCTURE OF AN ESSAY 139

ORGANIZING YOUR SUPPORTING DETAILS 140 Selecting a Method of Organization 140 Preparing an Outline or a Graphic Organizer 144

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WRITING YOUR INTRODUCTION, CONCLUSION, AND TITLE 146 Writing a Strong Introduction 147 Writing an Effective Conclusion 150 Writing a Good Title 151 READING: STUDENTS WRITE: No Place Left for Privacy (First Draft),

Latrisha Wilson 152 READING: Black Men and Public Space, Brent Staples 154

8 Writing Effective Paragraphs 159 Writing Quick Start 159

THE STRUCTURE OF A PARAGRAPH 160

WRITING A TOPIC SENTENCE 161 A Topic Sentence Should Be Focused 161 A Topic Sentence May Preview the Organization of the Paragraph 162 A Topic Sentence Should Support Your Thesis 162 A Topic Sentence Should Be Strategically Placed 163

INCLUDING SUPPORTING DETAILS 164 Effective Paragraphs Have Unity 164 Effective Paragraphs Are Well Developed 165 Effective Paragraphs Provide Supporting Details and Arrange Them

Logically 167 USING TRANSITIONS AND REPETITION 169

STUDENTS WRITE: No Place Left for Privacy (Paragraph Excerpt), Latrisha Wilson 170

READING: The Value of Volunteering, Robin Ferguson 171

9 Revising Content and Organization 174 Writing Quick Start 174

WHY REVISE? 175

USEFUL TECHNIQUES FOR REVISION 176

KEY QUESTIONS FOR REVISION 177 Analyzing Your Purpose and Audience 178 Analyzing Your Thesis, Topic Sentences, and Evidence 178 Analyzing Your Organization 178 Analyzing Your Introduction, Conclusion, and Title 180 Analyzing Your Paragraph Development 180

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WORKING WITH CLASSMATES TO REVISE YOUR ESSAY 182 How to Find a Good Reviewer 182 Suggestions for Writers 182 Suggestions for Reviewers 183

USING YOUR INSTRUCTOR’S COMMENTS 184 Revising an Essay Using Your Instructor’s Comments 184 Using Your Instructor’s Comments to Improve Future Essays 186

CONSIDERING YOUR LEARNING STYLE WHEN YOU REVISE 187 STUDENTS WRITE: No Place Left for Privacy (Reviewer Comments, Graphic

Organizer, and Final Draft), Latrisha Wilson 188

10 Editing Sentences and Words 194 Writing Quick Start 194

ANALYZING YOUR SENTENCES 195 Are Your Sentences Concise? 196 Are Your Sentences Varied? 197 Are Your Sentences Parallel in Structure? 204 Do Your Sentences Have Strong, Active Verbs? 205

ANALYZING YOUR WORD CHOICE 206 Are Your Tone and Level of Diction Appropriate? 206 Do You Use Words with Appropriate Connotations? 209 Do You Use Concrete Language? 209 Do You Use Fresh, Appropriate Figures of Speech? 210 Evaluating Your Word Choice 211

SUGGESTIONS FOR PROOFREADING 211 STUDENTS WRITE: Excerpt from Latrisha Wilson’s Edited Second

Draft 213

Part 3 Patterns of Development 215

11 An Introduction to Patterns of Development 216 Writing Quick Start 216

AN OVERVIEW OF THE PATTERNS OF DEVELOPMENT 217 Narration 217 Description 218

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Illustration 218 Process Analysis 219 Comparison and Contrast 219 Classification and Division 220 Extended Definition 220 Cause and Effect 221 Argument 221

COMBINING THE PATTERNS 222 Writing an Essay that Combines the Patterns of Organization 223

•A GUIDED WRITING ASSIGNMENT 223 READING: Against Forgetting: Where Have All the Animals Gone?

Derrick Jensen 225 READING: The Buffet Rule (video), The White House

12 Narration: Recounting Events 229 Writing Quick Start 229

Using Narration in College and the Workplace 230

CHARACTERISTICS OF A NARRATIVE 230 Narratives Make a Point 230 Narratives Convey Action and Detail 231 Narratives Present a Conflict and Create Tension 231 Narratives Sequence Events 232 Narratives Use Dialogue 232 Narratives Are Told from a Particular Point of View 232 READING: Right Place, Wrong Face, Alton Fitzgerald White 233

VISUALIZING A NARRATIVE: A GRAPHIC ORGANIZER 236 READING: Writing about What Haunts Us, Peter Orner 237

INTEGRATING A NARRATION INTO AN ESSAY 239

READING ACTIVELY AND THINKING CRITICALLY 241 What to Look for, Highlight, and Annotate 241 Analyzing Narratives 241

•A GUIDED WRITING ASSIGNMENT 242 READINGS: NARRATION IN ACTION 248

STUDENTS WRITE: Being Double, Santiago Quintana 248 READING: The Lady in Red, Richard LeMieux 253

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READING: NARRATION COMBINED WITH OTHER PATTERNS: The Alternate History of Susan Chung: One Woman’s Quest to Find Her Birth- Parents, Nicole Soojung Callahan 257

READING: Discussing Family Trees in School Can Be Dangerous (video), Paul Nurse

APPLYING YOUR SKILLS: ADDITIONAL ESSAY ASSIGNMENTS 261 Synthesizing Ideas 262

13 Description: Portraying People, Places, and Things 263 Writing Quick Start 263

Using Description in College and the Workplace 264

CHARACTERISTICS OF DESCRIPTIVE WRITING 264 Description Uses Sensory Details 265 Description Uses Active Verbs and Varied Sentences 266 Description Creates a Dominant Impression 267 Description Uses Connotative Language Effectively 268 Description Uses Comparisons 268 Description Follows a Method of Organization 268 READING: Bad Dog, Rachel Maizes 269

VISUALIZING A DESCRIPTION: A GRAPHIC ORGANIZER 272 READING: You Are Your Bike, Mary Roach 273

INTEGRATING DESCRIPTION INTO AN ESSAY 274

READING ACTIVELY AND THINKING CRITICALLY 276 What to Look for, Highlight, and Annotate 276 Analyzing Descriptions 277

•A GUIDED WRITING ASSIGNMENT 278 READINGS: DESCRIPTION IN ACTION 283

STUDENTS WRITE: Heatstroke with a Side of Burn Cream, Ted Sawchuck 283

READING: Eating Chili Peppers, Jeremy MacClancy 287 READING: DESCRIPTION COMBINED WITH OTHER PATTERNS: Speaking Quiché

in the Heart of Dixie, Gabriel Thompson 289 READING: Hidden Gems of Pebble Creek (video), National Park Service

APPLYING YOUR SKILLS: ADDITIONAL ESSAY ASSIGNMENTS 295 Synthesizing Ideas 296

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14 Illustration: Explaining with Examples 297 Writing Quick Start 297

Using Illustration in College and the Workplace 298

CHARACTERISTICS OF ILLUSTRATION ESSAYS 298 Illustration Supports Generalizations 298 Illustration Explains or Clarifies 299 Illustration Considers Purpose and Audience 300 Illustration Uses Carefully Selected Examples 301 Illustration Uses Subexamples to Add Detail 301 Illustration Organizes Details Effectively 302 READING: The Brains of the Animal Kingdom, Frans de Waal 302

VISUALIZING AN ILLUSTRATION ESSAY: A GRAPHIC ORGANIZER 305 READING: Rambos of the Road, Martin Gottfried 306

INTEGRATING ILLUSTRATION INTO AN ESSAY 308

READING ACTIVELY AND THINKING CRITICALLY 309 What to Look for, Highlight, and Annotate 310 Analyzing Illustration 310

•A GUIDED WRITING ASSIGNMENT 311 READINGS: ILLUSTRATION IN ACTION 318

STUDENTS WRITE: Conforming to Stand Out: A Look at American Beauty, Nick Ruggia 318

READING: Snoopers at Work, Bill Bryson 321 READING: ILLUSTRATION COMBINED WITH OTHER PATTERNS: Alone

Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other, Sherry Turkle 324

READING: A Look at Vertical Patrols in Public Housing (podcast), WNYC/ Radio Rookies, Temitayo Fagbenle

APPLYING YOUR SKILLS: ADDITIONAL ESSAY ASSIGNMENTS 328 Synthesizing Ideas 329

15 Process Analysis: Explaining How Something Works or Is Done 330 Writing Quick Start 330

Using Process Analysis in College and the Workplace 331

CHARACTERISTICS OF A PROCESS ANALYSIS ESSAY 331 Process Analyses Usually Include an Explicit Thesis Statement 332 Process Analysis Is Organized Chronologically 332

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Process Analysis Provides Background Information Helpful to Readers 333 Process Analysis Provides an Appropriate Level of Detail 333 Process Analysis Anticipates Trouble Spots and Offers Solutions 334 READING: HOW-TO ESSAY: How Not to Say the Wrong Thing,

Susan Silk and Barry Goldman 334

VISUALIZING A PROCESS ANALYSIS ESSAY: A GRAPHIC ORGANIZER 336 READING: HOW IT WORKS ESSAY: Shitty First Drafts, Anne Lamott 337

INTEGRATING PROCESS ANALYSIS INTO AN ESSAY 341

READING ACTIVELY AND THINKING CRITICALLY 341 What to Look for, Highlight, and Annotate 342 Analyzing Process Analysis 342

•A GUIDED WRITING ASSIGNMENT 343 READINGS : PROCESS ANALYSIS IN ACTION 349

STUDENTS WRITE: Going Vegan: How to Have Your Eggless Cake, and Eat It, Too! Justine Appel 349

READING: Dater’s Remorse, Cindy Chupack 353 READINGS: PROCESS ANALYSIS COMBINED WITH OTHER PATTERNS:

The Psychology of Stuff and Things, Christian Jarrett 356

APPLYING YOUR SKILLS: ADDITIONAL ESSAY ASSIGNMENTS 363 READING: How to Flirt and Get a Date! (video), WrongPlanet/Alex Plank

Synthesizing Ideas 364

16 Comparison and Contrast: Showing Similarities and Differences 365 Writing Quick Start 365

Using Comparison and Contrast in College and the Workplace 366

CHARACTERISTICS OF COMPARISON AND CONTRAST ESSAYS 366 Comparison and Contrast Has a Clear Purpose and Is Written for a Specific

Audience 366 Comparison and Contrast Considers Shared Characteristics 367 Comparison and Contrast Is Organized Point by Point or Subject by

Subject 367

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Comparison and Contrast Fairly Examines Similarities, Differences, or Both 368

Comparison and Contrast Makes a Point 368 Comparison and Contrast Considers Significant and Relevant Shared

Characteristics 369 READING: POINT-BY-POINT ORGANIZATION: Amusing Ourselves to Depth:

Is The Onion Our Most Intelligent Newspaper? Greg Beato 370

VISUALIZING A COMPARISON AND CONTRAST ESSAY: TWO GRAPHIC ORGANIZERS 372 Point-by-Point Organization 373 Subject-by-Subject Organization 374 READING: SUBJECT-BY-SUBJECT ORGANIZATION:

Dearly Disconnected, Ian Frazier 375

INTEGRATING COMPARISON AND CONTRAST INTO AN ESSAY 377

READING ACTIVELY AND THINKING CRITICALLY 378 What to Look for, Highlight, and Annotate 379 Analyzing Comparison and Contrast 379

•A GUIDED WRITING ASSIGNMENT 380 READINGS: COMPARISON AND CONTRAST IN ACTION 385

STUDENTS WRITE: Border Bites, Heather Gianakos 385 READING: His Marriage and Hers: Childhood Roots, Daniel Goleman 389 READING: COMPARISON AND CONTRAST COMBINED WITH OTHER

PATTERNS: Defining a Doctor, with a Tear, a Shrug, and a Schedule, Abigail Zuger 394

READING: Screen Time vs. Lean Time (interactive graphic), The Centers for Disease Control

APPLYING YOUR SKILLS: ADDITIONAL ESSAY ASSIGNMENTS 398 Synthesizing Ideas 399

17 Classification and Division: Explaining Categories and Parts 400 Writing Quick Start 400

Using Classification and Division in College and the Workplace 401

CHARACTERISTICS OF CLASSIFICATION AND DIVISION ESSAYS 401 Classification Groups and Division Divides Ideas According to

One Principle 402 Purpose and Audience Drive the Writer’s Choice of a Principle 402

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Categories and Parts Are Exclusive and Comprehensive 402 Classification or Division Fully Explains Each Category or Part 403 Classification or Division Includes a Thesis 403 READING: CLASSIFICATION: My Secret Life on the McJob: Fast Food

Managers, Jerry Newman 403

VISUALIZING A CLASSIFICATION OR DIVISION ESSAY: A GRAPHIC ORGANIZER 406 READING: DIVISION: The Language of Junk Food Addiction: How to “Read”

a Potato Chip, Michael Moss 408

INTEGRATING CLASSIFICATION OR DIVISION INTO AN ESSAY 411

READING ACTIVELY AND THINKING CRITICALLY 411 What to Look for, Highlight, and Annotate 411 Analyzing Classification and Division 412

•A GUIDED WRITING ASSIGNMENT 413 READINGS: CLASSIFICATION AND DIVISION IN ACTION 419

STUDENTS WRITE: The Use and Abuse of Facebook, Allison Cava 419 READING: CLASSIFICATION COMBINED WITH OTHER PATTERNS: The Dog

Ate My Flash Drive, and Other Tales of Woe, Carolyn Foster Segal 423 READING: What’s Inside: Coffee (animation), Wired Magazine

APPLYING YOUR SKILLS: ADDITIONAL ESSAY ASSIGNMENTS 427 Synthesizing Ideas 428

18 Definition: Explaining What You Mean 429 Writing Quick Start 429

Using Definition in College and the Workplace 430

CHARACTERISTICS OF EXTENDED DEFINITIONS 430 An Extended Definition Is Focused and Detailed 431 An Extended Definition Often Includes a Standard Definition of the

Term 431 An Extended Definition Makes a Point 432 An Extended Definition Uses Other Patterns of Development 432 An Extended Definition May Use Negation and Address Misconceptions 433 READING: Freegans: They Live Off What We Throw Away, Jan Goodwin 434

VISUALIZING AN EXTENDED DEFINITION ESSAY: A GRAPHIC ORGANIZER 437 READING: Dude, Do You Know What You Just Said? Mike Crissey 438

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INTEGRATING DEFINITION INTO AN ESSAY 441

READING ACTIVELY AND THINKING CRITICALLY 441 What to Look for, Highlight, and Annotate 442 Analyzing Extended Definitions 442

•A GUIDED WRITING ASSIGNMENT 443 READINGS: EXTENDED DEFINITION IN ACTION 449

STUDENTS WRITE: Guerrilla Street Art: A New Use of Public Space, Kate Atkinson 449

READING: DEFINITION COMBINED WITH OTHER PATTERNS: Dating on the Autism Spectrum, Emily Shire 452

READING: Chalk Talk: Tragedy of the Commons (animation), The National Science Foundation

APPLYING YOUR SKILLS: ADDITIONAL ESSAY ASSIGNMENTS 457 Synthesizing Ideas 458

19 Cause and Effect: Using Reasons and Results to Explain 459 Writing Quick Start 459

Using Cause and Effect in College and the Workplace 460

CHARACTERISTICS OF CAUSE-AND-EFFECT ESSAYS 460 Causal Analysis May Focus on Causes, Effects, or Both 460 Causal Analysis Includes a Clear Thesis Statement 462 Causal Analysis Is Logically Organized 462 Causal Analysis Explains Each Cause or Effect Fully 463 Causal Analysis May Challenge Readers’ Assumptions or Offer

Surprising Reasons 463 READING: Why Summer Makes Us Lazy, Maria Konnikova 463

VISUALIZING CAUSE-AND-EFFECT ESSAYS: THREE GRAPHIC ORGANIZERS 466 READING: How Labels Like Black and Working Class Shape Your Identity,

Adam Alter 468

INTEGRATING CAUSE AND EFFECT INTO AN ESSAY 470

READING ACTIVELY AND THINKING CRITICALLY 472 What to Look for, Highlight, and Annotate 472 Analyzing Cause and Effect 473

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•A GUIDED WRITING ASSIGNMENT 474 READINGS: CAUSE AND EFFECT IN ACTION 480

STUDENTS WRITE: Is Sharing Files Online Killing Music? Jonathan Adamczak 480

READING: Can Diet Help Stop Depression and Violence? Jurriaan Kamp 484

READING: CAUSE AND EFFECT COMBINED WITH OTHER PATTERNS: Dining in the Dark, Charles Spence and Betina Piqueras-Fiszman 488

APPLYING YOUR SKILLS: ADDITIONAL ESSAY ASSIGNMENTS 495 READING: The Reel Sounds of Violence (podcast), On the Media/WNYC

Synthesizing Ideas 497

Part 4 Reading and Writing Arguments 499

20 Reading Arguments 500 Writing Quick Start 500

Reading Arguments in College and the Workplace 501

THE BASIC PARTS OF AN ARGUMENT 501 The Issue 502 The Claim 502 The Support 504 Refutation 506 READING: Organ Donation: A Life-Saving Gift, Quinne Sember 507 READING: Tipping Is an Abomination, Brian Palmer 510

READING ACTIVELY AND THINKING CRITICALLY 512 Before You Read 512 While You Read 513 Analyzing the Basic Components of an Argument 516 Identifying Emotional Appeals 516 Evaluating Opposing Viewpoints 516 Detecting Faulty Reasoning 517

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READINGS: ARGUMENT IN ACTION 518 READING: How (and Why) to Stop Multitasking, Peter Bregman 518 READING: In Defense of Multitasking, David Silverman 522

Synthesizing Ideas 525

READING: Weekly Address: Sandy Hook Victim’s Mother Calls for Commonsense Gun Responsibility Reforms (video), Francine Wheeler/ The White House

21 Writing Arguments 526 Writing Quick Start 526

Using Argument in College and the Workplace 527

CHARACTERISTICS OF ARGUMENT ESSAYS 527 Arguments Focus on Arguable, Narrowly Defined Issues 527 An Argumentative Thesis Makes a Specific Claim and May

Call for Action 528 Effective Arguments are Logical 529 Effective Arguments Depend on Careful Audience Analysis 531 Effective Arguments Present Reasons and Evidence Readers

Will Find Compelling 532 Effective Arguments Appeal to Readers’ Needs and Values 533 Effective Arguments Recognize Alternative Views 533 READING: Second Chances, Social Forgiveness, and the Internet,

Amitai Etzioni and Radhika Bhat 534

VISUALIZING AN ARGUMENT ESSAY: A GRAPHIC ORGANIZER 539 READING: Abolish the Penny, William Safire 541

•GUIDED WRITING ASSIGNMENT 544 READING: ARGUMENT IN ACTION

STUDENTS WRITE: Pull the Plug on Explicit Lyrics, James Sturm 552 READING: Should College Football Be Banned? (video),

Intelligence Squared U.S.

APPLYING YOUR SKILLS: ADDITIONAL ESSAY ASSIGNMENTS 555

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Part 5 Writing with Sources 557

22 Planning a Research Project and Evaluating Sources 558 Writing Quick Start 558

WRITING FROM SOURCES: USING SOURCES TO MAKE YOUR OWN IDEAS CONVINCING 560

PLANNING YOUR RESEARCH PROJECT 561 Defining the Assignment 561 Choosing an Interesting and Workable Topic 562 Narrowing and Discovering Ideas about Your Topic 563 Writing a Working Thesis and Listing Research Questions 564

CONSIDERING SOURCE TYPES 565 Primary and Secondary Sources 566 Scholarly, Popular, and Reference Sources 566 Books, Articles, and Media Sources 568

EVALUATING SOURCES 569 Choosing Relevant Sources 569 Choosing Reliable Sources 570 Evaluating Resources in the Digital Landscape 571 Thinking Critically about Sources 571

23 Finding Sources, Taking Notes, and Synthesizing 574 Writing Quick Start 574

Scenes from College and the Workplace 576

AN OVERVIEW OF LIBRARY RESOURCES 576 Learning Your Way around the Library 576 Making Use of Reference Librarians 576

USING KEYWORDS EFFECTIVELY 578

USING APPROPRIATE SEARCH TOOLS 579 Searching for Books and Other Library Holdings 579 Searching for Articles in Your Library’s Databases 579 Using the Internet for Research 581 Using Listservs and Newsgroups 583

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CONDUCTING FIELD RESEARCH 584 Interviewing 584 Conducting a Survey 585 Conducting Observations 585

WORKING WITH SOURCES: TAKING NOTES, SUMMARIZING, AND PARAPHRASING 586 Taking Notes 586 Taking Notes that Summarize, Paraphrase, or Quote 588 Summarizing 588 Paraphrasing 589 Recording Quotations 591 Keeping Track of Sources 591

WORKING WITH SOURCES: EVALUATING YOUR NOTES AND SYNTHESIZING 592 Evaluating Your Research 593 Using Categories to Synthesize Information from Sources 593 Drawing a Graphic Organizer to Synthesize Sources 594

CREATING AN ANNOTATED BIBLIOGRAPHY 595

24 Drafting, Revising, and Formatting a Research Project 598 Writing Quick Start 598

Scenes from College and the Workplace 600

ORGANIZING YOUR RESEARCH PROJECT 600 Arranging Your Notes 600 Developing an Outline or Graphic Organizer 601

AVOIDING PLAGIARISM 601 What Is Plagiarism? 602 How to Avoid Plagiarism 603 Deciding What to Document 603

DRAFTING YOUR RESEARCH PROJECT 603 Using Research to Support Your Ideas 605 Using In-Text Citations to Integrate Source Information 606 Integrating Quotations into Your Research Project 608

REVISING YOUR RESEARCH PROJECT 612 Analyzing and Revising Your Paper as a Whole 612 Analyzing and Revising Paragraphs and Sentences 612

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PREPARING YOUR FINAL DRAFT 614 Formatting Your Paper 614 Editing and Proofreading Your Paper 615

DOCUMENTING YOUR SOURCES: MLA STYLE 616 MLA Style for In-Text Citations 617 MLA Style for the List of Works Cited 620 STUDENTS WRITE: Do Animals Have Emotions?

Nicholas Destino (MLA style) 632

DOCUMENTING YOUR SOURCES: APA STYLE 639 APA Style for In-Text Citations 639 APA Style for the List of References 642 STUDENTS WRITE: Schizophrenia: Definition and Treatment,

Sonia Gomez (APA style) 650

Part 6 Academic and Business Applications 657

25 Reading and Writing about Literature 658 Writing Quick Start 658

READING: The Bean Eaters, Gwendolyn Brooks 659 Literature in College and the Workplace 660

A GENERAL APPROACH TO READING LITERATURE 660

UNDERSTANDING THE LANGUAGE OF LITERATURE 661 Similes, Metaphors, and Personification 661 Symbols 662 Irony 662

ANALYZING SHORT STORIES 662 READING: SHORT STORY: The Secret Lion, Alberto Ríos 663 Setting 667 Characters 667 Point of View 668 Plot 669 Theme 670 READING: SHORT STORY: The Story of an Hour, Kate Chopin 672

ANALYZING POETRY 674 READING: POEM: Two Look at Two, Robert Frost 676 READING: POEM: How I Discovered Poetry, Marilyn Nelson 678

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•A GUIDED WRITING ASSIGNMENT 679 STUDENTS WRITE: The Keeping of “The Secret Lion,” Andrew Decker 686

26 Essay Examinations and Portfolios 689 Writing Quick Start 689

Timed Writing and Portfolios in College and the Workplace 690

ESSAY EXAMINATIONS 690 Preparing for Essay Exams 690 Taking Essay Exams 693 Analyzing Essay Exam Questions 694 Writing Essay Answers 696 STUDENTS WRITE: Essay Exam Response, Ronald Robinson 697

PORTFOLIOS 698 Purposes of a Writing Portfolio 699 Deciding What to Include in Your Portfolio 699 Using Your Course Syllabus as a Guide 699 Organizing and Preparing to Present Your Portfolio 700 What to Avoid 701 STUDENTS WRITE: Portfolio Contents and Reflective Letter,

Bryan Scott 702

27 Multimedia Presentations and Business Writing 706 Writing Quick Start 706

Multimedia Presentations in College and the Workplace 707

MULTIMEDIA PRESENTATIONS 707 Planning Your Presentation 707 Drafting Your Presentation 708 Using Presentation Software 709 Rehearsing Your Presentation 711 Overcoming Apprehension 711 Delivering an Effective Presentation 712 Preparing a Web-Based Presentation 713

BUSINESS WRITING 713 Preparing a Résumé and Job Application Letter 713 Using Electronic Media for Business Writing 717

indeX 721

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t h e M a t i c c o n t e n t S

EVERYDAY LIFE American Jerk: Be Civil or I’ll Beat You to a Pulp, Todd Schwartz 45 “American Jerk”: How Rude! (but True), Karen Vaccaro 70 Black Men and Public Space, Brent Staples 154 No Place Left for Privacy, Latrisha Wilson 188 Right Place, Wrong Face, Alton Fitzgerald White 233 The Lady in Red, Richard LeMieux 253 Writing About What Haunts Us, Peter Orner 237 Heatstroke with a Side of Burn Cream, Ted Sawchuck 283 The Alternate History of Susan Chung: One Woman’s Quest to Find Her Birth-

Parents, Nicole Soojung Callahan 257 Bad Dog, Rachel Maizes 269 Eating Chili Peppers, Jeremy MacClancy 287 You Are Your Bike, Mary Roach 273 Rambos of the Road, Martin Gottfried 306 Conforming to Stand Out: A Look at American Beauty, Nick Ruggia 318 Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other,

Sherry Turkle 324 Snoopers at Work, Bill Bryson 321 How Not to Say the Wrong Thing, Susan Silk and Barry Goldman 334 Going Vegan: How to Have Your Eggless Cake and Eat It Too! Justine Appel 349 The Psychology of Stuff and Things, Christian Jarrett 356 Dearly Disconnected, Ian Frazier 375 Dater’s Remorse, Cindy Chupack 353 His Marriage and Hers: Childhood Roots, Daniel Goleman 389 The Dog Ate My Flash Drive, and Other Tales of Woe, Carolyn Foster Segal 423 The Use and Abuse of Facebook, Alison Cava 419 Dating on the Autism Spectrum, Emily Shire 452 Why Summer Makes Us Lazy, Maria Konnikova 463 How Labels Like Black and Working Class Shape Your Identity, Adam Alter 468 Is Sharing Files Online Killing Music? Jonathan Adamczak 480 Tipping Is an Abomination, Brian Palmer 510 Abolish the Penny, William Safire 541

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EDUCATION, GROWTH, AND DEVELOPMENT The New Marshmallow Test: Students Can’t Resist Multitasking,

Annie Murphy Paul 3 Writing About What Haunts Us, Peter Orner 237 Being Double, Santiago Quintana 248 The Alternate History of Susan Chung: One Woman’s Quest to Find Her Birth

Parents, Nicole Soojung Callahan 257 You Are Your Bike, Mary Roach 273 Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other,

Sherry Turkle 324 The Dog Ate My Flash Drive, and Other Tales of Woe, Carolyn Foster Segal 423 How Not to Say the Wrong Thing, Susan Silk and Barry Goldman 334 The Psychology of Stuff and Things, Christian Jarrett 356 Dating on the Autism Spectrum, Emily Shire 452 How Labels Like Black and Working Class Shape Your Identity, Adam Alter 468 How I Discovered Poetry, Marilyn Nelson 678

WORKING Speaking Quiché in the Heart of Dixie, Gabriel Thompson 289 Heatstroke with a Side of Burn Cream, Ted Sawchuck 283 Snoopers at Work, Bill Bryson 321 Defining a Doctor, with a Tear, a Shrug, and a Schedule, Abigail Zuger 394 My Secret Life on the McJob: Fast Food Managers, Jerry Newman 403 Why Summer Makes Us Lazy, Maria Konnikova 463 How (and Why) to Stop Multitasking, Peter Bregman 518 In Defense of Multitasking, David Silverman 522 Tipping Is an Abomination, Brian Palmer 510

CURRENT ISSUES The New Marshmallow Test: Students Can’t Resist Multitasking,

Annie Murphy Paul 3 American Jerk: Be Civil or I’ll Beat You to a Pulp, Todd Schwartz

(political correctness, social rudeness) 45 No Place Left for Privacy, Latrisha Wilson 188 Internet Addiction, Greg Beato 131 The Lady in Red, Richard LeMieux 253 Against Forgetting, Derrick Jensen 225 Speaking Quiché in the Heart of Dixie, Gabriel Thompson 289 Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other,

Sherry Turkle 324 Rambos of the Road, Martin Gottfried (road rage) 306

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Conforming to Stand Out: A Look at American Beauty, Nick Ruggia (eating disorders, plastic surgery, piercing, and tattoos) 318

Amusing Ourselves to Depth: Is The Onion Our Most Intelligent Newspaper? Greg Beato 370

Going Vegan: How to Have Your Eggless Cake and Eat It Too! Justine Appel 349 The Language of Junk Food Addiction, Michael Moss 408 The Use and Abuse of Facebook, Alison Cava 419 Is Sharing Files Online Killing Music? Jonathan Adamczak 480 Second Chances, Social Forgiveness, and the Internet, Amitai Etzioni and

Radhika Bhat 534 Freegans: They Live Off What We Throw Away, Jan Goodwin 434 Organ Donation: A Life-Saving Gift, Quinne Sember 507 Pull the Plug on Explicit Lyrics, James Sturm 552

U.S. AND WORLD CULTURES The New Marshmallow Test: Students Can’t Resist Multitasking,

Annie Murphy Paul 3 No Place Left for Privacy, Latrisha Wilson 188 Black Men and Public Space, Brent Staples 154 Right Place, Wrong Face, Alton Fitzgerald White 233 The Alternate History of Susan Chung: One Woman’s Quest to Find Her Birth-

Parents, Nicole Soojung Callahan 257 Being Double, Santiago Quintana 248 You Are Your Bike, Mary Roach 273 Speaking Quiché in the Heart of Dixie, Gabriel Thompson 289 Border Bites, Heather Gianakos 385 Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each

Other, Sherry Turkle 324 The Use and Abuse of Facebook, Alison Cava 419 Dude, Do You Know What You Just Said? Mike Crissey 438 Guerrilla Street Art, Kate Atkinson 449 Is Sharing Files Online Killing Music? Jonathan Adamczak 480 Dining in the Dark, Charles Spence and Betina Piqueras-Fiszman 488 Tipping Is an Abomination, Brian Palmer 510

LANGUAGE AND LITERATURE Being Double, Santiago Quintana 248 How Not to Say the Wrong Thing, Susan Silk and Barry Goldman 334 Shitty First Drafts, Anne Lamott 337 Dude, Do You Know What You Just Said? Mike Crissey 438 The Language of Junk Food Addiction, Michael Moss 408

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How I Discovered Poetry, Marilyn Nelson 678 The Bean Eaters, Gwendolyn Brooks 659 The Secret Lion, Alberto Ríos 663 The Story of an Hour, Kate Chopin 672 Two Look at Two, Robert Frost 676 The Keeping of “The Secret Lion,” Andrew Decker 686

POPULAR CULTURE American Jerk: Be Civil, or I’ll Beat You to a Pulp, Todd Schwartz 45 “American Jerk”: How Rude! (but True), Karen Vaccaro 70 Superhero or Supervillain? If Science Gives Us Superpowers, Will We Use Them for

Good or Evil?, Will Oremus 65 You Are Your Bike, Mary Roach 273 The Language of Junk Food Addiction, Michael Moss 408 Conforming to Stand Out: A Look at American Beauty, Nick Ruggia 318 Dater’s Remorse, Cindy Chupack 353 Amusing Ourselves to Depth: Is The Onion Our Most Intelligent Newspaper?

Greg Beato 370 The Use and Abuse of Facebook, Alison Cava 419 Is Sharing Files Online Killing Music? Jonathan Adamczak 480 Dining in the Dark, Charles Spence and Betina Piqueras-Fiszman 488 Dude, Do You Know What You Just Said? Mike Crissey 438 Guerrilla Street Art, Kate Atkinson 449

TECHNOLOGY The New Marshmallow Test: Students Can’t Resist Multitasking,

Annie Murphy Paul 3 Superhero or Supervillain? If Science Gives Us Superpowers, Will We Use Them

for Good Or Evil?, Will Oremus 65 Internet Addiction, Greg Beato 131 No Place Left for Privacy, Latrisha Wilson 188 Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other,

Sherry Turkle 324 The Use and Abuse of Facebook, Alison Cava 419 Snoopers at Work, Bill Bryson 321 Dater’s Remorse, Cindy Chupack 353 Dearly Disconnected, Ian Frazier 375 Is Sharing Files Online Killing Music? Jonathan Adamczak 480 How (and Why) to Stop Multitasking, Peter Bregman 518 In Defense of Multitasking, David Silverman 522 Second Chances, Social Forgiveness, and the Internet, Amitai Etzioni and

Radhika Bhat 534

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t h e M a t i c c o n t e n t S li

SCIENCE AND MEDICINE The New Marshmallow Test: Students Can’t Resist Multitasking,

Annie Murphy Paul 3 Superhero or Supervillain? If Science Gives Us Superpowers, Will We Use Them

for Good or Evil?, Will Oremus 65 Internet Addiction, Greg Beato 131 Defining a Doctor, with a Tear, a Shrug, and a Schedule, Abigail Zuger 394 The Brains of the Animal Kingdom, Franz de Waal 303 The Psychology of Stuff and Things, Christian Jarrett 356 Can Diet Help Stop Depression and Violence? Jurriaan Kamp 484 The Language of Junk Food Addiction, Michael Moss 408 Why Summer Makes Us Lazy, Maria Konnikova 463 Dining in the Dark, Charles Spence and Betina Piqueras-Fiszman 488 Organ Donation: A Life-Saving Gift, Quinne Sember 507 Schizophrenia: Definition and Treatment, Sonia Gomez 650

NATURE AND THE ENVIRONMENT Against Forgetting, Derrick Jensen 225 Bad Dog, Rachel Maizes 269 The Brains of the Animal Kingdom, Franz de Waal 303 Freegans: They Live Off What We Throw Away, Jan Goodwin 434 Going Vegan: How to Have Your Eggless Cake and Eat It Too! Justine Appel 349 Why Summer Makes Us Lazy, Maria Konnikova 463 Do Animals Have Emotions? Nicholas Destino 632

THE WAY WE EAT Eating Chili Peppers, Jeremy MacClancy 287 Border Bites, Heather Gianakos 385 My Secret Life on the McJob: Fast Food Managers, Jerry Newman 403 Going Vegan: How to Have Your Eggless Cake and Eat It Too! Justine Appel 349 The Language of Junk Food Addiction, Michael Moss 408 Freegans: They Live Off What We Throw Away, Jan Goodwin 434 Dining in the Dark, Charles Spence and Betina Piqueras-Fiszman 488 Tipping Is an Abomination, Brian Palmer 510 Can Diet Help Stop Depression and Violence? Jurriaan Kamp 484

CLASS AND SOCIAL DIFFERENCE Black Men and Public Space, Brent Staples 154 Right Place, Wrong Face, Alton Fitzgerald White 233 The Lady in Red, Richard LeMieux 253 Being Double, Santiago Quintana 248

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lii t h e M a t i c c o n t e n t S

The Alternate History of Susan Chung: One Woman’s Quest to Find Her Birth- Parents, Nicole Soojung Callahan 257

Speaking Quiché in the Heart of Dixie, Gabriel Thompson 289 Freegans: They Live Off What We Throw Away, Jan Goodwin 434 Dating on the Autism Spectrum, Emily Shire 452 How Labels Like Black and Working Class Shape Your Identity, Adam Alter 468 Second Chances, Social Forgiveness, and the Internet, Amitai Etzioni and

Radhika Bhat 534

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AP Photo/Jeff Roberts

1 Succeeding in College 2

2 Writing in College 21

3 Reading and Responding to Text 40

4 Thinking Critically about Text and Visuals 73

p a r t o n e

Reading, Writing, and Learning for College Success

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2

W R I T I N G Q U I C K S T A R T

© Martin Heitner/Aurora Photos; © Sonda Dawes/The Image Works

• studying and learning efficiently

• knowing how to read critically

• performing well in class and on exams

• knowing how to write papers and essay

exams

All of these skills, and many others, con-

tribute to academic success. This chapter

begins with a reading that discusses several

key factors that contribute to college suc-

cess. The remainder of the chapter presents

numerous other strategies for success to

help you develop the skills you need for a

successful college career.

T

11 Succeeding in College he photographs to the right show two first-

year college students. One is a successful

student, and the other is less so. What fac-

tors could explain why one student excels

academically and the other does not?

Write a paragraph based on your experi-

ences with education up to this point that

explains which factors you think contribute

to academic success and which lead to frus-

tration. Be specific: You might discuss tasks

that students need to know how to perform,

offer tips, identify pitfalls, or consider non-

academic factors, such as jobs and family

responsibilities.

What skills did you identify as contribut-

ing to college success? Some you may have

mentioned include the following:

• being motivated and organized

• using your time effectively

• being able to focus on a task

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3

I N T H I S C H A P T E R Y O U W I L L L E A R N T O

• discover the factors that contribute to college success,

• learn strategies for becoming a successful student, and

• develop classroom skills for college success.

FACT ORS T HAT CONTRIBUTE TO SUCCE SS Read “The New Marshmallow Test,” the article that follows. As you read, highlight the main points the writer is making about multitasking and academic success, and write notes, questions, and comments in the margin about your own media multitasking habits and your ability to devote your undivided attention to class lectures and course materials during your study time. You’ll be glad you did!

READING

The New Marshmallow Test: Students Can’t Resist Multitasking ANNIE MURPHY PAUL

Annie Murphy Paul is an author, journalist, and contributing writer for Time magazine and often writes about learning and its improvement. She also blogs about learning at CNN.com, Forbes.com, and HuffingtonPost.com and has written several books including The Cult of Personality, which explores the historical quirks of how personality tests were developed and critiques their value; Origins: How the Nine Months before Birth Shape the Rest of Our Lives, a book about the science of prenatal influences; and Brilliant: The New Science of Smart.

Living rooms, dens, kitchens, even bedrooms: Investigators followed students into the spaces where homework gets done. Pens poised over their “study observa- tion forms,” the observers watched intently as the students — in middle school, high school, and college, 263 in all — opened their books and turned on their computers.

For a quarter of an hour, the investigators from the lab of Larry Rosen, a psychology professor at California State University–Dominguez Hills, marked down once a minute what the students were doing as they studied. A checklist on the form included: reading a book, writing on paper, typing on the computer — and also using email, looking at Facebook, texting, talking on the phone, watching television, listening to music, surfing the Web. Sitting unobtrusively at the back of the room, the observers

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4 C H A P T E R 1 | S U C C E E D I N G I N C O L L E G E

counted the number of windows open on the students’ screens and noted whether the students were wearing earbuds.

Although the students had been told at the outset that they should “study something impor- tant, including homework, an upcoming examina- tion or project, or reading a book for a course,” it wasn’t long before their attention drifted: Students’ “on-task behavior” started declining around the two-minute mark as they began responding to arriving texts or checking their Facebook feeds. By the time the 15 minutes were up, they had spent only about 65 percent of the observation period actually doing their schoolwork.

Rosen’s study, published in the May issue of Computers in Human Behavior, is part of a growing body of research focused on a very particular use of technology: media multitasking while learning. Evidence from psychology, cognitive science, and neurosci- ence suggests that when students multitask while doing schoolwork, their learning is far spottier and shallower than if the work had their full attention. They understand and remember less, and they have greater difficulty transferring their learning to new contexts. So detrimental is this practice that some researchers are proposing that a new prerequisite for academic and even professional success — the new marshmallow test of self-discipline — is the ability to resist a blinking inbox or a buzzing phone.

The media multitasking habit extends into the classroom. While most middle and high school students don’t have the opportunity to text, email, and surf the Internet during class, studies show the practice is nearly universal among students in college and professional school. One large survey found that 80 percent of college students admit to texting during class; 15 percent say they send 11 or more texts in a single class period.

During the first meeting of his courses, Rosen makes a practice of calling on a student who is busy with his phone. “I ask him, ‘What was on the slide I just showed to the class?’ The student always pulls a blank,” Rosen reports. “Young people have a wildly inflated idea of how many things they can attend to at once, and this demon- stration helps drive the point home: If you’re paying attention to your phone, you’re not paying attention to what’s going on in class.” Other professors have taken a more surreptitious approach, installing electronic spyware or planting human observers to record whether students are taking notes on their laptops or using them for other, unauthorized purposes.

In a study involving spyware, for example, two professors of business administration at the University of Vermont found that “students engage in substantial multitasking behavior with their laptops and have non-course-related software applications open and

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Attending to multiple streams of information and entertainment while studying, doing homework, or even sitting in class has become a common behavior among college students. © Jared Leeds/Aurora Photos

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A N N I E M U R P H Y P A U L | T H E N E W M A R S H M A L L O W T E S T 5

active about 42 percent of the time.” Another study, carried out at St. John’s University in New York, used human observers stationed at the back of the classroom to record the technological activities of law students. The spies reported that 58 percent of second- and third-year law students who had laptops in class were using them for “non-class purposes” more than half the time. Texting, emailing, and posting on Facebook and other social media sites are by far the most common digital activities students under- take while learning, according to Rosen. That’s a problem, because these operations are actually quite mentally complex, and they draw on the same mental resources — using language, parsing meaning — demanded by schoolwork.

David Meyer, a psychology professor at the University of Michigan who’s studied the effects of divided attention on learning, takes a firm line on the brain’s ability to multitask: “Under most conditions, the brain simply cannot do two complex tasks at the same time. It can happen only when the two tasks are both very simple and when they don’t compete with each other for the same mental resources. An example would be folding laundry and listening to the weather report on the radio. That’s fine. But listening to a lecture while texting, or doing homework and being on Facebook — each of these tasks is very demanding, and each of them uses the same area of the brain, the prefrontal cortex.”

Young people think they can perform two challenging tasks at once, Meyer acknowl- edges, but “they are deluded,” he declares. It’s difficult for anyone to properly evaluate how well his or her own mental processes are operating, he points out, because most of these processes are unconscious. And, Meyer adds, “there’s nothing magical about the brains of so-called ‘digital natives’ that keeps them from suffering the inefficien- cies of multitasking. They may like to do it, they may even be addicted to it, but there’s no getting around the fact that it’s far better to focus on one task from start to finish.”

Researchers have documented a cascade of negative outcomes that occurs when students multitask while doing schoolwork. First, the assignment takes longer to complete, because of the time spent on distracting activities and because, upon returning to the assignment, the student has to refamiliarize himself with the material.

Second, the mental fatigue caused by repeatedly dropping and picking up a mental thread leads to more mistakes. Third, students’ subsequent memory of what they’re working on will be impaired if their attention is divided. As the unlucky student spot- lighted by Rosen can attest, we can’t remember something that never really entered our consciousness in the first place. And a study last month showed that students who multitask on laptops in class distract not just themselves but also their peers who see what they’re doing.

Fourth, some research has suggested that when we’re distracted, our brains actu- ally process and store information in different, less useful ways. In a 2006 study in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, Russell Poldrack of the Univer- sity of Texas–Austin and two colleagues asked participants to engage in a learning

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6 C H A P T E R 1 | S U C C E E D I N G I N C O L L E G E

UNDERSTANDING THE READING

1. Main idea Explain the author’s main point in your own words. 2. Effects According to the reading selection, what are some of the short-term effects

of multitasking while studying? What may be some of the long-term effects? 3. Comparison What was the original Marshmallow Test, and what did it show?

How would the new Marshmallow Test work?

ANALYZING THE WRITER’S TECHNIQUE

1. Evidence What evidence does the author supply to support the claims about mul- titasking while learning? How convincing do you find that evidence and why?

2. Purpose Why do you think the author wrote this article? What clues in the text lead you to this conclusion?

3. Audience Who do you think is the main audience for this article? What clues in the text lead you to this conclusion?

RESPONDING TO THE READING

Explore your media multitasking habits by trying to replicate Larry Rosen’s investi- gation. For fifteen minutes while you are at home studying, use the following cate- gories to mark down once per minute what you are doing as you study:

activity on a computer while also carrying out a second task, counting musical tones that sounded while they worked. Brain scans taken during Poldrack’s experiment revealed that different regions of the brain were active under the two conditions, indicating that the brain engages in a different form of memory when forced to pay attention to two streams of information at once. The results suggest, the scientists wrote, that “even if distraction does not decrease the overall level of learning, it can result in the acquisition of knowledge that can be applied less flexibly in new situations.”

Finally, researchers are beginning to demonstrate that media multitasking while learning is negatively associated with students’ grades. In Rosen’s study, students who used Facebook during the 15-minute observation period had lower grade-point averages than those who didn’t go on the site. Meyer, of the University of Michigan, worries that the problem goes beyond poor grades. “There’s a definite possibility that we are raising a generation that is learning more shallowly than young people in the past,” he says. “The depth of their processing of information is considerably less, because of all the distractions available to them as they learn.”

Given that these distractions aren’t going away, academic and even profes- sional achievement may depend on the ability to ignore digital temptations while learning — a feat akin to the famous marshmallow test. In a series of experiments conducted more than forty years ago, psychologist Walter Mischel tempted young children with a marshmallow, telling them they could have two of the treats if they put off eating one right away. Follow-up studies performed years later found that the kids who were better able to delay gratification not only achieved higher grades and test scores but were also more likely to succeed in school and their careers.

Two years ago, Rosen and his colleagues conducted an information-age version of the marshmallow test. College students who participated in the study were asked to watch a 30-minute videotaped lecture, during which some were sent eight text messages while others were sent four or zero text messages. Those who were interrupted more often scored worse on a test of the lecture’s content; more interestingly, those who responded to the experimenters’ texts right away scored significantly worse than those participants who waited to reply until the lecture was over.

The ability to resist the lure of technology can be consciously cultivated, Rosen main- tains. He advises students to take “tech breaks” to satisfy their cravings for electronic communication: After they’ve labored on their schoolwork uninterrupted for 15 minutes, they can allow themselves two minutes to text, check websites, and post to their hearts’ content. Then the devices get turned off for another 15 minutes of academics. Over time, Rosen says, students are able to extend their working time to 20, 30, even 45 minutes, as long as they know that an opportunity to get online awaits. Device-checking is a compulsive behavior that must be managed, he says, if young people are to learn and perform at their best.

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S T R A T E G I E S F O R S U C C E S S 7

UNDERSTANDING THE READING

1. Main idea Explain the author’s main point in your own words. 2. Effects According to the reading selection, what are some of the short-term effects

of multitasking while studying? What may be some of the long-term effects? 3. Comparison What was the original Marshmallow Test, and what did it show?

How would the new Marshmallow Test work?

ANALYZING THE WRITER’S TECHNIQUE

1. Evidence What evidence does the author supply to support the claims about mul- titasking while learning? How convincing do you find that evidence and why?

2. Purpose Why do you think the author wrote this article? What clues in the text lead you to this conclusion?

3. Audience Who do you think is the main audience for this article? What clues in the text lead you to this conclusion?

RESPONDING TO THE READING

Explore your media multitasking habits by trying to replicate Larry Rosen’s investi- gation. For fifteen minutes while you are at home studying, use the following cate- gories to mark down once per minute what you are doing as you study: ❑ reading a book ❑ writing on paper ❑ typing on the computer ❑ reading or writing email ❑ texting ❑ talking on the phone

❑ reading or writing on Facebook (or another social media site) ❑ watching television ❑ listening to music ❑ surfing the Web

At the end of the fifteen-minute period, analyze your findings. • What percentage of your fifteen-minute study time did you devote to studying? • How long were you able to go without a distraction? • What was your primary distraction?

Finally, write a paragraph or two explaining how well you think you “learned” what you were studying and what lessons you will take away from this exercise. What changes will you make in your study habits (if any), and how will you make them?

STRATEGIES FOR SUCCE SS “The New Marshmallow Test” demonstrates the importance of focusing your attention while in the classroom, but there are strategies for college success that you can embrace even before you enter the classroom that will help you learn more effectively and effi- ciently. These strategies are presented in this section.

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8 C H A P T E R 1 | S U C C E E D I N G I N C O L L E G E

MANAGE YOUR TIME EFFECTIVELY As you discovered in “The New Marshmallow Test,” using your study time efficiently, without media distractions, is important. Setting aside enough time — for every hour spent in class, plan to work two to three hours outside of class — and planning that time carefully are also crucial. The best way to get started is to establish goals and create a workable plan for achieving those goals.

Examine the two student schedules shown in Figures 1.1 and 1.2. Which student is more likely to meet his or her deadlines? Why?

The planner in Figure 1.1 shows only test dates and assignment deadlines, whereas the planner in Figure 1.2 includes not only tests and deadlines but also details showing how and when the student will meet those deadlines. The student who uses the planner in Figure 1.2 is more likely to complete his or her work on time — and with less worry.

FIGURE 1.1 Planner with Due Dates

November November

10 Monday Thursday 13

10 am Essay 3 due

11 Tuesday Friday 14

3 pm History exam

1 pm Anthro quiz

12 Wednesday Saturday 15

Sunday 16

FIGURE 1.2 Planner with Detailed Schedule

November November

10 Monday

am — Outline English Essay 3

6 pm History study group

Thursday 13

10 am Essay 3 due

5–8 pm Work

9–10 pm Study Anthro chapters

11 Tuesday

am — Draft Essay 3

3 pm History exam

6–8 pm Work

Read Anthro Ch. 20

Friday 14

am — Review Anthro notes and

chapter highlighting

1 pm Anthro quiz

12 Wednesday

10 am Writing Center — Review

Essay 3

Read Anthro Chs. 21–22

Saturday 15

9–4 Work

Sunday 16

Read Bio Ch. 17

Review Bio lab

Read History Ch. 15

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S T R A T E G I E S F O R S U C C E S S 9

Plan your schedule. Each time you sit down to study for a class, assess what you need to do, and determine the most effective order in which to do it. Work on the most challenging assignments first, when your concentration is at its peak. You should plan to study six to eight hours per week for each course. Study for each course during the same time period each week, if possible, to establish a routine. Alternatively, you may want to take ten minutes at the beginning of each week to specify the six to eight hours in which you’ll work on each course.

Avoid procrastination. Procrastination is putting off things that need to be done; you know you should work on an assignment, but you do something else instead. To avoid procrastination, try these tips.

• Divide the task into manageable parts. • Avoid making excuses. It is easy to say you don’t have enough time to get every-

thing done, but often that is not true. • Avoid escaping into routine tasks such as shopping, cleaning, or washing your

car rather than completing the task.

ORGANIZE A WRITING AND STUDY AREA You don’t need a lot of room to create an appropriate space for studying and writing, but you do need a space that is conducive to writing and studying. Your work area should be:

• quiet so you won’t be disturbed by family or roommates or be tempted to turn on your television or play with your cat,

• well lit and spacious enough to accommodate your books, notebooks, and computer, and

• equipped with all the tools you need: a clock, a computer, a calculator, pens, pencils, paper, a pencil sharpener.

If your home does not fit the bill, consider studying in the library. Libraries offer carrel space, and many also offer study rooms for group work or secluded areas with comfortable chairs if you do not need a desk. The library also offers a convenient spot to study between classes.

EXERCISE 1.1 Organizing a Study Area

Using the suggestions listed above, write a paragraph describing what you can do to organize an area that is conducive to writing and studying.

STUDY MORE EFFICIENTLY Does either of these situations sound familiar?

“I just read a whole page, and I can’t remember anything I read!” “Every time I start working on this assignment, my mind wanders.”

If so, you may need to improve your concentration. No matter how intelligent you are or what skills or talents you possess, if you cannot keep your mind on your work, your classes — including your writing class — will be unnecessarily difficult. In addition to

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10 C H A P T E R 1 | S U C C E E D I N G I N C O L L E G E

shutting down distracting media, try the following strategies to help you “study smarter,” not harder.

• Work at peak periods of attention. Identify the time of day or night that you are most efficient and focused. Avoid working when you are tired, hungry, or distracted.

• Vary your activities. Do not complete, say, three reading assignments consecu- tively. Instead, alternate assignments: for example, read, then write, then work on math problems, then read another assignment, and so on.

• Use writing to keep you mentally and physically active. Highlight, annotate, and take notes as you read. These processes will keep you mentally alert.

• Approach assignments critically. Ask yourself questions as you read. Make connections with what you have already learned and with what you already know about the subject. You will learn more about synthesis, a crucial compo- nent of learning effectively, later in this chapter (p. 17).

• Challenge yourself with deadlines. Before beginning an assignment, estimate how long it should take and work toward completing it within that time limit.

• Keep a to-do list. When you are working on an assignment, stray thoughts about other pressing things (tomorrow’s car inspection, next week’s birthday party for your mother) are bound to zip through your mind. When these thoughts occur to you, jot them down so that you can unclutter your mind and focus on your work.

• Reward yourself. As Professor Rosen (in “The New Marshmallow Test”) suggests, use a fun activity, such as texting a friend or getting a snack, as a reward for reaching your goal or completing your assignment.

EXERCISE 1.2 Selecting Study Strategies

Not all students study the same way, and most students study differently for different courses. List below the courses you are taking this semester. For each, identify a study strategy that works for that course. Compare your list with those of other students and add useful techniques you learn from them.

Course Study Strategies to Try

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

LEARN TO MANAGE STRESS Stress is a natural reaction to the challenges of daily living, but if you are expected to accomplish more or perform better than you think you can, stress can become over- whelming. As a successful student, you need to monitor your stress. Take the “How Stressed Are You?” quiz on the next page to assess your stress level.

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S T R A T E G I E S F O R S U C C E S S 11

Quiz: How Stressed Are You? Always Sometimes Never

1. I worry that I do not have enough time to get everything done.

❑ ❑ ❑

2. I regret that I have no time to do fun things each week.

❑ ❑ ❑

3. I find myself losing track of details and forgetting due dates, promises, and appointments.

❑ ❑ ❑

4. I worry about what I am doing. ❑ ❑ ❑

5. I have conflicts or disagreements with friends or family.

❑ ❑ ❑

6. I lose patience with small annoyances. ❑ ❑ ❑

7. I seem to be late, no matter how hard I try to arrive on time.

❑ ❑ ❑

8. I have difficulty sleeping. ❑ ❑ ❑

9. My eating habits have changed. ❑ ❑ ❑

10. I find myself needing a cigarette, drink, or prescription drug.

❑ ❑ ❑

You can use stress to motivate yourself to start a project or assignment, or you can let it interfere with your ability to function mentally and physically. If you answered “Always” or “Sometimes” to more than two or three items in the “How Stressed Are You?” quiz, you may be reacting to stress negatively. Here are some effective ways to change your thinking and habits to reduce stress.

• Establish your priorities. Let’s say, for example, that you decide college is more important than your part-time job. Once you have decided this, you won’t worry about requesting a work schedule to accommodate your study schedule because studying is your priority.

• Be selfish and learn to say no. Use your priorities to guide you in accepting new responsibilities.

• Simplify your life by making fewer choices. For example, instead of deciding what time to set your alarm clock each morning, get up at the same time each weekday. Set fixed study times and stick to them.

• Focus on the positive. Instead of saying “I’ll never be able to finish this assignment on time,” ask yourself, “What do I have to do to finish this assignment on time?”

• Separate work, school, and social problems. Create mental compartments for your worries. Don’t spend time in class thinking about a problem at work or a conflict with a friend. Deal with problems at the appropriate time.

• Keep a personal journal. Writing down details about your worries and emotions can go a long way toward relieving stress, but be sure to include notes about how you can resolve problems too.

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CLA SSROOM SKILLS “The New Marshmallow Test” showed that what you do within the classroom contrib- utes significantly to your success in college. But there are other classroom skills besides paying attention in class that are important to success. A number are discussed below.

POLISH YOUR ACADEMIC IMAGE Your academic image is the way your instructors and other students see you as a stu- dent. How you act and respond in class creates this image. This list of do’s and don’ts can help you improve your academic image.

Do . . . Don’t . . .

Prepare for class fully.

Make thoughtful contributions based on your understanding of the material and refer to assigned readings in class.

Maintain eye contact with instructors.

Ask questions when information is unclear.

Treat classmates respectfully.

Read, send text messages, surf the Web, or check Facebook during class.

Work on homework during class.

Sleep or daydream in class.

Remain silent during class discussion.

Interrupt others or criticize their contributions.

A committed student is more likely to be taken seriously and to get the assistance he or she needs. One way to demonstrate your seriousness is to participate regularly in class. If you are nervous about joining in discussion, try reflecting on assigned readings or taking notes before class so you will feel prepared. Saying something early in the discussion can also help: The longer you wait, the more difficult it is to say something that has not already been said.

Showing your commitment involves more than just speaking out. It also involves the following:

• focusing and taking notes on the discussion, • recording what the instructor writes or projects on the board or shows on

presentation slides, • keeping handouts, • jotting down ideas for future writing assignments, • connecting what you’re learning with your own experiences, and • taking responsibility for getting help when you need it.

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C L A S S R O O M S K I L L S 13

EXERCISE 1.3 Rating Your Academic Image

Rate your academic image by checking “Always,” “Sometimes,” or “Never” for each of the fol- lowing statements.

Always Sometimes Never

I arrive at classes promptly. ❑ ❑ ❑

I sit near the front of the room. ❑ ❑ ❑

I look and act alert and interested in the class.

❑ ❑ ❑

I complete reading assignments before class.

❑ ❑ ❑

I ask thoughtful questions. ❑ ❑ ❑

I participate in class discussions. ❑ ❑ ❑

I take careful notes and retain handouts. ❑ ❑ ❑

I complete all assignments on time. ❑ ❑ ❑

I turn in neat, complete, well-organized, and carefully edited papers.

❑ ❑ ❑

I seek out the instructor if I need help understanding the reading, discussion, or assignments.

❑ ❑ ❑

EXERCISE 1.4 Analyzing Your Academic Image

Write a brief statement about how you think others perceive you as a student and why. Refer to the list of tips about building a positive academic image on page 12. What tips do you normally follow? Which do you most need to work on?

DEMONSTRATE ACADEMIC INTEGRITY Demonstrating academic integrity means conducting yourself in an honest and ethical manner. It involves avoiding the obvious forms of classroom dishonesty such as copy- ing homework, buying a paper on the Internet, and cheating on exams or helping others do so. It also means not plagiarizing, using the ideas or language of oth- ers — deliberately or unintentionally — without giving credit. An example of inten- tional plagiarism is cutting and pasting information into your paper from the Internet without indicating that it is borrowed. Unintentional plagiarism occurs when you use language too similar to that of the original source, inadvertently omit a citation, or forget to place quotation marks around a quotation.

To learn how to avoid unintentional plagiarism, see Chapter 24, p. 603.

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COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY WITH YOUR INSTRUCTORS Meeting with your instructor outside class, especially if you have questions or concerns about the material, will demonstrate your commitment to succeeding in college and help you understand and meet the course objectives. Use the following tips to com- municate effectively with your instructors.

• Don’t be afraid to approach your instructors. Most instructors enjoy teaching and working with students and will happily work with you to understand a reading or an assignment and to provide information on research, academic decisions, and careers in their fields. But you need to take the initiative. Find out when your instructors hold office hours, and note their email addresses some- place you can find easily.

• Prepare for meetings with your instructor. Consider your questions in advance. If you need help with a paper, bring along all the work (drafts, outlines, research sources) you have done so far and explain specifically the trouble you are having and what you’d like the instructor to help you with.

• Stay in touch with your instructor. Unexcused absences generally lower your grade and suggest that you are not taking your studies seriously. If you absolutely cannot attend class for a particular reason, notify your instructor and explain why. In addition, if personal problems interfere with your schoolwork, let your instructors know. They can refer you to counseling services on campus and may grant you an extension for work you missed for a documented emergency.

USE ELECTRONIC TOOLS EFFECTIVELY Email and texting are now widely used for academic purposes. Some college libraries offer students online help from reference librarians, and many instructors use course management systems to post syllabi and assignments, to host online discussions or post study questions, and to enable students and professors to communicate electronically. You can use Google Drive and similar systems effectively for collaborating on writing assignments. If your instructor uses electronic classroom tools, the following guidelines will help you use them effectively.

• Text your instructor only if invited. Even then, text only when you are certain that it’s appropriate to do so. For example, it would be inappropriate to try to get your instructor to respond to texts the night before a paper is due.

• Use appropriate language. The abbreviations, emoticons (like smiley faces), and slang often used in texting and email among friends are not appropriate for formal writing, such as course assignments. Even emails to instructors should use formal language unless the instructor has set a less formal tone in his or her own emails to you.

• Become familiar with the software or course management system. Take responsibility for figuring out how to use the software by reading the instruc- tions or viewing a model or demo, checking FAQs (frequently asked questions), or getting help from your campus computer center, classmates, or technical support personnel.

• Show respect and consideration for others. Make it easy for classmates and your instructor to read your postings. Think through what you want to say

See Chapter 3, p. 51, for suggestions on learning vocabulary.

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before you say it; use correct spelling and grammar; and format your comments using spacing, boldface, numbered lists, and so on as appropriate. Be polite, even when you are disagreeing with an earlier comment, and always reread your comments before posting them.

EXERCISE 1.5 Working Together

The following chart lists options for communicating electronically with classmates and instruc- tors. Check the possible benefits and drawbacks of each method. When would it be effective and appropriate to use each option? In what circumstances should you not use an option? When is it best to have a face-to-face meeting? Compare your completed chart with those of classmates.

Options Communicating with Classmates

Communicating with Instructors

Benefits Drawbacks Benefits Drawbacks

Email ❑ ❑ ❑ ❑

Phone ❑ ❑ ❑ ❑

Text messages ❑ ❑ ❑ ❑

Social networks (examples: Facebook, Twitter)

❑ ❑ ❑ ❑

Discussion board in a course management system (such as Blackboard or Moodle)

❑ ❑ ❑ ❑

LISTEN CAREFULLY AND CRITICALLY Of the most common ways people communicate — reading, writing, speaking, and listening — listening is the skill that you perform most frequently in a classroom. Because you learn so much through listening, learning to listen carefully and critically — grasping what is said and questioning and reacting to what you hear — is a crucial college skill.

Listening carefully. Did you know that you can process information faster than speakers can speak? As a result, your mind has time to wander while listening. Try using the following suggestions to maintain your attention in the classroom.

• Sit comfortably, but do not sprawl. A serious posture puts your mind in gear for serious work.

• Focus on the lecture. Shutting off distracting media (your phone and your Web applications), sitting toward the front of the room (not among a group of friends), and maintaining eye contact with the speaker will all make you feel more involved and less likely to drift off mentally.

• Try to anticipate the ideas the speaker will address next. Doing so will keep your mind active.

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Listening critically. In many classes, you are expected both to understand what the speaker is saying and respond to it. Here are a few suggestions for developing your critical-listening skills.

• Focus on the message, not the speaker. Try not to be distracted by the speak- er’s clothing, mannerisms, speech patterns, or annoying quirks or to be lulled into accepting a message simply because the speaker is attractive or dynamic.

• Maintain an open mind. It is easy to shut out ideas and opinions that do not conform to your own values and beliefs. Try to avoid evaluating a message as positive or negative until it is complete and understandable, and strive to under- stand the speaker’s viewpoint, even if you think you disagree.

• Take notes. Noting questions or creating an informal outline of the speaker’s main points can hold off a knee-jerk reaction and give you a starting point for participating in the discussion. (See pp. 18–20.)

• Identify and assess the speaker’s main point and key supporting evidence. The speaker is likely to repeat his or her main point in a different form throughout the presentation. Consider how well the reasons and evidence support the speaker’s main point. Is the presentation convincingly argued? When listening to difficult, unpleasant, emotional, or complex messages, think about how (or whether) they add to your understanding of the speaker’s experience.

EXERCISE 1.6 Improving Your Note-Taking Skills

Review the advice given above. Then choose at least three points to apply in the next two lectures you attend for one of your other courses. Finally, write a paragraph reflecting on what you learned from the experience.

ASK AND ANSWER QUESTIONS APPROPRIATELY You can learn more from your classes if you develop or polish your questioning skills. This means asking questions when you need information and clarification and answer- ing questions posed by the instructor to demonstrate and evaluate your knowledge and express interest in the class. Use the following tips to strengthen your questioning and answering skills.

• Conquer your fear of speaking in class. Stop worrying what your friends and classmates will think: Speak out.

• As you read assignments, jot down questions as they occur to you. Bring your list to class, and use it when your instructor invites questions.

• Form your questions concisely. Don’t ramble. • Don’t worry if your questions seem unimportant or silly. Don’t apologize for

asking; other students probably have the same questions but are reluctant to ask them.

• Focus on critical questions. Instead of asking factual questions, think how the information can be used, how ideas fit together, how things work, what might be relevant problems and solutions, or what the long-term value and significance of the information are.

• Think before responding. When answering questions, try to compose your response before volunteering to answer.

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C L A S S R O O M S K I L L S 17

EXERCISE 1.7 Working Together

Working with a classmate, brainstorm a list of questions you could ask about the content presented in this chapter.

SYNTHESIZE YOUR IDEAS AND EXPERIENCES WITH WHAT YOU ARE LEARNING Completing assignments, writing papers, and taking exams are all tasks in which instruc- tors will expect you not only to repeat what you have learned in class, but also to synthesize, or pull together, ideas from your reading assignments, your class lectures, and your own experience. When you synthesize ideas, you analyze similar or competing ideas and use them to extend or challenge your understanding, and you connect them to your own experience to see the practical consequences of an idea. Consider again “The New Marshmallow Test” (pp. 3–6). If reading that article prompted you to con- sider your own media multitasking or complete the checklist in “Responding to the Reading,” then you were synthesizing the reading with your own experience.

Often, you will be asked to put ideas from multiple readings in conversation, com- pare and integrate ideas from several sources, draw conclusions, and generate new ideas based on those sources. For example, you might be asked to read “The New Marshmal- low Test” (pp. 3–6), “Internet Addiction” (pp. 131–34), and “Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other” (pp. 324–27) and to write an essay developing your own thesis about the value or risks of this technology in stu- dents’ lives. Here are some other common assignments that require you to synthesize ideas.

• For a biology class, you might be asked to conduct a lab experiment and write a paragraph or two explaining the principles the experiment demonstrated.

• For an American history class, you might be asked to read a letter from a freed slave, a diary of a plantation owner, and a speech by an abolitionist and then write about what life as a slave was like prior to the Civil War.

• For an abnormal psychology class, you might be asked to read a case study and then diagnose the patient based on the symptoms described.

COLLABORATE WITH CLASSMATES Many college assignments and class activities involve working with other students. For example, many exercises in this chapter ask you to share ideas and writing with other students. Many students expect to learn from their instructors but do not realize they can learn from one another as well. In your writing class, your instructor may encour- age you to ask other students to read and comment on your draft. Group projects enable students to share experiences, understand classmates’ thinking, and evaluate new ideas and approaches to completing a task.

Group projects vary, and therefore your approach may vary depending on the disci- pline, the course, the membership of the group, and the instructor, but whatever type of group project you undertake, the tips on the next page may help you get the most out of working together:

For more about peer review, see Chapter 9, p. 182; for more about collaboration, see Chapter 3, p. 68.

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• Understand the purpose. To benefit most from group projects, be sure you understand the task, and then ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” You will get more out of an assignment if you focus on outcomes.

• Establish a cohesive group. To work well together, start your project by meeting face-to-face, at least for the first meeting if possible. Have all team members say a bit about themselves so you all get to know each other, and share contact informa- tion (email address, home phone or cell number, best times to call or text).

• Set the ground rules. Discuss the issues that are likely to derail the project, such as members skipping meetings or consistently arriving late, one member dominating the discussion or not participating actively, members not completing assigned work on time or doing the work badly. Then decide as a group what you should do to address the potential problems you have identified. Once you agree, put your decisions in writing and have all group members sign the document.

• Determine and assign tasks, and set a realistic schedule. Brainstorm project ideas, making sure everybody has a voice. Make a list of all the tasks that need to be accomplished, and divide the work among group members. Be sure to consider what members are good at, what they enjoy doing, and what they can accommo- date given their schedules. Finally, establish a schedule with due dates that everyone in the group can stick to, and distribute copies or post the schedule online.

TAKE GOOD NOTES IN CLASS Good note-taking is a hallmark of a successful student. Why? Researchers have shown that most people retain far more information when they interact with it using more than one sense. For instance, a student who only listens to a lecture or discussion will probably for- get most of it within a couple of weeks, well before the next exam. Students who take accurate notes and review them regularly are likely to retain the main points and support- ing details needed to understand the concepts discussed in class. Reviewing notes regularly also replaces the inefficient and exhausting strategy of cramming for exams — a strategy that loads information into your memory only temporarily — with a system of learning that allows deeper, longer-term retention of information. Here are some useful note-taking tips.

• Read assignments before the lecture. Familiarity with the topic will make note-taking easier.

• Record only main ideas and key details. Avoid writing in complete sentences; instead use words and phrases, and develop a system of abbreviations, signs, and symbols. Developing your own symbols over time will help make note-taking quicker and more consistent for you.

• Pay attention to your instructor’s cues about what is important. These cues include repetition of points, changes in voice or rate of speech, listing or numbering of points, and information written on the board or presented in slides.

• Review notes immediately after the lecture. While your memory is fresh, amend your notes to clarify relationships, add examples, or fill in information you missed during the lecture. (If you wait a day or more, your memory of the class will fade.) If you are taking hand-written notes, leave plenty of blank space for additions.

• If you must miss class, borrow notes from a classmate who is a good student.

Two of the most popular and efficient methods of taking notes are discussed on the next page.

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Two-column method. This note-taking method is valuable for all learners. Draw a vertical line down a notebook page or create a two-column table in a word-processing document. Make the left-hand column about half as wide as the right-hand column.

In the wider, right-hand column, record ideas and facts as they are presented in a lecture or a discussion. In the narrower, left-hand column, note your own questions as they arise during the class. When you review your notes after class, add summaries of major concepts and sections to the left-hand column. You can get a quick overview of a lecture by reading the left-hand column, and you can study specific information and examples in the right-hand column.

THE TWO-COLUMN METHOD OF NOT E-TAKING

Writing process Prewriting — taking notes, writing ideas, drawing a cluster diagram, researching, writing questions, noting what you already know, outlining, etc.

Writing — drafting

(How many drafts does the average writer complete?)

Rewriting — revision = “to see again” 2 types: global = major rehaul (reconsidering, reorganizing) local = rewording, correcting grammar (editing for correctness & style)

NOT linear Writing is not a linear process. May go back to prewriting after writing, etc.

Modified outline method. The modified branch or outline method uses bullets, dashes, and indentations to indicate main ideas and supporting information. The more detailed the information gets, the farther to the right you indent your outline entries.

THE MODIFIED OUTLINE ME T HOD OF NOT E-TAKING

Writing is a process.

• Prewriting — Taking notes — Writing ideas — Drawing a cluster diagram — Researching — Writing questions — Noting what you already know — Outlining

• Writing — First drafts

• On paper • On computer

— Later drafts

• Rewriting, or revision (means “to see again”) — Global

• Major revision • Reconsidering ideas • Reorganizing

— Local • Rewording for style • Rewriting for correct

grammar, spelling, punctuation

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20 C H A P T E R 1 | S U C C E E D I N G I N C O L L E G E

If you take notes electronically, use the tips in the following box to make the process work for you.

Do . . . Don’t . . .

Make sure you can plug in your laptop or that you have sufficient battery power.

Allow distracting programs such as email, Facebook, or Twitter to compete for your attention.

Set up a folder for each course. Create a separate file for each day’s notes, and include the date of the lecture in naming the file.

Risk interrupting the class with annoying beeps and buzzes. Turn off the sound.

Keep a pen and paper handy to record diagrams, drawings, and other nonverbal material in case the computer malfunctions.

Type every word the speaker says.

Save your document frequently so you don’t lose anything.

Condense ideas; do not transcribe them. (Taking notes in outline format can help.)

MANAGE ONLINE COURSES RESPONSIBLY Online courses, which continue to grow in popularity, are convenient, but they require more self-direction and ability to work alone than traditional classes do. They also require a great deal of online writing, reading, and research, so they may prove to be more work than a traditional class. Here are some tips for succeeding in online courses.

• Try to avoid taking online courses during your first term in college. First learn what is expected in college courses by attending traditional classes. When you are familiar with college expectations, you will be better prepared to take an online course.

• Set regular hours to devote to your online course. Most students who fail online courses do so because they fall hopelessly behind on reading and assign- ments. Even if a class does not meet at a specified time, build blocks of time for the course into your schedule (two to three hours of study time for each hour of class time) to avoid procrastinating on classwork.

• Plan on doing a lot of reading and writing. You will read your textbooks and posts from your professor and other students. In addition to papers, your class “discussions” will also be in written form.

• Maintain your concentration. Turn off cell phones, music, and email while working on your online course.

• Make sure your online postings are serious and do not waste classmates’ time. Respond directly to previous posts and any instructor writing prompts, and summarize the discussion before moving on to a new topic.

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W R I T I N G Q U I C K S T A R T

21

© Phil Boorman/Getty

writing are valuable investments. The main

purpose of this chapter — and of this entire

book — is to help you succeed in your writ-

ing class as well as in other classes that

involve writing.

T

Writing in College2 he photograph to the right shows a col-

lege student taking notes in class. When

else do you use writing? Brainstorm a list of

other situations. For example, do you write

emails at work, blog about an interest or

hobby, or text friends and relatives? What

does your list reveal about the importance

of writing in your life?

Most college classes require some

form of writing — exams, essays, journals,

reports, and so forth — because instructors

see writing not just as a means of evaluat-

ing what students have learned but also

as a means for their students to learn.

Because strong writing skills are essential

to success in college (and at work), the

time and effort you spend in improving your

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22

ACADEMIC WRITING: WHAT TO E XPECT In college you will probably do more writing than you did in high school, and the expectations instructors will have of your writing will also be different. This section explains what you can expect about writing in college.

EXPECT YOUR WRITING TO BECOME LESS PERSONAL Much of your writing up to now may have been about yourself and your experiences. In college you may be asked to share your ideas and opinions, which will be based on your experiences, but you will need to support these ideas and opinions with good reasons and objective evidence, such as examples, observations, facts, statistics, and expert opinion. As a result, you will find that college writing uses third person (it, they, he, she) much more than first person (I, me).

In some cases, your main reason, or purpose, for writing in college may be to express your thoughts and feelings, but in most cases it will be to inform or persuade.

• Informative writing presents information about a subject in an objective, nonpersonal way. For example in a sociology class, you might write an essay defining generation 1.5. You could offer examples of friends and relatives who are members of generation 1.5, but you would focus mostly on characterizing that generation as a whole.

• Persuasive writing attempts to convince readers to think or act a certain way. For example, you might write an essay for your criminal justice class arguing that the penalties for drunk driving should be increased. In writing this essay, you could draw on your personal knowledge of drunk driving, but you would need to supply mostly objective evidence to persuade your readers.

As you analyze a writing assignment, determine how much of your personal experi- ence and personal opinion (if any) are appropriate for the assignment.

EXPECT TO WRITE IN DIFFERENT FORMS, OR GENRES In college you will write much more than essays and exam answers. Depending on your program of study or major, you may also write in a variety of specialized genres (or types):

• essays and essay exams • abstracts and research projects

I N T H I S C H A P T E R Y O U W I L L L E A R N T O

• understand what academic writing involves,

• grasp the importance of improving your writing skills,

• develop strategies to improve your writing skills, and

• assess your learning style using a Learning Style Inventory.

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A C A D E M I C W R I T I N G : W H A T T O E X P E C T 23

• case studies and observational or laboratory reports • diagnostic evaluations

Each genre has its own set of conventions and expectations. For example, a lab report: • has a specific purpose (to report the results of a laboratory experiment), • follows a specific format (it includes sections with headings such as Introduction,

Materials and Methods, and Observation), • has an expected style of writing (brief, factual, and concise), and • uses technical and specialized language (names specific instruments and refers to

elements as abbreviated in the periodic table, for example).

As you encounter new genres, read samples that can serve as models for your own writing.

EXPECT TO USE THE LANGUAGE OF THE DISCIPLINE Each academic discipline has its own language — words and phrases that are used only or primarily in that discipline. The words photosynthesis and homeostasis, for example, are used primarily in biology, and the words allegory, symbolism, and personification are used in literature. When you write in a particular discipline, you are expected to use the language of that discipline. Concentrate first on expressing your ideas clearly. As you revise, check to be sure you have used the language of the discipline correctly.

EXPECT TO USE STANDARD AMERICAN ENGLISH Although nonstandard English (slang, incorrect grammar, intentional or unintentional misspellings) may be appropriate in some settings (such as text messages and emails to friends), students in an academic context are expected to write in standard, correct American English. As you proofread your writing, concentrate on correctness. Refer to a grammar handbook or consult an online writing resource for help.

EXPECT TO READ, WRITE, AND THINK CRITICALLY In college, instructors will expect you to go beyond merely repeating what you hear in class or read in the textbook; they’ll expect you to demonstrate understanding by being able to draw your own inferences based on what you have learned and to synthesize information from sources to support your ideas and to come up with new ideas.

EXPECT TO USE AND DOCUMENT SCHOLARLY SOURCES Many college writing assignments require you to conduct research to acquire the infor- mation you need to support your ideas. College writing often requires the use of scholarly sources (books and articles written by experts and published in scholarly journals and university presses). In many cases popular sources (magazines like People or Sports Illustrated, newspapers like the Los Angeles Times or USA Today) may not be

See Chapter 3, pp. 51–52, for suggestions on learning vocabulary.

For help with sentence-level problems, see Chapter 10 and, unless you are using the Brief Edition, the handbook at the back of this book.

For more on reading actively and critically, see Chapters 3 and 4.

For guidance in locating and using scholarly sources, see Chapters 22 and 23.

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appropriate because they may not offer expert information or sufficient detail. Consult your reference librarian if you need help finding scholarly sources. Google may be familiar and easy to use, but it may not be the best place to find the scholarly sources you need. You will likely search for sources online, using your library’s online catalog of books and databases listing scholarly articles. Keep in mind that the best sources for your research may (still) be available only in print.

Whether you quote directly or express ideas from a source in your own words through a summary or paraphrase, your instructors will expect you to credit the sources you use by including an in-text citation and a list of works cited (or references).

EXPECT TO WRITE MULTIPLE DRAFTS College instructors will expect you to write multiple drafts, so that the essay you turn in is thoughtful, appropriate to the assignment, clearly organized, and free from errors of gram- mar, punctuation, and spelling. They will expect you also to write using a computer, which will help with writing multiple drafts. If you are new to using a computer for writing, your college writing or computer lab may offer resources and advice to help you get started.

WHY IMP ROVE YOUR WRITING SKILLS? Most college students ask themselves the following two questions.

1. How can I improve my grades? 2. How can I improve my chances of getting a good job after college?

The answer to both questions is the same: Improve your writing skills. The following sections explain why writing well is essential to your success in college and on the job.

WRITING HELPS YOU LEARN AND REMEMBER In general, the more senses you use in learning, the more easily you learn and the more you will remember. Writing facilitates learning by engaging two senses at once: You take in information visually while reading, and you engage your sense of touch as you put your pen to paper or your fingers on a keyboard while writing. Taking notes, out- lining, summarizing, and annotating enhance learning by engaging your attention and getting you to think about the subject matter as you connect, define, and evaluate ideas. Writing paragraphs and essays helps you think through issues in a sustained way, challenging you to devise reasons and find appropriate supporting evidence.

WRITING HELPS YOU THINK AND SOLVE PROBLEMS Writing also helps you think and solve problems by forcing you to define issues or problems and allowing you to see new aspects of them. For example, one student had a father-in-law who seemed hostile and uncooperative. The student described her

For help with citing sources, see Chapter 24.

For more about the writing process, see Part 2.

macmillanhighered.com/successfulwriting Tutorials > Digital Writing > Word Processing

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D E V E L O P I N G S T R A T E G I E S F O R W R I T I N G 25

problem in an email to a friend: “He looks at me as if I’m going to take his son to the end of the earth and never bring him back.” When she reread what she had written, she realized that her father-in-law might resent her because he was afraid of losing contact with his son. She looked for ways to reassure her father-in-law and strengthen their relationship. Writing about the problem helped the student define it and discover ways to solve it.

WRITING SKILLS HELP YOU SUCCEED IN COLLEGE AND CAREER Writing well allows you to demonstrate what you’ve learned in the many college courses (such as psychology, biology, and political science) that require you to read articles, essays, reports, and textbooks and then write about what you’ve read. Writ- ing is important on the job as well. In almost all jobs, workers need to communicate effectively with supervisors, coworkers, patients, clients, and customers. You can expect to write plenty of letters, email messages, and reports. A study conducted by the Collegiate Employment Research Institute found that employers consistently want the “total package” — both technical knowledge and strong oral and written communication skills — in recent college graduates.* Because your writing course offers both immediate and long-range benefits, it is one of the most important col- lege courses you will take.

DEVELOP ING STRATEGIE S FOR WRITING Chapter 1 provided some general strategies for success in college, such as managing your time effectively, establishing a study area, studying more efficiently, and learning to manage stress. The section below covers strategies that will make a big difference in your writing.

START WITH A POSITIVE ATTITUDE You have the ability to be a successful writer. To approach your writing course with a positive attitude and get the most out of it, use the following suggestions.

1. Think of writing as a process. Writing is not a single act of getting words down on paper. It is a series of steps — planning, organizing, drafting, revising, and editing and proofreading — all of which can be done in whatever order makes sense and repeated as needed. (Most writers go back and forth among these steps.)

2. Be patient. Writing is a skill that improves with practice. On some days, writing will be easier than on other days, but as you draft and revise your essays, your writing will improve in small ways that build on one another.

3. Expect writing to take time, often more time than you planned. Build in extra time for completing writing assignments.

For more about the writing process, see Part 2.

*Betsy Stevens, “What Communication Skills Do Employers Want? Silicon Valley Recruiters Respond,” Journal of Employment Counseling 42 (2005): 2–9.

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26 C H A P T E R 2 | W R I T I N G I N C O L L E G E

4. Focus on learning. When you are given a writing or reading assignment, ask, “What can I learn from this task?” As you learn more about your own reading and writing processes, write down your observations. (See the section on journal writing on p. 29.)

5. Attend all classes, and use the support and guidance available to you outside class. Writing is a skill that is best learned through practice and feed- back from readers, such as your instructor and classmates, so being prepared for class, attending regularly, and participating fully are crucial to your success. You can also get help outside class by talking to your instructor during office hours, visiting the writing center at your school, and taking advantage of the guidance in this book and online. (In Parts 3 and 4 of this book, Guided Writing Assign- ments and Revision Flowcharts provide tips, advice, and alternative ways of approaching assignments.)

USE YOUR COURSE SYLLABUS The most important document you will receive in your first week of class is your course syllabus, a document that describes how the course operates and directs you through your class. A typical syllabus includes information on required texts, attendance and plagiarism policies, grading system, course objectives, weekly assignments or readings, due dates, and dates of exams. Here are some tips for using a syllabus to maximize your learning and your course grade.

• Read the syllabus carefully at the beginning of the course, and check it regularly so that you are prepared for class.

• Mark all deadlines on your calendar. • Ask your instructor any questions you may have about the syllabus, course struc-

ture, deadlines, and expectations about course objectives. Note the answers on the syllabus or in your course notebook.

• Pay close attention to the course objectives, which outline what you are expected to learn in the course. Papers and exams will measure how well you meet them.

• Scan or copy each course syllabus. Keep one copy in the front of your notebook for easy reference during class or while you are studying; keep the other in a file folder at home or on your computer in case you lose your notebook.

A sample syllabus is shown in Figure 2.1.

EXERCISE 2.1 Getting the Most from Your Syllabus

Review the syllabus that your writing class instructor distributed. Write a paragraph describing your expectations and concerns about your writing course based on the syllabus. Be sure to answer the following questions.

1. What are you expected to learn in the course? 2. What kinds of essays will you write? 3. What are the grading and attendance policies? 4. Is class participation expected and required? Is it part of your grade? 5. Is research required? Is Internet use required or expected?

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D E V E L O P I N G S T R A T E G I E S F O R W R I T I N G 27

FIGURE 2.1 Excerpted Sample Syllabus for a College Writing Course

I. General Information Course Title: English Composition I Course Number: ENG 161 Prerequisite: English 070 or placement test Semester: Fall Instructor: John Gillam Phone: (724) 555-7890 Email: [email protected] Office Hours

& Location: MWF 3 –5 English Department offices in Ryan Hall

II. Text McWhorter, Kathleen T. Successful College Writing 5th ed. New York: Bedford, 2012.

III. General Course Objectives 1. The student will learn to organize his or her thoughts into a meaningful written work. 2. The student will easily recognize grammar mistakes. 3. The student will be familiar with different types of writing. 4. The student will be able to use several different writing styles.

IV. Specific Course Objectives 1. The student will write papers using the following strategies: description, illustration, process analysis, comparison and contrast, classification and division, and cause and effect. 2. The student will edit and proofread for errors in grammar, punctuation, mechanics, and spelling. 3. The student will be tested on reading comprehension. 4. The student will write a research paper using appropriate documentation. 5. The student will critically analyze readings that use specific writing strategies. 6. The student will use the Internet as a tool for research.

V. Classroom Procedures Absences: The student is responsible for attendance. Attendance affects performance, and all students are expected to take part in class discussions and peer-review editing sessions. Each student is expected to be present and is responsible for class notes and assignments. If absent, the student is responsible for arranging an appointment with the instructor to discuss the notes and assignments missed.

Format for papers: Papers must be typed double-spaced using a 12-point font. Be sure to keep a copy of each assignment for yourself.

VI. Disability Statement If you need to have special arrangements made due to a physical or learning disability, please notify the instructor as soon as possible. (Disclosure of the type of disability is not required.)

VII. Grading All papers must be turned in on the due date. Late papers will be lowered one letter grade. No papers will be accepted after the last day of class. If you do not understand the grade assigned to a paper, see me immediately. You are encouraged to save all papers in a folder to enable you to keep track of progress and compute your own grade.

This is a good way to contact your instructor.

Grammar is important.

You will be graded on this.

Planning and organizing are expected.

Learn these strategies.

Important: Be sure to use them.

Correctness counts: Allow time for proofreading.

Read assignments carefully.

Learn about documentation.

Attendance is essential. Keep a copy of

assignments.

Don’t hesitate to ask for needed services.

Meeting deadlines is essential.

The instructor encourages questions.

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28 C H A P T E R 2 | W R I T I N G I N C O L L E G E

VIII. Tentative Schedule Week of Sept. 5: Course Introduction

Ch. 1 (Succeeding in College) Ch. 2 (Writing in College)

Week of Sept. 12: Writing Assessments Ch. 3 (Reading and Responding to Text) Ch. 4 (Responding Critically to Text and Images) Ch. 5 (Prewriting)

Week of Sept. 19: Ch. 7 (Drafting an Essay) Ch. 12 (Narration) Draft of Essay #1 due

Week of Sept. 26: Ch. 13 (Illustration) Draft of Essay #2 due

Assignment due dates are noted.

Read these chapters the first week. Your instructor may not remind you of reading assignments, so check the syllabus weekly.

(Figure 2.1 continued)

USE THE RIGHT WRITING TOOLS To be successful in college, you need the right learning tools. Your textbooks are essen- tial, but you also need quick access to other sources of information.

If you have access to a computer, bookmark the following: • a good online dictionary (such as Merriam-Webster Online), • an online desk reference, such as www.refdesk.com, for factual information,

Links to definitions for other audiences

Definition

Syllable breaks

Audio pronunciation

Part of speech

Pronunciation guides

Link to related words

Word in context

A sample definition from Merriam-Webster Online By permission. From Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate® Dictionary, 11th Edition. © 2013 by Merriam-Webster, Inc. (www.Merriam-Webster.com).

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D E V E L O P I N G S T R A T E G I E S F O R W R I T I N G 29

• the home page of your college library, • DVDs or USB drives for backing up and transporting your work (unless you

save your work in the “cloud”), and • classmates’ and instructors’ email addresses.

Be sure you have each of the following tools handy in your writing and study area: • a reliable collegiate dictionary, such as Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary

or Webster’s New World Dictionary, and • a thesaurus (dictionary of synonyms), such as Roget’s Thesaurus.

EXERCISE 2.2 Examining Online Reference Sources

Record below the online reference sources that you have found useful. Compare your list with other students’ lists. Add any sources that seem useful to your list.

ONLINE REFERENCE SOURCES

1. 2. 3. 4.

USE THE COLLEGE WRITING CENTER Many colleges have a writing center that offers help with any college writing assign- ment, not just assignments for your writing class. Writing centers generally provide trained student tutors and professional staff, who can help you do the following:

• understand an assignment, • organize your ideas, • revise a draft, • use appropriate format and documentation, and • understand errors on a graded paper.

However, do not expect them to write your paper or correct all of its errors. Some writing centers offer their tutorial services online or face-to-face, others only face-to- face; some offer walk-in help, and others require an appointment. When you visit the writing center, be sure to bring all of the following:

• your assignment, • all drafts of your essay, • any articles or essays to which the assignment refers, and • paper and pen or pencil.

KEEP A WRITING JOURNAL Keeping a writing journal will help you improve your writing by giving you a judgment-free place to practice. In your journal, you can experiment with voice, topics, or approaches to a topic; reflect on a reading selection or assignment; record your

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30 C H A P T E R 2 | W R I T I N G I N C O L L E G E

impressions and observations; or explore relationships among people or ideas. Here’s how to get started.

1. Write in a spiral-bound notebook or create a computer file. Date each entry.

2. Set aside five to ten minutes for journal writing each day. You don’t need a long block of time; instead, you can write while waiting for a bus or for class to start.

3. Concentrate on capturing your ideas, not on being grammatically correct. Try to write correct sentences, but don’t focus on grammar and punc- tuation. (If you are not sure what to write about, consult Figure 2.2.)

4. Reread your journal entries regularly. Rereading entries will bring back vivid snippets of the past for reflection and provide ideas and insights for upcoming assignments.

Writing Activity 1 Write a journal entry describing your reaction to one or more of your classes this term. For example, you might write about which classes you expect to be most or least difficult, most or least enjoyable, and most or least time-consuming.

GET THE MOST OUT OF WRITING CONFERENCES Many writing instructors require writing conferences with individual students to dis- cuss the student’s work and his or her progress in the course. If the conferences are optional, be sure to schedule one.

The following tips will help you get the most out of a writing conference. 1. Reread recently returned papers ahead of time, so that your instructor’s

comments are fresh in your mind. Review your notes from any previous conferences.

2. Arrive on time or a few minutes early, and bring copies of the essay you are currently working on, as well as previously graded papers. Have these materials in hand, not buried in your backpack, when your conference begins.

3. Allow your instructor to set the agenda, but come prepared with questions.

4. Take notes either during or immediately after the conference. Include the comments and suggestions that your instructor offered. You might also write a journal entry that summarizes the conference.

5. Revise the draft essay you and your instructor discussed as soon as possible, while your instructor’s suggestions are still fresh in your mind.

WHAT IS YOUR LEAR NING STYLE ? Have you noticed that you do better with some types of academic assignments than with others? For example, you may prefer hands-on assignments to conducting research or vice versa. Do you find it is easier to learn from some instructors than from others?

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W H A T I S Y O U R L E A R N I N G S T Y L E ? 31

FIGURE 2.2 Starting Points for Journal Writing

CODES FOR YOUR JOURNAL ENTRIES

TYPE OF WRITING IDEAS FOR SUBJECTS

< > Describing a daily event

a sporting event an object

a cartoon or photograph an overheard conversation

!! Reacting to

a person a world, national, local, or campus event

a passage from a book a magazine or newspaper article

a film, song, or concert a television program a radio personality

a fashion or fad

Recollecting

an important event a childhood experience

an impression or a dream a favorite relative or friend

? Questioning a policy a trend

a position on an issue

Comparing or contrasting

two people two events or actions

two issues

ex Thinking of examples of a personality type

a type of teacher, supervisor, or doctor

+ −

Judging (evaluating)

a rule or law a decision

a musician or another performer an assignment

a radio or television personality a political candidate

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32 C H A P T E R 2 | W R I T I N G I N C O L L E G E

For example, you may prefer instructors who provide real-life examples or those who show relationships by drawing diagrams. Have you noticed that your friends study, solve problems, and approach assignments differently than you do? For example, you may be able to read printed information and recall it easily, but a friend may find it easier to learn from class lectures or an online video.

Each person learns and writes in a unique way, depending in part on his or her expe- riences, personality, and prior learning. Discovering the learning style that is right for you will give you an important advantage in all of your college courses. To assess your learning style, complete the Learning Style Inventory below.

L E A R N I N G S T Y L E I N V E N T O R Y

Directions: Each numbered item presents two choices. Select the alternative that describes you better. There are no right or wrong answers. In cases in which neither choice suits you, select the one that is closer to your preference. Check the letter of your choice next to the question number on the answer sheet on page 35.

1. In a class, I usually a. make friends with just a few students. b. get to know many of my classmates.

2. If I were required to act in a play, I would prefer to a. have the director tell me how to say my lines. b. read my lines the way I think they should be read.

3. Which would I find more helpful in studying the processes by which the U.S. Constitution can be amended? a. a one-paragraph summary b. a diagram

4. In making decisions, I am more concerned with a. whether I have all the available facts. b. how my decision will affect others.

5. When I have a difficult time understanding how something works, it helps most if I can a. see how it works several times. b. take time to think the process through and analyze it.

6. At a social event, I usually a. wait for people to speak to me. b. initiate conversation with others.

7. I prefer courses that have a. a traditional structure (lectures, assigned readings, periodic exams, and

assignments with deadlines). b. an informal structure (class discussions, flexible assignments, and student-

selected projects).

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W H A T I S Y O U R L E A R N I N G S T Y L E ? 33

8. If I were studying one of the laws of motion in a physics course, I would prefer to have my instructor begin the class by a. stating the law and discussing examples. b. giving a demonstration of how the law works.

9. Which set of terms describes me better? a. fair and objective b. sympathetic and understanding

10. When I learn something new, I am more interested in a. the facts about it. b. the principles behind it.

11. As a volunteer for a community organization that is raising funds for a hospice, I would prefer the following tasks: a. stuffing envelopes for a mail campaign b. making phone calls asking for contributions

12. I would begin an ideal day by a. planning what I want to do during each hour of the day. b. doing whatever comes to mind.

13. If I wanted to learn the proper way to prune a rosebush, I would prefer to a. have someone explain it to me. b. watch someone do it.

14. It is more important for me to be a. consistent in thought and action. b. responsive to the feelings of others.

15. If I kept a journal or diary, it would most likely contain entries about a. what happens to me each day. b. the insights and ideas that occur to me each day.

16. If I decided to learn a musical instrument, I would prefer to take a. one-on-one lessons. b. group lessons.

17. If I worked in a factory, I would prefer to be a a. machine operator. b. troubleshooter.

18. I learn best when I a. write down the information. b. form a mental picture of the information.

19. If I gave a wrong answer in class, my main concern would be a. finding out the correct answer. b. what others in class thought of me.

20. I prefer television news programs that a. summarize events through film footage and factual description. b. deal with the issues behind the events.

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21. Whenever possible, I choose to a. study alone. b. study with a group.

22. In selecting a topic for a research paper, my more important concern is a. choosing a topic for which there is adequate information. b. choosing a topic I find interesting.

23. To help me reassemble a complicated toy or machine I took apart to repair, I would a. write a list of the steps I followed when taking the toy or machine apart. b. draw a diagram of the toy or machine.

24. As a member of a jury for a criminal trial, I would be primarily concerned with a. determining how witness testimony fits with the other evidence. b. judging the believability of witnesses.

25. If I were an author, I would most likely write a. biographies or how-to books. b. novels or poetry.

26. A career in which my work depends on that of others is a. less appealing than working alone. b. more appealing than working alone.

27. When I am able to solve a problem, it is usually because I a. worked through the solution step-by-step. b. brainstormed until I arrived at a solution.

28. I prefer to keep up with the news by a. reading a newspaper. b. watching television news programs.

29. If I witnessed a serious auto accident, my first impulse would be to a. assess the situation. b. comfort any injured people.

30. I pride myself on my ability to a. remember numbers and facts. b. see how ideas are related.

31. To solve a personal problem, I prefer to a. think about it myself. b. talk it through with friends.

32. If I had one last elective course to take before graduation, I would choose one that presents a. practical information that I can use immediately. b. ideas that make me think and stimulate my imagination.

33. For recreation, I would rather do a a. crossword puzzle. b. jigsaw puzzle.

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W H A T I S Y O U R L E A R N I N G S T Y L E ? 35

34. I can best be described as a. reasonable and levelheaded. b. sensitive and caring.

35. When I read a story or watch a film, I prefer one with a plot that is a. clear and direct. b. intricate and complex.

Answer Sheet Directions: Check either a or b in the boxes next to each question number.

Column One

Column Two

Column Three

Column Four

Column Five

a b a b a b a b a b

1 2 3 4 5

6 7 8 9 10

11 12 13 14 15

16 17 18 19 20

21 22 23 24 25

26 27 28 29 30

31 32 33 34 35

Total

Directions for Scoring 1. On your answer sheet, add the checkmarks in each a and b column, counting

first the number of as checked and then the number of bs. 2. Enter the number of as and bs you checked in the boxes at the bottom of each

column. 3. Transfer these numbers to the Scoring Grid on page 36. Enter the number of

a choices in column one in the blank labeled “Independent,” the number of b choices in column one in the blank labeled “Social,” and so on.

4. Circle your higher score in each row. For example, if you scored 2 for Indepen- dent and 5 for Social, circle “5” and “Social.”

5. Your higher score in each row indicates a characteristic of your learning style. Scores that are close, such as 3 and 4, probably do not indicate a strong prefer- ence for either approach to learning. Scores that are far apart, such as 1 and 6, suggest a strong preference.

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Scoring Grid

Column Number of Checkmarks

Choice a Choice b

One Independent

Social

Two Pragmatic

Creative

Three Verbal

Spatial

Four Rational

Emotional

Five Concrete

Abstract

INTERPRETING YOUR SCORES Each question in the Learning Style Inventory assesses one of five aspects of your learn- ing style. Here is how to interpret the five aspects of your learning style.

1. Independent or Social These scores indicate your preferred level of interaction with others. Independent learners prefer to work and study alone. They focus on the task at hand rather than on the people around them. Independent learners are often goal oriented and self-motivated. Social learners are more people oriented and prefer to learn and study with classmates. They often focus their attention on those around them and see a task as an opportunity for social interaction.

2. Pragmatic or Creative These scores suggest how you prefer to approach learning tasks. Pragmatic learners are practical and systematic. They approach tasks in an orderly, sequential manner. They like rules and learn step-by-step. Creative learners approach tasks imaginatively. They prefer to learn through discovery or experiment. They enjoy flexible, open-ended tasks and tend to dislike following rules.

3. Verbal or Spatial These scores indicate the way you prefer to take in and process information. Verbal learners rely on language, usually written text, to acquire information. They are skilled in the use of language and can work with other symbol systems (such as numbers) as well. Spatial learners prefer to take in information by studying graphics such as drawings, diagrams, films, or videos. They can visualize in their minds how things work or how they are positioned in space.

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W H A T I S Y O U R L E A R N I N G S T Y L E ? 37

4. Rational or Emotional These scores suggest your preferred approach to deci- sion making and problem solving. Rational learners are objective; they rely on facts and information when making decisions or solving problems. Rational learners are logical, often challenging or questioning a task. They enjoy priori- tizing, analyzing, and arguing. Emotional learners are subjective; they focus on feelings and values. Emotional learners are socially conscious and consider what others think. They seek harmony and may base a decision in part on its effect on others. Emotional decision makers are often skilled at persuasion.

5. Concrete or Abstract These scores indicate how you prefer to perceive infor- mation. Concrete learners pay attention to what is concrete and observable. They focus on details and tend to perceive tasks in parts or steps. Concrete learners prefer specific, tangible tasks and usually take a no-nonsense approach to learning. Abstract learners tend to focus on the “big picture” — large ideas, meanings, and relationships.

The results of the Learning Style Inventory probably confirmed some things you already knew about yourself as a learner and provided you with some new insights as well. Keep in mind, though, that there are other ways to measure learning style.

• The inventory you completed is an informal measure of your learning style. Other, more formal measures including Kolb’s Learning Style Inventory, the Canfield Instructional Styles Inventory, and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator may be available at your college’s counseling or academic skills center.

• The inventory you completed measures the five aspects of learning style that are most relevant to the writing process, but many other aspects exist.

• You are the best judge of the accuracy of the results of this inventory and how they apply to you. If you think that one or more of the aspects of your learning style indicated by the inventory do not describe you, trust your instincts.

APPLYING YOUR LEARNING STYLE TO YOUR WRITING Writing is a process that involves planning, organizing, drafting, revising, editing, and proofreading. You’ll learn more about each of these steps in Chapters 5 to 10. Each step in the writing process can be approached in more than one way. For example, one of the first steps in writing an essay is selecting a topic to write about.

• A social learner may prefer to brainstorm possible topics with a friend. • A verbal learner may flip through a news magazine for topics. • A spatial learner may see a photograph that generates ideas. • A social, spatial learner may prefer to discuss photographs with a classmate.

Let’s consider an example involving two hypothetical students, Yolanda and Andrea. These classmates in a first-year writing course are given the same assignment: “Write an essay describing an event that has influenced your life.” Although Yolanda and Andrea approach the same assignment in different ways, they both write effective essays.

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Yolanda, a pragmatic learner, prefers a deliberate and systematic approach: • She writes a list of possible events

and arranges them in order of importance.

• After selecting one of these events, she draws a diagram showing the circumstances that led up to the event and the effects of that event.

• Before she begins writing, she decides on the best way to organize her ideas and creates an outline.

Andrea, a creative learner, prefers to experiment before deciding on the best approach to her essay: • She lets her mind roam freely while

jogging. All of a sudden an event comes to mind.

• She jots down everything she can recall about the event.

• From these notes, she selects ideas and writes her first draft.

• She experiments with different organi- zations and revises twice before she is satisfied.

Because learning styles differ, this book presents alternative strategies for generating ideas and revising your writing. These choices are indicated by the marginal note “Learning Style Options” (see p. 60 for an example). The following advice will help you take advantage of these learning style alternatives.

1. Your learning style profile indicates your strengths as a writer. Try to build on your strengths, which Figure 2.3 (p. 39) can help you identify. First circle the learning style characteristics that correspond to you. Then refer to the right- hand column to see your strengths as a writer in each area.

2. Experiment with options. Some students find that when they try a new approach, it works better than they expected. Sometimes choose an activity that does not match your preferred learning style.

3. Don’t expect the option that is consistent with your learning style to require less attention or effort. Even if you are a social learner, an interview must still be carefully planned and well executed.

4. Keep logs of the skills and approaches that work for you and the ones you need to work on. The logs may be part of your writing journal. (See p. 29.) Be specific: Record the assignment, the topic, and the skills you applied. Analyze your log, looking for patterns. Over time, you will discover more about the writing strategies and approaches that work best for you.

Writing Activity 2 Write a two-page essay describing your reactions to the results of the Learning Style Inventory. Explain how you expect to use the results in your writing course or other courses.

Writing Activity 3 Using your responses to the Writing Quick Start on page 21 and the results of the Learning Style Inventory, write a two-page profile of yourself as a student or as a writer.

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W H A T I S Y O U R L E A R N I N G S T Y L E ? 39

Concrete You find it easy to supply details to support an idea. You are able

to write accurate, detailed descriptions and observations. You can organize facts effectively and present them clearly.

Emotional Expressive and descriptive writing usually go well for you.

You have a strong awareness of your audience.

Spatial You can visualize or draw a map of the organization of your paper. Descriptions of physical objects, places, and people come easily.

Creative You tend to enjoy exploring a topic and often do so thoroughly and completely.

Your writing is not usually hindered or restricted by rules or requirements.

Independent You are willing to spend time thinking about a topic

and are able to pull ideas together easily.

LEARNING STYLE CHARACTERISTIC

STRENGTHS AS A WRITER

FIGURE 2.3 Your Strengths as a Writer

You usually find it easy to write from experience. Writing realistic dialogue may be one of your strengths. You tend to have a good sense of whom you are writing for (your audience) and what you hope to accomplish (your purpose).

Social

You can meet deadlines easily. You recognize the need for organization in an essay. You tend to approach writing systematically and

work through the steps in the writing process. Pragmatic

You may have a talent for generating ideas to write about and expressing them clearly.Verbal

You tend to write logically developed, well-organized essays. You usually analyze ideas objectively.

Rational

Abstract You can develop unique approaches to a topic; you can

grasp the point to which supporting ideas lead.

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Y W R I T I N G Q U I C K S T A R T

40

© Purepix/Alamy

our Mass Communication instructor has

asked your class to study the photograph at

the right and discuss its meaning. Write a

paragraph explaining what the photograph

suggests to you about mass communication

and evaluate why the instructor might have

asked you to study it. Be detailed and spe-

cific. Study the photograph’s content, trying

to discover what statement it makes about

communication.

To explain the photograph, you had to think

beyond the obvious. You had to interpret the

photograph to arrive at its possible meaning.

To complete this analysis, you did two things.

First, you understood what the photograph

shows: a shepherd using a mobile telephone.

Then you evaluated why your instructor asked

you to reflect on the photo: He or she probably

wanted you to realize how communications

have changed in the twenty-first century. Now,

people from all walks of life, and all over the

globe, communicate using mobile telephones

and other devices.

Reading involves a similar process of

comprehension and evaluation. First, you

must understand what the author says; then

you must interpret and respond to what the

author means. Both parts of the process are

essential.

3Reading and Responding to Text

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41

ACADEMIC READING: WHAT TO EXPECT

EXPECT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN LEARNING College instructors generally offer less help with reading assignments than high school teachers do. If you have questions, they will answer them, but they won’t remind you to do the reading, and they often won’t check to see if you are keeping up with the assign- ments. They will expect you to understand the reading and be able to apply it, and you may be called on in class to demonstrate your understanding through discussion or quizzes. So use the time-management suggestions in Chapter 1 (pp. 8–9) to schedule time to complete all your assignments, and leave extra time for challenging selections.

EXPECT TO READ SELECTIONS FOR ACADEMIC AUDIENCES The reading you will be assigned in college will likely be more challenging than the reading you were assigned in high school. As you progress through college, you will read increasingly challenging selections, many of which are written for specialized or academic audiences. These take more time to read than do less challenging selections: You may need to look up unfamiliar vocabulary as you master the language of the dis- cipline. You may also need to think about each sentence or paragraph before you understand it well enough to move on to the next. Your instructors will expect you to make an effort to understand the reading and to engage with it critically, so plan to read assignments more than once.

EXPECT TO READ SELECTIONS IN DIFFERENT GENRES AND WITH DIFFERENT PURPOSES In college, you will encounter a wide range of reading material. In addition to reading textbooks, you may read scholarly articles, essays, critiques, field reports, and scientific studies. You will need to use different strategies for reading each type, or genre of mate- rial. Begin by noticing how each genre is organized. Then determine the writer’s pur- pose: Is the reading selection mainly informative or mainly persuasive? Next, devise a strategy for identifying what is important to learn and remember about it. (The sugges- tions elsewhere in this chapter and in this book will help you with this task.)

I N T H I S C H A P T E R Y O U W I L L L E A R N T O

• understand what academic reading involves and develop an active approach to reading,

• learn how to draw a graphic organizer that will help you grasp both the content and the organization of an assignment,

• learn how to write a paper in response to a reading assignment, and

• learn how to respond effectively to other students’ writing.

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EXPECT TO READ CRITICALLY In college, understanding the literal content of reading assignments is often not enough. You must go beyond what an article or essay says to understand what it means. You also need to think about how true, useful, and important the information is. Instructors expect you to interpret, evaluate, and respond to the ideas you have read about. They expect you to read and think critically, questioning and challenging ideas as you encounter them. The advice in this chapter and the next will help you read critically.

Many reading assignments include illustrations, photographs, charts, and graphs. Writers use these visuals to clarify or emphasize ideas, condense information, explain a complicated process, or illustrate a viewpoint. Think about the purpose of each visual you encounter and the way that it relates to the text that accompanies it. Chapter 4 discusses interpreting visuals in detail.

To read actively and critically, you will need to write as you read. Try taking notes on assignments, highlighting, outlining or drawing a graphic organizer, summarizing, and annotating texts to engage with them actively. Try also to synthesize, or connect, what you’re reading with what you’ve learned in other classes or elsewhere.

EXPECT TO USE READINGS AS MODELS By studying what others have written, you can improve your own writing. As you read an article, essay, or textbook assignment, take note of the writer’s techniques. For exam- ple, notice how paragraphs are organized, how language is used to express ideas, and how ideas are developed. Then practice these techniques, in either your writing journal or your draft essays.

AVOIDING MISCONCEP T IONS

Much misinformation exists about how to read effectively and efficiently. This section dispels some popular misconceptions about reading.

MISCONCEPTION: You must read, under- stand, and remember everything.

TRUTH: Most texts contain a mixture of important and not-so-important ideas and information. Your job is to sort through the material and evaluate what you need to know.

MISCONCEPTION: You should read everything the same way.

TRUTH: Your purpose for reading should guide the way you read. The type of material, your familiarity with the subject, and what you are expected to do when you have finished reading (take a test or participate In a class discussion, for example) should determine how you read.

MISCONCEPTION: Reading an assign- ment once is enough.

TRUTH: Reading an assignment once is often not suffi- cient. You will need to reread to discover the author’s position, summarize the author’s key ideas, and analyze the strength of the supporting evidence.

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MISCONCEPTION: If it’s in print or online, you can trust it.

TRUTH: Not everything in print or online is true. Just as you shouldn’t believe everything you hear, neither should you believe everything you read. Read with a critical, questioning eye. To evaluate a text, consider the author’s credibility and purpose for writing.

EXPECT TO RESPOND TO READINGS IN WRITING Many instructors will ask you to respond in writing to assigned readings. They may ask you to take a brief quiz based on the reading, for example, or to prepare a list of ques- tions or issues that the reading raises in preparation for class discussion. The purpose of such activities is to make sure you understand the reading and are ready to analyze and evaluate it. Instructors may also require you to write a response paper. (See the Guide to Responding to Text later in this chapter on pp. 60–65.)

A G U I D E T O A C T I V E R E A D I N G

When you attend a ball game or watch a TV show, do you get actively involved? Baseball fans cheer some players and boo others, evaluate plays and calls, and shout out advice. Similarly, fans of TV shows react to sudden turns of events, sympathizing with some characters and despising others. By contrast, if you are not a fan of a baseball team or TV show, you might watch the game or show passively, letting it take its course with little or no personal involvement or reaction (and little recollection of key events a few days later).

A PPROACHES TO REA DING: ACT IVE VERSUS PASSIVE

Passive Reading Active Reading

Passive readers begin reading.

Active readers begin by reading the title, evaluating the author, and thinking about what they already know about the subject. Then they decide what they need to know before they begin reading.

Passive readers read the essay only because it is assigned.

Active readers read the essay while looking for answers to questions and key elements.

Passive readers read but do not write.

Active readers read with a pen or pencil in hand. They highlight or underline, annotate, and write notes as they read.

Passive readers close the book when finished.

Active readers review, analyze, and evaluate the essay.

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Like fans of a sports team or TV show, active readers get involved with the material they read. They question, think about, and react to ideas using the process outlined in Figure 3.1. Their active involvement in what they read helps them understand and remember the selection long after they finish the page. The sections that follow explain in detail each of the steps in reading actively.

BEFORE READING Never start reading an essay or other reading assignment without preparation. Your mind isn’t ready. Instead, use previewing and guide questions to discover what the read- ing is about and focus your mind on the topic.

FIGURE 3.1 The Active Reading Process

BEFORE READING

Preview Form Guide Questions

Examine Key Elements

Highlight Key Points

Figure Out Unfamiliar

Words

Understand Challenging Readings

WHILE READING

Annotate Your Impressions

AFTER READING

Review Draw Graphic Organizers

Summarize

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Previewing. Previewing is a quick way of familiarizing yourself with an essay’s con- tent and organization. It helps you decide what you need to learn, and it has a number of other benefits as well.

• It helps you get interested in the material. • It helps you concentrate on the material because you have a mental outline of it

before you begin reading and therefore know what to expect. • It helps you remember more of what you read.

To preview a reading selection, use the guidelines in the following list. When pre- viewing, remember to read only the parts of an essay that are listed:

1. Read the title, subtitle, and author. The title and subtitle may tell you what the reading is about. Check the author’s name to see if it is one you recognize.

2. Read the introduction or the first paragraph. These sections often provide an overview of the selection.

3. Read any headings and the first sentence following each one. Taken together, headings often form a mini-outline of the selection. The first sentence following a heading often explains the heading further.

4. For selections without headings, read the first sentence in a few of the para- graphs on each page.

5. Look at the photographs, tables, charts, and drawings. 6. Read the conclusion or summary. A conclusion draws the selection to a close

and may repeat the main idea (or thesis) of the essay and the key supporting ideas, providing a summary.

7. Read any end-of-assignment questions. These questions will help focus your attention on what is important and what you might be expected to know after you have read it.

The following essay has been highlighted to illustrate the parts you should read while previewing. Preview it now.

READING

American Jerk: Be Civil, or I’ll Beat You to a Pulp ToDD SchwARTz

Todd Schwartz is a writer based in Portland, Oregon. A longer version of this essay originally appeared in the Oregon Humanities Review in 2008 under the title “The Great Civility War.” The version below was published in 2009 in The Utne Reader.

It was the most civil of times, it was the least civil of times, it was the age of polite- ness, it was the age of boorishness, it was the epoch of concern, it was the epoch of who cares, it was the season of hybrid, it was the season of Hummer, it was the spring of Obama, it was the winter of hate speech . . .

1

T o D D S c h w A R T z | A m E R I c A N J E R k 45

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With apologies to Mr. Dickens (or not: screw him), we have arrived at simultane- ously the most and least civil moment in U.S. history. A moment when a roomful of even relatively evolved people will react with discomfort to an off-color joke about people of color — and when those same people have no compunction whatsoever about loudly ignoring one another as they blather into their cell phones.

We have never been more concerned about the feelings of minority groups, the disabled, and the disadvantaged. Yet we have never been less concerned about the feelings of anyone with whom we share the road, the Internet, or the movie theater.

Political correctness holds such sway that holidays go unnamed for fear of insulting or excluding someone. Schools won’t let teachers use red pens to correct papers, because little Ethan’s or Emily’s self-esteem might be bruised. No one is “poor,” but many are “socioeconomically disadvantaged.” Civility and thoughtfulness in speech have never been so complete or so codified.

All of which is well intentioned and mostly a wonderful thing. I’m all for being polite and caring and Golden Rule-ish. Sadly, like a lovely field of wildflowers — which in reality is filled with bloodsucking ticks and noxious pollen — we live oh-so-politely in what must certainly be the rudest era in recorded history. Maybe even prehistory.

Neanderthals were probably nicer to each other than we are. Pick your poison: reality television, slasher movies, video games, online porn, cell

phones, automated answering systems, giant assault vehicles for trips to the grocery store, car stereos played at volumes easily heard on Jupiter, web-powered copyright infringement, people who will not shut their inane traps in movie theaters, and, lord help us, now even people who won’t shut their inane traps during live theater.

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Jesse Kuhn/RawToastDesign

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We’re all talking to someone all the time, but it’s ever more rarely to the people we are actually with. Our cell phones blare ringtones that no one else wants to hear. We love to watch TV shows about the stunningly predictable results of hand-feeding a grizzly bear or lighting a stick of dynamite with a cigarette. We also love shows where people lie to others for money and programs where snarky, slightly talented folks say vicious things to hopeful, and usually more talented, contestants.

Civility rules, friends. Civility is dead, jerks. Why? I have a few theories. The first is that America is in the same position as Rome found itself in about 420 CE,

meaning that we’ve reached the peak of our civilization and now everything is going to Tartarus in a chariot. We’re too far from our food and energy sources, and fewer and fewer of the Druids and Visigoths like us anymore. So we desperately cling to a patina of civility while we grab a snack and watch large, toothy predators devour people.

The second is that sunlight contains tiny spores that lodge in the cerebellum, making the infected believe they are the center of the universe.

My final and somewhat less cutting edge theory is that a large percentage of people are just clueless, distracted, and self-absorbed, unable to process concepts such as spatial awareness (for example: when you are walking in the same direction with several hundred people in, say, an airport terminal, DON’T JUST STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOW!).

But I digress. I am not here to judge whether being civil and considerate is somehow better than

being a mindless dillweed. You must make that choice for yourself. We inhabit the most civil of times and the least — and I completely honor and respect your freedom to choose your side in the Great Civility War.

Just don’t get in my way. I’m on my cell in the Escalade, and I can’t be bothered.

EXERCISE 3.1 Testing Recall after Previewing

Based only on your preview of the essay “American Jerk,” indicate whether each of the following statements is true or false. If most of your answers are correct, you will know that previewing helped you gain a sense of the essay’s context and organization. (For the answers to this exer- cise, see p. 72.)

1. The reading is primarily about civility and the lack of it. 2. The author blames the Internet for our society’s lack of civility. 3. The author suggests that political correctness does not go far enough. 4. People are often not intentionally rude but simply are distracted or unaware. 5. Society is unconcerned about minorities.

Form questions to guide your reading. Before you begin reading, devise ques- tions about the selection based on sections you previewed (see pp. 45–47). Then, as you

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read, answer those questions. This process of asking and answering questions will strengthen your comprehension and recall of the material. The following examples will help you start devising your questions.

Essay Titles Questions “Part-time Employment Undermines

Students’ Commitment to School” Why does part-time employment under-

mine commitment to school? “Human Cloning: Don’t Just Say ‘No’” What are good reasons to clone humans?

Headings “Types of Territoriality” What are the types of territoriality? “Territorial Encroachment” What is territorial encroachment and

how does it occur?

Not all essays lend themselves to these techniques. In some essays, you may need to dig deeper into the introductory and final paragraphs to form questions, or you may discover that the subtitle is more useful than the title. Look again at your preview of “American Jerk.” Using the introductory paragraphs of that essay, you might decide to look for answers to this question: Why is the author, Todd Schwartz, negative toward Americans?

WHILE READING While you are reading, figure out which ideas are important and which are less so by

• examining key elements, • recording your thoughts and reactions to the reading, • highlighting key points, and • annotating the reading.

As you read, identify unfamiliar vocabulary to figure out or look up later, and be pre- pared to take action to strengthen your comprehension of challenging reading assignments.

Examine key elements. As you read assigned articles and essays, pay particular attention to the following key elements:

1. The title and subtitle. Often the title announces the topic and reveals the author’s point of view. Sometimes, though, the meaning or significance of the title becomes clear only as you read the text.

2. The introduction. The opening paragraph or paragraphs often provide back- ground information, announce the topic, and grab the reader’s attention.

3. The author’s main point. In most essays, a thesis statement directly expresses the one big idea that the essay explains, explores, or supports. Writers often place the thesis in the first or second paragraph to let readers know what lies ahead. But the thesis may appear at the end of an essay, and occasionally a thesis may be implied or suggested rather than stated directly.

For more about thesis statements, see Chapter 6.

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4. The support and explanation. The body of an essay should support the author’s main point with convincing evidence or examples. Each paragraph in the body usually has a topic sentence stating what the paragraph is about. Each topic sentence in some way explains or supports the essay’s thesis statement.

5. The conclusion. The essay’s final paragraph or paragraphs often restate the author’s main point or offers ideas for further thought.

You’ll learn much more about each part of an essay in Chapters 6 to 8. Now read the “American Jerk” again, paying attention to the marginal notes that

identify and explain the various parts of it.

American Jerk: Be Civil, or I’ll Beat You to a Pulp TODD SCHWARTz

Todd Schwartz is a writer based in Portland, Oregon. A longer version of this essay originally appeared in the Oregon Humanities Review in 2008 under the title “The Great Civility War.” The version below was published in 2009 in The Utne Reader.

It was the most civil of times, it was the least civil of times, it was the age of politeness, it was the age of boorishness, it was the epoch of concern, it was the epoch of who cares, it was the season of hybrid, it was the season of Hummer, it was the spring of Obama, it was the winter of hate speech . . .

With apologies to Mr. Dickens (or not: screw him), we have arrived at simultane- ously the most and least civil moment in U.S. history. A moment when a roomful of even relatively evolved people will react with discomfort to an off-color joke about people of color — and when those same people have no compunction whatsoever about loudly ignoring one another as they blather into their cell phones.

We have never been more concerned about the feelings of minority groups, the disabled, and the disadvantaged. Yet we have never been less concerned about the feelings of anyone with whom we share the road, the Internet, or the movie theater.

Political correctness holds such sway that holidays go unnamed for fear of insulting or excluding someone. Schools won’t let teachers use red pens to correct papers, because little Ethan’s or Emily’s self-esteem might be bruised. No one is “poor,” but many are “socioeconomically disadvantaged.” Civility and thoughtfulness in speech have never been so complete or so codified.

All of which is well intentioned and mostly a wonderful thing. I’m all for being polite and caring and Golden Rule-ish. Sadly, like a lovely field of wildflowers — which in reality is filled with bloodsucking ticks and noxious pollen — we live oh-so-politely in what must certainly be the rudest era in recorded history. Maybe even prehistory.

Neanderthals were probably nicer to each other than we are. Pick your poison: reality television, slasher movies, video games, online porn, cell

phones, automated answering systems, giant assault vehicles for trips to the grocery

Title and subtitle: suggest idea of conflict over behavior

Introduction: Illustration suggest contradictory attitudes.

1

2 Main idea: Thesis states main idea and refers to Dickens, who used “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. . . .” in his novel A Tale of Two Cities.

3

Support: Offers examples of contradictory attitudes toward groups4

5

6

7 Support: Provides examples of rudeness

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store, car stereos played at volumes easily heard on Jupiter, web-powered copyright infringement, people who will not shut their inane traps in movie theaters, and, lord help us, now even people who won’t shut their inane traps during live theater.

We’re all talking to someone all the time, but it’s ever more rarely to the people we are actually with. Our cell phones blare ringtones that no one else wants to hear. We love to watch TV shows about the stunningly predictable results of hand-feeding a grizzly bear or lighting a stick of dynamite with a cigarette. We also love shows where people lie to others for money and programs where snarky, slightly talented folks say vicious things to hopeful, and usually more talented, contestants.

Civility rules, friends. Civility is dead, jerks. Why? I have a few theories. The first is that America is in the same position as Rome found itself in about 420

CE, meaning that we’ve reached the peak of our civilization and now everything is going to Tartarus in a chariot. We’re too far from our food and energy sources, and fewer and fewer of the Druids and Visigoths like us anymore. So we desperately cling to a patina of civility while we grab a snack and watch large, toothy predators devour people.

The second is that sunlight contains tiny spores that lodge in the cerebellum, making the infected believe they are the center of the universe.

My final and somewhat less cutting edge theory is that a large percentage of people are just clueless, distracted, and self-absorbed, unable to process concepts such as spatial awareness (for example: when you are walking in the same direction with several hundred people in, say, an airport terminal, DON’T JUST STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOW!).

But I digress. I am not here to judge whether being civil and considerate is somehow better than

being a mindless dillweed. You must make that choice for yourself. We inhabit the most civil of times and the least — and I completely honor and respect your freedom to choose your side in the Great Civility War.

Just don’t get in my way. I’m on my cell in the Escalade, and I can’t be bothered.

Highlight key points. As you read, you will encounter many new ideas, some more important than others. You will agree with some and disagree with others. Later, as you write about what you have read, you will want to return to the main points to refresh your memory. To locate and remember these points easily, read with a highlighter or pen in hand. Highlighting is an active reading strategy only when you use it to distin- guish important ideas from less important ideas, so be selective. (If you highlight every idea, none will stand out.) The following guidelines will make your highlighting as useful as possible:

1. Before you begin reading, decide what kinds of information to high- light. What types of tasks will you do as a result of your reading? Will you write a paper, participate in a class discussion, or take an exam? Think about what you need to know, and tailor your highlighting to the needs of the task.

8Support: More examples

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Contradictions: Refer back to information and introduce reasons to follow

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12

Support: First reason

13Support: Second reason

14Support: Third reason

15

16Conclusion: Affirms thesis statement and ends on a humorous note

17

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2. Read first; then highlight. First read a paragraph or section; then go back and mark what is important within it. This approach will help you control the tendency to highlight too much.

3. Highlight key elements, words, and phrases. Mark the thesis statement, the topic sentence in each paragraph, important terms and definitions, and key words and phrases that relate to the thesis.

Annotate to record your impressions. When you annotate a reading assignment, you jot down your reactions to the reading in the margins or in a reading journal. Think of your annotations as a personal response to the author’s ideas. Your annota- tions can take many forms:

• important points (such as the thesis) to which you react emotionally, • places where you want or need further information, • places where the author reveals his or her reasons for writing, • passages that raise questions or that intrigue or puzzle you, and • ideas you disagree or agree with or that seem inconsistent.

Later, when you are ready to write about or discuss the reading, your annotations will help you focus on major issues and questions. Sample annotations for a portion of “American Jerk” are shown below.

Sample annotationS Civility rules, friends. Civility is dead, jerks. Why? I have a few theories. The first is that America is in the same position as Rome found itself in about 420 CE,

meaning that we’ve reached the peak of our civilization and now everything is going to Tartarus in a chariot. We’re too far from our food and energy sources, and fewer and fewer of the Druids and Visigoths like us anymore. So we desperately cling to a patina of civility while we grab a snack and watch large, toothy predators devour people.

The second is that sunlight contains tiny spores that lodge in the cerebellum, making the infected believe they are the center of the universe.

My final and somewhat less cutting edge theory is that a large percentage of people are just clueless, distracted, and self-absorbed, unable to process concepts such as spatial awareness (for example: when you are walking in the same direction with several hundred people in, say, an airport terminal, DON’T JUST STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOW!).

EXERCISE 3.2 Practice with Annotating

Reread “American Jerk” on pp. 49–50. Highlight and annotate the essay as you read.

Figure out the meaning of unfamiliar words. Before looking up an unfamiliar word in a dictionary, use one of these strategies to figure it out for yourself:

• Look for clues in surrounding text. Sometimes the author provides a brief definition or synonym.

BRieF DeFiNiTioN

Janice prefaced, or introduced, her poetry reading with a personal story. [Prefaced means “introduced.”]

For more about keeping a journal, see Chapter 2, p. 29.

What examples are there other than political correctness?

Need more information

Does distractedness and lack of awareness excuse poor behavior?

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Other times a less obvious clue reveals meaning or you can figure out meaning by considering how the word is used in the passage.

CoNTeXT CLUe

In certain societies young children are always on the periphery, never in the center, of family life. [Periphery means “the edges or the fringe,” far away from the center.]

• Try pronouncing the word aloud. By pronouncing the word magnific, you may hear part of the word magnify and know that it has something to do with enlargement. Magnific means “large,” “imposing,” and “impressive.”

• Look at parts of the word. For example, in the word nonresponsive you can see the verb respond, which means “act or react.” Non means “not,” so you can figure out that nonresponsive means “not acting or reacting.”

Understand challenging readings. At one time or another, all students encounter challenging reading assignments. Perhaps the language is unfamiliar or you just can’t connect with the author, the topic, or the writing style. Regardless of the problem, however, you know you must complete the assignment. The Troubleshooting Guide in Table 3.1 (p. 53) lists some typical problems that students experience with challenging reading material and identifies strategies for solving them.

AFTER READING When you finish reading an assignment, it may be tempting to close the book, periodi- cal, or browser window and move immediately to another task. However, doing so increases the likelihood that you will forget most of what you have read because your brain will not have had time to process the material. To improve your comprehension and recall, take a few minutes to review the material and draw a graphic organizer.

Review. Review immediately after you finish reading. Reviewing should not take much time; your goal is to touch on each main point one more time, not to embark on a long and thorough study. To review material after reading, use the same steps you used to preview the reading. (See p. 45). Pay particular attention to the following elements:

• the headings, • your highlighting, • your annotations, and • the conclusion.

Draw a graphic organizer. Think of a graphic organizer as a means of tracking the author’s flow of ideas. Your graphic organizer should include all the key elements of an

macmillanhighered.com/successfulwriting Tutorials > Critical Reading > Active Reading Strategies

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essay listed on pages 48–49. Figure 3.2 (p. 54) shows the correct format for a graphic organizer. An example of a graphic organizer for “American Jerk” appears in Figure 3.3 (p. 55). Work through the organizer, rereading the essay paragraph by paragraph at the same time.

Summarize to Check Your Understanding. If you are expected to be able to dis- cuss a reading with other students or write about it in a response paper or on an exam, writing a summary (a brief restatement of the major points) of what you have read is a good idea. Summarizing can help improve your retention of the material. It is also an excellent way to check whether you have understood what you have read. If you have difficulty writing a summary, you probably do not understand what is important in the reading.

TABLE 3.1 Challenging Readings: A Troubleshooting Guide

Problems Strategies for Solving Them

The sentences are long and confusing.

1. Read aloud. 2. Divide each sentence into parts, and analyze the function of each part. 3. Express each sentence in your own words.

The ideas are complicated and hard to understand.

1. Reread the material several times. 2. Rephrase or explain each idea in your own words. 3. Make outline notes. 4. Study with a classmate; discuss difficult ideas. 5. Look up the meanings of unfamiliar words in a dictionary.

The material seems disorganized or poorly organized.

1. Study the introduction for clues to organization. 2. Pay more attention to headings. 3. Read the summary or conclusion. 4. Try to discover the organization by writing an outline or drawing a graphic

organizer (see pp. 144 and 146).

The material contains many unfamiliar words.

1. Look for clues to meaning in the surrounding text. 2. Try pronouncing words aloud to see if they remind you of related words. 3. Break words into parts whose meaning you know. 4. Use a dictionary when necessary.

You cannot get interested in the material.

1. Think about something you’ve experienced that is related to the topic. 2. Work with a classmate, discussing each section as you go.

You cannot relate to the writer’s ideas or experiences.

1. Find out some background information about the writer. 2. Imagine having the writer’s experiences. How would you react differently?

The subject is unfamiliar; you lack background information on the subject.

1. Obtain a more basic text or other source that moves slower, offers more explanation, and reviews fundamental principles and concepts.

2. Look up unfamiliar terminology in a specialized dictionary. 3. Ask your instructor to recommend useful references.

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FIGURE 3.2 Graphic Organizer: Key Elements to Include

Key details

INTRODUCTION

TITLE

Background information Thesis statement

Main idea

Final statement (summarizes ideas, suggests

new directions, reinforces thesis)

BODY PARAGRAPHS

CONCLUSION

Key details

Key details

Key details

Key details

Key details

Main idea

Main idea

Main idea

Main idea

Main idea

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FIGURE 3.3 Graphic Organizer for “American Jerk”

Everyone has a choice about whether to behave in a

civil or an uncivil manner.

“American Jerk”

Politeness is practiced, but at the same time we are rude to each other.

There are reasons for our rudeness.

There is a strange mixture of civility and incivility in today’s society, with an emphasis on incivility.

People are uncomfortable with jokes about people of color

but rudely ignore each other.

Entertainment and media highlight poor behavior.

People are self-centered.

Political correctness affects holidays, the way papers

are graded, and the words used to describe the poor.

America has become too detached from food

and energy sources.

We are concerned about the feelings of groups yet

are unconcerned about the feelings of individuals.

People are distracted, self- absorbed, and unable to

process basic concepts such as spatial awareness.

Cell phones are used rudely.

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To write an effective summary, use the following guidelines: 1. Review annotations and highlights. Be sure to identify the topic sentence or

main idea of each paragraph. 2. Write your summary as you reread each paragraph. Good marginal

summary notes briefly restate the content of each paragraph. Below is a list of marginal summary notes for the essay “American Jerk,” pages 49–50. If you write notes similar to those below, you can easily convert them into sentences for your summary.

marginal Summary noteS (para. 2) politeness and rudeness together (para. 4) political correctness in excess (para. 12) being out of touch with real survival causes rudeness (para. 14) people have stopped paying attention

3. Start your summary with an opening sentence that states in your own words the author’s thesis — the most important idea that the entire essay explains.

4. include the author’s most important supporting ideas. Use either high- lighted topic sentences or marginal summary notes (from Step 2, above) as a guide for what to include.

5. Present the ideas in the order in which they appear in the original source. Use transitions (connecting words and phrases) as you move from one major supporting idea to the next.

6. Reread your summary to determine whether it contains sufficient informa- tion. Ask yourself: Would someone who has not read the essay find your summary understandable and meaningful? If not, revise it to include additional information. Remember: Your summary should include only the main ideas and key supporting points. A good rule of thumb is that a summary should be about one-fifth the length of the original. If your summary is longer (or shorter) than this, consider whether you should delete (or add) ideas from the essay.

Here is a sample summary of the essay “American Jerk.” It was written by a student using the preceding six steps.

Although people believe they are acting politely, rudeness and incivility are on

the rise. We overdo political correctness, yet we behave rudely to everyone around us.

Media, entertainment, and cell-phone usage illustrate improper behavior and support

our rudeness. The author believes that because our civilization has evolved to the

point that we are no longer concerned with basic survival, we can act selfishly while

pretending to be civil. The author also contends that people are simply distracted and

self-absorbed but not intentionally rude. The bottom line is that people must choose

their own behavior and decide how they will act.

Many students keep a journal in which they write summaries and other responses to what they’ve read. These journal entries can serve as useful sources of ideas for writing papers.

The writer expresses Schwartz’s thesis in her own words.

The order of ideas parallels the order in Schwartz’s essay.

The writer continues to use her own words — not those of Schwartz.

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EXERCISE 3.3 Writing a Summary

Read “American Jerk,” p. 49, or another reading selection your instructor has chosen, and summarize it.

Keep a response journal. A response journal is a section of your writing journal in which you record summaries of readings as well as your reactions to and questions about readings. Experiment with the following two ways to organize a response journal entry to discover the one that works better for you.

The Open-Page Format On a blank page, write, outline, draw, or create a diagram to express your reactions to an essay. Because the open-page format encourages you to let your ideas flow freely, it may work well for creative and spatial learners. Figure 3.4 shows one student’s open- page response journal entry for “American Jerk.” This entry suggests several possible topics to write about: identifying generational differences in defining civility, determin- ing standards for civility, and recognizing subjectivity in evaluating behavior.

People are always distracted because they are surrounded

by many choices.

People make choices about what

is important to them, and they are always subjective.

Older generations always complain about a loss of civility

in younger generations.

What some people view as rude, others see

as normal behavior.

Who decides what is polite and what is rude? Where do the standards come from?

CHANGES IN CIVILITY AND POLITENESS

FIGURE 3.4 Sample Open-Page Journal Format

The Two-Column Format Divide several pages of your journal into two columns. If you journal on a computer, you can insert a table with two columns. Label the left side “Quotations” and the right side “Responses.” Under “Quotations,” jot down five to ten quotations from the text. Choose remarks that seem important — that state an opinion, summarize a viewpoint, and so forth.

For more about keeping a journal, see Chapter 2, p. 29.

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In the right column, next to each quotation, write your response to the quotation. You might explain it, disagree with or question it, relate it to other information in the reading or in another reading, or tie it to your experiences. The two-column format forces you to think actively about an essay while you question what you have read and draw connections. Because it provides more structure than the open-page format, the two-column format may be ideal for pragmatic or concrete learners.

Figure 3.5 follows the two-column format. In this journal entry, the writer has uncovered several possible topics: types or degrees of rudeness, the meaning of “socio- economically disadvantaged,” and self-centered behavior.

You may find it useful to paraphrase the quotation before writing your response. Paraphrasing forces you to think about the meaning of the quotation, and ideas for writing may come to mind as a result. To use paraphrasing, add a “Paraphrases” column to your journal between the “Quotations” column and the “Responses” column.

QUOTATIONS RESPONSES

“A moment when a roomful of even relatively evolved people will react with discomfort to an off-color joke about people of color—and when those same people have no compunction whatsoever about loudly ignoring one another as they blather into their cell phones.”

This statement implies that racial jokes and talking on your cell phone are somehow on the same level of rudeness.

“No one is ‘poor,’ but many are ‘socioeconomically disadvantaged.’”

There is a distinction between “poor” and “socioeconomically disadvantaged,” and it’s an important one. The first term has to do with money, but the second one also has to do with culture and opportunities.

“The second is that sunlight contains tiny spores that lodge in the cerebellum, making the infected believe they are the center of the universe.”

This is a joke, but the author is saying that everyone sees themselves as important; this is a bad thing; and schools, churches, and parents teach this message to children to build self-esteem.

FIGURE 3.5 Sample Two-Column Journal Format

Essay in Progress 1 For “American Jerk” or another essay chosen by your instructor, write a response in your journal using the open-page or the two-column format.

Use a reading-response worksheet. A reading-response worksheet allows you to record all your ideas about a reading in one place. The worksheet guides your response while directing your thinking. Figure 3.6, a blank worksheet, includes space for record- ing your first impressions, a summary, connections to your experiences, ideas for analy- sis, and additional sources.

For more on paraphrasing, see Chapter 23, p. 589.

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READING-RESPONSE WORKSHEET

TITLE:

AUTHOR:

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:

SUMMARY:

CONNECTIONS TO YOUR OWN EXPERIENCES:

ANALYSIS (issue, aspect, feature, problem)

1.

2.

ADDITIONAL SOURCES OR VISUALS (if needed)

1.

2.

3.

FIGURE 3.6 Reading-Response Worksheet

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Use your learning style. If you are a verbal or social learner, you probably find read- ing a comfortable and convenient way to obtain information. But even if you prefer a different learning style, most of your assignments will be in print form. So it’s important that you use your learning style in a way that enhances reading and writing.

• Spatial learners can enhance reading and writing by creating mental pictures of people and places. For example, while reading “American Jerk,” create a mental image of a person behaving rudely. Graphic organizers and diagrams can help you organize the ideas in an essay. As you annotate, use symbols to connect the ideas within and between paragraphs. (See the symbols listed for the reading- response journal on p. 31.)

• Social learners can preview reading assignments with a classmate and discuss your reactions to it after reading. (Use the Guide to Active Reading, p. 43, and the Guide to Responding to Text below to get started.)

• Abstract and creative learners may overlook details and instead focus on the reading’s “big ideas” and overall message, so highlight important points and key supporting facts and details.

• Concrete and pragmatic learners may focus on details instead of seeing how ideas fit together and contribute to the author’s overall message. Graphic organizers can help you see the larger picture. Try to make the essay as “real” as possible by visualizing events occurring or the author writing, or by visualizing yourself interviewing the author, alone or with a panel of classmates.

• Emotional learners may focus on feelings about people or events in the essay and overlook the way the author uses them to convey an overall message. Keep this question in mind: How does the author use these people or events to get his or her message across?

• Rational learners may focus on the logic or clarity of the ideas and overlook more subtle shades of meaning. Annotating the essay will draw out your personal reactions to a piece of writing.

Essay in Progress 2 Discuss “American Jerk” or another essay chosen by your instructor with a class- mate. Make notes as you discuss. If you chose another essay, pair up with a classmate who also chose that essay, or choose an essay to read together.

A G U I D E T O R E S P O N D I N G T O T E X T

When an instructor assigns a reading, some form of response is always required. For example, you might be expected to participate in a class discussion, analyze the reading on an essay exam, or research the topic further and report your findings. By responding

Learning Style Options

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to material, you understand and learn it better. A common assignment is a response paper, which requires you to read an essay, analyze it, and write about some aspect of it.

ANALYZE THE ASSIGNMENT AND DECIDE ON AN APPROACH Before beginning a response paper, make sure you understand the assignment.

• Has your instructor suggested a particular direction for the paper, or should you decide on your own approach?

• What page or word count is expected? • Are you expected to do additional research, or is research not allowed?

If you are uncertain about your instructor’s expectations, be sure to ask. When writing your response paper, you may include a brief summary as part of your

introduction. (See the section on summarizing, pp. 53–57.) But concentrate on inter- preting and evaluating what you have read. Rather than attempting to discuss all of your reactions, focus on one of the following:

• a key idea, • a question the essay raises, or • an issue it explores.

For example, suppose your instructor asks you to read an article entitled “Advertis- ing: A Form of Institutional Lying,” which argues that advertisements deceive consum- ers by presenting half-truths, distortions, and misinformation. Your instructor asks you to write a two-page paper responding to the essay but gives you no other directions. In writing this paper, you might take one of the following approaches.

• Discuss how you were once deceived by an advertisement, as a means of confirming the author’s thesis and main points.

• Evaluate the evidence and examples the author provides, and determine whether the evidence is relevant and sufficient to support the claim.

• Discuss the causes or effects of deception in advertising that the author over- looks. (You may need to consult other sources to take this approach).

• Evaluate the assumptions the author makes about advertising or consumers.

For an assignment like this one, or for any response paper, how should you decide what to write about? How can you come up with ideas about a reading? Figure 3.7 presents an effective, step-by-step process for discovering ideas for response. Writing an effective summary is discussed on pp. 53–57. Each of the other steps is dis - cussed, within the context of a reading and writing assignment, in the sections that follow.

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FIGURE 3.7 Active Response to a Reading

RESPONDING TO A READING

Summarize to check your understanding.

Analyze the reading.

Devise critical questions.

Use annotation.

Use a reading- response worksheet.

Synthesize the writer’s ideas with your own.

SYNTHESIzE THE WRITER’S IDEAS WITH YOUR OWN One way to start ideas flowing for a response paper is to connect, or synthesize, the ideas expressed in the reading with your own ideas, knowledge, and experiences. Doing so builds a bridge between your ideas and the author’s. To begin synthesizing ideas, follow these steps.

1. Look for useful information in the essay that you could apply or relate to other real-life situations. Think of familiar situations or examples that illus- trate the subject. For example, for “American Jerk,” which considers incivility in society, you might write a journal entry about incivility among college students.

2. Think beyond the reading. Recall other material you have read and events you have experienced that relate to the reading. In thinking about “American Jerk,” for example, you might recall the behavior of students in the classroom, as described in the reading “The New Marshmallow Test” from Chapter 1 (pp. 3–6). How does student use of digital technology in the classroom relate to the topic of “American Jerk,” for example?

3. Use the key-word response method for generating ideas. Choose one or more key words that describe your initial response, such as angered, amused, surprised, confused, annoyed, curious, or shocked. For example, fill in the following blank with one or more key words describing your response to “American Jerk.” “After reading the essay, I felt ________________.”

For more on freewriting, see Chapter 5, p. 108.

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The key-word response you just wrote will serve as a point of departure for further thinking. Start by explaining your response; then write down ideas as they come to you, trying to approach the reading from many different perspectives. Here is the result of one student’s key-word response to “American Jerk.”

After reading “American Jerk,” I felt annoyed and insulted. I agree that the world

has changed because of cell phones, but I don’t think that these changes have made

people ruder. Each generation creates its own rules and values, and the cell-phone

generation is doing that. If media and entertainment were horrible and insulting,

then people wouldn’t watch them. Humans are evolving, and our expectations have to

evolve with technology. Some people do act like they are polite when they actually do

rude things all the time. Behavior comes from people. People have to change it.

Possible Topic #1: How generations create their own values

Possible Topic #2: How behavior changes with changes in technology

Essay in Progress 3 Use synthesis to draw connections between the ideas expressed in “American Jerk” (or another essay assigned by your instructor) and your own ideas and experiences.

ANALYzE THE READING After you see a movie, you ask a friend, “What did you think of it?” Your friend may praise the plot, criticize the acting, or comment on the characters’ behavior. Your friend is analyzing the film, breaking the film down into its component parts and assessing how well they work together. When you analyze a reading, you may focus on any aspect of the selection, such as the author’s fairness or accuracy, the method of presentation, the quality of the supporting evidence provided, or the intended audience. To discover ideas for analysis, try devising critical questions, using annotation, keeping a response journal, or using a reading-response worksheet.

Devise critical questions. Asking critical questions and then answering them is a useful method for analysis and for discovering ideas for a response paper. Here are three sample questions and the answers that one student wrote after reading “American Jerk.”

Can we turn the tide and find a way to return to a polite society?

I think that adults emphasize politeness less than in the past. Parents and teachers

hardly try to instill it in children. People no longer have to learn etiquette. To improve

manners would require us to rethink how we raise and educate children.

Is technology causing people to be less civil, or is it just an excuse?

Technology has changed the way that people communicate with one another. Tech-

nology makes it easier to have less personal contact with others, but it does not

encourage rudeness. It’s possible to use technology and still be civil to other people.

Possible topic: how to teach politeness and effective methods

Possible topic: the effects of technology on human behavior

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Why are people more distracted and thoughtless now than they used to be?

People have probably always been distracted and thoughtless, but today so many

things clamor for our attention that it is easier than ever to be distracted. We are

focused less on the people around us and more on the electronics we use throughout

the day.

Essay in Progress 4 Write a list of critical questions about “American Jerk” or another essay assigned by your instructor.

Use annotation. In the Guide to Active Reading earlier in this chapter (pp. 43–60), you learned to annotate as you read. Use these annotation skills to analyze and respond to a reading you are preparing to write about. As you read an essay the second time, record additional reactions that occur to you. Some students prefer to use a different color of ink to record their second set of annotations. (Refer to the sample student annotation shown on p. 51.)

Essay in Progress 5 Reread “American Jerk” or another essay chosen by your instructor, this time adding annotations that record your reactions to and questions about the essay as you read.

Use a reading-response worksheet. In the Guide to Active Reading above, you learned about keeping a response journal and using a Reading-Response Worksheet, like the one shown in Figure 3.6 (p. 59). Because it enables you to pull together so many of the elements of your response, the reading-response worksheet provides a convenient jumping off place for beginning your response essay.

Essay in Progress 6 Complete a Reading Response Worksheet to capture one or more aspects of your response to “American Jerk” or another essay you have been assigned.

Essay in Progress 7 Write a two- to four-page paper in response to “American Jerk” or another essay chosen by your instructor. Use the following steps to shape the ideas you generated in Essays in Progress 1 to 6.

1. Reread the writing you did in response to the selection. Look for related ideas. Try to find ideas that fit together to produce a viewpoint or position toward the read- ing. (Do not attempt to cover all your ideas. Your essay should not analyze every aspect of the essay. Instead, you should focus on one feature or aspect.)

2. Write a sentence that states your central point. This sentence will become your thesis statement. It should state what your essay will assert or explain.

3. Collect ideas and evidence from the reading to support your thesis. Your thesis should be backed up by specifics in the reading.

4. Organize your ideas into essay form. Your paper should have a title, introduction, body, and conclusion.

Possible topic: the effect of distractions on the ways that people interact with one another

For more on each aspect of the writing process, see Part 2 of this book.

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5. Revise your essay. Be sure that you have explained your ideas clearly and have provided support from the reading for each one.

6. Proofread for accuracy and correctness. Use the Suggestions for Proofreading in Chapter 10 (pp. 211–13).

WoRKing WiTH TExT While reading the selection below, apply the processes you have learned for reading and responding to an essay.

Before reading 1. Preview the reading using the steps listed on pp. 50–51 and write three ques-

tions you expect to be able to answer after reading the essay.

While reading 1. Highlight the key elements of the essay, as described on pp. 50–51. 2. Record your thoughts as you read using annotations. 3. Circle any unfamiliar words. Figure out their meanings using the techniques on

pp. 51–52 or by using a dictionary.

REAding

Superhero or Supervillain? If science gives people superpowers, will they use them for good or evil? WiLL oREMUs

This essay originally appeared in the online magazine Slate in May 2013. Slate’s Web site describes the magazine as a “general-interest publication offering analysis and commen- tary about politics, business, technology, and culture.” Will Oremus is a staff writer for this magazine, writing about science and technology.

From invisibility to superhuman strength to telekinesis, a wave of emerging technol- ogies promises to give people powers once reserved for comic-book characters. Which raises an important question: If humans become superhuman, will we turn out to be superheroes — or supervillains?

You might think the answer would depend on each individual’s moral compass. Batman uses human-enhancement technologies to fight crime because he loathes injustice, while the Joker uses them to wreak mayhem because he’s a psychopath. In reality, though, most people possess the capacity for both good and evil. Which one wins out at any given time depends not only on our genes and our upbringing, but the circumstances in which we find ourselves. For Peter Parker, a shy and neurotic kid, the transformation into Spider-Man brings out a deep sense of social responsibility. For Otto Octavius, once a respected scientist, becoming Dr. Octopus means becoming a

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vengeful megalomaniac. Comic books typically provide pop-psychological back stories to explain the choices each character makes in response to the pressure of being extraordinary. But what if it also turns out that some types of powers inherently lend themselves to altruism, while others make us more likely to lie, cheat, steal, or kill?

Last year, Stanford researchers recruited 60 volunteers for an experiment on how virtual superpowers could influence moral decisions. In an immersive virtual-reality simulation, 30 of the subjects were granted the power of flight, like Superman, while the other 30 rode as passengers in a helicopter. Each volunteer had the same mission — to cruise over a city following an earthquake in search of a stranded child. The experiment was rigged so that everyone would find the boy in the same amount of time and save his life.

(Top) Participant “flying” in virtual reality; (bottom) virtual child after being “rescued.” Courtesy of Cody Karutz; Stanford Virtual Human Interaction Lab

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After the simulation, an experimenter sat down to debrief each subject. As they talked, the experimenter “accidentally” knocked over a canister full of pens, then waited five seconds before beginning to pick them up. The volunteers in the helicopter group took an average of six seconds to start helping clean up the spill, and some didn’t pitch in at all. But those in the Superman group jumped right in, with most coming to the experimenter’s aid even before she started gathering the pens herself.

The findings suggest that acquiring a superpower can spark benevolent tenden- cies. Give someone Superman’s abilities, and she’ll start to behave a little more like Superman. Clinical psychologist Robin Rosenberg, who helped design the experiment, said its outcome supported her hypothesis that people might treat an extraordinary ability as a sort of gift that brings with it a responsibility to help others. That’s an encouraging finding, particularly in light of Lord Acton’s maxim that power corrupts.

But wait — what if the researchers had given their subjects a different superpower? Rosenberg’s co-author, Stanford communications professor Jeremy Bailenson, explained that they chose the power of flight partly because it seemed like a classic “do-gooder” sort of ability. “We thought about giving them X-ray vision, but that would have been a little creepy,” he noted.

It would be nice to think that morality emanates from the sheer goodness of people’s souls, but research has consistently shown that people behave far better when they think they’re being watched. In a 2010 study, Newcastle University researchers found that just hanging posters of a pair of staring eyes on the walls of a cafeteria was enough to cut littering in half. That’s why Rosenberg, who has written a book on the psychology of superheroes, draws a distinction between visible powers and stealth powers. Soaring above the masses is a highly conspicuous activity, so it would behoove the flyer to be on his best behavior. X-ray vision is stealthier — you could use it for nefarious purposes without making a scene.

The ultimate stealth power, of course, is invisibility. Its promise is that of impu- nity — the ability to do things that would otherwise get you in trouble. In Plato’s Republic, Glaucon recounts the story of an otherwise decent shepherd who came into possession of an invisibility ring. Unable to resist temptation, he used it to seduce the queen, kill the king, and claim the crown for himself. H.G. Wells’ invisible man went on a similar spree. And in a classic episode of This American Life, John Hodgman went around asking people which superpower they’d prefer: flight or invisibility. Those who pondered invisibility couldn’t resist premeditating a slew of illicit deeds. One fellow was so spooked by his own impulses that he ended up changing his answer to “flight” because the mere thought of invisibility “leads me down a dark path.”

Powers that inherently violate other people’s autonomy, like mind control, would also seem to lend themselves to abuse. A utilitarian might be able to dream up some applica- tions that redound to the public welfare, but the German philosopher Immanuel Kant would argue that mind control is immoral no matter how it’s used. Mind-reading would be similarly invasive. A form of telepathy that required both parties’ active participation, on the other hand, might be stealthy, but it would be fundamentally social and consensual. That ups the odds that it would be used for virtuous ends. Other powers, like supreme

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intelligence, time travel, and indestructibility, are morality-agnostic and could be employed equally for good or ill. Likewise incredible strength, which Bruce Banner’s Hulk uses mostly for good but which also bedevils him by amplifying the consequences of his rage.

That example suggests another way of looking at the risks and benefits of human- enhancement technologies. By definition, they enable people to transcend their natural limitations. That can obviously be a good thing, but it also carries heightened risks, because civil society and human morality have evolved against a background in which those constraints are taken for granted. That’s why emerging technologies like drones and 3-D printing scare so many people — they enable behaviors that our laws and norms have not evolved to regulate. Imagine the panic that would ensue if hypo- thetical superpowers like mind-reading suddenly became widely available.

It’s probably fortunate, then, that we’re nowhere near as close to the technological singularity as Ray Kurzweil would have us believe. We have jet packs, but they’re grossly impractical. Headlines about real-life invisibility cloaks tend to be exaggerated. Muscle suits so far are clunky enough that they’re only really useful for people with disabilities. Brain-computer interfaces let you move things with your mind, but only if you’re willing to undergo brain surgery and practice for months just to feed yourself a bite of chocolate. Promises of super-longevity or immortality are premature.

That said, each of these human-enhancement technologies, and several more that Slate will explore in the coming weeks, are progressing at various rates along a path that could someday lead to real-world viability. Before they do, it might be wise to take a little time to think about whether each one is likely to make people better — or just more potent.

AFTER READING

1. Review Reread your highlighting and annotations for “Superhero or Supervillain?” 2. organization Draw a graphic organizer of the essay. 3. Summary Write a summary of the essay’s main points. 4. Journal Write an entry in your response journal or complete the Reading-Response

Worksheet on page 59.

RESPONDING TO THE READING

1. Synthesis Synthesize the writer’s ideas with your own, using the suggestions on pages 62–63.

2. Questions Write a list of critical questions. 3. essay Write a brief essay in response to this essay. Follow the steps listed in Essay

in Progress 7 on page 64.

WORKING TOGETHER

Contact five people of varying ages (such as a child, a college student, a mature adult) and ask them the following question:

If you could have any superpower, what would it be and how would you use it?

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Record your responses in the chart below.

Age of Respondent Desired Superpower Proposed Use of Superpower

In class, join a small group of your peers to combine your charts and analyze the responses. Does your group’s chart reveal any trends? Be prepared to share your results and any trends you noticed with the rest of the class.

A NALYzE STUDE NT ESSAYS Helping other students improve their writing — by participating actively in peer review or by analyzing the model essays in this book — will better equip you to analyze and improve your own writing. (The student essays in this book are reasonably good mod- els, but they are not perfect.) Use the following suggestions when reading student essays, either in this book or when working with classmates:

• Read the essay several times. During your first reading, concentrate on the writer’s message. Then reread the essay as many times as necessary to analyze its writing features. For example, first identify the writer’s thesis statement and notice how the writer supports the thesis, and then look at the language used to create a particular impression.

• Annotate the essay as you read. Use a pen or pencil, or use the Comment feature in your word-processing software.

• Use graphic organizers to grasp the essay’s method of organization. Each chapter in Part 3 of this book presents the characteristics of a particular method of organization (such as narration, description, comparison-contrast, and defi- nition) and provides one or more graphic organizers for each pattern. Identify which method of organization the writer has chosen, and compare the essay to the graphic organizer, noticing whether the essay contains each element.

• Focus on techniques. Each chapter in Part 3 of this book offers specific tech- niques and suggestions for writing a particular type of essay. Review these tech- niques and observe how the writer applies them.

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• Focus on what is new and different. Ask yourself the following questions as you read: What is the writer doing that you haven’t seen before? What catches your attention? What works particularly well? What writing techniques might be fun to try? What techniques would be challenging to try? For example, if a writer begins his or her essay with a striking statistic, consider whether you could use a striking statistic to begin your essay.

READING: STUDENTS WRITE

“American Jerk”? How Rude! (but True) KAREN VACCARO

Karen Vaccaro wrote the following essay in response to “American Jerk.” As you read, notice how Vaccaro analyzes Schwartz’s points about civility and the lack of it in our society.

In his article “American Jerk,” Todd Schwartz claims that Americans today

are both the most and the least civil we have ever been. Although the painful truth

in these observations is a bit hard to take, Schwartz eases the reality by providing

a great deal of humorous relief. Schwartz’s claim is an apt one, and most of his

observations about our current culture are accurate, but some of his observations

and accusations are broad generalizations that don’t always hold true.

“We have never been more concerned about the feelings of minority groups,

the disabled, and the disadvantaged,” Schwartz writes in paragraph 3, and he is

right. We have become a culture obsessed with being PC (politically correct). I

often carefully choose and often second-guess the words I use to describe anyone

of a different race or physical or mental ability, for fear of offending anyone.

And yet many people I encounter seem hardly concerned about offending me.

Schwartz is right that “we have never been less concerned about the feelings

of anyone with whom we share the road, the Internet, or the movie theater”

(para. 3). Cyclists seem to have taken over city streets and even shout insults at

me when I am walking in a crosswalk (and they are breaking the law by ignoring

a red light). Despite many methods used to discourage theater goers from using

their cell phones, cell phones ring during films, concerts, and plays. In fact, last

week I was at a live theater performance, and in the middle of an important scene,

a cell phone rang in the audience — twice.

1Introduction: Identifies the article Vaccaro is responding to

Vaccaro’s thesis statement indi- cates how her ideas differ from Schwartz’s.

2

Vaccaro agrees with Schwartz.

Vaccaro offers examples of lack of concern.

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In another example of how (overly) civil we’ve become, Schwartz writes,

“Schools won’t let teachers use red pens to correct papers because . . . self-esteem

might be bruised” (para. 4). This reminded me of the teaching internship I did

while studying abroad in China one semester. I taught an English writing course to

Chinese high school students. One day I was marking up the students’ papers with

a red pen (as I thought teachers were supposed to do). Another American teacher

said, “I thought teachers weren’t supposed to mark students’ papers with red pens

anymore.” I asked if red was offensive to Chinese students. “No,” she answered.

“Some of my teachers back home in America said it’s because red is a harsh

color that really stands out from the black and white.” “Well, yes, I thought that

was the point,” I said. “But it can make some students feel bad,” she responded.

“That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard,” I said as I went back to marking my

students’ papers with the red pen. Have we become so “civil” that we’re afraid to

teach students? Don’t young men and women come to class expecting to learn

something, knowing that at some point they will need to be corrected to see their

mistakes so that they can truly learn?

Then there are the less civil aspects of our culture, as Schwartz so accurately

points out. We Americans have become obsessed with reality television shows

that often take advantage of the misfortune and embarrassment of others. In

addition, “giant assault vehicles” (para. 7) dwarf other cars on the road, guzzle

gas, often take up more than one parking space, and seem unnecessary on city

streets in a time of environmental awareness and concern. Furthermore, we are

so interested in our technological gadgets that we ignore real human-to-human

interactions. “We’re all talking to someone all the time,” Schwartz writes, “but

it’s ever more rarely to the people we are actually with” (para. 8). I have noticed

that my boyfriend often whips out his new iPhone. Even when we’re walking and

talking, catching up after days of not seeing one another, he’s playing a new game,

downloading a new app, or chatting with his friends. I myself can be guilty of this

rude behavior. Sometimes I am spending time with one friend but will be texting

another friend. I know it’s rude, but I do it anyway (usually because the friend I’m

with is doing the same thing and therefore it seems okay). We no longer realize

how rude it is to divide our attention between two sources instead of giving our

friend or loved one our full, undivided attention.

Where I must disagree with Schwartz, though, is his sweeping, unfounded

statement that we are now living in “what must certainly be the rudest era in

3

Vaccaro connects Schwartz’s ideas to her own experience and affirms his ideas.

4

Vaccaro identifies another of Schwartz’s points that she agrees with and admits that she is guilty of it as well.

5 Vaccaro moves to points with which she disagrees.

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history” (para. 5). Really? Are we ruder than people who enslaved others and

denied them any and all rights, including the right to be treated like human beings

and not animals? Are people who refuse to “shut their inane traps” (para. 7) ruder

than people in the time of segregation? It might be easy to convince ourselves that

the present must be the rudest time in our history, since it is freshest in our minds,

and we know it very well. But if Schwartz took time to flesh out his observations

and accusations with concrete examples, he might rethink such a generalization.

Even if it doesn’t fix the problems it calls attention to, Schwartz’s enter-

taining and witty article forces us to stop and think about how contemporary

American culture straddles the line between civility and rudeness. Many of his

examples illustrate the hypocrisy of our behaviors and ways of thinking. Ulti-

mately, Schwartz is correct in his claim that “we have arrived at simultaneously

the most and least civil moment in U.S. history” (para. 2). I doubt, though, that

Neanderthals—with their barbaric weapons and primitive hunting instincts—

”were probably nicer to each other than we are” (para. 6).

ANALYzING THE WRITER’S TECHNIQUE

1. Express Vaccaro’s thesis (central point) in your own words. 2. What kinds of information does Vaccaro include to support her thesis? 3. Where would additional examples help Vaccaro support her thesis?

RESPONDING TO THE READING

1. Vaccaro admits to texting one friend while spending time with another. Are you also guilty of acts of incivility? If so, describe one.

2. What steps or actions could be taken to build Americans’ awareness of their lack of civility?

3. Do you agree or disagree that our culture is obsessed with political correctness? Give examples to support your answer.

4. Write a journal entry describing an act of incivility that you have observed or expe rienced that particularly disturbed or annoyed you.

6Conclusion: Vaccaro points out the value of Schwartz’s article.

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S W R I T I N G Q U I C K S T A R T

73

© Frank Siteman Photography, 2014

uppose you are taking a sociology class

and are studying popular culture. Your

instructor asks you to examine publications

such as those shown in the photograph to

the right, read and evaluate a few articles,

and be prepared to discuss in class what

they reveal about Americans’ values.

Write a list of questions about one or two

of the articles whose titles are legible in the

photograph. Include questions that would

help you evaluate the articles’ purpose — to

express the writer’s thoughts and feelings?

to inform? to persuade? — and intended

audience. Then write a few sentences

explaining why the illustrations may have

been included and what they accomplish.

As you analyzed and wrote about the titles

of the articles and the photos that accom-

pany them, you had to question, evaluate,

and respond critically. In this chapter you

will learn strategies for thinking and reading

critically that you can apply to reading

essays, newspaper and magazine articles,

textbook selections, works of literature, and

visuals, including photographs and graphics.

4Thinking Critically about Text and Visuals

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I N T H I S C H A P T E R Y O U W I L L L E A R N T O

• determine whether authors make reasonable inferences and use appropriate evidence,

• analyze the author’s tone, assumptions, generalizations, and omissions, and

• interpret and think critically about photographs and graphics.

THINK ING AND READ ING CRITICALLY We live in a world of overload, surrounded by news, opinions, advertisements, and other kinds of information everywhere we look (or listen). Sometimes the information we encounter presents ideas fully and fairly. More often, writers and speakers present only their own views on a topic, without fully exploring the range of positions. And sometimes writers and speakers present their positions in such a way as to make their viewpoint sound like the only logical option. So it is important to assess carefully the ideas and information we encounter. And since writers may not always be aware when unfair bias creeps in, it is also important to assess carefully the way you present your own ideas, making sure that you have presented them clearly and fairly. The sections that follow provide the tools you need to evaluate texts critically — both those you cre­ ate and those you consume.

ANALYZE THE AUTHOR’S IDEAS To analyze an essay, begin by examining the author’s ideas closely and critically. This involves knowing what the author says, and, more important, it involves making infer­ ences about what the author means. It also involves examining the supporting evidence an author offers, distinguishing between fact and opinion, and identifying bias.

Make reasonable inferences. Some writers (for example, textbook authors) pre­ sent information in a straightforward manner, spelling everything out clearly and directly so that you don’t have to guess at their conclusions. Other writers directly state some ideas but hint at, or imply, other ideas. Critical readers must be sure to pick up on the clues that will allow them to determine the writer’s unstated messages.

An inference is a reasonable guess based on the available facts and information, including content directly provided in the reading. Inferences are logical connections between what the writer states directly and what he or she implies. Consider the follow­ ing situation:

You have been cutting your history class all semester because you find the instruc­ tor boring. You skip your reading assignments, and your score on the midterm exam was 46 out of 100. You wrote one paper for the class and got a D on it. One morning, you read an email from your history instructor asking you to come to her office.

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In this situation, you can reasonably infer that you are likely to fail the course and that your instructor wants to discuss the situation with you. It would not be reasonable to infer that the instructor wants to offer you an internship or wants your advice about research she is conducting.

Making inferences requires active reading and critical thinking. Here are some guidelines for making reasonable inferences.

1. Understand the author’s purpose and literal meanings. Before you can make reasonable inferences, you need a clear understanding of the author’s purpose and the reading’s thesis statement, main ideas, and supporting details.

2. Pay attention to details. Sometimes details offer a hint regarding what the writer has implied or left unsaid. When you notice a striking or unusual detail, ask yourself: Why is this detail included? For example, read the following passage.

Maria attends college, has a full­time job, takes care of her two children, cooks dinner for her family every night, and pays taxes. She doesn’t look like an illegal immigrant, but this is how the U.S. government classifies her.

What is the writer’s reason for including the detail about Maria’s immigration status? Perhaps the writer is implying that undocumented workers are just like everyone else: They go to school, work, and have families. You might also reasonably infer that the writer disagrees with or questions this classification.

3. Consider the facts. Consider the complete set of facts provided in the reading. What is the writer trying to suggest with these facts? What conclusions does the complete set of facts support? Suppose a writer presents the following facts.

Dr. Tannenbaum is an old­school doctor. His staff greets you by name and offers you a cup of coffee when you arrive for your appointment. A reception­ ist answers the phone and returns all calls promptly. Dr. Tannenbaum talks to you as if you’re a human being, not just a medical chart, and he’ll make house calls if you live alone and have no transportation to his office.

From these sentences, the conclusion is clear: The writer considers Dr. Tannen­ baum an excellent doctor who treats his patients with respect.

4. Examine word choices. A writer’s choice of words often conveys his or her feelings toward the topic. Look for words that are heavy with connotations and ask yourself why the writer chose these words. For example, in the paragraph about Dr. Tannenbaum, the author uses the adjective old-school to imply a traditional doctor who cares about his patients.

5. Support your inference with specific evidence. Valid inferences are based on fact, context, and personal experiences. Be sure you have ample evidence to back up any inference you make. It would be incorrect to infer that Dr. Tannenbaum is highly skilled at diagnosing rare illnesses, for example, based on the information presented.

For more on connotation, see p. 79.

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ExERCISE 4.1 Making Reasonable Inferences

Read the following excerpt from “American Jerk” (p. 49) and answer the questions that follow.

Pick your poison: reality television, slasher movies, video games, online porn, cell phones, automated answering systems, giant assault vehicles for trips to the grocery store, car stereos played at volumes easily heard on Jupiter, web­powered copyright infringement, people who will not shut their inane traps in movie theaters, and, lord help us, now even people who won’t shut their inane traps during live theater.

We’re all talking to someone all the time, but it’s ever more rarely to the people we are actually with. Our cell phones blare ringtones that no one else wants to hear. We love to watch TV shows about the stunningly predictable results of hand­feeding a grizzly bear or lighting a stick of dyna­ mite with a cigarette. We also love shows where people lie to others for money and programs where snarky, slightly talented folks say vicious things to hopeful, and usually more talented, contestants.

1. What reasonable inferences can you make about the author’s opinion of the typical American? Provide three adjectives that the author would use to describe Americans.

2. Which specific words or phrases in the selection provide hints regarding the author’s attitude toward “American jerks”?

3. What details are particularly revealing about Americans’ behavior?

Assess the evidence. In general, the most reliable information is based on solid evidence. Just as police assess the evidence to discover who committed a crime, you must assess it to determine whether:

• the evidence is reliable, • the evidence supports the writer’s assertions, and • enough evidence has been provided to make a strong case.

The following list of pros and cons will help you determine the reliability of some of the most common types of evidence.

Type Pros Cons

Personal experience or examples

• Can be powerful: No one understands cancer, for example, like a person who has survived the disease.

• Is subjective: Two people can experience the same event very differently.

• May not offer enough examples to support a broad generalization.

Eyewitness reports

• May be powerful: Witnesses often have strong convictions that their memories are reliable.

• Are often inaccurate: Many studies have shown that memory is easily influenced.

• May be subjective: If two people see a man running from a burning building, one may think, “What a lucky man! He escaped from the burning building,” while the other may think, “That man started the fire.”

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T H I N K I N G A N D R E A D I N G C R I T I C A L L Y 77

ExERCISE 4.2 Evaluating Statements

Consider each of the following statements and the context in which it is made. List what types of information are missing that would help you weigh the evidence and evaluate the claim being made. What further types of evidence would you need to accept or reject the statement?

1. On the label of a bag of cookies: “CONTAINS 45% LESS FAT and 0 grams of TRANS FAT!”

2. In a printed campaign flyer for mayoral candidate Mary Johnson: “My opponent, Joe Smith, has been accused of serious conflicts of interest in the awarding of city contracts during his term as mayor.”

3. In large print on the cover of a novel you see at the supermarket checkout: “‘This novel is a . . . wild and exciting . . . ride through the rough­and­tumble days of the Gold Rush . . . full of . . . adventure and excitement. . . . Memorable.’ — New York Times”

Type Pros Cons

Surveys • May be highly reliable when conducted by expe- rienced researchers who collect responses from a wide array of subjects.

• May be misleadingly worded or administered inconsistently, or may include responses from too narrow a spectrum of respondents.

Data and statistics

• Tend to be collected by academic researchers and members of profes- sional research organiza- tions who try to be as objective and accurate as possible.

• Can be used in ways that hide the truth. Example: A soda company may claim that “90% of the people in a taste test preferred our cola to the competitor’s.” This may be true, but consider how many subjects were tested, whether the test was run in a neutral location, and so on.

Evidence from scientific experiments and studies

• Usually considered highly reliable because they are based on the scientific method, a set of procedures that researchers follow to investigate their hypotheses and test the results of other experi- ments and studies.

• May apply to only a narrow range of cases.

• Can be influenced by uncon- trollable factors. Example: Studies on drug safety are often contradictory.

• May reflect the economic or political biases of scientists conducting the study; occasion- ally, results may be falsified or outcomes misrepresented.

For more about analyzing data in graphics, see pp. 91–95.

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Distinguish fact from opinion. In order to determine whether an opinion has been adequately supported by facts, first you must be able to distinguish facts from opinions. The chart below will help:

Facts . . . Opinions . . .

. . . are objective statements of informa- tion that can be verified — that is, their truth can be established with evidence. Facts can be checked in trustworthy sources such as online dictionaries and Web reference sources like refdesk.com.

. . . are subjective — that is, they differ by individual. They make a claim based on attitudes, feelings, or beliefs. These claims cannot be established definitely as either true or false, at least at the present time. Often they put forth a particular position or agenda.

Examples Examples

• Many people who smoke marijuana do not go on to use more dangerous drugs.

• Texting while driving has caused many accidents.

• Marijuana use will probably be legal- ized in all fifty states by 2020.

• People who text while driving should be fined and have their driver’s licenses revoked.

When writers want to limit the extent of a claim, they often use qualifying words and phrases. For example, an expert on government debt may write, “It seems likely that Social Security payments will decline for future generations of Americans.” Using such words and phrases limits the writer’s responsibility for providing solid evidence to sup­ port the claim and allows other viewpoints to be acceptable.

ExERCISE 4.3 Distinguishing between Facts and Opinions

Label each of the following statements as fact (F) or opinion (O).

1. The best symphonies are shorter than twenty minutes. 2. About half the population of Uruguay lives in Montevideo. 3. More women earned doctoral degrees in engineering in 2012 than in 1995. 4. Private companies should not be allowed to operate concessions inside our national parks. 5. The mountains of northern Idaho contain the most scenic landscapes in the country.

ExERCISE 4.4 Writing Facts and Opinions

For two of the following topics, write one statement of fact and one statement of opinion.

1. voter turnout rates in presidential elections 2. alternative energy solutions 3. the Super Bowl

ANALYZE THE AUTHOR’S LANGUAGE Authors often convey their message through the language they use, choosing words to create impressions, express feelings, even shape the readers’ attitudes and feelings toward the topic. When analyzing language, be sure to consider denotative versus

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T H I N K I N G A N D R E A D I N G C R I T I C A L L Y 79

connotative meanings, figurative language, and euphemisms and doublespeak, as well as the writer’s overall tone.

Consider denotation versus connotation. A denotation is the literal meaning of a word. For example, the denotation of the word talking is “expressing ideas using speech.” A connotation is the set of additional meanings or associations that a word has taken on. Often a word’s connotation has a much stronger effect on readers or lis­ teners than its denotation does. The manner in which a politician talks to his or her audience might be described as “responding to ideas” (which carries a positive connota­ tion), “discussing ideas” (which is an objective­sounding statement of fact), or “rant­ ing” or “lecturing” (which gives readers a negative impression). As you read, ask yourself, “What effect is the writer’s word choices likely to have on readers?”

ExERCISE 4.5 Analyzing Denotation and Connotation

For each of the following words, think of one word with a similar denotation but a positive con- notation and another word with a similar denotation but a negative connotation.

• Example: Group (of people): positive connotation, audience; negative connotation, mob

1. choosy 2. cheap 3. thin 4. bold 5. walk

Assess figurative language. Figurative language is language used in a nonliteral way to create a striking impression. For example, “The teenage boy tore into his sand­ wich like a hyena into a fallen zebra” creates a stronger image and conveys a more meaningful description than, “He quickly ate his sandwich.” The four common types of figurative expressions are:

1. Personification: Giving an object human qualities or characteristics. For example, in the sentence, “The urn glared at me from the mantelpiece,” an urn (an inanimate object) is made to seem ominous.

2. Symbolism: Using one thing to represent something else. For instance, the White House is often considered a symbol of the United States. For many people, a car symbolizes freedom.

3. Simile: Comparing two items using the word like or as. For example, in Peter Pan, J. M. Barrie describes Mrs. Darling’s mind with the following simile: “Her romantic mind was like the tiny boxes, one within the other, that come from the puzzling East.”

4. Metaphor: Comparing two objects without using the word like or as. For example, Shakespeare wrote in Romeo and Juliet, “But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? / It is the east and Juliet is the sun.” Here the speaker compares Juliet to the sun.

Most writers use figurative language to add color and shades of meaning to their writ­ ing. Carefully chosen, figurative language can persuade or convey a certain impression.

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For example, a political party may use powerful patriotic images, such as the White House or the bald eagle, to convey the idea that their agenda is “what’s right for Amer­ ica.” In the quote from Peter Pan on page 79, the author uses figurative language to convey a strong impression of Mrs. Darling: Her mind is “romantic” (which may con­ note “unrealistic” or “out of touch”), and it is similar to tiny boxes from the “puzzling East.” Through this simile, Barrie implies that Mrs. Darling’s thought processes are puzzling to the people who know her.

When you encounter figurative language, ask yourself the following questions. • How does it affect the writer’s tone? • Does it advance the author’s agenda? • Does it reveal bias? • Is the author using figurative language to inform and delight or to hide

something?

ExERCISE 4.6 Recognizing Similes and Metaphors

Identify each of the following excerpts as a simile or metaphor and explain the items being compared. What is the tone of each excerpt? How does the figurative language help to convey a particular impression?

1. “She entered with ungainly struggle like some huge awkward chicken, torn, squawking, out of its coop.” — Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, “The Adventure of the Three Gables”

2. “Her father had inherited that temper; and at times, like antelope fleeing before fire on the slope, his people fled from his red rages.” — Zane Grey, Riders of the Purple Sage

3. “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? / Thou art more lovely and more temper­ ate.” — William Shakespeare, Sonnet 18

Identify euphemisms and doublespeak. A euphemism is a word or phrase that is used to avoid a word that is unpleasant, embarrassing, or otherwise objectionable. For example, many people think it is more considerate to say that a loved one “passed away” rather than “died.” Many people prefer the terms disabled and person with dis- abilities to the word handicapped.

Doublespeak is a type of euphemism that uses deliberately unclear or evasive lan­ guage to sugar­coat an unpleasant reality. As a critical thinker you should always be alert for it, particularly when reading about business and politics. For example, a gov­ ernment may say that it is engaging in enhanced interrogation when it is torturing prisoners; a corporation may tell employees that the company will be downsizing or smart-sizing instead of saying that some of them will be laid off.

Euphemisms and doublespeak use roundabout, indirect, or neutralized language to avoid stating the facts directly. Any time you encounter such language, your critical thinking skills should kick into gear. Ask yourself questions like these.

• What is the author trying to prevent me from knowing? • Why is the author hiding something: to spare my feelings, avoid personal

embarrassment, hide something nasty about the author or the group the author represents?

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T H I N K I N G A N D R E A D I N G C R I T I C A L L Y 81

ExERCISE 4.7 Recognizing Euphemisms and Doublespeak

Answer each of the following questions.

1. The media often report about people from other countries who come to the United States without permission from the U.S. government or who stay here after their per­ mission to visit has expired. Two terms are used to refer to these people: illegal aliens and undocumented immigrants. Discuss which term seems to have a more negative con­ notation and which seems more neutral. Why does each term carry the connotations it does? Is the more neutral term a euphemism? Why or why not?

2. Working with a classmate, brainstorm a list of euphemisms and doublespeak currently in use in the media. Be prepared to share your list with the class.

Analyze the author’s tone. Tone refers to how a writer sounds to readers, and it is influenced by how the writer feels about his or her topic and readers and the language the writer uses to convey that attitude.

Tone is constructed primarily by: • choosing words with the appropriate connotation, • using figurative language effectively, • using euphemism and doublespeak, and • using stylistic features such as sentence patterns and length to lend emphasis.

Using these strategies effectively, a writer can communicate surprise, disapproval, disgust, admiration, gratitude, or amusement. These are just a few of the words com­ monly used to describe tone; Table 4.1 lists many others. Recognizing an author’s tone will help you interpret and evaluate the message and its effect on you.

TAbLE 4.1 Words Commonly Used to Describe Tone

angry detached impassioned objective

arrogant earnest indignant sarcastic

bitter forgiving informative serious

compassionate frustrated joyful sympathetic

condescending hateful mocking worried

ExERCISE 4.8 Analyzing Tone

Read each of the following statements and describe its tone. Which words in the statement provide clues to the tone? (Refer to Table 4.1 if necessary.)

1. Do you eat canned tuna? Then you are at least partially responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocent dolphins, which are mercilessly slaughtered by fishermen in their quest for tuna.

2. The penalty for creating and launching a computer virus should include a personal apol­ ogy to every person who was affected by the virus, and each apology should be typed — without errors! — on a manual typewriter.

For more on sentence patterns and length, see Chapter 10, p. 197.

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3. Piles of solid waste threaten to ruin our environment, pointing to the urgent need for better disposal methods and strategies for lowering the rate of waste generation.

4. All poets seek to convey emotion and the complete range of human feeling, but the only poet who fully accomplished this goal was William Shakespeare.

ExERCISE 4.9 Experimenting with Tone

Consider the following situation: A developer has received permission to bulldoze an entire city block filled with burned-out tenement buildings and abandoned factories. In their place, the developer is going to build a community of 300 upscale condominiums for people who work in the city and want to live close to their jobs.

Write three different sentences (or paragraphs) that react to this news. Make the tone of your first sentence outraged. Make the tone of your second sentence joyful. Make the tone of your third sentence nostalgic.

ANALYZE THE AUTHOR’S ASSUMPTIONS, GENERALIZATIONS, AND OMISSIONS Authors make decisions or take short cuts that can influence readers’ understanding. For example, they make assumptions and generalizations, and they decide which information to include or exclude. As a critical reader, you should analyze the author’s assumptions and assess whether the generalizations the author makes are fair and whether he or she omits any information that is important to a full understanding of the subject.

Recognize the author’s assumptions. An assumption is an idea or principle the writer accepts as true and makes no effort to prove. Often the writer implies assump­ tions rather than stating them directly.

Some assumptions are fair and reasonable; others are not. For example, it is reason­ able to assume that most of the people who read People magazine are interested in celeb­ rities. It is not reasonable to assume that readers of People magazine are Republicans.

Assumptions can be based on any combination of the following: • anecdotal evidence, • facts, • opinions, • religious beliefs, • personal experiences, and • background.

Writers often make assumptions at the beginning of an essay and then base the rest of the essay on that assumption. If the assumption is false or cannot be proven, then

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T H I N K I N G A N D R E A D I N G C R I T I C A L L Y 83

the ideas that flow from it may also be incorrect. For instance, the following excerpt begins with an assumption (highlighted) that the writer makes no attempt to prove or justify.

Childbirth is a painful experience, intolerable even with appropriate medica­ tions. In response to this pain, modern women should accept the painkillers offered to them by their doctors. Why be a martyr? You have to suffer sleepless nights because of your child for the rest of your life; bring them into this world on your terms — pain free. Women should not be embarrassed or reluctant to request anes­ thesia during labor.

The author assumes that all women find childbirth intolerably painful and then argues that women should request anesthesia during labor. But if the writer’s initial assump­ tion is false, much of the argument that follows should be questioned.

As you read, identify the author’s assumptions (especially those at the start of an essay) and then decide whether these assumptions are realistic and reasonable by asking questions like these.

• How do these assumptions reinforce or challenge social norms (or standards)? • What effects do these assumptions have on the essay? • What information, if any, would raise doubts about this assumption?

The answers to these questions will help you determine whether arguments or opinions based on these assumptions make sense. If you disagree with some of the assumptions in a source, check other sources to obtain different viewpoints.

ExERCISE 4.10 Identifying Assumptions

Each of the following statements contains one or more assumptions. Identify the assumption(s) made in each statement.

1. Computer users expect Web sites to entertain them with graphics, sound, and video. 2. In response to the problem of ozone depletion, the U.S. Environmental Protection

Agency has designed various programs to reduce harmful emissions. It wants to stop the production of certain substances so that the ozone layer can repair itself over the next fifty years.

3. Only the routine vaccination of all children can eliminate the threat of serious disease and ensure optimum public health. These shots should be administered without hesi­ tation. Parents must have full confidence in their doctors on this matter.

4. Since so many athletes and coaches approve of the use of performance­enhancing drugs, these substances should be allowed without regulation.

5. Because they recognize that meat consumption is environmentally damaging, environ­ mentalists are often vegetarians.

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ExERCISE 4.11 Identifying Assumptions in a Reading

Reread “American Jerk” on pages 49–50. What assumptions does the author make in the first four paragraphs of the essay?

Assess the author’s generalizations. A generalization is a claim based on one or more specific examples and applied more widely. Many writers generalize to argue a point, and generalizations may be reasonable or not. They are unreasonable when they are based on too little evidence or when all the variables are not taken into consider­ ation (hasty generalization) and also when the conclusion is applied more widely than the evidence supports (sweeping generalization). Here’s an obvious example of sweep­ ing generalization: A woman who feels unfulfilled in her emotional life divorces her husband, leaves her children, and decides to travel the world. As she travels, she learns more about herself and falls in love with a new man. Based on this one woman’s experi­ ence, is it safe to assume that all women in search of a richer emotional life should leave their husbands and travel the world? Of course not.

Most generalizations, however, are not so clearly reasonable or unreasonable. Imagine you are reading an article by a writer who argues that cars should be prohibited in con­ gested cities. To support this claim, the writer cites studies showing the benefits of ban­ ning cars in three European cities. Is such a generalization fair? The reader must decide whether these three case studies provide sufficient evidence for such a generalization.

When assessing generalizations, ask yourself the following questions to determine whether such generalizations are justified.

• How many examples has the author provided? • Are these examples representative of the situation? That is, do the examples

represent most people’s experiences? • Can the generalization be proved scientifically? In other words, is there a scien­

tific consensus about the generalization?

Generalizations can provide many ideas for your own writing. An essay might respond to a generalization, looking at the evidence that supports it and the evidence that con­ tradicts it. A research paper might include details about what others have said about the topic.

ExERCISE 4.12 Identifying Generalizations

Label each of the following statements fact (F) or generalization (G). Indicate what support or documentation would be necessary for you to evaluate its accuracy.

1. Many women want to become pilots. 2. Elephants can vocalize at frequencies below the range of human hearing. 3. In certain parts of the Red Sea, the temperature of the water can reach 138 degrees

Fahrenheit. 4. Most people who live in San Diego are associated with the U.S. Navy. 5. People all over the world showed sympathy by donating money to survivors of Hurri­

cane Sandy.

For more about problems of logical reasoning, see Chapter 20, pp. 517–18.

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T H I N K I N G A N D R E A D I N G C R I T I C A L L Y 85

Look for purposeful omissions. Writers and speakers sometimes mislead by omission.

• They leave out essential information, background, or context, or include only the details that favor their position.

• They adopt the passive voice to avoid taking or assigning responsibility for an action (a decision was made).

• They use vague nouns and pronouns to avoid specifying exactly what or whom they are referring to (they are bleeding our city’s coffers dry).

Consider an article written by a parent who has home­schooled her children. As an advocate of home schooling, she is likely to emphasize her children’s educational prog­ ress and her own sense of personal fulfillment achieved by teaching her children. How­ ever, she may omit information — for example, that home­schooled children sometimes feel lonely or isolated from their peers. She also may refer to home school­ ing as “better” for children without specifying exactly what it is better than (her local public school, public schools in general, or any kind of school) or in what ways it is better.

Regardless of what you are reading, ask yourself the following questions to be sure you are getting full and complete information.

• Has any important information or contradictory evidence been omitted? What, if anything, am I not being told?

• Is it clear to whom actions or thoughts are being attributed? If not, why not? • Is there another side to this argument or aspect to this topic that I should

consider? • Based on my own knowledge and experience, how do I evaluate this material?

To answer these questions, you may need to do some additional reading or research.

ExERCISE 4.13 Identifying Purposeful Omissions

Read the following scenarios and determine what information is being withheld from you. What additional information do you need to determine whether you are being misled?

1. You see a TV ad for a fast­food restaurant that shows a huge hamburger topped with pickles, onions, and tomatoes. The announcer says, “For a limited time, get your favor­ ite burger for only 99 cents!”

2. You open your mailbox and find a letter from a credit­card company. The letter invites you to open a charge card with no annual fee and offers you instant credit if you return the attached card in a postage­paid envelope.

3. You get an offer from a DVD club that appears to be a good deal. As part of your intro­ ductory package, you can buy five DVDs for only ninety­nine cents, plus shipping and handling.

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USE THE PATTERNS OF DEVELOPMENT TO THINK AND READ CRITICALLY The patterns you will learn to identify and use in Part 3 suggest useful questions for critical reading, questions that highlight aspects of the reading selection you might not otherwise have considered.

Pattern Questions

Narration (recounting events)

• Were any events glided over or given special emphasis? If so, why?

• What events in your life experience confirm or chal- lenge the writer’s ideas?

• Were any of the events surprising or unconvincing? Why?

Description (painting a mental picture)

• Why did the author choose the particular sensory images used?

• What was the effect of these details on the reader?

Illustration (explaining by example)

• Why were these examples, and not others, chosen? • Are the examples representative? Are they relevant?

Process analysis (explaining how something works or is done)

• Why is the process worth knowing? • Were any steps missing or over- (under-) developed?

Comparison and contrast (showing similarities and differences)

• Why did the author choose to focus on these simi- larities or differences? What makes them unique, important, or surprising?

• How is what the author describes similar to or different from your own experience?

Classification or division (explaining by categories or parts)

• Why is it useful to classify or divide this topic? • What categories or parts does the author identify?

Were any of them surprising? • Were each of the categories or parts equally

convincing?

Definition (explaining what you mean)

• What terms were defined? Are the definitions clear and objective? Were any of the definitions surprising?

Cause and effect (using reasons and results to explain)

• What are the relationships among the events described in the reading?

• What else could have been a cause (or effect)? • Could the causes or effects just have happened at

the same time by coincidence or for some other reason the writer does not investigate?

Refer back to this list as you work through readings in the remainder of the book. Each chapter in Part 3 includes a section called “Thinking Critically about [the

name of pattern].” These sections explore in more depth the concerns critical readers

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T H I N K I N G A N D R E A D I N G C R I T I C A L L Y 87

and thinkers should address as they analyze and evaluate readings using each pattern.

ExERCISE 4.14 Identifying bias in a Reading Selection

Reread the excerpt from “American Jerk” in Exercise 4.1. Using the techniques described in “Analyze the Author’s Language,” write a paragraph explaining whether you detect hidden bias in the selection or whether the writer makes clear that he is expressing only one viewpoint among others. If you detect bias, point to purposeful omissions or other strategies (such as his word choices) the writer uses to hide his biases. If you do not, explain why you feel the excerpt is not biased.

USE SYNTHESIS TO THINK AND READ CRITICALLY At times you may realize that you do not have sufficient knowledge or experience to analyze and evaluate an author’s ideas. In such cases, you may need to locate additional sources to fill in the gaps, provide additional viewpoints, challenge the author’s assump­ tions or speculations, or offer more detailed evidence. When you synthesize informa­ tion from sources to assess or challenge a writer’s assumptions or claims, you must do two things.

1. Synthesize, or merge, information from sources with your existing, but limited, knowledge and experience.

2. Test the evidence or claims from the original reading against your own experi­ ence and what you’ve learned from the new sources.

Use the following questions as guidelines. • On what do two or more of the sources agree? On what, if anything, do they

disagree? • What new information or perspectives did you encounter? Did they reinforce or

challenge information or ideas in the other source(s)? • In what ways do the new sources help you understand the original reading? Do

they provide context, expand upon a topic, or challenge the writer’s interpreta­ tion, for example?

ExERCISE 4.15 Synthesizing Your Skills

As a cumulative activity and to synthesize all the critical thinking strategies you have learned in this chapter, refer to the reading “Superhero or Supervillain?” (Chapter 3, pp. 65–68) to answer the following questions.

1. Using the information you find in the introduction to the reading and in the reading itself, evaluate Will Oremus’s qualifications to write about human enhancement technologies.

2. What types of evidence does Oremus use to support his ideas? Give several examples, and explain in a sentence or two whether the evidence is relevant.

3. List at least two inferences Oremus makes and at least one inference the researchers he discusses make. Identify at least three statements of fact and three statements of opinion.

4. Identify at least five words with positive or negative connotations.

See Chapter 23, p. 592, for more about synthesis.

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5. Describe the author’s tone. What effect does the tone have on you as a reader? How effective do you find it?

6. Identify at least one assumption the author makes. 7. What generalizations does the author make? List two. 8. What additional information would you need to evaluate Oremus’s claims about the

likelihood of certain kinds of superpowers being used for good or evil? 9. Based on your analysis, do you think Oremus seems fair or biased? Write a paragraph

justifying your answer.

REA DING VISUALS C RITICALLY Visuals appear everywhere — on television and in movies; in magazines, newspapers, textbooks, and presentation slides; on signs, flyers, and billboards; in print and online. They may appear on their own, but often they are combined with text to make a mes­ sage even more effective. Visuals are used so widely because they can convey informa­ tion and impressions, sell products and ideas, raise questions, and trigger emotions. Because they are so powerful, make sure you study them as carefully as you read, ana­ lyze, and evaluate written text. You should also choose them carefully when you use them in your own essays.

Consider, for example, the public service advertisement (PSA) from LoveIsRespect.org. What did you notice first? Perhaps you noticed the headline with its shocking statistic: “Dating Abuse Affects 1 in 3 Young People.” Or perhaps you noticed the photo­ graphs of hands holding speech bubbles telling viewers what love really is (“the closest thing we have to magic,” “caring enough to ask,” “respect,” “playing fair”). Or maybe the white shape in the bottom­left corner caught your eye, with its message: “Connect NOW!”

Whatever you noticed first, second, or third, when you put the text and images together, you recognized the purpose of the ad: to help young people who may be involved in abusive relation­ ships understand what a loving relationship should be all about and to provide them with help to

For more on using visuals in your writing, see Chapter 6, pp. 128–30.

Courtesy of loveisrespect.org and the National Domestic Violence Hotline

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R E A D I N G V I S U A L S C R I T I C A L L Y 89

“break the cycle.” The design, the colors, the headline contrasting with the photos arranged in the shape of a heart below: Together these elements make a dramatic state­ ment about love and self­respect. By combining words and images, this PSA makes the issue of dating abuse much more compelling and engaging than it would have been with written text alone.

TAbLE 4.2 Analyzing Photographs Guidelines for reading photographs actively and critically

1. Preview the visual. What is its main subject? What did you notice first, and how did it affect you?

2. Study the visual as a whole, and then examine its parts. What is its focal point? What details appear in the foreground and the background? (If you are a verbal learner, translating the photo into words may be helpful.) Is it a close-up or a distance shot? (Close-ups may reveal emotions; distance shots provide more context.)

3. Read the caption and any accompanying text, consider the context, and make connections. What information about time, place, or subject is provided? What does the author want to emphasize? How does the photo relate to the ideas presented in the surrounding text? What happened before or after the photo was taken? Is any other context provided?

4. Determine the author’s purpose and intended message. Is the purpose to inform, amuse, shock, persuade, or some combination of these or other motives? Is the photo intended to elicit a powerful reaction from viewers or to provide information?

Learning Style Options

READING PHOTOGRAPHS ACTIVELY Use the guidelines in Table. 4.2 when reading photographs and any words (a caption, labels, slogans, text) that accompany them. What do you learn when you apply them to the photo­ graph in Figure 4.1?

FIGURE 4.1 Reading Happens Anytime, Anywhere © Hola/Superstock RF

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ExERCISE 4.16 Analyzing a Textbook Photo

Analyze Figure 4.2, using the guidelines in Table 4.2 on p. 89. Then answer the following questions.

1. Describe your first impression of the photo. 2. Summarize what is happening in the photo. What details convey this impression? Is it a

close­up or distance shot? What is revealed (or hidden) about the subject of the photo­ graph as a result?

3. What does the caption or any context contribute to your understanding of the photo? (This photograph appeared in an economics textbook in a chapter titled “Factor Mar­ kets and Distribution of Income.”)

4. Why did the author include this photo? Does it reveal any assumptions or biases? 5. Does the photo look staged, edited, or touched up? If so, what details convey this

impression? 6. Does the photo achieve the author’s purpose? What other kinds of photos or visuals

might the writer have used to make the same point? (Provide reasons or use details from the photograph to support your claim.)

FIGURE 4.2 The Value of a Degree If you have doubts about completing college, consider this: Factory workers with high school diplomas earn much less than college graduates. The present discounted value of the difference in lifetime earnings is as much as $1 million. © Monika Graff/The Image Works

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R E A D I N G V I S U A L S C R I T I C A L L Y 91

ExERCISE 4.17 Writing about Photos

Examine one of the photographs that accompanies the reading “Superhero or Supervillain?” in Chapter 3 (pp. 65–68), or another reading chosen by your instructor. Then write a paragraph explaining what the photo shows and analyzing the factors that contribute to the impression it makes.

READING GRAPHICS ACTIVELY Graphics organize and condense information, making lengthy or complicated data and concepts easier to understand. Writers use many types of graphics; the purpose of each of the common types is summarized in Table 4.3.

TAbLE 4.3 Graphics and Their Purposes

Type of Graphic Purpose Example

Pie (circle) chart

56%

26%

11%

5% 2%

To show the relation- ships among parts of a whole; to show how given parts of a unit are divided or classified

A chart showing the propor- tions of different racial and ethnic groups in the U.S. population

Bar graphs To make comparisons between quantities or amounts

A graph comparing the number of calories needed by men and women leading sedentary lives

Line graphs

0

5

10

15

20

25

30

To show changes in a variable over time or to compare relation- ships between two or more variables

A graph showing variations in quiz scores

Tables Table 2-1: Daily Calories

Age

20-25

26-35

36-50

51-75

76+

Men

1800

2200

2400

2200

2000

Women

1600

1800

2000

1800

1600

To organize and condense data; to compare and classify information

A table showing how many calories men and women need daily for various age groups with either an active or a sedentary lifestyle

Diagrams and flowcharts ConclusionTitleIntroduction

Body Paragraphs

To explain processes or procedures or show how things work

A diagram showing the parts of an essay

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Use the guidelines in Table 4.4 when analyzing graphics and any words (a caption, labels, slogans, text) that accompany them.

TAbLE 4.4 Analyzing Graphics

Guidelines for reading tables and charts actively and critically

1. Preview the table or chart. Read the title and caption (if any) and look quickly at the table or chart. What is it supposed to show?

2. Look at the headings (of tables/charts), labels (of figures), and legends (of charts/ figures) to determine how the data are organized. The headings and labels should indicate the variables. The legend (or guide to the colors, symbols, terms, or other information) should show what is being analyzed. A scale shows how measurements should be read.

3. Read the caption (if any) and any discussion of the graphic in the text, and make connections. Does the text explain why the graphic was included or what it is intended to show? (If not, make your own connections between the text and graphic.) To understand a complicated graphic, you may need to study the text and graphic carefully several times. Read the whole explanation in the text before looking back at the graphic.

4. Study the data to try to identify trends or patterns. Note unexpected changes (such as sudden increases or decreases in amounts), surprising statistics, or unex- plained variations. Summarize any trends and note any patterns you find. Writing will crystallize the idea in your mind, and your notes will be useful for review.

5. Check the source of the data. Are the data from a reliable source? Are they up to date?

ExERCISE 4.18 Analyzing a Table

Use the guidelines in Table 4.4 to analyze Table 4.5.

TAbLE 4.5 U.S. Household Internet Usage by Age, 2011

Age of householder

Internet use at home (%)

Dial-up at home (%)

broadband at home (%)

Internet use anywhere (%)

No Internet use anywhere (%)

Under 25 69.53 1.18 66.68 85.09 14.91

25 to 34 77.75 1.36 75.33 87.35 12.65

35 to 44 81.86 1.53 79.45 89.55 10.45

45 to 54 77.93 2.43 74.59 84.44 15.56

55 years + 61.68 3.05 58.00 66.21 33.79

Source: U.S. Department of Commerce, National Telecommunications and Information Administration, Exploring the Digital Nation: America’s Emerging Online Experience, June 2013. See also <http://www.ntia.doc.gov/report>. Based on the July 2011 Current Population Survey Computer and Internet Use Supplement. See text, Section 1 and Appendix III. For more information: http://www.ntia.doc.gov/report/2013/ exploring-digital-nation-americas-emerging-online-experience

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ExERCISE 4.19 Working with Tables and Figures

Study the figure below, which converts some of the data from Table 4.5 into a line graph, and answer the following questions.

0.00 Under 25 25 to 34 35 to 44 45 to 54 55 years+

20.00

40.00

60.00

80.00

100.00

1. Compare this figure with Table 4.5. What variables does this figure use? Which data from that table were used to create this figure?

2. What title would you give this figure? The title should accurately describe the informa­ tion conveyed by the figure.

3. Write a caption for this figure that accurately describes the trend(s) it shows.

THINKING CRITICALLY AbOUT PHOTOS AND GRAPHICS Just as you should critically examine all the words you read, you should also critically examine all visuals that accompany a reading. Photographs and graphics may reflect bias or distort information, either intentionally or unintentionally. For example, an author may choose more or less powerful photographs demonstrating one side of an issue or another. (See Figure 4.3 below.)

FIGURE 4.3 The power of pictures

Disabled Army veteran Jim Champion at a hearing on medical marijuana at the Illinois State Capitol, May 8, 2013. Champion hopes his story will help convince Illinois’s governor, Pat Quinn, to legalize medical marijuana in his state. AP Photo/Seth Perlman

Marijuana advocates march along Monroe Center in downtown Grand Rapids, Thursday, December 6, 2012. Kent County prosecutor William Forsyth recently filed a lawsuit to block a voter-approved city amendment to decriminalize marijuana. AP Photo/The Grand Rapids Press, Ciry Morse

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Or an author may crop a photo to distort the viewer’s perception. Compare the photographs in Figure 4.4. These photos show a rally to free thirty Greenpeace activists who were arrested for piracy by Russia. The photo on the left provides a clear sense of the size of the rally, whereas the photo above, taken from a different angle and cropped tight, could mislead some readers into believing the rally was more extensive than it really was. The close­up of the activists’ photos is also likely to make viewers more sympathetic.

When reading graphics, consider also whether show­ ing the data in a different type of graphic would change the reader’s perception of the information. Compare

Figure 4.5 (below), with the figure in Exercise 4.19 (p. 93). The downward­slanting line may suggest a greater difference in usage by age group than the bar graph suggests.

FIGURE 4.4 Cropping photographs to affect viewers’ reactions © John Hasselt/Corbis

Percentage of U.S. Households Using the Internet, by Age (2011)

0.00 Under 25 25 to 34 35 to 44 45 to 54 55 years+

20.00

40.00

60.00

80.00

100.00

FIGURE 4.5 Shaping readers’ perceptions through depiction of the data

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R E A D I N G V I S U A L S C R I T I C A L L Y 95

Finally, consider whether the scale or units of measurement are misleading in any way. Reducing the scale, for example, can make differences seem huge, and expanding the scale can make them seem tiny. Compare the bar graph in Figure 4.6 with that in Figure 4.5 (on the previous page). The data used in both charts are the same, but because the chart below reduces the scale, it looks as if the difference between the groups is more dramatic than it is.

Under 25 25 to 34 35 to 44 45 to 54 55 years+ 60.00

80.00

100.00

FIGURE 4.6 Misleading by adjusting the scale

Be especially careful when pictures are used in graphics instead of lines or bars (Fig­ ure 4.7). The labels in this graphic clearly indicate that more U.S. households own dogs (36.5%) than own cats (30.4%). But the relative size of the two animals suggests that the percentage difference is much greater than 6.1% (36.5–30.4%). If you looked only at the images, you might assume that dog ownership is much greater than it really is. You might also reasonably conclude that there are more pet dogs than pet cats in the United States, but the labels indicate that the pictures represent households that own at least one cat or dog. Some households may own two, six, or even ten cats. In fact, as of 2013 the American Pet Products Association estimates that there were over 10 million more pet cats than pet dogs in the United States. But you wouldn’t know this from a glance at this graphic.

FIGURE 4.7 Cat and Dog Ownership in the United States Source: American Pet Products Association, American Veterinary Medicine Association, and The Humane Society of the United States. http://www.humanesociety.org/issues/pet_overpopulation/facts/pet_ownership_statistics .html, https://www.avma.org/KB/Resources/Statistics/Pages/Market-research-statistics-US-pet-ownership.aspx © Benjamin Simeneta/Shutterstock.com; © ARTSILENCE/Shutterstock.com

0 30.4% of U.S. households

own at least one cat 36.5% of U.S. households

own at least one dog

5

10

15

20

25

30

35

40

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© Creative RF/iStockphoto/Getty

5 Prewriting: How to Find and Focus Ideas 98

6 Developing and Supporting a Thesis 118

7 Drafting an Essay 138

8 Writing Effective Paragraphs 159

9 Revising Content and Organization 174

10 Editing Sentences and Words 194

p a r t t w o

Strategies for Writing Essays

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S W R I T I N G Q U I C K S T A R T

98

© Caro/Alamy

tudy the photo on this page. What is hap-

pening? What do you think the man could be

reacting to? Write whatever comes to mind.

You might write about times when you’ve

felt the same emotions you think the man is

expressing, or about times when you’ve seen

others express strong emotions in public.

Try to write nonstop for at least five minutes.

Don’t stop to evaluate your writing or worry

about grammar. Just record your thoughts.

You have just used freewriting, a method

of discovering ideas about a topic by writing

without stopping for a set period of time.

Read over what you wrote. Suppose you

are now asked to write an essay about joy

or exuberance. Do you see some starting

points and usable ideas in your freewriting?

Generating ideas, considering your writing

situation (your purpose, audience, point of

view, and genre), and choosing and narrowing

a topic are all part of the writing process, as

illustrated in Figure 5.1 (p. 100). Although

writing is often described as a step-by-

step process, writers often move back and

forth between the steps and return to an

earlier step to cut and paste material they

previously developed. This movement is des-

ignated by arrows pointing in both directions

in the figure.

Prewriting How to Find and Focus Ideas5

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macmillanhighered.com/successfulwriting LearningCurve > Topics and Main Ideas

99

CHOOSING A TOPIC In some writing situations, your instructor will assign the topic. In others, your instruc- tor will allow you to choose your own topic, perhaps selecting from a number of pos- sibilities. When you choose your own topic, don’t just grab the first one that comes to mind. Rather, look for a topic that

• is appropriate to the assignment, • you know something about or want to learn about, and • will maintain your interest.

In addition to Internet browsing to search for a topic, don’t overlook topics discussed in your classes or related to your entries in your writing journal, daily activities such as sports or social events, programs you’ve heard or seen on radio or television, or the world around you: people, objects, and social interactions.

Essay in Progress 1 List at least three broad essay topics.

NARROWING A TOPIC Once you have chosen a topic, narrow it to make it manageable within the required length of your essay. For example, if you are assigned a two- to four-page essay, a broad topic such as divorce is too large. However, you might write about one specific cause of divorce or its effects on children. Skipping this step is one of the biggest mistakes you can make. You can waste a great deal of time working on an essay only to discover later that the topic is too broad.

To narrow a topic, limit it to a specific part or aspect. Two techniques — branching and questioning — will help you. The idea-generating techniques covered later in the chapter (pp. 107–16) may also be used to narrow a broad topic.

For more on keeping a journal, see Chapter 2, pp. 29–30, and Chapter 3, pp. 57–58.

I N T H I S C H A P T E R Y O U W I l l l E A R N T O

• choose and narrow a topic,

• consider audience, purpose, point of view, genre, and medium, and

• discover ideas to write about.

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FIGURE 5.1 An Overview of the Writing Process

• Decide which point of view would be most appropriate for your audience

• Consider which point of view will enable you to present your topic most effectively

Choosing a Point of View

• See Chapter 9Revising

• See Chapters 7 and 8Drafting

Developing and Supporting Your Thesis

• See Chapter 6

• Freewrite • Map • Brainstorm on your own or in a group • Ask questions • Use patterns of development • Visualize and sketch • Research your topic

Discovering Ideas to Write About

• Decide why you are writing • Decide whom you are writing for

Determining Your Purpose and Considering Your Audience

• Use a branching diagram • Ask questions

Narrowing Your Topic

• See Chapter 10Editing and Proofreading

• Take the time necessary to choose a good topic

• Use a journal • Brainstorm with a friend • Consult Table 5.1 (p. 107)

Choosing a Topic

• Think about the requirements of the genre • Look at other successful writing projects (for

example, Web pages created by colleagues or essays written by classmates)

• Decide on the most appropriate medium for your writing project (a Web page for a community service project, an online presentation for your speech class, a “paper” submitted digitally or in print for your composition class)

Considering the Genre and Medium

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N A R R O W I N G A T O P I C 101

USING A bRANCHING DIAGRAM Start by writing your broad topic at the far left side of your paper or computer screen. Then subdivide the topic into three or more subcategories or aspects. Here is an exam- ple for the broad topic of wild-game hunting.

Wild-game hunting As source of food

Sport hunting

Hunting accidents

Then choose one subcategory and subdivide it further, as shown here.

Hunting safaris

Effects on environment

As moral issue

As leisure activity

As issue of animal rights

Sport hunting

Continue narrowing the topic in this way until you feel you have found one that is interesting, appropriate to your assignment, and manageable. The following example shows narrowed topics that would be workable for a two- to four-page essay on the effects of sport hunting on the environment.

Effects on environment

Hunters may spoil pristine wilderness areas.

Prized species may become endangered.

Regulated hunting helps control animal populations.

Note: Did you notice that as the narrowing progressed, the topics changed from words and phrases to statements of ideas?

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Once you begin planning, researching, and drafting your essay, you may need to narrow your topic even further.

EXERCISE 5.1 branching

Use branching diagrams to narrow three of the following broad topics to more manageable topics for a two- to four-page essay.

1. Manned space travel 2. School lunches 3. Air travel safety measures 4. Campaign finance rules 5. Alternative energy sources

Essay in Progress 2 Narrow one of the broad topics you chose in Essay in Progress 1 to a topic manage- able for a two- to four-page essay.

ASKING QUESTIONS TO NARROW A bROAD TOPIC Use questions that begin with who, what, where, when, why, and how to narrow your topic. Questioning will lead you to consider and focus your attention on specific aspects of the topic. Here is an example of questioning for the broad topic of divorce:

Questions Narrowed Topics

Why does divorce occur? • Lifestyle differences as a cause of divorce

• Infidelity as a cause of divorce

How do couples divide their property? • Division of assets after a divorce

Who can help couples work through a divorce?

• Role of friends and family • Role of mediator • Role of attorney

What are the effects of divorce on children?

• Emotional effects of divorce on children • Financial effects of divorce on children

When might it be advisable for a couple considering divorce to remain married?

• Couples who stay together for the sake of their children

• Financial benefit of remaining married

Sometimes you may need to ask additional questions to limit the topic sufficiently. The topic “emotional effects of divorce on children,” for example, is still too broad for an essay. Asking questions such as “What are the most common emotional effects?” and “How can divorcing parents prevent emotional problems in their children?” can lead to more specific topics.

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EXERCISE 5.2 Questioning

Use questioning to narrow three of the following subjects to topics that would be manageable within a two- to four-page essay.

1. Senior citizens 2. Mental illness 3. Environmental protection

4. Cyberbullying 5. Television programming

THINKING AbOUT YOUR WRITING SITUATION Once you have decided on a manageable topic, you are ready to consider your writing situation: Your purpose, audience, point of view, genre, and medium.

DETERMINING YOUR PURPOSE A well-written essay should have a specific purpose or goal. There are three main pur- poses for writing.

1. To express yourself: For example, to express the writer’s feelings about an inci- dent of road rage that he or she observed.

2. To inform your reader: For example, to inform readers about the primary causes of road rage.

3. To persuade your reader: For example, to persuade readers to vote for funding to investigate the problem of road rage in the community.

To identify your purpose, ask yourself the following questions. 1. Why am I writing this essay? 2. What do I want this essay to accomplish?

Some essays can have more than one purpose. An essay on snowboarding, for example, could be both informative and persuasive: It could explain the benefits of snowboard- ing and urge readers to take up the sport because it is good exercise.

CONSIDERING YOUR AUDIENCE Considering your audience (the people who will read your essay) is an important part of the writing process. Many aspects of your writing — how you express yourself, which words you choose, which details and examples you include, which types of sentences you use, and what attitude you take toward your topic — depend on the audience. Your tone (how you sound to your audience) is especially important. If you want your audi- ence to feel comfortable with your writing, you need to write in a manner that your readers can understand and that appeals to them.

For more on tone, see Chapter 4, p. 81.

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If you were describing a student orientation session to a friend, you would use a dif- ferent tone and select different details than you would if you were describing the orien- tation in an article for the student newspaper:

Telling a Friend Writing for the Student Newspaper

Remember I told you how nervous I am about attending college in the fall? Well, guess what? I went to my student orientation over the weekend, and it was much better than I expected! I even met one of my teachers — they call them “instructors” here — and he was so nice and down-to-earth that now I’m starting to get excited about going to college.

College student orientations are often thought to be stuffy affairs where prospective students attempt to mix with aloof professors. For this reason, I am pleased to report that the college orientation held on campus last weekend was a major success and not a point- less endeavor after all. Along with my fellow incoming first-year students, I was impressed with the friendliness of instruc- tors and the camaraderie that developed between students and faculty.

language: casual Sentence Structure: shorter sentences Tone: familiar, friendly

language: more formal Sentence Structure: longer sentences Tone: serious, formal

How to consider your audience. As you consider your audience, keep the follow- ing points in mind.

• Your readers are not present and cannot observe or participate in what you are writing about. If you are writing about your apartment, for example, they cannot visualize it unless you describe it in detail.

• Your readers do not know everything you know. They may not have the same knowledge about and experience with the topic that you do, so you will have to define specialized terms, for example, if readers are unlikely to know what they mean.

• Your readers may not share your opinions and values. If you are writing about raising children and assume that strict discipline is undesirable, for example, some readers may not agree with you.

• Your readers may not respond in the same way you do to situations or issues. Some readers may not see any humor in a situation that you find funny. An issue that you consider only mildly disturbing may upset or anger some readers.

For a helpful list of questions you can ask to analyze your audience, consult the box on the next page.

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A NA lYzING YOUR A UDIENC E

When analyzing your audience, ask yourself the following questions:

• What does my audience know (or not know) about my topic? If you are pro- posing a community garden project to an audience of city residents who know little about gardening, you will need to describe the pleasures and benefits of gardening to capture their interest.

• What is the education, background, and experience of my audience? If you are writing your garden-project proposal for an audience of low-income resi- dents, you might emphasize how much money they could save by growing veg- etables, and if you are proposing the project to middle-income residents, you might stress is how relaxing gardening can be and how a garden can beautify a neighborhood.

• What attitudes, beliefs, opinions, or biases are my audience likely to hold? Suppose your audience believes that most development is harmful to the envi- ronment. If you are writing an essay urging your audience to sponsor a new community garden, consider emphasizing how the garden will benefit the envi- ronment and decrease development.

• What tone do my readers expect? Suppose you are writing to your local city council urging council members to approve the community garden. Although the council has been stalling on the issue, your tone should be serious and not accusatory. As community leaders, the council members expect to be treated with respect.

• What tone will help me achieve my purpose? If you are writing to your city counselor to urge her to support the community garden, a respectful tone is more likely to achieve your goal than a hostile one.

Considering your audience when it is composed of one person: your instructor. Instructors occasionally direct students to write for a particular audience, such as readers of a certain magazine or newspaper, but you can often assume that your main audience is your instructor. In most cases, it is best to write as if your instructor were unfamiliar with your topic. He or she wants to see if you understand the topic and can write and think clearly about it. For academic papers, provide enough information to demonstrate your knowledge of the subject (including background information, definitions of technical terms, and relevant details), make sure your essay is clear and understandable, maintain a reasonable tone, provide evidence from soures that are appropriate to your discipline, and treat alternative views fairly.

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EXERCISE 5.3 Considering Your Audience

1. Write a one-paragraph description of a current television commercial for a particular product. Your audience is another college student.

2. Write a description of the same commercial for one of the following writing situations: a. An assignment in a business marketing class: Analyze the factors that make the

advertisement interesting and appealing. Your audience is a marketing instructor. b. A letter to the company that produces the product: Describe your response to the

advertisement. Your audience is the consumer relations director of the company. c. A letter to your local television station: Comment favorably on or complain about

the advertisement. Your audience is the station director.

CHOOSING A POINT OF VIEW Point of view is the perspective from which you write an essay. There are three types: first, second, and third person. In choosing a point of view, consider your topic, your purpose, and your audience.

Think of point of view as the “person” you become as you write. • First person uses first-person pronouns (I, me, mine, we, ours). First person is often

effective and appropriate in an essay narrating an event in which you participated. For formal essays, many instructors prefer that you not write in the first person.

• Second person uses second-person pronouns ( you, your, yours). Second person is appropriate when giving directions, as in an essay explaining how to build a fence: “First, you should measure . . .” Sometimes the word you may be understood but not directly stated, as in, “First, measure . . .” Many textbooks, including this one, use the second person to address student readers; however, many instructors prefer that you avoid using the second person in formal essays.

• Third person uses people’s names and third-person pronouns (he, she, it). Third person is prevalent in academic writing. It is less personal and more formal than first person and second person. Think of the third person as public rather than private or personal. The writer reports what he or she sees.

EXERCISE 5.4 Point of View

Working with a classmate, discuss which point of view (first, second, or third person) would be most appropriate in each of the following writing situations.

1. An essay urging students to participate in a march against hunger to support a local food drive

2. A description of a car accident on a form that your insurance company requires you to submit in order to collect benefits

3. A paper for an ecology course on the effects of air pollution caused by a local industry

CONSIDERING THE GENRE AND MEDIUM Genre is a term used to classify types of text — for example, laboratory reports, propos- als, or blog posts. Each genre has its own conventions, or ways of doing things. A labora- tory report, for example, has a specific purpose: To inform readers about how an experiment was conducted so that it can be repeated and to tell readers the results. It

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takes the third-person point of view, uses technical language, and includes the following sections:

• introduction, • methods, • results, and • discussion.

To write effectively you need to understand the conventions of the genre and follow them closely. Reviewing samples of effective writing in the genre, either by classmates or those posted on reliable Web pages, can be helpful.

Medium refers to the means through which ideas are expressed and information conveyed. In your writing class, your primary medium will be printed text, but your essays may include visuals, and if assignments are submitted or viewed electronically, you may also include audio or visual files, animations, or hyperlinks to Web sites. Be sure to choose a medium that suits your purpose and your audience. (For example, consider whether your readers will have high-speed Internet access when reading your assignment.) Also consider the conventions of the genre in which you are writing.

DISCOVERING ID E AS TO WRITE AbOUT Discovering ideas to write about is a process of gathering all of your separate but related ideas on a topic and fitting them together. For example, you may know a lot about bik- ing, but all your knowledge is not stored in one place in your brain: Verbal information is stored in one place; sensory impressions are stored in another. Be sure to draw on verbal information stored as words (facts, concepts), but do not overlook other sources of ideas as well. Table 5.1 shows the ideas one student developed on bicycling, tapping numerous sources of ideas. Together, all of these sources provide a wealth of ideas to write about on the topic of bicycling.

TAblE 5.1 Synthesizing Your Ideas on a Topic

To Discover Ideas, Draw Upon Your . . . Example Topic: Bicycling

Verbal Knowledge: facts, dates, numbers, concepts, definitions, reasons, and so forth

Types of bikes, costs, speeds, repairs, convenience, bike races

Personal Knowledge: events you have experienced

A bike trip to Yellowstone National Park, pedaling to school

Mental Images: pictures in your mind, recollections of images on television, videos

A mental image of the first bike you rode; a video of the Tour de France

Sensory Impressions: recollections of tastes, smells, touch, and sound

The feel of wind in your face as you ride, the roar of a truck coming up behind you

Motor Skills: memory of physical actions Keeping your balance, steering, braking, changing gears

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In the following sections, you will learn a number of specific strategies for discover- ing and recording ideas to write about. Depending on your learning style, you will probably find that some strategies work better than others. Experiment with each before deciding which will work for you. You may also find that the technique you choose for a given essay may depend on your topic.

FREEWRITING When you use freewriting, you write for a specific period of time, usually five to ten minutes. Freewriting allows you to explore ideas and make associations, jumping from one idea to another. If nothing comes to mind, just write the topic, your name, or “I can’t think of anything to write” until something occurs to you. The following tips will help you.

• Write or type nonstop. Writing often forces thought, so keep going, even after you think you have nothing more to say.

• Don’t be concerned with grammar, punctuation, or spelling. • Write or type fast! Try to keep up with your thinking. (Most people can think

faster than they can write or type.) • Record ideas as they come to you and in whatever form they appear — words,

phrases, questions, sentences — or pictures and doodles. • If you are freewriting on a computer, darken the screen so that you are not

distracted by errors, formatting issues, and the words you have already written.

When you are done, reread your freewriting, and highlight or underline ideas that seem useful. Look for patterns and connections: Do several ideas together make a point; reflect a sequence; or suggest a larger, unifying idea? Here is an excerpt from one student’s freewriting on the broad topic of violence in the media.

There seems to be a lot of violence in the media these days, particularly on TV. For

example, last night when I watched the news, the camera man showed people getting

shot in the street. What kind of people watch this stuff? I’d rather watch a movie. It

really bothered me because people get so turned off by such an ugly, gruesome scene

that they won’t want to watch the news anymore. Then we’ll have a lot of uninformed

citizens. There are too many already. Some people do not even know who the vice

president of the U.S. is. A negative thing — the media has a negative impact on any

person or group who wants to do something about violence in the inner city. And they

create negative impressions of minority and ethnic groups, too. If the media shows

one Latino man committing a crime, viewers falsely assume all Latinos are criminals.

It’s difficult to think of something positive that can be done when you’re surrounded

by so much violence. It’s all so overwhelming. What we need in the inner city is not

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more coverage of violence but viable solutions to the violence we have. The media

coverage of violent acts only serves to make people think that this violence is a

normal state of affairs and nothing can be done about it.

A number of subtopics surfaced from this student’s freewriting: • the media’s graphic portrayal of violence, • the negative effect of media violence on viewers, and • the media’s portrayal of minority and ethnic groups.

Any one of these topics could be narrowed to a manageable topic for an essay. If you are a creative learner or feel restricted by organization and structure, freewrit-

ing may appeal to you because it allows you to give your imagination free rein.

EXERCISE 5.5 Freewriting

Set a clock or timer for five minutes and freewrite on one of the following broad topics. Then review and highlight your freewriting, identifying usable ideas with a common theme that might serve as a topic for an essay. Starting with one of the potential topics from your freewriting, freewrite for another five minutes to narrow your topic further and develop your ideas.

1. Hip-hop music 2. Facebook 3. How to be self-sufficient

4. Pressures on college students 5. Job interviews

MAPPING Mapping, or clustering, is a visual way to discover ideas and relationships. Here is how to create a map.

1. Write your topic in the middle of a blank sheet of paper, and draw a box or circle around it. (You may also want to experiment with mapping on a computer, using a graphics program such as bubbl.us or smartdraw.com. You could then cut and paste items from your map into an outline or draft of your essay.)

2. Think of ideas that are related to or suggested by your topic. As you think of them, write them down in clusters around the topic, connecting them to the topic with lines (Figure 5.2). Think of your topic as a tree trunk and the related ideas as branches.

3. Draw arrows and lines or use highlighting to show relationships and connect groups of related ideas.

4. Think of still more ideas, clustering them around the ideas already on your map.

Learning Style Options

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The sample map in Figure 5.2 was done by a student working on the topic of the costs of higher education. In this map, the student compared attending a local com- munity college and attending an out-of-town four-year college. A number of different subtopics evolved, including the following:

• Transportation costs, • Social life, • Availability of degree programs, and • Room and board costs.

Mapping may appeal to you if you prefer a spatial method of dealing with information and ideas. It also appeals to creative learners who like to devise their own structure or framework within which to work.

EXERCISE 5.6 Mapping

Narrow one of the following topics. Then draw a map of related ideas as they come to mind.

1. Presidential politics 2. Daydreaming 3. Tattoos 4. Cable TV 5. Year-round schooling

Learning Style Options

FIGURE 5.2 Sample Map

CC — higher, need car or public

transportation

Daily transportation costs

4-yr — lower if live on campus

But need to travel back home — costs must be considered

Room & board

4-yr higher — dorms, etc.

CC — lower, can live at home

lOCAl COMMUNITY COllEGE VS.

OUT-OF-TOWN FOUR- YEAR COllEGE

Tuition costs

CC — tend to socialize with people you

already know

4-yr — meet new people

More organized activities

CC lower 4-yr higher

4-yr offers more specialized academic programs — fewer career programs

Social life

CC offers more career

programs, general liberal arts

Degree programs

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bRAINSTORMING When you brainstorm, you list everything that comes to mind when you think about your topic: facts, impressions, emotions, and reactions. Record words or phrases rather than sentences, and give yourself a time limit; this will force ideas to come faster. If you use a computer, you might use bullets or the indent function to brainstorm.

The following example shows a student’s brainstorming on the narrowed topic of the disadvantages of home schooling.

Topic: Disadvantages of Home Schooling

  • Parent may not be an expert in every subject

  • Libraries not easily accessible  

  • Wide range of equipment, resources not available  

  • Child may be confused by parent playing the role of teacher

  • Child does not learn to interact with other children  

  • Child does not learn to compete against others  

  • Parents may not enforce standards

  • Parents may not be objective about child’s strengths and weaknesses

  • Child may learn only parent’s viewpoint — not exposed to wide range of opinions

  • Special programs (art, music) may be omitted  

  • Services of school nurse, counselors, reading specialists not available  

Three clusters of topics are evident: unavailable services and resources (highlighted in purple), limits of parents (not highlighted), and problems of social development (high- lighted in green). Once the student selected a cluster of topics, he did further brain- storming to generate ideas about his narrowed topic.

Brainstorming is more structured than freewriting because the writer focuses only on the topic at hand instead of writing whatever comes to mind. If you are a pragmatic learner, brainstorming may help you release your creative potential.

Brainstorming can also work well when it is done in groups of two or three class- mates. Use a chalkboard or whiteboard in an empty classroom, share a large sheet of paper, sit together in front of a computer screen, or use networked computers. Say your ideas aloud as you write. You’ll find that your classmates’ ideas will trigger more of your own. Group brainstorming often appeals to students who are social learners and who find it stimulating and enjoyable to exchange ideas with other students.

EXERCISE 5.7 brainstorming

Choose one of the following subjects and narrow it to a manageable topic for a two- to four- page paper. Then brainstorm, either alone or with one or two classmates, to generate ideas to write about.

1. Value of music 2. National parks 3. Credit-card fraud

4. Texting 5. Web advertising

Learning Style Options

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These methods are often called patterns of development. In addition to providing ways to develop an essay or a paragraph, the patterns of

development may be used to generate ideas about a topic. Think of the patterns as doors through which you gain access to your topic. The list of questions in Table 5.2 (p. 115) will help you approach your topic through these different “doors.” For any given topic, some questions work better than others. If your topic is voter registration, for example, the questions listed for definition and process analysis would be more helpful than those listed for description. (You might choose the definition or process analysis pattern if you are a pragmatic learner who enjoys structured tasks or a creative learner who likes to analyze ideas from different viewpoints.)

EXERCiSE 5.9 Patterns of Development

Use the patterns of development to generate ideas on one of the following topics. Refer to Table 5.2 to form questions based on the patterns.

Learning Style Options

QUESTioning Questioning is another way to discover ideas about a narrowed topic. Working either alone or with a classmate, write down every question you can think of about your topic. Focus on ideas, not correctness. Don’t judge or evaluate ideas as you write. It may help to imagine that you are asking an expert on your topic anything that comes to mind.

Here is a partial list of questions one student generated on the narrow topic of the financial problems that single parents face.

Why do many female single parents earn less than male single parents? How can single parents afford to pay for day care? How do single parents find time to attend college to improve their employability and earning power? How can women force their former husbands to keep up with child support payments? Are employers reluctant to hire women who are single parents?

Beginning a question with “What if . . .” is a particularly good way to extend your thinking and look at a topic from a fresh perspective. Here are a few challenging “What if . . .” questions about the financial situation of single parents.

What if the government provided national day care or paid for day care? What if single parents were not allowed to deduct more than one child on their income tax? What if single parents were entitled to special tax rebates?

Another way to stimulate your thinking is to ask questions that approach the topic from a number of different perspectives. For the topic of the increased popularity of health foods, you could write questions about human motivation to purchase, market- ing strategies, or nutritional value, for instance.

You may find questioning effective if you are an analytical, inquisitive person. Social learners will enjoy using this technique with classmates. Because questions often tend to focus on specifics and details, questioning is also an appealing strategy for concrete learners.

After devising a number of questions, you may want to write tentative answers, or hypotheses. If you need to conduct research, you can use these hypotheses as a guide.

EXERCiSE 5.8 Questioning

Working either alone or with a classmate, choose one of the following topics, narrow it, and write a series of questions to discover ideas about it.

1. The campus newspaper 2. Learning a foreign language 3. Financial aid regulations 4. Late-night talk radio shows 5. Government aid to developing countries

Learning Style Options

To learn more about using research questions and hypotheses, see Chapter 22, pp. 522–23.

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USING THE PATTERNS OF DEVElOPMENT In Parts 3 and 4 of this book, you will learn nine ways to develop an essay or a paragraph.

• narration • description • illustration • process analysis • comparison and contrast

• classification and division • definition • cause and effect • argument

These methods are often called patterns of development. In addition to providing ways to develop an essay or a paragraph, the patterns of

development may be used to generate ideas about a topic. Think of the patterns as doors through which you gain access to your topic. The list of questions in Table 5.2 (p. 115) will help you approach your topic through these different “doors.” For any given topic, some questions work better than others. If your topic is voter registration, for example, the questions listed for definition and process analysis would be more helpful than those listed for description. (You might choose the definition or process analysis pattern if you are a pragmatic learner who enjoys structured tasks or a creative learner who likes to analyze ideas from different viewpoints.)

EXERCISE 5.9 Patterns of Development

Use the patterns of development to generate ideas on one of the following topics. Refer to Table 5.2 to form questions based on the patterns.

1. Buying only American-made products 2. Community gardens in urban areas 3. How high-speed trains would change

travel

4. Cell-phone usage 5. Effects of a computer virus

VISUAlIzING OR SKETCHING Visualizing or sketching may be effective ways to discover ideas about your topic. To visualize a person, for example, close your eyes and picture that person in your mind. Imagine what he or she is wearing and what his or her facial expressions and gestures might look like.

Here is what one student “saw” when visualizing a shopping mall. Possible subtopics are annotated.

As I walked through the local mall, I crossed the walkway to get to Target and noticed

a large group of excited women all dressed in jogging suits; they were part of a shop-

ping tour, I think. I saw a tour bus parked outside. Across the walkway was a bunch

of teenagers, shouting and laughing and commenting on each other’s hairstyles. They

all wore T-shirts and jeans; some had body adornments — pierced noses and lips. They

seemed to have no interest in shopping. Their focus was on one another. Along the

Learning Style Options

Possible Subtopics: Tour-group shopping

Teenage behavior

Body piercing

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walkway came an obvious mother-daughter pair. They seemed to be on an outing,

escaping from their day-to-day routine for some shopping, joking, and laughing. Then 

I noticed a tired-looking elderly couple sitting on one of the benches. They seemed

to enjoy just sitting there and watching the people walk by, every now and then 

commenting on the fashions they observed people wearing.

Visualization is a technique particularly well suited to spatial and creative learners. The technique of sketching, or storyboarding, uses a series of sketches to show the

sequence of events or relationships among ideas. Visual learners may find it easier to draw sketches than to formulate ideas in words, and once the ideas are on paper in sketch form, they can be converted to text.

EXERCISE 5.10 Visualizing and Sketching

Visualize one of the following situations. Make notes on or sketch what you “see.” Include as many details as possible.

1. A couple obviously “in love” 2. A class you recently attended 3. The campus snack bar

4. A traffic jam 5. A sporting event

RESEARCHING YOUR TOPIC Do some preliminary research on your topic. Reading what others have written about your topic may suggest new approaches, reveal issues or controversies, and help you determine what you already know (or do not know) about the topic.

Take notes while reading sources, and be sure to record the publication data you will need to cite each source (author, title, publisher, page numbers, and so on). If you use ideas or information from sources in your essay, you must give credit to those sources of the borrowed material. Make sure to avoid simply cutting and pasting material from your sources directly into your notes to avoid plagiarizing inadvertently. Plagiarism, even by accident, carries serious penalties.

While research may be particularly appealing to concrete or rational learners, all students may need to use it at one time or another depending on their topic.

EXERCISE 5.11 Researching a Topic

Do library or Internet research to generate ideas on one of the narrowed topics listed here.

1. Reducing the federal deficit 2. Preventing terrorism in public areas 3. Controlling children’s access to televi-

sion programs

4. A recent local disaster (flood, earthquake)

5. Buying clothing on eBay

Learning Style Options

For more about finding, using, and citing sources, see Chapters 21 and 23.

To learn more about avoiding plagiarism, see Chapter 24, pp. 601–03.

Learning Style Options

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RESEARCHING YOUR TOPIC Do some preliminary research on your topic. Reading what others have written about your topic may suggest new approaches, reveal issues or controversies, and help you determine what you already know (or do not know) about the topic.

Take notes while reading sources, and be sure to record the publication data you will need to cite each source (author, title, publisher, page numbers, and so on). If you use ideas or information from sources in your essay, you must give credit to those sources of the borrowed material. Make sure to avoid simply cutting and pasting material from your sources directly into your notes to avoid plagiarizing inadvertently. Plagiarism, even by accident, carries serious penalties.

While research may be particularly appealing to concrete or rational learners, all students may need to use it at one time or another depending on their topic.

EXERCISE 5.11 Researching a Topic

Do library or Internet research to generate ideas on one of the narrowed topics listed here.

For more about finding, using, and citing sources, see Chapters 21 and 23.

To learn more about avoiding plagiarism, see Chapter 24, pp. 601–03.

Learning Style Options

TABLE 5.2 Using the Patterns of Development to Explore a Topic

Pattern of Development Questions to Ask

Narration (Chapter 12) What stories or events does this topic remind you of?

Description (Chapter 13) What does the topic look, smell, taste, feel, or sound like?

Illustration (Chapter 14) What examples of this topic are particularly helpful in explaining it?

Process Analysis (Chapter 15)

How does this topic work?

How do you do this topic?

Comparison and Contrast (Chapter 16)

To what is the topic similar? In what ways?

Is the topic more or less desirable than those things to which it is similar?

Classification and Division (Chapter 17)

Of what larger group of things is this topic a member?

What are its parts?

How can the topic be subdivided?

Are there certain types or kinds of the topic?

Definition (Chapter 18) How do you define the topic?

How does the dictionary define it?

What is the history of the term?

Does everyone agree on its definition? Why or why not? If not, what points are in dispute?

Cause and Effect (Chapter 19)

What causes the topic?

How often does it happen?

What might prevent it from happening?

What are its effects?

What may happen because of it in the short term?

What may happen as a result of it over time?

Argument (Chapters 20 and 21)

What issues surround this topic?

One student who was investigating the topic of extrasensory perception (ESP) decided to use the questions for definition and cause and effect. Here are the answers she wrote:

Definition (How can my topic be defined?)

• ESP, or extrasensory perception, is the ability to perceive information not through the ordinary senses but as a result of a “sixth sense” (as yet undeveloped in most people).

• Scientists disagree on whether ESP exists and how it should be tested.

Cause and Effect (What causes my topic? What may happen because of it?)

• Scientists do not know the cause of ESP and have not confirmed its existence, just the possibility of its existence.

• Some people with ESP claim to have avoided disasters such as airplane crashes.

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EXERCISE 5.12 Prewriting

Choose two prewriting techniques discussed in this chapter that appeal to you. Experiment with each method by generating ideas about one of the topics from the previous exercises in the chapter. Use a different topic for each prewriting technique you choose.

Essay in Progress 3 Keeping your audience and purpose in mind, use one of the prewriting strategies discussed in this chapter to generate details about the topic you narrowed in Essay in Progress 2.

STUDENTS WRITE

In this and the remaining five chapters of Part 2, we will follow the work of Latrisha Wilson, a student in a first-year writing course who was assigned to write about surveil- lance and loss of privacy.

Wilson decided to use questioning to narrow her topic and freewriting to generate ideas about her narrowed topic. Here is an example of her questioning.

Latrisha WiLson’s Questioning What are some examples of surveillance in the US?

Cameras in retail stores and at bank cash machines

Cell phone surveillance and tracking

Airport security checkpoints

Online surveillance

Nanny cams

Traffic cameras and street corners

GPS devices worn by people on probation

Undercover police

Cameras in government buildings

Cameras on school buses

Wilson decided to explore further the types of surveillance commonly conducted in the United States. She did so by asking another question:

Which of these types of surveillance are the least “obvious”?

1. Undercover police

They disguise their identity.

They often become friends with the people they are investigating.

They participate in drug deals.

Oftentimes, their family members do not even know about their assignments.

They become the “bad guy” in order to get the “bad guy.”

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2. Online surveillance

Who is hiding behind our computer screens?

Valuable information about us is gathered from the Web.

Lots of information is gathered without our consent.

Google studies gmail accounts for keywords and sells the information to companies.

Information on Facebook is also sold to marketers.

After looking over the answers to her questions, Wilson decided to focus on types of surveillance. The following excerpt from her freewriting shows how she started to develop her topic.

Latrisha WiLson’s FreeWriting I feel like I have no privacy. Just the other day I read how the mayor of my city brags

of his new plan to put surveillance cameras on all the big street corners. There are

already lots of traffic and security cameras. Soon there won’t be anywhere I can walk

without being monitored by some government employee sitting behind his desk. My

life is like a movie anybody can watch. A reality tv show. If I’m not breaking the rules,

what right does anyone have to track me? I’m not even safe going online. Netflix

and YouTube keep suggesting movies to me. Stores where I have only shopped once

keep e-mailing me about their new products. I get so much junk mail that Gmail just 

created a folder in my inbox just for “promotions.” And right beside my inbox I see all 

those ads targeted specifically to me. If I write my mom “happy birthday” the next day

I see ads for places to buy birthday hats. That’s really creepy. I use Google for every-

thing but that doesn’t give them the right to pour through all my messages in search

of information they can sell. I thought Google was a free service. To the mayor I’m just 

a potential criminal and to Google I’m just a potential consumer. What happened to 

my right to privacy?

As you work through the remaining chapters of Part 2, you will see how Wilson develops her tentative thesis statement in Chapter 6, her first draft in Chapter 7, a specific paragraph in Chapter 8, and her final draft in Chapter 9. In Chapter 10, you will see a paragraph from her final draft, edited and proofread to correct sentence-level errors.

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S W R I T I N G Q U I C K S T A R T

118

© CartoonStock.com

tudy the cartoon on this page, which

humorously depicts a serious situation.

Working alone or with one or two class-

mates, write a statement that expresses the

main point of the cartoon. Your statement

should not only describe what is happening

in the cartoon but also state the idea that

the cartoonist is trying to communicate to

his audience.

The statement you have just written is

an assertion around which you could build

an essay. Such an assertion is called a

thesis statement. Developing a thesis is an

important part of the writing process shown

in Figure 6.1 (p. 120), which lists the skills

presented in this chapter while placing them

within the context of the writing process.

6Developing and Supporting a Thesis

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119

WHAT IS A T HESIS STATE ME NT? A thesis statement is the main point of an essay. It is usually expressed in a single sen- tence. An effective thesis statement should accomplish three goals. It should:

1. introduce your narrowed topic, 2. reveal what your essay is about, and 3. state the point you will make about that topic.

It may also forecast how the essay will be organized. Here is a sample thesis statement:

Playing team sports, especially football and baseball, develops skills

and qualities that can make you successful in life because these sports

demand communication, teamwork, and responsibility.

When you write, think of a thesis statement as a promise to your reader. The rest of your essay delivers on your promise. The example thesis promises the audience, that by reading this essay, they will discover how football and baseball players learn communi- cation, teamwork, and responsibility and how these skills and qualities contribute to the players’ success in life.

DEVELOP ING YOUR THE SIS STATE ME NT Keep the following guidelines in mind as you develop your thesis statement.

• Expect your thesis statement to evolve during prewriting. Exploring your topic may lead you to discover a new focus or a more interesting way to approach your topic.

• Expect to do research to revise your thesis. You may need to do some reading or research to learn more about your topic or tentative thesis.

• Expect to revise your thesis as you draft and revise your essay. You may write several versions of a thesis statement before you find one that works, and you may revise your thesis as you gather and organize supporting evidence, draft, and revise your essay.

Topic Position

Forecast

For more on prewriting, see Chapter 5.

For more on research, see Chapter 22.

For more on drafting and revision, see Chapters 7 and 9.

I N T H I S C H A P T E R Y O U W I L L L E A R N T O

• write effective thesis statements, and

• support your thesis statement with evidence.

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Your learning style can influence how you develop a thesis statement. Pragmatic and concrete learners find it helpful to generate facts and details about a narrow topic and then write a thesis statement that reveals a large idea that is demonstrated by the details. Creative and abstract learners find it easier to begin with a broad idea, focus it in a thesis statement, and then generate details to support the thesis.

Learning Style Options

FIGURE 6.1 An Overview of the Writing Process

• Group related ideas together • Evaluate groupings • Look for other relationships • Do additional prewriting • Write your thesis statement • Decide where to place your thesis

statement

DEVELOPING YOUR THESIS STATEMENT

• See Chapter 10EDITING AND PROOFREADING

• See Chapter 9REVISING

• See Chapters 7 and 8DRAFTING

• Supply relevant evidence • Provide detailed, specific evidence • Offer a variety of evidence • Offer a sufficient amount of evidence • Provide representative evidence • Provide accurate evidence • Use sources to support your thesis

SUPPORTING YOUR THESIS STATEMENT

WITH EVIDENCE

• See Chapter 5PREWRITING

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SYNTHESIZING IDEAS TO GENERATE A WORKING THESIS STATEMENT Coming up with a working thesis statement involves reviewing your prewriting to determine how some or all of the ideas you discovered fit together. It is a process of looking for similarities among ideas and grouping them in related categories. Use the following steps, adapting the process to your learning style.

1. Reread your prewriting, identify details that relate to the same subtopic, and cut and paste them so they appear together; then write a word or phrase that describes each of the two groups of related ideas. A student working on the topic of intelligence in dogs noticed in her brain- stormed list that the details could be grouped into two general categories: (1) details about learning and (2) details about instinct. Here is how she arranged her ideas.

Learning

follow commands

read human emotions

get housebroken

serve as guide dogs for blind people

Instinct

females deliver and care for puppies

avoid danger and predators

seek shelter

automatically raise hair on back in response to aggression

2. Decide which group(s) of ideas best represents the focus your paper should take. Sometimes, one group of details will be enough to develop a working thesis. Other times, you’ll need to use the details in two or three groups. The student working on a thesis for the topic of intelligence in dogs evaluated her grouped details and decided that learning provided enough material to write about.

3. Consider whether you have enough relevant details. If your list of details is thin, you may not have enough details to come up with a good working thesis. Delete any details that do not work, and use prewriting to generate more ideas, trying a different prewriting strategy from the one you used previously. A new strategy may help you see your narrowed topic from a different perspective. If your second prewriting does not produce better results, consider refocusing or changing your topic.

Essay in Progress 1 If you used a prewriting strategy to generate details about your topic in response to Essay in Progress 3 in Chapter 5 (p. 116), review your prewriting, highlight useful ideas, and identify several sets of related details among those you have highlighted.

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WRITING AN EFFECTIVE THESIS STATEMENT Use the following guidelines to write an effective thesis statement or to evaluate and revise your working thesis.

1. An effective thesis makes an assertion. Rather than stating a fact, a thesis should take a position, express a viewpoint, or suggest your approach toward the topic.

LACKS AN ASSERTION

Hollywood movies, like 127 Hours and Jersey Boys, are frequently based on true stories.

REVISED ASSERTIVE

Hollywood movies, like 127 Hours and Jersey Boys, manipulate true stories to cater to the tastes of the audience.

2. An effective thesis is specific. Provide as much information as possible about your main point.

TOO GENERAL I learned a great deal from my experiences as a teenage parent.

REVISED From my experiences as a teenage parent, I learned to accept responsibility for my own life and for that of my son.

EXERCISE 6.1 Identifying and Revising Thesis Statements That Lack Assertions

First, determine which of the following is a statement of fact and which is an assertion. Then revise each statement of fact, making it an assertion that could be an effective thesis state- ment for a brief (two- to four-page) college writing assignment.

1. By budgeting time and money, students can avoid stress and enjoy the holidays. 2. The viewers were moved by pictures of the devastation in the Philippines following

Typhoon Haiyan. 3. Levying a fine on college students who cheat on an assignment might help improve aca-

demic integrity. 4. Taking a class online can be convenient, but succeeding in online classes requires self-

discipline and motivation. 5. As a result of taking care of her family’s dog, Adrian developed a strong desire to rescue

abandoned pit bulls.

EXERCISE 6.2 Identifying and Revising Overly General Thesis Statements

First, determine which of the following thesis statements are too general for a brief (two- to four-page) college-level writing assignment. Then narrow the overly general thesis statements using the strategies for narrowing topics discussed above and in Chapter 5 (pp. 99–103).

1. Unfortunately, discrimination exists in many forms in today’s society. 2. The demands of my job undermined my relationship with my family.

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3. The experience of living in a dorm provides students with opportunities to develop valuable people skills that will serve them well throughout their lives.

4. Violent storms can have devastating effects on communities. 5. Although it seemed unwise at the time, postponing college was one of the wisest deci-

sions I ever made.

3. Focus on one central point. Limit your essay to one major idea.

FOCUSES ON SEVERAL POINTS

This college should improve its tutoring services, sponsor more activities of interest to Latino students, and speed up the registration process for students.

REVISED To better represent the student population it serves, this college should sponsor more activities of interest to Latino students.

4. Offer an original perspective on your topic. If your thesis seems dull or ordi- nary, it probably needs revision. Search your prewriting for an interesting angle on your topic.

TOO ORDINARY Many traffic accidents are a result of carelessness. REVISED: MORE INTERESTING

An automobile accident can change a driver’s entire approach to driving.

EXERCISE 6.3 Identifying and Revising Thesis Statements That Focus on Several Points

The following thesis statements focus on more than one central point. Revise them so that each focuses clearly on only one point.

1. In order to be more successful in college, students must learn time management strate- gies, curtail their social life during the week, and learn to balance work and school obli- gations so that they are able to enjoy all parts of their life.

2. The Internet has revolutionized the way friends communicate, but it has also made chil- dren more sedentary, which has had negative health effects, and it has also made people in the workforce more solitary, which has undermined teamwork.

3. Movie theaters continue to attract viewers to new releases although many of them are simply remakes of older movies and ones that appeal only to those who like graphic violence.

4. Although the tornado destroyed the entire town and seriously injured hundreds of peo- ple, the local townspeople grew closer as they tended to the injured, helped to rebuild houses, and shared their financial resources with one another.

5. Although the company has made strides in repairing its reputation in the community, it still needs to pay its employees a fair salary, restructure management, and conduct busi- ness with more reputable vendors.

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5. Avoid making an announcement. Don’t use phrases such as “This essay will discuss” or “The subject of my paper is.” Instead, state your main point directly.

MAKES AN ANNOUNCEMENT

The point I am trying to make is that people should not be allowed to smoke on campus.

REVISED: MAIN POINT STATED DIRECTLY

The college should prohibit smoking on campus.

6. Use your thesis to preview the organization of the essay. Consider using your thesis to mention the two or three key concepts on which your essay will focus, in the order in which you will discuss them.

EXERCISE 6.4 Evaluating Thesis Statements

Working in a group of two or three students, discuss what is wrong with each of the following thesis statements. Then revise each thesis to make it more effective.

1. In this paper, I will discuss the causes of asthma, which include exposure to smoke, chemicals, and allergic reactions.

2. Jogging is an enjoyable aerobic sport. 3. The crime rate is increasing in U.S. cities. 4. Living in an apartment has many advantages. 5. Children’s toys can be dangerous, instructional, or creative.

Essay in Progress 2 Keeping your audience in mind, select one or more of the groups of ideas you identi- fied in Essay in Progress 1. Write a working thesis statement based on these ideas.

PLACING THE THESIS STATEMENT Your thesis statement can appear anywhere in your essay, but it is usually best to place it in the first paragraph as part of your introduction. When your thesis appears at the beginning of the essay, your readers will know what to pay attention to and what to expect in the rest of the essay. If you place your thesis later in the essay, you need to build up to it gradually in order to prepare readers for it.

USING AN IMPLIED THESIS In some professional writing, especially in narrative or descriptive essays, the writer may not state the thesis directly. Instead, the thesis may be strongly implied by the details the writer chose and the way he or she organized them. Although some professional writers use an implied thesis, academic writers, including professors and students, gen- erally state their thesis. You should always include a clear statement of your thesis in your college papers.

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SUP P ORTING YOUR THESIS STAT EMENT WITH EVIDENCE

After you have written a working thesis statement, the next step is to develop evidence that supports your thesis. Evidence is any type of information, such as examples and anecdotes, facts and statistics, or expert opinion, that will convince your reader that your thesis is reasonable or correct. This evidence, organized into well-developed para- graphs, makes up the body of your essay. To visualize the basic structure of an essay, look ahead to Figure 7.2 on page 140.

TAILORING THE EVIDENCE TO YOUR WRITING SITUATION Your writing situation — that is your purpose, audience, point of view, genre, and medium — will determine which types of evidence will be most effective. For example,

• if your purpose is to persuade, using comparison and contrast to highlight advantages and disadvantages, giving examples of problems, citing statistics to support your claim, and using quotations from experts may help make your argument convincing.

• if your audience is unfamiliar with your topic, providing definitions, historical background, an explanation of a process, and factual and descriptive details may be necessary.

Table 6.1 lists various types of evidence and gives examples of how each type could be used to support a working thesis on acupuncture. Note: Many of the types of evidence correspond to the patterns of development discussed in Parts 3 and 4.

EXERCISE 6.5 Choosing the best Evidence for Your Writing Situation

1. In groups of two or three students, discuss and list the types of evidence that could be used to support the following thesis statement for an informative essay.

The need to become financially independent is a challenge for many young adults and often causes them to develop social and emotional problems.

2. For each audience, discuss and record the types of evidence that would offer the best support for the preceding thesis. a. Young adults b. Parents of young adults c. Counselors of young adults

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COLLECTING EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT YOUR THESIS Depending on your learning style, select one or more of the following suggestions to generate evidence that supports your thesis.

1. Complete the worksheet in Figure 6.2 on page 129. For one or more types of evidence listed in the left column, provide examples that support your thesis in the right column. Collect evidence only for the types that are appropriate for your thesis.

2. Picture yourself speaking to your audience. What would you say to convince your audience of your thesis? Jot down ideas as they come to you.

Learning Style Options

TAbLE 6.1 Types of Evidence Used to Support a Thesis

Working Thesis: Acupuncture, a form of alternative medicine, is becoming more widely accepted in the United States.

Types of Evidence Example

Definitions Explain that in acupuncture, needles are inserted into specific points of the body to control pain or relieve symptoms.

Historical background

Explain that acupuncture is a medical treatment that origi- nated in ancient China.

Explanation of a process

Explain the principles on which acupuncture is based and how scientists think it works.

Factual details Explain who uses acupuncture, on what parts of the body it is used, and under what circumstances it is applied.

Descriptive details Explain what acupuncture needles look and feel like.

Narrative story Relate a personal experience that illustrates the use of acupuncture.

Causes or effects Discuss one or two theories that explain why acupuncture works. Offer reasons for its increasing popularity.

Classification Explain types of acupuncture treatments.

Comparison and contrast

Compare acupuncture with other forms of alternative medi- cine, such as massage and herbal medicines. Explain how acupuncture differs from these other treatments.

Advantages and disadvantages

Describe the pros (nonsurgical, relatively painless) and cons (fear of needles) of acupuncture.

Examples Describe situations in which acupuncture has been used successfully—by dentists, in treating alcoholism, for pain control.

Problems Explain that acupuncture is not always practiced by medical doctors; licensing and oversight of acupuncturists may thus be lax.

Statistics Indicate how many acupuncturists practice in the United States.

Quotations Quote medical experts who attest to the effectiveness of acupuncture as well as those who question its value.

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3. Develop a skeletal outline of major headings. Leave plenty of blank space under each heading, and fill in ideas about each heading as they come to you.

4. Draw a graphic organizer of your essay, filling in supporting evidence as you think of it.

5. Discuss your thesis statement with a classmate; try to explain why he or she should accept your thesis as valid.

Essay in Progress 3 Using the preceding list of suggestions and Table 6.1, generate at least three different types of evidence to support the working thesis statement you wrote in Essay in Progress 2.

CHOOSING THE bEST EVIDENCE In collecting evidence in support of a thesis, you will probably generate more than you need. Consequently, you will need to identify the evidence that (1) best supports your thesis and (2) best suits your purpose and audience. Your learning style can influence the way you select evidence and the kinds of evidence you favor. If you are a creative or an abstract learner, for example, you may tend to focus on large ideas and overlook the need for supporting detail. If you are a pragmatic or concrete learner, you may tend to include too many details or fail to organize them logically.

The following guidelines will help you select the types of evidence that will best sup- port your thesis.

1. Make sure the evidence is relevant. All of your evidence must clearly and directly support your thesis. Irrelevant evidence will distract and puzzle (or annoy) your readers. If your thesis is that acupuncture is useful for controlling pain, you would not need to describe other alternative therapies.

2. Provide specific evidence. Avoid general statements that will not help you make a convincing case for your thesis. For instance, to support the thesis that acupuncture is becoming more widely accepted by patients in the United States, citing statistics that demonstrate an increase in the number of practicing acupuncturists in the United States over the past five years would be most convincing. (You may need to return to your prewriting or conduct research to find evidence for your thesis.)

3. Offer a variety of evidence. Using different kinds of evidence increases the likelihood that your evidence will convince your readers. If you provide only four examples of people who have found acupuncture helpful, for instance, your readers may conclude that four people’s experiences do not mean that acupuncture is becoming more popular nationally. If you also provide statistics and quotations from experts, however, more readers will be likely to accept your thesis. Using different types of evidence also enhances your credibility, showing readers you are well informed about your topic.

4. Provide a sufficient amount of evidence. The amount of evidence you need varies according to your audience and your topic. To discover whether you have provided enough evidence, ask a classmate to read your essay and tell you

For more on outlining, see Chapter 7.

For more on drawing a graphic organizer, see Chapter 7.

Learning Style Options

For more on conducting, incorporating, and citing research, see Chapters 21–23.

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whether he or she is convinced. If your reader is not convinced, ask him or her what additional evidence is needed.

5. Provide representative evidence. Do not provide unusual, rare, or exceptional situations as evidence. Suppose your thesis is that acupuncture is widely used for various types of surgery. An example of one person who underwent painless heart surgery using only acupuncture will not support your thesis unless the use of acupuncture in heart surgery is common. Including such an example would mislead your reader and may bring your credibility into question.

6. Provide accurate evidence from reliable sources. Do not make vague state- ments, guess at statistics, or make estimates. For example, do not simply say that many medical doctors are licensed to practice acupuncture in the United States or estimate the number. Instead, find out exactly how many U.S. physi- cians are licensed for this practice.

CHOOSING EVIDENCE FOR ACADEMIC WRITING For most kinds of academic writing, certain types of evidence are preferred over others. In general, your personal experiences and opinions are not considered as useful as more objective evidence such as facts, statistics, historical background, and expert testimony.

Suppose you are writing an academic paper on the effects of global warming. Your observations about climate changes in your city would not be considered adequate or appropriate evidence to support the idea of climatic change as an effect of global warm- ing. To support your thesis, you would need to provide facts, statistics, and expert tes- timony on climatic change in a wide geographic area and demonstrate their relationship to global warming.

Essay in Progress 4 Evaluate the evidence you generated in Essay in Progress 3. Select the evidence that you could use to support your thesis in a two- to four-page essay.

INCORPORATING VISUALS INTO AN ESSAY Today’s readers are used to seeing more than words on a page, and since your task is to engage readers and communicate meaning effectively, using appropriate visuals can help. Of course, a visual is not a substitute for an explanation in your essay, and includ- ing a visual merely to brighten up your document is inappropriate in academic writing projects. But visuals can complement and support your ideas if they

• support the purpose of your writing and your point of view, • appeal to your readers, • are appropriate to the genre and medium in which you are writing, • complement and enhance the meaning of your writing, • are easy to understand and interpret, and • are relevant.

For more about choosing reliable evidence, see Chapter 21.

macmillanhighered.com/successfulwriting Tutorials > Digital Writing > Photo Editing Basics with GIMP

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FIGURE 6.2 A Worksheet for Collecting Evidence

Purpose:

Audience:

Point of View:

Thesis Statement:

TYPE OF EVIDENCE ACTUAL EVIDENCE

Definitions

Narrative story

Examples

Problems

Statistics

Quotations

Advantages and disadvantages

Comparison and contrast

Classification

Causes or effects

Descriptive details

Factual details

Explanation of a process

Historical background

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To incorporate a visual effectively within your essay, reference the visual (for example, see fig. 1) and briefly explain its intended message. Place the visual as close after the reference in the text as possible to ensure readers can connect the visual with the part of the text in which it is discussed. Include the figure number and a brief explanatory cap- tion below.

One final word of caution: Unless the visual is a photograph you took or a graphic created from data you collected, you must credit the source. For academic papers, include complete source information at the end of the caption (unless your instructor provides other instructions).

uSing SouRCES To SuPPoRT YouR THESiS For many topics, you will need to conduct research to collect enough evidence to sup- port your thesis. Chapter 23 provides a thorough guide to finding reliable sources by using library catalogs and databases and Internet search engines (pp. 579–84), and it also includes tips for accomplishing firsthand (or primary) research by conducting interviews, surveys, and observations (pp. 584–86). Chapter 24 provides guidelines for integrating and documenting sources (pp. 606–12). Also see “Writing from Sources: Using Sources to Make Your Own Ideas Convincing,” in Chapter 22, pp. 560–61. As you use sources, be sure to record complete source information so you can credit them.

Note: Cutting and pasting information directly from sources into your notes and papers can lead to accidental plagiarism, so always be sure to put borrowed material in quotation marks or to rephrase it in your own words.

Essay in Progress 5 Locate and consult at least two sources to find evidence that supports the working thesis statement you wrote in Essay in Progress 2.

STuDEnTS wRiTE

In the Students Write section of Chapter 5, you saw how Latrisha Wilson narrowed her topic and generated ideas for her essay on surveillance. You also saw how she explored types of surveillance as they affect her privacy. After reviewing her responses to questions about her topic and her freewriting, Wilson drafted the following working thesis.

These new digital technologies have both benefits and drawbacks.

She realized that her thesis was overly general and too broad, so she did more free- writing and brainstorming to help her recall details about types of surveillance. Here’s an excerpt from her brainstorming:

• Spies like James Bond are no longer necessary. Movies and video games fool us into

believing they are, but mainly spying is done by computers.

• The National Security Agency (NSA) watches everything we do on the Internet and every-

thing we say on our phones.

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• Edward Snowden, a recent NSA whistleblower, is a current newsmaker. He exposed the

NSA’s secret surveillance.

• Google has access to everything about us, and they sell the information to other companies.

• If we want to communicate through a screen or a phone, we have to give up our privacy.

• We seldom are asked for our consent to share information about ourselves.

• Twitter, Flickr, YouTube, Facebook, and other new media also provide lots of information

about our daily lives, and not just to our “friends.”

• Because we enjoy sharing our lives and learning about the lives of others, we forget

about where the information is going.

• In reality, we have very little privacy if we use digital devices.

After brainstorming, she decided that she should focus on the drawbacks of digital communications technology. She narrowed her thesis even further to focus on the subtle forms of surveillance new communications technology enable:

Often advertised as free services, new ways of communicating put us under more invasive

but less obvious forms of surveillance.

READING

Internet Addiction GREG bEATO

The following essay by Greg Beato was first published in 2010 in Reason, a magazine that offers updates on current developments in politics and culture from a libertarian perspective. Beato, a contributing editor for Reason, supports the essay’s thesis with a variety of evidence. As you read, highlight the thesis statement and notice the types of evidence used to support it.

In 1995, in an effort to parody the way the American Psychiatric Association’s hugely influential Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders medicalizes every excessive behavior, psychiatrist Ivan Goldberg introduced on his website the concept of “Internet Addiction Disorder.” Last summer Ben Alexander, a 19-year-old college student obsessed with the online multiplayer game World of Warcraft, was profiled by CBS News, NPR, the Associated Press, and countless other media outlets because of his status as client No. 1 at reSTART, the first residential treatment center in America for individuals trying to get themselves clean from Azeroth, iPhones, and all the other digital narcotics of our age.

At reSTART’s five-acre haven in the woods near Seattle, clients pay big bucks to detox from pathological computer use by building chicken coops, cooking hamburgers, and engaging in daily therapy sessions with the program’s two founders, psychologist Hilarie Cash and clinical social worker and life coach Cosette Rae. With room for just six

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addicts at a time and a $14,500 program fee, reSTART isn’t designed for the masses, and so far it seems to have attracted more reporters than paying clients. When I spoke with Rae in May, she said “10 to 15” people had participated in the 45-day program to date.

Still, the fact that reSTART exists at all shows how far we’ve progressed in taking Dr. Goldberg’s spoof seriously. You may have been too busy monitoring Kim Kardashian’s every passing thought-like thing on Twitter to notice, but Digital Detox Week took place in April, and Video Game Addiction Awareness Week followed on its heels in June. Internet addiction disorder has yet to claim a Tiger Woods of its own, but the sad, silly evidence of our worldwide cyber-bingeing mounts on a daily basis. A councilman in

3

Although the American Psychiatric Association does not include Internet Addiction in its current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM 5), some studies suggest that as many as 13% of teens may show signs of Internet dependency. And with Internet access growing everyday, especially for teens, how many are at risk?

Sources: “Teen Fact Sheet.” Pew Research Internet Project. Pew Research Center, 21 May 2012; Müller, K. W., et al. “Addressing the Questions of Disorder-Specific Risk Factors of Internet Addiction.” Biomed Research International, 25 June 2013.

More than 1 in 8 teens may show signs of problematic use.

95% of teens are online.

93%

77% 63%

of U.S. teens have a computer or access

to one at home.

of teens text every day.

of teens online have a Facebook page.

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the Bulgarian city of Plovdiv is ousted from his position for playing Farmville during budget meetings. There are now at least three apps that use the iPhone’s camera to show the world right in front of you so you can keep texting while walking down the street, confident in your ability to avoid sinkholes, telephone poles, and traffic. Earlier this year, 200 students taking a class in media literacy at the University of Maryland went on a 24-hour media fast for a group study, then described how “jittery,” “anxious,” “miserable,” and “crazy” they felt without Twitter, Facebook, iPods, and laptops. “I clearly am addicted,” one student concluded, “and the dependency is sickening.”

In the early days of the Web, dirty talk was exchanged at the excruciatingly slow rate of 14.4 bits per second, connectivity charges accrued by the hour instead of the month, and the only stuff for sale online was some overpriced hot sauce from a tiny store in Pasadena. It took the patience of a Buddhist monk, thousands of dollars, and really bad TV reception to overuse the Web in a self-destructive manner. Yet even then, many people felt Ivan Goldberg’s notes on Internet addiction worked better as psychiatry than comedy. A year before Goldberg posted his spoof, Kimberly Young, a psycholo- gist at the University of Pittsburgh, had already begun conducting formal research into online addiction. By 1996 the Harvard-affiliated McLean Hospital had established a computer addiction clinic, a professor at the University of Maryland had created an Internet addiction support group, and The New York Times was running op-eds about the divorce epidemic that Internet addiction was about to unleash.

Fifteen years down the line, you’d think we’d all be introverted philanderers by now, isolating ourselves in the virtual Snuggie of World of Warcraft by day and stepping out at night to destroy our marriages with our latest hook-ups from AshleyMadison.com. But the introduction of flat monthly fees, online gaming, widespread pornography, MySpace, YouTube, Facebook, WiFi, iPhones, netbooks, and free return shipping on designer shoes with substantial markdowns does not seem to have made the Internet any more addictive than it was a decade ago.

In 1998 Young told the Riverside Press-Enterprise that “5 to 10 percent of the 52 million Internet users [were] addicted or ‘potentially addicted.’ ” Doctors today use similar numbers when estimating the number of online junkies. In 2009 David Green- field, a psychiatrist at the University of Connecticut, told the San Francisco Chronicle that studies have shown 3 percent to 6 percent of Internet users “have a problem.” Is it possible that the ability to keep extremely close tabs on Ashton Kutcher actually has reduced the Internet’s addictive power?

Granted, 3 percent is an awful lot of people. Argue all you like that a real addiction should require needles, or spending time in seedy bars with people who drink vodka through their eyeballs, or at least the overwhelming and nihilistic urge to invest thou- sands of dollars in a broken public school system through the purchase of lottery tickets. Those working on the front lines of technology overuse have plenty of casualties to point to. In our brief conversation, Cosette Rae tells me about a Harvard student who lost a scholarship because he spent too much time playing games, a guy who spent so many sedentary hours at his computer that he developed blood clots in his leg and had to have it amputated, and an 18-year-old who chose homelessness over gamelessness when his parents told him he either had to quit playing computer games or move out.

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A few minutes on Google yields even more lurid anecdotes. In 2007 an Ohio teen- ager shot his parents, killing his mother and wounding his father, after they took away his Xbox. This year a South Korean couple let their real baby starve to death because they were spending so much time caring for their virtual baby in a role-playing game called Prius Online.

On a pound-for-pound basis, the average World of Warcraft junkie undoubtedly represents a much less destructive social force than the average meth head. But it’s not extreme anecdotes that make the specter of Internet addiction so threatening; it’s the fact that Internet overuse has the potential to scale in a way that few other addictions do. Even if Steve Jobs designed a really cool-looking syringe and started distributing free heroin on street corners, not everyone would try it. But who among us doesn’t already check his email more often than necessary? As the Internet weaves itself more and more tightly into our lives, only the Amish are completely safe.

As early as 1996, Kimberly Young was promoting the idea that the American Psychi- atric Association (APA) should add Internet addiction disorder to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). In February, the APA announced that its coming edition of the DSM, the first major revision since 1994, will for the first time classify a behavior-related condition—pathological gambling—as an “addiction” rather than an “impulse control disorder.” Internet addiction disorder is not being included in this new category of “behavioral addictions,” but the APA said it will consider it as a “potential addition . . . as research data accumulate.”

If the APA does add excessive Internet use to the DSM, the consequences will be wide-ranging. Health insurance companies will start offering at least partial coverage for treatment programs such as reSTART. People who suffer from Internet addiction disorder will receive protection under the Americans With Disabilities Act if their impairment “substantially limits one or more major life activities.” Criminal lawyers will use their clients’ online habits to fashion diminished capacity defenses.

Which means that what started as a parody in 1995 could eventually turn more darkly comic than ever imagined. Picture a world where the health care system goes bankrupt because insurers have to pay for millions of people determined to kick their Twitter addictions once and for all. Where employees who view porn at work are legally protected from termination. Where killing elves in cyberspace could help absolve you for killing people in real life. Is it too late to revert to our older, healthier, more balanced ways of living and just spend all our leisure hours watching Love Boat reruns?

EXAMINING THE READING 1. Definition Define the term Internet addiction. 2. Examples What are some examples of dangerous behavior caused by Internet

addiction? 3. Meaning Why does adding Internet addiction to the DSM have important social

consequences? 4. Vocabulary Define each of the following words as they are used in the essay: parody

(para. 1), pathological (2), nihilistic (7), lurid (8), and specter (9).

8

9

10

11

12

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ANALYZING THE WRITER’S TECHNIQUE 1. Thesis State the author’s thesis in your own words. Then, using the guidelines on

pages 122-24, evaluate the effectiveness of the thesis. 2. Rhetorical Situation To what audience does Beato address this essay? What pur-

pose does the essay fulfill? How do you think the writing situation affects the author’s choice of evidence?

3. Support Cite one paragraph from the essay in which you think the author provides detailed, specific information. Explain why you chose that paragraph. Does it sup- port the thesis? Why or why not?

VISUALIZING THE READING In the chart below, supply an example of each type of evidence the author has used in the reading. The first one has been done for you.

Type of Evidence Example

Historical background Website parody of the DSM in 1995 included Internet addiction and 1996 McLean Hospital program for Internet addiction

Descriptive details

Statistics

Examples

Comparison and contrast

Quotations

THINKING CRITICALLY AbOUT THE READING 1. Sources Evaluate the sources that Beato uses to support his thesis. Are they trust-

worthy and reliable? 2. Tone Describe the author’s tone. How does it affect your response to the reading? 3. Opinion Identify at least one statement of opinion in paragraph 9. Does the

author offer evidence to support the opinion?

For more about connotation and tone, see Chapters 4 and 10, pp. 81, 206–08; for more about distinguishing between facts and opinions, see Chapter 4, p. 78.

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4. Connotation What is the connotation of the word junkies in paragraph 6? Identify at least four other words in the selection with strong positive or negative connotations.

5. Evaluation How useful are the anecdotes in paragraphs 7 and 8 as evidence?

INTERPRETING A GRAPHIC 1. Meaning The text below the large pie chart on page 132 reports that “13% of teens

show signs of Internet dependency,” and the pictogram says that “1 in 8 individuals may show signs of problematic use.” What is the difference between the terms dependency and problematic use?

2. Source How reliable do the sources for this graphic seem? What other sources might you use for a paper on Internet dependency among teens?

RESPONDING TO THE READING 1. Audience How do you think this essay would change if the author wrote it for

Parents magazine? 2. Discussion Why do you think the number of people addicted to the Internet has

actually lessened since 1998? What might it mean that the American Psychological Association is not ready to include Internet addiction in the DSM? What does this say about the disorder?

3. Journal In your journal, write about ways you use the Internet that may not be healthy. How does it negatively affect your life? Do you feel it has more positive than negative effects on your life? Explain.

WORKING TOGETHER 1. Imagine that you and a classmate are authors of an advice column for your college

newspaper. Write a letter responding to a reader who asked for advice about kicking her Internet addiction. Working with your partner, draft a one-paragraph reply, suggesting steps the person can take to break free of her addiction. Be creative in your response. Be prepared to share your advice with the class.

2. Working with two or three of your classmates, spend 5 to 10 minutes brainstorming a list of positive and negative effects of Internet use among college students. Then

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write a thesis statement based on the ideas you generated. Compare your list with the lists of other groups in the class.

3. In groups of two or three, examine the cartoon below. Together, come up with a one-sentence thesis statement (or punch line) that expresses the main point of the cartoon. Do not describe the cartoon: rather, convey the underlying message the cartoonist is trying to communicate — humorously, if you can. (To see the caption the cartoonist supplied, turn to the Acknowledgments page at the end of the book.)

Thesis/Punch line: ______________________________________________

4. Connotation What is the connotation of the word junkies in paragraph 6? Identify at least four other words in the selection with strong positive or negative connotations.

5. Evaluation How useful are the anecdotes in paragraphs 7 and 8 as evidence?

InterpretInG a GraphIc 1. Meaning The text below the large pie chart on page 132 reports that “13% of teens

show signs of Internet dependency,” and the pictogram says that “1 in 8 individuals may show signs of problematic use.” What is the difference between the terms dependency and problematic use?

2. Source How reliable do the sources for this graphic seem? What other sources might you use for a paper on Internet dependency among teens?

respondInG to the readInG 1. Audience How do you think this essay would change if the author wrote it for

Parents magazine? 2. Discussion Why do you think the number of people addicted to the Internet has

actually lessened since 1998? What might it mean that the American Psychological Association is not ready to include Internet addiction in the DSM? What does this say about the disorder?

3. Journal In your journal, write about ways you use the Internet that may not be healthy. How does it negatively affect your life? Do you feel it has more positive than negative effects on your life? Explain.

WorkInG toGether 1. Imagine that you and a classmate are authors of an advice column for your college

newspaper. Write a letter responding to a reader who asked for advice about kicking her Internet addiction. Working with your partner, draft a one-paragraph reply, suggesting steps the person can take to break free of her addiction. Be creative in your response. Be prepared to share your advice with the class.

2. Working with two or three of your classmates, spend 5 to 10 minutes brainstorming a list of positive and negative effects of Internet use among college students. Then

© Cartoonbank.com

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T W R I T I N G Q U I C K S T A R T

138

he photographs here show two examples

of green initiatives at colleges around the

country. Study these images of composting

and bicycle sharing. Then, working alone

or with classmates, write a sentence that

states your opinion of these initiatives and

how likely they are to succeed. Support this

opinion with details (evidence) from the pho-

tographs and from your own knowledge of

green initiatives. Number your best evidence

1, your second-best evidence 2, and so on.

Cross out any details that do not support

your opinion, or adjust the sentence if the

evidence disagrees with it. Finally, write a

paragraph that begins with the sentence you

wrote and includes your evidence in order of

importance.

The paragraph you just wrote could be

part of an essay on how colleges are making

Drafting an Essay7

© Stefano Politi Markovina/Alamy; © Jim West/Alamy

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139

I N T H I S C H A P T E R Y O U W I L L L E A R N T O

• structure an essay effectively,

• organize supporting details, and

• write effective introductions, conclusions, and titles.

FIGURE 7.1 An Overview of the Writing Process

campuses environmentally sustainable. To write an essay you would need to do

the following.

• Do additional prewriting and research to learn more about this topic.

• Write a thesis statement and develop supporting paragraphs.

• Write an effective introduction and conclusion.

• Choose a good title.

This chapter will guide you through the process of developing an essay as part

of the writing process shown in Figure 7.1.

THE ST RUCTURE OF AN E SSAY Think of an essay as a complete piece of writing, with a title, an introduction and thesis statement, several paragraphs supporting the thesis, and a conclusion. (See Figure 7.2.)

Prewriting to Find and Focus Ideas

Developing and Supporting Your Thesis

Drafting Your Essay

Revising Your Essay

Editing and Proofreading Your Essay

• See Chapter 5

• See Chapter 6

• Organize your supporting details • Write a strong introduction, conclusion,

and title

• See Chapter 9

• See Chapter 10

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ORGA NIZING YOUR SUPPORTING DETAILS The body of your essay contains the paragraphs that support your thesis. Before you begin writing these paragraphs, decide on the supporting evidence you will use and the order in which you will present your evidence.

SELECTING A METHOD OF ORGANIZATION Three common ways to organize ideas are most-to-least (or least-to-most) order, chron- ological order, and spatial order. To decide which to use, consider your topic and how it can be most logically presented.

Most-to-least (or least-to-most) order When you choose this method of organiz- ing an essay, you arrange your supporting details moving gradually from most to least (or

For more on developing a thesis and selecting evidence to support it, see Chapter 6.

FIGURE 7.2 The Structure of an Essay: Parts and Functions

Paragraph 1 (or can comprise two or

more paragraphs) INTRODUCTION

Paragraph 3

Paragraph 4

Paragraph 5 (or more)

Paragraph 2

bODY

• May announce your subject

• Sparks readers’ interest

• Identifies your narrowed topic

• Presents your thesis • Interests your readers • Provides background

• Supports and explains your thesis

Paragraph 6CONCLUSION

• Reemphasizes your thesis (does not merely restate it)

• Draws your essay to a close

TITLE

Note: There is no set number of paragraphs that an essay should contain. The number depends on your narrowed topic, purpose, and audience.

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least to most) important, familiar, or interesting. If you need to entice readers or expect they will read only the beginning of your essay, you might include your strongest evi- dence first. If readers are interested in the topic and likely to read on, you might hold your most memorable evidence for last. You can visualize these two options as follows:

A student, Robin Ferguson, devised this thesis statement: “Working as a literacy volunteer taught me more about learning and friendship than I ever expected.” She identified four primary benefits related to her thesis.

• I learned about the learning process. • I developed a permanent friendship with my student, Marie. • Marie built self-confidence. • I discovered the importance of reading for Marie.

Ferguson then chose to arrange the supporting evidence from least to most important.

least to most important

Paragraph 1: Learned about the learning process Paragraph 2: Discovered the importance of reading for Marie Paragraph 3: Marie increased her self-confidence Paragraph 4: Developed a permanent friendship with Marie

Thesis

Most Important Supporting Evidence

Less Important Supporting Evidence

Still Less Important Supporting Evidence

Least Important Supporting Evidence

Final Paragraph

Thesis

Less Important Supporting Evidence

More Important Supporting Evidence

Still More Important Supporting Evidence

Most Important Supporting Evidence

Final Paragraph

INTRODUCTION

bODY

CONCLUSION

MOST-TO-LEAST ORDER LEAST-TO-MOST ORDER

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EXERCISE 7.1 Working with Most-to-Least and Least-to-Most Order

For each of the following narrowed topics, identify several qualities or characteristics that you could use to organize details in most-to-least or least-to-most order. For each, would you choose most-to-least or least-to-most order? Why?

1. Three stores in which you shop 2. Three friends 3. Three members of a sports team 4. Three fast-food restaurants 5. Three television shows you watched this week

Chronological order When you arrange your supporting details in chronological (or time) order, you put them in the order in which they happened, beginning the body of your essay with the first event and progressing through the others as they occurred. Chronological order is commonly used in narrative essays (essays that tell a story or recount events) and process analyses (essays that explain how something works or is done). You can visualize chronological order as follows.

Thesis

First Event

Second Event

Third Event

Last Event

Final Paragraph

INTRODUCTION

bODY

CONCLUSION

Suppose that Robin Ferguson, writing about her experiences as a literacy volunteer, decides to demonstrate her thesis by relating the events of a typical tutoring session. In this case, she might organize her essay by narrating the events in the order in which they usually occur, using each detail about the session to demonstrate what tutoring taught her about learning and friendship.

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EXERCISE 7.2 Working with Chronological Order

Alone or with a classmate, identify at least one thesis statement from those listed below that could be supported with paragraphs organized in chronological order. Explain how you would use chronological order to support this thesis.

1. European mealtimes differ from those expected by many American visitors, much to the visitors’ surprise and discomfort.

2. Despite the many pitfalls that await those who shop at auctions, people can find bar- gains if they prepare in advance.

3. My first day of kindergarten was the most traumatic experience of my childhood, one that permanently shaped my view of education.

4. Learning how to drive a car increases a teenager’s freedom and responsibility.

Spatial order When you use spatial order, you organize details about your subject by location. Spatial organization is commonly used in descriptive essays (essays that portray people, places, and things) as well as in classification and division essays (essays that explain categories or parts). Consider, for example, how you might use spatial order to support the thesis that movie theaters are designed to shut out the outside world and create a separate reality within. You could begin by describing the ticket booth, then the lobby, and finally the theater. Similarly, you might describe a person from head to toe. Robin Ferguson, writing about her experiences as a literacy volunteer, could describe her classroom or meeting area from front to back or left to right.

Visualize spatial organization by picturing your subject in your mind or by sketch- ing it. “Look” at your subject systematically — from top to bottom, inside to outside, front to back. Cut it into imaginary sections or pieces and describe each piece. Here are two possible options for visualizing an essay that uses spatial order.

Thesis

Top Part

Middle Part

Bottom Part

Final Paragraph

Thesis

Far Left Section

Left Section

Right Section

Far Right Section

Final Paragraph

INTRODUCTION

bODY

CONCLUSION

FROM LEFT TO RIGHT FROM TOP TO bOTTOM

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EXERCISE 7.3 Working with Spatial Order

Alone or with a classmate, identify one thesis statement listed below that could be supported by means of spatial organization. Explain how you would use spatial order to support this thesis.

1. Our family’s yearly vacation at a cabin in Maine provides us with a much-needed opportunity to renew family ties.

2. The Civic Theatre of Allentown’s set for Tennessee Williams’s play A Streetcar Named Desire was simple yet striking and effective.

3. Although a pond in winter may seem frozen and lifeless, this appearance is deceptive. 4. A clear study space can cut down on time-wasting distractions.

Essay in Progress 1 Choose one of the following activities.

1. Using the thesis statement and evidence you gathered for the Essay in Progress activities in Chapter 6, choose a method for organizing your essay.

2. Choose one of the following narrowed topics: a. Positive or negative experiences with computers b. Stricter (or more lenient) regulations for teenage drivers c. Factors that account for the popularity of action films d. Discipline in public elementary schools e. Advantages or disadvantages of instant messaging

Then, using the steps in Figure 7.1 (p. 139), prewrite to produce ideas, develop a thesis, and generate evidence to support the thesis. Next, choose a method for organizing your essay. Explain briefly how you will use that method of organization.

PREPARING AN OUTLINE OR A GRAPHIC ORGANIZER After you have written a thesis statement and chosen a method of organization, take a few minutes to create an outline or graphic organizer of the essay’s main points in the order you plan to discuss them. This is especially important when your essay is long or complex. Outlining or drawing a graphic organizer can help you see how ideas fit together and may reveal places where you need to add supporting information.

Outlining There are two types of outlines: informal and formal. An informal (or scratch) outline uses key words and phrases to list main points and subpoints. Below is an informal outline of Robin Ferguson’s essay. Recall that Ferguson chose to use the least-to-most-important method of organization.

S A MPLE I NF ORMAL OUT LINE

Thesis: Working as a literacy volunteer taught me more about learning and friend- ship than I ever expected.

Paragraph 1: Learned about the learning process

– Went through staff training program

– Learned about words “in context”

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Paragraph 2: Discovered the importance of reading for Marie

– Couldn’t take bus, walked to grocery store

– Couldn’t buy certain products

– Couldn’t write out grocery lists

Paragraph 3: Marie increased her self-confidence

– Made rapid progress

– Began taking bus

– Helped son with reading

Paragraph 4: Developed a permanent friendship with Marie

– Saw each other often

– Both single parents

– Baby-sat each other’s children

Conclusion: I benefited more than Marie did.

Formal outlines use Roman numerals (I, II), capital letters (A, B), Arabic numbers (1, 2), and lowercase letters (a, b) and indentation to designate levels of importance. Formal outlines fall into two categories.

• Sentence outlines use complete sentences. • Topic outlines use only key words and phrases.

Here is a sample topic outline that a student wrote for an essay for her interpersonal communication class.

SAm PLE F ORmA L (TOPIc) OUT LINE

First Topic I. Types of listening

First Subtopic A. Participatory

First Detail 1. Involves the listener responding to the speaker

Second Detail 2. Has expressive quality

Detail or Example a. Maintain eye contact

Detail or Example b. Express feelings using facial expressions

Second Topic B. Nonparticipatory First Detail 1. Involves the listener listening without

talking or responding

Second Detail 2. Allows speaker to develop his or her thoughts without interruption

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All items at the same level should be at the same level of importance, and each must explain or support the topic or subtopic under which it is placed. All items at the same level should also be grammatically parallel.

not parallel

I. Dietary Problems A. Consuming too much fat B. High refined-sugar consumption

parallel I. Dietary Problems A. Consuming too much fat B. Consuming too much refined sugar

If your instructor allows, you can use both phrases and sentences within an outline, as long as you do so consistently. You might write all subtopics (designated by capital letters A, B, and so on) as sentences and all supporting details (designated by 1, 2, and so on) as phrases, for instance.

Preparing a graphic organizer If you have a pragmatic learning style, a verbal learning style, or both, preparing an outline will probably appeal to you. If you are a creative or spatial learner, however, you may prefer to draw a graphic organizer. Fig- ure 7.3 shows the graphic organizer that Robin Ferguson created for her essay. Notice that it follows the least-to-most-important method of organization, as did her informal outline on page 144.

Whichever method you find more appealing, begin by putting your working thesis statement at the top of a page and listing your main points below. Leave plenty of space between main points. While you are filling in details that support one main point, you will often think of details or examples to use in support of a different one. As these details or examples occur to you, jot them down under or next to the appropriate main point on your outline or graphic organizer.

Essay in Progress 2 For the topic you chose in Essay in Progress 1, prepare an outline or draw a graphic organizer to show your essay’s organizational plan.

WRITING YOUR INTRODUCTION, CONCLUSION, AND TITLE

When you write an essay, you don’t have to start with the title and introduction and write straight through to the end. Some students prefer to write the body of the essay first and then return to the introduction. (Often your true thesis emerges only in the conclusion.) Others prefer to write a tentative introduction as a way of getting started. Some students think of a title before they start writing; others find it easier to add a title when the essay is finished. Regardless of when you write them, the introduction, con- clusion, and title are important components of a well-written essay.

For more on parallel structure, see Chapter 10.

Learning Style Options

To learn more about creating a graphic organizer, see Chapter 3.

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FIGURE 7.3 Sample Graphic Organizer

• Participated in staff training program • Learned role of context clues

TITLE The Value of Volunteering

Thesis: Working as a literacy volunteer taught me more

about learning and friendship than I ever expected

Learned about the learning process

Discovered the importance of reading for Marie

• Couldn’t take bus, walked to grocery store

• Couldn’t buy certain products • Couldn’t write out grocery lists

Helped Marie increase her self-confidence

• Made rapid progress • Began taking bus • Helped son with reading

INTRODUCTION

bODY PARAGRAPHS

Developed a permanent friendship

Benefited more than Marie did

• Saw each other often • Baby-sat each other’s children • Both single parents

CONCLUSION

WRITING A STRONG INTRODUCTION introductions often start with a fairly general statement of the topic and narrow their focus until they reach the thesis statement at the end of the paragraph. However you begin, your readers should be able to form an expectation of what the essay will be about from this section. Because the introduction creates a first, and often lasting, impression, take the time to get it right.

An effective introduction should: • establish your topic and indicate your focus, approach, and point of view, • set the tone of your essay — how you “sound” to your readers and what relation-

ship you have with them,

For more about tone, see Chapters 4 and 10, pp. 81 and 206–08.

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• interest your readers and provide any background information they may need, and

• present your thesis statement.

Notice how each of the two sample introductions that follow, both on sexual harass- ment, creates an entirely different impression and set of expectations.

IntroductIon 1

Sexual harassment has received a great deal of attention in recent years. From the

highest offices of government and the military to factories in small towns, sexual harass-

ment cases have been tried in court and publicized on national television for all

Americans to witness. This focus on sexual harassment has been, in and of itself, a good

and necessary thing. However, when a first-grade boy makes national headlines because he

kissed a little girl of the same age and is accused of ”sexual harassment,” the American

public needs to take a serious look at the definition of sexual harassment.

IntroductIon 2

Sexual harassment in the workplace seems to happen with alarming frequency. As

a woman who works part time in a male-dominated office, I have witnessed at least six

incidents of sexual harassment aimed at me and my female colleagues on various occa-

sions during the past three months alone. For example, in one incident, a male coworker

repeatedly made kissing sounds whenever I passed his desk, even after I explained that

his actions made me uncomfortable. A female coworker was invited to dinner several times

by her male supervisor; each time she refused. The last time she refused, he made a veiled

threat: “You obviously aren’t happy working with me. Perhaps a transfer is in order”. These

incidents were not isolated, did not happen to only one woman, and were initiated by more

than one man. My colleagues and I are not the only victims. Sexual harassment is on the

rise and will continue to increase unless women speak out against it loudly and to a recep-

tive audience.

An introduction can be difficult to write. If you have trouble, return to it later, once you have written the body of your essay. As you draft, you may think of a better way to grab your readers, set your tone, and establish your focus.

The following suggestions for writing a strong introduction will help you capture your readers’ interest:

1. ask a provocative or disturbing question, or pose a series of related ques- tions to direct readers’ attention to your key points.

Should health insurance companies pay for more than one stay in a drug rehabilitation center? Should insurance continue to pay for rehab services when patients consistently put themselves back into danger by using drugs again?

Sets tone: Tone is reason- able yet with mild sense of disbelief

Engages readers/provides background: Grabs readers’ attention with provocative example

Thesis: Thesis prepares readers for an essay that examines definitions of sexual harassment and perhaps offers one.

Sets tone: Tone is outraged, angry

Engages readers/provides background: Provides specific, distressing examples

Thesis: Thesis prepares readers for an essay that suggests ways women can speak out against sexual harassment.

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2. Begin with a dramatic or engaging anecdote or an example that is relevant to your thesis.

The penal system sometimes protects the rights of the criminal instead of those of the victim. For example, during a rape trial, the defense attorney can question the victim about his or her sexual history, but the prosecuting attor- ney is forbidden by law to mention that the defendant was charged with rape in a previous trial. In fact, if the prosecution even hints at the defendant’s sexual history, the defense can request a mistrial.

3. offer a quotation that illustrates or emphasizes your thesis.

As Indira Gandhi once said, “You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.” This truism is important to remember whenever people communicate with one another but particularly when they are attempting to resolve a con- flict. Both parties need to agree that there is a problem and then agree to listen to each other with an open mind. Shaking hands is a productive way to begin working toward a resolution.

4. Cite a little-known fact or shocking statistic.

Recent research has shown that the color pink has a calming effect on people. In fact, a prison detention center in western New York was recently painted pink to make prisoners more controllable in the days following their arrest.

5. state a commonly held misconception, and correct this misconception in your thesis.

Many people have the mistaken notion that only homosexuals and drug users are in danger of contracting AIDS. In fact, many heterosexuals also suf- fer from this debilitating disease. Furthermore, the number of heterosexuals who test HIV-positive has increased substantially over the past decade. It is time the American public became better informed about the prevention and treatment of AIDS.

6. Describe a hypothetical situation.

Suppose you were in a serious car accident and became unconscious. Sup- pose further that you slipped into a coma, with little hope for recovery. Unless you had a prewritten health-care proxy that designated someone familiar with your wishes to act on your behalf, your fate would be left in the hands of doc- tors who knew nothing about you or your preferences for treatment.

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7. Compare your topic with one that is familiar or of special interest to your readers.

The process a researcher uses to locate a specific piece of information in the library is similar to the process an investigator follows in tracking a criminal; both pose a series of questions and follow clues to answer them.

WRITING AN EFFECTIVE CONCLUSION Write a conclusion that brings your essay to a satisfying close. For most essays, your conclusion should reaffirm your thesis without directly restating it. For lengthy essays, you may want to summarize your main points. Shorter essays can be ended more mem- orably and forcefully by using one of the following suggestions.

1. take your readers beyond the scope and time frame of your essay.

For now, then, the present system for policing the Internet appears to be working. In the future, though, it may be necessary to put a more formal, structured procedure in place.

2. remind readers of the relevance of the issue or suggest why your thesis is important.

As stated earlier, research has shown that the seat-belt law has saved thou- sands of lives. These lives would almost certainly have been lost had this law not been enacted.

3. offer a recommendation or urge your readers to take action.

To convince the local cable company to eliminate pornographic material, concerned citizens should organize, contact their local cable station, and threaten to cancel their subscriptions.

4. Discuss broader implications not fully addressed in the essay (but do not introduce a completely new issue).

When fair-minded people consider whether the FBI should be allowed to tap private phone lines, the issue inevitably leads them to the larger issue of First Amendment rights.

5. Conclude with a fact, quotation, anecdote, or example that emphasizes your thesis.

The next time you are tempted to send a strongly worded email, consider this fact: Your friends and your enemies can forward those messages, with unforeseen consequences to you.

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INTRODUCTIONS A ND CONC LUSIONS: FOUR COMMON MIS TA K ES T O AVOID

In your introduction, don’t . . . In your conclusion, don’t . . .

1. make an announcement. Avoid opening comments such as “I am writing to explain . . .” or “This essay will discuss . . .”

make an announcement or a restate your thesis directly. Statements like “In my essay I have shown. . . .” are dull and mechanical.

2. prolong your introduction unnec- essarily. An introduction that is longer than two paragraphs will probably sound long-winded and make your readers impatient.

introduce major points or supporting evidence. Reasons and evidence that support your thesis belong in the body of your essay.

3. discourage your readers from continuing. Statements such as “This process may seem compli- cated, but . . .” may make your readers apprehensive.

apologize or weaken your stance. Do not say, for example, “Although I am only twenty-one, . . .” or back down after criticizing someone by saying “After all, she’s only human.”

4. use a casual, overly familiar, or chatty tone, especially in academic writing. Openings such as “You’ll never in a million years believe what happened . . .” are generally not appropriate for college essays.

use standard phrases. Don’t use phrases such as “To sum up,” “In conclusion,” or “It can be seen, then.” They are routine and tiresome.

WRITING A GOOD TITLE The title of your essay should indicate your topic and prepare readers for what follows. Titles such as “Baseball Fans” or “Gun Control,” which just indicate the topic, provide readers with little information or incentive to continue reading. For academic essays, write straightforward titles that accurately describe your topic and approach.

Why State Lotteries Are an Unfair Tax on the Poor

Suggests a cause-effect analysis Suggests an argument

Topic Position

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For other writing situations — depending on your purpose, audience, stance, genre, and medium — your title may be direct, informative, witty, intriguing, or a combina- tion of these. The following suggestions will help you write effective titles.

• ask a question that your essay answers.

Who Plays the Lottery?

• Use alliteration. Repeating initial sounds often produces a catchy title.

Lotteries: Dreaming about Dollars

• Use a play on words or a catchy or humorous expression. This technique may work well for less formal essays.

Playing to Lose

• Use a brief quotation. You will likely need to mention the quotation in your essay and indicate there who said it and where.

The Lottery: “A Surtax on Desperation”?

EXERCISE 7.4 Writing Titles

For each of the following essays, suggest a title. Use each of the above suggestions at least once.

1. An essay explaining tenants’ legal rights 2. An essay opposing drug testing on animals 3. An essay on the causes and effects of road rage 4. An essay comparing fitness routines 5. An essay explaining how to choose a primary care physician

Essay in Progress 3 Using the outline or graphic organizer you created in Essay in Progress 2, write a first draft of your essay.

READING: STUDENTS WRITE

No Place Left for Privacy LATRISHA WILSON

The first draft of an essay by Latrisha Wilson follows. Wilson used her freewriting (see Chapter 5) and her working thesis (see Chapter 6) as the basis for her draft, adding details that she came up with by doing additional brainstorming (see Chapter 6). Because she was writing a first draft, Wilson did not worry about correcting the errors in grammar, punctua- tion, and mechanics. (You will see an excerpt from her revised draft and her final draft in Chapter 9, p. 190, and an excerpt that shows Wilson’s final editing and proofreading in Chapter 10, p. 213.)

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First Draft

Do we need to talk? There are plenty of exciting new ways to do it. We

can communicate by talking on our iPhones, but there are dangers there.

Our conversations can be recorded, and the GPS function on the phone

allows our whereabouts to be tracked. We can chat on Skype, Gmail, Face-

book message, read each other’s Twitter or Blog posts. These new digital

technologies are incredibly useful; however, they also come at a hidden cost.

When the word surveillance comes up, maybe you think of some

thrilling and dangerous activity, like the kind of spying on foreign terrorists

that goes on in James Bond movies. In the US today, most spying is done

by surveillance computers. Edward Snowden bounced around for weeks

from one airport to another, and lived for a while in the Moscow airport,

eating who knows what and sleeping who knows where. The NSA seems

to be able to do whatever it wants without having to answer to anyone or

suffer any consequences. But we can’t say the same for whistleblowers. Just

look what they did to Bradley Manning! And now, the US government

is aggressively pursuing Snowden. The NSA is more and more aggres-

sively protecting its own secrecy, by punishing whistleblowers, and lying

to Congress and, it seems as if they are more concerned about themselves

than the people they are spying on.

The NSA isn’t the only organization to be spying on us. You got

companies like Google and other companies doing it to. The next time you

pull up your Gmail account, go to your inbox and click on a message. Do

you see all those advertisements to the right of your inbox? There directly

related to the message you are reading. (I wish my mom “Happy Birthday!”

and now I see ads for places to buy birthday hats. This creepy connection

is because Google is a major online marketing business, and it automati-

cally scans all of our e-mails for keywords and phrases all at the same time.

Companies are paying Google tons of money to record our search histories

and pore over our personal messages. Spokesmen for Google reassure us

that only computers, no human beings, are reading our e-mails.

Google and other corporations could do more do inform it’s users

about privacy concerns. How much personal information are we giving

away when we make an account with G-mail, Facebook, or NetFlix? What

kind of controls keep employees at this companies from accessing our

viewing histories, profiles, or private communications? Its never easy to tell.

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AnALyZing THE fiRsT DRAfT 1. Title and Introduction Evaluate Wilson’s title and introduction. 2. Thesis Evaluate Wilson’s thesis statement. 3. Support Does Wilson provide adequate details in her essay? If not, which para-

graphs need more detail? What additional information might she include? 4. Organization How does Wilson organize her ideas? 5. Conclusion Evaluate the conclusion.

READing

Black Men and Public Space BREnT sTAPLEs

Brent Staples is a journalist who has written numerous articles and editorials as well as a memoir, Parallel Time: Growing Up in Black and White (1994). He holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a member of The New York Times editorial board and a regular contributor to its Com- mentary section. This essay, first published in Harper’s magazine in 1986, is a good model of a well-structured essay. As you read the selection, highlight or underline the author’s thesis.

My first victim was a woman—white, well dressed, probably in her early twenties. I came upon her late one evening on a deserted street in Hyde Park, a relatively affluent neighborhood in an otherwise mean, impoverished section of Chicago. As I swung onto the avenue behind her, there seemed to be a discreet, uninflammatory distance between us. Not so. She cast back a worried glance. To her, the youngish black man — a broad six feet two inches with a beard and billowing hair, both hands shoved into the pockets of a bulky military jacket — seemed menacingly close. After a few more quick glimpses, she picked up her pace and was soon running in earnest. Within seconds she disappeared into a cross street.

1

The terms are long legal documents written in a lingo your everyday person

doesn’t have the time or energy to decipher. We just check a box.

Well, what’s the big deal? you might say. I have nothing to hide from

neither the government nor companies like Google and Facebook. Neither

do I, I would say in response. But I don’t like the idea of having people I

don’t know constantly looking over my shoulder. When I’m researching my

next poli sci paper on alternate forms of government, will I set off alarms

in Washington by typing words like “anarchism” or “Marxism” into my

browser? When I’m writing a Facebook message to my boyfriend, do I need

to worry about getting blackmailed by some Facebook employee, who got

bored on a break and decided to do some browsing? Less and less is there

any kind of privacy, online or in real life.

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That was more than a decade ago. I was twenty-two years old, a graduate student newly arrived at the University of Chicago. It was in the echo of that terrified woman’s footfalls that I first began to know the unwieldy inheritance I’d come into — the ability to alter public space in ugly ways. It was clear that she thought herself the quarry of a mugger, a rapist, or worse. Suffering a bout of insomnia, however, I was stalking sleep, not defenseless wayfarers. As a softy who is scarcely able to take a knife to a raw chicken — let alone hold one to a person’s throat — I was surprised, embarrassed, and dismayed all at once. Her flight made me feel like an accomplice in tyranny. It also made it clear that I was indistinguishable from the muggers who occasionally seeped into the area from the surrounding ghetto. That first encounter, and those that followed, signified that a vast, unnerving gulf lay between nighttime pedestrians — particularly women — and me. And I soon gathered that being perceived as dangerous is a hazard in itself. I only needed to turn a corner into a dicey situation, or crowd some frightened, armed person in a foyer somewhere, or make an errant move after being pulled over by a policeman. Where fear and weapons meet — and they often do in urban America — there is always the possibility of death.

In that first year, my first away from my hometown, I was to become thoroughly familiar with the language of fear. At dark, shadowy intersections, I could cross in front of a car stopped at a traffic light and elicit the thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk of the driver — black, white, male, or female — hammering down the door locks. On less traveled streets after dark, I grew accustomed to but never comfortable with people crossing to the other side of the street rather than pass me. Then there were the stan- dard unpleasantries with policemen, doormen, bouncers, cabdrivers, and others whose business it is to screen out troublesome individuals before there is any nastiness.

I moved to New York nearly two years ago and I have remained an avid night walker. In central Manhattan, the near-constant crowd cover minimizes tense one-on- one street encounters. Elsewhere — in SoHo, for example, where sidewalks are narrow and tightly spaced buildings shut out the sky — things can get very taut indeed.

After dark, on the warrenlike streets of Brooklyn where I live, I often see women who fear the worst from me. They seem to have set their faces on neutral, and with their purse straps strung across their chests bandolier-style, they forge ahead as though bracing themselves against being tackled. I understand, of course, that the danger they perceive is not a hallucination. Women are particularly vulnerable to street violence, and young black males are drastically overrepresented among the perpetrators of that violence. Yet these truths are no solace against the kind of alienation that comes of being ever the suspect, a fearsome entity with whom pedestrians avoid making eye contact.

It is not altogether clear to me how I reached the ripe old age of twenty-two without being conscious of the lethality nighttime pedestrians attributed to me. Perhaps it was because in Chester, Pennsylvania, the small, angry industrial town where I came of age in the 1960s, I was scarcely noticeable against a backdrop of gang warfare, street knifings, and murders. I grew up one of the good boys, had perhaps a half-dozen fistfights. In retrospect, my shyness of combat has clear sources.

As a boy, I saw countless tough guys locked away; I have since buried several, too. They were babies, really — a teenage cousin, a brother of twenty-two, a childhood

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ANALYZING THE WRITER’S TECHNIQUE 1. introduction Evaluate Staples’s opening paragraph. Does it spark your interest?

Why or why not? 2. Thesis Identify Staples’s thesis statement. How does the author support his thesis?

What types of information does he include? 3. supporting Details Cite several examples of places in the essay where Staples uses

specific supporting details effectively. Explain your choices. 4. Conclusion Evaluate Staples’s conclusion. Does it leave you satisfied? Why or why

not? 5. method of organization What is Staples’s method of organization in this essay?

What other method of organization could he have used?

THINKING CRITICALLY AbOUT THE READING 1. Word Choice Why did Staples choose the word victim in paragraph 1? What con-

notations does it have? What images does he create through its use? 2. Fact and opinion Highlight the facts about what Staples sees during his night

walks, and underline his opinions about what he sees. Evaluate the evidence for his interpretations and opinions and consider the following question: Is he also pre- judging people?

3. sources What other kinds of sources might Staples have considered in formulating his views? How would including such sources have changed his essay?

4. tone Describe the tone of the essay. What effect does the tone have on you as a reader? How effective do you find it?

5. omissions What information has Staples omitted that would help you further understand his thesis, if any?

VISUALIZING THE READING Review the reading and supply the missing information in the graphic organizer on the next page.

RESPONDING TO THE READING 1. reaction Why is Staples’s whistling of classical music similar to hikers wearing

cowbells in bear country? 2. Discussion In what other ways can an individual “alter public space”? 3. Journal Do you think Staples should alter his behavior in public to accommodate

the reactions of others? Write a journal entry explaining whether you agree or disagree with Staples’s actions.

4. essay Staples describes himself as a “survivor” (para. 7) of the streets he grew up on. In a sense, everyone is a survivor of certain decisions or circumstances that, if played out differently, might have resulted in misfortune. Write an essay that explains how and why you or someone you know is a survivor.

friend in his mid-twenties — all gone down in episodes of bravado played out in the streets. I came to doubt the virtues of intimidation early on. I chose, perhaps uncon- sciously, to remain a shadow — timid, but a survivor.

The fearsomeness mistakenly attributed to me in public places often has a perilous flavor. The most frightening of these confusions occurred in the late 1970s and early 1980s, when I worked as a journalist in Chicago. One day, rushing into the office of a magazine I was writing for with a deadline story in hand, I was mistaken for a burglar. The office manager called security and, with an ad hoc posse, pursued me through the labyrinthine halls, nearly to my editor’s door. I had no way of proving who I was. I could only move briskly toward the company of someone who knew me.

Another time I was on assignment for a local paper and killing time before an interview. I entered a jewelry store on the city’s affluent Near North Side. The proprietor excused herself and returned with an enormous red Doberman pinscher straining at the end of a leash. She stood, the dog extended toward me, silent to my questions, her eyes bulging nearly out of her head. I took a cursory look around, nodded, and bade her good night.

Relatively speaking, however, I never fared as badly as another black male journalist. He went to nearby Waukegan, Illinois, a couple of summers ago to work on a story about a murderer who was born there. Mistaking the reporter for the killer, police officers hauled him from his car at gunpoint and but for his press credentials would probably have tried to book him. Such episodes are not uncommon. Black men trade tales like this all the time.

Over the years, I learned to smother the rage I felt at so often being taken for a criminal. Not to do so would surely have led to madness. I now take precautions to make myself less threatening. I move about with care, particularly late in the evening. I give a wide berth to nervous people on subway platforms during the wee hours, particu- larly when I have exchanged business clothes for jeans. If I happen to be entering a building behind some people who appear skittish, I may walk by, letting them clear the lobby before I return, so as not to seem to be following them. I have been calm and extremely congenial on those rare occasions when I’ve been pulled over by the police.

And on late-evening constitutionals I employ what has proved to be an excellent tension-reducing measure: I whistle melodies from Beethoven and Vivaldi and the more popular classical composers. Even steely New Yorkers hunching toward night- time destinations seem to relax, and occasionally they even join in the tune. Virtually everybody seems to sense that a mugger wouldn’t be warbling bright sunny selections from Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. It is my equivalent of the cowbell that hikers wear when they know they are in bear country.

EXAMINING THE READING 1. paraphrase Explain what Staples means by “the ability to alter public space” (para. 2). 2. Details Staples considers himself a “survivor” (para. 7). To what does he attribute his

survival? 3. examples What does Staples do to make himself seem less threatening to others? 4. Vocabulary Explain the meaning of each of the following words as it is used in the

reading: uninflammatory (para. 1), unwieldy (2), vulnerable (5), retrospect (6), and constitutionals (12).

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ANALYZING THE WRITER’S TECHNIQUE 1. introduction Evaluate Staples’s opening paragraph. Does it spark your interest?

Why or why not? 2. Thesis Identify Staples’s thesis statement. How does the author support his thesis?

What types of information does he include? 3. supporting Details Cite several examples of places in the essay where Staples uses

specific supporting details effectively. Explain your choices. 4. Conclusion Evaluate Staples’s conclusion. Does it leave you satisfied? Why or why

not? 5. method of organization What is Staples’s method of organization in this essay?

What other method of organization could he have used?

THINKING CRITICALLY AbOUT THE READING 1. Word Choice Why did Staples choose the word victim in paragraph 1? What con-

notations does it have? What images does he create through its use? 2. Fact and opinion Highlight the facts about what Staples sees during his night

walks, and underline his opinions about what he sees. Evaluate the evidence for his interpretations and opinions and consider the following question: Is he also pre- judging people?

3. sources What other kinds of sources might Staples have considered in formulating his views? How would including such sources have changed his essay?

4. tone Describe the tone of the essay. What effect does the tone have on you as a reader? How effective do you find it?

5. omissions What information has Staples omitted that would help you further understand his thesis, if any?

VISUALIZING THE READING Review the reading and supply the missing information in the graphic organizer on the next page.

RESPONDING TO THE READING 1. reaction Why is Staples’s whistling of classical music similar to hikers wearing

cowbells in bear country? 2. Discussion In what other ways can an individual “alter public space”? 3. Journal Do you think Staples should alter his behavior in public to accommodate

the reactions of others? Write a journal entry explaining whether you agree or disagree with Staples’s actions.

4. essay Staples describes himself as a “survivor” (para. 7) of the streets he grew up on. In a sense, everyone is a survivor of certain decisions or circumstances that, if played out differently, might have resulted in misfortune. Write an essay that explains how and why you or someone you know is a survivor.

friend in his mid-twenties — all gone down in episodes of bravado played out in the streets. I came to doubt the virtues of intimidation early on. I chose, perhaps uncon- sciously, to remain a shadow — timid, but a survivor.

The fearsomeness mistakenly attributed to me in public places often has a perilous flavor. The most frightening of these confusions occurred in the late 1970s and early 1980s, when I worked as a journalist in Chicago. One day, rushing into the office of a magazine I was writing for with a deadline story in hand, I was mistaken for a burglar. The office manager called security and, with an ad hoc posse, pursued me through the labyrinthine halls, nearly to my editor’s door. I had no way of proving who I was. I could only move briskly toward the company of someone who knew me.

Another time I was on assignment for a local paper and killing time before an interview. I entered a jewelry store on the city’s affluent Near North Side. The proprietor excused herself and returned with an enormous red Doberman pinscher straining at the end of a leash. She stood, the dog extended toward me, silent to my questions, her eyes bulging nearly out of her head. I took a cursory look around, nodded, and bade her good night.

Relatively speaking, however, I never fared as badly as another black male journalist. He went to nearby Waukegan, Illinois, a couple of summers ago to work on a story about a murderer who was born there. Mistaking the reporter for the killer, police officers hauled him from his car at gunpoint and but for his press credentials would probably have tried to book him. Such episodes are not uncommon. Black men trade tales like this all the time.

Over the years, I learned to smother the rage I felt at so often being taken for a criminal. Not to do so would surely have led to madness. I now take precautions to make myself less threatening. I move about with care, particularly late in the evening. I give a wide berth to nervous people on subway platforms during the wee hours, particu- larly when I have exchanged business clothes for jeans. If I happen to be entering a building behind some people who appear skittish, I may walk by, letting them clear the lobby before I return, so as not to seem to be following them. I have been calm and extremely congenial on those rare occasions when I’ve been pulled over by the police.

And on late-evening constitutionals I employ what has proved to be an excellent tension-reducing measure: I whistle melodies from Beethoven and Vivaldi and the more popular classical composers. Even steely New Yorkers hunching toward night- time destinations seem to relax, and occasionally they even join in the tune. Virtually everybody seems to sense that a mugger wouldn’t be warbling bright sunny selections from Vivaldi’s Four Seasons. It is my equivalent of the cowbell that hikers wear when they know they are in bear country.

EXAMINING THE READING 1. paraphrase Explain what Staples means by “the ability to alter public space” (para. 2). 2. Details Staples considers himself a “survivor” (para. 7). To what does he attribute his

survival? 3. examples What does Staples do to make himself seem less threatening to others? 4. Vocabulary Explain the meaning of each of the following words as it is used in the

reading: uninflammatory (para. 1), unwieldy (2), vulnerable (5), retrospect (6), and constitutionals (12).

8

9

10

11

12

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158 C H A P T E R 7 | D R A f T i n g A n E s s A y

WoRking TogETHER Working in a group with two or three of your classmates, come up with an alternate title (one that will spark your readers’ interest) for the article “Black Men and Public Space.” Be prepared to share your title and explain the reason your group chose it.

TiTlE

inTRoDuCTion (BACkgRounD infoRmATion)

THEsis sTATEmEnT

BoDy PARAgRAPHs (lisT sTAPlEs’s

ExAmPlEs)

ConClusion

VisuAlizing THE READing

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S W R I T I N G Q U I C K S T A R T

159

AL Photo/NAM Y. Huh, File

tudy the photograph on this page. At what

kind of event does it seem to have been

taken? Write a sentence that states the

main point of the photograph. Then write

several more sentences explaining what is

happening in the photograph. Describe what

details in the photo helped you identify the

event.

In much the same way as a photograph

does, a paragraph makes an overall impres-

sion, or main point, and includes details

that support this main point. Your first sen-

tence, or topic sentence, states the main

idea, and the other sentences you write pro-

vide the details that support it.

Writing Effective Paragraphs8

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160

I N T H I S C H A P T E R Y O U W I L L L E A R N T O

• understand the structure of a paragraph,

• write effective topic sentences,

• select supporting details that support the paragraph’s main idea, and

• use transitions and repetition effectively.

THE STRUCTURE OF A PARAGRAPH A paragraph is a group of connected sentences that develop a single idea about a topic. Each paragraph in your essay should support your thesis and contribute to the overall meaning and effectiveness of your essay. A well-developed paragraph contains:

• a well-focused topic sentence, • specific supporting details (definitions, examples, facts and statistics, explana-

tions, or other evidence), • transitions and strategic repetition that show how the ideas are related, within

and across paragraphs.

For a paragraph to develop a single idea, it must have unity: It must stay focused on one idea, without switching or wandering from topic to topic. A paragraph also should be of a reasonable length, neither too short nor too long. Short paragraphs are often underdeveloped; long paragraphs may be difficult for readers to follow. Note that what is an appropriate length may change across genres (or types) of writing — college essays usually have longer paragraphs than newspaper articles, and scholarly articles usually have longer paragraphs than college essays.

Here is a sample paragraph from a college textbook with its parts labeled.

Audiences gather with varying degrees of willingness to hear a speaker. Some are anx- ious to hear the speaker, and may even have paid a substantial admission price. The “lecture circuit,” for example, is a most lucrative aspect of public life. But whereas some audiences are willing to pay to hear a speaker, others don’t seem to care one way or the other. Other audiences need to be persuaded to listen (or at least to sit in the audience). Still other audiences gather because they have to. For example, negotiations on a union contract may require members to attend meetings where officers give speeches.

DeVito, The Essential Elements of Public Speaking

Notice also how the writer repeats the words audience(s) and speaker, along with the synonyms lecture and speeches, to help tie the paragraph to the idea in the topic sen- tence. To visualize the structure of a well-developed paragraph, see Figure 8.1.

Topic sentence: Main idea

Repetition: Key terms

Transitions: Guideposts

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W R I T I N G A T O P I C S E N T E N C E 161

WRITING A T OPIC SE NTENCE A topic sentence is to a paragraph what a thesis statement is to an essay. Just as a thesis announces the main point of an essay, a topic sentence states the main point of a para- graph. In addition, each paragraph’s topic sentence must support the thesis of the essay. An effective topic sentence should be focused, support the thesis, and be placed appro- priately (usually at the beginning of the paragraph).

A TOPIC SENTENCE SHOULD bE FOCUSED A topic sentence should make clear what the paragraph is about (its topic) and express a view or make a point about the topic.

Shocking behavior by fans, including rudeness and violent language,

has become common at many sporting events.

It should use specific and detailed language to tell readers what the paragraph is about. Avoid vague, general, or unfocused statements.

UnfocUSed Some members of minority groups do not approve of affirmative action.

focUSed Some members of minority groups disapprove of affirmative action because it implies that they are not capable of obtaining employment based on their own accomplishments.

topic

point about topic

FIGURE 8.1 The Structure of a Paragraph

TOPIC SENTENCE • Identifies what the paragraph is about • Makes a point about the topic • Connects to the previous paragraph

CONCLUDING OR TRANSITIONAL SENTENCE

• Draws the paragraph to a close, or • Leads to the next paragraph

SUPPORTING DETAILS

• Explain the topic sentence • Support the topic sentence with evidence,

such as examples, facts, statistics, personal experience, and definitions

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UnfocUSed Many students believe that hate groups shouldn’t be allowed on campus.

focUSed The neo-Nazis, a group that promotes hate crimes, should not be permitted to speak in our local community college because most students find its members’ views objectionable.

If you have trouble focusing your topic sentences, review the guidelines for writing an effective thesis statement in Chapter 6 (pp. 122–24), many of which also apply to writing effective topic sentences.

A TOPIC SENTENCE MAY PREvIEW THE ORGANIzATION OF THE PARAGRAPH A topic sentence may suggest the order in which details are discussed in the paragraph, so readers know what to expect.

Teaching employees how to handle conflicts through

anger management and mediation is essential in high-stress jobs.

Readers can expect a discussion of anger management first, followed by a discussion of mediation.

EXERCISE 8.1 Working with Topic Sentences

Revise each of the following topic sentences to make it focused and specific. At least two of your revised topic sentences should also preview the organization of the paragraph.

1. In society today, there is always a new fad or fashion in clothing. 2. People watch television talk shows because they find them irresistible. 3. Tattoos are a popular trend. 4. Procrastinating can have a negative effect on your success in college. 5. In our state, the lottery is a big issue.

A TOPIC SENTENCE SHOULD SUPPORT YOUR THESIS Each topic sentence must in some way explain the thesis or show why the thesis is believable or correct. For example, this sample thesis could be supported by the topic sentences that follow it.

THeSIS Adoption files should not be made available to adult children who are seeking their biological parents.

detail 1 detail 2

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W R I T I N G A T O P I C S E N T E N C E 163

Topic SenTenceS • Research has shown that not all biological parents want to meet with the sons or

daughters they gave up many years before. • If a woman gives up a child for adoption, it is probable that she does not ever

intend to have a relationship with that child. • Adult children who try to contact their biological parents often meet resistance

and even hostility, which can cause them to feel hurt and rejected. • A woman who gave up her biological child because she became pregnant as a

result of rape or incest should not have to live in fear that her child will one day confront her.

All of these topic sentences support the thesis because they offer valid reasons for keep- ing adoption files closed.

EXERCISE 8.2 Using Topic Sentences to Support a Thesis

For each of the following thesis statements, identify the topic sentence in the list below it that does not support the thesis.

1. To make a marriage work, a couple must build trust, communication, and understanding. a. Knowing why a spouse behaves as he or she does can improve a relationship. b. People get married for reasons other than love. c. The ability to talk about feelings, problems, likes, and dislikes should grow as a mar-

riage develops. d. Marital partners must rely on each other to make sensible decisions that benefit both

of them. 2. Internet sales are capturing a larger market share relative to in-store sales.

a. Internet retailers that target a specific audience tend to be most successful. b. The convenience of ordering any time of day or night accounts, in part, for increased

Internet sales. c. Many customers use PayPal for online purchases. d. Websites that locate and compare prices for a specified item make comparison shop-

ping easier on the Internet than in retail stores.

A TOPIC SENTENCE SHOULD bE STRATEGICALLY PLACED The beginning of the paragraph is the most common and often the best position for a topic sentence: You state your main point, and then you explain it. The topic sentence tells readers what to expect in the rest of the paragraph, making it clear and easy for them to follow.

Advertising is first and foremost based on the principle of visibility — the cus- tomer must notice the product. Manufacturers often package products in glitzy, even garish, containers to grab the consumer’s attention. For example, one candy company always packages its candy in reflective wrappers. When the hurried and hungry consumer glances at the candy counter, the reflective wrappers are easy to spot. It is only natural for the impatient customer to grab the candy and go.

Topic sentence: Appears at beginning of paragraph

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When one or two sentences are needed at the beginning of a paragraph to smooth the transition from one paragraph to the next, the topic sentence may follow these transitional sentences.

However, visibility is not the only principle in advertising; it is simply the first. A second and perhaps more subtle principle is identity: The manufacturer attempts to lure the consumer into buying a product by linking it to a concept with which the consumer can identify. For instance, Boundaries perfume is advertised on television as the choice of “independent” women. Since independent women are admired in our culture, women identify with the concept and therefore are attracted to the per- fume. Once the consumer identifies with the product, a sale is more likely to occur.

If you want to present convincing evidence before stating your point about the issue, you may want to save your topic sentence until the end of the paragraph. This allows readers to draw their own conclusions based on the details you have provided. This strategy is common in argumentative writing (especially when readers may not be sym- pathetic to the writer’s position).

The saying “Guns don’t kill people; people kill people” is deceptive in the same way that the statement “Heroin doesn’t kill people; people kill themselves” is deceptive. Naturally, people need to pull the trigger of a gun to make the gun kill other people, just as it is necessary for a person to use heroin for it to kill him or her. However, these facts do not excuse us from the responsibility of keeping guns (or heroin) out of people’s hands as much as possible. People cannot shoot people unless they have a gun. This fact alone should persuade the government to institute stiff gun control laws.

Essay in Progress 1 For the first draft you wrote in Essay in Progress 3 on page 152, evaluate each of your topic sentences for content and placement. Revise as needed to make each more effective.

INCLUD ING SUP P ORTING DETAILS In addition to including well-focused topic sentences, effective paragraphs are unified and well developed — they provide relevant details that support the main point.

EFFECTIvE PARAGRAPHS HAvE UNITY A paragraph has unity when all of the sentences directly support the topic sentence. Including details that are not relevant to the topic sentence makes your paragraph unclear and distracts your reader from the point you are making. To identify irrelevant details, evaluate each sentence by asking the following questions.

1. Does this sentence directly explain the topic sentence? What new information does it add?

Topic sentence: Appears after transitional sentence, before example

Topic sentence: Follows evidence

macmillanhighered.com/successfulwriting LearningCurve > Topic Sentences and Supporting Details

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I N C L U D I N G S U P P O R T I N G D E T A I L S 165

2. Would any essential information be lost if this sentence were deleted? (If not, delete it.)

3. Is this information distracting or unimportant? (If so, delete it.)

The following sample paragraph lacks unity. As you read it, try to identify the sen- tences that do not support the topic sentence.

paragraph Lacking UniTy

(1) Much of the violence we see in the world today may be caused by the empha- sis on violence in the media. (2) More often than not, the front page of the local newspaper contains stories involving violence. (3) In fact, one recent issue of my local newspaper contained seven references to violent acts. (4) There is also violence in public school systems. (5) Television reporters frequently hasten to crime and accident scenes and film every grim, violent detail. (6) The other day, there was a drive-by shooting downtown. (7) If the media were a little more careful about the ways in which they glamorize violence, there might be less violence in the world today and children would be less influenced by it.

Although sentences 4 and 6 deal with the broad topic of violence, neither is directly related to the main point stated in the topic sentence. Both should be deleted.

EXERCISE 8.3 Practicing Paragraph Unity

Alone or in a group of two or three students, read each paragraph and identify the sentences that do not support the highlighted topic sentence.

1. (a) Today many options and services for the elderly are available that did not exist years ago. (b) My grandmother is eighty-five years old now. (c) Adult care for the elderly is now provided in many parts of the country. (d) Similar to day care, adult care provides places where the elderly can go for meals and social activities. (e) Retirement homes for the elderly, where they can live fairly independently with minimal supervision, are another option. (f ) My grandfather is also among the elderly at eighty-two. (g) Even many nursing homes have changed so that residents are afforded some level of privacy and independence while their needs are being met.

2. (a) Just as history repeats itself, fashions have a tendency to do the same. (b) In the late 1960s, for example, women wore miniskirts that came several inches above the knee; some forty years later, the fashion magazines are featuring this same type of dress, and many teenagers are wearing them. (c) The miniskirt has always been flattering on slender women. (d) I wonder if the fashion industry deliberately recycles fashions. (e) Men wore their hair long in the hippie period of the late 1960s and 1970s. (f ) Today, some men are again letting their hair grow. (g) Beards, considered “in” during the 1970s, have once again made an appearance.

EFFECTIvE PARAGRAPHS ARE WELL DEvELOPED A well-developed paragraph should include enough supporting details to demonstrate that the topic sentence is accurate and believable. Compare the two paragraphs below.

UnderdeveLoped paragraph Email and texting are important technological advances, but they have hidden

limitations, even dangers. It is too easy to avoid talking to people face to face.

Topic sentence: Main idea

Does not explain why email and text messaging are important

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Emailing and texting can be addictive, too. Plus, they encourage ordinary people to ignore others while typing on a keyboard.

deveLoped paragraph Email and texting are important technological advances, but they have hidden

limitations, even dangers. While email and texting allow fast and efficient commu- nication and exchange of information, they provide a different quality of human interaction. It is too easy to avoid talking to people. It is easier to click on a phone number and text a friend to see if she wants to meet for dinner than it would be actually to talk to her. In fact, using these services can become addictive. For exam- ple, some students on campus are obsessed with checking their email and sending, reading, or checking for texts many times throughout the day, even during class lectures and small group discussions. They spend their free time texting with acquaintances across the country while ignoring interesting people right in the same room. There is something to be said for talking with a person who is sitting next to you and responding to his or her expressions, gestures, and tone of voice.

The first paragraph has skeletal ideas that support the topic sentence, but it does not explain those ideas. The second paragraph fleshes out the ideas by providing examples and explanations.

To discover if your paragraphs are well developed, ask yourself the following questions.

• Have I provided enough evidence to achieve my purpose? • Have I given my readers enough information to make my ideas understandable

and believable? • Have I provided the amount and type of evidence that readers of a college essay

will expect? • Do I jump quickly from one idea to another without explaining each idea first?

(Reading your essay aloud, or asking a friend to do so, can help you hear gaps.)

To develop your paragraphs further, you can use a prewriting strategy or do some research to find supporting evidence for your topic sentence. The same types of evi- dence that can be used to support a thesis can be used to develop a paragraph.

EXERCISE 8.4 Using Evidence to Develop a Paragraph

Use Table 6.1 (p. 126) to suggest the type or types of evidence that might be used to develop a paragraph based on each of the following topic sentences.

1. Many people have fallen prey to fad diets, risking their health and jeopardizing their mental well-being.

2. One can distinguish experienced soccer players from rookies by obvious signs. 3. To begin a jogging routine, take a relaxed but deliberate approach. 4. The interlibrary loan system is a fast and convenient method for obtaining print materi-

als from libraries affiliated with the campus library. 5. Southwest Florida’s rapid population growth poses a serious threat to its freshwater supply.

Does not provide any evidence of how or why they can be addictive

States reason that emailing and texting are disadvantageous

Provides further information about the addictive qualities of texting and email

Explains the qualities of face- to-face interaction that are absent from email and texting

To learn more about prewriting strategies, see Chapter 4; for more on research, see Part 5; for a list of evidence that can be used to support a paragraph, see Table 6.1, p. 126.

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EXERCISE 8.5 Using Details to Develop a Paragraph

Create a well-developed paragraph by adding details to the following paragraph.

Although it is convenient, online shopping is a different experience than shopping in an actual store. You don’t get the same opportunity to see and feel objects. Also, you can miss out on other important information. There is much that you miss. If you enjoy shopping, turn off your computer and support your local merchants.

EFFECTIvE PARAGRAPHS PROvIDE SUPPORTING DETAILS AND ARRANGE THEM LOGICALLY The evidence you provide to support your topic sentences should be concrete and spe- cific. Specific details interest your readers and make your meaning clear and forceful. Compare the following two examples.

vagUe Many people are confused about the difference between a psychologist and a

psychiatrist. Both have a license, but a psychiatrist has more education than a psy- chologist. Also, a psychiatrist can prescribe medication.

concreTe and Specific Many people are confused about the difference between psychiatrists and psy-

chologists. Both are licensed by the state to practice psychotherapy. However, a psy- chiatrist has earned a degree from medical school and can also practice medicine. Additionally, a psychiatrist can prescribe psychotropic medications. A psychologist, on the other hand, usually has earned a Ph.D. but has not attended medical school and therefore cannot prescribe medication of any type.

To make your paragraphs concrete and specific, use the following guidelines. 1. focus on who, what, when, where, how, and why questions. Ask yourself

these questions about your supporting details, and use the answers to expand and revise your paragraph.

VAGUe Some animals hibernate for part of the year. (What animals? When do they hibernate?)

SPecIfIc Some bears hibernate for three to four months each winter.

2. name names. Include the names of people, places, brands, and objects.

VAGUe When my sixty-three-year-old aunt was refused a job, she became an angry victim of age discrimination.

SPecIfIc When my sixty-three-year-old Aunt Angela was refused a job at Vicki’s Nail Salon, she became an angry victim of age discrimination.

General statements that do not completely explain the topic sentence

Concrete details make clear the distinction between the two terms

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3. Use action verbs. Select strong verbs that help your readers visualize the action.

VAGUe When Silina came on stage, the audience became excited. SPecIfIc When Silina burst onto the stage, the audience screamed,

cheered, and chanted, “Silina, Silina!”

4. Use descriptive language that appeals to the senses (smell, touch, taste, sound, sight). Words that appeal to the senses help your readers feel as if they are observing or participating in the experience you are describing.

VAGUe It’s relaxing to walk on the beach. SPecIfIc I walked in the sand next to the ocean, breathing in the smell

of the salt water and listening to the rhythmic sound of the waves.

5. Use adjectives and adverbs. Carefully chosen adjectives and adverbs in your description of a person, place, or experience can make your writing more concrete.

VAGUe As I weeded my garden, I let my eyes wander over the meadow sweets and hydrangeas, all the while listening to the chirping of a cardinal.

SPecIfIc As I slowly weeded my perennial garden, I let my eyes wander over the pink meadow sweets and blue hydrangeas, all the while listening absent-mindedly to the chirping of a bright red cardinal.

The details in a paragraph should also follow a logical order. You might arrange the details from most to least (or least to most) important, in chronological order, or in spatial order.

EXERCISE 8.6 Providing Concrete, Specific Details

Alone or in a group of two or three students, revise and expand each sentence in the following paragraph to make it specific and concrete. Feel free to add new information and new sen- tences, and be sure to arrange the supporting details logically.

I saw a great concert the other night in Dallas. Two groups were performing. The music was great, and there was a large crowd. In fact, the crowd was so enthusiastic that the second group performed one hour longer than scheduled.

Essay in Progress 2 For the draft you worked with in Essay in Progress 1 (p. 164), evaluate the supporting details you used in each paragraph. Revise as necessary to make each paragraph unified and logically organized. Make sure you have provided concrete, specific details.

For more on organization, see Chapter 7, pp. 139–44.

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USING TRANSITIONS AND REPE TITION All the details in a paragraph must fit together and function as a connected unit of information. When a paragraph has coherence, its ideas flow smoothly, allowing read- ers to follow its progression with ease. Two useful devices for linking details are transi- tions between sentences and repetition of key terms.

Transitions are words, phrases, or clauses that lead your reader from one idea to another. Think of transitions as guideposts, or signals, of what is coming next in a para- graph. Some commonly used transitions are shown in Table 8.1, which groups transi- tions according to the type of connections they show.

Table 8.1 Commonly Used Transitional Expressions

Type of Connection Transitions

Logical Connections

Items in a series then, first, second, next, another, furthermore, finally, as well as

Illustration for instance, for example, namely, that is

Result or cause consequently, therefore, so, hence, thus, then, as a result

Restatement in other words, that is, in simpler terms

Summary or conclusion finally, in conclusion, to sum up, all in all, evidently, actually

Similarity/agreement similarly, likewise, in the same way

Difference/opposition but, however, on the contrary, nevertheless, neither, nor, on the one/other hand, still, yet

Spatial Connections

Direction inside/outside, along, above/below, up/down, across, to the right/left, in front of/behind

Nearness next to, near, nearby, facing, adjacent to

Distance beyond, in the distance, away, over there

Time Connections

Frequency often, frequently, now and then, gradually, week by week, occasionally, daily, rarely

Duration during, briefly, hour by hour

Reference to a particular time

at two o’clock, on April 27, in 2010, last Thanksgiving, three days ago

Beginning before then, at the beginning, at first

Middle meanwhile, simultaneously, next, then, at that time

End finally, at last, eventually, later, at the end, subsequently, afterward

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In the two examples that follow, notice that the first paragraph is disjointed and choppy because it lacks transitions. The revised version is more coherent and therefore easier to follow.

WiThoUT TranSiTionS Most films are structured much like a short story. The film begins with an open-

ing scene that captures the audience’s attention. The writers build up tension, pre- paring for the climax of the story. They complicate the situation by revealing other elements of the plot, perhaps by introducing a surprise or additional characters. They introduce a problem. It will be solved either for the betterment or to the detri- ment of the characters and the situation. A resolution brings the film to a close.

WiTh TranSiTionS Most films are structured much like a short story. The film begins with an open-

ing scene that captures the audience’s attention. Gradually the writers build up tension, preparing for the climax of the story. S oon after the first scene, they com- plicate the situation by revealing other elements of the plot, perhaps by introducing a surprise or additional characters. Next, they introduce a problem. Eventually the problem will be solved either for the betterment or to the detriment of the characters and the situation. Finally, a resolution brings the film to a close.

Notice that the repetition of key terms ( film(s), writers), as well as pronouns that stand in for the key terms (they for writers), also lends coherence to the paragraph.

Essay in Progress 3 For the draft you worked with in Essay in Progress 2 (p. 168), evaluate your use of transitions within each paragraph, adding them where needed to make the relation- ship among your ideas clearer.

STUDENTS WRITE

Chapters 5 to 7 show Latrisha Wilson’s progress in planning and drafting an essay on surveillance. Below you can see her first-draft paragraph (also included in Chapter 7 as part of her first draft essay, p. 153) and her revision to strengthen the paragraph.

firST-drafT paragraph

When the word surveillance comes up, maybe you think of some thrilling and

dangerous activity, like the kind of spying on foreign terrorists that goes on in James

Bond movies. In the US today, most spying is done by surveillance computers. Edward

Snowden bounced around for weeks from one airport to another, and lived for a while

in the Moscow airport, eating who knows what and sleeping who knows where. The NSA

seems to be able to do whatever it wants without having to answer to anyone or suffer

any consequences. But we can’t say the same for whistleblowers. Just look what they

Repetition: Key words and pronouns

Transitions: Guideposts

Transition needed

Need to explain who Snowden is, what he did, and when; also add transition to make connection clear

Snowden’s travels irrelevant

Need to explain what NSA is, what it did

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U S I N G T R A N S I T I O N S A N D R E P E T I T I O N 171

did to Bradley Manning! And now, the US government is aggressively pursuing Snowden.

The NSA is more and more aggressively protecting its own secrecy, by punishing whis-

tleblowers, and lying to Congress and, it seems as if they are more concerned about

themselves than the people they are spying on.

Revised Paragraph

When the word surveillance comes up, people think of some thrilling and dangerous

activity, like the spying on foreign terrorists that goes on in James Bond movies. But

in the U.S. today, most spying isn’t done by handsome secret agents out to save the

world; it’s done by surveillance computers, and they monitor U.S. citizens, not just

foreign terrorists. For example, consider what we learned from the whistleblower Edward

Snowden, who sacrificed his career as a contractor for the National Security Agency

(NSA) to alert the public to the deals the NSA makes with companies like Microsoft,

Facebook, and Verizon to collect personal information and monitor everything their

customers do on the internet or speak into a telephone.

ANALYzING THE WRITER’S TECHNIQUE 1. Topic Sentence Identify Wilson’s topic sentence. How did she strengthen it in her

revision? 2. details What irrelevant details did she delete? 3. Transitions What transitions did she add to provide coherence? 4. Repetition What words are repeated, thus contributing to coherence? 5. further Revision What further revisions do you recommend?

EXERCISE 8.7 Evaluating Paragraphs, Unity, and Coherence

The following student essay by Robin Ferguson on volunteering in a literacy program was writ- ten using the graphic organizer shown in Chapter 7 (p. 147). Read the essay and answer the questions that follow.

READING

The Value of Volunteering

Robin Ferguson

I began working as a literacy volunteer as part of a community service course I was

taking last semester. The course required a community service project, and I chose literacy

volunteers simply as a means of fulfilling a course requirement. Now I realize that working

as a literacy volunteer taught me more about learning and friendship than I ever expected.

Relevance of Bradley Manning not made clear; explain or delete

Detail needed to support claim about spying by surveillance computers in topic sentence

1

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172 C H A P T E R 8 | W R I T I N G E F F E C T I v E P A R A G R A P H S

When I first went through the training program to become a literacy volunteer, I learned

about the process of learning -- that is, the way in which people learn new words most

effectively. To illustrate this concept, the person who trained me wrote a brief list of simple

words on the left side of a chalkboard and wrote phrases using the same words on the right

side of the chalkboard. She instructed us to read the words and then asked which words

we would be most likely to remember. We all said the words on the right because they

made more sense. In other words, we could remember the words in the phrases more easily

because they made more sense in context. The trainer showed us several more examples

of words in context so we could get a grasp of how people learn new information by

connecting it to what they already know.

The training I received, though excellent, was no substitute for working with a real

student, however. When I began to discover what other people’s lives are like because they

cannot read, I realized the true importance of reading. For example, when I had my first

tutoring session with my client, Marie, a forty-four-year-old single mother of three, I found

out she walked two miles to the nearest grocery store twice a week because she didn’t know

which bus to take. When I told her I would get her a bus schedule, she confided to me that it

would not help because she could not read it and therefore wouldn’t know which bus to take.

She also said she had difficulty once she got to the grocery store because she couldn’t always

remember what she needed. Since she did not know words, she could not write out a grocery

list. Also, she identified items by sight, so if the manufacturer changed a label, she could not

recognize it as the product she wanted.

As we worked together, learning how to read built Marie’s self-confidence, which

gave her an incentive to continue in her studies. She began to make rapid progress

and was even able to take the bus to the grocery store. After this successful trip, she

reported how self-assured she felt. Eventually, she began helping her youngest son,

Mark, a shy first grader, with his reading. She sat with him before he went to sleep,

and together they would read bedtime stories. When his eyes became wide with excite-

ment as she read, her pride swelled, and she began to see how her own hard work in

learning to read paid off. As she described this experience, I swelled with pride as

well. I found that helping Marie to build her self-confidence was more rewarding than

anything I had ever done before.

As time went by, Marie and I developed a friendship that became permanent.

Because we saw each other several times a week, we spent a lot of time getting to

know each other, and we discovered we had certain things in common. For instance,

I’m also a single parent. So we began to share our similar experiences with each other.

In fact, we have even baby-sat for each other’s children. I would drop my children off

2

3

4

5

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U S I N G T R A N S I T I O N S A N D R E P E T I T I O N 173

at her house while I taught an evening adult class, and in return, I watched her chil-

dren while she worked on Saturday mornings.

As a literacy volunteer, I learned a great deal about learning, teaching, and helping

others. I also established what I hope will be a lifelong friendship. In fact, I may have

benefited more from the experience than Marie did.

1. Highlight each of the topic sentences in the body of the essay (between the introduction and the conclusion). Evaluate how well each supports the thesis.

2. What type(s) of evidence does Ferguson use to support each topic sentence? 3. What method(s) does Ferguson use to arrange her details logically within

paragraphs? 4. Highlight transitions that Ferguson uses to connect her ideas, both within and

between paragraphs.

WORKING TOGETHER Working in a group with two or three of your classmates, return to the essay “Black Men and Public Space” by Brent Staples in Chapter 7 (pp. 154–56) and examine Staples’s use and placement of topic sentences. As you read, identify each topic sentence and discuss how effectively it is supported with concrete, specific details.

6

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L W R I T I N G Q U I C K S T A R T

174

© Cavan Images/Getty

ooking at the photograph on this page from

top to bottom, list everything that is happen-

ing. Now, write a few sentences summarizing

what you think is happening, and then add

details to your original list to describe the

photo more fully. After you add these details,

will it be easier for a reader who has not seen

the photo to picture what is happening in it?

Exchange papers with a classmate and

examine how your classmate organized ideas

and what details he or she included. Look

for parts that you find confusing and that

need more detail. Write down your comments

for your classmate. Finally, using your own

comments and those of the classmate who

examined your list, make changes to improve

your own description of the photograph.

When you changed your list, did you include

more details from the photo? Leave some

unimportant details out? Change or rearrange

any details? If so, you revised the description

of the photo. Revision is a process of making

changes to improve what your essay says and

how you say it. Revising an essay works in

much the same way as the revision of your list

did. As Figure 9.1 shows, revision is an essen-

tial part of the writing process.

Revising Content and Organization9

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175

I N T H I S C H A P T E R Y O U W I L L L E A R N T O

• ask key questions to revise,

• work with your classmates to revise,

• use your instructor comments to revise, and

• consider your learning style when revising.

WHY REVISE? A thorough, thoughtful revision can change a C paper to an A paper! Revising can make a significant difference in how well your paper

• achieves your purpose, • expresses your ideas to your intended audience, and • reflects your reader’s expectations of your genre.

FIGURE 9.1 An Overview of the Writing Process

• See Chapters 7 and 8DRAFTING YOUR ESSAY

REVISING YOUR ESSAY

• See Chapter 5 PREWRITING TO FIND

AND FOCUS IDEAS

• See Chapter 10EDITING AND PROOFREADING

• See Chapter 6 DEVELOPING AND

SUPPORTING YOUR THESIS

• Analyze your paper’s purpose and audience • Analyze your thesis, topic sentences, and

evidence • Analyze your organization • Analyze your title, introduction, and

conclusion • Analyze your paragraph development • Work with classmates

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This difference is why most professional writers — and successful student writers — revise frequently and thoroughly.

Revising is not a process of correcting surface errors, such as spelling mistakes or punctuation errors. Rather, it is a process of looking at your ideas and finding ways to make them clearer and easier to understand. This may mean adding, eliminating, or reorganizing key elements within the essay, even revising your thesis statement and refocusing the entire essay.

The amount of revision you need to do depends in part on how you approach the task of writing. Some writers spend more time planning; others spend more time revis- ing. For example, pragmatic learners tend to take a highly structured approach to writ- ing. They plan in detail what they will say before they draft. In contrast, creative learners may dash off a draft as ideas come to mind. A well-planned draft usually requires less revision than one that was spontaneously written. Regardless of how carefully planned an essay may be, any first draft requires at least some revision.

US EFUL TECHNIQUES FOR REVISION The following techniques will help you evaluate and revise your essays.

• Allow time between drafting and revising, so you can approach your essay from a fresh perspective. Try to leave enough time to set your draft aside over- night if possible.

• Listen for problems as you or a friend reads your draft aloud. Listening care- fully can help you identify awkward wording, vague or overused expressions, or main points that are unclear or lack adequate support. A reader less familiar with the text than you may also slow down when reading or misread confusing passages, providing a hint for areas that need revision.

• Ask a classmate to read and comment on your paper. This process, called peer review, is discussed in detail later in this chapter (p. 182).

• Look for consistent problem areas in your writing. Develop a checklist of common problems — such as confusing organization or a lack of concrete supporting details — by listing issues from several essays you have written; then check for these problem areas as you revise.

• Read a printed copy. You will be able to analyze and evaluate your writing more impartially, and you can write marginal annotations, circle troublesome words or sentences, and draw arrows to connect details more easily.

• Draw a graphic organizer or outline your draft. A graphic organizer or outline allows you to see how your thesis and topic sentences relate to one another and helps you evaluate content and organization. If you spot a problem, such as a detail or an example that does not support a topic sentence, write notes to the right of your organizer (or outline), as shown in Figure 9.2.

Learning Style Options

For more about creating a graphic organizer, see Chapter 3, pp. 52–55; for more on outlining, see Chapter 7, pp. 144–46.

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K E Y Q U E S T I O N S F O R R E V I S I O N 177

K EY QUEST IONS FOR RE VISION To identify broad areas of weakness in your essay, ask yourself these five key questions.

1. Does my essay clearly convey a purpose, address an appropriate audience, and follow the conventions of the genre?

2. Does my essay state a clear, well-focused thesis and provide enough reasons and evidence to support the thesis?

3. Does each paragraph include a clear main idea (usually stated in a topic sentence) and enough details to develop the idea fully?

4. Do the ideas in my essay fit together logically? 5. Does my essay have a strong introduction and conclusion, and an appropriate

title?

FIGURE 9.2 Sample Graphic Organizer for Revision

Introduction: Thesis Statement

Paragraph 2: Topic Sentence

Detail

Detail

Paragraph 3: Topic Sentence

Unrelated Details

1.

2.

3.

Details to Add

1.

2.

3.

Other Problems

1.

2.

Detail

Detail

Detail

(and so on)

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After you have identified areas that need reworking, refer to the self-help flowcharts that follow.

ANALYzING YOUR PURPOSE AND AUDIENCE First drafts often lack focus. They may go off in several directions rather than have a clear purpose. For instance, one section of an essay on divorce may inform readers of its causes, and another section may argue that it harms children. A first draft may also contain sections that appeal to different audiences. For instance, one section of an essay on counseling teenagers about drug abuse might seem to be written for parents; other sections might be more appropriate for teenagers.

To determine if your paper has a clear focus, write a sentence stating what your essay is supposed to accomplish. If you cannot write such a sentence, your paper probably lacks a clear purpose. To find a purpose, reread your draft. Does one purpose predomi- nate? If so, revise the sections that do not fit in. If not, do some additional thinking or brainstorming, listing as many possible purposes as you can think of and revising to address the purpose you find most appropriate.

To determine if your essay is directed to a specific audience, write a few sentences describing your intended readers. Describe their knowledge, beliefs, and experience with your topic. If you are unable to do so, focus on a particular audience and revise your essay with them in mind.

Essay in Progress 1 Evaluate the purpose and audience of the draft essay you wrote in Essay in Progress 3 in Chapter 7 (p. 152) or another essay that you have written. Make notes on your graphic organizer or annotate your outline.

ANALYzING YOUR THESIS, TOPIC SENTENCES, AND EVIDENCE Use Figure 9.3 to examine your thesis statement, topic sentences, and evidence.

Essay in Progress 2 Using Figure 9.3, evaluate the thesis statement, topic sentences, and evidence of the essay you began assessing in Essay in Progress 1 above. Make notes on your graphic organizer or annotate your outline.

ANALYzING YOUR ORGANIzATION Your readers will not be able to follow your ideas if your essay is not unified. To assess your essay’s unity, examine its organization. Your graphic organizer or outline (see p. 144) will help you discover any flaws.

You can also ask a classmate to read your essay and explain how it is organized. If your classmate cannot describe your essay’s organization, it probably needs further work. Use one of the methods in Chapter 7 (pp. 140–44) or one of the patterns of development described in Parts 3 and 4 to reorganize your ideas.

For more about purpose and audience, see Chapter 5; for more about developing a thesis, see Chapter 6.

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K E Y Q U E S T I O N S F O R R E V I S I O N 179

1. Does your essay have a thesis that identi- fies your topic and position and suggests your slant? (To find out, state your thesis; then highlight the sentence in your draft that comes closest to what you just said. If you cannot find such a sentence, you probably do not have a well-focused thesis).

YES

YES

YES

NO

• Reread your essay and answer this question: What is the essay’s one main point?

• Write a thesis statement that expresses that main point.

• Revise your paper to focus on that main point. • Delete parts of the essay that do not support

your thesis statement.

QUESTIONS REVISION STRATEGIES

FIGURE 9.3 Flowchart for Evaluating Your Thesis Statement, Topic Sentences, and Evidence

2. Do your readers have the background they need to understand your thesis? (To find out, ask someone unfamiliar with your topic to read your essay, and get feedback.)

• Answer who, what, when, where, why, and how questions to discover more background information.

NO

3. Have you presented enough evidence to support your thesis? (Place a ✔ beside the evidence that supports your thesis. For para- graphs with few ✔s, ask yourself: Do they need more evidence to be convincing?)

• Use prewriting strategies or do additional research to discover more supporting evidence.

• Evaluate this new evidence and add the most convincing evidence to your essay.

NO

• Rewrite the topic sentence so that it clearly supports the thesis.

• If necessary, broaden your thesis so that it encompasses all your supporting points.

4. Does each topic sentence logically connect to and support the thesis? Read the thesis, and then read each topic sentence. Revise when the connection is not obvious.

NO

YES

5. Is your evidence specific and detailed? Reread paragraphs where you placed ✔s. Does each item answer one of these ques- tions: Who? What? When? Where? Why? How? For paragraphs with few or no ✔s, add more detailed evidence.

NO

• Answer who, what, when, where, why, and how questions to discover more detailed evidence. Name names, give dates, specify places.

• Use action verbs and descriptive language, including carefully chosen adjectives and adverbs.

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ANALYzING YOUR INTRODUCTION, CONCLUSION, AND TITLE The following questions can help you evaluate your introduction, conclusion, and title.

1. Will your introduction interest your reader and provide needed back- ground information? If your essay jumps into the topic without preparing readers for it, your introduction needs to be revised. Ask the questions who, what, when, where, why, and how to determine the background information your readers will need. Then use the suggestions in Chapter 7 (pp. 148–50) to create interest.

2. Does your conclusion draw your essay to a satisfactory close, reinforce your thesis statement, and follow logically from the introduction? If not, try imagining yourself explaining the significance or importance of your essay to a friend, and use this explanation to rewrite your conclusion. Then use the suggestions for writing conclusions in Chapter 7 (pp. 150–51) to add interest.

3. Does your title accurately reflect the content of your essay? Write a few words that “label” your essay. Mine your thesis statement for a few key words that can serve as part of your title. Finally, use the suggestions in Chapter 7 (pp. 151–52) to help you write a title.

Essay in Progress 3 Evaluate the organization of your essay in progress. Make notes on your draft copy.

ANALYzING YOUR PARAGRAPH DEVELOPMENT Each paragraph in your essay must fully develop a single idea that supports your thesis. (Exception: Each paragraph of a narrative essay focuses on a separate part of the action; see Chapter 11.) In a typical first draft, paragraphs are often weak or loosely structured. They may contain irrelevant information or lack a clearly focused topic sentence.

Study each paragraph in conjunction with your thesis statement. Consider whether your topic sentence supports your thesis and whether the reasons and evidence in the paragraph support the topic sentence. You may need to delete or combine some para- graphs, rework or reorganize others, or move paragraphs to more appropriate place- ment in the essay. If you need to supply additional information to support your thesis, you may need to add paragraphs to the draft. Use Figure 9.4 to analyze and revise your paragraphs.

Essay in Progress 4 Using Figure 9.4, examine each paragraph of your essay in progress, and make notes on your draft.

See Chapter 8 for more on paragraph development.

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K E Y Q U E S T I O N S F O R R E V I S I O N 181

1. Does each paragraph have a clear topic sentence that supports the thesis? Underline the topic sentence in each paragraph. Then evaluate whether the topic sentence makes a statement that supports the main idea of the essay.

YES

YES

YES

NO

• Revise a sentence within the paragraph so that it clearly states the main point.

• Write a new sentence that supports the thesis and states the main point of the paragraph.

QUESTIONS REVISION STRATEGIES

FIGURE 9.4 Flowchart for Evaluating Your Paragraphs

2. Do all sentences in each paragraph support the topic sentence? To find out, read the topic sentence and each supporting sentence in turn.

• Revise supporting sentences to make their connection to the topic sentence clear.

• Delete any sentences that do not support the topic sentence.

NO

3. Does the paragraph offer adequate explana- tion and supporting details? Place ✔s beside supporting details. Then ask yourself: Will readers want or need to know anything else?

• Add more details if your paragraph seems skimpy.

• Use either the who, what, when, where, why, and how questions or the prewriting strate- gies in Chapter 5 to generate the details you need.

NO

• Add transitions where they are needed. Refer to the list of common transitions on page 169.

4. Will it be clear to your reader how each sentence and each paragraph connects to those before and after it? (To find out, read your paper aloud to see if it flows smoothly or sounds choppy.)

NO

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WORK ING WIT H CLASSMATES TO REVISE YOUR ESSAY

Many instructors ask students to use peer review, a process in which two or more stu- dents read and comment on one another’s papers. Working with classmates is an excel- lent way to get ideas for improving your essays and your approach to the writing process. Peer review can also hone your critical reading skills. The following suggestions will help writers and reviewers get the most from peer review.

HOW TO FIND A GOOD REVIEWER Your instructor may pair you with another class member or let you find your own reviewer, either a classmate or someone outside class. If you can select your own reviewer, use these tips.

• Select a classmate who is attentive in class, so he or she will be familiar with the assignment and with what you have learned so far in the course. If you need to find someone outside of class, choose a person who has already taken the course, preferably someone who did well in it.

• Avoid choosing close friends; they are not necessarily the best reviewers because they may be reluctant to offer criticism or may be too critical. Instead, choose someone who is serious, skillful, objective, and willing to spend the time needed to provide useful comments.

• If your college has a writing center, ask a tutor in the center to read and comment on your draft.

• Use more than one reviewer if possible, so you can get several perspectives.

SUGGESTIONS FOR WRITERS To get the greatest benefit from peer review, use the following suggestions.

1. Provide readable copy. A typed, double-spaced draft is best. 2. Do some revision yourself first. Think through your draft, and try to fix

obvious problems. The more developed your draft is, the more helpful your reviewer’s comments will be.

3. Offer specific questions or guidelines. Give your reviewer a copy of the “Questions for Peer Reviewers” below, and add other questions that you want answered. You might also give your reviewer one of the revision flowcharts in this (or another) chapter.

4. Be open to criticism and new ideas. Try not to be defensive. Look at your essay objectively, seeing it from your reader’s perspective.

5. Don’t feel obligated to accept all of the advice you are given. A reviewer might suggest a change that will not work well in your paper or wrongly iden- tify something as an error. If you are uncertain about a suggestion, discuss it with your instructor or other reviewers.

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W O R K I N G W I T H C L A S S M A T E S T O R E V I S E Y O U R E S S A Y 183

QUES TIONS FOR PEER REVIEWERS

1. What is the purpose of the essay? 2. Who is the intended audience? 3. What expectations are associated with this genre? 4. Is the introduction fully developed? 5. What is the main point or thesis? Is it easy to identify? 6. Does each paragraph offer a clear topic sentence and relevant and

convincing evidence to support the main point? Where is more evidence needed? (Identify specific paragraphs.)

7. Is each paragraph clear and well organized? Are transitions needed to connect ideas within paragraphs?

8. Is the organization easy to follow? Where might it be improved, and how? Are transitions needed to connect ideas between paragraphs?

9. Does the conclusion draw the essay to a satisfying close? 10. What do you like about the draft? What could be improved? Underline or high-

light passages that are unclear or confusing.

SUGGESTIONS FOR REVIEWERS Reviewers should be honest but tactful. Criticism is never easy to accept, so keep your reader’s feelings in mind. These tips will help you provide useful comments.

1. Read the draft through twice before making any judgments or comments. 2. Focus on the main points and how clearly they are expressed. If you notice

a misspelling or a grammatical error, you can circle it, but correcting errors is not your primary task.

3. Offer praise. It will help the writer to know what works as well as what needs improvement.

4. Be specific. For instance, instead of saying that more examples are needed, tell the writer which ideas in which paragraphs are unclear or unconvincing without examples. Suggest useful examples in each case.

5. Use the Questions for Peer Reviewers above as well as any additional ques- tions that the writer provides to guide your review. If the essay was written in response to an assignment in one of the chapters in Part 3 or 4, consult the revision flowchart in that chapter.

6. Write notes and comments directly on the draft. At the end of the essay, write a note that summarizes your overall reaction, pointing out both strengths and weaknesses. Here is one reviewer’s sample final note:

Overall, I think your paper has great ideas. It definitely held my interest, and the

example about the judge proved your point well. But it could be organized better.

The last three paragraphs don’t seem connected to the rest of the essay. Maybe

better transitions would help. Also the conclusion just repeats your thesis state-

ment. It needs to be developed more.

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7. Use the Comments feature or insert comments in brackets or in a different color following the passage. Make it easy for the writer to find and delete your comments after reading them.

8. Do not rewrite paragraphs or sections of the essay. Instead, suggest how the writer might revise them.

Essay in Progress 5 Give your essay in progress to a classmate to read and review. Ask your reviewer to respond to the Questions for Peer Reviewers (p. 183). Revise your essay using your revision outline, Figures 9.3 and 9.4, and your reviewer’s suggestions.

US ING YOUR INSTRUCTOR’S COMMENTS The comments your instructor provides are an important resource to use in revising your essays. You can use them not only to revise an essay but also to improve your writ- ing throughout the course.

REVISING AN ESSAY USING YOUR INSTRUCTOR’S COMMENTS Often your instructor’s comments provide a road map for you to begin your revision. An essay by a student, Kate Atkinson, appears in Figure 9.5. Her assignment was to write an essay defining a specialized term, and Kate chose “guerrilla street art” as her subject. In the marginal comments, Kate’s instructor comments on a range of elements in the essay, including the effectiveness of the introduction, paragraph unity and devel- opment, word choice, and source citations. Atkinson read the comments carefully and used them to revise her essay. Her final draft appears in Chapter 18 (pp. 449–51).

FIGURE 9.5 Using Your Instructor’s Comments to Revise Your Essay

Guerrilla Street Art: Definition Essay Rough Draft

Guerrilla street art is everywhere, if you look for it. There are countless examples in

the small college town where I grew up, where the dense population of college students

and artists breeds creativity. Just around the corner from my school there are stickers

littering sign posts, colorful graffiti tags on exposed brick walls, homemade posters

advertising local bands at the bus stop, and a cheerful Dr. Seuss character stencilled on

the sidewalk. These small works of art can go easily unnoticed, but they bring an unex-

pected vibrancy to the city that is unique. Guerrilla street art is any unauthorized art in

a public space . By taking art out of the traditional context, guerrilla street artists create

controversy and intrigue by making art free and accessible to a broad audience.

1

Comment [KM1]: Good open- ing sentence. It gives readers a reason for wanting to know more about it and challenges them to look for it.

Comment [KM2]: This term is not yet defined. I know it is defined later, but readers will wonder what it is now. Perhaps choose a different example here?

Comment [KM3]: This is your thesis, but it is not very detailed. What about com- bining it with the following sentence to create a stron- ger thesis?

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U S I N G Y O U R I N S T R U C T O R ’ S C O M M E N T S 185

Graffiti is unauthorized writing or drawing on a public surface. It dates back centu-

ries and artists have been know to use chalk, markers, paint, and even carving tools to

inscribe their messages on public property. Common techniques used by street artists today

include graffiti, stenciling, poster art, sticker art, and wheat pasting. Graffiti is so common

that it is difficult to travel far in most urban settings without coming across a word or

image scrawled in spray paint on a public a surface. Stenciling is a form of graffitti in

which artists use pre-cut stencils to guide their work, and pre-made stickers and posters are

popular because they can be quickly appled and are easy to mass produce. “Wheat pasting ”

refers to the use of a vegetable-based adhesive to adhere posters to walls. Using a less

common technique called “yarn bombing,” crafty artists knit colorful sheaths of wool and

acrylic and wrap them around telephone poles and park benches. The finished pieces are

eye-catching and unusual, but not permanent or damaging to public property.

The various motives behind guerilla street art are as diverse as the artwork itself

and range from social and political activism to self-promotion of the artist. Artist embellish

telephone poles with colorful yarn or train carriges with ornate murals as a way to reclaim and

beautify public space. Others use public space as a billboard for to advocate for a cause.

An example of street art as propaganda is artist Shepard Fairey’s iconic image of Barack

Obama . The simple design combines a striking red, white, and blue portrait of Obama with

the word “Hope.” With the nod of approval from Obama’s campaign team, Fairey and his team

dispersed and glue, stencilled, and tacked the image onto countless public surfaces across

the US until it became an important facet of the campaign. The picture itself is powerful, but

what made it even more effective as a campaign tool was the distribution of the image by

supporters and the youth appeal that it garnered as a result.

Street Art is also an easy way for new artists to gain notoriety withouth revealing who

they really are. A tag, which is an artists signature or symbol, is the most prevalent type

of graffitti. Before the Obama campaign, Shepard Fairey gained international acclaim for

a sticker depicting wrestler Andre the Giant and the word “Obey.” The image soon became

his tag and can be found in almost all of his work, making it instantly recognizable. The

anonymity of street art also gives artists the freedom to express themselves without fearing

the judgement of their peers. At worst, this freedom can result in crude or offensice inscrip-

tions on public property but at best, it can produce bold statements.

Due to the illicit nature of their art, the street artist community is shrouded in

secrecy. In the film “Exit through the Gift Shop,” a documentary by notorious British street

artist Banksy, hooded figures in ski masks are shown scaling buildings and perched precari-

ously on ledges, armed with spray cans and buckets of industrial paste and always on the

lookout for the police. Despite his celebrity, Banksy has managed to keep his identity

2 Comment [KM4]: This sen- tence defining graffiti is almost the same definition as your definition of guerrilla street art in para. 1.

Comment [KM5]: The para- graph is about graffiti-writing or drawing. Do wheat past- ing and yarn bombing fall into this category? If so, can you expand the definition to fit them? Or are they other forms of guerrilla street art? If so, I’d put them in a sepa- rate paragraph. Right now you only mention one form of guerrilla art—graffiti—yet your title suggests the essay is about street art. Are there other forms you haven’t mentioned?

3

Comment [KM6]: This is a strong topic sentence.

Deleted: a

Comment [KM7]: Are all causes propaganda? You might want to chose a differ- ent word here or introduce propaganda and a separate motive first.

Comment [KM8]: Add source citation4

5

Comment [KM9]: This sen- tence leads me to believe that the para. will be about secrecy, but midway through the topic seems to switch to reasons for street art’s appeal. Maybe make this part into a separate paragraph?

Comment [KM10]: Add source citation

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anonymous and his face is never shown in the film. It is common for street artists to be

arrested for trespassing and vandalism, and the risk and intentional disobience involved

in street art adds to its appeal, especially amoung young people. Another appeal of

guerrilla street art is that it is comtemporary and can be enjoyed without a visit to a

museum. It is free and encourages the belief that art should be accessible and available

to everyone. It is also a movement that anyone can take part in and that challenges

traditional standards of art.

Guerrilla street art has blossomed from and underground movement to a cultural

phenomenon. At the very least, it brings up the controversial questions of what

constitutes art, and whether public space is an appropriate place for it. It brings beauty

and intrigue to urban spaces that would otherwise go unnoticed and it is a tool for

artists to exercise freedom of speech and expression.

EXERCISE 9.1 Comparing a First Draft and a Final Draft

Either alone or in small groups, compare Kate Atkinson’s first draft with her final draft on pp. 449–51. Make a list of the changes she made to her essay in response to her instructor’s comments. Also, put a checkmark next to any problems that recur throughout the first draft of the essay.

USING YOUR INSTRUCTOR’S COMMENTS TO IMPROVE FUTURE ESSAYS When you receive a graded essay back from an instructor, it is tempting to note the grade and then file away the essay without reading any accompanying notes or sugges- tions. To improve your writing, however, take time to study each comment. Use the following suggestions to improve future essays.

• Reread your essay at least twice. It takes more than one reading to process numerous comments on a wide range of topics. Read your essay once to note grammatical corrections. Then read it a second time to study comments about organization or content.

• If you did not get a high grade, try to determine why. Was the essay weak in content, organization, or development?

• Make sure you understand (and can correct) each grammatical error. If you cannot, check a grammar handbook or ask a classmate. If you still do not under- stand your error, check with your instructor.

• Record grammar errors in an error log. When you proofread your next essay, look carefully for each type of error.

6

Comment [KM11]: I am glad you raised this ques- tion. I kept wondering about it all along as I read the essay. Can you raise it ear- lier? And should you try to answer this knotty question of “What is art”? Maybe just recognize that the question exists?

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• Using Figures 9.3 (p. 179) and 9.4 (p. 181), highlight or mark weaknesses that your instructor identified. When writing your next essay, refer back to these flowcharts. Pay close attention to the areas you had trouble with as you revise your next paper.

• If any comments are unclear, first ask a classmate if he or she understands them. If not, talk to your instructor, who will be pleased that you are taking time to study the comments.

EXERCISE 9.2 Using Your Instructor’s Comments on a Draft

If your instructor has returned a marked-up first draft to you, read the comments carefully. Then draw a line down the middle of a blank sheet of paper. On the left, write the instructor’s com- ments; on the right, jot down ways you might revise the essay in response to each comment. Put a checkmark next to any problems that recur throughout your essay; these are areas to which you will want to pay particular attention in your future writing.

CONSIDERING YOUR LE ARNING STYLE WHEN YOU RE VISE

Depending on your learning style, you may need to address specific kinds of problems in your drafts. The following revision tips for various learning styles may help.

• Creative learners sometimes write drafts that lack organization, so they will benefit greatly from preparing outlines and graphic organizers.

• Pragmatic learners tend to write tightly organized drafts that may lack interest, originality, or content, so they should make sure their draft offers interesting and relevant supporting details.

• Independent learners often need time for reflection, so they should allow extra time between drafting and revising.

• Social learners often find discussing revi- sion plans with classmates helpful, so they should add time to get feedback from classmates.

• Verbal learners may prefer to outline drafts to check the organization.

• Spatial learners may prefer to draw a graphic organizer to check the organization.

• Rational learners should be sure their drafts do not seem dull or impersonal, adding vivid descrip- tions and personal examples where appropriate.

• Emotional learners should check to make sure they have stated their ideas directly, without hedging or showing undue concern for those who disagree.

• Concrete learners tend to focus on specifics, so they should check that their thesis and topic sentences are clearly stated.

• Abstract learners tend to focus on general ideas, so they should be sure their essay has enough supporting details.

Learning Style Options

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STUDENTS WRITE

After writing her first draft, which appears in Chapter 7 (pp. 153–54), Latrisha Wilson used the guidelines and revision flowcharts in this chapter to guide her revision. For example, she decided that she needed to focus more on how communications technolo- gies allow greater surveillance. She added details and examples, including a visual to show what she was describing.

Wilson asked a classmate to review her essay. A portion of his comments is shown below.

RevieweR’s Comments I like your topic. It’s current and interesting, but maybe your thesis could be

more specific? Maybe it should focus on how new ways of communicating put us at risk of surveillance? Or you could revise your intro to focus on whistleblowers (that’s what your first body paragraph talks about), but you’d need to add a lot of information. Since I have a gmail account and a Facebook page, I’d like to know more about how those sites use our personal information to make money, and maybe you could include a screenshot of a gmail page to show where the ads are. That might be helpful for the 5 people in the world (like the teacher?) who don’t have gmail accounts. The only other thing that I think may be a problem is the tone. It’s kind of casual for an essay for class. Maybe you could make your tone more formal?

Using her own analysis and her classmate’s suggestions, Wilson created a graphic organizer (Figure 9.6) to help her decide how to revise her draft. She used the format for an illustration essay provided in Chapter 14 (p. 306).

FIGURE 9.6 Graphic Organizer for Latrisha Wilson’s Revision Plans

INTRODUCTION

THESIS

There are many ways to talk.

• iPhones • Skype • Gmail

• Facebook • Twitter • Blogs

Digital technologies are useful but they also have a hidden cost.

These new digital technologies are incredibly useful; however, they also come at a hidden cost of more surveillance.

Add detail

• Mention Instagram — a more current form of digital communication

Delete detail

• iPhone — recorded conversations and GPS tracking

Add details

• Specify communications technologies (“digital” too broad)

• Mention the fact that these services are supposedly free

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bODY ¶ 1

bODY ¶ 2

bODY ¶ 3

James Bond vs surveillance computers

Edward Snowden

• Whistleblower • Moving from airport to airport,

Moscow airport • Aggressively pursued by NSA

NSA

• Not under control • Lied to Congress

Bradley Manning case

Google surveillance

• Gmail ads • Internet searches

Getting keywords/phrases from emails and selling them

Recording and selling our searches

Google Ad not a secret form of surveillance, but users are not well informed

Possible access to our personal information by employees of Google, Facebook, NetFlix

Service agreements hard to understand

Add details

• Explain who Snowden is and what he did

• Name corporations who cooperated with the NSA

Delete details

• Edward Snowden’s whereabouts, living in airports

• NSA and consequences • Reference to Bradley Manning • NSA concerned more about self than

citizens

Add details

• Google scans emails and sells information to companies

• Specific example of ad that appears in email

• Add visual example of targeted ads

Delete details

• Comments about Google getting paid lots of money — need evidence

• Comments about what Google spokesman says — would need source

Change

• Change “mom” example to something I can document

• Make tone more formal, use “third person”

Add details

• Ads on social networking sites • “Sponsors” section on Facebook

homepage • Personal data available to marketers

who send targeted ads to Facebook users

Delete details

• All information in first draft of body ¶ 3 (move some to body ¶ 4)

Change

• Focus on selling information from social networking sites, esp. Facebook

(continued on next page)

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bODY ¶ 4

CONCLUSION

[New paragraph]

Is digital surveillance really a problem?

No privacy

Problems

• researching other forms of government

• blackmail potential

Can’t express myself without privacy

Add details

• Google, Facebook, etc. convince us our data is safe but sell it to marketers.

• Users unaware how much information is mined — include stuff on terms of service from 1st

• Privacy policies confusing because changed frequently.

Add transition

Add details

• Google ads for alternative forms of government?

• Need government regulation • Citizens’ right to privacy

Change

• Make tone more formal, less personal, use “third person”

After creating the graphic organizer, Wilson revised her first draft. A portion of her revised draft, with her revisions indicated using the Track Changes function, follows.

Revised dRaft Do we need to talk? There are plenty of exciting new ways to do it. We can communicate

by talking on use our iPhones, chat on Skype, Gmail, Facebook message or read each

other’s Twitter, or blog posts, or share pictures on Instagram. but there are dangers

there. Our conversations can be recorded, and the GPS funtion on the phone allows our

whereabouts to be tracked. We can chat on Skype, Gmail, Facebook message, or read

each other’s Twitter or blog posts. These new digital technologies are incredibly useful;

however, they also come at a hidden cost. Often advertised as free services, new ways of

communicating put us under more invasive but less obvious forms of more surveillance.

Before Wilson submitted her final draft, she read her essay several more times, edit- ing it for sentence structure and word choice. She also proofread it to catch errors in grammar and punctuation as well as typographical errors. (A portion of Wilson’s revised essay, with editing and proofreading changes marked, appears in Chapter 10, p. 213.) The final version of Wilson’s essay follows.

final dRaft

(Figure 9.6 continued)

No Place Left for Privacy

Do we need to talk? There are plenty of exciting new ways to do it. We can

use our iPhones, chat on Skype, Gmail, Facebook message, or read each other’s

1

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Twitter feed or blog posts, or share pictures on Instagram. These new digital

technologies are incredibly useful; however, they also come at a hidden cost.

Often advertised as free services, new ways of communicating put us under more

invasive but less obvious forms of surveillance.

When the word surveillance comes up, people think of some thrilling and

dangerous activity, like the spying on foreign terrorists that goes on in James

Bond movies. But in the U.S. today, most spying isn’t done by handsome secret

agents out to save the world; it’s done by surveillance computers, and they

monitor U.S. citizens, not just foreign terrorists. For example, consider what we

learned from the whistleblower Edward Snowden, who sacrificed his career as

a contractor for the National Security Agency (NSA) to alert the public to the

deals the NSA makes with companies like Microsoft, Facebook, and Verizon to

collect personal information and monitor everything their customers do on the

Internet or speak into a telephone.

The NSA, of course, isn’t the only organization spying on us. Another

kind of surveillance, which doesn’t make top press, is the eavesdropping that

Google and other communication service providers regularly do on their users.

Google software, for example, automatically scans the content of all Gmail for

keywords and phrases that then must get sold or rented to other companies

because users of Gmail regularly see targeted advertisements related to what

they’ve written about: If a user wishes her friend “Happy Birthday!” she now

sees advertisements for party clowns and birthday packages. (See Fig. 1.)

Fig. 1. Birthday email string leads to birthday advertising

2

3

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ANALYzING THE REVISION 1. Revision Identify the major revisions that Wilson made from the earlier draft in

Chapter 7. Explain why you think she made the changes she did. Are there other changes she could have made to make the final draft even better?

2. Introduction and Conclusion Examine Wilson’s introduction and conclusion. In what ways are they more effective than the introduction and conclusion in her first draft? What additional improvements could she make?

3. Details Choose one paragraph, and compare the details provided in it with those in the corresponding paragraph of the first draft. Which added details are particu- larly effective, and why?

Advertisers pay social networking sites to do something similar, which

is why users might have noticed that section of “sponsors” to the right of

your Facebook homepage. Everything public on a typical person’s profile

page — their age, relationship status, favorite music, education history — is

available to marketers (for a price), so they can send their ads to specific people.

In this way, Facebook, Google, and other digital service providers sell

advertisers intimate data about us, while also attempting to convince us that all

our personal data is safe. Most people have little to no idea how much data they

give up when they get on the Internet. How would they? Facebook and Google

constantly change their privacy policies, and the terms-of-service agreements

are long legal documents written in a language which your everyday person

doesn’t have the time or energy to decipher. So they just check a box.

“What’s the problem?” you might say. “I have nothing to hide from either

the government or companies like Google and Facebook.” But think about

it for a few minutes: When researching a political science paper on alternate

forms of government, will typing words like “anarchism” or “Marxism” into

a search box set off warning signals at the NSA or trigger Google to send

advertisements for The Anarchist’s Handbook (which might set off warning

signals)? To honestly express ourselves, we need privacy. But less and less

is there any kind of space for it online, where most of us read, write, and

communicate. There needs to be some space online where all our activity is not

recorded and sold (or taken by government agencies). But unless more rules

and regulations are put in place to govern the behavior of Internet service

providers and governmental data miners, privacy will become a thing of the

past, and people will forget that they are not just consumers, but also citizens

with rights, like the right to privacy.

4

5

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4. Tone Consider the differences in tone between Wilson’s first draft and her revised draft. What changes affected her tone? (List three.) Given that she was writing this essay for a college course and that her instructor was her main audience, how effec- tive is the tone of the revised essay?

WORKING TOGETHER In groups of two or three classmates, use the questions below to analyze two paragraphs from the essay “The New Marshmallow Test: Students Can’t Resist Multitasking” (p. 3) or another essay.

• What is the topic sentence of each paragraph? • How are the paragraphs organized? • What transitions does the author use in the paragraphs? • What action verbs (if any) does the author use in the paragraphs? (Give an example

from each paragraph.) • Does the author use descriptive language (language that appeals to the senses)? If so,

give an example of such language in each paragraph.

Be prepared to share your responses with the rest of the class.

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T

10 W R I T I N G Q U I C K S T A R T

194

© G

e o gr

a p h y

P h o to

s / G

e tt

y

he photo on this page shows a sign

with errors of grammar and punctuation.

First, correct the errors. Then write a few

sentences describing how errors like these

affect viewers’ reaction to the message and

their opinion of the sign’s creator.

When you identified errors in the sign and

corrected them, you edited and proofread it.

Editing and proofreading are processes of

examining individual sentences and words

and correcting them as needed so that each

conveys the intended meaning accurately,

concisely, and in an interesting and appro-

priate way. These are the last steps in the

writing process (see Figure 10.1), and they

are crucial. Because you are almost finished

with your assignment, you may be tempted

to hurry through or skip the editing and

proofreading stage altogether. But as this

Writing Quick Start demonstrates, careful

editing and proofreading will always pay

off in the end because an error-free essay

is important to conveying your message

effectively and establishing a positive rela-

tionship with your reader. This chapter will

help you sharpen your sentences and refine

your word choice.

Editing Sentences and Words

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195

I N T H I S C H A P T E R Y O U W I L L L E A R N T O

• analyze and edit your sentences for wordiness; repetition of type, length, and pattern; parallelism; and weak verbs,

• analyze and edit your word choice for tone, level of diction, overly general word choice, and use of clichés, and

• proofread effectively.

A NALYZING YOUR SE NTENCE S Effective sentences should have four important characteristics.

1. They should be clear and concise. 2. They should be varied. 3. They should use parallel structure for similar ideas. 4. They should contain strong, active verbs.

FIGURE 10.1 An Overview of the Writing Process

Prewriting to Find and Focus Ideas

Developing and Supporting Your Thesis

Drafting Your Essay

Revising Your Essay

Editing and Proofreading

• See Chapter 5

• See Chapter 6

• See Chapter 7

• See Chapter 9

• Analyze your sentences • Analyze your word choice • Proofread your essay

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ARE YOUR SENTENCES CONCISE? Concise sentences convey their meaning in as few words as possible. Use the following suggestions to make your sentences concise.

1. Avoid wordy expressions. Omit words and phrases that contribute little or no meaning. If a sentence is clear without a particular phrase or if the phrase can be replaced by a more direct word or phrase, take it out or replace it:

• In the near future, another revolution in computer technology is bound to

occur.

• In light of the fact that computer technology changes every month or so,

software upgrades are what everybody has to do.

2. Eliminate redundancy. Look for places where you have repeated an idea unnecessarily by using different words that have the same meaning:

• My decision to choose accounting as my major will lead to steady, rewarding employment.

• Teenagers use slang to establish who they are and what their identity is.

3. Eliminate unnecessary sentence openings. Look for words you have expressed indirectly or tentatively. As you revise, edit to make them more direct:

• It is my opinion that fast-food restaurants should post nutritional information for each menu item.

• Many people would agree that selecting nutritious snacks is a priority for health- conscious people.

4. Eliminate unnecessary adverbs. Using too many adverbs can weaken your writing. Adverbs such as extremely, really, and very add nothing and can weaken the words they modify. Notice that the following sentence is stronger without the adverb:

• The journalist was very elated when he learned that he had won a Pulitzer Prize.

Other adverbs, such as somewhat, rather, and quite also add little or no meaning and are often unnecessary.

• The college president was quite disturbed by the findings of the Presidential Panel on Sex Equity.

^

A

^

soon.

^

Since

^

monthly

^

necessary

^

Choosing

^

F

^

S

An adverb modifies a verb, an adjective, or another adverb.

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A N A L Y Z I N G Y O U R S E N T E N C E S 197

5. Eliminate unnecessary phrases and clauses. Wordy phrases and clauses make it difficult for readers to find and understand the main point of your sen- tence. This problem often occurs when you use too many prepositional phrases and clauses that begin with who, which, or that.

• The complaints of students in the college encouraged the dean to create additional parking spaces.

• The teenagers who were mall walkers disagreed with the editorial in the

newspaper that supported the shopping mall regulations.

6. Avoid weak verb-noun combinations. Weak verb-noun combinations such as wrote a draft instead of drafted or made a change instead of changed tend to make sentences wordy.

• The attorney made an assessment of the company’s liability in the accident.

• The professor gave a lecture on Asian American relations.

EXERCISE 10.1

Edit the following sentences to make them concise.

1. Due to the fact that Professor Wu assigned twenty-five math problems for tomorrow, I am forced to make the decision to miss this evening’s lecture to be given by the vice president of the United States.

2. In many cases, workers are forced to use old equipment that needs replacing despite the fact that equipment malfunctions cost the company more than the price of new machines.

3. Miley Cyrus is one of the best examples of an entertainment celebrity being given too much publicity.

4. The president of Warehouse Industries has the ability and power to decide who should and who should not be hired and who should and who should not be fired.

5. The soccer league’s sponsor, as a matter of fact, purchased league jerseys for the purpose of advertisement and publicity.

ARE YOUR SENTENCES VARIED? Sentences that are varied will help hold your reader’s interest and make your writing flow more smoothly. Vary the type, length, and pattern of your sentences.

How to vary sentence type There are four types of sentences: simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex. Each type consists of one or more clauses. A clause is a group of words with both a subject and a verb. There are two types of clauses:

• An independent clause can stand alone as a complete sentence. • A dependent clause cannot stand alone as a complete sentence. It begins with

a subordinating conjunction (for example, because or although) or a relative pronoun (for example, when, which, or that).

A prepositional phrase is a group of words that begins with a preposition and includes the object or objects of the preposition and all their modifiers: above the low wooden table.

^

students

^

teenage

^

newspaper

^

supporting

^

assessed

^

lectured

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A brief summary of each sentence type and its clauses appears in Table 10.1.

TAbLE 10.1 Sentence Types

Sentence Type Clauses Example

Simple One independent clause and no dependent clauses

Credit-card fraud is increasing in the United States.

Compound Two or more indepen- dent clauses and no dependent clauses

Credit-card fraud is increasing in the United States; it is a violation of financial privacy.

Complex One or more dependent clauses and one inde- pendent clause

Because credit-card fraud is increasing in America, consumers must become more cautious.

Compound- complex

One or more depen- dent clauses and two or more independent clauses

Because credit-card fraud is increasing in America, consumers must be cautious, and retailers must take steps to protect consumers.

Use the following suggestions to vary your sentence types.

1. Use simple sentences for emphasis and clarity. A simple sentence contains only one independent clause, but it is not necessarily short. It can have more than one subject, more than one verb, and several modifiers.

• Both retailers and consumers have and must exercise the responsibility

to curtail fraud by reporting suspicious use of credit cards.

A short, simple sentence can be used to emphasize an important point or to make a dramatic statement.

• Credit-card fraud is rampant.

If you use too many simple sentences, however, your writing will sound choppy and disjointed.

DisjointED It was a cold, drizzly spring morning. I was driving to school. A teenage hitchhiker stood alongside the road. He seemed distraught.

BEttEr I was driving to school on a cold, drizzly spring morning when I saw a teenage hitchhiker standing alongside the road. He seemed distraught.

subject subject verb verb

modifier modifier

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2. Use compound sentences to show relationships among equally important ideas. A compound sentence consists of two or more independent clauses joined in one of the following ways: • With a comma and coordinating conjunction:

• Leon asked a question, and the whole class was surprised.

• With a semicolon:

• Graffiti had been scrawled on the subway walls; passersby ignored it.

• With a semicolon and a conjunctive adverb:

• Each year thousands of children are adopted; consequently, adoption service agencies have increased in number.

• With a correlative conjunction:

• Either the jury will reach a verdict tonight, or it will recess until Monday morning.

Notice that in each example, both clauses are equally important and receive equal emphasis.

You can also use compound sentences to explain how equally important ideas are related. For example, you can use different coordinating conjunctions to show the relationship between two important related ideas. (See Table 10.2.)

TAbLE 10.2 Selecting Coordinating Conjunctions to Convey Relationships

Coordinating Conjunction Relationship Example

and Additional information

The three teenage vandals were apprehended, and their parents were required to pay damages.

but, yet Contrast or opposition

No one wants to pay more taxes, yet taxes are necessary to support vital public services.

for, so Causes or effects

Text messages can disrupt a student’s concen- tration, so turning your cell phone off in class is essential to learning.

or, nor Choices or options

Quebec may become a separate country, or it may settle its differences with the Canadian government.

Coordinating conjunctions (and, but, or, nor, for, so, yet) connect sentence elements that are of equal importance.

A conjunctive adverb is a word (such as also, however, or still) that links two indepen- dent clauses.

A correlative conjunction is a word pair (such as not only . . . but also) that works together to join elements within a sentence.

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3. Use complex sentences to show that one or more ideas are less important than (or subordinate to) another idea. A complex sentence consists of one independent clause and at least one dependent clause. Either type of clause may come first. When the dependent clause comes first, it is usually followed by a comma. When the independent clause comes first, a comma is usually not used.

• Because the dam broke, the village flooded.

• The village flooded because the dam broke.

In the preceding sentences, the main point is that the village flooded. The depen- dent clause explains why the flood happened. A dependent clause often begins with a subordinating conjunction that indicates how the less important (dependent) idea is related to the more important (independent) idea. Table 10.3 lists some subordi- nating conjunctions and the relationships they suggest.

TAbLE 10.3 Selecting Subordinating Conjunctions to Convey Relationships

Subordinating Conjunction Relationship Example

as, as far as, as soon as, as if, as though, although, even though, even if, in order to

Circumstance Even though cable television has expanded, it is still unavailable in some rural areas.

because, since, so that Causes or effects

Because the movie industry has changed, the way theaters are built has changed.

before, after, while, until, when

Time When prices rise, demand falls.

whether, if, unless, even if

Condition More people will purchase hybrid cars if these cars become less expensive.

Dependent clauses can also begin with a relative pronoun (that, who, which).

• Many medical doctors who are affiliated with a teaching hospital use interns in their practices.

To see how complex sentences can improve your writing, study the following two paragraphs:

Original Are you one of the many people who has tried to quit smoking? Well, don’t give

up trying. Help is here in the form of a nonprescription drug. A new nicotine patch Monotonous use of simple and compound sentences

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A N A L Y Z I N G Y O U R S E N T E N C E S 201

has been developed. This patch will help you quit gradually. That way, you will experience less severe withdrawal symptoms. Quitting will be easier than ever before, but you need to be psychologically ready to quit smoking. Otherwise, you may not be successful.

revised If you are one of the many people who has tried to quit smoking, don’t give up

trying. Help is now here in the form of a nonprescription nicotine patch, which has been developed to help you quit gradually. Because you experience less severe with- drawal symptoms, quitting is easier than ever before. However, for this patch to be successful, you need to be psychologically ready to quit.

4. Use compound-complex sentences occasionally to express complicated relationships. A compound-complex sentence contains one or more dependent clauses and two or more independent clauses.

• If you expect to study medicine, you must take courses in biology and chemistry, and you must prepare for four more years of study after college.

Use compound-complex sentences sparingly. When overused, they make your writing hard to follow.

EXERCISE 10.2

Combine each of the following sentence pairs into a single compound or complex sentence.

1. A day-care center may look respectable. Parents assume a day-care center is safe and run well.

2. In some states, the training required to become a day-care worker is minimal. On-the- job supervision and evaluation of day-care workers are infrequent.

3. Restaurants are often fined or shut down for minor hygiene violations. Day-care centers are rarely fined or closed down for hygiene violations.

4. More and more mothers have entered the workforce. The need for quality day care has increased dramatically.

5. Naturally, day-care workers provide emotional support for children. Few day-care work- ers are trained to provide intellectual stimulation.

How to vary sentence length If you vary sentence type, you often automatically vary sentence length as well. Simple sentences tend to be short, while compound and complex sentences tend to be longer. Compound-complex sentences tend to be the longest.

You can use sentence length to achieve a specific effect: Short sentences tend to be sharp and emphatic; they move ideas along quickly, creating a fast-paced essay. In the following example, a series of short sentences creates a dramatic pace:

• The jurors had little to debate. The incriminating evidence was clear and incontrovertible. The jury announced its verdict with astonishing speed.

Varied sentence types convey relationship among ideas

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Longer sentences, in contrast, move the reader more slowly through the essay. Notice that the lengthy sentence in this example suggests a leisurely, unhurried pace:

• While standing in line, impatient to ride the antique steam-powered train, the child begins to imagine how the train will crawl deliberately, endlessly, along the tracks, slowly gathering speed as it spews grayish steam and emits hissing noises.

How to vary sentence pattern A sentence is usually made up of one or more sub- jects, verbs, and modifiers. Modifiers are words (adjectives or adverbs), phrases, or clauses that describe or limit another part of the sentence (a noun, pronoun, verb, phrase, or clause). Here are some examples of modifiers in sentences.

worDs As MoDifiErs

The empty classroom was unlocked. [adjective] The office runs smoothly. [adverb]

phrAsEs As MoDifiErs

The student in the back raised his hand. Schools should not have the right to mandate community service.

clAUsEs As MoDifiErs

The baseball that flew into the stands was caught by a fan. When the exam was over, I knew I had earned an A.

As you can see, the placement of modifiers may vary, depending on the pattern of the sentence.

1. Modifier last: subject-verb-modifier. The main message (expressed in the subject and verb) comes first, followed by information that clarifies or explains the message.

• The instructor walked into the room.

In some cases, a string of modifiers follows the subject and verb.

• The salesperson demonstrated the word-processing software, creating and

deleting files, moving text, creating directories, and formatting tables.

2. Modifier first: modifier-subject-verb (periodic sentences). Information in the modifier precedes the main message, elaborating the main message but slowing the overall pace. The emphasis is on the main message at the end of the sentence.

• Tired and depressed from hours of work, the divers left the scene of the accident.

Use periodic sentences sparingly: Too many will make your writing sound stiff and unnatural.

subject verb modifier

subject verb modifier

modifier subject verb

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A N A L Y Z I N G Y O U R S E N T E N C E S 203

3. Modifier in the middle: subject-modifier-verb. The modifier interrupts the main message and tends to slow the pace of the sentence. The emphasis is on the subject because it comes first in the sentence.

• The paramedic, trained and experienced in water rescue, was first on the scene of the boating accident.

Avoid placing too many modifiers between the subject and verb in a sentence. Doing so may cause your reader to miss the sentence’s key idea.

4. Modifiers used throughout.

• Because human organs are in short supply, awarding an organ transplant,

especially hearts and kidneys, to patients has become a controversial issue,

requiring difficult medical and ethical decisions.

By varying the order of subjects, verbs, and modifiers, you can give emphasis where it is needed as well as vary sentence patterns as shown in the paragraphs that follow.

Original Theme parks are growing in number and popularity. Theme parks have a single

purpose — to provide family entertainment centered around high-action activi- ties. The most famous theme parks are Disney World and Disneyland. They serve as models for other, smaller parks. Theme parks always have amusement rides. Theme parks can offer other activities such as swimming. Theme parks will prob- ably continue to be popular.

revised Theme parks are growing in number and popularity. Offering high-action activi-

ties, theme parks fulfill a single purpose — to provide family entertainment. The most famous parks, Disney World and Disneyland, serve as models for other, smaller parks. Parks always offer amusement rides, which appeal to both children and adults. Added attractions such as swimming, water slides, and boat rides provide thrills and recreation. Because of their family focus, theme parks are likely to grow in popularity.

EXERCISE 10.3

Add modifiers to the following sentences to create varied sentence patterns.

1. The divers jumped into the chilly waters. 2. The beach was closed because of pollution.

subject modifier verb

modifier subject

modifier verb

modifier

Monotonous use of same subject-verb-modifier pattern

Ideas come alive through use of varied sentence patterns

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3. Coffee-flavored drinks are becoming popular. 4. The dorm was crowded and noisy. 5. The exam was more challenging than we expected.

ARE YOUR SENTENCES PARALLEL IN STRUCTURE? parallelism means that similar ideas in a sentence are expressed in similar grammatical form. It means balancing words with words, phrases with phrases, and clauses with clauses. Parallel sentences flow smoothly and make your thoughts easy to follow. Study the following sentence pairs. Which sentence in each pair is easier to read?

• The horse was large, had a bony frame, and it was friendly.

• The horse was large, bony, and friendly.

• Maria enjoys swimming and sailboats.

• Maria enjoys swimming and sailing.

In each pair, the second sentence sounds better because it is balanced grammatically. Large, bony, and friendly are all adjectives. Swimming and sailing are nouns ending in -ing.

The following sentence elements should be parallel in structure. 1. nouns in a series

• A thesis statement that is clear, strong supporting paragraphs, and a conclusion that should be interesting are all elements of a well-written essay.

2. Adjectives in a series

• The concertgoers were rowdy and making a great deal of noise.

3. Verbs in a series

• The sports fans jumped and were applauding.

4. phrases and clauses within a sentence

• The parents who supervised the new playground were pleased about the

preschoolers playing congenially and that everyone enjoyed the sandbox.

5. items being compared

• It is usually better to study for an exam over a period of time than cramming the night before.

^

clear

^ ,

^

an interesting

^

noisy.

^

applauded.

^

that

^

played

^

to cram

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A N A L Y Z I N G Y O U R S E N T E N C E S 205

EXERCISE 10.4

Edit the following sentences to eliminate problems with parallelism.

1. The biology student spent Saturday morning reviewing his weekly textbook assign- ments, writing a research report, and with lab reports.

2. The career counselor advised Althea to take several math courses and that she should also register for at least one computer course.

3. Three reasons for the popularity of fast-food restaurants are that they are efficient, offer reasonable prices, and most people like the food they serve.

4. Driving to Boston is as expensive as it is to take the train. 5. While at a stop sign, it is important first to look both ways and then proceeding with

caution is wise.

DO YOUR SENTENCES HAVE STRONG, ACTIVE VERbS? Strong, active verbs make your writing lively and vivid. By contrast, to be verbs (is, was, were, has been, and so on) and other linking verbs ( feels, became, seems, appears) — which connect a noun or pronoun to words that describe it — can make your writing sound dull. Linking verbs often contribute little meaning to a sentence. Whenever possible, use stronger, more active verbs.

“to BE” VErB The puppy was afraid of thunder. Action VErBs The puppy whimpered and quivered during the thunderstorm. linking VErB The child looked frightened as she boarded the bus for her first day

of kindergarten. Action VErBs The child trembled and clung to her sister as she boarded the bus

for her first day of kindergarten.

To strengthen your writing, use active verbs rather than passive verbs as much as possible. A passive verb is a form of the verb to be combined with a past participle (killed, chosen, elected ). In a sentence with a passive verb, the subject does not perform the action of the verb but instead receives the action. By contrast, in a sentence with an active verb, the subject performs the action.

pAssiVE It was claimed by the cyclist that the motorist failed to yield the right of way.

ActiVE The cyclist claimed that the motorist failed to yield the right of way.

Notice that the first sentence emphasizes the action of claiming, not the person who made the claim. In the second sentence, the person who made the claim is the subject.

Unless you decide deliberately to deemphasize the subject, try to avoid using passive verbs. On occasion, you may need to use passive verbs, however, to emphasize the object or person receiving the action.

• The Johnsons’ house was destroyed by the flood.

For more about possible prob- lems with using passive voice, see p. 85.

macmillanhighered.com/successfulwriting LearningCurve > Active and Passive Voice

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Passive verbs may also be appropriate if you do not know or choose not to reveal who performed an action. Journalists often use passive verbs for this reason.

• It was confirmed late Tuesday that Senator Kraemer is resigning.

EXERCISE 10.5

Edit the following sentences by changing passive verbs to active ones, adding a subject when necessary.

1. Songs about peace were composed by folk singers in the 1960s. 2. The exam was thought to be difficult because it covered thirteen chapters. 3. For water conservation, it is recommended that low-water-consumption dishwashers be

purchased. 4. The new satellite center was opened by the university so that students could attend

classes nearer their homes. 5. In aggressive telemarketing sales calls, the consumer is urged by the caller to make an

immediate decision before prices change.

Essay in Progress 1 For your essay in progress (the one you worked on in Chapters 7–9) or any essay you are working on, evaluate and edit your sentences.

A NA LYZING YOUR WO RD CHOICE Each word in your essay contributes to your essay’s meaning. Consequently, when you are revising, be sure to analyze your word choice, or diction. The words you choose should suit your purpose, audience, tone, and genre. This section describes four aspects of word choice to consider as you evaluate and revise your essay.

1. Tone and level of diction 2. Word connotations 3. Concrete and specific language 4. Figures of speech

ARE YOUR TONE AND LEVEL OF DICTION APPROPRIATE? Imagine that as a technician at a computer software company, you discover a time-saving shortcut for installing the company’s best-selling software program. Your supervisor asks you to describe your discovery and how it works for two audiences — your fellow techni- cians at the company and customers who might purchase the program. Would you say the same thing in the same way? Definitely not. Your writing would differ not only in content but also in tone and level of diction. The writing addressed to the other techni- cians would be technical and concise, explaining how to use the shortcut and why it

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A N A L Y Z I N G Y O U R W O R D C H O I C E 207

works. The writing directed to customers would praise the discovery, mention the time customers will save, and explain in nontechnical terms how to use the shortcut.

tone refers to how you sound to your readers. Your word choice should be consis- tent with your tone. When writing to the technicians, you would use a direct, matter- of-fact tone. When writing to the customers, your tone would be enthusiastic. There are three common levels of diction: formal, popular, and informal.

Formal diction The formal level of diction is serious and dignified. Think of it as the kind of language that judges use in interpreting laws, presidents employ when greeting foreign dignitaries, or speakers choose for commencement addresses. Formal diction is often written in the third person, tends to include long sentences and multisyllabic words, and contains no slang or contractions. It has a slow, rhythmic flow and an authoritative, distant, and impersonal tone. Here is an example taken from The Feder- alist, No. 51, a political tract written by James Madison in 1788 to explain constitu- tional theory:

It is of great importance in a republic, not only to guard the society against the oppression of its rulers, but to guard one part of the society against the injustice of the other part. Different interests necessarily exist in different classes of citizens. If a majority be united by a common interest, the rights of the minority will be insecure.

Formal diction is also used in scholarly publications, operation manuals, and most academic fields. Notice in the following excerpt from a chemistry textbook that the language is concise, exact, and marked by specialized terms, called jargon, used within the particular field of study. The examples of jargon are in italics.

A catalyst is classified as homogeneous if it is present in the same phase as that of the reactants. For reactants that are gases, a homogeneous catalyst is also a gas.

Atkins and Perkins, Chemistry: Molecules, Matter, and Change

Popular diction popular, or casual, diction is common in magazines and newspa- pers. It sounds more conversational and personal than formal diction. In popular dic- tion, sentences tend to be shorter and less varied than in formal diction. The first person (I, me, mine, we) or second person (you, your) may be used. Consider this exam- ple taken from a popular arts magazine, Paste Magazine.

“Concert for George” pays tribute to not only one of the greatest musicians in history, but one of the freakin’ Beatles. The performance took place in honor of the first anniversary of George Harrison’s death, with Eric Clapton and Jeff Lynne serv- ing as musical directors.

Wyndham Wyeth, “The 11 Best Concert Films”

For more about tone, see p. 81.

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Informal diction informal diction, also known as colloquial language, is the language of everyday speech and conversation. It is friendly and casual. Contractions (wasn’t, I’ ll ), slang expressions (selfie, YOLO, tat), sentence fragments, and first-person and second-person pronouns are all common. Informal diction should not be used in essays and academic writing, except when it is part of a quotation or a block of dialogue. Also inappropriate for essays and academic writing is the use of language shortcuts typically used in email and texting. These include abbreviations (u for you, r for are) and emoti- cons ().

Here is an example of informal diction. Notice the use of the first person, slang expressions, and a loose sentence structure.

This guy in my history class is a psycho. He doesn’t let anybody talk but him. I mean, this guy interrupts all the time. Never raises his hand. He drives us nuts — what a loser.

Diction in academic writing When you write academic papers, essays, and exams, you should use formal diction and avoid flowery or wordy language. Here are some guidelines.

• Use the third person (he, she, it) rather than the first person (I, we), unless you are expressing a personal opinion.

• Use standard vocabulary, not slang or a regional or an ethnic dialect. • Use correct grammar, spelling, and punctuation. • Aim for a clear, direct, and forthright tone.

One of the most common mistakes students make in academic writing is trying too hard to sound “academic.” Be sure to avoid writing stiff, overly formal sentences, using big words just for the sake of it, and expressing ideas indirectly.

inapprOpriate dictiOn Who among us would be so bold as to venture to deny that inequities are ram-

pant in our ailing health- and medical-care system? People of multiethnic composi- tion overwhelmingly receive health care that is not only beneath the standard one would expect, but even in some cases threatening to their very lives. An abundance of research studies and clinical trials prove beyond a doubt that a person of non- European descent residing in the United States of America cannot rely on doctors, nurses, physician assistants, nurse practitioners, and other health-care workers to provide treatment free of invidious discrimination.

revised dictiOn Who can deny that inequities are common in our ailing medical care system?

Racial and ethnic minorities receive health care that is substandard and in some cases life-threatening. Many research studies and clinical trials demonstrate that minorities in the United States cannot rely on doctors, nurses, physician assistants, nurse practitioners, and other health-care workers to provide unbiased treatment.

Contractions are acceptable

Language is stiff, pompous

Language is formal but clear

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EXERCISE 10.6

Revise the following informal statement by giving it a more formal level of diction.

It hadn’t occurred to me that I might be exercising wrong, though I suppose the signs were there. I would drag myself to the gym semi-regularly and go through the motions of walking (sometimes jogging) on the treadmill and doing light weight training. But I rarely broke a sweat. I just didn’t have the energy. “Just doing it” wasn’t cutting it. My body wasn’t improving. In fact, certain areas were getting bigger, overly muscular. I needed someone to kick my butt — and reduce it too.

Wendy Schmid, “Roped In,” Vogue

DO YOU USE WORDS WITH APPROPRIATE CONNOTATIONS? Many words have two levels of meaning — a denotative meaning and a connotative meaning. A word’s denotation is its precise dictionary definition. For example, the denotative meaning of the word mother is “female parent.” A word’s connotation is the collection of feelings and attitudes the word evokes — its emotional colorings or shades of meaning. A word’s connotation may vary from one person to another. One common connotation of mother is a warm, caring person. Some people, however, may think of a mother as someone with strong authoritarian control. Similarly, the phrase horror films may conjure up memories of scary but fun-filled evenings for some people and terrify- ing experiences for others.

Since the connotations of words can elicit a wide range of responses, be sure the words you choose convey only the meanings you intend. In each pair of words that fol- lows, notice that the two words have a similar denotation but different connotations.

artificial/fake firm/stubborn lasting/endless

EXERCISE 10.7

Describe the different connotations of the three words in each group of words.

1. crowd/mob/gathering 2. proverb/motto/saying 3. prudent/penny-pinching/frugal 4. token/gift/keepsake 5. display/show/expose

DO YOU USE CONCRETE LANGUAGE? Specific words convey much more information than general words. The following examples show how you might move from general to specific word choices.

General Less General More Specific Specific store department store Sears Sears at the Galleria Mall music popular music country rock music Taylor Swift’s “Eyes Open”

For more about analyzing connotative meanings, see p. 79.

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Concrete words add life and meaning to your writing. In each of the following sen- tence pairs, notice how the underlined words in the first sentence provide little infor- mation, whereas those in the second sentence provide interesting details.

gEnErAl concrEtE

Our vacation was great fun. Our rafting trip was filled with adventure.

gEnErAl concrEtE

The red and white flowers were blooming in our yard. Crimson and white petunias were blooming in our yard.

Suppose you are writing about a shopping mall that has outlived its usefulness. Instead of saying “a number of stores were unoccupied, and those that were still in busi- ness were shabby,” you could describe the mall in concrete, specific terms that would enable your readers to visualize it:

The vacant storefronts with “For Rent” signs plastered across the glass, the half- empty racks in the stores that were still open, and the empty corridors suggested that the mall was soon to close.

EXERCISE 10.8

Revise the following sentences by adding concrete, specific details.

1. The book I took on vacation was exciting reading. 2. The students watched as the instructor entered the lecture hall. 3. The vase in the museum was an antique. 4. At the crime scene, the reporter questioned the witnesses. 5. Although the shop was closed, we expected someone to return at any moment.

DO YOU USE FRESH, APPROPRIATE FIGURES OF SPEECH? A figure of speech is a word or phrase that makes sense imaginatively or creatively but not literally. For example, if you say “the movie was a roller coaster ride,” you do not mean the movie was an actual ride. Rather, you mean it was thrilling, just like a ride on a roller coaster. This figure of speech, like many others, compares two seem- ingly unlike objects or situations by finding one point of similarity.

Fresh and imaginative figures of speech can help you create vivid images for your readers. However, overused figures of speech can detract from your essay. Be sure to avoid clichés (trite or overused expressions) such as blind as a bat, green with envy, bite the bullet, or sick as a dog.

Three common figures of speech are simile, metaphor, and personification. A simile uses words such as like or as to make a direct comparison of two unlike things.

The child acts like a tiger.

The noise in a crowded high school cafeteria is as deafening as a caucus of crows.

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A metaphor also compares unlike things but does not use like or as. Instead, the comparison is implied.

That child is a tiger.

If you’re born in America with black skin, you’re born in prison. Malcolm X, “Interview”

personification describes an idea or object by giving it human qualities.

A sailboat devours money.

In this example, the ability to eat is ascribed to an inanimate object, the sailboat. When you edit an essay, look for and eliminate overused figures of speech,

replacing them with creative, fresh images. If you have not used any figures of speech, look for descriptions that could be improved by using a simile, a metaphor, or personification.

EXERCISE 10.9

Invent fresh figures of speech for two items in the following list.

1. Parents of a newborn baby 2. A lengthy supermarket line or a traffic jam 3. A relative’s old refrigerator 4. A man and woman obviously in love 5. Your team’s star quarterback or important player

EVALUATING YOUR WORD CHOICE Use Figure 10.2 (p. 212) to help you evaluate your word choice. If you have difficulty identifying which words to revise, ask a classmate or friend to evaluate your essay by using the flowchart as a guide and marking any words that may need revision.

Essay in Progress 2 For the essay you worked on in Essay in Progress 1, use Figure 10.2 to evaluate and edit your word choice.

SUGGESTIONS FOR PROOFRE ADING When you are satisfied with your edited words and sentences, you are ready for the final step of the writing process — proofreading. By proofreading, you make sure your essay is error free and presented in acceptable manuscript format. Your goals are to catch and cor- rect surface errors — such as errors in grammar, punctuation, spelling, and mechanics — as well as keyboarding or typographical errors. An essay that is free of surface errors gives readers a favorable impression of the essay and of you as its writer.

For more on figures of speech, see Chapter 13, p. 268.

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Spotting errors is easier when working with a clean, printed copy, so start with a fresh printout. Do not attempt to work with a previously marked-up copy or on a computer screen. Be sure to double-space the copy to allow room to mark corrections between lines.

Use the following suggestions to produce an error-free essay. 1. review your paper once for each type of error. Because it is difficult to spot

all types of surface errors simultaneously, read your essay several times, each time focusing on one error type — errors in spelling, punctuation, grammar, mechanics, and so on. Then read once more, focusing on just the errors you make most often. (Keep a list of your most common errors in your writing journal, and update it as each assignment is returned.)

1. Have you used an appropriate tone and level of diction? (To find out, imagine that you are talking to a member of your audience. Look for and circle any words or phrases that seem too formal or too informal, especially any slang or jargon.)

YES

YES

YES

NO

• Replace circled words and phrases with language appro- priate for your audience.

QUESTIONS REVISION STRATEGIES

FIGURE 10.2 Flowchart for Evaluating Your Word Choice

2. Have you chosen words with appropriate connotations? (To find out, look for and circle any words whose connotations do not fit your intended meaning and whose connotations you are unsure of.)

• Check a dictionary, if neces- sary, and replace circled words with more appropriate words.

NO

3. Is your language concrete and specific? (To find out, look for and circle any general, vague words that contribute little or no meaning.)

• Replace circled words with concrete, specific words.NO

• Replace the underlined expressions with fresh and appropriate figures of speech.

4. Have you used fresh, appropriate figures of speech? (To find out, look for and underline any expressions that sound trite or overused.)

NO

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2. read your essay backward, from the last sentence to the first. Reading in this way will help you spot errors without being distracted by the flow of ideas.

3. Use the spell-check and grammar-check functions cautiously. The spell-check function can help you spot some — but not all — spelling and keyboarding errors. For example, it cannot detect the difference in meaning between there and their or to and too. Similarly, the grammar-check function can identify only certain kinds of errors and is not a reliable substitute for a careful proofreading.

4. read your essay aloud. By reading aloud slowly, you can catch certain errors that sound awkward, such as missing words, errors in verb tense, and errors in the singular or plural forms of nouns.

5. Ask a classmate to proofread your paper. Another reader may spot errors you have overlooked.

STUDENTS WRITE

Recall that Latrisha Wilson’s essay, “No Place Left for Privacy,” was developed, drafted, and revised in the Students Write sections of Chapters 6 to 9. Below is a body paragraph from Wilson’s essay with her final editing and proofreading changes shown. The reasons for each change, identified by number, are noted in the margin. The final draft of Wilson’s essay, with these changes incorporated into it, appears in Chapter 9 (pp. 190–92).

The NSA isn’t the only organization to be spying on us another kind of surveillance,

a kind that doesn’t always make top press, is the kind of eavesdropping that

companies like Google, and other companies regularly do on their users. Google

software automatically scans the content of all Gmail for keywords and phrases

and they then must get sold or rented to other companies, because I regularly see

targeted advertizements related to what they’ve written about: If I wish my friend

“Happy Birthday!” I now see advertizements for party clowns, and birthday pack-

ages. (See Fig. 1.)

1. Added transition 2. Edited for wordiness 3. Fixed run-on 4. Edited for repetition 5. Deleted unnecessary comma 6. Revised to make more specific 7. Revised to avoid 1st person (/) 8. Corrected misspelling

^

, of course,1 2

^

. A3

^

which2 4 2 4

2 5

^

communication service providers6

^

, for example,1

^

that4 2 5 users of Gmail7

^

s8

^

a user7

^

es her7

^

she7

^

sees

^

s8 5

macmillanhighered.com/successfulwriting LearningCurve > Commas; Fragments; Run-Ons and Comma Splices; Subject-Verb Agreement

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© WILDLIFE GmbH/Alamy

11 An Introduction to Patterns of Development 216

12 Narration 229

13 Description 263

14 Illustration 297

15 Process Analysis 330

16 Comparison and Contrast 365

17 Classification and Division 400

18 Definition 429

19 Cause and Effect 459

p a r t t h r e e

Patterns of Development

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S

11 W R I T I N G Q U I C K S T A R T

216

uppose your instructor asks you to write

a paragraph about one or both of the photos

on this page.

To write your paragraph, you had to

decide on an approach to the topic that

would be appropriate to your writing situ-

ation, your purpose, audience, genre, and

medium. For example, if you wanted to

write a blog post to express your thoughts

and feelings to your friends, you might

have chosen to tell a story about what the

people in one of the photographs are doing

or how they got there (narration). If you

were writing an exam for your psychology

instructor, you might have described the

response to environmental cues (process

analysis) or analyzed the differences among

responses in the two settings (comparison

and contrast).

© RIA-Novosti/The Image Works; © Carsten Peter/Getty

An Introduction to Patterns of Development

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• recognize common patterns of development,

• identify patterns of development in essays that use more than one pattern, and

• write an essay using more than one pattern.

Many paragraphs and essays use specific patterns of development (also called rhetorical modes, or just modes) like narration, process analysis, and comparison or contrast, because they help the writer

• devise a strong thesis or topic sentence, • select appropriate evidence, and • create a unified paragraph or essay.

The patterns also help readers understand by comparing something they know well with something unfamiliar or describing a place they’ve never been so that they can picture it, for example.

While some authors write essays that focus mainly on a single mode, many others create essays from paragraphs in a variety of patterns, choosing among the patterns that will best help them achieve their goals.

In Chapters 11 to 20, you will read and write essays that focus mainly on one mode. In this chapter, you will find one mixed-mode reading, and the chapters in Parts 3 and 4 also include a reading that uses a variety of patterns to supplement the main one. As you read these essays and write your own mixed-mode essay later in this chapter, think about how writers use patterns to achieve their goals.

A N OVERVIEW OF THE PATTERNS OF DEVELOP MENT The most common patterns are: • narration, • description, • illustration (or exemplification), • process analysis, • comparison and contrast,

• classification and division, • definition, • cause and effect, and • argument.

NARRATION Narration uses a sequence of events — a story — to make a point. The following excerpt from a narrative essay tells the story of one man’s experience with the police.

EXAMPLE Friday for me usually means a trip to the bank, errands, the gym, dinner, and then off to the theater. On this particular day, I decided

To learn more about the writing situation, see Chapter 5, p. 113.

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to break my pattern of getting up and running right out of the house. Instead, I took my time, slowed my pace, and splurged by making strawberry pancakes. Before I knew it, it was 2:45; my bank closes at 3:30, leaving me less than 45 minutes to get to midtown Manhattan on the train. I was pressed for time but in a relaxed, blessed state of mind. When I walked through the lobby of my building, I noticed two light-skinned Hispanic men I’d never seen before. Not thinking much of it, I continued on to the vestibule, which is separated from the lobby by a locked door.

— Alton Fitzgerald White, “Right Place, Wrong Face” (para. 5, p. 234)

When to use it. Use narration when you want readers to learn something by experienc- ing an episode or sequence of events from your life. In the Writing Quick Start, you could use narration to tell a story of how the people in the photos got to their location. You might begin with their trip to the airport and end at the moment the photo was taken.

DESCRIPTION Description uses words that appeal to the five senses to create a word-picture for read- ers. The following excerpt from a descriptive essay introduces readers to the kitchen of a busy diner, using specific details to emphasize how tightly everything is crammed in.

EXAMPLE The kitchen space I spend eight hours a day in is about the size of my one-room apartment, which is slightly larger than your average prison cell. Three people, and more on horribly busy days, work in that space, crammed in with four fryers, a massive grill, a griddle, an oven, a microwave, two refrigeration units with prep counters, bins of tortilla chips, a burning-hot steam table bigger than the grill, and vast tubs of bacon. If I put both arms out and rotated, I’d severely injure at least two people.

— Ted Sawchuck, “Heatstroke with a Side of Burn Cream” (para. 3, p. 283)

When to use it. Use description when you want to emphasize the sensory aspects of an object or experience. In the Writing Quick Start, you could use description to con- vey in detail what the winter landscape or the rain forest looked, smelled, or felt like.

ILLUSTRATION Illustration uses examples to explain unfamiliar topics, concepts, or terms. In the fol- lowing excerpt from an illustration essay, the author provides a specific example (illus- tration) to support his thesis that road rage represents a decline in civilized society.

EXAMPLE A most amazing example of driver rage occurred recently at the Manhattan end of the Lincoln Tunnel. We were four cars abreast, stopped at a traffic light. And there was no moving even when the light had changed. A bus had stopped in the cross traffic, blocking

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our paths: it was a normal-for-New-York-City gridlock. Perhaps impatient, perhaps late for important appointments, three of us nonetheless accepted what, after all, we could not alter. One, however, would not. He would not be helpless. He would go where he was going even if he couldn’t get there. A Wall Street type in suit and tie, he got out of his car and strode toward the bus, rapping smartly on its doors. When they opened, he exchanged words with the driver. The doors folded shut. He then stepped in front of the bus, took hold of one of its large windshield wipers and broke it.

— Martin Gottfried, “Rambos of the Road” (para. 8, p. 308)

When to use it. Use illustration when you want to provide specific, sometimes extended, examples to support your thesis statement. In the Writing Quick Start, in an essay about how rain forests are threatened by development, you might provide exam- ples of the plants and animals whose habitats are endangered.

PROCESS ANALYSIS Process analysis explains step by step how something works, is done, or is made. In the following how-to essay, the writer describes the process of writing a second draft.

EXAMPLE The next day, I’d sit down, go through it all with a colored pen, take out everything I possibly could, find a new lead somewhere on the second page, figure out a kicky place to end it, and then write a second draft. It always turned out fine, sometimes even funny and weird and helpful. I’d go over it one more time and mail it in.

— Anne Lamott, “Shitty First Drafts” (para. 8, p. 339)

When to use it. Use process analysis when you want to provide step-by-step instruc- tions or a part-by-part analysis. In the Writing Quick Start, you might discuss rain forest exploration as a sport and provide instructions on how to prepare for a strenuous climb.

COMPARISON AND CONTRAST Writers compare or contrast to examine closely what two things have in common or what their differences are. Many essays use both comparison and contrast. In the fol- lowing excerpt from a comparison-contrast essay, the author compares the satirical newspaper The Onion with other newspapers.

EXAMPLE It’s easy to see why readers connect with The Onion, and it’s not just the jokes: Despite its “fake news” purview, it’s an extremely honest publication. Most dailies, especially those in monopoly or near-monopoly markets, operate as if they’re focused more on not offending readers (or advertisers) than on expressing a worldview

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of any kind. The Onion takes the opposite approach. It delights in crapping on pieties and regularly publishes stories guaranteed to upset someone: “Christ Kills Two, Injures Seven, in Abortion-Clinic Attack.” “Heroic PETA Commandos Kill 49, Save Rabbit.” “Gay Pride Parade Sets Mainstream Acceptance of Gays Back 50 Years.” There’s no predictable ideology running through those headlines, just a desire to express some rude, blunt truth about the world.

— Greg Beato, “Amusing Ourselves to Depth: Is The Onion Our Most Intelligent Newspaper?” (para. 9, p. 371)

When to use it. Use comparison and contrast to provide an in-depth analysis that explores the similarities and/or differences between two things. In the Writing Quick Start, there is opportunity to explore the differences between the two activities shown, but an essay that examines the similarities among participants might be just as revealing.

CLASSIFICATION AND DIVISION Classification groups things into categories; division breaks a single item down into its component parts. In the following excerpt from a classification essay, a college instruc- tor groups the types of excuses she receives into several categories (the family, the best friend, the evils of dorm life, the evils of technology, and the totally bizarre).

EXAMPLE Taped to the door of my office is a cartoon that features a cat explaining to his feline teacher, “The dog ate my homework.” It is intended as a gently humorous reminder to my students that I will not accept excuses for late work, and it, like the lengthy warning on my syllabus, has had absolutely no effect. With a show of energy and creativity that would be admirable if applied to the (missing) assignments in question, my students persist, week after week, semester after semester, year after year, in offering excuses about why their work is not ready. Those reasons fall into several broad categories: the family, the best friend, the evils of dorm life, the evils of technology, and the totally bizarre.

— Carolyn Foster Segal, “The Dog Ate My Flash Drive, and Other Tales of Woe” (para. 1, p. 423)

When to use it. Use classification or division when you want to look closely at the subcategories or parts of a particular topic. In the Writing Quick Start, you might clas- sify activities by seasons, pointing to the top photo as an example of a winter activity and the bottom photo as an example of a summer activity.

EXTENDED DEFINITION An extended definition explains in detail how a term is used or differentiates among its shades of meaning. The following excerpt from an extended definition begins the pro- cess of explaining what the word dude means by showing how it is used and how its meaning has changed over time.

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EXAMPLE Originally meaning “old rags,” a “dudesman” was a scarecrow. In the late 1800s, a “dude” was akin to a dandy, a meticulously dressed man, especially in the western United States. Dude became a slang term in the 1930s and 1940s among black zoot suiters and Mexican American pachucos. The term began its rise in the teenage lexicon with the 1982 movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Around the same time, it became an exclamation as well as a noun. Pronunciation purists say it should sound like “duhd”; “dood” is an alternative, but it is considered “uncool” or old.

— Mike Crissey, “Dude, Do You Know What You Just Said?” (para. 2, p. 439)

When to use it. Use an extended definition when you want to conduct a close analysis of a complicated word, phrase, or phenomenon. In the Writing Quick Start, you might use the photos as a jumping-off point to define the word ecotourism, which means environ- mentally friendly tourism that has limited impact on the land and local communities.

CAUSE AND EFFECT Causes are the reasons that an event or phenomenon happens and effects are what hap- pen because of the event or phenomenon. Often, causes and effects are discussed together. The following excerpt points to a single cause (a diet rich in vitamins, miner- als, and fatty acids) leading to a single effect (psychological health).

EXAMPLE The best way to curb aggression in prisons? Longer jail terms, maybe, or stricter security measures? How about more sports and exercise? Try fish oil. How can children enhance their learning abilities at school? A well- balanced diet and safe, stimulating classrooms are essential, but fish oil can provide an important extra boost. Is there a simple, natural way to improve mood and ward off depression? Yoga and meditation are great, but — you guessed it — fish oil can also help do the trick. A diet rich in vitamins, minerals, and fatty acids like omega-3 is the basis for physical well-being. Everybody knows that. But research increasingly suggests that these same ingredients are crucial to psychological health too. And that’s a fact a lot of people seem to find hard to swallow.

— Juriaan Kamp, “Can Diet Help Stop Depression and Violence?” (para. 1, p. 485)

When to use it. Use cause and effect to show how one (or more) thing(s) leads to another or many other things. In the Writing Quick Start, you might use the bottom photo as inspiration for writing about what causes deforestation or what is lost as a result of it.

ARGUMENT Writers use arguments to persuade readers to adopt (or at least to consider) their posi- tion on an issue. In the following excerpt from an argument essay, the author tries to persuade readers that the size of the tip does not correspond to the quality of service a

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customer receives. This is one reason that tipping, which is supposed to motivate wait staff to provide good service, should be abolished.

EXAMPLE Tipping does not incentivize hard work. The factors that correlate most strongly to tip size have virtually nothing to do with the quality of service. Credit card tips are larger than cash tips. Large parties with sizable bills leave disproportionately small tips. We tip servers more if they tell us their names, touch us on the arm, or draw smiley faces on our checks. Quality of service has a laughably small impact on tip size. According to a 2000 study, a customer’s assessment of the server’s work only accounts for between 1 and 5 percent of the variation in tips at a restaurant.

— Brian Palmer, “Tipping Is an Abomination” (para. 3, p. 511)

When to use it. Use argumentation when you are trying to convince your readers that your point of view is correct or when you want them to take action. In the Writing Quick Start, you might use the bottom photo to convince people to become more active in rain forest conservation and preservation efforts.

COMb INING THE PATTERNS Some essays use only one major pattern, but many writers combine several patterns to engage their readers and support their ideas. For example, an essay may mainly tell a story (the primary pattern), but it may also include description and illustration (secondary pat- terns). The following excerpt is from an essay that mainly uses cause-and-effect but also uses several other patterns of development.

We ate breakfast at the hotel, but we had to eat lunch and dinner at the little seafood restaurants around the old port. We quickly discovered that having two restaurant meals a day with a toddler deserved to be its own circle of hell.

Bean would take a brief interest in the food, but within minutes she was spill- ing salt shakers and tearing apart sugar packets. Then she demanded to be sprung from her high chair so she could dash around the restaurant and bolt dangerously toward the docks.

Our strategy was to finish the meal quickly. We ordered while being seated, then begged the server to rush out some bread and bring us our appetizers and main courses at the same time. While my husband took a few bites of fish, I made sure Bean didn’t get kicked by a waiter or lost at sea. Then we switched. We left enormous, apologetic tips to compensate for the arc of torn napkins and calamari around the table.

After a few more harrowing restaurant visits, I started noticing that the French families around us didn’t look like they were sharing our mealtime agony. Weirdly, they looked like they were on vacation. French toddlers were sitting contentedly

Narration: The writer tells the story of restaurant meals.

1

Description: The writer helps you picture the child’s behavior.

2

Process: The writer explains how they proceeded through a meal.

3

Comparison-Contrast: The writer contrasts her child’s behavior with that of French children.

4

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in their high chairs, waiting for their food, or eating fish and even vegetables. There was not shrieking or whining. And there was no debris around their tables.

—Pamela Druckerman, Bringing Up Bébé

WRITING AN ESSAY THAT COMbINES THE PATTERNS OF ORGANIZATION Recognizing that many writers combine patterns, Chapters 12–21 offer not only detailed instructions on how to write an effective essay in each pattern but how to combine the patterns into a mixed-mode essay. Each of these chapters also offers read- ings that show multiple patterns at work in a single essay. Use the following guidelines, along with the detailed instructions on writing in each mode in the chapters that fol- low, to plan and write a mixed-mode essay.

Choose and narrow a topic, and select a main pattern of organization.1

Chapter 5 can help you narrow your topic. Many essays benefit from following one dominant pattern of organization. Select the major pattern of organization that best fits your purpose.

Write a preliminary thesis, and generate details to support it.2 Chapter 6 can help with devising a thesis and generating details. You may also want to consult the chapter in Part 3 or 4 that corresponds to your main mode of development.

Determine which secondary patterns will help you support your thesis.3

The idea-generating strategies from Chapter 5, especially using the modes of development, can help you flesh out your ideas with specific evidence. Be cautious about using too many patterns of organi- zation, though, which can make your essay difficult to follow.

A G U I D E D W R I T I N G A S S I G N M E N T* M U L T I P L E P A T T E R N S O F O R G A N I Z A T I O N

Pr ew

ri ti

ng

*The writing process is recursive; that is, you may find yourself revising as you draft or prewriting as you revise. This is especially true when writing on a computer. Your writing process may also differ from that of your classmates, depending on your preferred learning style.

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Ed it

in g

& P

ro of

re ad

in g Edit the words and sentences of your essay,

and then proofread carefully.7 As you edit your essay, ask yourself questions like these. • Are my sentences concise, varied (in type, length, and sentence pattern), and parallel? • Do they use strong active verbs? • Are my words at an appropriate level of diction for my readers? • Do I use concrete language, with appropriate connotations and fresh figures of speech?

As you proofread, look for errors in grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Look for the kinds of errors you regularly make, and do not rely too heavily on spell- or grammar-checkers, which can lead you astray.

For additional help, refer to Chapter 10, “Editing Sentences and Words,” and to the guided writing assignment in the chapter that corresponds to your main pattern of development.

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Prepare a graphic organizer or an outline of your essay.4 Make sure your graphic organizer or outline • clearly indicates the essay’s organization and each paragraph’s relationship to the thesis state-

ment, and • includes only details that support your thesis.

The chapter in Part 3 or 4 that corresponds to your main mode of development can provide a model graphic organizer.

Keep your purpose and audience in mind.5 Do not worry about grammar or spelling at this point. Instead, focus on the following: • using supporting details that help you achieve your purpose with your readers, • making sure your introduction and conclusion signal your primary pattern of organization, so

readers know what to expect or experience a satisfying sense of closure, • using transitions to signal that you are moving from one pattern to another, so readers can follow

your train of thought.

D ra

ft in

g

Evaluate your draft and revise as necessary.6 As you reread your essay, ask yourself questions like these. • Have I fully developed my primary pattern? • Have I effectively used secondary patterns to support my thesis?

Then ask a classmate or friend to read your essay and answer your questions. Refer to Chapter 9 for help with revising, and use the flowchart for revising essays from Chapters 12 to 21 that corre- sponds to your main pattern of development.

R ev

is in

g

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In the following reading, note how the author effectively combines multiple pat- terns of organization.

READINg

Against Forgetting: Where Have All the Animals Gone? DERRICK JENSEN

Derrick Jensen writes about environmental issues for a number of publications, including Audubon and The Sun magazine. He is the author of Endgame (2006), Resistance against Empire (2010), and Truths among Us: Conversations on Building a New Culture (2011). This article originally appeared in Orion (July/August 2013). According to the magazine’s mission statement, “It is Orion’s fundamental conviction that humans are morally responsible for the world in which we live and that the individual comes to sense this responsibility as he or she develops a personal bond with nature.” As you read, examine how the author combines patterns of development to persuade readers that declining baselines is a serious problem and convince them that something needs to be done about it.

Last night a host of nonhuman neighbors paid me a visit. First, two gray foxes sauntered up, including an older female who lost her tail to a leghold trap six or seven years ago. They trotted back into a thicker part of the forest, and a few minutes later a raccoon ambled forward. After he left I saw the two foxes again. Later, they went around the right side of a redwood tree as a black bear approached around the left. He sat on the porch for a while, and then walked off into the night. Then the foxes returned, hung out, and, when I looked away for a moment then looked back, they were gone. It wasn’t too long before the bear returned to lie on the porch. After a brief nap, he went away. The raccoon came back and brought two friends. When they left the foxes returned, and after the foxes came the bear. The evening was like a French farce: As one character exited stage left, another entered stage right.

Although I see some of these nonhuman neighbors daily, I was entranced and delighted to see so many of them over the span of just one evening. I remained delighted until sometime the next day, when I remembered reading that, prior to conquest by the Europeans, people in this region could expect to see a grizzly bear every 15 minutes.

This phenomenon is something we all encounter daily, even if some of us rarely notice it. It happens often enough to have a name: declining baselines. The phrase describes the process of becoming accustomed to and accepting as

Narration: Tells a story in chronological (time) order, to establish baseline

1

Description: Uses concrete details to help readers picture animal parade

2

Comparison-contrast: Con- trasts number of animals today with number in the past

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Definition: Provides definition of key term to be used in his thesis/argument

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normal worsening conditions. Along with normalization can come a forgetting that things were not always this way. And this can lead to further acceptance and further normalization, which leads to further amnesia, and so on. Meanwhile the world is killed, species by species, biome by biome. And we are happy when we see the ever-dwindling number of survivors.

I’ve gone on the salmon-spawning tours that local environmentalists give, and I’m not the only person who by the end is openly weeping. If we’re lucky, we see 15 fish. Prior to conquest there were so many fish the rivers were described as “black and roiling.” And it’s not just salmon. Only five years ago, whenever I’d pick up a piece of firewood, I’d have to take off a half-dozen sowbugs. It’s taken me all winter this year to see as many. And I used to go on spider patrol before I took a shower, in order to remove them to safety before the deluge. I still go on spider patrol, but now it’s mostly pro forma. The spiders are gone. My mother used to put up five hummingbird feeders, and the birds would fight over those. Now she puts up two, and as often as not the sugar ferments before anyone eats it. I used to routinely see bats in the summer. Last year I saw one.

You can transpose this story to wherever you live and whatever members of the nonhuman community live there with you. I was horrified a few years ago to read that many songbird populations on the Atlantic Seaboard have collapsed by up to 80 percent over the last 40 years. But, and this is precisely the point, I was even more horrified when I realized that Silent Spring came out more than 40 years ago, so this 80 percent decline followed an already huge decline caused by pesticides, which followed another undoubtedly huge decline caused by the deforestation, conversion to agriculture, and urbanization that followed conquest.

My great-grandmother grew up in a sod house in Nebraska. When she was a tiny girl — in other words, only four human generations ago — there were still enough wild bison on the Plains that she was afraid lightning storms would spook them and they would trample her home. Who in Nebraska today worries about being trampled by bison? For that matter, who in Nebraska today even thinks about bison on a monthly, much less daily, basis?

This state of affairs is problematic for many reasons, not the least of which is that it’s harder to fight for what you don’t love than for what you do, and it’s hard to love what you don’t know you’re missing. It’s harder still to fight an injustice you do not perceive as an injustice but rather as just the way things are. How can you fight an injustice you never think about because it never occurs to you that things have ever been any different?

Cause-effect: Explains a chain of causes and effects to explain declining baselines

Comparison-contrast: Con- trasts number of animals today with number at various times in the past to dramatize declining

4

5

Process analysis: Shows process of decline in songbird populations

Cause-effect: Shows causes of huge declines in songbird populations (effects)

6

Comparison-contrast: Con- trasts number of animals today with number at various times in the past to dramatize declining

7

Cause-effect: Effects of declining baselines

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Declining baselines apply not only to the environment but to many fields. Take surveillance. Back in the 1930s, there were people who freaked out at the notion of being assigned a Social Security number, as it was “a number that will follow you from cradle to grave.” But since 9/11, according to former National Security Agency official William Binney, the U.S. government has been retaining every email sent, in case any of us ever does anything the government doesn’t like. How many people complain about that? And it’s not just the government. I received spam birthday greetings this year from all sorts of commercial websites. How and why does ESPN. com have my birth date? And remember the fight about GMOs? They were perceived as scary (because they are), and now they’re all over the place, but most people don’t know or don’t care. The same goes for nanotechnology.

Yesterday I ate a strawberry. Or rather, I ate a strawberry-shaped object that didn’t have much taste. When did we stop noticing that strawberries/plums/ tomatoes no longer taste like what they resemble? In my 20s I rented a house where a previous resident’s cat had pooped all over the dirt basement, which happened to be where the air intakes for the furnace were located. The house smelled like cat feces. After I’d been there a few months, I wrote to a friend, “At first the smell really got to me, but then, as with everything, I got used to the stench and it just doesn’t bother me anymore.”

This is a process we need to stop. Milan Kundera famously wrote, “The struggle of man against power is the struggle of memory against forgetting.” Everything in this culture is aimed at helping to distract us from — or better, help us to forget — the injustices, the pain. And it is completely normal for us to want to be distracted from or to forget pain. Pain hurts. Which is why on every level from somatic reflex to socially constructed means of denial we have pathways to avoid it.

But here is what I want you to do: I want you to go outside. I want you to listen to the (disappearing) frogs, to watch the (disappearing) fireflies. Even if you’re in a city — especially if you’re in a city — I want you to picture the land as it was before the land was built over. I want you to research who lived there. I want you to feel how it was then, feel how it wants to be. I want you to begin keeping a calendar of who you see and when: the first day each year you see buttercups, the first day frogs start singing, the last day you see robins in the fall, the first day for grasshoppers. In short, I want you to pay attention. If you do this, your baseline will stop declining, because you’ll have a record of what’s being lost.

Do not go numb in the face of this data. Do not turn away. I want you to feel the pain. Keep it like a coal inside your coat, a coal that burns and burns. I want all of us to do this, because we should all want the pain of injustice to stop.

8

Illustration: Examples to help readers understand how base- lines decline

Comparison-contrast: Con- trasting responses today with responses previously

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10

Argument: Thesis states author’s position

Cause-effect

Argument: Uses repetition to persuade readers to take steps

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Cause-effect

Argument: Uses comparison to persuade readers to take steps

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We should want this pain to stop not because we get used to it and it just doesn’t bother us anymore, but because we stop the injustices and destruction that are causing the pain in the first place. I want us to feel how awful the destruction is, and then act from this feeling.

And I promise you two things. One: Feeling this pain won’t kill you. And two: Not feeling this pain, continuing to go numb and avoid it, will.

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macmillanhighered.com/successfulwriting E-readings > The Buffet Rule (video), The White House

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© Yuriko Nakao/Reuters/Corbis

he photograph here shows an event

in Tokyo in which 300 Japanese women

donned identical blonde wigs. Working alone

or with a classmate, imagine the series of

events that led up to the gathering. What

happened, who was involved, and what did

the participants do to get them to the scene

shown in the photograph? Then write a brief

summary of the events you imagined.

As you imagined the events that led up

to the scene in the photograph, you prob-

ably described a series of events or turning

points in the order in which they occurred. In

short, you constructed a narrative: a chron-

ological series of events, real or imaginary,

that tell a story to make a point.

Narratives provide human interest and

entertainment, spark our curiosity, and draw

us close to the storyteller. They can also

create a sense of shared history or provide

instruction in proper behavior or conduct.

In this chapter, you will read narratives;

you will also write narrative essays or use

narrative in essays that rely on one or more

of the other patterns of development.

Narration Recounting Events

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I N T H I S C H A P T E R Y O U W I L L L E A R N T O

• understand the purpose and function of narrative essays,

• use graphic organizers to visualize narrative essays,

• integrate narration into an essay,

• read and think critically about narration, and

• plan, organize, draft, revise, and edit essays using narration.

US ING NA RRAT ION IN COLLEGE AND T HE WORKP LACE

• Each student in your business law course must attend a court trial and com- plete the following written assignment: “Describe what happened and how the proceedings illustrate the judicial process.”

• Your sociology instructor announces that the class session will focus on the nature and types of authority figures in U.S. society. She begins by asking class members to describe situations in which they found themselves in conflict with an authority figure.

• Your job in sales involves frequent business travel, and your company requires you to submit a report for each trip. You are expected to recount the meetings you attended, your contacts with current clients, and the new sales leads you developed.

CHA RACT ERISTICS O F A NARRATIVE A narrative does not merely report events; it is not a transcript of a conversation or a news report. Instead, it is a story that conveys a particular meaning. It presents actions and details that build toward a climax, the point at which the conflict of the narrative is resolved. Most narratives also use dialogue to present portions of conversations that move the story along.

NARRATIVES MAKE A POINT A narrative makes a point by telling readers about an event or a series of events. The point may be to describe the significance of the event(s), make an observation, or pres- ent new information. The writer may state the point directly, using an explicit thesis statement, or leave it unstated, using an implied thesis. Either way, the point should always be clear to the audience by the details selected and the way they are presented.

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The following excerpt comes from “The Lady in Red” (p. 253). It tells the story of a homeless man’s first attempt to beg, the rejection he faces, and the kindness of one woman. Notice how he chooses vocabulary to reinforce his own sense of defeat and his miraculous rescue by the “lady in red.”

I closed my eyes for a moment against the failure and fatigue, and then I felt a tap on my shoulder. “Sir,” a lady was saying. As I opened my eyes and turned around, a lady in a red hat and an old red coat with a big brooch of an angel pinned to her lapel was standing there. She was digging through her purse as she talked. (para. 20)

NARRATIVES CONVEY ACTION AND DETAIL Narratives present a detailed account of an event or a series of events, using dialogue, physical description, and action verbs to make readers feel as if they are watching the scene or experiencing the action.

“ Because you were born over two months premature, the doctors told your parents that you might be deaf or blind, or have other serious disabilities. Your parents seemed worried about what people in their community would think if they brought home a baby with special needs. . . . ”

Alone in my room, I gripped the phone tightly, my head whirling. Years ago, when a friend asked me if I had an “idealized” view of my birthparents, I had scoffed and said no. Yet now, confronted with notes from my unearthed adoption file, I realized that my imagination had nonetheless cast my birthparents as courageous people who made a terribly difficult decision out of love, as many birthparents do. . . . It had never occurred to me that their decision might also have been motivated by the fact that I was a girl — a girl whose potential health problems could prove embarrassing to them. (“The Alternate History of Susan Chung,” p. 257)

NARRATIVES PRESENT A CONFLICT AND CREATE TENSION An effective narrative presents a conflict — such as a struggle, question, or problem — and works toward its resolution. The conflict can be between participants or between a participant and some external force, such as a law, value, tradition, or an act of nature. (In the example paragraph, the conflict is between the adopted woman’s beliefs about her birth parents and what she learns from the adoption file.) Tension is the suspense created as the story unfolds and the reader wonders how the conflict will be resolved. The height of the action — the point just before the resolution of the conflict — is the climax.

Details that reinforce the main point

Dialogue

Action verbs

Physical description

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EXERCISE 12.1 building Conflict

Working alone or with a classmate, complete each of the following statements by setting up a conflict. Then, for one of the completed statements, write three to four sentences that build tension through action, physical description, or dialogue (or some combination of the three).

1. You are ready to leave the house when . . . 2. You have just turned in your math exam when you realize that . . . 3. Your spouse suddenly becomes seriously ill . . . 4. Your child just told you that . . . 5. Your best friend phones you in the middle of the night to tell you . . .

NARRATIVES SEQUENCE EVENTS A narrative often presents events in chronological order — the order in which they happened. Some narratives use flashback and foreshadowing to add tension and drama. A flashback returns readers to events that took place in the past; foreshadowing hints at events that will occur in the future. Both techniques are used frequently in fiction and film. For example, an episode of a soap opera might open with a woman lying in a hospital bed, flash back to a scene showing the accident that put her there, and then return to the scene in the hospital. When used sparingly, flashback and foreshadowing can build interest and add variety to a narrative, especially a lengthy chronological account.

NARRATIVES USE DIALOGUE Just as people reveal much about themselves by what they say and how they say it, dialogue can reveal much about the characters in a narrative. The use of dialogue can also dramatize the action, emphasize the conflict, and reveal the personalities or motives of the key participants in a narrative. Dialogue can be strategically inserted to heighten the drama and help characterize the people depicted.

NARRATIVES ARE TOLD FROM A PARTICULAR POINT OF VIEW Most narratives use either the first-person or third-person point of view.

• The first-person point of view (“I first realized the problem when . . .”) allows you to assume a personal tone and speak directly to your audience, permit- ting you to express your attitudes and feelings and offer your interpretation and commentary. A drawback to using the first person is that you cannot easily convey the inner thoughts of other participants (unless they have shared their thoughts with you). When you narrate an event that occurred in your life, the first person is probably your best choice.

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• The third-person point of view (“The problem began when Saul Overtone . . .”) gives the narrator more distance from the action and often provides a broader, more objective perspective. When you narrate an event that occurred in someone else’s life, the third person is likely to be the natural choice.

EXERcISE 12.2 choosing a Point of View

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using the first- and third-person points of view for each of the following situations, and then decide which point of view would work better.

1. The day you and several friends played a practical joke on another friend 2. An incident of sexual or racial discrimination that happened to you or someone you

know 3. An incident at work that a coworker told you about The following readings demonstrate the techniques discussed above for writing

effective narratives. The first reading is annotated to point out how Alton Fitzgerald White uses these techniques to help readers understand how his encounter with the police changed his life. As you read the second essay, try to identify how the writer uses the techniques of narrative writing to help readers understand what his father’s gloves meant to him.

READING

Right Place, Wrong Face ALTON FITZGERALD WHITE

Alton Fitzgerald White is an actor, singer, and dancer and has appeared in several Broadway shows. He is also the author of Uncovering the Heart Light, a collection of poems and short stories.

As the youngest of five girls and two boys growing up in Cincinnati, I was raised to believe that if I worked hard, was a good person, and always told the truth, the world would be my oyster. I was raised to be a gentleman and learned that these qualities would bring me respect.

While one has to earn respect, consideration is something owed to every human being. On Friday, June 16, 1999, when I was wrongfully arrested at my Harlem apartment building, my perception of everything I had learned as a young man was forever changed — not only because I wasn’t given even a second to use the manners my parents taught me, but mostly because the police, whom I’d always naively thought were supposed to serve and protect me, were actually hunting me.

1 Point of view: Uses first person for this personal essay

Provides background informa- tion readers need to under- stand main point

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Thesis: Main point

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I had planned a pleasant day. The night before was a payday, plus I had received a standing ovation after portraying the starring role of Coalhouse Walker Jr. in the Broadway musical Ragtime. It is a role that requires not only talent but also an honest emotional investment of the morals and lessons I learned as a child.

Coalhouse Walker Jr. is a victim (an often misused word, but in this case true) of overt racism. His story is every black man’s nightmare. He is hardworking, successful, talented, charismatic, friendly, and polite. Perfect prey for someone with authority and not even a fraction of those qualities. On that Friday afternoon, I became a real-life Coalhouse Walker. Nothing could have prepared me for it. Not even stories told to me by other black men who had suffered similar injustices.

Friday for me usually means a trip to the bank, errands, the gym, dinner, and then off to the theater. On this particular day, I decided to break my pattern of getting up and running right out of the house. Instead, I took my time, slowed my pace, and splurged by making strawberry pancakes. Before I knew it, it was 2:45; my bank closes at 3:30, leaving me less than 45 minutes to get to midtown Manhattan on the train. I was pressed for time but in a relaxed, blessed state of mind. When I walked through the lobby of my building, I noticed two light-skinned Hispanic men I’d never seen before. Not thinking much of it, I continued on to the vestibule, which is sepa- rated from the lobby by a locked door.

As I approached the exit, I saw people in uniforms rushing toward the door. I sped up to open it for them. I thought they might be paramedics, since many of the building’s occupants are elderly. It wasn’t until I had opened the door and greeted them that I recognized that they were police officers. Within seconds, I was told to “ hold it “; they had received a call about young Hispanics with guns. I was told to get against the wall. I was searched, stripped of my backpack, put on my knees, handcuffed, and told to be quiet when I tried to ask questions.

With me were three other innocent black men who had been on their way to their U-Haul. They were moving into the apartment beneath mine, and I had just bragged to them about how safe the building was. One of these gentlemen got off his knees, still handcuffed, and unlocked the door for the officers to get into the lobby where the two strangers were standing. Instead of thanking or even acknowledging us, they led us out the door past our neighbors, who were all but begging the police in our defense.

The four of us were put into cars with the two strangers and taken to the precinct station at 165th and Amsterdam. The police automatically linked us, with no ques- tions and no regard for our character or our lives. No consideration was given to where

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4Details: Includes background of character he plays in Ragtime to reinforce main point, foreshadow his own experiences, and build tension

5Organization: Narrates events in chronological order; uses transitions of time, contrast

6Action and detail: Uses detailed descriptions and action verbs to involve readers, heighten drama

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8 Action and detail: Uses details, examples to reinforce main point and build tension

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we were going or why. Suppose an ailing relative was waiting upstairs, while I ran out for her medication? Or young children, who’d been told that Daddy was running to the corner store for milk and would be right back? My new neighbors weren’t even allowed to lock their apartment or check on the U-Haul.

After we were lined up in the station, the younger of the two Hispanic men was identified as an experienced criminal, and drug residue was found in a pocket of the other. I now realize how naive I was to think that the police would then uncuff me, apologize for their mistake, and let me go. Instead, they continued to search my back- pack, questioned me, and put me in jail with the criminals.

The rest of the nearly five-hour ordeal was like a horrible dream. I was handcuffed, strip-searched, taken in and out for questioning. The officers told me that they knew exactly who I was, knew I was in Ragtime, and that in fact they already had the men they wanted.

How then could they keep me there, or have brought me there in the first place? I was told it was standard procedure. As if the average law-abiding citizen knows what that is and can dispute it. From what I now know, “standard procedure” is something that every citizen, black and white, needs to learn, and fast.

I felt completely powerless. Why, do you think? Here I was, young, pleasant, and successful, in good physical shape, dressed in clean athletic attire. I was carrying a backpack containing a substantial paycheck and a deposit slip, on my way to the bank. Yet after hours and hours I was sitting at a desk with two officers who not only couldn’t tell me why I was there but seemed determined to find something on me, to the point of making me miss my performance.

It was because I am a black man! I sat in that cell crying silent tears of disappointment and injustice with the real-

ization of how many innocent black men are convicted for no reason. When I was handcuffed, my first instinct had been to pull away out of pure insult and violation as a human being. Thank God I was calm enough to do what they said. When I was thrown in jail with the criminals and strip-searched, I somehow knew to put my pride aside, be quiet, and do exactly what I was told, hating it but coming to terms with the fact that in this situation I was a victim. They had guns!

Before I was finally let go, exhausted, humiliated, embarrassed, and still in shock, I was led to a room and given a pseudo-apology. I was told that I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. My reply? “I was where I live.”

Everything I learned growing up in Cincinnati has been shattered. Life will never be the same.

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13 Climax

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15 Resolution: Tension relieved when author released from jail

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V ISUALIZING A NARRATIVE: A GRAP HIC ORGANIZE R

Seeing the content and structure of an essay in simplified, visual form can help you analyze a reading, recall key events as you generate ideas for an essay, and structure your own writing. The graphic organizer in Figure 12.1 diagrams the basic structure of a narrative. You can use this graphic organizer as a basic model of a narrative, but keep in mind that narrative essays vary widely in organization and therefore may lack one or more of the elements included in the model.

For more on creating a graphic organizer, see pp. 52–53.

FIGURE 12.1 Graphic Organizer for a Narrative Essay

Resolution, final impression, or statement of or reference to thesis*

TITLE

CONCLUSION

Event 4CLIMAX

Event 1

Event 2

Event 3

ACTION AND TENSION

* The thesis may be stated directly at the beginning or at the end of a narrative, or it may be implied.

Background

Setting

Introduction to conflict

Thesis*

INTRODUCTION

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P E T E R O R N E R | W R i T i N g a b O u T W h a T h a u N T s u s 237

REaDiNg

Writing about What Haunts Us PETER ORNER

Peter Orner is an award-winning author and essayist whose works have appeared in numer- ous publications, including The Southern Review, The Atlantic Monthly, and The New York Times. He is the author of two novels: Love and Shame and Love (2011) and The Second Coming of Mavala Shikongo (2006). Born in Chicago, Orner now lives in California, where he is a professor of creative writing at San Francisco State University. This memoir appeared in The New York Times online in January 2013. Figure 12.2, a graphic organizer for “Writing about What Haunts Us,” appears on p. 240. Read the narrative first, and then study the graphic organizer.

I’ve been trying to lie about this story for years. As a fiction writer, I feel an almost righteous obligation to the untruth. Fabrication is my livelihood, and so telling something straight, for me, is the mark of failure. Yet in many attempts over the years I’ve not been able to make out of this tiny — but weirdly soul-defining — episode in my life anything more than a plain recounting of the facts, as best as I can remember them. Dressing them up into fiction, in this case, wrecked what is essentially a long overdue confession.

Here’s the nonfiction version. I watched my father in the front hall putting on his new, lambskin leather gloves.

It was a sort of private ceremony. This was in early November, 1982, in Highland Park, Ill., a town north of Chicago along Lake Michigan. My father had just returned from a business trip to Paris. He’d bought the gloves at a place called Hermès, a mythical wonderland of a store. He pulled one on slowly, then the other, and held them up in the mirror to see how his hands looked in such gloves.

A week later, I stole them. I remember the day. I was home from school. Nobody else was around. I opened the

left-hand drawer of the front hall table and there they were. I learned for the first time how easy it is to just grab something. I stuffed the gloves in my pants and sprinted upstairs to my room. I hid them in the back of my closet under the wicker basket that held my license plate collection. Then I braced myself, for days. It was a warm November.

When we finally left that house — my mother, my brother and me — I took the gloves with me to our new place. I took them with me to college. To Boston, to Cincinnati, to North Carolina, to California. I even took them with me to Namibia for two years. I have them now, on my desk, 30 years later.

I’ve never worn them, not once, although my father and I have the same small hands. I didn’t want the gloves. I never wanted the gloves. I only wanted my father not to have them.

Now that he is older and far milder, it is hard to believe how scared I used to be of my father. Back then he was so full of anger. Was he unhappy in his marriage? No doubt. He and my mother never had much in common. But his anger — some- times it was rage — went beyond this not so unusual disappointment. My own totally

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unscientific, armchair diagnosis is that like other chronically unsatisfied people, the daily business of living caused my father despair. At no time did this manifest itself more powerfully than when he came home from work. A rug askew, a jacket not hung up, a window left open — all could set off a fury. My brother once spilled a pot of ink on the snowy white carpet of my parents’ bedroom: Armageddon.

His unpredictability is what made his explosions so potent. Sometimes the bomb wouldn’t go off, and he’d act like my idea of a normal dad. When he finally noticed those precious gloves were missing, he seemed only confused.

“Maybe they’re in the glove compartment,” my mother said. “Impossible. I never put gloves in the glove compartment. The glove compartment

is for maps.” “Oh, well,” my mother said. He kept searching the front hall table, as if he had somehow overlooked them amid

all the cheap imitation leather gloves, mismatched mittens and tasseled Bears hats. I am certain the notion that one of us had taken the gloves never crossed his mind.

Haunted by my guilt, a frequent motivation for my fiction in general, I’ve tried to contort my theft into a story, a made-up story.

In my failed attempts, the thief is always trying to give the gloves back. In one abandoned version, the son character (sometimes he’s a daughter) mails the gloves back to the father, along with a forged letter, purportedly written by a long-dead friend of the father, a man the father had once betrayed. I liked the idea of a package arriving, out of the blue, from an aggrieved ghost. I’m returning your gloves, Phil. Now at least one of us may be absolved.

The problem was that it palmed off responsibility on a third party. And it muddied the story by pulling the thief out of the center of what little action there was.

In a simpler but equally bad version, the son character, home for Thanksgiving, slips the gloves back in the top left-hand drawer of the front hall table of the house he grew up in, the house where the father still lives. This attempt was marred not only by cooked-up dialogue but also by a dead end.

“Dad! How about we take a walk by the lake?” “It’s been years, Son, since we’ve taken a walk.” “Pretty brisk out. Maybe you need your gloves?” The moment arrives: the father slides open the drawer. Voilà! (Note the French.)

Cut to the father’s face. Describe his bewilderment. I must have checked this drawer a hundred thousand times. Decades drop from the father’s eyes, and both father and son face each other as they never faced each other when both were years younger. The son stammers out a confession I could somehow never get right. He tries to explain himself, but can’t. Why did he take the gloves? My character could never express it in words and the story kept collapsing.

This is where the truth of this always derails the fiction. I can’t give the gloves back, in fiction or in this thing we call reality. If I did, I’d have to confront something I’ve known all along but have never wanted to express, even to myself alone. My father would have given me his gloves. All I had to do was ask. He would have been so

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I N T E G R A T I N G N A R R A T I O N I N T O A N E S S A Y 239

pleased that for once we shared a common interest. This happened so few times in our lives. All the years I’ve been trying to write this, maybe I’ve always known that this essential fact would stick me in the heart.

Our imaginations sometimes fail us for a reason. Not because it is cathartic to tell the truth (I finally told my father last year) but because coming clean may also be a better, if smaller, story. A scared (and angry) kid rips off his father’s gloves, carries them around for decades. Sometimes he takes them out and feels them but never puts them on. When I see my father these days, we graze each other’s cheeks, a form of kissing in my family. I love my father. I suppose I did even then, in the worst moments of fear.

Well-made things eventually deteriorate. The Hermès gloves are no longer baby- soft. All the handless years have dried them up.

In 1982, my father wasn’t much older than I am at this moment. I think of him now, standing in the front hall. He’s holding his hands up in the mirror, pulling on his beautiful gloves, a rare stillness on his face, a kind of hopeful calm. Was this what I wanted to steal?

EXERCISE 12.3 Drawing a Graphic Organizer

Using the graphic organizer in Figure 12.1 or 12.2 as a basis, draw a graphic organizer for “Right Place, Wrong Face” (pp. 233–35).

IN T EGRATING NARRATION INTO AN ESSAY In many of your essays, you will want to use both narration and one or more other pat- terns of development to support your thesis. For example, although “Right Place, Wrong Face” is primarily a narrative, it also uses cause and effect to explain why the author was detained despite evidence that he was a respectable, law-abiding citizen. Similarly, “Writing about What Haunts Us” is a narrative that also uses cause and effect to explain why the author stole from his dad and how this act affected him.

Although most of your college essays will not be primarily narrative, you can use stories — to illustrate a point, clarify an idea, support an argument, or capture readers’ interest — in essays that rely mainly on another pattern of development or use several patterns. Here are a few suggestions for combining narration effectively with other pat- terns of development:

1. Use a story. It should illustrate your main point (or thesis) accurately and well (not just because it’s funny or interesting).

2. Keep the narrative short. Include only the details readers need to understand the events you are describing.

3. Introduce the story with a transitional sentence or clause. It should indicate that you are about to shift to a narrative and make clear the connection between the story and the point it illustrates.

4. Use descriptive language, dialogue, and action. These will make your narra- tive vivid, lively, and interesting.

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The essay “The Alternate History of Susan Chung: One Woman’s Quest to Find Her Birth Parents” later in this chapter (pp. 257–59) uses multiple patterns of development to convey her ideas.

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FIGURE 12.2 Graphic Organizer for “Writing about What Haunts Us”

“Writing about What Haunts Us”

For thirty years, Orner carries the gloves with him as he moves from place to place.

Orner reflects on how scared he used to be of his dad’s rages, but he remembers his dad’s reaction

to the missing gloves as confused, not angry.

Orner struggles unsuccessfully to write a fictional story about his theft.

TITLE

ACTION AND TENSION

Orner’s father returns from a business trip to Paris with a pair of expensive Hermès gloves that he treasures.

One week later, Orner steals those gloves.

Orner confronts the truth that his father would have given him the gloves if he had only asked.

Orner wonders if he was trying to steal the peace his father showed as he looked at himself in a mirror pulling on those treasured gloves.

CONCLUSION

CLIMAX

INTRODUCTION bACKGROUND INFORMATION

Orner, a fiction writer, struggles to recast an experience into fiction.

November 1982, Highland Park, IllinoisSETTING

“Our imaginations sometimes fail us . . . because” sometimes telling the truth

makes a “better, if smaller, story.” THESIS

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R E A D I N G A c T I V E L y A N D T H I N k I N G c R I T I c A L L y 241

READING AcT IVELy AND THINkING cRITIcAL Ly Reading and thinking critically about a narrative requires you to read the selection and reflect on its meaning, consider it in terms of your own experience, and, finally, exam- ine and challenge the author’s attitude as it is shown in the selection.

WHAT TO LOOk FOR, HIGHLIGHT, AND ANNOTATE Use these guidelines to read narratives actively.

1. Preview. Preview the essay to get an overview of its content and organization. 2. Understand the sequence of events. Read the narrative thoroughly to famil-

iarize yourself with the events and action, noting who did what, when, where, and how. Focus on the sequence of events. Hint: Especially for lengthy or complex narratives and for those that flash back and forward among events, try drawing a graphic organizer or numbering the sequence of events in the margins.

3. Think about the meaning. Reread the narrative, this time concentrating on its meaning, by answering the following questions: • What is the writer’s thesis? Is it stated directly or implied? • What is the author’s purpose in writing this narrative? For what audience is it

intended? What techniques does the writer use to achieve his or her purpose with this audience?

• What is each participant’s role in the story? What does the dialogue reveal about the participants or contribute to the main point?

• What is the conflict, and how is it resolved? How does the writer create tension? When does the climax occur? Pay attention to the issue, struggle, or dilemma.

• What broader issue is the essay concerned with? For example, in a story about children who dislike eating vegetables, the larger issue might be food preferences, nutrition, or parental control.

You may want to highlight sentences or sections that reveal or suggest the answers.

4. Consider your reactions. As you read, write down your reactions to and feel- ings about the events, participants, and outcome of the narrative, both positive and negative. Do not hesitate to question or challenge participants, their actions, and their motives. Once you’ve identified the larger issue, try relating it to your own experiences. Finally, ask yourself what the lasting value or merit of this essay is. What does it tell you about life, people, jobs, or friendships, for example?

ANALyZING NARRATIVES A nonfiction narrative is often one writer’s highly personal, subjective account of an event or a series of events. Unless you have reason to believe otherwise, assume that the writer is honest — that he or she does not lie about the experiences or incidents pre- sented in the essay. You should also assume, however, that the writer chooses details

For more on reading actively, see Chapter 3. For more on thinking critically, see Chapter 4.

For more on previewing, see Chapter 3, pp. 45–48.

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selectively, with the goal of advancing his or her narrative point. Use the following questions to think critically about the narratives you read.

How objective is the writer? Because a narrative is often highly personal, readers must recognize that the information it contains is likely influenced by the author’s values, beliefs, and attitudes. Two writers may present two very different versions of a single incident. In “Right Place, Wrong Face,” for example, the author presents the police officers as uncaring and insensitive, but imagine how the officers would describe the same incident.

What is the writer’s tone? Tone refers to how the author sounds to his or her read- ers or how he or she feels about the topic: angry, joyous, fearful, or some combination. Writers establish tone through word choice, sentence structure, and formality or infor- mality. The author’s tone often affects the reader’s attitude toward the topic. In “Writ- ing about What Haunts Us,” for example, Orner gains his readers’ sympathy by creating a tone of regret and sadness.

What does the writer leave unspoken or unreported? A writer usually cannot report all conversations and events related to the narrative; however, the author should report everything that is relevant. Pay attention to what is said and reported but also to what might be left unsaid and unreported. For example, In “Writing about What Haunts Us,” Orner does not tell his reader what happened when he told his dad about the stolen gloves. He only tells us that he told his dad, and he leaves the details of that confession to our imagination.

A G U I D E D W R I T I N G A S S I G N M E N T* N A R R A T I O N

YOUR ESSAY ASSIGNMENT Write a narrative essay about an experience that had a significant effect on you or that changed your views in some important way. Choose an experience that . . .

• taught you something about yourself, • revealed the true character of someone you know, • helped you discover a principle to live by, • helped you appreciate your ethnic identity, • has become a family legend (one that reveals the character of a family member or

illustrates a clash of generations or cultures), and • explains the personal significance of a particular object.

*The writing process is recursive; that is, you may find yourself revising as you draft or prewriting as you revise. This is especially true when writing on a computer. Your writing process may also differ from that of your classmates, depending on your preferred learning style.

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A G U I D E D W R I T I N G A S S I G N M E N T 243

Select a topic from the list on p. 242, or create your own.1 Use one or more of the following suggestions to choose an experience to write about. 1. Alone or with another student, list one or more broad topics — for example, Learn about Self,

A Principle to Live By, Family Legend — and then brainstorm to come up with specific experi- ences in your life for each category. (Rational and pragmatic learners may prefer this kind of listing.)

2. Flip through a family photo album, or page through a scrapbook, diary, or yearbook to remind you of events from the past. Other prewriting strategies, like freewriting or questioning, may also help trigger memories of experiences. (Spatial and emotional learners may prefer reviewing memorabilia.)

3. Work backward: Think of a principle you live by, an object you value, or a family legend. How did it become so? (Abstract and independent learners may prefer working backward.)

After you have chosen your topic, make sure that it is memorable and vivid and that you can develop your main idea into a working thesis.

Consider your purpose and audience, and choose a point of view.2

Ask yourself these questions. • Will my essay’s purpose be to express myself, inform, or persuade? • Who is my audience? Will readers need any background information to understand my essay? Am

I comfortable writing about my experience for this audience? • What point of view best suits my purpose and audience? (In most cases, you will use first person

to relate a personal experience.)

Gather details about the experience or incident.3 Use idea-generating strategies to recollect as many details about the experience or incident as possible. 1. Replay the experience or incident in your mind’s eye. Jot down what you see, hear, smell, and

feel — colors, dialogue, sounds, odors, and sensations — and how these details make you feel. (A broad range of learners — spatial, concrete, creative, and emotional — may prefer to generate ideas using mental imaging.)

2. Write down the following headings: Scene, Key Actions, Key Participants, Key Lines of Dialogue, Feelings. Then brainstorm ideas for each and list them. (Pragmatic and rational learners may prefer to use brainstorming.)

3. Describe the incident or experience to a friend. Have your friend ask you questions as you tell the story. Jot down the details that the telling and questioning helped you recall. (Social and verbal learners may prefer to use storytelling.)

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As you gather details for your narrative, be sure to include those that are essential to an effective narrative. • Describe the scene: Include relevant sensory details to allow your readers to feel as if they are

there. Choose details that point to or hint at the narrative’s main point, and avoid those that distract readers from the main point.

• Include key actions: Choose actions that create tension, build it to a climax, and resolve it. Answer questions like these: Why did the experience or incident occur? What events led up to it, what was the turning point, and how was it resolved? What were its short- and long-term outcomes? What is its significance?

• Describe key participants: Concentrate on the appearance and actions of only those people who were directly involved, and include details that help highlight relevant character traits.

• Quote key lines of dialogue: Include dialogue that is interesting, revealing, and related to the main point of the narrative. To make sure the dialogue sounds natural, read the lines aloud or ask a friend to do so.

• Capture feelings: How did you feel during the incident, how did you reveal your feelings, and how did others react to you? How do you feel about the incident now? What have you learned from it?

Use at least two idea-generating strategies, and then work with a classmate to evaluate your ideas.

Evaluate your ideas to make sure they describe your experience or incident vividly and meaningfully.4

Try these suggestions to help you evaluate your ideas. • Reread everything you have written. (Sometimes reading your notes aloud is helpful.) • Highlight the most relevant material, and cross out any material that does not directly support your

main point. Then copy and paste the usable ideas to a new document to consult while drafting. • Collaborate in small groups, take turns narrating your experience and stating its main point and

having classmates tell you . . . 1. how they react to the story. 2. what more they need to know about it. 3. how effectively the events and details support your main point.

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Focus and place your thesis effectively.5 Make the main point of your narrative clear and effective by focusing your thesis. For example, a student who decided to write about a robbery at her family’s home devised the following focused thesis statement for her narrative.

Example: The silver serving platter, originally owned by my great-grandmother,

became our most prized family heirloom after a robbery terrorized our family.

Team up with classmates to test your thesis. Is it clear? Is it interesting? Provide feedback to help your partner focus the thesis more effectively.

focuses on 1 object explains value

introduces experience & expresses main point

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A G U I D E D W R I T I N G A S S I G N M E N T 245

Consider the best placement for your thesis. A thesis statement may be placed at the beginning (as in “Right Place, Wrong Face,” page 233) or at the end of a narrative, or it may be implied. (Even if you don’t state your thesis explicitly in your essay, having a focused thesis written down can help you craft your narrative.)

(Note: Once you have a focused thesis, you may need to do some additional prewriting, or you may need to revise your thesis as you draft. Return to the steps above as needed.)

Choose a narrative sequence.6 Organize your narrative. You may use chronological order from beginning to end or present some events using flashbacks or foreshadowing for dramatic effect. To help you determine the best sequence for your narrative, try the following. 1. Write a brief description of each event on an index card. Highlight the card that contains the

climax. Experiment with various ways of arranging your details by rearranging the cards. (Prag- matic learners may benefit from using index cards this way.)

2. Draw a graphic organizer of the experience or incident using Figure 12.1 on page 236 as a model. (Spatial learners may benefit from drawing a graphic organizer.)

3. Create a list of the events, and then cut and paste them to experiment with different sequences. (Verbal learners may benefit from creating a list.)

Write a first draft of your narrative essay.7 Use the following guidelines to keep your narrative on track. • The introduction should set up the sequence of events. It may also contain your thesis. • The body paragraphs should build tension and follow a clear order of progression. Use transi-

tional words and phrases, such as during, after, and finally, to guide readers. Most narratives use the past tense (“Yolanda discovered the platter . . .”), but fast-paced, short narratives may use the present (“Yolanda discovers the platter . . .”). Avoid switching between the two unless the context clearly requires it.

• The conclusion is unlikely to require a summary. Instead, try . . . ∘ making a final observation about the experience or incident, (Example: “Overall, I learned a lot more

about getting along with people than I did about how to prepare fast food.”) ∘ asking a probing question, (Example: “Although the visit to Nepal was enlightening for me, do the native

people really want or need us there?”) ∘ suggesting a new but related direction of thought, (Example: An essay on racial profiling might conclude

by suggesting that police sensitivity training might have changed the outcome of the situation.) ∘ referring to the beginning of the essay, (Example: “Right Place, Wrong Face” (para. 16, p. 233) or

restating the thesis in different words (Example: “Being Double” (para. 22, pp. 251–52).

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246 C H A P T E R 1 2 | N A R R A T I O N

Ed it

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ro of

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Edit and proofread your essay.9 Refer to Chapter 10 for help with . . . • editing sentences to avoid wordiness, make your verb choices strong and active, and make your

sentences clear, varied, and parallel, and • editing words for tone and diction, connotation, and concrete and specific language.

Pay particular attention to dialogue: • Each quotation by a new speaker should start a new paragraph. • Use commas to separate each quotation from the phrase that introduces it unless the quotation

is integrated into your sentence. If your sentence ends with a quotation, the period should be inside the quotation marks.

Example: The wildlife refuge guide noted “American crocodiles are an endangered species and must

be protected.”

Example: The wildlife refuge guide noted that, “American crocodiles are an endangered species and

must be protected”.

^

,

^

.

Evaluate your draft and revise as necessary.8 Use Figure 12.3, “Flowchart for Revising a Narrative Essay,” to evaluate and revise your draft.

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YES

YES

YES

YES

YES

YES

1. Highlight the sentence(s) that express the main point of your narrative. Is the main point clear?

NO • Rework your thesis to make it more explicit.

QUESTIONS REVISION STRATEGIES

FIGURE 12.3 Flowchart for Revising a Narrative Essay

2. Write a brief sentence that summarizes the conflict of your narrative. Is the conflict clear? Is it directly related to the main point?

• Add events and dialogue specific to the conflict. • Rework your thesis to make it better relate to the

conflict. NO

3. Place an ✘ by each important scene, person, or action. Is it clear how each relates to both the main point and the conflict?

• Delete scenes, persons, or actions that don’t help you make your main point or establish conflict.

NO

5. Number the major events in the narrative in chronological order. Is the sequence of events clear? If you use foreshadowing or flashbacks, is it clear where you do so?

• Look for gaps in the sequence, and add any missing events.

• Consider rearranging the events. • Use transitions to clarify the sequence of events.

NO

• Brainstorm to discover more vivid details. • Consider adding dialogue to bring people and

events to life.

4. Place a checkmark ✔ by each descriptive word or phrase. Is each important scene, person, or action vividly described?

NO

(continued on next page)

6. Underline the topic sentence of each para- graph. Is each paragraph focused on a separate part of the action?

NO

• Be sure each paragraph has a topic sentence and supporting details. (See Chapter 7.)

• Consider combining closely related paragraphs. • Split paragraphs that cover more than one event.

A G U I D E D W R I T I N G A S S I G N M E N T 247

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(Figure 12.3 continued)

YES

YES

7. Wavy-underline the dialogue. Does it sound realistic? Does it directly relate to the conflict?

• Revise by telling someone what you want your dialogue to express. Record what you say.

• Eliminate dialogue that does not help you make your main point or add drama.

NO

8. Circle each personal pronoun and each verb. Do you use a consistent point of view and verb tense?

• Check for places where your point of view shifts for no reason, and revise to make it consistent.

• Check for places where the tense changes for no reason, and revise to make it consistent.

NO

9. Look at your introduction and conclusion. Do they address each other and the main point? Does the conclusion resolve the conflict?

• Revise your introduction and conclusion. (See pp. 146–51.)

NO

QUESTIONS REVISION STRATEGIES

248 C H A P T E R 1 2 | N A R R A T I O N

REA DINGS: NARRAT IVE IN ACTION

STUDENTS WRITE

Being Double SANTIAGO QUINTANA

Santiago Quintana, a junior literature major, wrote this essay for an assignment given by his first-year writing instructor. He had to describe a situation that challenged him and taught him a valuable lesson. As you read the essay, notice how Quintana’s narrative creates con- flict and tension and builds to a climax and resolution. Highlight the sections(s) where you think the tension is particularly intense.

A summer sun shone on the Wisconsin Indian mounds and the grass

poked its little blades through my sandaled toes. “College, finally,” said mom

and her hand fell slowly on my hair. I couldn’t stop the shaking. It was inside

me though; outside I was as still as a statue, with a smile frozen on my lips.

Details: Exact details help readers imagine the scene. 1

Dialogue: Quotations sound natural and capture the relationship between mother and son.

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S A N T I A G O Q U I N T A N A | b E I N G D O U b L E 249

“Hey, should we leave some stuff in the car and come get it later or should we

all help you carry it to the building?” asked my brother as he held two crates,

one with my sheets in it and the other with books. The idea of having my

family parade around campus yelling in Spanish, being “those loud Mexicans”

I’d seen in American movies, and carrying all my stuff with me sounded terri-

fying. At the same time, I thought, why not? I didn’t know anyone on campus,

so there was no reason for me to be concerned about what others thought

of me or my family. In Mexico City, I would have been mortified to be seen

walking around high school with my whole family. Then again, that was high

school, that was teenage Santiago, and that was Mexico City. I was in college

now, in America; it was the time to read more, stop smoking, make friends,

and do all those things that I had postponed beyond the imaginary line of

“when I go to college.”

With Wisconsin as our final destination, my family and I had been trav-

eling around the Midwest for a week. I spoke the best English, so for the

whole trip, I had been translating directions and ordering food for all. In my

bilingual high school, I had the top grades in English, and hours watching

You Tube videos and standing in front of a mirror had made my accent one

of the least recognizable among my friends. Now, in America, all that obses-

sion with language was paying off. My lighter skin and over rehearsed accent

baffled many a waiter and cab driver when they discovered I was Mexican. My

English was the reason I had chosen and been able to get into an American

college. Now, here I was, my accent and lexicon ready to be put to the test.

The room was larger than I thought it would be, and my roommate

quieter. My parents and I set the room up and left for coffee.

“Your roommate seems nice,” said my mom.

“Yeah, a little quiet,” I said, “and way younger than me.”

“Everyone will be younger than you here,” said my dad, “and you didn’t

really talk much either. You’re usually so talkative.”

“He’s nervous dad,” said my brother.

“I’m not. It’s just, I don’t know, weird. I don’t know what to say to

them,” I said.

“Them? As in?” asked my dad.

“As in Americans. I don’t know what to say to them, what they think is

funny, and what is too much. You know my humor; I can go way overboard

sometimes, and I don’t want to mess up,” I said.

Conflict: Description of Quintana’s feelings introduces conflict and foreshadows the process he will undergo during his first year in college.

background: Provides back- ground about his English skills

2

Details: Exact details help readers imagine the writer’s appearance and language.

Tension: Quintana anticipates the challenge of putting his English skills to work and builds tension.

3

Tension: Dialogue helps build tension

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“I see. Well, I’m sure it’ll come with time. You’ll get used to it,” said

my mom.

After my parents left I sat on my dorm bed for two or three hours and had

three cups of tea. I then decided to go out for a walk and try to talk to people.

I closed the door behind me and was greeted by a long empty hallway in muted

colors with doors on both sides. I walked quietly down the hallway to the stairs

without meeting anyone. I went down the stairs and out the back door of the

building. The air was more humid that I had ever felt, and the sun burnt my

skin. I eventually found my way to the Office of International Education, where

I saw a crowd of similarly terrified students standing at the door. I approached

them, not sure how I would introduce myself, or what excuse I’d have for talking

to them. In the end, I didn’t need an excuse. One of the students recognized me

from orientation and called out to me. “Hey! You’re from Mexico aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” I answered.

“Come, I’m from Salvador. We were just talking about how different it is to

learn English in class and have to speak it all the time with other Americans and

also in class. I mean, you haven’t had class yet, but you’ll see. It’s different,” he said.

“I’ve already gotten lost like three times because I couldn’t understand

directions,” said Amy, from Japan.

“It’s the intonation. It’s all wrong,” said Matej from the Czech Republic.

“Also, they go too fast.” All of the international students had stories of

struggling with English, and they all had theories for the difference.

Finally, the time came for my first class — Mythology. I nervously

entered the classroom, took a seat, and with pen and notebook ready, prepared

to take notes. As I looked around, I noticed that there were only about ten

students in the class. This only added to my nervousness; I would not be able

to hide. I knew college in America would be difficult, but I could not have ever

imagined how difficult it would actually be. Before class, I had made myself

the promise that I would ask at least one question, or participate at least

once. By the end of class, I had, at the most, one sentence scribbled on the

page, and I had participated much more than once. I had asked the professor

to explain terms and phrases, and sometimes even to repeat himself. I knew

this was annoying for the rest of the students, and I apologized profusely

through my blush. The professor assured me that it was fine, that he’d rather

have us know the first half of the material really well, than go through the

whole of it with only a vague inkling of what we were talking about. After

11

Transitions: Transitions of time help sequence events.

12

Details: Exact details help readers visualize situation.

13

Tension: Dialogue reinforces Santiago’s struggle and builds tension.

14

15

16

17

Transitions: Transitions of time help sequence events.

18

Details: Detailed description helps build tension.

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he let us out of class, I stopped another student, a junior, and ask him to

repeat what the homework assignment was, because I hadn’t understood

the professor. He smiled and said I didn’t need to apologize, that it was only

natural I would struggle with the language for the first week or so.

At the end of class, I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.

Wanting to be alone, I went back to my room, lay down for a bit, and then made

some tea. It was early afternoon now, and I had another class after lunch. I tried

to relax. My head thumped from the adrenaline, and my heart hurt from the

loneliness. My roommate came in and asked if I was doing fine and if I wanted

to have lunch with him and his friends. “Friends, friends, how can he have friends

already?” I thought, “We’ve been here for less than a week and you call them

friends.” I said yes anyway. I knew I had to get out and walk it off, so to speak.

Lunch was equally stressful, but being a less formal situation, I couldn’t raise my

hand and ask my roommate’s friends to define terms and explain phrases and

repeat themselves. So I just smiled and let most of the conversation go without

participating. One of my roommate’s friends must have seen confusion written on

my face for she took her food and sat across from me and started talking to me.

I asked her to go slowly, and told her that I was just getting used to English and

that I was sorry for being a nuisance. She laughed. “The first thing you need to do

is stop apologizing. We are not cold heartless people. Well, most of us aren’t. We

understand. I can enunciate more clearly and speak more slowly, and it won’t be a

problem. Tell me, you went to high school in Mexico City?”

I was hesitant at first and thought about every word and whether it was

appropriate. My new friend was incredibly patient with me, and she made me

feel fine about my English. I don’t know when or how, but eventually I was

laughing at her jokes and the others joined in on our conversation, and I stopped

thinking about every word I said. The words seemed to fall effortlessly out of

my mouth already strung into phrases. I told them about Mexico City and how

crazy everything is, and no it’s not nearly as dangerous as reporters make it seem

in the news. I learned about their home towns, their interests, and what they did

for fun. I was thinking about the conversation rather than the words. I forgot

myself and only then did the English that I knew finally make an appearance.

It wasn’t permanent though. It still took me a while to switch from

translating to talking. I still struggled in class for the rest of the month, but

the moments when I forgot myself and flowed with the conversation began

happening more often. They happened when I didn’t apologize for my “bad

19

20

Details: Exact details help readers understand Quintana’s experience.

Climax

21

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252 C H A P T E R 1 2 | N A R R A T I O N

ANALYZING THE WRITER’S TECHNIQUE 1. Thesis Evaluate the strength of Quintana’s thesis. How clear and specific is it? 2. Details How effectively does Quintana use details to reinforce his main point and

to help readers visualize key people and places? Did you feel more details were needed? If so, where? Which details, if any, would you suggest he add or delete?

3. Conflict and Tension How does Quintana establish conflict and create tension? 4. Foreshadowing Where does Quintana use foreshadowing? How effective is it? 5. Title, Introduction, and Conclusion Evaluate the title, introduction, and conclu-

sion of the essay.

THINKING CRITICALLY AbOUT NARRATION 1. Tone Describe Quintana’s tone. What words convey his attitude or perspective?

Does the tone change over the course of the essay? If so, how? Does it seem appro- priate for the topic?

2. Connotation What connotation does the phrase “those loud Mexicans” (para. 1) have in the context of the paragraph?

3. Fact and Opinion In paragraph 2, Quintana writes, “My English was the reason I had chosen and been able to get into an American college.” Is this statement a fact or an opinion? How do you know?

RESPONDING TO THE READING 1. Reaction Quintana mentions one experience with other international students,

but he ends up bonding with a group of Americans. Why do you think this happened?

2. Discussion International students have a sizable presence on most college cam- puses in America. What can American colleges do to better meet the needs of these students?

3. Journal Write a journal entry about someone you befriended when others may have brushed him or her aside. How did you reach out to the individual, and what were the results?

English,” when I didn’t talk myself down, when I knew myself capable, and

when I trusted the years and years of English lessons behind me, rather than

searching for words like papers in a file cabinet.

Now, I am about to start my third year of college. I have increased my

vocabulary and improved my style immensely. Nevertheless, there is always a

week or two at the beginning of school when I have to tell myself to find that

confidence again, to not apologize, and to trust my knowledge. Sometimes I

still apologize and struggle when choosing words, but it has become easier and

easier to find those moments when I forget it’s me talking, and I just let the

talking happen.

Conclusion: Transitions high- light what Quintana has learned — that he must relearn confidence each year.

22

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R I C H A R D L E M I E U X | T H E L A D Y I N R E D 253

4. Essay Quintana felt lonely and anxious as he began college in a new country with a new language. Write a narrative essay about a time when you felt like an outsider, lonely and anxious about making friends and fitting in.

READING

The Lady in Red RICHARD LEMIEUX

Richard LeMieux was a successful businessman who operated his own publishing company and lived a life of comfort and even luxury. After his business failed, however, he was evicted from his home and became homeless, living out of his car with his dog, Willow. LeMieux details his experiences in a book titled Breakfast at Sally’s: One Homeless Man’s Inspirational Journey (2009), from which this excerpt is taken.

It went back to last Thanksgiving Day, 2002. That was the day I learned to beg. I was up in Poulsbo. I had used the last of my change to buy Willow a hamburger

at the McDonald’s drive-thru. My gas tank was almost empty, and my stomach was growling. Desperate for money just to keep moving and get something to eat, I began to consider the only option I seemed to have left: begging.

My whole life I had been a people person. As a sportswriter for the Springfield Sun, I had seen Woody Hayes motivate players at Ohio State and Sparky Anderson put the spark into Pete Rose. As a sales rep, I had sold hundreds of thousands of dollars of advertising, convincing people they needed to invest in the product I was publishing. I wore the right suits and ties and kept my cordovans shined and did the corporate dance for twenty years. But this, this begging, was far more difficult.

I had given to others on the street. They had all types of stories: “I need to buy a bus ticket to Spokane so I can go visit my dying mother.” “I lost my wallet this morning, and I need five dollars for gas.” I had always given, knowing all along that their tales were suspect. So I decided to just straight-up ask for money. No made-up stories. No sick grandmas waiting for my arrival. No lost wallets.

I started at the store I had shopped at for many years — Central Market. It was a glitzy, upscale place with its own Starbucks, $120 bottles of wine, fresh crab, line- caught salmon, and oysters Rockefeller to go. It was a little bit of Palm Springs dropped into Poulsbo. The parking lot was full of high-priced cars: two Cadillac Esca- lades, three Lincoln Navigators, and a bright yellow Hummer. I had spent at least $200 a week there ($800 a month, $9,600 a year, $192,000 in twenty years), so I rational- ized that I could beg there for one day — Thanksgiving Day at that.

I was wrong. After watching forty people walk by, I finally asked a lady for help. “Ma’am, I’m

down on my luck. Could you help me with a couple of dollars?” I blurted out. “Sorry,” she said. “All I have is a credit card,” and she moved on. A man in a red Porsche pulled in. I watched him get out of his car, lock the doors

from his key-chain remote, and head for the store. “Sir, I hate to bother you. This is

1

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ANALYZING THE WRITER’S TECHNIQUE 1. Thesis Evaluate the strength of Quintana’s thesis. How clear and specific is it? 2. Details How effectively does Quintana use details to reinforce his main point and

to help readers visualize key people and places? Did you feel more details were needed? If so, where? Which details, if any, would you suggest he add or delete?

3. Conflict and Tension How does Quintana establish conflict and create tension? 4. Foreshadowing Where does Quintana use foreshadowing? How effective is it? 5. Title, Introduction, and Conclusion Evaluate the title, introduction, and conclu-

sion of the essay.

THINKING CRITICALLY AbOUT NARRATION 1. Tone Describe Quintana’s tone. What words convey his attitude or perspective?

Does the tone change over the course of the essay? If so, how? Does it seem appro- priate for the topic?

2. Connotation What connotation does the phrase “those loud Mexicans” (para. 1) have in the context of the paragraph?

3. Fact and Opinion In paragraph 2, Quintana writes, “My English was the reason I had chosen and been able to get into an American college.” Is this statement a fact or an opinion? How do you know?

RESPONDING TO THE READING 1. Reaction Quintana mentions one experience with other international students,

but he ends up bonding with a group of Americans. Why do you think this happened?

2. Discussion International students have a sizable presence on most college cam- puses in America. What can American colleges do to better meet the needs of these students?

3. Journal Write a journal entry about someone you befriended when others may have brushed him or her aside. How did you reach out to the individual, and what were the results?

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254 C H A P T E R 1 2 | N A R R A T I O N

the first time I have ever done this, and I’m not very good at it. But I am down on my luck and need help. Could you — ”

“Get a Goddamned job, you bum!” he interrupted and kept walking. Stung, I wanted to run to the van and leave, but I knew I couldn’t go far; I

barely had enough gas to leave the parking lot. I spent the next twenty minutes trying to recover from the verbal blast I had

received and could not approach anyone else. But the exclamation point had not yet been slapped in place on my failure at begging. The young manager of the store, maybe twenty-five years old, came out to do the honors. “Sir, sir,” he called out to me as he approached. “We have a . . .” He halted mid-sentence. “Don’t I know you?” he asked instead.

“Probably,” I replied. “I’ve been shopping here for twenty years.” “I thought I’d seen you in the store,” he said. “Well,” he sighed heavily, “a

man complained about you begging in front of the store. You’re going to have to move on.”

I could tell he didn’t want to hear about the $192,000 I had spent in his store. He just wanted to hear what I was going to spend today. So I said, “Okay.” He didn’t offer me a sandwich, a loaf of bread, a soy latte, or even a plain old cup of coffee.

I had no choice. I had to keep trying. I decided to go across the street to Albertsons. As I walked back to the van, tears filled my eyes. I remembered Thanksgivings of the past. By now, I would be pouring wine for our family and friends, rushing to the door to welcome guests, and taking their coats to be hung in the hall closet. My home would be filled with the smells of turkey and sage dressing. At least twenty people would be there. Children would be jumping on the sofa and racing up and down the hallways and stairs. The football game between the Cowboys and the Packers would be blaring in the background. There would be a buzz. A younger, friskier Willow would stay close to the kitchen, hoping for the first bites of the bird from the oven.

But that was yesterday. Today, I drove across the highway to the “down-market” store, nestled in the strip mall between the drugstore and the card shop. I stepped out of the van to try my luck again. It was getting late, and the shoppers were rushing to get home to their festivities. I had little time to succeed.

I saw an old friend of mine pull into the parking lot and get out of her car. She headed for the grocery store. I turned my back to her and hid behind a pillar. I waited for her to enter the store, and then I approached a man as he walked toward the entrance. “Sir, I’m down on my luck. Could you help me with a little money for food?” I asked.

He walked away muttering, “Jesus Christ, now we’ve got worthless beggars on the streets of Poulsbo.”

I closed my eyes for a moment against the failure and fatigue, and then I felt a tap on my shoulder. “Sir,” a lady was saying. As I opened my eyes and turned around, a lady in a red hat and an old red coat with a big brooch of an angel pinned to her lapel was standing there. She was digging through her purse as she talked.

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“I overheard your conversation with that man. I hope you don’t mind. I — well, I can help you a little bit,” she said, holding out some rolled-up bills. Her presence and the offered gift surprised me. I stood there a moment, looking into her eyes. “Here,” she said, reaching her hand out again. “Take it.”

I reached out my hand and took the money from her. “Thank you so much,” I said softly. “This is very kind of you.”

“Thank you. I know what . . .” she began, and then her sentence was inter- rupted by a cough. She clutched her purse to her chest with one hand and did her best to cover her mouth with the other. She stiffened and then bent her head toward the pavement as the cough from deep in her chest consumed her. She moved her hand from her mouth to her bosom and just held it there. When the cough subsided, she took a deep breath. She looked up at me with watery eyes. “I’ve had this darned hacking cough for a month or more now,” she said after she recovered. “I can’t seem to shake this cold. It’s going to be the death of me,” she added with a smile. “I’m going back to the doctor after the holiday.”

“I hope you get better soon,” I said. The lady then moved her purse from her chest and opened it again. “Wait,” she

said, looking inside her bag and then reaching in. “I might have some change in here too.” She dug to the bottom of her purse. She took out a handful of change and handed it to me. I put my hands together and held them out, and she poured the coins into them. “I hope this helps you,” she said, gently placing her hand on mine. “Remember me. I’ll see you in heaven. Happy Thanksgiving!” She turned and walked away.

I watched her disappear into her car before I counted the money she had given me. It was sixty-four dollars and fifty cents. I was stunned! I walked back to the van, counted the money again, and then counted my blessings.

I sat there in the drizzle, contemplating what had just happened. A sporadic churchgoer my entire life, I had spent recent months asking God to send his angels to me. But no angels came. Maybe I had to go looking for them.

With the glimmer of faith I still had left on that Thanksgiving Day, I said a prayer, thanking God for the visit from the Lady in Red.

And now, in the church parking lot, it was time to sleep. I closed the doors of my mind, one by one, and snuggled with Willow.

EXAMINING THE READING 1. Background What circumstances led LeMieux to resort to begging? 2. Reasons Why does the author begin begging at Central Market? 3. Details How does the author’s emotional state change as the essay progresses? 4. Details What details of the essay identify the author as a different kind of beggar

from what you would expect to find on the street? 5. Vocabulary Explain the meaning of each of the following words as it is used in the

reading: rationalized (para. 5), halted (12), nestled (17), brooch (20), sporadic (27). Refer to your dictionary as nee ded.

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ANALYZING THE WRITER’S TECHNIQUE 1. Thesis In your own words, restate LeMieux’s thesis. 2. Details Why does the author include the detail that he bedded down for the night

in his car, parked in the church parking lot? 3. Patterns of Development What other patterns of development does the author

use? Provide examples of two, and explain how they contribute to the narrative.

VISUALIZING THE READING Record below two or three particularly effective examples of each characteristic of nar- rative that LeMieux uses in “The Lady in Red.”

Narrative Characteristic Examples (Paragraph Number)

Dialogue

Sensory details

Action

Sequence of events

Tension

THINKING CRITICALLY AbOUT NARRATION 1. Tone Describe the tone of LeMieux’s essay. Highlight key phrases that reveal his

attitude toward begging. 2. Connotation What connotation does the phrase “down on my luck” (para. 9) have? 3. Inference What can be inferred about the health of the lady in red? What details

allow you to draw this inference? 4. Fact or Opinion In paragraph 3, is the author’s statement about begging fact or

opinion? 5. Discussion Discuss why LeMieux includes the detail that the lady in red wore a

“big brooch of an angel pinned to her lapel.” 6. Climax What is the climax of the story? How is the tension resolved?

RESPONDING TO THE READING 1. Reaction How do you think LeMieux was changed by his experience? 2. Journal Using information from the essay, write a journal entry in which you ana-

lyze the lady in red. Who is she? What kind of illness might she have? What kind of life might she have led before and after her encounter with LeMieux? What evi- dence from the essay helps create this impression?

3. Discussion Imagine you have no option but to become a beggar. Discuss the strat- egies you would use to convince people to give you money.

4. Essay Write a narrative essay about a time you encountered a beggar. Describe the circumstances in which you encountered the beggar. Choose vocabulary with the correct connotation to convey your feelings toward the beggar. Use dialogue to

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capture the beggar’s request and your response. Indicate what you learned from the experience.

WOrKING TOGETHEr 1. Response Suppose you witnessed the scene between the grocery store manager and

LeMieux. Working with a partner, write a letter to the grocery store manager that conveys your reaction and your recommendations for how he should treat beggars in the future. Be prepared to share your letter with the class.

2. Discussion In groups of two or three, brainstorm ideas for helping beggars. List several options and then discuss them to determine which response you think will be most effective and why. Be prepared to share with the class your preferred option and the reason(s) you chose it.

rEADING: NArrATION COMBINED WITH OTHEr PATTErNS

The Alternate History of Susan Chung: One Woman’s Quest to Find Her Birthparents NICOLE SOOJUNG CALLAHAN

Nicole Soojung Callahan is a writer, editor, and graduate student in the Writing Program at Johns Hopkins University. Her essays have appeared in several publications, including The Atlantic, Salon, and The New York Times. Callahan lives outside Washington, D.C., with her husband and two children.

© AtnoYdur/iStockphoto

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My search for my birthparents began when I got pregnant. I was born to Korean immigrants in Seattle, and my confidential or “closed” adop-

tion at the age of 2 months severed all ties between my birth family and me — until I set out to restore those ties a few years ago. Though I was always curious about my first parents and their reasons for giving me up, I had been focused on other things — going to school, graduating from college, finding a job, getting married. But after years of wondering, I finally had a compelling, undeniable reason to look for my birthparents, a reason I thought about night and day (and every time I caught a glimpse of my expanding waistline in the mirror): I was expecting my first child.

I fully expected my life to change when I became pregnant. But the strong desire to find out more about my original family was not something I had anticipated. After a lifetime of trying to convince myself that blood connections were unnecessary, at least to me personally, I was just months away from meeting my first biological family member. I couldn’t deny how closely our lives and our histories were already entwined; as an adoptee, I had almost no way to comprehend it. I could no longer believe that my biological connections weren’t of great importance, responsible in many ways for the person I became. My daughter and I had yet to meet, but I knew that we were connected; that I was a part of her. The deep love her father and I felt for her — had my birthparents felt that way about me? Even if they hadn’t, shouldn’t I know why, and what happened to our family that made my adoption seem necessary?

So, in between work and childbirth classes and endless discussions with my husband about the merits of various baby names, I began the search for a suitable intermediary. Finally I found Donna, who seemed to possess good intentions and a willingness to proceed slowly and respectfully with my birthparents. I sent her requested $500 fee and a notarized form authorizing her to petition the court for my file.

She called two months later, when I was in my third trimester, to announce that she had found my birth family and could forward a letter to them as soon as I wrote it. “Did you know that you have five sisters?” she exclaimed. “The social worker wasn’t sure, but she got the impression that your parents might have wanted a boy, not another girl.”

I felt irritated with her for sharing such hurtful speculation at the very start, but it also made me snort — after five daughters, I thought, my birthparents should have recog- nized a clear pattern when they saw one. “What else does it say in the file?” I asked.

“Because you were born over two months premature, the doctors told your parents that you might be deaf or blind, or have other serious disabilities. Your parents seemed worried about what people in their community would think if they brought home a baby with special needs. They thought it would be easier if they told everyone that you died at birth — that appears to be what they told your sisters.”

Alone in my room, I gripped the phone tightly, my head whirling. Years ago, when a friend asked me if I had an “idealized” view of my birthparents, I had scoffed and said no. Yet now, confronted with notes from my unearthed adoption file, I realized that my imagination had nonetheless cast my birthparents as courageous people who made a terribly difficult decision out of love, as many birthparents do. Over the years, as my adoptive parents shared snippets of information culled from the attorney who handled

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my adoption — your birthparents were recent immigrants; they worked 14 hours a day and had no health insurance; the doctors told them you would struggle all your life — I had used these facts to bolster my view of them. I pictured defiantly strong people who made the decision to place me for adoption so that another family could provide the care I needed should the doctors’ predictions prove correct. It had never occurred to me that their decision might also have been motivated by the fact that I was a girl — a girl whose potential health problems could prove embarrassing to them.

Hearing the intermediary read my adoption file over the phone left me doubting my birthparents, doubting their intentions, for the first time. Did they give me up because I wasn’t the son they’d hoped for? Would they have been embarrassed to have a child who was deaf or disabled? I thought about my own daughter, not yet born or named but very much wanted, and felt disappointment well inside of me.

Eventually I realized that Donna was still waiting for me to say something. “Is there anything else I should know before I write my letter?” I asked. I was no longer certain I wanted to write it — perhaps no answers were better than ones I might hate.

“Just one more thing,” she said. I heard paper rustling through the phone. “There’s a name here. Your parents chose it for you before you were adopted.”

“A name.” My heart thumped once, hard. “What is it?” “Susan.” Susan. I didn’t know many Susans. I was sure that I didn’t look like one. But it was

the name my birthparents had chosen for me — the name they gave me in the hospital. With tears in my eyes, I tried, as I had many times before, to imagine myself in

their place. I tried to imagine being parted from my own daughter, a thought too painful to consider. If I were giving up the right to raise my child, if I knew I might not see her again after her birth, would I bother giving her a name — one she wasn’t going to keep? Would it help, somehow, to remember her by name?

Maybe my parents would have preferred a son instead of a daughter. Maybe they felt ashamed for having a child they couldn’t keep. But as I thought about them, and my own baby whose birth I looked forward to with so much excitement and hope, I felt sure that my parents would not have named a child they didn’t love. I said good-bye to Donna and hung up the phone, fingers already roving over my laptop keys. A quick search told me that the name Susan meant “lily.” I wondered what it had meant to my birthparents.

I’ll have to ask them in my letter. I opened a new file and began to write.

EXAMINING THE READING 1. Reason Why does the author decide to search for her birthparents? Why did her

birthparents give her up for adoption? 2. Detail What did the doctors tell the author’s birthparents about their daughter?

Was their prediction correct? 3. Detail How does Callahan react when she hears her birth name? 4. Vocabulary Explain the meaning of each of the following words as it is used in the

reading: intermediary (para. 4), speculation (6), scoffed (8), culled (8).

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ANALYZING THE WRITER’S TECHNIQUE 1. Thesis What is Callahan’s thesis? Is it stated or implied? 2. Audience Who is Callahan’s intended audience? How do you know? 3. Description How does Callahan use description and other strategies to make her

experience vivid and engaging? Cite several examples. 4. Patterns of Organization Identify at least two other patterns of organization Cal-

lahan uses, and explain the benefit of including these other patterns. 5. Reaction Explain the author’s feelings about being put up for adoption. Does she

understand what motivated her birthparents? Is she sympathetic toward them? How do you know? Cite details from the reading.

THINKING CRITICALLY AbOUT TEXT AND VISUALS 1. Fact or Opinion The author writes, “Maybe my parents would have preferred a

son instead of a daughter” (para. 16). Is this a statement of fact or opinion? 2. Visual A photo appears on p. 257. Why do you think it was included? How does

the inclusion of this photograph affect your response to the reading? 3. Inference What can you infer from the last sentence of Callahan’s essay? 4. Conflict and Tension How does the author build tension? What is the climax of

the story, and how does she resolve the tension? 5. Writing Write the letter that you think Callahan would have written to her birth-

parents, given what she learned from her adoption file. Be prepared to share your letter with the class, and discuss the reasons you wrote the letter you did.

RESPONDING TO THE READING 1. Discussion Based on the reading selection, consider why Callahan’s Korean par-

ents named her Susan or gave her a name at all. What do you think Callahan will tell her own children about why her birthparents gave her up for adoption?

2. Journal Write a journal entry in which you speculate about why Callahan’s birth- parents told their other daughters that “Susan” had died? How do you think they would react when they learned that in fact “Susan” was not dead but had been given up for adoption?

3. Essay The author had to make a very difficult decision about whether to contact her birthparents. Write a narrative essay in which you discuss a difficult decision you or someone you know had to make. Be sure to explain in detail both the process of making the decision and the decision itself.

WORKING TOGETHER Role-play In a small group, role-play the first meeting between Callahan and her birthparents.

macmillanhighered.com/successfulwriting E-readings > Discussing Family Trees in School Can Be Dangerous (video), Paul Nurse

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A P P LYING YOUR SKILLS: ADDITIONAL ESSAY ASSIGNME NTS

Write a narrative on one of the topics listed below, using the elements and techniques of narration you learned in this chapter. Depending on the topic you choose, you may need to do research to gather support for your ideas.

TO EXPRESS YOUR IDEAS 1. Write a narrative about an incident or experience that you see differently now than

you did when it happened. 2. In “Right Place, Wrong Face,” Alton Fitzgerald White says he always believed that

the police “were supposed to serve and protect” him (para. 2). After the incident he describes in the essay, he feels otherwise. Write a narrative describing an incident involving police officers or law enforcement agents that you may have experienced, observed, or read about. Did the incident change your attitude about police or law enforcement or confirm opinions you already held?

TO INFORM YOUR READER 3. Write an essay informing your reader about the characteristics of a strong (or weak)

relationship, the habits of successful (or unsuccessful) students, or the ways of keep- ing (or losing) a job. Use a narrative to support one or more of your main points.

TO PERSUADE YOUR READER 4. In “The Alternate History of Susan Chung: One Woman’s Quest to Find Her Birth-

parents,” the author says that her “confidential and ‘closed’ adoption at the age of 2 months severed all ties between [her] birth family and [her]” (para. 2). Write an essay taking a position on whether adoptees should have the right to contact their birth- parents. Support your position using a story from your own experience or from the experience of a friend, a family member, or “The Alternate History of Susan Chung.”

5. In “Right Place, Wrong Face,” White takes a position on racial profiling. Write an essay persuading your reader to take a particular stand on an issue of your choice. Use a story from your experience to support your position or tell how you arrived at it.

CASES USING NARRATION 6. Write a paper for a sociology course on the advantages of an urban, suburban, or

rural lifestyle. Support some of your main points with events and examples from your own experiences.

For more on locating and documenting sources, see Part 5.

ANALYZING THE WRITER’S TECHNIQUE 1. Thesis What is Callahan’s thesis? Is it stated or implied? 2. Audience Who is Callahan’s intended audience? How do you know? 3. Description How does Callahan use description and other strategies to make her

experience vivid and engaging? Cite several examples. 4. Patterns of Organization Identify at least two other patterns of organization Cal-

lahan uses, and explain the benefit of including these other patterns. 5. Reaction Explain the author’s feelings about being put up for adoption. Does she

understand what motivated her birthparents? Is she sympathetic toward them? How do you know? Cite details from the reading.

THINKING CRITICALLY AbOUT TEXT AND VISUALS 1. Fact or Opinion The author writes, “Maybe my parents would have preferred a

son instead of a daughter” (para. 16). Is this a statement of fact or opinion? 2. Visual A photo appears on p. 257. Why do you think it was included? How does

the inclusion of this photograph affect your response to the reading? 3. Inference What can you infer from the last sentence of Callahan’s essay? 4. Conflict and Tension How does the author build tension? What is the climax of

the story, and how does she resolve the tension? 5. Writing Write the letter that you think Callahan would have written to her birth-

parents, given what she learned from her adoption file. Be prepared to share your letter with the class, and discuss the reasons you wrote the letter you did.

RESPONDING TO THE READING 1. Discussion Based on the reading selection, consider why Callahan’s Korean par-

ents named her Susan or gave her a name at all. What do you think Callahan will tell her own children about why her birthparents gave her up for adoption?

2. Journal Write a journal entry in which you speculate about why Callahan’s birth- parents told their other daughters that “Susan” had died? How do you think they would react when they learned that in fact “Susan” was not dead but had been given up for adoption?

3. Essay The author had to make a very difficult decision about whether to contact her birthparents. Write a narrative essay in which you discuss a difficult decision you or someone you know had to make. Be sure to explain in detail both the process of making the decision and the decision itself.

WORKING TOGETHER Role-play In a small group, role-play the first meeting between Callahan and her birthparents.

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7. Write a draft of the presentation you will give as the new human resource director of a nursing care facility in charge of training new employees. You plan to hold your first orientation session next week, and you want to emphasize the importance of teamwork and communication by telling related stories from your previous job experiences.

S Y NTHES IZ ING IDEAS

Harsh Treatment of Outcasts Both “Right Place, Wrong Face” (pp. 233–35) and “The Lady in Red” (pp. 253–55) describe the harsh treatment of someone seen as an outcast — a person who does not deserve respect or courtesy.

Analyzing the Readings

1. Compare the situations that each man found himself in and the ways that others responded to him. Then consider how each man responded to those who treated him harshly.

2. Compare the social issues that each author addresses in the narrative of his experience.

Essay Idea

Write an essay describing a situation in which you feel you or someone you know was treated as an outcast. Describe the background to the situation, the treat- ment received, and the response to the treatment.

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263

© RIA Novosti/Topham/The Image Works

uppose you are moving to a large city and

need to sell your car because the apartment

you just rented does not include parking.

You post the following advertisement on

the local Craigslist: “5-year-old Smart Car.

$7,000 or best offer. Call 555-2298.” Two

weeks after you post the ad, you have got-

ten only a few calls and no offers. Then a

friend advises you to write a more appealing

description of your unique vehicle. Rewrite

the advertisement, describing the car in a

way that will convince prospective buyers to

call you.

Description Portraying People, Places, and Things

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I N T H I S C H A P T E R Y O U W I L L L E A R N T O

• understand the purpose and function of descriptive essays,

• use graphic organizers to visualize descriptive essays,

• integrate description into an essay,

• read and think critically about description, and

• plan, organize, draft, revise, and edit essays using description.

In rewriting the description of the Smart car in the Writing Quick Start, did you describe how it looks — its funky paint job and its snub-nosed appearance? Perhaps you focused on its compact qualities — easy to park, good gas mileage, and uncomplicated mechani- cal maintenance. If you did either or both of these things, you wrote a successful descrip- tion. Description presents information in a way that appeals to one or more of the five senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch) by creating an overall (dominant) impres- sion or feeling.

You use description every day — to describe a pair of shoes you bought, a flavor of ice cream you tasted, or a concert you attended recently. If you were an eyewitness to a car theft, the detective investigating the crime would ask you to describe what you saw.

Writers rely on description to present detailed information about people, places, and things and to grab and sustain their readers’ interest. When you write vivid descriptions, you not only make your writing livelier and more interesting but also indicate your attitude toward the subject through your choice of words and details.

US ING DES CRIP T ION IN COLLEGE AND T HE WORKP LACE

• In a chemistry lab report, you describe the odor and appearance of a substance made by combining two chemicals.

• In an art history class, you visit a local gallery, choose a painting, and describe in a two-page paper the artist’s use of line or color.

• As a nurse at a local treatment center for burn victims, you record on each patient’s medical chart the overall appearance of and change in second- and third-degree burns.

CHA RACT ERISTICS O F DESCRIPTIVE WRITING Successful descriptions offer readers more than just a list of sensory details or a catalog of characteristics. In a good description, the details work together to create a dominant effect or impression.

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DESCRIPTION USES SENSORY DETAILS Sensory details appeal to one or more of the five senses — sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch — and help your readers experience the object, sensation, event, or person you are describing.

Sight. When you describe what something looks like, you help your reader create a mental picture of the subject. In the following excerpt, notice how Loren Eiseley uses visual detail — shape, color, action — and specific nouns and noun phrases to describe what he comes across in a field.

One day as I cut across the field which at that time extended on one side

of our suburban shopping center, I found a giant slug feeding from a

funnel of pink ice cream in an abandoned Dixie cup. I could see his

eyes telescope and protrude in a kind of dim, uncertain ecstasy as his dark

body bunched and elongated in the curve of the cup. Loren Eiseley, “The Brown Wasps”

This description allows the reader to imagine the slug eating the ice cream in a way that a bare statement of the facts — “On my way to the mall, I saw a slug in a paper cup” — would not.

Sound. Sound can also be a powerful descriptive tool. Can you “hear” the engines in the following description?

They were one-cylinder and two-cylinder engines, and some were make-and-

break and some were jump-spark, but they all made a sleepy sound across the

lake. The one-lungers throbbed and fluttered, and the twin-cylinder ones purred

and purred, and that was a quiet sound too. E. B. White, “Once More to the Lake”

Smell. Smells are sometimes difficult to describe, partly because the English language does not have as many adjectives for smells as it does for sights and sounds. Smell can be an effective descriptive device, however, as shown here.

Driving through farm country at summer sunset provides a cavalcade

of smells: manure, cut grass, honeysuckle, spearmint, wheat

chaff, scallions, chicory, tar from the macadam road. Diane Ackerman, A Natural History of the Senses

Noun and noun phrases

Descriptive adjectives of shape and color

Active verbs depicting motion

Descriptive adjectives

Action verbs used to evoke specific sounds; some are onomatopoetic — they sound like what they describe

Nouns used to evoke distinct odors

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Notice how Diane Ackerman lists nouns that evoke distinct odors and leaves it to the reader to imagine how they smell.

Taste. Words that evoke the sense of taste can make descriptions lively. Consider this restaurant critic’s description of Vietnamese cuisine.

In addition to balancing the primary flavors — the sweet, sour, bitter, salty

and peppery tastes whose sensations are, in the ancient Chinese system,

directly related to physical and spiritual health — medicinal herbs were used

in most dishes. . . . For instance, the orange-red annatto seed is used for its

“cooling” effect as well as for the mildly tangy flavor it lends and the orange

color it imparts. Molly O’Neill, “Vietnam’s Cuisine: Echoes of Empires”

Touch. Annie Dillard’s descriptions of texture, temperature, and weight allow a reader not only to visualize but also to experience what it feels like to hold a Polyphemus moth cocoon:

We passed the cocoon around; it was heavy. As we held it in our hands, the

creature within warmed and squirmed. We were delighted, and wrapped it

tighter in our fists. The pupa began to jerk violently, in heart-stopping knocks.

Who’s there? I can still feel those thumps, urgent through a muffling of spun

silk and leaf, urgent through the swaddling of many years, against the curve of

my palm. Annie Dillard, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek

DESCRIPTION USES ACTIVE VERbS AND VARIED SENTENCES Sensory details are often best presented through active, vivid verbs. In fact, active verbs are often more effective than adverbs in creating striking and lasting impressions, as the following example demonstrates.

ORIGINAL The team captain proudly accepted the award.

REVISED The team captain marched to the podium, grasped the trophy,

and saluted his teammates.

Descriptive adjectives of taste

Descriptive adjectives of weight and texture

Active verbs conveying tem- perature and motion

Nouns and noun phrases

For more on using active verbs, see Chapter 10.

adverb

verb verb

verb

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Using varied sentences also contributes to the effective expression of sensory details. Be sure to use different types and patterns of sentences and to vary their lengths.

EXERCISE 13.1 Using Sensory Details, Active Verbs, and Varied Sentences

Using sensory details, active verbs, and varied sentences, describe one of the common objects in the following list or one of your own choosing. Do not name the object in your description. Exchange papers with a classmate. Your reader should be able to guess the item you are describing from the details you provide.

1. A piece of clothing 2. A food item 3. An appliance

4. A plant 5. An animal

DESCRIPTION CREATES A DOMINANT IMPRESSION An effective description leaves the reader with a dominant impression — an overall attitude, mood, or feeling about the subject. The impression may be awe, inspiration, anger, or distaste, for example.

Let’s suppose that you are writing about an old storage box you found in your par- ents’ attic. The aspect of the box you want to emphasize (your slant, angle, or perspec- tive) is memories of childhood. Given this slant, you might describe the box in several ways, each of which would convey a different dominant impression.

• “A box filled with treasures from my childhood brought back memories of long, sunny afternoons playing in our backyard.”

• “Opening the box was like lifting the lid of a time machine, revealing toys and games from another era.”

• “When I opened the box, I was eight years old again, fighting over my favorite doll with my twin sister, Erica.”

Notice that each example provides a different impression of the box’s contents and would require a different type of support. That is, only selected objects from within the box would be relevant to each impression. Note, too, that in all of these examples, the dominant impression is stated directly in a thesis statement rather than implied.

To write an effective description, select details carefully, including only those that contribute to the dominant impression you are trying to create. Notice that Dillard, in the paragraph above, does not clutter her description by describing the physical appear- ance of the cocoon. Instead, she focuses on its movement and how it feels in her hand.

EXERCISE 13.2 Focusing the Dominant Impression

As you read the following paragraph, cross out details that do not contribute to the dominant impression.

All morning I had had a vague sense that bad news was on its way. As I stepped outside, the heat of the summer sun, unusually oppressive for ten o’clock, seemed to sear right through me. In fact, now that I think about it, everything seemed slightly out of kilter that morning. The car, which had been newly painted the week before, had stalled several times. The flowers in the

For more on thesis statements, see Chapter 6.

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garden, planted for me by my husband, purchased from a nursery down the road, were drooping. It was as though they were wilting before they even had a chance to grow. Even my two cats, who look like furry puffballs, moved listlessly across the room, ignoring my invitation to play. It was then that I received the phone call from the emergency room telling me about my son’s accident.

DESCRIPTION USES CONNOTATIVE LANGUAGE EFFECTIVELY As noted in Chapter 4, most words have two levels of meaning: denotative and con- notative. The denotation of a word is its precise dictionary meaning. Often, however, feelings and attitudes — emotional colorings or shades of meaning — are also associated with a word. These are the word’s connotations.

Word denotation Connotations Flag A piece of cloth used as a national

emblem patriotism, love, and respect for

one’s country

As you write, be careful to select words with connotations that strengthen the domi- nant impression you are creating.

DESCRIPTION USES COMPARISONS Comparing the person or object you are describing to something your readers are familiar with can help them visualize your subject. Several types of comparisons are used in descriptive writing: similes, metaphors, personification, and analogies.

Figure oF speeCh deFinition example Simile a direct comparison introduced by

words such as like or as His lips were as soft as

a rosebud’s petals. Metaphor an indirect comparison describing

one thing as if it were another . . . his rosebud lips . . .

Personification a comparison that gives human qualities or characteristics to an inanimate object

The television screen stared back at me.

EXERCISE 13.3 Appealing to the Senses

Write a paragraph describing an animal or pet. Focus on one sense or appeal to several. If possible, include a simile or a metaphor.

DESCRIPTION FOLLOWS A METHOD OF ORGANIZATION Effective descriptions must follow a clear method of organization. Three common methods of organization used in descriptive writing are spatial order, chronological order, and most-to-least or least-to-most order.

• When you use spatial order, you describe a subject from top to bottom, from left to right, from near to far away, or from a central point outward. For

For more on connotation versus denotation, see Chapter 4.

For more on simile, metaphor, personification, and analogy, see Chapter 4.

For more on methods of organization, see Chapter 7.

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example, if you are describing a college campus, you might start by describing a building at the center of the campus — the library, perhaps — and then move to surrounding buildings.

In writing a description using spatial order, you can use either a fixed or a moving vantage point. With a fixed vantage point, you describe what you see from a particular position. With a moving vantage point, you describe your subject from different positions. A fixed vantage point is like a stationary camera trained on a subject from one direction. A moving vantage point is like a hand- held camera that captures the subject from many directions.

• Chronological order works well when you need to describe events or changes that occur over a period of time. You might use chronological order to describe the changes in a puppy’s behavior as it grows or to relate changing patterns of light and shadow as the sun sets.

• You might use most-to-least or least-to-most order to describe the smells in a flower garden or the sounds of an orchestra tuning up for a concert.

• Clustering details by the five senses — how your subject looks, sounds, smells, tastes, and feels — might make sense for a topic such as a hot fudge sundae or a delicious meal at a restaurant.

The following readings demonstrate the techniques discussed above for writing effective descriptive essays. The first reading is annotated to point out how Rachel Maizes uses these techniques to make the depiction of her dog, Chance, come alive. As you read the second essay, try to identify for yourself how the writer uses the techniques of descriptive writing to help readers imagine her prized bicycle.

REAdINg

Bad Dog RACHEL MAIZES

Rachel Maizes is an attorney, a writer, and a dog lover who currently lives in Boulder, Colo- rado. Her essay “Bad Dog” was published in the “My Story” section of The New York Times online in September 2013.

My dog, Chance, is old. White fur circles his eyes, coats his muzzle, sprouts between his toes. Although still alive, he looks like a ghost. He used to stand like a champion, his chest and muzzle forward, his hind legs back. Now he can hardly support himself when he sits, balancing precariously like a pile of kindling propped against itself.

He takes an anti-inflammatory medica- tion for arthritis and pumpkin for constipa- tion and fish oil and glucosamine for his

1 Sensory details: Appeals to the reader’s sense of sight

Comparisons: Uses similes to compare Chance with a ghost, a champion

2

© Jill Bielawski

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joints and mind, though it may be too late for the latter. He walks an endless circuit between the guest room and bedroom and master bath searching for what I don’t know. When he tires, he lies next to me as I work. Sometimes he groans.

I think about what it means to have cared for Chance for most of his life. It confirms that I, too, am growing older. I turned 50 a few months ago. Overnight, wiry gray hair has sprouted at my temples. Always a theater buff, now I attend matinees. My back stiffens after weeding. In the mirror, I see a face rearranged by gravity’s heavy hand. I remember Chance as a gangly puppy with floppy ears. I keep a picture of myself as a young woman, a 20-something with spiky hair, my arm around my mother, now dead 10 years. A dog’s life is shorter than ours, but ours is, as the Talmud says, “k’heref aiyen,” like the blink of an eye.

Chance’s fur is long and mats easily. I brush it, collecting thick, webby piles. My second husband, Steve, saved the fur of a dog he once owned and a friend wove it into cloth. It’s one of the things I love about Steve, the over-the-top affection he bestows on animals. I toss Chance’s hair into the trash or scatter it outside for birds to install in their nests.

Fourteen years ago my ex-husband and I adopted Chance from a shelter. He was a 4-month-old puppy, an Australian Shepherd mix, with brindle fur. We had another dog, Tilly, a 2-year-old black Lab, who trained him. When we told Chance to sit, he glanced at Tilly and followed her lead. We crated Chance, as the shelter recommended, keeping him in an enclosure for brief periods of time to housebreak him and give him a sense of security. Once I left him in the crate for several hours. I returned to find him trem- bling, squeezed into a corner of the crate to avoid the puddles and piles he had made. No emergency had kept me. I had been chatting with a friend and time got away. It wasn’t the only time I failed Chance. It was easy to fail him, a mere dog, who couldn’t insist that I return, who couldn’t even embarrass me by telling the story.

When Chance turned 2 he became aggressive. He growled at other dogs and bared his teeth. He flattened puppies under his heavy paws. He chased children and cyclists, clamped down on their ankles and knocked them over. He even bit Tilly in a scuffle over my bed.

When I tired of apologizing for him, I hired a trainer. She told me his aggression was set off by fear. She said to keep him away from unfamiliar dogs and people, for their sake and his.

I fled when other dogs approached. If I was distracted and we crossed paths with another dog, I ordered Chance to sit and rewarded him with meaty treats if he stayed calm. Most days he preferred the fight. He hurled himself at the other dog, barely restrained by the leash. He barked furiously, drowning out my attempt to explain to the other dog’s owner, “Chance doesn’t like to socialize.”

I didn’t know when I adopted Chance that puppies need to interact with other dogs to learn social cues. A well-socialized dog employs a soft growl to tell another dog “you’re in my space.” A puppy who interacts with a variety of other dogs learns to

3

Comparison: Uses compari- son to highlight author’s identification with Chance

4sensory details: Appeals to reader’s sense of sight, touch

5

Dominant impression: Uses anecdote to reinforce main idea

6organization: Uses transition to suggest chronological organization

sensory details: Appeals to reader’s sense of sound, sight, touch

7

8Active verbs: Uses striking verbs to present details

9

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roughhouse in a playful, rather than a threatening, way. Chance had Tilly for company and I mistakenly thought that was enough. I was depressed and in a bad marriage. Nothing got me off the couch. By the time I started taking better care of myself and walking the dogs every day, it was too late.

I divorced my first husband and the dogs took care of me. Chance made me feel safe in a large, empty house. Tilly shared my bed, resting her head on my ex-husband’s pillow. But I hated being the owner of a bad dog. I felt ashamed turning away someone whose dog wanted to play and telling a schoolchild she couldn’t pet Chance. I lived in constant fear of him attacking someone.

Yet in some ways, I am the perfect owner for Chance. An introvert, I identify with his desire to be left alone. I empathize with his feelings of jealousy. When Steve and I married and Tilly transferred her loyalty to him, lying at his feet instead of mine, I could hardly suppress my rage.

It’s easy to love a well-behaved dog. It’s harder to love Chance, with his bristly personality and tendency toward violence. Yet in the end, I measure the success of my relationship with Chance by its challenges, because if I can’t love him at his most imperfect what use is love?

A few years ago, an old yellow Lab got loose. The dog lunged at Chance, sinking his teeth into the soft flesh of his throat. He bit his head and tore at his face. The Lab foamed, reveling in the attack. I kept hold of Chance’s leash and screamed at the owner, but she was frozen. I didn’t see how Chance could survive multiple, vicious bites.

Finally, the owner pulled the Lab off by his hind legs. Chance whimpered. He hadn’t fought back. What saved him were the other dog’s teeth, so worn by age they were mostly ineffective. Chance’s teeth were sharp and he was young and strong. Why had he held back? Perhaps he wasn’t such a bad dog after all.

In his old age Chance has mellowed. When we walk, he attends to what is directly in front of him, a flagpole or a mailbox, barely sensing other dogs. It takes us 40 minutes to go around the block, but when I look at him he grins. It’s his favorite time of day and mine.

I try to be gentle with Chance, hoping when the time comes others will be gentle with me. When I catch myself tugging his leash, I remind myself these are his last days and to enjoy them. The night before Tilly died she tried to get my attention, resting her muzzle on my keyboard. I moved her aside. I was busy writing and I thought there would be time to play, not knowing her cancer would take a dramatic turn in the morning and we would have to euthanize her.

I often think back to that night, wishing I had cuddled and cradled my girl. I hope not to make the same mistake with Chance. Steve scratches his belly every night before we go to bed. Chance deserves at least as much from me.

He is, after all, my good dog.

10

dominant impression: Uses anecdote to reinforce main idea

11

12

Connotation: Chooses words with powerful connotations

13

14

15

16 Comparison: Uses compari- son to show that the author identifies with Chance

dominant impression: Uses anecdote to reinforce main idea

17

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V ISUALIZING A DESCRIPTION: A GRAP HIC ORGANIZE R

Seeing the content and structure of an essay in simplified, visual form can help you analyze a reading, recall key images as you generate ideas for an essay, and structure your own writing. The graphic organizer in Figure 13.1 diagrams the basic structure of a descriptive essay. When you write an essay in which your primary purpose is to describe something, you will need to follow the standard essay format — title, introduc- tion, body, and conclusion — with slight adaptations and adjustments.

• The introduction should provide a context for the description and present the thesis statement, which states or suggests the dominant impression.

• The body of the essay should present sensory details that support the dominant impression.

• The conclusion draws the description to a close and makes a final reference to the dominant impression. It may offer a final detail or make a closing statement.

When you incorporate a description into an essay in which you also use other pat- terns of development, you will probably need to condense or eliminate one or more of the elements of your descriptive essay.

For more on creating a graphic organizer, see pp. 52–53.

FIGURE 13.1 Graphic Organizer for a Descriptive Essay

INTRODUCTION

TITLE

SENSORY DETAILS AND

COMPARISONS

Background Setting

Dominant impression (stated or suggested in thesis)

Supporting details

Supporting details

Supporting details

Reference to a dominant impression Draws essay to a close

CONCLUSION

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READING

You Are Your Bike MARY ROACH

Mary Roach is a New York Times best-selling author of several books of popular science, including Stiff (2003), Spook (2005), Bonk (2008), Packing for Mars: The Curious Science of Life in the Void (2010), and Gulp: Adventures on the Alimentary Canal (2013). This essay appeared in the October 2005 issue of Bicycling magazine. As you read, highlight the details that help you visualize her beloved Schwinn Sting-Ray I. Then, after reading the essay, study the graphic organizer for it that appears on p. 275.

A stingray is a flat, gray marine creature with little about it to capture one’s fancy. Bottomfeeder. Sits on its mouth. You could name a rubber bathtub mat after the stingray, and I wouldn’t question your logic. But not a bike. Not a bike with a four- foot chrome sissy bar and a chopper handlebar and a glitter-gold banana seat. There is no fish as cool as the Schwinn Sting-Ray I got in sixth grade.

In my neighborhood, circa 1972, there was serious bike culture going down. Every day after school, around 4, the phone would ring. It would be one of the Balch kids, my neighbors: “Wanna come out and ride around?” That’s what we did in those days. We watched tv and we rode around. There were six of us. We had a route: over the dirt path between our houses, down the Balch’s rock-studded, rain-gullied driveway, through the pinewoods across the street (Did we invent mountain biking?), up onto the road, and back over to my driveway. The summer my parents repaved the blacktop, we’d linger at the top of the driveway where it widened out and turn laps for a while, savoring the velvet glide and leaning into the turns like the racers we’d seen on ABC’s Wide World of Sports. No one spoke during these moments. There was a religious quality to our concentration, an absurd intensity that even now I can’t bring to bear on my athletic pursuits.

As all Sting-Ray owners must, I mastered the wheelie. I was coming off a four-year horse fixation, and the wheelie held a secret thrill for me: The bike became my horse, rearing up onto its back legs, mane streaming, nostrils flared. I kept this to myself.

Becky Balch had a Sting-Ray too, but hers was girlie. The sissy-bar was only four inches high, and her basket had plastic flowers sewn into the fake white wicker. She earned my tomboy scorn. As tough and as cool as my Sting-Ray was, it wasn’t what the Balch boys were riding. Bernie and Jeff Balch blew out so many tires on the trails that they started riding on their rims. They called their tireless, gearless junk jobs “Peelers” and took to launching them off the banks of a cattail-fringed pond at the end of our road. They’d build up speed, leap off at the last possible second, and watch the bike sink into the muck. The littlest Balch, Johnny, would wade in waist-deep and drag their Peelers out — the price he paid to hang with the big boys.

One day Jeff Balch convinced me to cast the Sting-Ray into the muck. I loved my Sting-Ray, but I loved Jeff Balch more. It was an unrequited love, not all that different

1

2

3

4

5

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from the love I’d felt for horses. I can recall to this day the site of the glitter-gold seat sinking from view and the sick feeling inside me. Jeff Balch continued to ignore me and soon started going out with a glossy-haired cheerleader three houses down from us. Though she surely owned a bicycle, she did not ride around.

Shortly after the pond debacle, I wiped out in a sand patch going no-hands down a hill about a half-mile down the road. This was a hill so steep and treacherous that it was known by name: Connie Elder’s Hill. It was Connie Elder, a kind, quiet spinster, who pressed a wad of gauze to my chin and drove me home, leaving behind the Sting- Ray and a persistent rumor that “a piece of Mary Roach’s chin” had been spotted on the pavement. I wound up with six stitches and a scar that to this day brings to mind the little gold Sting-Ray and my reckless need to impress. This had been another ill- guided effort to capture Jeff’s heart. It was around then that it began to dawn on me that boys weren’t interested in girls that acted like boys. They wanted girls that giggled and brushed their hair a lot and kept their bicycles out of the mud. The Sting- Ray never felt quite right after the accident, and only partly because the fork was crooked.

My tomboy years were coasting to a stop, and the Sting-Ray would eventually be replaced by a 10-speed. More than most objects, the bikes we own in certain periods of our lives define who we are and what we’re about. They are more like lovers or pets than things we simply own. I’ve long held the fantasy that I’ll come across a gold, glitter-seat Sting-Ray at a local flea market. I won’t go so far as to buy it, but I’ll give the guy who’s selling it five bucks to let me go off to the empty fringes of the parking lot and ride around.

EXERCisE 13.4 Drawing a Graphic organizer

Using the graphic organizer in Figure 13.1 or 13.2 as a basis, draw a graphic organizer for “Bad Dog” (pp. 269–71).

inTEGRAT inG DEsCRiPTion inTo An EssAY Sometimes description alone fulfills the purpose of an essay. In most cases, however, you will use description in essays that mainly rely on a different mode. For instance, in a nar- rative essay, description helps readers experience events, reconstruct scenes, and visualize action. Although most of your college essays will not be primarily descriptive, you can use description in essays that explain the causes or effects of a phenomenon, compare or con- trast animal species, or illustrate defensive behavior in children, for example.

Here are a few suggestions for combining description effectively with other patterns of development.

1. Include only relevant details. Whether you describe an event, a person, or a scene, the sensory details you choose should enhance the reader’s understanding of your subject.

6

7

The essay “Speaking Quiché in the Heart of Dixie” later in this chapter (pp. 289–93) uses multiple patterns of development to convey the author’s ideas.

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I N T E G R A T I N G D E S C R I P T I O N I N T O A N E S S A Y 275

FIGURE 13.2 Graphic Organizer for “You Are Your bike” by Mary Roach

SETTING

TITLE

INTRODUCTION/ bACKGROUND

DOMINANT IMPRESSION

Mary Roach, the author, remembers the fun she had on her cool, Schwinn Sting-Ray bike.

“You Are Your Bike”

1972 in the author’s childhood neighborhood

Riding her bike with her neighborhood friends was fun and exciting.

The Sting-Ray had a chrome sissy-bar and a glitter-gold banana seat.

The dirt path, bumpy driveway, and pinewoods were a great riding path.

The Sting-Ray became like a horse when the rider did wheelies.

The neighborhood boys launched their tireless bikes into a muddy pond.

The author felt sick about launching her beloved Sting-Ray into the muddy pond.

The author wipes out on a steep hill, cuts her chin, and mangles her bike.

The author realizes that boys like silly, prissy girls, not tomboys.

The author still remembers the Schwinn Sting- Ray and longs for one more ride.

SENSORY DETAILS

CONCLUSION

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2. Keep the description focused. Select enough details to make your essential points and dominant impression clear. Readers may become impatient if you include too many descriptive details.

3. Make sure the description fits the essay’s tone and point of view. A personal description, for example, is not appropriate in an essay explaining a technical process.

REA DING ACT IVELY AND THINKING CRITICALLY When you read descriptive essays, you are often more concerned with impressions and images than you are with the logical progression of ideas. To get the full benefit of descriptive writing, you need to read actively to connect what you are reading to your own senses of sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste. But you must also examine and challenge the author’s attitude as it is shown in the selection. Below are some guidelines for reading and thinking critically about descriptive essays.

WHAT TO LOOK FOR, HIGHLIGHT, AND ANNOTATE 1. Preview the essay to get an overview of its content and organization. 2. Identify the dominant impression. As you read, identify the subject of the

description and try to determine the dominant impression the writer creates. If it is not directly stated in a thesis statement, try the following: • Pay attention to sensory details and highlight particularly striking ones. How

do the sensory details contribute to the dominant impression? • Observe how the writer uses language to achieve an effect. Make an ✘ or ✔

in the margin next to effective comparisons. Underline or circle powerful word choices. How do they contribute to the dominant impression?

• Consider the introduction, conclusion, and title. How does the introduction hint at the dominant impression or indicate the subject of the description? How does the conclusion relate to the dominant impression? How does the title suggest the essay’s dominant impression?

3. Think about the meaning. Concentrate on the essay’s meaning by answering the following questions: • What is the thesis? If it is not stated directly, write a sentence stating what

you think the main point of the essay is. • What is the author’s purpose in writing this description? For what audience

is it intended? What techniques does the writer use to achieve her or his purpose with this audience?

4. Consider your reactions. Think about how the description relates to your own experience: • Have any situations you’ve experienced evoked similar images or feelings for you? • What thoughts and feelings does the essay evoke in you? What did you feel

as you read? What feelings were you left with after reading the essay?

For more on reading actively, see Chapter 3; for more on thinking critically, see Chapter 4.

For more on previewing, see p. 45.

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ANALYZING DESCRIPTIONS A description will be colored by the writer’s personal, subjective experience. Unless you have reason to believe otherwise, assume that the writer is honest — that he or she is presenting the subject accurately. But also keep in mind that the writer chooses details selectively, with the goal of advancing his or her agenda.

What is the writer’s attitude toward the subject? The words a writer chooses to describe a subject can largely determine how readers view and respond to that subject and often reveal the writer’s feelings and attitudes toward the subject. A description of a car as “fast and sleek” suggests approval, while the phrase “slick and glitzy” suggests a less favorable attitude. You can make the subject seem attractive and appealing or ugly and repellent, depending on the details you choose and the words you select.

APPEALING The stranger had an impish, childlike grin, a smooth complexion with high cheekbones, and strong yet gentle hands.

REPELLENT The stranger had limp blond hair, cold vacant eyes, and teeth stained by tobacco.

As you read, pay attention to connotations; writers often use them intentionally to create a particular emotional response. Highlight words with strong connotations or annotate them in the margin. Ask yourself whether the writer is presenting a neutral, objective description or a subjective, possibly biased, one. For example, when reading “Bad Dog” (para. 6), you might wonder how Maizes’s ex-husband or pet owners whose puppies Chance “flattened” (6) might have described Chance.

What details does the writer omit? As you read an essay, ask yourself questions like these:

• What hasn’t the writer told me? • What else would I like to know about the subject?

Writers often omit details because they are not relevant, but they may also omit details that would contradict the dominant impression they intend to convey. You have probably noticed that news outlets on television or online offer slightly different slants on a news event, each providing different details or film footage. By combining or syn- thesizing the various reports, you can form your own impression. Often you must do the same thing when reading descriptions. Pull together information from several sources to form your own impression.

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Select a topic from the list above, or create your own. 1 Use one or more of the following suggestions to choose a subject to describe. 1. List one or more broad topics, such as An Unusual Object, A Place with Personal Significance, or

An Influential Person. Then alone or with another student, brainstorm a list of objects, activi- ties, or people that fit the assignment. Other prewriting strategies, like freewriting or questioning, may also help you generate topic ideas. (Rational, pragmatic, and concrete learners may prefer listing. Creative, emotional, and abstract learners may prefer freewriting or questioning.)

2. Picture the objects in your room or on your desk and ask yourself questions, such as, “Who gave me that object?” or “Why did I buy [or make] it?” (Spatial, creative, or emotional learners may prefer picturing.)

3. Work backward: Think about the most influential people or most important values in your life, and then think about a place or object that represents them in your mind. (Abstract and indepen- dent learners may prefer working backward.)

Consider your purpose and audience, and choose a perspective and point of view.2

Ask yourself these questions. • Will my essay’s purpose be to express myself, inform, or persuade? • Who is my audience? Will readers need any background information to understand my essay?

Have I chosen a person, place, or thing that I can write about honestly for this audience? • What point of view best suits my purpose and audience? The first person (I, we) will work best if

describing an object with personal significance or if your purpose is expressive; third person (it, they, he/she) will be most appropriate if describing something objectively, of if your purpose is informative.

A G U I D E D W R I T I N G A S S I G N M E N T* D E S C R I P T I O N

YOUR ESSAY ASSIGNMENT Write a descriptive essay about something you can picture clearly or that you can readily observe. Choose one of the following to describe in detail:

• an unusual, striking, or surprising object, • a place that has significance to you, your family, or your cultural group, and • a person who influenced you (for good or ill).

Examples: A robot you built from a kit; a playground you hung around in as a child; a teacher who changed your expectations about school or learning.

Pr ew

ri ti

ng

278

*The writing process is recursive; that is, you may find yourself revising as you draft or prewriting as you revise. This is especially true when writing on a computer. Your writing process may also differ from that of your classmates, depending on your preferred learning style.

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A G U I D E D W R I T I N G A S S I G N M E N T 279

Choose an aspect of your subject to emphasize, and collect sensory details.3

Choose one trait or aspect of your subject to focus on.

If it’s a . . . try focusing on . . . person a character trait thing its usefulness, value, or beauty

Then record details that support the slant you have chosen. 1. Describe your subject to a friend, concentrating on the slant you have chosen, and make notes

on your comments and your friend’s response. 2. Draw a quick sketch of your subject and label the parts. 3. Make a table and label each section with one of the senses. Then list the sensory details asso-

ciated with your subject.

Generate comparisons. Think of appropriate comparisons — similes, metaphors, personifi- cations — for as many details in your list as possible. Then select the one or two strongest comparisons and try to use them in your essay. Use at least 2 prewriting strategies to generate details. (More prewriting strategies appear in Chapter 5, pp. 107–16.)

Evaluate your details.4 Reread your notes, highlighting the vivid, concrete details that will create pictures in your reader’s mind. Cross out the following: • vague details, • irrelevant details, and • details that do not support your slant.

Then copy and paste the remaining details to a new document for easy access when drafting.

In small groups, share your ideas and details. 1. Have each writer explain her or his slant on the subject and provide a list of details. 2. As a group, evaluate each writer’s details in terms of her or his slant and suggest

improvements.

Pr ew

ri ti

ng

(continued on next page)

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280 C H A P T E R 1 3 | D E S C R I P T I O N

Create a dominant impression.5 Your dominant impression should • appeal to your audience, • offer an unusual perspective, and • provide new insights on your subject.

Description often includes an element of surprise; a description with an unexpected slant and new insights is more likely to engage the readers’ imagination.

Think of the dominant impression as . . . 1. a thesis that conveys your main point and pulls your details together. 2. a mood or feeling about the subject, which all the details in your essay explain or support.

Team up with a classmate to evaluate each other’s dominant impression. Underline or highlight any problematic wording and give feedback.

Choose a method of organization.6 Select the method of organization that will best support your dominant impression. For example: • If you are focusing on a person’s slovenly appearance, then a spatial (top to bottom, left to right)

organization may be effective. If using spatial organization, also consider what vantage point(s) will provide the most useful information or from which vantage point(s) you can provide the most revealing or striking details.

• If you are describing a visit to a wildlife preserve, chronological order might be a useful method of organization.

• A most-to-least or least-to-most arrangement might work best for a description of the symptoms of pneumonia.

• If you are describing a chocolate chip cookie, you may want to organize by the five senses, clus- tering details about how it looks, smells, tastes, and feels in your mouth.

Write a first draft of your descriptive essay.7 Use the following guidelines to keep your narrative on track. • The introduction should set up your dominant impression, which you may choose to state in a

thesis. • The body paragraphs should include striking sensory details that support your dominant impres-

sion. Be sure to include enough details that readers can picture your subject but not so many that readers will get bored. Try to work your one or two strongest comparisons into your draft. Organize each body paragraph so that it focuses on a single topic, and use transitions (first, next, above, below, before, after) to make relationships among details clear.

• The conclusion should revisit your dominant impression. You may also want to refer to the begin- ning of your essay or make a final observation about the significance of your subject.

O rg

an iz

in g

& D

ra ft

in g

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A G U I D E D W R I T I N G A S S I G N M E N T 281

Evaluate your draft and revise as necessary.8 Use Figure 13.3, “Flowchart for Revising a Descriptive Essay,” to help you discover the strengths and weaknesses of your descriptive essay.

R ev

is in

g Ed

it in

g &

P ro

of re

ad in

g

Edit and proofread your essay.9 Refer to Chapter 10 for help with . . . • editing sentences to avoid wordiness, making your verb choices strong and active, and making

your sentences clear, varied, and parallel, and • editing words for tone and diction, connotation, and concrete and specific language.

Pay particular attention to the punctuation of adjectives 1. Use a comma between coordinate adjectives that are not joined by and.

• Singh was a confident, skilled pianist. Coordinate adjectives are a series of adjectives whose order can be changed (skilled, confident pianist or confident, skilled pianist).

2. Do not use commas between cumulative adjectives whose order cannot be changed. • Two frightened brown eyes peered at us from under the sofa. You would not write frightened two brown eyes.

3. Use a hyphen to connect two words that work together as an adjective before a noun unless the first word is an adverb ending in -ly. • well-used book • foil-wrapped pizza • perfectly thrown pass

1. Without looking at your essay, state the domi- nant impression in a sentence. Then highlight the sentences in the essay that express the dominant impression. Do these sentences successfully convey the impression?

YES

NO

• Reread your essay. Make a list of the different impressions it conveys.

• Choose one impression that you have the most to say about, and brainstorm to develop additional details that support it.

QUESTIONS REVISION STRATEGIES

FIGURE 13.3 Flowchart for Revising a Descriptive Essay

(continued on next page)

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(Figure 13.3 continued)

YES

YES

YES

5. Write a brief outline showing how you have organized your details. Is it clear from your essay how the details are organized?

NO

• Rearrange your details in a different order. Experiment to see which works best.

• Add transitions where necessary to connect your ideas.

6. Underline the topic sentence of each para- graph. Compare the sensory details (✔) to the topic sentence. Does the topic sentence make clear what the paragraph is describing?

• Revise so that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details clearly relate to the topic sentence.

NO

7. Reread your introduction and conclusion. Is each effective?

• Revise your introduction and conclusion so that they meet the guidelines in Chapter 7.

NO

QUESTIONS REVISION STRATEGIES

YES

YES

2. Place a ✔ by each sensory detail. Does each detail support your dominant impression?

• Eliminate irrelevant sensory details.NO

3. Review the sensory details you have ✔’d. Is your language vivid enough to help readers visualize the topic? Are the connotations of your language appropriate?

• Brainstorm additional sensory details. • Replace passive verbs with active ones. • Vary your sentences. • Replace words with inappropriate connota-

tions with words that better support your dominant impression.

NO

• Eliminate clichés. • Brainstorm fresh comparisons. • Instead of writing, try speaking to a friend.

4. [Bracket] each comparison — simile, metaphor, and analogy. Is each fresh and effective?

NO

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T E D S A W C H U C K | H E A T S T R O K E W I T H A S I D E O F b U R N C R E A M 283

READINGS : DESCRIPTION IN ACTION

STUDENTS WRITE

Heatstroke with a Side of Burn Cream TED SAWCHUCK

Ted Sawchuck, a journalism student at the University of Maryland at College Park, wrote this essay in response to an assignment in one of his classes. He was asked to describe a workplace situation that he had experienced. As you read, study the annotations and pay particular attention to Sawchuck’s use of sensory language that helps you see and feel what he has experienced.

I sprinkle the last layer of cheese on top of my nachos--no time to watch

the cheddar melt--and turn sideways, nearly falling face-first on grimy, spongy

rubber mats. Catching my fall and the plate, I whip a towel from my belt with my

free hand, open the scalding-hot oven door, and slide in the chips to toast before

slapping a palm on top of the now-light-brown quesadilla on the rack below

and pulling it out onto a clean part of the towel for a 180 degree turn to the

counter behind. A pizza cutter makes three smooth cuts; the quesadilla is plated

with three small cups (guac, salsa, sour cream) and handed to the window. I slap

the bell, bellow “Jamie! Nachos!”, and spin back to my station too fast to see a

gorgeous grad student scoop up the plate and scoot it out to her table.

Welcome to a restaurant kitchen during lunch or dinner rush, the time

when the restaurant is packed with hungry people and the kitchen is mania-

cally cranking away at their orders. I’m thrashing appetizers, trying to keep

up with college students’ demands for fried goodies, nachos, and quesadillas.

My friend A is working the grill, cooking fifteen burgers and a couple chicken

breasts for sandwiches, and M, a mutual friend, is buzzing around prepping

plates, flirting with waitresses, and handling salads and desserts, both of which

require time away from the main preparation line.

The kitchen space I spend eight hours a day in is about the size of my

one-room apartment, which is slightly larger than your average prison cell.

Three people, and more on horribly busy days, work in that space, crammed

in with four fryers, a massive grill, a griddle, an oven, a microwave, two refrig-

eration units with prep counters, bins of tortilla chips, a burning-hot steam

table bigger than the grill, and vast tubs of bacon. If I put both arms out and

rotated, I’d severely injure at least two people.

Introduction: Sawchuck builds toward his dominant impres- sion by describing a hectic evening in a restaurant kitchen.

1

Dominant impression: Thesis identifies the topic of the description, and vivid, active verbs help create the domi- nant impression.

2

Sensory details: Topic sen- tences in paragraphs 3 and 4 introduce sensory details that help readers imagine the kitchen. A comparison adds humor and realism to visual details.

3

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The most common problem for nonchefs is dealing with the heat. On

one side of my work station are four fryers full of 350-degree oil. On the other,

there is the steam table, so named because it boils water to keep things warm-

-especially deadly for forearms. Burns aren’t the worst of it. You’ll lose some

skin, but you won’t die. Overheating or dehydration can kill. When it’s over 110

degrees in your workplace, fluid consumption is essential. I start gushing sweat

the second I clock in and don’t stop until about half an hour after clocking

out. Even though we have huge buzzing exhaust fans to suck the greasy smoke

away from our lungs and a warehouse-sized room fan to keep it at a low triple

digits, I drink enough water to fill the steam table twice during busy times. My

bandana frequently restrains ice cubes as well as rapidly tangling hair.

The fans add to the noise, as do the chattering servers, the head chef

yelling out orders, other cooks yelling out updates, and the music. Some

kitchens run on music, others don’t. I like to blare NPR when it is just me and

A working, but on nights with a full staff, the rap music that gives rap music a

bad name is trotted out--you know the kind I mean--the mainstream, with pre-

choreographed dances, predictable couplets about the joys of ’caine and loose

women, and frequently more bleeped words than heard. The volume at which

such music is played means I have to scream everything and never hear orders.

It’s like playing tennis with a ball that randomly disappears.

There are uncountable ways to damage yourself in a restaurant kitchen.

If you didn’t touch anything--just stood there--you’d still be at risk for smoke

inhalation, steam burns, knife cuts from other people, spills, splatters, and

being bowled over--because no one stands still in a professional kitchen.

Even walking in a kitchen is dangerous. The only time the kitchen floor at the

to-remain-nameless restaurant at which I cook is clean is immediately after

washing, a process that results in innumerable gallons of grody gray water and

the inadvertent freeing of at least one mouse from his glue trap. Moving in

that kitchen is a constant struggle. Because the floor is slippery red tile, we put

down thick rubber mats, which make standing for eight hours much easier on

the knees. Unfortunately, these mats are coated, nay permeated, with every-

thing we’ve ever spilled on them. Moving is like trying to skate across a frying

pan with butter strapped to your feet. Sometimes you’ll need to use a skating-

like sliding motion to get through without falling face-first in the awfulness.

Falling is worse, because if you grab to catch something your options are a

fryer (bad), the grill (worse), or your head chef (worst of all).

4

Sensory details: Topic sen- tences focuses attention on sounds in the kitchen

5

Sensory details: Topic sen- tences focuses attention on physical dangers of the job. Notice how the sentences in this paragraph vary in length and structure.

6

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Working in a restaurant during rush makes journalism on deadline look

like elementary basket-weaving. While reporters are expected to get every-

thing right in every story, they’re only writing at most three stories a day. At

one point during the worst dinner rush I can remember, I was cooking five

nachos, eight quesadillas, four sampler plates, and three orders of wings at

the same time. I had to get every component of those dishes right, from the

plate they were served on to the garnish, serving size, cooking temperature,

and appearance--and I needed to have done it fifteen minutes ago because the

customers have been waiting. They don’t care that we’re so stacked up there’s

no more room in the oven for the nachos and quesadillas that are stacking up.

Did I mention sampler plates have four items each, all with different cooking

times and prep methods?

Working in a restaurant kitchen is like speaking a foreign language. Once

you stop thinking about it and just do it, you can keep up, sometimes. Other

times, the pressure builds up. Maybe half the restaurant fills up in five minutes,

or it’s game night in a college town. Maybe the servers screwed up and gave you

all their tables’ orders at once instead of as they came in. Either way, you’ve got

to shift into the next gear. Sometimes it means throwing on ten orders of wings

in fryers only meant to hold eight, then garnishing a stack of plates for the

main course guys so they can focus on getting twenty burgers of different done-

ness levels cooked properly. For the appetizer guy, it usually means never being

allowed to make a mistake, because any delay in appetizer futzes the flow of the

meal. The main course is being cooked at the same time, so if my stuff comes in

late, then the properly cooked main course will either be overdone or arrive cold

because no one wants the main course five minutes after receiving an appetizer.

When you’re late in the restaurant world, it’s called being in the weeds.

The origin of the name is unclear, but friends of mine note that you hide

bodies where weeds grow because it’s a sign of low foot traffic. Being in

the weeds is not as bad as rendition to Egypt, but everyone, servers and

management included, can see you’re behind. In addition to getting chewed

out by the head chef (who would rather yell at you than help you), you lose

any chance you had with that subtle, kittenish server. Not holding your own

on the line means much less fun after work. When you’re in the weeds (or

“weeded”), you can ask for help or suck it up. Asking for help is frowned

upon; your only route is taking a breath and pulling yourself out. I spend

a lot of time in the weeds, unsurprising for a kid whose only chef-like

Comparison: The topic sen- tences in paragraphs 7 and 8 use comparisons to convey the essence of restaurant kitchen work.

7

Organization: After several paragraphs presenting the concrete details of the job, Sawchuck shifts to the more abstract issues of the mental complexity and time pressure.

8

Dominant impression: Notice how the connotations of futzes support the dominant impression better than a more formal word, such as disrupts, would.

9

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ANALYZING THE WRITER’S TECHNIQUE 1. Dominant Impression Describe Sawchuck’s dominant impression about working

in a restaurant kitchen. Is it stated explicitly or implied? 2. Sensory Language Which examples of sensory language did you find particularly

strong and engaging? What makes them effective? Which, if any, are weak, and how can they be improved?

3. Comparisons The annotations point out some of the numerous comparisons Sawchuck uses to explain his topic. Identify several others. Which ones are par- ticularly effective? Do any seem ineffective? If so, why?

4. Patterns In addition to description, what other patterns of development does the writer use? How do these patterns make the description more effective?

THINKING CRITICALLY AbOUT DESCRIPTION 1. Omissions Sawchuck leaves out the name of the restaurant. What other informa-

tion is omitted that might have given you a fuller understanding of Sawchuck or his job?

2. Tone What is Sawchuck’s tone? How does it affect your attitude toward the infor- mation that is contained in the essay?

3. Connotation One of the annotations (para. 8) points out the connotations of a particular word Sawchuck uses. In paragraph 4, how are the connotations of “gush- ing sweat” different from those of other language he could have chosen, such as “sweating profusely” or “gushing perspiration”? Do you think he made the best choice, given the dominant impression he is trying to create? Why or why not?

4. Metaphor The phrase “in the weeds” (9) offers a visual metaphor. What connota- tions does this phrase have for you?

RESPONDING TO THE ESSAY 1. Reaction Sawchuck notes that falling behind on the job results in less fun after

work. Have you found that job performance can affect off-the-job relationships with coworkers? If so, how?

2. Discussion Do you think Sawchuck is satisfied with his job despite the adverse working conditions? Discuss to what degree working conditions affect job perfor- mance and satisfaction.

experience was making breakfast on Sundays at home and the occasional

grilled cheese sandwich.

Like print journalism and the armed forces, professional cooking requires

a very specific skill set. If you’ve got it, get a good knife and get to practicing.

If not, be a little nicer next time the entree doesn’t come exactly when you

expect it.

Conclusion: Sawchuck offers a final comment on restaurant kitchen work and makes a direct appeal to readers. 10

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3. Journal Is it possible to be “in the weeds” academically? Write a journal entry explor- ing either reasons for being in the weeds or ways to get yourself out of the weeds.

4. Essay Sawchuck describes the time pressures he experiences. Write an essay describ- ing the time pressures you experience in either an academic or a workplace setting.

READING

Eating Chili Peppers JEREMY MACCLANCY

Jeremy MacClancy is an anthropologist and tutor at Oxford Brookes University in England who has written several scholarly works in the field of anthropology. This essay is taken from his book Consuming Culture: Why You Eat What You Eat (1993). As you read the selec- tion, underline or highlight the descriptive words and phrases that convey what it’s like to eat chili peppers.

How come over half of the world’s population have made a powerful chemical irri- tant the center of their gastronomic lives? How can so many millions stomach chilies?

Biting into a tabasco pepper is like aiming a flame-thrower at your parted lips. There might be little reaction at first, but then the burn starts to grow. A few seconds later the chili mush in your mouth reaches critical mass and your palate prepares for liftoff. The message spreads. The sweat glands open, your eyes stream, your nose runs, your stomach warms up, your heart accelerates, and your lungs breathe faster. All this is normal. But bite off more than your body can take, and you will be left coughing, sneezing, and spitting. Tears stripe your cheeks, and your mouth belches fire like a dragon celebrating its return to life. Eater beware!

As a general stimulant, chili is similar to amphetamines — only quicker, cheaper, non-addictive, and beneficial to boot. Employees at the tabasco plant in Louisiana rarely complain of coughs, hay fever, or sinusitis. (Recent evidence, however, suggests that too many chilies can bring on stomach cancer.) Over the centuries, people have used hot peppers as a folk medicine to treat sore throats or inflamed gums, to relieve respiratory distress, and to ease gastritis induced by alcoholism. For aching muscles and tendons, a chili plaster is more effective than one of mustard, with the added advantage that it does not blister the skin. But people do not eat tabasco, jalapeno, or cayenne peppers because of their pharmacological side-effects. They eat them for the taste — different varieties have different flavors — and for the fire they give off. In other words, they go for the burn.

Eating chilies makes for exciting times: the thrill of anticipation, the extremity of the flames, and then the slow descent back to normality. This is a benign form of masochism, like going to a horror movie, riding a roller coaster, or stepping into a cold bath after a sauna. The body flashes danger signals, but the brain knows the threat is not too great. Aficionados, self-absorbed in their burning passion, know exactly how to pace their whole chili eating so that the flames are maintained at a steady maximum. Wrenched out of normal routines by the continuing assault on their mouths,

1

2

3

4

ANALYZING THE WRITER’S TECHNIQUE 1. Dominant Impression Describe Sawchuck’s dominant impression about working

in a restaurant kitchen. Is it stated explicitly or implied? 2. Sensory Language Which examples of sensory language did you find particularly

strong and engaging? What makes them effective? Which, if any, are weak, and how can they be improved?

3. Comparisons The annotations point out some of the numerous comparisons Sawchuck uses to explain his topic. Identify several others. Which ones are par- ticularly effective? Do any seem ineffective? If so, why?

4. Patterns In addition to description, what other patterns of development does the writer use? How do these patterns make the description more effective?

THINKING CRITICALLY AbOUT DESCRIPTION 1. Omissions Sawchuck leaves out the name of the restaurant. What other informa-

tion is omitted that might have given you a fuller understanding of Sawchuck or his job?

2. Tone What is Sawchuck’s tone? How does it affect your attitude toward the infor- mation that is contained in the essay?

3. Connotation One of the annotations (para. 8) points out the connotations of a particular word Sawchuck uses. In paragraph 4, how are the connotations of “gush- ing sweat” different from those of other language he could have chosen, such as “sweating profusely” or “gushing perspiration”? Do you think he made the best choice, given the dominant impression he is trying to create? Why or why not?

4. Metaphor The phrase “in the weeds” (9) offers a visual metaphor. What connota- tions does this phrase have for you?

RESPONDING TO THE ESSAY 1. Reaction Sawchuck notes that falling behind on the job results in less fun after

work. Have you found that job performance can affect off-the-job relationships with coworkers? If so, how?

2. Discussion Do you think Sawchuck is satisfied with his job despite the adverse working conditions? Discuss to what degree working conditions affect job perfor- mance and satisfaction.

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they concentrate on the sensation and ignore almost everything else. They play with fire and just ride the burn, like experienced surfers cresting along a wave. For them, without hot peppers, food would lose its zest and their days would seem too dull. A cheap, legal thrill, chili is the spice of their life.

In the rural areas of Mexico, men can turn their chili habit into a contest of strength by seeing who can stomach the most hot peppers in a set time. This gastro- nomic test, however, is not used as a way to prove one’s machismo, for women can play the game as well. In this context, chilies are a non-sexist form of acquired love for those with strong hearts and fiery passions — a steady source of hot sauce for their lives.

The enjoyable sensations of a running nose, crying eyes, and dragon-like mouth belching flames are clearly not for the timorous.

More tabasco, anyone?

EXAMINING THE READING 1. Reasons According to the author, why do men in rural areas of Mexico eat chili

peppers? 2. Details What are the beneficial health effects of eating chili peppers? 3. Attitude What is the author’s attitude toward those who eat chili peppers? 4. Explanation How is eating chili peppers a benign form of masochism? 5. Thesis What is the author’s thesis? Is it stated or implied? 6. Vocabulary Explain the meaning of each of the following words as it is used in

the reading: gastronomic (para. 1), palate (2), benign (4), masochism (4), and afi- cionados (4).

ANALYZING THE WRITER’S TECHNIQUE 1. Dominant Impression Express the essay’s dominant impression in your own

words. 2. Comparison Explain the comparison between biting into a tabasco pepper and

aiming a flame-thrower at your lips. 3. Conclusion Evaluate the essay’s conclusion. If the essay had ended with paragraph

6 instead of paragraph 7, would the conclusion have been more effective or less so? Why?

4. Audience What audience is the author addressing? What details help you deter- mine the audience?

5. Title The title of MacClancy’s essay is very direct. Why do you think the author chose this title? If you had to create a title for this essay, what would it be?

THINKING CRITICALLY AbOUT DESCRIPTION 1. Omitted Details What details are omitted from this essay that might have been

included? 2. Connotation What is the connotation of the phrase “chili mush” (para. 3)?

5

6

7

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3. Details How does the way in which the author describes eating a chili pepper affect the way that you view eating one?

4. Sensory Detail Which examples of sensory language did you find particularly powerful and engaging? What makes them effective?

RESPONDING TO THE READING 1. Reaction How would you react if a waiter accidentally served you the wrong

dish — one loaded with chili peppers — and you unsuspectingly took a big bite? 2. Journal Do you have a favorite food or a food that you cannot tolerate? Choose

one of the two and write a journal entry that describes the food in vivid detail. 3. Discussion In small groups, discuss the spiciest foods that you have ever eaten and

your reaction. 4. Essay MacClancy compares eating a chili pepper to going to a horror movie, riding

a roller coaster, or stepping into a cold bath after a sauna. He says the experience of eating a chili is a cheap, legal thrill. Write an essay in which you describe a different kind of legal thrill. Be sure to use words that appeal to the senses.

WORkING TOGETHER Collaboration Suppose you were to open a restaurant that specialized in spicy, chili- laden dishes. Working with a partner, create a name for the restaurant and a thirty- second radio advertisement for its grand opening.

READING: DEScRIPTION cOMBINED WITH OTHER PATTERNS

Speaking Quiché in the Heart of Dixie GABRIEL THOMPSON

This selection is from a book by Gabriel Thompson, Working in the Shadows: A Year of Doing the Jobs (Most) Americans Won’t Do (2010). The book (and this excerpt from it) describes Thompson’s experiences working undercover at jobs staffed mostly by undocumented immi- grants. Thompson has also published two other books — There’s No José Here (2006) and Calling All Radicals (2007) — as well as numerous articles in publications including New York magazine, The Nation, and The New York Times. As you read this excerpt, identify the domi- nant impression Thompson creates and the strategies he uses to reinforce it.

Superhero comics aren’t complete without an evil genius. Often he seeks to construct the ultimate weapon to hold the world hostage; if he’s really deranged he simply wants to use it to end human civilization. Since the construction of the weapon must be clan- destine, work goes on belowground or behind hidden doors. Walk through the door and an immense world of nameless and undoubtedly evil scientists are at work, tinkering with mysterious equipment while wearing smocks and continuously checking devices.

That’s the image that immediately comes to mind when I push through the double doors that separate the break room from the plant floor. This isn’t a workplace: This is an underground lair. In the first room, workers scurry around in plastic blue smocks akin

1

2

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that moves a continuous stream of meat, their feet planted as they arrange the pieces in a line. We weave our way around large metal machinery and step through a frothy puddle of foam that spews from a thick hose on the cement floor. The smell is a mixture of strong industrial cleaner and fresh meat. To my left is a chest-high cylinder filled to the brim with chicken bits; while it captures my attention, I step on what feels like a sponge and lift my foot to find a piece of pink meat, now flattened. Up ahead, I can see from the puffs of condensation coming from his mouth that Lonnie is saying something to our group — the temperature is frigid, probably in the low forties — but I can’t hear anything. I remove my earplugs and am greeted by the roar of machinery. It’s not a piercing noise, more of a loud, all-encompassing rumble: Think of the sound you hear when putting your ear to a seashell and multiply by a hundred. I put my earplugs back in.

We walk beneath a doorway and the full scale of the processing floor is revealed. I see no walls in front of me, just open space filled with workers standing in various areas without moving their feet. Hundreds of dead and featherless chickens are hanging upside down from stainless steel hooks, moving rapidly across my field of vision. I hear a beeping sound and step aside from a man driving a scooter-like contraption, which is carrying a container of steaming chicken meat (the contraption turns out to be a pallet truck, and the steam is actually from dry ice). As we cross the plant floor we pass beneath a line of chickens, whirling along more steel hooks; liquid falls from their carcasses and lands with chilly plops on my scalp. Hopefully water. In front of us dozens of workers are slicing up chickens — the debone department — but we proceed further, until we’re standing aside a blond-haired woman in her forties who, like Lonnie, is wearing a hard hat.

“This is your supervisor, Barbara,” Lonnie tells us, “but she won’t be needing you tonight.” He tells Ben and Diane to follow him and motions me to stay put. When he returns he leads me through another doorway. “You’re going to work in a different department today, but check in with DSI tomorrow,” he says. Lonnie deposits me at the end of a line where boxes are being stacked.

The nearest person is a skinny white man with the hood of his Alabama football sweatshirt pulled tight over his head. I stay quiet, feeling slightly intimidated by my new coworker, who has deep lines cutting across his gaunt face and is missing a few front teeth. But when he turns to me he flashes a friendly smile. “How long you been here?” he asks.

“About five minutes.” He lets loose a squeaking chuckle, his shoulders bouncing up and down. “I’ve only

been here two weeks.” Kyle, it turns out, is my neighbor. He lives in a trailer with his wife and two kids about half a mile from where I’m staying. “Been right at that trailer for eighteen years, on land that was my granddaddy’s. I worked in the plant four years, then quit. Now I’m back . . . don’t know exactly why.”*

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* A note here on accents. Kyle, like many native Alabamans at the plant, speaks in a very heavy and melodic drawl. It was beautiful to hear, but that beauty soon becomes distracting when I attempt to render it accurately on the page. For example, when he told me he had been at the trailer for eighteen years, it sounded to my ears like: “Been rahht at tha- yat trawla’ for eightee-yin years.” For the sake of readability, I will not try to capture every nuance of the local dialect. One final point to illustrate the strength of the country accent: It took me a week of hanging out with Kyle before I finally realized that his name wasn’t, in fact, Kyle. It was Gil. Later, when I listened repeatedly to a message he left on my cell phone, I realized that it wasn’t Gil, but another name entirely. Here, he will remain Kyle. [Thompson’s note.]

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Kyle normally works in DSI, but he says that today they’re short people in the IQF department, another mysterious trio of initials. In IQF, bags of chicken wings are stuffed into boxes, taped, and shoved down on rollers to us. Our task is to stack the forty-pound boxes onto pallets. Once a pallet is stacked with forty-nine boxes — seven boxes to a row, seven rows high — a pallet driver whisks it away and we start loading up another. This is almost identical to the stacking of lettuce boxes completed by loaders on the machine, except that the pace here is much slower. I help Kyle do this for twenty minutes, until the machine at the front of the line breaks. A black woman with short blond hair, who has been taping the boxes shut, lets out a good-natured curse. It takes several minutes for a group of men to fix the machine; several minutes later it breaks down again. Over the coming month, I’ll occasionally be asked to help out in IQF, and during almost every shift the machine breaks down — hourly. For this reason alone, it’s considered a good place to work (as one of the “good” jobs, it also doesn’t have a single immigrant working in the department).

With nothing to do, Kyle and I take a seat on the rollers. “You ever work in debone?” I ask him.

“Way back when I started, they tried to get me on there. Stayed a month. They told me I couldn’t work fast enough so they shifted me out. I made sure I wasn’t working fast enough too. Run you like slaves over there. I already knew how they did, though, ‘cause my old lady was on the debone line for years.” Now, he tells me, she’s working at Wal-Mart.

The machine is finally fixed and we return to stacking boxes. After thirty minutes the black woman who was cursing the contraption asks me to come up and tape boxes. I’m happy for the change in scenery, but this task soon becomes tedious. My job is to shake the box so that the bags lie flat, then pull the two top flaps together and shove it through a machine that tapes it shut. Cutting lettuce confirmed in my mind that much of what we call “low-skilled labor” is in fact quite difficult. But at the chicken plant, I’m already learning, many of the jobs are designed so that a person off the street, with minimal instruction, can do them correctly the very first time. I’m sure this is considered a “breakthrough” by the managerial class, but all it does is leave me bored within fifteen minutes.

Sometime after 2:00 a.m., I’m told to take a break. I hang up my gloves and white smock on a hook and walk away from IQF. A minute later I’ve pushed through one swinging door and walked beneath two other doorways, and I’m watching an endless line of carved-up carcasses fall into a large container. I have no idea where I am. To my left, dozens of immigrant men and women are cutting up chickens with knives and scissors. I approach one woman who can’t be much taller than four feet, and ask her in Spanish if she can tell me how to get to the break room. She looks at me and shakes her head.

“She doesn’t speak Spanish,” another woman says, in Spanish. “You go straight down that row and make a left.” I hear the two speak in what sounds like an Indian dialect, thank them both, and follow her directions.

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sun is streaming through the window, my trailer shakes each time a truck loaded with live chickens passes, and my neighbor’s roosters are engaged with a dog in some sort of noise competition. I can’t be bothered; I fall asleep instantly.

EXAMINING THE READING 1. Reasons Why does Thompson mention and describe the two posters in paragraph

22? What is the significance of the poster describing the food? 2. Details In paragraph 8, Thompson mentions stacking lettuce boxes. How would

he know about this job? 3. Reasons Why is the IQF a good place to work? 4. Details What erroneous assumption does the author make about the woman of

whom he asks directions to the break room (para. 12)? Why did he assume this about her?

5. Vocabulary Explain the meaning of each of the following words or phrases as it is used in the reading: deranged (para. 1), clandestine (1), lair (2), gaunt face (5), and pronouncement (24). Refer to a dictionary as needed.

ANALYZING THE WRITER’S TECHNIQUE 1. Dominant Impression What dominant impression does Thompson convey in

this essay? Is it stated or implied? Explain your answers. 2. Title What is the significance of the essay’s title? 3. Descriptive Language How does Thompson’s descriptive language allow you to

understand and picture the processing floor (para. 3)? What words and phrases are most descriptive in this section?

4. Patterns What patterns other than description does Thompson use in this essay? What purposes do they serve?

VISUALIZING THE READING Thompson conveys information about his job and surroundings by using many of the characteristics of descriptive essays. Analyze his use of these characteristics by complet- ing the following chart. Give several examples for each type of characteristic used, including the paragraph numbers for reference. The first one has been done for you.

Descriptive Characteristic Examples

Active verbs 1. “workers scurry around” (para. 2) 2. “I’ve pushed through a swinging door” (14)

Sensory details (sound, smell, touch, sight, taste)

3.

Varied sentences 4.

Comparisons 5.

Connotative language 6.

The break room is mostly empty, but I notice Ben sitting alone in a corner booth. We’re both struck by how disorganized everything seems to be. Like me, Ben has been hired for one department (debone), transferred to another (DSI), and then relocated once more, with unclear instructions along they way. He doesn’t even know the name of the department that he’s in. “Whatever it is, they have me standing and watching chickens go by.”

“That’s it?” I ask. “Are you supposed to do anything?” “Uh, I think like maybe they said to look for mold.” “Mold? The chickens have mold?” “Not yet anyway. I haven’t seen any. I’m looking for green stuff.” “And if they have mold, what do you do?” “I dunno.” Ben pushes his sliding glasses up, beginning to look concerned. “I hope

that’s what I heard. I’m pretty sure somebody said something about mold.” He looks at his watch and stands up. “I gotto go.”

By now there are perhaps fifty people sitting in nearby booths, with about an equal number of whites, blacks, and Latinos, who are mostly gathered in self-segregated groups. One wall is plastered with what are meant to be inspiring corporate messages in Spanish and English, illustrated with geometric shapes and arrows. The “Corner- stones of Continuous Improvement” are written at each point of a large triangle: “Quality, Process Improvement, Teamwork.” Next to this diagram is a more detailed “14 Points of Continuous Improvement,” which include quizzical tips like “Drive Out Fear.” Workers pass these grand pronouncements without pause, but they take note of a yellow flyer taped to the wall that reads “Taco Soup Wednesday Night.”

I’m joined a few minutes later by a white man in a flannel coat who tells me that he’s been on the debone line for five months. He snorts when I tell him that I’m impressed he’s lasting so long.

“It’s work release,” he says. “The only reason I’m here is ‘cause they locked my ass up.” I don’t ask what landed him in prison, but he does reveal that after the death of his father, he went on a number of epic alcohol binges. “Can’t do that anymore ‘cause I’m locked up and got myself a bleeding ulcer. But I’ll tell you one thing,” he says before I depart, “once I’m free you ain’t never gonna see me step foot inside a chicken plant again.”

I use the bathroom and manage to find my way back to Kyle and the boxes. He is seated on the rollers, hood pulled even lower on his head to ward off the cold, while a mechanic tries to get the machine back up and working.

For reasons that aren’t explained, IQF is released earlier than other departments. As I walk toward the break room at 7:40 a.m., I meet a stream of men and women heading in the other direction, getting ready to begin the day shift. I swipe my ID card to sign out, am hit by the bright sunshine of another scorching day, hop on my bike, and pedal home. Kyle has agreed to pick me up tonight, so I don’t have to worry about getting run over by a chicken truck. Back in my trailer I eat a quick breakfast of cereal and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, type up my notes, and lay down. The

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sun is streaming through the window, my trailer shakes each time a truck loaded with live chickens passes, and my neighbor’s roosters are engaged with a dog in some sort of noise competition. I can’t be bothered; I fall asleep instantly.

EXAMINING THE READING 1. Reasons Why does Thompson mention and describe the two posters in paragraph

22? What is the significance of the poster describing the food? 2. Details In paragraph 8, Thompson mentions stacking lettuce boxes. How would

he know about this job? 3. Reasons Why is the IQF a good place to work? 4. Details What erroneous assumption does the author make about the woman of

whom he asks directions to the break room (para. 12)? Why did he assume this about her?

5. Vocabulary Explain the meaning of each of the following words or phrases as it is used in the reading: deranged (para. 1), clandestine (1), lair (2), gaunt face (5), and pronouncement (24). Refer to a dictionary as needed.

ANALYZING THE WRITER’S TECHNIQUE 1. Dominant Impression What dominant impression does Thompson convey in

this essay? Is it stated or implied? Explain your answers. 2. Title What is the significance of the essay’s title? 3. Descriptive Language How does Thompson’s descriptive language allow you to

understand and picture the processing floor (para. 3)? What words and phrases are most descriptive in this section?

4. Patterns What patterns other than description does Thompson use in this essay? What purposes do they serve?

VISUALIZING THE READING Thompson conveys information about his job and surroundings by using many of the characteristics of descriptive essays. Analyze his use of these characteristics by complet- ing the following chart. Give several examples for each type of characteristic used, including the paragraph numbers for reference. The first one has been done for you.

Descriptive Characteristic Examples

Active verbs 1. “workers scurry around” (para. 2) 2. “I’ve pushed through a swinging door” (14)

Sensory details (sound, smell, touch, sight, taste)

3.

Varied sentences 4.

Comparisons 5.

Connotative language 6.

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THINKING CRITICALLY AbOUT DESCRIPTION 1. Connotation What connotation does the word lair suggest (para. 2)? 2. Detail Why does the author make a point to say that Kyle’s wife left the plant and

went to work for Walmart? 3. Connotation Why does the author put the word breakthrough (para. 13) in

quotations? 4. Objective/Subjective Is the essay objective, subjective, or a mixture of both?

Explain your answer. 5. Tone Describe Thompson’s tone in this essay. What information does his tone con-

vey that is not directly stated?

RESPONDING TO THE READING 1. Reaction The author attempts to blend in with the other workers at the plant. Do

you think that he is successful in doing so? Why or why not? Give examples from his behavior or his words that support your answer.

2. Discussion What do you think Thompson learned as a result of his undercover experience in the chicken processing plant?

3. Journal Thompson writes that much of what we call “low-skilled labor” is actually very difficult. Discuss some low-skilled jobs that you know about and explain what makes them so difficult.

4. Essay Write an essay in which you describe the worst job you or someone you know has ever had. In addition to describing the job, explain why the job was so bad.

WORKING TOGETHER 1. The poster in the break room of the chicken plant was entitled “Fourteen Points of

Continuous Improvement.” Working with a small group of your peers, list fourteen changes that could be implemented in that plant in order to create a better work environment.

2. Many businesses have a catchy advertising slogan that draws the public’s attention to their company. Working with a small group of your peers, brainstorm slogans that you hear on TV or radio. Then assume that you are Gabriel Thompson, and you want to create a slogan for the chicken plant that will “tell it like it is.” Make sure your slogan is simple, catchy, and honest. Be prepared to share your slogan with the class and explain its significance.

macmillanhighered.com/successfulwriting E-readings > Hidden Gems of Pebble Creek (video), National Park Service

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A P P LYING YOUR SKILLS: ADDITIONAL ESSAY ASSIGNME NTS

Using what you learned about description in this chapter, write a descriptive essay on one of the topics listed below. Depending on the topic you choose, you may need to conduct research.

TO EXPRESS YOUR IDEAS 1. Suppose a famous person, living or dead, visited your house for dinner. Write an

essay describing the person and the evening and expressing your feelings about the occasion.

2. In “You Are Your Bike,” the author describes her Schwinn Sting-Ray and what it meant to her. Write an essay for your classmates describing a childhood toy that you had that still evokes fond memories.

TO INFORM YOUR READER 3. Write an essay describing destruction or devastation you have observed as a result of

a natural disaster (hurricane, flood), an accident, or a form of violence. 4. Write a report for your local newspaper on a local sporting event you recently

observed or participated in.

TO PERSUADE YOUR READER 5. Write a letter to persuade your parents to lend you money. The loan may be to pur-

chase a used car or to rent a more expensive apartment, for example. Include a description of your current car or apartment.

6. “Heatstroke with a Side of Burn Cream” contains a description of the preparation of food. Do you think that Americans are overly concerned with food, or is food an important social and cultural experience? Write a persuasive essay taking a position on the role of food in American culture.

CASES USING DESCRIPTION 7. Imagine that you are a product buyer for a cosmetics distributor, a food company,

or a furniture dealership. Write a descriptive review of a product recommending to the board of directors whether to distribute it. Use something that you are familiar with or come up with your own product (such as a new cosmetic, an advice book on nutrition, or an electronic gadget for the home). Describe the product in a way that will help convince the company to accept your recommendation.

For more on locating and documenting sources, see Part 5.

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8. Write a brief description of your ideal internship. Then write an essay to accompany your application for your ideal summer internship. The sponsoring agency requires every applicant to submit an essay that describes the knowledge and experience the applicant can bring to the internship and the ways that the position would benefit the applicant personally and professionally.

S Y NTHES IZ ING IDEAS

Working Low-Paying Jobs Both “Speaking Quiché in the Heart of Dixie” (pp. 289–93) and “Heatstroke with a Side of Burn Cream” (pp. 283–85) describe the writer’s work experiences. Thompson works in a chicken processing plant, and Sawchuck works in a restau- rant kitchen.

Analyzing the Readings

1. Compare how the two authors feel about their work experiences. How does each author reveal his or her attitudes? How are they the same, and how do they differ?

2. As a writer who is researching jobs that most Americans won’t do, Thompson works “undercover,” but Sawchuck is an actual worker. How do you think these differences affect the essays and the authors’ reported experiences?

Essay Idea

Write an essay describing your work experiences. Choose one job you have held and describe it to create a dominant impression. Then explain whether your expe- riences were more similar to those of Thompson or Sawchuck — or why they did not resemble those of either.

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14 W R I T I N G Q U I C K S T A R T

297

n an environmental science class, the

instructor projects the photograph on this

page onto a screen and makes the follow-

ing statement: “Environmental pollution is

a growing global problem.” She asks the

class to think of several examples, similar

to the one shown in the photograph, that

support this statement. Using the instruc-

tor’s statement as your topic sentence, write

a paragraph with examples of different types

of environmental pollution that you have

either observed or read about.

Hulton Archive/Getty

Illustration Explaining with Examples

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I N T H I S C H A P T E R Y O U W I L L L E A R N T O

• understand the purpose and function of illustration essays,

• use graphic organizers to visualize illustration essays,

• integrate illustration into an essay,

• read and think critically about illustration, and

• plan, organize, draft, revise, and edit essays using illustration.

The sentences you just wrote could be part of an illustration essay. An illustration essay uses examples to reveal a topic’s essential characteristics and reinforce the thesis state- ment. By providing specific examples that make abstract ideas concrete, you help read- ers connect these abstract ideas to their own experience.

US ING ILLUST RAT ION IN COLLEGE ANd T HE WORKP LACE

• Your literature instructor assigns an analysis of metaphor and simile in the po- ems of Emily Dickinson. To explain your point about Dickinson’s use of animal metaphors, you provide specific examples from several of her poems.

• You are studying sexual dimorphism (differences in appearance between the sexes) in a biology course. The following question appears on an exam: “Define sexual dimorphism and illustrate its occurrence in several different species.” In your answer, you give examples of peacocks, geese, and chickens, explaining how the males and females in each species differ in physical appearance.

• As an elementary school reading teacher, you are writing a letter to the school board justifying the cost of the new computer software you have requested. In your letter, you provide several examples of the software’s benefits to students.

CHA RACT ERISTICS O F ILLUSTRATION E SSAYS Effective illustration essays support a generalization, explain, and clarify by providing examples that maintain readers’ interest and achieve the author’s purpose. Because a good illustration essay is more than a list of examples, a well-thought-out organization is essential.

ILLUSTRATION SUPPORTS GENERALIZATIONS Examples are an effective way to support a generalization — a broad statement about a topic. Thesis statements often contain a generalization, and the body of an illustration essay contains examples that support it.

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The following statements are generalizations because they make assertions about an entire group or category.

• Most college students are energetic, ambitious, and eager to get ahead in life. • Gestures play an important role in nonverbal communication. • Boys are more willing to participate in class discussions than girls are.