english feedback
RiversRonell 1
Ronnell Rivers
Joel Shields
English 101 Section? See Questions forum on this request and check tab at top of classroom or student portal.
11 October 2018
Extreme Home Makeover : Home Edition
My favorite genre is inventiveness, which is particularly exhibited in the TV show Extreme Home Makeover . Extreme Home Makeover is my favorite TB show because of the beautful house designs that are put up, and the support theme on the families that have faced hardships causing them to bear with their living conditions (IMDb). You might want to add descriptive adjectives in the thesis to better foreshadow the content a bit.
House designs is the first point in the thesis, right?To begin with, I tune to Extreme Home Makeover because I enjoy watching the crew being helpful and also because I love to watch the conclusion part of each episode. Ty Pennington is a very energetic person who leads the crew in the meeting, building and home presentation part of the episode (IMDb). He is really good at what he does especially setting the pace of the show. The rest of the construction crew has roles in the construction of the house. John Littlefied for example is an original member who is in a charge of design and his work is just perfect. Other original members include Paul DiMero, and Paige Hemmis to mention just a few. New members come and go. They include Xzibit, and Sabrina Soto are skilled designers among others. I'm not entirely sure of the main idea here. What exactly are you emphasizing and how is it related to the thesis? Do you see what I mean here?
Additionally, the home design theme of Extreme Home Makeover is captivating . The designers come up with exciting and unique plans to meet the needs of the house occupants. The conclusion part that involves viewing the house is fun, and the reactions of the families are satisfying to watch. Try to avoid very short paragraphs in academic writing because they usually do not develop an idea sufficiently.
Finally, the families involved in the makeover are taken on short ‘vacations’ to various places where they have fun away from their daily life routines. Families with young kids can be taken to parks, parents can relax in massage parlors, young adults can engage in fun activities, and the list is endless. See note above. Check development
How does this harmonize with the thesis exactly? Extreme Home Makeover allows me to view different house designs and share the experience, which is the reason why it is my favorite show. The show is entertaining and prompts my creativity in the areas of house design. The team leader is energetic and sets the pace for the crew. The construction team is devoted and determined to offer the families just what they require though from an over-generous perspective. The families are treated to ‘stay away’ programs that allow them to relax from their daily life routines before they can experience a new life in their new home. I cannot wait for more seasons. This has several ideas, but we do need to keep aligned with the thesis.
At the end of the show, the concerned families are transported back to view their new home. It is always so much pleasurable to watch their excitement as their emotions take the better part of the moment. My personal favorite part is when the crew gathers the family in front of their new home and guides them through the house as they compare the deficiencies of their old house to the new provisions in their modern house. They begin with the living room, then the kitchen and other communal areas before each individual are taken to their room that that is
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RiversRonell 3
designed to meet their requirement. For example, a family of boys with a small backyard can have their bedrooms translated into playrooms through the simple use of technology to successfully complete the change. The team is also extremely generous as they could even fit television screens and other technology devices just to please the family members. No matter which family they are out to help, each episode will be entertaining to watch. ***
You don’t need a Works Cited for this first essay.
References
IMDb. (n.d.). Extreme Home Makeover: Home Edition.Retrieved from https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0388595/
IMDb. (n.d). Ty Pennington. https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0672205/
Ronnell,
This has some interesting points on the show. Now, you might check format, phrasing, spelling, paragraph harmony with the thesis, and other issues above.
Have you checked out tutor.com in the library for some free hours? You can reach it by clicking on the "Research & Services" tab on the library's welcome page. All APUS students have at least ten free hours and tutors can give you some excellent feedback and advice on your writing. (They also have special arrangements if you are connected with the military)
Check my comments throughout and let me know if you have any questions!
Joel
P.S. As you may remember from Week 1 Announcements, we do need to have all assignments in doc, docx, or rtf—not pdf. I converted it this time, but please be aware of this in the future !
Thanks,
J.
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