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Straight Girls Kissing

ARTICLE in CONTEXTS · AUGUST 2010

DOI: 10.1525/ctx.2010.9.3.28

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2 AUTHORS:

Leila J. Rupp

University of California, Santa Barbara

66 PUBLICATIONS 638 CITATIONS

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Verta Taylor

University of California, Santa Barbara

41 PUBLICATIONS 1,209 CITATIONS

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Available from: Leila J. Rupp

Retrieved on: 22 March 2016

28 contexts.org

The phenomenon

of presumably

straight girls kissing

and making out with

other girls at college

parties and at bars is

everywhere in

contemporary popular

culture, from Katy Perry’s

hit song, “I Kissed a Girl,”

to a Tyra Banks online poll

on attitudes toward girls

who kiss girls in bars, to

AskMen.com’s “Top 10: Chick

Kissing Scenes.” Why dogirls who

aren’t lesbians kiss girls?

by leila j. rupp and verta taylor

girls

29summer 2010 contexts Contexts, Vol. 9, No. 3, pp. 28-32. ISSN 1536-5042, electronic ISSN 1537-6052. © 2010 American Sociological Association. All rights reserved. For permission to photocopy or reproduce, see http://www.ucpressjournals.com/reprintinfo.asp. DOI: 10.1525/ctx.2010.9.3.28.

Some think it’s just another example of “girls gone wild,” seek-

ing to attract the boys who watch. Others, such as psycholo-

gist Lisa Diamond, point to women’s “sexual fluidity,”

suggesting that the behavior could be part of how women

shape their sexual identities, even using a heterosexual social

scene as a way to transition to a bisexual or lesbian identity.

These speculations touch on a number of issues in the

sociology of sexuality. The fact that young women on college

campuses are engaging in new kinds of sexual behaviors brings

home the fundamental concept of the social construction of sex-

uality—that whom we desire, what kinds of sexual acts we

engage in, and how we identify sexually is profoundly shaped

by the societies in which we live. Furthermore, boys enjoying

the sight of girls making out recalls the feminist notion of the

“male gaze,” calling attention to the power embodied in men

as viewers and women as the viewed. The sexual fluidity that

is potentially embodied in women’s intimate interactions in

public reminds us that sexuality is gendered and that sexual

desire, sexual behavior, and sexual identity do not always match.

That is, men do not, at least in contemporary American cul-

ture, experience the same kind of fluidity. Although they may

identify as straight and have sex with other men, they certainly

don’t make out at parties for the pleasure of women.

The hookup culture on college campuses, as depicted in

another article in this issue, facilitates casual sexual interac-

tions (ranging from kissing and making out to oral sex and

intercourse) between students who meet at parties or bars.

Our campus is no exception. The University of California, Santa

Barbara, has a long-standing reputation as a party school (much

to the administration’s relief, it’s declining in those rankings).

In a student population of twenty thousand, more than half

of the students are female and slightly under half are students

of color, primarily Chicano/Latino and Asian American. About

a third are first-generation college students. Out of over two

thousand female UC Santa Barbara students who responded

to sociologist Paula England’s online College and Social Life

Survey on hooking-up practices on campus, just under one

percent identified as homosexual, three percent as bisexual,

and nearly two percent as “not sure.”

National data on same-sex sexuality shows that far fewer

people identify as lesbian or gay than are sexually attracted to

the same sex or have engaged in same-sex sexual behavior.

Sociologist Edward Laumann and his colleagues, in the National

Health and Social Life Survey, found that less than two percent

of women identified as lesbian or bisexual, but over eight per-

cent had experienced same-sex desire or engaged in lesbian

sex. The opposite is true for men, who are more likely to have

had sex with a man than to report finding men attractive.

Across time and cultures (and, as sociologist Jane Ward has

pointed out, even in the present among white straight-identi-

fied men), sex with other men, as long as a man plays the

insertive role in a sexual encounter, can bolster, rather than

undermine, heterosexuality. Does the same work for women?

The reigning assumption about girls kissing girls in the

party scene is that they do it to attract the attention of men.

But the concept of sexual fluidity and the lack of fit among

desire, behavior, and identity suggest that there may be more

going on than meets the male gaze. A series of formal and

informal interviews with diverse female college students at our

university, conducted by undergraduates as part of a class

assignment, supports the sociological scholarship on the com-

plexity of women’s sexuality.

the college party scene What is most distinctive about UC Santa Barbara is the

adjacent community of Isla Vista, a densely populated area

made up of two-thirds students and one-third primarily poor

and working-class Mexican American families. House parties,

fraternity and sorority parties, dance parties (often with, as

one woman student put it, “some sort of slutty theme to

them”), and random parties open to anyone who stops by

flourish on the weekends. Women students describe Isla Vista

as “unrealistic to the rest of the world… It’s a little wild,”

“very promiscuous, a lot of experimenting and going crazy,”

and “like a sovereign nation…a space where people feel really

comfortable to let down their guards and to kind of let loose.”

Alcohol flows freely, drugs are available, women sport skimpy

clothing, and students engage in a lot of hooking up. One

sorority member described parties as featuring “a lot of, you

know, sexual dance. And some people, you know, like pretty

much are fucking on the dance floor even though they’re

really not. I feel like they just take it above and beyond.”

Another student thinks “women have a little bit more free-

dom here.” But despite the unreality of life in Isla Vista, there’s

no reason to think life here is fundamentally different than on

other large campuses.

At Isla Vista parties, the practice of presumably hetero-

sexual women kissing and making out with other women is

Actresses Scarlett Johansson and Sandra Bullock prepare to lock lips onstage at the 2010 MTV Movie Awards.

Ph ot o by V in ce Bu cc i/M

TV /P ic tu re G ro up

vi a A P Im ag es

widespread. As one student reported, “It’s just normal for most

people now, friends make out with each other.” The student

newspaper sex columnist began her column in October 2008,

“I kissed a girl and liked it,” recommending “if you’re a girl

who hasn’t quite warmed up to a little experimentation with

one of your own, then I suggest you grab a gal and get to it.”

She posed the “burning question on every male spectator’s

mind . . . Is it real or is it for show?” As it turns out, students

offered three different explanations of why students do this: to

get attention from men, to experiment with same-sex activity,

and out of same-sex desire.

getting attention Girls kissing other girls can be a turn-on for men in our cul-

ture, as the girls who engage in it well know. A student told

us, “It’s usually for display for guys who are usually surround-

ing them and like cheering them on. And it seems to be done

in order to like, you know, for the guys, not like for their own

pleasure or desire, but to like, I don’t know, entertain the guys.”

Alcohol is usually involved: “It’s usually brought on by, I don’t

know, like shots or drinking, or people kind of saying something

to like cheer it on or whatever. And it’s usually done in order

to turn guys on or to seek male attention in some way.” One

student who admits to giving her friend what she calls “love

pecks” and engaging in some “booby grabbing” says “I think

it’s mainly for attention definitely. It’s usually girls that are super

drunk that are trying to get attention from guys or are just

really just having fun like when my roommate and I did it at our

date party… It is alcohol and for show. Not experimentation at

all.” Another student, who has had her friends kiss her, insists

that “they do that for attention… kind of like a circle forms

around them… egging them on or taking pictures.” One

woman admitted that she puckered up for the attention, but

when asked if it had anything to do with experimentation,

added “maybe with some people. I think for me it was a little

bit, yeah.”

experimentation Other women agree that experimentation is part of the

story. One student who identifies as straight says “I have kissed

girls on multiple occasions.” One night she and a friend were

“hammered, walking down the street, and we’re getting really

friendly and just started making out and taking pictures,” which

they then posted on Facebook. “And then the last time, this

is a little bit more personal, but was when I actually had a three-

some. Which was at a party and obviously didn’t happen dur-

ing the party.” She mentions “bisexual tendencies” as an

explanation, in addition to getting attention: “I would actu-

ally call it maybe more like experimentation.” Another student,

who calls herself straight but “bi-curious,” says girls do it for

attention, but also, “It’s a good time for them, something they

may not have the courage to express themselves otherwise, if

they’re in a room alone, it makes them more comfortable with

it because other people are receiving pleasure from them.”

She told us about being drunk at a theme party (“Alice in Fuck-

land”): “And me and ‘Maria’ just started going at it in the

kitchen. And this dude, he whispers in my ear, ‘Everyone’s

watching. People can see you.’ But me and ‘Maria’ just like to

kiss. I don’t think it was like really a spectacle thing, like we

weren’t teasing anybody. We just like to make out. So we might

be an exception to the rule,” she giggled.

In another interview, a student described a friend as liking

“boys and girls when she’s drunk… But

when she’s sober she’s starting to like

girls.” And another student who called

herself “technically” bisexual explained

that she hates that term because in Isla

Vista “it basically means that you make

out with girls at parties.” Before her first

relationship with a woman, she never

thought about bisexuality: “The closest

I ever came to thinking that was, hey, I’d probably make out

with a girl if I was drinking.” These stories make clear that exper-

imentation in the heterosexual context of the hookup culture

and college party scene provides a safe space for some women

to explore non-heterosexual possibilities.

same-sex desire Some women go beyond just liking to make out and admit

to same-sex desire as the motivating factor. One student who

defined her sexuality as liking sex with men but feeling

“attracted more towards girls than guys” described her com-

ing out process as realizing, “I really like girls and I really like

kissing girls.” Said another student, “I’ve always considered

myself straight, but since I’ve been living here I’ve had several

sexual experiences with women. So I guess I would consider

myself, like, bisexual at this point.” She at first identified as

“one of those girls” who makes out at parties, but then admit-

ted that she also had sexual experiences with women in private.

At this point she shifted her identification to bisexual: “I may

have fallen into that trap of like kissing a girl to impress a guy,

but I can’t really recollect doing that on purpose. It was more

of just my own desire to be with, like to try that with a woman.”

Another bisexual woman who sometimes makes out with one

of her girlfriends in public thinks other women might “only do

30 contexts.org

The reigning assumption about girls kissing girls in the party scene is that they do it to attract the attention of men, but there may be more going on than meets the male gaze.

it in a public setting because they’re afraid of that side of their

sexuality, because they were told to be heterosexual you

know… So if they make out, it’s only for the show of it, even

though they may like it they can’t admit that they do.”

The ability to kiss and make out with girls in public with-

out having to declare a lesbian or bisexual identity makes it

possible for women with same-sex desires to be part of the

regular college party scene, and the act of making out in pub-

lic has the potential to lead to more extensive sexual activity in

private. One student described falling in love with her best

friend in middle school, but being “too chicken shit to make

the first move” because “I never know if they are queer or

not.” Her first sexual relationship with a bisexual woman

included the woman’s boyfriend as well. In this way, the fact

that some women have their first same-sex sexual encounter

in a threesome with a man is an extension of the safe hetero-

sexual space for exploring same-sex desire.

heteroflexibility Obviously, in at least some cases, more is going on here

than drunken women making out for the pleasure of men.

Sexual fluidity is certainly relevant; in Lisa Diamond’s ten-year

study of young women who originally identified as lesbian or

bisexual, she found a great deal of movement in sexual desire,

intimate relationships, and sexual identities. The women moved

in all directions, from lesbian to bisexual and heterosexual,

bisexual to lesbian and heterosexual, and, notably, from all

identities to “unlabeled.” From a psychological perspective,

Diamond argues for the importance of both biology and cul-

ture in shaping women as sexually fluid, with a greater capac-

ity for attractions to both female and male partners than men.

Certainly the women who identify as heterosexual but into

kissing other women fit her notion of sexual fluidity. Said one

straight-identified student, “It’s not like they’re way different

from anyone else. They’re just making out.”

Mostly, though, students didn’t think that making out had

any impact on one’s identity as heterosexual: “And yeah, I

imagine a lot of the girls that you know just casually make out

with their girlfriends would consider themselves straight. I con-

sider myself straight.” Said another, “I would still think they’re

straight girls. Unless I saw some, like level of like emotional

and like attraction there.” A bisexual student, though, thought

“they’re definitely bi-curious at the least… I think that a woman

who actually does it for enjoyment and like knows that she

likes that and that she desires it again, I would say would be

more leaning towards bisexual.”

everybody but lesbians So, although girls who kiss girls are not “different from

anyone else,” if they have an emotional reaction or really enjoy

it or want to do it again, then they’ve apparently crossed the

line of heterosexuality. Diamond found that lesbians in her

study who had been exclusively attracted to and involved with

other women were the only group that didn’t report changes

in their sexual identities. Sociologist Arlene Stein, in her study

of lesbian feminist communities in the 1980s, also painted a pic-

ture of boundary struggles around the identity “lesbian.”

Women who developed relationships with men but continued

to identify as lesbians were called “ex-lesbians” or “fakers” by

those who considered themselves “real lesbians.” And while

straight college students today can make out with women and

call themselves “bi-curious” without challenge to their hetero-

sexual identity, the same kind of flexibility does not extend to

lesbians. A straight, bi-curious woman explained that she did-

n’t think “the lesbian community would accept me right off

because I like guys too much, you know.” And she didn’t think

she had “enough sexual experience with the women to be

considered bisexual.” Another student, who described herself

as “a free flowing spirit” and has had multiple relationships

with straight-identified women, rejected the label “lesbian”

because “I like girls” but “guys are still totally attractive to

me.” She stated that “to be a lesbian meant… you’d have to

commit yourself to it one hundred percent. Like you’d have to

be in it sexually, you’d have to be in it emotionally. And I think

if you were you wouldn’t have that attraction for men… if you

31summer 2010 contexts

Ph ot o by M ar co G om

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32 contexts.org

were a lesbian.”

In contrast to “heteroflexibility,” a

term much in use by young women, stu-

dents hold a much more rigid, if unarticu-

lated, notion of lesbian identity. “It’s just

like it’s okay because we’re both drunk and

we’re friends. It’s not like we identify as les-

bian in any way….” One woman who has

kissed her roommate is sure that she can tell

the difference between straight women

and lesbians: “I haven’t ever seen like an

actual like lesbian couple enjoying them-

selves.” Another commented, “I mean, it’s

one thing if you are, if you do identify as gay

and that you’re expressing something.” A

bisexual woman is less sure, at first stating

that eighty percent of the making out at

parties is for men, then hesitating because

“that totally excludes the queer commu-

nity and my own viewing of like women who absolutely love

other women, and they show that openly so, I think that it

could be either context.” At that point she changed the per-

centage to fifty percent: “Cause I guess I never know if a

woman is like preferably into women or if it’s more of a social

game.” A bisexual woman described kissing her girlfriend at a

party “and some guy came up and poured beer on us and said

something like ‘stop kissing her you bitch,’” suggesting that any

sign that women are kissing for their own pleasure puts them

over the line. She went on to add that “we’ve gotten plenty

of guys staring at us though, when we kiss or whatever, [and]

they think that we’re doing it for them, or we want them to

join or whatever. It gets pretty old.”

So there is a lot of leeway for women’s same-sex behavior

with a straight identity. But it is different than for straight men,

who experience their same-sex interactions in a more private

space, away from the gaze of women. Straight women can be

“barsexual” or “bi-curious” or “mostly straight,” but too much

physical attraction or emotional investment crosses over the line

of heterosexuality. What this suggests is that heterosexual

women’s options for physical intimacy are expanding, although

such activity has little salience for identity, partner choice, or

political allegiances. But the line between lesbian and non-les-

bian, whether bisexual or straight, remains firmly intact.

recommended resources: Lisa M. Diamond. Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire. (Harvard University Press, 2009). A longitudinal study of women’s shifting sexual behaviors and identities in the contem- porary United States.

Laura Hamilton. “Trading on Heterosexuality: College Women’s Gender Strategies and Homophobia.” Gender & Society (2007), 21: 145-72. Looks at the sexual constructions adopted by college- aged women.

Arlene Stein. Sex and Sensibility: Stories of a Lesbian Generation. (University of California Press, 1997). A sociological study of Amer- ican lesbian feminist communities in the 1980s.

Elisabeth Morgan Thompson and Eliza- beth M. Morgan. “’Mostly Straight’ Young Women: Variations in Sexual Behavior and Identity Development.” Developmental Psychology (2008), 44/1:15-21. A psycho- logical study of U.S. college students’ shift- ing sexual behaviors and identities.

Jane Ward. “Dude-Sex: White Masculini- ties and ‘Authentic’ Heterosexuality Among Dudes Who Have Sex With

Dudes.” Sexualities (2008), 11:414-434. A sociological study that complicates the concept of “men who have sex with men.”

Leila J. Rupp is in the feminist studies department and Verta Taylor is in the soci-

ology department at the University of California, Santa Barbara. Rupp is the author of

Sapphistries: A Global History of Love betweenWomen, andTaylor is the coauthor (with

Rupp) of Drag Queens at the 801 Cabaret.

Ph ot o by M at th ew

Bl ak e vi a C re at iv e C om

m on s

Attention or attraction? Either way, they’ve got an audience.

Straight women can be “barsexual” or “bi-curious” or “mostly straight,” but too much physical attraction or emotional investment crosses over the line of heterosexuality.