I need to write critique about this play and give feedback from questions in the end of the play

Critiquer: Ed

Written Critique: 10-Minute Play

Step One

Wow: The twist at the end was a total surprise! I want to go back and re-read to see if there are any little clues that I missed. Also, despite the incest theme, I never felt like I was watching a Jerry Springer sort of show. I want to figure out how you did that.

What: Right now, I’m wondering why the mom would just let stuff go for so long. I’m sure there’s some background psychology, but I don’t know it. Also, I wondered why THIS moment for the discussion? I think this goes to context. I’m looking forward to reading it again to sort all this out.

Step Two:

1. Are my characters believable? Yes, though they seem a bit less developed than I’d like. Now that I’ve re-read it, I realize that I was filling in everything I’d ever thought about incest (including bad television shows!), and it seemed like you were, too. So maybe “familiar” is better than “believable.” I’d like to feel like I’m learning a bit more about the psychology of all this. The mom is probably most believable and developed. The daughter, Emmy, seems a bit flippant to me, given all the tension.

2. Is the ending prepared for? The ending blew me away, really. So if you prepare us more, you might lose the surprise. I have suggestions below, but you’ll have to walk a fine line. You might think about making this more complex; when I read this, I timed it, and I think you have a few minutes.

Step Three:

I’ll go bullet by bullet for you!

· It opens slowly. If you want us to know at the beginning that this is about incest with her brother, you could start with that and then move through the play exploring how and why this might happen. If you want to keep the surprise, you need to have us pulled in for some other reason. What if Emmy needs permission for an abortion?

· Your formatting is good, overall. Look again at how you format stage direction.

· I don’t know enough about the world of the play. Do these people live in a tight-knit community? Do they have lots of relatives? Do they have a long history of tension? What would make the mother overlook what has been happening—something in the environment? You might offer a little hint in one or two lines: does the family have a lot to lose? Are they part of a particular religion? What in the actual set might help audience members better understand the context? If you want them to be well off, maybe Mom could make a reference to soccer moms and the Civic Club. (This bullet deals with two bullets!)

· This connects to the above. Emmy could tell us more about her own life, like, “Why should this come as a surprise to you? You keep me from participating with any clubs, you don’t let me date, you’re so overprotective and religious!” Or Mom could say, “You’ve had everything! We have plenty of money, you could be involved in sports, in Key Club, in charities. You could be interning at your father’s law firm!” The dialogue needs to help provide the audience with the background, and we’ll make some more assumptions based on that. You can work WITH or AGAINST those assumptions.

· The SET: all I know is that they are out on the back porch. Does it overlook a swimming pool? (More money for the family?) Are there other porches nearby where people could hear them, like houses really close together? What’s on the porch with them: nice furniture? Towels from swimming? Cheap plastic chairs? What do they hear—other people? Birds? What time of day is it? Is Mom back from work? Tired? What has Emmy been doing? Think about how you might provide some of that noise from time to time, or play with lighting. What time of year is this, anyway?

· Overall, I think I was so caught up in the issue of the play the first time I read that I didn’t realize how much more I wanted to know about each character! I was filling in blanks, like imagining my mother, not “Mom.” I know Emmy is 16, I know she is angry about a lot of things. I don’t feel much fear from her, but if I was a girl in that situation, I’d be really scared. I’d like to know more about what’s going through her head. What if her mom left the porch to get coffee or a stiff drink, and Emmy verbalized some of that? I also want to know about Mom. If, as mentioned above, social class is an issue, is she upper-class from the get-go? Did she marry up? Does she have strong religious views? Does she feel she failed Emmy, and so she now has to decide if getting her an abortion will be a way to redeem herself or another failure? What has she struggled with in her life? Right now, both characters are about equally important. Do you want to shift the emphasis onto one or the other?

· I think you’ve done a great job making the two sound different. Obviously, we’ll see the difference, but their language and word choice really help. Mom doesn’t use “like” all the time, but Emmy does. I also liked how Mom uses all kinds of euphemisms for pregnant and tries not to say “abortion” or baby. Also, as she gets more upset at the end, her language gets more harsh, but Emmy’s gets more cautious before she admits to her full situation. I think it’s always realistic, but in the central part of the play, it moves a bit slowly. It’s not slow because each is trying to think about how to say what needs to be said, but it’s slow because what they’re saying doesn’t DO anything for plot or character development. I think you can strengthen the dialogue, but it would mean revealing the incest with the brother earlier, which would allow for your characters to develop more. For example, if Mom is horrified that her husband may have had sex with Emmy, is she less horrified by the brother (Ethan)? Does that make it easier, since she may feel she doesn’t have to work on the marriage? Or worse, because now BOTH her kids are involved? It would offer you more chances, through dialogue, since the action is somewhat limited, to explore characters.

· Right now, the central conflict is incest, of course. But that can mean something different to different people. There’s more disgust at times when a mother commits incest with a son, because of gender norms. Where does brother/sister fit in? And is there anything that would excuse or mitigate it? What does it mean to each person, and how will their reactions force us to really look hard at our own? Does Emmy expect to get X response but is shocked at Y? Does the desire to punish Emmy make Mom go down X path? Does the desire to punish her mom make Emmy do something spiteful? Right now, because I don’t know quite enough about the characters, I’m not sure what the conflict means to each.

· My answer to this builds on the bullet above. I don’t feel satisfied when this ends! Maybe you need to include another character. (I know—huge suggestion!) What if Ethan came home or Dad came home? What would both Mom and Emmy say then? How would they approach it? Would Mom hide it from Dad? Would Emmy admit to pregnancy at all? If so, would she admit to it being Ethan? Would we be imagining a life of hidden, dark secrets that screws them all up? Would everything come out if one more character comes in? Ethan is fully involved but not present. Why? What would happen if HE appeared? Did he leave it to Emmy to tell Mom—did he back out? Would he deny any involvement? Would that force Emmy to carry the baby to term to do a DNA test and prove what she claimed? I kept feeling like this wasn’t quite done yet, that this conversation hadn’t revealed enough about each actor or made ME think about what I’d do if I was Mom or Emmy or Ethan or Dad. Is there a hero in this? Would the character who comes in make Mom and Emmy do something different?

· I want to combine this bullet with the next. I mentioned that dialogue is slow in the central part of the play. This is where one of the complications could or should be occurring, but not much happens. If you started with revelation almost immediately, then you could complicate things more. That might strengthen the pacing. For example, what if Emmy says, “I’m pregnant,” and Mom responds in one way, then when Emmy says, “It’s Ethan’s,” this complication leads Mom to a different conclusion: first she says, “We’ll deal with it and keep the child” and then she says, “We need to get you an abortion for your freak child ASAP.” So you can cut almost all the early chit-chat and get to the first revelation, then some exposition, then another complication, and the third would be the appearance of one of the other characters.

· You haven’t offered much play direction, which is fine. But if you want to have characters move around more, leave the stage briefly, become really withdrawn, I think that might help.

· I think one successful aspect of this is, of course, taking on sexual activity that is taboo. You do so without preaching, without any apparent bias! You also don’t get really dark or into tiny details—the “prurient” aspects of sexual actions. Great job!

· I think you need to strengthen the tension and complications so that characters can force US to rethink our initial responses. Character development and context will really help!

· This made me think about my characters. I thought I was developing them well, but I realized that I also got caught up in the theme and issue, sort of like flash fiction.

Step Four:

I think this covers all of the elements of the play. One thing I can say is that I would LOVE to see this developed and staged! Maybe we can get something going in the English department? We do poetry and fiction readings, but we leave the plays to the theater department. Why not try something in our major? I’ll help—let me know! I really liked reading this.