6 pages due Thursday 11AM pst
Arun1990
Session-6-DiffCon-ZVR-Fall-2016.pptxPeople Frame - Difficult Conversations
Objectives for Today
Identify key challenges in leading and managing people
Recognize the role leaders play in contributing to followers’ poor performance
Develop strategies for having difficult conversations and giving constructive feedback
Apply these strategies to Carol Nagy case
Assess the effectiveness of these strategies
Four Frames
| Structure Frame | Political Frame |
| Goals, task, technology, rationality, environment, rules, roles, linkages, differentiation, integration | Power, conflict, coalitions, scarcity, enduring differences, politics, bargaining, negotiation |
| Human Resource Frame | Symbolic Frame |
| Needs, skills, feelings, motivation, satisfaction, norms, interpersonal interactions, fit (between person and organization) | Symbols, meaning, belief, faith, culture, ceremonies, rituals, myths, stories, play |
Change Blindness and Bias
Limits of attention and awareness
Blind spot bias
Confirmation bias
Hindsight bias (retrospective sense making) post-hoc rationalization
Fundamental attribution bias
False consensus effect
Dunning-Kruger effect
Frames of mind/mental models shape perception/Reality
Single-loop/double loop, theory in use vs theory in action
Decreased when working in teams to identify changes
Be careful of Group Think
Difficult Conversations
Think of a recent time when you had a difficult conversation or interpersonal situation that did not go well:
What happened?
What made it difficult?
What feelings were you left with?
Why do you think it did not go well?
What did you learn?
Every difficult conversation is really three conversations:
The WHAT HAPPENED? Conversation
Who’s right? Whose fault is it? What are we trying to accomplish?
The FEELINGS Conversation
How do we handle the strong feelings involved?
The IDENTITY Conversation
What does this say about the kind of person I am?
Based on the book Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
By Doug Stone, Bruce Patton & Sheila Heen (Viking/Penguin, 1999)
Sometimes explicit, sometimes not. Often, “what happened” conversation is the spoken conversation, and the other two are unspoken
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What Happened
The WHAT HAPPENED? Conversation
Perception: What are the different ways we view the situation?
Contribution: How have we each contributed to the situation?
Impact: What are the possible gaps between intent and impact?
Sometimes explicit, sometimes not. Often, “what happened” conversation is the spoken conversation, and the other two are unspoken
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The WHAT HAPPENED? Conversation
People tend to argue over:
Who’s right: “The truth is that…”
Blame: “It’s your fault!”
Intentions: “You’re just trying to hurt me”
The Ladder of Inference **
Conclusions
The Final stage of reasoning e.g., “You’re wrong.”
Reasoning & Interpretations
How do my past experiences impact this? What
implicit rules & assumptions underlie my reasoning?
Selected Data
What data do I notice? What do I ignore? What
might the other person notice that I don’t?
** The Ladder of Inference was developed by Chris Argyris of Harvard
Business School and Don Schon of MIT.
DATA
EG
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Common Ladder Mis-matches
DATA
DATA
We have access to different data
We select based on interests, assumptions and biases.
We interpret based on our own past experiences and implicit rules
We come to different conclusions
So, we argue about who’s right…
But the difficult conversations are not usually about “facts”
They’re more about judgments, values, emotions, interpretations, and expectations
Shift from Arguing to Inquiring
The truth is that…!
You’re crazy!
The truth is that…!
I wonder how you see this situation?
What’s your reasoning?
Is there a plausible interpretation here?
Blame lurks below the discussion
Costs of blame:
People cover up information and mistakes
Relationships are damaged
Problems persist because they’re not accurately diagnosed
Shift Blame to Contribution
Contribution assumes:
We have each contributed to this situation
My purpose is to fix the problem, not assign blame
Understanding contributions tell us what to do differently going forward
We assume we know their intentions…
Intentions matter- but other people’s intentions are invisible to us
We often make up attributions about their intentions based on their impact on us (attribution bias)
And we often assume the worst!
From Assuming Intent to Explaining Impact
Observe your attribution: what data is it based on?
Intentions are complex: people can act with good, bad, mixed, or no intentions. These are invisible to us
Don’t assume intentions, but share their impact on you
Summary: Shifting the “What Happened”
From “the truth” perceptions
What’s my story? What’s their story?
From the blame contribution
What have we each contributed to this situation?
How can we fix things going forward?
From intentions impact
What assumptions am I making about their
intentions? What is the impact on me?
The FEELINGS Conversation
How am I feeling about this situation?
How might they be feeling about this situation?
Does it make sense to explicitly discuss emotions?
Sometimes explicit, sometimes not. Often, “what happened” conversation is the spoken conversation, and the other two are unspoken
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The FEELINGS Conversation
We tend to translate emotions into:
Judgments: “That’s wrong”
Attributions: “You did this because…”
Problem Solving: “Here’s the answer…”
Substitutes: “I’m furious” vs. “I’m worried”
Find the emotion and translate back: “I’m disappointed and confused” vs. “I deserved the account!”
Should we discuss emotions?
What’s my purpose?
If:- To vent
-To tell them off
-To feel better
Then: NO
If: - To improve working relationship
-You can’t get work done without it
- The real issue is how people feel treated
Then: YES
Remember: expressing emotion does not equal being emotional
The IDENTITY Conversation
What do I worry this might say about the kind of person I am?
What might they worry that this situation suggests about them?
Sometimes explicit, sometimes not. Often, “what happened” conversation is the spoken conversation, and the other two are unspoken
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The IDENTITY Conversation
Becomes difficult when our self-identity is questioned
Triggers: I’m not the kind of person who…
Makes mistakes
Can be taken advantage of
Takes advantage of others
Acts irresponsibly or unethically
Is a lousy colleague, partner, employee, etc.
When our identity is questioned:
We deny what is true (“I couldn’t have made a mistake!)
Or we exaggerate everything (I’m worthless/incompetent/ a horrible person!)
Our effectiveness is disabled:
Internal voice is turned up full volume
You lose the skills you normally have (intellectual curiosity, listening, expressing, yourself clearly, professional skepticism, objectivity…)
Ground Your Identity
FROM: This is a definitive, declarative moment about me.
TO: This is a moment I can help resolve, and can learn from.
We often underestimate how our world view shapes our sense of identity.
When things feel tough or painful, it’s worth looking beneath the iceberg to see what’s really at stake for us.
Explore our identity and what’s shaped it, and return to it when we feel threatened
Add complexity to our identity.
We can make mistakes and its okay
Our intentions are not always one-dimensional
We play a role in a problem we find ourselves in
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When facing a difficult conversation
Be clear on objectives and strategies: anticipate the other party’s objectives/strategies
Prepare, practice, or rehearse
Consider it several conversations, or an ongoing dialogue
Debrief for process, tone, outcome, feelings, etc.
By Thomas P. Ference
Copyright © The Riverside Group 2015
Role Play
A framework for action
Understanding your objective
Paying attention to others
Working to understand
Accepting all information
Committing to action
Reflecting on results
By Thomas P. Ference
Copyright © The Riverside Group 2015
Afterwards
Debrief for process, outcome, feelings, effectiveness, etc.
“Do we want to come back to this?”
Track the path forward through concrete action planning
“Are we fulfilling our commitments?”
Final Thoughts
Difficult conversations are never easy, but can be made easier through preparing a strategy
Rarely one-shot deals, often need to revisit
Improving is a life-long endeavor
Start with a strategy and awareness of the Three Conversations
Reflection
What are some key insights/take aways?
What difficult conversation do you have coming up in your life, how will you approach it differently now?
How does this shape your understanding of what it means to be an effective leader who manages others well?
