Revise short creative article
Chae
revise.docx1. Follow the steps in the “Getting Your Work in Shape” document, plus your own craft knowledge, to revise your partner’s draft. The “Getting Your Work in Shape” document is on the Workshop 4 page.
a. Actually revise your partner’s work. DO NOT simply suggest revisions, make revisions. Rewrite the sentences and lines. The revision as a whole should be significant; not just a change of a few words here and there, but a thorough reworking of sentences and lines using the “Getting Your Work in Shape” document.
b. Use boldface, underlining, italics, colored font, comments, or other means to highlight the changes you’ve made to the text.
c. Feel free to offer a brief explanation of why you made the revisions you did. This is not required, but it could be very useful for the original author’s creative process.
Canned Life
· It is a story about canned food in a store located at Strawberry town. Corned beef is the new one come to this shelf, strawberry jam, peanut butter (Jack), bread (Rose), and chocolate siblings are the main characters.
Night, the store closed.
“It must be sad for you, you don’t remember where you come from”, strawberry jam sit next to corned beef.
“...I remember this store, but the owner should be an old man”, corned beef look around the store, “and don’t have much stuff on shelf”
Strawberry jam move closer to corned beef, “what is it looks like before? How long have you been there? Are you an old one?”
“There is no chocolate before, only have a candy family. And there is no strawberry jam.”
“Why there is no strawberry jam? I am supposed to be the most popular one”
“People are tend to handmade strawberry jam, and you are too expensive”, Corned beef explained.
“Are you kidding me? I am only 4 bucks here.”
“That being said, you are more expensive in New York?”, Rose join their conversation,
“Then why you come to here not to stay in your beautiful New York”
“I am travel to here by accident, but my family all stay in New York”
“Wow! Travel to here? That sounds brilliant, you are a genius”
“Do you know the movie Titanic? Do you know the ending of Jack and Rose?” Strawberry jam asked in a shrill voice.
“Titanic? A movie?”, corned beef asked, “Is the Jack and Rose here?”
“Come on, we all know they take the name of Jack and Rose from the movie.”, strawberry jam said, “Don’t tell me you haven’t seen it”
“The answer is yes. I didn’t know about the movie” corned beef answered.
“We have seen it on TV, but it is too short to see the ending”, milk chocolate said, “do you know the ending of this movie?”
Strawberry jam suddenly silent, turn to another side: “I am going to sleep. Don’t talk to me”
Next day, it is the home coming day of strawberry town. People all come back to their hometown. And the store is full of people.
“Today is the most people I have ever seen in this store”, strawberry jam said to corned beef, “Are you prepare for the show?”
“What show?”
“Ok, I forget you don’t know anything. We got so many people here, we need to prepare for selling. Look, the milk chocolate is dress up for today and the bread, wow. She is totally abandon herself.”
A little boy come to this shelf and look at the peanut butter for a while.
“What do you want, sweet?” his mother asked.
“The peanut butter. They are taste really good, mommy.”
“It is taste good, go and grab one. We are going to grandmother’s house for lunch.”
The peanut butter, Jack, does’t have a chance to say a word. Because the little boy grab him and run so fast. He could see Rose is crying.
“Why is Jack? There are so many peanut butter, he is the most common one!”
Later, a couple come to the shelf.
“Do we need something else for breakfast?”
“A bread I guess, Sara loves bread with strawberry jam. Let’s grab a bag of bread.”
“We only stay two days, let’s choose a smaller one.”
“Do we need to buy strawberry jam?”
“Definitely not, strawberry town make jam at home. I bet there are few in the fridge.”
