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Responding Really Responding to Other

Students' Writing Richard Straub

Richard Straub lives on the borders of Tallahassee and teaches courses in writing, rhetoric, and literature at Florida State University. The focus of much of his work is on reading, evaluating, and respondmg to student writing. He is from Dunmore, Pennsylvania.

Okay. You've got a student paper you have to read and make comments on for Thursday. It's not something you're looking forward to. But that's alright h k Th · ' • you

t m . ere tsn t really all that much to it. Just keep it simple. Read it quick- ly and . mark whatever you see. Say something about the introduction.

about details and examples. Ideas you can say you like. Mark any t) pos and spelhng errors. Make your comments brief. Abbreviate where pos- Sible. good mtro, gn·e ex,frag. Try to imitate the teacher. Mark what he'd mark and sound like he'd sound. But be cool about it. Don't praise anything really, but no need to get harsh or cut throat either. Get in and get out. You're okay. I'm Pkay. Everybody's happy. What's the problem?

Th1s 1s. no doubt, a way of getting through the assignment. Satisfy the teacher and no surpnses for the writer. It might just do the trick. But say ou want to do a good job. Say you're willing to put in the time and lllne IS light and you know it's not going to be easy-and help the writer look hack on the paper and revise it. And maybe in the process learn something

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Responding-Really Responding-to Other Students' Writing 137

more yourself about writing. What do you look for? How do you sound? How much do you take up? What exactly are you trying to accomplish? Here are some ideas.

How Should You Look at Yourself as a Responder? Consider yourself a friendly reader. A test pilot. A roommate who's been asked to look over the paper and tell the writer what you think. Except you don't just take on the role of The Nice Roommate or The Ever-faithful Friend and tell her what she wants to hear. This all looks good. I wouldn't change a thing. There are a couple places that I think he might not like, but I can see what you're doing there. I'd go with it. Good stuff You're supportive. You give her the benefit of the doubt and look to see the good in her writing. But friends don't let friends think their writing is the best thing since The Great Gatsby and they don't lead them to think that all is fine and well when it's not. to help this friend, this roommate writer-okay, this person in your class-to get a better piece of writing. Point to problems and areas for improvement but do it in a constructive way. See what you can do to push her to do even more than she's done and stretch herself as a writer.

What Are Your Goals? First, don't set out to seek and destroy all errors and problems in the writing. You're not an editor. You're not a teacher. You're not a cruise missile. And d0n't rewrite any parts of the paper. You're not the writer; you're a reader. One of many. The paper is not yours; it's the writer's. She writes. You read. She is in charge of what she does to her writing. That doesn't mean you can't make suggestions. It doesn't mean you can't offer a few sample rewrites here and there, as models. But make it clear they're samples, models. Not rewrites. Not edits. Not corrections. Be reluctant at first even to say what you would do if the paper were yours. It's not yours. Again: Writers write, readers read and show what they're understanding and maybe make suggestions. What to do instead: Look at your task as a simple one. You're there to play back to the writer how you read the paper: what you got from it; what you found interest- ing; where you were confused; where you wanted more. With this done, you can go on to point out problems, ask questions, offer advice, and wonder out loud with the writer about her ideas. Look to help her improve the writing or encourage her to work on some things as a writer.

How Do You Get Started? Before you up and start reading the paper. take a minute (alright, thirty sec- onds) to make a mental checklist about the circumstances of the writing. the context. You're not going to just read a text. You're going to read a text within

138 Behind the Scenes

a certain context, a set of circumstances that accompany the writing and that you bring to your reading. It's one kind of writing or another, designed for one audience and purpose or another. It's a rough draft or a final draft. The writer is trying to be serious or casual, straight or ironic. Ideally, you'll read the paper \\ 1th an eye to the circumstances that it was written in and the situation it is looking to create. That means looking at the writing in terms of the assign- ment. the writer's particular interests and aims, the work you've been doing in class, and the stage of drafting.

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The assignment: What kind of writing does the assignment call (or allow) for? Is the paper supposed to be a personal essay? A report? An analysis? An argument? Consider how well the paper before you meets the demands of the kind of writing the writer is taking up.

The ll'riter's interests and aims: What does the writer want to accomplish? If she's writing a personal narrative, say, is she trying to simply recount a past experience? Is she trying to recount a past experience and at the same time amuse her readers? Is she trying to show a pleasant experience on the surface, yet suggest underneath that everything was not as pleasant as it seems? Hone in on the writer's particular aims in the writing.

The ll'ork of the class: Try to tie your comments to the concepts and strategies you've been studying in class. If you've been doing a lot of work on using detail, be sure to point to places in the writing where the writer uses detail effectively or where she might provide richer detail. If you've been working on developing arguments through examples and sample cases, indicate where the writer might use such methods to strengthen her arguments. If you've been considering various ways to sharpen the style of your sentences, offer places where the writer can clar- ify her sentence structure or arrange a sentence for maximum impact. The best comments will ring familiar even as they lead the writer to try to do something she hasn't quite done before, or done in quite the same way. They'll be comforting and understandable even as they create some need to do more, a need to figure out some better way.

The stage of drafting: Is it an early draft? A full but incomplete draft? A nearly final draft? Pay attention to the stage of drafting. Don't try to deal with everything all at once if it's a first. rough draft. Concentrate on the large picture: the paper's focus; the content; the writer's voice. Don't worry about errors and punctuation problems yet. There'll be time for them later. If it's closer to a full draft, go ahead and talk, in addition to the overall content, about arrangement, pacing, and sentence style. Wait till the final draft to give much attention to fine-tuning sentences and dealing in detail with proofreading. Remember: You're not an editor. Leave these sentence revisions and corrections for the writer. It's her paper. And she's going to learn he>t hy detecting problems and making her own changes.

Responding-Really Responding-to Other Students' Writing 139

What to Address in Your Comments? Try to focus your comments on a couple of areas of writing. Glance through the paper quickly first. Get an idea whether you'll deal mostly with the over- all content and purpose of the writing, its shape and flow, or (if these are more or less in order) with local matters of paragraph structure, sentence style, and correctness. Don't try to cover everything that comes up or even all instances of a given problem. Address issues that are most important to address in this paper, at this time.

Where to Put Your Comments? Some teachers like to have students write comments in the margins right next to the passage. Some like to have students write out their comments in an end note or in a separate letter to the writer. I like to recommend using both mar- ginal comments and a note or letter at the end. The best of both worlds. Marginal comments allow you to give a quick moment-by-moment reading of the paper. They make it easy to give immediate and specific feedback. You still have to make sure you specify what you're talking about and what you have to say, but they save you some work telling the writer what you're addressing and allow you to focus your end note on things that are most important. Comments at the end allow you to provide some perspective on your response. This doesn't mean that you have to size up the paper and give it a thumbs up or a thumbs down. You can use the end comment to emphasize the key points of your response, explain and elaborate on issues you want to deal with more fully, and mention additional points that you don't want to address in detail. One thing to avoid: plastering comments all over the writing; in between and over the lines of the other person's writing-up, down, and across the page. Write in your space, and let the writer keep hers.

How to Sound? Not like a teacher. Not like a judge. Not like an editor or critic or shotgun. (Wouldn't you want someone who was giving you comments not to sound like a teacher's red pen, a judge's ruling, an editor's impatience, a critic's wrath. a shotgun's blast?) Sound like you normally sound when you're speaking with a friend or acquaintance. Talk to the writer. You're not just marking up a text; you're responding to the writer. '{ou're a reader, a helper. a colleague. Try to sound like someone who's a reader, \vho's helpful. and who's collegial. Supportive. And remember: Even when you're tough and demanding you can still be suppm1ive.

140 Behind the Scenes

How Much to Comment? Don't be stingy. Write most of your comments out in full statements. Instead of writing two or three words, write seven or eight. Instead of making only one brief comment and moving on, say what you have to say and then go back over the statement and explain what you mean or why you said it or note other alter- natives. Let the writer know again and again how you are understanding her paper, what you take her to be saying. And elaborate on your key comments. Explain your interpretations, problertls, questions, and advice.

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Is It Okay to Be Short and Sweet? No. At least not most of the time. Get specific. Don't rely on general state- ments alone. How much have generic comments helped you as a writer? "Add detail." "Needs better structure." "Unclear." Try to let the writer know what exactly the problem is. Refer specifically to the writer's words and make them a part of your comments. "Add some detail on what it was like working at the beach." "I think we 'llneed to know more about your high school crowd before we can understand the way you've changed." "This sentence is not clear. Were you disappointed or were rhey disappointed?" This way the writer will see what you're talking about, and she'll have a better idea what to work on.

Do You Praise or Criticize or \Vhat? Be always of two (or three) minds about your response to the paper. You like the paper, but it could usc some more interesting detail. You found this state- ment interesting. but these ideas in the second paragraph are not so hot. It's an alright paper, but it could be outstanding if the writer said what was really bothering her. Always be ready to praise. But always look to point to places that are not working well or that are not yet working as well as they might. Always be ready to expect more from the writer.

How to Present Your Comments? Don· t steer away from being critical. r:eel free-in fact, feel obliged-to tell the writer what you like and don't like, what is and is not working, and where : ou think it can be made to work better. But use some other strategies, too. Try to engage the writer in considering her choices and thinking about possible \\ ays to impnwe the paper. Make it a goal to write two or three comments that look to summarize or paraphrase what the writer is .•aying. Instead of tellillg the reader what to do. suggl'.ll what she might do. Identify the that arL' for vou as You reader:

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Responding-Really Responding-to Other Students' Writing

• Play back your way of understanding the writing: This seems to be the real focus of the paper, the issue you seem

most interested in. So you're saying that you really weren't interested in her

romantically? • Temper your criticisms:

This sentence is a bit hard to follow. I'm not sure this paragraph is necessary.

• Offer advice: It might help to add an example here. Maybe save this sentence for the end of the paper.

• Ask questions, especially real questions: What else were you feeling at the time? What kind of friend? Would it help to say? Do you need this opening sentence? In what ways were you "a daddy's little girl"?

• Explain and follow up on your initial comments:

141

You might present this episode first. This way we can see what you mean when you say that he was always too busy.

How did you react? Did you cry or yell? Did you walk away? This makes her sound cold and calculating. Is that what you want?

• Offer some praise, and then explain to the writer why the writing works: Good opening paragraph. You've got my attention. Good detail. It tells me a lot about the place. I like the descriptions you provide-for instance, about your

grandmother cooking, at the bottom of page I; about her house. in the middle of page 2; and about how she said her rosary at night: "quick but almost pleading, like crying without tears."

How lVIuch Criticism? How :Niuch Praise? Challenge yourself to write as many praise comments as criticisms. When you praise, praise well. Think about it. Sincerity and specifrcity are everything when it comes to a compliment.

How :Niuch Should You Be Influenced bv • What You Know About the \Vriter?

Consider the person behind the writer when you make your comments. If she's not done so well in class lately. maybe you can give her a pick-me-up in your comments. If she's shy and seems reluctant to go into the kind of personal

142 Behind the Scenes

detail the paper seems to need, encourage her. Make some suggestions or tell her what you would do. If she's confident and going on arrogant, see what you can do to challenge her with the ideas she presents in the paper. Look for other views she may not have thought about, and find ways to lead her to consider them. Always be ready to look at the text in terms of the writer behind the text.

Good comments, this listing shows, require a lot from a reader. But you don't have to make a checklist out of these suggestions and go through each one methodically as you read. It's amazing how they all start coming together when you look at your response as a way of talking with the writer seriously about the writing. recording how you experience the words on the page and giving the writer something to think about for revision. The more you see examples of thoughtful commentary and the more you try to do it yourself, the more you'll get a feel for how it's done.

Here's a set of student comments on a student paper. They were done in the last third of a course that focused on the personal essay and concentrated on helping students develop the content and thought of their writing. The class had been working on finding ways to develop and extend the key statements of their essays (by using short, representative details, full-blown examples, dialogue. and multiple perspectives) and getting more careful about selecting and shaping parts of their writing. The assignment called on students to write an essay or an autobiographical story where they looked to capture how they see (or ha\·e seen) something about one or both of their parents-some habits, attitudes. or traits their parents have taken on. They were encouraged to give shape to their ideas and experiences in ways that went beyond their previous understandings and try things they hadn't tried in their writing. More a per- sonal narrative than an essay, Todd's paper looks to capture one distinct dif- ference in the way his mother and father disciplined their children. It is a rough draft that will be taken through one or possibly two more revisions. Readers were asked to offer whatever feedback they could that might help the writer with the next stage of writing (Figure 14-1 ).

This is a full and thoughtful set of comments. The responder, Jeremy, cre- ates himself not as a teacher or critic but first of all as a reader, one who is Intent on saying how he takes the writing and what he'd like to hear more about:

Good point /\lakes it more unlikely that you should be the one to get caught. Great passage. Really lets the reader know what you were thinking. Was there a reason you were first or did it just happen that way? Would he punish you anyway or could you just get away with things?

! k makes twenty-two comments on the paper-seventeen statements in the margins and live more in the end note. The comments arc written out in full statements. and they arc detailed and specific. They make his response into a hcly exchange with the writer, one person talking with ;mother about what hL··, said. \\'ell over half of the comments arc follow-up comments that c·\plain. rllustratc. nr qualify other responses.

Responding-Really Responding-to Other Students' Writing

Todd ENG 1 Rick Straub Assignment

Figure 14-1

•Uh, oh•

143

. Wben I called home from the police station I wa• pray1ng J""f'"·

th t father would anawer the phone. He would listen to what I,..,,;,..... a my d ld eact comely logical and in a manner that ..,,_..,.,

had to say an wou r ' 'd ff If ,,..,. ,-....... would kee my mother from screaming her hea o · my , was to the phone I would have to explain myself quickly order to her from having a heart attack.

When I was eleven year• old I hung out with a group of boy• that were almost three years older than me. The five of ua did all the things that young energetic Kids did playing ball, riding b'k and getting in to trouble.Qaecauae they were older they

less-about gettin} in trouble the consequences of 1 th I did P"':r.L, ,....,.,, ... ..... "C. ... :;,-there act ons an · .. ,.. 0.... • ..c. t.- C' .. ,Jtt ..J

H friends and I would always come home from schoo;. drop our acka off and head out in the neighborhood f1nd somethin; to dO;_/ our favorite thing to do was to ood .b: ... 41c.? construct1on cl.'tes and steal wood to tree f forts ihe w: s

"" _ ,-, ,') or skateboard ramps. So one day, home rom 00 , t? noticed a couple new houses being bu1lt near our

1 ,, ... ...., .. It was a prime cite for wood, nails, and anything e se ve cc:'u et our hands on. We di•cussed our plan on the bus and dec1ded

all meet there after dropping our stuff off at h li remember being a little at hesitant fir•t because it va•

to my house but beyond the boundaries my parents had set to•r •me -:so. Of course I went because I didn • t want to be the odd man

.:r.,.,4.p=.uo...r out and have to put up with all the name I dropped my off and I headed to the construction c1te.

I meet my friends there and we began to search the different "''...,h.) houses for wood and what not. We all picked up couple c:'f

things and were about to leave when one of my fr1enda not1ced a what looked to be a big tool shed off behind one of the houses. It looked promieing so we decided that we should check it out. Two f the boys in the group said that they had all the vood they

carry and said they were going home. The rest of us headed down to the shed to take a look.

once there we noticed that the ehed had been broken in to reviously The lock on it had been busted on the hinges were

bent I oPened the door to the shed and stepped inside a my friends waited outside. It was dark

1,: but I could tell the place had been ransacked, was noth1ng ..... take 80 I decided to leave, I heard my to aay some thing so turned back around to site of them away. Il d thought that they were playing a joke on me so I casually wa

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contmues

The comments focus on the content and development of the writing, in line with the assignment, the stage of drafting. and the work of the They also view the writing rhetorically, in terms of how the text has certam effects on readers. Although there are over two dozen wordmg or sentence- level errors in the paper, he decides, wisely, to stick with the larger matters of writing. Yet even as he offers a pretty full set of comments he doesn't ever take control over the text. His comments are placed unobtrusively on the page, and he doesn't try to close things down or decide things for the writer. He offers praise. encouragement, and direction. What's more, he pushes the \\Titer to do

144

continued

Behind the Scenes •

out a cop car parked near one of the houses under o · soon as I saw that cop car I took off but was

stopped b1g hand pulled at that back of my shirt. I watched my fr1ends run until they were out of cite and then 1 turnl'!'d around.

The cop had me sit in the squad car while he asked me quest;ons. He asked me if I knew those kids that ran off and r said Nnnnnoooooooo•. He asked me if I had broken in to that shed and I said The cop wrote down what I was saying all the while shaking his head. Then he told me that 1 wasn't being arrested but I would have to go down to the station to call parents and have them pick me up. Upon hearing that I

soiled my undershorts. "My God, I'm dead. My mom is going to lull me•.

At the station th7 officer showed me the whole station, Jall cells and everyth1ng. An obvious tactic to try and scare

1"::5 me, which worked: That plus. the thought of my mom answering the (I..,<? J ":phone and me try1ng to expla1n what happened nearly made me sick.

t! You're where?" She would say.

•The police station mom,• uh oh, hear it comes.

"Ocooohhhh my God, my son ie criminal,• so loud I would have to pull the away from my ear.

She this uncanny ability to blow things out of ,._,.._.. proportion right from the start. She would assume the worse and

s-.. then go from the:e. This was a classic example of vhy I could "-l b... J ""-'\.. never go to her 1 f I had any bad news. She would start c-..,.,,'-:,,_ get.upset, and then go bitch at my father. My father

a pretty back but vhen ever my mother started yelling at .J abc·Jt .me, he would get angry and come chew me out worse than

lf I had Just gone to him in the first place.

to answer the phone he would respond with C''Jt. ra1s1ng hlS vo1ce. He would examine the .situation in a

manner and a decision form there.

•L1l".h.,..mm\long pause). Yo•J' re at the police station. •

"Yeah dad, 1 didn't get arrested they just had me come down here so I had to tell you.•

so you get arrestedflong pause). Wellllong pause), I'll come p1ck you up and will talk about then•.

Figure 14-1

1j y ? -11 . J • ' '"' "" il

;p...r I feel 1 ike I can relate to my father much then r ca --G a._ to mother. He has a cool and collective voice that can take \ t

Jtl of any situation. I always feel like he understands me:v·· 6 l1'ke he kno...,.s what I'm thinking all the time. This comes in real - -nc

" ""- (tfr handy when r get in trouble. t-r<.l. 1 jO h... "-'h .... ;,l , a

.... ...__f. _i. - J :n<o,...., fv"(jJ, .!Jb'-" • :',' r. _· J /.7,"' 7 '(.. ..J • ., "'-r ...,. __ . v .a· '-..1 ro._,f-1. .r ' '.J " t<. J • (} ""

, d,,.._j 1:... ,... ..... ,,_, 'JJ. .__,e.,

continues

more than he has done. to extend the boundaries of his examination. ln keeping with the assignment and the larger goals of the course, he calls on Todd in 'e\-cral comments to explore the motivations and personalities behind hts parent< different ways of disciplining:

!\ !J \he ypu cPul d say Ill Pre as to \\ hy you think your mom is like this. Did your dad get into trouhlc as a kid so he know what it's Explain why he rca,·t-; as he dt>c<c.

He i, careful, though. not to get presumptuous and make decisions for the \Hiter. Instead. he offers l1ptiuns and points to possibilities:

l'crh;lp' more on l't >u r tllltk r<cta ndi n g of w 11 y your parents react as t hcv do. \\"hat t>thn things did you do to l'l't into Or is it irrelevant'.' .

continued

Responding-Really Responding-to Other Students' Writing 145 -

Figure 14-1

1 called home. Sweet beading on my lip.

•Hello•, my mom said. Oh geez, I'm dead.

•Mom can I talk to dad?•

•why, what's wrong?"

•oh, nothing, I just need talk to him,• yes, this is going to Work!

•Hold on,• she said.

"Hello,• my father said.

•Dad, I'm at the police station,• I told him the whole story of what happened. He reacted exactly as I expect he would.

•Uhhmmm(long pause}. You're at the police station .......... .

j:._ /.1<<- tz,._ enJ':S• it & lis the t<-._kr wf><..-b 0 ,so'"j &> h<..pf'" """'"':] b> efk.. • ...,

Ph- st--(', 6j s b<p. GooJ pc..p-r, 1 f, O.r:. us,_ oF- rl.b f<::Jvc.., ,.....o-r-c. o11 ,j""-"' "" b.;,,J,"J of w\j pc,r-dt 6 '"-._c. 6 e0 tz.. 0 cl o.

From start to finish he takes on the task of reading and responding and leaves the work of writing and revising to Todd.

Jeremy's response is not in a class by itself. A set of comments to end all commentary on Todd's paper. He might have done well, for instance, to rec- ognize how much this paper works because of the way Todd arranges the story. He could have done more to point to what's not working in the writing or what could be made to work better. He might have asked Todd for more details about his state of mind when he got caught by the policeman and while he was being held at the police station. He might have urged him more to make cer- tain changes. He might even have said, if only in a brief warning, something about the number of errors across the writing. But this is moot and just. Different readers are always going to pick up on different things and respond in different ways, and no one reading or response is going to address every- thing that might well be addressed. in the way it might best be addressed. All responses are incomplete and provisional-one reader's way of reading and reacting to the text in front of him. And any number of other responses, pre- sented in any number of different ways. might be as useful or maybe even more useful to Todd as he takes up his \vork with the writing.

All this notwithstanding. Jere my's comments are solid. They are full. They arc thoughtful. And they arc respectful. They take the writing and the writer seriously and address the issues that arc raised responsibly. His com- ments do what commentary on student writing should optimally do. They turn the writer b;JCk into his writing and lead him to reflect on his choices and aims,

146 Behind the Scenes

to consider and reconsider his intentions as a writer and the effects the words on the page will have on readers. They help him see what he can work on in revision and what he might deal with in his ongoing work as a writer.

Sharing Ideas • \\'hat are your experiences with responding to other students' writing?

Have you done so in other classes? How did that work out? Were you able to discuss your responses? In small groups or large groups? Which situa- tion did you like best?

• Do you have any papers where others have responded to your writing? Collect one or more and see how the responses stack up against Rick's guidelines. Having read his essay, what vmuld you say your respondent did well and needs to learn to do better?

• In the same way. after everyone in your small group responds to a first paper. go over those papers/responses together in a group and look at what was done and what could be done to improve the quality of responses. In addition. you might try to characterize each of you as a responder: What are your habits? What character/persona do you take on? Would you like to be responded to by the responder you find you are through this group analvsis?

• Look at Hint Sheet I in this collection. How do my suggestions for response to student writers sound the same or different from Rick's sug- gestions? Do we come from the same "school" of responding or do we suggest different approaches? Characterize the differences or similarities \'OU find. '

• Rick shows you a responder-Jeremy-and the comments he wrote on Todd's paper. If you were Todd. hmv would you feel about Jeremy's responses? Do you agree with Rick's analysis of Jeremy's comments? \\'hat three or four additional things would you tell Todd about his paper?

• \\'hat are your insights into responding? What has worked for you? What do you wish people would do or not do when they respond to your writ- i ng' 1 \Vhat would make you most inclined to listen to responses and use them to change your wurk'.'