ENGLISH 200

Smarthinking Tutor Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!

Hello, Olatunde! My name is Nadia D., and I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started!

*Writing Strength:  Your concluding paragraph effectively recaps all the main points discussed in your draft, helping your readers remember them as your paper ends off. Great job, Olatunde! (

*Olatunde 12140932, you requested help with Main Idea/Thesis:  

Your current introduction has a lot of citations in it. An introduction only provides your readers with essential information about the topic that will prepare them for the content and discussion in the rest of your draft. The parts of an introduction:

· Introduces the topic;

· States why the topic is important; and

· Describes how the assignment will be structured and clearly states the main premise (thesis statement).

What is your paper about? Why is it important for readers to know this information? Answer these questions broadly without including any citations. By doing so, you will provide your readers with enough background information to prepare them for the discussion with references that is going to follow in the rest of your draft.

*Olatunde 12140932, you requested help with Organization:  

Then, let’s look at two topic sentences from paragraphs in your draft:

· The brain of an adult student might be developed from the brain of a young student.

· In regard to the functions of the brain and the relationship of the brain to the learning process, it is essential to look at the brain of an adult learner and a fresh student (Lin & Reddy, 2019).

Each bullet represents a topic sentence that is written concurrently. Now, both of these paragraphs discuss the same thing, which is brain development during learning. Your readers may wonder why you are discussing the same topic separately. In order for the organization of your draft to flow freely, discuss one topic per paragraph before moving on to the next topic.

Use of Resources 

Finally, Olatunde, I’d like to give you some feedback about how to cite your sources, depending on the formatting style you should be using. Please check with your instructor which formatting style you should be using before you apply the revision suggestion.

The sentences that describe ideas from other sources will need citations. For example, your readers will be curious to know where this information came from:

· There is a notion that adult learners are not in need of mentorship and support because they have the ability to easily understand what they are taught (Harvey & Uren, 2019).

Here, you have an APA citation, but you have a works cited (MLA) page at the end of your draft. Which one should you be using? In MLA writing, we cite the author and page number for print sources. The author can be cited at the beginning or end of the sentence. Here are a couple of examples:

· Rivera explains that during the 1990s, average salaries for teachers increased by two percent (157).

· During the 1990s, average salaries for teachers increased by two percent (Rivera 157).

In APA writing, we cite the author and year of publication:

· Rivera (2019) explains that during the 1990s, average salaries for teachers increased by two percent.

· During the 1990s, average salaries for teachers increased by two percent (Rivera, 2019).

Either method is correct. When you proofread your draft, each time you find a sentence with an idea from another source, add a citation to show where the information came from. For more information, have a look at the handbook at MLA Style or APA Style. Summary of Next Steps: 

· Remove citations in your introduction.  

· Discuss one topic per paragraph before moving on to the next.  

· Add correct citations according to the referencing style you should be using.

Thank you for submitting your essay for a review, Olatunde. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day! – Nadia D.

You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook .

___________________________________________________________________________

Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below. Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.

Draft Research Paper

Olatunde Michael Epebinu

20U8W2_GPS_200_OL1

Professor Mary Skipper

August 6, 2020

Thesis Statement

Adult learners should secure mentors in order to further their educational, personal, and professional goals.

Draft Research Paper

According to Harvey & Uren (2019), it is important to mentor adults because they are normal students, regardless of their ages. This is an important piece of information for the research because it has focused on adult learning and mentorship. Even though the authors have focused on nursing practice, they have highlighted the benefits of mentorship in adult learning. The modern world of education is changing, and people are not limited by age to go back to school (Harvey & Uren, 2019). However, there is a misconception that is affecting adult education adversely. There is a notion that adult learners are not in need of mentorship and support because they have the ability to easily understand what they are taught (Harvey & Uren, 2019). The misconception is far from the truth because, like other learners, adult learners have the right to be mentored and guided (Harvey & Uren, 2019).

The benefits of mentorship for adult students are not limited to the education sector, but they extend to the education sector. It is essential to know some of the results of having a mentor. A mentor is a person who knows more, and that means that he or she is able to guide a student (Harvey & Uren, 2019). A mentor helps a student to go through the education process easily. It is also imperative to understand that most of the adult students are active citizens. Some of them are in the employment sector, and the reason why they go back to school is to become better employees and professionals (Harvey & Uren, 2019). When a mentor supports an adult student, it means that the adult student will have more to offer in the business world. Therefore, the adult learner will contribute to the development of the economy.

Research by Andersen & Watkins (2018) has supported the second reason why it is important to nurture and mentor adult students. According to the research findings, there are numerous advantages that come along with the mentoring of adult students (Andersen & Watkins, 2018). One of the advantages is ensuring that adults do not forget what they have been told in the classroom. Even though adult students have a higher brain reasoning capacity compared to younger students, they have a lot on their minds. It is important to remember that some of the students are parents, and that means that their brains are committed to school and parenting (Andersen & Watkins, 2018). When a student's brain is overburdened, retaining the knowledge that has been passed becomes a challenge. Therefore, it becomes important to make sure that mentorship programs are promoted among adult learners.

The third reason to support the thesis statement is that the learning process is continuous for all students irrespective of their ages or sexes (Lin & Reddy, 2019). Learning is a process that does not have an end, and this has been proven by adults who go back to school not because they did not attend school when they were young but because they need to add to the knowledge that they already have (Andersen & Watkins, 2018). Learning is a continuous process, and that means that it is important to have initiatives and programs that promote a continuous learning process. Promoting fairness in the education sector is paramount. In this respect, it means that all students are treated the same (Andersen & Watkins, 2018). When young adults are provided with programs that foster an effective learning environment, the same should happen when it comes to adult students.

In regard to the continuous process of learning, it is paramount to refer to Lewin's Theory of Change (Wojciechowski, Pearsall, Murphy, & French, 2016). The theory focuses on the steps that take place in the process of learning. This theory is important to this research because it comes in place to show that the process of learning is similar in every individual. The first stage of change is unfreezing (Wojciechowski et al. 2016). In this case, a student starts getting rid of the notions that he or she had pertaining to certain concepts and aspects. The stage is present in the case of an adult student and a fresh student (Wojciechowski et al. 2016). When students get in the classroom, they have a lot of knowledge and information in their brains. However, it might be irrelevant to the career of choice, and that is why they go to school (Wojciechowski et al. 2016). Therefore, regardless of the age or sex of the student, the process of unfreezing is essential.

The second stage of change is changing. [Adding transitions to your topic sentences could help your readers to move more smoothly from one idea to the next. In other words, show the connection between your ideas in order to transition from one to the next. How is one idea directly related to the other? How is this belief system different than that of gay couples? What can you say in order to show readers this connection?] When a student acquires new knowledge, the knowledge starts changing him or her (Wojciechowski et al. 2016). The case does not change based on the type of student. Adult and fresh students are exposed to the same process. Therefore, assuming that fresh students need mentors, but adult students do not need them is promoting unfairness in the sector of education. The third stage is refreezing. In this case, the student embraces new knowledge. A mentor is important in the stage of refreezing (Wojciechowski et al. 2016). The reason behind it is that a student needs a more informed person to guide him or her. In education, students tend to trust people who are better than them. For this reason, a student would prefer to go to the teacher rather than a fellow student (Wojciechowski et al. 2016). A mentor has better knowledge and skills, and therefore, he or she is essential in helping a student to refreeze.

The brain of an adult student might be developed from the brain of a young student. However, it is important to note that the two students are exposed to the same challenge. The brains of the two persons are introduced to new knowledge (Lin & Reddy, 2019). For example, an adult student might have a lot of experience in life. However, when he sits in a physics class, the knowledge and experience of life become irrelevant. It, therefore, means that he is going through the same challenge as the young student.

In regard to the functions of the brain and the relationship of the brain to the learning process, it is essential to look at the brain of an adult learner and a fresh student (Lin & Reddy, 2019). In the case of a fresh student, there is an advantage (Lin & Reddy, 2019). Most of the fresh students are still under the care of the parents. Therefore, their brains are specifically concentrated on studies. The case changes when it comes to adult students.

In the United States, adult students are independent adults, and in some cases, they are parents. Therefore, adult students have a brain that has a lot to process. In education, divided attention is one of the factors that might affect the performance of a student. It is important for a student to be dedicated to his or her studies. When the student divides attention, he or she might not grasp the knowledge and skills that the teacher is passing across (Lin & Reddy, 2019). For example, when an adult student is going through a hard financial time, it is likely to be harder for the student when compared with a fresh student. The reason behind it is that there are other people who the student has to think about (Lin & Reddy, 2019). In this respect, it is no doubt that the student needs mentoring. Mentoring is essential because it does not only help the student to get better in his or her education. Mentoring programs will help the adult student to get through the tough times.

The issue of mentorship of adult students can also be viewed from the perspectives of shifting attention and overloading the brain. A human being's brain serves as his or her operating system (Lin & Reddy, 2019). The brain of a human has its limits. When the limits are passed, there are high chances of affecting the process of grasping information, knowledge, and skills (Lin & Reddy, 2019). Switching from a task to another requires the contribution of the brain. An adult student has a lot of things in his or her mind (Lin & Reddy, 2019). Therefore, leaving one thing and concentrating on the other can be a challenge at times. Therefore, it is important to have a mentor in place (Lin & Reddy, 2019).

Overloading the brain is the process of forcing the brain to do more than it can. When the brain gets to such a limit, it might shut down (Lin & Reddy, 2019). Fatigue is one of the consequences of overloading the brain. One of the factors that might lead to overloading the brain is introducing the brain to complex terms and studies (Lin & Reddy, 2019). A mentor is an important party in the learning process of a student. A mentor knows more than the student, which means that he or she can guide the student on simplifying issues (Lin & Reddy, 2019). When a mentor is introduced to an adult student, the mentor helps the student identify simple ways of dealing with academic challenges. As a result, the brain of the adult student is not overworked or overloaded.

The balance of a student is essential in the learning process. Students who have more responsibilities than the rest are at the risk of losing balance. Considering the fact that most of the adult students are people with responsibilities, they are at the highest risk of losing balance (Lin & Reddy, 2019). An adult student has personal and professional goals to meet. Some of the personal goals might stand in the way of other goals. Therefore, if nothing is done, the students might fail to meet their educational goals. It will be a waste of time and resources if students fail to meet the goals that took them to school.

In summary, mentorship for adult students is paramount. Compared to fresh students, adult students need more support. Many thoughts occupy the minds of adult students. Therefore, if they are not supported, they might fall on the way. It is important to make education simple and, at the same time, beneficial. Doing so will motivate more adult students, and this will affect the education and employment sectors positively. Some of the adult students go through struggle to balance personal, educational, and professionals lives. It is important to have a person in place that can motivate them and encourage them when they need such support.

Works Cited

Andersen, T., & Watkins, K. (2018). The value of peer mentorship as an educational strategy in nursing. Journal of Nursing Education, 57(4), 217-224.

Harvey, S., & Uren, C. D. (2019). Collaborative learning: Application of the mentorship model for adult nursing students in the acute placement setting. Nurse education today, 74, 38 40.

Lin, J., & Reddy, R. M. (2019). Teaching, mentorship, and coaching in surgical education. Thoracic surgery clinics, 29(3), 311-320.

Wojciechowski, E., Pearsall, T., Murphy, P., & French, E. (2016). A case review: Integrating Lewin’s theory with lean’s system approach for change. Online Journal of Issues in Nursing, 21(2).