Sociology
COMMUNICATION, POWER & CONFLICT
VERBAL & NOVERBAL
COMMUNICATION
- Verbal part – expresses basic content
- Nonverbal part – expresses?
- Attitude of the speaker
- How words are to be interpreted
- Full content of the message
FUNCTIONS OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION
- Three important functions
- Conveying interpersonal attitudes
- Expressing emotions
- Handling ongoing
interaction
FORMS OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION
- Proximity
- Eye contact
- Touch
FAMILY RULES &
COMMUNICATION
- Family rules
- Often governed by cultural/societal rules
- Gender role rules
GENDER DIFFERENCES IN COMMUNICATION
- Differences pronounced in cross-sex communication
- Differences in verbal and nonverbal communications
WOMEN’S COMMUNICATION
- Women smile more, express wider range of emotions, maintain more eye contact
- Women use more qualifiers, more tag questions, more intensifiers
- Women speak in more polite and less insistent tones
MEN’S COMMUNICATION
- Men use fewer words for color, texture, food, relationships, and feelings
- Men use more and harsher profanity
- Men talk more and interrupt women more
- Men disclose less personal information to other men and restrict themselves to safer topics such as sports, politics, or work
MORE ABOUT MEN
- Men’s style of both verbal and nonverbal communication fit more with positions of dominance, women’s of subordination
COMMUNICATION PATTERNS &
MARITAL SATISFACTION
- Look at: Premarital communication,
- Intimacy (self-disclosure) as a predictor,
- The “honeymoon effect,”
- Living together as a predictor, and
- Couples who live together before marriage more likely to separate or divorce (why?)
CONSEQUENCES OF LIVING TOGETHER
- Places couples further along into the period when marital satisfaction may decline anyway
- Cohabitants tend to be younger, less religious, and more likely to come from divorced homes
- Less mature
- May be less committed to marriage
- Cohabitation associated with alcohol use, infidelity
MARITAL COMMUNICATION PATTERNS & SATISFACTION
- Couples in satisfied marriages tend to:
- Accept conflict but engages in nondestructive methods of resolution
- Have less frequent conflict
- Intimacy – positive and negative feelings, not just negative; more time spent talking
- More equal levels of affection
- And…
ENCODING AND DECODING
- Encode?
- Able to send accurate and effective verbal and nonverbal messages
- Decode?
- Able to understand such messages from their partners
GENDER DIFFERENCES IN ENCODING & DECODING
Gender Differences
- Women send clearer messages
- Women more sensitive and responsive to men’s messages
- More likely to reply to messages in general
- Women tend to be more expressive when giving messages
- Men more likely to be neutral (gives women impression they don’t care)
MORE DIFFERENCES
- Women set the tone for arguments
- Women will escalate or de-escalate the argument
- Women use emotional appeals and threats more
- Men tend to reason, seek conciliation, and find ways to postpone or end an argument
MAJOR TYPE OF MARITAL COMMUNICATION
- Demand-withdraw communication
- Pattern in which one spouse makes an effort to engage the other, and the other withdraws by leaving, failing to reply, or changing the subject
- Women tend to demand and men withdraw
- Depends on subject and who raises it
- Common, but not particularly healthy
STYLES OF MISCOMMUNICATION
- Virginia Satir (1916-1988)
ABOUT VIRGINIA SATIR
- Virginia Satir is one of the key figures in the development of family therapy.
- She believed that a healthy family life involved an open and reciprocal sharing of affection, feelings, and love.
- She made enormous contributions to family therapy in her clinical practice and training at Illinois Psychiatric Institute and Palo Alto, CA Mental Research Institute.
FOUR STYLES OF MISCOMMUNICATION
- Placaters
- Blamers
- Computers
- Distractors
MISCOMMUNICATION & LIKELIHOOD OF DIVORCE
- Five reactions to conflict particularly problematic:
- Contempt
- Criticism
- Defensiveness
- Stonewalling (resisting partner’s complaint)
- Belligerence (defiant challenge)
WHY PEOPLE DON’T COMMUNICATE
- Traditional gender roles especially affect men
- Feelings of inadequacy for both men and women
- Shame, guilt
- Fear
- Not self-aware
FACTORS HELPING COMMUNICATION
- Trust, feedback, mutual affirmation
- Trust (belief in the reliability and integrity of a person)
- What contributes to developing trust?
- Relationship likely to continue
- Predict how a person will behave
- Person has other options but chooses to be with their partner
FEEDBACK
- Focus on “I” statements
- Focus on behavior rather than on the person
- Focus on observations rather than on inferences or judgments
- Focus on a continuum, not on “always” or “never”
- Focus on sharing ideas rather than giving advice, as well as how much the recipient can process
- Focus feedback at an appropriate time and place
MUTUAL AFFIRMATION
- Includes three elements:
- Mutual acceptance
- Liking each other
- Expressing liking in both words and actions
POWER, CONFLICT & INTIMACY
- Power – ability to influence or make decisions about others
- Usually not aware of power we have
- Intimate relationships not only based on love, but power
- Takes many forms – not just coercion and not constantly exercised
- Usually comes into play during important issues and conflict
BASES OF MARITAL POWER
- French & Raven – 6 bases of marital power:
- Coercive power (fear of punishment)
- Reward power (get something in return)
- Expert power (belief partner has greater knowledge)
- Legitimate power (accepting roles giving the other person right to demand compliance)
- Referent power (identifying with partner)
- Informational power (persuasiveness)
CONFLICT
- Couple is two individuals, not one
- Retain their own identities, needs, wants, etc.
- Paradox more intimacy increases conflict
- Don’t fear conflict
- Manner in which conflict is handled important
TYPES OF CONFLICT
- Basic conflict (usually more detrimental)
- Nonbasic conflict (less detrimental)
- Common conflict areas:
- Sex
- Money
- Housework
- Often all three are linked – source of power and control
RESOLVING CONFLICT
- Negative resolvers:
- Confrontation
- Confrontation and defensiveness
- Complaining and defensiveness
- Coercion
- Manipulation
- Avoidance
RESOLVING CONFLICTS
- Positive resolvers:
- Dealing with anger – vent or suppress
- Summarize
- Paraphrase
- Validate
- Clarify
MORE POSITIVE CONFLICT RESOLVERS
- Support your partner
- Assertion
- Reason
- Negotiation (agreement as a gift, bargaining, coexistence)
GOAL: GOOD COMMUNICATION AND CONFLICT & POWER RESOLUTION STRATEGIES RESULT IN SATISFIED, HEALTHY COUPLES