assignment 7
Buck1985
revisedpaperterm4.pdf
Proofed Paper: ntp690386 - Tue Sep 24 18:26:02 EDT 2019
Paper Title:
No. of Pages: 5
Paper Style: APA Paper Type: Descriptive
Taken English? Yes English as Second Language? No
Feedback Areas: Grammar & Mechanics, Paper Format
Paper Goals: has to be 5 pages, APA format, no grammatical errors
Proofing Summary:
Hello Deanna,
Thank you for submitting your essay. I really enjoyed reading it.
Strengths:
In the introduction you want to give the reader background information about your topic. You do give the reader background
information about your topic-recommendations. Good job!
Suggestions:
-Thesis Statement
-Developing Ideas
You might want to add a thesis statement. The thesis statement is one sentence at the end of the introduction that
summarizes the main point of your essay and previews your main supporting points. The thesis statement is important
because it guides your readers from the beginning of your essay by telling them the main idea and supporting points of
your essay. Here is an example of a thesis statement. “The life of the typical college student is characterized by time
spent studying, attending class, and socializing with peers.” In the thesis, the writer mentions points they are going to
provide throughout the paper.
As you develop your work, try to write transitions at the tops of your paragraphs that help to smoothly shift the reader’s focus
form one idea to the next. These are your bridges from paragraph to paragraph, and help keep your paper focused, adding
fluidity to your essay. One way to do this is to add transitional phrases to the concluding sentence and topic sentence of each
paragraph.
You may want to revise your references page. Here are some links to assist you with that.
References—
***Remember to use your my.SNHU.edu login credentials to access material from the Atomic Learning resources below***
Examples: http://libguides.snhu.edu/c.php?g=157152&p=2052694
Formatting: https://www.atomiclearning.com/highed/movie/81552/play_window?sid=2338&cn=snhu
Citing Sources in APA: http://libanswers.snhu.edu/faq/8616
If you would like to submit a revision of your paper, you are welcome to do so. We look forward to helping you succeed!
page 1 / 9
Proofed Paper: ntp690386 - Tue Sep 24 18:26:02 EDT 2019
On the APA title page you want to include the title, your name, and the
name of the school. You did this on the title page. Good job!
page 2 / 9
Proofed Paper: ntp690386 - Tue Sep 24 18:26:02 EDT 2019
In the introduction you want to give the
reader background information about
your topic. You do give the reader
background information about your
topic-recommendations. Good job!
You may want to add a thesis
statement. In the thesis statement you
want to tell the reeder the main idea of
the essay and the supporting points that
you are going to use.
The job of the topic sentence is to tell
the reader the main idea of the
paragraph. Does this sentence tell the
reader the main idea of the paragraph?
page 3 / 9
Proofed Paper: ntp690386 - Tue Sep 24 18:26:02 EDT 2019
In addition to telling the reader the
main idea of the paragraph, the topic
sentence should also refer back to
the thesis statement. Does this
sentence tell the reader the main
idea of the paragraph?
This topic sentence is a bit long. You
may want to shorten it a bit. A
paragraph’s topic sentence must be
general enough to express the
paragraph’s overall subject. But it
should be specific enough that the
reader can understand the paragraph’s
main subject and point.
page 4 / 9
Proofed Paper: ntp690386 - Tue Sep 24 18:26:02 EDT 2019
Regarding transitions, it is good to have
a transitional word or phrase whenever
you introduce a new quotation or when
your subtopic shifts slightly. Make
certain that you have a sufficient
amount of them so that your paper flows
as smoothly as possible.
Good use of a comma here. You do
want to place a comma after an
introductory clause.
page 5 / 9
Proofed Paper: ntp690386 - Tue Sep 24 18:26:02 EDT 2019
In regards to sentence structure you
do want to alternate between simple
and complex sentences. This is what
you did in this paragraph. Good job!
page 6 / 9
Proofed Paper: ntp690386 - Tue Sep 24 18:26:02 EDT 2019
This is a run-on sentence.
A run-on sentence occurs when
two or more independent clauses
(also known as complete sentences)
are connected improperly.
In the conclusion you want to restate
the thesis and mention some of the
main points from the essay. Did you do
this in your conclusion?
page 7 / 9
Proofed Paper: ntp690386 - Tue Sep 24 18:26:02 EDT 2019
You may want to revise your references page. The references page
usually starts at the top of the page.
page 8 / 9
Proofed Paper: ntp690386 - Tue Sep 24 18:26:02 EDT 2019
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page 9 / 9
