Discussion Board Questions

Responding-Rea Ily Responding-to Other Students' Writing

~. . ~ . RICHARD STRAUB

• Straub, Richard. "Responding-Really Responding-to Other Students' Writ- ing." The Subject Is Writing. Ed. Wendy Bishop. Portsmouth, NH: Boynton/ Cook, 136-46. Print.

Framing the Reading

Richard Straub was an Associate Professor of English at Florida State University prior to his unurnely death in 2002. His special area of research interest was responding to student writing. He wrote a number of articles and books on how teachers can respond effectively In student writing in order to help students grow and improve. The short piece you will It'ad here takes what Straub learned about responding to writing and explains it directly to students. It was originally published in a textbook for first-year students, so you'll see that he speaks directly to you, giving you explicit advice about what to do.

Getting Ready to Read

Before you read, do the following activity:

• Consider your experiences with "peer review." What has gone wrong? What has gone well? What is your attitude about peer review?

1\5 you read, consider the following question:

• Does Straub's advice set up peer review differently than your previous experiences did?

.................................................................................................

Okny. You've got a student paper you have to read;1I1d make comments on for Thursday. It's not sOllwlhing you're looking forward to. But tbat's nlrighl, YOII Ihin k, Then.: isn't really all tJ,at much to it,.J IIsl k,·(·p it ~illlpl,·. Rl'ntl il qllickly and mark Wh01(,Vl'I' YOII ~I'I' S;IY HOllwlhing nhoullhc introduction, SOI11l'lililill "hlllli (1('101il~1111<1(''';lmplL's. Itlt'ns YOll C:111 say yllli Iii I 1\1111 :llIy I~PIl' ,llId "Iwllllll; ('11'01". Ml1kl' rllll! 1111111111III

16

!tUIIARI> "'flAtHI HI'~IHlIlIlIllq It. ,lily H. 1" 1101111 t I' 1)1111r 5t1ld"111~' Wlltlll" 11

hi 11'1. Ahhu-vi.u e where possible: aiul«, (,(lUr/III/'" •.I.!illl' ex. (rag. Try to imu.uc till' h",ILlin, Murk wh,u he'd mark 311(.1sound III-t' he'd sound. But be cool ;lholll II, 1)1111'1pr.uxe .mything really, but no need to get harsh or cut throat either, (,,'1 III .11111gel out. You're okay. I'm okay. Everybody's happy. What's the problem?

I hi" I', 110doubt, A way of getting through the assignment. Satisfy the te:ldw, IIId 1111vurpriscs for the writer. It might just do the trick. But say you want 10 dll,I good lob. Say you're willing to put in the time and effort-though time IS 111-\111.uul you know it's not going to be easy-and help the writer look back Oil till' p''1wr and revise it, And maybe in the process learn something more your ", II .Ihollt writing, What do you look for? How do you sound? How much do \011 I,"<t' lip? What exactly are you trying to accomplish? Here are some ideas.

How Should You Look at Yourself as a Responder? ( IIIl"dn you rscl f a friendly reader. A test pilot. A roommate who's been asked 1 III IlIllk over the pa per and tell the writer wba t you th ink, Except you don't jut.;t 1••k"lIlltht role of The Nice Roommate orThe Ever-faithful Friend and tell her w h.II "hi' wants to hear. This all looks good, J wouldn't change a thing. Th(·I'/' 'If"~" / ,IIII'll' places that J think he might not like, but I can see u/hat YOII·rt· f/""''!'! 11)('/'1'. I'd go with it. Good stuff. You're supportive. You give her till' h,",",il of the doubt and look to see the good in her writing. But friend .. d01l'1 It I fllI'lld~think their writing is the best thing since The Great Gatsby .uul Illn ,11111'111·.IdtlWII1 to think that all is fine and well when it's not. Look to lu-lp till IIII'IId, litiS roommate writer-okay, this person in your class-to gel .1hi III I 1''''1'' 01 writing. Point to problems and areas for improvement bUI do II III II "1Il~11I1{I IV!.! way. See what you can do to push her to do even more th,11I ..III" ,111111'.uul ~In-rch hcrscl f as a writer,

What Are Your Goals? 111..." d01l'1 Sl·t out to seek and destroy all errors and problems in the writing. '''"'1'' 1101 .in editor, You're not a teacher. You're not a cruise missile. And d,,"'t II'WI ill' .my parts of the paper. You're not the writer; you're a reader, Oil" III 11l.IIIY,The pnper is not yours; it's the writer's. She writes. You read. Sh« il> III III,Iq\I' of Wh:H she does to her writing. That doesn't mean you can't mnke IIl\gl'\IIIIII'>, It" doesn't mean you can't offer a few sample rewrites here .ind 1111II', .1', models. But make it clear they're samples, models, Not rewrites, NOI ,dll". NIII c orrccrions. Be reluctant at first even to say what you would do if till' ".11,,"1 W"Ii' yours. It's not yours, Again; Writers write, readers read and show 1\11,11IiIl'Y'Il' understanding and maybe make suggestions, What to do instcnd: IOll~ .It YOIII' tilSk ns n simple one, You're there to play back to the writCI' how 111111I'lld 11." paptl': whnr you gOI rrnlll il; wh(1r you found inrercl>tinp,; WIlI'll' 11111WI',,· 1I11li"lIk,·d; wllt'rc YOli W,"II('d IlI()I','. With this dOllc, YOIl cn" go 011 10 1"11111tllil p,'ohll'lIls, nsk qlll'slill"~.l)fI"1 .IdVll·l" ,1I1d wontlL'" Olltlolld willi 1111' \111111.tllIlIll IWI' i(k.I~. Look III IIl'1p 111111111'11111" tlli' wriling or l'IIlOllI'.IIW h"1 III Willi, 1111~I)IIH' IIIIIII\~ ,l\ ,I WI 111'1

18 IlIlIlIehllllOillo till' (OIlVI,I~,'IIOIl

How Do You Get Started? l\rlml' YOIi lip nud start reading the paper, !,Ihc' .1 IIllllIllc (,Ih 11',ht, til" ty sec onds) to make a mental checklist about the crrcutuvt.um« CII till' wnung, the l·()llIl·X~. You're not going to just read a text. YOU'l'l' gOlllg It) 1'('.,,1:1 Il'XI within il Cl'rln.1II context, a set. of circumstances that accompany [he writing and that you. hri ng to your reading, ] t's One kind of writing or another, designed for one audience and purpose or another. It's a rough draft or a final draft. The writer io;.1rying to be seriou~ or casual, straight or ironic. Ideally, you'll read the paper with an eye to the circumstances that it was written in and the situation it is looking to create. That means looking at the writing in terms of the assign- ment, the writer's particular interests and aims, the work you've been doing in class, and the stage of drafting.

• The assignment: What kind of writing does the assignment call (or allow) for? Is the paper supposed to be a personal essay? A report? An analysis? An argument? Consider how well the paper before you meets the de- mands of the kind of writing the writer is taking up.

• The t~riter.'s.interests and aims: ~hat doe~ the writer want to accomplish? If she s wnung a personal narrative, say, IS she trying to simply recount a I~ast experience? Is she trying to recount a past experience and at the same time amuse her readers? Is she trying to show a pleasant experience on the surface, yet suggest underneath that everything was not as pleasant as it seems? Hone in on the writer's particular aims in the writing.

• The UJork of the class: Try to tie your comments to the concepts and strategies you've been studying in class. If you've been doing a lot of work on using detail, be sure to point to places in the writing where the writer uses detail effectively or where she might provide richer detail. If you've been "-,,or.king 011 develop.ing arguments through examples and sample cases, mdlcate where the writer might use such methods to strengthen her arguments. If you've been considering various ways to sharpen the style of your sentences, offer places where the writer can clarify her sentence structure or arrange a sentence for maximum impact. The best comments will ring familiar even as they lead the writer to try to do something she hasl~'t quite done before, or done in quite the same way. They'll be com- forting and understandable even as they create some need to do more, a Ileed to figure out some better way.

• TIJe stage of drafting: Is it an early draft? A full but incomplete draft? A near.'Y final dr~ft? Pay attention to the stage of drafting. Don't try to deal With everythlllg all at once if it's a first, rough draft. Concentrate on Ihc large picture: the paper's focus; the content; the writer's voice. Don't worry about errors and punctuation problems yet. There'll be rime for (hclll later. Jf it's closer to a full draft, go ahead a nd talk, i 11 nddi( iOIl 10 lhe oVl'I':lll tontent, lll?out nrrnllgement, pacing, and sentcnn' ~Iyll" Wllil lill ~IH' (111:~1dr.afl to I-\IVt' l!llllll ,lltl'lltion to fine-tuning Sl'nll'lIll'~ ,11111dc.:llillg 111til'I,1l1 wllh 1'1'11(1111'.1111111\.Hl'111("cnbt'r: YOlI'rc: flot .1111'1111111II 01\1 ("('~I' "c·llIl'IlU'II·V"'ClII .... IIIIIIClllnIUIII, lor Ilw wciln.II'" IICI fI'Ili I \lId ,111'\ 1\111111\III 1t.1I1I III ..t 1,\ ell III t.llg j1lohll'lm .llIcllll,.klllf' 111111\\11.11.1111\1....

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Wh t to Address in Your Comments7 II~ lei till "" YOlIIl.ol1lllH.'nts Oil a couple: 01,111',' .. of writing. (.b'lle tllI'Olll',1e " 1111 ]I 'PI" 'Iltlt kly first. (;('1 un idea whether you'll deal mostly with the OVl'I.ell ltllllc'lIl ,I lid purpose of the writing, its shape and flow, or (if Iht!>l' arc Ilion' III It~.. til OIdl'I') with local matters of paragraph structure, sentence style, IIlId 1111111.11'..... DOII't try to cover everything that comes up or even all insLllh.I'"

III '",.Vl·1I p. ohlcm. Address issues that are most important to address ill Ih" I' 'PI I. II Ih" I IIIll'.

Wh r to Put Your Comments? '01111' 1I'11l IIl'rs like to have students write comments in the margins righl III'" 7 Itl 1111' 1'.1"~;lgc·. Some like to have students write out their comments i,l .111 ,lid 111111'til III il separate letter to the writer. llike to recommend using hOlh 11111 ~\III." lO1l11l1l'IIIS and a note or letter at the end. The best of both worhl-; M 1I1\11,.II (11I11111(.'I1ISallow you to give a quick moment-by-moment 1"(·"dll1): cd 1111 ""1'1'1. I'IIl'Y make it easy to givc immediate and specific feedback .. )'IHI ..t ell "I\C tel mu]« sure you specify what you're talking about and what YOIi 1"lvc III lill),. hili (h('y save you some work telling the writer what you're ilddll'~S 1I1~ .1I1l1 .illuw you to focus your end note on things that are most iIl1P0I'I.II'1 ( 1II1IIIH·III... 11 Ihc end <lliow you to provide some perspective on your IT"IWII"I' Ihl\ c!'W'II'1 I11l':l1l that you havc to size up the paper and give it a Ih",II"" III' til I tllllllc!" down. YOII can usc the end comment to emphasize thc h'y pOIIII' "I "III 11·...p0I1Sl·, ("xplain and elaborate on issues YOLI want to dCi.ll with IIH)II' 11111).,lIld 1I11'llli0I1 additional points that YOll don't want to address ill tll'Lld, 'hll 1111111'tll nvoid: plaslering comments all over the writing; in bl'IWl'('1I 11I1t! II\cl Ihe' IllIl'S of the other person's writing-up, down, and across lilt' !)IIHc. \X Illc' III ylllli spnce, :lnd let the wr.iter keep hers.

How to Sound? NIII Ilk,' ,I ll'jll;lll'r. Not like a judge. Not like an editor or critic 01 ,hOIl\1I11 H (Wlllddll', YOII wall1 someone who was giving YOll comments not tn S(lIllId Ilkl' , II III hl'I'\ I'I·d pCII, a judge's rlilin.g, an editor's impatience, n critic's WI"t h, .1 h'>11\IIII\ IlI.ISI?) Sound like YOll normally sOllnd wben you're spcnking with" lilt lid III ,llqlHlinlllncc. T::tlk to the wr.iter. You're not" just marking liP n Ic'\(; \1111'11' 1l··.Plllldil1g 10 til(' writer. You're a reader, a helpcr, a COllt':II-\III" 'Iry til I1lIl1d 'Ikl' \OI1H'OIH' who's a reader, who's helpful, and who'!, c:.:ollt-gi,II. SliP I'"III\C' Alld 1('l1It'"II1(,'r: Even when you're tough and dC111<1f1dingYOUl.III 'Iill I... 1I"POlltVI·.

Huw Much to Comment? 111111'1lie .,III'I:Y. W, ill' Illn,1 01 ) 11111I 11I1l11l"III~0111 ill hell ,1.llt·IIll'III\. 11I\ll'IId III Ij \\.IIII'g IWII 1)1 tlllc'l welld~. WIlli \I'\C 11111111\111 11I'1I·.1l101 1I11t1·llIg(1111) 11111 11111I I 1111IIlit III ,1111111111VIIII',elll. 1 \\11,1 \tlllll,I\,·tC1~.I\ .1I,dllll'lIgllh.hlllll'l

JO IIIlIolill(11011 III 1111' (OllVI,,,.,llhlll

till' sr.uvmcm nnd explain what you menu UI wh~ >"" ~,lId II III uuu: orlu-r ;11 tcru.u ives. Let the writer know again and agnlll how, "" ,III III II Ii I~t.lIhl"'l-\ her paper, what YOLltake her to be saying. And elaboi.ue "" y.,"1 k('), c onuncnrs, l-xplain your interpretations, problems, questions, and ndvu c.

Is It Okay to Be Short and Sweet? No. At least not most of the time. Get specific. Don't rely on general statements 10 alone. How much have generic comments helped you as a writer? "Add detail." "Needs better structure." "Unclear." Try to let the writer know what exactly the problem is. Refer specifically to the writer's words and make them a part of your comments. "Add some detail on what it was like working at the beach." "J think we'll need to know more about your high school crowd before we can understand the way you've changed." "This sentence is not clear. Were you disappointed or were they disappointed?" This way the writer will see what you're talking about, and she'll have a better idea what to work on.

Do You Praise or Criticize or What? Be always of two (or three) minds about your response to the paper. You like 11 the paper, but it could use some more interesting detail. You found this state- IIH:nt interesting, but these ideas in the second paragraph are not so hot. It's ,111 alright paper, but it could be outstanding if the writer said what was really bothering her. Always be ready to praise. But always look to point to places that are not working well or that are not yet working as well as they might. Always be ready to expect more from the writer.

How to Present Your Comments? Don't steer away from being critical. Feel free-in fact, feel obliged-to tell the 12 writer what you like and don't like, what is and is not working, and where you think it can be made to work better. But use some other strategies, too. Try to engage the writer in considering her choices and thinking about possible ways to improve the paper. Make it a goal to write two or three comments that look to summarize or paraphrase what the writer is saying. Instead of telling the reader what to do, suggest what she might do. Identify the questions that are I'nised for you as you reader:

• Play back yOllr way of understanding the writing: This seems to be the real focus of the paper, the issue you seem

most interested in. So you're saying that YOLlrealJy weren't interested .in her

rOI1U'Il1cically?

• T('llll'>L'1'yOlll' criticisms: 'l'hi~ sl'nl('I1l't' i" n hil hnrd to follow. 1'1111101 ""11' IIII~ 1',11,11\1'011'11 is 1I~·l'l'''S:lI·y.

1111IIAHU '>"lAIH! 1(,~IICJIIIIIIICI1(1 ,lly II 11111111111I III (11111'1,I "delliS' Wllllllq :11

• Utll'l .ulvu r: II IIl1nlll h~'lp In add :111 (·'<,Impl,· hl'1l'. 1\1.1) Ill' ....IVl·ilu ...sentence for the end of Ihl' paper.

• ,\..J qlll·"lrr'II ..., especially real questions: Wh.11 ('I"t' Wl'I'Cyou feeling at the time? Wh.11 kind ot friend? Would it help to say? Do yuu need this opening sentence? III wh.n ways were you "a daddy's little girl"?

• 1'111.1111nnd follow up on your initial comments: YOII IlIi~lll present this episode first. This way we can see whnt YOIl

nU,':IIJ when you say that he was always too busy. l luw did you react? Did you cry or yell? Did you walk away? II" .. makes her sound cold and calculating. Is that what you want]

• ()fIr'1 "(lllll' praise, and then explain to the writer why the writing WOIb: (.ond opening paragraph. You've got my attention. (.Clod detail. It tells me a lot about the place. l lrkc the descriptions you provide-for instance, about your ~1.111l1

111111 her cooking, at the bottom of page 1; about her house, ill 11ll' Il1lddlc of page 2; and about how she said her rosary at niglrl: "quick but almost pleading, like crying without tears."

How Much Criticism? How Much Praise? , lI,dll'llgI' )'OIII'St'lf In write as many praise comments as criticisms. WIIl'II ) 1111 I I 1'111',1',I".IIW well. Think about it. Sincerity and specificity are evcryrhnu; Wltl II " \ IIIIH' III ,I coruplimcnt.

How Much Should You Be Influenced by What You Know About the Writer? « 1111,1111'1IIII' pcrxon behind the writer when you make your comments. II ,IH'\ II 11,,1d.lIll· 0,11 W(·11 in class lately, maybe you can give her a pick-me-lip ill YOIII \ 111111111III.. If .. Iw\ shy and seems reluctant to go into the kind of P('I'''IIII,rI ,II I III Iltl' p.ljll'1 I>n'I11S to need, encourage her. Make some suggesl ion, 01 1(,11 hi I wll,lI yllll would do. If she's confident and going on arrogant, sec wh:ll yllil I III rill III t lI,tlkllgt' her with the ideas she presents in the paper. Look 11l1'01III I 'Ie" ·,111'III.IY l1ut have thollght f1bOllt, and find ways to lend her [(11.1111,,,1,'1 Ihl III 1\lw'IY~ Ill' 1·,'[llIyto look at the lext in terms of the writl'I'lwhi"d IIll' 11·,1

(.I'lld (OIIlIIH'111s,Ihis list inA shows, require a lot from :l 1't';ldl'l'. 1\,,1 YOII rlClII'11i.1Vl' 10 III~"'" :\ cht'ckliNI ()lll 01 IIIr'sl' SIIAA('slions and g() Ihrolll',1r ('illil IlIIi Ilh't!ICldll.dly .IS YOIIl·l'nd.ll\ 1I111111illghow tll('Y nil sln!'1 t'OIlIilll'.llIl',I·lhl'l \\ Ire II )1.11 10(11 III YOIII'I·'·...pllll'.(· II', ,I \VII)' 01 Illlkll1g with till' wl'ih'l' "'('I'IIIII~ly ,h""1 tI" \'111111111\.lC'lIudinj\ IHIW ~IIIII 1" 11l·IIII' IIH' wllld~ qll II,,· 1'''1'.'' ,lIld

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glVlllg Ihl' wntci I.,OI1ll'thlllgto think about for revision. Till' 1111111 \1111 \I'" ('x- ,1II1pl('sof thoughtful commentary and the more you try 10 do II )'11111''1('11, the III000eyou'll get J feci for how it's done. l lcrc's ,1 SCI of student comments on a student paper. They were dOIlL'in the 16

last third of a course that focused on the personal essay and concentrated on helping students develop the content and thought of their writing. The class had been working on finding ways to develop and extend the key statements of their essays (by using short, representative details, full-blown examples, dialogue, and multiple perspectives) and getting more careful about selecting and shaping parts of their writing. The assignment called on students to write an essay or an autobiographical story where they looked to capture how they see (or have seen) something about one or both of their parents-some habits, attitudes, or traits their parents have taken on. They were encouraged to give shape to their ideas and experiences in ways that went beyond their previous understandings and try things they hadn't tried in their writing. More a per- sonal narrative than an essay, Todd's paper looks to capture one distinct differ- ence in the way his mother and father disciplined their children. It is a rough draft that will be taken through one or possibly two more revisions. Readers were asked to offer whatever feedback they could that might help the writer with the next stage of writing (Figure 14-1).

This is a full and thoughtful set of comments. The responder, jeremy, creates 17 himself not as a teacher or critic but first of all as a reader, one who is intent on saying how he takes the writing and what he'd like to hear more about:

Good point Makes it more wllikely that you should be the one to get caught. Great passage. Really lets the reader know what you were thinking. Was there a reason YOli were first or did it just happen tbat way? Would he punisb you anyway or could you just get away with things?

He makes twenty-two comments on the paper-seventeen statements in the margins and five more in the end note. The comments are written out in full statements, and they are detailed and specific. They make his response into lively exchange with the writer, one person talking with another about what he's said. Well over half of the comments are follow-up comments that explain, illustrate, or qualify other responses.

The comments focus on the content and development of the writing, in line 18 with the assignment, the stage of drafting, and the work of the cOllrse. They also view the writing rhetorically, in terms of how the text has certain effects on readers. Although there are over two dozen wording or sentence-level errors ill (he paper, he decides, wisely, to stick with the larger matters of writing. Yet even as he offers a pretty full set of comments he doesn't ever take control over Ihe lext. Ilis coml11ents are placed unobtrusively on the page, and he doesn't try 10 dose things down or decide things for the writer. He offcl'l-. prai~c, en- 1.011l·ngCll1l'nl, and direction. What's more, he pushes the wrill'l to dlllllOrt,th:111 11(' ha~ illrl'ndy dOlle, 10 extend the boundaries of his e"~'IlIIlI.lIIlIIi. III kl'cping "'llh lilt' " ....i~nI1H'nl nntl the largt'r gO:1ls of Iht: c()urs(', lit' lldl"'111 IlIdd III S('V ('j·:tlloIlIIlH'IIIS 10 ("plo,'(' thl' 11Iojivlltiom IIlId IWI·"Ollltlill(,.,I'1 "'1111 ill, P,II'I'IIIS' ddl"II'" \">,IV' 01 tll'l '1'111 illig'

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"Uh,oh" Wllt'" I ("Ih'd home from the police station 1 was praying that my

",11"'1 wl1l1ld ,H1~W('11111' phone, lie would listen to whal I had to say and wIIIII,1 11'111 I comply, logical, and in a manner lhat would keep my mother IIUlII ',III',llIlllIq hrl IWild orr. II my Mother was to answer the phone, Iwould h,IVI<tl) "XIII,lln l1ly~clf quickly in order to keep her from having a heart ,tll"d,,'"

1 Ilk" ,h', I'iI'.I", .•/," 1, Imtll'II/,f!ttl,Y '~t. thttl'illtrl"r"ttlmtt'0 ,you iHltl "I." produ" •• " IJloh1f" ,,, t.hlf rutlffr'" mImi

Whon I W,lSeleven years old [ hung out with a group or boys that WI'I" ,llmll\tlhree years older lhan me. The five of us did all the things thai ,"I1I1<II'nl'I(Jl'11C kids did playing ball, riding bikes, and getting in to trouble. GDD<I poln,. "",i •• II", ,IUS" lI1I'Y were older they worried less about getting in trouble and the It tn .... ,mllk.'t' hM' """,(>(IIIII1IC('\ or there actions than I did.] you .ho,M~. ,1,.

on, t:o """ C1wo"tMy Irirnds a nd I would always come home from school, drop our _ 11,11~I'tltk' off and head out in the neighborhood to find something to do. Whn'o<horU,'nu· OlIO l,iV'll II 1\ Ihing to do was 1:0 find construction cites and steal wood to ,.'<1sou do lOn-I Itl,' k,' lH'" torts In the woods or skateboard ramps. So one day, comin~ home In'o ,rou/)I.' Or1.1, hum ',r heel, we noticed a couple new houses being built near our neighbor- 1".,_"" huml II w,'~ a prime cite for wood. nails, and anything else we could get our 11111111',1111, w~ discussed our plan on the bus and decided that we would all ItIIllll lI1I'1(' niter chopping our stuff off at home, [I remember being a little ,II 1o,""l,lIlt llrst bccfuse it,was close to my house but beyond the boundaries Illy 1I,I,,'"1;j]I,iifset or me. Of course I went because 1 didn't want to be the ",Id "ItIII filii <1Ild have 10 put up with all the name caltinq.l I dropped my IItl<llIll 101111 T lIeaded LO the construction cite,

I 111('~l my friends there and we began to search the different houses lOll wllu<l ,lIld what not. We all picked up a couple of things and were about I" 11'IIV1'wlwil one of my rriends noticed what looked to be a big tool shed till IH'hlllll ul Ihr houses, It looked promising so we decided that we should I lim k II tllll. fwo or lhe boys in the group said that they had all the wood 11i,'Y'1I1I1tI cony and said they were going home. The rest of us headed down1lIIlir~Iwlilo take a look, .,- w•• ,I..,. A '.~''flr you wilt,,,, "'IIU' 'II ii'

il,l( II Iho,e we noticed thal the shed had been broken )n to previ- Orlll,III Itl., 1"1/ " 1III',ly. 1hi' iOlk on fl had been busted on the hinges were bent. 1 opened Ihol W"Y Ih,' tiOtH IlIlhe shed and stepped inside to lake a I.ook around while my 1111'1111\w,lill'd outsIde, Il was dark inside but I could tell the pl.ace had hll"11 11111~'lfkod,tliNe WDS nothing to take so 1decided to leave. I heard my Idl"Hh '..IY \unorlhing so turned back around to site of them running away.

(rolllllllll''/)

~'I\1'1 \ 1111u)llld ~lIy Illore,,~ [()why YOll think your mom is like this. Did yOlll' d.HI III IllIt 1111HII1I(' ,... ,I k.d '0 he knows what it's like? Explain why he rcacrs as Ill' dOl''''

IIt I j 1 lll'ltd, Ihollgh, nOI 10 ~<!l presumptuous and make decisions for tlil' 1111I l"'II',ld, II(' offer!. options and points to po sibilities:

I'. ell 'II .. 111111',·1111YOllr understanding of why your parcnts rcact as Ihey do. Whllt I,ti.,. ihllll:.. ,ltd ylll! dll to gt'l inro troublc? Or is it irrelevant?

1111111 1.111111 lil""h Itl'rakes on the task of reading and responding :lIId k'ilVI's Ih, \ lid III "'lllllIg ,\lId revising to Todd.

1t"11l~'~ 1"',PtHIM' is not ill a class by itself. A set of COOllIIl'lllS to 1'lHI ,til 1'1 111111111111,11' 1II1'I"dd'~ paper, 'lie might h:wc done well, (or installcl', to l'l'lllg

"' l 1111\\ IIIII~ II 11m p,lJwr work, 1)(,l':ll1M' of the W:1y Todd ;11'1 ;)lIgt" Ilw '11111) III .1I1t101 ""Vt' dUIII' IIltll,(' 10 p(lilll In Wit,lt\ 1101 worki,,!!, ill thl' writillg III 1111","1.1 ""III,1I1t III wOlk 1,..1 Ii'" I k IIl1gltllt,lVi' ,1.,ki·t!'lhdd 10. Ilion' dl'I,III~

'''"111 III' ',I,ill' ot II II lid Wlt('11 II( g.lt IlItll',111 It" tlH' pOIIU'.lIilll ,II III wled,' 11(' w.I' I IIII' lit ItI.11 til" 1'0111" ,,1,11 illll, II, '"II',1t1 111\1 tlll\,'d !tllll 111111'1' 11I1I"t1~I'll'll.lIl1 It IIII" '. lit 11111'.111 I 1"'IIIt,IVI "lid. 11,,"1 III 1111111 ",1111111" .. "'lilt 11i1l11l·dllllll

:M 11,'"111111 111111 til ,III' '''''VI'I~,'IIUII

(,'Ullllllllf't!) fly",. III I

I IhulI~htlhat they were playing a Joke on me III , ',I',II,llIy WIlh,1 out only to see a cop car parked near one of lilt' hllll\r, 1I1111~1 '"11 1111,111111 As soon as 1 saw that cop car 1 took off but was ~tu~III'" WIIl'II• 1,1'1 11,11111 pulled at the back of my shirt. I watched my frlend~ IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'V WI'1f111111 of cite and then I turned around.

The cop had me sit in the cop car while he asked my questions. lie asked me if I know those kids that ran off and 1 said "Nnnnnoooooooc", He asked me if 1 had broken into that shed and I said "Nrmnnooooco", The cop wrote down what I was saying all the while shaking his head. Then he told me that I wasn't being arrested but I would have to go down to the station

..hat to call parents and have them pick me up. Upon hearing that I nearly soiled nt th 61"" hOPP'n'd my undershorts. "My God, I'm dead. My mom is going to kill me". LIon tI pollCtt lfts. . . .. y 'how long ..,1'6 At the station the officer showed me the whole station, jail cells ou th."" and everything, An obvious tactic to try and scare me, which .worked. Tha.t

plus the thought of my mom answering the phone and my trymg to explain what happened nearly made me sick.

"Wwwwhhhaatttt! You're where?" She would say.

"The police station mom," uh oh, hear it comes,

"Ooooohhhh my God, my son is a criminal:' so loud I would have to pull the phone away from my ear.

She had this uncanny ability to blow things out of proportion right "'a I> from the start, She would assume the worse and then go from there. This was "'0'" 'you COUld ""? classic example of why I could never go to her if I had any bad news. ShetI'I;; a" rcWhy You would start screaming, get upset, and then go bitch at my father .. My father IIkot/Ourmomls is a pretty laid back but when ever my mother started yelling at him about

I" me, he would get angry and come chew me out worse than if I had just gone to him in the first place.

If my father were to answer the phone he would respond with out raising his voice. He would examine the situation in a logical manner and make a decision from there.

"Uhmmm (long pause). You're at the police station:

"Yeah dad. I didn't get arrested they just had me come down here so I had to tell you."

"Uhm, so you didn't get arrested (long pause). Welt (long pause), I'll Did come pick you up and will talk about then."

YOurDaa ZIBt Inrc troll. J feel Iike I can relate to my father much better than I can to myao·;·a kid mother. He has a cool and collective voice that can take command of any "h q knows situation. I always feel like he understands me, like he knows what I'm Ex "I.t Ita Ilk., thinki n9 all the time. This comes in real handy when Iget in trouble. Paln"'h h

rtlncte a ~ t1 WOuld he PUnish <lOtI. IS hI! o~could you Ju you a,.,'yw~y

}tilth thlng6 .5t get aWay

(continued)

the number of errors across the writing. But this is moot and just. Different readers are always going to pick up on different things and respond in different ways, and no one reading or response is going to address everything that might well be addressed, in the way it might best be addressed. All responses are in- complete and provisional-one reader's way of reading and reacting to tbe text ill front of him. And any number of other responses, presented in any number or different ways, might be as useful or maybe even more useful to Todd as he l;1k<:s III' his work with the writing.

All this nOlwirhstanding, Jeremy's comments are solid. They nre full. They 20 im' thoughtful. And t'hey arc tespectflll. They take the wriring :111d thl' writer "Il'riowdy (lnti nddress the issues that arc raised respoilsihly, lli~ ~'oml11cntS d" Whlll lOII1IIH'l1lnry Oil sludent wriring should opti111nlly dll I'III'Y IUl'n Ihe wlill'l h,ld, in,o hi, wrilillg nnd k'od him 10 rt'{I{'('1Oil hj~ 11111111'11 .,lId .1I1l1~, to

lUi IIAltI' \"CAllll IIt'\plllldlllll Ihnllylh l"IIIII1J "(II" I Illlh"l WilllJHI :I!I 111111/11"11'.1)

I «,01"'11 hili III' \wl'j'! 111',111111,,1111 lilY lip

"110·110", Illy 11111111\,Iid, Olt [JI'M, 1'111 Ih·,1I1.

"MUlII (,III I 1,llkto dad?" "Why, wllJl'\ wronq?"

"Oh, nothinq, r Just need to talk to him: yes, this is going to work! "iloid on: she laid,

"lh'1I0," Illy father said,

"Il~d,I'm at the police station," I told him the whole story of what h"I)P~ll(\d, II~reacted exactly as I expect he would.

"l)hl11l1l(long pause). You're at the police station ..

r ,.."lIy Ilk. th •• "dlllO, Iv •• lIs th. ro#dor wh.' I. gol"a to happa" wlll'oll' ".vlllO to "plo/" It .top. vy ."p, Good pop.r. I Ilk. tho u.a of d/~'oOI1'. f'lJrlwp" mor6 OM your u"dtJr~tl)lIdltf(J of why your parerne" rffflllCl •• tihtJ)' do.

'1I1I~ld('1 .II,tI reconsider his intentions as a writer and the effects the word-, Oil Ih, p,'gt' will have on readers. They help him sec what he can work Oil ill f'I'VI 11111 11111 wh.u he might deal with in his ongoing work as a writer.

h ring Ideas • Wit,'1 ,liT your experiences with responding to other student ...• WIIIIIII'?

11.1Vi' )'011 done so in other classes? How did that work out? WI'II \ 1111 ,till,' III di<;lllSS your responses? In small groups or large group ...? \X'llilll ~1111.111t1l1did you like best?

• Iltl YIIII havl' ;'ll1y papers where others have responded to YOllr WlIII1IH~ ( "lIt'll ()11l.' or more and see how the responses stack up aga iIlS1 I{ I( " ... ",llId,'llIll'/i, 11:1Ving read his essay, what would YOLI say your n'spolld('llt .1111 \wlllllld IH,(,tlS to Icarn to do better?

• III IIII' ~(lIl1t' way, nfter everyone in your small gwup responds to a (ir'l p:1 1111,1',!lHVl'r thost: p:lpers/rcsponses together in a group and look :1, wIlli I \\.1'0 d'lllt' ,llId Wh:11 could be done to improve the quality of rCsp()l1~l''', III ,111"111011, you Illighl try to characterize each of you as a responder: Wh,lI ,Ill' \'"11 h.lhil'? Wh,ll character/persona do you take on? Would you likl'lo 111' II 'llIl1ldl'd '0 by the responder you find you are through this group :l1l.dy',,?

• I, IIl~ .11 111111~hcer I in this collection. How do my suggestions for rl"pOIi\l 111',111111'111 wlil('r:-. sound the same or different from Rick's sllggc~li()I1"? no \\" 1111111' (1'0111I he same "school" of responding or do we suggest di (ll'Il'1I1 ,1(1111Il,ldw..? Characterize tbe differences or similarities yOll find.

• )( It I, ...hllw", YOli :l responder-jeremy-and the commcnls he Wl'Ot(' III( locld\ P.IIWI'. I( you were Todd, how would you feel aboul .It'I'l'II1Y'~ II' ~pOIl"'I''''~ 1)0 Y()II agree with Rick's analysis of Jeremy'S COI11I11('Ol.,? WIt.1I tltll'l' III IOLIInddiliol1111 things wOldd YOli tell Todd aboul his P:lP!'I'(

• WIIiIt ,\11' your 111:-ighls inlo I't'spolldinl\? What htls worh·d for Y()II? WIIIII dll ylltl wl,h Iwopk, would do or 1111'do wlwll Ihey respond In yoIII' WI It 11111/WIIIII WOld" lll:1kl' yllil 1l111~11I1,IIIIt'" III lisleil 10 rl,,,p()I'~\'" ,llld 11M' till 111 III 111,1111\1' YOlir Will"?