problem essay

Dr. Ferreira

English 105 NF

12 November 2105

My Perfect Mate

Almost everyone dreams of finding the right person to fall in love with, get married, and start a family. However, today, with the divorce rate being an average of 54%, it seems as if we are doing something wrong in this area. Perhaps we are rushing into relationships, afraid of being alone, and “settling” for whomever shows interest. Other people marry with good intentions, but as time goes on, the challenges of children, finances, and even unfaithfulness may bring impediments to the union, and instead of remaining in an unhappy situation, many decide to separate or divorce. Like most people, I also hope to find a companion, a “soul-mate,” someone with whom I can grow old and who will share my joys and my pains throughout the years. Yet, I have not always made the wisest of choices. When I was young, I was convinced I wanted someone who would be very jealous, as this would make me feel important. The man in my life at that time was just that, which was flattering at first, but then he became possessive, calling me every time we were not together, questioning who my friends were, and even flying in to a rage whenever I told him I was not able to see him. Next, I thought I had found the perfect man because he was a hard-worker with a good sense of what he wanted for the future. He had an impressive, high-paying job, a luxury apartment, and a Porsche. Unfortunately, he told me repeatedly that in order for him to have these items, he had to be frugal, careful where he spent his money. This translated into our never going out to expensive restaurants and watching only matinees, which cost less than movie tickets in the evening. Although I could appreciate his fiscal responsibility, I was not ready to resign myself to a life of watching every dollar and sacrificing my enjoyment. Now that I am more experienced and wiser, I know exactly what I desire in a partner, and I will not settle for anyone who does not meet these requirements. Luckily, I have already found such a person, one who is a good listener and very romantic.

No relationship lasts if there is lack of communication. I am very fortunate that my husband Sean is willing to listen when I have problems in a non-judgmental way. For example, last year, I had a serious argument with my brother. I was quite upset because we have always been close, and this altercation left a rift in our relationship. When Sean saw me crying at home, he first comforted me and let vent, allowing me to tell him my biased version of the story. Afterwards, he sympathized with my point-of-view, telling me he understood how angry and hurt I felt. At the same time, he also gently reminded me that, if I wanted to rebuild my relationship with my brother, I needed to analyze the way I reacted. After all, I did yell, tell him I never wanted to speak to him again, and called him a few off-color names, which would be offensive to anyone. Most women would be angry if their husbands would not side with them completely, but living with Sean for the past 15 years has shown me that his rational approach to problem solving always works. What makes me receptive to this is that he does not lecture or berate me, but offers advice and leaves it up to me to take it or not. I did listen to Sean and called my brother, who came over to the house to talk about what had happened. Sean allowed us to have our privacy in the living room, as we discussed our feelings. By evening, we had both apologized and began the journey to becoming the brother and sister we have always been.

It may sound like a cliché, but I insist on a partner who is romantic because I believe this shows how much I am appreciated. Some people may think this just involves over-priced flowers on Valentine’s Day, but it’s actually much more. The romantic gestures must be creative and sincere. Once again, my husband lives up to my expectations in this area, as well. The most glaring example of this was the time when I had to go on a conference in Seattle in the middle of winter. There was no way I could tell my boss I would not go, so I reluctantly packed my bags, took an early flight, and arrived in Seattle—with 15 degree weather. The conference was from Wednesday to Friday, and I had booked a returning flight on Saturday morning. However, Friday night as I returned to my room, exhausted, I received a call from the front desk, telling me one of my co-workers, who also attended the conference, had am important message. Worried, I went back to the lobby and found Sean standing at the Concierge’s desk, and no, he wasn’t holding a single rose, but a large bouquet of daisies—my favorite flowers! My initial reaction was, “What are you doing here?” He responded that it would be a shame to let the weekend go to waste. So, that evening, we dined at the famous Seattle Space Needle. I was treated to fillet mignon, champagne (or something like it), and the largest cannoli I’ve ever eaten! The next day, we visited the Seattle Art Museum, where we spent the morning exploring unique Native American exhibits and listening to stories in different dialects. The walk to the museum was a chilly one, but somehow I did not mind. Knowing that Sean had flown 6 hours just to spend time with me in a different city was enough to warm my heart, although not my feet!!

I am grateful that I have found a life mate in my husband. No one is perfect, but Sean possesses the qualities that I deem are important for us to be happy in our relationship. First, he is a caring listener who sides with me but who is also brave enough to let me know my shortcomings and where I may improve in order to feel better about myself and to nurture good relationships with others. He is also the type of romantic I like—spontaneous, perhaps not treating me to very expensive places or costly champagne but certainly being generous enough to make sure I am enjoying myself in his company. Like all couples, we have our challenges and arguments, but it is at these moments that I try to remember Sean’s finest qualities. I try to tell him how much I appreciate everything he does, and he tells me he does it out of love. So, the next time I want to scream at him for leaving the toilet seat up, I will keep this in mind.