REFLECTION PAPERS on the movie "Hitch"
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soc315ch41.pptxInvolvement: Dating, Pairing, & Courtship
Chapter 4
Meeting & Mating
A great deal of popular interest in dating, and seems to be quite a bit of frustration with the challenge of finding a suitable partner
Whitehead: “We are in the middle of a massive transition…a contemporary crisis in dating and mating.”
Historically, becoming involved with another person was understood in the context of courtship
Today, rules about dating are uncertain and confused.
“We’ve lost the ability to slow down the process of becoming intimate and choosing a partner”
Some changes:
Assertive females
Workplace romances
Speed dating/online meeting
Closed Courtship: Arranged Marriages
Arranged marriage – partners were determined not by the bride and groom, but by their families
Blind Marriage: neither partner saw each other until the wedding day
Bride price & Dowry:
Bride price – man must pay money or property to the future bride’s family for the right to marry her
Dowry – the money, property, or good a woman brings to the marriage
Elopement
Forced Marriage – one or both coerced to marry under either physical or emotional pressure
Open Courtship: Relationship Marketplace
In North America, and most Western nations, we have an open courtship system – most of us generally make our own decisions about choosing our partners.
Relationship market – (aka marriage market) Prospective partners compare the personal, social, and financial resources of eligible mates, then bargain for the best they can get
Fits with the social exchange perspective
People looking for a traditional partnership: typically men offer financial security & status, women offer domestic skills
People looking for an egalitarian partnership: men & women might play up similar assets
Functions of Dating
Recreation – is [ideally] fun
Companionship – way of maintaining a friendship and avoiding isolation
Intimacy & Sex
Mate Selection
Socialization – helps socialize us to get along with the opposite sex
Status Achievement – shows others that he/she is more acceptable/desirable/grown up
Dating as a Filter
Some scholars believe that dating is a process of filtering out possible partners for the purpose of achieving homogamy – marriage between partners of similar education and social class, ethnicity, race, religion and age
3 Filters:
Propinquity: may filter people based on their nearness to you in place and time
Endogamy: cultural expectation that a person marries within his/her social group in terms of race, religion and class
Exogamy: marrying outside family group (incest taboo)
Factors Affecting Eligibility & Availability
Race – Interracial dating has become more and more accepted
As of 2010, 93% of “Millenials” surveyed approve of interracial marriages
Age – particularly the case for women
“Marriage squeeze” – one sex has a more limited pool of eligible marriage candidates than the other
Since women tend to marry men that are somewhat older, there are more available women than men
Imbalance increases as people age, with many fewer unmarried men over 65. When you add together never-married, divorced, and widowed men, unmarried women outnumber them by the age of 35
Social class – people tend to date/marry within their own class
Religion – most people marry other with similar values; higher divorce rate for couple with different religions
Relationships & Personal Growth
Ruvolo & Brennan: One longitudinal study of 301 dating couples found that dating can contribute to personal growth
Researchers believe that the more the partner loves an individual, the more growth the individual will subsequently experience
The supportive assistance individuals received from their dating partners and the love the partners reported for them predict the growth that the individuals later experienced
Finding People
Open Fields (interaction unlikely): Settings where people do not normally interact, so potential partners aren’t likely to meet
Malls
Airports
Large universities
Closed fields (interaction likely): settings where people are likely to interact, so potential partners may meet
Parties
Church groups
Small workplace settings
Meeting People
Personal Introductions
Classified Ads: 2 main characteristics:
1. women as sex objects – describe themselves in terms of appearance and attractiveness
2. men as success objects – describe themselves in terms of intelligence and career success
Meeting Online
Dating websites
Social networking websites
Advantages: exposed to a wide variety of potential; time and energy investment relatively minimal
Disadvantages: can’t observe nonverbal communication; people exaggerate. Women subtract years and pounds, men add inches to height and dollars to income
Introduction Services
Variations in Dating
Traditional Courtship: Dating to Engagement
Research shows that a lot of dating as a teenager may develop social skills, but doesn’t teach deeper skills like effective communication and solving conflicts
On-Campus Dating: “Hanging out”, “hooking up”, and “joined at the hip”
Long-Distance Dating
About 1/3 of couples break up within 3 months of moving to the same town, possibly because of the loss of autonomy each once had
Dating in the Workplace
Second-Time Around Dating
4 Ways of Reacting to a Deteriorating Relationship
The Neglect Response – when a person doesn’t want to deal with problems
Is a destructive reaction that tends to occur when a person isn’t very invested in the relationship
The Exit Response – where one partner withdraws or threatens to withdraw from the relationship.
Often a choice of people who are minimally invested and think there are other options
The Loyalty Response – choosing to stay despite problems, but making no attempt to resolve them, hoping they smooth out over time
Often favored by people who have been together for a long time, and often more the choice of females rather than males
The Voice Response – relationship is valued and partners want to discuss problems. Shows a willingness to change things about the relationship
Often pursued by females; is an active, constructive response
