English 100- Narrowing a Research Topic and Developing a Research Question
Chris Pool
Studentaboutroughdraft.docxI like this because: The flow of the paragraph was good, just did have some difficult depicting the thesis. I liked how there was enough evidence to discuss about each topic, and because of the evidence it gave the essay a good read.
Base 1: Unity
1. Is there a clearly stated thesis in the introductory paragraph? Well the thesis seems to be out of place. We’ve learned from the information given, that it is supposed to be the last sentence of the introductory paragraph to easy flow into the three supporting details, then conlusion. But it was a little difficult to find it.
2. Do all the supporting paragraphs back up the thesis? Again, since the thesis wasn’t in proper format (The last sentence of the first paragraph) wasn’t aware of what was being discussed.
Base 2: Support
1. Is there specific evidence? Yes, there was plenty of evidence, and each paragraph had enough to show that discussion that was being said. “This focused on stopping gender misinterpretation especially in media. Media should not use sexual orientation and beauty to determine ability of women.
2. Is there plenty of it?
Yes, in each paragraph it is shown enough evidence.
Base 3: Coherence
1. Is there a clear method of organization? Well because of the way the thesis was set up at first, it was hard to see the evidence of the essay unravel. After reading it, it was understood and the transition was good
2. Are transitions used to connect sentences and ideas?
Yes it the transitions were easy to read, one by one. Your comments: The wording was good, but perhaps cutting it down the paragraphs into 5 sentences, or splitting it into two separate paragraphs with the same topic.
Base 4: Sentence Skills
1. Are there any rough spots where the sentences do not flow smoothly and clearly? It was a great flow, it was just a matter of shortening down the paragraphs.
2. Are there any mistakes in grammar, punctuation, or usage? No mistakes, it was a great flow. Punctuation was good.
Your comments: It was good how the writer was going with this essential conversation. I enjoyed reading the essay, and it proved the point that was argued.
