ENGLISH 1301

1= poor 2 = weak 3= average 4= good 5 = excellent

Audience and purpose:

Fits the genre: profiles an unusual/creative person, place, or thing – 0 (topic was off limits)

Essay shares first-hand knowledge of the subject with good observations – 5

Answers the “so-what” question / makes an overall point (TIMES 2) – 10

Content and organization:

Strong intro; specific thesis that shows the angle and purpose of the profile (TIMES 2) – 6

Essay uses narration (personal voice, creative language, good examples) to engage readers – 5

Essay uses specific descriptions to create imagery and show readers the subject – 2

Ideas are focused and developed; essay reflects critical thinking skills – 4

Has smooth transitions, logical order, cohesive flow – 4

Conclusion is effective and not overly repetitive – 5

Core Requirements:

MLA format is correct, including original title, correct font, spacing, etc. (TIMES 2) – 6

Meets minimum length requirement of 2 ½ pages without padding – 5

Spelling/grammar/mechanics:

Prose is clear and concise (avoids repetitive and redundant wording) – 3

Good diction, grammar (verbs, pronouns, etc.), and word choice (incl. no 2nd person) – 2

Complete sentences, correct comma usage, general punctuation (TIMES 2) – 6

Spelling and general proofreading (TIMES 2) – 7

COMMENTS:

This essay is written on an off-limits topic, so technically it should be given a zero. Always read the assignment sheet carefully, especially to make sure your topic is allowed. The assignment sheet for this says writing a profile of a mother is not allowed.

Essay is not in MLA format. It is missing the heading that should be in the upper left of the first page. Also, add a space b/w last name and page number in the headers. Most importantly, remove extra spaces b/w the paragraphs (instructions are posted in the course); see MLA Format Information document for more details. The Research Paper will lose a significant amount of points if not in the correct format, so please let me know if you have questions about that.

The last sentence of the introductory paragraph needs to be the thesis that clearly states the purpose of the profile and establishes a clear angle and focus.

The essay has some errors with sentence structure, incomplete sentences, comma usage, word choice/word forms (especially verb forms), etc. Review the info or practice in the InQuizitive section of our course and/or in the handbook section of the textbook and/or on the Purdue OWL site to get help with the specific issues that are problematic in your draft.

Work on writing concisely; avoid repetition and redundant language in your essays.

Proofread carefully. I think perhaps that you are so familiar with your mom’s story that you use wording that is unclear to someone who is unfamiliar with it; approaching it with fresh eyes when you are editing would help with that.

See comments on your draft for more specific feedback on errors.

Overall, you have interesting experiences to share and did a good job with narration; but there is room for more specific descriptions and visual imagery that would help you build a stronger connection with your readers. The essay would be stronger with more focus, more relevant details, and descriptions that are specific and concrete.

NAME: RINCHIN LAMA

GRADE: 70 C