classroom interaction 3

“We are all in this together.”

Assertiveness means setting limits respectfully. Healthy boundaries are essential for all relationships. Assertiveness is the medium through which we teach children respect.

The Power of Attention states that what you offer to others, you experience in yourself. If you focus on what someone is doing wrong, you will feel inadequate. If you focus on what they did well, you will feel at peace.

Brain Smart Principle: Telling children what to do aligns their physiology with their willpower. Focusing on what you don’t want creates conflict between body chemistry and willpower and cuts down chances for success. You must tell your brain what to do.

Using the “Tell and Show” method:

Give an assertive command. If the child complies, praise him!

If the child does not comply:

o Wait for the child’s attention. Say, “There you are” when he/she makes eye contact. Repeat the command.

o Say, “I’m going to show you what I want you to do.” OR “I’m going to show you how to get started.” OR “How can I help you get started?”

Practice, Practice, Practice

 consciously pay attention to your focus. Are you focusing on what you do want to happen, or what you don’t want?

 Pivot when you are upset. Say to yourself, “Okay, I’m upset. If I’m upset, I am focusing on what I don’t want. Do I want more of this in my life?” If the answer is no, breathe deeply (be a S.T.A.R.). Then pivot (physically or mentally). Tell your child specifically and firmly what to do. If a “why” is needed, relate the command to safety.

 breathe deeply and affirm the following principles three times a day. “What I focus on, I get more of. When I’m upset, I always focus on what I don’t want.”

 Go to the victim first in conflict situations.

 consciously practice giving assertive commands.

 Practice using the “tell and show” method.

 Use “I” messages.