Writing Assignment: write Persuasive Message with Visual

REVISION GUIDE (Supplement to Chapter 1h of The Canadian Writer’s Handbook)

Ambiguous Pronoun Always place a relevant noun after the demonstrative “this,” especially when what “this” refers to appears in the previous sentence:

NOT: Increasingly, we observe crimes against grammar. We learn to accept this with minor complaints.

BUT: We learn to accept this situation with minor complaints.

In contrast, place the relevant noun immediately before the relative pronoun “which.”

I watched the Academy Awards broadcast, which put me to sleep.

Do not use the relative pronoun “which” in place of a conjunction. NOT: He explained the pronoun, which enlightened me.

BUT: He explained the pronoun, and this explanation enlightened me.

OR: His explanation of the pronoun enlightened me.

NOT: I missed the bus, which angered me.

BUT: Missing the bus angered me.

OR: I missed the bus, so I was angry.

Comma Splice Comma splices occur when two main clauses are joined by a comma. To correct this error, sim- ply place a relevant coordinate conjunction (and, or, but, yet, nor, so, for) after the comma. If, however, you open the second main clause with a conjunctive adverb (e.g., however), you must replace the comma with a semicolon.

Diction “Diction error” refers to words or phrases that are inappropriate in their current context. Informal language tends to be metaphorical, so it needs to be decoded and can exclude readers outside of a specific discourse community. To ensure that your diction is appropriate, 1. avoid slang, a private, exclusive language used by a specific group (e.g., “Gump flipped, so he got gat”); 2. avoid idioms, which are widely used but still metaphorical and therefore needing de- coding (e.g., “That guy ticked me off, so I went medieval on him”)

3. avoid clichés, overused metaphors (e.g., “Because I Said So tries to be a real roller- coaster ride, but it’s only a cookie-cutter comedy”); 4. avoid euphemisms, metaphorical usages that veil the truth (e.g., “The purveyor of pre- owned automobiles was economically deprived as a result of his chemical dependency; eventual- ly, he went to a correctional facility, where, deprived of adult entertainment, he passed away”); and 5. use your dictionary to understand a word’s denotations and connotations.

Dangling Modifier When a sentence includes participial phrase, the participle (a word derived from a verb that func- tions as an adjective) must agree with a specific noun or pronoun.

For instance, in the following sentence, the participle does not agree with the grammatical sub- ject: “Rolling down the window, the bee flew out of the car.” Bees not being able to roll down windows, you must revise this sentence, adding an appropriate subject: “Rolling down the win- dow, I shooed the bee out of the car.”

While this type of modifying phrase often appears at the beginning of a sentence, you will also see it in other positions. Simply moving the phrase from the beginning to the end—as in “The bee flew out of the car, rolling down the window”—will not fix the error: the phrase still does not refer to a noun or pronoun.

Expletive Construction This type of construction features a grammatical subject that refers to nothing (i.e., its function in the sentence is grammatical only, serving to get the sentence underway) and a verb that does not act (it is usually a form of “to be” or “to seem,” a class of verbs called “linking verbs,” describ- ing states of being rather than actions). You can usually avoid these impersonal constructions, choosing instead an active construction in which the grammatical subject performs an action.

Expletive constructions often cause dangling modifiers, as in this example: “Reading the article, it seems that Smith misunderstands Said’s central concept.” The grammatical subject of the sen- tence is “it,” but “it”—which, unlike pronouns that have actual antecedents—cannot read the ar- ticle. To correct this sentence, add the appropriate subject: “Reading the article, I think that Smith misunderstands Said’s central concept.”

Faulty Parallelism In parallel constructions, similar ideas are expressed in the same grammatical form. The follow- ing sentence features a faulty parallelism: “I like writing essays, reading books, and to spend time at the library.” Parallel constructions involve repetition, and you can see how one item in the series is, in form, not like the others: “writing” and “reading” are gerunds, and “to spend” is an infinitive.

Correct this fault by placing the similar ideas (in this case, objects of the verb “like”) in an iden- tical form: “I like writing essays, reading books, and spending time in the library.” You could also write, “I like to write essays, to read books, and to spend time in the library.” The former revision is more concise, so you should choose that one: no essential meaning is lost, and it con- veys the same idea in fewer words. The second revision is useful, however, because it shows how you must repeat the preposition “to” before each infinitive in a parallel construction.

Faulty Predication This error involves the logical disagreement of the grammatical subject with its predicate. In the following example, the writer offers a definition, but the subject and complement are not of the same class of beings: “A characteristic of good writing is a person who heeds the rules of gram- mar.” A characteristic, however, is not a person. To correct this error, choose a subject that agrees with the complement: “A good writer is someone who heeds the rules of grammar.” For en- hanced concision, you can eliminate the “to be” verb: “Good writers heeds the rules of grammar.”

Fused Sentence In this sentence-boundary error, two main clauses appear without the appropriate punctuation between them: “I like studying at Huron’s library it is much cleaner and quieter than Weldon.” To join main clauses, you can use a semicolon, a comma accompanied by a coordinate conjunction (“I like studying at Huron’s library, for it is much cleaner than Weldon”), or, if the second thought completes the first by explaining it (as in this instance), a colon. If you place a subordi- nate conjunction between them, you do not need to add punctuation: “I like studying at Huron’s library because it is much cleaner and quieter than the main campus’s libraries.”

Incomplete Clause If you punctuate a word group as a main clause, ensure that it contains both a subject and a pred- icate. When a sentence contains one subject and two predicates, you must not separate them with a comma: “I wrote the paper last night, and edited it today.” In this construction, the second word group is not a main clause, for it lacks a grammatical subject. To correct the error, either add the subject to the second clause—“I wrote the paper last night, and I edited it today”—or delete the comma. Both are correct; in relatively short constructions, however, you should simply delete the comma: the sentence is short enough that the subject of the second predicate will be clear.

Misplaced Modifier Modifying words or phrases should appear close to the words that they modify. In the following sentence, the prepositional phrase “in his story” incorrectly modifies the verb “spends” rather than the appropriate verb, “writes”: “Conrad writes that the Intended spends a lot of time alone in his story, waiting for Kurtz.” To correct this sentence, move the modifier to a place where it un- ambiguously modifies the appropriate verb: “In his story, Conrad writes …” or “Conrad writes in his story ….”

Mixed Construction In this error, a sentence inappropriately combines distinct clause patterns: “Because we love grammar means a great deal to our instructor.” In this example, we expect the opening subordi- nate clause to precede a main clause. Instead, it is followed by a predicate, for which it cannot serve as a grammatical subject. No single appropriate revision exists; you should simply choose a complete clause pattern that conveys the appropriate sense: “Our love of grammar is important to our instructor.” “Our instructor appreciates our love of grammar.”

Passive Voice In this type of construction, the grammatical subject is acted upon; it does not act. This construc- tion can be appropriate when the subject is indeed passive: “Students were forced to complete dozens of grammatical exercises.” Otherwise, you should try to write in the active voice, in which the grammatical subject performs an action. The active voice is both more concise and more assertive than the passive voice (contrast “He wrote the essay” with “The essay was written by him”).

Pronoun Error Often, this error involves an incorrect pronoun case: “She divided the money between he and I” should instead use the object case for the last two pronouns (the objects of the preposition “be- tween”): “She divided the money between him and me.” This error might also involve using “that” rather than “who” for people: “Students that study punctuation tend to improve their writ- ing” should be “Students who study punctuation.” The possessive pronoun should appear before a gerund: “Mom objected to our discussing [not “us discussing”] the semicolon after we went to bed and were supposed to be sleeping.” Punctuation Error Commas Use commas to offset words and word groups that precede the main clause (e.g., prepositional phrase, participial phrase, subordinate clause, conjunctive adverb), that appear in the middle of the sentence (e.g., non-restrictive appositive phrases or adjective clauses, conjunctive adverbs, parentheses), and that follow the main clause (e.g., non-restrictive appositive phrases or adjective clauses, participial phrases that do not modify the noun immediately preceding them, conjunctive adverbs).

When you place a comma in the middle of a compound predicate, you must repeat the subject in the second clause.

Incorrect: “I printed my essay, and proofread it meticulously before I submitted it.” Correct: “I finished my essay, and I proofread it meticulously before I submitted it.”

Also, do not separate compound elements—two grammatically equal words or phrases—with a comma, as in the following examples: “I habitually use the comma, and the semicolon.”

Semicolons 1. Use semicolons to separate main clauses not joined by a coordinate conjunction. When you place a semicolon between two word groups, ensure that each is a main clause, capable of stand- ing by itself as a grammatically complete sentence.

Correct: “I like Olde English 800; he likes Colt .45.” Incorrect: “Because malt liquor is affordable; I drink it rather than craft beer.”

The second example is incorrect because the first word group is not a main clause: the subordi- nate conjunction creates and introduces a subordinate clause.

2. Use semicolons to separate items in a series when an item contains internal punctuation. In the following example, each item in the series contains internal punctuation, a comma separating a noun phrase from the one that follows and renames it: “Dickens’s best-loved characters include Uriah Heep, an unctuous clerk; Dick Swiveller, a failed playboy; and Sloppy, a gifted mimic.” You would use the semicolon, for the sake of consistency, even if only a single item contains in- ternal punctuation.

Colons Unlike the semicolon, which separates equal and balanced sentence elements, the colon separates unequal sentence elements.

1. Use a colon after an independent clause to direct attention to a list, an appositive, or a quota- tion. List: The daily routine should include at least the following: three scotch and sodas, five cups of coffee, and fifteen cigarettes. Appositive: My roommate is guilty of two of the Seven Deadly Sins: Gluttony and Sloth. Quotation, when both word groups (the signal phrase and the quotation itself) are main clauses: Basil Bunting opens his poem Briggflatts with an arresting line: “Brag, sweet tenor bull.”

2. Use a colon between independent clauses if the second summarizes or explains the first: Interest in grammar is like love: It cannot be forced.

3. Use a colon after the salutation in formal letter; to indicate hours and minutes; to show propor- tions; between a title and a subtitle; and between city and publisher in bibliographic entries.

Do NOT use the colon in the following instances:

1. Between a verb and its object or complement.

Some important quotation marks are: the comma, the semicolon, and the colon.

While the subject complement in this sentence is a series, the word groups on either side of the colon are not main clauses. The colon—which is unnecessary in this construction—produces a sentence fragment.

2. Between a preposition and its object.

The quiz will consist of: questions related to punctuation.

As in the first example, the colon produces a sentence fragment: neither word group constitutes a main clause.

Hyphens Place a hyphen compound adjectives (usually, noun phrases functioning as adjectives). The hy- phen indicates that both modifiers must appear to convey your intended meaning; lack of a hy- phen indicates that you can delete one of the two modifiers without affecting the meaning. Con- trast “video-game use” with “video use” and “game use.”

Apostrophes Use apostrophes to indicate possession (e.g., “the article’s main points”).

Use single quotation marks only for nested quotations (i.e., a quotation that appears inside of an- other one). Use quotation marks not only for quoted speech or passages of writing but also for shorter works (e.g., short stories, lyric poems, article titles) but not for longer works (e.g., maga- zines, newspapers, novels, films).

Sentence Fragment Sentences punctuated as main clauses must contain both a grammatical subject (either a noun or a pronoun) and a verb. A semicolon separates main clauses, so you should use one between two word groups only when each group can stand alone as a grammatically complete sentence.

Do not confuse verbals with verbs. Gerunds, participles, and infinitives derive from verbs but do not function as verbs do. In the following sentence, the word group that follows the semicolon is a fragment because it lacks a verb: “I walked through the snow to school; grumbling all the way.” Even though “grumbling” sounds like a verb, it is not. In this construction, it is a partici- ple, modifying the pronoun “I.” To correct the fragment in this instance, replace the semicolon with a comma.

Shift A shift involves a lack of agreement between words, whether a subject and verb or noun and pronoun.

NOT: The purpose of the assignments were to refine the students’ writing skills.

BUT: The purpose of the assignments was to refine the students’ writing skills.

Subordination Required Where appropriate, be sure to add the subordinate conjunction (or, depending on the context, the relative pronoun) “that” to introduce subordinate elements. Otherwise, the reader will be con- fused about the status of the verb (without the conjunction, the reader assumes that the verb is transitive).

NOT: He writes the purpose of the preposition is to join a noun to another word or word group in a sentence.

BUT: He writes that the purpose of the preposition is to join a noun to another word or word group in a sentence.

Unnecessary Wordiness I usually offer a possible revision. Expletive constructions are unnecessarily wordy, as are pro- gressive verb tenses and the passive voice. In most instances, try to use either the simple present or past tenses of a verb (e.g., replace “He is writing about the Oxford comma” with “He writes about the Oxford comma”).

Also, avoid nominalization, the unnecessary conversion of a verb into a noun (as in the example below). Instead, try to use the active voice wherever possible, avoiding not only expletive and passive constructions but also “to be” as a main verb.

NOT: I am of the belief that the active voice promotes concision.

BUT: I believe that the active voice promotes concision.