Addiction within the Military Community

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Revision Plan: Addiction within the Military Community

Jefferson Tillery

Capella University

WRIT6088

Nicole Mclnnes

Sept 1st 2021

Areas That Require Improvement

Introduction

Revise my introduction: in the current essay, my introduction focuses on addiction and the effects on the military community, especially those in the war. Besides, the introduction focuses on the primary effects of addiction to all people as well as physical effects among the war people, such as leg injuries and amputations. Since I feel that the approach is wrong, I would like to focus on the specific effects and challenges that addiction has demonstrated in the military community. Besides, my introduction should focus on different scenarios in the military community where addiction has been identified as a benefit or a threat to society. Maybe the introduction should look like this: “Over the years, addiction has been a serious concern among the military community globally. Addiction has encouraged both positive and negative effects to both the national security and the land militants over a long time. Majorly, addiction is a chronic disease that affects the functioning of the brain and the physical well-being of a person. For example, a greater percentage of militants in a peacekeeping mission suffer from mental health disorders and physiological problems resulting from addiction, which affected the outcome of the peacekeeping mission. According to research conducted by the National Institute on Drug Abuse, many militants who suffer from addiction are more likely to be active than those who do not suffer from addiction….”

Thesis Statement

Revise my thesis: right now, my thesis is unclear. I feel it is not very clear. I think that it should flow like this: “Thus addiction is a dangerous problem among the military community which is caused by several factors including psychological distress and combat experience. Further, addiction is associated with the underlying military culture and increased injury risks. Military addiction can be managed through the screening, prevention, and treatment of the affected.”

The thesis statement gives a clear solution to the given problem.

In-text Citations and References

Revise my reference list as well as my in-text citations: although my references may be relevant and credible, they may be unreliable. A reliable reference list should be from the last five years. Reliability means that the information is still accurate and can be used to research a problem and give a solution to the problem. Currently, the essay has outdated references such as publications from 2011 and 2015, which are below five years. Such changes in references will help formulate my argument providing specific and accurate information towards the research paper. Besides, the current document does not follow the current APA citation guidelines. I understand that I should use “et al.” for more than two authors to describe that they are many authors, but the “et al., should not be italicized. For instance, it should be (Goodwin et al., 2020) rather than (Goodwin et al., 2020).

Revision Timeline

Currently, the essay does not emphasize some significant issues associated with addiction among the military community. Therefore, the timeline below presents some of the topics which will be revisited in the future.

Time required	Topic to be completed
Two weeks	Physical and psychological disorders associated with addiction among the military community and how they affect their call to duty.
One week	Types of illicit drugs and substances abused by the military community and how they positively and negatively influence their duty and responsibility in the military operations.
Two weeks	Similarities and differences between veterans and active duty and how they consume legal and illegal drugs in their operations.
One week	Do we agree that the use of illicit drugs and substances can lead to addiction and violation of military rules and regulations among the national security?

The revision process may be incomplete due to lack of the following writing and revision elements;

· Organization: the paper lacks an appropriate outline which means that the writing takes more time than required. Having what is needed in the essay ensures that the author develops a good essay with a good flow, thus ensuring one writes a cohesive piece.