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The Chart Fiasco

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The Chart Fiasco

Comment by Adam: Hi, , and welcome to the Online Writing Center (OWC).    I cannot edit the paper for you, but I will make some helpful suggestions and point out opportunities for improvement. I cannot point out every instance of every issue, so please take those I do point out and use them as examples of kinds of things you can look for during your revising and editing.  When you see the words “Apply throughout,” this indicates that I will no longer explicitly comment on similar errors. You will need to locate and change other instances of like errors throughout the remainder of your paper.   Be sure to review the Turabian formatting requirements before submitting your paper for final grading. Compare your paper against both the template from your professor and the Liberty requirements for formatting. There is a great online resource for the basics of Turabian formatting at https://www.liberty.edu/academics/casas/academicsuccess/index.cfm?PID=11954.     I hope these comments help!    If you have any specific questions that I did not address here, feel free to email the OWC at [email protected] or schedule a live appointment at https://www.liberty.edu/online/casas/writing-center/ Also, please be sure to complete the Student Satisfaction Survey located at the bottom of your completed request.    Thanks for using the OWC,    Adam S.   Disclaimer: Remember that the OWC is not an editing service. Our comments and suggestions are not exhaustive. Our service is designed to help you recognize and correct your writing so that you can become a better writer. Except where otherwise noted, formatting suggestions follow the latest (9th) edition of A Manual for Writers by Kate L. Turabian.  

Situation Analysis Comment by Adam: Liberty uses a standard Turabian title page. You can find one ready to combine with your text in the Turabian Template Essentially, the elements in the title page are double spaced and there are some extra carriage returns (i.e. you hit [ENTER] to spaced things out). All of the title page elements should be centered. A few pointers on making a title page. It is easiest just to leave the title page in normal style. Many students are tempted to use Word’s heading styles on the title page but that is just extra work and messes up the spacing. If in doubt, almost everything in Turabian is Times New Roman 12 point black. The style manual is relaxing that, but Liberty retains the preference. The foot notes will be in Times New Roman 10 point black. See the OWC Turabian Format Quick Guide for more help.

Abdirahim M Muhumed

Liberty University

Prof. Georgiana Constantin

Course: PPOG506

Wed,10/15/2021

According to the Defense Mapping team, Milosevic had already committed 55% of Bosnia and Herzegovina to the Federation through territorial concessions. Due to the battle circumstances during the first eighteen days at Dayton, a negotiated increase of around 5% was agreed, leaving us with something in between an opportunity and a dilemma. The promise was evident: the Federation's ability to acquire more significant territory (pg.294). Comment by Adam: The introduction serves several important purposes, including creating interest in your topic, stating your thesis, and previewing the content of your paper. See the following presentation for more information: https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/introductions/  Comment by Adam: The pages of your paper should be numbered, including the bibliography pages. Page numbers before the first page of the text should be in lower case Roman numerals, centered, in the footer at the bottom of the page, with the title page being page i although not numbered. The pages of the body text and back matter should be numbered in Arabic numerals, flush-right in the header at the top of the page (Turabian A.1.4). See the OWC Turabian Template for more help.  The IT HelpDesk will be able to address MS Word formatting issues for pagination.  There is also an excellent video on Turabian pagination here: https://watch.liberty.edu/media/t/1_1pf0rgc3.  Comment by Adam: Citations in Turabian notes-bibliography style should be in footnotes. There are a few exceptions. Scripture references should be parenthetical. Also, there are a few class assignments that specifiy parenthetical refercnes (though those are rare). Footnotes for books must follow Turabian format. In general, it is: Author’s First and Last Names, Title of Book: Subtitle of Book (Publisher’s City, Publisher’s State [unless city is well-known]: Publisher’s Name, Date of Publication), page number(s) (Turabian 17.1.1). For example:    1 Alexander Roberts, James Donaldson and A. Cleveland Coxe, The Ante-Nicene Fathers: Translations of the Writings of the Fathers Down to A.D. 325 (Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, 1997), 182.    See the OWC Turabian Format Quick Guide for more help. 

The chart fiasco states how Milosevic noticed one of the charts displaying that the federation territory increased from 50% to 55% during the Dayton conference. Milosevic recognized that his territorial concessions had reached an unsustainable level. He rushed out of the forum and walked into Holbrooke's room, calling him on his betrayal.  Comment by Adam: Every modifier (whether a word, phrase, or clause) should be as close as possible to the word it describes or relates to. Misplaced modifiers may confuse your readers by seeming to modify some other element in the sentence. For example, instead of “The hikers could see the eagles swooping and diving with binoculars.” Who was wearing the binoculars—the eagles? The correct alternative would be “With binoculars, the hikers could see the eagles swooping and diving.” See the OWC’s article on misplaced modifiers: https://www.liberty.edu/casas/academic-success-center/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2019/04/Misplaced_Modifiers.ppt 

They were perplexed by what had happened, according to Holbrooke. When Milosevic visited the Bosnians, he didn't think about it. They didn't know whether it was an intentional provocation or just a careless blunder to let Milosevic see the charts. Milosevic was able to accept a 51 percent increase in territorial alterations thanks to Holbrooke. Because of Milosevic's naiveté, Holbrooke's abilities as a negotiator are called into question. Giving and receiving are both required in negotiation. Attempt to create a relationship that benefits both parties respectfully and helpfully. In an ideal negotiation, one party makes minor concessions while providing a significant gain to the other. Regardless of the parties' different goals, a plan should build goodwill. Comment by Adam: A pronoun - a word such as she, yourself, her, it, this, who, or which - should clearly refer to the word or words it replaces (called the antecedent) elsewhere in the sentence or in a previous sentence. If more than one word could be the antecedent or if no specific antecedent is present in the sentence, edit to make the meaning clear.   APPLY THROUGHOUT *there are several revisions needed in this paragraph Comment by Adam: Keep formatting consistent within a paper. Check out the writing resources on the OWC website.  Comment by Adam: A sentence fragment is part of a sentence that is written as if it were a whole sentence, with a capital letter at the beginning and a period, a question mark, or an exclamation point at the end. A fragment may lack a subject, a complete verb, or both. Other fragments may begin with a subordinating conjunction, such as because, and so depend for their meaning on another sentence. Rewrite to ensure that the sentence has both a subject and a verb and expresses a complete thought. There is an excellent presentation on sentence fragments on the OWC website at: [https://www.liberty.edu/casas/academic-success-center/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2019/04/Sentence-Fragments.pdf]. 

When Holbrooke heard Milosevic's proposal to restore the 51-49 agreement, he turned it down. The Posavina Corridor was to be enlarged from three miles to ten kilometers at his request. Serbs in western Bosnia and Herzegovina felt constricted by the corridor linking them to Serbia. During talks, a negotiator's ability to exchange information is both a strength and a weakness. As a result, it's "essential" to negotiations and a component to consider when participating in them. Facts should only be revealed to the opposing side to sway the opponent's opinion, to demonstrate a strong position, and to signal a willingness to be open, transparent, and ultimately a trustworthy opponent ("Negotiation Journal: On the Process of Dispute Settlement." 2008). Comment by Adam: Revise unclear antecedents throughout. This one, in particular, is not clear. Comment by Adam: It is an overused pronoun. Be careful in its use that the reader can see to what noun it is referring. For example, “After putting the book into the box, Jessica sold it.” In this sentence, does it refer to the book or the box? The following revision provides more clarity: “After putting the book into the box, Jessica sold the box.” Also, avoid beginning a sentence with it as it would then lack an antecedent. See GrammarBook.com for more information.  Comment by Adam: A contraction is the shortening of a word, syllable, or word group by omission of a sound or letter. Contractions are generally to be avoided in academic writing, as they tend to give the writing an informal tone. For example, replace didn’t with did not, can’t with cannot, and it’s with it is. Refer to https://blog.apastyle.org/apastyle/2015/12/contractions-in-formal-writing-whats-allowed-whats-not.html for further guidance.  Comment by Adam: Footnotes for journal articles must follow Turabian format. In general, it is: Author’s First and Last Names, “Title of Article,” Title of Journal Volume Number, issue no. (date of publication): page number(s) (Turabian 17.2). For example:    1 John Maynard Smith, “The Origin of Altruism,” Nature 393, no. 1 (1998): 639–40.    See the OWC Turabian Format Quick Guide for more help.      Footnotes for online journal articles must follow Turabian format. In general, it is: Author’s First and Last Names, “Title of Article: Subtitle of Article,” Title of Journal volume number, issue number (Issue date): page number(s), URL  (Turabian 17.2). For example:     1 Robert H. Ferrell, "Truman's Place in History,” Reviews in American History 18, no. 1 (March 1990): 8-9, http://www.jstor.org/stable/2702718.    See the OWC Turabian Format Quick Guide for more help. 

Holbrooke was a negotiator; therefore, he should have known everything that may cause the situation to spin out of control. I would establish trust using an integrative approach to encourage the collaboration required to generate breakthrough ideas that benefit both sides equally. Milosevic disagreed with the figures. He agreed to something he had no prior awareness of. This is a classic case of deception against your intended victim. As a result of his dishonesty, the negotiator's character is questioned. In discussions, sharing knowledge always helps to develop trust. It indicates a willingness to work together, have faith in one another and be open to some risk. In this deal, the percentage movement in the territory was critical. I would have shared this information with you if I had realized it was helpful. Comment by Adam: I do not have the instructions for this assignment so I am going to offer comments on two scenarios. Scenario 1 According to Turabian 11.1.7, the use of first person is to be avoided in formal academic writing, especially in research papers.  Two uses of first person should be avoided:  Insecure writers begin too many sentences with I think or I believe (or their equivalent In my opinion). Readers assume you think and believe what you write, so you don’t have to say so.  Inexperienced writers too often narrate their research: First, I consulted…, then I examined…, and so on. Researchers care less about the story of your research than about its results.    Use of first person is appropriate on two occasions:  An occasional introductory I (or we) believe can soften the dogmatic edge of a statement.   A first person I or we is also appropriate when it is the subject of a verb naming an action unique to you as the writer of your argument: Verbs referring to such actions typically appear in introductions: I will show/argue/prove/claim that X, and in conclusions: I have demonstrated/concluded that Y.    See the OWC Turabian Format Quick Guide for more help.  Comment by Adam: Scerario 2 If this assignment has a reflection component, add transitional language to guide the reader through the shift to the reflection. See the OWC Turabian Format Quick Guide for more help.  Comment by Adam: A comma is used before the conjunction preceding the last item in a list or series of three or more items to give all items equal importance. For example, instead of “In the baseball game, Sue got a walk, made a hit and scored a run,” the correct alternative would be “In the baseball game, Sue got a walk, made a hit, and scored a run.” There is an excellent presentation on comma usage on the OWC’s website: https://www.liberty.edu/casas/academic-success-center/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2019/04/Commas.pdf 

As a result of the talks' collapse, Menzies provided a comprehensive analysis of all Bosnian gains and losses that could result. Two massive posters illustrating the "gains of Dayton" were developed in collaboration with Wright-graphics Patterson's division by Menzies & Associates. On Saturday afternoon, while we debated the Serb neighborhoods of Sarajevo, Christopher, Menzies, and I went to Izetbegovic's suite for a bit of relaxation. Every point agreed upon during the negotiations was laid out in significant, bold characters for everyone to see. Even though Izetbegovic seemed disinterested, Christopher was enthusiastic. After seeing the charts, he said that no one could "responsibly walk away from these riches and allow his country to go back to war" under the circumstances (Holbrooke 1999, pp.294). Comment by Adam: An apostrophe should be used for the possessive form, even when the plural noun ends in the letter “s.” (“The Smiths’ use of apostrophes is correct”). It is incorrect for the “s” alone to indicate possession (“The Smiths use of plural nouns is incorrect”). It is also incorrect to use the singular possessive (“The Smith’s use of singular possessive is incorrect”). It is also incorrect to add an apostrophe “s” to a plural noun that ends in “s” (“The Smiths’s use of apostrophe ‘s’ is incorrect”). The OWC has a helpful resource on apostrophes here: https://www.liberty.edu/casas/academic-success-center/writing-aids/  Comment by Adam: Turabian: Long quotations (more than four lines) are to be in the block format. That is, they are to be single spaced, with a single blank line before and after. Maintain the normal style and a standard Times New Roman font size 12. Indent the entire quotation 0.5” (Turabian 25.2.2). See the OWC Turabian Format Quick Guide for more help.   

It was one of the posters, according to Holbrooke, that dealt with a particularly delicate subject. Holbrooke was the only one who was fully aware of Milosevic's plans at the time. Because they contribute to building stronger links between parties, negotiations are essential for achieving significant achievement. As Milosevic's reaction demonstrates, the talks did not result in a win-win situation for all parties involved. In a negotiation, everyone participating should seek long-term solutions that are of good quality rather than quick fixes that do not meet the objectives of either party. Even though he did not have all of the information in front of him, Milosevic agreed to make a deal. According to some reports, Holbrooke may have tricked Milosevic into signing the treaty while suppressing this critical information. According to all indications, the agreement reached during this negotiation might result in new difficulties and clashes in the future. Comment by Adam: Avoid repeating words or phrases to express the same thoughts or ideas, especially within a sentence or in consecutive sentences. Repeated words are monotonous and imply a lack of understanding of the topic at hand. For example, instead of “Different aspects of a thesis require different expressions, that is, a different word reflecting a different perspective on your paper's theme as it relates to different circumstances.” Consider, “Different aspects of a thesis require their own expressions, that is, a certain word chosen to reflect each individual perspective on the theme as it relates to particular circumstances.” See this helpful resource for more information: https://writingcenter.unc.edu/tips-and-tools/word-choice/ 

Holbrooke, for one, holds Milosevic responsible, claiming that he encouraged the conflict. Milosevic remained steadfastly pro-Bosnian Serb throughout the conflict, despite the international community imposing crushing sanctions on his country. According to Holbrooke, Milosevic was "intelligent, charismatic, and elusive," who worked with him on several occasions, including the three weeks of Dayton negotiations. During this time, Holbrooke learned more about Milosevic's determination to wield power and control Serbs in Bosnia and Herzegovina and throughout Yugoslavia. One could argue that Holbrooke was not honest when he met with Milosevic since his underlying goal was to strengthen his power and exert control over the Serbs in Bosnia and Herzegovina, and Yugoslavia. Even though pleasant emotions can aid in the facilitation of a more favorable outcome, and that negative emotions such as distrust can be channeled to achieve success, strong negative emotions may come at a high cost when negotiating ("Negotiation Journal: On the Process of Dispute Settlement." 2008). Comment by Adam: A dangling modifier hangs precariously from the beginning or end of a sentence, attached to no other part of the sentence. The element that the phrase modifies may exist in your mind but not in your draft. Each modifier must refer to some other element in the sentence. For example, instead of “Looking down the sandy beach, people are tanning themselves.” The correct alternative would be “Looking down the sandy beach, we see that people are tanning themselves.” See the OWC’s article on dangling modifiers: https://www.liberty.edu/casas/academic-success-center/wp-content/uploads/sites/28/2019/04/Dangling_Modifiers.doc     Comment by Adam: It is unnecessary to use that to begin most clauses. In general, if you can remove that without altering the meaning of the sentence, you should omit it. See GrammarBook.com for more information.  Comment by Adam: The conclusion of a research report is usually a very short section that introduces no new ideas. The conclusion is important because it is your last chance to convey the significance and meaning of your research to your reader by concisely summarizing your findings and generalizing their importance. It is also a place to raise questions that remain unanswered and to discuss ambiguous data. The conclusions you draw are opinions, based on the evidence presented in the body of your report, but because they are opinions, you should not tell the reader what to do or what action they should take. Refer to https://writing.wiscweb.wisc.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/535/2018/07/conclusions_uwmadison_writingcenter_aug2012.pdf for further guidance.  You wrote a nice strong conclusion but the thoughts on emotions are not obviously stated in the body of the paper. I understand they are present, but to be such a focus in the concluding statement, they should be obvious in the body of the text.

Bibliography Comment by Adam: “Bibliography” needs to be in normal style and a boldface Times New Roman font size 12, centered at the top of the first page. Double space after (Turabian A.2.3.5). See the OWC Turabian Format Quick Guide for more help. 

Holbrooke, Richard C. 1999. To End a War. New York: Modern Library. Comment by Adam: Bibliographic citations for books must follow Turabian format. In general, it is: Author’s Last Name, Author’s First Name. Title of Book: Subtitle of Book. Place of Publication: Publisher’s Name, Date of Publication (Turabian 16.1). See the OWC Turabian Format Quick Guide for more help. For example:     Atnip, Mike. Scenes from the Life of David Zeisberger. Newmanstown, PA: Primitive Christianity, 2005. 

"Negotiation Journal: On the Process of Dispute Settlement." 2008. Negotiation Journal 15, no. 4: 198–99. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1571-9979.1999.tb00727.x. Comment by Adam: Bibliographic citations for journal articles must follow Turabian format. In general, it is: Author’s Last Name, Author’s First Name. “Title of Article: Subtitle of Article.” Title of Journal volume number, issue number (Issue date): page(s) (Turabian 16.1). See the OWC Turabian Format Quick Guide for more help. For example:     Koester, Craig R. “Jesus the Way, the Cross, and the World according to the Gospel of John.” Word & World XXI, no. 4 (Fall 2001): 360-369.      Bibliographic citations for online journal articles must follow Turabian format. In general, it is: Author’s Last Name, Author’s First Name. “Title of Article: Subtitle of Article.” Title of Journal volume number, issue number (Issue date): page(s). URL  The DOI is preferred over the URL; however, if a stable URL is given, it is preferred over the URL found in the address bar of the browser window. If page numbers are not available, simply omit (Turabian 17.2). See the OWC Turabian Format Quick Guide for more help. For example:     Moo, Douglas J. “’Law,’ ‘Works of the Law,’ and Legalism in Paul.” Westminster Theological Journal 45 (1983): 73-100. http://library.mibckerala.org/lms_frame/eBook/law%20and%20works%20%20of%20the%20Law%20and%20Leagalism.pdf    

Comment by Adam: Thank you for allowing me to review your assignment today. You have done a nice job interweaving a narration of the events with current insights. The tone was clear; however, a number of unclear antecedents broke the flow of reading. The reader should be able to clearly identify the antecedent of each pronoun for both ease of reading and to avoid miscommunication. I recommend reading over the linked writing aids; mastering clear antecedents should greatly enhance your writing. Please be sure to complete the Student Satisfaction Survey located at the bottom of your completed request. If you have any additional questions, please contact the OWC at [email protected].  If you would like further assistance with this assignment, schedule a live appointment here or contact us using our live chat feature. Finally, you may avail yourself of the many writing aids on the OWC website.  

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