REFLECTION PAPERS on the movie "Hitch"
memozee1020
soc315ch51.pptxLove: The Many Faces
Chapter 5
Assumptions about love pushed by pop culture:
Love at first sight
One true love
Love is blind
Love conquers all
According to an online survey conducted by Beliefnet, 61% of women and 50% of men believe there is one perfect soul mate out there for everyone
“Nothing has produced more unhappiness than the concept of a soul mate” (Pittman)
When one thinks that there is a perfect match out there, we always have our eyes open for a better deal or something on the side
Can cause us to avoid the decision to commit or commit only partly to our partner, not giving up the right to keep looking
Romantic love – an emotionally intense, passionate love in which a person believes in love at first sight, that there is only one true love and love conquers all.
Companionate love – emphasizes intimacy with, affection for, and commitment to another person
Between 6 months and 2.5 years romantic love starts to shift to companionate love
Theories of Love
Biochemical Theory: “Love is a Natural High”
Argues that love results from our biological, chemical, and hormonal origins
Being newly in love releases chemicals that act as stimulants to our brains, and is why we feel tremendous exhilaration and energy
These feelings of euphoria resulting from chemicals do not last – tolerance builds up, and more chemicals are needed to achieve the same effect
This is why many people jump from relationship to relationship
Research has also shown that women can tell which men might be interested in becoming fathers just by looking at their faces and figuring out which of them have the highest testosterone levels
Other research shows that men are more attracted to women when females are at the height of fertility, & when they’re ovulating.
Not true for men in long-term relationships
Critics say that this theory isn’t enough to produce feelings of love, and a sociological-psychological component is necessary
Attachment Theory: “Closeness is a Survival Need”
Posits that our primary motivation in life is to feel connected with other people – because it is the only security to ever have. Maintaining closeness is a survival need.
3 types of attachment, shown in babies and also in adults:
Secure – don’t avoid feeling dependent or being depended on
Relationships last about 10 years
Avoidant – uneasy being close to others
Relationships last about 6 years
Anxious/Ambivalent – anxious that partners don’t love them, or that they won’t stay
Relationships last about 5 years
Wheel Theory: “The 4 Stages of Love”
Suggests that love develops and is maintained through 4 stages
Rapport – feeling at ease with another person
Enhanced by similarities in social, cultural, and educational background & upbringing
Self-Revelation – disclosure of personal feelings; talking about hopes, fears, and ambitions
Mutual Dependency – sharing of pleasures, ideas, humor, and sexual desiress
Intimacy Need Fulfillment – individual and partner make mutual decisions, reinforce each other’s goals, offer sympathy and support, and help each other satisfy deeper needs
Relationship has developed into a consistent pattern of mutual dependence and exchange of needs
As long as the wheel rolls forward, love continues to develop
Triangular Theory: Toward Consummate Love
Emphasizes 3 elements of love that interact with each other:
Intimacy – feelings that create the experience of warmth and bonding in a loving relationship
Passion – romance, physical attraction, and sexuality
Decision/Commitment – decision is to love, commitment is to love that person over time
Can be seen on a continuum, with non-love at one end and consummate love at the other end. Consummate love – when the intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment between two people is the same.
Styles of Love: Lee’s 6 Kinds of Relationships
Love of beauty & the physical (eros) – characterized by intense emotional attachment and powerful sexual feelings
Obsessive love (mania) – consists of strong sexual attraction and emotional intensity, extreme jealousy, and mood swings alternating between ecstasy and despair
Playful love (ludus) – casual & carefree. Sees sex as recreation, the enjoyment of many sexual partners rather than concentrating on one serious relationship
Companionate love (storge) – affectionate, peaceful, and companionate. Starts with friendship and develops into love.
Altruistic love (agape) – unselfish and self-sacrificing. Describes those who fulfill others’ needs even at the expense of their own.
Practical love (pragma) – Makes a rational assessment of a potential partner’s positives and negatives
Jealousy
Characteristics of Jealousy:
Men are jealous about sex, women about intimacy
Men and women generally have different reactions
Men more apt to express their anger, maybe by reacting violently; women are more apt to suppress anger and be depressed, and more likely to damage property
Securely attached men are more likely to report experiencing the idea of emotional infidelity as distressing, as compared to men whose attachment style is avoidant
Jealous people are more likely to be insecure
Relationships of short duration (less than a year) are more vulnerable to jealousy than those of long duration
Qualities to consider about yourself
Gordon mentions qualities one should consider about him or herself to determine whether or not they are a good candidate for love:
Energy
Meaning – finding meaning in every day situations
Self-esteem – appreciate your own worth
No ghosts – don’t allow ghosts of the past to haunt you
Kindness – kind to everyone, not just partner
All these qualities can be summed up in the idea of maturity.
Immature vs. Mature Love
Immature love – passionate or romantic love
Mature love – resembles companionate love
Immature love:
Persistent thinking – “can’t get you out of my mind”
Passionate feeling – “can’t live without you”
Passionate behavior – “I would do anything for you”
Mature love: Is your partner…
Trustworthy & stable
Caring & Kind
Someone you actually like?
